Grand Theft Parsons (2003) - full transcript
There are times when it's right and proper to simply bury the dead. This is not one of those times... Gram Parsons was one of the most influential musicians of his time; a bitter, brilliant, genius who knew Elvis, tripped with the Stones and fatally overdosed on morphine and tequila in 1973. And from his dying came a story. A story from deep within folklore; a story of friendship, honour and adventure; a story so extraordinary that if it didn't really happen, no one would believe it. Two men, a hearse, a dead rock star, five gallons of petrol, and a promise. And the most extraordinary chase of modern times.
Good evening
and welcome to tonight‘s show.
We are delighted to have with us here
a very talented musicien and singer.
You know his work with The Flying
Burrito Brothers and The Byrds.
He‘s returned to our shores having
played with the Rolling Stones.
Ladies and gentlemen, Gram Parsons.
Oh, no, no!
No! No!
What?
He‘s dead.
Yeah, he‘s dead!
Hold on. Tell me who‘s dead.
Parsons. God. Gram Parsons.
- We met in a bar...
- Are you sure he‘s dead?
Yeah! He‘s really dead. He just...
Listen, call an ambulance
and then get out of there.
- Where are you?
- Joshua Tree Inn, room 8.
And another life burns out
in the desert.
Gram Parsons, the standard bearer
of the New Country music movement...
..is dead following an overdose.
While many of America‘s young people
are today in mourning...
..their parents will view this
as another example...
..of how today's drug culture
can so easily claim a life.
He was so beautiful...
..and he understood
what my heart was feeling.
I'll never laugh again.
My inner joy has gone.
He sang country music in a way
that it had never been sung before.
It was country rock
although Gram hated that term...
..and I think it's fair to say that
when Gram died he died a star.
We'll leave you
with the man‘s own words.
He wrote a song called In My Hour Of
Darkness, which contains these words.
- And you are?
- I'm his road manager
- Oh, I see. His road manager?
- Yeah.
So you're not his physicien
or a close relative?
No.
Mr Parsons is awaiting a postmortem.
He will be delivered to his family.
I'd speak to them if you want to pick
through his personal effects, sir.
- You listen here...
- No, you listen here.
Mr Parsons is dead and no longer
appears to need a road manager...
..which makes two of us.
Hey!
Hey!
Old buddy, how you been?
- Good morning, Doctor.
- Good morning.
What are you doing?
I'm just taking some stiff
down to Neurology.
- We don't have Neurology.
- Urology.
Hold your horses!
Let me get my paperwork.
- I have the paperwork.
- I need to get my paperwork.
Gram Parsons
was the best friend I ever had...
..and the greatest musicien
I ever saw.
We loved it out here in Joshua
Tree...
..and we made a pact
that whoever died first...
..the other would come out here
and set his spirit free.
Gram gave his word and I gave mine.
God damn. I'm so sorry, baby.
Yeah, out of a job again.
Never would have happened
if you'd been there.
How do you know I wasn't?
If you were there
you wouldn‘t have let him die.
I'm still on staff
he was my responsibility.
So where you been, anyway?
How long this time? Two weeks?
Yeah.
Let‘s start again like you haven‘t
just done six weeks on the road.
Yeah, but I leave a note...
..and there‘s a paycheck involved.
Hey, lady!
Barbara, long time no see.
Don‘t try and schmooze me
Kaufman, you repellent slimeball!
ls that the latest victim?
Meet Barbara.
It's a lot tidier than I remember!
- Who the hell is she?
- Gram's ex-girlfriend.
I thought he was married.
Welcome to the Seventies, sweetheart.
What do you want, Barbara?
I'm here to fulfill Gram's wishes.
That‘s nice. I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Do you know what this is?
No.
It's Gram's will.
To whom it may concern...
..I would like it to be known that is
my wish to leave Barbara Mansfield...
..my assets and belongings...
..in the event of my death.
Signed Gram Parsons.
That absolutely settles it...
..that's the single most impressive
document since the Magna Carta.
Still the jester, Kaufman
and still very unfunny.
It's not a will and you know it.
No, it's better than a will, darling.
It's a signed promise from Gram
to leave me all of his things.
Anyway, it's none of your business.
I'm here for the guitar.
Oh, OK.
Thank you.
There you go.
Ha-ha(!)
Look, I don't have the guitar.
Gretchen, his wife
took it about six months ago.
Fine.
Then I want the masters.
- I'll get 'em myself, thank you.
- Hey!
Maybe you want to check
the cookie jar too?
Why did you let her in?
It's all part of
the grieving process.
Do me a faveur, sweetheart.
Will you go grab the guitar?
- Where are you going?
- I have to make a call.
Afternoon! Joshua Tree Obsequies.
- Officer what?
- It's Latin, it means burial.
Gram Parsons was shipped in to you
yesterday. Is he still with you?
Yes, he was here.
It was a real thrill for us here.
We‘re such a small facility.
We nearly had Jayne Mansfield back
in '67 when she passed through...
..but she was diverted to Frisco.
We'd done him up real nice, too...
..but he‘s been moved on.
- Where to?
- New Orleans...
..although he just left so he‘s still
on the road to Los Angeles Airport.
Hello? Hello?
Phil?
Phil?
What you doing?
These things aren't that big.
OK. ls that a problem?
Not really.
So what are you up to?
It's best you don't know.
All right. Keys.
I don't know what this craziness is
but I'm not getting involved.
That's the point.
- I'm not bailing you out this time.
- Right.
- I'm leaving.
- Again?
This time I'm not coming back.
I simply can't give you any money
based on this piece of paper.
Well, this isn't a piece of paper.
This is a promise from Gram...
..to give me all of his money.
Miss Mansfield, Mr Parsons
is a valued customer of ours.
Was.
Was.
We can't just hand his money to
someone who says they're in his will.
We have rules.
You don't seem to understand.
These are his wishes.
Miss Mansfield, I truly understand.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Then, will you please just tell me
how I'm supposed to get my money?
I imagine you first need to prove
that Mr Parsons is actually dead...
..as we have no record here.
Are you saying that I'm lying?
No, no, absolutely not!
But getting a copy of his death
certificate would be the first step.
Thank you.
Hey, man.
I'm looking for Larry Oster-Berg.
You Oster-Berg?
Welcome to my home.
Nice place.
What the hell is that noise?
Manomanjari on the sitar
by Nikhil Banerjee.
OK.
There‘s no smoking in here
I'm afraid.
Right.
Who are you, please?
I'm Phil Kaufman.
And how may I help you, Phil Kaufman?
I'd like to hire your car.
Why?
Well, I'm picking someone up
at the airport.
Don‘t you know anyone with a car?
Yes, but I'm told
yours is more suitable.
Hm. Why is mine more suitable?
It's a hearse.
Yeah.
How is a hearse...
..gonna be more suitable for
picking someone up at the airport?
- It's a joke.
- A joke?
Yeah, a prank, surprise.
Well, OK.
Is it $200 worth of surprise?
No, no, it's more of a 3550 surprise.
I can lend you a bicycle.
- Besides, the car is booked.
- Booked how?
I use it to carry equipment
for a band.
Look, here's $200 to unbook it.
Let 'em carry their own trombones.
You don't gotta count it
you can trust me.
I see, never met you in my life, you
shout at me through my window...
..you wanna hire my hearse as a joke
and you're $20 short.
Why should I trust you?
The last 3520 is for gas
and I haven't seen the car yet.
It's a hearse.
What else do you need to know?
Meet Bernice.
Bernice is a Cadillac
Superior Royale Tiara...
..limousine funeral coach.
Got a 429 V8 engine...
..offering 340bhp 4 600
revolutions per minute.
You're looking at a 21-foot beauty...
..with a 1 SES-inch wheelbase
containing a four-barrel
Rochester Quadrajet carburatore...
..with turbo-hydromatic transmission.
Bernice weighs over 6
000 pounds.
It's yellow.
Yeah, it's yellow.
Bernice comes in yellow.
It's supposed to be black.
- But they're all black.
- That might be my point.
How is a yellow hearse with flowers
gonna be less of a surprise...
..than a black hearse?
Because I paid you $200
for a black hearse.
No, you paid me $180 for a hearse
and a hearse is what you get.
Look at Bernice and you'll see she's
one of a kind. She's big, she's fast.
She's beautiful, comfortable...
..but she's not black.
All right, give me the keys.
