Goin' All the Way! (1981) - full transcript
Arnie is a typical teenager who wants to lose his virginity, only his girlfriend won't put out. Maybe he can with the help of his wiseguy best friend.
(faint rock music)
(heavy breathing)
(moaning)
- Artie, I just can't.
- Why not?
- I don't know.
- Is it my breath?
- No.
- Well, do I have B.O. or something?
- No, don't be silly.
- Well then what?
- I guess I'm just scared.
- Oh, I know,
it's 'cause I don't have a thing, right?
- A what?
- You know, a thing for my thing.
- Artie.
- Shit, there's some
saran wrap in the kitchen.
That's always good in a pinch.
- I can't believe you sometimes.
- Artie?
Artie, are you out here?
Artie?
- Holy shit, it's my mom.
I'm just showing Monica the car, mom.
- [Mrs. Mulligan] Is
Monica out there with you?
- Hello, Mrs. Mulligan.
- Oh, hello dear.
I think you two can see
better with the lights on,
don't you?
- Yeah, mom.
We'll think about it.
- Well, just don't
think about it too long.
Goodnight, Monica.
- Goodnight, Mrs. Mulligan.
- What are you doing?
- I better be going.
- Oh come on, Monica.
My mom's gone to bed.
She's not gonna bother us again.
- It isn't that, Artie.
It isn't that at all.
- Oh, come on, Monica.
I'll be careful, I promise.
Shit.
Wait, Monica, wait.
Don't be like that.
Please, come on.
- Artie, I just can't.
Don't rush me, okay?
- See you in class tomorrow, huh?
(upbeat rock music)
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Love or nothing at all ♪
♪ Show your heart ♪
♪ From the start ♪
♪ Babe, or don't even call ♪
(upbeat rock music)
♪ I've been taken for some rides ♪
♪ Playing in that street ♪
♪ Answer that and all those hit and runs ♪
♪ I'm faster on my feet ♪
♪ Tonight, you light a fire in me ♪
♪ The flames are at my heels ♪
♪ But before my heart starts melting ♪
♪ Prove to me that it's real ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Love or nothing at all ♪
♪ Show your heart ♪
♪ From the start ♪
♪ Babe, or don't even call ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's gonna take more
pressing against me ♪
♪ If you want to convince me you've got ♪
♪ What I want ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ Love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ Love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ Oh ♪
(upbeat rock music)
- All right, Jimbo?
Come on, did you or didn't you?
- Did I what?
- Sup?
You know what I'm talking about.
- I don't want to talk about it, Reg.
- Oh, terrific.
Another blue ball weekend.
How many does that make now?
Hey, you guys!
Artie Mulligan's got blue balls!
- Hey, (mumbles), Reg.
What do you think?
Monica's a nice girl.
- Oh yeah, yeah, that's right.
And you're a nice guy, huh?
- I was before I started
hanging out with you anyway.
- Well, how was your weekend?
Tell me everything.
- Well, we had a good time.
- And?
- We had a real good time, that's all.
- Monica, there's a real good time
and then there's a real good time.
- Monica will come through, Reg.
I know she will.
It's just a matter of time.
- Well, I'm just looking
out for your welfare.
You know, not doing it is
harmful to the human body.
I've been reading about it.
- What are you doing,
counting the days till school's over?
- Nah, Wendy's late with her period again.
Looks like I'm gonna have
to break up with her.
(laughing)
- Hi, Artie.
Hi.
- Hi, Candy.
- Hi.
Have a nice weekend?
- Yeah, I did, I did.
How about you?
- She had a great weekend, Mulligan.
Eat your hearts out, jerk offs.
- What an ass.
- Yeah, you can say that again.
(deliberative jazz music)
(deliberative jazz music)
- Time's up.
Monica, will you collect the papers?
Now that we've completed this text,
you should be ready to go into the world
and function as young adults.
Are you?
They call this class senior problems,
but I wonder if we're
addressing the real problems.
Or could it be that you don't have any?
Howard?
- I was wondering about
the meaning of life.
(students laughing)
No, no,
I mean, why am I here
and where am I going?
- Go home.
(students laughing)
- Mr. Stevens, I have a problem.
I can't decide who I like better,
if it's Bo Derek or Loni Anderson.
(students laughing)
- Let's try to be serious just for once,
all right, Reggie?
- He is being serious, Mr. Stevens.
He asks me about that all the time.
- Don't listen to them, Mr. Stevens.
They're a couple wise guys.
You know what happens to wise guys?
(laughing)
- Why not talk about relationships?
- She means sex, Mr. Stevens.
- Yeah!
(students laughing)
That's what we are all thinking
about anyway, isn't it?
- Yeah, while she's around.
(Artie laughing)
- I have a feeling that
class could get outrageous.
- If you have anything to say about it.
- Now, can I help it if
I'm interested in romance?
- Oh, is that what you call it?
- Well, a girl has to have some fun.
- I don't know about the
rest of you, but I'm pissed.
- You mean Mitch slugged
you for no reason?
- He gets drunk.
He goes crazy.
The bastard.
- Well, boyfriend or not,
I think you oughta teach him a lesson.
- What are you gonna do, Boom Boom?
- I think we oughta kick his ass.
- Artie, I'm telling you,
girls say no when they mean yes.
- Tell that to Monica.
- She just needs a little
more coaxing, that's all.
Shit man, you ever read Cosmopolitan?
That's all they talk about is doing it,
and Monica's no different.
- You faggot.
You read Cosmopolitan?
- My mom gets it, all right?
You know what?
Technique, that's the key word.
- You know what?
Bullshit, that's the key
word and you know it.
- [Instructor] All together now, girls.
Let's go.
Legs up, legs up,
stretch, stretch.
Really stretch.
Feel it, feel it.
- Okay, look in there.
You see what they're doing?
- [Instructor] Roll, roll, roll, roll.
Feel that muscle.
Feel it.
Isn't that good?
Roll some more, roll some
more, roll some more.
Feel the muscles.
- I'll tell you what they're doing.
They're practicing their technique.
That's what you should be doing.
- [Instructor] Roll.
Up on your knees.
Mule kicks.
One, two, kick.
One, two, kick.
One, two, kick.
One, two, kick.
One, two, kick.
One, two, three, four.
One, two.
Lunges.
One, two, three, four, lunge.
One, two, three, four, lunge.
One, two, three, four, lunge.
Body roll.
One, two, one, two, one, two.
Leg muscles.
One, two, one, two.
Thigh muscles.
One, two, one, two.
Roll, and roll, and
roll, and roll, and roll.
- I've had it with practice, Reg.
If Monica doesn't go all the way soon,
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
- Well, you'll do what I do.
You don't take no for
an answer. (laughing)
- [Instructor] Weis, Mulligan, beat it!
- Holy shit.
- Come on!
- So Monica, how far did
you let Artie go this time?
- Yeah, Monica,
how far did you let Artie go?
- He can go as far as he
wants with me anytime.
- That's personal, you guys.
- Come on, Monica.
I'd tell you.
- [Monica] Don't I know it.
- [BJ] Still scared, huh?
- It's getting worse.
Artie makes it seem so necessary.
I only wish I was sure about him.
- Does he know you've never done it yet?
- Why?
You think I should tell him?
- Oh god, no.
Are you kidding?
God, guys want girls that are experienced.
- I thought they all wanted virgins.
- That too.
Face it, guys don't know what they want.
It's up to us to tell them.
(motorcycle engines revving)
- Hi.
I heard you and Joni just broke up.
- Yeah, well, you know how it goes.
- Yeah, I know.
You're a real hunk, you know that?
Lift weights too, don't you?
Yeah, I bet you got muscles everywhere.
Want to party?
(upbeat pop music)
- You sure this is cool?
- Come on.
All the nice girls have gone home.
Well, what are you waiting for?
(ominous music)
- You bitch.
(lockers clattering)
(girls clamoring)
(muffled speaking)
- So, you think you're a badass?
(muffled speaking)
(upbeat pop music)
(blender whirring)
(upbeat rock music)
♪ Oh yeah ♪
- When's this place
gonna get a beer license?
- Hi princess.
- I have a craving for something super.
- How's my banana special sound?
- That sounds rich.
(laughing)
You want me to get fat, don't you?
- Oh no, no.
There's only one thing I want.
(laughing)
(electronic pinging)
(explosions blasting)
♪ I don't want to lose you ♪
♪ I don't want to see you go ♪
- I read on the bulletin board
there was a dance (mumbles).
- Yeah.
BJ's on the decorating committee.
It's a Sadie Hawkins dance.
You know, the girls ask the guys.
- No kidding?
I sure hope I get asked.
- Well, if you play your
cards right, who knows?
- Well, whoever she is,
I sure hope she's pretty.
- Shall I put in a good word for you?
- You just keep it between the two of us.
- Okay.
(laughing)
(explosions blasting)
- So what do you think's
gonna happen in senior problems class?
- Could get kinda interesting.
- I know.
That's what I'm afraid of.
Artie?
- Hm?
- You wouldn't say anything
about us, would you?
- You don't think I'd pass up a chance
to talk about sex, do you?
(laughing)
- Artie!
Artie!
♪ I don't want to see you go ♪
♪ I just want to love you ♪
♪ They don't want you to know ♪
- Hey, you better be careful
or miss wet dream over
there is gonna steal Artie.
- There you go,
my candy banana special.
- She's not so sexy.
- Oh, she's not, huh?
Looks to me like you're the
only one that thinks so.
(laughing)
- I know.
You think I'm wrong not
going all the way with Artie,
don't you?
- Monica, it's not
exactly torture, you know?
- Now, tell me.
When are you and I are gonna go out, huh?
- Oh, I don't believe you've asked me yet.
- Well, I'm asking.
(laughing)
I'm asking.
- You're asking?
Are you asking too, Artie?
Don't answer that.
It'll only get me into a lot of trouble.
(laughing)
- You mean get you guys in trouble.
(laughing)
- Hey Artie, come here.
Come here.
Look, I think I solved
your problem with Monica.
Yeah, man, I know what I'm talking about.
- Since when?
- It's the garage.
That's the problem.
- Oh, maybe you're right, Reg,
maybe I should just do
it in the front room
of my parent's house, huh?
(mumbles) at the same time?
- Okay, okay.
I'm just trying to help, that's all.
- (scoffing) Jesus, next
you'll be telling me
I should be doing it in the motel.
That's crazy.
- [Reg] It's technique.
- Listen, even if Monica does go for this,
she's not gonna want you
and Wendy around to see.
- So, who's gonna be around to see?
What do you think we're coming
for anyway, you meatball?
Come on.
(gunfire blasting)
(people clamoring)
- Yeah.
- We'd like to rent two rooms please.
- How many nights?
- One, one.
