Grapes (2008) - full transcript

Film about two friends who find out that you do not have to fly to sea to spend fantastic holidays.

GRAPES

Pleased to meet you, John Ogle.

Please, do come in.
Leave your shoes on. That's fine.

I've had two clients here already
but haven't had any comeback yet,

so, first come first served.

Here is the living-room.

The wife's away on a business
trip and it's all down to me.

80 square metres.
All been renovated.

The neighbours are hunky-dory.

With the wife we're in some hurry
but I don't want to rush you.

Come with me, here's the kitchen.



It's better for us to have
respectable tenants here,

which I think applies to you.

Just sleeping over really...
You know the score, loads of work.

But a beautiful view...
Not such good visibility today.

Rent is 20000 monthly
all inclusive.

And what's in there?

Larder...

- Larder?
- To lather in the bathroom.

Renovated only recently,
so it's in fine nick.

But the price remains the same.
30000 to reserve it.

We're in a bit of a hurry,
so first come first served!

- We're game.
- Excellent.

Here is the reservation contract.
Please read it through properly.

Reserve payment when you sign,
as I mentioned on the phone...



- Is there a cat here?
- A cat? No.

- Husband is allergic to cats.
- I see.

I'd appreciate a week to
move out. Then I'll ring you.

Don't you have the keys?

Here are the keys. My pleasure,
and I hope you'll be happy here.

Let's do a runner!

Stop!

Pussy!

Stop! Police!

- Bugger me, how did they find us?
- Not sure, I was real careful.

Get rid of the cat!

Next time we'll swap.

You'll pull the birds
and I'll sell their flats.

Damn it, the money!

Leave them be!

Police! Stop!

Climb back then.

Just tell me how they found us?
They must have followed you!

Followed me?
Crap.

Although I've seen that smaller
one today somewhere already.

I think this is yours. Let's get
a bite to eat, I'm starving.

Hello, we're part of the catering
staff, collecting glasses.

This is grand.

- I told you we'll get some grub.
- Loads of art...

Anyroad,
we should switch it round.

You teach me to sell flats and I'll
teach you how to get round women.

I'm getting tired of them anyhow.

But find yourself a single one
to make it easier for me.

Are you the artist responsible?

I had no idea, you're so young.

I am not the author.

Are you dumb? She was all yours.

Sufficed to mention a few
wise words about the photos.

Let's try again.

Excuse me. A bit of feta?

Feta...

Excuse me, a bit of camembert?

This is Liza.
Just started to learn to ride.

- This is John...
- The author. - Really?

You were taken by my conceptual
vision of the space?

Only the most sensitive
of souls really appreciate it.

Do you wish to buy
one of the photographs?

I'd bet the corner is one
for you - "Lover In the Dark".

- I see. You mean "Ovulation"?
- Sorry?

You see, gents, I'm the curator of
the exhibition. The artist is there.

And over there is the exit...
Nice to have met you.

It was better.

The largest Australian city...

Grand-dad!

Hiya, cousin-baby.

My, my, a guest comes running,
time to hide the family silver.

- Grand-dad, I thought that...
- No way, I was wide awake.

I've just visited Australia.
Hang on, where do I know you from?

- I've seen you somewhere before.
- I've brought you something.

What is it? Tapiz. Argentina.
Prague has spoiled you rotten.

One tries hard to make something
of you and it's all for nought.

- What have you got here?
- What? - What are you planning?

It's... just for me to see
the places I've been to.

- And here?
- Spot to leave the pins.

But hang on, wait...
I needed something from you.

Just I can't remember what.
I've written it here...

Using a pencil...
Except I don't know where.

Sit straight at the dinner-table.
No stooping, elbows by the side.

You mustn't cross your legs and
arms raised above the table-top.

We do not bite the bread
but break it into small pieces,

daintily placing in the mouth...

Just listen to grand-dad.
We'll be back by dinner, all right?

Come back earlier,
there's a storm brewing.

Y'know we have to keep up
with the world, follow new trends.

Snails, for example, have to be
eaten with a two-pronged fork

- whose tips point downwards.
- SOCIAL CATECHISM

Pig-slaughter blood soup for lunch.

I know now what I wanted.
You'll deliver some wine in Prague.

To make sure you're of some use.
Come, we'll look at the cassettes.

- Clare has brought some new ones.
- Who's Clare?

Oh, a deaf old bat.
Come on.

