Greaser's Palace (1972) - full transcript
A parable based on the life of Christ. This ain't your father's Bible story, full of references about the destruction of the world through massive constipation and a New Mexican setting.
(wagon rattling)
(soft fiddle music)
J‘ Beware you men, where'er you go J‘
J‘ The cherry tree must stand J‘
J‘ The glory of your fatherhood J‘
J‘ ls threatened near at hand J‘
J‘ The maiden who is smiling so J‘
J‘ ls wont to all your seed J‘
J‘And never was a maiden born J‘
J‘ To never know your need J‘
J‘ She'll wink her thoughts and let you know J‘
J‘ The lust that's on her mind J‘
J‘And use the Devil's thrust to show you J‘
J‘ What you dream to find J‘
J‘ Save your flower J‘
J‘ For tomorrow you never know what‘s apt to go J‘
J‘ Through a tender maiden‘s head J‘
J‘ 80, save your flower J‘
J‘ For tomorrow J‘
J‘ Many men have felt the ruin J‘
J‘ Of the harlot's bed J‘
J‘As you can see so few like me J‘
J‘ Remain unspoiled and pure J‘
J‘ By virtue's fact I am intact J‘
J‘ Unsoiled by passion's lure J‘
J‘ So when temptation calls to you J‘
J‘ You must remember well J‘
J‘Adultery is the Devil‘s tool J‘
J‘ For bringin' you to hell J‘
J‘ When in the end desire‘s role J‘
I Has led you to its fork J‘
J‘ It won't be hard if you're on guard J‘
J‘And always salt your pork J‘
J‘ Save your flower J‘
J‘ For tomorrow J‘
J‘ You never know what‘s apt to go J‘
J‘ Through a tender maiden‘s head J‘
J‘ So, save your flower J‘
(Lamy screaming)
(speaking in foreign language)
(upbeat mariachi music)
(Lamy screaming)
(men chattering)
(Lamy grunting)
(bar patrons whooping)
(men chattering)
- You better make for the border.
- It wasn't my fault, Dad.
Something burned me.
- Get on your animal, Lamy.
(upbeat fiddle music)
Lamy Homo!
My son. (laughs)
(bar patrons whooping)
(guns firing)
(Lamy cries out)
(bar patrons whooping)
(upbeat mariachi music)
(bar patrons clapping rhythmically)
(wagon rattling)
(body thuds)
- [Man] Next.
- [Tax Payer] Mr. Greaser, I came to pay my taxes, my dues,
and my respects to ya. (coins jingle)
- Next.
- Gracias, Senor Greaser. (coins jingle)
- Next.
- Thank you, mister.
- Next.
Come on, come on.
(coinsjingle)
J‘ Red, amber mountains J‘
J‘ Navajo guns nearby J‘
J‘ A white cloud is floating J‘
J‘ Over this land of enchantment J‘
J‘ Under turquoise skies J‘
J‘ I hear distant drums J‘
J‘ I hear roaring guns J‘
J‘ I hear Indians J‘
J‘ l heara war cry J‘
J‘ Or soldiers in blue J‘
J‘ I hear bugles J‘
J‘ Under turquoise skies J‘
(gun fires) Ho!
(upbeat mariachi music)
(singing in foreign language)
(door creaking)
(singing in foreign language)
(Jessy humming)
- Seaweed head, tomorrow night
I'm gon' get me a horse and ride up
to Four Corners, see Red Snapper.
I know she's waitin' for me 'cause 10 minutes ago
she sent me the finest smoke signal I ever seen.
She said, "Vernon, you are the only man
"who ever made my bell ring.
"All my love, Red Snapper.
"P.S. Ugly old Hiny Ho says hello."
- Take a card, Mr. Greaser.
Alright, put it back anywhere.
This it? - N0.
- This one? - No.
- That one? - No!
- This one? - No.
- That one? - No.
- That it? - No.
- That one? - No!
- This one? - Nah.
- That one? - No.
- This one? - No.
- Is this it? - No.
- That it? - No.
- This one? - No.
- Here it comes! - No.
- This one? - No.
- That one? - No.
- This one? - No.
- Is that it? - No.
- This one? - No.
- That one? - No!
(crickets chirping)
(soft twinkling music)
- If Senor Greaser don't like the way you sing
we'll go back to Juarez, buy a new homestead,
and settle down.
And maybe you'll be happy because at least
you had the chance to sing for Senior Greaser.
(birds chirping)
(woman groans)
(woman breathing heavily)
- You‘re on.
- If you feel, you heal.
- l was swimming with millions of babies in a rainbow
and they was naked, and then all of the sudden
I turned into a perfect smile.
- I‘m sorry I brought you back but I need your help.
- Who are you?
- I‘m sorry I brought you back but I need your help.
I'm on my way to Jerusalem to be an actor/singer.
It is written that the Agent Morris awaits me.
- Let‘s go.
Well, come on!
(donkey braying)
(door creaking)
- [Man] Get up!
He‘s up.
(upbeat mariachi music)
- [Seaweed] Mother, is there anything
I can do for you?
- I wanna go out today.
- You'll go out when | tell you to go out!
- You'll always be my favorite.
