Going Down in LA-LA Land (2011) - full transcript

Thank you for meeting me here.

My house is surrounded by paparazzi.

John, you don't think
I had anything to do with this?

No Adam, I don't.

There is just so much more at risk
than just us, you understand?

Look...

I'll have a car service pick up your
stuff from my house --

and bring it to your apartment.

And you won't have to worry
about money, for awhile.

I'll take care of that.

And, um...



If you get into trouble call me,

but otherwise I think we should
keep our distance.

I cant believe
you're here!

I know, it's crazy!

- It's so good to see you!
- It's so great to see you.

You too! How was the drive?

Long. San Bernadino never ends.

I'm starving.

Let's go for a bite,
and a cocktail, right?

Frank doesn't get back until
tomorrow --

so we have the whole
night to ourselves.

Super.

I just have to take a quick shower. I
just got back from the gym.

Oh! I have the hottest trainer --



He's a soap actor wannabe
and dumb as a brick

But God is he hot!

Is he gay?

No, Adam.

Some men, not many, but some of
the hot men --

out here are actually straight. Okay?

Why don't you put your things
in the spare bedroom.

I'm gonna go get ready!

I'm taking you to
West Hollywood.

Maybe we'll run into one of the
hot gays from --

my alcohol and drugs
education program.

You're in a program?

Fifteen week court-ordered class.
Happens to the best in this town.

You have to drive!

Adam, you're going to have to
move your car before eight a.m.

Street cleaning. The parking people
are Nazis so do not forget.

Okay.

I'm so excited to have you here!

Oh Honey...

I need someone around who understands
what it means to be an artist.

Frank? Well, Frank just doesn't
get me. I don't know.

Oh my God. Alec! Collin! Hi!

Um, it's me, Candy...

Gary's friend from class...

Oh my God, Candy!
Candy, Candy, Candy.

Hey! You look great.

Fabulous outfit. You guys,
are these seats taken?

They are now! Sit down, you.

Let's do it!

Candy ... It's Candy.

So, this is my B.F.F.. Adam. He
just moved here from New York.

A few years ago when
I first started acting,

I got the role of Morgana Sateen.

This vampire lady in this b-horror
movie called "Sect of Lucifer".

Anyway! This one here - he played the
role of Tor. A zombie, right.

He ate my flesh, it
was awesome.

Wow. I have to see it sometime.

Good luck finding it.

We've been kindred hearts ever since.
Haven't we sweetheart?

This is so exciting. I've never
been to L.A. before and --

And you're on TV!

Aw, that's sweet. So Adam?

What brings you out here?

Um ...well, I wasn't really
getting much acting work --

in New York and I really ...

Mr. Mapa?

I am such a huge fan.

I just love everything
that you do.

Oh!

I think you're wonderful.

Thank you. That is so
nice to hear.

Take it easy.
Nice talking to you.

Wow. What do you
call that outfit?

Last minute.

It's like he totally spent his
entire allowance on Garanimals.

He gets what? The finger!
He gets the finger.

So anyway, you guys - I took this
awesome improv class and...

Oh my God. There are two
man-made structures --

visible from space.

The Great Wall of China
and that guy's ass!

He's so fat that if he gets
lost they're going to have --

to use all four sides
of the milk carton.

He get's...
The finger!

Alec?

Yeah, if you wanna find someone really
interesting to flip off --

You may just wanna go home, look in
the mirror, and then finger yourself.

Good one!

I thought so.

Wow. I think it's time to go.
Are you ready to go Alec?

Yeah? Let's go.

Let's get together when
Gary is in town.

Candy.

And you.

Alright, let's go.
It was really nice.

I'm drunk. Give me my keys!

Good luck with...
your stuff and all that.

Wow...

I was everywhere today in West
Hollywood, and parts of Beverly Hills.

With everyone in this town trying to
be an actor -

vying for a server position -

I might as well be auditioning
for the role of a waiter on TV.

I think it’s great though, Adam,
that your very first day here

you actually went looking
for a job.

Very impressive.

Thank you.

Not like I had a choice. I didn't
really move out here with any savings.

Still that's very impressive.

Wouldn't you say so Candy?

I think that you will have
better luck tomorrow Adam.

Right Candy?

Right Frank.

Very impressive.

Candy and I both think so Adam.

Thank you.

Oh screw you, Frank!

Weren't you the one who told
me you'd help support me?

That you wanted me to pursue my dreams
and succeed? Didn't you tell me that?

Isn't that why we
moved out here?

But how long is that
going to take, dear?

Look, you know very well
I can't answer that.

It could be another six months.
I could get a major job tomorrow.

Really, it's up in the air.

Really? Tomorrow?

Oh my God! You're such a
smug motherfucker.

Excuse me?

Look at you!
Looking at me like that.

What is this? Is this scene
study on Wednesdays?

Oh my God!
Are you seriously doing this?

Or is this improv on Tuesdays? Because
I get them mixed up all the time.

You're just so natural.

I fucking hate you Frank!

I fucking hate you.

You are a boring, grumpy,
soon-to-be middle-aged, loser.

Frankly, I don't even know why
I'm with you anymore.

Where are you going?
Get over here.

Excuse me, Adam.

No, I am not
your fucking animal.

You know something? You're not getting
any younger either Candice!

And if we're ever going
to get married -

I'm not going to marry you!
I'd rather blow William H. Macy!

William H. Macy?

Yes.

The people at the CW told me
I have to keep my hair this length.

I've been dying to cut it forever.

I just have to bring
them something.

They kept me working
two months straight.

Next.

Oh...

You must be from New York.

Yeah. How can you tell?

Your headshot. Very New York.

But it won't work out here. I'd
re-shoot as soon as possible.

Less artsy. More sex appeal.

That's what they want.

Thank you.

You're welcome.

Adam Zeller!

Good luck.

Stand behind the strip of tape on the
floor and look at the camera.

Look to the wall,
let's get a profile.

Alright, pay your fee on your
way out.

You can call the hotline anytime you
want but don't call the office --

Unless we call you first.

Next!

Stand behind the strip of tape on the
floor and look at the camera.

Good morning.

Hey.

Any luck?

Not yet.

I did sign up with every
extras casting agency.

And I spent the last two days filling
out these -

online applications for temp agencies.

I can't get an
appointment for weeks.

Oh Adam, I hope at least one of us
makes it soon. I'm so tired of this.

Is Frank off again?

Yup. He left this morning.
He'll be gone til Tuesday.

Some business thing
in Hong Kong.

Do you guys fight
like that every night?

It's been three night now.

Not last night...

Uh huh. So I heard.

And it was good...

And I do love him. I really do.

I don't know.
It might not work out.

Shit, I might have to
get a day job.

Hey, Adam? Why don't you meet
me at the gym this afternoon?

Yeah, what time?

Let's do four o'clock.

Everybody's there then.
I call it Happy Hour,.

Yeah, okay.

I'm telling you,
you should totally join.

It's like such a great place to make
connections for acting work.

Acting work?

I can't even get a day job.

I don't know... I'm starting to feel
a little discouraged.

Don't miss the New York
weather though.

Yeah. L.A. has the perfect
weather for homo sapiens.

And you never know,
in this town -

You could get discovered
walking into a soda shop.

Or so I heard.

It's just that... two years is
a really long commitment.

You're getting a full
year for free.

And we have gyms in
New York and Miami.

And really, where else could you
possibly live in the next two years?

He's right Adam.
Where else is there?

Would that be credit or debit?

Credit.

Now I really gotta find a job.