Where have you put your drugs?

- I hope I haven't wasted my time.
- What?

Where have you left your medicines?
You have to take them regularly.

Aren't they somewhere under there?

Where under? There's nothing here.

Right down? At the bottom?

The doctor will check on it
later anyway.

Here they are! You've to put them
where you can see them.

My name is John.
Grand-dad... I'm his grand-son.

I've just arrived
from the big smoke.

There's nothing left!
You must have taken them.

See, I completely forgot.
Here, put it over there!

- You have to start writing it down.
- Get away.

The doctor said I'll kick the
bucket soon, so, there's no point.

- Do you visit often?
- What about you?

I come now and then. Whenever
grand-dad needs something.

I'm from Prague, see.

I heard that you turn up
once-a-year if he's lucky.

When you need something
leave me a message. Ciao.

A really kind lass,

but doesn't take much of a shine
to us Praguers, get it?

Look, she's brought me another
cassette, my luscious berry -

about Argentina by chance.

Sonnie, I'd really like
to take a look over there.

Maybe in the next life.

PARLIAMENT OF
THE CZECH REPUBLIC

- Good morning. - Good morning.
- I'm here to see Mr. Boucek.

Hang on,
the deputy will be along soon.

Good morning, Mr. Ad?mek.
I keep thinking of your grand-dad.

- That Riesling of his! Is that it?
- Yes.

Brilliant that you've
brought it all the way here.

Millie, fax this wee piece
and make sure it's booked, OK?

Always on the go flying off.
What the heck when the State pays.

- Where do you go to?
- It depends.

Right now to Singapore.
For ten days.

Here is the money for the wine.
See you.

But they're all formal meetings.
I hardly take off my suit.

- What is your job?
- I have a wine shop in Prague.

That's super.
Here is my card.

- I'm sorry I'm just out of them.
- Just leave your number then.

Hello? Good morning, sir.

Christ, you're right!
Briefcase... Yes, it's mine.

Of course I'll pick it up.
Thank you. Important things in it.

Bye, bye, sir.

Excuse me. Salami?

- Camembert?
- Good morning, M?cha is my name.

- Good morning. Crow.
- What a small world, isn't it?

- Do you work in parliament?
- I am M.P. Boucek's assistant.

- How come you eat here?
- The sandwiches are great.

I'm always off somewhere. To
Singapore with my boss right now.

Excuse me! Can you do something
with this table? It's wobbly!

Hmm... how much do you pay
for one plane ticket?

200000 for First Class.

But you know I don't get
to enjoy it much.

With all those meetings...
In a suit all day long.

200000? Such a waste
of State resources?

Look here, I work
for a travel agency.

If you want
I'll get one for 100000...

Really? Very interesting.
Where do you fly to?

All over. Africa. Asia.
America. Here is my card.

I'm sorry I'm right out.

- Good afternoon, Mrs. M?lkov?.
- Mr. Hawk, the landlord said

that if you don't pay the rent
he will cut off the electricity.

More like the water, Mrs. M?lkov?.

- What are you doing here?
- You know the water is off?

- How did you get in?
- The window! That lamp is super!

That will work on the ladies.
Romantic...

- I don't recollect inviting you.
- I must get one.

Do you hear me?

Sorry, couldn't stay at home.
Fuzz were waiting.

The cops?

Hawk?

Again a bird's name.
Bloke must be an ornithologist.

THRUSH, SWALLOW,
CROW, PIGEON, HAWK

It's becoming too hot for us.
We have to split.

- Where to?
- Somewhere they can't find us.

But we'll have to get hold of
some cash first. Get packed.

- Pack what? - Get a move on!
- I've nothing to pack here.

Stop!

Jerry, they're off! Stop or...

Sod it...

- What were you up to?
- What d'you think? Splashed myself.

- You want to get some cash here?
- Wait!

The Deputy isn't here yet.

I know but last time
I left my briefcase here.

Thank you.

PARLIAMENT OF
THE CZECH REPUBLIC

REQUEST

Good afternoon,
I am Deputy Boucek's assistant.

Can I use your fax?
We have a problem with our one.

- Hey, where are we off to?
- You'll see!

- But we have no money!
- Don't worry about that.

- That's my grand-dad.
- Grand-dad? You've got a grand-dad?

Hi!

When I went to see my old lady,
or some other lass, get it,

I brought along three bottles.

