Gloves Off (2017) - full transcript
This is the story of Doug, a fantastic fighter but not so fantastic businessman, who must save his beloved gym by training a gentle giant for a bare-knuckle fight.
Subtitles by explosiveskull
Goes
on and on and on.
Can I speak
to Mr. Evans, please?
Officer on deck!
Douglas, Douglas Evans?
What can I do
for you gentlemen?
Giles Templar.
I hope you don't mind,
couple of my colleagues
were talking about this place.
I thought I'd come
and take a look.
I've done a bit of the old
white collar boxing, you know.
No, no, I'm pretty
bloody handy, actually.
Well, if you wanna join,
it's 40 quid a month.
God, no.
No, I work out at
the Third Space.
Zumba, Pilates, hot yoga.
I want to fight.
Doesn't work like that, mate.
You can't just
walk in and fight.
Oh, I think I can.
No, you can't.
There's rules for
your own safety.
Don't worry about
my safety, old boy.
I'm from Bloodstone
Corporate Finance.
Big Hug?
No thanks, YMCA's up the road.
No, Big Hug Payday Loans.
Listen, I don't care
if you're Barney the
fricking dinosaur.
Rules are rules for good reason.
See,
I work for Big Hug, hmm?
We're going to own this place.
You know, collateral.
Loan default.
You're making some assumptions
there, aren't you, cowboy?
Well, I can keep the wolf away
for a little bit,
freeze the interest.
I just wanna have some fun.
Fun?
It's not your plaything.
And you can button your flies.
I can close you in hours.
Get back to it!
That's two minutes.
Oi!
Look, I'm not
some bloody child.
I can bloody scrap, actually.
This ain't that.
Just give me a
little taster now
and I'll buy you
a couple of weeks.
Get your piggy bank in order.
Months, then?
I can do that, it's easy for me.
I can help you.
Or not.
Need a sparring
partner, captain?
I'm not
fighting that thing.
What's your name?
Um, Rupert, Roopie.
- Or Roop.
- You're a witness.
This man waived all his rights.
He walked in here and directly
challenged Albert to a fight.
Albert, glove up!
This is ridiculous.
It's that or nothing, cowboy.
Just don't get clever with him.
- Easy, yeah?
- Go on, Gi.
Show them what you can do.
Keep it tight
now, Albert, son!
Come on!
Go easy on him, just
wanna tire him out a bit.
Oh, yes,
come on, Albert!
Okay, you both know the rules.
Box.
Let's see what he's
got, huh?
Yeah.
That's it, cover up!
He's punching fresh air, Albert!
Left, left!
And then the old Haymaker!
Unleash the Gi bomb!
Come on, Albert!
He's all over the
place, that's it!
You could beat
him one-handed, Albert!
Okay, Albert,
big one now, come on!
Come on!
- Oi!
- Yeah!
He's knocked
out, knocked out!
Yay, go on, Albert!
Hello, sailor!
Now, you can take your Gi
bomb and your Roopie and fuck.
And that wasteman thought
he was bare hype, you know.
Spitting lyrics about Pilates.
What's this Pilates, fam?
Yeah, it's kinda raw, still.
But man like Albert
had him on lockdown, G.
OG status, you done though.
Reach me, cuz.
All right, safe, G, yeah,
I'm a bounce, still.
Hold it, innit.
I'm a check my boys.
Gonna break the internet,
G, know what I'm saying?
Jeez!
Hey, yo Carlos!
Wagwan, G!
What did he just say?
- Hey.
- No idea.
I just left the
gym, yeah, check this, yeah.
Oh, Albert, I,
um, I forgot the,
turn off the thing
in the back, yeah?
I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?
Yeah, yeah, sure.
Are we, uh, are we in
bother then, captain?
What?
Well, I heard
'em talking about,
you know, loans and stuff.
No, just, um, some
over-privileged prick
thinks having a few quid
makes him a superhero.
That's all.
We showed him though,
didn't we, captain?
You showed him, Albert.
You did.
Taffy would be
proud, you know.
Yeah, that's all we
want, isn't it, eh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Night, captain.
Be lucky, Albert.
Are you, Taff?
Are you proud?
I'm trying to keep
it going, Taff.
Really, I am.
Could do with a sign here, mate.
Let me know I'm not
pissing in the wind.
You could just use the door.
Old habits.
Smoked salmon and cream
cheese, crayfish and rocket.
Do you know if you don't
wash for six weeks,
then your hair and your skin
develop their own
cleansing system?
Doesn't work, you honk.
New York.
Mm.
Showers haven't moved.
Give it three more days,
and I'll smell like an
alpine flower meadow.
Brian turns the
bout into a real go around,
but he almost got
schooled by the shot.
What gives?
Still the
champion at the final gong.
Miss my daughter.
Where is she?
Somewhere in Europe.
That's a pretty big haystack.
I got more air
miles than Stelios.
Trouble
from the first round on.
Her mum was quite
a looker, you know.
So, what happened?
Found a richer bloke, shagged
her way into First Class,
disappeared back behind
the Iron Curtain.
Four points.
With your daughter?
Whew, still, Taffy left you
a wonderful legacy though.
And the unpaid gambling
debt that went with it.
Yeah, still, that's all
been paid off now, eh?
Brian
O'Shea, a right cross.
- Oh.
- Tangles with
defending champ.
Things
could be worse.
I've got this terrible rash
on me arse and me teeth hurt!
Shower!
Blocked only
twice, they might rally.
Chin down.
Move those feet, fucker.
Hey, it's bait, it's bait!
Albert gave him
that night nurse, G!
- Come on, Albert!
- What are you two
laughing about?
Hey, I'm just
showing Mick, innit.
Our OG went ham!
Don't be showing anybody that!
You're gonna get
me in more bother!
I'm sick of telling him!
All right, leave it, G.
Mick ain't gonna trip and
turn snitch like a bitch.
Hey, I checked on Albert, innit.
Upper cut, head top clip, pow!
What's your name, son?
Donny.
You looking to train, Donny?
Been playing on
the computer, iPad?
Can't
afford one of those.
So, why do you
wanna box, Donny?
Um, well, some
of my uncles do it.
And, uh, I wanna honor
the family, you know.
Mm, yeah.
You know it's hard,
don't you, Donny?
It's not like telly.
And the Xbox doesn't
punch you in the gob.
There's no tougher sport.
Ballet.
What?
What?
Ballet's a bitch.
Can you skip?
Your world is now divided
into three-minute chunks.
Everything you do
takes three minutes.
Eat, read, work.
Sleep?
Not sleep.
Blink?
No, that would,
look, you need to
get used to working
in three-minute bursts.
Like washing up.
We've done that now.
Oh.
Look, you train and fight
in three-minute bursts,
so just get used
to understanding
what three minutes feels like.
Uh, you boil an
egg in three minutes.
Skip.
Yeah.
Just so you know, mate,
that's not skipping.
It wasn't like that.
Someone's messed
with the footage.
Come on, Albert!
He's all over the place!
- That's it!
- Go on, Gi.
I believe in you!
All right
him one-handed, Albert!
Okay, Albert,
big one now, come on!
Come on!
Keep swinging!
Where have you been?
Unleashing a Gi bomb?
Sorry.
Someone's put the
fight on YouTube.
Get me the file.
Yeah.
Good grip.
That'll do, off you go.
Officer on deck!
Still here then?
Uh, yeah.
He's a trier, captain.
Hasn't let go of the rope
since you were called away.
- Mm.
- I think we might
have a champion in
the club at last.
Show us your progress then.
Okay.
Remember what I said.
Yeah.
- Ready?
- Mm-hmm.
I'm sorry, son.
Don't worry, son,
it's only practice.
It's only practice.
Champion?
Would I be able to take
the rope home and practice?
That's a leather rope.
It's been in this gym
since Noah was a lad.
Have you any idea the blood
and sweat that's seen?
The honor it deserves?
Champions have made
weight on that rope.
It's part of the
very DNA of this gym.
Sorry, I wasn't thinking.
Sorry.
♪ I don't wanna just say, yeah ♪
♪ Straight through the heart ♪
♪ I ain't good without you ♪
All right.
Take it home and practice.
Thank you, Mr. Captain?
♪ I ain't good ♪
Name's Doug.
I'm not a captain.
♪ I know they
can't be that way ♪
♪ I don't wanna just say, yeah ♪
You did well, son.
I just wanna say thanks, sir.
That kid, you made his week.
You are a captain.
You're a captain to
me, the other lads.
That's all.
Thanks, Albert.
You silly old bugger.
Well, I'm going
the other way, so.
Night, captain.
Be lucky, mate.
Too old for this.
Christ on a bike.
For a homeless dude,
you've got more blubber
than a blooming humpback.
The milk of human kindness.
Asparagus and cream cheese.
Absolutely delicious.
But beware, the breakdown
of sulfuric compounds
can cause a profusion of
varied, pungent malodor!
Smelly weewee.
Happy birthday, friend.
Ta-da!
Oh, boy, Christ, that's rank.
There's bogs in the back.
Dirty, no-good,
double die piss balling,
arse wiping liberty
taking clowns!
No, Dad!
I need that!
And I need a new pair of legs.
We're both knackered.
- Ah, ah, ah, ah!
- I got a few
- pennies left, Dougie.
- Ah, ah, ah, ooh!
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
How much do you need?
Don't tell these, otherwise
they're gonna nick it.
Dad, you've already
given me your pension.
I can't do anything,
it just has to go down.
Oh, damn this pansy-arsed,
new age, muesli, yoga bullshit!
Take me home, Dougie.
Please, take me home.
There is no home, Dad.
It's just me and the gym.
The gym's run out of steam.
There's no money.
I took out loans to
pay for this place.
Put the gym up as collateral
and now I can't pay it back.
Silly old sod.
Come on, no pain, no gain.
That's it, come on!
One, two.
Put some effort in!
Hey, hey, hey!
What have I told ya?
Pack it in!
Captain on deck.
Yo, yo, bruv.
Who's that piff ting, G?
Join in, blud.
Yeah, is Doug here?
Um, we came to talk about
the forms and stuff.
He's behind you.
Oh, um, Mum, this is Doug.
He's the boss.
Hi Doug, I'm
Vera, Donny's mum.
I've come to sign some forms.
Dad?
Sorry?
It's usually dad.
- Oh, yeah.
- Sorry.
Uh, I haven't seen a woman.
I mean I haven't, you know,
not, you know.
Women don't normally like it.
Mums, that is.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I was just in the.
Is that where the forms are?
No, no, no.
Shit!
Sorry, the language.
Oh, God, what is that?
That's, uh,
leather conditioner.
Yeah, yeah, uh, we use it on
the bags and all the gloves.
Smells
like rotten eggs.
Yeah, well, that's
the chemicals.
- Right.
- God.
It does smell like rotten eggs.
Rotten eggs and
piss.
Well, don't wanna waste it.
No, no, no, no.
We've already done everything.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
That's why it was there.
I want my hands
tough like leather.
Fight the burn!
Do us a favor, Mick.
Right, forms.
Double jab.
Right cross.
Double jab.
That's it.
- Time.
