Grand Theft Auto (1977) - full transcript

(Woman) Oh!

Paula! How can you do this?
Mother, please don't be hyper-dramatic.

I've prepared for months.

I've made so many wedding plans
for you and Collins.

It was never definite. He didn't
even ask me. He asked you, Mother.

Shut up young lady!
Just sit down and zip your lip.

You are engaged to Collins Hedgeworth.

Did you know she's engaged
to Collins Hedgeworth?

I never said I would marry Collins.

Sir I realize that there is
some conflict here.

Oh! He realizes there's a conflict.
(chuckles)



You're the conflict Charlie.
Mr. Powers we're in love.

We wanna get married and I felt that you
ought to be invited to the wedding.

Get out of my mansion.
Why don't you wait for me in the car?

Get off my estate!

I think we should try and keep things
in perspective and be open-minded.

Get this fortune hunter out. Get him out!
Wait a minute. I am not a fortune hunter!

I don't care about your money Sir. Your
money doesn’t mean anything to me!

Fortune hunter out!
Wait on the corner. I have to talk to them.

How dare you call Sam Freeman
a fortune-hunter!

He is an environmental research major.

Come here. I'm gonna show you
something. I want you to look at something.

I've seen your poster Dad.

I've been planning on this for seven years.

And I expect a little cooperation from you.



I'll do everything I can do to help you but--

Forget Sam what's-his-face!
Dad!

Collins is the finest, the richest, the most
suitable young man in the country.

He's a flake!
Oh I think you're exaggerating.

I'm not marrying Collins! I'm marrying Sam
just as soon as we can get to Las Vegas.

You do that and I'll disinherit you.
I'll cut off your credit!

I'll take away your goddamn sports car!

No. No. I bought that myself
with my own money.

(chuckles)

I'm going to my room.

Well go to your room!

Well I guess I shut down
her hot little motor.

From now on she's not even gonna cross
the street without my permission.

(tires screeching)

Paula!

Grand Theft

Where's your car?
I traded with Dad.

My God she's been brainwashed.

I Want my Rolls-Royce!

I want my daughter
and I want you to find some way

to put this Sam Freeman
in the slammer for a while.

I understand.

I don't want the police
and I don't want the news media.

It will be done with our usual quiet.
confidential finesse.

All right let's move on this.

We'll need your plane to get
to Barstow ahead of them.

All rightI'll meet you at the airport.

Here.

I can't believe it.
I can't believe we're actually doing this.

Incredible.
Yeah.

I'm sorry your parents
don't like me better though.

Don't worry.
I like you enough for both of them.

OK that's it.

You wanna pull over
and fool around a little?

Sam! Sam!

OK. OK you're right. I lost my head.

Ah.

All right. We'll be there in about five hours
if we don't have any problems.

Sure you don't want to pull off the road?

(telephone ringing)

Paula?

No Collins Hedgeworth calling.

Collins.

I'm playing an important polo match today
and Paula had indicated

that she would like to come by
and observe my prowess sometime.

Oh Collins. I am so glad you called.
Paula has eloped.

She's going to Las Vegas to marry
one of her little school friends.

She took the Rolls-Royce.

She's engaged to me.

Oh Collins I can't tell you how much
I counted on your relationship with her.

Your patience your understanding
and your maturity.

Ah!

Collins?

Priscilla will you hurry up?

Christ Almighty.
the cab's been waiting for two minutes.

Collins if you're still there goodbye.

Oh, oh yes. Mrs. Wilson.
we're very excited.

Thanks. We'll see you then.

Everything's confirmed.
The chapel is reserved.

Wow.

(DJ) Hello. everybody.

This is "The Squirrely Curly Q Brown
Rockin' Jock Show"

coming at you from the strongest station
in Southern California radio Ten-Q.

(honking)

Hey man. You left your lights on.
(laughs)

Peasant!

Sir!

My fiancee's been abducted.

I was in pursuit of her captor.
who is en route to Las Vegas.

I had a minor accident.
I'm in dire need of transportation.

Well, we've got...
Ah!

That'll do fine!

Well you've got a fine eye there boy.

She's a runner too.
Bill my father.

I don't know if we can let you have the car
on that kind of a deal.

I'm Collins Hedgeworth!
My father is Montgomery Hedgeworth!

My grandfather is Elwood Hedgeworth.

Collectively my family is worth $97 million.

I don't know. I'll have to check
with the manager on this.

(grunts)

Hey!

Hey boy, that's aggravated grand theft!

He borrowed it Lieutenant.

And if a Hedgeworth borrows a car
I'm sure there must be a very good reason.

And I will not tolerate police harassment.

Mrs. Hedgeworth if you...
I'm going after him myself.

And if you must chat speak to my shrink.

Yes? Mm.

Yes. Uh-huh.

(buzzer buzzes)

(seat-belt signal dings)

This stupid thing.

(buzzer buzzes)

Rex. I'm borrowing your car!