Look, I can take your resume but we
haven't hired a waiter --

here in over three years.
There's just no turnover.

Have you ever stolen something?

My name is Matthew.
I'm the lead receptionist.

Nice to meet you. Adam Zeller.

You're probably wondering why we
advertise--

in a gay publication for
this position.

Oh yes. I was
curious about that.

We've had a better track
record with gay men.

Turns out that most of our former
female employees would rather-

marry an agent than do their job.

We can't have the agency turning into
and episode of "The Bachelor".

Understandable.

Now I want to make myself very
clear.

We are not looking for
an actor to fill this position.

If you want to be an actor you can go
and sell Star Maps on

Hollywood Boulevard.
Are we clear?

I have no interest in
acting whatsoever,.

Good. Now, we have a lot
of very important clients...

A-list television stars, Academy
Award-winning movie stars.

And they all need to be handled
with the uttermost care.

What experience, if any, do you have
in dealing with very important people?

Good morning.

Good morning! Are you ready
for your first day at work?

Sure am.

And it's another sunny day
in Southern California.

Sure is. Where'd you park?

Fuck!

Fuck!

It's my third week here
and my fourth parking ticket.

I told you...
It's the parking Gestapo.

Just when I thought things
were looking up and now this.

Don't let it get you down.
It's what they want.

Which of these two pictures
do you think is better?

Better for what?

I'm starting a video blog
on my new site...

Where I'll sell signed
photos of myself --

And maybe some used underwear.
I haven't really decided yet.

Does Frank know about this?

No. And Frank won't
know about this.

It's my backup plan.

We had another huge blow-up
over the phone last night.

I'm sorry.

Yeah you and me both.

Anyway...

I think that one's hot.

Nice lollipop work, girl!

I know. I've got some talent.

You need a referral.

It means you need to be sent in
from someone they know.

Mr. Katz, Ally Sarandon
is still holding on line four.

When I tell you to hold a call for me,
you don't remind me twice!

You got it?

Um... yes.

Fucking punk.

Don't worry about him.
He's really stupid.

Can you believe he sent his assistant
to pick up his herpes medication?

The whole office
knew about it the next day.

That is really stupid.

Adam. Kim.

Whispering and chatting is not
acceptable at the front desk.

You wanna Twitter,
do it on your own time.

This is Matthew time.

Of course Matthew, sorry about
that.

I was just filling Adam in on how
things work around here.

That's not what I heard.

The company paid for his rehab.

That's why he's loyal to the
point of insanity.

Mr. Hunter is expecting me.

Okay, great.

If you'll just take a seat
I'll let him know.

Who should I say is here?

Twill call him for you
right now Ms. Campbell.

What a bitch!

That's how they roll.

Thank you for calling Acclaimed
Talent. How may I direct your call?

Candy, what do you do?

Oh, I'm an actress.

Really? What might
I have seen you in?

Oh, um.. "Sect of Lucifer"
perhaps?

I've never heard of that show.

But, I never watch television.
I just don't have the time.

And what do you do?

I'm a lawyer.

Oh, really?
That's so interesting.

What court cases might I
know you from?

I mostly do corporate.

Oh... I'm so sorry for you.

Unless you're famous, being an actor
in this town is the lowest of the low.

Everybody is an actor.

My first pilot just got
picked up. Thirteen episodes.

That's fantastic.

Congratulations.

Thank you. It's like
So exciting.

Are you an actress too?

Actually no.
No. I am a large animal vet.

Really?

Yeah. Yup.

What type of animals?

Um... Well, all kinds really,
but mostly elephants.

Elephants?

You guys, I had the most fascinating
case recently with this elephant.

It was actually a bulimic.

It was unbelievable, he would
just binge, binge , binge -

And then he would actually just
stick it's little trunk down-

his throat and make himself
throw up.

I know, it sounds like I'm
joking but I'm not.

I'm having a barbecue in Echo Park
with friends this weekend.

We're going to read poetry,
do body painting, and Reiki.

Wanna come?

Oh, I'll try. Thanks.

It's Central Casting!

They're finally calling me.
Kim, can you cover for me?

Hello?

Yes.

Well, didn't they see the pictures you
guys took, isn't that enough?

Not this time.

People are willing to drive miles for
an audition for an extra job-

that isn't even guaranteed during
regular business hours?

Is everyone out here on crack?

Is there something the matter?

No. Nothing.

Nothing, huh?

Just another miserable
day at work Adam?

You may think you're too good
for Acclaimed Talent -

But we all have a job to do
and you have to do yours too.

Yes, you wanted to
see me Coach Wireson?

Yeah Ned. Um... Listen.

I almost had an audition for
"Life Lessons" last year.

Oh yeah?

Yeah, to play the football
coach's girlfriend.

I would have been so great,
and he is really hot.

You grabbed her
derriere like that.

I tried to get her to the top
of the pyramid--

because she wasn't getting there
on her own.

The lead though, John Vastelli,
he's such a poindexter.

How do you think
he got his own show?

And I saw you look.

No!

He is really funny though.

Yeah I guess.
Good writing helps too.

Though those asswipe writers,

they cut the football coach's
girlfriend from the show --

As I was driving onto
the lot for my casting.

Fuckers.

Hey! At least you got that call.

I never have anytime to look
for acting work,

answering and connecting
phone calls all day.

Yeah but your job's
getting better, right?

It's getting worse.

Matthew's constantly
out for my head.

With my car breaking down
and my credit card maxed out,

Tm just as broke as when
I got here.

What we really need,
are some mentors.

Mentors?

Yes. It is crucial to have
important role models in life.

Like Angelina or...

Even Pamela Anderson would be
great for me. Right?

That seems a little
far-fetched, Candy.

Haven't you made any good
connections at work?

I mean, haven't you gotten to know
someone Who can mentor you --

To teach you what steps to take
to get your own TV show?

You're kidding, right?

I'm very serious.

Can't you at least try to
become friendly with some--

of the big names in
the waiting room?

Candy --

I'm a parking stamp or a bottle
of Pellegrino to these people.

Well, we need to start moving
in the right circles soon.

Because LA, is all about who
you know. You know?

Oh! Pizza's here!

Come on up!

Acclaimed Talent, please hold.

Acclaimed Talent, please hold.

Acclaimed Talent, please...

Thank you for calling Acclaimed
Talent, how may I direct your call?

I called!

We've been backed up to up to
six lines at a time Adam.

You think calling in is going
to get my phones answered?

You didn't want me to call?

I didn't want you to be late.

You're suppose to be here 10AM,
in your seat, no excuses.

I can't work here one more day -- I'm
gonna blow my fucking brains out.

Are you giving me your
two weeks’ notice?

Actually, I think two minutes will be
plenty of time to gather my things.

Even better. And just in case
there's any doubt,

I wouldn't consider using
me as a reference.

I'll miss you.

You too Kim.
Let's stay in touch.

Take care Adam. Good luck.

Thank you.

Acclaimed Talent.
How may I direct your call?

Yes, I registered with you a couple of
weeks ago for temp work --

And I was just calling to see
if you had any assignments?

Okay, great. Well just let me know if
anything becomes available.

Temp work, huh?

I can't believe you're
not a model.

Uh, thanks.

I'm Nick. I've seen
you at the gym.

Yeah, I've seen you around too.
I'm Adam.

Nice meeting you.

So, um...

Tm serious about what I said though.
I do some photography and I can --

tell you're model material.

That's sweet, but... I don't even have
any good pictures of myself and --

I need to focus on getting a job
before I can --

even think about getting any done.

