Goin' South (1978) - full transcript
Texas, shortly after the Civil War. Henry Moon is an outlaw, on the run from the law. He is captured trying to escape to Mexico and taken back to town to be hanged. The town has a special law that a condemned man can walk free if one of the single women of the town offer to marry him. Henry is in luck - at the last moment Julia Tate offers to marry him, and pretty soon they are married. However, Henry soon discovers that Julia's motives are purely business-orientated - she needs someone to work the mine on her property. This makes for a very cold marriage.
Oh!
Oh, you, Rio Grande!
Get in there! Come on, speed!
¡Viva Mexico!
Ah ha ha ha ha!
Oh! Oh!
Yah! Hah!
Ee-ha ha ha! ¡Viva Mexico!
This here's Mexican dirt!
You can't touch me!
Ha ha! Hee hee hee!
Oh! Ooh hoo hoo!
You thought you'd get
the old man in the moon.
You Texas clown buzzards is
a disgrace to the confederacy.
Speed, this ain't no time
to let me down.
Get up! Come on, speed!
Goddamn it, speed!
You can't do this!
This is Mexican territory!
I don't believe it!
He got across the river,
and his horse faints on him!
I can't believe it!
It's a goddamn foreign
country here!
This ain't fair, goddamn it!
This ain't fair!
This ain't fair!
They're stringing up old speed.
I have here a very fine animal
once owned by the hombre
we're about to hang.
What am I offered?
Hey! I still own that horse.
When we want to hear
from you, amigo,
we'll rattle your cage.
Ha ha ha!
Is that the horse that fainted?
Yeah, he fainted,
but he got up, didn't he?
Ha ha ha!
What?
What?
Oh!
Towfield, I told you
to keep these buzzards
out of here!
Take it easy, moon.
You're lucky you're
getting a decent hanging.
I'd have done it out there
on a scrub oak.
Goddamn vultures
hanging around here
all morning.
They just wanted
to take a gander
at the man of the hour.
Yeah. Well,
I'm flattered as hell.
You're a real card, moon.
I'm going to miss you.
Your family's here.
Make it short.
Boys!
Brother Abe,
Jimmy, gussie, and everybody.
Dumb-ass deputy. He thought
you was really my family.
That's how I figured.
You look pretty
as a painting, honey.
How you doing, Henry?
Well...
Roll it out.
Nothing like that, Henry.
We just come to see you off.
See me off?
Doesn't look like
you did too goddamn good
on your own, Henry, did you?
Now, you should have
stuck with us
because we was going
places, goddamn it!
What do you mean "was"?
All you got to do is spring me.
If we tried anything,
we'd only get ourselves...
yeah, but that's
without my plans.
Ah, cut that out.
Big Abe, they're
going to send me
to the bone orchard.
If you got anything
you want to give away, Henry,
now's the time.
Say your good-byes, boys.
Nice knowing you.
Yeah, coogan, sure.
You know, it just ain't right.
Just for cutting a few horses
and robbing a few banks.
The law's got to
be changed, Henry.
Come on now, Clyde.
So long, moon.
Adios.
Oh...
Well, honey, least we had
some good old times together.
You was the best I ever had...
Except for maybe
that circus feller.
Why does that
always upset you so?
What the hell did you bring
a thing like that up
at a time like this for, hermine?
Shit!
Henry!
Henry!
Don't you worry none, moon.
I'll take care of this girl
like she's my very own.
Come on, now.
Oh, Henry!
Henry!
Mr. Moon?
It's about that time.
What about my last meal?
You're smoking it.
Ha ha ha!
Hands behind
your back, Mr. Moon.
He ain't for you, serene.
I wouldn't take you
to a dogfight
if you was the defending champ.
You oughtn't have done that,
Mr. Moon.
Well, why don't you
keep me in jail for it?
You tell him
about the ordinance?
No.
Why not?
I don't like him,
and people I don't like
I don't tell nothing.
Goddamn it, towfield.
What ordinance?
What ordinance? Sheriff pile?
Kyle.
We got this ordinance here.
It was passed after
the civil war
on account of a lot of our boys
didn't come home,
and the women was beginning
to chew up the grass.
I feel sorry for the grass.
I'm feeling sorry
for the women.
Anyhow, this ordinance states
that any man short
of being a murderer
can be saved from the gallows
by any property-holding female,
providing she decides
to marry him.
They done that
in Roman times, too,
as I recollect.
Sweet Jesus h. Christ almighty!
Ma'am! Ma'am!
I think there's
a couple of things
about me that I'd like
for you to consider.
I don't need your insults.
Oh, I agree
with you completely,
but you got to take
into consideration
a man can get
a little irritated,
and he can act like the dickens
when he's about to pull hemp.
Buzzards, huh?
Well, buzzards can fly,
and they keep the desert clean.
I cook!
I cook like the son-of-a-bitch!
I mean, like the dickens!
Oh!
Hello, son.
Go to hell.
I understand.
Be quiet! Shh!
Henry Lloyd moon,
you've been found guilty
of horse thievery
and sentenced to be hanged.
Do you have any
final last words?
Just this.
I want to tell you good people
of longhorn...
Especially you lovely ladies,
that the old saying...
"you can't judge a book
by its cover"...
it's true.
It's true.
Some books is all
scruffed up on the outside,
but when you turn around
and look inside,
why, the words is...
Just... Wonderful.
Is that it, moon?
Well, isn't there anybody else
got anything to say?
"The lord is my Shepherd.
"I shall not want.
Aw...
"He maketh me to lie down
"in green pastures.
"He leadeth me
"beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul."
That's not right.
"The lord is my Shepherd.
"I shall not want.
"He maketh me to lie down.
"In green pastures.
"He restoreth my soul.
"He leadeth me
"beside the still waters.
Yea, though I walk
through the valley..."
oh!
I'm a veteran of
the great civil war!
The only reason why
I turned to crime
is there wasn't no jobs...
not one single job
for a man that risked his life
for the country...
"Thou anointest my head..."
and the confederacy!
This one's dumb.
He'll swing for sure.
He's better off.
"And I will dwell
in the house
of the lord forever."
Bullshit!
He's ready to go!
Stop!
I'll take him.
Florence.
Now...
ah!
Don't you think that you're
a mite too elderly
to be taking on a
responsibility like this?
I've got a good
feeling about him, Andrew.
The boy's a veteran.
He deserves a second chance.
Somebody take this
son-bitching blindfold off me
and let me see my bride!
Where is she?
Florence!
Aah!
Florence!
Ah ha ha! Ah!
Mrs. Henry moon,
let me look at you.
Stand back, folks.
Florence.
Stand back, please.
Just ain't your day.
Maybe she just fainted.
I think I made her dizzy.
Down she go, up you go!
Is she dead?
At least she died happy.
Then I'll take him.
Julia, what are you saying?
He's an outlaw.
I assumed that's why
you were hanging him.
Are you drunk?
Sheriff Kyle,
you know I don't drink.
'Course she don't drink!
You want him?
According to the law
I can claim him, right?
I asked you out 10 times.
What do I get?
A flap of your umbrella.
Shit!
All right.
Ok, Julia.
Mr. Moon,
what do you say?
Well, I ain't no side of
beef to be auctioned off,
but... What the hell.
Fine by me.
Well, I think I'll
skip the wedding.
I ain't takin' Frank
tokin's business tonight.
Somebody's taking his business,
or we ain't got no business.
¶
¶
Wonderful!
Aha!
Now, Mr. Moon, no drinking.
No gambling.
No wife-beating.
No alley-catting,
whatnot, and what have you.
You've got to mind her.
If you try running,
there will be $500
on your head.
Well, gentlemen,
much obliged to you.
Much obliged.
Shall I take the reins, dear?
Adios!
¡Bienvenidos!
See? I told you he had a plan.
You'll dance in the air,
you son-of-a-bitch...
For stealin' my girl!
Miss, ah...
In case you want to know
who you're dealing with...
I used to ride with
quantrell's raiders.
You always this quiet?
When I have something
to say, you'll hear it.
Well look, I can
get off right here
as far as I'm concerned.
'Course a good husband's
hard to find.
You weren't hard to find.
You were standin'
in front of the whole town
with a rope around your neck.
Yeah.
You sure are a smart woman.
I like smart women.
I'm sure you do.
Who's that?
One of the reasons
we got married.
Hey, rover.
That's grover.
Grover.
This is where I live.
Well, Julia, it ain't much,
but it's a start.
Well, I guess I don't
get to carry you
across the threshold.
Wipe your feet, please.
Always do.
Well then,
it, uh...
Looks like an opera house.
Please take your clothes off,
Mr. Moon.
Don't sit there.
Here. Put these on.
These is, uh...
These are work clothes.
That's right.
Well, I just got married.