(upbeat mariachi music)
(door creaks)
- Seaweed head, last night I called on
that German girl up in Los Alamos.
Round about midnight I put my nose in her cunny
and rubbed it back and forth, back and forth,
and up and down, and back and forth,
and she went to sleep on me.
While she was sleepin' I pulled out my John Thomas
and did the deed and she woke up screamin‘,
"Wernon, it hurts, it hurts!"
And I said, "No it don't, no it don't,"
and she said, "Wernon, Wernon, aah Wernon!"
(man grunting) (fabric thudding)
(Seaweed coughing)
— Coo Coo,
| wish I could put my arms around each and every one of them
and let them know that everything is going to be okay.
- Why don‘t ya, Sea?
- I'm not bizarre enough.
- Who is?
(footsteps thudding)
(doors crash)
- Mr. Greaser, Lamy Homo‘s back in town!
(footsteps crunching)
(donkey hooves clomping)
(footsteps crunching)
(donkey hooves clomping)
- [Man] Who's your friend, Lamy?
- [Man] Where you been, Lamy?
(footsteps crunching)
(donkey braying)
(footsteps crunching)
(donkey braying)
- [Seaweed] I told you to make for the border!
(Lamy spits)
(Lamy screaming)
(knife thudding into flesh) (Lamy gurgling)
- Good mornin‘, Mr. Greaser.
- What‘s your business here, Lady?
- I‘m on my way to Jerusalem to be an actor.
Excuse me.
If you feel, you heal.
(Jessy grunting)
If you feel, you heal.
- Dad, I was swimming in a rainbow
with millions of babies and they was naked
and then all of the sudden I turned into a perfect smile.
- Put a rope round the son of a bitch!
- What's goin‘ down here?
- Do not make us doubt and speculate.
Say to us why you are here.
What is the message to these people?
(soft orchestral music)
(water splashing)
(crowd applauds)
(water splashes)
(lighthearted jazz music)
(fist thuds)
(fists thudding)
(nun mumbles)
(nun whimpering) (fists thudding)
(nun grunts)
(fluttering flute music)
(tribal drum music)
- Go back and look again.
If this man is real bring him to me.
(wagon rattling)
- Messiah.
Messiah.
- Most Holy One, let me see.
- [Old Man] Messiah.
- [Men] Messiah.
- If you feel, you heal. - Messiah.
Messiah.
- Let me see.
(man grunting) - Relief.
- Messiah. - Relief.
Relief. - Let me see.
- Messiah. - Relief.
Relief. - Messiah.
- Let me see. - Relief.
- I can crawl again!
- Most Holy One, let me see.
- [Jessy] If you feel, you heal.
- I can crawl again!
- [Old Man] Relief.
Relief.
Relief.
- I can, I can see! - Relief.
- Messiah. - I can see.
- [Man] I can crawl again.
- If you feel-- - Get your hands off me!
- What's goin‘ down here?
- Relief. - Messiah.
- [Old Man] Relief.
Relief.
- Who am I?
- [Man] I can crawl again.
- This is Blasphemy!
Blasphemy! - I can crawl again!
- Relief. - Messiah.
- Give to us something to live for, anything.
- [Old Man] Messiah.
- We need hope now, Love.
- [Man] I can crawl again!
J‘AhJ‘
J‘AhJ‘
J‘AhJ‘
J‘AhJ‘
J‘AhJ‘
J‘AhJ‘
J‘AhJ‘
J‘AhJ‘
- Is he the one?
- He's got to be the one.
Who else could it be?
- I‘m very disappointed
—So am I.
(horse hooves clomping)
(lightning cracks) (thunder rumbles)
- I can crawl again!
I can crawl again!
I can crawl again!
(Seaweed laughing)
I can crawl again.
(Seaweed laughing)
I can crawl again
(Seaweed laughing)
I can crawl again.
(Seaweed laughing)
I can crawl again.
I can crawl again.
I can crawl again.
J‘AhJ‘
- [Man] I can crawl again.
(Seaweed laughs)
(body thuds) (man grunts)
J‘AhJ‘
- Come on down here you great big, ugly pile of shit!
Come on down here you big pile of shit!
J‘AhJ‘
— Coo Coo.
(birds fluttering)
(gun fires)
(wagon rattling)
J‘AhJ‘
- Please Sheriff, not this!
Anything but this!
No, no!
No!
No!
No. (whimpering)
Please Sheriff, not this!
(upbeat mariachi music)
No, no, no, no!
No, no!
(Lamy crying out)
(ominous music)
(man grunting)
(playful horn music)
(man grunting)
- Where does it hurt?
(speaking in foreign language)
- Here.
(joints crackling) (man groans)
(man crying out)
(man screams)
(man chuckles)
(speaking in foreign language)
—Ah, ah!
Ah. (women chattering)
Ah!
(women laughing)
(horse hooves clomping)
(footsteps echoing)
- [Ghost] You'll never know what I could do
'cause you never give me a chance.
(somber orchestral music)
(knuckles tapping)
(horse whinnies) - What is it?
- What is what?
- [Man] What do you want here?
- [Jessy] I‘m hungry.