Hey man! Goddamn Lupe.
Some mother stole my goddamn wheels.

I ain't gonna take that shit.
I'm calling the police.

(mouths) "I Wanna help you"

Oh God.

What's the matter?
lt's Collins Hedgeworth.

He looks a little frazzled.
You want me to talk to him?

I will.

Collins I don't need your help!

I'm here to save you!

I'm sorry if you misunderstood.
but we are not engaged.

We never were engaged.

Has he got a gun on you?
No!

So please leave us alone.

Is there a bomb in the car?

Look, it's obvious she doesn’t wanna talk
to you so why don’t you just drop it?

I hesitate to do this with Paula in the car.

But I am a superior driver and I will batter
you into submission if need be!

I will bump you off this highway!

Wait!

Pull over.

He's all right!

Paula!

Wait! My mother said I can have you!

I've got a Ten-Q exclusive here
for all you Squirrely Curly Q fans.

So turn up your crystal sets.
Go ahead. sir.

My name is Collins Hedgeworth.

My longtime fiancee. Paula Powers.
has been abducted

in her father's vintage 1959 Rolls-Royce

and is being forced to drive to Las Vegas
for some highly immoral purpose.

As a result.
I am offering a $25,000 reward

to anyone who can safely free
and protect her until I can arrive.

Here we are.

Are the police working on this?
Absolutely not.

Paula has been brainwashed.
She's probably been sexually assaulted.

I refuse to have her subjected
to the ordeal and embarrassment

of rape interrogation by the police!

That's why I'm appealing to you
and your loyal listeners.

I am taking it to the streets Mr. Brown.

Can you give us a description
of your fiancée?

She's a vision.

A lovely vision with light brown hair.
An absolute angel.

And the guy who shanghaied her?

Wild red hair, burning eyes,

thrusting jaw. There's a primitive.
barroom look about him.

Threatening and definitely dangerous.

Well that's a heart-wrenching tale man.
And we'll do what we can.

There you have it-
a young man with a problem.

And apparently lots of big bucks
to help solve it.

Whatever it is. it's a Ten-Q exclusive.

25,000 crisp ones!

Shoot man. I could build us
a machine so bad...

How bad?
That we'd be racing at Indy in two years.

$100 an hour!
You set the price!

We gotta take this baby
for a little test spin anyway right?

Part of our job.
All right, contact.

Hammer down!

Sir, I'd like to buy your truck.
lt's an emergency.

Well, if you don't want to sell it I'll rent it.
I'm desperate!

So am I feller!

I hope nobody sees me in this wreck.

Yes. $25,000 for the return of my son.

So impulsive. For the safe return...
Please put that message on the air for me.

OK Mrs. Hedgeworth. Are you sure
you don't wanna do it yourself?

No. no. I haven't time.

(horn blaring)

(mouths) "Wow"

All kinds of nuts are gonna
go after a reward like that.

Now maybe if we just switch...
We went to Reno or Tahoe or something...

Sam we can't let Collins or my father
or anybody else intimidate us.

Now we said we were going to Vegas.
That's where we should go.

What do you think?
I think you're pretty stubborn.

No, I'm tenacious.
Oh.

Look out Vegas! We're coming in.

(siren)

Car 47 in pursuit of Volkswagen, orange,

License number YCU799.

Driver committed a moving violation
and is fleeing south on Florence.

Car 47. you are pursuing a 503.

Ah.. uh. a 503?
A stolen vehicle.

Oh right right. A 503 right right.

Jesus, a 503.

Hallelujah!

Hallelujah!

(crowd) Hallelujah!

That's right! And the whole Earth reeled
and it rocked and rolled a little.

Amen!
Because He was angry.

Angry because
I hadn't called on Him sooner.

Praise the Lord.
That's right.

And black smoke boiled
out of His nostrils...

I prayed till... What...?

Oh my God.

(siren stops)

(engine turns over)

Sister, have you made a commitment
to the Lord?

My husband gave at the office.
All right, everybody stand back.

Officer coming through.
All right lady out of the car.

I'm rushing to save my son.

He is racing to Las Vegas in some maroon
hot Charger with a white roof.

And you know how reckless
these young people can be.

If he's anything like you lady
he ought to be put away.

Don't be facetious.

ID, lady.
I am Vivian Hedgeworth.

And I have just offered a $25,000 reward
over channel Ten-Q

for the safe return of my son.

(turning engine)
Quit cranking the car. You're under arrest!

Collins must be saved from himself!

Amen.

All right lady, I'm gonna recite your rights...
Lady! I gotta recite your rights!

What in the Lord's name are you doing?

$25,000 Now that's a lot of bibles baby.

Jesus, my vehicle!

I'm commandeering this vehicle.
Follow those cars!

Piss off pig!

Come on Hiram, help the boy out.

Piss off, piss off!

Hiram!

All right, all right.
Don't get your bells in an uproar. Look out.