- Dads usually do this,
is what I meant.
You know, mums are
a bit squeamish.
Not me, I've been around
fighting all me life.
Oh, sorry.
It's a tradition.
Oh.
Does, uh, Donny's dad fight?
Haven't got a clue, I
ain't seen him for years.
Oh, sorry.
No, I'm glad,
he's a right wanker.
How much is it?
It's, uh, 20 quid a,
no, I'm not gonna
take your money.
Why, what do you mean?
I don't think I'm gonna
be around for much longer.
You know there are
people you can talk to?
What?
Well, Samaritans and
drugs, they can help.
I'm not gonna top meself.
Just don't use a gun, it's
not as neat as people think.
It's not like that.
Look.
Donny's a good kid.
I'll get him started,
help set him up,
so he can find another gym.
They, they won't be as
friendly as this place,
but I'll get him ready.
It's such a shame though.
Donny loved it yesterday.
Albert teaching him to skip.
He's awkward, shy.
I was just hoping
this would help.
He said his uncles fight.
I'm gonna go then.
Oh, uh,
will you be back?
What for?
And thanks.
It's a shame, but I'm just
gonna have to find another gym.
Maybe you won't have to.
Be lucky, then.
47 grand in seven days.
Are you sure?
It's not addressed to
someone else, a relative or...
It's addressed to us
but with his name on.
47 stacks, fam.
Ain't no man gonna raise
gwala like that, you get me?
I was in the shower all
afternoon, I'm spotless.
Oi, check this though, yeah.
I'll get my posse
involved, innit.
Huh, Riz, behave
your bloody self.
We know there's no posse.
Bumbaclart!
Look, there's no smell.
Can't I just come in?
Sponsorship?
Nobody's interested
in boxing anymore.
They'd all rather play it
on their game console,
wouldn't they?
And that's where the
sponsorship is, isn't it?
I've got the, uh, WBO world
champ '16 in the house.
What, not for me, for the kids!
They're too young for our game!
God.
I don't know what I'd
do without the gym.
It's everything.
It's everything to
all of us, isn't it?
I couldn't be alone with
Marjorie in the house for a week.
Be the death of me.
Look, I used Dettol and a
scrubbing brush, for God's sake!
Brilliant.
♪ Once I leave the house ♪
Night.
Is Doug a good fighter?
The best.
Awesome, and I mean awesome.
Doesn't fight now though.
After Taffy.
Why, what happened?
I'm coming in.
So, Doug's the most promising
pro middleweight in London.
Taffy used to own the gym.
A legend.
He trained Doug.
Doug's warm up fight, before
he goes for European title,
Taffy has a heart
attack ringside.
Dead.
No.
Beat.
Yeah, when Taffy died,
he left Dougie the gym
in his will, didn't he.
Yeah.
So overnight, he went from a
boxing hero to a businessman,
and well, could have been a
champ though, couldn't he, eh?
Could have been a great champ.
He's a proud man.
And do you think
he'd ever fight again?
You have never experienced
the liberation of
unbridled micturition.
The what?
It's like being
at one with nature.
It's an expression of
masculinity, of territory.
You're saying, I reject
your civilization.
I reject your sanitation.
I choose.
You pissed in a slop bucket
because you couldn't be
arsed to walk to the bog.
You're a sloth.
I am marking
territory, old socks.
Doesn't matter anyway.
Women like that
can pick and choose
and a used up fighter
with massive debt
wouldn't even make the not
in a thousand years list.
Oh, come on now, you
know how to treat a woman.
I thought so.
I did all right in my day.
Oh, you're still the
same guy you always were.
Sure, there's a bit more fat.
Okay, the virility is declined.
You, you, you, you
craved her every day,
sometimes every hour.
But now, once a week
seems like an effort,
and the face has sagged
and the onset of bitch
tits seems inevitable,
but all you've got to
look forward to is a...
You don't bloody wash
and you piss wherever
the urge takes you.
You're like a stray dog.
I am a wolf.
End of the 13th.
Well, I'm buggered.
After too many
years of celibacy,
savage ex-wife that swore
me off women for life,
I've finally found
the woman of my dreams
who thinks I'm a basket case.
That looks good.
I was saving this
for a celebration.
Down
with Polk all over him.
Maybe when I saw
my daughter again,
but that's not bloody
likely.
Cook might win
this fight by a wide margin.
He's trying to hold on.
Last few seconds
of the final round,
sees Vasilio hanging on.
Don't you have a cup?
Then
it was all around.
And where the
hell do you think you've been?
Do you have any idea
what time it is?
Your dinner's ruined.
Algernon Steadman.
Steadman and Cross, chartered
accountants to the stars.
You may have read about me
in such august publications
as Accountancy Age, ACC Global,
and the bankruptcy list in
the Ham and High!
What the hell happened?
That.
The sauce got me.
Jesus, sorry, mate.
I had no idea.
♪ Went on in our lives ♪
Where you going with that?
♪ Something went astray ♪
Now, Algy Steadman
hasn't had a drink
since 2000 and bloody ages.
Oops.
Ah.
No, no, don't worry, old man.
I'd forgotten how
bloody fantastic it is.
♪ And my lover says, call me ♪
You're a good man,
Doug, formidable man.
I know this about you.
The kindness you've
shown to this poor man.
You're like Jesus!
♪ Baby, it was just for you ♪
I'm gonna help you,
just as you helped me.
Because you deserve it.
Rescue and prosper?
Algernon Steadman.
Algy?
- Get rid of it.
- Don't tell me what
you think, I'm gonna tell
you what I think, it's going.
Well, if it isn't Don King.
We're just measuring
up, Mr. Evans.
What?
Oh, I bought the debt.
We're gonna raze this shithole
and open up a
proper, modern gym.
Franchise the crap out of it.
Hot yoga, boxercise, Pilates.
Juice bar.
Zumba.
I'm a partner, aren't I, Gi?
It's gonna be amazing.
Incredible.
I warned you.
You had your chance.
Roopie, on me.
Oh, coming, Gi.
Oh, bitch.
Oh, Albert, I'm bloody dying.
I might need a hand.
Why aren't you at school?
You look like shit,
but I've got an idea.
What?
This.
They're outlaws.
That's not boxing.
Yeah, I know but the
skills are the same.
Look, the purse is
nearly 100,000 pounds.
Biggest it's ever been.
And then there's the
side bets, you know,
chase the ace, dipping, hustle.
They're tricky buggers,
them Gypsies, let me tell ya.
What, worse than
a payday lender?
- Ooh.
- Look,
there hasn't been a
fight in three years.
No one wants to fight Big Bill
Brady 'cause he's so good.
That's why the purse is so big.
It's irrelevant,
I'm a middleweight.
I've never done bare knuckle.
Added to which, I'm too
old and out of shape.
I couldn't beat him in two
years, let alone two days.
Yeah, but you're not
gonna do the fighting.
You just train the fighter.
Who, Mick?
He's the only one big enough.
And he couldn't knock
the sugar off a donut.
No offense, Mick.
No offense taken.
I don't mind eating the donuts,
I don't wanna knock
shit out of it.
All right, come on, seriously.
Donny, man, who's
gonna fight him?
Well.
My brother.
Donny and I are Romany Gypsies.
There's nothing we'd like more
than to see the title back
in the hands of the Roma.
There's a long history.
My brother was the
last man to fight him.
What, do you all feel the
need to check your wallets?
Irish and Roma travelers
have a huge rivalry.
They've ruined our
already awful reputation.
All that my Big
Fat Gypsy crap.
Donny and I have
to hide our heritage.
You know, it's
compulsory to hate us.
Maybe we can find
a common interest.
What's the common interest?
Donny says you need money.
Don't we all?
47 grand or you're
gonna lose this place.
Is that right?
We've got a surprise
for you, Uncle Nosh.
We're taking you to
Appleby Horse Fair!
No way!
Yeah!
There's just one thing though.
What?
You'll have to
fight Big Bill Brady.
He says you can't go.
No!
He hurts!
Oh, come on, Nosh.
You can do it.
You nearly beat him
last time, remember?
Oh, come on, Nosh, we just
need you to do this for us.
We need the money to
buy some Jaffa Cakes.
Being a nurse, well, it
doesn't pay very well.
You're an extra mouth to feed.
A bloody big mouth.
We have to go in
a bow top wagon.
Uh, yeah, yeah,
of course we will.
All the way.
And I get to drive it.
Go on, go and
choose your outfit.
How the hell we
gonna sort that out?
A bow top?
What, all the way up there?
So, if you can
just sign this one.
And, and there.
And that's it.
Are you sure this
is right, Dougie?
I don't know
what's right, Dad,
but I got to trust someone.
My mate says, transfer
the ownership,
see the insolvency guys to
get the sharks off my back
and buy us some time.
And then find the money.
He says it's gotta happen now.
It's this or wither away.
You raised a fighter,
so I'm gonna fight.
You always was a
smart cookie, Dougie.
You're like your mother.
I say, he's like you, babes.
He's got those Jew smarts.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dad.
You can't say that
out loud, not in here.
Oh, I do miss your mother.
Yeah, me too, Dad.
Dad, I'm gonna go away
for a little while.
I'm gonna go and try
and get some money.
And when I get back, I hope
that things'll be better.
You go for it, Dougie.
Yeah, and I need you to know
that I'm not gonna come and
see you for a little while,
but it's only 'cause
I'm doing something
really important, okay?
Got it, Dougie.
But little Melissa will
come and see me, won't she?
Dad, she , I
haven't seen her in years.
Her mum took off
with her, remember?
Damn this shitty life!
Hey.
My days are empty.
My nights are emptier.
I need a challenge.
Hey, when I get back,
how about you come
and help me in the gym again?
Like the good old days.
Oh, you don't mean that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And we'll get you out
of that home as well.
Don't promise me, Dougie.
Don't promise me and
then break my heart.
♪ Starting to worry 'bout you ♪
Here she is, look.
Mr. Evans.
I'm so delighted to
meet you, I'm Vera.
Now, you call
me Burt, princess.
Have you come to take my bloods?
No, no, I'm Doug's friend.
I've come to witness
the signing of...
Ah, you're the Gypsy girl!
The Gypsy!
Please don't
say that out loud
'cause people hate us.
Who does?
Who could hate you
with a face like that?
Here, what about us here, eh?
I'm a cockney, this here's
a Gypsy, Gypsy girl.
Dougie there, he's a Jew.
'Cause his mother's Jewish,
you see, that's how it works.
Well, I don't care
where people come from,
it's how you live that matters.
Here, put a ring
on this one, Dougie.
She's too good for
this bleedin' place.
It's not like that, Dad.
You best fuck off, mate.
A fine morrow to you, sir.
That Swiss finishing school
worked out well
for you, didn't it?
There's no Jews,
stinking Gypos.
And you can take that fucking
cripple with you and all.
Hey, no, no, no, no, no.
Hold tight.
Sit down, sit down.
Dad, sit down.
My old man drank in this
boozer for 50 years.
Don't worry
about this, Dougie.
Dad, I said, no.
One, two, three, four.
That's the order
I'll fight you in.
I'm too tired.
Do you twice.