One for her,
to get the wench relaxed,

and the other two for me
for some Dutch courage.

Grand-dad, this is George.
We work together in Prague.

- We've come for a little holiday.
- Welcome, Georgie. Come on.

Not for me, thanks.
My stomach is too acidic.

Is it possible?
Is that at all possible?

My grandson doesn't drink wine.
Joseph, did you hear that?

All right then... One more
grape-harvest and I'll sell up.

And I'll die, I'm telling you!
Who'll look after it all?

Not you likely. And anyway...

Where is the money for the wine
that I gave you last time?

- You blew it, didn't you?
- Didn't blow it.

- Oh yes, you blew it!
- Didn't blow it. - Blew it!

No giving lip back
to grand-dad! Blew it.

I have a surprise for you.
You know when you said

that in the next life
you fancied visiting Argentina...

You can manage it this week.
I bought you a tour.

For you and for Joseph.
Excursions included.

You've lost your marbles in Prague.
Grape-harvest is in one month.

According to the forecast weather
will be fine for at least a month.

- We'll take care of it meantime.
- You mean, you two?

You've no idea about
grape-harvests. And this slob?

You want to sit and wait? Nothing
going on in the vineyard anyway.

You'll fly off to Argentina
and be back in no time.

You won't have to watch the video.
You'll see it with your own eyes.

And I'll watch over things.
Nothing will happen. I promise.

This must have cost a packet...

And I've never flown
in a plane before.

See then! Neither have I.

Fits like a glove.

You have to represent us.

Like the Kennedy brothers.

Do you remember, John?
You were nearly born in this car.

No, I don't remember.

I wanted something else.
I've written it somewhere...

You're not coming with us?

- I'll rather wait here.
- Yep, I've remembered now!

If anything goes wrong here...

You've run dry?
Praguers wouldn't give a toss.

We have to help each other.
Ain't I right, sonnie?

- Aye, auldjin, you're right.
- Where's ye off to then?

Just came from a wee way back.
I have a vineyard hereabout.

- A vineyard? And I don't ken yous?
- I'm not totally local.

- I commute.
- How you doing Moravian?

- Hi, Clare, what a coincidence.
- Grand-dad safely in the plane?

I ken, you're the Prague John?

He entrusted you with the vineyard?
Fuck me, what a mad old goat.

- I'll manage.
- I'm Jimmy, her dad.

There's one fewer in our clan
than all Chinese put together.

Clare, escort him so
our Praguer doesn't lose his way.

Well, won't let you perish here.

Quite a chance we met up.

It's lovely here.
Vineyards all around...

A chapel or chateau there...
Really nice.

- Drop me off here.
- Here?

- You live here?
- No, it's my boyfriend's B&B.

- CLARE'S GUEST-HOUSE
- Pretty original.

It will come in handy when your
Praguers come for a tasting.

Praguers? What Praguers?

The coach that's coming
to your grand-dad on Friday.

- Nobody told you?
- Must have slipped his mind.

Thanks for the ride.

Yep, he's a beer drinker.
But if she loves him...

Pop in sometime.
We'll have a chat.

What have you concocted,
Mr. Kozderka? Red or white?

No, young unfermented...

I hope he actually uses grapes,
our crazy chemist!

A beaut of a hideaway.
Your brains worked overtime.

I also know where we can go
once we get hold of some cash.

To the seaside, I've mates there.

So many birds on the beach that
you don't have time for a scratch.

- I thought you were tired of them.
- Yeah, but I know the cause of it!

SMOKING MAKES YOU IMPOTENT

- Try these ones then.
- SMOKING CAN KILL

Thanks.

Hello, Johnnie.
You don't remember me, do you?

I am Kozderka, the neighbour.

I've brought you
some young wine to taste.

- My own production.
- Thank you, Mr. Kozderka!

- Vintage wine.
- Vintage?

Grand-dad off on holiday, hey?
That's good.

He told me that he wants
to sell up after the harvest.

- Did he say for how much?
- He didn't say. - Hmm...

And how much would you be
prepared to pay, Mr. Kozderka?

Me? A million at the most.

That's grand!

A million...
That seems rather too little.

You see whether he finds
a better buyer. Cheers.

Don't seal the bottles. The young
wine is still working away. Bye!

Hey, what if we looked after
the sale for grand-dad?

I think he'd be pleased with us.