The upshot of Mrs. Hedgeworth's call
is this:

There is now a $25,000 reward
for Collins Hedgeworth's fiancée

as well as a $25.000 reward
for Collins Hedgeworth.

Now that is $50,000 big ones.

And for you folks out there
looking for that little pot of gold.

the highway patrol reports
that Collins Hedgeworth is alleged

to have stolen a black and yellow
Chevy pickup

and eyewitnesses have stated they have
seen him on the road to Victorville.

Stay in contact.

Cars are ready. Mr. Slinker.
Excellent.

All right men. Cast the Velvet Net.

(elderly Woman) Curly Q. I listen
to your program all the time.

and this Paula Powers kidnapping
has got me so mad

that I just had to call in
and speak my mind.

Well. you go right ahead on ma'am.

That pervert that kidnapped Paula ought
to be shot down like a dog on the street.

Well that sounds a little harsh ma'am.

Well then they ought
to cut off his marbles!

You're sick.

But I love ya.

I've just received word that we have
Miss Paula Powers on the line.

Miss Powers?
This is Paula Powers. Am I on the air?

Yes you are. Can you talk?

Hell yes I can talk!

And I want everyone to know
that I have not been kidnapped.

And you couldn't call
what Sam and I have done rape.

I know what I'd call it!
Yeah! Gettin' down!

His name's Sam?
Sam Freeman.

And I love him and that's why we're going
to Las Vegas to get married.

Well, what about this engagement
to Collins Hedgeworth?

There is no engagement.

My father tried to make me marry him
but I just never felt...

Well, I don't find him...

Well Mr. Brown, he's a turkey.

She's under hypnosis!

I had to call and clear this up.

Well, you certainly have shed a new beam
of light on this situation.

And I personally think
it's absolutely barbaric

for a girl to be forced
into a marriage with a turkey!

I mean, can you imagine
what the kids would look like?

Best of luck to both of you from Squirrely
Curly and we're gonna be rooting for ya.

Thanks Curly. Goodbye.

Hey, that was great.

Hey, we just passed the Rolls!
Drop back!

Hey, that's the chick. man!

That's the chick!
Get her to pullover!

Hey, one of your wheels is loose!
Yeah, your rear end's starting to shimmy!

Hey, you better stop
and tighten your lug nuts!

Go on! Will you pull over?

What do you think?

Floor it.

I got it. I got the Rolls-Royce
under surveillance.

Roger Eagle 1.

Eagle 1, hereafter code name
for Rolls-Royce will be "Quarry."

OK, all right there's a turnoff
about a mile up here.

It's a good one
and then we can start taking side roads.

I think we ought to stay on 15
and get there just as fast as we can.

No we gotta get off the main drag.
There'll be reward hunters all over.

We'll get lost if we go out in the desert.
No we won't. I got it right here.

There's the turnoff. Let's lose these jokers.

OK.

Move it!

I got 'em! I got 'em!
All right!

Hang 'em.

Stay with 'em!

This is some test spin!

Quarry just now flew the track. Yeah.

They're rolling due east
on an unmarked road

approximately five miles
south of Victorville.

Roger. Keep me informed.

What happened to Barstow. Slinker? Huh?

Here's where they are now.

This is Base 1. Wrap Velvet Net.

Proceed east on Route 66 to Daggett.
Further instructions will follow.

(over megaphone) Throw the devil
out of the driver's seat.

Pull his foot off the gas.

Slow down for God's sake.
and prepare to meet Jesus!

Sweet Jesus!

(siren Wailing)

(ye/ling)

You goddamn chicken fucker!

Pull up so I can do it to 'em!

Hey baby! Hey baby!
Hey you want a drink?

Ha-ha! Hee-hee!

You'd better pull over honey bun!
Yeah 'cause we're crazy.

(laughs)

What'll I do?
All right, hang a left.

Uh, Quarry took a hard left
on to a rough dirt road. heading due north.

They've turned.
and they're heading up to Route 66.

Where the Velvet Net will be waiting
and bag 'em right here. See?

She's taken my car up that lousy road?
What in the hell's wrong with that girl?

Get back on the road man!
Get off my case! I'm driving!

Aw, man.

Stay on the road!
I am. I am! Give me a break!

Oh, no!

Oh, man! Lost the brakes!
It don't matter. Just keep on going.

The steering's gone!
Oh. shit!

It stopped. Maybe we can fix it.

Probably not.

No sign of 'em. Must have had car trouble.

Good.

I am not in the service of the law
but in the service of the Lord.

If you doubt my word just look up my son.

Get your answer from the heavens.

Eagle 1.

Hallelujah! Praise the Lord!

Shut off your engine for Jesus my son.

Know the joy of coasting for Christ.

We'll just stay on these side roads now
and we got it made.

Velvet Net is spread.

(honking)

You'd better move your tail Charlie
or you're gonna get it bent!

All right now, don't panic.
This is gonna work.

NOW!

Number two's swinging to the left
but keep him off the road.

Car three get behind him!

Where the hell are they?

I thought you were watching them.