Oh, yeah?
No, you'll get hurt!
No!
Look at him go!
Go on, my son!
I got a pony on ya!
Told you twice.
Still got it, eh?
Oh, shit!
If all else fails, go
for the knacker cracker.
Go on, girl!
Give him another fucking
wallop!
Tap it.
Jab him now.
Jab, jab.
Nice.
Concentrate.
Where's Tweedledum
and Tweedledumber.
Russel, Russel McKenzie.
I'm an insolvency practitioner.
Algy?
Russel's an old chum!
Just wanted to press
the flesh, you know.
It's all a bit urgent.
Thanks.
Did you transfer
the ownership?
Good.
I'll contact Big Hug.
You need to get the
money together ASAP,
but I can keep them away
for a while, maybe a month,
and freeze the interest.
Best of luck.
Thanks, Algy.
Thanks.
Now, go out and get that
money any way that you can!
28.
29.
30.
Hold that tight now, boys.
Get up, I hardly hit it.
Get him up, I hardly hit that.
Get him up, too.
He's making the
place look untidy.
Mm.
Aw, jeez, Bill.
I'm feeling
strong, boys.
Um, so.
He's
still cold, Bill.
Get him up now.
Oh no,
he's breathing,
he's breathing, he's fine.
He's making the
place look miserable.
Go fuck yourself.
Hey, it's on, the fight's on!
At Appleby?
Yeah, at Appleby!
Oi, don't chat shit,
that's sick, blud!
Sick, what does that mean?
Is that good or bad?
Well, good, man.
Oh, right.
Well, I guess that's
goodbye for a while.
What?
What?
What do you mean, goodbye?
The fight.
If it's on I have to go.
No, no, no, no, no.
We have to go, man, we.
And I'm your corner, captain.
I'm your manager
and your promoter.
I've managed all sorts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm your second, blud.
I'm your assistant.
I'm yours.
Your nurse.
It's okay, I get it.
I don't wanna slow you down,
so you just make sure you
bring back what you need.
I don't have a trainer.
Damn this thing.
Have I got to tow you myself?
Get in the back of the truck.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Oh, man, thanks, Doug.
Nobody gets left behind.
All for one.
- Yeah.
- All for one!
Ooh, left, left,
left, left, left hook.
Bill.
Bill!
You got yourself a challenger.
Big feckin' Gypsy
fella, you know him.
A dirty fucking Gypsy?
Nosher.
That big simple-headed
fellow wants another try?
Wants to fight you
at Appleby though.
At the fair so?
That's a big fecking crowd so!
Fecking big pot
at 25 a head, now.
They'll all want to
see you knacker him.
Aye, aye, right enough then.
Hey, hey!
♪ Drive my truck midway ♪
- ♪ To the motorway station ♪
- I'm taking the lads
up to Appleby, big
scrap going off.
Yeah, Nosher.
♪ Fair lane cruiser ♪
♪ Coming up on the ♪
- ♪ Left hand side ♪
- Fly, how are you, son?
No, no, no.
- ♪ Headlights shining ♪
- Me and the gang,
we're going up to Appleby.
♪ Driving rain ♪
on the window frame
There's a big scrap
on, isn't there.
♪ Little young Lady
Stardust hitching a ride ♪
♪ And it's a two,
four, six, eight ♪
♪ Ain't never too late ♪
♪ Me and my radio trucking
on through the night ♪
♪ Two, four, six, eight ♪
♪ Ain't never too late ♪
♪ Me and my radio trucking
on through the night ♪
- ♪ Three, five, seven, nine ♪
- Come on, lads!
Who are we going to support?
♪ Double white line ♪
Nosher, Nosher!
♪ Motorway sun coming up
with the morning light ♪
♪ Whiz kid sitting pretty
on your two-wheel stallion ♪
♪ This old 10-ton lorry
got a beat on you ♪
You ready for some food, Nosh?
I'm hungry.
Mm.
How are you doing, partner?
Well now, alongside the
invigorating conversation,
seating arrangements
that would irk
and torment the Marquis de Sade,
I'd say that's easily my least
favorite five hours on earth.
But thanks for asking.
Right, you lot.
- Who was driving?
- Me.
- Give me...
- Come on, lad, come on, mate.
Drop 'em here, boy.
Christ almighty.
Charmed.
Oh, no, I meant.
I know exactly what you meant.
Is he any good?
I mean, I haven't even seen him
move around or anything yet.
Oh, don't worry about it.
I have to worry about it.
If we're gonna be training him,
I need to know what to tighten
up, what needs attention,
I, I've only got a few days.
It's not really like that.
Gypsy fighting, it's all about
who can stand the longest.
Who can endure the
most pain, it's...
Mm, like boxing.
The Irish, it's
all about brawn.
They're clubbers.
Whereas Nosher, Nosh can move.
He's surprisingly
light on his feet.
- Mm.
- You'll be amazed, trust me.
But what about, you
know, his head and that?
He's a happy boy, that's all.
Oh, yeah, I know.
I, I didn't mean it like that.
I just mean for fighting,
you need to be superhuman.
He is superhuman,
he's a super human.
Yeah, sorry, I, you know,
I didn't mean it like that.
You know, I got a
lot riding on this.
You, you know, you make a few
quid, but this is it for me.
He fails, I fail,
again.
You might feel like a loser,
you might even look
like a bit of a loser,
but you've gotta stop
looking behind you.
If you keep looking behind you,
all you're gonna
get is a stiff neck.
Come on, Nosh.
Come on, Nosh, let's
see them feet move.
Let me see you dribble.
Whoa!
No, power's useless
without control.
Let's try some pads.
Riz, glove up.
Show Nosher how to
control his power.
And remember, balance, control.
That's good.
Wow.
Time.
Nosher, you're up.
Remember, control.
That's good.
Balance.
Jab.
Jab.
Left, right.
Good, balance.
One, two.
Good, one, two.
Jab.
Jab.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sorry.
- Blimey.
- Sorry.
What was that?
Christ, Nosher!
This guy's a
professional fighter.
He'll destroy you in seconds
if you don't take
this seriously.
You're gonna get
hurt, you pillock!
It's just gonna take
a while, that's all.
We don't have a while.
He's heading for a bloodbath
if he doesn't get
his act together.
Hold on, let me try.
I know what it's
like to be different.
Come on, big man, over here.
We got a new game to play.
Catch this!
Watch out now, it's heavy.
It's not a football.
That's it, my son.
Yes, and again.
Give it some muscle.
Come on.
Watch out.
Ooh, that's gotta hurt.
Yeah, there you go.
That's our champion.
He's like bloody
King Kong, him!
I'm gonna go and help him.
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
No, he needs help.
He'll snarl at ya!
You all right, Davros?
No, don't you touch me!
Don't you come near me,
you patronizing snot!
You little bag of puke!
I will rip your fingers off!
Don't look at me!
Told ya.
I'll eat you alive!
Don't look at me!
None of you look at me!
We've got a tiger by the tail.
Go on, Nosh!
Woohoo!
Ah, that's just wrong, man!
He's doing it right, he's
just finding his level.
Wee!
Wee hee!
Come on, Nosh, you
can do it, mate!
Bombs away!
Oh my, oh!
Oh my dizzy days!
Now he's done it, bloody hell!
Do you see that?!
Will you
be my best friend?
Do it.
So long as you be mine!
Will one of you
pricks help me up?
I tell you what, Nosh.
When I was in the Navy,
we had to do exactly
what we were told to.
You was in the Navy?
Driving ships?
The most important
lesson I learnt
is that it takes a lot of
parts to make a good machine.
It's a bit like us here.
We've all got special jobs to
do to make this mission work.
And you have got the most
important job of all.
Beating Big Bill
Brady, of course!
And only you can
do that, only you.
My best mate in all
the world, Nosher.
I'm a good lad, I am.
You are.
Yo, Doug.
I swear down, man, he's
like, he's like a freakin'.
Cyclops.
You know, Clash of the
Titans, double strong.
You know what I mean.
He swiped that caravan
like it was a fly.
Yeah, so he's strong.
So's Brady.
Yeah, but it's
always been like that.
Like he hits like
most of us can kick.
That's a tiny part of it.
Boxing's the only game
where David can actually beat
Goliath if he uses his head.
Brady knows how to play the
game, you can count on that.
And he will destroy...
Yo, Douglas,
Dougie, Doug, D-dot.
I hate to break it
down for you man.
These mans ain't fighting.
They're straight
'tumping each other, G!
It's not boxing, man.
They're like shaved
bears, innit.
Yeah, we'll see.
The doctor
said to me, Mick,
never go for a pee on your own.
What?
Yeah, he said I shouldn't
lift anything heavy.
- Dav?
- Yeah?
See you back in the truck.
Get some chewing gum, will ya?
Yeah.
Me fecking back.
We should have bloody
flown up in the airplane.
Jesus, how many
more miles now, huh?
Shut
your fecking whining.
You're like a fecking pup!
Right, but it's, it's
not good for his body
before the fight, neither.
Don't you be
worrying about my body now.
I'll be shutting young Nosher up
in nothing but a minute or two.
Look, I know
that, all right.
I just wanna make sure
you're ready for the fight.
I'll rip that
Nosher's head off, I tell ya.
No splashing, Bridget.
Well, brother, are you
shitting or are you texting?
Well now, I have two hands
and one arse so, to be sure.
Do you hear that, Bridget?
He says he's got two
hands and one arse.
Aye, he's blessed sure enough.
'Course, some of
us have two arses.
One for shitting and
one for thinking.
Now give the poor
fella his phone back
and don't be looking at it
pretending you can read, now.
There you are, brother.
Thank you so, to be sure.
No bother.
You all right there, fella?
Aye.
I'll see you back
at the fair, so.
So you will, brother.
You'll come watch
our man, Big Bill,
pull the fecking head
off that dirty Gypsy
bastard.
4.60 pounds, please.
Right, there you go.
Thank you.
Call your
boyfriend back later.
I'm hungry.
Off to the fair now?
Yeah.
But then it's just as
fast, the whole bloody lot.
Are you all right, Doug?
He can't win.
What do you mean?
Bill Brady's in there.
What?
I just saw him.
He's like a bloody oil rig.
Our man can't win.
Look at
the size of him!
OMG, he's bigger
than Donkey Kong!
He's a monster!
Hey, yo, what's my
man Davros doing, fam?
I think
he's having a fit.
Thai chi.
Look at that idiot.
Fecking Thai Chi.
Who's the girl in your wallet?
It fell out your pocket the
other day at the campsite.
I wanted to ask you then but I.
My daughter.
Where is she?
I don't know.
Her mum, she, she took my money
and she moved on
to a bigger wallet,
and when she bled him out,
she took off with Melissa.
Disappeared.
She was only five.
Well, how old is she now?
12.
What, and you've
never found her?
I looked for years.
I trawled Eastern Europe
with nothing to go on.
It's messy.
I can help you.
We'll just get through this and
then I'll help you find her.
I know all kinds of people,
especially in Eastern Europe.
Good people.
Just do your stuff
with Nosher, yeah?
Come on, my son!
Come on, Nosh.
One, one, two.
