Good Boys (2019) - full transcript

Three 6th grade boys ditch school and embark on an epic journey while carrying accidentally stolen drugs, being hunted by teenage girls, and trying to make their way home in time for a long-awaited party.

Subtitles by explosiveskull

♪ Suave, no, no, no, sí ♪

Oh, fuck yeah.

Why's your door closed, Maxie?

Dad, I'm in sixth grade.
I need, uh, privacy sometimes.

Oh. Look, I'm heading
to the airport.

Be back in two days.

Please be nice to your sister,

help your mom,
and do not touch the drone.

- I won't. Bye.
- I-I'm serious, okay?

- It's not a toy. It's for my work.
- Yep.



Safe flight. Bye, Dad.
Love you.

Thank you. Hey.

Come give me a hug, bud.

I'll give you two hugs
when you get back.

I get it.

- Why are you smiling?
- Well, you're just growing up.

- It's exciting to me.
- It's not. Stop smiling.

I remember bringing you home
from the hospital

like it was yesterday.

Now here you are,
sexually masturbating yourself.

- No, I "F"-ing wasn't.
- Hey, it's cool, fool.

It's like you got a new toy...
the best toy in the world...

and you just want
to keep playing with it.

I don't know.



I just want you to know
I'm proud of you.

Okay, do your thing.
I'll see you later.

Love you.
See you in two days.

Amy, you are not gonna
believe this.

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Multimillionaire-aire,
multimillionaire, ooh ♪

♪ If you rich, put your
bust down in the air... ♪

Yo, guys, check this out.

My babysitter told me everyone
in sixth grade gets hand jobs.

What's a hand job?

It's when a girl jerks you off
until you "coom."

And then it's your job
to clean it up.

- I don't think it's "coom."
- Yeah.

C-U-M. "Coom."

Middle school's way more
intense than elementary.

If we're gonna get
through this,

- we need to stick together.
- Bean Bag Boys for life.

Speed bump.

♪ Multimillionaire, ooh. ♪

Are your friends jelly
you're dating a college guy?

Some of them, I think.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Wait, hey, c...

♪ Multimillionaire... ♪

- Can I help you?
- Retreat! Retreat!

Hey, Stranger Things,
go fuck yourself!

- Hurry!
- Go, go, go!

You know those fucking guys?

♪ Ooh. ♪

No one can stop
the Turzan of Uzkara.

Lucas, keep it in the case.

Dude, it's worth 300 bucks.

600 now. I checked.

- $600?!
- We're millionaires!

- Yeah.
- Do you guys want to

maybe go to the skate park
tomorrow after school?

I know what cocaine is.

Annabelle, get out of here.

Bean Bag Boys only.

I heard, at the skate park,

the older kids
will make you take drugs.

We'll never do drugs.

They destroy lives
and communities.

You have no choice.

Mom!

Annabelle,
don't antagonize your brother.

Come on, go upstairs.
Now... Hey.

All right, Bean Bag Boys,
finish up. It's a school night.

Lights out, 8:30.

What? You said 8:45.

Hey. Finish up.

I don't think I want to go
to the skate park.

We're in sixth grade now.

We need to start doing
sixth grade things.

Ooh, you want
to see Brixlee, don't you?

♪ Hold on ♪

♪ Do you want to be mine? ♪

♪ You know you on my mind ♪

♪ Do you want to be mine? ♪

- ♪ Be my Valentine ♪
- ♪ Can you be mine? ♪

♪ Valentine. ♪

- Hi.
- Oh, my God!

Mom!

♪ She gonna shake it, she gonna
shake it, she gonna drop that ♪

♪ We gonna keep on making
paper, we won't stop that ♪

♪ Hey, diamonds having
a conversation ♪

♪ Why don't you talk back... ♪

This park is fucking lit.

Yo, guys,
the Scooter Squad is here.

You know who's really good
at burns? Atticus L.

- He's so funny.
- Atticus L.?

I'd smoke him in a burn war.
Right, Max?

♪ You need me, but I need you,
girl, I got you ♪

♪ But do you got me? ♪

♪ Baby, I'd ride for you,
but would you ride for me... ♪

Ooh...

So, are you gonna give Brixlee
the necklace you made her?

No, shut up. It's-it's...

I haven't put it
in the kiln yet.

You always have an excuse.

Thor, you never talk to girls.

Girls are a distraction.

Rock of Ages auditions
are in two days.

♪ And I don't want
to be tied down. ♪

Max, come here.

Hey, Taylor.

People are saying
you made Brixlee

a necklace in art class.

Nice try, but I don't
talk about my art projects

before they're finished.

If she had a crush on you,

would you admit
you had a crush on her?

Does she have a crush on me?

I don't know.
I've never asked her.

- See you tomorrow.
- Bye.

Fuck.

So, how'd it go, lover boy?

Uh, she might know about
the necklace.

Veggie lasagna for dinner?

Everything's coming up Lucas.

I'll see you guys at school.

Bye. Be safe.

Yo, Scooter Boys.
Scooter Boys. Act cool.

- Act... act cool.
- Okay, okay, okay.

What's up, Atticus?

You guys want to see
something cool?

Hell yeah.

What are we up to?
What are we doing?

We're gonna sip a beer.

- Scared?
- No.

I've had, like,
5,000 sips of beer.

Bitch, please.

Soren has the record.
Three sips.

- Three sips?
- Three sips.

Whoa.

I'm already feeling something.

Delicious.

Careful. It's hot.

Are you gonna drink it or not?

I forgot,

I have musical auditions
this Friday.

They drug-test for beer.

Thor, just admit you're
a scared little-wittle baby.

No, I'm not.

Want us to put the beer in
a sippy cup for you, Sippy Cup?

- No.
- Sippy Cup.

- Amazing burn, Atticus.
- It's not a good burn.

His dad has two DUIs and has
to take the train to work.

That's a good burn.

Sippy Cup, sing us a song.

No.

How about "Twinkle, Twinkle,
Little Bitch"?

Sippy Cup! Sippy Cup!

No, no, guys.

He'll do it, but he just
needs more time to think.

Sippy Cup! Sippy Cup!

Bye.

Lasagna and soda?

Don't tell
my parents you gave me this.

This kid is hilarious.

We're getting a divorce.

Wh-What do you mean?

Okay, okay, I'll tell you.
Everything gonna stay the same.

We promise.

Will we still watch
This Is Us together?

- Yes, of course.
- Yes.

That's our favorite show.

That's our family show.

Except now you're gonna see it

on two-two different TVs,
you know.

In two different houses.

So you're gonna have to watch
the episode twice.

What about Taco Tuesday?

Taco Tuesdays
are still going down.

Matter of fact, you're gonna
have two Taco Tuesdays,

just one on Wednesday now.

Twice the fun.

Twice the fun, twice the tacos.

It's... everything's
gonna stay the same, so...

Everything gonna be the same.
Me and your mom, you know,

we're still best friends,
right?

Mm-hmm.

I mean, it would've
been nice to have

tacos together as a family,
but how about this?

We could change it
to Wing Wednesday...

♪ I'm walking on sunshine ♪

- ♪ Walking on sunshine ♪
- ♪ Whoa ♪

♪ And don't it feel good ♪

♪ Hey! Na, na, na-na,
na, na, na-na ♪

- ♪ Ooh... ♪
- ♪ Now every time I go for the mailbox ♪

♪ Gotta hold myself down ♪

♪ Hey! Na, na, na-na,
na, na, na-na ♪

- ♪ Ooh... ♪
- ♪ 'Cause I just can't wait ♪

- ♪ Till you write me you're coming around ♪
- ♪ Hey! ♪

Thor, inspired,
voice of an angel, man.

