Global Heresy (2002) - full transcript

[Man over radio] Coming up next,

we've got the last song
recorded with Ben Gould.

Yes, it's global
heresy's new single,

throw me a line.

[Rock music]

♪

[tires squealing]

♪

(Man) ♪ throw me a line
'cause I'm sinking fast. ♪

♪ Show me a sign
this may never last. ♪

♪ 'cause all I'm
asking, and all I need ♪



♪ to run around for a minute ♪

♪ 'cause there's
nobody listenin' ♪

♪ to all my pain.

♪ All my pain.

♪ It spells you, you and I. ♪

♪ You and I, you and I. ♪

Your lordship.

Hello.

Thank you.

Your ladyship.

Morning, Charles. Good morning.

Thank you, Benson.

Are you packed, Margaret?

Yes, sir.



And you, Benson.

Packed, are we?

Yes, sir.

Taxi is going to be
here within the hour.

Undoubtedly, sir.

Benson, do you hate me

with every fiber of your body?

Most definitely, sir.

[Laughing] You see.

Deaf as a bloody doorknob.

Not every fiber, your ladyship.

(Charles) You'll have
the time of your lives.

It's a fine boarding house

I'm told, Benson.

The finest in Middleton-on-sea.

Forgive my asking, sir,

but what does one
actually do on holiday?

Nothing, Benson.

That's the whole of the point.

Nothing whatsoever.

And where will your lordship

and her ladyship be staying?

With friends.

Friends, sir?

Here is your spending
money for the week.

Don't go wild.

We will endeavor not to, sir.

(Charles) Bye-bye, Margaret.

(Diana) Good-bye, Benson.

Bye, Benson. Bye, Margaret.

Benson has grown
unnaturally insolent of late.

Perhaps he suspects something.

I did catch him eavesdropping

when that woman from
the rental agency was here.

He doesn't know.

He mustn't know.

No one must ever know.

[Screaming]

(Flit) Oh, yeah.

Christ.

[Screaming]

This is awesome.

[Screaming]

(Man) Global heresy
is sweeping the world,

but this is a tour which
nearly didn't happen.

Nothing has been heard
of the band's founder,

Ben Gould, who's
been missing now

for over two months.

At today's press conference,

the world will be
introduced for the first time

to his successor, Natalie Bevin.

[Rock music]

♪

(Man) ♪ she slips down,
wishes that she did it again, ♪

♪ again, again. ♪

(woman) So why'd Ben do it?

Just up and leave?

Yeah, did you see it coming?

Was he, you know,
suffering from depression?

(Man) Here's what he did say.

There is no f-ing way
this band could continue

without one of us.

We found someone who's more than

up to the task of getting
the job done as our bassist.

Ladies and gentlemen, Nat.

(Man) The, uh, press release

makes for interesting reading.

Session musician,

played with some of the best,

first time in a band.

But just who is Nat Bevin?

[Together mockingly]
Just who is Nat Bevin?

How does it feel to
be a woman in rock?

How does it feel to be
a man in journalism?

I work hard at
what I do; I have to.

She's good.

Headlights a bit
on the small side,

but we can always
get that fixed.

Haven't the staff arrived?

No, and I paid.

They'll get a rollicking from
me when they do turn up.

Well, you better come and
help me unload, Charles.

What am I?

A Porter?

Vintage champagne?

Why push the boat out

when you can sink
the bloody thing, eh?

(Man) There's this
rumor going around

that not even your
record company

has heard your new stuff.

(Leo) Yeah, actually, you
know what it comes down to?

We don't want any interference

from our record company
while we create, all right?

You know what I'm saying?

Okay, this is not good.

Dickheads, what are you?

All: Dickheads, sir.

Never let the artists have
control over their own music.

They'll end up
playing what they want.

Creative control was a condition

of their signing, sir.

That is why we hit them
with the 90-page contract.

Right?

What the large print giveth,
the small print taketh away.

Well, then let's
renegotiate their deal.

Who the hell are you?

James chancellor,
sir. Hospitality.

Jim's going to be
looking after the band

while they're on retreat.

They're vulnerable right now,

what with not having a manager.

All right, my son.

Run it up the flagpole, come on.

Right.

The way I see it is this:

We hand them a chunk
of the merchandising,

the t-shirts maybe, posters,

and while they're rubbing
their hands together,

we cross collaterize their
asses through the back door

with a clause buried so deep

we don't even know it's there.

Oh, yeah, all right.
Yeah, yeah, come here.

I love it; I love it.

But will they go for it?

I'd stake my job on it.

You just have, my son.

You just have.

(Woman) For the next
week you're in hiding

at some secret location
somewhere in England?

Are we in hiding?

I guess we're
gonna be in hiding.

(Man) Some people are
saying this disappearing act

is little more than a
cheap publicity stunt.

Bullshit.

It's costing me a
bleeding fortune.

[Screaming]

[Lively music]

♪

(Leo) So, Jim,
where you taking us?

Back in time to a
house that's old.

Like Keith Richards old?

Older than that.
Older than, uh...

Think of the pilgrim
fathers and then add a bit.

(Jim) It's owned by
a lord and lady Foxley.

Miserable bastards
by all accounts.

Great, tea on the lawn with
the Huffington gruffingtons.

(Jim) Oh, don't worry.

They're clearing
out for the week.

About bloody time at
that staffwise recruitment.

What do you mean was?

Who is this?

The receiver.

Ceased trading, debts.