- Why?
- Cos I gotta ago.
Oh, no
she doesn't go anywhere without me.
Oh, shit.
What‘s the matter?
Nothing.
Well, what flight are they on?
We'll wait here.
What time‘s your flight gonna...
Soon.
OK. How soon?
Why d'you ask so many damn questions?
I don't know.
Shouldn't we be at arrivals?
Would you Shut up asking me stuff?
OK.
OK, OK, OK.
So how long are we gonna wait?
Morning.
What do you mean, morning?
We'll make the pickup in the morning.
Hey!
You wait till morning.
I'm going home!
I'm only back because
I don't trust you with Bernice.
You... I don't even know you.
If you think I'm just gonna walk away
and leave you with the car...
..you got another thought...
..on the way.
Parsons.
You've just arrived from New Orleans
Mr Parsons?
Yes.
And you're flying directly back
to New Orleans, on the same plane?
That's correct.
I hope you enjoyed your stay
at Los Angeles Airport, Mr Parsons.
Thank you.
I'm here to pick up my son's body.
He died out here, you see
and I'm here to take him home.
I'm hoping
that‘s enough information for you.
I'm so sorry. You will get every
assistance you need on your journey.
Most kind.
- Can I help you?
- Yeah, I'm here to pick up a coffin.
- Um, name?
- Mine or the stiff's?
The deceased.
Parsons.
- What was his name again?
- Parsons.
P-A-R...
..S-O-N-S
Parsons.
- Yes.
- And he‘s a...
..musician.
Was. He was a musicien.
Papers?
Oh, yeah, they'll be right along.
This being a rush job
they said you'd understand.
Oh, yeah, well...
..you better tell 'em
that we got rules.
This would be the exception
that proves that particular rule.
Well, I'm afraid we can't issue
a certificate...
..until we have official notification
of death.
Well, he‘s dead.
At this current time...
..the Greater Los Angeles Registrar
of Births, Marriages and Deaths...
..does not regard the local newspaper
as an official recorder of record.
And here's your deceased.
Much obliged.
Good luck with her.
Yeah, that‘s a she.
And yours is supposed to be male?
Yeah.
Um...
- Gone.
- Gone? What do you mean, gone?
Must've got the wrong box.
The box is being loaded.
How do I get it back?
Hmm.
You're a damn thief!
Well, that‘s very hurtful.
Gram.
Barney, are you receiving?
What the hell…?
Excuse me.
- Why?
- I gotta get off the plane.
I just got settled in!
Oh, shit.
Excuse me! That your hearse?
Hearse?
Are you OK, boy?
OK? Sure, sure.
What you doing here, boy?
Huh?
Shit.
- Can we speed things up a little?
- What‘s your hurry?
I just want to get up to Joshua Tree
while it's still light.
Joshua Tree? You said New Orleans.
- What?
- You were driving it to New Orleans.
But just now you said you were
heading out to Joshua Tree.
Joshua Tree, yeah.
It's Joshua Tree City, Louisiana.
Never heard of that.
It's small. It's just another local
community struggling to get by.
I don't like the look of you.
Wherever there‘s a hippy
there‘s a crime...
..even if that crime hasn't happened
yet. That's what I always say.
And here we are.
You should've told me
it was a Berkeley.
Hey!
I need you to sign before you go.
And three more.
So what you doing here?
We're meeting someone off a flight.
- Meeting someone off of a flight?
- Yes.
- In a hearse?
- Yes, it's a surprise.
Which part's the surprise, the fact
you're in a bright yellow hearse?
The fact that you look
like something out of a horror film?
Or the fact that you're a half a mile
away from the terminal...
..and they're gonna have to walk
across two runways to reach you?
The first part.
OK, would you go ahead
and tell me what the hell‘s going on?
I don't care if it is first thing
in the morning! I need a drink!
Never signed so many bits of paper!
To hell with Vietnam! Paperwork
is slowing this great country down!
Morning, officer.
Morning.
I was just saying how people with
work to do like yourself, officer...
..are engulfed by paper.
Grab the end, will you?
- Doesn't that just drive you crazy?
- Yeah, I guess it does.
One casket
six sheets of paper to sign. Six!
- Does that sound right to you?
- No, it sure don't.
Whew! Last thing I want to do is
hold you up further with my chatter.
You have a good day now, officer.
Thanks for your help.
Come on, let's go, let's go.
Whoa, just a moment, boys.
My sidekick just told me about you
picking someone up from the terminal.
A surprise, he said.
And here you are
loading a coffin into your vehicle.
You see, the gentleman
we're meeting at the airport...
..doesn't yet know
about the said passing of his aunt.
And you're gonna meet him
off of his flight with her coffin?
Yeah, we're doing it this way
for the avoidance of all doubt.
That's a real nice touch.
The, uh, ignition‘s
a bit temperamental.
Right.
- You have to use a screwdriver.
- I see that.
You have a good day, now, officer.
We did it. We did it!
- What was all that babbling about?
- I didn't babble.
Goddamn hippies.
- You hit the wall.
- I clipped it, I clipped the wall.
The gap's 50 yards wide, you aim
for the gap. And you missed the gap!
I was distracted.
We are supposed to be picking someone
up and you arrive with a coffin.
I just woke up.
You on drugs, boy?
Helle, officer! Yes, they make these
hearses wider than they need to.
Shut up! You on drugs, boy?
Not at this time.
You just missed a gap of 50 yards and
hit a wall in daylight! Why was that?
Well...
Well?
Wait.
Fantastic, well done.
Oh! Yeah, now it's all my fault.
You hit the wall!
Of course it's your fault!
Jesus!
Here it comes.
- Well?
- Well, what?
What are we doing now?
He said to wait.
Nice going, Nippy, went straight
through the gap that time.
Jesus! What now?
- Get out.
- What are you talking about?
Come on, we gotta keep moving!
Get out, take your friend with you.
I can see you're a bit sensitive
about this whole casket thing...
Get out!
Stop saying that! I can't get out.
- Why not?
- I...
Look, man, it ain't right to throw me
out into the street with a coffin.
Thank God.
- What the hell you doing?
- I'm driving back to the mortuary.
- You can't do that.
- I'm driving back to the mortuary.
Stop! God damn it, come on, man!
I can explain.
- Parsons?
- Parsons.
Was he in a Berkeley?
What‘s a Berkeley?
A luxury casket of solid mahogany
finished with a split-hinged lid...
..eight brass-plated casket handles
and an engraved inscription plate.
Empty?
Absolutely, completely, totally.
It seems awfully heavy
for an empty coffin.
They're made of the finest poplar
and that‘s very heavy wood.
Poplar?
No way.
Mahogany or oak...
..but not poplar.
I'm not gonna argue! Poplar's
very well suited to making a coffin.
OK. 80 why is there an empty coffin
in the back of my car?
I'm selling them on to a company
in Palm Springs.
Lots of stiffs, lots of money.
Of course, they're very
environmentally sound. You know?
And perhaps
under these circumstances...
..you and I should renegotiate
the financial agreement between us.
- You just gave the body away?
- Well, it's not like it's a bank.
People around here don't generally
take bodies they're not entitled to.
- Why did you give it to him?
- Because he signed for it.
Who signed for it?
- John Nobody.
- John Nobody?
And where do I find this John Nobody?
There.
Hey, wait! Wait!
So Bobby transfers them over into
hardboard boxes prior to cremation.
I drive the caskets over to a guy
in Palm Springs, who resells them.
As new?
I'm not sure the "one careful owner"
thing works with coffins.
The whole thing
is completely immoral.
Well, I saw how upset you were
when I mentioned money.
Just think of it as recycling.
Look, I need to get home.
- Why?
- I just do.
Well, while I acknowledge
the power of your argument...
..we have some place we need to be.
Just sit back and enjoy the ride.
What do you mean, the body was
stolen? Who the hell steals a body?
Kaufman.
Hey!
- Where‘s that son of a bitch?
- The son of a bitch isn't here.
He‘s stolen Gram.
Stolen Gram?
Mm-hmm, yeah.
They had some sort of weird pact.
I think he‘s taken Gram
out to the desert.
- Why?
- I don't know.
Some voodoo thing with hot wax
and dolls to stick pins in.
That's ridiculous.
That's a wise move, if you ask me.
I didn't ask you.
So where are the oops?
I called 'em.
Supposed to be a funeral in
New Orleans. I gotta find my son.