Well...

Here's my card...

For... whenever you're ready.

Thank you.

I do some work occasionally for this
production company

over in the Valley and I hear they're
looking for a new office assistant.

I can give you their info
if you're interested.

Yeah, totally! I definitely would be
interested in something like that.

Call this guy. His name is Ron.

Nice guy.

The company's over in Burbank.
And it's called 'Jet Set Men'.

'Jet Set Men'?

That's right.

Good luck!

Uh... Thank you, Nick!

So, we need someone in the office a
few days a week, wrapping DVDs --

Dealing with the shipments,
scheduling the models,

picking up the phone.
That sort of thing.

Then we can use you on the shoots as
a production assistant.

Yeah, that sounds great.

But...

We could also put you in front of the
camera in some upcoming scenes.

I've got a gang-bang
shoot scheduled in a week.

That sounds intriguing...
but, um...

I recently moved to L.A.
to pursue work as an actor.

Acting-ability is always a plus.

Thanks Ron, but I think
I'm gonna pass for now.

Are you sure?

I've got a cute twink with an ass like
two volleyballs stuck together --

flying down from Denver, and the rest
of the guys in the scene --

are mighty hot too.

I think I'd rather stay
behind the scenes.

No problem.

We'll have you start tomorrow.

Candy!

You're not going to
believe this!

The reign of telephone
terror is over!

You're looking at the new
office assistant for 'Jet Set Men'.

A gay porn company.

That's great Adam.
I'm so happy for you.

Candy, what's wrong?

It's Frank. He broke off the
engagement over the phone.

It's over.

You're sure?

Yeah, I'm sure.

We had a huge blowout...

Why?

Well, because he decided to
monitor my spending.

I mean he's the one who got me
the fucking credit card!

So I go shopping, so what?

He is always away on business.
Shopping makes me miss him less.

And he didn't buy that?

No.

He told me that I should spend
more time looking for work --

and not for shoes.

I told him that I had
two auditions today.

One was for a leading role in an NBC
sitcom pilot playing --

Oh, this great part Adam --

She just graduated from college, she's
finding her way in life...

It's...Oh, it's amazing!

So good.

Well, did you tell him that?

I Did!

And?

He told me that I should stop
wasting my time and his money,

going out for the parts
of a twenty-two year old.

What an ass!

I know! That's what I said.

I mean, I can't be with a man who
doesn't encourage me in my work.

I told him that he was a pig
and a moron and...

And that's when he ended it.

Well you deserve better
than that, Candy.

I know.

But I love him.

You know.

I don't know what
I'm gonna do now.

I'm a terrible waitress.
I can't type.

No...

And so far I haven't sold a
single pair of dirty underwear.

Oh, hi!

Hi Nick.

Adam, this is Perry.

Perry, you can use
the bathroom in there.

So, how are things
going so far?

Great.

Ron keeps trying to get me in
front of the camera, but --

I think I'm gonna stick to
stuffing porn into envelopes.

Not even a solo video, huh?

Not even that.

Well, I'm about to shoot one
with that kid Perry.

Do you have his contract somewhere?

Yes, but you might want to
check it over --

because I just copied and pasted it
from an old one.

I'm sure it's fine.

So, you shoot the videos?

Sometimes. But mostly I direct.

Legit stuff too.

Remember I'm an actor
if you ever need one.

For the legit stuff.

Of course.

Okay, I'm all set.

Great.

We're going to need you to sign
off on here,

and Adam is gonna make a copy of
your I.D. for the files.

Why?

Just in case the company ever has to
prove that you're over eighteen.

Oh, I hope I can do this now.

I got so much pussy this week.

Really?

Yeah, like every night.

Well, twice yesterday actually.

I just love pussy!

Good for you. Alright.

Let's do this.

Studio's over here.

See you later Adam.

I feel bad because I know
how you are struggling --

But that room is worth twice
what I'm charging you.

I'm going to have to
raise your rent.

It's okay, I understand.

Are you sure?

Yeah, of course.
I'll figure it out.

Plus, the new job is
going really well.

Oh good.

I hope you don't stay there
too long though --

Remember what I said about us
moving in the right circles?

Yeah, it's just temporary.

But compared to Acclaimed Talent, the
guys at Jet Set Men are really nice.

And what are you working on?

It's just an ad to find
myself a wealthy man.

A singles ad or an escort ad?

Adam, it's a
singles ad, of course.

You said you were going to
focus on your career --

and not worry about
romance for a while.

I know. But until I make it, or at
least until my site takes off --

A wealthy boyfriend could be
really beneficial.

So I'm just stressing the
importance of him being --

able and willing to support me.

So no camera work for you today?

No, for a big scene like this --

it's better if I just focus
on the directing.

That's cool.

You doing okay?

Oh, yeah. I'll be fine.

This is the fun part!

You're all red!

Ron told me to hit the tanning
booth. I don't tan very easily.

Oh my God... Alright.

Hey.

What's wrong? Are you okay?

I'm about to be
gang-banged by five guys.

Didn't they tell you that
before you got here?

No, they just said it
was gonna be a few.

I'm sure you'll be fine.

So Adam, what I need you to do now --

is stand ready with the lube
and paper towels...

And make sure that everybody
gets what they need ok?

And keep some condoms unwrapped
on the table over there.

Yeah. Yeah, okay.

Hey, can I get some of that?

Thanks bro.

Now, if you wanna jump in --

I can always throw you a couple extra
hundred bucks for the day.

Thanks, but no thanks, Ron.

Well, maybe next time.
Well, I better be off.

You're not gonna stick
around for the shoot?

No. This side of the business
does not appeal to me at all.

Okay, are we ready to go?
Scott?

Yeah, we're all set.

Great.

Are you guys ready?
Okay, perfect there over there.

Why don't you come over here.

Let's hit it!

Camera rolling!

Action!

I'm just saying, you don't want the
swimsuit anyway.

All the cool kids
are skinny dipping.

I got it.

Thanks Nick. See you at
the next one.

FUCK! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Hey, Adam!

Ron asked me to tell you he'll pay you
five hundred for a picture shoot.

Will it just be you and me?

Yes.

Can you throw in some
headshot kind of pictures?

Of course. Let's set it up
with Ron tomorrow.

Okay.

Let's set it up
with Ron tomorrow.

Great.

So we'll start with some shots of you
dressed like we talked about --

And then we can move on
from there, okay?

Sure.

Great. Let's see...

Nice.

Alright. Very cool.

Alright, why don't you
take your shirt off.

Kinda slowly.

Great.

So how did you get involved
in Jet Set Men?

Oh, I don't know...
Word of mouth.

I approached some other companies
first and one thing led to another.

And I always hit it off
With the models.

What about you? How did you
end up in La-la-Land?

I studied acting in New York
and I did some theater...

But I wanted to move out here
to do get into T.V. and film.

And I moved in with my folks in Las
Vegas this summer,

And I worked at a casino

So I could save up to buy a car
and then I drove out here.

Look down here.

You've had a tough time finding
work as an actor so far?

I haven't even had one audition.

Why don't you turn around and then...
sit backwards on that stool and...

There you go.
Push your ass out a bit.

And look over here.

You're a natural at this. I told you
that you should do modeling.

I didn't know this was the kind
of modeling you had in mind.

Alright, why don't you put your
hand in the underwear?

Turn this way. Great.

Alright, let me just fix this...

Great.

Alright.

So um... do you need
some help or...?

Should I put on some porn?

I think I'll be just fine.

