Greatland (2020) - full transcript

(dramatic music)

(popping sound)

(soft piano music)

(children laughing)

(soft music)

- [Mother] Good morning, Ulysses!

- Good morning, Mom.

- [Mother] Time to get up, sleepy head!

It's another bright day in Greatland.

The birthplace of love.

- And endless source of fun.



(calm piano music)

(alarm ringing)

- Tuna sandwich!

Yes! Yes!

Thank you, Mom!

- [Mother] Anything for my baby!

Happy birthday, Ulysses!
I'm so proud of you!

I still remember the day I gave you birth

and immortality, my non
binary bundle of joy!

Today is a very special day.

You're fifteen now. So.

- Oh no!

Not the Dark Temple Ceremony!

- [Mother] Ulysses! Every Great
must complete the Ceremony



on his fifteen's birthday!

Where are you going, young man?

How many times have I told you

not to leave food on the table?!

- It's my birthday. I do what I want!

(cock crowing)

- [Loudspeaker] Ladies, gentlemen,

gender fluids, and
diverse living organisms!

My fellow Greats!

(crowd cheering)

(playful music)

We are bringing you the latest

from the race to the
Greatland's Sweetheart Position!

(people cheering)

(playful music continue)

Two candidates.

- [Kids] Jorg Doberman and Cat Purry.

- [Loudspeaker] Have
been going head to head

soliciting your Tokens of Love.

(crowd cheering)

(playful music continue)

Today Jörg Doberman and Cat Purry

wish a Happy Dark Temple Ceremony

to Ulysses and many other
great boys across Greatland!

Woof or Felinist, cast your Tokens of Love

and make your candidate win!

(cock crowing)

Cat Purry will build on
her career long effort

to advance the Proud Felinist Revolution

and modernize the S.L.A.V.E
Sanctuary to ensure that

it meets the highest
standards of love and care.

Here is what Jörg Doberman promises

to do if he's elected.

(dog barking)

- Hey Jolly!

Patrick, what's up!

- Hi.

We're fine I guess.

Aren't we, love?

- Bro, you shouldn't look
like a total delight!

- Jolly and I didn't get
much sleep last night.

(playful music)

It cried non-stop.

Man, I don't know if I am cut out for it.

Being a father sucks!

- Listen, Patrick,
(baby crying)

you're my half brother,

I don't want to be mean or anything,

but why is your baby so

diverse?

(watch ringing)

- [Mother] Patrick's
father was a Diverse Great.

Ulysses, you should be
ashamed of yourself for asking

such insensitive questions!

And you, Patrick!

Why isn't the portrait of your
father displayed prominently

in your household?

- Wait!

How come Patrick gets to know
who his Dad was and I don't?

- Shush, you two are gonna make
the baby start crying again!

- [Mother] Ulysses, you're
late for your daily dose

of crazy fun!

(baby continue crying)

- You see! It's always
the same loving thing!

(baby crying loudly)

I ask you a question and
you never ever answer me!

(baby crying loudly)

- Jolly! Jolly! He's crying again!

You really need to leave!

- [Loudspeaker] Jörg Doberman!

(dog barking)

Cat Purry!

Jörg Doberman!

- Let's go champ!

I'm Jörg Doberman!

New Dawn for Greatland!

(bell ringing)

- I'm Cat Purry

and you're voting for Doberman?! Ew!

How dare you!

- [Presenter] Born Great! Born Immortal!

Hail Mother! And glory to Greatland!

My fellow Greats,

who wants to live forever?

- Everybody. Duh!

- [Presenter] Now tell me,

who deprived, robbed,

viciously and cowardly cheated the Greats

out of our hard-earned immortality?

- Evil Nation! Evil Nation!

- Evil Nation! Boo!

- Evil Nation! Evil Nation! Boo! Down

with Evils!

- [Presenter] Evil! Oh yeah!

Now, I don't wanna die

but my days are numbered!

Soon, very soon,

the Virus will begin its
heinous work inside my body.

(crowd screaming)

My hair will fall out,

my skin will wrinkle and I will collapse!

And so will you!

- [Audience] Oh no! No!
We don't deserve it!

- It's unbearable! It's unfathomable!

It's unbearable! It's unfathomable!

- Unbearable! Unfathomable!

- We don't deserve! I don't deserve it!

None of you deserve it!

What is to become of us?!

- What's the loving news?

(door cracking)

I'll be right there with you, Mr. Lee!

- Rejoice my fellow Greats!

Our salvation is near.

The Altruists are always
coming one step closer

to finding a cure for the Virus.

- Oh! Yes! Cure!

- The Evil Nation will
never triumph over us!

Because they are all hate,

and we are all love.

Support the Altruists.

Give freely of your Love
Tokens to help fund research

to find a cure for the Virus.

- Yes!

- Your Tokens!

By love, we live forever!

- By love, we live forever!

- Thank you, thank you
my beloved fellow Greats!

I will make sure that these
Tokens of Love go directly

to Altruists to fund
their anti-Virus research!

(buzzing)

- Amazing Love Store,
Stone Age tools and more!

(peep)

(door cracking)

- Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Lee!

I didn't mean to spook you!

But the Altruists are this close

to finding cure for the Virus.

So can I please have my Tokens of Love?

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

- Get away from me! What's this?!

- Relax! It's "a birthday cake"!

I baked it for you.

Quick, Ulysses! Make a wish
and blow out the candles!

- [Mother] Ulysses! Don't you dare partake

in these Stone Age rituals!