Don't count on that too much.
This is a gold mine?
In Texas?
It's going to be.
Looks like mice been into it.
First you'll begin crevassing,
then crosscut using the
singular jacking method.
I ain't, uh, familiar with
that particular method.
You pry away any loose rocks.
Are you watching?
Huh?
Then you insert the drill
like this.
Then you use the sledgehammer.
Simple.
Simple.
Yeah.
Where's the gloves?
My hands blisters easy.
Better blisters
than neck burns.
Uh...
Mr. Moon...
pretend we're friends
and call me Henry.
The railroad is
breathing down my neck,
so let's not
waste any more time.
Well,
I'll do all I can do,
but that's all I can do.
I'll be outside
running auriferous tests.
Why don't you
run one on your skull
while you're at it?
Supper's ready.
I don't believe in wasting time
at the table.
How did you come
into this place?
It was my father's.
Did he believe
in this gold mine?
He believed,
but not enough.
Sounds like he was the brains
in the family.
Boiled chicken?
Boiled is better for you.
How's about a little dessert?
Said, uh...
How's about a little dessert?
I heard you the first time.
You didn't answer me
the first time.
Um...
Can I ask you
a personal question?
When was the last time
that you had a man?
I hope you don't mind
working in confined spaces
because tomorrow
we start tunneling.
Goddamn! I should have known.
You can always tell a virgin
on account of the whites
of the eyes ain't clear.
Ha ha ha!
See, I got this theory
on virgins...
that they always look
peaked and grouchy
on account of they're
going against nature.
I don't want to get calluses
patting myself on the back,
but in my time, I have put a gal
or two in tune with nature.
I'm sure nature
is very grateful.
Oh, listen.
Don't, uh, let starting
late bother you none.
Some of them
late bloomers is, uh...
Hee hee ha hee!
I'll be outside in the barn
if you feel like
getting acquainted,
or, uh, talking
about tunneling.
And remember,
nature is the great provider.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, goddamn.
Well, good morning, spot.
Get you some bacon?
Good morning, miss!
What's for breakfast?
Conserve your energy.
There's a lot of work to do.
Don't you worry about me.
I know how to pace myself.
If I want to...
I can do this all day long.
I'm talking about...
Allday long.
Where are you supposed to set?
Where are you going?
Well...
I want to...
Take a little Spanish pause.
That's one of the keys
to pacin' yourself.
You just go on
trimmin' your wicks.
I can do this all day long.
I'm talking about all day long!
All day long!
Ha ha ha ha!
Hey, lady!
No cabeza, no trabajo.
Understand?
She sure is full of piss
and vinegar today, ain't she?
An awful lot of literature
on Philadelphia.
What's the fascination
with the city of motherly love?
Brotherly.
I'm moving there.
To Philadelphia?
Just as soon as I strike gold.
I like it down there in Mexico.
The pace suits me better...
slow days and fast nights.
What a pleasant surprise.
We saw the lights and felt
we wouldn't be intruding.
Oh, lorette, you're
never intruding.
Uh, y'all remember
my husband Henry.
Welcome to our humble abode.
We brought along a little
wedding something.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
How pretty.
We was just saying
how much we needed a figurine.
I'll get us some tea.
Shall I help?
We'll help.
Don't be long, now.
We felt you'd be needing
someone to talk to,
especially now.
Look, honey, what
lorette's trying to say
is that we all have
so much in common these days.
We do?
We're all ordinance brides.
Oh.
Since you've never
been married before,
we all thought we should
have a little chat.
Do you prefer orange pekoe
or lapsang oolong?
You see, a husband
has certain rights.
And a wife has certain duties.
And that's where
the trouble starts.
Speak for yourself, lorette.
Ha ha ha!
You know,
I rode with quantrell...
finest revolver gang in history
till he died.
Quantrell died?
Last year.
Mmm.
That shorty...
He don't even ask.
He just goes right to it.
Those outlaws just don't know
how to take no for an answer.
Whitey is so funny.
Why, last night,
he got all painted up
like an Indian,
and did he go on the warpath!
Woo woo woo!
Say, want to have yourself
a really wild time?
Why don't you dress up
like an Indian?
Ha! Well, that sounds
like it ought to be
Julia's cup of tea.
Ha ha ha!
I guess I'll, uh, go on out
and see how
the squaws are doing.
I suppose what we're
trying to say, Julia,
is it's not as much of a chore
as you may have heard.
Uh-huh.
But if it should become one,
I have found
that the best thing to do
is just think about
canning apricots.
Apricots?
Well, for some reason,
apricots just seem
to work best.
How we doin', ladies?
Bye!
Thank you for the lovely gift.
Let's do it again real soon.
Nice folks.
They seem content.
Well...
You know what they say...
lady love an outlaw
like a little boy
love a stray dog.
We still haven't
cleaned up that table.
You know,
I was thinking about
them chairs of yours.
Picking them up,
setting them down
through the air.
Why, it's poetry.
I think I'm getting a headache.
Pretty soon...
all over America,
people's going to be
picking up chairs
and setting them down.
It's going to be
all your doing.
Julia...
What do you say we try canning
some of them apricots?
"It would be like a man
hauling with one ox
"and looking for two,
"hoping for the help
of the lord.
"Why not get rid
of all the oxen
and count on the
maker all the way?"
Very good.
I look forward to
hearing it on Sunday.
Thank you.
Morning, ladies.
I sure did enjoy
them canned apricots last night.
Yah!
Julia!
What in the hell was
that supposed to be?
A joke.
No. You don't understand.
A joke is when you
make somebody laugh.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Miss Tate, please
step into the office.
It's, uh, Mrs. Moon.
Excuse me. Miss Tate...
why, you...
Henry.
I believe this is between
Mr. Polty and myself.
Hey, moon!
It looks like
the honeymoon is over!
Ha ha ha!
What's the matter, moon?
You're looking like
a dog without a bone.
Ha ha ha!
Hey, Hector.
Yeah?
Why don't you go down
to the Mexican side of town
and see what the beans
is jumping on.
Beans?
Beans.
You know... Polty's just
another word for chicken.
Good one, towfield.
Who thought it up for you?
Come on! Let's go chew the fat.
What for?
Because I'm in a good mood.
Well... Then, uh,
how's about a little snort?
¶
Hey, peachy.
Bottle of mash and two
glasses, norvell.
Not for him.
What do you mean, not for me?
Sheriff's orders.
The sheriff didn't tell me.
You don't tell him nothing,
so he don't tell you nothing.
Them's the breaks.
Ah!
You know, I owe you
a special thanks.
What for?
What for?
Hell! If you hadn't
jerked me back
across the border
to my just deserts,
so to speak,
why, I'd never have
been married to Julia.
Thinking on it that way, why...
You sort of...
Introduced us.
Yeah, towfield...
Things is good.
You heard about them matches
made in heaven, didn't you?
Well, I'm in one of them.
Goddamn it, moon!
You stole my girl!
Take it easy, towfield.
You're wrinkling my
good-luck bandanna.
How's this...
you give me the bottle,
and I'll, uh, I'll
tell you the truth.
You mean you was
just japin' me?
She puts chairs up on the wall
so's people can't sit on them.
What?
I can't go into it, towfield.
It's over your head.
But it's bad, huh?
Like eggs rolled in sand.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Duck out back for a snort.
The trouble with Andrew Johnson
is he's a damn mugwump.
Oh, don't mention that
son-of-a-bitch's name.
Ugh!
Listen, amigo.
I don't ever want you
to call me a bean again.
What the hell was that?
This is as difficult for me
as it is for you, Julia.
Ha!
You know, a year ago
last Christmas Eve,
I had to move
150 comanche souls
off their sacred burial ground.
I know exactly how they felt.
What's the matter, honey?
You look whiter than an albino.
You been bothering my wife?
We have 30 days to vacate.
What do you mean?
This doesn't concern you.
If it concerns her,
it concerns me.
The railroad's
taking over my land
under eminent domain.
Chester, come on!
Eminent domain.
Ain't that where somebody bribes
the state legislature
to take away
some poor folks' land?
I won't dignify that
with an answer.
I ain't askin'
for no dignification.
But I do find it interesting
that you, uh,
prefer doing business
with the lady of the house.
Come on, moon.
I'm sorry, Julia,
but unless I am
advised otherwise,
I'll be out to survey.
You know...
Polty's just another way
of saying chicken.
¶
¶ They worship gold and dross ¶
¶ they may be old maids ¶
¶ till they die ¶
¶ and will never
feel their loss ¶
¶ mother says I mustn't ¶
¶ oh, George, please, George ¶
¶ not just yet ¶ oh, yes.
¶ Oh, mother says I mustn't ¶
¶ mother says I mustn't ¶
Oh, yes.
Oh, oh.
I love you!