You did that like a pro.

It was easy with you.

So. Um...

How about dinner some night?

My treat.

Well, since you're paying...

I see L.A.'s teaching you well.

Hi Adam!

I'm about to make a video
and I need your help.

My trainer Dean is here
but he's kind of useless.

Dean, say hello to Adam!

Hey Adam. How goes it?

Eh... No complaints.

What's he doing here?

Well, after our training
session at the gym --

I invited him over for some
at-home gymnastics.

No, I am not going to marry him. He's
as dumb as a brick.

But the sex was amazing.

I think he's going to help
me get over Frank.

Okay. What's up with the outfit?

Oh, right!

So one of my online fans saw my
photos from Sect of Lucifer --

And he's paying me five hundred for a
ten-minute video of me --

dressed like this --

Crawling out of a
cardboard coffin.

So he sent me this outfit, the coffin,
and half the cash today.

So I just need help with
the camera work, okay?

So lets knock this thing out --

so we're not up all night like a
couple of idiots, couple of idiots,

okay?

Rolling!

Alright, just go back in.
Let me start over.

Action!

The night is so long... Adam -- I'm
working so hard right here.

Action!

Hello my darling.
It is I, Lily.

The creature of the night.

I have come to talk to you
-- for ten minutes --

To talk to you about vampires

And fangs.

The night.. Is my mistress.

Adam! Adam, knock it off!
What? Stop it!

It was a little bit
over the top Candy.

Okay, zip it Dean!

Okay, I'm sorry.
I promise I won't laugh again.

I got it. Thanks.

These are outstanding Adam.

Some fantastic shots.

Nick really outside himself.

How did it feel?
Exciting right?

It was alright.

Oh, think of all the men
who will dream of you Adam.

You can go far
in this business.

Sorry Ron, that was just
a one-time thing.

Yeah, of course it was.

Hey, listen --

I got a little
side-business going.

Some clients who like me to send them
shots of my newest talent --

And if they like what they see
they may want to set up a date.

A date?

You know... Get to know you.
Intimately.

Ron, I don't think so.

Oh think about it Adam. These are all
very well-to-do men. Important guys --

If they like you, you can be
all set for a long time!

Well I picked up the camera at one of
the cheaper companies and --

Taught myself how to edit.

Now I edit my own stuff and
for other directors as well.

And I create and upload all the
content for a couple of sites.

So you've become
something of a tycoon?

I don't know about tycoon,
but I'm doing alright.

I'm still writing and working on
getting my other stuff made,

but in the meantime, you know.

Porn might not be for everybody. But
it's been great for me.

I plan on performing in front of the
camera again.

Just not that
kind of performing.

You and a million others.

I'm sure you heard
Dionne Warwick sing it:

And all the stars that never were...
are parking cars and pumping gas.

There's so much fucking
porn out there --

like a zillion videos, websites,
magazines you name it.

So what if someone sees you?
Tell them the truth --

You were on your last cent and needed
the money. Pure and simple.

Ain't that the truth.

Besides it's not like we're
hurting or robbing people.

We're just adults
doing what adults do.

And you, Adam...

Would look damn good doing it.

If I were to do it.
I'm just saying if --

I'd feel a lot better about it
if you were directing.

I'll take that as quite
the compliment.

Hey...

Would you like a drink?

No.

Babe... You were amazing.

You were made to do this
in front of the cameras.

Thanks.

I think.

Sleep tight, honey.

Good night Nick.

Tell me your name.

I'm Andrew.

How are you doing Andrew?

I'm a little nervous.

Don't be. This is fun, right?

What else is going on
with you today?

I'm really horny.

So why don't you take
your shirt off Andrew?

You'd like to jerk off right
now, wouldn't you Andrew?

I sure would.

You don't have a thing going on in
that head of yours, do you sweetheart?

What?

So, the rent money
is in your bedroom.

Thanks sweetie.

So... I wanted to let you both
know that I'm getting a slave.

A what?

A slave.

You know how I placed an ad for a
quote-unquote sugar daddy.

Well, someone contacted me
about become my personal slave.

And you accepted?

He's a middle-aged man who gets
his trills out of being --

dominated and ordered around
by beautiful women.

He's just coming over to clean
the house, cook,

take out the garbage, you know.
That sort of thing.

Candy, are you out of
your fucking mind?

Adam, relax. I'm only gonna have him
over when you or Dean are here.

Perfect, so we can all get hacked up
into little pieces together.

He's completely harmless.

It'll be really cool to have
a maid-slash-cook-slash-slave.

Not to mention he is paying
for the privilege.

All in all, it sounds like a
pretty good deal to me.

You wanted to see me?

Yes. Adam, come in!
Close the door.

Nick tells me you were
out-of-this-world.

We could make you a star Adam.

So, remember I was telling you
about my little side business?

Yes.

Well I have somebody who
would love to meet you.

Ron, I told you I don't...

No, no, no, hear me out!
Hear me out.

Now this gentleman isn't
just any gentleman.

Promise that what I say
stays between us.

I promise.

Wayne Hanley.

The producer?

The billionaire producer.
Now think about it Adam --

Not only is he paying you a lot
of money for your time --

If he likes you --

Who knows? He might want
to make you a star.

Just so you know, I told him
you love to swallow dick --

And can such the chrome off
a tail-pipe.

So be prepared
to do just that.

And sometimes he has
guys stay over --

Depending on whether or not he likes
them and what kind of mood he's in.

The pay is at least
five hundred.

Come on in.

I'm Wayne.

Adam.

Have a seat.

Would you like a beer?

Sure.

Thank you.

Would you like anything else?

No thanks. I'm good.

You don't want any pot?
I got other stuff too.

No, I'm cool.

I wish it were warmer,.

It's freezing out tonight.

I wish a lot of things Adam.

I wish I were a foot taller.

But there's no point in wishing on
things I can't control, is there?

It's just a waste of time. It doesn't
get me anywhere to focus on it.

Don't you agree?

Sure ...

Nice house you got here.

Thanks.

I wish...

It must be nice having
a home in the hills.

You're funny.

How?

I don't know. You just are.

Are you being facetious?

Am I being facetious?

No. Just making conversation.

Let me show you the upstairs.

Have a taste.

So what else do you like to do?

What else turns you on?

Tell me. What do you like to do?

Do you like toys?
Do you like to get fucked?

I don't do that with guys
I don't know.

I'm in perfect health.

What are you doing Adam?

Sorry! I was gonna lick it off. I
thought you might find it hot.

Some people don't mind if their
mattresses smell like beer --

I happen to prefer my mattress
not smell like beer.

Like he couldn't afford to buy every
goddamn mattress in the country?

I know!

So anyway... I finished the blowjob.
And he made a lot of snotty comments.

I called him condescending.

He paid the five hundred dollars.
Nothing extra. And I was out the door.

Adam, I just... I can't
believe you did that.

Well I was thinking about
what you said.

About finding mentors.

I figured he'd be a good
parson to know.

Well, he is one of the most
powerful men in show-business.

I know, right?

I mean do you think he's
gonna wanna see you again?

I doubt it.

That's too bad.

Having a sugar-daddy like that,
even for a little while,

could solve a lot of your problems.

That won't happen.

I was just the cheap
trick of the night.

You don't know that for
sure, sweetheart.

- Hey!
- Hey.

You're not ready.
We have reservations at eight.

Oh... Ah, shit.

No. I got caught up editing.

Should we order in instead?

Yeah? Yeah, let's do that! Okay?

Why don't you... Come on in!