- Aren't we real estimate experts?
- You mean real estate.

No fear, we'll sell this
wine business for loads more!

So, this is your plan?
You want to sell it?

I'll show you how to sell.

Who is the biggest winemaker
in the district?

You're lucky my mobile
seems to have taken a day off.

Otherwise I have to get up
at three in the morning.

Pinot - a super 'vino', late
harvest, New Mountain vineyard.

Fuck me, whoever hasn't drunk
10000 litres of wine is no vinter.

I drink two litres a day
and I'm in fine fettle.

The cardiac centre in Brno
is writing a study about me.

Liver as new!

- Never drunk such grand 'vino'!
- Pinot!

This is a large winemaking
business, isn't it, Mr. Michalica?

- You can bet your arse on it.
- Don't you want to expand?

John's grand-dad
will be selling up.

Lovely windows to the south.
Nice and cosy.

Yeah well.
Wine needs cold as well.

This is the P?lava grape. Lovely.
It's balanced out sweetly.

Very nice.

A lovely property,
insulation, ventilation, drainage.

Simply wonderful.

I think grand-dad
would give you a discount,

sell it at an interesting price.
Maybe around two million, right?

Maybe uncle Frank would buy
grand-dad's winery.

If you went over to visit him
I'd give you some wine to take.

In property better to be cautious.

We're not going anywhere today.

Pity. They have a folk-dance in the
evening. Our Clare is helping out.

A knees-up?
Well, I suppose we could...

Bit more Sauvignon up your mignon.

You'll jive and sing along
with our luscious berries

so you can fucking well see
what fine culture we have here.

Thanks for the advice
and good day to you.

Drive carefully lads.
Drunk driver - jolly murderer.

You can drive for a change!

Christ, overtake him,
there's nothing coming!

You mean that juggernaut?

Did you see? What a wanker.

We must have reached Moravia.

Sir, come over here.

Can you tell me where this is?

- Where yous from?
- What?

Where's you from?

- What?
- Where from?

You mean where we come from?
No time to chat, we're the police.

- Can you tell us where this is?
- Hmm, the police...

Now then laddie... that ways.

No need for you to come back!

- Stop!
- OK.

- Stop I tell you!
- All right.

- Reverse back there!
- No problem.

It'll catch up.

- Hi, where you off to?
- Nowhere, why?

Just asking.

You want to join us?
Off to Frank's place to a dance.

Sing, drink and be merry.

Know what they say, drunk driver -
jolly murderer. I'll drive.

It's no great shakes but you can
squeeze a bit of juice out of it.

You have to familiarise yourself.
To feel the life under the bonnet.

Then you can fly in it.

Clare, a bit under the weather?
You seem a bit sad.

- Anything up?
- Not really.

- Shall we have a dance later?
- You know how?

I'll learn if need be!

Brake!

The wine's up the spout!

I'll drive instead for a while.

It'll stink inside!
We should clean it out.

Look, at least
the young wine has survived.

Can you smell it?

- Cabernet.
- Shiraz.

Damn it, cops! What should I do?

- Drive on.
- Be sensible. Local ones are nice.

Sure, but I stink as if
I've had a swim in a barrel!

- Good afternoon, sir.
- Good afternoon.

Road check.
Licence and insurance please.

Any consummation of alcohol
before or during your journey?

- No. None.
- None...

Then, sir, please blow
into the tester. Here we go.

Not bad but you
have to blow harder.

Drive on.

Poor buggers.

How well do you know her?

- Just a little bit.
- Had anything with her?

- No, she has a boy-friend.
- Each one fancies a lay.

Look! We have a visitor.

Olle! Olle! Come on, Olle!

- Better not provoke him.
- Don't worry.

Why, the chickenshit
is backing away.

But a ram always backs away
before forging ahead.

Will you give us a push?

- Hello, auntie!
- Hi, Clare!

Welcome! What happened?

The wines didn't survive
the railway crossing.

No matter, the main thing is
that you are all all right.

Joe, will you have
a look at it for them.

We have a folk dance,
so, I hope you'll stay, OK?

- Come on then...
- You're in luck.

I know this make really well.

Motor...

Got you!

Arrived just in time. Frank has
has just finished in the vineyard.

He spends days there.

- Sauvignon.
- Late harvest.

You'll taste blackcurrants,
gooseberries and peaches.

We first examine the aroma,
then colour and lastly the taste.