Think I'm gonna throw up.
I think I see 'em. I'm zeroing in.

Ha-ha!

We got him now!

(crash)

(coughing)

Boy. Slinker's gonna be pissed.

Yeah yeah, the drivers are OK.
But the cars are totaled!

I wish you could see this Ned.
Ned, the cars are all sandwiched together.

Shut up and stay with the Quarry.
How's the car?

Couldn't be better.
That's a hell of a set of wheels.

Well, we're going mobile.
I'll stay in touch. Base 1 out.

Pack the van.

(phone beeps)

Hello?

How's everything? You and the Rolls?

We're both fine.

Paula. I'd feel an awful lot better
about everything

if you'd just turn around
and come back home.

Dad...
I want you well married.

Your mother and I have always
had that dream.

Well, my dream is marrying Sam Freeman.

Well, that's... that's a damned lousy dream!

It's a great dream
and that's what I'm gonna do.

Keep it steady. I'm gonna talk her over.

Pull it over lady.

Look, you pull it over
and I'll have the DA take it easy on you.

(honks)

(Woman) Get the door.

Here comes our ride.

Hey! Hey!
Here!

Hey hey hey!
Wait! No!

The black and yellow pickup on the radio!
The Hedge-face dude!

Yeah, but there's a pig mobile after him.
For 25 thou. we can spring him!

I've got it.

Because of hundreds of sympathetic calls.
Because you the public demanded

to know more about
those fabulous Vegas-bound lovers.

I am taking a command flight
to the scene of that momentous chase.

Somewhere out there on the desert.

Two young lovers are puffing their lives
on the line

and are defying the World
in their bid for togetherness.

So stay tuned to Ten-Q.
This is Squirrely Curly going aloft.

Ten-Q listens to you

Yeah. Ten-Q listens to you

Leave it right here

I Ten-Q...

Hold her steady! I'm going in!

Get your foot out of my crotch!

I'm boarding this Bug lady.

Oh!!

All right, out of the car!
You're under arrest!

And you are an obscene person!

Ah now. That's assaulting an officer!

All right! All right! All right!

All right! You have a right to an attorney.
You have the right to remain silent.

If you cannot afford an attorney one will
be provided for you. Do you understand?

Whoo!

You think you can hotwire this mother?
No necito man.

El key-o in el ignition-ario.

You crack me up when you talk Mexican.
Ee-hee!

(engine starts)

Hey! Dirty rotten underhanded cruds!

(Woman) You couldn't wait
could you Mr. Everhard?

(yelling)

(Curly Q) The Honeymoon Camper
brings the total to ten in the last two hours.

That's grand theft auto
on a rather grand scale.

It all seems to be somehow connected

to the Paula Powers-Sam Freeman
love flight to Vegas.

I'm gonna bust this crime spree if I have
to go all the way to Las Vegas to do it!

Sin City, here we come! Whoo!

(all cheering)

All right, all right. Listen to this.

There once was a girl from LA
who was determined to go all the way.

Sam!
To Vegas. All the way to Vegas.

Right.

Uh her mother screamed “no"
her father yelled “whoa".

But they married the first day of May.

Oh. that's nice.
Thank you.

And then they rolled in the hay.

Oh yes! Yes!

Ladies and gentlemen you have just heard
it a sexy rhyme from Miss Paula Powers.

Miss Powers. Miss Powers.

Please tell me, what brought on
this sudden case of the hots?

Well. I guess I... I just love you.

I love you too.

(radio) What you gonna do
when she says goodbye ?

Whoa!

Whoa.

I'd better keep control of myself.
Yeah.

Only when you're driving though.

How many killed?
Nobody's hurt but we need a ride.

(laughs)

Think you got film in your camera?
Yeah. sure.

Well I want a picture of this.
That's the damnedest wreck I ever saw.

People ain't gonna believe this.
I'll take one of you, you take one of me.

You can take all the pictures you want.
Thank you.

Let's try one right here.
Yeah. OK.

Look this way.

OK. Cock your head a little.

That's it.

Hey. where you going?

(laughs)

Drive carefully!

Velvet Net leader to Base 1.

What do you want?

We've acquired a four-wheel-drive vehicle
and are mobile again.

They're mobile again.
Oh, they're mobile. Big deal.

You're a good bunch of men.

We're a good bunch of men.

I suggest you try gaining time by taking
that four-Wheel drive job cross country.

Roger, Base 1.
We'll give it the old college try.

Yahoo!

Any of you out there seen a Rolls or a
black and yellow pickup come on back.

(Woman) Mm howdy Flying Cottage
this is Hotpants.

I saw a rig like that
running north toward Kelso.

That's probably him!

I'm headed down to Essex
for a little skinny-dip party.

Like to have some fun?

Jesus bet your buns Hotpants!

No. Would you just get off the radio man
and start looking for that road to Kelso?

Next time Hotpants next time.

You know, I believe I've seen that girl
on television. Uh...

What's her name?
Paula Powers.