(door creaks)
- Come in here.
(door creaks)
Spitunia.
Spitunia!
Spitunia!
Spitunia!
Spitunia!
Spitunia!
Spitunia!
Spitunia!
Spitunia!
Spitunia, how about some grub?
Everybody's famished.
- l have vanilla grits and get the fuck outta here
if you know what's good for ya.
- She has a very nice clit.
- Where am I?
- You‘re very handsome.
- I really should leave.
- No, no, no, don‘t leave.
- No, really I should. - Please sit down.
You crazy boy.
- Do you really think I'm handsome?
- Yes, you are.
Good grub, Spit.
(dogs snarling)
- Thank you very much for the meal.
- [Spitunia] Where are you going?
- I‘m on my way to Jerusalem to be an actor/singer/dancer.
- Take me with you
- I can't.
- What‘s the matter?
Don't ya love me?
- I don't even know you.
(bones cracking)
(Jessy screaming)
(knuckles tapping)
J‘AhJ‘
- What do you want?
-Afternoon, Miss Greaser.
ljust wanna know if there was anything you needed?
I mean, if there's anything I can do for ya
I'd be more than happy to do it.
I mean, I'd do anything for you, Miss Greaser, anything.
Miss Greaser, if you'd be my woman
I'd kill the first man that looked at you.
- Where‘s my father?
- He just rode out of town.
- Then why don't you come in here
and let me suckle on your stinger real...
(Vernon gasping)
- Take the burro, it's yours.
- What about you, sir?
- It's more blessed to give than to receive.
- You're very kind, thank you.
- Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
(woman breathing heavily)
(woman groaning)
(woman breathing heavily)
J‘AhJ‘
- [Man] He has come!
J‘AhJ‘
- Put a rope ‘round the son of a bitch!
- One moment please.
I bring you a message
Exactly six miles north of Skag Mountain
in the Valley of Pain there lives an evil devil monster.
His name is Bingo Gas Station Motel Cheeseburger
With A Side Of Aircraft Noise And You'll Be Gary Indiana
and he loves to hurt people.
The last time I saw Bingo Gas Station
Motel Cheeseburger With A Side Of Aircraft Noise
And You'll Be Gary Indiana he told me what he wants to do.
He wants to come down here
and kill each and every one of you.
But I said to him, "Bingo, wait a minute,"
and the reason I said that
is because I believe in you people.
I believe you can do the job.
I believe you can help each other.
I believe you can make this world a better place to live in.
That's it.
- Never mind this, how you say, Bingo.
Just tell us whether there is a life after death or not.
- Seaweed head, last Tuesday night
I took my favorite Chiquita out on the mesa.
We cozied for six days and six nights
without food and without sleep.
When we finally stopped I said,
"Chiquita from now on I'm callin' you Vagina Lips."
She said, "Vernon, you call me anything you want."
(gun cocks)
(gun fires)
(bell ringing)
- Oh, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Cholera.
Chol, this is the man who walked on the water.
- It‘s show time.
- She's alreet, Daddy.
- (chuckles) That's mighty fine, mighty fine.
I do believe it's show time.
- [Man] Cholera!
(crowd cheers) (crowd applauds)
(upbeat mariachi music)
(crowd whooping) (crowd applauding)
(frenetic fiddle music)
(crowd whooping)
(crowd cheers)
(crowd whooping) (crowd applauding)
(lighthearted mariachi music)
(crowd clapping and stomping rhythmically)
(crowd whooping)
(man shouting)
(crowd cheers)
(fast-paced mariachi music)
(crowd clapping and stomping rhythmically)
(crowd cheers) (crow applauds)
(men chattering)
- [Man] Mr. Greaser, that was it.
- [Seaweed] What?
- Give me a chance up there, baby!
- [Seaweed] What?
- Give me a shot.
- Take it.
(men chattering)
- Monsieur Greaser, (speaking in foreign language).
(men booing) (men chattering)
(men cheer) (men applaud)
(men groaning) - Boo!
(monk shouting in foreign language)
(men booing)
(men chattering) (men clapping)
- [Seaweed] Sit down.
Here.
(jaunty piano music)
J‘ Well I'm a killer-diller daddy with a peg in my pants J‘
J‘And I'm a groove juice Jackson J‘
J‘ Won't you give me a chance J‘
J‘ A solid sender J‘
J‘ So daddy beat me to the bar J‘
J‘ You hear me layin' it down J‘
J‘ Oh baby, Jessy's back in town J‘
J‘ I got the boogie on my fingers J‘
J‘ Boogie woogie elite J‘
J‘ I got the boogie in my toes J‘
J‘ The boogie down to my feet J‘
J‘ They call it murder whenever I begin to jive J‘
J‘ You hear me laying‘ it down J‘
J‘ Oh baby, Jessy's back in town J‘
J‘ I got the boogie on my fingers J‘
J‘ Got the hubba hubba in my soles J‘
J‘ I got the boogie on my fingers J‘
J‘ Got the hubba hubba in my soles J‘
J‘ I got the boogie J‘
J‘ I got the woogie J‘
J‘ I got the hubba hubba hubba hubba J‘
J‘ Hubba hubba hubba hubba, oh J‘
(soft piano music)
J‘ I will be around when you need me J‘
I Come to me J‘
J‘ When a friend is hard to find J‘
J‘ I will be around when you need me J‘
J‘ Come along and leave your teardrops behind J‘
(jaunty piano music) J‘ I got the boogie J‘
J‘ On my fingers J‘
J‘ Got the hubba hubba in my soles J‘
J‘ I got the boogie on my fingers J‘
J‘ Got the hubba hubba in my soles J‘
J‘ You hear me layin' it down J‘
J‘ Oh baby, Jessy's back in town J‘
J‘ You hear me layin' it down J‘
J‘ Oh baby, Jessy's back in town J‘
J‘ You hear me layin' it down J‘
J‘ Oh baby, Jessy's back in town J‘
(monk gasps)
(Jessy crying out)
Help me! (crying out)
No, no!