This cake is made of plants and animals.

They are citizens of
Greatland just like you.

Why do you want to hurt
your fellow Greats?

Do you want to end up like
Mr. Lee, invisible and mute?

- No!

- Don't argue with Mother, Ulysses.

Our hearts beat for Greatland.

Let's make them beat as one with Mother's.

(heart simulator beeping)

I'm going to throw the cake away.

- [Mother] Good girl!

(heart simulator beeping)

Ulysses, are you listening?

- Yes, Mother.

- Then tell me why the
Optimists made Mr. Lee invisible

and mute?

Ulysses! All Greats stand for tolerance,

diversity and inclusiveness.

But Mr. Lee chose a different path.

What taboo did Mr. Lee break?

How far back into Stone
Age did he regress?

- Mr. Lee invaded and
contaminated the most sacred part

of a woman a long time ago.

The end.

- [Mother] And what
happened to this woman?

(woman screaming)

- [Midwife] Yes, you can!

Yes you can!

Yes you can!

Tell me, Ulysses. I
want to hear you say it.

- Contamination by Mr.
Lee caused the woman

to suffer vomiting, bleeding
and eventual collapse

from unbearable pain during child rearing.

Because of inbreeding,

Mr. Lee's daughter was born so ugly

that she was named "Ugly Duck".

There, I said it.

Now leave me alone.

(Ugly Duck sobbing)

I'm sorry, she went on and on.

- She just doesn't let go, does she?

(calm music)

- Happy birthday, Ulysses!
Dad and I got you a gift.

Open it! Tear the paper!

- A book?! Are you out of your mind?

You want me to end up
on Repentance Island?

- But you love stories!

We'll just read it here, in
secret like we always do.

Remember how much fun
we had with Shakespeare

and Charles Perrault?

- Yeah, not really. I just pretended.

Otherwise Mr. Lee wouldn't have
given me my Tokens of Love.

Look, can we just paint my nails
blue like we did last year?

- Open it.

- No way!

"Just open

the damn book"

"Ody-s-sey by

Ho-mer.

To my son Ulysses,

on his 15th birthday.

Wishing you to be better than me."

(soft piano music)

My father's name was Homer?

- No, stupid! Homer wrote the book.

- Then who wrote this?

"Your father, he gave this book to me."

You knew my father all these years!

Why didn't you tell me?!

"Your father made me promise."

Where is he?

What's his name?

- [Mother] Ulysses! You are scheduled

for the Dark Temple Ceremony today.

(Ugly Duck screaming)

- I hate you!

I hate everything!

- Dad!

- Where are you, Mr. Lee?

Show yourself!

- Dad?! Dad!

Dad! Dad!

Stop it you two!

I've got the Virus!

(lively music)

(metal clanging)

- [Mother] Ulysses, the countdown

to your Dark Temple
Ceremony has been initiated.

(bicycle chain clanging)

(pop music)

- Well, hello gorgeous! You're late.

Let me give you a "quicky."

By love,

we live forever.

And love is what binds you and
all our Greats to our Mother.

It's what makes us all
brothers and sisters.

Mother provides food, houses and Optimism.

Today is the day that you
will give back to our Mother.

Life Force will unite you

and Mother together forever and forever.

Now, this is where your
Life Force should go.

The Angels will now perform
for you in the Worshiping Hall.

Watch their every move,

and Life Force will manifest itself.

- Gotcha! Thanks!

(calm music)

(soft music)

(calm music)

(electrical shock)

♪ He wants me ♪

♪ But I don't want you back ♪

♪ I have a make up ♪

♪ All we had ♪

- Is she collapsing?

"She'll be okay.

This didn't happen.

Don't tell anybody."

Don't worry Mr. Lee.

I won't tell anyone.

(lively music)

(watch beeping)

(lively music)

(camera shutter clicking)

- Hey there handsome!

You've got something for me?

Where is your Life Force, airhead?

- What does it look like?

- Look you're so cute!

It's a white sticky substance,
sort of like boogers.

- OK, gotcha!

(Ulysses clearing throat)

- There! All yours!

- We're not done yet, love.

Give me your pink one.

Ancient scriptures!

Do you know what these mean?

I wish I could decipher ancient language.

But oh well! That's what
makes us Greats great.

Congratulations, you've completed
your Dark Temple Ceremony!

Happy Adulthood!

Your bundle of joy will
be issued to you shortly.

- [Mother] Congratulations, Ulysses!

I'm looking forward to
bringing your offspring

into the world and parenting
it jointly with you.

- Thank you Ma'am.

(bicycle chain clogging)

(engine roaring)

(dramatic music)

(clapping)

- Dad! Dad!

- What are you doing?

Leave them alone!

(electrical shock)

- No! No! Please, let him go!

- Ulysses, let the Optimists do their job.

They are here to liberate Ugly Duck.

- For preventing the
empowerment of his daughter,

the generous and loving Greats

have decided to put Mr.
Lee out for Resurrection.

(Captain laughing)

- No!
- Please! Don't hurt him!

- No! No! Mother, he
wanted to report the blood,

I swear. He was just
waiting for me to come back!

Mother, please! Please!

- He didn't do anything! Please stop!

(captain clapping)

(tense music)

No! No, no, no, no, no,
please, not the Pulverizer!

Please! Please! Not the Pulverizer.

- Mother, please! Please!

- Activate the Pulverizer!

(dramatic music)

(crowd clapping)

(engine roaring)

(calm music)

- [Mother] Ulysses, what happened

to Mr. Lee was an act of love.