Who's there?
What are you doing?
Oh, Julia!
I was just out here surveying.
You liar! You were
spying on me!
Me? I never would
do such a thing.
Help!
Julia, I swear on my honor
I didn't see a thing!
It's not what you think!
You old...
what's going on here?
Nothing.
You bothering my wife again?
I was out surveying.
There's my equipment...
my tripod, my maps, et cetera.
I caught you, didn't I?
I swear, no. I wasn't
doing anything.
Then apologize.
I apologize.
All right.
Now eminent domain
your ass out of here.
Ha ha ha! Woo, nasty.
Ooh!
Oh!
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
What's the matter?
Nothing.
Why'd you stop laughing?
I don't know. Get to work.
I'd rather laugh.
That's all you like to do.
No, that ain't all
I like to do.
Uh-uh, moon.
Uh-huh.
Uh-uh.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Ha ha ha!
Ooh! Nasty!
Damn.
A norther.
It's a norther.
Yeah.
Did you get stung?
Yes.
Did you?
Where?
Julia...
An outlaw doesn't
know how to take no for an answer.
What are you doing down there?
What are you doing down there?
Huh?
What am I doing?
Oh, I guess I was dreaming
about a tunnel or something.
Get up!
You got me drunk. I
don't remember a thing!
I didn't get you drunk!
Aah! I will not have that
kind of talk in my house!
Hey!
You tricked me!
I didn't trick you.
You get your clothes
and get out!
There's work to do!
Oh.
I get it.
You're so afraid that you're
going to like that...
That you're going to forget about
the gold and Philadelphia!
You get your clothes,
and you get out of here!
Son-of-a-bitch!
I was right
all these years!
There ain't a lady
that knows how to
appreciate a man.
No goddamn...
Unnatural questions!
"How did it feel?"
Damn it!
I feel sorry for the poor
son-of-a-bitch that,
son-of-a-bitch that
winds up with you!
Nice being married to you!
Ugh!
Uh! Oh!
You haven't got
a plugged nickel!
You haven't even got a gun!
Yeah!
Uh! You won't get 20 Miles
before a posse will
come and get you
and string you up!
The only reason
why I slept with you
was so you'd keep on working!
I hope they hang you!
You...
Oh!
Not the curtain!
You wouldn't dare!
Well...
I hadn't thought of it,
but now that you mention it,
up in San Francisco,
I seen some Chinese
that done it this way.
The Chinese
is an old civilization.
They understand things
about pleasure that,
I've never even thought of.
One thing for sure...
We ain't had a boring marriage.
¶
Deputy, how can
you do a thing like this?
But 15 days?
That's not fair.
Tell it to the railroad.
We've been here since '43.
Well, them's the breaks.
Come on!
Damn black goo!
Giddy-up! Hyah! Hyah!
Giddy-up!
Huh!
Well...
I was just going
into town to...
Buy an anvil.
Julia?
Now, gentlemen,
let's not have no
misunderstandings.
Uh, me and the little woman
haven't been
getting along of late.
Don't go in there! Oh!
Julia?
Julia?
Where's the doctor?
What's the matter, dear?
Where's the doctor?
Doctor...
Oh, yeah.
Uh, I never did get over there.
This pea brain grabbed me
and stuck me
in an animal wagon.
It would have broke your
heart to see it, honey.
You never told me
about no doctor.
You never asked me
about no doctor.
Is something wrong, Julia?
Female trouble.
Oh...
The vapors.
I better put
you to bed, darling.
I just got out of bed, darling.
What the hell did you pick
him up for, towfield?
He was dressed up
like a Mexican.
You can't arrest
a man for that.
I told him.
Well...
Let's leave these two
lovebirds alone.
Julia.
I told him.
I told you,
but, no, you would...
You missed me, didn't you?
I did not.
Yeah. I can see it.
Them eyes ain't angry.
They're relieved,
and they ain't
bloodshot no more.
I wanted you back
for one reason...
to work the mine.
Naw.
You missed the old
man in the moon.
Ha ha ha!
Hell, I got my faults.
I admit it, but...
Aw, hell, I got my ways, too.
Yeah, I...
I missed you a little bit, too.
I did.
When I was heading
for the border,
I couldn't stop but thinking
nobody's ever saved
my life before.
And I just couldn't leave you
in your time of need
of me.
It's been quite a day.
I'm a bit tuckered out.
I think I'll take
a poca siesta.
Oh, you don't have
to sleep in the barn.
You can sleep on the couch.
Say when.
When.
Bats.
That's it for me.
I'm too young to die.
You don't understand.
I understand about dreams.
I understand about
waking up, too.
Didn't I want to ride
with the younger gang,
and they wouldn't have me?
Claimed I wasn't cut
out to be a younger.
My feelings was hurt,
but I accepted it.
You know, for an outlaw,
you've been
a pretty good friend.
What's the matter?
Gold!
Good lord almighty,
I've found gold!
Gold!
Watch out.
Don't knock
into none of these beams.
I been here.
I know it's around
here somewheres.
I can feel it!
I don't see nothing.
It's here.
Believe me. It's here.
Where?
Goddamn!
Ha ha ha!
Gold.
Look at that! Gold! Oh!
Gold! Goddamn, it's
all over everything.
I told you. Didn't I tell you?
Oh, honey, kiss me. I'm rich.
Goddamn, I am rich.
I knew it.
You wait long enough,
and pretty soon,
down it's going to come
right on you.
Like a wall full
of Mexican teeth.
You know,
I'm going to get my
initials put on my saddle,
in gold.
They like it that
way in Mexico.
Alls we got to do now is...
Deposit this first bunch
in the bank and then...
"we"?
What do you mean, "we"?
What are you saying?
Well, just that,
in all fairness,
I played a part
in striking the gold.
You never believed it existed.
But you'd have never struck it
if it wasn't for me.
Correcto?
So?
So... Ha ha!
Where's my... where's my
share in the stake? Ha ha!
You're right.
I'll give you 10%.
Ha ha ha!
You don't understand.
You see, sharing is
giving to each other.
50%.
We'll talk about it later.
Oh, all right,
all right, all right.
Uh, 25%,
and we can...
Stop this conversation
right here.
Must be funny actually
depositing something
in a bank, huh, moon?
Yeah!
It's a whole new
experience for me.
That's it.
Sure are sorry
to have you and
Miriam leaving us.
Thank you, Mrs. Haber,
but with the railroad
and this black stuff
springing up everywheres,
a man just can't grow
a decent ear of corn.
Ohhh!
Awful heavy for figurines.
It's my whole collection.
Well, I'll guard it
with my life.
Aw, you can do better
than that, whitey.
Henry Lloyd moon at the bank.
Hmm.
Want one of these?
Sure.
Goddamn it.
I like being rich.
Maybe now you can buy your way
into the younger gang.
Doll,
I think I'll buy me
a little cantina.
South of the border.
Time to start living
the good life.
Goddamn it, honey, I'm
going to be a patron.
Tequila...
Cards...
Senoritas...
Hey.
Wait till the domingi sisters
get a load of me!
Ha ha ha!
"Buenas noches, señor moon.
Como esta usted, señor moon?"
"Muy bien, gracias.
Y usted?"
Ha ha ha!
Woo!
Don't do that.
You're acting foolish.
Maybe you ought to try it.
You want to see
something foolish?
That's foolish.
50%?
You're going to give me...
50%?
We're partners, aren't we?
Well, if you're going to
put it that way.
Yeah.
I don't know how to...
Say this, Henry...
But...
I think I got...
Greedy and selfish
living alone so long.
Well...
That's how you get.
Once you get started...
You don't hardly
ever get out of it.
For calling me Henry.
¶
¡Dios mio!
Friends of yours?
Used to be.
What are they doing here?
Good question.
Well, ha ha!
Sorry to keep you all
waiting, but, uh...
Me and the missis
was just playing
a little game of fish.
Thought we'd stop by
and bring you a little
shivaree, moon.
Oh, did you?
Since we ain't been
formally invited.
Well, me and Julia was
just saying the other day
how we was, uh,
going to have you all out.
Well, you damn sure
got your wish,
didn't you?
Ha ha ha!
I damn sure did.
Ain't you going to
ask us in, Henry?
Why, sure, honey pie.
Mi casa es su casa.
Don't you boys know
how to wipe your feet?
Hey, hog coogan!
Wipe your feet off.
Hope you like Taffy.
It was my idea.
Thank you.
They call me big Abe.
Old Henry still snore
in his sleep?
¶
I want them out of here!
Not as much as I do.
Moon!
You want them to find
out about the dust?
Ha ha ha ha!
Well!
Anybody hungry?
Hungry? Shit, I could
eat a frozen dog.
Ha ha ha!
Well, we'll go on
out to the kitchen,
and see if we got
one already froze.