No, no, no! (crying out)
(Seaweed applauds)
(crowd applauds) (crowd cheers)
- It's the greatest thing I've ever seen.
Let‘s talk.
- You'll have to see my agent.
I'm with the agent Morris.
- I don't care who you're with.
It's the greatest thing I‘ve ever seen.
Let‘s talk.
(crowd cheering)
- In my whole life, that's the worst act I've ever seen.
You ruin career!
How do you do that material with a straight face?
You embarrass me!
- [Jessy] Morris, please.
- Forget it!
You‘re totally out of the question.
There's no way for you.
- Morris, I know I can do it!
- Later.
- I'll be back.
(upbeat mariachi music)
(men chattering)
— C00 C00.
(men chattering) (Lamy crying out)
(men shouting) (Lamy crying out)
(Lamy screams)
(water splashes)
(men chattering) (men laughing)
(ominous drum music)
(gun fires)
(woman whimpering)
Chol, it‘s me.
-A man with holes in his hands
gets a bigger applause than me
and you talk of greatness?
- [Seaweed] Cholera, there are
different kinds of greatnesses.
- Don‘t preach to me, Dad.
(footsteps tapping)
- Mr. Greaser?
- [Seaweed] What?
- I am sorry but I have to have my dog back and, uh...
But Lamy Homo has my dog and he won't give it back.
- Son, give the man back his dog.
- [Man] Thank you very, very much, Lamy.
- Dad, I was swimming in a rainbow
with millions of babies and they was naked
and then all of the sudden I turned into a perfect smile
just like last time.
Dad, I don‘t wanna die anymore.
- [Seaweed] Then behave yourself!
- [Lamy] Dad, can I buy you a whiskey?
- [Seaweed] That's mighty fine, Lamy, mighty fine.
(Seaweed laughing)
Lamy, you're not a Homo, you're a Greaser. (chuckles)
- [Lamy] Thanks, Dad.
(Seaweed chuckles)
(somber mariachi music)
- Come on.
(Seaweed chuckles)
- I love ya, Dad.
(Seaweed chuckles)
I love ya, Dad.
(Seaweed laughs)
I love ya, Dad.
I love ya, Dad.
I love you.
I love ya, Dad.
(mariachi music peters out)
(arrow thuds)
- I took my pants off.
I hope you don't mind.
- I love you.
I love you.
I love you. - Oh Jessy.
- I love you.
I love you. - Oh!
- I love you. - Oh!
- I love you. - Oh, oh.
Jessy, oh! - I adore you.
I love you so much. (Cholera groaning)
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
(Cholera groaning)
- [Cholera] (cries out) Oh, God!
- [Jessy] Oh.
(couple sighing)
(Jessy smacking kisses)
- (sighs) Oh Jessy.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
(couple grunting)
(Jessy cries out)
(Cholera moaning)
- [Jessy] I love you so much.
- Do it.
Do it!
- What? - Do it.
- What? - Now!
Now, now, now! (cries out)
(Jessy groans)
Oh God, now, now, now!
Yes, yes, now! (groans)
- Marry me! - Jessy.
(couple moaning)
(Cholera giggles) (Jessy smacking kisses)
(Cholera groans)
- [Jessy] I love everybody!
— Oh God.
Oh God!
You're unbelievable!
Oh God, oh. (cries out) -Ah, ah!
(wagon clattering)
I love you.
- [Cholera] Oh, don't stop.
Don't stop.
Don't stop.
(Seaweed groaning)
(Seaweed passes gas)
(upbeat mariachi music)
(crowd applauds)
- [Seaweed] Ah.
(men chattering)
(explosion booms)
(boots jangling)
(horse hooves clomping) (boots jangling)
- Thank you.
Where's father?
- [Ghost] Who knows?
- Maybe something is wrong.
(ghost chuckles)
I don‘t wanna leave.
- [Ghost] You're goin'.
- [Jessy] I wish I were you.
- [Ghost] Nobody knows who I am and nobody cares either.
(boots jingling)
(horse hooves clomping)
- It's time.
- [Jessy] Father, I can't do it.
— Why?
- I think I found myself and I really don't trust you.
- You get moving.
Jessy.