That's impossible.

They banked a £2,000
check of mine last week.

Don't "apply in writing" me,
you bothersome little man.

I have paid for a
cook and a Butler,

and I want them
now, do you hear?

Nat. Hmmm?

Man in your life?

Woman with your package
I'm sure has a man in her life.

Or a woman.

Everyone's a lesbian.

(Diana) Now,
Charles, don't start.

It's off.

That's it.

It's off.

Oh, fine. That's splendid.

And all you'll need do

is add another
£6,000 to the 2,000

we've already lost.

£6,000?

Well, you're the
lawyer, Charles.

You read the contract.

That's the penalty
for defaulting

on our side of the
rental agreement.

Well, we have just over an hour

to find replacements.

Well, perhaps
I'll, uh... I'll ring

Mrs. Moat of west
Flaxington and her husband.

Never.

No one in the village
must know of our position.

Charles, we are about
to become £8,000 poorer

unless we find two people.

Two people.

No.

[Laughing] Oh, no.

If you suppose that
a man in my position

would stoop to becoming
a servant in his own home,

then you are gravely mistaken.

You've forgotten gloves.

He always wears gloves.

Does he?

Never noticed that, Diana.

No, not Diana.

Margaret, Benson.

[Lively music]

♪

Charles, they're here.

Think of the house, Charles.

Life as we know it.

(Dave) Check this out.

Good heavens.

Here it is.

They've brought their children.

No one said anything
about children.

Hi, I'm James chancellor,

and this is global heresy.

(Charles) I beg your pardon.

Yeah, well, I guess
you're not exactly

their target audience, are you?

That's okay.

Alfred!

Nice bat cave, my brother.

Man, this is huge.

Way to go, Jeeves.

Show me my lair. Check this out.

Dave, Dave... check it out.

Carl, Carl.

Hi, I'm Nat.

You're Nat.

Hello. How's it going?

Hello. Hi.

I assume their parents
will be joining them later.

Not that I’m aware of, mate.

Hat box?

[Laughing] Uh, yeah.

(Jim) Waiter, could you
have a look in the Van

and pick up any of
the remaining bags?

Thank you.

Did he call me a waiter?

Yeah, this is just the hallway.

Check out the acoustics, boys.

Nice, very, very nice.

Look. [Laughs]

Oh, god; Oh, yeah.

At least I did something right.

[Screaming]

En garde, my friend.

Young man, an explanation

is in order.

We were told that Foxley hall

had been rented by a
multinational corporation.

Ici or mbm or
something like that.

Mgi.

Exactly.

Not this bunch of punks.

Music group international.

That bunch of punks
happens to be the hottest band

to come out of the states
in the last five years.

Oh, they're musicians, are they?

The best.

The reason they're
here is to get some peace

and some quiet and
some time on their own,

and that means no one
must know that they're here.

So I couldn't exactly
announce their arrival.

Well, I suggest you
announce their departure.

I'm not standing
for this, old girl.

[Laughing] Well,
now I'm worried.

The Butler's revolting.

I'll have you know, young...

(Diana) Benson.

Oh, I get it.

You're thinking the tabloids

would just love to know
where they're holed up.

All right, how
much is that worth?

100?

If you think for one minute...

(Diana) Benson.

200?

(Diana) Three.

£300.

Each.

Bonnie.

Clyde.

Look after them;
They're nice kids.

Have at you, sir!
Surrender your arms, sir!

Hey, do you have
room service, Jeeves?

Oh, ho, ho, ho.

Accident, accident, accident.

Oh, ho, ho, ho.

Oh, ha, ha, ha.

Yeah, that's what
I'm talking about.

Hey, flit, flit, flit.
Look at this poster.

Whoa.

No way, that's
fucking pathetic, dude.

You can't do that.
I called this shit.

Come on.

Fuckin' a.

Dude, this place
would be awesome

if it wasn't so old.

Those are my digs right there.

There's groupies over
there; Check it out.

Where?

(Dave) Hey, flit.

Boo-ya. I think it's a sealy.

Your mama's got no teeth,

and that's perfect
for her line of work.

What's up, my good man?

Could you point me to
the hydroponics room?

Oi, Igor, give us a hand

with the sound check.

I beg your pardon?

All right, when I give
you the signal, all right?

I beg your pardon?

Hey, just give it
some wrist, you know.

A bit of townshend.

Bit of townshend...

I think he means you
to touch the strings.

All right.

Really? Touch the strings?

[Guitar sounds]

Could be worse,

noise-wise, I mean.

And again, mate.

[Loud feedback]

[Crashing]

[Laughing]

[Loud feedback]

Now, don't get settled.

They've requested drinks
and a tour of the house.

Then I suppose
you should oblige.

Willingly.

You'll find the ingredients
for dinner in the fridge.

[Laughing]

And here we have
the portrait gallery.

The first Earl of Foxley. It
was he who built the house.

Hey, fellas, how'd you like to
rest your balls in that chimney?

[Laughter]

Hey, like father, like son.
Check this cat out, man.

The size of the
honker on him, man.

Oh, hey, that is a
noble piece of ass.

Anne Salloway.

Wife of the second Earl.

Oh, I'm feeling that.

The second Earl must've
been hung like a horse.

Are you kidding me? That
was an arranged marriage.

They just wanted to build
in some good-looking blood.

Guess there's no keeping
that ugly gene down.

Looks aren't everything.

What is that, Benson,
the family motto?