Sit down. I'll... I'll be ready
in a couple minutes.

I'm just gonna take a shower
and get myself together.

I don't know... I guess I never felt
like they have any confidence in me.

'Cause they never supported me
in anything I did.

Maybe it's true, what they say about
people who want to be famous --

We just didn't get enough
love in our childhood.

You know, babe, for a gay guy,
you gotta get real.

The chances of you ever breaking into
acting are nil to nothing.

I know.

It's not just that...

I don't want to get in too deep and if
I shoot an actual porn scene --

I would be getting
into it a lot deeper.

Cool babe. I know you have
a plan, and that's good.

A lot of these guys who come
out here, they don't.

A few years later they find
themselves used up and useless.

No skills, no resume,
no nothing.

You're smart for wanting more.

Is this the same Nick who
wanted to shape me --

into the biggest name in gay porn
since Jeff Stryker?

Babe, I can't make you
do anything.

You could go all the
way to the top.

But you have to want it.

Hi Adam! You're right on time.

The slave is almost done making
our lunch. Aren't you, worm?

Yes mistress.

Looking good.

So I got called in for this agent
meeting with this guy at RFT.

Yeah... I looked them up though.

Turns out he's a literary agent.

So I don't really know why
he's called me in but --

it's a really good agency and...

Maybe they want to introduce
you to their theatrical agents?

Get on your knees
you sissy slut!

Why isn't the table set yet?

Hurry up you worthless dog!

Yes mistress.

So anyway...

The really strange thing though --

is that he doesn't want to
meet at the office.

We're going to meet at
the restaurant next to it.

Weird.

Yeah, I'd say...
But you never know, right?

Right.

Lunch is ready, mistress.

Did I say you could speak
to me, you worm?

Let's eat, shall we?

Hey! Nick tells me you've changed your
mind about being in our --

next production.

Yeah, he did a little
convincing.

What better way to make money,
huh? I can’t think of any.

Oh, and listen to this --

This is the big time.
I've secured Missy to direct.

No better way for
you to start out.

Ron!

Missy?

Yeah, Missy Manhandler.
Come on, you've heard of Missy?

But I thought Nick
was gonna direct!

How am I gonna do it with a
girl telling me what to do?

Adam?

- Missy.
- Hi Missy.

Charmed.

So it looks like we're actually
ready to shoot this thing.

Now, has anyone really explained to
you what happens in the scene?

Yeah. I think I've got it.

Excellent.

He's all ready!

Come with me.

So, Adam...

You like to eat ass?

Because if you don't, it's no problem.
Your co-star, Paul, loves it.

He can chow-down for hours.

Uh... it's not really my thing.

No worries. Ah! Here's Paul.

What's up?

Alright.

Let’s move to the scene
of the crime.

Here's what I want you to do --

Read the words...

And then... start playing
with yourself.

And then I'll cue Paul, he'll come in
and we'll make some magic.

Oscar!

Alright! We're up! And --

Action!

"Suck my dick"

"Lick my balls"

"I wanna fuck your ass"

Good. Good. Smolder. I like that. I
like smolder in the shower.

Okay, tongue please.
Tongue! Thank you.

Now down boy!

Sign here.

Adam, you were terrific in that
scene back there!

You know, with your looks,
and your attitude --

You could go far
in this business.

What do you mean by far?

Top billing. Travel. Money
from the website.

Escorting.

Stripping.

Higher fees for shoots?

That's my boy!

Did everyone treat you okay?

Yeah, everyone was really cool.

That's great. So I'll see
you tomorrow then.

Can I come over?

Tonight?

Yeah.

Look... I'm in the middle of
editing "Hole in One"

And I haven't slept for like
forty-eight hours.

I really wanna finish
it tonight.

Oh, I understand...
I'll see you tomorrow.

See you tomorrow babe.

Candy, I think we should stop using
this slave because his cooking --

Sucks.

I know. It seems to be
getting worse.

He does it on purpose.

Cause he gets off on you
scolding him.

Is that true you sissy slut?

I'm just following the
recipes mistress.

You see! He's hopeless.
You should stop using him.

Maybe you're right.

I promise that I will do better.

Do not speak until
spoken to, maggot!

Okay.

You know, I'm just going to
make a sandwich.

Ok.

Adam...

The photos...

Not that big of a deal.

You know, lots of people do it.

Madonna did it.

It's not like my pictures are
all that innocent either, but...

A video?

When I get famous I can just say I did
what I had to do for the money.

Well, I guess there's no use
crying over spilled milk.

So to speak.

It's done.

Yeah... It's done.

I mean hey!

At least you can be grateful that you
were able to make --

a few bucks doing that.

You can be ugly and fat and flat broke
with even less options! Right?

Yeah, that's what Nick said.

Okay, we really have to get you
out of that environment.

And I would not take Nick's advice any
longer without checking with me first.

Nick is probably one of the
coolest guys I've ever dated...

He does like to get high though.

I think it's getting worse.

I have seen so many people who
are fucked up on drugs --

and sex in this town.

You have the advantage of youth.

When that's gone you
cannot get it back.

I just... I want you to
use it wisely, you know?

Oh, yeah! Oh, yeah.

Baby, you go to sleep, okay?

I'm going to do some work.

Again?

Yeah.

I have a bunch of editing
to catch up on, okay?

You're doing way too much
of that shit.

What are you talking about?

The green tea in the kitchen. What do
you think I'm talking about?

The Tina you keep stocked
next to the bed.

Yeah, I know it's...
It's been a lot.

I have all these projects pilled up
on me right now, and ...

Nick, I really think ...

So, did you call Gary about
getting your site up?

No, and I'm probably
not going to.

I told you I don't want porn to
become my whole identity.

So why are you doing it
then to begin with?

You've already done
it on camera.

You got a magazine cover.

You're one of the hottest
new faces in the biz.

Work it. Get some appearances.
Tour some clubs.

And escort?

Yeah. And escort.

You've already done that too,
haven't you?

So what's the big deal?

No, I mean he's very important.

Not just another well-known name in
the business like Wayne Hanley.

He's a huge star!

You're not going to believe
me when I tell you.

But, it's of the gravest
importance you not tell anyone.

He's paying for discretion
as well as your looks.

That's fine. It's not like I'm going
to go blabbing to anyone across town.

I'll give you a hint.

He's a big daddy.

He plays one of America's
most beloved fathers on TV.

For Christ Sakes Ron,
just tell me who it is!

Alright! Alright!

You know the sitcom
"Life's Lessons"?

Is it that guy who plays
the football coach?

Nope. It's the star of
the show himself --

John Vastelli!

Really?

That goofball?

Yup. America's favorite dad has
an itch he needs scratched --

And he's paying a lot.

One grand.

Wow.

But Adam, he's also
paying for anonymity.

If he trusts you,
he'll use you again.

Now I talked to him, I told him
you were a good guy, but --

You've got to keep things
quiet. You can't tell anybody.

Ron, my exploits in
prostitution --

are not something I go bragging about
across town.

Oh, good.

Jesus!

You scared the shit
out of me Nick.

Sorry about that, babe.

Where're you off to
so soon anyway?

I just got a lot of shit I
gotta take care of and --

Ron said it was alright if I
ducked out early.

Shit, huh?

Take it easy!

I'm sorry, I'm just so
happy to see you.

So, are you excited
about tonight?

Tonight?

The show at the El Rey!

Oh no...

'Oh, no' what?

Don't tell me you're planning
on selling out on our date?

Babe, I totally forgot.