- This must be a big winery.
- That it is.

It's nice and cool here.
Great for such a wine-cellar.

- Praguers?
- Hmm. - Nice.

What if we went
to have a peep at the vineyard?

Maybe lads would be interested.
What about it, Frank?

Welschriesling.

Traminer.

Sauvignon.

Chardonnay.

P?lava.

Neuburg.

Lemberger.

Blauer Portuguese.

St. Laurent.

It only seems that it is simple.

You have thieves who come
to pick. Hail that destroys it.

Sparrows.

- What use are sparrows?
- Bugger all use.

- Can I have a look, it's...
- For sparrows.

They're here almost constantly.

They form entire
professional sparrow armies,

but you can only shoot at
a flock of a minimum of 1000.

Just recognise it has that many.

How many are in this flock?

A thousand.

Shit, it was loaded.

So, you're staying then.

You're in luck. I know
this make really well.

Do you have anything
else to change into?

No worries, we'll find something.
Won't let you in wearing this!

- It all looks the same.
- Vines everywhere.

- Mister, come here!
- Whyever for, sonnie?

We need to ask you something.

Ask away.

Hang on will you! Let them
come over. Where you going?

Hello. Do you know
by any chance where this is?

Hold it up for me.

Forget it. You're on duty.

You, Martin,
are a green tree...

Old man, when I get married

I'll come here
for my honeymoon. I promise!

We're off for a shoot!

Christ, I'm thirsty.
Will you bring something over?

There's an awful queue.

They did say folk-costumes
have priority at the bar.

You're from the Ad?mek clan?

- How come you don't drink wine?
- I get heartburn.

You have to find a wholesome
lass, sleep with her,

and in a short while
it will be gone.

An exchange of energy.
I know it well. I had it too.

I see. How do I recognise
that she is wholesome?

First thing in the morning she
pours herself a glass of wine.

Can you see her?
She's sexy in that gear.

I wonder how it gets undone?

There'll be a button
or zip of some kind.

It's a lace-up.
Comes off really awkwardly.

- Fancy a dance?
- You'll fill in for me? Great guy.

- Do you fancy a dance?
- Sure thing.

That outfit suits you.

Before we left I had to check
grand-dad's suitcase.

- Do you know what I found?
- What?

Diving goggles!
You get it? At his age...

I can't even remember
ever seeing him swim!

Question is whether he actually
swims as I taught myself.

- Who taught you to swim?
- What?

- Who taught you to swim?
- Dad. Didn't yours do the same?

No. My parents died
when I was little.

I didn't know. Sorry.

In a thunderstorm.
I hardly remember them.

I was really very small.

Why did you stop seeing grand-dad?

Don't know. Vines aren't my thing.

I never fancied it much.

But it may be that I will get
more of a kick out of it now.

Clare! What are you doing here?
You should be inside.

- Just in time, hey?
- Hi.

Come on then. Let's go inside.
You've suffered enough here.

Come on! Let's go!

Let her be.

Why you sticking your nose in?

- You can't force her, right?
- What are you playing at?

I've fixed it for you.

A new radiator, hoses, seals...

Just don't know where this goes.

You see his wife?
She's looking dandy, hey?

I think I love her. What a woman!
What a pair of luscious berries!

- Go easy, she's married.
- But she does have a super hubbie.

I danced with her until dawn. Have
to strike when the metal's hot.

When I get a leg-over I'll sell
them the wine business, you'll see!

What beauty. Look at it.

Those colours. The air. Sublime!

Whyever did we get
stuck in Prague!

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- Grape-picking already?
- Yep, harvest is here...

AD?MEK'S VINICULTURE

- What's up?
- They were picking our grapes.

What?

- This is grand-dad's vineyard!
- Hey?

- Crikey, they cleared both rows!
- What?

- What do you want to do about it?
- I've nothing against thieves

but when it's my property
involved no holds barred.

Wait, you don't know
how to use it.

Take something, we'll see to them!

We have to follow the world.
Be aware of new trends.

Come here. Write a wish
on that wee balloon.

- Grand-dad, I want back home.
- No backchat with grand-dad!

Write a wish,
but make sure I don't see it.

MUM

Bend your knees...
Straighten up...

Legs a bit apart, main thing don't
look where the balloon flies to,

otherwise you won't hit it!

This year will be a sound one.

Leave it alone! I'm armed!

Stop!