(water pattering)
(metal clanging)
(rock thudding) (metal clanging)
(rock thudding)
(somber orchestral music)
(couple grunting) (radio static zapping)
(engine roaring)
(soft fiddle music)
J‘ Beware you men, where'er you go J‘
J‘ The cherry tree must stand J‘
J‘ The glory of your fatherhood J‘
J‘ ls threatened near at hand J‘
J‘ The maiden who is smiling so J‘
J‘ ls wont to all your seed J‘
J‘And never was a maiden born J‘
J‘ To never know your need J‘
J‘ She'll wink her thoughts and let you know J‘
J‘ The lust that's on her mind J‘
J‘And use the Devil's thrust to show you J‘
J‘ What you dream to find J‘
J‘ Save your flower J‘
J‘ For tomorrow you never know what‘s apt to go J‘
J‘ Through a tender maiden‘s head J‘
J‘ 80, save your flower J‘
J‘ For tomorrow J‘
J‘ Many men have felt the ruin J‘
J‘ Of the harlot's bed J‘
J‘As you can see so few like me J‘
J‘ Remain unspoiled and pure J‘
J‘ By virtue's fact I am intact J‘
J‘ Unsoiled by passion's lure J‘
J‘ So when temptation calls to you J‘
J‘ You must remember well J‘
J‘Adultery is the Devil‘s tool J‘
J‘ For bringin' you to hell J‘
J‘ When in the end desire‘s role J‘
I Has led you to its fork J‘
J‘ It won't be hard if you're on guard J‘
J‘And always salt your pork J‘
J‘ Save your flower J‘
J‘ For tomorrow J‘
J‘ You never know what‘s apt to go J‘
J‘ Through a tender maiden‘s head J‘
J‘ So, save your flower J‘
(Lamy screaming)
(speaking in foreign language)
(upbeat mariachi music)
(Lamy screaming)
(men chattering)
(Lamy grunting)
(bar patrons whooping)
(men chattering)
- You better make for the border.
- It wasn't my fault, Dad.
Something burned me.
- Get on your animal, Lamy.
(upbeat fiddle music)
Lamy Homo!
My son. (laughs)
(bar patrons whooping)
(guns firing)
(Lamy cries out)
(bar patrons whooping)
(upbeat mariachi music)
(bar patrons clapping rhythmically)
(wagon rattling)
(body thuds)
- [Man] Next.
- [Tax Payer] Mr. Greaser, I came to pay my taxes, my dues,
and my respects to ya. (coins jingle)
- Next.
- Gracias, Senor Greaser. (coins jingle)
- Next.
- Thank you, mister.
- Next.
Come on, come on.
(coinsjingle)
J‘ Red, amber mountains J‘
J‘ Navajo guns nearby J‘
J‘ A white cloud is floating J‘
J‘ Over this land of enchantment J‘
J‘ Under turquoise skies J‘
J‘ I hear distant drums J‘
J‘ I hear roaring guns J‘
J‘ I hear Indians J‘
J‘ l heara war cry J‘
J‘ Or soldiers in blue J‘
J‘ I hear bugles J‘
J‘ Under turquoise skies J‘
(gun fires) Ho!
(upbeat mariachi music)
(singing in foreign language)
(door creaking)
(singing in foreign language)
(Jessy humming)
- Seaweed head, tomorrow night
I'm gon' get me a horse and ride up
to Four Corners, see Red Snapper.
I know she's waitin' for me 'cause 10 minutes ago
she sent me the finest smoke signal I ever seen.
She said, "Vernon, you are the only man
"who ever made my bell ring.
"All my love, Red Snapper.
"P.S. Ugly old Hiny Ho says hello."
- Take a card, Mr. Greaser.
Alright, put it back anywhere.
This it? - N0.
- This one? - No.
- That one? - No!
- This one? - No.
- That one? - No.
- That it? - No.
- That one? - No!
- This one? - Nah.
- That one? - No.
- This one? - No.
- Is this it? - No.
- That it? - No.
- This one? - No.
- Here it comes! - No.
- This one? - No.
- That one? - No.
- This one? - No.
- Is that it? - No.
- This one? - No.
- That one? - No!
(crickets chirping)
(soft twinkling music)
- If Senor Greaser don't like the way you sing
we'll go back to Juarez, buy a new homestead,
and settle down.
And maybe you'll be happy because at least
you had the chance to sing for Senior Greaser.
(birds chirping)
(woman groans)
(woman breathing heavily)
- You‘re on.
- If you feel, you heal.
- l was swimming with millions of babies in a rainbow
and they was naked, and then all of the sudden
I turned into a perfect smile.
- I‘m sorry I brought you back but I need your help.
- Who are you?
- I‘m sorry I brought you back but I need your help.
I'm on my way to Jerusalem to be an actor/singer.
It is written that the Agent Morris awaits me.
- Let‘s go.
Well, come on!
(donkey braying)
(door creaking)
- [Man] Get up!
He‘s up.
(upbeat mariachi music)
- [Seaweed] Mother, is there anything
I can do for you?
- I wanna go out today.
- You'll go out when | tell you to go out!
- You'll always be my favorite.
(upbeat mariachi music)
(door creaks)
- Seaweed head, last night I called on
that German girl up in Los Alamos.