Now I tell ya,
you put every penny you
have on this fight, right.
You put your dogs on it, yeah?
Go on, my son, go
on, go on, go on!
You're the winner, you're the
winner, you're the winner!
You're the champ,
you're the champ!
You're the winner, yes you are!
Ram it, pound it!
Grind it!
Come on, that's it!
That's the one!
Keep it going!
Yeah.
Come on, Nosh!
Come on, Nosher, lad.
Keep going, keep going!
Woohoo!
Beautiful people
allowed in my gym.
No ugly people, no fat people.
This is gonna be a
monument to glory.
Gym, my name, my gym.
We're gonna have fully
branded clothing.
State of the art,
beautiful stuff.
Modeled for you now.
- Go.
- Sorry.
It's cool, innit.
Mum!
Poster's got
Nosher's face on it.
Albert, over here!
Romany Air Force!
Battle of Brady, come on!
Boom!
Albert, come on!
You all right, Albert?
I think so, captain.
Just bit of gut
ache, that's all.
Maybe sit this one out, eh?
That thing I was
telling you about, innit.
Albert!
Are you all right, Albert?
I'm okay, Nosh.
Just a bit of stomach
ache, that's all.
I'm getting on a bit.
I might have overdone it.
Albert, darling,
give me your wrist.
Mick, what's wrong
with Albert, fam?
I think we should nip
you to a hospital, okay?
No, it's okay.
It's just a precaution.
The fight.
Nosh.
No!
Ambulance, get an ambulance.
Okay, thank you.
What's the verdict?
Well, I'm afraid poor
Albert isn't going anywhere.
They're gonna give him a scan
and then they may have
to operate immediately.
But can he come
to the fight then?
Don't think there's
gonna be a fight, Nosh.
We can't go through
with it after this.
But Albert's proud of me.
I was gonna make
him really proud.
I'm already proud, Nosh.
Albert, I'm sorry
that you're poorly.
I need you to help me,
to do something amazing.
I want you to carry on
without me, all right?
Just think of me
and be my best friend.
That's your special
job, all right?
And kill Big Bill
Brady to death!
Come on, that
boy's gonna win some money!
24 quid.
All your money on him, now.
- All your money on him.
- You got your money
on me, boys?
I tell ya, I'm gonna kill him!
I can't hear you!
Yeah, it sounds like her.
Send me the number.
All right then, bye.
He's going down in two, boys.
He's going down in two.
I can't hear you, lads!
Let's go, Bill!
Look at him, he hasn't got
a clue what's coming to him.
He hasn't got a clue.
He hasn't got a prayer!
Whatever you do, Nosh,
don't go full pace
with him, all right?
He's a big man like you.
He's gonna run out of
energy quickly, all right?
Let him try and hit you
and just keep dodging
and wait till he slows down
before you attack, okay?
You scared, boy?
I don't like him.
Me neither, pal.
Albert hates him.
You're going
home in a box, boy.
Now listen, for
the first round,
I need you to keep your arms up.
No, Doug, wait, look.
What, what, what, what?
There are no rounds.
What?
How do I speak to Nosher?
If he goes
down, you help him, okay?
You better ring an
ambulance, boy, I tell ya!
Listen to me,
Nosh, listen to me.
I need you to keep dodging
until you hear me shout, okay?
I'm gonna shout Albert when
I want you to let fly, okay?
What am I gonna shout?
Albert!
That's right, blud!
We're right here, you feel me!
Get out the
ring, I wanna fight now!
Be lucky, Nosh.
Let's go!
- Come on!
- You're going home in a box,
I tell ya.
Come on, Nosher.
He's ready to
go, boy, you ready to go?
Yeah, I'm ready.
Come on, boy, this is what
you came for, come on!
- Oh, please.
- Ready, Big Bill?
- Ready?
- I'm gonna rip your head off!
Fight!
Come on, hit him!
Come on, Nosh!
Referee!
Referee, that's a foul!
Ref, he butted him!
His eye!
Do him!
Yes, yes!
That's
it, you've got him!
Get up now,
Bill, come on, get up.
You'll have to use your feet,
this fella's too strong.
Get out of it!
Come on!
Come on, there's
big money on this!
Get up!
Let's go!
Finish him, Nosher!
Come on, come on, finish him!
Keep him down!
Don't let
him stand up, Nosher!
Finish him!
Hit him again!
Go on, you big lump!
Nearly there!
No, come on, Nosher!
Albert!
Albert, Albert!
No!
Something's wrong.
No.
What the hell was that?
You kicked him,
you bloody cheat!
He was down before the kick.
It was a fair win!
Was it, balls!
You're in it together!
Away, boy!
Someone threw
pepper in his eyes!
Nosher, Nosher, are
you all right, son?
I can't see.
It's okay, Nosh.
It's over.
No.
Not fair, they cheated.
- Come on.
- Get him up,
get him up.
That's it.
Bastards, we
should have known!
We can still do this.
What?
You take him on.
I'll deal with the rest.
He'll kill me.
No, he won't!
You just box him like
you've been saying.
You just keep him
here for a while.
You can do it!
I saw you in the pub.
You're in a different class.
You can do this.
Let's just do what we
came to do, yeah, yeah?
All or nothing.
If he beats our man,
I'll double the pot.
If we win, we take every penny.
You will have to pay though.
They will come for it.
I'm Roma, I live by honor.
Hey, boy.
- Forget about him.
- That's a good looking woman.
Don't look at him.
I'll have her
after the fight too.
That was just a warm up, son.
I'll squash you like a fly.
And show you no mercy, boy.
Yeah, that's it
boy, take a picture.
Good luck, blud.
You won't recognize
him when I'm finished.
Say goodbye to your teeth, boy.
Kiss
your arse goodbye, boy.
There's no
bother warming up, boy.
This won't take long.
Yes!
Yes!
Go on, hit him!
Come on, come on, Doug!
Come on, let's go!
You want a fight.
Yes!
Hey, Paddy,
what are you up to?
Hey, hey?
What are you doing down there?
Well, I, I, I'm just
looking for me car keys.
I've not seen you before,
are you a traveling man?
Aye, I've been travelling
all over Europe, yeah.
I'm just, just here
for the fair, you know.
What's your
living then, Paddy?
A bit of this
and a bit of that,
bit of a scrap and
that, you know.
Sing the odd, uh, Irish
folk song, you know.
Oh, well, go on
then, sing us a song.
Michael, come 'round here,
we got a man gonna
sing us a song.
Uh, um.
♪ He drinks a whiskey drink ♪
♪ He drinks a vodka drink ♪
♪ And yes, he loves the sauce ♪
♪ So, he drinks a cider drink ♪
♪ He sings about the times
when things were going good ♪
♪ And sings a song that
remind him of better days ♪
♪ Oh, Danny boy,
Danny boy, Danny boy ♪
♪ Pissing in the wind,
pissing in the wind ♪
♪ All go pissing in the wind ♪
Nah, nah, nah, G boy.
Nah, nah, you can't see, fam.
Sit down, G!
♪ Pissing in the wind,
pissing in the wind ♪
- ♪ All go pissing in the wind ♪
- You all right, Mick?
- Um.
- Hey,
what are you doing out there?
♪ Pissing in the wind ♪
Trying to get up
to the big fight,
but me wheels don't
like the grass.
You're not an Irishman,
you must be a mangy Gypsy!
Looks like the
mange took his legs.
Just give a poor
fella a hand, will ya?
Don't be feck,
for 50 pound, maybe.
It's all I've got left.
Come on!
Finish
him, take him down!
Yes, old boy!
That's it, that's it!
When I get back,
how about you come and
help in the gym again?
Don't promise me, Dougie.
Don't promise me and
then break my heart.
You are a captain.
You're a captain to
me, the other lads.
That's all.
We'll just get through this,
and I'll help you find her.
Ooh!
You fecker!
Leg it!
- Leg it!
- Feck off!
Run!
Donny, get in the car,
pull the door already!
He's got my fecking money!
After 'em!
Come on!
Jesus,
Michael, me tires are flat!
I can't move, Michael!
Guys, the bow top!
Leave it!
♪ I could be wrong ♪
♪ I could be right ♪
♪ I could be wrong ♪
♪ I could be wrong,
I could be right ♪
♪ I could be black,
I could be white ♪
♪ I could be right,
I could be wrong ♪
♪ I could be white,
I could be black ♪
♪ Your time has come,
your second skin ♪
♪ The cost so high,
the gain so low ♪
♪ Walk through the valley ♪
♪ The written word is a lie ♪
♪ May the road rise with you ♪
♪ May the road rise with you ♪
♪ May the road rise with you ♪
♪ May the road rise with you ♪
♪ I could be wrong ♪
♪ I could be right ♪
♪ I could be wrong ♪
♪ I could be right ♪
Ooh!
Look, Doug, over here!
Over here, Doug, look, look!
Daddy?
Melissa!
I've missed you!
I love you.
Ah.
Ah, thanks.
Thanks, everyone.
Okay, folks, it's party time.
♪ Here I am on bended knees ♪
♪ I lay my heart
down at your feet ♪
♪ Now, do I love you ♪
♪ All you have to do is ask ♪
♪ I'll give you until
there's nothing left ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ As long as there
is life in me ♪
♪ Your happiness is guaranteed ♪
♪ I'll fill your heart with
ecstasy forever, darling ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ Tell me now, do I love you ♪
♪ Indeed, I do ♪
♪ Indeed, I do ♪
♪ Here's another thing
I wanna say to you now ♪
♪ The very thing
that I want most ♪
♪ Is just to have
an hold you close ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ From early morning
till late at night ♪
♪ You fill my heart
with pure delight ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ Whenever I lay
me down to sleep ♪
♪ I pray the Lord
your soul to keep ♪
♪ And bring you home safe
to me forever, darling ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ Tell me now, do I love you ♪
♪ One more time, do love you ♪
♪ Indeed, I do ♪
♪ Sweet darling ♪
♪ Indeed I do ♪
♪ Now, whenever I lay
me down to sleep ♪
♪ I pray the Lord
your soul to keep ♪
♪ And bring you home safe
to me forever, darling ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ Tell me now, do I love you ♪
♪ Oh oh ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ Indeed, I do ♪
♪ Little darling, indeed, I do ♪
Taff would,
Ta,
Taff would.
Should have
started off training
on one of them rowing machines.
Except for the sank it.
The burning bush.
Oh, I've seen a few
of them in my time.
Have ya?
The burning bush.
Oh, what?
Oh, no, don't, I know where
you're going with that.
No, just stop that
freakin' lark.
This is supposed to
be a family movie.
I farted on his hand.
We're worried about you, Nick.
In
about two seconds,
and you can get yourself
back into position.
I think we might have a
champion in the club at last.
I think we might have a
champion in the club, at last.
Emphasize champion.
I think we might have a
champion in the club at last.
I think we might have
champion in the club at last.
I think we might have
a champion.
Taffy would,
Taffy.
Easy for you to say.
Taffy,
Taffy, Taffy would be,
- Taffy.
- Taffy would be so proud!
Taffy would...
Would be so proud.
I
assume we lost that one.