Paula Powers? No. I don't believe
I ever heard of her before.

Well, I guess I got my head
up my rectum again.

Hmm.

There they go.

Follow that car.
I always love saying that.

I want you to stop a black and yellow Rolls-
Royce at the bridge. Do you hear me?

All right, Max! Now get outta here!
Whoa-eel

25 Gs.

Oh. get me out of this godforsaken desert.

This is getting a little out of hand.

All right. All right now. Come on.
Straighten that wire out there.

Come on boy! Move!
We ain't got all day.

I've had it with this guy.
Pull over and I'm gonna punch him out.

No, I'm not gonna pull over
so you can punch him out.

Hold it. Hold it.

NOW!

Come on! Now!

Jesus. Did you see that?

Sweet Lord Jesus Max, if he ain't dead
he's gonna kill us!

Their tails are worth $25,000!
Some crazy rich kids. Go after it!

Let's go! Come on you egg-brained
offsprings! I'm gonna kill you both!

We're a good bunch of men. (laughs)

Yes! Yes! It must be them.

Ladies and gentlemen
we have overtaken the Rolls-Royce.

This could be one of the most electrifying
moments in radio history.

Paula Powers and Sam Freeman are
directly beneath me at this moment.

streaking across the desert Wasteland.

(Collins) I'm ahead of them.
How did I get ahead of them?

Bless you son!
My prayers have been answered.

Oh my God!

Lord help you boy!
I will catch up with you.

Lord help you boy.

(Curly Q) The black and white car 47
seems to be

pursuing Collins Hedgeworth
in the black and yellow pickup.

They are gunning directly
at the Rolls-Royce.

The road is blocked.
A collision seems inevitable!

You're bananas. Pull off!

Yaah!

Hallelujah! Whoo!

Let me go! I gotta stop my fiancée!

It is God's will that I caught you
and God's will that I collect.

All right. Help me stop my fiancée.
and you'll get it all.

$50,000.

Swear on the bible.
I swear!

Amen!

Let's go. Come on brother.

Let's go.
We'll build us a whole tabernacle.

It's impossible to know what transpired
between the two.

But the preacher is driving car 47.

Not back to Los Angeles.
but north toward the highway 68.

Is it possible they're going
in pursuit of Paula Powers?

I would guess yes!

We're almost at 68. Let me have the wheel
so we can move this cracker box!

Piss off!

Eagle 1, give me an estimation
of their ground speed.

Over the CB.

Well. that's a toughie, Ned.
Speed can vary so much.

This is Bigby Powers.
Will you answer the question?

No more than 60 on an average.
That's all we wanted to know.

I got something hot. I'm gonna go with this.
Put me on the air now.

Break into the record.

Ladies and gentlemen.
In a shocking discovery

I have just learned that Paula Powers

is the daughter of multimillionaire
gubernatorial candidate Bigby Powers.

That's true.

And that he himself is involved in a plot

to stop his daughter
from marrying Sam Freeman.

He has a chopper in the air.
numerous agents in the field

that can close in on the Rolls-Royce
at any moment

and wrest young Paula from her lover
thus ending this bizarre odyssey.

Now, for you folks at home who would like
to follow the action on your maps.

Find highway 68.

Now Paula and Sam are ten miles
north of Cima headed toward that road.

Now back to the station
for more music, facts and facts

as I stand by on the Ten-Q sky-watch.

(telephone rings)

Thank you for calling
The Curly Q Brown Show.

I wanna talk to Mr. Brown.
Well. Mr. Brown's in the air.

I know he's in the air.
This is Sam Freeman.

Sam Freeman? I'll patch you right in.

Sam Freeman, the man of the moment.
How you doing. Sam?

You're full of crap. You know that Curly?

You wish us good luck
and then you tell everybody where we are.

Sam...
I want you to cut it out.

Sam, you created this situation.
I didn't.

But you went through a lot of trouble
to make it a great human interest story.

Now you're broadcasting
to the whole world.

“Right down here ladies and gentlemen.

Stop the Vegas-bound lovers
and hit the $25,000 jackpot.“

You're hovering up there
like a vulture hoping for a wreck.

Well, if you have it. I'm gonna report it.

Because every time you turn around
and fart it's news.

You say anything you want
but just don't pinpoint us on the map.

I've been in radio a long time kiddo

and you just don't let
something like this go by.

It's just too big.

(announcer) We interrupt this broadcast
for a special bulletin from Curly Q Brown.

Hello again!

I've just been in contact
with Paul Powers and Sam Freeman

and God bless 'em they're doing fine.

And incidentally they're streaking towards
highway 68 and the Nevada border

at this very moment.

What an ass.
They're a little distraught...

That's great, Curly. Just great.

(Curly Q) Wait just a minute.

Ladies and gentlemen, Sam Freeman
is leaning out of the Rolls-Royce.

He's making a friendly gesture at me!

I'm waving back.
What a sportsman young Sam is.