New Orleans?
The man said he was driving
the casket to Joshua Tree, Louisiana.
Joshua Tree?
I still don't fully understand
what you do.
I do everything.
Everything?
This old number‘s for drinking money.
By trade I'm a road manager.
Oh, one of those. Hal-ha!
Like a well-paid gofer?
No, not like a well-paid gofer!
I'm in charge of movement
maintenance and management.
I'm a patron and a partner
I'm a confidente and companion...
..ally, agent and ambassador.
I'm like an executive nanny
not a gofer.
Oh, executive nanny, not a gofer.
Thanks for clearing that up.
He‘s a brainless
interfering asshole!
I don't know what you want, but...
That‘s him, isn't it?
Oh, fine.
Phil?
Hey, baby, it's the love machine!
God, what a horrible thought.
You are gonna rot in jail.
When I get you, you are gonna...
Phil! Phil!
Hello?
Sorry, Barbs, gotta go.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Kaufman! Kaufman!
- What was that about?
- Sunstroke.
You've hardly left the car.
How can you have sunstroke?
I'm susceptible.
Oh, you're a winner.
You are a winner!
You wanna see what he is all about?
What that asshole is capable of?
Huh?
Are you coming?
Pull off here.
This isn't the way to Palm Springs.
- It is for a coffin smuggler.
- I give up.
- What now?
- Gas now.
Oh...
- You're an undertaker?
- Sure am.
Ain‘t you supposed to be in black?
No, we're special rock'n'roll
undertakers, musical morticians.
Can you slam some high-test in there
for me?
This car runs on regular.
- Who said it's for the car?
- Ain‘t for the car?
Come on, hippy, let's roll!
- Sunstroke, huh?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Afternoon.
Hello.
I was wondering...
..did you happen to see a hearse pass
by here in the last couple of hours?
What‘s it look like?
It's a big car
couple of guys inside.
Did one of them guys
get sick over there?
I don't know, maybe.
Yeah, I seen it.
80 the Yin represents negative...
..the dark side...
..and the Yang represents
positive, good.
If you like, the first is earth
the second heaven.
The YinlYang symbol is really
evocative about the whole concept.
As you travel around the circle
white or black will increase...
Let me give you an example.
So, what seem to be there...
In order to truly know good...
..you must first know people.
Without good as a comparison...
..allowing Yin to flourish...
..you welcome Yang.
If I let go of the Yang...
..you are waiting...
Motherfucker!
It'd be nice to get through a couple
of hours without crashing the car.
I was distracted.
Of course you were.
I don't believe it.
Middle of nowhere!
Quick, get out of the car.
- Now pretend to have a conversation.
- OK. What about?
I don't know.
Ever since I met you, you talked.
Religion, your supersonic car
the dark side.
Now you gotta and
you can't think of anything to say?
Whatever your damn fool religion is
it worked.
It's more of a philosophy
than a religion.
I mean, religion is more...
Shut up.
Afternoon, gentlemen.
Afternoon, officer. How‘s it going?
It's going just fine, thank you.
How are things with you?
Good. We just stopped to take a look
at this fine view you guys got.
Uh-huh. It is mighty nice
around these parts...
..if you like the desert.
How are things with you today, sir?
Uh, well, I'm really well, actually.
Thanks.
The reason I ask is you seem to have
run into one of our road signs.
I'm surprised you didn't notice...
..as it does appear to be impeding.
your forward progress
That's a funny line.
Thank you.
I was wondering if you gentlemen
could give me a hand.
Sure, anything.
I'm looking for some fellas
that stole a body at the airport.
- Stole a body?
- Uh-huh, a body.
Rather like the one
in the back of your vehicle there.
- That's an empty coffin, officer.
- Uh-huh.
I know it sounds strange
but there were two of them.
They loaded the body in the back of a
yellow hearse painted with flowers...
..and they're supposed
to be headed out this way.
Hearse. Flowers.
He‘s on to us, Larry. He‘s just
having a little fun at our expense.
Uh-huh. In the car.
I'll take the keys.
God damn!
He said body.
He said we stole a body.
- He meant a coffin.
- He didn't say coffin, he said body.
Apprehended suspects
in stolen hearse with body.
Tell me we
have not stolen a real person.
The place I get the coffins from
probably hasn't filed a report yet.
It'll be sorted out within the hour.
Trust me.
00h! I'm overflowing
with trust for you, man.
I feel this overwhelming feeling
of trust every time I look at you.
Damn!
What are we gonna do?
- Time.
- What?
We're gonna go to court...
..we're gonna go to jail and that‘s
what we're gonna de for a while.
What if I slip out of these cuffs?
Great, then we could suspend you
from a bridge in a straitjacket...
..and light the rope on fire.
No, really
I can slip out of these cuffs.
Show me.
I think we should go.
We'll go, now that the sign no longer
appears to be impeding our progress.
Hey, stop that car! You hit my bike!
- What the hell you doing?
- The steering lock is on!
- Turn it off!
- I can't. He‘s got the key.
So we've escaped
but we can only drive in a circle.
- Yes.
- You're going to jail!
What? Wait!
Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Are you crazy?
That's it! They're gonna lock me up
and throw away the key.
Why would they do that?
I drove into a cop's bike, that‘s
destruction of police property.
- You worry too much.
- Not till I met you.
- What are we doing?
- What do you mean?
What are we doing here?
What are we chasing?
I don't know about you, honey
but I need Gram.
Well, you've gotta come to terms
with the fact that he‘s dead.
I know he‘s dead, honey, OK?
It's just that his body
hasn't officially been identified...
..there's no certificate of death.
This is all about money, isn't it?
lsn't everything?
Look, I was an orphan at 1 4
a waitress at 1 5.
I do things the way I do them
because it puts food on the table.
Now, I just want what's mine
and then I'll be gone.
Gone real fast.
Why do you deserve anything?
Without my support
he would have never made it.
Then Phil Kaufman came along.
Phil's not responsible for you and
Gram. You lost him all on your own.
What do you know?
When it came to Gram
Phil only ever did the right thing.
Phil Kaufman has never done anything
because it was the right thing to do.
I'll bet the ranch that wherever he
is right now he‘s having some fun…
..because that‘s what he does
and that is all that he does.
Jesus. What the hell is that?
It's a dinosaur.
That's very perceptive.
What‘s it doing?
Polyonax Place. Polyonax
is probably some kind of dinosaur.
Dinoburgers, reptile steaks
..primeval soup. Eurgh.
Titanosaurian portions
prehistoric prices...
..liquor served.
- Pull over, let's eat.
- Let‘s not.
The cop is right on our trail.
We need to get on to Palm Springs
and do this thing and I can go home.
And you can do whatever it is you do.
Let‘s do that.
We need to stop, I'm getting hungry
and I ain't very nice hungry.
I vote we keep going.
What gave you the impression
this was a democracy?
Pull over!
Do you have any idea
what it's like to love someone?
AW!
Sweetie, that‘s very touching that
you're in love with Phil Kaufman...
..but unfortunately so is he.
I'm sure
you're just handy to have around.
OK, you vindictive bitch...
..I am going with you to Joshua Tree
cos I want to know what is going on.
But don't you tell me
how to feel about anybody...
..or I'll smash that pretty little
face of yours off the road. Got it?
Do you kiss your mama
with that mouth?
- You frighten him.
- I do not.
Everyone else he announces the food
Diplodocus this, Allosaurus that.
With us he slaps it down.
Something to do with
that rabbit food you're eating.
Look, I'm a vegetarian.
I have a problem with the dead flesh.
I get it.
This stuff'll mess you up every time.
- Howdy.
- Yeah?
Been
Would you put a Slug of...
bourbon in there, please?
Sure.
- Bad day?
- Yeah.
Real bad day.
What happened?
My boy died out here the other day
and a couple of...
..punks stole his body.
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
That's worth a shot on the house.
Obliged.
- We gotta go.
- I haven't finished my drink.
Why would someone steel a body?
All gone.
Maybe the were souvenir hunters.
He was sort of famous.
Thanks, guys. Who is he?
Gram Parsons.
Gram Parsons?
Gram Parsons?
Gram Parsons? Is Gram Parsons dead?
We'd better get going.
He said someone took
Gram Parson's body, two people.
I didn't think he'd ever Shut up.
We gotta keep to our schedule.
What schedule? There is no schedule.