Round about midnight I put my nose in her cunny
and rubbed it back and forth, back and forth,
and up and down, and back and forth,
and she went to sleep on me.
While she was sleepin' I pulled out my John Thomas
and did the deed and she woke up screamin‘,
"Wernon, it hurts, it hurts!"
And I said, "No it don't, no it don't,"
and she said, "Wernon, Wernon, aah Wernon!"
(man grunting) (fabric thudding)
(Seaweed coughing)
— Coo Coo,
| wish I could put my arms around each and every one of them
and let them know that everything is going to be okay.
- Why don‘t ya, Sea?
- I'm not bizarre enough.
- Who is?
(footsteps thudding)
(doors crash)
- Mr. Greaser, Lamy Homo‘s back in town!
(footsteps crunching)
(donkey hooves clomping)
(footsteps crunching)
(donkey hooves clomping)
- [Man] Who's your friend, Lamy?
- [Man] Where you been, Lamy?
(footsteps crunching)
(donkey braying)
(footsteps crunching)
(donkey braying)
- [Seaweed] I told you to make for the border!
(Lamy spits)
(Lamy screaming)
(knife thudding into flesh) (Lamy gurgling)
- Good mornin‘, Mr. Greaser.
- What‘s your business here, Lady?
- I‘m on my way to Jerusalem to be an actor.
Excuse me.
If you feel, you heal.
(Jessy grunting)
If you feel, you heal.
- Dad, I was swimming in a rainbow
with millions of babies and they was naked
and then all of the sudden I turned into a perfect smile.
- Put a rope round the son of a bitch!
- What's goin‘ down here?
- Do not make us doubt and speculate.
Say to us why you are here.
What is the message to these people?
(soft orchestral music)
(water splashing)
(crowd applauds)
(water splashes)
(lighthearted jazz music)
(fist thuds)
(fists thudding)
(nun mumbles)
(nun whimpering) (fists thudding)
(nun grunts)
(fluttering flute music)
(tribal drum music)
- Go back and look again.
If this man is real bring him to me.
(wagon rattling)
- Messiah.
Messiah.
- Most Holy One, let me see.
- [Old Man] Messiah.
- [Men] Messiah.
- If you feel, you heal. - Messiah.
Messiah.
- Let me see.
(man grunting) - Relief.
- Messiah. - Relief.
Relief. - Let me see.
- Messiah. - Relief.
Relief. - Messiah.
- Let me see. - Relief.
- I can crawl again!
- Most Holy One, let me see.
- [Jessy] If you feel, you heal.
- I can crawl again!
- [Old Man] Relief.
Relief.
Relief.
- I can, I can see! - Relief.
- Messiah. - I can see.
- [Man] I can crawl again.
- If you feel-- - Get your hands off me!
- What's goin‘ down here?
- Relief. - Messiah.
- [Old Man] Relief.
Relief.
- Who am I?
- [Man] I can crawl again.
- This is Blasphemy!
Blasphemy! - I can crawl again!
- Relief. - Messiah.
- Give to us something to live for, anything.
- [Old Man] Messiah.
- We need hope now, Love.
- [Man] I can crawl again!
J‘AhJ‘
J‘AhJ‘
J‘AhJ‘
J‘AhJ‘
J‘AhJ‘
J‘AhJ‘
J‘AhJ‘
J‘AhJ‘
- Is he the one?
- He's got to be the one.
Who else could it be?
- I‘m very disappointed
—So am I.
(horse hooves clomping)
(lightning cracks) (thunder rumbles)
- I can crawl again!
I can crawl again!
I can crawl again!
(Seaweed laughing)
I can crawl again.
(Seaweed laughing)
I can crawl again
(Seaweed laughing)
I can crawl again.
(Seaweed laughing)
I can crawl again.
I can crawl again.
I can crawl again.
J‘AhJ‘
- [Man] I can crawl again.
(Seaweed laughs)
(body thuds) (man grunts)
J‘AhJ‘
- Come on down here you great big, ugly pile of shit!
Come on down here you big pile of shit!
J‘AhJ‘
— Coo Coo.
(birds fluttering)
(gun fires)
(wagon rattling)
J‘AhJ‘
- Please Sheriff, not this!
Anything but this!
No, no!
No!
No!
No. (whimpering)
Please Sheriff, not this!
(upbeat mariachi music)
No, no, no, no!
No, no!
(Lamy crying out)
(ominous music)
(man grunting)
(playful horn music)
(man grunting)
- Where does it hurt?
(speaking in foreign language)
- Here.
(joints crackling) (man groans)
(man crying out)
(man screams)
(man chuckles)
(speaking in foreign language)
—Ah, ah!
Ah. (women chattering)
Ah!
(women laughing)
(horse hooves clomping)
(footsteps echoing)
- [Ghost] You'll never know what I could do
'cause you never give me a chance.
(somber orchestral music)
(knuckles tapping)
(horse whinnies) - What is it?
- What is what?
- [Man] What do you want here?
- [Jessy] I‘m hungry.
(door creaks)
- Come in here.
(door creaks)
Spitunia.
Spitunia!
Spitunia!
Spitunia!
Spitunia!
Spitunia!