Just one, but not until Friday.
- Could we see one of the rooms please?
- Okay.
105 down to the right.
(Reg cheering)
(deliberative jazz music)
- Perfect, Artie.
I'm telling you this place
is absolutely perfect.
- I don't think Monica's
gonna go for this, Reg.
- Oh, come on.
It beats your garage, doesn't it?
(Reg vocalizing)
- (sighing) Heaven.
- Enjoy magic fingers,
tingling relaxation and ease.
- Yeah.
- Try it, you'll feel great.
- Yeah.
- What's magic fingers?
- That's the icing on the cake.
Go ahead, try it out.
Go ahead.
You feel it?
- I don't feel anything.
- Oh shit, it must be broke.
- I feel something.
The bed's vibrating!
- No, no, it's not.
You're just getting excited
thinking about Friday.
I know you.
(laughing)
- What do you think a
senior in high school
should know about sex?
- You go deaf if you do it too much.
- Where did you hear
that kind of nonsense?
- Hey?
(students laughing)
- Why do we need to learn about sex?
It should just come natural.
- Natural in what way?
- Well, if a guy and a
girl like each other,
they should just do it.
- Yeah, but it's not so simple for girls.
I mean, if a guy really likes a girl,
then he should respect her
feelings, no matter what.
- Now, what you're saying is
girls are different from boys.
- Not as much as you think.
- Speak for yourself.
- Yeah, girls get migraines
if they don't keep doing it.
(students laughing)
Don't they?
(students laughing)
- Teenage sex can lead
to a lot of problems.
Emotional stress, family conflict,
unplanned pregnancies.
So each of you must ask yourself
this very important question.
Is an hour of physical pleasure
worth a lifetime of remorse?
- How do you make it last an hour?
(students laughing)
(deliberative jazz music)
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Hi, it's me.
Look, I was wondering,
can I borrow your skates Friday night?
Artie's taking me skating.
- Sure.
Hey, you know,
it sounds like everything's going okay.
- Yeah.
Actually though, Artie's been
acting kind of weird lately.
I think something's up.
- They call it a pocket rocket.
- No, seriously.
What do you think's the matter with him?
- Oh, it's nothing you
couldn't fix, I'm sure.
Hey, do you think my boobs
are getting any bigger?
- [Monica] Why?
- Well, I've been trying
positive thinking.
Maybe I should send away for
one of those bust developers.
- Why don't you try a padded bra?
- Oh Monica, you know
that bras give me a rash.
(upbeat rock music)
- Little do they know.
- It won't be long now.
- Hey, I'm getting kinda
excited about this.
- Really?
- I can't believe this.
I haven't skated in so long.
I don't know if I'm gonna remember how.
- I can't believe they brought us here.
I've been trying to talk
Reggie into this for ages.
- I know.
I wonder why we are here.
I mean, Artie can't skate.
- Hey, can you skate?
- Well, come on.
I can't think of everything now, can I?
Don't worry.
Don't worry, don't worry.
I'm a quick learner.
Monica looks great tonight,
you lucky bastard, you.
- You're sure in a good mood tonight.
- Well, why shouldn't I be?
I'm with the best looking
girl in the place.
(upbeat rock music)
- Come on.
- No, go ahead, go ahead.
- Come on, it's easy.
- Go ahead, go ahead.
(upbeat dance music)
- You all right?
Okay, okay.
Hey, Reg!
You help Reg.
I'm gonna go find Wendy, okay?
(upbeat dance music)
♪ You look so good tonight ♪
♪ You're looking me over all right ♪
♪ I feel so fine tonight ♪
♪ Mister right ♪
♪ You're inside right now ♪
- You guys make a nice looking couple!
- Thanks, so we've been told!
Shit!
♪ Come on and ask me to dance ♪
♪ Why don't you ask me to dance ♪
- Hey, look.
Isn't he cute?
- Little prick.
♪ 'Cause I want you tonight ♪
♪ Come on and ask me to dance ♪
♪ Come on and ask me to dance ♪
♪ I know you'll ask me to dance ♪
(upbeat dance music)
- Hey, how you doing, speed racer?
- Hey, I take this
skating awfully serious.
Don't you think so?
- Listen, man.
We better get out of here.
If we fall down again,
we're not gonna be able to get it up.
- Oh, come on,
and I was having such a great time too.
(laughing)
Hey, hey, Wendy!
Hey, Wendy!
Hey, Wendy!
(laughing)
- You were on your ass more
than on your skates tonight.
I hope you're not too sore.
- Careful, I'm a little
tender there, okay?
- You're always tender there.
(faint speaking)
- Artie.
When do you think you'll be
getting your car running?
- I don't know, in a few days maybe.
- That'll be nice.
No more doubling.
- You don't really like Reggie, do you?
- I like him.
It's just that he's so cocky sometimes.
- He means well.
- Guys,
hey, you guys.
What do you say we go grab
something to eat, huh?
- Sure.
Let's try that new place, Reg.
- Okay, all right.
Sounds great.
Well, we're there.
- New place?
(soft country music)
God.
Why did we come here?
- The fries are great.
Aren't they, Reg?
- Oh yeah, yeah, great, great.
Light me one of those, will you?
- I didn't know you smoked.
- There's a lot of things
you don't know about me, sweetheart.
- Do your Paul Henreid impression.
- Who?
- Paul Henreid.
You know who Paul Henreid is?
The old Bette Davis movie,
Paul Henreid, Now, Voyager.
The ultimate smooth, the ultimate smooth.
Paul Henreid.
You be Bette Davis.
(laughing)
(Reg humming)
(Reg coughing)
(laughing)
I think I need a little bit of air.
Go outside and grab me some.
You can come with me, Bette.
Come on.
(Reg coughing)
Come on, Bette.
- [Wendy] Hey.
- It won't be long now.
Well?
Well, come on.
- Aw, I can't.
- What do you mean, you can't?
Since when can't you?
- I got a migraine headache.
- You got a migraine headache?
I pay $30 and you get a migraine headache?
(laughing)
Whew.
You miss migraine headache.
- They sure have been gone a long time.
Think you oughta go check on him?
- Don't worry about Reg.
He can take care of himself.
Believe me.
(laughing)
- [Reg] Give her the old (mumbles).
- [Wendy] Oh, it's gone, it's gone!
My migraine headache's gone!
(upbeat pop music)
♪ Enough with your blues ♪
- You know, I wouldn't be surprised
if he took her to that motel.
I wouldn't put it past him.
- Well, so what if he did?
It's not such a big deal.
- Artie, why are we here?
- I got us a room.
- Here, for us?
- It's better than my garage, isn't it?
- Artie, how could you?
If you think you're gonna
get me to go to a motel,
you can just forget it!
And you keep those awful french fries--
- Come on, Monica!
I thought you'd like the idea!
- Like it?!
What am I supposed to like,
that I'm getting treated like a whore?!
Forget it, Artie!
- Monica!
Oh come on, Monica!
Monica, wait, wait, Monica!
Jesus, Monica!
Monica.
- I should have known
it would come to this.
It's all you ever talk about.
- Monica, really, I...
Monica.
Monica, wait, really.
- Keep your hands off me.
If you need it so bad,
why don't you go stick it in Candy Harden?
- Monica, really--
- Just leave me alone!
- Monica, what are you doing?!
- [Monica] Breaking up with you!
(somber jazz music)
- Imagine a motel
and with Reggie and Wendy there.
- Ooh, a foursome.
Sounds like it could
have some possibilities.
- Beej, it was awful.
I don't care if I ever
see Artie Mulligan again.
- Oh, you don't really mean that.
- Yes, I do.
He's hopeless.
He'll never change.
- Well maybe he doesn't have to.
- Oh, so it's all my fault now,
is that it?
- I didn't say that.
- You didn't have to.
I know you think I'm a prude.
- It's not all I think.
- What else?
- That you still love him.
- Damn.
(racket clattering)
(Reg whistling)
- Nice day, huh?
Oh, bad day, huh?
You don't have to answer.
I ain't (mumbles).
- Reggie, can I ask you a question?
- Sure, anything.
- Do you think I'm pretty?
- (sighing) You wouldn't
slug me, would you?
- I thought so.
- No, hey, wait a minute.
You maybe get out of those sweats,
do something with your hair.
You ever read Cosmopolitan?
Yeah, you know, how you dress,
that's the whole ball game.
- I don't like dresses.
- Yeah, I know what you mean.
I prefer them off rather than on myself.
Hey, Boom Boom.
What's the deal, huh?
You hung up on some dude?
- Kind of.
- No shit!
I mean, no kidding.
Who is he, huh?
- Reggie, come here.
- I gotta go.
My friend wants me.
Hey, Artie, now look,
I know you're upset.
- Shut up, Reg!
- [Reg] Honest to god, if I thought--
- Knock it off!
(clattering)
If you don't can it, I'm gonna hit you.
I should,
but it was my own fucking fault.
- That's right.
- That's not right.
- That's not right.
- Works every time.
What a crock of shit.
- Yeah, yeah, it was really hair-brained.
- Yeah, you could say that again.
- Look Artie, hey,
what do you say we go out
and we really tie one on tonight, huh?
Anywhere you want to go, any place.
- Aw, what the hell?
Sure, why not?
- All right, that's more like it.
And you know,
things really aren't as bad as they seem.
- Reg.
- The way I look at it,
your sex life's got to improve.
(Artie groaning)
Girls, where are you
when we need you, huh?!
(upbeat dance music)
Hey, hey, Artie,
you know how you can tell if
a girl's wearing pantyhose?
- No, how, Reg?
- Because when she
farts, her ankles bulge.
(Reg vocalizing)
(Artie laughing)
Holy shit, Artie.
Hey, look what's next to you.
- Hi.
You girls wearing pantyhose?
- What?
- Oh, nevermind.
Listen, you want to drink some beer?
- Not exactly.
- Well, what do you want to do then?
- Follow us.
Maybe you'll find out.
(cheering)
- Hit it, Reg!
- I got dibs on the one with the sweater.
- I got dibs on the one without.
Come on, faster!
(laughing)
(upbeat rock music)
- Which one do you want?
I like the one with the dark hair.
- I can't believe it.
Why hasn't it been this easy before?
- Shut up, man, shut up.
Give them some credit.
They know a couple of studs
when they see 'em, come on.
(Artie laughing)
- I'll take the one in the white.
(laughing)
- Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm Reggie and that's my friend Artie.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi, Artie.
- Aren't you cold, like a little bit?
- No, actually I'm hot.
(upbeat rock music)
- Let's get in the back.
(upbeat rock music)
- Mind if I have one of those?
- No, I'll get you one.
- Thank you.
(Artie laughing)
- So, you sure you don't want a beer?
- No.
I don't want a beer.