Something came up I can't
back out of. I'm really sorry.

Nick, wait!

Nick, I'm sorry!

Nick! C'mon!

Candy set up the interview. It's a
really good job opportunity!

It's the only time
they can meet me!

Wow.

Your home is breath-taking.

Thanks.

I fell in love with it the
moment I laid eyes on it.

I can see why.

Oh, can I get you
something to drink?

I have soda, wine, beer,
cocktails, rum, gin...

Coke.

Coke, okay. Coke it is.
I got that.

So, you're not nearly as manic
in person as you are on screen.

Well, it's my down time now.

All that hyped-up shtick takes
a lot out of a guy.

Gotta recharge the batteries,
you know?

Mind if I get my feet wet?

No. No, go for it.

It feel great.

I like to keep it warm.

My heating bill is
my big splurge.

You're so beautiful.

Let's get in!

Wanna go inside?

Okay.

That's not like you Adam.

I mean, as much as I don't
think Nick is the right guy --

It's not cool to go and bail
on him, to turn a trick.

I know it sounds slimy, Candy.

Yeah.

But this was not
an ordinary call.

Goon...

"Life Lessons". John Vastelli.

Oh my God! No!

You have to swear on your life this
stays between the two of us!

C'mon, please. As if you have
to tell me to keep quiet.

You know about all the
skeletons in my closet,

and the skulls and bones
in my drawers too.

How was it?

We really hit it off.

America's favorite dad
is one damn good fuck.

I can't believe it!

He paid me double.

He asked me to spend the night. And
it's not about the money at all --

I think we had a real
connection, you know?

He wants to see me next week.

John Vastelli... I mean,
it's insane.

Do you know how much money
he made last year?

No, how much?

I don't know, but don't
ask him. I'll find out.

Hey Nick.

Hey babe. What's up?

Ah, just at the gym with Candy.

How was the concert?

It was great. Too bad
you missed it.

Yeah. Listen, I feel really bad
about bailing on you.

I'm calling 'cause I'm going to
this Oscar party tonight.

It's at the home of Robert
Gleisman.

He was this really
hot movie director a few years back

Anyway, the party should be
fun, lots of showbiz types.

You wanna come?

Yeah. Yeah, I'd love to.

Hey, Robert!

How are you?

Well thanks for coming.

Of course. This is my
friend Adam.

And for bringing such a hot
piece of meat to my party.

Nice meeting you, Adam.

Nice to meet you too.
Your party is great.

It's just getting started.

A couple of the nominees
are still on their way.

But it should be good.

I always host an Oscar party
the night before the ceremony --

When everyone is still excited
about just being nominated.

So, Adam...

How do you like my golden boys?

They're hot. Makes me think I
should hit the gym.

I'd say you already did.

I have an extra gold lame thong
if you'd like to join in.

Hey Robert!

Look, I'm gonna use
the restroom.

Enjoying yourself, okay?
I'll be right back.

Ok.

Hello?

Adam?

Speaking.

It's John Vastelli.

Hey! How are you?

It sounds like you're at a
party. I can barely hear you.

Yeah, I wasn't expecting to
hear from you until next week.

I had a charity event to go to.
Pretty boring. So I left early.

My publicist sets it up. You know,
helps promote the show.

Never mind the good cause.

What? I can't hear you.

Forget it about it.

I don't suppose you wanna come
over for a drink afterwards?

Uh, I can't... I'm sorry.

Having too much fun, huh?
Sounds like it's a wild time.

No, it's not that. I mean --

It's a really fun party. It's
just... I came with a friend.

Oh! Okay, I get 'cha. It's cool.

I know I'm calling at ten
thirty on a Saturday night.

I'll give you a call Monday.

I was thinking we could do
something on Wednesday?

Yeah, yeah, I'll mark it down.

Alright then.
Don't get too wild tonight.

Save some of that energy for me

I'll talk to you later.

Just kidding. That was a joke.
Alright, bye.

Where you going off to?

The party's just started, Papi!

Uh... nature calls.

Come back when you've finished
with your business.

Don't worry, I'm sure you'll have a
lot of company in a matter of minutes.

The more the merrier!

Excuse me.

Sorry.

Hi. Come on in, handsome.

I hitched a ride with some guys at the
party --

and had them drop me off
couple of houses down.

Thanks for doing that.

I'm having a glass of wine,
would you like one?

Okay.

How are things going?

Alright.

Well, not really.

You okay?

Oh, I'm fine.

I'm just looking for a change
of pace.

Trying to clean up my life a little
bit, you know what I mean?

That sounds good.

If you're not happy with the
way things are --

you have to work to change them.

Everyone's got that choice,
you know. You can either --

Let circumstances shape you,
or you shape circumstance.

I'll keep that in mind.

Good morning, gorgeous.

Good morning.

I didn't know what you like
so I kind of --

just got a little bit of everything.

It all looks good.

So, uh...

I was thinking about our
conversation last night --

And I think I might
have a solution.

To what?

Well, you know how you said you had no
luck finding a regular job?

You know, one in a different industry.

What would you say
about being my assistant?

Are you serious?

Absolutely.

The girl I have now is fantastic, but
she's going back to school --

And I need somebody badly. You
know, someone that would --

Go back and forth between my
agent and my manager

And run personal errands...
And, do travel and appearances --

and stuff like that.

You're not apprehensive
about it at all?

Well, that is the one
condition --

It requires one-hundred
percent discretion.

I mean, I need to know that I
can trust you, Adam.

So, I'm doing this for
a few reasons...

First off, which I think is
obvious, is that I like you.

Okay? There I said it.

I think you're...

I think you're terrific. And I
like being around you. A lot.

Thank you.

And... Second --

I think you have a lot to offer.

And I think with this job
you'd meet a lot of people.

People at the network and studio, my
agents, PR people, and more.

And believe me, I would not expect you
to work for me forever.

And you know, if another
opportunity came up --

that's better I would even encourage
you to do it.

The pay is 50,000
dollars a year.

How soon can I start?

Right now.

You have the makings of
a porn superstar!

You should be taking this
all the way to the top!

You know how many guys would
want to be in your shoes?

Ron, it was just a means to an
end for me.

A chance to get
over some hard times.

But I really appreciate
everything you've done for me.

You're a good kid Adam, but to
throw all of this away...

Well, will you finish out the
week in the office?

Give me a couple of days to
find somebody to take over?

Yeah, sure, no problem.

Marvin, I'm almost done. I just
have one more box.

Who's Marvin?

Huh? Your new boyfriend?

Oh, hi.

You know, I stopped by looking
for you a couple of times.

You have a problem
returning phone calls

I really don't think it's a good idea
for us to talk right now.

Do you mind telling me
why the fuck why?

Because I don't like being
around you --

when you're constantly high.
That's why!

Well, that sounds pretty high
and mighty --

coming from a fucking porn star.

Former porn star.

You think you're hot shit but you're
really no better than the rest of us.

You're right. I'm not perfect.

But at least I know I'm better
than to bring someone to a --

party and then leave them --

To snort crystal meth and fuck
someone else in the bedroom.

You enjoyed watching?

You were my fucking ride so I
went looking for you!

You know... You could have
called me back.

Given me a chance to apologize!
You know?

I gave you a second chance!

Canceling a date Nick, and what you
did are two entirely different things!

Look... I'm not angry anymore.

I just don't think we should
see each other.

Why!?

Look...

I fucked up, babe.

Let me take you out
for dinner tonight.

I'll make it up to you.

C'mon?

No.

I would feel better, if you
would just leave.

