Granny's Funeral (2012) - full transcript

Armand Lebrecq once dreamed of becoming a magician but he has become a pharmacist. He still loves his wife, Hélène, but wouldn't mind leaving her to live with Alix, a strong-minded woman. ...

Are you going to answer?

No. Push harder.

Do you want me to read your message?

- No. Are the daggers in place?
- Yes.

And now, say the magic formula.

Alright then. Miaou, miaou, bediniouniouze.

Is that your magic formula?


And now I should withdraw the front?

Yes, but do it slowly,
for the sake of suspense.

Is it okay?

Not bad. Do you want
to see your message?

No. I can't see anything in here.

What's your password?

A password is like a flute.

- That is?
- It's private.

- So what's your password?
- Popo.

- It's your son.
- Give it to me.

- I'll take it off.
- No, there's no time.

Give me the phone. Underneath.


Hello? Vincent? Yes.

No way!

When did it happen?

Who told you?


My voice?

I'm in a very small room, a waiting room.


Granny what?

Shit! Granny.

- Take it off me!
- I'm trying.

- I'm choking here. Take it off.
- Wait a second.

Ouch, you're hurting me. Easy.


Are you crying?

- Are you crying?
- No.


But... do you understand?

Your grandmother was still alive?

You never told me about her.

I did. My granny. Yes. Granny.

It's so sad.

And my dad? Poor thing. I must tell him.

- What did she die of?
- She must have been sick.

- She was your father's mother?
- Yes. From the Sarthois' side.

You know them.

This woman was very quiet,
but at the same time...

She was quiet, she was nice,

one could forget her very quickly.

Forget... very quickly...

So quickly that you have
all forgotten about her.

Shit! It's Julie!

Her basketball game.

Put it here.



Lift your hand.

Lift your hand.

Well, go wash your hands.

- Come on.
- But she's tidy.

- What about you?
- Well, me...

I'll do this trick at my birthday party.


You look a bit off-colour.
Has she taken her Buex?

She needs to take Strictovasorectol.

Even stronger!
What are you taking, two of you?

- This is what cyclists take, you know?
- But you've turned us into addicts now.

So you must change the direction now.

Vitaflox, Panaflox, Ultraflox.

It's an ascending scale.

Look, it's for my birthday.

Have you reserved for the day?

- It's Wednsday.
- Wednsday, yes.

- You'll send it to all my girlfriends.
- All right.

This is mum, this is me and this is you.

- I see, with three thin hairs.
- Yes.

But you've made mum too small.
And me, I'm not such a great magician.

Of course you are!

I have to go.
I have to deal with funeral parlours.

What are funeral parlours?
Are they shoes?

No, my sweetheart.

Enough already.

Will you take me
to the basketball game?

I don't know, honey. I have no time.

Never again.

Never again, granny.

Granny, you were always...

You weren't always...

You are... you were never...

You will never be... Granny.

Come on, granny!

I mean, Julie!

- Some Nebulo...
- ... proxemissin.

- Hello.
- Hello, Monsieur Lebrecque.

- So, Nebulo...
- Nebuloproxemissin, yes.

And the problem is, it gives me...

- Wind?
- No.

It makes me laugh!

It's very awkward, you see.
It was with my banker to sign...

Here you are. Take it in the morning and
in the evening, and you'll stop laughing.

- Buex?
- What's this story about a small room?

I was at the dentist's.


Olga, serve the customer please.

- Your face is swollen.
- Is it?

We've been searching for 3 hours.
Mum's already called Rovier-Boubet.


Rovier-Boubet. He's mum's friend.
His father was the brother of M. Rocher.

They run a funeral parlour.
They're waiting for your call.

It's impossible! This might piss your
friends off, but I'll call whoever I want.

I'm old enough to deal with it myself.
It's my grandmother, I do what I want.

What about the insurance card?
Have you forgotten about it?

I'll deal with it, thank you.
So then, your insurance card, please.

Video demonstration of a remote-controlled
rolling coffin which moves by itself.

Don't pay 4 bearers any more,
control your coffin by yourself.

Bio in bio.

A bio coffin made of
biodegradable materials.

Don't be a burden for
future generations any more.

Minus 50% for cremation at night-time.

Look at the selection.
And only in three clicks!

Listen, this is grotesque.

Rovier-Boubet can take care of everything.
At least, they are a serious enterprise.

Why did you click on this coffin?

It's a decent coffin. It's simple.

It looks like a bowl.
You can't put her in there!

It has to be burnt.

This is a coffin for cremation.

Click on burial. Here.

Burial! Who told you
she wanted to be buried?

Oh I'm sorry, in my family
we don't ask such questions.

Yeah, but it's not your family.

We're different in this regard.

The important thing is
the will of the deceased.

Hello! If you're calling about
a deceased relative, say "deceased".

If you're calling about a contract for
you own funeral, say "own funeral".

Own funeral.

Stop it! It's appalling! Say "deceased".



Don't hang up.
A consultant will talk to you.

Buenos dias. Hello?

Hello, Monsieur.
We've suffered

a big loss and...

Get to the point!