Ha ha ha!
I wouldn't eat no frozen dog.
Ha ha ha!
¶
¡Estufado del diablo!
A feast fit for a king.
That's his speciality.
Them female bullfeathers
make it tasty.
Did you know that old Henry
used to cook for the raiders?
He cooked for
quantrell's raiders?
No. He never told me that.
I bet there's a lot of
things he never told you.
Shit!
Abe!
Goddamn, Abe.
Jesus Christ!
You'll loosen my molar up!
¶
¶ Grab your girl,
now pull on her mane ¶
yahoo!
Just play along
a little while longer.
Well, you go on ahead.
I don't want to spoil your fun.
Well, I ain't having
a good time.
I swear I ain't.
I'm just trying to throw
them off the track.
They wouldn't know it was me
if I wasn't acting wild and...
Aw...
Forget about all this.
Get in there
and have a good time.
Act foolish!
Woo!
¶ Beautiful dreamer ¶
¶ awaken to me ¶
¶ beautiful dreamer ¶
¶ waken to me ¶
¶ starlight and dewdrops
are waitin' for thee ¶
¶ thee ¶
ah, shit.
¶
This ain't no real marriage.
Come on.
Meet me tonight, huh?
I'll give you
my old coyote call.
¶ Beautiful dreamer ¶
remember?
A-woo...
not now.
¶ To me ¶
woo hoo!
Anybody seen my goddamn molar?
Nope.
But if I do,
can I put it under my pillow
for the tooth fairy?
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha! Tooth fairy!
You won't get nothing
for his molar.
Well, come on, boys.
Let's help big Abe
find his goddamn molar.
No! Wait!
I have a better idea.
Moon, let's you and me
go buy big Abe
a whole damn set
of gold teeth! Ha ha!
You'll ruin everything
acting like a goddamn fool.
I don't give a damn
what anybody says!
I'm a gentleman!
And I'm not going to throw up
in this here house.
I'm going outside to throw up
'cause I... I respect your house.
Um...
Big Abe,
you can throw up in this house
any old time.
Ha ha ha!
Goddamn gold! Gold!
That son-of-a-bitch
is keeping gold from us.
God almighty. Son-of-a-bitch.
You almost spilled the beans.
Come on and help me
find big Abe's molar.
Didn't I tell you
to watch what you was doing?
You don't understand outlaws!
I understood you
when you told me
to act foolish.
I didn't tell you to get drunk
and start singing your
damn fool head off!
Hog liked my singing.
That's why they call him hog!
A-woo!
A-woo!
Aah!
Damn, hermine.
Quit your goddamn coyote calling.
I'm here.
Your wife's acting
terrible, ain't she?
She just had a little
too much bug-juice.
Ha ha ha!
I figure you ain't
had much of anything
of anything in a long time.
How's come you and the boys
decided to stop by tonight?
I want to make it
good for you, Henry.
Honey, you ain't hearing
what I'm asking.
What was the question?
I don't want to
hurt your feelings.
I appreciate
the coyote calling,
but I told you
things has changed.
Crawl in, Henry.
See what I got.
Hermine, you ain't hearing me.
I seen what you got.
It was swell. We had
some times together
that I'll never forget.
But, hermine, now I'm took.
Henry.
Aah!
Hold it.
That's enough.
Uh... Don't shoot.
Vamoose.
Well...
If I was monkeying around,
would I still have
my clothes on?
Then why did you go out there?
Don't make no difference.
No matter what I say, you
ain't going to believe me.
Go ahead.
Well, I was just trying
to get information
off of hermine.
That wasn't all you were
trying to get off of her.
All I wanted to know
was if they knew
anything about the gold.
You care more about that
damn gold than about me.
That ain't true.
I could have done what
you think, but I didn't.
I don't believe you didn't.
I was there strictly
on business.
You want that woman!
You take her,
but you forget
all about the gold.
People can't afford business
partners that cheat on them.
We made an agreement.
And I'm breaking it.
You can't do that to me.
I just did.
That tears it.
Going to put the old
double "x" to Henry moon, huh?
Well, we'll see.
You want your gun back, moon?
Where's the goddamn gold?
What gold?
That gold there.
That's real gold!
Where is it?
You ain't as ignorant
as you look, are you?
Come on in.
How much we got here?
Enough. In fact, I was just
coming looking for you boys.
Sure, you was.
We're going to hit
the longhorn bank.
There ain't nothing
in that chicken-feed bank
but sun-filled windows.
And all the little lady's gold.
Let's hit her in the morning.
Not yet.
Got a plan?
I'm going to make that woman
sorry she ever said, "I do."
I tell you, he's hiding
something from us.
I don't think so.
I know so.
I was certain he had a plan.
Me, too, but I don't know
if we're going to be in it.
Let's keep a watch
on the son-of-a-bitch.
Come on, gang!
You...
You better take a rest
before your arm falls off.
You want some water?
Are you always this quiet?
I've got nothing to say.
I keep my word.
Julia!
Honey!
Moon!
Honey, are you all right?
Goddamn!
You all right?
Yes. Oh!
All right.
Can you stand there?
Yes.
O.K. All right.
You all right?
Well, I've been better.
Easy. Easy. It's all right.
It's all right. Nothing's
going to happen to you.
Here, hold this.
You stay right here.
When I get back, we'll take
us a little Spanish pause.
Henry Lloyd?
What?
Nothing.
I'm sorry about last night.
I know it doesn't matter,
but if we're going to die,
I... I want it to be as partners.
50/50.
We was a good team.
Good? Shit.
We were the best.
Honey pie...
Moon, I've been thinking.
Since we're going to go anyway,
why don't we go out
in a blaze of glory?
Moon, tie me up.
Julia...
We're alive.
I've been watching you, Henry.
Figured.
Ain't you up early?
We don't hit the bank
till 10:00.
Well, there's been a
little change in plans.
Well, I got to tell big Abe.
You got to do
what you got to do.
I'll never forget you, hermine.
You was the first woman
I didn't have to pay for.
Adios.
You're a mite early, compadre.
I want to make a withdrawal.
Your better half
has to do that.
Ordinance husbands aren't
allowed to make withdrawals.
Besides, we're closed.
You're open now.
Open it up.
Over there in the bin.
Hurry up, whitey.
I never figured
you'd do this to Julia.
It's the only way to save
my marriage, whitey.
Hyah!
Julia!
Julia?
Grover, where is Julia at?
Julia!
Goddamn.
Rocks.
Goddamn, honey pie.
Freeze, moon!
Mr. Moon, you're still here.
Where's Julia?
I guess he ain't
heard the news.
Ha ha ha!
What news?
Your wife sold her property
to the railroad.
Gentlemen, start
tagging the furniture.
When?
Does that concern you now?
Where is she?
I believe on her way
to Philadelphia.
And you're on your way
to meet Saint Peter.
That's right, moon.
You're on your way
to meet senor Peter.
Come out, moon.
We know you got it!
I ain't got nothing!
We don't believe you!
Henry, who the hell is that?
The ex-moon gang.
¡Chinga LA luna!
If they want a gunfight,
they picked the wrong
hombresto mess with!
Goddamn you! Watch it, big Abe!
Ok. 1, 2, 3!
When did she leave?
Why should I tell you?
About a half-hour ago.
Now!
Moon. Shoot back.
Yes, sir, this is
mighty strange stuff.
Muriel dropped a lantern
in a puddle of it
the other night,
and the whole farm 'bout
near went up in flame!
Burned half the hair
off of my head.
Stunk for two weeks.
The railroad said they've
got no use for it,
so I thought I'd take
samples back east
and maybe sell it.
What do you think, miss Julia?
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Standard.
I didn't hear what you said.
Hyah!
Aah!
Whoa in there! Whoa! Whoa.
Hold up in there.
All right. Stay calm.
Whoa. Whoa.
All right.
Step down, Julia.
Whoa.
Cotton, that son-of-
a-bitch can shoot.
He rode with quantrell.
Come on, you've run far enough.
Come on, now.
I'm losing my patience.
You ain't taking my gold!
They discovered gold!
Nah. They had a little
too much bug-juice.
You didn't even write
a note when you left.
What was I supposed to write?
"Good luck, Henry and hermine"?
I was going to
explain everything.
See, I...
Mr. Moon.
Are you robbing
this stage or not?
Burn the breeze, Kyle,
or I'll blow everybody
into feathers.
We don't desert our women
out here, Mr. Moon.
It's all right, sheriff.
You go on ahead.
He's just trying to impress me.
Are you sure, Julia?
Oh. Well...
You two ought to try
and get along, then.
We all had to.
Hyah!
My heart froze when I came home
and you was gone, honey.
Let me help you up.
Oh!
Thank you, moon.