♪ I'm walking on sunshine ♪

- ♪ Walking on sunshine ♪
- ♪ Whoa ♪

♪ I'm walking on sunshine ♪

- ♪ Walking on sunshine ♪
- ♪ Whoa ♪

- What are we walking on?
- ♪ I'm walking on sunshine ♪

- ♪ Walking on sunshine ♪
- ♪ Whoa ♪

♪ And don't it feel good. ♪

It does feel good, don't it?

What's wrong?

That song always makes me sad.

Don't forget, Rock of Ages
auditions are tomorrow.

It's my favorite musical.

I did make some
pretty big changes, though,

based on my time
in Holly-weird.

I think it'll really

inspire those of you

who dare to dream.

Sick.

So, I looked at her,
but she was looking

the other direction.

But then she looked at me,

and I was looking
the other direction.

So I think that someday
we're gonna make eye contact.

That's cool.

This musical is gonna be lit.

Hey, Soren.

Look at this.

Sippy Cup is signing up
for the musical.

Singing is for try-hards.

No, uh, someone signed me up
as a joke.

I was just crossing it off.
See?

Yeah, whatever, bitch tits.

Enough. Let's go.

- I have places to be.
- Sorry, Soren.

Don't listen to Atticus.

His dad doesn't even pay taxes.

Doesn't matter
what Atticus says.

I've been thinking about
quitting singing

ever since I was young.

Come on.
We're gonna miss fish sticks.

Whoa. That's the best lunch
I've ever seen.

Yeah, my parents are being
super nice because...

because...

they're great and...

they're great,
and ev-everything's good.

Ooh, wait.
Is that a new earring?

Yes, finally.
Thank you for noticing.

- It looks cute on you.
- Max, I'm not going for cute.

I'm going for sexy and hot.

Those are the only two things
I'm looking for.

You like it?

It looks infected.

Soren's so cool.

I heard he beat up
Derek Bachman

and blow-jobbed his sister.

He blow-jobbed his own sister?

No, he blow-jobbed
Derek's sister.

Fucking legend.

I think Soren's calling me.

♪ Uh, how we get down ♪

♪ Putting it down,
now you know ♪

♪ If you didn't know,
then I bet you know now, uh. ♪

- 'Sup?
- 'Sup?

I heard you sipped a beer
like a fucking champ.

Yeah, I took a pretty big sip,
actually.

Cool.

I'm having a party
tomorrow night.

All these fools are coming.

You in?

You should come.

Trust me.

Yeah, I'll come,

but, you know,
I'll have to ask my mom.

Also, gonna be a kissing party.

You've French-kissed
girls before, right?

Yeah.

Of course.

Where?

Their mouths?

Yeah, dawg.

He's not gonna start sitting

with the popular kids, is he?

No. If anyone should be
over there, it's me.

We heard kids were
calling you Sippy Cup,

and we just wanted to let you
know you can always call on

the Student Coalition Against
Bullying for protection.

Does this look like
a sippy cup?

No, it's a fucking juice box.

'Cause I'm not a fucking child.

That's so rude.

Wait. Can I bring
Thor and Lucas?

So random.

No, they're cool.

I'm trying to keep it
half girls, half guys.

You feel me, dawg?

I feel you, dawg, but...

they're my best friends.

We do everything together.
We're the Bean Bag Boys.

That's a dope-ass name.

Fuck it. Bring 'em.

I ride or die
for my squad, too.

Let me know
what your mom says, dawg.

Okay. Bye, dawg.
Bye, dawgs.

So?

Soren just invited us
to his party tomorrow.

- Soren?
- Yeah.

He said my name?
He said "Thor"?

- Pretty much, yeah.
- Sweet.

Oh, there's also
gonna be girls there.

You know what that means?

Drama.

Kissing.

So, do you guys know
how to kiss?

- I have no fucking clue.
- No.

No, not at all.

Type "kissing."

Ooh. No, no, no. "Boobs."

"Breast cancer research."

"How to find a bra that fits."

I have an idea.

"Are you 18 or older?"

I'm gonna click "yes."

We're not 18 or older.

This could go on
our permanent record.

I'm your stepmother.
You are not supposed to be

- looking at me in the shower.
- Don't tell my dad.

He'll make me quit
the sports team.

Get up. Get up.

He's in trouble.

You deserve a punishment.

Pull down your shorts.

Is that what happens

when you get a stepmom?

Ew.

No way that's gonna fit
in there.

Get out of there, girl!

Where did his hand go?

- Ew!
- Oh, my God!

Nobody even kissed.

Yeah, not on their mouths
at least.

My parents have a CPR doll.

We can go practice kissing
on that.

Come on.

This is
a really pretty CPR doll.

I guess I'll go first.

Stop.

What are you doing?

Kissing her.

You can't kiss someone
without their permission.

Remember from assembly?

Pretend it's Brixlee.

- Try to be a gentleman.
- Okay.

Brixlee, can I kiss you?

Why?

- Why?
- Yeah.

What do you like about me?

Well...

you're sweet.
You smell good.

You're smart, too.

You always push Henry
in his wheelchair

even though he's super mean.

And just when I think
I've got you figured out,

you go ahead
and start skateboarding.

I consent.

- How was it?
- Sticky.

Why does she have hair
in her mouth?

You know what? This isn't
teaching us anything.

We need to see
real people kissing.

That's the only way to know
if we're doing it right.

My neighbor is
a total nymphomaniac.

Her boyfriend's always over.

She starts fires?

No, that's a pyromaniac.
She's a nymphomaniac.

Someone who has sex
on land and sea.

Seriously?

Okay, I was gonna wait
till tomorrow to surprise you,

but can I just tell you?

- Nah, I'm good.
- No, you want to know.

Ugh. I can barely see anything.

I know we haven't been
hanging out much,

you know,
ever since I met Benji,

but I want to
make it up to you.

So, tomorrow,
I'm skipping school,

and we're driving to the city
to see Kendrick Lamar.

- Shut up!
- And we're gonna do Molly.

- You thought of everything.
- Of course I fucking have.

It's gonna be amazing.

Remix!

Well, Benji got us the Molly.

- Benjamin.
- Oh, thank you!

Look.

This isn't working.
Maybe we could go climb a tree.

No, they'd see us.

No, I just meant
let's go climb a tree.

Dude, wait.

I know a way
we can see them kiss.

I can't.

It has a camera.
We could see everything.

We can learn technique.

It's for his dad's work.
It's not a toy.

Of course it's a toy.
They sell it at toy stores.

My uncle flew a drone
for the Army,

and now he yells in his sleep
and has crazy diarrhea.

It's messed up that he even
keeps it in the house.

You have to walk by it
every day.

- He's torturing you.
- It's true.

It's like when your cousin
walks around in a bikini

and she taunts you.

If he finds out,
you'll be grounded.

You won't be able
to go to Soren's.

And even worse, you'll lose
your father's trust.

It's true, too.

She'll love you
for who you are.

Yeah, a shitty kisser.
Remember the porn from earlier?

That guy didn't even know
how to kiss.

He was just licking
that woman's asshole.

- You want to kiss an asshole, Max?
- No.

Max, don't listen to him.
He just wants to go

because he's obsessed
with popular boys.

Believe me, Max.
You don't want to go to Soren's

not knowing how to kiss.

So, tomorrow,
after you get some girl time,

why don't you come over
for some man time?

No, I told you I'm hanging out
with Lily this weekend.

Yeah, it's just...
you know, it's hard

for me not to see you,
'cause you're my best friend.

- But Lily's my best friend.
- Yeah, I get it.

Totally, totally get it.

Yeah.

I'll probably just hang out
with my ex, Margaret.

Are you trying
to make me jealous?

Uh, no.
Why? Are you jealous?

Yeah, this isn't working out.

I know. You're not hot enough
to be acting like this,

so the next time
that you're wondering

where all the nice guys went,
just remember

that you let one walk
right out the door.

What?

I didn't say anything.

I never want to see you again.