- How is pulverizing
someone an act of love?

- [Mother] You're too
young to understand it.

You need to sleep, Ulysses.

♪ Day is done, Mr. Lee's gone ♪

♪ Ugly Duck will take the test ♪

♪ Her results will determine the rest ♪

♪ Lullaby, and good night ♪

♪ You are Mother's delight ♪

♪ Think of love and tolerance ♪

♪ Tomorrow is our chance ♪

(door cracking)

- Ugly Duck?

Ugly Duck?

Where is she?!

- [Mother] Taking her
Sensitivity Test as I told you.

But as every man you're
not a terrific listener!

(soft music)

(camera zooming)

- By love, we live forever!

All right, ladies!

- Hey, don't call us that! It's offensive!

- Shut up and be proud of who you are.

- Exactly! Be yourself!

(priest laughing)

- And today is your lucky day

because Greatland gives you just that!

All Great women can choose

between the Proud Felinist Revolution.

(door cracking)

Or the SLAVE Sanctuary.

(door cracking)

And SLAVE is short for?

- Support, love, appreciation,
victory, empowerment.

- Good!

And this will help you choose your new

and improved Testing Stick!

(heart simulator beeping)

- "Dear Ulysses, I write to you."

- When that is said, what
more is left for me to say?

Now you are free,

I know too well to heap
contempt upon my head.

- What's she talking about?

- It's Pushkin, "Tatiana's letter",

remember we read it last winter?

- Oh that one! So inspiring, not.

- I knew it would be just as
much poetry as you could take.

But I feel like Tatiana right now.

I sit alone with none to
heed or guess what ails.

And now my very reason fails!

I don't wanna be a Felinist or a SLAVE.

I don't wanna take the Sensitivity Test,

but I have to.

If I perform well at the Test,

the Altruists may resurrect my Dad

when they find a cure for the Virus.

I just want you to know that,

on Earth but you my heart adores!

That is ordained by fate, alone.

It's Heaven's will: I am yours.

Ulysses, you are and
will always be my Knight

in Shining Armor.

- I tremble to re-read, must end!

Good bye forever,

Ugly Duck, your friend."

- Seriously? Delight, please!

- Kiss me!

(Iconic F grunts)

- Gross!

- Ah, yes, yes, yes!

- Urgh, love no!

- I have to see Ugly Duck!

- Ulysses, she's not your property!

Your behavior is not
worthy of a Great man.

- I don't care! She's going
away forever, I have to see her!

(door cracking)

- [Mother] Surprise!

It's a boy!

- It's a rabbit.

- [Mother] Come on, don't
be shy! Kiss your baby!

I worked hard on this one.

How shall we name him?

It's got to be "Albert"!

Oh, please, please! Pretty please!

- Please tell me you're joking.

- [Mother] Look at him,
Ulysses. He's just as cute

and adorable as you are.

I thought you'd be happy.

- He's a rabbit.

My son is a loving rabbit.

Technically, he's also my brother.

- [Mother] I'm so glad you've
finally come to you senses!

Take your son in arms, Ulysses.

It's your role now to
keep him safe and warm.

Remember, true Greats are
inclusive, tolerant and diverse.

We don't stigmatize.

We love everybody and everything:
people, animals, plants,

even insects.

We are in love with love.

But most of all, we love Greatland.

- Son of a delight! He bit me!

- [Mother] Welcome to parenthood!

- Well,

a house, a baby to take
care of, I'm all set then.

- [Mother] How about a life partner?

Do you have someone special at heart?

- Not really.

I'm going to take Albert to
the Priest for the blessing.

(soft music)

(Priest clears throat)

- Looks like it's the Felinist Revolution

for the three of you.

(cheering)
- We gonna be sistas!

- I knew it! I felt it!

- I'm gonna rock the love out
of the Felinist Revolution!

(door bangs)

(door cracking)

(engine roaring)

Yes! Felinists!

- All right, this one's
going to be a SLAVE.

Split up and let her go!

It's not like she's caught
a Virus or anything.

Oh come on!

Mom, I can't see anything,
is she a SLAVE or a Felinist?

- I can't see it! I can't see it!

- Come out already!

- Wait! Don't go!

- [Priest] We still have this one left!

- [Mother] Oh, just came to my mind!

Do you see this nice orphan
birch tree down the street?

Isn't she cute?

So far no one had the generosity

to embrace the pretty birch.

A little birdie tells me
that this generous soul

might just be you.

Are you OK, my love?

You should go see a healer.

- I'm fine.

I'm Great.

Never been better!

(telephone ringing)

- It never does that.

Hello?

(camera focusing)

(door cracking)

- My, it's really quiet here today!

- Today's Sensitivity Test went so wrong!

But I saved the day.

All the Girls are sorted
out and on their way.

(door cracking)

- So there was this really ugly girl.

Red hair, blue eyes, you
know what happened to her?

- Ah that girl, what a mess!

Her results they went on and on,

and in the end she was
sent to Repentance Island.

- Can you bless my son Albert?

- Isn't he precious!

(Priest laughing)

- By love, we live forever!

You've been blessed.

Ah! Son of a delight! He bit me!

- [Mother] Are you OK, my love?

You should go see a healer.

(door cracking)
(bells chiming)

(heart simulator beeping)

- Mom?

Hello!

Are you there?

Always wanted to do it.

You see, Mom,

Mr. Lee taught me how
to talk to appliances.

That heart simulator over
there, we built it together.

What do I do now, Mr. Lee?