I'm not sure I'll ever
get used to Mexico.
Why, sure, you will, honey pie.
You got used to me, didn't you?
Anyways...
First, let's get used
to being rich.
Oh, you, Rio Grande!
Get in there! Come on, speed!
¡Viva Mexico!
Ah ha ha ha ha!
Oh! Oh!
Yah! Hah!
Ee-ha ha ha! ¡Viva Mexico!
This here's Mexican dirt!
You can't touch me!
Ha ha! Hee hee hee!
Oh! Ooh hoo hoo!
You thought you'd get
the old man in the moon.
You Texas clown buzzards is
a disgrace to the confederacy.
Speed, this ain't no time
to let me down.
Get up! Come on, speed!
Goddamn it, speed!
You can't do this!
This is Mexican territory!
I don't believe it!
He got across the river,
and his horse faints on him!
I can't believe it!
It's a goddamn foreign
country here!
This ain't fair, goddamn it!
This ain't fair!
This ain't fair!
They're stringing up old speed.
I have here a very fine animal
once owned by the hombre
we're about to hang.
What am I offered?
Hey! I still own that horse.
When we want to hear
from you, amigo,
we'll rattle your cage.
Ha ha ha!
Is that the horse that fainted?
Yeah, he fainted,
but he got up, didn't he?
Ha ha ha!
What?
What?
Oh!
Towfield, I told you
to keep these buzzards
out of here!
Take it easy, moon.
You're lucky you're
getting a decent hanging.
I'd have done it out there
on a scrub oak.
Goddamn vultures
hanging around here
all morning.
They just wanted
to take a gander
at the man of the hour.
Yeah. Well,
I'm flattered as hell.
You're a real card, moon.
I'm going to miss you.
Your family's here.
Make it short.
Boys!
Brother Abe,
Jimmy, gussie, and everybody.
Dumb-ass deputy. He thought
you was really my family.
That's how I figured.
You look pretty
as a painting, honey.
How you doing, Henry?
Well...
Roll it out.
Nothing like that, Henry.
We just come to see you off.
See me off?
Doesn't look like
you did too goddamn good
on your own, Henry, did you?
Now, you should have
stuck with us
because we was going
places, goddamn it!
What do you mean "was"?
All you got to do is spring me.
If we tried anything,
we'd only get ourselves...
yeah, but that's
without my plans.
Ah, cut that out.
Big Abe, they're
going to send me
to the bone orchard.
If you got anything
you want to give away, Henry,
now's the time.
Say your good-byes, boys.
Nice knowing you.
Yeah, coogan, sure.
You know, it just ain't right.
Just for cutting a few horses
and robbing a few banks.
The law's got to
be changed, Henry.
Come on now, Clyde.
So long, moon.
Adios.
Oh...
Well, honey, least we had
some good old times together.
You was the best I ever had...
Except for maybe
that circus feller.
Why does that
always upset you so?
What the hell did you bring
a thing like that up
at a time like this for, hermine?
Shit!
Henry!
Henry!
Don't you worry none, moon.
I'll take care of this girl
like she's my very own.
Come on, now.
Oh, Henry!
Henry!
Mr. Moon?
It's about that time.
What about my last meal?
You're smoking it.
Ha ha ha!
Hands behind
your back, Mr. Moon.
He ain't for you, serene.
I wouldn't take you
to a dogfight
if you was the defending champ.
You oughtn't have done that,
Mr. Moon.
Well, why don't you
keep me in jail for it?
You tell him
about the ordinance?
No.
Why not?
I don't like him,
and people I don't like
I don't tell nothing.
Goddamn it, towfield.
What ordinance?
What ordinance? Sheriff pile?
Kyle.
We got this ordinance here.
It was passed after
the civil war
on account of a lot of our boys
didn't come home,
and the women was beginning
to chew up the grass.
I feel sorry for the grass.
I'm feeling sorry
for the women.
Anyhow, this ordinance states
that any man short
of being a murderer
can be saved from the gallows
by any property-holding female,
providing she decides
to marry him.
They done that
in Roman times, too,
as I recollect.
Sweet Jesus h. Christ almighty!
Ma'am! Ma'am!
I think there's
a couple of things
about me that I'd like
for you to consider.
I don't need your insults.
Oh, I agree
with you completely,
but you got to take
into consideration
a man can get
a little irritated,
and he can act like the dickens
when he's about to pull hemp.
Buzzards, huh?
Well, buzzards can fly,
and they keep the desert clean.
I cook!
I cook like the son-of-a-bitch!
I mean, like the dickens!
Oh!
Hello, son.
Go to hell.
I understand.
Be quiet! Shh!
Henry Lloyd moon,
you've been found guilty
of horse thievery
and sentenced to be hanged.
Do you have any
final last words?
Just this.
I want to tell you good people
of longhorn...
Especially you lovely ladies,
that the old saying...
"you can't judge a book
by its cover"...
it's true.
It's true.
Some books is all
scruffed up on the outside,
but when you turn around
and look inside,
why, the words is...
Just... Wonderful.
Is that it, moon?
Well, isn't there anybody else
got anything to say?
"The lord is my Shepherd.
"I shall not want.
Aw...
"He maketh me to lie down
"in green pastures.
"He leadeth me
"beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul."
That's not right.
"The lord is my Shepherd.
"I shall not want.
"He maketh me to lie down.
"In green pastures.
"He restoreth my soul.
"He leadeth me
"beside the still waters.
Yea, though I walk
through the valley..."
oh!
I'm a veteran of
the great civil war!
The only reason why
I turned to crime
is there wasn't no jobs...
not one single job
for a man that risked his life
for the country...
"Thou anointest my head..."
and the confederacy!
This one's dumb.
He'll swing for sure.
He's better off.
"And I will dwell
in the house
of the lord forever."
Bullshit!
He's ready to go!
Stop!
I'll take him.
Florence.
Now...
ah!
Don't you think that you're
a mite too elderly
to be taking on a
responsibility like this?
I've got a good
feeling about him, Andrew.
The boy's a veteran.
He deserves a second chance.
Somebody take this
son-bitching blindfold off me
and let me see my bride!
Where is she?
Florence!
Aah!
Florence!
Ah ha ha! Ah!
Mrs. Henry moon,
let me look at you.
Stand back, folks.
Florence.
Stand back, please.
Just ain't your day.
Maybe she just fainted.
I think I made her dizzy.
Down she go, up you go!
Is she dead?
At least she died happy.
Then I'll take him.
Julia, what are you saying?
He's an outlaw.
I assumed that's why
you were hanging him.
Are you drunk?
Sheriff Kyle,
you know I don't drink.
'Course she don't drink!
You want him?
According to the law
I can claim him, right?
I asked you out 10 times.
What do I get?
A flap of your umbrella.
Shit!
All right.
Ok, Julia.
Mr. Moon,
what do you say?
Well, I ain't no side of
beef to be auctioned off,
but... What the hell.
Fine by me.
Well, I think I'll
skip the wedding.
I ain't takin' Frank
tokin's business tonight.
Somebody's taking his business,
or we ain't got no business.
¶
¶
Wonderful!
Aha!
Now, Mr. Moon, no drinking.
No gambling.
No wife-beating.
No alley-catting,
whatnot, and what have you.
You've got to mind her.
If you try running,
there will be $500
on your head.
Well, gentlemen,
much obliged to you.
Much obliged.
Shall I take the reins, dear?
Adios!
¡Bienvenidos!
See? I told you he had a plan.
You'll dance in the air,
you son-of-a-bitch...
For stealin' my girl!
Miss, ah...
In case you want to know
who you're dealing with...
I used to ride with
quantrell's raiders.
You always this quiet?
When I have something
to say, you'll hear it.
Well look, I can
get off right here
as far as I'm concerned.
'Course a good husband's
hard to find.
You weren't hard to find.
You were standin'
in front of the whole town
with a rope around your neck.
Yeah.
You sure are a smart woman.
I like smart women.
I'm sure you do.
Who's that?
One of the reasons
we got married.
Hey, rover.
That's grover.
Grover.
This is where I live.
Well, Julia, it ain't much,
but it's a start.
Well, I guess I don't
get to carry you
across the threshold.
Wipe your feet, please.
Always do.
Well then,
it, uh...
Looks like an opera house.
Please take your clothes off,
Mr. Moon.
Don't sit there.
Here. Put these on.
These is, uh...
These are work clothes.
That's right.
Well, I just got married.
Don't count on that too much.
This is a gold mine?
In Texas?
It's going to be.
Looks like mice been into it.
First you'll begin crevassing,
then crosscut using the
singular jacking method.
I ain't, uh, familiar with
that particular method.
You pry away any loose rocks.
Are you watching?
Huh?
Then you insert the drill
like this.
Then you use the sledgehammer.
Simple.