Oh, yeah. I got you spotted Base 1.

You're approximately, uh...
three miles from the junction.

It looks close.
I think you got a shot at beating 'em.

We are on 68.

They're approaching from the side road.

Get them bottled right here.
All we have to do is cork it.

Quarry is gaining.

Kick this tin can in the ass. Kick it!

I have cracked the code
on another secret transmission.

There is a dramatic confrontation brewing
out here in this barren, desolate area

as that wealthy tyrant and would-be
governor Bigby Powers is racing

to personally intercept his daughter
as she and Sam Freeman emerge

from the back roads of the desert
off the Highway 68.

It is a race to the junction
as the stakes are high.

Both vehicles are flat-out.

This is a contest.
not just between father and daughter

but between the forces of power
and oppression on one side

and romance and free will on the other.

They may be outrunning you.

They have got to be stopped.

Swoop in and slow them down.

Swoop in, Ned?
That's right.

The whirlybird has pulled out of its dive
and is playing a veritable game of chicken

with those two courageous kids
in the Rolls-Royce.

Make another pass at them.

(Curly Q) They're going closer.

Don't worry! They'll pull off!
Don't worry. They'll pull off.

Neither will give an inch.
Oh my God, they're gonna crash!

And the Whirlybird is a chickie bird!

Those two nervy young lovers
unflinchingly held their own.

I did it. I did it! I kicked his butt!

Yes, they've Won this lap but who knows
what the next "power" play will bring us?

What will that thin ribbon of highway
to Vegas lead to?

Perhaps everlasting happiness
or perhaps tragedy.

I want results. Do you hear that, Slinker?
I want results!

All right... l'm playing the ace.

It may be a little messy
but you'll get your results.

Your call, sir.

Yes?

Sir, this is Ned Slinker.
Ned Slinker from Los Angeles.

I need help, sir.

Ned, you're a nice person.

But it bothers me that you only call me
when you're in trouble.

We've got the momentum now, Sam, and
we're gonna do it. We're going all the way!

I'm gonna beat him to Vegas
and I'm gonna get married.

Then let him look at the scoreboard.

Aren't you excited?

Beating your old man
doesn't make my day, you know.

It would if you knew him like I do.
lt's a circus, Paula.

We got a cockamamie circus on our hands.

My client may be the next governor
of California.

Ned, I'll give you the men.

Hurry up! I want that $25,000.

Ram that Rolls-Royce off the road faster
you feather-headed... Faster. faster. faster!

Keep it steady.
Now we gonna have a bang-up time.

Dynamite! Those nuts!
They're throwing dynamite!

You friggin' fruit stand!

(Paula) There's a cop.

Good! He's gonna get 'em.
Unless they get us first.

(siren)

Jeez! Just keep swerving!
I am! I am!

You cockamamie Kojak!

God, what a mess.

Well, we made it didn't we?

(Curly Q) I repeat they are in Nevada.

The $25,000 reward is still up for grabs
as no one seems able

to stop Sam Freeman
and his hard-driving lovely Paula Powers.

(overlapping chatter)

Pass the glue, man.

(speaks Spanish) Let's go get that Rolls.

That's them. Peel out.
(Woman) Come on.

That's them! Let's go. Let's go!

I couldn't care less
what my father thinks about you.

This thing between you and him makes me
feel like I'm the man in the middle.

I am. I'm the man in the middle.

Keep going! Don't stop! Don't stop!

You're a good bunch of men.

We're a good bunch of men. (laughs)

Sam, why are you dragging your feet?
Dragging my feet?

I'm headed for the church at 100 miles an
hour. You can't call that dragging my feet.

I don't like your attitude.
What do you expect? Dog tricks?

Bigby Powers has brought in
more manpower

under the code name of "Vegas Muscle"

to prevent Paula and Sam from reaching
Vegas and ever realizing their dream.

Vegas Muscle in position
one mile beyond the city limits.

I'm just telling you that it was handled
all wrong from the very beginning.

It couldn't have been handled
any other way.

Bullshit! That is total bullshit!

Do you wanna go through with this or not?

Well?

Well, I don't think it should be what I want
or what you want.

I just think it should be what we want.
What's right for us.

That's what I've been trying to do.
Yeah?

You took your father's car. You didn't
work it out with your ex-fiancé...

He was never my fiancé.

Whatever he was
he turned the whole thing into a carnival!

On top of that,
you refuse to change our destination.

Even though we got all these nuts
out trying to stop us.

Now, let me tell you something -
that was not us making those decisions.

You're really making me mad, Sam.

They have made a radical left-hand turn
in the town of Henderson

and have vanished.

Are they planning to marry here
instead of Vegas?

Reverse your direction, damn it!

You watch your trash mouth, boy!

Did you ever think that as soon as you get
over the excitement of defying your dad...

Sam...
Let me just say this

because this has been bothering me.

Did you ever think that you might miss
being rich? Because let me tell you -

I couldn't care less about big cars
or mansions or making a million dollars.