(alarm whistling)

Hello, world!

- [Mother] Hello, world!

- Guide me to Repentance Island.

- [Mother] Action not authorized.

- Where is Repentance Island?

- [Mother] Answer not authorized.

- Authorized by who?

Answer me, Mother-loving appliance!

(alarm whistling)

- [Mother] Oh Ulysses, is
this how you repay my love?

How could you break my heart like this?

You hurt me, your Mother who loves

and cares so much about you!

- Shush! Shush! Shush, be quiet!

- [Mother] This device will
self-destroy in three, two, one.

- Oh no! No, no! Mom, please!

- [Male] If you're hearing this message,

you've successfully
destroyed your bracelet.

Now run.

The Optimists are on their way.

Do what your namesake in
"Odyssey" did, Follow Orion.

(alarm continue whistling)

(nervous music)

- [Mirror Tracker] Mirror,
mirror, on the wall.

(lively music)

Mirror, mirror, on the wall.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall.

(lively music continue)

- Let the Debate about
Greatland's next Sweetheart begin!

(bell ringing)

- Yeah, you go Jörg!

- You shut your pie hole! Jörg
Doberman is a speciest pig!

- He's a dog.

(bell ringing)

(dogs barking)

- Now why are you crying?

- To see Cat like this,

she's so caring so inspiring.

- I'm not a cat but I wish I was.

It would be great to be born
as one of Cat Purry's kittens.

- And to know the Evil
Nation created this Virus.

- So here I am totally not
a cat, but a proud member

of the "I am a CAT" gang
of totally cool people.

- What about non-people, huh?

Plants, animals? Ever heard
of them, spoiled brat?

- Yes, of course, plants and animals rock!

And rocks rule! Wohoo!

(bell ringing)

- Jörg Doberman on the other hand.

Was accused of raping
a two year old coyote!

Why's no one talking about this?

- Innocent until proven guilty.

- Stop fighting, y'all!

Look how far we've come.

There was a time when we had
to mate with the opposite sex

in order to procreate.

- Yeah, you go Jörg!

- But not anymore.

We are truly free to love whoever we want!

- Spoken like a true Great!

A true Great!

(audience cheering)

- This is Malak and I vote
Malak as Cat's next mate.

Malak! Malak!

- Malak! Malak! Malak!

- Now put your hands
together and remember:

The whole world should serve your needs.

Your opinion is the only one
that matters in Greatland!

(calm music)

- Rejoicing in the breeze,

Ulysses sat at the helm he steered.

Watching the Pleiads,
and late setting Boötes,

and Orion that never baths in the Ocean.

For this star Calypso
had bidden him to keep

on the left hand as he
sailed over the sea.

(water splashing)

(wind blowing)

(birds singing)

(wind blowing)

- Ugly Duck!

Come on!

Stop pretending!

Look, I don't have a bracelet,
Mother's not listening!

(water splashing)

(grieving music)

It's not you.

(water splashing)

Men are so quick to blame the gods.

They say that we devise their misery.

But they themselves, in
their depravity design grief

greater than the griefs that fate assigns.

Yeah, right!

(soft music)

- Amen.

I know you're there.

Come over.

Help me.

- You wanna fight, huh?

You wanna fight?

- And the Gods smile upon us.

- We're bringing you some
exciting and disturbing news.

Clashes broke out today between supporters

of Jörg Doberman and
Felinists passionarias.

- I am a simple Great.

Cat Purry sets a wrong
example for hundreds

of our life partners across Greatland.

Now everybody must be furry
and have kittens as babies.

Well, my wife is not furry,

she is leafy.

Where do we fit in Cat
Purry's perfect Greatland?

- You anti-felinist, speciest jerk!

Your Jörg Doberman is a tree hatist.

How does it make you feel
when your tree is cut?

(F O'donnell laughing)

- Jolly! Jolly! Jolly my love!

- You did it to yourself.
- Are you hurt?

You should be ashamed of yourself!

- Oh I've got your baby!

Oops, I dropped it!

(laughing loudly)

Not!

- Please, please, give me my baby back!

- Tree Huggers make me lose weight!

(baby crying)

- Felinist Revolution!

It is your time to let it all out!

Free yourself!

- I'm not going for it!

- What? It's my camera!

- Oh well, I suppose the
heart wants what it wants.

Sad, sad.

- This is wrong!

How will Altruists find
her for Resurrection?

- What do you know of death?

- More than you think!

I've read about it!

In books!

- Wow! You can read! You're badass!

- Well, reading is nothing!

Counting and talking to
electronic appliances

is much harder.

- What've you done to your bracelet?

- Why did you do that?

I was just starting to like you!

- What is your name, boy?

- Nobody.

- Where do you think you're going?

You're a fugitive from Optimism.

They catch you, they're
going to put you out

for Resurrection.

(calm music)

- Wait a second.

This is my country.

Why should I leave?

You go!

- Are you hungry?

(water splashing)

(birds singing)

- Now you.

- No! Fish is my fellow Great.

- My God, what did they do to you!

(fire crackling)

- You've no idea what you're missing.

- If I try it,

will it make me Evil?

- No!

Fish are true Greats.

The fish loves you.

It doesn't want you to suffer hunger.

By eating it, you are
helping a fellow Great

become an even greater Great.

(fire crackling)

- Yuck! Your soda's really foul!

Burns like a bee sting!

- It's whiskey. Bourbon.

Sorry, that's all I have.

- Are you an Evil spy?

What's your mission?

- I'm not Evil. I am a fellow Great.