(Artie laughing)
- Let's fuck.
(beer can clattering)
- Why don't we just get rid of this, okay?
(upbeat rock music)
♪ I'm out fighting on the street ♪
♪ And you can make me do anything ♪
♪ Swear I'm crazy ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm crazy for your love ♪
♪ I'm out of control ♪
♪ I'm out of control ♪
♪ You got the power ♪
♪ You got the power over my soul ♪
♪ To do what you want to do ♪
♪ Take me any place you want me to ♪
♪ I'm out of control ♪
♪ I'm out of control with you ♪
- Hey, Artie!
Artie!
Artie, this girl's got balls!
This girl's got balls!
(Artie spitting)
- God damn.
(Artie coughing)
God, he had his tongue in my mouth!
- What a pity.
That's a real shame.
I had mine in his!
(Artie coughing)
- Think we should get
some Drano instead, huh?
(laughing)
- All right.
Okay, what do we do now?
Where do we go?
- I don't know, Reg.
I'm tired.
Let's just call it a night, huh?
- Call it a night?
What, are you crazy?
The night's young.
We've got fresh breath!
(Artie laughing)
Cheer up.
Look at that.
Female mud wrestling.
You ever been to female mud wrestling?
- No, no, no, Reggie, no.
- Oh, come on!
They couldn't have balls.
Come on.
- Oh, shoot.
(Artie spitting)
No, Reg.
How are we gonna get in?
- Looks good, Artie.
(faint speaking)
- [Artie] Get in there.
It's mud wrestling theater one.
- Yo!
Okay, home free.
Come on.
Come on, get the lead outta your ass.
- Wait, I can't.
Reggie, it's not gonna--
- Artie, Artie.
Holy shit, get the lead outta your ass.
- [Scarlet] Hey, what are
you punks doing in here?
- [Reg] We're just checking the plumbing.
- Everything looks fine.
- Yeah, it looks great.
- Get out!
- What now?
- (mumbles) 21.
- [Announcer] And now in their third week
as middle weight champ,
our very own Miss Scarlet O'Fever!
(audience applauding)
(upbeat pop music)
(audience applauding
drowning out speaking)
- Would you or wouldn't you?
- What, screw her?
Even in the mud.
- Me too.
- Sweet.
(audience applauding)
- Let's give a round of applause
for this Scarlet O'Fever.
Give her a round of applause.
Let's hear it for her.
(audience applauding)
Okay.
(audience applauding)
All right, there are three magic words.
What are the three magic words?
(audience chanting)
On your knees, girls.
Let's get ready for wrestling.
Here they go.
Ooh.
(audience applauding)
The referees are ready,
the girls are ready,
I'm ready.
Let's start wrestling!
(audience applauding
drowning out speaking)
Time is running out on the clock.
(audience applauding
drowning out speaking)
Nobody in control.
Scarlet, Scarlet in control.
Scarlet on top.
(audience applauding
drowning out speaking)
Scarlet's on the bottom,
Scarlet's on the bottom!
(audience applauding
drowning out speaking)
No choking, no choking!
No choking!
Come on, girls.
(audience applauding
drowning out speaking)
Scarlet on top.
(cheering)
- Those wieners busted in!
(audience clamoring)
(upbeat pop music)
(students laughing)
- Well now, Betty Joe, you're almost 13,
and well, it's about
time we had a little talk
about the birds and the bees.
- Sick, mom.
You mean sex?
- Yes, sex, and love, and...
You're gonna be going
out with boys pretty soon
and then they're gonna try
to do some really nasty things to you.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- Like what?
- Well, remember when we
used to go to the zoo?
Remember that?
And the monkeys would
lay on top of each other
and move their little
hineys back and forth?
Remember?
- Mom, that's sick.
Does that have anything to do
with those disgusting noises
you and dad make at night?
- Yes.
- And in the morning?
- Yes.
- And in the afternoon?
- Yes, yes!
Your mother and father just
love each other very much, dear.
- Yeah, right, mom.
Sounds more like elephants
to me than monkeys.
- Oh come on, dear.
Your father's not that big.
- Okay, that's enough.
Role playing is supposed to
help us become more sensitive
to another person's feelings.
Now obviously, some
people are beyond help.
(students laughing)
- Come on, Mr. Stevens.
I mean, who ever heard of your parents
talking to you about sex anyway?
- Yeah.
The only thing my folks ever did
was lay a book about VD next to my bed.
- Yeah, and when you can't
read, what good's that?
(students laughing)
- Hey, Weis.
- Yes, Elmer?
- How would you like me to
slam dunk your big mouth?
- Not even a little bit, Elmer.
I mean, Bronk.
- Okay, hold it down, you two.
Now, how many of you have parents
who have talked to you about sex?
Candy, was it anything like
you've seen up here today?
- No.
My mom just said it's
a man's world out there
and a girl oughta do what she
can to keep her man happy,
and I quite agree.
♪ The moon looks like a red balloon ♪
(phone ringing)
- Yeah, Reg.
- [Candy] Hi, Artie.
- Who's this?
- [Candy] Guess.
- I can't guess.
Come on, tell me, who is it?
- [Candy] Won't you make
just one little guess?
- Candy?
- [Candy] (laughing) Finally.
- I'm sorry, I was thinking
about something else.
- Oh, you were doing
your homework, I suppose.
- (laughing) Right.
No, actually I'm just lying here on my bed
listening to the radio.
So, what are you doing?
- Oh, I'm just lying on my
bed listening to the radio
and thinking about you.
Artie, why don't you come over?
- To your house?
- Well, if you want to.
- [Artie] You mean we could?!
I mean...
- Why don't you just come over?
(upbeat jazz music)
(knocking on door)
- Hi.
- You got here so fast.
I'm not ready yet.
- There's something I want to show you.
(horn blaring)
(upbeat jazz music)
(knocking on door)
- Hi.
- I thought you'd never get here.
You don't know how long
I've waited for this moment.
Oh, I've been dying to do that
ever since I first saw you.
(zipper unzipping)
And there's another thing
I've been dying to do.
(upbeat jazz music)
(trash cans clattering)
(upbeat jazz music)
(knocking on door)
- Hi.
- What the fuck are you doing here?
Well?
- Candy asked me to come over
and help her with her homework.
But I can see that maybe
tonight's not the best time,
so I'll just see you tomorrow
in class, Candy, huh?
- Wait a minute.
That's bullshit,
Mulligan, and you know it.
- Get your hand off me.
- Bronk, stop it.
Artie didn't do anything.
Come on back in here this instant.
- You're lucky, Mulligan.
But if I ever see you
even look at her again,
you'll get very unlucky.
(door slamming)
- Hi, Artie.
Busy?
- Yeah, a little.
- [BJ] How you doing?
- All right.
- [BJ] So what you been up to these days?
- Oh, the usual.
(clattering)
Look, Betty Joe,
Monica came and asked
you to talk to me, right?
- So what if she did?
- Well, just tell to forget it.
I'm not gonna have her hanging me up.
- She doesn't even know I'm here.
Hey listen, Artie,
I'm having a party Saturday night
and I want you to come.
- [Artie] Monica's gonna be there, right?
- Oh, Artie.
You two guys belong
together and you know it.
- BJ, do me a favor, all right?
Hand me that screwdriver.
(soft pop music)
(water splashing)
- This feels so good.
- Candy, are you
daydreaming about (mumbles)?
- Such filthy mind.
Look at Monica.
You'd never hear anything
like that outta her.
- You mean like calling somebody a slut?
No, I'd never say anything like that.
- What did I do?
- I think it's more what nature did.
Cocktails anyone?
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
(faint speaking)
- Hey, are you ready to party?
Ta-da!
- Wow, if they had all
this stuff in chemistry,
I'd never cut class.
- [BJ] Now just remember
the party tonight.
We have to be able to stand up.
- Oh, speak for yourself.
- No, really.
We have to be adults and everything.
- Look at this book!
Zombie, Freddy Fuddpucker?
Kamikaze, what is that?
- I don't think a couple
of Harvey Wallbangers
would hurt anybody.
- What is this?
Talk dirty to me?
- Candy.
(Candy laughing)
That was supposed to be
a surprise for later.
- A porno film?
BJ, you're awful.
- Well, if you don't
want to see it, Monica.
- Well, I didn't say that.
- Pardon.
Front row center, ladies.
- [Actress On TV] Becomes so hot.
I want to touch it.
(moaning)
- How does she do that?
- Oh god, it's so big.
(moaning)
Want to talk dirty to me
like you did to that girl on the phone?
(moaning)
- All this sex stuff is so confusing.
How do they learn all
those positions and things?
- Hours and hours of practice.
- When are the guys coming over anyway?
(upbeat rock music)
(water splashing)
- Roger, I'd like you to meet
my closest friend in the whole wide world,
Monica Carr.
- Hello.
I'm Roger Jackson.
- Hi.
Betty Joe tells me you're a songwriter.
- Among other things.
You and BJ classmates?
- Yeah.
- We can't wait to graduate.
You know, high school
is really just for kids.
- Depends on what you mean by kids.
- [Female Speaker] BJ, we're out of ice.
- Those idiots.
Excuse me, you two.
- Tell me about your songwriting.
- Look it, you want to dance?
- Okay.
- Come on.
We'll talk later.
- Hey, fuck you, Bronk.
(water splashing)
- Hey, watch it, you big ape!
- What's the matter, I get you wet?
It looks like you have
to take your top off now.
(laughing)
- Wouldn't you love that?
- Ooh, you bet your sweet ass.
Now, come on.
What are you waiting for?
- Hey, Bronk,
why do you offer to play
chef's hat with her?
She loves that.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Now, it's your turn.
- No way, Jose.
- Hey, hey!
Weis, I'm gonna kill you!
- All right, would everybody please rise
while we raise the Chinese flag?
- You're dead, (mumbles).
You're dead!
(soft pop music)
- Hi, Artie.
- Hi, Artie.
- What's going on?
♪ Looks like a red balloon ♪
♪ The radio is playing sexy tunes ♪
♪ Oh baby, me and you ♪
- Hi, Artie.
- Oh, hi.
- Oh, listen, I'm sorry
about the other night.
- Oh yeah, I'm sorry about that too.
- I'll make it up to you later.
Let's dance, Artie.
- Boyfriend trouble?
- Is it that obvious?
- Give me my pants!
(people chanting)
You're dead, you asshole!
You're dead!
Weis, I'm gonna kill you!
♪ The night so warm ♪
♪ It fits like a glove ♪
♪ And there's no time like now ♪
♪ Making love ♪
(people applauding)
(upbeat rock music)
- Would you take me home please, Roger?
(upbeat rock music)
(people chanting)
- Oh, below the belt.
Ooh, below the belt again!