My grandmother...
Anyway, I need your assistance

with the funeral of my grandmother, who,

since I'm calling you, you might have
guessed, has recently passed away.

Oh-la-la! This is sad.

Please, wait a minute.

This is concerning services
for a dead person?

Hello? What?

No, can't put it off. Le muerta
funebraz de pericola fuerta?

What? I don't understand anything.

Musica funebraz?

It's not in France.

Olga, serve the madam, will you?
Armand, you chose the wrong way.

It's grotesque.

Absolutely grotesque.

Here you are.


It's grotesque.

Are you in mourning?

Yes, I guess so... but that's okay.

She was an old lady.

Everyone forgot about her.

- Who'll go see her?
- Not my dad. Poor thing.

She was also very reserved.

Yes, it's true. We knew nothing.

Why was she in this retirement home then?

You look a bit off-colour.

- Olga is really lazy.
- Have you taken your Buex?

I have to do everything.
We have three huge unpaid debts.

Stop touching my glands! It's irritating.

I know it's not the best moment...

We've already talked about it.
And now we should...

I just want it to be clearer.

But I can't take it, if it's clearer.

The word "break-up" comes to mind...

- I can't get on with him. I hate him.
- If only you knew how much I hate him.


What? It'll refresh you.

- Has your husband called Rovier-Boubet?
- Yes. I mean, no.

So no or yes?

Are you alone?


Tell Armand to settle our little business.

There are two pending monthly instalments.

I know it's not easy,
I know it's not okay, but...

Is Armand in mourning at least?

Yes, very much so.

Good. He can trim
the rosebushes afterwards.

Thanks for the patronizing mother.

As for the rent, she can
stick it up her ass.

She's paying for the funeral.
And stop talking about her like that.

I've been putting up
with her all these years.

She's going over the top with her manias.

She's patronizing and bombastic. She's
always hated me. What do you expect?

Stop it! She might overhear.

I don't give a toss.
I might as well say it in her face.

It's her who was supposed to die.
At times I think it'd be easier for me.

Don't say that.

- I'm sick of being nice all the time.
- Don't be like that.

- Stop it.
- You're generous, you're kind...

- You're the kindness incarnate.
- Enough, Armand.


I just don't know.

What are we going to do?

And what if it stays
as it is for some time?

We need to get used to it,
to do it gradually.

I would much prefer to do it gradually.

But at a certain moment...

We should give it some
time to resolve itself.

You know, I would never leave you.

You're so...

Stay with me.

- Stay with me.
- I am with you.

At the same time with my other aspirations,
you can't pretend I hadn't said anything.

Let's do it gently.


I need time to get
used to it, little by little.

Let's do it.

Let's break up so gently and gradually...

- We'll untie one knot every day.
- We'll untangle it.

And one day we'll suddenly
realize that we're separated.

If it could work like that...

What exactly will we do?

How will we break up?

We won't have breakfasts together any more.

But it's possible.

It takes time and tact and generosity...

- It also takes love.
- I'll never have love for you.

You don't have to tell me about it.

Yes, Olga.

We know.

Can you sort it out by yourself?

What do they do in those universities?

But, after all, is it worth the trouble?

We've talked about it many times already.

- We decided to do it gently.
- But it's even worse like that.

It's you who's...

It's even more cruel like that.

We'll see.

You know what.

It would be easier if you resented me.

But I don't resent you. I'm sorry.

But it's unreasonable. I'm a bastard.

You only say so.

I'll go out with another woman then.
As long as she pays.

Do whatever you want. I couldn't care less.

We've got 12 spectators for tomorrow's
party! Kisses, my magician!

I put aside a Strictovasorectal for you.

I'm thinking about you.

You should get some sleep.

Good night, Vincent.

- Dad.
- My friend?

- No, dad, it's me.
- Oh, I'm sorry. It's me. Nice to meet you.


Dad, I don't know if you understand,
but you should know...

How about a scotch?
And for you? Wine maybe?

No, thank you, dad.

They stole granny's shoes.

Exactly, dad, I wanted
to talk to you about granny.

- Granny, she...
- You weren't introduced?

You look like a fool.

Enough, dad.

Your mother passed away yesterday.
There'll be a funeral. Do you understand?

Funeral? You'd better get down to work.

You take a wet cloth,

wrap it around, and one day it'll be fixed.

- What?
- Cigars.

I fancy a scotch.

Thank you.

- This is..?
- Myrrh.

And a cake.

It's tasty.

M. Lebrecque, I presume? I'm sorry

for having kept you waiting.

Let's talk over there.

We're going to the Navy Blue.

Follow madame to the Hazy Cradle.

Here you go.

Harmony formula.

Oh yes.

Yes, yes.


- Rainbow.
- I see.


- Pause sign.
- Yes, it's good.

- End of the line.
- Everyone gets off.

- Some cookies?
- No, thank you.

- Is it your first deceased?
- Dessert?

- Deceased?
- Oh... yes.

The day would be Wednesday.

Wednesday? No, it's the children's day.


Or it's granny's anniversary. No, sorry...

It's really okay with me.

Wednesday is the only possible
day for us. It's better this way.

It's settled then.