Are you okay?

Wait, where'd the guy go?

Who cares?
The girls just hugged.

They are definitely gonna kiss.

We might need to get closer.

Do you hear that?

What is that?

It's fucking spying on us.

- All right, it's my turn to fly.
- Give it!

- I just want to buzz 'em.
- No!

Hey, you're gonna break it.

You want it? Fine!

Shit!

Ha!

No!

- Shit! What the hell, Thor?
- That was both of our faults.

Well, Dad's gonna kill me.
What do I do now?

- Whoa!
- What the hell?!

- We say there was a break-in.
- What...?

They trashed the place
and took the drone.

That's the most stupid
fucking idea I've ever heard!

Guys, guys.

All we have to do
is just go over there

and tell the truth,
then God will be on our side.

Hey. Can I help you?

Uh, I hope so, madam.

We were using our drone
to follow a family of turtles,

and we thought it might have
crashed in your backyard.

Oh, yeah, yeah, it's here.
Come on in.

- So, you guys like turtles?
- Yeah.

- That's awesome.
- Time's up, motherfuckers.

Shit! It's a trap.

You think I give a fuck
about turtles?

We're sorry. We just wanted
to learn how to kiss.

Lucas, it's none
of their business.

We should have just
told the truth.

We're going to a kissing party,

and none of us have
ever kissed, and we're scared.

Goddamn it, Lucas.

I've had sex before,
but I've never kissed a girl.

Just go online and type in
"how to kiss."

That's what everyone does.

Oh.

It's very easy.

Look, can we please
have the drone back?

It's a BD Rolling Thunder.
It's my dad's.

He needs it for work.
Can I please have it back?

- I really need it. Please.
- I don't think so.

If you don't give it back,
I'll tell my dad you stole it.

And I'll tell him
that you're a pervert.

We'll tell the whole school.

This is sensual harassment.

We'll tell everyone
that you're a misogynist.

I never massaged anyone.

This is what happens
when you don't respect women.

I respect women.
My mom's my best friend.

What about me?

Oh, God, I'm so fucked.

My dad's gonna kill me.

You had to snoop on them.
You're such a feminist.

I'm-I'm not a feminist.
I love women.

And my parents are definitely
gonna call your guys' parents.

We're all gonna get grounded.

Forget Soren's party.
We're fucked.

Why are you smiling?
This is actually your fault.

This is leverage.

Oh.

Bingo.

- What is it?
- I have no idea.

That's a tampon.

- What's it for?
- Girls shove it

up their buttholes
to stop babies from coming out.

An eighth-grader told me that.

The human body
is truly a mystery.

Can't believe
they still eat chewables.

The gummies are so much better.

I like the chewables.
I want one.

Fucking childproof bullshit!

Thor! Thor!
Thor! Thor! Thor! Thor!

It's the girls.

Hello?

You took my bag.
It has my license, my phone.

Bring it back right now.

Fuck that noise.
I want my drone back.

I got this.
I got this, I got this.

What did you
just say, you little bitch?

I'll take a shit
down your throat.

Why are you talking like that?

Hannah, I have
a little brother.

- You're supposed to scare them.
- Well, you scared me.

Listen, we-we were just trying
to teach you a lesson.

I promise you we were gonna
give the drone back.

No way.
They could trick us again.

Or overpower us.

Oh, my God.
What if they take the Molly?

Then we wouldn't be able
to take it.

No, they're children.
They would die.

This is Max from earlier.

Meet us at the playground
across from John Adams

tomorrow at 7:40 a.m.

Bring the drone, and don't
fuck with the Bean Bag Boys.

- That was tough.
- Very tough.

I kind of got a boner
talking to those girls.

We're still on the phone.

- Shit! Fuck, fuck.
- What the shit?!

Six, seven, eight, nine, ten,

11, 12, 13, 14, 15...

Ow.

Don't come any closer.

- Why?
- 'Cause you could overpower us.

So, put the drone

on the slide, and count back
from a hundred,

and close your eyes.

And don't try anything funny.

There are witnesses.

Okay, we have a long drive
ahead of us,

so give us the bag
or I will hurt you.

Do not test me.

Threats will get you nowhere,
peasant.

Just give us the fucking Molly!

Okay. Who's Molly?
'Cause she's not with us.

Guys.

Molly is a sex drug.
Dateline did an exposé on it.

You had us bring drugs
to a fucking playground?!

There are children here!

- Shit.
- It's okay.

I know what to do.

We're making
a citizen's arrest!

You're both under arrest!

- Get on the ground!
- Sweet Jesus.

- Up, up, up!
- Stay still!

- Hands up! Hands up!
- Stay still!

Get down now!
Get down now!

Did you just reload
your fake gun?

- Are you mocking me?
- Put your hands up!

Are you mocking me?!

Anything will be used
against you

- that you say.
- In court.

You know, you're the one
holding drugs,

so why don't I do
a citizen's arrest on you?

Fuck.

Time-out, crackheads.

Oh, my God.

Deal's off. We can't let them
put drugs back on the street.

Look at those dirty
fucking junkies.

Their lives are already ruined.

Let's just give them the drugs
and get the drone.

Maybe there's a way we can

protect our community
and get the drone back.

Stall them.

So, what do you plan to do
with those drugs, huh?

Take 'em and feel amazing.

They're addicts.

Yeah.

So, you been drugging
your whole life?

- Uh-huh.
- E'r'day.

Oh. Nice.

What's he doing? Hey.

- Yes! Yes!
- It's working!

- It's working!
- Yes!

Fly it to the school!

You're heading for the trees! Watch out!

We're gonna make it!
We're gonna make it!

Fuck!

Those girls are lucky
I didn't kick their asses.

Oh, no! They found us!

- Oh, shit.
- They're on school property.

They don't care.
They're tweaking.

You know who we need?

- No, don't say it.
- We'll look like losers.

- Don't say it. Don't say it.
- SCAB!

- Shut up.
- SCAB!

- Shut up. Zip it.
- Lucas, shut up.

- SCAB!
- What is that?

There's three boys in danger!

We're scared!
SCAB, help us!

We're okay.

- We're not scared. We're... we're fine.
- Lucas, shut up.

Just walking into school.

- Average day.
- Jesus Christ.

Bullying is wack.

Get on the right track.

Bullying is wack.

Get on the right track.

Bullying is wack.

Get on the right track.

Bullying is wack.

When you attack one of us,

you attack all of us.

Your weakness
gives us strength.

- Well, those kids stole my bag.
- Not today, bully!

Not today.

- What the fuck?
- Bullying is wack.

Get on the right track.

This is the best day
of my life.

Get on the right track.

Don't worry,
we'll find them later.

SCAB just tagged us
on Instagram.

First Sippy Cup, and now this?

I'm two weeks into sixth grade,
I'm already a social piranha.

Guys, my dad gets back at 5:00.

If we don't get a new drone
by then, I'm grounded.

Which means we're all grounded,
which means no party,

which means no Brixlee.

- Sippy Cup for life.
- No Brixlee,

no friends, no hope,

parents fighting,
trapped in our rooms,

all alone, two Taco Tuesdays.

So, Max, what are we gonna do?

We're gonna ditch school
and get a new drone.

Stop thinking with
your big old dick, Max.

That could go on
our permanent record.

Max's big old dick is pointing
us in the right direction.

Thank you. If anyone else
kisses Brixlee, I'll die.

Wait, what?
Here's the plan.

I'm gonna bring a beer
to Soren's,

and I'm gonna sip that beer
so everyone will know...

That you're an alcoholic.

- That would be great.
- Guys.

The only place around here
that has one

is at North Point Galleria.

That's four miles away.

Four miles? How the fuck
are we getting four miles?

- You have Uber.
- No, it goes directly

to my mom's phone.
She'll know.

Then we bike.