- You're a dead man!
That does it!
(audience applauding)
- Told you I'd get you, you little punk!
A little water!
- Let him up!
Bronk, you son of a bitch!
Let him up!
(people chattering)
- Can you swim?
Can you swim, huh?
Really funny now, aren't you?
- Bronk, let him down!
Bronk, come on!
You can't do that!
- Find it funny, you little asshole!
(people chattering)
- Bronk, don't drown him!
Bronk!
- You think that's funny, huh?
- Let him up, you asshole!
- Get down, get down!
- Let him up!
- Get down there!
Get down, get down, get down!
- Bronk?
Where's Candy?
Huh, where's Candy?
Where's Candy?
Where's Candy?
- Candy.
(upbeat rock music)
Candy.
Candy.
Candy!
(upbeat rock music)
You and Weis are a couple of assholes!
- Well?
- I'm sorry, Roger.
I'm so embarrassed by all this.
- Look, just don't let it get you down.
Personally, I think he's a
jerk for letting you get away.
- Thanks for being so nice.
- Would you like to see me again?
- I'd like to,
but I'd better not.
- I'd like to see you very much.
Have you ever been to a
music recording session?
- No.
- You doing anything Saturday?
- No.
- Would you like to go to one?
- All right.
- Good.
Pick you up at noon.
- Okay.
I'd better go in now.
- Okay.
(romantic orchestral music)
- Thanks for the lift!
(romantic orchestral music)
- Can you believe that
about Monica and Roger?
- [Female Speaker] I know.
- [Female Speaker] You know
what else happened that night?
- BJ, why are you avoiding me?
What's the matter?!
- You have the nerve to
ask me what's the matter?
What's the matter with you?
You're supposed to be my
best friend, remember?
- It's Roger.
That's what this is all about?
- Oh please don't give me the
little innocent girl routine.
You were supposed to be
with Artie that night
or didn't you get that straight?
- Well apparently Artie didn't agree.
- Oh, so you just latched onto Roger?
How very convenient.
- [Monica] He took me home.
That's all.
- Did he ask you out?
- None of your business.
- Well, good luck, prick tease.
- You're bigger than I thought.
- Boom Boom?
- You didn't recognize me, did you?
- What do you want?
- Want to party.
- [Bronk] With me?
- You got it, big boy.
- When?
- [Boom Boom] Tonight.
- You're on.
You want to shower first?
- I'm not dirty.
- You better be.
- No shit.
- Mm-hmm.
- You mean Candy asked you to the dance?
(laughing)
(vocalizing)
Hey, whoa, wait,
what about King Kong, huh?
- Fuck him!
- What about Monica?
- What is this, 20 questions?
- Well, I don't know, I don't know.
It just seems like (mumbles)
over with you two, I don't know.
- Smart thinking, Einstein.
Yeah, it's me and Candy now.
God, I can still feel
her pressing against me.
- Hey, we're gonna double, right?
- You wish.
I'll have my own wheels by then.
- Oh come on, I could chauffeur,
keep the old hands free. (laughing)
Want me to light that?
- You're late.
- Thought I'd better
fortify myself a little.
The scene with you could
get a little hairy.
- Thought you're an athlete.
- Second favorite sport.
(can crumpling)
Your name really Boom Boom?
- Your name really Bronk?
- Are you for real?
- What do you think?
(soft jazz music)
(moaning)
(urine streaming)
(Bronk burping)
- All right, get out.
(mumbles)
- I'm not letting you outta my sight.
- Listen, get out!
Out!
Out the door.
Hey, thanks for breaking my fucking seat.
(engine revving)
(somber jazz music)
- Charming.
(upbeat rock music)
♪ The girl wield temperature ♪
♪ With her hands on her hips ♪
♪ There's fire in her eyes ♪
♪ And desire on her lips ♪
♪ And there's emotion you hope ♪
♪ It's a dive you have met ♪
♪ The girl's so damn good at being bad ♪
♪ She say you remind her ♪
♪ Of some guy in France ♪
♪ Who plays blues on the sax ♪
♪ And he taught her romance ♪
♪ And then she'll brush up against you ♪
♪ And you'll make you feel that ♪
♪ The girl's so damn good at being bad ♪
♪ 'Cause she's a bad ♪
♪ She's a bad, bad girl ♪
♪ But you know bad girl ♪
♪ She's so good at being bad ♪
♪ Yeah, she's a bad ♪
♪ She's a bad, bad girl ♪
♪ But you need that girl ♪
♪ She's a bad, bad girl ♪
- Would you like a glass of wine?
- Yeah, thank you.
- Okay.
Make yourself at home.
I'll be right back.
- You have a nice apartment.
Must be terribly expensive.
- It is.
I find it comfortable.
- Keeping it together.
You wrote that?
- Mm-hmm.
It's my first big hit.
It pays the rent.
At least it used to.
- I'd love to hear more
of your songs sometime.
- It's a deal.
But right now, let's talk about you.
(glasses clinking)
So, let's see.
You go to Whitfield High,
you're on the rebound from your boyfriend,
and you got great eyes.
Great lips too.
(romantic orchestral music)
What's the matter?
Afraid I might seduce you?
- You're doing a pretty
good job of it so far.
- So why stop?
I want to make love to you.
Wrong thing to say, huh?
- It's just a little bit too soon.
- When you feel right,
it's never too soon.
Relax.
We'll both know when you're ready.
- There's a Sadie Hawkins dance next week.
Will you go with me?
- You mean one of those straw hats,
corn cob pipe, bib overalls things?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'll go.
I just make take advantage
of you, you know.
(upbeat rock music)
♪ I used to give my heart away ♪
♪ At the slightest touch ♪
♪ But being reckless in the night ♪
♪ Never came to much ♪
♪ So if it seems I'm hesitating ♪
♪ Just say what I need ♪
♪ Maybe it's because I'm waiting ♪
♪ For you to say to me ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Love or nothing at all ♪
- Hi, Monica.
- Hi.
Hi.
- Hi.
- You sure look sweet.
Don't you just love
wearing clothes like this?
- You look pretty good.
- How you doing?
- Okay.
- Oh, you're with him.
You know, Monica,
for a minute there,
I thought you'd come all by yourself.
- Roger, this is Candy.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You were at BJ's party, right?
- That's right.
- I'm Artie Mulligan.
- Yeah, I know.
I haven't been to a Sadie Hawkins dance
since I was in high school.
- Must have been a long time ago.
- Yeah, a few years.
Hey, you want to dance?
- Okay.
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's gonna take more
pressing against me ♪
♪ If you want to convince me ♪
♪ You got what I want ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
(upbeat country music)
(audience clapping)
(upbeat country music)
- Got for it, go for it!
(audience clapping)
(upbeat country music)
Yeehaw!
(audience cheering)
(upbeat country music)
♪ I thought I had it all thought out ♪
♪ That getting you would be so easy ♪
♪ Other ones would work their charm ♪
♪ And wouldn't let your memory tease me ♪
♪ But knowing you, I should have known ♪
♪ I just can't leave your love alone ♪
♪ Making time's just making due ♪
- [Male Speaker] Ride 'em, Candy!
Ride 'em, girl!
♪ I'm still in love with loving you ♪
(upbeat country music)
(Bronk burping)
(can clattering)
♪ She can wet her lips
and shake her hips ♪
Kick it up, Candy, kick it up.
♪ And stir up everyone's desire ♪
♪ But thoughts of you
keep slipping through ♪
♪ And setting my old heart on fire ♪
♪ And knowing you, I should have known ♪
♪ I just can't leave your love alone ♪
♪ Making's time just making due ♪
♪ I'm still in love with loving you ♪
(audience clapping)
(upbeat country music)
♪ I thought I had it all thought out ♪
♪ That smile of yours
would never faze me ♪
♪ But here we are and here I go ♪
♪ One look of you can drive me crazy ♪
♪ And knowing you, I should have known ♪
♪ I just can't leave your love alone ♪
♪ Making time's just making due ♪
♪ I'm still in love with loving you ♪
♪ Loving you, yeah ♪
- All right, Mulligan.
Let's go.
- You're drunk.
Get outta here.
- Pussy.
Are you coming with me
or am I gonna have to
kick your ass right here?
- Okay, let's go, Elmo.
I'm getting sick of your bullshit anyway.
(whistling)
(upbeat country music)
- [Male Speaker] You got
it, baby, you got it!
(whistling)
(upbeat country music)
- I'm gonna enjoy this.
- Just take your best shot, Elmer.
- I'm gonna murder you for that.
- Hey, Bronk.
Remember me?
- Yeah, I remember you.
(deliberative jazz music)
What the hell do you want?
- I'm really gonna enjoy this.
(Bronk groaning)
- [Female Speaker] Get the rope on him.
(muffled speaking)
Get him in.
(muffled speaking)
(soft pop music)
- Hey, where'd you go?
You missed my dance.
- Oh, what a shame.
- Oh, well, that's okay.
I'll just have to do it again
for you when we're all alone.
- Candy, find someone else to be sexy for.
You're dancing with my girl.
- Yeah, I guess you're right.
- Hey, what is this?
- Oh well.
You know, I've been
telling Artie for a year
that they were meant for each other,
but no, he wouldn't listen to me.
I said, Artie, you gotta
have patience with this girl,
but all he thinks about is sex.
You know, if a girl
doesn't put out with Artie
on the first day right away,
you know, he's not interested in it.
But there they go, sure enough.
I knew it.
I knew it all along.
Maybe now, he'll listen to me more.
What do you think?
- Peckerhead.
(soft pop music)
- Boy, what a night, huh?
- It's probably the best night of my life.
- Monica, I want to
apologize for everything.
I want you to know that.
And Candy was just...
Candy was...
What are you doing?
- Artie Mulligan, you big dope.
Will you just shut up and kiss me?
- That was a good idea.
- I've got a better idea.
- Yeah?
- Let's go all the way.
♪ And there's no time like now ♪
♪ Night's so warm ♪
♪ It fits like a glove ♪
♪ And there's no time like now ♪
(engine rumbling)
(upbeat jazz music)
♪ Those heartaches we've known ♪
♪ Are a thing of the past now ♪
♪ We're moving ahead ♪
♪ And we're moving fast now ♪
♪ The night is shining ♪
♪ The clouds are scattered ♪
♪ And you and me, baby ♪
♪ We're all that matters ♪
♪ We're going all the way, all the way ♪
♪ We've got love to show us how ♪
♪ We're going all the way, all the way ♪
♪ There is nothing that can stop us now ♪
♪ No more hearing a new horizon ♪
♪ Nothing can keep our star from rising ♪
♪ We're going all the way ♪
(heavy breathing)
(moaning)
- Artie, I just can't.
- Why not?
- I don't know.