Wow, those are some fun bags.

[Laughter]

Oh, dear. I just remembered...

I forgot to show you...

Something.

Something in the study.

Hey, Benson, that is a bad batch

of baby batter right
there, my friend.

U. G. L-e-y.

[Beeping]

All: ♪ you ain't got no alibi

♪ you're ugly

[mutters] Wretched children.

♪ You're ugly

I've just been
showing our guests

the portraits of lord Foxley's

17th and 18th century forebears.

Well, keep up the
good work, Benson.

After a brief interlude,

we will be returning upstairs

to do the 19th and
20th century portraits.

Hey, Margaret, aren't you
glad you're not part of that family

hanging on the wall upstairs?

[Rock music]

♪

♪ She slips down,

♪ wishes that she did
it again, again, again. ♪

♪ Inspires little lies

♪ when she done it
again, again, again. ♪

♪ She smiles like a mouse.

♪ She sits beneath
her friends in the front. ♪

♪ She sits down.
Missed it by a mile but... ♪

No.

That's right, yep.

I've got the new
contract with me, sir.

Yes, I know.

Five signatures, that's right.

Yeah.

I'll get you a tape
of the new stuff.

Yes, I will.

As many tracks as I can.

Yes.

No, I hadn't forgotten, sir.

Okay, bye.

You fat fuck.

[Tony over phone] What
did you call me, mate?

What?

M-Mack truck, sir.

Cut me off on the motorway.

♪ Does it again, again,
again, again, again. ♪

♪ She does it again,
again, again, again, again. ♪

♪ She does it again,
again again, again, again. ♪

♪ She does it again. ♪

♪ She does it again.
She does it again. ♪

♪ She does it again and again ♪

♪ and again. ♪

♪

Bravo.

Excellent, well done.

Have you taken
leave of your senses?

Oh, shut up.

Go and do some
chores or something.

(Dave) Margaret, this
place sounds awesome.

Gentlemen, I say we have
an easy week ahead of us.

(Dave) Nat, that rocked.

I listened to the tapes.

Were you guys able to hear
the kick in that middle section?

'Cause you were
all over the place.

(Carl) In that first gig,
there were three people.

(Leo) Four teeth among them.

That was crazy.

I remember you...

Beef stew.

Heavy beef stew.

That was 7.1 on the
Richter, Margaret.

Bon appetit.

(Carl) Thank you, Margaret.

(Charles) Certainly.

Mmm, mmm, mmm, bring it on.

[Laughing] Do not go in there.

(Leo) Did you let one
go or is that our food?

You know what?

I think tonight I'm
going vegetarian.

This vegetable...

It is a vegetable.

It is not many vegetables.

It is one cohesive unit.

Barbarians.

Bloody barbarians.

Oh, was it that bad?

(Charles) Worse.

Oh, well.

First thing tomorrow,
I'll hire replacements

to be insulted and ridiculed

by these uncouth, overhormonal,

dipsomaniac wastrels.

Good night.

What about the washing up?

I believe the washing up
is Margaret's involvement.

Benson is going to bed.

Charles.

What?

(Diana) You... you know...

(Charles) What?

Sleep well.

Hey there, big fella.

Hello.

Hello, Benson.

Oh, yes.

I thought I’d...

Well, you thought wrong.

I did?

Oh, well, I can assure you

that you'll be very comfortable.

Oh, you're gentle, are you?

Gentle, yes.

No.

Out.

There's a hairy boy in my bed.

Well, of course there is.

And where are we
supposed to sleep?

In the servant's
wing, of course.

Here, take this.

He has plastic trousers;
Did you know that?

[Tires squealing]

[Lively music]

♪

Morning.

Good morning.

Ah, this is so
beautiful in here.

It must take so much work.

Oh, yes.

Benson spends
half his life out here.

Don't you, Benson?

Yes, I do, I do, I do.

I spend most of my
life with my flowers.

[Laughing]

What are those ones called?

Those; Those would
be white ball flowers.

Oh, really?

Yes.

What about those?

Those, they would be, um,

pink bell flowers.

Pink bell.

Yes.

Let me guess.

Are those, um, purple
trumpet flowers?

I thought you knew
nothing about flowers.

I'm a quick learner.

[Giggling] See ya later.

I thought Benson had resigned.

Having slept on the
matter, I feel it is our duty

to introduce these savages
to the ways of civilized society.

They'll be the richer for it.

Yes, and so will we.

Financial considerations
had nothing to do

with my decision.

Potatoes.

For breakfast?

Hash browns.

It's a special request.

Hash browns?

[Dog barking]

[Laughing]

Benson tried to
shag me last night.

(Leo) Get outta here.

(Carl) I'm serious.

(Flit) Thanks, Benson.

Nat, pass me the milk.

Hey, Benson.

Sleep well last night?

I could have been
more comfortable.

(Carl) I'm sure you could've.

Hash browns at last.

(Dave) A horse; A horse.

My kingdom for a horse.

Pray, be seated, good knight.

Beauty's ensign

yet is crimson in thy
lips and in thy cheeks.

Park your metal ass.

Thank you.

Hey, Dave, you
want a little sugar

with your joint?

Benson, have a seat. Join us.

It's not the done
thing for servants

to consort with the guests.

Oh, no, no, absolutely.

Come on, we've got coffee.

We've got tea.

No, thank you.

Come on, come on.

Benson, have a seat.

No, thank you.

Hash blacks!