Spitunia!
Spitunia!
Spitunia!
Spitunia, how about some grub?
Everybody's famished.
- l have vanilla grits and get the fuck outta here
if you know what's good for ya.
- She has a very nice clit.
- Where am I?
- You‘re very handsome.
- I really should leave.
- No, no, no, don‘t leave.
- No, really I should. - Please sit down.
You crazy boy.
- Do you really think I'm handsome?
- Yes, you are.
Good grub, Spit.
(dogs snarling)
- Thank you very much for the meal.
- [Spitunia] Where are you going?
- I‘m on my way to Jerusalem to be an actor/singer/dancer.
- Take me with you
- I can't.
- What‘s the matter?
Don't ya love me?
- I don't even know you.
(bones cracking)
(Jessy screaming)
(knuckles tapping)
J‘AhJ‘
- What do you want?
-Afternoon, Miss Greaser.
ljust wanna know if there was anything you needed?
I mean, if there's anything I can do for ya
I'd be more than happy to do it.
I mean, I'd do anything for you, Miss Greaser, anything.
Miss Greaser, if you'd be my woman
I'd kill the first man that looked at you.
- Where‘s my father?
- He just rode out of town.
- Then why don't you come in here
and let me suckle on your stinger real...
(Vernon gasping)
- Take the burro, it's yours.
- What about you, sir?
- It's more blessed to give than to receive.
- You're very kind, thank you.
- Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
Who is he, Gip?
(woman breathing heavily)
(woman groaning)
(woman breathing heavily)
J‘AhJ‘
- [Man] He has come!
J‘AhJ‘
- Put a rope ‘round the son of a bitch!
- One moment please.
I bring you a message
Exactly six miles north of Skag Mountain
in the Valley of Pain there lives an evil devil monster.
His name is Bingo Gas Station Motel Cheeseburger
With A Side Of Aircraft Noise And You'll Be Gary Indiana
and he loves to hurt people.
The last time I saw Bingo Gas Station
Motel Cheeseburger With A Side Of Aircraft Noise
And You'll Be Gary Indiana he told me what he wants to do.
He wants to come down here
and kill each and every one of you.
But I said to him, "Bingo, wait a minute,"
and the reason I said that
is because I believe in you people.
I believe you can do the job.
I believe you can help each other.
I believe you can make this world a better place to live in.
That's it.
- Never mind this, how you say, Bingo.
Just tell us whether there is a life after death or not.
- Seaweed head, last Tuesday night
I took my favorite Chiquita out on the mesa.
We cozied for six days and six nights
without food and without sleep.
When we finally stopped I said,
"Chiquita from now on I'm callin' you Vagina Lips."
She said, "Vernon, you call me anything you want."
(gun cocks)
(gun fires)
(bell ringing)
- Oh, I'd like you to meet my daughter, Cholera.
Chol, this is the man who walked on the water.
- It‘s show time.
- She's alreet, Daddy.
- (chuckles) That's mighty fine, mighty fine.
I do believe it's show time.
- [Man] Cholera!
(crowd cheers) (crowd applauds)
(upbeat mariachi music)
(crowd whooping) (crowd applauding)
(frenetic fiddle music)
(crowd whooping)
(crowd cheers)
(crowd whooping) (crowd applauding)
(lighthearted mariachi music)
(crowd clapping and stomping rhythmically)
(crowd whooping)
(man shouting)
(crowd cheers)
(fast-paced mariachi music)
(crowd clapping and stomping rhythmically)
(crowd cheers) (crow applauds)
(men chattering)
- [Man] Mr. Greaser, that was it.
- [Seaweed] What?
- Give me a chance up there, baby!
- [Seaweed] What?
- Give me a shot.
- Take it.
(men chattering)
- Monsieur Greaser, (speaking in foreign language).
(men booing) (men chattering)
(men cheer) (men applaud)
(men groaning) - Boo!
(monk shouting in foreign language)
(men booing)
(men chattering) (men clapping)
- [Seaweed] Sit down.
Here.
(jaunty piano music)
J‘ Well I'm a killer-diller daddy with a peg in my pants J‘
J‘And I'm a groove juice Jackson J‘
J‘ Won't you give me a chance J‘
J‘ A solid sender J‘
J‘ So daddy beat me to the bar J‘
J‘ You hear me layin' it down J‘
J‘ Oh baby, Jessy's back in town J‘
J‘ I got the boogie on my fingers J‘
J‘ Boogie woogie elite J‘
J‘ I got the boogie in my toes J‘
J‘ The boogie down to my feet J‘
J‘ They call it murder whenever I begin to jive J‘
J‘ You hear me laying‘ it down J‘
J‘ Oh baby, Jessy's back in town J‘
J‘ I got the boogie on my fingers J‘
J‘ Got the hubba hubba in my soles J‘
J‘ I got the boogie on my fingers J‘
J‘ Got the hubba hubba in my soles J‘
J‘ I got the boogie J‘
J‘ I got the woogie J‘
J‘ I got the hubba hubba hubba hubba J‘
J‘ Hubba hubba hubba hubba, oh J‘
(soft piano music)
J‘ I will be around when you need me J‘
I Come to me J‘
J‘ When a friend is hard to find J‘
J‘ I will be around when you need me J‘
J‘ Come along and leave your teardrops behind J‘
(jaunty piano music) J‘ I got the boogie J‘
J‘ On my fingers J‘
J‘ Got the hubba hubba in my soles J‘
J‘ I got the boogie on my fingers J‘
J‘ Got the hubba hubba in my soles J‘
J‘ You hear me layin' it down J‘
J‘ Oh baby, Jessy's back in town J‘
J‘ You hear me layin' it down J‘
J‘ Oh baby, Jessy's back in town J‘
J‘ You hear me layin' it down J‘
J‘ Oh baby, Jessy's back in town J‘
(monk gasps)
(Jessy crying out)
Help me! (crying out)
No, no!