Where are you even gonna get
the money for a new drone?

- What?
- You know.

Our Turzan of Uzkara card?
No way!

You said everyone wants
to buy it.

- We got it together.
- And we're gonna

sell it together, as friends.

Come on, Lucas.

Bean Bag Boys
do everything together.

Okay.

Guess that makes sense.

- Yes!
- Yes!

- Lucas! Bean Bag Boys for life.
- Yeah!

We're being so bad.

♪ We're bad, we're so bad ♪

♪ We're bad,
we're so bad ♪

♪ We're bad, we're so bad. ♪

I need to get rid
of these drugs.

- What are you doing?!
- Getting rid of the drugs!

I'm just gonna throw them
in the stream.

It can contaminate the water.

Well, then we can throw it
in the forest.

It's a sex drug.

What if a fox eats it
and tries to fuck a squirrel?

It'll kill him.

Well, then how do we
get rid of drugs?

The same way
we get rid of a baby.

- Abortion?
- Adoption?

No.

We drop it off at the firehouse
on our way up to the mall.

That's a really good idea.

Ah. I just got a bite
on our card.

Nice. Give 'em my address.

My parents aren't home,
and I have the best snacks.

PeterPan69 is gonna be here

in five minutes
to buy the card.

Well, let's get ready.

I found all of these weapons

in the back
of my parents' closet.

I still don't get
why we need weapons.

He could be a pedophile.

He can't molest
all three of us.

All he needs is one.

"An-al beads"?

Aka nunchucks, motherfucker.

Ooh.

- Yeah!
- It's not a toy.

Oh, shoot.

They smell like shit.

Hello.
Uh, I'm looking for Lucas.

- That's me.
- I'm Claude.

Hey.

That's my mom back there.

Hi-ya!

Let's cut the shit.
Are you a pedophile?

What? No.

Lucas, if you were a pedophile

standing in front
of three single boys,

- would you admit it?
- Probably not.

Then why would he?

Oh, come on.

Do I look like a pedophile?

- Sure do.
- Yes, absolutely. - 1,000%.

That's not fair.

You look more like a pedophile
than anyone I've ever seen.

Look, I'm not a pedophile.
I'm a cool guy.

Fine. You can come in,
but please take your shoes off.

You know, I've searched
the world for this.

Why are you bringing
the paintball gun?

In case anyone fucks with us.

This card is exquisite.

- How'd you get it?
- The summer I moved here,

me, Max and Thor started
a dog-washing business.

We earned eight bucks,
and we used the money

to buy an Ascension pack,
and this card was in it.

Well, you got very lucky.

The real luck
was meeting Max and Thor.

Fascinating.

We started calling ourself
the Bean Bag Boys.

- You know why?
- Because you had some beanbags?

- That's right.
- Yeah. Genius.

You got yourself a deal.

Let's go.
Let's make it happen.

No, I can't do this.

Sorry.

Lucas, get your butt
over here right now.

Excuse me, is this how all
12-year-olds conduct business?

What the hell just happened?

I thought you were cool
with this.

You said we wouldn't do this
if one of us wasn't on board.

- I'm not on board.
- Why do you care so much?

Why don't you care?

This card has
a lot of memories,

and you're just gonna
throw it all away

because you want to kiss
some basic girl?

Savage.

Brixlee isn't just some girl.

We're probably
gonna get married.

Every marriage ends in divorce.

Lucas, you're outvoted.

Listen, I can tell
you're lashing out with anger,

but Brixlee is probably
the love of my life.

Excuse me, ma'am. Can I get
a glass of water, please?

Hello?

Hey, guys?

Hmm.

Yeah.

What can you tell me
about her backstory?

Where is she supposed
to be from?

She seems quite exotic.

Okay, listen carefully,

'cause I'll make this offer
only once.

400 bucks to take her
off your hands.

No. We need 550, U.S.

Fuck off. What?

That's my entire allowance.

Listen, Claude,
let's just cut the bullshit.

I'm the son of a businesswoman,
and I think we both know,

if you didn't want
to buy the doll,

you would've left already.

Stop treating us like kids.
We know how things work.

So, do you want to buy
the CPR doll or not?

Fools.
I'd have paid a thousand.

Anyone else feel like
he's gonna fuck that doll?

♪ We got bottles in the house,
call it cabaret ♪

♪ So pour me up another glass of the champagne ♪

♪ I'm feeling right
with my ice and chains ♪

♪ Counting all these stacks
'cause we run this game ♪

♪ So hot that I can feel the fever ♪

♪ Never knew that money would make you a believer ♪

♪ Politickin', but we ain't
no politicians... ♪

Yee-haw!

♪ We got bottles
in the house... ♪

We should hydrate.

We've been biking for
almost 14 minutes straight.

I don't think I've ever been
this far from home.

I think I did a production
of Cats around here.

You're really not
gonna sing anymore?

Yeah.
I've never been happier.

- Just give us the drugs.
- Fuck.

- How'd you find us?
- Her phone.

They tracked us.

We're not giving you
these drugs.

We're giving them
to firefighters.

Get help.

- Go!
- We're in a car, dipshits.

You're not gonna outrun us.

Not on my fast bike, nerds.

♪ I don't live in my fears... ♪

Good luck getting your car
in here, losers!

Shit.

♪ I don't care if you care ♪

♪ I just know it ain't fair ♪

♪ Ain't no time to prepare ♪

♪ Life is just a nightmare,
Push ♪

Where are you going?

♪ You can run,
but you can't hide, Push ♪

♪ You can run, but
you can't hide, Push ♪

♪ You can run,
but you can't hide, Push ♪

♪ You can run, but
you can't hide ♪

Hey.

♪ Yellow motherfucking Claw ♪

♪ You can run,
but you can't hide... ♪

You're not getting
these drugs back!

Just give her the sex drugs!

Peel off!

I won't let you
destroy your li...

Are you okay?

- Are you okay?
- Lucas, are you okay?

- What the hell happened?
- We were running away

from our babysitter
'cause she was trying

- to touch our penises.
- What? That is not true.

- Yes, it is. - Yes, it is.
- I wasn't.

- Yeah, you were.
- I wasn't...

- Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go!
- What happened?

Go, go!

Lucas, are you okay?

I-I think I'm fine.

- - Your arm.
- Oh, hell no.

Yo, I'm-a call 911.

- Help! Help!
- No, no, no. It's okay.

This happens all the time.

Come on, we got to go.
We got to go. Go.

- Help! Ow!
- We got... Come on.

I'll get the bikes.

Okay. I threw their phone
in a prickle bush.

So they can't track us anymore.

Oh, the pain!

Lucas, you have to be quiet.

Okay, do we have any ice?

No, we're in a fucking alley.

What about pain medication?

- We have the Molly we can give him.
- No!

Yeah, he's probably just gonna
try and have sex with us.

Call an ambulance!

- Mission's over!
- We'll get busted.

- Plus, do you even have insurance?
- I don't know.

- Do you?
- I don't know.

- I think I only have a deductible.
- It's all right.

This happens to MMA fighters
all the time.

We just got to ram your arm
into something very hard

so it pops back in place.

Fine! Fuck it!
Let's just get this over with.

Ow!

- Come on.
- Easy. All right.

One, two, three.

Wrong arm!

- Okay, new site, new site.
- Okay.

Okay, lie down on your back
and give me your arm.

Come on.

All right. It says
this next part's gonna hurt,

that you should bite down
on something hard.

I know.

Open. There you go.

Okay.

- On three.
- One,

two, three.

- Just got a text from Taylor.
- What'd she say?

She wants to know
why you aren't in school

and if you're coming
to the party tonight.

Just write...

Okay, sorry.
One, two, three!

Oh!

Let me help, let me help.

- Focus! On three.
- One!

Two! Three!

Hmm?

Wow. I didn't think that'd actually work.

You're gonna be good, man.