Try to make an effort, Charles.

Oh, yes, and what does one say

to a debauched American youth

wearing full
17th-century black armor?

♪ A house, a house,
in a room of its own. ♪

♪ A house, a house; It's
true what we've known. ♪

♪ A house, a house,
in a room of its own. ♪

♪ I found a house, me and you. ♪

♪ I can't find what I'm
searching for today. ♪

♪ Given time you will
see that we are one. ♪

Hello.

What?

Hello.

I'm just checking
the sound quality.

♪ A house, a house,
in a room of its own. ♪

♪ A house, a house; It's
true what we've known. ♪

♪ A house, a house,
in a room of its own. ♪

♪ I found a house, me and you. ♪

♪

Drink?

I would love a
glass of red wine.

What?

(Diana) Red wine.

Where is it?

In the kitchen.

Don't shout.

What are you thinking, Nat?

I don't know.

The rhythm feels a little flat.

Felt like I was
holding back in parts.

You know, like, it kinda
felt like we all were.

But it's good, really,

you know, the
hooks and the lyrics.

I think it's one of the
best songs you've written.

It's just the bass line.

Well, we don't want
to rewrite the bass line.

We're just here
to teach it to you.

She's got a point, flit.

Relax, if she wants to
try something, let her.

(Leo) We'll try it, okay?

Okay.

(Leo) We'll try it.

If we don't like it,
we won't stick with it.

[Quirky music]

[Straining]

Jesus, Benson, if
that thing comes off,

you will never get it back on.

Careful.

[Cork popping] Ahh.

[Fuzzy music]

Oh, shit.

Hey, guys, check this out.

Flit, what have you got?

Don't worry about it.

You don't want to know.

Check this out.

"Nat Bevin, the band's
lithesome new bassist,

"exudes the cool,
seen-this-all-before air,

"of the kid at the side of
the class who everyone

unquestioningly
likes and respects."

That's a nice one of
me, don't you think?

(Carl) You smell like my shoe.

Whatever.

Flit, what have you got?

No, it's fine, Jim. Leave it.

Yeah, go on; Read it out.

I can't, okay; I'm dyslexic.

Dyslexics untie.

[Laughter]

Dyslexics untie.

[Laughing] Untie,
you see, unite.

Yes, Benson, I think
they understand.

[Laughing]

[Coughing and choking]

Benson, whoa, whoa, hey.

Come on; Cough it up.

Come on.

[Crashing]

That shit works!

We call that the
Heimlich, Benson.

I just saved a life.

Oh, yeah, right.

£200 for six wine glasses.

Irreplaceable family heirlooms.

Yeah, petrol station
freebies, more like.

Then there's the matter
of the 14th-century ashtray

which was broken yesterday,

an extremely rare piece.

You're telling me; It
predates the discovery

of tobacco by about 200 years.

What the hell?
There's the emotional...

I'm so glad...

Oh, leave it, Benson.

Oh, get... don't do that.

[Coughing]

You, um, do you
need a hand, Margaret?

Are you trying to tell
me something, David?

No, no.

Well, actually, you, uh...

you're definitely the
only person I know

who can burn a pot of water.

Exactly what are those?

Well, those were potatoes.

Okay, um...

Here, why don't you
sit right over here?

Here, yeah, grab a seat.

Here you go.

And why don't we start over?

I think that's a good idea.

Okay, here.

[Evil laughter]

(Jim) It's all there
in black-and-white.

Posters, t-shirts, badges even.

You know, it's a lot
of merchandising.

What about action figures?

(Nat) What's the catch?

There isn't a catch.

It's just Tony Manson's
way of saying thank you.

I mean, let's face it;
You've been very good to us.

Yeah, well, we need
some time to think it over.

Yes, of course you do.

Yes, of course. Of
course, of course.

That's why we've got until,
um, the weekend to sign.

The weekend?

I just think you're
liable to offend him

if you leave it much longer.

Why drag your feet?

Come on; It's a lot of money.

Well, if he likes
us that much now

he'll like us that
much on Monday.

Quiet.

[Sighing]

(Carl) Sit down, Jim.

Sit down.

Jim, sit down.

Sit down, Jim.

Dinner is served.

(Leo) Oh, nice.

(Flit) Where'd that come from?

Did you actually make that?

With a little help
from my sous chef.

Believe me; It was all Margaret.

The age of chivalry is not dead.

I might be getting some tonight.

Romeo and Juliet.

I was just looking at
that quotation of David's.

"Beauty's ensign yet is crimson

in thy lips and in thy cheeks."

Extremely fresh
of him, I thought.

It was tactful of him
to omit the last line.

"And death's pale flag
is not advanced there."

Jolly well is, Charles.

I'm old.

Rubbish.

One's as old as one feels.

Yes, I fear you are right.

[Lively music]

Put it in your mouth.

Both: ♪ Mrs. Murphy

Dave: ♪ it only weighs

both: ♪ a quarter of a pound

♪ it's hairy all
over like a Turkey ♪

♪ and it spits at you when
you rub it up and down ♪

mm-hmm.

Pass the Doobie, Mac!

Coming over, bro!

I'm gonna light another
one just for shits and giggles.

You're a cockspur coral tree.

Yes, you are, you
pretty little thing.

You're a cockspur coral tree.

That's right; That's right.

I can see you in my book.

[Laughing] Crazy.

[Dog growling]

[Dog growling]

You are a cockspur coral tree.