Subtitles by explosiveskull
Goes
on and on and on.
Can I speak
to Mr. Evans, please?
Officer on deck!
Douglas, Douglas Evans?
What can I do
for you gentlemen?
Giles Templar.
I hope you don't mind,
couple of my colleagues
were talking about this place.
I thought I'd come
and take a look.
I've done a bit of the old
white collar boxing, you know.
No, no, I'm pretty
bloody handy, actually.
Well, if you wanna join,
it's 40 quid a month.
God, no.
No, I work out at
the Third Space.
Zumba, Pilates, hot yoga.
I want to fight.
Doesn't work like that, mate.
You can't just
walk in and fight.
Oh, I think I can.
No, you can't.
There's rules for
your own safety.
Don't worry about
my safety, old boy.
I'm from Bloodstone
Corporate Finance.
Big Hug?
No thanks, YMCA's up the road.
No, Big Hug Payday Loans.
Listen, I don't care
if you're Barney the
fricking dinosaur.
Rules are rules for good reason.
See,
I work for Big Hug, hmm?
We're going to own this place.
You know, collateral.
Loan default.
You're making some assumptions
there, aren't you, cowboy?
Well, I can keep the wolf away
for a little bit,
freeze the interest.
I just wanna have some fun.
Fun?
It's not your plaything.
And you can button your flies.
I can close you in hours.
Get back to it!
That's two minutes.
Oi!
Look, I'm not
some bloody child.
I can bloody scrap, actually.
This ain't that.
Just give me a
little taster now
and I'll buy you
a couple of weeks.
Get your piggy bank in order.
Months, then?
I can do that, it's easy for me.
I can help you.
Or not.
Need a sparring
partner, captain?
I'm not
fighting that thing.
What's your name?
Um, Rupert, Roopie.
- Or Roop.
- You're a witness.
This man waived all his rights.
He walked in here and directly
challenged Albert to a fight.
Albert, glove up!
This is ridiculous.
It's that or nothing, cowboy.
Just don't get clever with him.
- Easy, yeah?
- Go on, Gi.
Show them what you can do.
Keep it tight
now, Albert, son!
Come on!
Go easy on him, just
wanna tire him out a bit.
Oh, yes,
come on, Albert!
Okay, you both know the rules.
Box.
Let's see what he's
got, huh?
Yeah.
That's it, cover up!
He's punching fresh air, Albert!
Left, left!
And then the old Haymaker!
Unleash the Gi bomb!
Come on, Albert!
He's all over the
place, that's it!
You could beat
him one-handed, Albert!
Okay, Albert,
big one now, come on!
Come on!
- Oi!
- Yeah!
He's knocked
out, knocked out!
Yay, go on, Albert!
Hello, sailor!
Now, you can take your Gi
bomb and your Roopie and fuck.
And that wasteman thought
he was bare hype, you know.
Spitting lyrics about Pilates.
What's this Pilates, fam?
Yeah, it's kinda raw, still.
But man like Albert
had him on lockdown, G.
OG status, you done though.
Reach me, cuz.
All right, safe, G, yeah,
I'm a bounce, still.
Hold it, innit.
I'm a check my boys.
Gonna break the internet,
G, know what I'm saying?
Jeez!
Hey, yo Carlos!
Wagwan, G!
What did he just say?
- Hey.
- No idea.
I just left the
gym, yeah, check this, yeah.
Oh, Albert, I,
um, I forgot the,
turn off the thing
in the back, yeah?
I'll see you tomorrow, yeah?
Yeah, yeah, sure.
Are we, uh, are we in
bother then, captain?
What?
Well, I heard
'em talking about,
you know, loans and stuff.
No, just, um, some
over-privileged prick
thinks having a few quid
makes him a superhero.
That's all.
We showed him though,
didn't we, captain?
You showed him, Albert.
You did.
Taffy would be
proud, you know.
Yeah, that's all we
want, isn't it, eh?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Night, captain.
Be lucky, Albert.
Are you, Taff?
Are you proud?
I'm trying to keep
it going, Taff.
Really, I am.
Could do with a sign here, mate.
Let me know I'm not
pissing in the wind.
You could just use the door.
Old habits.
Smoked salmon and cream
cheese, crayfish and rocket.
Do you know if you don't
wash for six weeks,
then your hair and your skin
develop their own
cleansing system?
Doesn't work, you honk.
New York.
Mm.
Showers haven't moved.
Give it three more days,
and I'll smell like an
alpine flower meadow.
Brian turns the
bout into a real go around,
but he almost got
schooled by the shot.
What gives?
Still the
champion at the final gong.
Miss my daughter.
Where is she?
Somewhere in Europe.
That's a pretty big haystack.
I got more air
miles than Stelios.
Trouble
from the first round on.
Her mum was quite
a looker, you know.
So, what happened?
Found a richer bloke, shagged
her way into First Class,
disappeared back behind
the Iron Curtain.
Four points.
With your daughter?
Whew, still, Taffy left you
a wonderful legacy though.
And the unpaid gambling
debt that went with it.
Yeah, still, that's all
been paid off now, eh?
Brian
O'Shea, a right cross.
- Oh.
- Tangles with
defending champ.
Things
could be worse.
I've got this terrible rash
on me arse and me teeth hurt!
Shower!
Blocked only
twice, they might rally.
Chin down.
Move those feet, fucker.
Hey, it's bait, it's bait!
Albert gave him
that night nurse, G!
- Come on, Albert!
- What are you two
laughing about?
Hey, I'm just
showing Mick, innit.
Our OG went ham!
Don't be showing anybody that!
You're gonna get
me in more bother!
I'm sick of telling him!
All right, leave it, G.
Mick ain't gonna trip and
turn snitch like a bitch.
Hey, I checked on Albert, innit.
Upper cut, head top clip, pow!
What's your name, son?
Donny.
You looking to train, Donny?
Been playing on
the computer, iPad?
Can't
afford one of those.
So, why do you
wanna box, Donny?
Um, well, some
of my uncles do it.
And, uh, I wanna honor
the family, you know.
Mm, yeah.
You know it's hard,
don't you, Donny?
It's not like telly.
And the Xbox doesn't
punch you in the gob.
There's no tougher sport.
Ballet.
What?
What?
Ballet's a bitch.
Can you skip?
Your world is now divided
into three-minute chunks.
Everything you do
takes three minutes.
Eat, read, work.
Sleep?
Not sleep.
Blink?
No, that would,
look, you need to
get used to working
in three-minute bursts.
Like washing up.
We've done that now.
Oh.
Look, you train and fight
in three-minute bursts,
so just get used
to understanding
what three minutes feels like.
Uh, you boil an
egg in three minutes.
Skip.
Yeah.
Just so you know, mate,
that's not skipping.
It wasn't like that.
Someone's messed
with the footage.
Come on, Albert!
He's all over the place!
- That's it!
- Go on, Gi.
I believe in you!
All right
him one-handed, Albert!
Okay, Albert,
big one now, come on!
Come on!
Keep swinging!
Where have you been?
Unleashing a Gi bomb?
Sorry.
Someone's put the
fight on YouTube.
Get me the file.
Yeah.
Good grip.
That'll do, off you go.
Officer on deck!
Still here then?
Uh, yeah.
He's a trier, captain.
Hasn't let go of the rope
since you were called away.
- Mm.
- I think we might
have a champion in
the club at last.
Show us your progress then.
Okay.
Remember what I said.
Yeah.
- Ready?
- Mm-hmm.
I'm sorry, son.
Don't worry, son,
it's only practice.
It's only practice.
Champion?
Would I be able to take
the rope home and practice?
That's a leather rope.
It's been in this gym
since Noah was a lad.
Have you any idea the blood
and sweat that's seen?
The honor it deserves?
Champions have made
weight on that rope.
It's part of the
very DNA of this gym.
Sorry, I wasn't thinking.
Sorry.
♪ I don't wanna just say, yeah ♪
♪ Straight through the heart ♪
♪ I ain't good without you ♪
All right.
Take it home and practice.
Thank you, Mr. Captain?
♪ I ain't good ♪
Name's Doug.
I'm not a captain.
♪ I know they
can't be that way ♪
♪ I don't wanna just say, yeah ♪
You did well, son.
I just wanna say thanks, sir.
That kid, you made his week.
You are a captain.
You're a captain to
me, the other lads.
That's all.
Thanks, Albert.
You silly old bugger.
Well, I'm going
the other way, so.
Night, captain.
Be lucky, mate.
Too old for this.
Christ on a bike.
For a homeless dude,
you've got more blubber
than a blooming humpback.
The milk of human kindness.
Asparagus and cream cheese.
Absolutely delicious.
But beware, the breakdown
of sulfuric compounds
can cause a profusion of
varied, pungent malodor!
Smelly weewee.
Happy birthday, friend.
Ta-da!
Oh, boy, Christ, that's rank.
There's bogs in the back.
Dirty, no-good,
double die piss balling,
arse wiping liberty
taking clowns!
No, Dad!
I need that!
And I need a new pair of legs.
We're both knackered.
- Ah, ah, ah, ah!
- I got a few
- pennies left, Dougie.
- Ah, ah, ah, ooh!
Ooh, ooh, ooh!
How much do you need?
Don't tell these, otherwise
they're gonna nick it.
Dad, you've already
given me your pension.
I can't do anything,
it just has to go down.
Oh, damn this pansy-arsed,
new age, muesli, yoga bullshit!
Take me home, Dougie.
Please, take me home.
There is no home, Dad.
It's just me and the gym.
The gym's run out of steam.
There's no money.
I took out loans to
pay for this place.
Put the gym up as collateral
and now I can't pay it back.
Silly old sod.
Come on, no pain, no gain.
That's it, come on!
One, two.
Put some effort in!
Hey, hey, hey!
What have I told ya?
Pack it in!
Captain on deck.
Yo, yo, bruv.
Who's that piff ting, G?
Join in, blud.
Yeah, is Doug here?
Um, we came to talk about
the forms and stuff.
He's behind you.
Oh, um, Mum, this is Doug.
He's the boss.
Hi Doug, I'm
Vera, Donny's mum.
I've come to sign some forms.
Dad?
Sorry?
It's usually dad.
- Oh, yeah.
- Sorry.
Uh, I haven't seen a woman.
I mean I haven't, you know,
not, you know.
Women don't normally like it.
Mums, that is.
Are you okay?
Yeah, I was just in the.
Is that where the forms are?
No, no, no.
Shit!
Sorry, the language.
Oh, God, what is that?
That's, uh,
leather conditioner.
Yeah, yeah, uh, we use it on
the bags and all the gloves.
Smells
like rotten eggs.
Yeah, well, that's
the chemicals.
- Right.
- God.
It does smell like rotten eggs.
Rotten eggs and
piss.
Well, don't wanna waste it.
No, no, no, no.
We've already done everything.
Oh.
Yeah, yeah.
That's why it was there.
I want my hands
tough like leather.
Fight the burn!
Do us a favor, Mick.
Right, forms.
Double jab.
Right cross.
Double jab.
That's it.
- Time.
- Dads usually do this,
is what I meant.
You know, mums are
a bit squeamish.