- Is it my breath?
- No.
- Well, do I have B.O. or something?
- No, don't be silly.
- Well then what?
- I guess I'm just scared.
- Oh, I know,
it's 'cause I don't have a thing, right?
- A what?
- You know, a thing for my thing.
- Artie.
- Shit, there's some
saran wrap in the kitchen.
That's always good in a pinch.
- I can't believe you sometimes.
- Artie?
Artie, are you out here?
Artie?
- Holy shit, it's my mom.
I'm just showing Monica the car, mom.
- [Mrs. Mulligan] Is
Monica out there with you?
- Hello, Mrs. Mulligan.
- Oh, hello dear.
I think you two can see
better with the lights on,
don't you?
- Yeah, mom.
We'll think about it.
- Well, just don't
think about it too long.
Goodnight, Monica.
- Goodnight, Mrs. Mulligan.
- What are you doing?
- I better be going.
- Oh come on, Monica.
My mom's gone to bed.
She's not gonna bother us again.
- It isn't that, Artie.
It isn't that at all.
- Oh, come on, Monica.
I'll be careful, I promise.
Shit.
Wait, Monica, wait.
Don't be like that.
Please, come on.
- Artie, I just can't.
Don't rush me, okay?
- See you in class tomorrow, huh?
(upbeat rock music)
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Love or nothing at all ♪
♪ Show your heart ♪
♪ From the start ♪
♪ Babe, or don't even call ♪
(upbeat rock music)
♪ I've been taken for some rides ♪
♪ Playing in that street ♪
♪ Answer that and all those hit and runs ♪
♪ I'm faster on my feet ♪
♪ Tonight, you light a fire in me ♪
♪ The flames are at my heels ♪
♪ But before my heart starts melting ♪
♪ Prove to me that it's real ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Love or nothing at all ♪
♪ Show your heart ♪
♪ From the start ♪
♪ Babe, or don't even call ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's gonna take more
pressing against me ♪
♪ If you want to convince me you've got ♪
♪ What I want ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ Love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ Love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ Oh ♪
(upbeat rock music)
- All right, Jimbo?
Come on, did you or didn't you?
- Did I what?
- Sup?
You know what I'm talking about.
- I don't want to talk about it, Reg.
- Oh, terrific.
Another blue ball weekend.
How many does that make now?
Hey, you guys!
Artie Mulligan's got blue balls!
- Hey, (mumbles), Reg.
What do you think?
Monica's a nice girl.
- Oh yeah, yeah, that's right.
And you're a nice guy, huh?
- I was before I started
hanging out with you anyway.
- Well, how was your weekend?
Tell me everything.
- Well, we had a good time.
- And?
- We had a real good time, that's all.
- Monica, there's a real good time
and then there's a real good time.
- Monica will come through, Reg.
I know she will.
It's just a matter of time.
- Well, I'm just looking
out for your welfare.
You know, not doing it is
harmful to the human body.
I've been reading about it.
- What are you doing,
counting the days till school's over?
- Nah, Wendy's late with her period again.
Looks like I'm gonna have
to break up with her.
(laughing)
- Hi, Artie.
Hi.
- Hi, Candy.
- Hi.
Have a nice weekend?
- Yeah, I did, I did.
How about you?
- She had a great weekend, Mulligan.
Eat your hearts out, jerk offs.
- What an ass.
- Yeah, you can say that again.
(deliberative jazz music)
(deliberative jazz music)
- Time's up.
Monica, will you collect the papers?
Now that we've completed this text,
you should be ready to go into the world
and function as young adults.
Are you?
They call this class senior problems,
but I wonder if we're
addressing the real problems.
Or could it be that you don't have any?
Howard?
- I was wondering about
the meaning of life.
(students laughing)
No, no,
I mean, why am I here
and where am I going?
- Go home.
(students laughing)
- Mr. Stevens, I have a problem.
I can't decide who I like better,
if it's Bo Derek or Loni Anderson.
(students laughing)
- Let's try to be serious just for once,
all right, Reggie?
- He is being serious, Mr. Stevens.
He asks me about that all the time.
- Don't listen to them, Mr. Stevens.
They're a couple wise guys.
You know what happens to wise guys?
(laughing)
- Why not talk about relationships?
- She means sex, Mr. Stevens.
- Yeah!
(students laughing)
That's what we are all thinking
about anyway, isn't it?
- Yeah, while she's around.
(Artie laughing)
- I have a feeling that
class could get outrageous.
- If you have anything to say about it.
- Now, can I help it if
I'm interested in romance?
- Oh, is that what you call it?
- Well, a girl has to have some fun.
- I don't know about the
rest of you, but I'm pissed.
- You mean Mitch slugged
you for no reason?
- He gets drunk.
He goes crazy.
The bastard.
- Well, boyfriend or not,
I think you oughta teach him a lesson.
- What are you gonna do, Boom Boom?
- I think we oughta kick his ass.
- Artie, I'm telling you,
girls say no when they mean yes.
- Tell that to Monica.
- She just needs a little
more coaxing, that's all.
Shit man, you ever read Cosmopolitan?
That's all they talk about is doing it,
and Monica's no different.
- You faggot.
You read Cosmopolitan?
- My mom gets it, all right?
You know what?
Technique, that's the key word.
- You know what?
Bullshit, that's the key
word and you know it.
- [Instructor] All together now, girls.
Let's go.
Legs up, legs up,
stretch, stretch.
Really stretch.
Feel it, feel it.
- Okay, look in there.
You see what they're doing?
- [Instructor] Roll, roll, roll, roll.
Feel that muscle.
Feel it.
Isn't that good?
Roll some more, roll some
more, roll some more.
Feel the muscles.
- I'll tell you what they're doing.
They're practicing their technique.
That's what you should be doing.
- [Instructor] Roll.
Up on your knees.
Mule kicks.
One, two, kick.
One, two, kick.
One, two, kick.
One, two, kick.
One, two, kick.
One, two, three, four.
One, two.
Lunges.
One, two, three, four, lunge.
One, two, three, four, lunge.
One, two, three, four, lunge.
Body roll.
One, two, one, two, one, two.
Leg muscles.
One, two, one, two.
Thigh muscles.
One, two, one, two.
Roll, and roll, and
roll, and roll, and roll.
- I've had it with practice, Reg.
If Monica doesn't go all the way soon,
I don't know what I'm gonna do.
- Well, you'll do what I do.
You don't take no for
an answer. (laughing)
- [Instructor] Weis, Mulligan, beat it!
- Holy shit.
- Come on!
- So Monica, how far did
you let Artie go this time?
- Yeah, Monica,
how far did you let Artie go?
- He can go as far as he
wants with me anytime.
- That's personal, you guys.
- Come on, Monica.
I'd tell you.
- [Monica] Don't I know it.
- [BJ] Still scared, huh?
- It's getting worse.
Artie makes it seem so necessary.
I only wish I was sure about him.
- Does he know you've never done it yet?
- Why?
You think I should tell him?
- Oh god, no.
Are you kidding?
God, guys want girls that are experienced.
- I thought they all wanted virgins.
- That too.
Face it, guys don't know what they want.
It's up to us to tell them.
(motorcycle engines revving)
- Hi.
I heard you and Joni just broke up.
- Yeah, well, you know how it goes.
- Yeah, I know.
You're a real hunk, you know that?
Lift weights too, don't you?
Yeah, I bet you got muscles everywhere.
Want to party?
(upbeat pop music)
- You sure this is cool?
- Come on.
All the nice girls have gone home.
Well, what are you waiting for?
(ominous music)
- You bitch.
(lockers clattering)
(girls clamoring)
(muffled speaking)
- So, you think you're a badass?
(muffled speaking)
(upbeat pop music)
(blender whirring)
(upbeat rock music)
♪ Oh yeah ♪
- When's this place
gonna get a beer license?
- Hi princess.
- I have a craving for something super.
- How's my banana special sound?
- That sounds rich.
(laughing)
You want me to get fat, don't you?
- Oh no, no.
There's only one thing I want.
(laughing)
(electronic pinging)
(explosions blasting)
♪ I don't want to lose you ♪
♪ I don't want to see you go ♪
- I read on the bulletin board
there was a dance (mumbles).
- Yeah.
BJ's on the decorating committee.
It's a Sadie Hawkins dance.
You know, the girls ask the guys.
- No kidding?
I sure hope I get asked.
- Well, if you play your
cards right, who knows?
- Well, whoever she is,
I sure hope she's pretty.
- Shall I put in a good word for you?
- You just keep it between the two of us.
- Okay.
(laughing)
(explosions blasting)
- So what do you think's
gonna happen in senior problems class?
- Could get kinda interesting.
- I know.
That's what I'm afraid of.
Artie?
- Hm?
- You wouldn't say anything
about us, would you?
- You don't think I'd pass up a chance
to talk about sex, do you?
(laughing)
- Artie!
Artie!
♪ I don't want to see you go ♪
♪ I just want to love you ♪
♪ They don't want you to know ♪
- Hey, you better be careful
or miss wet dream over
there is gonna steal Artie.
- There you go,
my candy banana special.
- She's not so sexy.
- Oh, she's not, huh?
Looks to me like you're the
only one that thinks so.
(laughing)
- I know.
You think I'm wrong not
going all the way with Artie,
don't you?
- Monica, it's not
exactly torture, you know?
- Now, tell me.
When are you and I are gonna go out, huh?
- Oh, I don't believe you've asked me yet.
- Well, I'm asking.
(laughing)
I'm asking.
- You're asking?
Are you asking too, Artie?
Don't answer that.
It'll only get me into a lot of trouble.
(laughing)
- You mean get you guys in trouble.
(laughing)
- Hey Artie, come here.
Come here.
Look, I think I solved
your problem with Monica.
Yeah, man, I know what I'm talking about.
- Since when?
- It's the garage.
That's the problem.
- Oh, maybe you're right, Reg,
maybe I should just do
it in the front room
of my parent's house, huh?
(mumbles) at the same time?
- Okay, okay.
I'm just trying to help, that's all.
- (scoffing) Jesus, next
you'll be telling me
I should be doing it in the motel.
That's crazy.
- [Reg] It's technique.
- Listen, even if Monica does go for this,
she's not gonna want you
and Wendy around to see.
- So, who's gonna be around to see?
What do you think we're coming
for anyway, you meatball?
Come on.
(gunfire blasting)
(people clamoring)
- Yeah.
- We'd like to rent two rooms please.
- How many nights?
- One, one.
Just one, but not until Friday.
- Could we see one of the rooms please?
- Okay.
105 down to the right.
(Reg cheering)
(deliberative jazz music)
- Perfect, Artie.
I'm telling you this place
is absolutely perfect.
- I don't think Monica's
gonna go for this, Reg.