No.

I'm really not.

My parents are getting
a divorce.

What'd you do?

- Thor!
- What?

Sorry.

My dad's moving out.

Whatever happens
between your parents,

you always got
the Bean Bag Boys.

We'll never split up.
Bean Bag Boys for life.

You promise?

- Promise.
- Promise.

Come on.

Let's get you some
Children's Tylenol.

- Want some help, buddy?
- No, I got it.

Okay, just do it.

- Hey, Miles.
- Hey, man.

- Coming in or coming off?
- Just got off a triple.

Man, I don't care
if I get mugged.

I'm not typing up
any more paperwork today.

Cop.

Shit.
We have D-R-U-G-S on us.

He knows how to spell.
Just act normal.

- Pretend to talk.
- About what?

Just be normal.

What do you think
about politics?

It's a complicated issue.

This cop's acting weird.

He's eye-fucking us.

Just act normal.
Just laugh.

We're just
two cool guys laughing.

We skipped school.

Lucas!

Are we in trouble?

Yeah, well, usually,
I'd call this in,

but because you were
honest with me,

I'm gonna let you slide,
all right?

Just promise
not to do it again, okay?

We promise.
Thank you, sir.

All right.

That was a close one.

Wait, where's Thor?

♪ I'm not the madder,
the baddest ♪

♪ The hardest or the tallest ♪

♪ But I say what I mean
and I walk it like I talk it ♪

♪ Don't make me get started,
ain't nobody ballin', see ♪

♪ We keep getting up, it don't
matter that you're falling ♪

♪ No time for stalling... ♪

Hold it.

Come here.

What do you have in your pants?

My penis.

Pull it out.

I also have a big dick.

Put it back.
I'm being generous today.

- We also have drugs.
- Dude! -

- He was onto us.
- Okay, what do you have?

Schedule I
controlled substance,

with intent to distribute.

Brother,
these are vitamins, okay?

Children's vitamins, at that.

- No, those are drugs.
- No, look.

If that's drugs,
then this is drugs, too.

- If you don't arrest us, I'll report you.
- Lucas!

Just leave me the fuck alone!

I mean, sorry to fucking swear
at kids, but fuck.

You know, I'm gonna arrest you
for fucking ruining my day.

All right? I'll take them.
Let me go home!

- He's calling for backup.
- What do we do?

Hello. Listen.
I've decided I don't want kids.

- What's up?
- The cop's eye-fucking us.

We have to make a run for it.
I know what to do.

Well, no, it's not
up for discu...

Well, yeah, well, no, you may be detective,

but in the marriage
we're equal.

Wha...?

Just hang up.
Who cares?

This is free 'cause I'm a cop.

♪ Picture this,
I'm a bag of dicks ♪

♪ Put me to your lips,
I am sick ♪

♪ I will punch a baby bear
in his shit, give me lip ♪

♪ I'm-a send you to the yard,
get a stick, make a switch ♪

♪ I can end the conversation
real quick... ♪

What the fuck, Thor?

You didn't even care
about my shoulder.

- You just wanted a beer.
- I can care about two things.

Yeah, you and your stupid beer!

- Now we're fugitives!
- Why are you yelling at me?

I just ran off
without my family's bikes.

- Cycle Sundays are fucked!
- Guys, guys.

The mall!

- Yes! Yes! - Yes!
- We made it!

- Yes!
- Yes!

Come on, come on, come on.

- Oh, shit.
- Holy mother...

Goddamn it!

Great.

Now we're trapped between
a highway and the authorities.

Well, we wouldn't be
in this position right now

if you weren't such a narc.

Guys, the mall's right there.

All we have to do
is cross the highway,

and the cars
aren't even moving.

Now, are we fifth-graders,
or are we sixth-graders?

♪ Nobody speak,
nobody get choked, hey ♪

♪ Nobody speak,
nobody get choked, hey. ♪

Well, I'm going back
into the woods.

I'll live off of rainwater
and squirrels.

I don't give a fuck.

Uh, no, you won't.

- Oh, my gosh!
- No, no.

It's-it's like
a parking lot, see?

Wait!
You stole another beer?

- What the fuck, Thor?
- Hey.

You guys aren't the ones
who's gonna have

"Sippy Cup"
on their goddamn tombstone!

God.
Say it, don't spray it.

Get off the freeway!

Children crossing.

- Please, children are crossing.
- Get off the road.

- What are you guys doing? Get back to the side.
- Go!

- Go, go, go, go. - Now.
- Fucking idiots!

Wait. I got a message.

Oh, it's from Taylor.

She said Marcus is
coming to the party.

He has a huge crush on Brixlee.

She's definitely
gonna kiss him.

- He's the nicest kid in our grade.
- Wait, wait.

I'm the nicest kid
in our grade.

It goes me, Marcus, Max, you.

- I'm way nicer than Max.
- No, you're not!

You made Ms. Willoughby cry
last year.

Hey, she was already crying.
I just took her picture.

Guys, guys! Look!

- It started.
- Oh, shit.

- Shit.
- Oh, fuck.

- Let's go back!
- Let's go back!

We're trapped.

Let us out!

I'm gonna die. I'm gonna die.

- No, we're not. We just need to time it, okay?
- Oh, fuck!

- We just need to time it right.
- Shit!

We can do this, guys.
We can do this!

N-No!

- Max, no!
- Are you batshit crazy?!

What the fuck are you doing?!

- Oh, shit. He made it.
- Oh!

I did it!

Lucas, Lucas,
look at me right now.

I know you're scared.

I'm not, at all...

Shut up, Thor!

- Lucas, fuck you! No!
- Shit! Shit!

Lucas!

No! Lucas!

I'm not dead!

- I'm not dead!
- All right.

- You got it, man. Come on.
- Yes! Yes!

- Fuck you!
- I love you, too.

Now, come over here.

I want my mom.

- Come on. Come on.
- Come on.

I'm fine.
I'll just live here.

- I-I'm good.
- Come on!

- Come on!
- You got this!

All right. Come on, Thor.

You are not Sippy Cup.
You're a badass.

Come on, come on!

Oh, shit! My beer!

Oh, shit!

- Oh!
- Oh, wait.

That's my dad's CPR doll.

- Oh.
- That's my dad's CPR doll!

- We're not murderers!
- Yes!

- We're saved!
- We're not fucking killers!

- We're not killers!
- Yes!

Beep, beep.

- Pardon me.
- Excuse me.

- Pardon me. Sorry.
- Hey!

Excuse me.
Got to get through.

Sorry.

Hey. We called about
the BD Rolling Thunder.

I'm so sorry, you guys.

Sold it.

Ha-ha. Nice joke.

So funny.

No, I did. I sold it.
Two girls, said they knew you.

Fuck you!

- Jesus.
- I'm gonna kill your family, and then they're

- gonna come alive...
- Ease off the sugar, huh?

- ...and turn your whole family into zombies!
- Max!

I was gonna say...
you didn't let me finish...

they left a note for you.

Why are they walking like that?

I don't know.

How'd you guys track us?

We threw your bag
in prickle bushes.

Dumbass, you told us
that your life would be over

if you didn't get
a BD Rolling Thunder,

and this is the only place

- a child could get to on a tricycle.
- Okay.

I have the drugs.
Now give me the drone.

Are you fucking kidding me?

What in the actual fuck?
These are just gummy vitamins.

- Shit.
- Told you she was gonna check.

- Fuck.
- Where is the Molly?

- Where is it?
- A cop has it.

You gave our drugs to a cop?

Wait. Look.

I know you don't know us

and you think
we're just stupid kids,

but just listen to me.

Whatever problems
you're having,

drugs are not the answer.

Drugs just give you
a false sense of reality.

You may think
your lives are bad,

but you have family
and friends who love you.

Can you shut the fuck up?

I just spent $600
on a fucking drone.