- Yeah, right!

Your bracelet has gradations
and says "Swiss Made."

It's, like, the most Evil thing on Earth!

- It's a watch.

I'm a Clerk.

We are guardians of continuity.

We make sure that Greatland
does not disappear

no matter what.

- Never heard of Clerks.

Oopsies,

my head is spinning.

- That's the alcohol's working.

Doesn't it make all your
problems seem less important?

- Greats don't have problems.

Everything bad that happens
in Greatland is of Evil doing.

When Ugly Duck and I were kids,

we used to think Evils were
these huge hairy monsters.

Anyway, Mother explained to
me that Evils were like us.

Seriously, just like us!

And they were lurking amongst us,

doing their Evil deeds to doom us all.

- A common enemy is the best way

to unite a nation behind its government.

- Yeah, that's what you have, right,

in your Evildom?

A Government!

- Don't! Stop picking your nose.

Stop!

Who's Ugly Duck?

- A girl.

I think I like her.

I like a girl.

- Where is she?

- Repentance Island.

I'm going to save her.

I'm her Knight in Shining.

I'm her Knight in Shining Armor.

(calm music)

(wind blowing)

- Dear God, you found the fugitive!

- Yep, and I'm not doing your job again.

- It's not my job to chase after them!

Lady Omega told me to stay out of it.

She's on the edge, borderline psychotic.

- Fish rot from the head down.

You gonna have to stand up to him one day

or your children will be next.

- Help me!

- Hi there!

I got you some cookies and milk.

You used to like them.

- Where am I?

- Well, you're in your Dad's man cave.

It's not really a cave,
it's an old garage but...

- My Dad's man cave?!

You knew my Dad?

Is he here?

- Why yes, he is.

- Well,

where?

Where is he, when's he coming?

- You're looking at him.

Well, say something, what do you think?

- No.

- You wanna see what I'm doing?

- No.

- I re-set your bracelet.

Your record is clean as a
whistle. You can go back

to your life as if nothing ever happened.

- You wanna get rid of me?

- No, no, no, of course not.

Just you don't seem to be happy here.

So the least I can do is
facilitate your return

to the mainland.

- Did you know that,

my son,

your grandson,

is a rabbit?

And if I go back,

I marry a birch tree.

- No, no!

- A hamster, then.

- God no!

I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry!

I'm so sorry!

(soft piano music)

(dog yawning)

- Mr. Doberman, Your Excellency!

So honored to meet you!

(laughing)

- Sit young man.

It's just a dog.

It doesn't talk.

Good boy!

Get out of here.

You're breathtaking!

Exquisite!

I'm so glad I saw you.

- I don't understand.

- My little princess!

I'm not gonna let anybody hurt you.

Oh baby!

(keyboard clicking)

- That's your Mom.

- That's how I always imagined her.

Do you think she'll forgive
me for breaking the bracelet?

- Sit down, Ulysses.

Your Mom, your real Mom was
flesh and blood like you and me.

- Yeah, right!

- Your reaction is perfectly normal.

You've been brainwashed for fifteen years.

- Do you mean she was a woman?

like the one Mr. Lee contaminated
and got Ugly Duck out of?

- Exactly! Well done!

- Wow, you must feel awful.

- No, not really.

I'm angry

she disappeared leaving you with me.

Not note, not a word all these years.

- That's why Stone Age procreation
is banned in Greatland.

It's Evil!

- She was Evil.

- Oh, so I'm half Evil now?

Although that would explain a lot.

- Evils is not even their real name.

I think initially they
were called Europeans

or Chinese or Russians.

Fascinating bunch!

When I was young, I was sent
there to study their ways.

But I fell in love with Evelyn.

I returned with you to Greatland

and openly confessed my sin.

The Altruists decided to
keep me on the island.

You were given a bracelet
and sent to the mainland.

In the meantime, Lee had
eloped with the daughter

of a high-ranking Altruist.

When she died in childbirth,

which tells you a lot about
the state of medicine here

on the island,

Lee was made invisible and mute
and sent back to Greatland.

But he promised me to educate
you and take care of you.

- And that he did.

He and Mother and I,

we were one happy family
before you showed up.

Mother is the best!

- Ulysses, the Mother of
all Greats doesn't exist!

It is an automatic voice
application that runs

on the bracelet broadcast system.

- Yeah, right!

You are just messing with me now!

Mother told me you would.

You got any other ideas
up your sleeve, "Dad"?

Oh, I know!

This is Repentance Island!

- This is Repentance Island.

(nervous music)

(children screaming)

- Oh delight!

Oh loving delight!

I've been blinded!

- Calm down, calm.

Repentance Island is not
what you think it is.

- By love, we live forever!

By love, we live forever!

By love, we live forever!

- Why do I even bother? Forget it.

(soft piano music)

- Now you just hurt my feelings.

Repentance Island is like the
spookiest place in Greatland.

How did you end up here?

- I was born here.

Do you want to know how Greatland works?

- No, not really. I'd rather
go find my friend Ugly Duck.

- Well, you're not gonna
be able to rescue her

unless you know what you're up against.

- All right, go ahead, enlighten me.

- This is the Mind Map of Greatland.

Me and Lee designed it.

The bracelet system was his invention.

- Someone spoke to me right
before my bracelet blew up.

He said, "Follow."
- "Follow Orion."

- Exactly!

And in exactly that voice!

Do you know who it was?

- It was me.

I programed that message into
your bracelet many years ago.