We gotta get our package
to Palm Springs, remember?
Package?
We've stolen that man's son!
Stolen his son? That's outrageous!
I'm appalled that you could
even think we would do such a thing.
I don't know what you take me for.
I want to see in that box.
We gotta go!
It's heavy.
Of course it's heavy. Wood is heavy.
Yeah, I remember, finest poplar.
Oh, Jesus! Jesus! Jesus, Jesus!
Yeah, they gave us a full one. Look
we'll sort this out in Palm Springs.
Oh, my God!
You stole Gram Parsons?
Technically we stole Gram Parsons.
I stole a coffin. I didn't know
there was a body in it.
I'd save that line for court.
- What are you doing?
- I don't know!
What am I doing? What am I doing?
Why am I here? Why am I with you?
- What is going on?
- Calm down!
It was bad when I ran over that cop's
bike! Now I'm a body snatcher!
- If you can wrap it up we could go!
- Go? You go.
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna go inside.
I'm gonna give that man his son back.
I'm gonna do the right thing!
I'm going to follow my conscience.
- I'm going.
- Shit!
Oh, Jesus.
Come on, hippy. Hippy, come on!
Hip... Hippy, come on.
Shit.
Come on.
Sorry about that, hippy
but there‘s something I gotta do.
Welcome back, hippy.
Why did you do it?
- Do what?
- Have a guess.
I gave my word.
This is what Gram wanted.
Cruising around the desert
until he started to smell?
Well?
I make a promise, I keep it.
You made me do it, you jerk.
I've never hit anyone in my life…
..but you pushed and you pushed
..and you gave me no choice.
Come on, Bernice
not your lights, not now.
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit!
Yeah?
I'm one of the guys
that took your son.
Where is he?
May I come in?
Phil!
Phil!
What happened to your head?
The hippy hit it.
I thought you had gone.
- Hold that thought.
- What the hell does that mean?
I need to know
what the hell is going on here.
I told you!
He‘s gonna set fire to my Gram
in some freaky ceremony...
..with black magic and dolls!
Dolls?
I want my man back.
Enough of this shit.
Where are the keys?
Oh, shit.
Whatever happened to peace
love and understanding, hippy?
- You're Kaufman?
- Yeah.
Well, hello, Stanley.
You remember me
the psychotic girlfriend?
Hello, Barbara.
Nothing wrong with your memory.
You boys mind telling me
why you stole my son?
I didn't even know he was in the box.
I'm going to cremate him here in the
desert, where he feIt most at home.
Oh, the hell you are, Kaufman!
- You know I can't let you do that.
- I know you have to.
I don't have to do anything
Mr Kaufman!
This is my loss, my son!
- It's too late to claim him now.
- What‘s that supposed to mean?
All he ever wanted was your approval.
He wanted you to be proud
of what he achieved.
Of course I was proud of him.
I saved everything. Every photo
every album, every article.
It's no good telling me.
You should've told him.
I understand you were his right-hand
man, as well as his friend...
I was both, yeah.
..and that when he died you weren‘t
there, when he needed you the most.
That‘s right.
80 the guiIt is not all mine, then.
I guess not.
I lost him once in life...
..and now you're trying to take him
away from me again.
Oh, God
can we just cut through this, OK?
Now, you two stole the body theft...
..and you are a fool who should've
called the police but hasn't...
..stupidity.
Let‘s just call the oops
and get this thing done, OK?
Get a certificate, bury him and his
soul will be properly laid to rest.
That‘s it.
Get...
Hey!
Get your hands off of me!
Give me a chair.
Let me out of here!
You are in trouble, Kaufman!
This is bullshit, Kaufman!
I was his road manager and friend. We
both loved it out here in the desert.
Damn it! Oh!
We had a pact
that whoever died first...
..the other would come out here
and set him free.
Gram gave his word and I gave mine.
You're a couple of druggies.
Why should I believe you?
Sir, I don't take drugs.
What about you? Are you a druggie?
Yes. Yes, I am.
Stanley!
They're gonna burn your son, Stanley!
- Nice work.
- Get back here!
- Let‘s go.
- God damn it!
- Hey, man.
- What?
I can't do this.
Just do what feels right to you.
Ah, God damn it.
- Have you called them?
- No.
Are you gonna call 'em?
You haven't given me a reason not to.
There isn't a reason.
Someone tried to steel my son's body
I'd stop them for sure.
80 are you prepared to go to jail?
I'm expecting to.
Don't you worry, Kaufman.
Gonna happen.
Mr Parsons?
What is it, son?
I've been a junkie
for over four years...
You don't need to...
I've taken heroin, speed
uppers, downers, blues, morphine...
..methadone, mushrooms...
..Quaaludes, acid, Valium
barbiturates, straight LSD...
..marijuana
marijuana laced with Opium...
..Nembutal...
..mescaline, of course, and...
..medicinal methaqualine, which...
..made me shake uncontrollably
for six days and vomit on the hour.
- That‘s very impressive, son.
- Not my point, sir.
Better make that point.
I started making my way
though this list on June 5th 1 969.
Since then there hasn't been a day
when I didn't at least smoke a joint.
Are we sure this is helping?
And now I stopped.
I stopped because...
..it seemed I had something
more important to do.
He‘s doing this...
cos he gave his word.
And I'm prepared to do it now
because... I think it's right.
I believe everybody has a soul...
..and Gram's soul does not belong...
..in some family plot
surrounded by strangers.
ItIt belongs out here
where he was happiest.
I'm gonna go outside
and say goodbye to my son.
You really take all those drugs?
I don't remember.
Where did he go?
You're going to prison!
You're gonna be
somebody's bitch in there, Kaufman!
Oh, thank God!
Hi, officer. I know I was going
really fast, but you have to help me!
They stole my boyfriend‘s corpse...
..and they are going to perform
a rituel with his body!
- Can I see your driver's licence?
- Excuse me, what?
Your driving licence, ma'am.
They stole a body and you want
to see my driver's licence?
OK. OK.
Officer Larson.
You people are supposed to be
on the lookout for a hearse, OK?
A hearse is a big, long car.
You can tell which ones because they
have coffins in the back of them!
Now, the one you're looking for
is painted yellow.
Does this look like a yellow hearse?
You... homosexuel!
ls that a ticket?
Are you writing me a ticket?
Yes, it is, ma'am.
Yes, I am.
Turn off here, man.
Could you give me a hand here?
Jesus, Gram.
Ah...
Sorry, Gram.
What now?
Now we do it.
- Lift up the lid.
- What? Why?
- Flesh burns easier than wood.
- I have a problem with dead flesh.
Oh, you're looking
a little peaky, man.
A little decorum would be nice.
Right.
You think that‘s enough?
I don't know, maybe a little more.
Enough?
I am not discussing how much gasoline
we need to burn a human body.
That should do it.
There‘s a little left.
I'm sorry I wasn't there when
you threw away your damn fool life.
I was there before...
..and I've been there ever since.
Good luck, Gram.
Here's my last one, buddy.
Jesus! What the hell is that?
That would be Gram Parsons...
on fire.
Oh. Maybe too much fuel.
No, I just didn't factor in
the amount of booze he had in him.
Oh, shit!
How do you know
that‘s your boyfriend?
I recognised the birthmark
on his Shoulder.
You know, officer
can I make an observation?
Knock yourself out.
We're in the desert and it's dark...
..and if you want to catch somebody
in the dark...
..it's probably best not to turn on
your big flashing lights...
..and make a big loud noise
with a siren.
D'you want to know
what I think, ma'am?
No.
It was suicide.
Maybe he just wanted
to get away from you.
Hello, Gram.
Phil.
You think you should?
It's not gonna hurt me now, is it?
Nice wheels.
It's very stylish.
They come in handy for transporting
dead people, nothing better.
I am dead, then, huh?
You're more than dead. You and
the box are down to bones and brass.
Well, all right.
Here's mud in your eye.
What can I do for you, Gram?
I guess I just wanted to say thanks.
I'm just taking care of business
that's what you paid me for.
You shootin' for a raise?
Actually I... I just quit.
Goodbye, Gram.
Goodbye, Phil.
I'm glad it all worked out.
- What?
- I'm glad it all worked out.
All what worked out?
It doesn't matter.
Can we go? I'm getting sick of sand.
Hey, baby, we're boogying.
Get out of here. Finish it.
Well, we did it. We saved a soul.