Not me, I've been around
fighting all me life.
Oh, sorry.
It's a tradition.
Oh.
Does, uh, Donny's dad fight?
Haven't got a clue, I
ain't seen him for years.
Oh, sorry.
No, I'm glad,
he's a right wanker.
How much is it?
It's, uh, 20 quid a,
no, I'm not gonna
take your money.
Why, what do you mean?
I don't think I'm gonna
be around for much longer.
You know there are
people you can talk to?
What?
Well, Samaritans and
drugs, they can help.
I'm not gonna top meself.
Just don't use a gun, it's
not as neat as people think.
It's not like that.
Look.
Donny's a good kid.
I'll get him started,
help set him up,
so he can find another gym.
They, they won't be as
friendly as this place,
but I'll get him ready.
It's such a shame though.
Donny loved it yesterday.
Albert teaching him to skip.
He's awkward, shy.
I was just hoping
this would help.
He said his uncles fight.
I'm gonna go then.
Oh, uh,
will you be back?
What for?
And thanks.
It's a shame, but I'm just
gonna have to find another gym.
Maybe you won't have to.
Be lucky, then.
47 grand in seven days.
Are you sure?
It's not addressed to
someone else, a relative or...
It's addressed to us
but with his name on.
47 stacks, fam.
Ain't no man gonna raise
gwala like that, you get me?
I was in the shower all
afternoon, I'm spotless.
Oi, check this though, yeah.
I'll get my posse
involved, innit.
Huh, Riz, behave
your bloody self.
We know there's no posse.
Bumbaclart!
Look, there's no smell.
Can't I just come in?
Sponsorship?
Nobody's interested
in boxing anymore.
They'd all rather play it
on their game console,
wouldn't they?
And that's where the
sponsorship is, isn't it?
I've got the, uh, WBO world
champ '16 in the house.
What, not for me, for the kids!
They're too young for our game!
God.
I don't know what I'd
do without the gym.
It's everything.
It's everything to
all of us, isn't it?
I couldn't be alone with
Marjorie in the house for a week.
Be the death of me.
Look, I used Dettol and a
scrubbing brush, for God's sake!
Brilliant.
♪ Once I leave the house ♪
Night.
Is Doug a good fighter?
The best.
Awesome, and I mean awesome.
Doesn't fight now though.
After Taffy.
Why, what happened?
I'm coming in.
So, Doug's the most promising
pro middleweight in London.
Taffy used to own the gym.
A legend.
He trained Doug.
Doug's warm up fight, before
he goes for European title,
Taffy has a heart
attack ringside.
Dead.
No.
Beat.
Yeah, when Taffy died,
he left Dougie the gym
in his will, didn't he.
Yeah.
So overnight, he went from a
boxing hero to a businessman,
and well, could have been a
champ though, couldn't he, eh?
Could have been a great champ.
He's a proud man.
And do you think
he'd ever fight again?
You have never experienced
the liberation of
unbridled micturition.
The what?
It's like being
at one with nature.
It's an expression of
masculinity, of territory.
You're saying, I reject
your civilization.
I reject your sanitation.
I choose.
You pissed in a slop bucket
because you couldn't be
arsed to walk to the bog.
You're a sloth.
I am marking
territory, old socks.
Doesn't matter anyway.
Women like that
can pick and choose
and a used up fighter
with massive debt
wouldn't even make the not
in a thousand years list.
Oh, come on now, you
know how to treat a woman.
I thought so.
I did all right in my day.
Oh, you're still the
same guy you always were.
Sure, there's a bit more fat.
Okay, the virility is declined.
You, you, you, you
craved her every day,
sometimes every hour.
But now, once a week
seems like an effort,
and the face has sagged
and the onset of bitch
tits seems inevitable,
but all you've got to
look forward to is a...
You don't bloody wash
and you piss wherever
the urge takes you.
You're like a stray dog.
I am a wolf.
End of the 13th.
Well, I'm buggered.
After too many
years of celibacy,
savage ex-wife that swore
me off women for life,
I've finally found
the woman of my dreams
who thinks I'm a basket case.
That looks good.
I was saving this
for a celebration.
Down
with Polk all over him.
Maybe when I saw
my daughter again,
but that's not bloody
likely.
Cook might win
this fight by a wide margin.
He's trying to hold on.
Last few seconds
of the final round,
sees Vasilio hanging on.
Don't you have a cup?
Then
it was all around.
And where the
hell do you think you've been?
Do you have any idea
what time it is?
Your dinner's ruined.
Algernon Steadman.
Steadman and Cross, chartered
accountants to the stars.
You may have read about me
in such august publications
as Accountancy Age, ACC Global,
and the bankruptcy list in
the Ham and High!
What the hell happened?
That.
The sauce got me.
Jesus, sorry, mate.
I had no idea.
♪ Went on in our lives ♪
Where you going with that?
♪ Something went astray ♪
Now, Algy Steadman
hasn't had a drink
since 2000 and bloody ages.
Oops.
Ah.
No, no, don't worry, old man.
I'd forgotten how
bloody fantastic it is.
♪ And my lover says, call me ♪
You're a good man,
Doug, formidable man.
I know this about you.
The kindness you've
shown to this poor man.
You're like Jesus!
♪ Baby, it was just for you ♪
I'm gonna help you,
just as you helped me.
Because you deserve it.
Rescue and prosper?
Algernon Steadman.
Algy?
- Get rid of it.
- Don't tell me what
you think, I'm gonna tell
you what I think, it's going.
Well, if it isn't Don King.
We're just measuring
up, Mr. Evans.
What?
Oh, I bought the debt.
We're gonna raze this shithole
and open up a
proper, modern gym.
Franchise the crap out of it.
Hot yoga, boxercise, Pilates.
Juice bar.
Zumba.
I'm a partner, aren't I, Gi?
It's gonna be amazing.
Incredible.
I warned you.
You had your chance.
Roopie, on me.
Oh, coming, Gi.
Oh, bitch.
Oh, Albert, I'm bloody dying.
I might need a hand.
Why aren't you at school?
You look like shit,
but I've got an idea.
What?
This.
They're outlaws.
That's not boxing.
Yeah, I know but the
skills are the same.
Look, the purse is
nearly 100,000 pounds.
Biggest it's ever been.
And then there's the
side bets, you know,
chase the ace, dipping, hustle.
They're tricky buggers,
them Gypsies, let me tell ya.
What, worse than
a payday lender?
- Ooh.
- Look,
there hasn't been a
fight in three years.
No one wants to fight Big Bill
Brady 'cause he's so good.
That's why the purse is so big.
It's irrelevant,
I'm a middleweight.
I've never done bare knuckle.
Added to which, I'm too
old and out of shape.
I couldn't beat him in two
years, let alone two days.
Yeah, but you're not
gonna do the fighting.
You just train the fighter.
Who, Mick?
He's the only one big enough.
And he couldn't knock
the sugar off a donut.
No offense, Mick.
No offense taken.
I don't mind eating the donuts,
I don't wanna knock
shit out of it.
All right, come on, seriously.
Donny, man, who's
gonna fight him?
Well.
My brother.
Donny and I are Romany Gypsies.
There's nothing we'd like more
than to see the title back
in the hands of the Roma.
There's a long history.
My brother was the
last man to fight him.
What, do you all feel the
need to check your wallets?
Irish and Roma travelers
have a huge rivalry.
They've ruined our
already awful reputation.
All that my Big
Fat Gypsy crap.
Donny and I have
to hide our heritage.
You know, it's
compulsory to hate us.
Maybe we can find
a common interest.
What's the common interest?
Donny says you need money.
Don't we all?
47 grand or you're
gonna lose this place.
Is that right?
We've got a surprise
for you, Uncle Nosh.
We're taking you to
Appleby Horse Fair!
No way!
Yeah!
There's just one thing though.
What?
You'll have to
fight Big Bill Brady.
He says you can't go.
No!
He hurts!
Oh, come on, Nosh.
You can do it.
You nearly beat him
last time, remember?
Oh, come on, Nosh, we just
need you to do this for us.
We need the money to
buy some Jaffa Cakes.
Being a nurse, well, it
doesn't pay very well.
You're an extra mouth to feed.
A bloody big mouth.
We have to go in
a bow top wagon.
Uh, yeah, yeah,
of course we will.
All the way.
And I get to drive it.
Go on, go and
choose your outfit.
How the hell we
gonna sort that out?
A bow top?
What, all the way up there?
So, if you can
just sign this one.
And, and there.
And that's it.
Are you sure this
is right, Dougie?
I don't know
what's right, Dad,
but I got to trust someone.
My mate says, transfer
the ownership,
see the insolvency guys to
get the sharks off my back
and buy us some time.
And then find the money.
He says it's gotta happen now.
It's this or wither away.
You raised a fighter,
so I'm gonna fight.
You always was a
smart cookie, Dougie.
You're like your mother.
I say, he's like you, babes.
He's got those Jew smarts.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, Dad.
You can't say that
out loud, not in here.
Oh, I do miss your mother.
Yeah, me too, Dad.
Dad, I'm gonna go away
for a little while.
I'm gonna go and try
and get some money.
And when I get back, I hope
that things'll be better.
You go for it, Dougie.
Yeah, and I need you to know
that I'm not gonna come and
see you for a little while,
but it's only 'cause
I'm doing something
really important, okay?
Got it, Dougie.
But little Melissa will
come and see me, won't she?
Dad, she , I
haven't seen her in years.
Her mum took off
with her, remember?
Damn this shitty life!
Hey.
My days are empty.
My nights are emptier.
I need a challenge.
Hey, when I get back,
how about you come
and help me in the gym again?
Like the good old days.
Oh, you don't mean that.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And we'll get you out
of that home as well.
Don't promise me, Dougie.
Don't promise me and
then break my heart.
♪ Starting to worry 'bout you ♪
Here she is, look.
Mr. Evans.
I'm so delighted to
meet you, I'm Vera.
Now, you call
me Burt, princess.
Have you come to take my bloods?
No, no, I'm Doug's friend.
I've come to witness
the signing of...
Ah, you're the Gypsy girl!
The Gypsy!
Please don't
say that out loud
'cause people hate us.
Who does?
Who could hate you
with a face like that?
Here, what about us here, eh?
I'm a cockney, this here's
a Gypsy, Gypsy girl.
Dougie there, he's a Jew.
'Cause his mother's Jewish,
you see, that's how it works.
Well, I don't care
where people come from,
it's how you live that matters.
Here, put a ring
on this one, Dougie.
She's too good for
this bleedin' place.
It's not like that, Dad.
You best fuck off, mate.
A fine morrow to you, sir.
That Swiss finishing school
worked out well
for you, didn't it?
There's no Jews,
stinking Gypos.
And you can take that fucking
cripple with you and all.
Hey, no, no, no, no, no.
Hold tight.
Sit down, sit down.
Dad, sit down.
My old man drank in this
boozer for 50 years.
Don't worry
about this, Dougie.
Dad, I said, no.
One, two, three, four.
That's the order
I'll fight you in.
I'm too tired.
Do you twice.
Oh, yeah?
No, you'll get hurt!
No!
Look at him go!
Go on, my son!