For your mother-in-law,
we've started working

on our new formula Twilight.


It's the idea of the day
which is drawing to a close.

Death is like the setting of the sun.

I see.

A promise of tomorrow
that keeps the hope alive.

This way.

A beautiful shape.

Yul Brynner has one like that.

We've got a great clientele.

Mme Georges Pompidou is buried

in one of these. The model
is called Starkwell.

We were the third in the tender
for the burial of the Great Sufi.

No, the Great Bougnat of Solimin.

- A drink?
- No, thank you.


I've come for my...


I was just looking around.

- Thinking.
- I see.

Excuse me.

I'll leave you for a moment.


What do you want? I'm at work.

I need to share it with you.


This one is impressive.

- Have you seen it inside?
- Check it out.

It might work well for your grandmother.

She wasn't a queen.
Besides, she was very short.

What about a pyramid?

Look here.

A pyramid? It's also possible.


Your mother-in-law told me

that she'll pay the rest.

- Should we go with the Twilight?
- She'll pay?

She's such a generous person
that she didn't even tell you about it.

- I'm sorry. I won't say anything.
- She didn't pay all the sum?

I'm terribly sorry, but she
just said "I'll pay the rest."

What a bitch.

- As for the formula...
- I'll choose whichever I like.

Certainly, but by Wednesday.

Wait, Wednesday?

Excuse me...

Madame is my colleague in my...

She also lost her...


She's in mourning. Let's go.

I need some air.

I can't put it off.
There are holidays later.

I know.

She pays for your grandmother's funeral?

She pays the rest.
I don't owe her anything.

Deal with it by yourself.

What are we doing here?

We're trying to unwind.

My husband...


My gentle husband.

What's going on?

I lost my...

I lost my...

You lost what?

- What did you lose?
- I lost my...

I lost my husband.

No one around you knows my name.

If you died, no one would tell me.
If grieves me.

Come on.

What do you mean
you can't come on Wednesday?

It's your daughter's anniversary.
What? On the invitation card?

Yes, it's Armand.

He assured me.

He behaves appropriate to his position.
He gets up early, puts on perfume.

In mourning.

In mourning, he takes your daughter
to the other side of the city.

Armand, when he says
something, he does it. Bye.


To cause pain to one's daughter
just to make her cry.

Listen, Alix.

He told you that because he
doesn't want to come since I'm here.

You're on his side now?
Aren't you coming on Wednesday?

I didn't say it was definite.
But it's funeral.

- Your grandmother didn't say anything?
- Not that I know of.

Not that I know of?
This is a very important issue.

Very nice of you. Now go away.

Don't talk like that.

I'll talk the way I like!

Now bug off.

Go back to your wife.

Go play with your scooter
like a little boy.

If you at least loved her, but
you're not capable of that either.

You small speck of dust.

Small burnt speck of dust.
You'll end up in a tiny urn.

- You can be so vulgar at times.
- It'll do you good, you sissy.

One should say 'to have breakfast'
instead of 'to eat'.

- I've never said that.
- Yes, you have.

One can't say 'bon appetit', it's vulgar.

How do you like it? Shit, grub, fuck.

Go fuck yourself.

Ok, very well. I've taken it into account.

He's taken it into account.

That's it.


Thank you, it's very nice of you.

We'll celebrate Julie's birthday without u.
It's not so bad. Anyway, I can't change u.

I know that you're trying for us.

You need to be left alone
this week, and maybe longer...

What exactly do you mean?

You don't have to stay here.

- She is better off where she is.
- What?

She's not suffering any more.

- Aren't you from Sioupi family?
- No.

- I'm sorry.
- Excuse me,

do you have ceremonies next week?

- Funerals?
- Yes. On Tuesday.

Talk about it with M Grinda.

- Yvon?
- Yes.

Do we have a hole on Tuesday?


Nice grave.


Inseparable couple.

Buried in a double coffin.

A double one?

- Is there..?
- No, there isn't.

And this one?

There are 12 of them down there.

An orchestra.

You must be kidding.


- Haroun!
- I'm going for a lunch.

I'll join you later.

So it's possible on Tuesday.

Is it a burial? A cremation?
Have you decided?

I don't know yet.

The deceased didn't leave any instructions?

It's my grandmother.
No, not that I know of.

Maybe she left a will.
You should look for it.

We have to hurry to do it on Tuesday.

- What about Wednesday?
- Wednesday...

No, I've got 5 lyophilizations.


- Lyophilizations.
- What is it?

Oh nothing...

Excuse me.

So it's possible next week, right?

Yes. It'd better if I give you my card.

We're right across the street.

Think it over: burial or cremation -

it's an important choice.

Who should we call?

Who should we call?

He wanted to be cremated.

No, he talked about burial.

I shouldn't have brought the profiteroles.

Not that many.



Why are you still here?

Come here.

You've been here all the time?

Don't worry about me. I need to...

Come in. Let's see how we can help you.

- What are those?
- Urns.


They are so small.

It's a new concept: they are
different for each member of the family.

This one is the dad.

It's a thermos.


And this is the mother thermos.

Don't touch this one, it's full.

A Mathematics professor.