Singed my damn moustache
that‘s for sure.
Shell we?
Yeah. Let‘s roll, hippy.
You got the wrong guy, man.
I keep telling you, I didn't do it.
and welcome to tonight‘s show.
We are delighted to have with us here
a very talented musicien and singer.
You know his work with The Flying
Burrito Brothers and The Byrds.
He‘s returned to our shores having
played with the Rolling Stones.
Ladies and gentlemen, Gram Parsons.
Oh, no, no!
No! No!
What?
He‘s dead.
Yeah, he‘s dead!
Hold on. Tell me who‘s dead.
Parsons. God. Gram Parsons.
- We met in a bar...
- Are you sure he‘s dead?
Yeah! He‘s really dead. He just...
Listen, call an ambulance
and then get out of there.
- Where are you?
- Joshua Tree Inn, room 8.
And another life burns out
in the desert.
Gram Parsons, the standard bearer
of the New Country music movement...
..is dead following an overdose.
While many of America‘s young people
are today in mourning...
..their parents will view this
as another example...
..of how today's drug culture
can so easily claim a life.
He was so beautiful...
..and he understood
what my heart was feeling.
I'll never laugh again.
My inner joy has gone.
He sang country music in a way
that it had never been sung before.
It was country rock
although Gram hated that term...
..and I think it's fair to say that
when Gram died he died a star.
We'll leave you
with the man‘s own words.
He wrote a song called In My Hour Of
Darkness, which contains these words.
- And you are?
- I'm his road manager
- Oh, I see. His road manager?
- Yeah.
So you're not his physicien
or a close relative?
No.
Mr Parsons is awaiting a postmortem.
He will be delivered to his family.
I'd speak to them if you want to pick
through his personal effects, sir.
- You listen here...
- No, you listen here.
Mr Parsons is dead and no longer
appears to need a road manager...
..which makes two of us.
Hey!
Hey!
Old buddy, how you been?
- Good morning, Doctor.
- Good morning.
What are you doing?
I'm just taking some stiff
down to Neurology.
- We don't have Neurology.
- Urology.
Hold your horses!
Let me get my paperwork.
- I have the paperwork.
- I need to get my paperwork.
Gram Parsons
was the best friend I ever had...
..and the greatest musicien
I ever saw.
We loved it out here in Joshua
Tree...
..and we made a pact
that whoever died first...
..the other would come out here
and set his spirit free.
Gram gave his word and I gave mine.
God damn. I'm so sorry, baby.
Yeah, out of a job again.
Never would have happened
if you'd been there.
How do you know I wasn't?
If you were there
you wouldn‘t have let him die.
I'm still on staff
he was my responsibility.
So where you been, anyway?
How long this time? Two weeks?
Yeah.
Let‘s start again like you haven‘t
just done six weeks on the road.
Yeah, but I leave a note...
..and there‘s a paycheck involved.
Hey, lady!
Barbara, long time no see.
Don‘t try and schmooze me
Kaufman, you repellent slimeball!
ls that the latest victim?
Meet Barbara.
It's a lot tidier than I remember!
- Who the hell is she?
- Gram's ex-girlfriend.
I thought he was married.
Welcome to the Seventies, sweetheart.
What do you want, Barbara?
I'm here to fulfill Gram's wishes.
That‘s nice. I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Do you know what this is?
No.
It's Gram's will.
To whom it may concern...
..I would like it to be known that is
my wish to leave Barbara Mansfield...
..my assets and belongings...
..in the event of my death.
Signed Gram Parsons.
That absolutely settles it...
..that's the single most impressive
document since the Magna Carta.
Still the jester, Kaufman
and still very unfunny.
It's not a will and you know it.
No, it's better than a will, darling.
It's a signed promise from Gram
to leave me all of his things.
Anyway, it's none of your business.
I'm here for the guitar.
Oh, OK.
Thank you.
There you go.
Ha-ha(!)
Look, I don't have the guitar.
Gretchen, his wife
took it about six months ago.
Fine.
Then I want the masters.
- I'll get 'em myself, thank you.
- Hey!
Maybe you want to check
the cookie jar too?
Why did you let her in?
It's all part of
the grieving process.
Do me a faveur, sweetheart.
Will you go grab the guitar?
- Where are you going?
- I have to make a call.
Afternoon! Joshua Tree Obsequies.
- Officer what?
- It's Latin, it means burial.
Gram Parsons was shipped in to you
yesterday. Is he still with you?
Yes, he was here.
It was a real thrill for us here.
We‘re such a small facility.
We nearly had Jayne Mansfield back
in '67 when she passed through...
..but she was diverted to Frisco.
We'd done him up real nice, too...
..but he‘s been moved on.
- Where to?
- New Orleans...
..although he just left so he‘s still
on the road to Los Angeles Airport.
Hello? Hello?
Phil?
Phil?
What you doing?
These things aren't that big.
OK. ls that a problem?
Not really.
So what are you up to?
It's best you don't know.
All right. Keys.
I don't know what this craziness is
but I'm not getting involved.
That's the point.
- I'm not bailing you out this time.
- Right.
- I'm leaving.
- Again?
This time I'm not coming back.
I simply can't give you any money
based on this piece of paper.
Well, this isn't a piece of paper.
This is a promise from Gram...
..to give me all of his money.
Miss Mansfield, Mr Parsons
is a valued customer of ours.
Was.
Was.
We can't just hand his money to
someone who says they're in his will.
We have rules.
You don't seem to understand.
These are his wishes.
Miss Mansfield, I truly understand.
Thank you.
You're welcome.
Then, will you please just tell me
how I'm supposed to get my money?
I imagine you first need to prove
that Mr Parsons is actually dead...
..as we have no record here.
Are you saying that I'm lying?
No, no, absolutely not!
But getting a copy of his death
certificate would be the first step.
Thank you.
Hey, man.
I'm looking for Larry Oster-Berg.
You Oster-Berg?
Welcome to my home.
Nice place.
What the hell is that noise?
Manomanjari on the sitar
by Nikhil Banerjee.
OK.
There‘s no smoking in here
I'm afraid.
Right.
Who are you, please?
I'm Phil Kaufman.
And how may I help you, Phil Kaufman?
I'd like to hire your car.
Why?
Well, I'm picking someone up
at the airport.
Don‘t you know anyone with a car?
Yes, but I'm told
yours is more suitable.
Hm. Why is mine more suitable?
It's a hearse.
Yeah.
How is a hearse...
..gonna be more suitable for
picking someone up at the airport?
- It's a joke.
- A joke?
Yeah, a prank, surprise.
Well, OK.
Is it $200 worth of surprise?
No, no, it's more of a 3550 surprise.
I can lend you a bicycle.
- Besides, the car is booked.
- Booked how?
I use it to carry equipment
for a band.
Look, here's $200 to unbook it.
Let 'em carry their own trombones.
You don't gotta count it
you can trust me.
I see, never met you in my life, you
shout at me through my window...
..you wanna hire my hearse as a joke
and you're $20 short.
Why should I trust you?
The last 3520 is for gas
and I haven't seen the car yet.
It's a hearse.
What else do you need to know?
Meet Bernice.
Bernice is a Cadillac
Superior Royale Tiara...
..limousine funeral coach.
Got a 429 V8 engine...
..offering 340bhp 4 600
revolutions per minute.
You're looking at a 21-foot beauty...
..with a 1 SES-inch wheelbase
containing a four-barrel
Rochester Quadrajet carburatore...
..with turbo-hydromatic transmission.
Bernice weighs over 6
000 pounds.
It's yellow.
Yeah, it's yellow.
Bernice comes in yellow.
It's supposed to be black.
- But they're all black.
- That might be my point.
How is a yellow hearse with flowers
gonna be less of a surprise...
..than a black hearse?
Because I paid you $200
for a black hearse.
No, you paid me $180 for a hearse
and a hearse is what you get.
Look at Bernice and you'll see she's
one of a kind. She's big, she's fast.
She's beautiful, comfortable...
..but she's not black.
All right, give me the keys.
- Why?
- Cos I gotta ago.
Oh, no
she doesn't go anywhere without me.
Oh, shit.
What‘s the matter?
Nothing.
Well, what flight are they on?
We'll wait here.
What time‘s your flight gonna...
Soon.
OK. How soon?
Why d'you ask so many damn questions?
I don't know.
Shouldn't we be at arrivals?
Would you Shut up asking me stuff?