- Oh, come on.
It beats your garage, doesn't it?
(Reg vocalizing)
- (sighing) Heaven.
- Enjoy magic fingers,
tingling relaxation and ease.
- Yeah.
- Try it, you'll feel great.
- Yeah.
- What's magic fingers?
- That's the icing on the cake.
Go ahead, try it out.
Go ahead.
You feel it?
- I don't feel anything.
- Oh shit, it must be broke.
- I feel something.
The bed's vibrating!
- No, no, it's not.
You're just getting excited
thinking about Friday.
I know you.
(laughing)
- What do you think a
senior in high school
should know about sex?
- You go deaf if you do it too much.
- Where did you hear
that kind of nonsense?
- Hey?
(students laughing)
- Why do we need to learn about sex?
It should just come natural.
- Natural in what way?
- Well, if a guy and a
girl like each other,
they should just do it.
- Yeah, but it's not so simple for girls.
I mean, if a guy really likes a girl,
then he should respect her
feelings, no matter what.
- Now, what you're saying is
girls are different from boys.
- Not as much as you think.
- Speak for yourself.
- Yeah, girls get migraines
if they don't keep doing it.
(students laughing)
Don't they?
(students laughing)
- Teenage sex can lead
to a lot of problems.
Emotional stress, family conflict,
unplanned pregnancies.
So each of you must ask yourself
this very important question.
Is an hour of physical pleasure
worth a lifetime of remorse?
- How do you make it last an hour?
(students laughing)
(deliberative jazz music)
(phone ringing)
- Hello?
- Hi, it's me.
Look, I was wondering,
can I borrow your skates Friday night?
Artie's taking me skating.
- Sure.
Hey, you know,
it sounds like everything's going okay.
- Yeah.
Actually though, Artie's been
acting kind of weird lately.
I think something's up.
- They call it a pocket rocket.
- No, seriously.
What do you think's the matter with him?
- Oh, it's nothing you
couldn't fix, I'm sure.
Hey, do you think my boobs
are getting any bigger?
- [Monica] Why?
- Well, I've been trying
positive thinking.
Maybe I should send away for
one of those bust developers.
- Why don't you try a padded bra?
- Oh Monica, you know
that bras give me a rash.
(upbeat rock music)
- Little do they know.
- It won't be long now.
- Hey, I'm getting kinda
excited about this.
- Really?
- I can't believe this.
I haven't skated in so long.
I don't know if I'm gonna remember how.
- I can't believe they brought us here.
I've been trying to talk
Reggie into this for ages.
- I know.
I wonder why we are here.
I mean, Artie can't skate.
- Hey, can you skate?
- Well, come on.
I can't think of everything now, can I?
Don't worry.
Don't worry, don't worry.
I'm a quick learner.
Monica looks great tonight,
you lucky bastard, you.
- You're sure in a good mood tonight.
- Well, why shouldn't I be?
I'm with the best looking
girl in the place.
(upbeat rock music)
- Come on.
- No, go ahead, go ahead.
- Come on, it's easy.
- Go ahead, go ahead.
(upbeat dance music)
- You all right?
Okay, okay.
Hey, Reg!
You help Reg.
I'm gonna go find Wendy, okay?
(upbeat dance music)
♪ You look so good tonight ♪
♪ You're looking me over all right ♪
♪ I feel so fine tonight ♪
♪ Mister right ♪
♪ You're inside right now ♪
- You guys make a nice looking couple!
- Thanks, so we've been told!
Shit!
♪ Come on and ask me to dance ♪
♪ Why don't you ask me to dance ♪
- Hey, look.
Isn't he cute?
- Little prick.
♪ 'Cause I want you tonight ♪
♪ Come on and ask me to dance ♪
♪ Come on and ask me to dance ♪
♪ I know you'll ask me to dance ♪
(upbeat dance music)
- Hey, how you doing, speed racer?
- Hey, I take this
skating awfully serious.
Don't you think so?
- Listen, man.
We better get out of here.
If we fall down again,
we're not gonna be able to get it up.
- Oh, come on,
and I was having such a great time too.
(laughing)
Hey, hey, Wendy!
Hey, Wendy!
Hey, Wendy!
(laughing)
- You were on your ass more
than on your skates tonight.
I hope you're not too sore.
- Careful, I'm a little
tender there, okay?
- You're always tender there.
(faint speaking)
- Artie.
When do you think you'll be
getting your car running?
- I don't know, in a few days maybe.
- That'll be nice.
No more doubling.
- You don't really like Reggie, do you?
- I like him.
It's just that he's so cocky sometimes.
- He means well.
- Guys,
hey, you guys.
What do you say we go grab
something to eat, huh?
- Sure.
Let's try that new place, Reg.
- Okay, all right.
Sounds great.
Well, we're there.
- New place?
(soft country music)
God.
Why did we come here?
- The fries are great.
Aren't they, Reg?
- Oh yeah, yeah, great, great.
Light me one of those, will you?
- I didn't know you smoked.
- There's a lot of things
you don't know about me, sweetheart.
- Do your Paul Henreid impression.
- Who?
- Paul Henreid.
You know who Paul Henreid is?
The old Bette Davis movie,
Paul Henreid, Now, Voyager.
The ultimate smooth, the ultimate smooth.
Paul Henreid.
You be Bette Davis.
(laughing)
(Reg humming)
(Reg coughing)
(laughing)
I think I need a little bit of air.
Go outside and grab me some.
You can come with me, Bette.
Come on.
(Reg coughing)
Come on, Bette.
- [Wendy] Hey.
- It won't be long now.
Well?
Well, come on.
- Aw, I can't.
- What do you mean, you can't?
Since when can't you?
- I got a migraine headache.
- You got a migraine headache?
I pay $30 and you get a migraine headache?
(laughing)
Whew.
You miss migraine headache.
- They sure have been gone a long time.
Think you oughta go check on him?
- Don't worry about Reg.
He can take care of himself.
Believe me.
(laughing)
- [Reg] Give her the old (mumbles).
- [Wendy] Oh, it's gone, it's gone!
My migraine headache's gone!
(upbeat pop music)
♪ Enough with your blues ♪
- You know, I wouldn't be surprised
if he took her to that motel.
I wouldn't put it past him.
- Well, so what if he did?
It's not such a big deal.
- Artie, why are we here?
- I got us a room.
- Here, for us?
- It's better than my garage, isn't it?
- Artie, how could you?
If you think you're gonna
get me to go to a motel,
you can just forget it!
And you keep those awful french fries--
- Come on, Monica!
I thought you'd like the idea!
- Like it?!
What am I supposed to like,
that I'm getting treated like a whore?!
Forget it, Artie!
- Monica!
Oh come on, Monica!
Monica, wait, wait, Monica!
Jesus, Monica!
Monica.
- I should have known
it would come to this.
It's all you ever talk about.
- Monica, really, I...
Monica.
Monica, wait, really.
- Keep your hands off me.
If you need it so bad,
why don't you go stick it in Candy Harden?
- Monica, really--
- Just leave me alone!
- Monica, what are you doing?!
- [Monica] Breaking up with you!
(somber jazz music)
- Imagine a motel
and with Reggie and Wendy there.
- Ooh, a foursome.
Sounds like it could
have some possibilities.
- Beej, it was awful.
I don't care if I ever
see Artie Mulligan again.
- Oh, you don't really mean that.
- Yes, I do.
He's hopeless.
He'll never change.
- Well maybe he doesn't have to.
- Oh, so it's all my fault now,
is that it?
- I didn't say that.
- You didn't have to.
I know you think I'm a prude.
- It's not all I think.
- What else?
- That you still love him.
- Damn.
(racket clattering)
(Reg whistling)
- Nice day, huh?
Oh, bad day, huh?
You don't have to answer.
I ain't (mumbles).
- Reggie, can I ask you a question?
- Sure, anything.
- Do you think I'm pretty?
- (sighing) You wouldn't
slug me, would you?
- I thought so.
- No, hey, wait a minute.
You maybe get out of those sweats,
do something with your hair.
You ever read Cosmopolitan?
Yeah, you know, how you dress,
that's the whole ball game.
- I don't like dresses.
- Yeah, I know what you mean.
I prefer them off rather than on myself.
Hey, Boom Boom.
What's the deal, huh?
You hung up on some dude?
- Kind of.
- No shit!
I mean, no kidding.
Who is he, huh?
- Reggie, come here.
- I gotta go.
My friend wants me.
Hey, Artie, now look,
I know you're upset.
- Shut up, Reg!
- [Reg] Honest to god, if I thought--
- Knock it off!
(clattering)
If you don't can it, I'm gonna hit you.
I should,
but it was my own fucking fault.
- That's right.
- That's not right.
- That's not right.
- Works every time.
What a crock of shit.
- Yeah, yeah, it was really hair-brained.
- Yeah, you could say that again.
- Look Artie, hey,
what do you say we go out
and we really tie one on tonight, huh?
Anywhere you want to go, any place.
- Aw, what the hell?
Sure, why not?
- All right, that's more like it.
And you know,
things really aren't as bad as they seem.
- Reg.
- The way I look at it,
your sex life's got to improve.
(Artie groaning)
Girls, where are you
when we need you, huh?!
(upbeat dance music)
Hey, hey, Artie,
you know how you can tell if
a girl's wearing pantyhose?
- No, how, Reg?
- Because when she
farts, her ankles bulge.
(Reg vocalizing)
(Artie laughing)
Holy shit, Artie.
Hey, look what's next to you.
- Hi.
You girls wearing pantyhose?
- What?
- Oh, nevermind.
Listen, you want to drink some beer?
- Not exactly.
- Well, what do you want to do then?
- Follow us.
Maybe you'll find out.
(cheering)
- Hit it, Reg!
- I got dibs on the one with the sweater.
- I got dibs on the one without.
Come on, faster!
(laughing)
(upbeat rock music)
- Which one do you want?
I like the one with the dark hair.
- I can't believe it.
Why hasn't it been this easy before?
- Shut up, man, shut up.
Give them some credit.
They know a couple of studs
when they see 'em, come on.
(Artie laughing)
- I'll take the one in the white.
(laughing)
- Hi.
- Hi.
- I'm Reggie and that's my friend Artie.
- Hi.
- Hi.
- Hi, Artie.
- Aren't you cold, like a little bit?
- No, actually I'm hot.
(upbeat rock music)
- Let's get in the back.
(upbeat rock music)
- Mind if I have one of those?
- No, I'll get you one.
- Thank you.
(Artie laughing)
- So, you sure you don't want a beer?
- No.
I don't want a beer.
(Artie laughing)
- Let's fuck.
(beer can clattering)
- Why don't we just get rid of this, okay?