You ruined
my passionate moment.

- Well, it was stupid.
- This day is fucked.

Benji is the only one
who has Molly,

and he won't sell it to us.

Okay. Well, I'm sorry.

We're fucked.

We'll do it.
We'll get your drugs.

- The fuck we will.
- What the hell, dude?

Do you think
he would sell to kids?

We're not kids.

We're tweens.

What do we have to lose?

So, it's a deal?

Max, this is fucking insane.

Just take
your goddamn punishment.

Lucas and I
will go to the party.

We'll cock-block anyone
that gets near Brixlee.

They didn't invite you.

What?

The popular kids
only invited me.

What do you mean?

They think you're kind of...
random.

- Oh.
- But it's okay,

'cause once those guys
get to know you,

they'll see what I see,
that you're not random.

That you're specific.

I'm not buying drugs.

- Neither am I.
- You guys don't have to.

I'll do all the talking. I just
need your height in there.

You're the only one of us

that looks like
they could be in college.

Guys.

Are you in or out?

So, you guys did all of this
for a kissing party?

No. There's also gonna be
cool boys there.

I remember my first
kissing party.

It was the summer
after sixth grade

at Manush Patel's house.

Who'd you kiss?

Uh, Manush's sister.

Wait, you weren't there?

No, we didn't really
know each other then.

I mean, we were in
the same grade,

but we didn't really become
close until eighth grade.

Oh. I just figured you guys

- knew each other for longer.
- Yeah, everybody knows

you meet your best friends
in kindergarten.

- Yeah.
- Yeah, the only reason

you're friends with people
back then

is 'cause you live close
to each other.

Or, because, like,
your parents are friends.

No. That's not true for us.

We're friends
because we like each other.

- And we live close together.
- And our parents are friends.

Okay, come here.

Go in. Buy two pills.

Ask for Benji.

Do not mention Hannah.

- Who's Hannah?
- I am.

Oh. I'm Max.

Yeah, I know who you are.

Okay, just go in there,
buy the pills,

and then I'll trade you
for the drone.

Okay, if this goes bad,
drive off.

- Okay.
- Okay.

It's not too late to turn back.

No. We have to get the drugs

so we can get the drone,
so we can go to the party.

Hello?

I am your daddy!

You are my baby!

Listen, you will stay
down here and suffer

until you learn to be men!

Listen!
What you babies wearing?

- Diapers!
- That's right!

Good evening.
We're looking for Benji.

Hey, dickless. Come here.

- Yes, Daddy.
- All right, I need you to go find Benji.

Tell him he's got visitors.

Yes, Daddy.

I ask the fucking questions!

That's your son?

You guys can go sit your
asses down over there and wait.

Whatever happens to you is

your own fucking fault.

Drop and give me 20,
you fucking babies!

Listen!

Four! Get up!

Can I help you?

Good afternoon.

We would like to buy
two pieces of Molly, please.

Did Rafi from Sigma Nu
send you?

He did, that fucker.

You guys are, like, seven.

Oh, except for you.
I recognize you from econ.

What's up, man?

Seriously,
I'm not selling drugs to kids.

We're not kids.
We're tweens.

Who told you to come here?

Sell us the drugs,
and you'll find out.

All right.

Stay there.

Hey.

How long do you think
he's gonna be?

Oh, you made me high.

Ah.

Tell me who sent you.

Hannah.

What? I'm high as fuck.

So, this is what
she thinks of me, huh?

You can tell Hannah
that if she wants Molly,

she can suck my dick.

You shouldn't talk about
women like that.

The only time
she should suck your dick

is when she gives you consent.

You can suck my dick,

and you can suck
my dick, too.

What about me?
I'm just gonna sit here?

We're the Bean Bag Boys.
We do everything together.

Get the fuck out of here,
you little fucking babies.

Let's go.

Get out!

Hey, guys, wait.

I have something in here

that might change your mind.

Hurry up.

Pledges, listen!

Bitch! Now who's the baby?!

- Holy shit.
- What the fuck?

If I don't get those drugs,
I'm gonna be grounded,

and then I'll never
get to kiss Brixlee!

Max, what the fuck
are you doing?

You sell drugs.
We came here to buy them.

So now you're gonna
sell us the drugs.

Do not test me!

Okay.

You want the drugs?
I'm not your parent. Here.

Thanks.

Oh, shit.

Oh, you're fucking dead.

What the fuck's going on
down here?

Whoa!

She just dropped the charges.

Oh, God.

♪ You'd better run ♪

♪ You'd better run ♪

Holy shit.

♪ You'd better run
from the Devil's gun... ♪

Max, watch out!

I got your back.

Thor!

Your ass is mine!

Oh, my God,
I just killed a man!

Lucas, get the drugs!

♪ The Devil's fire ♪

♪ Just won't go out... ♪

We were never here!

Start the fucking car!

Max!

- What's happening?
- Fucking go!

- What?
- Shit, shit, shit!

Drive! Drive!

Lucas, drugs.

No, no, no, no, no.

Let me see
what's in the bottle.

Yeah. Of course.

Okay, just-just give it to me.

Wow, you guys are
little badasses.

'Cause we're the Bean Bag Boys.

I don't know what that means.

We have beanbags.

It's been real, guys.

Have fun at your kissing party.

Thank you.

Oh.
We're only 1.7 miles away.

What's wrong?

We got the drone.
Everything worked out.

Max.

I got punched
in the fucking face, okay?

We bought drugs.

Can we just go home now?

Guys, it's my dad.

Hey, Dad.

Hey, buddy.
I got on the early flight,

so I'll be home in 15 minutes.

15 minutes from now
or 15 minutes from later?

Ha-ha, funny guy.

I'll see you soon.

My dad will be home
in 15 minutes.

M-Maybe he won't notice
that the drone's gone.

He'll notice.
He's very observant.

That's why my mom
fell in love with him.

The drone has to be home
before your dad.

I know.

Just the drone. Not you.

Just the drone.

Okay.

Here we go.

- Yes!
- Yes!

- Careful.
- I got this, I got this. Oh!

Fly like the wind, Max.

Yeah, uh, take a right up here.

- I can see your house.
- There it is. There it is.

The windows are closed.

- Shit. What do I do?
- The chimney.

- It's very tight.
- You got this.

Shit! I can't see.
I can't see.

There's ash
all over the camera.

Use the Force.

- No, no, I can do this.
- Uh...

I know my house perfectly.

- I can do this with my eyes closed.
- Okay.

Don't break anything.

Trust me, I got this.

- Yeah!
- You did it! You got it!

- Yes!
- I'm the best pilot ever!

Yes!

- I think we did it.
- Yeah.

Mission accomplished.

Hey, Dad.

Did you get home safe?

Cannot believe I trusted you!

I explicitly told you,

- do not touch the drone!
- Uh-huh.

- Oh, my God.
- I love you.

Dad?

Dad, please...
say "I love you" back.

I need to hear it.

Hello?

My dad said that I'm grounded.

Now I'm never gonna be able
to kiss Brixlee.

It's okay, Max.
There'll be other parties.

- Lucas, you don't get it.
- He's right, Lucas.

This party could
change our lives,

and you don't even care.

It's not cool at all.

Yeah, you would know
what's not cool.

What the fuck does that mean?

Go sip a beer, Sippy Cup.

I love beer, so yes, I will.

And you may think you're
so mature, but the truth is

you don't have pubes,
and I have six.

You say you have pubes,
but you also say

you drink beer,
and I know you don't.

- Stop arguing!
- Just admit you skipped the audition

because you thought
it wasn't cool

even though your voice
is a fucking gift.

And you always talk a big game,
and you never back it up.

- Like on the freeway.
- Oh, sorry.

I didn't want to cross
12 lanes of traffic

so you can kiss some skank.

- Oh, shit.
- She's not a skank.