OK.
OK, OK, OK.
So how long are we gonna wait?
Morning.
What do you mean, morning?
We'll make the pickup in the morning.
Hey!
You wait till morning.
I'm going home!
I'm only back because
I don't trust you with Bernice.
You... I don't even know you.
If you think I'm just gonna walk away
and leave you with the car...
..you got another thought...
..on the way.
Parsons.
You've just arrived from New Orleans
Mr Parsons?
Yes.
And you're flying directly back
to New Orleans, on the same plane?
That's correct.
I hope you enjoyed your stay
at Los Angeles Airport, Mr Parsons.
Thank you.
I'm here to pick up my son's body.
He died out here, you see
and I'm here to take him home.
I'm hoping
that‘s enough information for you.
I'm so sorry. You will get every
assistance you need on your journey.
Most kind.
- Can I help you?
- Yeah, I'm here to pick up a coffin.
- Um, name?
- Mine or the stiff's?
The deceased.
Parsons.
- What was his name again?
- Parsons.
P-A-R...
..S-O-N-S
Parsons.
- Yes.
- And he‘s a...
..musician.
Was. He was a musicien.
Papers?
Oh, yeah, they'll be right along.
This being a rush job
they said you'd understand.
Oh, yeah, well...
..you better tell 'em
that we got rules.
This would be the exception
that proves that particular rule.
Well, I'm afraid we can't issue
a certificate...
..until we have official notification
of death.
Well, he‘s dead.
At this current time...
..the Greater Los Angeles Registrar
of Births, Marriages and Deaths...
..does not regard the local newspaper
as an official recorder of record.
And here's your deceased.
Much obliged.
Good luck with her.
Yeah, that‘s a she.
And yours is supposed to be male?
Yeah.
Um...
- Gone.
- Gone? What do you mean, gone?
Must've got the wrong box.
The box is being loaded.
How do I get it back?
Hmm.
You're a damn thief!
Well, that‘s very hurtful.
Gram.
Barney, are you receiving?
What the hell…?
Excuse me.
- Why?
- I gotta get off the plane.
I just got settled in!
Oh, shit.
Excuse me! That your hearse?
Hearse?
Are you OK, boy?
OK? Sure, sure.
What you doing here, boy?
Huh?
Shit.
- Can we speed things up a little?
- What‘s your hurry?
I just want to get up to Joshua Tree
while it's still light.
Joshua Tree? You said New Orleans.
- What?
- You were driving it to New Orleans.
But just now you said you were
heading out to Joshua Tree.
Joshua Tree, yeah.
It's Joshua Tree City, Louisiana.
Never heard of that.
It's small. It's just another local
community struggling to get by.
I don't like the look of you.
Wherever there‘s a hippy
there‘s a crime...
..even if that crime hasn't happened
yet. That's what I always say.
And here we are.
You should've told me
it was a Berkeley.
Hey!
I need you to sign before you go.
And three more.
So what you doing here?
We're meeting someone off a flight.
- Meeting someone off of a flight?
- Yes.
- In a hearse?
- Yes, it's a surprise.
Which part's the surprise, the fact
you're in a bright yellow hearse?
The fact that you look
like something out of a horror film?
Or the fact that you're a half a mile
away from the terminal...
..and they're gonna have to walk
across two runways to reach you?
The first part.
OK, would you go ahead
and tell me what the hell‘s going on?
I don't care if it is first thing
in the morning! I need a drink!
Never signed so many bits of paper!
To hell with Vietnam! Paperwork
is slowing this great country down!
Morning, officer.
Morning.
I was just saying how people with
work to do like yourself, officer...
..are engulfed by paper.
Grab the end, will you?
- Doesn't that just drive you crazy?
- Yeah, I guess it does.
One casket
six sheets of paper to sign. Six!
- Does that sound right to you?
- No, it sure don't.
Whew! Last thing I want to do is
hold you up further with my chatter.
You have a good day now, officer.
Thanks for your help.
Come on, let's go, let's go.
Whoa, just a moment, boys.
My sidekick just told me about you
picking someone up from the terminal.
A surprise, he said.
And here you are
loading a coffin into your vehicle.
You see, the gentleman
we're meeting at the airport...
..doesn't yet know
about the said passing of his aunt.
And you're gonna meet him
off of his flight with her coffin?
Yeah, we're doing it this way
for the avoidance of all doubt.
That's a real nice touch.
The, uh, ignition‘s
a bit temperamental.
Right.
- You have to use a screwdriver.
- I see that.
You have a good day, now, officer.
We did it. We did it!
- What was all that babbling about?
- I didn't babble.
Goddamn hippies.
- You hit the wall.
- I clipped it, I clipped the wall.
The gap's 50 yards wide, you aim
for the gap. And you missed the gap!
I was distracted.
We are supposed to be picking someone
up and you arrive with a coffin.
I just woke up.
You on drugs, boy?
Helle, officer! Yes, they make these
hearses wider than they need to.
Shut up! You on drugs, boy?
Not at this time.
You just missed a gap of 50 yards and
hit a wall in daylight! Why was that?
Well...
Well?
Wait.
Fantastic, well done.
Oh! Yeah, now it's all my fault.
You hit the wall!
Of course it's your fault!
Jesus!
Here it comes.
- Well?
- Well, what?
What are we doing now?
He said to wait.
Nice going, Nippy, went straight
through the gap that time.
Jesus! What now?
- Get out.
- What are you talking about?
Come on, we gotta keep moving!
Get out, take your friend with you.
I can see you're a bit sensitive
about this whole casket thing...
Get out!
Stop saying that! I can't get out.
- Why not?
- I...
Look, man, it ain't right to throw me
out into the street with a coffin.
Thank God.
- What the hell you doing?
- I'm driving back to the mortuary.
- You can't do that.
- I'm driving back to the mortuary.
Stop! God damn it, come on, man!
I can explain.
- Parsons?
- Parsons.
Was he in a Berkeley?
What‘s a Berkeley?
A luxury casket of solid mahogany
finished with a split-hinged lid...
..eight brass-plated casket handles
and an engraved inscription plate.
Empty?
Absolutely, completely, totally.
It seems awfully heavy
for an empty coffin.
They're made of the finest poplar
and that‘s very heavy wood.
Poplar?
No way.
Mahogany or oak...
..but not poplar.
I'm not gonna argue! Poplar's
very well suited to making a coffin.
OK. 80 why is there an empty coffin
in the back of my car?
I'm selling them on to a company
in Palm Springs.
Lots of stiffs, lots of money.
Of course, they're very
environmentally sound. You know?
And perhaps
under these circumstances...
..you and I should renegotiate
the financial agreement between us.
- You just gave the body away?
- Well, it's not like it's a bank.
People around here don't generally
take bodies they're not entitled to.
- Why did you give it to him?
- Because he signed for it.
Who signed for it?
- John Nobody.
- John Nobody?
And where do I find this John Nobody?
There.
Hey, wait! Wait!
So Bobby transfers them over into
hardboard boxes prior to cremation.
I drive the caskets over to a guy
in Palm Springs, who resells them.
As new?
I'm not sure the "one careful owner"
thing works with coffins.
The whole thing
is completely immoral.
Well, I saw how upset you were
when I mentioned money.
Just think of it as recycling.
Look, I need to get home.
- Why?
- I just do.
Well, while I acknowledge
the power of your argument...
..we have some place we need to be.
Just sit back and enjoy the ride.
What do you mean, the body was
stolen? Who the hell steals a body?
Kaufman.
Hey!
- Where‘s that son of a bitch?
- The son of a bitch isn't here.
He‘s stolen Gram.
Stolen Gram?
Mm-hmm, yeah.
They had some sort of weird pact.
I think he‘s taken Gram
out to the desert.
- Why?
- I don't know.
Some voodoo thing with hot wax
and dolls to stick pins in.
That's ridiculous.
That's a wise move, if you ask me.
I didn't ask you.
So where are the oops?
I called 'em.
Supposed to be a funeral in
New Orleans. I gotta find my son.
New Orleans?
The man said he was driving
the casket to Joshua Tree, Louisiana.
Joshua Tree?
I still don't fully understand
what you do.
I do everything.
Everything?
This old number‘s for drinking money.
By trade I'm a road manager.
Oh, one of those. Hal-ha!
Like a well-paid gofer?
No, not like a well-paid gofer!