- So if I never broke my bracelet,

you'd never reach out to me.

- I knew you would.

Let's not digress.

The bracelets catch the
thoughts of all Greats

and transmit them here to
the mainframe for analysis.

Each thought is evaluated
on a three level scale,

Basic - green,

Slightly Above Average - yellow,

Dangerous/Complex - red.

This is SLAVE Sanctuary.

The SLAVEs are refusing
to accept the authority

of the Felinists over them anymore.

- Wait, I thought the Felinists and

the SLAVEs had nothing do with each other.

- That's what Altruists want you to think.

The main purpose of the Felinists

is to control the female SLAVEs.

Fun fact: 80% of Felinists are euthanized

within the first three years
of joining the program.

They are put out for Resurrection.

And that is where the
second problem originated.

A few years ago, instead of
euthanizing the Felinists,

Optimists began saving them.

- Like I want to save Ugly Duck?

- Exactly! Felinists and Optimists

who had "feelings" for each
other, started to ran away,

began to pro-create:

there have been at least three babies born

in what I call "the
separatist territories."

- Wow!

- This spells the end of
the current social contract.

We must act now!

If Evils find out the true state

of affairs here in Greatland,

they'll wipe us out!

I have a list of measures.

- Dad, it's okay.

- I'm so tired.

I've been on my own so long.

I feel like I'm going crazy.

- You're not crazy, you
just worry too much.

- What do you think of my map?

- Don't worry, it's not accurate at all.

I've been fooling Mother for years.

I only told her what she wanted to hear.

- Your bracelet always
flashed yellow or red.

Mother's pretty accurate since
she's the only gadget around.

- What's a "gadget"?

- Gadgets are communication toys.

Years ago, gadgets allowed
everybody to talk to everybody.

But soon it became so loud
that nobody could listen

to anybody anymore.

So the Altruists decided to
get rid of all the gadgets,

leaving just one:

Mother.

- And the Greats agreed?

- They were relieved.

By then they came to associate
happiness with a simple life.

You'd be amazed at the
hardship people can accept

if you put a positive spin on it.

Positive Attitude Set-Up,

that's what kept Greatland
going all these years.

- Look, Dad, your map is dope.

But I still have no idea
where to find Ugly Duck.

- If she's anything like her mother

or Lee when he was still
visible, she'd be a stunner.

- She's kinda

ugly beautiful.

- Follow me.

I think I know where she might be.

(soft harpsichord music)

- Who are all these people?

- They are Altruists.

- Is that lady testing
out a Cure for the Virus?

- I don't think so.

I think she's enjoying her breakfast.

- Hey! Those are Tokens of
Love for the Cure research!

- Kiddo, there is no such
thing as a cure against death.

Altruists know it.

They enjoy every moment

of their life making
sure that you pay for it.

- But that's so. Evil!

- Exactly! This island is full of shit.

Most Clerks became Altruists,

or rebelled like Lee and were sent away.

I'm pretty much the only
Clerk left standing.

- [Lady Omega] Keep your
moronic dog away from my cat!

- [Alpha Altruist] What do you want?

- [Lady Omega] The SLAVE Program!

- [Alpha Altruist] You
want those poor women

to stop growing wheat
and start making weapons.

Out of what?

Thin air?

- [Lady Omega] Greatland has many enemies.

- [Alpha Altruist] Honey, please,

the rest of the world follows our model.

They love LOVE, they hate HATE.

We make sure they do.

- I don't care! Cat Purry
will win this election!

(Clerk clears throat)

Oh come in, Clerk!

- Lady Omega, Alpha Altruist.

- Hello, Clerk.

Came to talk to my husband
about his little runaway whores?

Go ahead.

- No, Ma'am. Actually, I
came to draw your attention

to recent developments

in the Mind Map.

- Oh very well, Clerk.

Tell us how many millions
of Greats are ready

to give their Tokens of Love to Cat Purry?

- Greats are a dog nation, dear.

They don't wanna see your
cat as their Sweetheart.

- We'll see about that.

Take care, Clerk!

- The legend tells that
my great great-grandfather

and a Navajo chief exchanged
their personal rifle

and tomahawk to seal a peace treaty.

- Why did the rifle come back?

- The ugly truth is that
our side broke peace,

murdered the Navajo
chief and all his tribe,

took back the rifle and all his land.

- I didn't know that,

fascinating.

And you are?

- Nobody.
- He's my assistant.

- What for?

You're just inventing work
for yourself, old friend.

- Not exactly.

If you care to take a
look at the Mind Map.

- He's pale. Whose kid is he anyway?

I don't remember seeing him on the island.

- He's the Policeman's.

- Ah, bloody Irish!

Those Policeman reproduce
faster than Cat Purry.

You're lucky you have
such cute little sisters.

- I'm sure his Dad will be pleased

to know that the Alpha
Altruist fancies his daughters.

- Get rid of this rusty old piece of junk.

Let's talk business.

- Wait for me outside.

- Did you find my little princess?

- She tried to swim to
the mainland, she drowned.

- Why would she try to run away?

I treated her like my own daughter!

- She was tortured.

- Clerk,

I've known you forever.

Do you think I could possibly torture

a little girl like that?

- Of course, not.

But somebody tortured her.

- I passed her down to.

the Philanthropist!

Ask him.

If he tortured her, that's it!

I will send him no more of the new ones.

No more of the new ones.

- Psst!

Ugly Duck!

(joyful music)

Ugly Duck!

(joyful music continues)

- Wow!

You look beautiful!