Edmond Roleix.
It'll be sent by mail tomorrow.

Haroun, you haven't wrapped this one.

Oh yeah.

Ok, let's recap.

Tomorrow you'll go to your
grandmother's room to look

for her last instructions.

I'll drop you off at the retirement home.

- Ok?
- Ok.

I'll have to discuss it with Haroun.

- Haroun?
- Yes.

- Like Tazieff?

It's his son. It's complicated.
It's pronounced Taziouf, not Tazieff.

Really? Everyone says Tazieff.

No, it's Taziouf.

Whoever takes care of volcanoes nowadays?

Are they all extinguished or what?

They're going to erupt,
there'll be eruptions all the time.

Like with the one in Guadeloupe.

Yes, yes.


La Soufriere.

It's dangerous. I'd never
set foot in Guadeloupe.

It seems like

you can get a hellish shower anytime.

It solves all the problems, doesn't it?

Take Vesuvius.

It befell them out of the blue.
They didn't have time to...

They were cooking,

and all of a sudden...

Have you ever thought

about going to a doctor?

It's called embalming.

The body is restored
so that it can be displayed.

So we've got a joker.
It's seldom ordered.

Why not? Friday and Monday.

What else can I do for you?

Not much.

I don't know if I'm going back to my place.

So then, are you married?


Was it your wife at the cemetery?


She's got character.

Yes. She left me. I don't know what to do.

I say!

Are there any dead?

For the master? Yes.

Ok, I'm off. I put the kangaroo
on the yellow tube.

See you tomorrow.

Hang on.

This is for eBay.

- Is it second hand?
- Yes.

Take this also.

Here you are.

- See you tomorrow.
- Ciao.

eBay is awesome.

It's a whole second-hand market.

- Are there second-hand coffins?
- A few. Mostly for foreign clients.

It's really upmarket.


After all, do you love
the one or the other?

I don't know anymore.

Go back to basics.

That is to say?

That is to say the fundamental questions.


Follow me.

I'll ask you very simple questions.

But you have to answer honestly.

- What is your wife's name?
- Helene.

Do you still make an effort to impress her?

No. For Alix, I sometimes put on...

That means you're in love with her.

No, I was.

One message and you'll be back.

You're happy to make her laugh,
you surprise yourself,

you go to the cinema, art exhibitions,

all of those things...

Listen to me: let's go back to basics.

Your wife, Helene,

can you imagine spending an evening
without knowing where she is?

Yes, it happens...



That a flush at your place
is being repaired by another man.

No, I...

No, I...

Let's go on.
Imagine that your wife is sick,

and that another man
takes her to the hospital.

I'll come too.

- But it's him who's talking to a doctor.
- No way.

Can you accept the idea of another man

being buried beside her?

In a double coffin? Enough.

Sorry, I was at the funeral parlour.

There's a problem with the flush.

It's nothing.

Rovier-Boubet and mum are here.

- Here?
- Yes. Why don't you go talk to them?

Come on.

Do you understand me, Charles?


is calming. It's coming back to earth.

- A cookie?
- Thank you.

The soul returns to its source,

and disperses, maybe
to be reborn elsewhere.

- The toilet..?
- Twilight, the formula?

- No, the toilet.
- Oh, I'm sorry.

There's a problem upstairs.
Go till the end and turn left.

Till the end, turn left.

How often? You live alone?

Push the shelves.

We have you in our system. Good, Olga,

you can continue.

Till the end, turn left.

Hello, Charles.

- Hello, Helene.
- How are you doing?

And Armand,

what is he doing?

He's still in the drugstore with me.

- We are a good team.
- I mean, at the moment, where is he?


He's quite busy at the moment.

He's gone out to buy a pump.

What is it?

It's one of those nameless things.

My Armand is a big child.
Where are the chaise longues?

Should be with the air beds.

Charles, if you only knew...

My daughter met

a M. Gilet,

great job, remarkable family.

Their parents, like me, took part

in Judeo-Christian meetings.

He was very intelligent, moderate...

I'm going to the toilet.

Are you asleep?


What was it?

Nothing. Just a notification from Orange.

Saying what?

Saying that I'm eligible
for 3 free messages.

It's terrible at this hour of the day.

I agree.

Have you answered?

I said thank you.

It's stupid, you just used
one of your free messages.


- It's nice to have your leg.
- It's not my leg, it's my arm.

Oh sorry.

I called Damien.

Do you remember your other son?

Yes. Didn't he hang up this time?

He can't be at the funeral.

Plane tickets are expensive,

plus he looks after Marjolaine's cat.

This cat's got it good.

You too.

It's nice to have a family.


We've come a long way.

Do you realize that?

All the shouting, all the arguments,
all the joy.

And all of it comes from the fact that

one day during the exam
I told you a formula.

I know. I did it to chat with you.

Not true. You didn't even know
that I gave you the wrong one.

- I got you there.
- It's like you're talking about fish.

Oh yeah.

It wasn't easy to get you.

I have a heart between
my legs and it's beating.

I'm scared. Would you like me to come?


You should go to sleep now.

Do you hold anything against me?