Hey, pretty doggy.

[Dog growling]

Nice doggy.

[Screaming]

[Dog barking]

I don't know where he
is, but we'll go without him.

Nat, you can try
your own stuff, right?

Yeah.

We all agree?

Go away, you fucking dog!

[Dog barking]

[Rock music]

♪

♪ Everybody has a star.

♪ It'll start your heart afire ♪

♪ to keep you shining
brighter in the dark. ♪

♪ In this time of our lives,

♪ you'll see we all
need some kind ♪

♪ of superstition.

♪ That is all we want.

♪ Don't stop.

♪ So try to take
a piece of mind ♪

♪ and sound of
body and combine ♪

♪ a visual for all the
kind of stars we are. ♪

♪ Yeah, stars.

♪

♪ Any way you
tried to find us. ♪

♪ Come out; You'll see. ♪

♪ Oo-oo-oo

♪

♪ Don't stop.

♪ Shine on, shine on. ♪

[Yelling]

That was fucking good, man.

You, you're good.

Have you been working on that?

I just let it happen.

What did you think?

Kidding me?

What did we think?

Good, as good, better than Ben?

(Flit) Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was so much better than Ben.

I think we should just
forget Ben, actually.

Just forget him,

forget all the stuff he did.

I mean, she is just...

Let's just run with her.

Her has a name.

You want to change
your mind, flit?

Give up; Just
throw in the towel?

Well, their tape's coming
along just fine, sir, yeah.

(Tony) Have they signed?

No, not yet, but they will.

As far as they're concerned,
it's money for nothing.

Why wouldn't they want to sign?

'Cause there's no such
thing as money for nothing.

People buy your
records, don't they?

Beer?

Yeah.

You know, when we
signed on with you guys,

you tried to
screw us originally.

Way I see it, if
this thing's genuine,

why is he in such
a rush to sign?

My grandfather used to say,

"there's enough in the world

"for everyone's need

but not enough for
everyone's greed."

He died destitute. Beer?

Excuse me, are
you quite finished?

Thank you. No, thank you.

Do you want one?

What? No, thank you.

Beer?

No thanks.

So I take it the rest of you

are pretty much in
agreement with Leo?

Beer? Yeah.

Well, that's great, isn't it?

Beer? No, thank you!

Say, uh, thanks.

Good. Well, that's just great.

Hooray for fucking democracy.

No, sir, they didn't go for it.

Well, what can I say?

I'm a stupid little Shitbag.

I'm a stupid little Shitbag!

(Tony) 'Cause
that's what you are!

Sir, if you just listen...

Jimmy!

Please, just listen,
sir. Sir, I have a plan.

Yes, I'm sure it'll work.

[Whistling]

Well, I have a pretty good idea.

(Dave) Hey! My
mother's already dead, sir.

(Dave) Jimmy! You can't
exhume her; She was cremated.

Excuse me, sir.

I'm going to mow Benson's lawn.

Have you seen Margaret?

No.

You want a hit?

No, thanks.

That was just a man on a mower.

If, when I bowl, I put my foot

over the crease,
that is called a no ball.

This means you
can't be out bowled,

leg before wicket, caught,

or stumped by the
wicket-keeper even.

But you can, of
course, be run out.

Whatever happens,
the ball will not register

if one of the six balls
will go to make a Moldova,

and you will be
credited with one round

even if you throw
the ball or not.

Is that clear? I think
it's perfectly clear.

Are we clear about the rules?

I used to be.

Well, never mind, you'll
pick it up as we go along.

♪ Everybody has a star.

♪ In the skies
your heart afire ♪

♪ to keep you shining
brighter in the dark. ♪

♪

♪ In this time of our lives,

♪ you'll see we all
need some kind ♪

♪ of superstition.

♪ That is all we want.

Look, just pitch
the frickin' ball.

♪ Any way you
tried to find us. ♪

♪ Come out; You'll see. ♪

[glass shattering]

Oh, no.

Oh, yes.

I'll get my wallet.

[Instrumental music]

♪

[Giggling] Oooh.

[Dramatic music]

♪

Oh, Jesus.

♪

(Dave) You know
what? This is stupid, man.

I'm telling ya, this
makes the creature

from the blue lagoon
look like a frickin' tadpole.

(Carl) Lay off
the alfalfa, Davey.

(Leo) Too much weed.

(Flit) Back into the
pond: Mutant tadpole six.

Wait.

Hey.

Oh, wow.

If you're looking

for your towel, it's
just to your left there.

Little bit more.
No, to your left.

Almost.

(Flit) It's right behind you.

Left.

It's right behind you.

(Charles) This is impertinent.

You mustn't gaze at these...

This lovely...

Don't disturb the fish.

I think we should go back now.

Yes, back, back all of you.

Wait, Margaret, this is cool.

(Diana) Sandwiches and
drinks waiting on the terrace.

And Mr. Chancellor is
waiting for you to rehearse.

(Charles) Mr. Chancellor is
waiting for you to rehearse.

Hey, do you have any of those

peanut butter bananas, Margaret?

Come along, this way.

Uncle Charles, i...

Don't say a word.

I'd completely forgotten

she comes at this
time of the year.

Yes, well, the
newt mating season

hardly figures in the calendar

alongside lent and the
queen mother's birthday.

What did you tell her?

Everything; I had no choice.

Do you think she'll play along?

Well, I told her I
would be feeding

a lethal dose of poison
to her fishy friends

if she dared to breathe a word.