(upbeat rock music)
♪ I'm out fighting on the street ♪
♪ And you can make me do anything ♪
♪ Swear I'm crazy ♪
♪ Yeah, I'm crazy for your love ♪
♪ I'm out of control ♪
♪ I'm out of control ♪
♪ You got the power ♪
♪ You got the power over my soul ♪
♪ To do what you want to do ♪
♪ Take me any place you want me to ♪
♪ I'm out of control ♪
♪ I'm out of control with you ♪
- Hey, Artie!
Artie!
Artie, this girl's got balls!
This girl's got balls!
(Artie spitting)
- God damn.
(Artie coughing)
God, he had his tongue in my mouth!
- What a pity.
That's a real shame.
I had mine in his!
(Artie coughing)
- Think we should get
some Drano instead, huh?
(laughing)
- All right.
Okay, what do we do now?
Where do we go?
- I don't know, Reg.
I'm tired.
Let's just call it a night, huh?
- Call it a night?
What, are you crazy?
The night's young.
We've got fresh breath!
(Artie laughing)
Cheer up.
Look at that.
Female mud wrestling.
You ever been to female mud wrestling?
- No, no, no, Reggie, no.
- Oh, come on!
They couldn't have balls.
Come on.
- Oh, shoot.
(Artie spitting)
No, Reg.
How are we gonna get in?
- Looks good, Artie.
(faint speaking)
- [Artie] Get in there.
It's mud wrestling theater one.
- Yo!
Okay, home free.
Come on.
Come on, get the lead outta your ass.
- Wait, I can't.
Reggie, it's not gonna--
- Artie, Artie.
Holy shit, get the lead outta your ass.
- [Scarlet] Hey, what are
you punks doing in here?
- [Reg] We're just checking the plumbing.
- Everything looks fine.
- Yeah, it looks great.
- Get out!
- What now?
- (mumbles) 21.
- [Announcer] And now in their third week
as middle weight champ,
our very own Miss Scarlet O'Fever!
(audience applauding)
(upbeat pop music)
(audience applauding
drowning out speaking)
- Would you or wouldn't you?
- What, screw her?
Even in the mud.
- Me too.
- Sweet.
(audience applauding)
- Let's give a round of applause
for this Scarlet O'Fever.
Give her a round of applause.
Let's hear it for her.
(audience applauding)
Okay.
(audience applauding)
All right, there are three magic words.
What are the three magic words?
(audience chanting)
On your knees, girls.
Let's get ready for wrestling.
Here they go.
Ooh.
(audience applauding)
The referees are ready,
the girls are ready,
I'm ready.
Let's start wrestling!
(audience applauding
drowning out speaking)
Time is running out on the clock.
(audience applauding
drowning out speaking)
Nobody in control.
Scarlet, Scarlet in control.
Scarlet on top.
(audience applauding
drowning out speaking)
Scarlet's on the bottom,
Scarlet's on the bottom!
(audience applauding
drowning out speaking)
No choking, no choking!
No choking!
Come on, girls.
(audience applauding
drowning out speaking)
Scarlet on top.
(cheering)
- Those wieners busted in!
(audience clamoring)
(upbeat pop music)
(students laughing)
- Well now, Betty Joe, you're almost 13,
and well, it's about
time we had a little talk
about the birds and the bees.
- Sick, mom.
You mean sex?
- Yes, sex, and love, and...
You're gonna be going
out with boys pretty soon
and then they're gonna try
to do some really nasty things to you.
- Really?
- Mm-hmm.
- Like what?
- Well, remember when we
used to go to the zoo?
Remember that?
And the monkeys would
lay on top of each other
and move their little
hineys back and forth?
Remember?
- Mom, that's sick.
Does that have anything to do
with those disgusting noises
you and dad make at night?
- Yes.
- And in the morning?
- Yes.
- And in the afternoon?
- Yes, yes!
Your mother and father just
love each other very much, dear.
- Yeah, right, mom.
Sounds more like elephants
to me than monkeys.
- Oh come on, dear.
Your father's not that big.
- Okay, that's enough.
Role playing is supposed to
help us become more sensitive
to another person's feelings.
Now obviously, some
people are beyond help.
(students laughing)
- Come on, Mr. Stevens.
I mean, who ever heard of your parents
talking to you about sex anyway?
- Yeah.
The only thing my folks ever did
was lay a book about VD next to my bed.
- Yeah, and when you can't
read, what good's that?
(students laughing)
- Hey, Weis.
- Yes, Elmer?
- How would you like me to
slam dunk your big mouth?
- Not even a little bit, Elmer.
I mean, Bronk.
- Okay, hold it down, you two.
Now, how many of you have parents
who have talked to you about sex?
Candy, was it anything like
you've seen up here today?
- No.
My mom just said it's
a man's world out there
and a girl oughta do what she
can to keep her man happy,
and I quite agree.
♪ The moon looks like a red balloon ♪
(phone ringing)
- Yeah, Reg.
- [Candy] Hi, Artie.
- Who's this?
- [Candy] Guess.
- I can't guess.
Come on, tell me, who is it?
- [Candy] Won't you make
just one little guess?
- Candy?
- [Candy] (laughing) Finally.
- I'm sorry, I was thinking
about something else.
- Oh, you were doing
your homework, I suppose.
- (laughing) Right.
No, actually I'm just lying here on my bed
listening to the radio.
So, what are you doing?
- Oh, I'm just lying on my
bed listening to the radio
and thinking about you.
Artie, why don't you come over?
- To your house?
- Well, if you want to.
- [Artie] You mean we could?!
I mean...
- Why don't you just come over?
(upbeat jazz music)
(knocking on door)
- Hi.
- You got here so fast.
I'm not ready yet.
- There's something I want to show you.
(horn blaring)
(upbeat jazz music)
(knocking on door)
- Hi.
- I thought you'd never get here.
You don't know how long
I've waited for this moment.
Oh, I've been dying to do that
ever since I first saw you.
(zipper unzipping)
And there's another thing
I've been dying to do.
(upbeat jazz music)
(trash cans clattering)
(upbeat jazz music)
(knocking on door)
- Hi.
- What the fuck are you doing here?
Well?
- Candy asked me to come over
and help her with her homework.
But I can see that maybe
tonight's not the best time,
so I'll just see you tomorrow
in class, Candy, huh?
- Wait a minute.
That's bullshit,
Mulligan, and you know it.
- Get your hand off me.
- Bronk, stop it.
Artie didn't do anything.
Come on back in here this instant.
- You're lucky, Mulligan.
But if I ever see you
even look at her again,
you'll get very unlucky.
(door slamming)
- Hi, Artie.
Busy?
- Yeah, a little.
- [BJ] How you doing?
- All right.
- [BJ] So what you been up to these days?
- Oh, the usual.
(clattering)
Look, Betty Joe,
Monica came and asked
you to talk to me, right?
- So what if she did?
- Well, just tell to forget it.
I'm not gonna have her hanging me up.
- She doesn't even know I'm here.
Hey listen, Artie,
I'm having a party Saturday night
and I want you to come.
- [Artie] Monica's gonna be there, right?
- Oh, Artie.
You two guys belong
together and you know it.
- BJ, do me a favor, all right?
Hand me that screwdriver.
(soft pop music)
(water splashing)
- This feels so good.
- Candy, are you
daydreaming about (mumbles)?
- Such filthy mind.
Look at Monica.
You'd never hear anything
like that outta her.
- You mean like calling somebody a slut?
No, I'd never say anything like that.
- What did I do?
- I think it's more what nature did.
Cocktails anyone?
- Uh-huh.
- Yeah.
(faint speaking)
- Hey, are you ready to party?
Ta-da!
- Wow, if they had all
this stuff in chemistry,
I'd never cut class.
- [BJ] Now just remember
the party tonight.
We have to be able to stand up.
- Oh, speak for yourself.
- No, really.
We have to be adults and everything.
- Look at this book!
Zombie, Freddy Fuddpucker?
Kamikaze, what is that?
- I don't think a couple
of Harvey Wallbangers
would hurt anybody.
- What is this?
Talk dirty to me?
- Candy.
(Candy laughing)
That was supposed to be
a surprise for later.
- A porno film?
BJ, you're awful.
- Well, if you don't
want to see it, Monica.
- Well, I didn't say that.
- Pardon.
Front row center, ladies.
- [Actress On TV] Becomes so hot.
I want to touch it.
(moaning)
- How does she do that?
- Oh god, it's so big.
(moaning)
Want to talk dirty to me
like you did to that girl on the phone?
(moaning)
- All this sex stuff is so confusing.
How do they learn all
those positions and things?
- Hours and hours of practice.
- When are the guys coming over anyway?
(upbeat rock music)
(water splashing)
- Roger, I'd like you to meet
my closest friend in the whole wide world,
Monica Carr.
- Hello.
I'm Roger Jackson.
- Hi.
Betty Joe tells me you're a songwriter.
- Among other things.
You and BJ classmates?
- Yeah.
- We can't wait to graduate.
You know, high school
is really just for kids.
- Depends on what you mean by kids.
- [Female Speaker] BJ, we're out of ice.
- Those idiots.
Excuse me, you two.
- Tell me about your songwriting.
- Look it, you want to dance?
- Okay.
- Come on.
We'll talk later.
- Hey, fuck you, Bronk.
(water splashing)
- Hey, watch it, you big ape!
- What's the matter, I get you wet?
It looks like you have
to take your top off now.
(laughing)
- Wouldn't you love that?
- Ooh, you bet your sweet ass.
Now, come on.
What are you waiting for?
- Hey, Bronk,
why do you offer to play
chef's hat with her?
She loves that.
- Yeah?
- Yeah.
- Now, it's your turn.
- No way, Jose.
- Hey, hey!
Weis, I'm gonna kill you!
- All right, would everybody please rise
while we raise the Chinese flag?
- You're dead, (mumbles).
You're dead!
(soft pop music)
- Hi, Artie.
- Hi, Artie.
- What's going on?
♪ Looks like a red balloon ♪
♪ The radio is playing sexy tunes ♪
♪ Oh baby, me and you ♪
- Hi, Artie.
- Oh, hi.
- Oh, listen, I'm sorry
about the other night.
- Oh yeah, I'm sorry about that too.
- I'll make it up to you later.
Let's dance, Artie.
- Boyfriend trouble?
- Is it that obvious?
- Give me my pants!
(people chanting)
You're dead, you asshole!
You're dead!
Weis, I'm gonna kill you!
♪ The night so warm ♪
♪ It fits like a glove ♪
♪ And there's no time like now ♪
♪ Making love ♪
(people applauding)
(upbeat rock music)
- Would you take me home please, Roger?
(upbeat rock music)
(people chanting)
- Oh, below the belt.
Ooh, below the belt again!
- You're a dead man!
That does it!