- Do you know who I am?
- Yeah.

Do you think I know who you are?


- And you judge me for that?
- No.

Oh yeah?

In fact, I'm just waiting
for my turn to play.


I'm not going to leave you alone.
I've been doing it for too long.

Time goes by, and everything
will be screwed up.

One day you'll put your helmet on
and leave. And I'll be sad and lonely.

You can start by showing me
your philosophy assignment.

- My assignment?
- You thought I didn't know?

When you're not here, I don't
touch anything, but I look.

I look everywhere.

I see the details of your life.

The bottom of your cup of coffee,
badly hidden tobacco,

railway tickets and your philosophy
assignment. Why did you get a 3?

Show it to me.

What is 'will'?

You didn't really make an effort, did you?

It's not that. I just didn't read the book.

Why didn't you think by yourself?

The professor just wanted
that kind of answer.

You have to answer a question, and
you do that by answering other questions.

That's too easy.

No, that's an intellectual approach.

And I'm not afraid to say it.

You have to try to give answers even if
they're awkward. But you're obviously

- not going to answer anything.
- What's that supposed to mean?

It's too easy to take interest in
your grandmother when she's dead.

I'm just busy arranging her funeral.

You avoid your mother-in-law
who pays for everything.

Hang on: she doesn't pay for
everything, she pays the rest.

There's a detail that seems
to escape your attention.

I owe her nothing.

You do it all the time.
You even avoid your family.

You seduct a little girl
with a magic trick.

Where did you get it from?

Why are you hiding it?

You never said you were a magician.

It's not amusing for you anymore.

You're seeing another girl.

A breath of fresh air.

It's easier than taking care of your wife
who works in the drugstore by herself.

In your game, one can have several lives.

It's great.

I'm going away tomorrow.

Where to?

To my granny's retirement home.

I thought you were talking
about a long journey.

I want you to come with me. Two of us
in the countryside! I'll pick you up?

Are you going to spend
the night on the toilet?

What is it?

I was checking Vincent's
philosophy assignment.

What is 'will'?

- What is 'will'?
- Yes.


I want.

If I want,

I take.

And then

I put it back.

I'm making a cake for tomorrow.
Good night, my love.

Good night, love.

My dear Helene, if you need anything,
I'm here for you. Your Charles.

Is it a text message?

Good night, love.

Thank you.


- Mademoiselle.
- Hello.

M Lebrecque, sign these papers
so that we can take the body.


This is Haroun.

- Haroun, like volcanoes?
- Yes, like Taziouf.

You mean Tazieff.


It's going well.


No, I don't have Thana any more.

Give me 15 cans of it, and also

- some Colmatogene 95.
- No, we still have 2 barrels of that.

Take some foam for gibbons.

For a boa, a 3 metre box.

No, not wrapped.
The client doesn't want that.

Take also some boxes for hamsters.

They live 1 or 2 years. It's godsend.

And 90 boxes for hamsters. Bye.

Working with Haroun, one also has
a department for domestic animals.

We can keep afloat due to that.

I made a cake with zucchinis and carrots.


Take out a thermos.

- So a hamster lives 2 years?
- Not more than that.

Even if it exercises like crazy.

And a small fieldmouse lives even less.

In 10 months it drops dead.

And on the contrary,
so-called fragile creatures:

a robin can live as long as 15 years.

Crazy, isn't it?

Birds are strong.

Yes. But it's the same underwater.
A lobster can live up to 45 years.

And a rabbit lives 8 years.

Take the next turn to the right.

Haroun, did they tell you at
what time to be at the morgue?

At 11.

Morgue? I'm not going to the morgue.

- What does it mean?
- Take the thanatos... the thermos.

M Grados... Grada, as I said before,

you're going to the morgue, but
you drop me off at the retirement home.

I understood that the first time.

Third turn to the left.

Have you been there before?

No, my grandmother was very independent.

My father used to go there.

One has to be made of stern stuff
to go to these twilight homes.

There are little old people in wheel chairs

who are being pushed until they trip.

And then they just stay there staring
at the ceiling with their mouths open.

See you later.

Your grandmother will
be there with two gibbons.

Yes, it's not very nice,
but if they bury a rooster,

it doesn't mean they
don't know how to handle...

You should've told me to take Julie.

Have you seen the watchtower?

It's a pigeon house.

Do you hear those screams?
Let's wait a bit.

It's just a donkey.

Since we're already here, let's go.

We'll just take a few things:

a nightgown, a shroud.

The funeral attire. She loved to dress up.

She always expressed herself.

She loved red, and had a lot of it.


Is it working?

Have you come for Berthe?

I'm her grandson.

She'd have loved to see you.

She owes me

155 francs for flowers.

- How much is that in euros?
- 23.50.

23.50? A lot.

Francs work for me.

I'll take it.

My grandchildren will exchange it.

How did it happen?

- It just did.
- How?

She was here, one eye open,
the other one closed.


And that's it.


That's it. She was dead.

She simply arrived
at the end of her life.

At the very end of her life, that's it.

Life doesn't just stop like that:

it had to be cardiac or cerebral.

She told you that she just passed away.

That's not an explanation.