Not a step further!

Yous aiming for a rabbit?

Turn right, straight
and down the stairs.

It's a fine whoopee here.

YOUNG WINE

- How much of it?
- Twenty.

Excellent! Great!

They sorted you out proper! Sorry,
I had to see Maggie last night.

Hubbie was seeing off the sparrows,
so, I had to help the family out.

Did you ever get have it
off in a vineyard?

- Bloody hell, marvellous...
- Kozderka.

I know. He steals grapes
from all and sundry.

The earth moved.

That's not a woman but a typhoon,
tornado, nay a hurraycane.

- Hurricane.
- Take a grip. You'll get a rash.

Get up!

Pull yourself together. A full bus
of Praguers is here in a moment.

We have to organise the tasting and
a party later at the guest-house.

Clare and Charlie have
prepared some refreshments.

This will put you on your feet.

- What if it's the kidneys?
- We'll be selective.

If it bowls you over
then it's the kidneys.

If not it's lumbago.

- Good afternoon.
- Good...

Do you see the creep?

Ad?mek? Where-ever can that be?

Don't you fancy my place?
I have some young wine.

We're here! Over here!

I know him. If need be remember
I have a wine-shop in Prague.

Good afternoon, Mr. Ad?mek.
I didn't expect you here.

- Where is grand-dad?
- Off on holiday right now.

So, it's all down to you then?
I'm looking forward to it.

- lf you please.
- Good afternoon.

With wine we analyse the bouquet,
then colour and lastly taste.

Aroma isn't very noticeable.
So we twirl.

It's Welschriesling.

It's opened up a little
and become rounder,

and we sense a flowering meadow,

breeze among dandelions, some
violets and, of course, primroses.

We can see a fine
bronze reflection

I consider that this wine has an
acceptable possibly bashful taste.

Somewhat mysterious.
Almost provocative.

- As if it said: uncover me.
- What is it's ideal temperature?

9 to 11 degrees centigrade.

Now we'll try the Chardonnay.

- Where is he?
- Who? - That bastard!

Frank! Please wait!
It's not worth it!

Nobody in there.
Put down that weapon!

That prissy Prague twit won't
be dossing down with my wife!

Frank, please, let it be!

Come out, you swine!

You hear me, come out!

Hi.

I'll find the scoundrel!
I'll break every bone in his body!

- George!
- Has he gone?

Bugger me, that was close.
Not such a super hubbie after all.

I should do a runner...

The sea is calling. I've arranged
the sale with Maggie,

just grab the money
and come to see me.

- I can't. I won't sell up.
- Do me a favour!

It's all agreed with Maggie.
Take the dosh and come after me.

I won't wait until morning
for that madman to return.

I'll call when I get there.
Then we'll have one big binge!

See you...

YOUNG WINE

Welcome to the Kozderka family.
Can you sense that aroma?

Come, come.
That's honey and lime-blossom.

If you're empty-handed take
a glass and we'll do some tasting.

I'll sell as much as you want.
I'll fill it up into these bottles.

Be careful not to close too firmly.
Young wine is working all the time!

Must make sure it doesn't
get angry on the coach.

- Mr. Kozderka?
- Yes?

It looks as if somebody
was inside the barrels.

Get up! Weather has turned! Have
to finish picking before the rains.

Fuck, stop gaping at God's works,
get stuck in at the vineyard,

so you can save
grand-dad some of it!

You know of anybody
able to help me?

You don't have anybody? That's
like praying after the event.

Hey, what's that there?

Good afternoon, checking documents.
Your licence and insurance please.

Did you drink any alcohol
before or during your journey?

- Gone mad, we're cops like you!
- Like us? Not sure about that.

I'd be grateful if you would
complete an alcohol test for us.

There ain't going to be
any alcohol testing.

- Give me back my ID or else!
- Or else? Are you threatening me?

Leave it out! We're not normal,
we're the police.

- Can't you see? Look!
- Police?

I see. Get out of the vehicle.
Both, if you wouldn't mind.

- Get out! You'll come with us.
- Now then! Give back the ID!

You oaf, come here with it...

Ahh! What's he doing?

Ahh! Bastards!

- Here is your ID, take it!
- Wastrel!

Amateurs!

Damn it, the cuffs are
a bit tight. Are yours tight?

Hi.

Dad said to bring some men
and give you a hand.

Grand-dad is back tomorrow night.