Charles, you'll
do no such thing.

Of course I won't,

but you should
have seen her face.

[Laughing]

How strange.

Strange?

To see you laughing again.

Hmmm.

Yo, guys, yo!

No, no. Hey, Dave!

No, you're still
dragging your ass, flit.

You're trying too hard.

What? What?

I'm trying too hard?

You guys are playing like shit.

Could you, um,
listen to the rest of us

for a second?

There's a kick over here,

and you're supposed
to reference it.

She was with it, flit.

Shut up, Dave.

I'm just trying something.

You're trying something?
Why are you trying anything?

We are locked; We've been trying

to lock this song all day long.

You take every fucking
opportunity you have

to take a solo.

(Nat) What is this about, flit?

This isn't about
the music, is it?

I don't know what
your problem is with me.

I am listening. I am following.

I'm not fighting anything.

You know what?

There are a million
people who'd be happy

to take your place right now.

And the thing that
makes you so hurt inside

is the fact that you didn't
get here on your own.

You're just riding
our fucking coattails.

Flit.

The difference
between you and Ben

is that Ben loves us.

He's part of our family,

and he respects us as musicians.

He could play with us. He
doesn't plow over everything.

You know I'm not
plowing over anything.

And Ben isn't here to
help you right now, is he?

Oh, don't worry. He'll be back.

And when he is, I guess
that means I'm history, right?

You can fucking
bet on it, sugar.

You're a patronizing asshole.

Oh, let's just... you know what?

Let's just chill.

Let's smoke some doobs and
do some yoga or something.

I'm just trying
to play this song

the way I know how.

I'm not Ben.

I'm not trying to be Ben.

Okay, in my experience if
you want to make a good song,

you gotta mess around with it.

Have a little bit of fun;
That's all I'm trying to do.

(Flit) In your experience?

As what?

A by-the-hour session hooker?

Ohh.

Fuck you, flit.

Hey, listen, flit... back down.

Get the fuck off of me, man.

No, you know what? Fuck you.

You're a fucking
asshole. Fucking ass.

What was that?

That's great, flit. That's
gonna leave a Mark.

You all right? Yeah, I'm fine.

(Dave) Hey, Margaret,
this room sucks!

You know what?
That's what you get.

Watching
teletubbies... I told you.

Let's find another
rehearsal spot.

And you know what?

This is all I'm carrying.

You've got the rest, flit.

You okay?

Yeah.

[Melancholy music]

♪

He seems very
troubled, that boy.

Well, you gotta
understand, Margaret,

that flit and Ben...

They were... They were
real tight, you know?

They were...

They were like brothers.

Well, what exactly
happened to Ben?

(Dave) Well, we
were playing a gig

in Washington,
and Ben took a cab

out to a place called
Chesapeake bay

or Smith point or something,

and, uh, well, all they found

were his clothes on the beach.

Good heavens.

And, Margaret, you know what?

I'm, uh...

No disrespect, but I’m
a little stoned right now,

so could we just lighten it up?

What does he want?

(Leo) Don't worry about it, Nat.

If it was anybody
else, flit would be

bagging on them
too, so just let it go.

It's ridiculous.

(Carl) You're fine, Nat.

You're good.

Yeah, yeah, you were great.

You let the rhythm
sort of, you know,

ride, drift.

It was good.

Kind of tread water.

That's big fucking music talk

from a hospitality guy.

Oh, I've done my
time in management.

(Carl) Really?

Did you suck at it?

Who wants to be in management?

Only every hospitality guy

I ever knew.

So?

They were a girl band.

Young, gorgeous,

completely devoid
of any musical ability.

They should have been big,
but we lost our lead singer

setting up for a sound check.

The pa gear got wired up wrong.

She plugged in her guitar,
put one hand on the mic stand,

and earthed herself.

Took the whole
package right through her.

Jesus.

What asshole would
miswire a pa system?

Your go.

[Lively music]

♪

Good morning.

[Groaning]

My mother's hangover cure.

What is it?

Don't ask.

I know how you feel.

Had enough?

Yeah.

Oh, god.

I did something
really bad last night.

Whatever it is,

don't let things get
out of proportion.

You have to try to work it out

a little more calmly

and enjoy what you have here.

And...

i want you to go and apologize

to your friends
for your behavior.

[Knocking]

Yeah?

Oh, my god.

Sorry.

No, don't worry.

Um...

Look, I'm really, really sorry

about all of those
things that I said.

And I'm just being an asshole.

And it won't happen again.

You groveling, flit?

No, you're right.

I'm shaking things up too much.

I'll lay off the moves.

No, no.

I think that you should keep
shaking things up, actually.

I think that you should shake
things up as hard as you can.

I think the songs
are better for it.

I don't know if I'll
ever figure you out.

Well, if you ever do,

please let me
know what you find.

You can just send me a postcard.

I'm down the hall.

♪ The south shore has a lot.

♪ And last month,
David Lee Roth, ♪

♪ he did a solo spot,

♪ and some German
bloke got shot. ♪

♪ Every year, we say the same,

♪ "try somewhere
different for a change," ♪

♪ but we jump onto
the plane, yeah. ♪

♪ And here we go again.

♪ Here we go again.
Here we go again. ♪

♪ Here we go again.

♪

Still checking
the sound quality?

Yes, yes.

♪

[Gasping]

[Yelping]

[Gasping]

[Music playing]

♪ here we go again.