No, no, no! (crying out)
(Seaweed applauds)
(crowd applauds) (crowd cheers)
- It's the greatest thing I've ever seen.
Let‘s talk.
- You'll have to see my agent.
I'm with the agent Morris.
- I don't care who you're with.
It's the greatest thing I‘ve ever seen.
Let‘s talk.
(crowd cheering)
- In my whole life, that's the worst act I've ever seen.
You ruin career!
How do you do that material with a straight face?
You embarrass me!
- [Jessy] Morris, please.
- Forget it!
You‘re totally out of the question.
There's no way for you.
- Morris, I know I can do it!
- Later.
- I'll be back.
(upbeat mariachi music)
(men chattering)
— C00 C00.
(men chattering) (Lamy crying out)
(men shouting) (Lamy crying out)
(Lamy screams)
(water splashes)
(men chattering) (men laughing)
(ominous drum music)
(gun fires)
(woman whimpering)
Chol, it‘s me.
-A man with holes in his hands
gets a bigger applause than me
and you talk of greatness?
- [Seaweed] Cholera, there are
different kinds of greatnesses.
- Don‘t preach to me, Dad.
(footsteps tapping)
- Mr. Greaser?
- [Seaweed] What?
- I am sorry but I have to have my dog back and, uh...
But Lamy Homo has my dog and he won't give it back.
- Son, give the man back his dog.
- [Man] Thank you very, very much, Lamy.
- Dad, I was swimming in a rainbow
with millions of babies and they was naked
and then all of the sudden I turned into a perfect smile
just like last time.
Dad, I don‘t wanna die anymore.
- [Seaweed] Then behave yourself!
- [Lamy] Dad, can I buy you a whiskey?
- [Seaweed] That's mighty fine, Lamy, mighty fine.
(Seaweed laughing)
Lamy, you're not a Homo, you're a Greaser. (chuckles)
- [Lamy] Thanks, Dad.
(Seaweed chuckles)
(somber mariachi music)
- Come on.
(Seaweed chuckles)
- I love ya, Dad.
(Seaweed chuckles)
I love ya, Dad.
(Seaweed laughs)
I love ya, Dad.
I love ya, Dad.
I love you.
I love ya, Dad.
(mariachi music peters out)
(arrow thuds)
- I took my pants off.
I hope you don't mind.
- I love you.
I love you.
I love you. - Oh Jessy.
- I love you.
I love you. - Oh!
- I love you. - Oh!
- I love you. - Oh, oh.
Jessy, oh! - I adore you.
I love you so much. (Cholera groaning)
I love you.
I love you.
I love you.
(Cholera groaning)
- [Cholera] (cries out) Oh, God!
- [Jessy] Oh.
(couple sighing)
(Jessy smacking kisses)
- (sighs) Oh Jessy.
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh!
(couple grunting)
(Jessy cries out)
(Cholera moaning)
- [Jessy] I love you so much.
- Do it.
Do it!
- What? - Do it.
- What? - Now!
Now, now, now! (cries out)
(Jessy groans)
Oh God, now, now, now!
Yes, yes, now! (groans)
- Marry me! - Jessy.
(couple moaning)
(Cholera giggles) (Jessy smacking kisses)
(Cholera groans)
- [Jessy] I love everybody!
— Oh God.
Oh God!
You're unbelievable!
Oh God, oh. (cries out) -Ah, ah!
(wagon clattering)
I love you.
- [Cholera] Oh, don't stop.
Don't stop.
Don't stop.
(Seaweed groaning)
(Seaweed passes gas)
(upbeat mariachi music)
(crowd applauds)
- [Seaweed] Ah.
(men chattering)
(explosion booms)
(boots jangling)
(horse hooves clomping) (boots jangling)
- Thank you.
Where's father?
- [Ghost] Who knows?
- Maybe something is wrong.
(ghost chuckles)
I don‘t wanna leave.
- [Ghost] You're goin'.
- [Jessy] I wish I were you.
- [Ghost] Nobody knows who I am and nobody cares either.
(boots jingling)
(horse hooves clomping)
- It's time.
- [Jessy] Father, I can't do it.
— Why?
- I think I found myself and I really don't trust you.
- You get moving.
Jessy.
(water pattering)
(metal clanging)
(rock thudding) (metal clanging)
(rock thudding)
(somber orchestral music)
(couple grunting) (radio static zapping)
(engine roaring)