I couldn't either!
I don't care about those things.

Yes, you do.
You grew up with those things.

You're gonna miss those things.
lt's gonna bug you to be poor.

Why are you so worried
about money and my father?

I thought we decided to get married.
Now you seem to have changed your mind.

Well, hell.

We went this far.
Let's just go through with it.

No!

You go on without me.

Will you get in the car?
Forget it!

He really spoiled it for us.

Paula, get in this car.
No!

Not until we make a decision.

Now, if you don't have faith in our love.

If you don't think it strong enough
to overcome the obstacles.

Then we shouldn't bother.

The whole thing wasn't worth it.

Do you really wanna go to Las Vegas
and get married?

Are you asking me?

I'm asking.

I do.

Let's go then.

Eagle 1 to Base 1.

We've flushed the Quarry.

There it is! There's my car.

Come on, stay with 'em!
Harold...

Get on their ass!

(both yelling)

You ram the car and I'll grab her.

Charge!

(yelling)

Hang on.

Phony cops.

Yea-haw!

Hurry up you little bastards.
Railroad that Rolls-Royce!

Hallelujah!

Sit tight.

They killed my Rolls!

You OK?

Sam, you were great.

Oh sweet Jesus, preserve this machine.

We blew the tail feathers
right off that smokey's ass.

Jesus Christ!

Are you all right? Are you all right?

Preacher, take the wheel. Take the wheel.

Ice cream?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey! That's my truck!
Out of the way, you clown!

(yelling)

You lousy scumbags!

Here they come.

Hold it steady. I can't focus.

(Sam) Great. The 6:00 news.

(sirens Wailing)

They're all over us.

All right, I'm gonna knock out the front
tires and youse guys grab 'em.

Vegas Muscle has blocked off Highway 95
and waits

poised like a cobra.
to catch Paula and Sam.

What a dilemma for these lovebirds to face!

I can't see 'em.

Let us grab her
and we'll divvy up the reward with ya!

Two courageous kids
facing overwhelming odds

and possible tragedy at every turn.

All right, the news truck gets it first.

There's no way through there.

(I ice-cream truck music plays)

Yee-hee!

Hurry up!
Go on, get after that Rolls-Royce.

Eagle 1, Give us some air support.
Get down there and harass them!

Eagle 1, I just gave you a direct order.
Do you read me?

Base 1, do you read this?

You're fired!

Ha-ha!

Just on the outskirts of Las Vegas.
they have driven into a funnel.

There is no turning back.
It's incredible what they've had to endure.

Amazing that they've made it this far.

Paula and Sam's plight has been
attracting nationwide attention.

Stop!

...calls from all over the country -

thousands of them, offering prayer,
money, health and much, much sympathy.

(I ice-cream truck music playing)

I don't like to be pessimistic but their
dream may be going right down the drain.

(announcer) Due to the danger of this
event, remain clear of the north bleachers.

Mind the kiddies 'cause we don't wanna
lose any future demolition derby fans now.

All right, we're just about ready to go
and...

Well, it looks like... it looks like
for the first time in demolition derby history

you lucky fans
are gonna see a Rolls-Royce,

a classic Rolls-Royce
destroyed, demolished

and recycled before your very eyes.

How do we get out of here?

You'll need a tow truck.

(announcer) Snuff Schultz has done it
one more time, folks.

They're here and ready to start.

After the Rolls! Right there, right there!

Go get 'em boys!

Wreck the Rolls!

Now, by God, we got 'em.
Don't scratch the car.

Oh. my God.

They've blocked all the exits.

We'll make a new one.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!
Yee-hee!

OK, the minute we catch her be prepared
to perform a simple but tasteful ceremony.

50,000 hallelujahs!

We can make it now!

(Curly Q) Virtually every car
in the arena seems to be after him,

eludin, twisting and turning!

He's one heck of a driver
ladies and gentlemen.

Look at that son of a bitch drive!
Oh shit.

Watch where you're driving.

Oh, oh.

Now I got them all.

OK lady, back on the bus.

Piss off!

(all talk at once)

Hey we got it together here.
We just chillin' out.

Oh, sweet Jesus!

Goddamn you! You crazy...

Oh my God.

(Paula) Clear out!

Oh my God!

My car... My Rolls...

(all) Ooh...

There's an exit. An exit over there!

(speaks Italian) Everybody out!

(announcer) Ladies and gentlemen.
those kids are none other than

Paula Powers and Sam Freeman,
the famous runaway lovers.

There he is!

Well, come on!

(chanting) Paula and Sam! Paul and Sam!

It looks as though Bigby Powers
will beat them to the exit.

And that would mostly surely spell defeat
for Paula and Sam.

(crowd) Paula and Sam! Paula and Sam!

Paula and Sam! Paula and Sam!

Paula and Sam! Paula and Sam!

All right, I'll grab the girl.
You punch out the punk.

Come on. Come on, get going.
Paula!

Come on! Let's get 'em!