Simple.
Yeah.
Where's the gloves?
My hands blisters easy.
Better blisters
than neck burns.
Uh...
Mr. Moon...
pretend we're friends
and call me Henry.
The railroad is
breathing down my neck,
so let's not
waste any more time.
Well,
I'll do all I can do,
but that's all I can do.
I'll be outside
running auriferous tests.
Why don't you
run one on your skull
while you're at it?
Supper's ready.
I don't believe in wasting time
at the table.
How did you come
into this place?
It was my father's.
Did he believe
in this gold mine?
He believed,
but not enough.
Sounds like he was the brains
in the family.
Boiled chicken?
Boiled is better for you.
How's about a little dessert?
Said, uh...
How's about a little dessert?
I heard you the first time.
You didn't answer me
the first time.
Um...
Can I ask you
a personal question?
When was the last time
that you had a man?
I hope you don't mind
working in confined spaces
because tomorrow
we start tunneling.
Goddamn! I should have known.
You can always tell a virgin
on account of the whites
of the eyes ain't clear.
Ha ha ha!
See, I got this theory
on virgins...
that they always look
peaked and grouchy
on account of they're
going against nature.
I don't want to get calluses
patting myself on the back,
but in my time, I have put a gal
or two in tune with nature.
I'm sure nature
is very grateful.
Oh, listen.
Don't, uh, let starting
late bother you none.
Some of them
late bloomers is, uh...
Hee hee ha hee!
I'll be outside in the barn
if you feel like
getting acquainted,
or, uh, talking
about tunneling.
And remember,
nature is the great provider.
Ha ha ha ha!
Oh, goddamn.
Well, good morning, spot.
Get you some bacon?
Good morning, miss!
What's for breakfast?
Conserve your energy.
There's a lot of work to do.
Don't you worry about me.
I know how to pace myself.
If I want to...
I can do this all day long.
I'm talking about...
Allday long.
Where are you supposed to set?
Where are you going?
Well...
I want to...
Take a little Spanish pause.
That's one of the keys
to pacin' yourself.
You just go on
trimmin' your wicks.
I can do this all day long.
I'm talking about all day long!
All day long!
Ha ha ha ha!
Hey, lady!
No cabeza, no trabajo.
Understand?
She sure is full of piss
and vinegar today, ain't she?
An awful lot of literature
on Philadelphia.
What's the fascination
with the city of motherly love?
Brotherly.
I'm moving there.
To Philadelphia?
Just as soon as I strike gold.
I like it down there in Mexico.
The pace suits me better...
slow days and fast nights.
What a pleasant surprise.
We saw the lights and felt
we wouldn't be intruding.
Oh, lorette, you're
never intruding.
Uh, y'all remember
my husband Henry.
Welcome to our humble abode.
We brought along a little
wedding something.
Oh, you shouldn't have.
How pretty.
We was just saying
how much we needed a figurine.
I'll get us some tea.
Shall I help?
We'll help.
Don't be long, now.
We felt you'd be needing
someone to talk to,
especially now.
Look, honey, what
lorette's trying to say
is that we all have
so much in common these days.
We do?
We're all ordinance brides.
Oh.
Since you've never
been married before,
we all thought we should
have a little chat.
Do you prefer orange pekoe
or lapsang oolong?
You see, a husband
has certain rights.
And a wife has certain duties.
And that's where
the trouble starts.
Speak for yourself, lorette.
Ha ha ha!
You know,
I rode with quantrell...
finest revolver gang in history
till he died.
Quantrell died?
Last year.
Mmm.
That shorty...
He don't even ask.
He just goes right to it.
Those outlaws just don't know
how to take no for an answer.
Whitey is so funny.
Why, last night,
he got all painted up
like an Indian,
and did he go on the warpath!
Woo woo woo!
Say, want to have yourself
a really wild time?
Why don't you dress up
like an Indian?
Ha! Well, that sounds
like it ought to be
Julia's cup of tea.
Ha ha ha!
I guess I'll, uh, go on out
and see how
the squaws are doing.
I suppose what we're
trying to say, Julia,
is it's not as much of a chore
as you may have heard.
Uh-huh.
But if it should become one,
I have found
that the best thing to do
is just think about
canning apricots.
Apricots?
Well, for some reason,
apricots just seem
to work best.
How we doin', ladies?
Bye!
Thank you for the lovely gift.
Let's do it again real soon.
Nice folks.
They seem content.
Well...
You know what they say...
lady love an outlaw
like a little boy
love a stray dog.
We still haven't
cleaned up that table.
You know,
I was thinking about
them chairs of yours.
Picking them up,
setting them down
through the air.
Why, it's poetry.
I think I'm getting a headache.
Pretty soon...
all over America,
people's going to be
picking up chairs
and setting them down.
It's going to be
all your doing.
Julia...
What do you say we try canning
some of them apricots?
"It would be like a man
hauling with one ox
"and looking for two,
"hoping for the help
of the lord.
"Why not get rid
of all the oxen
and count on the
maker all the way?"
Very good.
I look forward to
hearing it on Sunday.
Thank you.
Morning, ladies.
I sure did enjoy
them canned apricots last night.
Yah!
Julia!
What in the hell was
that supposed to be?
A joke.
No. You don't understand.
A joke is when you
make somebody laugh.
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
Miss Tate, please
step into the office.
It's, uh, Mrs. Moon.
Excuse me. Miss Tate...
why, you...
Henry.
I believe this is between
Mr. Polty and myself.
Hey, moon!
It looks like
the honeymoon is over!
Ha ha ha!
What's the matter, moon?
You're looking like
a dog without a bone.
Ha ha ha!
Hey, Hector.
Yeah?
Why don't you go down
to the Mexican side of town
and see what the beans
is jumping on.
Beans?
Beans.
You know... Polty's just
another word for chicken.
Good one, towfield.
Who thought it up for you?
Come on! Let's go chew the fat.
What for?
Because I'm in a good mood.
Well... Then, uh,
how's about a little snort?
¶
Hey, peachy.
Bottle of mash and two
glasses, norvell.
Not for him.
What do you mean, not for me?
Sheriff's orders.
The sheriff didn't tell me.
You don't tell him nothing,
so he don't tell you nothing.
Them's the breaks.
Ah!
You know, I owe you
a special thanks.
What for?
What for?
Hell! If you hadn't
jerked me back
across the border
to my just deserts,
so to speak,
why, I'd never have
been married to Julia.
Thinking on it that way, why...
You sort of...
Introduced us.
Yeah, towfield...
Things is good.
You heard about them matches
made in heaven, didn't you?
Well, I'm in one of them.
Goddamn it, moon!
You stole my girl!
Take it easy, towfield.
You're wrinkling my
good-luck bandanna.
How's this...
you give me the bottle,
and I'll, uh, I'll
tell you the truth.
You mean you was
just japin' me?
She puts chairs up on the wall
so's people can't sit on them.
What?
I can't go into it, towfield.
It's over your head.
But it's bad, huh?
Like eggs rolled in sand.
Tsk, tsk, tsk.
Duck out back for a snort.
The trouble with Andrew Johnson
is he's a damn mugwump.
Oh, don't mention that
son-of-a-bitch's name.
Ugh!
Listen, amigo.
I don't ever want you
to call me a bean again.
What the hell was that?
This is as difficult for me
as it is for you, Julia.
Ha!
You know, a year ago
last Christmas Eve,
I had to move
150 comanche souls
off their sacred burial ground.
I know exactly how they felt.
What's the matter, honey?
You look whiter than an albino.
You been bothering my wife?
We have 30 days to vacate.
What do you mean?
This doesn't concern you.
If it concerns her,
it concerns me.
The railroad's
taking over my land
under eminent domain.
Chester, come on!
Eminent domain.
Ain't that where somebody bribes
the state legislature
to take away
some poor folks' land?
I won't dignify that
with an answer.
I ain't askin'
for no dignification.
But I do find it interesting
that you, uh,
prefer doing business
with the lady of the house.
Come on, moon.
I'm sorry, Julia,
but unless I am
advised otherwise,
I'll be out to survey.
You know...
Polty's just another way
of saying chicken.
¶
¶ They worship gold and dross ¶
¶ they may be old maids ¶
¶ till they die ¶
¶ and will never
feel their loss ¶
¶ mother says I mustn't ¶
¶ oh, George, please, George ¶
¶ not just yet ¶ oh, yes.
¶ Oh, mother says I mustn't ¶
¶ mother says I mustn't ¶
Oh, yes.
Oh, oh.
I love you!
Who's there?
What are you doing?
Oh, Julia!
I was just out here surveying.
You liar! You were
spying on me!
Me? I never would
do such a thing.
Help!
Julia, I swear on my honor
I didn't see a thing!
It's not what you think!
You old...
what's going on here?