I'm in charge of movement
maintenance and management.
I'm a patron and a partner
I'm a confidente and companion...
..ally, agent and ambassador.
I'm like an executive nanny
not a gofer.
Oh, executive nanny, not a gofer.
Thanks for clearing that up.
He‘s a brainless
interfering asshole!
I don't know what you want, but...
That‘s him, isn't it?
Oh, fine.
Phil?
Hey, baby, it's the love machine!
God, what a horrible thought.
You are gonna rot in jail.
When I get you, you are gonna...
Phil! Phil!
Hello?
Sorry, Barbs, gotta go.
Thanks. Thanks a lot.
Kaufman! Kaufman!
- What was that about?
- Sunstroke.
You've hardly left the car.
How can you have sunstroke?
I'm susceptible.
Oh, you're a winner.
You are a winner!
You wanna see what he is all about?
What that asshole is capable of?
Huh?
Are you coming?
Pull off here.
This isn't the way to Palm Springs.
- It is for a coffin smuggler.
- I give up.
- What now?
- Gas now.
Oh...
- You're an undertaker?
- Sure am.
Ain‘t you supposed to be in black?
No, we're special rock'n'roll
undertakers, musical morticians.
Can you slam some high-test in there
for me?
This car runs on regular.
- Who said it's for the car?
- Ain‘t for the car?
Come on, hippy, let's roll!
- Sunstroke, huh?
- Yeah.
Yeah.
Afternoon.
Hello.
I was wondering...
..did you happen to see a hearse pass
by here in the last couple of hours?
What‘s it look like?
It's a big car
couple of guys inside.
Did one of them guys
get sick over there?
I don't know, maybe.
Yeah, I seen it.
80 the Yin represents negative...
..the dark side...
..and the Yang represents
positive, good.
If you like, the first is earth
the second heaven.
The YinlYang symbol is really
evocative about the whole concept.
As you travel around the circle
white or black will increase...
Let me give you an example.
So, what seem to be there...
In order to truly know good...
..you must first know people.
Without good as a comparison...
..allowing Yin to flourish...
..you welcome Yang.
If I let go of the Yang...
..you are waiting...
Motherfucker!
It'd be nice to get through a couple
of hours without crashing the car.
I was distracted.
Of course you were.
I don't believe it.
Middle of nowhere!
Quick, get out of the car.
- Now pretend to have a conversation.
- OK. What about?
I don't know.
Ever since I met you, you talked.
Religion, your supersonic car
the dark side.
Now you gotta and
you can't think of anything to say?
Whatever your damn fool religion is
it worked.
It's more of a philosophy
than a religion.
I mean, religion is more...
Shut up.
Afternoon, gentlemen.
Afternoon, officer. How‘s it going?
It's going just fine, thank you.
How are things with you?
Good. We just stopped to take a look
at this fine view you guys got.
Uh-huh. It is mighty nice
around these parts...
..if you like the desert.
How are things with you today, sir?
Uh, well, I'm really well, actually.
Thanks.
The reason I ask is you seem to have
run into one of our road signs.
I'm surprised you didn't notice...
..as it does appear to be impeding.
your forward progress
That's a funny line.
Thank you.
I was wondering if you gentlemen
could give me a hand.
Sure, anything.
I'm looking for some fellas
that stole a body at the airport.
- Stole a body?
- Uh-huh, a body.
Rather like the one
in the back of your vehicle there.
- That's an empty coffin, officer.
- Uh-huh.
I know it sounds strange
but there were two of them.
They loaded the body in the back of a
yellow hearse painted with flowers...
..and they're supposed
to be headed out this way.
Hearse. Flowers.
He‘s on to us, Larry. He‘s just
having a little fun at our expense.
Uh-huh. In the car.
I'll take the keys.
God damn!
He said body.
He said we stole a body.
- He meant a coffin.
- He didn't say coffin, he said body.
Apprehended suspects
in stolen hearse with body.
Tell me we
have not stolen a real person.
The place I get the coffins from
probably hasn't filed a report yet.
It'll be sorted out within the hour.
Trust me.
00h! I'm overflowing
with trust for you, man.
I feel this overwhelming feeling
of trust every time I look at you.
Damn!
What are we gonna do?
- Time.
- What?
We're gonna go to court...
..we're gonna go to jail and that‘s
what we're gonna de for a while.
What if I slip out of these cuffs?
Great, then we could suspend you
from a bridge in a straitjacket...
..and light the rope on fire.
No, really
I can slip out of these cuffs.
Show me.
I think we should go.
We'll go, now that the sign no longer
appears to be impeding our progress.
Hey, stop that car! You hit my bike!
- What the hell you doing?
- The steering lock is on!
- Turn it off!
- I can't. He‘s got the key.
So we've escaped
but we can only drive in a circle.
- Yes.
- You're going to jail!
What? Wait!
Hey!
Hey! Hey!
Are you crazy?
That's it! They're gonna lock me up
and throw away the key.
Why would they do that?
I drove into a cop's bike, that‘s
destruction of police property.
- You worry too much.
- Not till I met you.
- What are we doing?
- What do you mean?
What are we doing here?
What are we chasing?
I don't know about you, honey
but I need Gram.
Well, you've gotta come to terms
with the fact that he‘s dead.
I know he‘s dead, honey, OK?
It's just that his body
hasn't officially been identified...
..there's no certificate of death.
This is all about money, isn't it?
lsn't everything?
Look, I was an orphan at 1 4
a waitress at 1 5.
I do things the way I do them
because it puts food on the table.
Now, I just want what's mine
and then I'll be gone.
Gone real fast.
Why do you deserve anything?
Without my support
he would have never made it.
Then Phil Kaufman came along.
Phil's not responsible for you and
Gram. You lost him all on your own.
What do you know?
When it came to Gram
Phil only ever did the right thing.
Phil Kaufman has never done anything
because it was the right thing to do.
I'll bet the ranch that wherever he
is right now he‘s having some fun…
..because that‘s what he does
and that is all that he does.
Jesus. What the hell is that?
It's a dinosaur.
That's very perceptive.
What‘s it doing?
Polyonax Place. Polyonax
is probably some kind of dinosaur.
Dinoburgers, reptile steaks
..primeval soup. Eurgh.
Titanosaurian portions
prehistoric prices...
..liquor served.
- Pull over, let's eat.
- Let‘s not.
The cop is right on our trail.
We need to get on to Palm Springs
and do this thing and I can go home.
And you can do whatever it is you do.
Let‘s do that.
We need to stop, I'm getting hungry
and I ain't very nice hungry.
I vote we keep going.
What gave you the impression
this was a democracy?
Pull over!
Do you have any idea
what it's like to love someone?
AW!
Sweetie, that‘s very touching that
you're in love with Phil Kaufman...
..but unfortunately so is he.
I'm sure
you're just handy to have around.
OK, you vindictive bitch...
..I am going with you to Joshua Tree
cos I want to know what is going on.
But don't you tell me
how to feel about anybody...
..or I'll smash that pretty little
face of yours off the road. Got it?
Do you kiss your mama
with that mouth?
- You frighten him.
- I do not.
Everyone else he announces the food
Diplodocus this, Allosaurus that.
With us he slaps it down.
Something to do with
that rabbit food you're eating.
Look, I'm a vegetarian.
I have a problem with the dead flesh.
I get it.
This stuff'll mess you up every time.
- Howdy.
- Yeah?
Been
Would you put a Slug of...
bourbon in there, please?
Sure.
- Bad day?
- Yeah.
Real bad day.
What happened?
My boy died out here the other day
and a couple of...
..punks stole his body.
Oh, man, I'm sorry.
That's worth a shot on the house.
Obliged.
- We gotta go.
- I haven't finished my drink.
Why would someone steel a body?
All gone.
Maybe the were souvenir hunters.
He was sort of famous.
Thanks, guys. Who is he?
Gram Parsons.
Gram Parsons?
Gram Parsons?
Gram Parsons? Is Gram Parsons dead?
We'd better get going.
He said someone took
Gram Parson's body, two people.
I didn't think he'd ever Shut up.
We gotta keep to our schedule.
What schedule? There is no schedule.
We gotta get our package
to Palm Springs, remember?
Package?
We've stolen that man's son!
Stolen his son? That's outrageous!
I'm appalled that you could
even think we would do such a thing.
I don't know what you take me for.
I want to see in that box.
We gotta go!
It's heavy.