(audience applauding)
- Told you I'd get you, you little punk!
A little water!
- Let him up!
Bronk, you son of a bitch!
Let him up!
(people chattering)
- Can you swim?
Can you swim, huh?
Really funny now, aren't you?
- Bronk, let him down!
Bronk, come on!
You can't do that!
- Find it funny, you little asshole!
(people chattering)
- Bronk, don't drown him!
Bronk!
- You think that's funny, huh?
- Let him up, you asshole!
- Get down, get down!
- Let him up!
- Get down there!
Get down, get down, get down!
- Bronk?
Where's Candy?
Huh, where's Candy?
Where's Candy?
Where's Candy?
- Candy.
(upbeat rock music)
Candy.
Candy.
Candy!
(upbeat rock music)
You and Weis are a couple of assholes!
- Well?
- I'm sorry, Roger.
I'm so embarrassed by all this.
- Look, just don't let it get you down.
Personally, I think he's a
jerk for letting you get away.
- Thanks for being so nice.
- Would you like to see me again?
- I'd like to,
but I'd better not.
- I'd like to see you very much.
Have you ever been to a
music recording session?
- No.
- You doing anything Saturday?
- No.
- Would you like to go to one?
- All right.
- Good.
Pick you up at noon.
- Okay.
I'd better go in now.
- Okay.
(romantic orchestral music)
- Thanks for the lift!
(romantic orchestral music)
- Can you believe that
about Monica and Roger?
- [Female Speaker] I know.
- [Female Speaker] You know
what else happened that night?
- BJ, why are you avoiding me?
What's the matter?!
- You have the nerve to
ask me what's the matter?
What's the matter with you?
You're supposed to be my
best friend, remember?
- It's Roger.
That's what this is all about?
- Oh please don't give me the
little innocent girl routine.
You were supposed to be
with Artie that night
or didn't you get that straight?
- Well apparently Artie didn't agree.
- Oh, so you just latched onto Roger?
How very convenient.
- [Monica] He took me home.
That's all.
- Did he ask you out?
- None of your business.
- Well, good luck, prick tease.
- You're bigger than I thought.
- Boom Boom?
- You didn't recognize me, did you?
- What do you want?
- Want to party.
- [Bronk] With me?
- You got it, big boy.
- When?
- [Boom Boom] Tonight.
- You're on.
You want to shower first?
- I'm not dirty.
- You better be.
- No shit.
- Mm-hmm.
- You mean Candy asked you to the dance?
(laughing)
(vocalizing)
Hey, whoa, wait,
what about King Kong, huh?
- Fuck him!
- What about Monica?
- What is this, 20 questions?
- Well, I don't know, I don't know.
It just seems like (mumbles)
over with you two, I don't know.
- Smart thinking, Einstein.
Yeah, it's me and Candy now.
God, I can still feel
her pressing against me.
- Hey, we're gonna double, right?
- You wish.
I'll have my own wheels by then.
- Oh come on, I could chauffeur,
keep the old hands free. (laughing)
Want me to light that?
- You're late.
- Thought I'd better
fortify myself a little.
The scene with you could
get a little hairy.
- Thought you're an athlete.
- Second favorite sport.
(can crumpling)
Your name really Boom Boom?
- Your name really Bronk?
- Are you for real?
- What do you think?
(soft jazz music)
(moaning)
(urine streaming)
(Bronk burping)
- All right, get out.
(mumbles)
- I'm not letting you outta my sight.
- Listen, get out!
Out!
Out the door.
Hey, thanks for breaking my fucking seat.
(engine revving)
(somber jazz music)
- Charming.
(upbeat rock music)
♪ The girl wield temperature ♪
♪ With her hands on her hips ♪
♪ There's fire in her eyes ♪
♪ And desire on her lips ♪
♪ And there's emotion you hope ♪
♪ It's a dive you have met ♪
♪ The girl's so damn good at being bad ♪
♪ She say you remind her ♪
♪ Of some guy in France ♪
♪ Who plays blues on the sax ♪
♪ And he taught her romance ♪
♪ And then she'll brush up against you ♪
♪ And you'll make you feel that ♪
♪ The girl's so damn good at being bad ♪
♪ 'Cause she's a bad ♪
♪ She's a bad, bad girl ♪
♪ But you know bad girl ♪
♪ She's so good at being bad ♪
♪ Yeah, she's a bad ♪
♪ She's a bad, bad girl ♪
♪ But you need that girl ♪
♪ She's a bad, bad girl ♪
- Would you like a glass of wine?
- Yeah, thank you.
- Okay.
Make yourself at home.
I'll be right back.
- You have a nice apartment.
Must be terribly expensive.
- It is.
I find it comfortable.
- Keeping it together.
You wrote that?
- Mm-hmm.
It's my first big hit.
It pays the rent.
At least it used to.
- I'd love to hear more
of your songs sometime.
- It's a deal.
But right now, let's talk about you.
(glasses clinking)
So, let's see.
You go to Whitfield High,
you're on the rebound from your boyfriend,
and you got great eyes.
Great lips too.
(romantic orchestral music)
What's the matter?
Afraid I might seduce you?
- You're doing a pretty
good job of it so far.
- So why stop?
I want to make love to you.
Wrong thing to say, huh?
- It's just a little bit too soon.
- When you feel right,
it's never too soon.
Relax.
We'll both know when you're ready.
- There's a Sadie Hawkins dance next week.
Will you go with me?
- You mean one of those straw hats,
corn cob pipe, bib overalls things?
- Yeah.
- Yeah, I'll go.
I just make take advantage
of you, you know.
(upbeat rock music)
♪ I used to give my heart away ♪
♪ At the slightest touch ♪
♪ But being reckless in the night ♪
♪ Never came to much ♪
♪ So if it seems I'm hesitating ♪
♪ Just say what I need ♪
♪ Maybe it's because I'm waiting ♪
♪ For you to say to me ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Love or nothing at all ♪
- Hi, Monica.
- Hi.
Hi.
- Hi.
- You sure look sweet.
Don't you just love
wearing clothes like this?
- You look pretty good.
- How you doing?
- Okay.
- Oh, you're with him.
You know, Monica,
for a minute there,
I thought you'd come all by yourself.
- Roger, this is Candy.
- Hi.
- Hi.
You were at BJ's party, right?
- That's right.
- I'm Artie Mulligan.
- Yeah, I know.
I haven't been to a Sadie Hawkins dance
since I was in high school.
- Must have been a long time ago.
- Yeah, a few years.
Hey, you want to dance?
- Okay.
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Give me love ♪
♪ Love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's gonna take more
pressing against me ♪
♪ If you want to convince me ♪
♪ You got what I want ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
♪ It's love or nothing at all ♪
(upbeat country music)
(audience clapping)
(upbeat country music)
- Got for it, go for it!
(audience clapping)
(upbeat country music)
Yeehaw!
(audience cheering)
(upbeat country music)
♪ I thought I had it all thought out ♪
♪ That getting you would be so easy ♪
♪ Other ones would work their charm ♪
♪ And wouldn't let your memory tease me ♪
♪ But knowing you, I should have known ♪
♪ I just can't leave your love alone ♪
♪ Making time's just making due ♪
- [Male Speaker] Ride 'em, Candy!
Ride 'em, girl!
♪ I'm still in love with loving you ♪
(upbeat country music)
(Bronk burping)
(can clattering)
♪ She can wet her lips
and shake her hips ♪
Kick it up, Candy, kick it up.
♪ And stir up everyone's desire ♪
♪ But thoughts of you
keep slipping through ♪
♪ And setting my old heart on fire ♪
♪ And knowing you, I should have known ♪
♪ I just can't leave your love alone ♪
♪ Making's time just making due ♪
♪ I'm still in love with loving you ♪
(audience clapping)
(upbeat country music)
♪ I thought I had it all thought out ♪
♪ That smile of yours
would never faze me ♪
♪ But here we are and here I go ♪
♪ One look of you can drive me crazy ♪
♪ And knowing you, I should have known ♪
♪ I just can't leave your love alone ♪
♪ Making time's just making due ♪
♪ I'm still in love with loving you ♪
♪ Loving you, yeah ♪
- All right, Mulligan.
Let's go.
- You're drunk.
Get outta here.
- Pussy.
Are you coming with me
or am I gonna have to
kick your ass right here?
- Okay, let's go, Elmo.
I'm getting sick of your bullshit anyway.
(whistling)
(upbeat country music)
- [Male Speaker] You got
it, baby, you got it!
(whistling)
(upbeat country music)
- I'm gonna enjoy this.
- Just take your best shot, Elmer.
- I'm gonna murder you for that.
- Hey, Bronk.
Remember me?
- Yeah, I remember you.
(deliberative jazz music)
What the hell do you want?
- I'm really gonna enjoy this.
(Bronk groaning)
- [Female Speaker] Get the rope on him.
(muffled speaking)
Get him in.
(muffled speaking)
(soft pop music)
- Hey, where'd you go?
You missed my dance.
- Oh, what a shame.
- Oh, well, that's okay.
I'll just have to do it again
for you when we're all alone.
- Candy, find someone else to be sexy for.
You're dancing with my girl.
- Yeah, I guess you're right.
- Hey, what is this?
- Oh well.
You know, I've been
telling Artie for a year
that they were meant for each other,
but no, he wouldn't listen to me.
I said, Artie, you gotta
have patience with this girl,
but all he thinks about is sex.
You know, if a girl
doesn't put out with Artie
on the first day right away,
you know, he's not interested in it.
But there they go, sure enough.
I knew it.
I knew it all along.
Maybe now, he'll listen to me more.
What do you think?
- Peckerhead.
(soft pop music)
- Boy, what a night, huh?
- It's probably the best night of my life.
- Monica, I want to
apologize for everything.
I want you to know that.
And Candy was just...
Candy was...
What are you doing?
- Artie Mulligan, you big dope.
Will you just shut up and kiss me?
- That was a good idea.
- I've got a better idea.
- Yeah?
- Let's go all the way.
♪ And there's no time like now ♪
♪ Night's so warm ♪
♪ It fits like a glove ♪
♪ And there's no time like now ♪
(engine rumbling)
(upbeat jazz music)
♪ Those heartaches we've known ♪
♪ Are a thing of the past now ♪
♪ We're moving ahead ♪
♪ And we're moving fast now ♪
♪ The night is shining ♪
♪ The clouds are scattered ♪
♪ And you and me, baby ♪
♪ We're all that matters ♪
♪ We're going all the way, all the way ♪
♪ We've got love to show us how ♪
♪ We're going all the way, all the way ♪
♪ There is nothing that can stop us now ♪
♪ No more hearing a new horizon ♪
♪ Nothing can keep our star from rising ♪
♪ We're going all the way ♪