Nothing.
You bothering my wife again?
I was out surveying.
There's my equipment...
my tripod, my maps, et cetera.
I caught you, didn't I?
I swear, no. I wasn't
doing anything.
Then apologize.
I apologize.
All right.
Now eminent domain
your ass out of here.
Ha ha ha! Woo, nasty.
Ooh!
Oh!
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha!
What's the matter?
Nothing.
Why'd you stop laughing?
I don't know. Get to work.
I'd rather laugh.
That's all you like to do.
No, that ain't all
I like to do.
Uh-uh, moon.
Uh-huh.
Uh-uh.
Uh-huh. Uh-huh.
Ha ha ha!
Ooh! Nasty!
Damn.
A norther.
It's a norther.
Yeah.
Did you get stung?
Yes.
Did you?
Where?
Julia...
An outlaw doesn't
know how to take no for an answer.
What are you doing down there?
What are you doing down there?
Huh?
What am I doing?
Oh, I guess I was dreaming
about a tunnel or something.
Get up!
You got me drunk. I
don't remember a thing!
I didn't get you drunk!
Aah! I will not have that
kind of talk in my house!
Hey!
You tricked me!
I didn't trick you.
You get your clothes
and get out!
There's work to do!
Oh.
I get it.
You're so afraid that you're
going to like that...
That you're going to forget about
the gold and Philadelphia!
You get your clothes,
and you get out of here!
Son-of-a-bitch!
I was right
all these years!
There ain't a lady
that knows how to
appreciate a man.
No goddamn...
Unnatural questions!
"How did it feel?"
Damn it!
I feel sorry for the poor
son-of-a-bitch that,
son-of-a-bitch that
winds up with you!
Nice being married to you!
Ugh!
Uh! Oh!
You haven't got
a plugged nickel!
You haven't even got a gun!
Yeah!
Uh! You won't get 20 Miles
before a posse will
come and get you
and string you up!
The only reason
why I slept with you
was so you'd keep on working!
I hope they hang you!
You...
Oh!
Not the curtain!
You wouldn't dare!
Well...
I hadn't thought of it,
but now that you mention it,
up in San Francisco,
I seen some Chinese
that done it this way.
The Chinese
is an old civilization.
They understand things
about pleasure that,
I've never even thought of.
One thing for sure...
We ain't had a boring marriage.
¶
Deputy, how can
you do a thing like this?
But 15 days?
That's not fair.
Tell it to the railroad.
We've been here since '43.
Well, them's the breaks.
Come on!
Damn black goo!
Giddy-up! Hyah! Hyah!
Giddy-up!
Huh!
Well...
I was just going
into town to...
Buy an anvil.
Julia?
Now, gentlemen,
let's not have no
misunderstandings.
Uh, me and the little woman
haven't been
getting along of late.
Don't go in there! Oh!
Julia?
Julia?
Where's the doctor?
What's the matter, dear?
Where's the doctor?
Doctor...
Oh, yeah.
Uh, I never did get over there.
This pea brain grabbed me
and stuck me
in an animal wagon.
It would have broke your
heart to see it, honey.
You never told me
about no doctor.
You never asked me
about no doctor.
Is something wrong, Julia?
Female trouble.
Oh...
The vapors.
I better put
you to bed, darling.
I just got out of bed, darling.
What the hell did you pick
him up for, towfield?
He was dressed up
like a Mexican.
You can't arrest
a man for that.
I told him.
Well...
Let's leave these two
lovebirds alone.
Julia.
I told him.
I told you,
but, no, you would...
You missed me, didn't you?
I did not.
Yeah. I can see it.
Them eyes ain't angry.
They're relieved,
and they ain't
bloodshot no more.
I wanted you back
for one reason...
to work the mine.
Naw.
You missed the old
man in the moon.
Ha ha ha!
Hell, I got my faults.
I admit it, but...
Aw, hell, I got my ways, too.
Yeah, I...
I missed you a little bit, too.
I did.
When I was heading
for the border,
I couldn't stop but thinking
nobody's ever saved
my life before.
And I just couldn't leave you
in your time of need
of me.
It's been quite a day.
I'm a bit tuckered out.
I think I'll take
a poca siesta.
Oh, you don't have
to sleep in the barn.
You can sleep on the couch.
Say when.
When.
Bats.
That's it for me.
I'm too young to die.
You don't understand.
I understand about dreams.
I understand about
waking up, too.
Didn't I want to ride
with the younger gang,
and they wouldn't have me?
Claimed I wasn't cut
out to be a younger.
My feelings was hurt,
but I accepted it.
You know, for an outlaw,
you've been
a pretty good friend.
What's the matter?
Gold!
Good lord almighty,
I've found gold!
Gold!
Watch out.
Don't knock
into none of these beams.
I been here.
I know it's around
here somewheres.
I can feel it!
I don't see nothing.
It's here.
Believe me. It's here.
Where?
Goddamn!
Ha ha ha!
Gold.
Look at that! Gold! Oh!
Gold! Goddamn, it's
all over everything.
I told you. Didn't I tell you?
Oh, honey, kiss me. I'm rich.
Goddamn, I am rich.
I knew it.
You wait long enough,
and pretty soon,
down it's going to come
right on you.
Like a wall full
of Mexican teeth.
You know,
I'm going to get my
initials put on my saddle,
in gold.
They like it that
way in Mexico.
Alls we got to do now is...
Deposit this first bunch
in the bank and then...
"we"?
What do you mean, "we"?
What are you saying?
Well, just that,
in all fairness,
I played a part
in striking the gold.
You never believed it existed.
But you'd have never struck it
if it wasn't for me.
Correcto?
So?
So... Ha ha!
Where's my... where's my
share in the stake? Ha ha!
You're right.
I'll give you 10%.
Ha ha ha!
You don't understand.
You see, sharing is
giving to each other.
50%.
We'll talk about it later.
Oh, all right,
all right, all right.
Uh, 25%,
and we can...
Stop this conversation
right here.
Must be funny actually
depositing something
in a bank, huh, moon?
Yeah!
It's a whole new
experience for me.
That's it.
Sure are sorry
to have you and
Miriam leaving us.
Thank you, Mrs. Haber,
but with the railroad
and this black stuff
springing up everywheres,
a man just can't grow
a decent ear of corn.
Ohhh!
Awful heavy for figurines.
It's my whole collection.
Well, I'll guard it
with my life.
Aw, you can do better
than that, whitey.
Henry Lloyd moon at the bank.
Hmm.
Want one of these?
Sure.
Goddamn it.
I like being rich.
Maybe now you can buy your way
into the younger gang.
Doll,
I think I'll buy me
a little cantina.
South of the border.
Time to start living
the good life.
Goddamn it, honey, I'm
going to be a patron.
Tequila...
Cards...
Senoritas...
Hey.
Wait till the domingi sisters
get a load of me!
Ha ha ha!
"Buenas noches, señor moon.
Como esta usted, señor moon?"
"Muy bien, gracias.
Y usted?"
Ha ha ha!
Woo!
Don't do that.
You're acting foolish.
Maybe you ought to try it.
You want to see
something foolish?
That's foolish.
50%?
You're going to give me...
50%?
We're partners, aren't we?
Well, if you're going to
put it that way.
Yeah.
I don't know how to...
Say this, Henry...
But...
I think I got...
Greedy and selfish
living alone so long.
Well...
That's how you get.
Once you get started...
You don't hardly
ever get out of it.
For calling me Henry.
¶
¡Dios mio!
Friends of yours?
Used to be.
What are they doing here?
Good question.
Well, ha ha!
Sorry to keep you all
waiting, but, uh...
Me and the missis
was just playing
a little game of fish.
Thought we'd stop by
and bring you a little
shivaree, moon.
Oh, did you?
Since we ain't been
formally invited.
Well, me and Julia was
just saying the other day
how we was, uh,
going to have you all out.
Well, you damn sure
got your wish,
didn't you?
Ha ha ha!
I damn sure did.
Ain't you going to
ask us in, Henry?
Why, sure, honey pie.
Mi casa es su casa.
Don't you boys know
how to wipe your feet?
Hey, hog coogan!
Wipe your feet off.
Hope you like Taffy.
It was my idea.
Thank you.
They call me big Abe.
Old Henry still snore
in his sleep?
¶
I want them out of here!
Not as much as I do.
Moon!
You want them to find
out about the dust?
Ha ha ha ha!
Well!
Anybody hungry?
Hungry? Shit, I could
eat a frozen dog.
Ha ha ha!
Well, we'll go on
out to the kitchen,
and see if we got
one already froze.
Ha ha ha!
I wouldn't eat no frozen dog.
Ha ha ha!
¶
¡Estufado del diablo!
A feast fit for a king.
That's his speciality.