- Thank you. You're not
too shabby yourself.

- Meh!

My Dad made me wear these.

I had to blend in.

- Who gave you this?

Where did you get this?

- Alpha Altruist, he's really nice.

And did you see Jörg
Doberman and Cat Purry?

- We have to go, now!

- No! I'm not your property!

- But I came to save you!

- From what?

- Relax, old friend.
Greatland is doing just fine.

We have successfully avoided
a totalitarian dictatorship

and steered the ship
toward a supra-democracy.

The Gender War is over.

Minorities decide for the majority.

And every Great has rights
but no responsibilities.

On that note,

let's enjoy this beautiful sunset

on this perfect island, shall we?

- But the social peace is fragile,

replenishment of the population an issue.

Greatland has lost its economic

and technological advantages to Evildom.

- Enough! I'm gonna say this one time:

Don't be paranoid!

- Alpha Altruist rescued
me from the Optimists.

He loves me like his own daughter.

- You don't understand anything!

The girl who was here
before you, they killed her!

- What's "killed"?

- It's that Stone Age thing
we read about in books!

You're put out but like, forever!

No Resurrection, nada!

- Alpha Altruist said he'd
never let anyone hurt me.

This is the safest place on Earth!

Ulysses, I love you, to what end deceive?

But I am now another's bride.

For ever faithful will abide.

(soft music)

- Shit.

- What?

- Shit.

When I am angry I say "shit".

- We say "Love" and "Delight".

But I like your "Shit" better.

- Now say "Fuck!"

- "Fuck"

- Fuck!

- Fuck!

- Fu uuuuu-ck!

Shit!
- Fuck!

- Shit!
- Fuck!

- Fuck!
- Fuck!

- Shit!
- Shit!

- Fuck!
- Shit!

- Fuck!
- Fuck!

- Fuck!
- Fuck!

(door knocking)

(garage gate cracking)

(crickets chirping)

- Hello, Clerk.

Jesus, I've known you for so long

that I forgot your real name.

- I forgot myself.

(whisky pouring)

- Sometimes this island
feels like a prison.

We certainly behave like prisoners.

Going by nicknames, dreaming of escaping.

- Pour vivre heureux, vivons cachés.

(glass clinking)

- Yes, to live happy let's live hidden.

But don't you just wanna
go back to Greatland

and restore everything
to how it was before?

We'll drop the act.

Call ourselves by our
real names and titles.

Call everything by what it is.

- You would hold the mirror up

to the masses of depressed
and neglected people.

What do you think the result would be?

- I have no idea.

But I want real power.

Not this golden retirement!

Are you too have this thirst,

this passion for real impact?

You want to leave a legacy.

You and I, we've been waiting

in the shadow of Alpha
Altruist for decades.

I've had enough!

What about you?

- It won't work.

We have no resources to
take power in Greatland.

- You are the smartest
and most competent person

on this island.

I'm the voice of Mother.

Together we can figure it out.

(glass clinking)

- We're a dying breed.

We've been here our entire lives.

It's too late in the day for escaping.

(garage gate cracking)

- Coward!

(Ulysses knocking)

- She thinks that you are
the most competent guy

on the island!

And why is no one happy
in a Stone Age marriage?

- I have a feeling that she's gonna try

and overthrow the Alpha Altruist.

- Seriously?

Well, then why didn't you
take her up on her offer?

- Because the future of
Greatland will be determined

by young people

like you.

And the strongest amongst them.

- Don't look at me! I'm not strong.

- I beg to differ.

You smashed your bracelet.

You came to the aid of
a damsel in distress.

You are a rebel!

Live with it, embrace it.

- You really think I'm that dumb?

You didn't give a shit about
me until you needed me.

Now you expect me to achieve
everything you failed at.

Crafty, Dad!

Real crafty.

- Yeah, well,

that's about it.

- Unbelievable!

She was right, you are a coward.

- I'm out! Thanks for the cookies, Dad.

- Take your emotions out of the equation.

Think like a Clerk.

- All right!

You help me to take Ugly Duck
away from the Alpha Altruist,

and I'm game to save Greatland.

Come on!

Think like a Clerk.

- Deal.

- All right.

Let's find out who's
killing all the Great girls,

and show them that Clerks have teeth.

(engine roaring)

(eerie music)

- Is this bug an insect?

Can it be?

- Philanthropist,

the Alpha Altruist wants
to know what happened

to the last girl he passed on to you.

- Oh yes!

The blond beast of prey,

the magnificent blond beast!

- Except this one wasn't avidly prowling

for spoils of victory.

She was tortured and drowned.

- Round bugs,

shiny bugs,

fat bugs,

lady bugs.

I love bugs!

- He's full blast into bugs.

- No kidding?

Philanthropist!

Who killed the girl?

- Heaven has no rage

like love to hatred turned,

nor hell a fury

like a woman scorned.

- "Woman scorned",

that sounds like the
Alpha Altruist's wife.

- Ex ore parvulorum veritas.

- "This child speaks the truth."

Then Lady Omega has gone bonkers.

Ugly Duck is in danger.

Greatland is in danger. We must hurry!

- Cool bugs, man!

(door cracking)

(nervous music)

(gun shot)

(door cracking)

"To whom it may concern,

I had killed myself.

My wife will become the next
Sweetheart of Greatland.

Take care, the Alpha Altruist."

- She can't even write
a decent suicide note.

- [Ugly Duck] Ulysses!

- Time's up Ugly Duck!

Stupid redhead!

Die you little whore!

- Dad?