Bingo.

♪ Here we go again.

♪ Here we go again. ♪

Hey, Margaret.

Oh, no, no, not me.

No, I never look
good in photographs.

Oh, that's nonsense.

No.

[Giggling]

I have an idea.

Do you have any rollers?

Rollers?

Yeah, you know, the
things for your hair.

Uh, I believe I have.

I haven't used them for years.

[Giggling]

Hello.

[Clearing throat]

I just wanted to come down

and apologize for yesterday.

All of us sneaking
up on you like that.

You must be one of
the American musicians.

Yep, maybe you've
heard our music.

No, I can't say I have.

Oh, really?

I'm a writer.

I write the songs.

Margaret tells me
you're writing a book.

My university thesis.

Oh.

On the mating habits
of salamanders?

Newts.

They may be tailed amphibians,
but they're not formally part

of the urodelous
genus salamandridae.

Okay.

Look, you better go.

What, just when we're
getting to know each other...

Better?

What do I have to
do to get rid of you?

Triturus cristatus,
the great crested newt.

What are they doing?

They're mating.

That is mating?

And now you can go fetch my oar.

Hey, do you want
to get a cup of coffee

when we go back?

I think that'll stick.

What do you think?

Uh, well, perhaps
it's going a bit too far.

No, I think Benson will love it.

Not so sure about that.

Oh, yes.

In for a penny, in for a pound.

Okay.

Let's do it.

Good.

You're a cool lady, Margaret.

[Cracking]

Yo, Benson.

Yo, Carl.

You busy?

Not anymore.

I'ma spank yo' ass, Jeeves.

Do you have to be so vulgar?

And why can't
David play with you?

Fishing David?

Fishing David.

David, it needs wrist.

Wrist. Give it wrist.

Oh, you vulgarian.

Fly-fishing is a great art.

All right.

Sky hook.

Oh-ho-ho-ho.

M-m-m-m-m-maestro.

(Charles) That
was rather beautiful.

How on earth do you do that?

Pshhh.

(Dave) Benson, this
pond sucks, dude.

It's all the acid rain,
man. That's what it is.

Jimi Hendrix would have
thrived in the year 2000.

Don't worry about it.

Look at Margaret. Whoa-ho!

Bitchin' 'do, Margaret!

(Dave) Is that your work, Nat?

Oh, thank you, David.

Do you like it?

I love it.

What on earth have you done?

Ooooh.

Oh, hey, the naked girl.

(Charles) What
are you doing here?

Georgia's moving in with us.

He insisted.

(Charles) Insisted?

Take her bags, Benson.

Take her bag?

(Leo) Catch this.

Her aunt and uncle,

the lord and lady,
they make her camp

at the river all summer long.

They don't even let
her stay in the house.

I mean, her own flesh and blood.

(Dave) Hey, Jimmy,
you were right, man.

They are a couple of old farts.

I beg your pardon.

(Jim) According to the
woman at the agency, yeah.

Silly little trollop.

Hand these round,
would you, Benson?

Maybe this isn't
such a good idea.

No, young lady, it is not
such a very good idea.

It's not your call,
Benson. She's staying.

(Dave) That's right,
Benson. Georgia stays.

Look at me.

My world is crashing
down about my ears.

Well, as far as I'm
concerned, that's no bad thing.

My loony sister's
bastard daughter

is moving in with us.

Oh, Charles, for goodness sake,

stop talking about
Georgia like that.

My house is infested
with delinquents,

and my wife is tottering around

like some curious
old chorus girl.

[Yelling]

[Crashing]

You bad-tempered old buzzard.

[Pounding]

[Engine revving]

Here you go, mate.

20.

Cheers. See ya.

One wicker log basket
handmade by Nepalese virgins.

£200...

No, £250.

I'll leave if you want
me to, uncle Charles.

No, please stay.

I'm earning a tidy sum
for your board and lodging.

Why do you hate me so much?

I don't hate you.

I let you use my river
for your studies, don't I?

Oh, you know what I mean.

You've only ever
tolerated mum and I.

Your mother is a
disgrace to our family.

My mother made a mistake.

I know. I'm looking at it.

One can't just go around
having children out of wedlock.

It's not fair.

Fair?

What's fair got to do with it?

"Right."

I meant "right."

It's... it's... it's...
It's not right.

How could you behave like that?

Are you listening to me?

Yes.

It's taken me all my
powers of persuasion

to prevent her from leaving.

You know, you really
are a misogynistic,

cantankerous old
bigot of the first order.

Is misogynistic a word?

It is now.

You've given it life.

[Fork clinking on glass]

I have a little
presentation to make

to our esteemed songwriter, Leo.

That's your publishing royalties

on your first album.

European sales.

No kidding.

How'd you do?

I think, uh, they
love us in Europe.

How much did they
love us in Europe?

I think that's between Leo
and his accountant, don't you?

[Together] $400,000 dollars?

Are you kidding me?

Divide and rule, sir.

It's the oldest
trick in the book.

What? Conquer and rule?

Yep, I guess that's been
around for a while too.

Would you hang on one second?

[Screaming]

Sorry about that, sir.

You got the tape?

It's great, isn't it?

It's more sort of mature.

Less of that angry
young man thing.

Oh, you like angry young man.

Yeah, it does sell.

[Yelping]

What?

Oh, nothing. I just
trod on something.

Well, "hate" is a
strong word, sir.

Yes, loath and
detest are stronger.

Bye.