Them female bullfeathers
make it tasty.
Did you know that old Henry
used to cook for the raiders?
He cooked for
quantrell's raiders?
No. He never told me that.
I bet there's a lot of
things he never told you.
Shit!
Abe!
Goddamn, Abe.
Jesus Christ!
You'll loosen my molar up!
¶
¶ Grab your girl,
now pull on her mane ¶
yahoo!
Just play along
a little while longer.
Well, you go on ahead.
I don't want to spoil your fun.
Well, I ain't having
a good time.
I swear I ain't.
I'm just trying to throw
them off the track.
They wouldn't know it was me
if I wasn't acting wild and...
Aw...
Forget about all this.
Get in there
and have a good time.
Act foolish!
Woo!
¶ Beautiful dreamer ¶
¶ awaken to me ¶
¶ beautiful dreamer ¶
¶ waken to me ¶
¶ starlight and dewdrops
are waitin' for thee ¶
¶ thee ¶
ah, shit.
¶
This ain't no real marriage.
Come on.
Meet me tonight, huh?
I'll give you
my old coyote call.
¶ Beautiful dreamer ¶
remember?
A-woo...
not now.
¶ To me ¶
woo hoo!
Anybody seen my goddamn molar?
Nope.
But if I do,
can I put it under my pillow
for the tooth fairy?
Ha ha ha!
Ha ha ha! Tooth fairy!
You won't get nothing
for his molar.
Well, come on, boys.
Let's help big Abe
find his goddamn molar.
No! Wait!
I have a better idea.
Moon, let's you and me
go buy big Abe
a whole damn set
of gold teeth! Ha ha!
You'll ruin everything
acting like a goddamn fool.
I don't give a damn
what anybody says!
I'm a gentleman!
And I'm not going to throw up
in this here house.
I'm going outside to throw up
'cause I... I respect your house.
Um...
Big Abe,
you can throw up in this house
any old time.
Ha ha ha!
Goddamn gold! Gold!
That son-of-a-bitch
is keeping gold from us.
God almighty. Son-of-a-bitch.
You almost spilled the beans.
Come on and help me
find big Abe's molar.
Didn't I tell you
to watch what you was doing?
You don't understand outlaws!
I understood you
when you told me
to act foolish.
I didn't tell you to get drunk
and start singing your
damn fool head off!
Hog liked my singing.
That's why they call him hog!
A-woo!
A-woo!
Aah!
Damn, hermine.
Quit your goddamn coyote calling.
I'm here.
Your wife's acting
terrible, ain't she?
She just had a little
too much bug-juice.
Ha ha ha!
I figure you ain't
had much of anything
of anything in a long time.
How's come you and the boys
decided to stop by tonight?
I want to make it
good for you, Henry.
Honey, you ain't hearing
what I'm asking.
What was the question?
I don't want to
hurt your feelings.
I appreciate
the coyote calling,
but I told you
things has changed.
Crawl in, Henry.
See what I got.
Hermine, you ain't hearing me.
I seen what you got.
It was swell. We had
some times together
that I'll never forget.
But, hermine, now I'm took.
Henry.
Aah!
Hold it.
That's enough.
Uh... Don't shoot.
Vamoose.
Well...
If I was monkeying around,
would I still have
my clothes on?
Then why did you go out there?
Don't make no difference.
No matter what I say, you
ain't going to believe me.
Go ahead.
Well, I was just trying
to get information
off of hermine.
That wasn't all you were
trying to get off of her.
All I wanted to know
was if they knew
anything about the gold.
You care more about that
damn gold than about me.
That ain't true.
I could have done what
you think, but I didn't.
I don't believe you didn't.
I was there strictly
on business.
You want that woman!
You take her,
but you forget
all about the gold.
People can't afford business
partners that cheat on them.
We made an agreement.
And I'm breaking it.
You can't do that to me.
I just did.
That tears it.
Going to put the old
double "x" to Henry moon, huh?
Well, we'll see.
You want your gun back, moon?
Where's the goddamn gold?
What gold?
That gold there.
That's real gold!
Where is it?
You ain't as ignorant
as you look, are you?
Come on in.
How much we got here?
Enough. In fact, I was just
coming looking for you boys.
Sure, you was.
We're going to hit
the longhorn bank.
There ain't nothing
in that chicken-feed bank
but sun-filled windows.
And all the little lady's gold.
Let's hit her in the morning.
Not yet.
Got a plan?
I'm going to make that woman
sorry she ever said, "I do."
I tell you, he's hiding
something from us.
I don't think so.
I know so.
I was certain he had a plan.
Me, too, but I don't know
if we're going to be in it.
Let's keep a watch
on the son-of-a-bitch.
Come on, gang!
You...
You better take a rest
before your arm falls off.
You want some water?
Are you always this quiet?
I've got nothing to say.
I keep my word.
Julia!
Honey!
Moon!
Honey, are you all right?
Goddamn!
You all right?
Yes. Oh!
All right.
Can you stand there?
Yes.
O.K. All right.
You all right?
Well, I've been better.
Easy. Easy. It's all right.
It's all right. Nothing's
going to happen to you.
Here, hold this.
You stay right here.
When I get back, we'll take
us a little Spanish pause.
Henry Lloyd?
What?
Nothing.
I'm sorry about last night.
I know it doesn't matter,
but if we're going to die,
I... I want it to be as partners.
50/50.
We was a good team.
Good? Shit.
We were the best.
Honey pie...
Moon, I've been thinking.
Since we're going to go anyway,
why don't we go out
in a blaze of glory?
Moon, tie me up.
Julia...
We're alive.
I've been watching you, Henry.
Figured.
Ain't you up early?
We don't hit the bank
till 10:00.
Well, there's been a
little change in plans.
Well, I got to tell big Abe.
You got to do
what you got to do.
I'll never forget you, hermine.
You was the first woman
I didn't have to pay for.
Adios.
You're a mite early, compadre.
I want to make a withdrawal.
Your better half
has to do that.
Ordinance husbands aren't
allowed to make withdrawals.
Besides, we're closed.
You're open now.
Open it up.
Over there in the bin.
Hurry up, whitey.
I never figured
you'd do this to Julia.
It's the only way to save
my marriage, whitey.
Hyah!
Julia!
Julia?
Grover, where is Julia at?
Julia!
Goddamn.
Rocks.
Goddamn, honey pie.
Freeze, moon!
Mr. Moon, you're still here.
Where's Julia?
I guess he ain't
heard the news.
Ha ha ha!
What news?
Your wife sold her property
to the railroad.
Gentlemen, start
tagging the furniture.
When?
Does that concern you now?
Where is she?
I believe on her way
to Philadelphia.
And you're on your way
to meet Saint Peter.
That's right, moon.
You're on your way
to meet senor Peter.
Come out, moon.
We know you got it!
I ain't got nothing!
We don't believe you!
Henry, who the hell is that?
The ex-moon gang.
¡Chinga LA luna!
If they want a gunfight,
they picked the wrong
hombresto mess with!
Goddamn you! Watch it, big Abe!
Ok. 1, 2, 3!
When did she leave?
Why should I tell you?
About a half-hour ago.
Now!
Moon. Shoot back.
Yes, sir, this is
mighty strange stuff.
Muriel dropped a lantern
in a puddle of it
the other night,
and the whole farm 'bout
near went up in flame!
Burned half the hair
off of my head.
Stunk for two weeks.
The railroad said they've
got no use for it,
so I thought I'd take
samples back east
and maybe sell it.
What do you think, miss Julia?
Oh, I'm sorry, Mr. Standard.
I didn't hear what you said.
Hyah!
Aah!
Whoa in there! Whoa! Whoa.
Hold up in there.
All right. Stay calm.
Whoa. Whoa.
All right.
Step down, Julia.
Whoa.
Cotton, that son-of-
a-bitch can shoot.
He rode with quantrell.
Come on, you've run far enough.
Come on, now.
I'm losing my patience.
You ain't taking my gold!
They discovered gold!
Nah. They had a little
too much bug-juice.
You didn't even write
a note when you left.
What was I supposed to write?
"Good luck, Henry and hermine"?
I was going to
explain everything.
See, I...
Mr. Moon.
Are you robbing
this stage or not?
Burn the breeze, Kyle,
or I'll blow everybody
into feathers.
We don't desert our women
out here, Mr. Moon.
It's all right, sheriff.
You go on ahead.
He's just trying to impress me.
Are you sure, Julia?
Oh. Well...
You two ought to try
and get along, then.
We all had to.
Hyah!
My heart froze when I came home
and you was gone, honey.
Let me help you up.
Oh!
Thank you, moon.
I'm not sure I'll ever
get used to Mexico.
Why, sure, you will, honey pie.
You got used to me, didn't you?
Anyways...
First, let's get used
to being rich.