She's the love of my life.
You take that back!

Hey, no karate.

Stop fighting!

You should never
call a woman a skank.

You should never call
a woman anything.

And you...

You made us ditch school,
run around with drugs,

and lock a cop
in a convenience store

with what I now suspect
is a dildo!

What the fuck are you
looking at, Gandalf?!

You guys don't understand shit.

I have hormones
flowing through my body,

making me do crazy things.

Do you even know
what it feels like

to want to rub up
against a tree all the time?

You think
you're better than us.

Not better, just more mature.

I'm into romance
and grown-up shit,

and you guys are still
into little kid stuff.

I don't even know
why we're still friends.

Everything you like
is now canceled.

Birthdays are canceled.
Holidays are canceled.

Summers, canceled.

Winter is coming.

- I'm sorry, Daddy.
- No, no, no.

You are no longer allowed
to call me Daddy.

Call me Andrew
or Mr. Newman or Warden.

Underneath that cherubic face,
Devil lives inside you.

I will always love you
because you are my son,

but I no longer like you.

Thorny. I just got off
the phone with Max's mom.

Did you know he skipped school

and biked to the mall
by himself?

- He said that?
- He did.

Promise me
you'll never do something

as stupid as that, okay?

I-I promise.

And then
we ran across the highway,

my arm got ripped out,

and a fake woman
shot out of a car.

But we still got the drugs.

But then we traded
the drone for it,

and-and Max destroyed
his house with it.

But it was only because
he wanted to marry Brixlee,

and now he can't
because he's grounded for life.

And we got into a huge fight,

and the Bean Bag Boys
are broke up, and...

- Am I in trouble?
- Okay, son.

Now, look, I love a good story
with a bunch of gibberish

just as much as anybody, okay?

And I know you're going through
a stressful time.

But it doesn't give you
a reason to tell us fibs.

I'm not fibbing.

I'm 100% sure
you're fibbing to me.

- I'm not fibbing.
- Okay. I think I understand

what's happening here.

You think you're losing us,

and now you're worried you're
gonna lose your friends, too.

Look at me, man.

We'll always be there, right?
I mean, and look,

don't get me wrong.

You know,
me and your mom are not

the same people we were
when we first met.

Mm-hmm.

Tend to grow apart sometimes.

But-but it's okay.

You remember your hermit crab?

- Herman? Yeah.
- That's right. Herman.

- And you remember why he died?
- Oh, son of a...

You told me he ran away!

Technically, yes,
he ran away, but then he died.

Oh, my gosh. How?

Herman died
because hermit crabs

grow out of their shells,
and they need to find

new, bigger seashells
on the beach

to grow into, or they die,
and we didn't know that.

So, Herman died
because of you guys?

The point is...

you and your friends
are growing and changing,

and y'all need to find
bigger shells.

And there's nothing wrong
with that.

Okay, look, you need to blame

those pet store owners, okay,
because they did not give us

the information
about hermit crabs...

It's Lucas.

You scared the shit out of me.

I didn't want
your parents to see my face.

Why are you even here?

I've grown a lot
in the last two hours.

My parents' divorce
has really changed me.

If the Bean Bag Boys
don't grow together,

they'll grow apart.

I don't want that.

I don't want to get
a divorce from you.

Then you need to go
to Soren's party.

- You need to sneak out.
- I can't. I'm grounded.

Besides, Brixlee's necklace
is still in the kiln.

Let me worry about
the necklace.

And what are your parents
gonna do, double-ground you?

Is Brixlee your forever or not?

Then you need to come
with me now.

Fine, I'll go, but I'm not
apologizing to Thor.

- He's not coming.
- Good.

Fuck that bitch.

I'll go get my jacket.

- Hey, Max.
- Yeah?

Bring that dick.

You said Thor wasn't coming.

What the hell is he doing here?

I Parent-Trapped your asses.

See, now we're all in

a bigger hermit crab shell
together.

It made sense
when my parents said it.

So, you took the blame
for us, huh?

Yeah. I thought about

what you would do,
and did the opposite.

This party, it's gonna be
an epic rager.

Okay, Sippy Cup.

Just stay out of my way,
Maxi Pad.

Aw, don't you boys look cute.

Everybody's in the basement.

I don't even want to know
what's going on down there.

Come on in, fellas.

Hi.

Hi there. Oh.

♪ I never walk about
after dark ♪

♪ It's my point of view ♪

♪ 'Cause someone
could break your neck ♪

♪ Coming up behind you,
always coming ♪

♪ And you'd never have a clue ♪

♪ I never looked behind
all the time ♪

♪ I will wait forever... ♪

Oh, my God, you made it.

Max, I want you
to meet Brixlee.

Hi. I'm Max.

Hi.

It's nice to finally meet you.

You, too.

Cool jacket.

Thank you.

I got it all by myself,
with my mom.

I go shopping with my mom, too.

This is going so well.

Did you bring the necklace?

Brixlee, this is for you.

Oh, thanks. It's pretty.

They're an-al.

Ooh, fancy.

I'm gonna wear this later.

Thanks, Max.

What's up, Sippy Cup?

Not much.

Just, uh, got into a fight

with a bunch of men
and, uh, stole a beer.

There's no way Sippy Cup
is gonna drink it.

Not only am I gonna drink it,

I'm gonna break the record.

I'm gonna take four sips.

Four is impossible.

- Soren can't even do four.
- Shut up.

Drink.

That's one.

Big deal.

That's two.

Mm-kay.

That's three!

This is insane.

He's gonna barf.

Somebody get him a sippy cup.

Sippy Cup! Sippy Cup!

Sippy Cup! Sippy Cup!
Sippy Cup!

Sippy Cup!
Sippy Cup! Sippy Cup!

Sippy Cup! Sippy...

That's fucking four!

Oh, fuck!

Thor! Thor! Thor! Thor!

Thor! Thor!
Thor! Thor! Thor!

I'm a fucking alcoholic!

No way!

Four sips. Badass.

Mad respect to Thor.

Eyes up here.

If you don't consent
to kissing, that's cool.

You can go play VR upstairs.

But if you're staying
down here,

you better strap in,

because shit's about
to get real.

- Hell yeah.
- Okay.

Let's spin a bottle.

Well, then it's a good thing
I got a bottle right here!

♪ Do you remember
when we used to dance ♪

♪ And incidents arose
from circumstance? ♪

♪ One thing led to another,
we were young ♪

♪ And we would scream together
songs unsung ♪

♪ It was the heat
of the moment... ♪

I'm out.

- Wait, where are you going?
- That was nasty.

I'm going upstairs to play VR.

If you leave,
you can never come back.

Oh, no.

Brixlee...

your turn.

Come on, come on, come on,
come on, come on.

Oh, my God. This is the most
dramatic thing I've ever seen.

He's not gonna do it.

He's gonna do it.

I can't do it.

People don't change.
He's still Sippy Cup.

Wait, wait.

Kissy Cup.

Kissy Cup!

Kissy Cup! Kissy Cup!

Kissy Cup! Kissy...

Fuck off, Atticus!
His name is Thor.

And everyone knows your mom
plagiarized her cookbook.

Thor, wait up.

I'm sorry I called you
a try-hard.

Nah, you were right.

This whole time,
I've been trying

to be someone who I wasn't.

I got an earring.

I drank a beer.

I quit singing.

Yeah.

I guess I went
a little crazy today, too.

Let's get out of here.

No.
You don't want to do that.

You're gonna stay down here
and kiss Brixlee.

The Bean Bag Boys
do everything together.

Not everything.

Not anymore.

Maybe those old girls
were right.

Maybe we're on
different paths.

Yeah.

Then what are you gonna do?

I don't know.
I just know it's not this.

No way.

This is insane.

Forget spin the bottle.

Now, go over there
and kiss your future wife.

Bye.

Bye.