Of course it's heavy. Wood is heavy.
Yeah, I remember, finest poplar.
Oh, Jesus! Jesus! Jesus, Jesus!
Yeah, they gave us a full one. Look
we'll sort this out in Palm Springs.
Oh, my God!
You stole Gram Parsons?
Technically we stole Gram Parsons.
I stole a coffin. I didn't know
there was a body in it.
I'd save that line for court.
- What are you doing?
- I don't know!
What am I doing? What am I doing?
Why am I here? Why am I with you?
- What is going on?
- Calm down!
It was bad when I ran over that cop's
bike! Now I'm a body snatcher!
- If you can wrap it up we could go!
- Go? You go.
I'll tell you what I'm gonna do.
I'm gonna go inside.
I'm gonna give that man his son back.
I'm gonna do the right thing!
I'm going to follow my conscience.
- I'm going.
- Shit!
Oh, Jesus.
Come on, hippy. Hippy, come on!
Hip... Hippy, come on.
Shit.
Come on.
Sorry about that, hippy
but there‘s something I gotta do.
Welcome back, hippy.
Why did you do it?
- Do what?
- Have a guess.
I gave my word.
This is what Gram wanted.
Cruising around the desert
until he started to smell?
Well?
I make a promise, I keep it.
You made me do it, you jerk.
I've never hit anyone in my life…
..but you pushed and you pushed
..and you gave me no choice.
Come on, Bernice
not your lights, not now.
Shit.
Shit, shit, shit!
Yeah?
I'm one of the guys
that took your son.
Where is he?
May I come in?
Phil!
Phil!
What happened to your head?
The hippy hit it.
I thought you had gone.
- Hold that thought.
- What the hell does that mean?
I need to know
what the hell is going on here.
I told you!
He‘s gonna set fire to my Gram
in some freaky ceremony...
..with black magic and dolls!
Dolls?
I want my man back.
Enough of this shit.
Where are the keys?
Oh, shit.
Whatever happened to peace
love and understanding, hippy?
- You're Kaufman?
- Yeah.
Well, hello, Stanley.
You remember me
the psychotic girlfriend?
Hello, Barbara.
Nothing wrong with your memory.
You boys mind telling me
why you stole my son?
I didn't even know he was in the box.
I'm going to cremate him here in the
desert, where he feIt most at home.
Oh, the hell you are, Kaufman!
- You know I can't let you do that.
- I know you have to.
I don't have to do anything
Mr Kaufman!
This is my loss, my son!
- It's too late to claim him now.
- What‘s that supposed to mean?
All he ever wanted was your approval.
He wanted you to be proud
of what he achieved.
Of course I was proud of him.
I saved everything. Every photo
every album, every article.
It's no good telling me.
You should've told him.
I understand you were his right-hand
man, as well as his friend...
I was both, yeah.
..and that when he died you weren‘t
there, when he needed you the most.
That‘s right.
80 the guiIt is not all mine, then.
I guess not.
I lost him once in life...
..and now you're trying to take him
away from me again.
Oh, God
can we just cut through this, OK?
Now, you two stole the body theft...
..and you are a fool who should've
called the police but hasn't...
..stupidity.
Let‘s just call the oops
and get this thing done, OK?
Get a certificate, bury him and his
soul will be properly laid to rest.
That‘s it.
Get...
Hey!
Get your hands off of me!
Give me a chair.
Let me out of here!
You are in trouble, Kaufman!
This is bullshit, Kaufman!
I was his road manager and friend. We
both loved it out here in the desert.
Damn it! Oh!
We had a pact
that whoever died first...
..the other would come out here
and set him free.
Gram gave his word and I gave mine.
You're a couple of druggies.
Why should I believe you?
Sir, I don't take drugs.
What about you? Are you a druggie?
Yes. Yes, I am.
Stanley!
They're gonna burn your son, Stanley!
- Nice work.
- Get back here!
- Let‘s go.
- God damn it!
- Hey, man.
- What?
I can't do this.
Just do what feels right to you.
Ah, God damn it.
- Have you called them?
- No.
Are you gonna call 'em?
You haven't given me a reason not to.
There isn't a reason.
Someone tried to steel my son's body
I'd stop them for sure.
80 are you prepared to go to jail?
I'm expecting to.
Don't you worry, Kaufman.
Gonna happen.
Mr Parsons?
What is it, son?
I've been a junkie
for over four years...
You don't need to...
I've taken heroin, speed
uppers, downers, blues, morphine...
..methadone, mushrooms...
..Quaaludes, acid, Valium
barbiturates, straight LSD...
..marijuana
marijuana laced with Opium...
..Nembutal...
..mescaline, of course, and...
..medicinal methaqualine, which...
..made me shake uncontrollably
for six days and vomit on the hour.
- That‘s very impressive, son.
- Not my point, sir.
Better make that point.
I started making my way
though this list on June 5th 1 969.
Since then there hasn't been a day
when I didn't at least smoke a joint.
Are we sure this is helping?
And now I stopped.
I stopped because...
..it seemed I had something
more important to do.
He‘s doing this...
cos he gave his word.
And I'm prepared to do it now
because... I think it's right.
I believe everybody has a soul...
..and Gram's soul does not belong...
..in some family plot
surrounded by strangers.
ItIt belongs out here
where he was happiest.
I'm gonna go outside
and say goodbye to my son.
You really take all those drugs?
I don't remember.
Where did he go?
You're going to prison!
You're gonna be
somebody's bitch in there, Kaufman!
Oh, thank God!
Hi, officer. I know I was going
really fast, but you have to help me!
They stole my boyfriend‘s corpse...
..and they are going to perform
a rituel with his body!
- Can I see your driver's licence?
- Excuse me, what?
Your driving licence, ma'am.
They stole a body and you want
to see my driver's licence?
OK. OK.
Officer Larson.
You people are supposed to be
on the lookout for a hearse, OK?
A hearse is a big, long car.
You can tell which ones because they
have coffins in the back of them!
Now, the one you're looking for
is painted yellow.
Does this look like a yellow hearse?
You... homosexuel!
ls that a ticket?
Are you writing me a ticket?
Yes, it is, ma'am.
Yes, I am.
Turn off here, man.
Could you give me a hand here?
Jesus, Gram.
Ah...
Sorry, Gram.
What now?
Now we do it.
- Lift up the lid.
- What? Why?
- Flesh burns easier than wood.
- I have a problem with dead flesh.
Oh, you're looking
a little peaky, man.
A little decorum would be nice.
Right.
You think that‘s enough?
I don't know, maybe a little more.
Enough?
I am not discussing how much gasoline
we need to burn a human body.
That should do it.
There‘s a little left.
I'm sorry I wasn't there when
you threw away your damn fool life.
I was there before...
..and I've been there ever since.
Good luck, Gram.
Here's my last one, buddy.
Jesus! What the hell is that?
That would be Gram Parsons...
on fire.
Oh. Maybe too much fuel.
No, I just didn't factor in
the amount of booze he had in him.
Oh, shit!
How do you know
that‘s your boyfriend?
I recognised the birthmark
on his Shoulder.
You know, officer
can I make an observation?
Knock yourself out.
We're in the desert and it's dark...
..and if you want to catch somebody
in the dark...
..it's probably best not to turn on
your big flashing lights...
..and make a big loud noise
with a siren.
D'you want to know
what I think, ma'am?
No.
It was suicide.
Maybe he just wanted
to get away from you.
Hello, Gram.
Phil.
You think you should?
It's not gonna hurt me now, is it?
Nice wheels.
It's very stylish.
They come in handy for transporting
dead people, nothing better.
I am dead, then, huh?
You're more than dead. You and
the box are down to bones and brass.
Well, all right.
Here's mud in your eye.
What can I do for you, Gram?
I guess I just wanted to say thanks.
I'm just taking care of business
that's what you paid me for.
You shootin' for a raise?
Actually I... I just quit.
Goodbye, Gram.
Goodbye, Phil.
I'm glad it all worked out.
- What?
- I'm glad it all worked out.
All what worked out?
It doesn't matter.
Can we go? I'm getting sick of sand.
Hey, baby, we're boogying.
Get out of here. Finish it.
Well, we did it. We saved a soul.
Singed my damn moustache
that‘s for sure.
Shell we?
Yeah. Let‘s roll, hippy.
You got the wrong guy, man.
I keep telling you, I didn't do it.