I got a pony on ya!
Told you twice.
Still got it, eh?
Oh, shit!
If all else fails, go
for the knacker cracker.
Go on, girl!
Give him another fucking
wallop!
Tap it.
Jab him now.
Jab, jab.
Nice.
Concentrate.
Where's Tweedledum
and Tweedledumber.
Russel, Russel McKenzie.
I'm an insolvency practitioner.
Algy?
Russel's an old chum!
Just wanted to press
the flesh, you know.
It's all a bit urgent.
Thanks.
Did you transfer
the ownership?
Good.
I'll contact Big Hug.
You need to get the
money together ASAP,
but I can keep them away
for a while, maybe a month,
and freeze the interest.
Best of luck.
Thanks, Algy.
Thanks.
Now, go out and get that
money any way that you can!
28.
29.
30.
Hold that tight now, boys.
Get up, I hardly hit it.
Get him up, I hardly hit that.
Get him up, too.
He's making the
place look untidy.
Mm.
Aw, jeez, Bill.
I'm feeling
strong, boys.
Um, so.
He's
still cold, Bill.
Get him up now.
Oh no,
he's breathing,
he's breathing, he's fine.
He's making the
place look miserable.
Go fuck yourself.
Hey, it's on, the fight's on!
At Appleby?
Yeah, at Appleby!
Oi, don't chat shit,
that's sick, blud!
Sick, what does that mean?
Is that good or bad?
Well, good, man.
Oh, right.
Well, I guess that's
goodbye for a while.
What?
What?
What do you mean, goodbye?
The fight.
If it's on I have to go.
No, no, no, no, no.
We have to go, man, we.
And I'm your corner, captain.
I'm your manager
and your promoter.
I've managed all sorts.
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I'm your second, blud.
I'm your assistant.
I'm yours.
Your nurse.
It's okay, I get it.
I don't wanna slow you down,
so you just make sure you
bring back what you need.
I don't have a trainer.
Damn this thing.
Have I got to tow you myself?
Get in the back of the truck.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Oh, man, thanks, Doug.
Nobody gets left behind.
All for one.
- Yeah.
- All for one!
Ooh, left, left,
left, left, left hook.
Bill.
Bill!
You got yourself a challenger.
Big feckin' Gypsy
fella, you know him.
A dirty fucking Gypsy?
Nosher.
That big simple-headed
fellow wants another try?
Wants to fight you
at Appleby though.
At the fair so?
That's a big fecking crowd so!
Fecking big pot
at 25 a head, now.
They'll all want to
see you knacker him.
Aye, aye, right enough then.
Hey, hey!
♪ Drive my truck midway ♪
- ♪ To the motorway station ♪
- I'm taking the lads
up to Appleby, big
scrap going off.
Yeah, Nosher.
♪ Fair lane cruiser ♪
♪ Coming up on the ♪
- ♪ Left hand side ♪
- Fly, how are you, son?
No, no, no.
- ♪ Headlights shining ♪
- Me and the gang,
we're going up to Appleby.
♪ Driving rain ♪
on the window frame
There's a big scrap
on, isn't there.
♪ Little young Lady
Stardust hitching a ride ♪
♪ And it's a two,
four, six, eight ♪
♪ Ain't never too late ♪
♪ Me and my radio trucking
on through the night ♪
♪ Two, four, six, eight ♪
♪ Ain't never too late ♪
♪ Me and my radio trucking
on through the night ♪
- ♪ Three, five, seven, nine ♪
- Come on, lads!
Who are we going to support?
♪ Double white line ♪
Nosher, Nosher!
♪ Motorway sun coming up
with the morning light ♪
♪ Whiz kid sitting pretty
on your two-wheel stallion ♪
♪ This old 10-ton lorry
got a beat on you ♪
You ready for some food, Nosh?
I'm hungry.
Mm.
How are you doing, partner?
Well now, alongside the
invigorating conversation,
seating arrangements
that would irk
and torment the Marquis de Sade,
I'd say that's easily my least
favorite five hours on earth.
But thanks for asking.
Right, you lot.
- Who was driving?
- Me.
- Give me...
- Come on, lad, come on, mate.
Drop 'em here, boy.
Christ almighty.
Charmed.
Oh, no, I meant.
I know exactly what you meant.
Is he any good?
I mean, I haven't even seen him
move around or anything yet.
Oh, don't worry about it.
I have to worry about it.
If we're gonna be training him,
I need to know what to tighten
up, what needs attention,
I, I've only got a few days.
It's not really like that.
Gypsy fighting, it's all about
who can stand the longest.
Who can endure the
most pain, it's...
Mm, like boxing.
The Irish, it's
all about brawn.
They're clubbers.
Whereas Nosher, Nosh can move.
He's surprisingly
light on his feet.
- Mm.
- You'll be amazed, trust me.
But what about, you
know, his head and that?
He's a happy boy, that's all.
Oh, yeah, I know.
I, I didn't mean it like that.
I just mean for fighting,
you need to be superhuman.
He is superhuman,
he's a super human.
Yeah, sorry, I, you know,
I didn't mean it like that.
You know, I got a
lot riding on this.
You, you know, you make a few
quid, but this is it for me.
He fails, I fail,
again.
You might feel like a loser,
you might even look
like a bit of a loser,
but you've gotta stop
looking behind you.
If you keep looking behind you,
all you're gonna
get is a stiff neck.
Come on, Nosh.
Come on, Nosh, let's
see them feet move.
Let me see you dribble.
Whoa!
No, power's useless
without control.
Let's try some pads.
Riz, glove up.
Show Nosher how to
control his power.
And remember, balance, control.
That's good.
Wow.
Time.
Nosher, you're up.
Remember, control.
That's good.
Balance.
Jab.
Jab.
Left, right.
Good, balance.
One, two.
Good, one, two.
Jab.
Jab.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
Sorry.
- Blimey.
- Sorry.
What was that?
Christ, Nosher!
This guy's a
professional fighter.
He'll destroy you in seconds
if you don't take
this seriously.
You're gonna get
hurt, you pillock!
It's just gonna take
a while, that's all.
We don't have a while.
He's heading for a bloodbath
if he doesn't get
his act together.
Hold on, let me try.
I know what it's
like to be different.
Come on, big man, over here.
We got a new game to play.
Catch this!
Watch out now, it's heavy.
It's not a football.
That's it, my son.
Yes, and again.
Give it some muscle.
Come on.
Watch out.
Ooh, that's gotta hurt.
Yeah, there you go.
That's our champion.
He's like bloody
King Kong, him!
I'm gonna go and help him.
Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.
No, he needs help.
He'll snarl at ya!
You all right, Davros?
No, don't you touch me!
Don't you come near me,
you patronizing snot!
You little bag of puke!
I will rip your fingers off!
Don't look at me!
Told ya.
I'll eat you alive!
Don't look at me!
None of you look at me!
We've got a tiger by the tail.
Go on, Nosh!
Woohoo!
Ah, that's just wrong, man!
He's doing it right, he's
just finding his level.
Wee!
Wee hee!
Come on, Nosh, you
can do it, mate!
Bombs away!
Oh my, oh!
Oh my dizzy days!
Now he's done it, bloody hell!
Do you see that?!
Will you
be my best friend?
Do it.
So long as you be mine!
Will one of you
pricks help me up?
I tell you what, Nosh.
When I was in the Navy,
we had to do exactly
what we were told to.
You was in the Navy?
Driving ships?
The most important
lesson I learnt
is that it takes a lot of
parts to make a good machine.
It's a bit like us here.
We've all got special jobs to
do to make this mission work.
And you have got the most
important job of all.
Beating Big Bill
Brady, of course!
And only you can
do that, only you.
My best mate in all
the world, Nosher.
I'm a good lad, I am.
You are.
Yo, Doug.
I swear down, man, he's
like, he's like a freakin'.
Cyclops.
You know, Clash of the
Titans, double strong.
You know what I mean.
He swiped that caravan
like it was a fly.
Yeah, so he's strong.
So's Brady.
Yeah, but it's
always been like that.
Like he hits like
most of us can kick.
That's a tiny part of it.
Boxing's the only game
where David can actually beat
Goliath if he uses his head.
Brady knows how to play the
game, you can count on that.
And he will destroy...
Yo, Douglas,
Dougie, Doug, D-dot.
I hate to break it
down for you man.
These mans ain't fighting.
They're straight
'tumping each other, G!
It's not boxing, man.
They're like shaved
bears, innit.
Yeah, we'll see.
The doctor
said to me, Mick,
never go for a pee on your own.
What?
Yeah, he said I shouldn't
lift anything heavy.
- Dav?
- Yeah?
See you back in the truck.
Get some chewing gum, will ya?
Yeah.
Me fecking back.
We should have bloody
flown up in the airplane.
Jesus, how many
more miles now, huh?
Shut
your fecking whining.
You're like a fecking pup!
Right, but it's, it's
not good for his body
before the fight, neither.
Don't you be
worrying about my body now.
I'll be shutting young Nosher up
in nothing but a minute or two.
Look, I know
that, all right.
I just wanna make sure
you're ready for the fight.
I'll rip that
Nosher's head off, I tell ya.
No splashing, Bridget.
Well, brother, are you
shitting or are you texting?
Well now, I have two hands
and one arse so, to be sure.
Do you hear that, Bridget?
He says he's got two
hands and one arse.
Aye, he's blessed sure enough.
'Course, some of
us have two arses.
One for shitting and
one for thinking.
Now give the poor
fella his phone back
and don't be looking at it
pretending you can read, now.
There you are, brother.
Thank you so, to be sure.
No bother.
You all right there, fella?
Aye.
I'll see you back
at the fair, so.
So you will, brother.
You'll come watch
our man, Big Bill,
pull the fecking head
off that dirty Gypsy
bastard.
4.60 pounds, please.
Right, there you go.
Thank you.
Call your
boyfriend back later.
I'm hungry.
Off to the fair now?
Yeah.
But then it's just as
fast, the whole bloody lot.
Are you all right, Doug?
He can't win.
What do you mean?
Bill Brady's in there.
What?
I just saw him.
He's like a bloody oil rig.
Our man can't win.
Look at
the size of him!
OMG, he's bigger
than Donkey Kong!
He's a monster!
Hey, yo, what's my
man Davros doing, fam?
I think
he's having a fit.
Thai chi.
Look at that idiot.
Fecking Thai Chi.
Who's the girl in your wallet?
It fell out your pocket the
other day at the campsite.
I wanted to ask you then but I.
My daughter.
Where is she?
I don't know.
Her mum, she, she took my money
and she moved on
to a bigger wallet,
and when she bled him out,
she took off with Melissa.
Disappeared.
She was only five.
Well, how old is she now?
12.
What, and you've
never found her?
I looked for years.
I trawled Eastern Europe
with nothing to go on.
It's messy.
I can help you.
We'll just get through this and
then I'll help you find her.
I know all kinds of people,
especially in Eastern Europe.
Good people.
Just do your stuff
with Nosher, yeah?
Come on, my son!
Come on, Nosh.
One, one, two.
Now I tell ya,
you put every penny you
have on this fight, right.