I'd like to make sure
the red young wine is passable.

You think you'll manage it alone?
You might fall asleep.

Fermentation snuffs up the oxygen
and you could suffocate.

But I also have to pick him up
at the airport.

What's this here?

What can it be?

These corks my grand-dad used
to put in before the 90's.

Selection of grapes?

It's the best I've ever drunk.

Won't Charlie be looking for you?

- Fire!
- Crikey!

Hi, Jimmy,
John speaking. Wait, no...

Grand-dad is arriving
so I thought

that you might pick him up
at the airport, right?

I'm taking care of the young wine,
it'll be ready any moment.

I thought you could make it
if you put your foot down.

Fine. Thanks very much.

So, we've finally managed it.

You'll come with us Mr. Hawk,
Rook, Willow, Tittlemarsh.

Thrush!

- Where then is your grand-dad?
- He's on holiday.

- Coming back this evening.
- You'll miss him then.

You'll stay with us awhile.

- How did you get that?
- Probably an allergy.

- Hang on, I'll give you something.
- Thanks.

Gentlemen, have you ever
drunk young red wine?

It exists?

- We haven't and we won't.
- Red young wine is medicine.

It only survives a few hours,
so, if you aren't careful

you'll get to taste it the next
year. I expect him any time now.

But if I accompany you grand-dad
won't get to taste it. He's ill.

Likely that this is his last young
red wine he will ever taste.

He slaved all year
in order to be able to taste it.

Look,

wait with me until the evening.

I won't run, nowhere to go.

Now we've finally caught up
with you? Not a chance.

Well, we could hang on until
the evening, couldn't we?

In any case, only problems
await us back in Prague.

Not because of me it ain't.
I had no desire to fight.

- It was just standard procedure.
- Sure thing! Ahh!

Show me where it hurts. Here?

- I know. That's the gall-bladder.
- Gall-bladder you say?

I have something here for it.

I always let myself be talked
round. I can forget about bonuses.

There are loads of things
you have to take care of here.

Like thieves
getting hold of your grapes.

Sparrows pecking the lot.

Hail threatening
to destroy it all.

Then there are a variety of fungi.

And if it starts to rain and
you don't manage to harvest it

it's saturated by water.

In any case, I think forbidding
alcohol behind the wheel

turns logic upside down,
against motoring principles.

Why, if I am driving I am
going to see somebody, right?

And logically if I am
going to see somebody

then, logically, I want
to have a glass or two with him.

- Like Welschriesling...
- Don't like Welsh things.

You can drink it all the time but
Rulander fills you up with aromas

making sure you can't taste
anything the next day.

I'll have a peep at that red
to see if it's almost ready.

Red young wine is the best
drink that you can imbibe.

That's why it has
such short duration.

Johnnie, if the flame gets
smaller then run away quick

as young wine gobbles up oxygen
and you could suffocate!

Secure the evidence,
call in the Crime Scene Unit,

complete the odour test.

It's stopped! It's gone!
You were right.

That's it.

We have red young wine ready.
What time can it be?

- Grand-dad...
- Johnnie...

Just in time.
Red young wine for you.

What? Already? Is that possible?

These are my friends from Prague.
Jerry and Mitch.

- They came to see me.
- Welcome, lads...

- Good evening.
- You're Jerry? - Mitch.

- So you're Mitch.
- No, I'm Jerry.

Just need to know
what you're about!

Sure! By the way,
where were you grand-dad?

Just down the road, in Argentina.

To see with Joseph
how it's done over there.

Friends, I must tell you

they still have things to learn.
Cheers.

Laddies, young wine is there
to be drunk not sniffed.

Lovely...
Really lovely.

I see my wait has been worth it.

If you please, steak Deseado.
Eat slowly and no wolfing it down.

We do not bite the bread
but break it into small pieces,

daintily placing in the mouth...

Elbows by your sides
and above the table-top.

Legs mustn't be
crossed under the table

and if something drops on
to the floor we leave it be.

I think Charlie will have
to re-name the guest house.

With each dish specific
set of cutlery is provided

and the fork is always pointing
downwards with it's prongs...

Like this...

Excellent. My congratulations.

Thanks.

Yeah...

- This is really a police car?
- Yep.

Well, that's the first time
I'm sitting in the front.

One's for you
to loosen up.

And two for me
for Dutch courage.

Subtitles by LeapinLar