(I ice-cream truck music
dying out and stops)

(cheering)

Paula!
Wait for me, boy!

Remember my tabernacle!

There he is!
There she is!

Paula!

Paula!

This is the most incredible series of events
I have ever witnessed!

The crowd is going crazy!
They love those kids!

This is something I personally will never,
ever forget!

Paula and Sam! Paula and Sam!
Paula and Sam!

Paula!

(chanting continues)

(cheering)

Paula!

(cheering and booing)

Come back here Paula!

Paula!

Collins!

Mama!

Collins!

All right, everyone listen up.
This is Officer Norman Tad from Azusa.

Call a paddy wagon because all of these
people are wanted for grand theft auto

and I'm arresting every one!

You lose, copper!

I knocked him right on his el ass-ilito!

I'm a man of God!

I'll drive!

Put me down! I've got an assignment!

I'm Bigby Powers
and you guys are both in trouble!

(I "Wedding Chorus" by Wagner)

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here
in a small, humble house of God

to join you both in holy matrimony.

Cage a mother up for no reason.
lt's criminal!

All I want is to find my little...

Booby!

Mother!

Mother! Mother!
Oh!

Oh. your little Booby loves you!
Oh. Booby!

Oh. Booby. Booby!
Booby. Booby! Booby. Booby!

Mrs. Hedgeworth!
Freeze!

I'm the one who wrenched him
from the devil's clutches!

Buster, your crime spree's over!
Over, hell!

That mother owes me $25,000!

You're gonna need every cent of it.
I got it.

You heathen!

Darling! Darling, don't fret about her.

She is socially inferior.
The whole family is a rather trashy lot.

Mrs. Hedgeworth, my daughter
isn't socially inferior to anyone.

You sir, are an uncouth ass.

Well lady, your ass isn't
exactly perfect either.

Sir, you just insulted my mother.

Your mother asked for it.

Hi-yah!

You sadistic brute!

I'm glad Paula didn't marry him.
He's a flake.

Oh! Oh! Oh!

Booby... Booby... Now. now. now.

Maybe she did get the right guy.

-I will.
I will.

Repeat after me:

With this ring. I thee wed.

With this ring. I thee wed.

(I "Wedding March?)

Sam. Paula. I have never done anything
like this before in my life.

But could I have your autograph?

(cheering)

Excuse me! Excuse me!
Pardon me, everyone!

...l'm from the hotel
and we think you two are deserving

of some fine Las Vegas hospitality.
Right?

(crowd) Right!

We want you to have your honeymoon
on us!

I've got a limousine that'll take you
right to our finest bridal suite.

You will accept, won't you?

Yeah.
Great!

(cheering)

Wonderful. Just clear the way.

They just cut out! Now dig on Curly Q
because I'm laying rubber.

I've done it all today to Ten-Q. folks.
But the job is not complete.

I've traded my wings for wheels

and am following Paula and Sam
directly to their hotel

and right into their honeymoon suite
for another Ten-Q exclusive.

By the Way. I'll be making very special...
Could you try and lose this ding-dong?

appearance at the grand opening of Taco Village.

America's most loveable couple
has turned off the Strip

but I'm right behind them.

Hopefully we can learn that Paula and
Sam perform as well in the bridal caper

as they do
behind the Wheel of a Rolls-Royce.

I'm racing to be there
for the climax of their climax.

Congratulations! Mr. and Mrs. Sam
Freeman. How about a few words?

Yeah, come on! Say something
for the fans! I made you stars!

You would stiff old Squirrely Curly
would you?

Come on! Come on!

Jesus Christ!

Aah!

Ladies and gentlemen. I'm smashing
through a beautiful suburban home

with a lovely plate-glass window
which is not slowing me down in the least.

And as I approach the king-sized bed.
I notice the phone is off the hook.

I wonder if it's for me.

As we leave this warm. friendly
family atmosphere.

I'm gaining altitude and loving it.

Once again Curly Q is going aloft.

Aah!

Ladies and gentlemen...
l'm speechless.

Where do you think we'll be
on our 50th wedding anniversary?

Right here. I'm not getting out of the car.

Grand theft. You stole my heart

Grand theft. We were in your car

Whoa. Whoa, romance is on the right

Whoa. Whoa, disasters on the left

Whoa. Whoa, I'm in the middle of a

grand, grandness

Love in flight, flight, flight

Got to escape from everybody tonight

Yeah, yeah

Love in flight, flight, flight

Love in flight

Drag

Grand theft. We were on the run

Grand theft. Havin' so much fun

Whoa. Whoa, it's obvious that

We were never meant to live as two

Whoa. Whoa, I'm in the middle of a

Grand affair with you

Love in flight, flight, flight

Got to escape from everybody tonight

Yeah, yeah

Love in flight, flight, flight

Love in flight tonight

Grand theft

Grand theft

Grand theft

Grand theft

Grand theft

Grand theft

Grand theft

Grand theft

Grand theft

Grand theft