One doesn't just die like that.

This is me.

You're cute.

Eolie de chez Paros.

It's Greek.


Aqua di Cologna.


Do you recognize it? I put it on
when we went to St Cucuta.

- You don't remember.
- I do.

Is that your wife?


It's her.

- And those are my aunts.
- How old are you here?

25. I was finishing
my studies at that time.

I've come to take back the CDs

that Berthe borrowed from me.

It's a hidden drawer.

Where did she get it from?

I don't know. But she held it dear.

Like a small poppy. Oh, Mouloudji...

She kept it for 2 years.

You'll be able to hear it
during the ceremony.

No, that one's not appropriate.

Not at all. It's nice. It's almost my size.

It's not suitable for a dancing party.

How do you know?

All these words. Dancing party.
Why not a prom?

- A prom...
- A bash.

A bash! Do you know what kind
of dresses she used to wear?

Different ones. But she liked green a lot.

And blue.

Do you happen to know

what trouble

befell my grandmother?


Not that I know of.

I mean, what did she die of?

I was told that she
just expired like a bulb.

She kicked the bucket.

And that's it.

We're happy to have with us
M and Mme Lebrecque,

who kindly agreed to have lunch with us.

Have you seen that? It's funny.

Bon appetit.

Thank you.

Berthe would have loved to see you both.

She told me a lot about you.

It's great that you're still together.
Every second couple gets divorced by 50.

- It's terrible.
- She's not my wife.

- What?
- She's not my wife.

Why do you say that?

This wine is good.

You're still as charming.

I'd like to ask you: how did you meet?

She's my dentist.


As soon as I saw
her eyes above the mask,

I just sat there with my mouth open.

Did you notice him at once?

I just noticed that he came to do
the same procedure 5 times in one month.

And one day

she cut my tongue.

- No, I didn't.
- Yes, you did.

I immediately looked at her

and saw that she was crying.

And when my assistant went away,

he kissed me.

My mouth was desensitized.

- And after that you rinsed.
- You told me to do so.

It's a reflex. I'll show you
our first love photo.

Here it is.

Hold it like this.

Can you recognize me?

Yes, you've got crooked teeth.

It's very cute.

- Can you fix it?
- It's fine.

It's nice to sit on the bench.

Isn't it?

I've always thought old people
irritated me, but they don't.

There's nothing but memories.

When one has lived a lot, there's nothing
left to do except watch others...

Look at him.

He's walking barefoot.

And her, she's putting her
small feet in the water.

One can imagine what she feels.

She must be freezing.

Granny would have liked to be buried here.

Or cremated.

It's nice to disperse

ashes in the wind.

It's impossible to put
the pieces back together.

And the person is present
everywhere at once.


- But symbolism is important.
- It's true.

So, symbolically...

- I'd say...
- What?

Mum told me that Rovier-Boubet
is waiting for your call.

What's Grada doing?

- We're going to be late. I'll call Abdel.
- What for?

Because I have to.

I told you already!

How many times do I have to do it?

While you're smooching with everyone
in the world, I look after your daughter.

Yes, it's me who looks after her!

Your husband,

he told me to take Buex,
but it makes me aggressive.

In the choir, I was obnoxious.

You can't look after her for 2 hours?

She just expired.

You know, like a bulb.

That's it.


She died in her sleep? A bulb?

Yes, I understand.

- Would you like a spray?
- Yes.

What? Why do you keep doing it to me?

It's been 15 years, I'm sick of it.

- Abdel, listen to me!
- Have you cancelled Rovier-Boubet?

It's out of the question.

Charles is in charge now.

What Charles?

Charles Rovier-Boubet.

Charles Rovier-Boubet?

Mum mentioned specifically and

many times that she preferred being buried.

But she's not here.

You aren't listening.


Cancel it.

I'm not going to do it.

Cancel Rovier-Boubet.

I'm not going to do it.

Cancel Rovier-Boubet!

I'm not going to do it!


What again?

No, it's a bird.

It's a habit now.

I need some air.

Look, it's a wading bird.

And a very big one.

It's old.

It's a habit.

- What is 'will'?
- It's over.

I can't confess to myself, but I know it.

- Sorry.
- I'm not talking about you.

It's this idiot Abdel.

I don't love him anymore. I don't love
him anymore. I don't love you anymore!

- There you go!
- Did you just understand it?

This breakup just can't end.

He can still hurt me.

He wants to hurt me, and he succeeds.

I know that it's going
to hurt me for a long time.

It makes me old at once.

I've lost so many years.

But I don't want to waste any more time.

Ok, I'm 42...

And he gets all the girls of the world.
It's not fair.

You're still attractive at this age,
but for a woman it's the end.

No, you're still beautiful.

It's not true. Look at your wife:

she raised your kids,
and now it's over for her.

Not true. She's still sexy.

Don't you think she'd like
to change her life?

I even have the evidence: Rovier.

You're right. Forgive me.

It's nice. The quiet,
old people, little birds...

A minute ago, there was a little mouse.

It was so small and cute.

I'm with you, Alix.

Will you be my husband?

What did just happen?

- What did you do?
- Nothing.