You put your dogs on it, yeah?
Go on, my son, go
on, go on, go on!
You're the winner, you're the
winner, you're the winner!
You're the champ,
you're the champ!
You're the winner, yes you are!
Ram it, pound it!
Grind it!
Come on, that's it!
That's the one!
Keep it going!
Yeah.
Come on, Nosh!
Come on, Nosher, lad.
Keep going, keep going!
Woohoo!
Beautiful people
allowed in my gym.
No ugly people, no fat people.
This is gonna be a
monument to glory.
Gym, my name, my gym.
We're gonna have fully
branded clothing.
State of the art,
beautiful stuff.
Modeled for you now.
- Go.
- Sorry.
It's cool, innit.
Mum!
Poster's got
Nosher's face on it.
Albert, over here!
Romany Air Force!
Battle of Brady, come on!
Boom!
Albert, come on!
You all right, Albert?
I think so, captain.
Just bit of gut
ache, that's all.
Maybe sit this one out, eh?
That thing I was
telling you about, innit.
Albert!
Are you all right, Albert?
I'm okay, Nosh.
Just a bit of stomach
ache, that's all.
I'm getting on a bit.
I might have overdone it.
Albert, darling,
give me your wrist.
Mick, what's wrong
with Albert, fam?
I think we should nip
you to a hospital, okay?
No, it's okay.
It's just a precaution.
The fight.
Nosh.
No!
Ambulance, get an ambulance.
Okay, thank you.
What's the verdict?
Well, I'm afraid poor
Albert isn't going anywhere.
They're gonna give him a scan
and then they may have
to operate immediately.
But can he come
to the fight then?
Don't think there's
gonna be a fight, Nosh.
We can't go through
with it after this.
But Albert's proud of me.
I was gonna make
him really proud.
I'm already proud, Nosh.
Albert, I'm sorry
that you're poorly.
I need you to help me,
to do something amazing.
I want you to carry on
without me, all right?
Just think of me
and be my best friend.
That's your special
job, all right?
And kill Big Bill
Brady to death!
Come on, that
boy's gonna win some money!
24 quid.
All your money on him, now.
- All your money on him.
- You got your money
on me, boys?
I tell ya, I'm gonna kill him!
I can't hear you!
Yeah, it sounds like her.
Send me the number.
All right then, bye.
He's going down in two, boys.
He's going down in two.
I can't hear you, lads!
Let's go, Bill!
Look at him, he hasn't got
a clue what's coming to him.
He hasn't got a clue.
He hasn't got a prayer!
Whatever you do, Nosh,
don't go full pace
with him, all right?
He's a big man like you.
He's gonna run out of
energy quickly, all right?
Let him try and hit you
and just keep dodging
and wait till he slows down
before you attack, okay?
You scared, boy?
I don't like him.
Me neither, pal.
Albert hates him.
You're going
home in a box, boy.
Now listen, for
the first round,
I need you to keep your arms up.
No, Doug, wait, look.
What, what, what, what?
There are no rounds.
What?
How do I speak to Nosher?
If he goes
down, you help him, okay?
You better ring an
ambulance, boy, I tell ya!
Listen to me,
Nosh, listen to me.
I need you to keep dodging
until you hear me shout, okay?
I'm gonna shout Albert when
I want you to let fly, okay?
What am I gonna shout?
Albert!
That's right, blud!
We're right here, you feel me!
Get out the
ring, I wanna fight now!
Be lucky, Nosh.
Let's go!
- Come on!
- You're going home in a box,
I tell ya.
Come on, Nosher.
He's ready to
go, boy, you ready to go?
Yeah, I'm ready.
Come on, boy, this is what
you came for, come on!
- Oh, please.
- Ready, Big Bill?
- Ready?
- I'm gonna rip your head off!
Fight!
Come on, hit him!
Come on, Nosh!
Referee!
Referee, that's a foul!
Ref, he butted him!
His eye!
Do him!
Yes, yes!
That's
it, you've got him!
Get up now,
Bill, come on, get up.
You'll have to use your feet,
this fella's too strong.
Get out of it!
Come on!
Come on, there's
big money on this!
Get up!
Let's go!
Finish him, Nosher!
Come on, come on, finish him!
Keep him down!
Don't let
him stand up, Nosher!
Finish him!
Hit him again!
Go on, you big lump!
Nearly there!
No, come on, Nosher!
Albert!
Albert, Albert!
No!
Something's wrong.
No.
What the hell was that?
You kicked him,
you bloody cheat!
He was down before the kick.
It was a fair win!
Was it, balls!
You're in it together!
Away, boy!
Someone threw
pepper in his eyes!
Nosher, Nosher, are
you all right, son?
I can't see.
It's okay, Nosh.
It's over.
No.
Not fair, they cheated.
- Come on.
- Get him up,
get him up.
That's it.
Bastards, we
should have known!
We can still do this.
What?
You take him on.
I'll deal with the rest.
He'll kill me.
No, he won't!
You just box him like
you've been saying.
You just keep him
here for a while.
You can do it!
I saw you in the pub.
You're in a different class.
You can do this.
Let's just do what we
came to do, yeah, yeah?
All or nothing.
If he beats our man,
I'll double the pot.
If we win, we take every penny.
You will have to pay though.
They will come for it.
I'm Roma, I live by honor.
Hey, boy.
- Forget about him.
- That's a good looking woman.
Don't look at him.
I'll have her
after the fight too.
That was just a warm up, son.
I'll squash you like a fly.
And show you no mercy, boy.
Yeah, that's it
boy, take a picture.
Good luck, blud.
You won't recognize
him when I'm finished.
Say goodbye to your teeth, boy.
Kiss
your arse goodbye, boy.
There's no
bother warming up, boy.
This won't take long.
Yes!
Yes!
Go on, hit him!
Come on, come on, Doug!
Come on, let's go!
You want a fight.
Yes!
Hey, Paddy,
what are you up to?
Hey, hey?
What are you doing down there?
Well, I, I, I'm just
looking for me car keys.
I've not seen you before,
are you a traveling man?
Aye, I've been travelling
all over Europe, yeah.
I'm just, just here
for the fair, you know.
What's your
living then, Paddy?
A bit of this
and a bit of that,
bit of a scrap and
that, you know.
Sing the odd, uh, Irish
folk song, you know.
Oh, well, go on
then, sing us a song.
Michael, come 'round here,
we got a man gonna
sing us a song.
Uh, um.
♪ He drinks a whiskey drink ♪
♪ He drinks a vodka drink ♪
♪ And yes, he loves the sauce ♪
♪ So, he drinks a cider drink ♪
♪ He sings about the times
when things were going good ♪
♪ And sings a song that
remind him of better days ♪
♪ Oh, Danny boy,
Danny boy, Danny boy ♪
♪ Pissing in the wind,
pissing in the wind ♪
♪ All go pissing in the wind ♪
Nah, nah, nah, G boy.
Nah, nah, you can't see, fam.
Sit down, G!
♪ Pissing in the wind,
pissing in the wind ♪
- ♪ All go pissing in the wind ♪
- You all right, Mick?
- Um.
- Hey,
what are you doing out there?
♪ Pissing in the wind ♪
Trying to get up
to the big fight,
but me wheels don't
like the grass.
You're not an Irishman,
you must be a mangy Gypsy!
Looks like the
mange took his legs.
Just give a poor
fella a hand, will ya?
Don't be feck,
for 50 pound, maybe.
It's all I've got left.
Come on!
Finish
him, take him down!
Yes, old boy!
That's it, that's it!
When I get back,
how about you come and
help in the gym again?
Don't promise me, Dougie.
Don't promise me and
then break my heart.
You are a captain.
You're a captain to
me, the other lads.
That's all.
We'll just get through this,
and I'll help you find her.
Ooh!
You fecker!
Leg it!
- Leg it!
- Feck off!
Run!
Donny, get in the car,
pull the door already!
He's got my fecking money!
After 'em!
Come on!
Jesus,
Michael, me tires are flat!
I can't move, Michael!
Guys, the bow top!
Leave it!
♪ I could be wrong ♪
♪ I could be right ♪
♪ I could be wrong ♪
♪ I could be wrong,
I could be right ♪
♪ I could be black,
I could be white ♪
♪ I could be right,
I could be wrong ♪
♪ I could be white,
I could be black ♪
♪ Your time has come,
your second skin ♪
♪ The cost so high,
the gain so low ♪
♪ Walk through the valley ♪
♪ The written word is a lie ♪
♪ May the road rise with you ♪
♪ May the road rise with you ♪
♪ May the road rise with you ♪
♪ May the road rise with you ♪
♪ I could be wrong ♪
♪ I could be right ♪
♪ I could be wrong ♪
♪ I could be right ♪
Ooh!
Look, Doug, over here!
Over here, Doug, look, look!
Daddy?
Melissa!
I've missed you!
I love you.
Ah.
Ah, thanks.
Thanks, everyone.
Okay, folks, it's party time.
♪ Here I am on bended knees ♪
♪ I lay my heart
down at your feet ♪
♪ Now, do I love you ♪
♪ All you have to do is ask ♪
♪ I'll give you until
there's nothing left ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ As long as there
is life in me ♪
♪ Your happiness is guaranteed ♪
♪ I'll fill your heart with
ecstasy forever, darling ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ Oh ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ Tell me now, do I love you ♪
♪ Indeed, I do ♪
♪ Indeed, I do ♪
♪ Here's another thing
I wanna say to you now ♪
♪ The very thing
that I want most ♪
♪ Is just to have
an hold you close ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ From early morning
till late at night ♪
♪ You fill my heart
with pure delight ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ Whenever I lay
me down to sleep ♪
♪ I pray the Lord
your soul to keep ♪
♪ And bring you home safe
to me forever, darling ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ Tell me now, do I love you ♪
♪ One more time, do love you ♪
♪ Indeed, I do ♪
♪ Sweet darling ♪
♪ Indeed I do ♪
♪ Now, whenever I lay
me down to sleep ♪
♪ I pray the Lord
your soul to keep ♪
♪ And bring you home safe
to me forever, darling ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ Tell me now, do I love you ♪
♪ Oh oh ♪
♪ Do I love you ♪
♪ Indeed, I do ♪
♪ Little darling, indeed, I do ♪
Taff would,
Ta,
Taff would.
Should have
started off training
on one of them rowing machines.
Except for the sank it.
The burning bush.
Oh, I've seen a few
of them in my time.
Have ya?
The burning bush.
Oh, what?
Oh, no, don't, I know where
you're going with that.
No, just stop that
freakin' lark.
This is supposed to
be a family movie.
I farted on his hand.
We're worried about you, Nick.
In
about two seconds,
and you can get yourself
back into position.
I think we might have a
champion in the club at last.
I think we might have a
champion in the club, at last.
Emphasize champion.
I think we might have a
champion in the club at last.
I think we might have
champion in the club at last.
I think we might have
a champion.
Taffy would,
Taffy.
Easy for you to say.
Taffy,
Taffy, Taffy would be,
- Taffy.
- Taffy would be so proud!
Taffy would...
Would be so proud.
I
assume we lost that one.
Subtitles by explosiveskull