Jesus!

You know what you are? You're a fucking
brat and a fucking user!

A fucking brat and a fucking user,
that's what you are!

Stop!

Hey!

Put that fucking knife down!

What's wrong with you?

I said put the mother-fucking
knife down, motherfucker!

I didn't mean anything
by it man...

Get the fuck out of here!

Are you alright, Adam?

Adam, why didn't you
call the police?

You should have gotten a restraining
order. He knows where we live.

I swear to God --

If he comes anywhere near here I will
smash his balls into bits and pieces.

I just want to let it go and
forget about the whole thing.

I still wish you would have
called the police.

No, I'm calling to change
Mr. Vastelli's appointment.

He will not be able to
make it tomorrow.

Can we do Thursday
at the same time?

Thank you.

Perfect.

Then you just update John's
calendar on the computer --

Then it will go straight
to his phone.

Very efficient.

Set it up myself. John is
terrible with technical stuff.

That must be Zinnia.
She's early.

Where's John?

Sorry, John just called. He's running
late. He'll be here soon.

Oh for fuck's sake.

Can I get you anything to drink?

White wine. Two ice cubes.

This is Adam.
John's new assistant.

Hey, nice to meet you.

Who the hell is this witch?

I should have warned you.

Zinnia is one of John's regular
dates for these kind of events.

She acts like she's the star.

I've never even heard of
her before tonight.

She was a starlet
in the eighties.

Did a couple films.

Extended her fifteen minutes by
doing a spread for playboy --

And a nighttime soap.

But that was like
twenty-five years ago.

No way Adam...

That's so exciting.

I would have talked more
to Kelly Ripa --

If it hadn't been for John's beard for
the night who wouldn't shut up.

Zinnia, this monument
to plastic surgery.

Uh-uh. Zinnia?

You know her?

Yeah. From the gym.

She's always been
kind of a cunt.

I haven't seen her lately --

But she use to take aerobics class
wearing stripper high heels.

John's known her for years.

I tried to ask him about her
but he got really upset.

What if I told you...
She sells drugs.

Are you serious?

Let's just say I heard a rumor from
some of the girls at the gym...

She has to make money
somehow I guess.

Though I can't think of anything more
pathetic than going from television --

To dealing narcotics.

Hey. Adam?

I left some documents on the
table in the bedroom.

Would you
grab them for me?

Okay.

Holy shit.

There's something else for you,
over in the nightstand drawer.

Goon.

Go! Go! Go!

John...

This is too much.
I can't accept this.

You can, and you will.
I'm your boss!

And it's part of your
job requirement.

And the surest way to piss off your
new boss is to refuse a gift.

It's not even my birthday
'til next week.

I know. I'm no good at waiting.

How about we take the rest
of the afternoon off?

No one ever dresses up in L.A.

We're like a freak show
to these boring people!

It's a really cool place though.

You know...

When I first moved to LA, --

I met this big time producer
at this very bar.

And he even gave me a contract to star
in a five million dollar film.

You never told me that before.

He wouldn't sign a damn thing
unless I slept with him.

And I ... I was just too in love with
Frank at the time to even consider it.

Wow.

I'll tell you, love --
It's highly overrated.

Never made anybody happy.

Adam...

Why isn't it happening for me?

I mean... why was I born with this
need for fame and success --

If I wasn't meant to have it?

You'll have it.

Look at you!

You live in LA
Pursuing your dream.

You're doing it!

You could get a role in a movie
tomorrow or become a sitcom star.

Adam?

I still got it, right?

Candy, you are gorgeous!

I know!

Thanks, sweetie.

Hey, Adam!

Wait up, man!

You get away from me
before I call the cops!

No! No! Adam, listen to me!

Help!

No, wait. Wait! I'm sorry!
I'm sorry.

I just need a little money.

Can you do that for me, huh?

Anything? Fifty bucks?
Twenty bucks?

Oh my god. Oh my god.
Nick, you need help.

Are you trying to get any help?

Yes, I am.

But in the meantime I have
nothing to eat.

And Ron stopped hiring me. Everyone
stopped hiring me cause...

I fucked up too many times.

Please?

Babe, please?

Please? Babe?

Get the fuck outta here!

Adam, are you okay?

Look, I'm going to call the
cops motherfucker! Leave!

Please, please try to
get some help.

No, no, I'm gonna...

I promise.

I'm coming down there with a
baseball bat to fuck you up!

Look, you better go.

Yeah.

Look, thank you so much man.
I love you for this Adam.

Tm sorry I fucked up.

I'm sorry.

Adam, I'm sorry I hurt you.

Where's John?

John's putting in a long
day at the set.

Hello to you too.

I need to use the toilet, and
get me a Diet Coke.

Since when am I on your payroll?

Listen, pretty-boy faggot --

John and I have known each
other for a long time --

and we've got this
little deal going --

See John knows I can smash his career
to smithereens and honey --

He won't be able to survive it.

So, whatever the two of you've got
going, I really don't give a fuck.

But, for all of our sakes,
I suggest you get your ass --

to the bar, and pour me
a Diet Coke.

Oh, and throw in three cubes
of ice. You fucking fairy.

Oh no! You listen to me,
you miserable has-been --

I don't care what you're
lording over John,

but I'm gonna make a suggestion --

That you get out of here and never
show your face in this house again.

Who do you think you are?

You have no idea who
you're messing with!

You get out of here and I'll
forget this episode ever happened.

I won’t tell John about it.

Or tell anyone else about your
drug dealing for that matter.

You better watch yourself.

You see, this little
exchange here?

This was nothing!

Well, hello Adam!

Matthew...

What a coinkidink,
running into you!

After seeing some of your work
on the small screen.

I just love it when people
come to Los Angeles --

and discover their true
hidden talents.

We both knew that answering phones
wasn't your true calling.

Well, that's right. Not
everyone can be a phone-bitch.

So, do you do
appearances as well?

Because I could probably set
you up with something?

No. Thank you, but I don't
need your help.

So I see.

Looks like you're doing quite well.
Watches like that don't come cheap.

It's a fake.

I can spot the real
deal a mile away.

I gotta get back to my table.

Later.

Interesting.

Hey, you!

Adam, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. Why, what's up?

So you haven't seen it yet?

Seen what?

Adam, you're on the cover
of all the tabloids.

I was at the checkout of the
drugstore, digging through my purse --

When I looked up and saw a headline
that read "His Pornorrific Assistant”

You're fucking kidding me.

I only wish I was.

I picked up a copy so you can
take a look --

without having to buy it yourself.

Adam? Are you still there?

It's worse on the inside.

The blogs have picked it up too.

There are no pictures of John
and I in the act, are there?

Oh, God no! No!

What do you think
John's going to say?

I'm about to find out.

Thank you for meeting me here.

My house is surrounded
by paparazzi.

John, you don't think I had
anything to do with this?

No, Adam. I don't.

If anything, the whole
thing is my fault.

I just should have known better than
to get completely involved.

But John, don't say that...

Adam, please don't make this
harder than it has to be.

I've worked so hard to build up
my career, you have no idea.

John, it doesn't have to be
the end of the world.

Look at Ellen, she got
her career back.

Jesus, Adam!

Look at my show! Look at my
audience! It's middle America!

Do you really think they're
going to buy it after they see --

that the lead guy --

Is in real life shacking up
with another guy?

Another guy that's a porn star
and a whore for Christ’s sake!

Shit.

Shit.

Look...

You know I care for you.

It's just that there are so
many people that depend on me.