Wait, stand up.


Oh no!

- The mouse.
- Is it the same one?

Yes! You crushed it!

- Is it dead?
- Of course it is.

We have to make a grave for it.
We can't just leave it like this.

It's so sad. We'll bury it, ok?

How long do they live?

- 10 years.
- No, that's a llama.

He said 10 months.

Maybe he had a few more months to live.

No one knows.

Maybe he was at death's door.

I'll dig a hole.

No, we'll cremate it.


little mouse.

In those few months that you've lived,

did you know the joy of love?

The love of mice.
You and your little mouse lover.

Your little eyes and mouth of a mouse.

In 10 months...

It smells awful.
I didn't know it'd stink like this.

It's a job for professionals.

M Lebrecque?

It's for you.


Where are you?

Haroun, where are we?

In Pecharton.

We made a detour
to settle one pending matter.

So that one is done.
But now the car's broken.

And my grandmother's body, do you have it?

Yes, she's in good hands.

- We're waiting for them.
- When are you going to be here?

We can't start it.
And we're quite far away.

But you have to.

Hang on, Haroun's trying
to tell me something... two?

No. It's not going to work.

The best thing for you would be
to have a nice time there today.

And we'll finish everything tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow?

Wait, you're telling me that...

Hang on a second...

And there's nothing to be done...

After all, my family is waiting for me.

We're really bored.

Ok. See you tomorrow.

You can stay overnight if you want.

- What?
- I have to call Abdel.

Today we have with us M Lebrecque

- and Mme...
- Who's not his wife.

... who's come with a relative

... in the memory of our dear Berthe,

to whom we'll pay homage tonight.

Homage to Berthe?

You're staying there? Ok.


I can't find Mauduireas suppositories

or Cassinelline pills.

And there's one Strictivasorectal left.

I put that one aside
for a client, I told you.

It's getting hot in here.

Ok then. Have a nice time.


The forget-me-not and the rose

Are the flowers that say something

But to love the poppy

And only the poppy

Is simply stupid

Probably you're right

Yes, but still

If I were to tell you

You would understand

For the first time

In my life

She was sleeping


In summer light

In the middle of a field of wheat

And under the white blouse

Where her heart was beating

The sun gently

Nourished a flower

Like a little poppy, my husband.
Like a little poppy.

Yes, but...

20:45. It's great to go to bed early.

This retirement home is superb. Paradise.

That's why granny didn't get in touch.

Listen: 'Dear M Kiff,

I'm a young girl with the balloon.
The other night in Tours

you threw a balloon in the audience.

The balloon went from one spectator
to another, and ended up in my hands.

I came to the stage to join you.

You gave me a poppy that
slipped out of my hands

and turned around me,
and I couldn't understand

what kind of magic made it move in the air.

I, a young 20-year-old girl, beg you

before you leave to do me a favour

of revealing your secret.

Berthe M.'

She's imagining things.

And another little message.

'Choose me again tonight.

Give me your poppy.'

Poor Berthe.

A card.

A menu.

'My magician, you gave me the poppy.

Whisper your secret in my ear tonight

and take my flower in the morning.'

He didn't waste any time.

'Take me with you.
I'll be on the 14:35 train.

Kisses. Berthe.'

The Rochelle card.

'Dear mum and dad, I've seen the sea.

Don't worry about me. Max is a little busy.

We indulge in oysters and baths.

In the evening, I'm a stranger
who goes to the stage

to disappear in the magic box.

Salty kisses. Your Berthe.'

Here's the ending: 'My poppy,
I can't stop thinking about you

since the tour ended. My wife found

your letters, although they
were hidden in the box.

Send your letters to my real name,
Andre Gallardon, to my brother

who lives Achille Domart St, 21.

He'll send them to me. Your magician
who never forgets about you.'

'Dear mum,

It's raining in Cherbourg.
Andre hurt me again yesterday:

his balloon chose a stupid girl.

I'm sure that during the number

she saw the wire, and he winked at her.

I suffered so much.

I hesitate to come back to Tours,

and I think I'm hopelessly in love.

I don't know what to do.
Write to the address on the card.

Don't tell dad about it. Kisses. Berthe.'

Telegram: 'My poppy.
I had to come back.

My son is sick. Everything's cancelled.
I'll keep in touch. Andre.'

'My Andre, tell me the news.
How's your son? Will you be in Brest?

Should I wait for you there?

Your poppy hangs only by a wire.

And like that of a spider,
the wire is so thin and fragile

but cannot be broken. Berthe.'

'Andre, I'm in Brest. You weren't
announced at Paradis Bleu.

I don't understand. I keep reminding
myself of what you said:

I hope to have an illusion every day.'

She must have suspected.


'My Max Kiff, I understand
that you accepted

the tour around Canada.

But why can't I come?'

'Thank you, Andre.
I received the poppy and

the box with all the letters.

I understand that it's for safety
reasons, but it seems like

you're sending my love
for you back to me.'

'Andre, I'm withering
because of your silence.

I ate oysters with two friends yesterday.

Over the third one, I burst into tears.'



Do you hear the audience?

No, granny, it's the fire.