Brixlee, can I kiss you?

Okay.

Cool.

Where am I?

Oh, here I am.

Lucas, I'm leaving.

You sure you don't want
to try this?

Nah, I'm good.

Want to go to my house
and play Ascension?

I don't want to play
Ascension anymore.

Then who am I gonna play with?

You'll find someone.

My face feels so tingly.

No way.

Oh, my God.
This is amazing!

I can't believe
you guys are here.

Oh, this is so amazing.

- Hi. - Oh, hi.
- Sit down.

Please no, please no.
Don't kill us.

Look what happened.

How do you know Soren?

Is he your boyfriend?

He's my brother.
I love that piece of shit.

You guys,
where's everybody else?

Where's your friend
with the sad eyes?

- Sad boy Max.
- In the basement kissing.

It's an orgy down there.

And you guys aren't into that?

- Mm-mm.
- Aw, it's okay.

You're only in sixth grade.

You guys are gonna
figure it out.

- Yeah, you have your whole life for that. No rush.
- Yeah.

- No rush.
- No rush.

I mean, what do you love?

Ascension, rules,
antidrug campaigns...

grilled cheese.

- Mmm.
- Oh, I could fuck with a grilled cheese right now.

- Aw...
- Guys, I'm gonna make us grilled cheese.

- Oh, yeah. That sounds so good.
- Nice.

What about you, sleeveless?
What are you into?

I love to sing.

Yes.

I actually skipped

my audition today
for the musical.

- No.
- Now I can't be in it.

- No.
- What? You have to

convince them
to let you audition.

You must. You must.

- Audition.
- Shh. Sing for us.

- No.
- Oh, my God.

Sing for us.
You're a baby bird.

No, come on.
We missed our concert.

- Sing for us.
- So, no grilled cheese?

- Sing for us. Sing for us.
- No.

Be our concert.

♪ I-I gotta take
a little time ♪

♪ A little time
to think things over ♪

♪ I better read
between the lines ♪

♪ In case I need it
when I'm older ♪

♪ Oh... ♪

♪ Now this mountain
I must climb ♪

♪ Feels like the world
upon my shoulders ♪

♪ But through the clouds
I see love shine ♪

♪ It keeps me warm
as life grows colder ♪

♪ In my life ♪

♪ There's been
heartache and pain ♪

♪ I don't know ♪

♪ If I can face it again ♪

♪ I can't stop now ♪

♪ I've traveled so far ♪

♪ To change this lonely life ♪

♪ I want to know what love is ♪

♪ I want you to show me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I want to feel what love is ♪

♪ I know you can show me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ I gotta take a little time ♪

♪ A little time
to look around me ♪

♪ And I got nowhere left
to hide ♪

♪ It looks like love has ♪

♪ Finally found me ♪

♪ In my life ♪

♪ There's been
heartache and pain ♪

♪ I don't know
if I can face it again ♪

♪ I can't stop now ♪

♪ I've traveled so far ♪

♪ To change this lonely life ♪

♪ I want to know what love is ♪

♪ I know you can show me ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ I want to know what love is ♪

♪ I know you can show me, oh ♪

♪ Let's talk about love ♪

♪ I want to know what love is ♪

♪ Love that you feel inside ♪

♪ I know you can show me ♪

♪ Whoa... ♪

♪ I want to know. ♪

My masterpiece.

Thank you.
I was really great.

What's up, Max?

♪ If I told you... ♪

I'll be right back.

- Hey. I didn't think you'd make it.
- Are you kidding?

You know I'd never miss
one of your shows.

It was so cool
when you stabbed that pimp.

Thank you.

Oh, sorry.
Thor, this is Scout.

- You were really good.
- Thanks, sweetie.

I was much better
in the matinee.

I'm gonna go find Cassidy.

I thought you were
still grounded.

It ended yesterday.
A month in the hole.

Thanks again
for taking the fall.

You would've done the same.

Well, well, well.

Look who's here. Me.

Hey!

Feels like we haven't
talked in weeks.

Yeah.

Max.

My mom said she'll drop us
at frozen yogurt

if your mom will pick us up.

Great.
Be there in a second, babe.

Okay, babe.

So, how's it going with Scout?

Good.

But hard. But good.

A relationship is
a lot of work.

Don't let anyone
tell you differently.

Hey.
Uh, Lucas, you still want

to play Ascension
with me and the guys later?

- I'll be there in a minute.
- Classic Lucas.

Carlos and those SCAB guys
seem cool.

They're cool.

But they're not
the Bean Bag Boys.

Max.

All right.

I guess, I guess I should go.

Yeah, all right.

Well...

Yeah.

I missed you guys.

Let's make a promise.

Even if we don't hang out
all the time,

we'll still always be there
for the big stuff.

Bean Bag Boys for life.

Bean Bag Boys for life.

Bean Bag Boys
for life.

Wait.

There's something
I have to show you.

Come up to my parents' bedroom
in three minutes.

Yo, guys, check this out.

An indoor swing?

You always have the best toys.

Yeah!

Flip that switch.

How cool is it?

Your parents love to play.

- What do they do with it?
- They swing on it.

- Can we go on it?
- Fuck yeah.

♪ My darling, I ♪

♪ Can't get enough
of your love, babe ♪

♪ Girl, I don't know ♪

♪ I don't know why ♪

♪ I can't get enough
of your love, babe ♪

Thor?

What are you doing
in Mom and Dad's room?

Get the hell out of here,
Annabelle!

That swing is for sexing.
People do sex on it.

Oh...

♪ If you're down, boy,
really down ♪

♪ Baby, let me watch you
go to town ♪

♪ It's your one chance, baby ♪

♪ Never or now, yeah ♪

♪ Let me see you
go to town, baby ♪

♪ Go to town, yeah ♪

♪ Baby, let me watch you
go to town ♪

♪ It's your one chance,
baby, never or now ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Go down, go down, go down,
yeah ♪

♪ Let me see you
go to town, yeah ♪

♪ Go down, go down, go down,
yeah ♪

♪ Let me see you go to town ♪

♪ Go down, go down, go down,
yeah ♪

♪ Let me see you
go to town, yeah ♪

- ♪ Go down, go down, go down ♪
- ♪ Yeah ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Go to town with it,
and she shave it all off ♪

♪ Charlie Brown with it ♪

♪ Lookin' all around ♪

♪ All the other girls
sound fishy ♪

♪ He ain't ever caught a whiff,
that's why he down with it ♪

♪ Yeah, bitch,
I'm telling you ♪

- ♪ What? Oh ♪
- ♪ This incredible ♪

- ♪ This shit edible ♪
- ♪ Okay ♪

♪ It's like caramel,
kiss my genital ♪

- ♪ Mine taste medical ♪
- ♪ Mayday ♪

- ♪ Hers like chemicals ♪
- ♪ Hey, hey ♪

♪ If he gay, though, when he
taste that shit, turn hetero ♪

♪ Oh, my God ♪

♪ Can you see that
she need kneepads? ♪

♪ I'm a bad bitch,
fuck a pee-pad ♪

♪ Full of shit, if he don't
eat it, he a D-bag ♪

♪ He could use a submarine,
I'll call him seaman ♪

♪ Yeah, if you're down, boy,
really down ♪

♪ Baby, let me watch you
go to town ♪

♪ It's your one chance, baby ♪

♪ Never or now, yeah ♪

♪ Let me see you
go to town, baby ♪

♪ Go to town, yeah ♪

♪ Baby, let me watch you
go to town ♪

♪ It's your one chance,
baby, never or now ♪

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah. ♪

♪ What? ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ What? ♪

♪ What? ♪

♪ Hey, hey ♪

- ♪ What? ♪
- ♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

- ♪ Hey, hey, hey, hey ♪
- ♪ What? ♪

- ♪ What? ♪
- ♪ Hey. ♪