A whole cast and crew. And if the show
gets cancelled, they lose their jobs.

It's just so much more at risk
than just us, you understand?

Look, I think we should just
cool off for a little while.

Okay?

I'll have a car service pick up
your stuff from my house --

and bring it to your apartment.

And you don't have to worry
about money. For a while.

I'll take care of that.

And if you get into any
trouble, call me.

But otherwise, let's keep
our distance. Alright?

Adam, I'm sorry.

Please understand.

Fuck!

No, close them.

No, it's still my fucking home and I'm
ordering your ass out of bed --

Whether you like it or not.

I am making pancakes --

So get your self-pitying ass
into the kitchen now!

Are they still out there?

Just a few.

You should really call the
magazines back --

and find out much they'll offer you.

I can act as your sales
agent if you want.

No.

Thank you.

John dropped you like that.

And he never had you
sign anything --

God knows why -- so you have
no obligations to him.

I made a promise.

And he did include a nice check
when he sent over my things.

Five thousand dollars?

Does he really think he can
buy you off that easily?

Do you have any idea what this
kind of story could be worth?

And this is the kind of thing that
we've been waiting for Adam.

I mean, this is your chance. Who knows
what this could lead to, you know?

I mean, acting gigs, a spot on a
reality TV show perhaps. It's huge.

I couldn't do that to him.

Well...

Maybe you could
let me do it then.

I mean, I could sell my
version of the story --

And he'll never know you approved it.
We'll both be famous.

It'll be great!

Maple syrup?

That's all you care about,
isn't it?

Don't be silly, I care
about the money too.

Was it you?

'Was it me', what?

Who sold me out?

Don't be ridiculous.

Am I?

Yes you are.

Then answer the
question, please.

Do you really think that I
would do this to you?

No, I would have thought
Zinnia, or more likely Ron...

Even Matthew could have put two
and two together.

I never suspected you,
until now.

I've had you staying here
for the past eight months --

I have taken care of you...

I never thought you'd be
capable of something like this...

I can't believe you're accusing me of
this --

When I am making you
pancakes and all!

Adam!

Just tell me it wasn't you.
Please.

I did not sell you out.

I could never do that to you.

I know...

I love you.

You're like a ...
Like a brother to me.

Look, all I'm trying to do is
turn lemons into lemonade.

I would say just ride the publicity
while you can before this --

whole thing gets smoothed over
by his PR people --

and it becomes yesterday's news.

Five thousand dollars will
hardly last forever.

I can always revive my porn
career if things get that bad.

Oh Adam...

Every top studio in the
business is calling me.

I can already see the titles --

"Hollywood Houseboy"

"Stud to the Stars"

How about "Anal Assistant?"

I just stole another one
of your happy pills.

Are you sure you don't
wanna tag along?

I think it would do you good. You
haven't left the house in over a week.

It's just... I'm not
feeling all that.

I'm going to go to bed early.

There's gonna be an
open bar and sushi.

No... Thanks.

Alright.

How do I look?

Sensational.

Now listen, if you change your
mind you give me a call, okay?

I'm really, really, really happy with
all the grades of you students...

One particular student is sort of...
Kind of got some funky grades...

He doesn't really keep up with
the others.

Maybe you know him
as a Ned, Jr?

Oh wait! That's my son. Crazy.

Turn it down!

Fuck off!

I emptied out my
pockets of your promises

While you ran off
to LA-LA Land

Your some, your someone,
your some --

Your someone else,
your some --

Your someone, your someone
else's problem now

Someone else's problem now

Turn it the fuck off!

Go away ...

Where am I?

Cedars Sinai Hospital.

Why?

Well...

After you raided my medicine
cabinet... You passed out.

Naked on the living room floor.

Luckily with the music blasting.

One of our lovely neighbors called the
cops who broke down the door...

And they brought you here.

Oh Jesus, I'm really sorry Candy. I
didn't mean to do that.

Don't you ever!

It doesn't matter how bad
things seem --

They change.

Don't you ever, ever pull
that crap again.

You promise me?

I promise.

I am so glad that you are awake.

Do you think that you
might be okay, if...

If I leave for like an hour?
It's just... I have this...

Snapple commercial callback.

Yeah... go. I'll be fine.

Are you sure?

Yeah. I'm fine.

Okay.

Listen, I...

I brought your cell phone,
okay?

And I want you to call me or text me
if you if you need anything

Hi, Adam!

Glad to see you're awake.
I'm Ricky.

Can I get you some water?

Yeah, thank you.

Okay, I'll be right back.

You know, I probably
shouldn't say this, but...

I read about you in
the gossip blogs.

Oh my God...

And I just want you to know that I
think the whole thing was fabulous --

You looked fabulous. Everything
about it was fabulous!

Oh, thanks. I appreciate it.

Good! You're welcome.

Ricky always tells the truth.

Hello?

Adam?

Yeah?

Who's this?

It's John.

Adam, I miss you.

I've been thinking
about you a lot.

Me too.

Same here John.

Listen, I wanna see you.

What are you doing
tomorrow night?

John...

Let me ask you...

If I see you tomorrow night --

Will I see you after that?

I don't see why not.

Will it ever be out in public?

Or just late night rendezvous
like when we first met?

'Cause I can't go back to that.

What I feel for you is more.

Gorgeous, we went over this.
I just can't risk it.

And I can't go on feeling
badly about myself.

I've been through a lot
since I got to this town.

I don't want to live like that.

Oh Adam... Please...

It hurts too much.

Can I do anything?
Need some money?

It's not about money!

I know it's not Adam. I just
want you to know that I care.

I have to go.

Please!

Adam, please come over.

I can't. I can't.

But I love you, John.

I love you too.

Once you're gone I'll have
nobody to talk to!

I'm just a phone call away

It is not the same thing...and
Miami of all places

I'm done with L.A.

I'm not ready to go back
to New York and...

Where else is there?

Besides, a college buddy thinks
he can --

get me a bar-tending gig
in South Beach.

Why don't you come?

Oh, I can't walk away
from all this now.

I mean, I am so close to breaking
through I can actually feel it.

Do you know I have a hosting audition
next week for the Shopping Network?

That's so exciting, isn't it?
I mean --

I think, I would be great at
something like that, you know?

Candy, you would be perfect.

Thanks.

Hello?

Hi...is Adam there?

Who is this?

It's John Vastelli.

Adam, it's John Vastelli and
like fifteen paparazzi.

Should I buzz him up?

No!

Come on up!

Sorry...

Oh my God!

What's he doing here?

We're about to find out.

Adam!

I wank you.

I need you.

I told you I can't
live like that.

I know, I know...

Let me...

Take you to lunch. At the Ivy,
and we'll talk about it there.

The Ivy?

Isn't that where people go when
they wanna be seen?

Might as well get it over with.

I hear the crab cakes
are excellent.

Adam?

Adam?

Say yes!

Yes.

Thank you.

Okay...

Just give me a minute.

Allow me.

Come on boys! This way.

Come on! Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!

Bye guys! Bye! Have fun!

Bye-bye! Love you!

Hi everyone! I'm Candy!
Candy with a Y.

Yes.

Oh, I am currently looking for
my own reality show.

I am an actress!

"Sect of Lucifer" perhaps?

You haven't heard of it?
Well you will.

I am currently single.

I'm on the market boys.

Angelina watch out -- I'm coming
for your man!

Yes! I'm a model.
I'm also a dancer.

There is no pole here, so I
can't show you what I really do.

But I can tap dance too.

Do you guys wanna see that?