No, it's waves.

Yes, you're right.

The sea.

The water is cold.

Love me forever, my magician.

My husband.

Make me disappear.

Yes, we're at the morgue,

but unfortunately the body
of Berthe Moreau isn't here.

No. Apparently Obsecool got here before us.

The papers are here. Everything's alright.

All we need is the body.

It's impossible. It's obviously
a misunderstanding.

I'm going to call Helene.
I'll call you back.


I don't know why.

No, he's not here...

He's in the retirement home.

Armand, it's me.

Why aren't you answering?
Call me back. It's urgent.

Call me back.

Stop playing with it, Olga.
It gets on my nerves!

There's a button to lift it
and a button to put it down.

Probably you're right
Yes, but still

If I were to tell you
You would understand

- Have you seen it?
- Yes.

- Did she ever found Max Kiff?
- Never.

- She married 2 months later.
- Grandad.

When was your father born?

In 48.

When did she meet him?

- What?
- Nothing.

- No, nothing.
- Why are you...

It's M Grada, I'd like to tell you
that we're on our way.

Could you do me a favour?


Would you like to fasten
your seatbelt, Armand?

Let's ignore the grotesque
of the situation.

I've come to ask you a question:

do you want a divorce? Yes or no?

Helene knows everything.
We had an argument this morning,

Charles was also present.

Your wife is a fantastic woman.

Poor Charles.

Helene criticized us.

She refuses to talk about your debts to me.

Not a single word against you. Nothing.
Don't know what you did to her,

but she's the best of your allies.

Even when you get divorced,
she'll stand by you.

She wants a divorce?

No. Despite my insisting on that.

She says not all the knots are untangled.

We love each other. That's all.

Yes, that's all.

You'll always be like two children.

I saved you the trouble earlier

- with your taxidermist.
- He's not...

Yes, he is a taxidermist.
You should thank Charles

for having intervened

and helped us out.

Thank you, Charles.

Do you know the last wish
of your grandmother?

Make me disappear.



Very good.

No, Charles. We stick
to the Twilight formula.


It has to be perfect.

You changed.

Thanks for standing by me.

I'm your friend.

You're reliable.

Enough, Armand.

Where are you?

Where do you live?



Everyone will raise their hands.
Otherwise they won't be able to leave.

Wine? Very good.

- Martini?
- Armand.


Monsieur, you're disrupting

the ceremony.

M Lebrecque is going to say a few words

about his beloved grandmother.

M Lebrecque.

If you could approach now.

Helene, Vincent...



Berthe isn't with us anymore.

Granny is dead.

Farewell, granny.


Farewell, secretive.
Farewell, enchanted.

All your life, you hoped
to find your first love,

buried at the bottom of your heart.

We've found, locked in boxes,

letters written by you as a young girl.

In those letters you said
that you hoped to have

a little illusion every day.


Dad, I'm talking about your mum.

My mum? She's not here yet?

What is she doing?

What did she think about
on the last day of her life?

Did she remember about
her last night of love?

Did she know back then
that it was to be her last?

Did she remember about
this force that takes us away?

That Soufriere that bursts?

The sea.

The oysters.

A cake with zucchinis and carrots.

A message alert, a word that slips.

And a meeting.

And a meeting at 9 in the morning
on the wet road.

A meeting,

on the terrace, under the trees.

Or on the bank, in the bar
of the railway station.

She's gone.

Call her at once?

Waiting. The shower of messages.

Letters and then...

Jealousy, cowardice.

Cowardice that one glosses over.

And another meeting, late after the show.

Noisy spectators leaving, removing make-up.

And then everything is forgiven.

I don't remember who said that the secret

for a difficult couple is
to reconile every day.

Every day I felt her hand
seeking mine under the blanket.

She won't lack anything.
I'll never leave her.

I'll take care of her.

We'll grow old together.

Well maybe we'll be cremated

with the interval of 2 months.

Or put in a wooden box.

I'm sorry, I mixed everything up.

I mixed all the colours,

but maybe it's better like this.

If one does things one after another,

there's never enough time.


There is love.

Farewell, Berthe. Farewell, my dear.

Enjoy the eternity.

I'll be going.

You're coming with me.

I'm going to the drugstore.
Olga gave Mauduireac

to M Loingbeuil. He's overexcited.

See you later.


Vincent, you're coming with us.
Excuse us...

- Let's have a drink?
- Goodbye.

See you.

I know. Thank you.

While I was sleeping

While I was dreaming

The needles have turned

It's too late

My childhood is too far behind

It's already tomorrow

Time goes by

There's not much left

While I loved you

While I was dreaming

Love has gone

Excuse me.

Take it, Haroun.

Now excuse me.

I have another service.
I'm leaving you with Haroun.

My grandmother.

We'll cremate her.

While I was sleeping

While I was dreaming

Is there any coffee left in the thermos?

It's an urn, dad. Your mother is inside.


It's too late
My childhood is too far behind

Do you remember the trick?

- Yes.
- Go get ready.

And while we're waiting

for Julie to perform...

The magic box.


- This trick is stupid.
- No, just wait.

I'm going back.

I'm coming back.