- Die now!

Ugly redhead you!

- Ulysses help me!

- Just how fucking dumb is she!

- No Dad! You could kill Ugly Duck!

I have to go and save her!

Not my Mother, not my Sweetheart.

(dog barking)
(gun shot)

Fuck!

- I'm so sorry, Ulysses!

You were right!

Alpha Altruist tried to contaminate me

with his Life Force when his wife.

- Small wonder

that Trojans and Achaeans endured so much

and for so long,

for the sake of a woman so
marvelously and divinely lovely.

- You read the "Odyssey"!

- Gotcha!

(helicopter engine roaring)

- She's heading to Greatland.

Our self-proclaimed Sweetheart needs TV

to make herself legit.

- How do you know?

- That's the advantage
of spending your life

in the shadows of power.

Plenty of time

to observe,

to learn

and prepare.

(buzzing)

- My fellow Greats!

The time has come.

(trembling)

According to the Tokens of
Love cast for both candidates,

the next Greatland's Sweetheart is

I'm nervous,

Jörg Doberman!

- Let's go champ!

- A dog again?!

- No loving way! Fraud! Rigged! Boo!

- Felinist goddesses!

Join my Revolution!

(shouting)

(crowd trembling)

- I'm your Mother

and I proclaim myself the
Greatland's Sweetheart!

- Who the love is this?

- Another one of those crazy Felinists!

- I'm so confused right now

it's making me lose weight.

- My dear Great children!

I'm your Mother.

Don't listen to this woman.

She's an anti-Felinist hate-monger.

- Not my Sweetheart!

I'm not her! I'm who I
am and I deserve better!

- Try soul-crushing pain and
devastation and hopelessness

to describe how we are
feeling in this moment.

- No! Greats won't be silenced!

(crowd shouting)

- [Mother] My children!

As your Mother,

I'm appalled and saddened to
inform you that this morning,

Jörg Doberman was cowardly
put out for Resurrection

by this fanatic Felinist woman.

- Didn't we just say.

- Shush!

Everything you're saying now

is being broadcast across Greatland.

- But didn't we just say
she was anti Felinist,

and now we're saying she
is a Felinist fanatic!

- It doesn't matter.

Mother can say whatever she wants.

(door knocking)

- Clerk! Open up! We know you're there!

- Enough is enough!

Down with Felinists!

(crowd roaring)

- We're here on the order of Lady Omega.

Release the hostage immediately!

- What hostage?

(cat meows)

Is it what I think?

- What?!

I found her on the floor.

(cat meows)

- Unrest is spreading.

We need to deploy the Optimists.

- No way! This is fun!

- This is not a joke Ulysses!

(door knocking loudly)

- Clerk! Don't make me do it!

- We're losing control of the situation!

- Greatland is one big scam!

No one cares.

No one tells the truth.

No one should be in charge of this mess.

Let it all blow to pieces!

- Is this how we kill each other?

Ulysses, this is scary.

How do we go back?

In our "Amazing Love Store

when something was broken, we'd fix it.

Dad would never let us throw it away.

I want my Greatland back.

Please, make this madness stop.

- The majority of Greats
are feeling the same way,

I guarantee you they're scared.

- Clerk! You're a dead man!

- Ulysses, you came here as Nobody.

Now you have Duck.

Together, you are Everybody.

- And what does Everybody want?

(upbeat music)

- [Mother] My children, Greats don't hate.

We love.

No need to fight.

I, your Mother, will make sure that sons

of Jörg Doberman grow
strong and will compete

for the Greatland's Sweetheart
title in the near future.

By love, we live forever!

Meanwhile, Cat Purry will act

as Greatland's Interim Sweetheart.

- Phew, what a scare!

But all's well that ends well.

All love and admire Cat Purry!

- All love and admire Cat Purry!

- The new Greatland Sweetheart!

- The new Greatland Sweetheart!

- Greatland! Greatland! Greatland!

(buzzing)

(door knocking)

- Clerk! We're breaking in!

- All right, time's up.

(beep)

(bomb exploding)

(active music)

(calm music)

(tense music)

- Come on!

(water splashing)

- Why did you blow up
the House on the Hill?

I thought you were all for continuity!

- I snapped.

I owe your Father a great debt.

This is for you,

a small token of my gratitude.

- Thank you, Uncle Clerk.

- With the House on the Hill gone,

this is the only thing
that commands the Optimists

and pretty much everything in Greatland.

You are Mother now.

- Uncle Clerk, you mean so much to me.

(gun shot)

- Clerk! It's over! Give up Cat Purry!

(gun shots)

- Get to the boat! They won't
follow you to the mainland.

They're shit scared of Greats.

- No, I'm not leaving you!

- Listen to me, Clerk.

Rule Greatland in Cat Purry's name.

Open the minds of the Greats gradually.

No chaos, no brisk
moves, smooth transition.

Study the Mind Map, it has many levels.

Find the blueprint for the
Great Reform and follow it.

- Please, come with me!

- This island's all I know.

I am a coward, Ulysses.

I wouldn't last a day in a new world.

- Ulysses hurry up!

(gun shots)

- By love, we live forever! Now go!

- [Ugly Duck] Ulysses!

(active music)

- Hey!

Hey!

(gun shot)

(axe clanging)

(policeman grunting)

(wind blowing)

(birds singing)

(soft music)

- Be strong saith my heart.

I am a Clerk.

(calm music)

(birds singing)

There will be killing
until the score is paid.

(dramatic music)

(calm music)

(lively music)