[Screaming]

400 big ones? 400 big ones?

400 kiss my ass big ones.

400 kiss my lardy ass big ones.

Exactly.

[Laughing] That's a big one.

Guys, this is itching my ass.

400,000 bucks?

The songwriters get rich.

You know that.

Well, I understand that.

But even if this new
contract does fuck us,

that's four... That's
up-front money.

Check...

Mate.

You know, you can
tell a lot about a person

by the way they play chess.

You think so?

Yeah, I do.

And you know what?

You got a mean streak.

You think that was
bad? Yeah, I do.

How about we stop by the lake?

We can check out those
horny, little bastards.

Good night.

Good night.

David bowie.

Oh, David bowie, that's easy.

David Jones.

Okay.

Your turn.

How about David's friend...

Iggy pop?

James Osterberg.

Come on, you got to be
challenging with this game.

Okay.

Here's a good one.

Captain Beefheart, I
stumped Dave on this one.

You think I don't know?

I think you don't.

Could this be
my first big point?

Don Van Vilet.

Holy shit. How do you know that?

[Lively music]

♪

(Diana) Charles!

That's going too far.

Oh, my god.

Georgia?

[Gunshot]

What was that?

Oh, thank god.

Got you, you little monkey.

Try it again, and I'll
blow your head off.

Out.

[Triumphant music]

Oh, my god, Benson!

[Screaming]

Benson flipped the switch.

Anyone for the telegraph?

What's going on?

We'll get back to you
when our lawyer does.

Very wise.

You guys coming?

We'll, uh, be right there.

Exactly how much
are we talking about?

The percentages are
all covered on page 15c.

And the signatures just
go on the last page there.

Seems pretty kosher to me, brah.

There you are. Lovely.

Thank you so very much.

Well done.

I know it's not possible
to take back things

that have been said...

but I wish it were.

♪ Stormy weather never ends.

Guys, look at this.

Wow.

(Nat) So neat.

Isn't that amazing?

You didn't make that, did you?

Where did this come from?

Oh, uh, lord Foxley made it.

Really? For his son.

(Leo) I thought they
didn't have any kids.

They didn't.

You mean they couldn't?

Lady Foxley was
unable to bear children.

(Dave) Bummer.

(Diana) Yes.

Lord Foxley very much
wanted a son and heir.

Lord Foxley? What about her?

How did she feel?

Well, I think she
felt very inadequate,

a failure...

incomplete.

Yes, incomplete.

[Glass clinking]

[Dramatic music]

♪

I had no idea.

I'll be all right.

You've got me.

Hi, Margaret.

Hello, flit.

Is, um, that grand
piano just for decoration?

Lady Foxley used to play.

She did?

Do you mind if
I give it a whirl?

Oh, I imagine it needs tuning.

Oh, I could make that thing
sound like the day it was born.

It's a little something
I'm working on.

You know, it's about
the disguises we all wear

to keep people from
seeing who we really are.

(Charles) I'm not sure
it's as simple as all that.

Man is least himself when
he speaks in his own person.

Give him a mask, and he
will show you his true self.

That's Oscar Wilde.

I thought you were a zoologist.

I thought you were a Butler.

[Piano music]

♪

Oh!

[Clapping and whistling]

Encore.

Yeah, rock the casbah, Margaret.

Oh, I just wanted
to say that I’m, uh...

Sorry, yes.

Sorry for what I said
about your appearance.

It's very nice.

No, it's, um...

It's extremely fetching.

Good-night, Charles.

Diana...

Sleep well.

[Sheep bleating]

[Lively music]

♪

♪

I must say things are
very different around here,

aren't they?

Don't worry, Charles.

Everything will
be back to normal

in a couple of days.

Diana, there's
something I wish to say.

Yes?

Is it me, or is there a chill
in the air this morning?

There you go.

Oh, thank you, Nat, thank you.

Are you a happy boy now?

(Jim) Yes, I'm a very happy boy.

It's okay. I'm here.

Ooh, thank god.

Flit, perfect timing.

Do you want to add your
name to that little list?

There's a pen there.

Dave's spoken to your lawyer.

(Carl) Leo.

Morning, everybody.

How'd everybody sleep?

At least I got some.

(Carl) I think maybe
they got some.

Morning, Georgia.

Morning.

Leo.

(Carl) Get some, got some.

Leo.

There's just one name missing.

Later.

What's Morris dancing?

Oh, of course; The west
Flaxington Morris meet.

It happens once a year.

And it seems to
be happening today.

Oh, I doubt you'd enjoy it.

Bunch of pour souls
flouncing around

with bells on their toes
and flowers in their hair

and waving hankies
and beating each other.

It's awful.

Come on, you guys,
what do you say?

Let's go party with
the locals, huh?

No, I'm sorry, I
couldn't possibly allow it.

You'd all be recognized.

That's quite
right. You can't go.

You'll be recognized.

[Laughing] That's a
great idea, Benson.

We'll go in disguise.

Too kind.

[Together] Too kind.

Most loyal.

[Together] Most loyal.

Everybody very
good and gracious.

[Together] Everybody
very good and gracious.

Try that.

(Flit) Ewww.

(Dave) Yeah,
that's attractive, Jim.

Duct tape.

It's just a girdle thing

I was working on...
Didn't really work.

What do you think?

Look.

(Charles) No, no, no, no.

Absolutely. No, no, no, no.

Come on, we need
you and Margaret

to show us the ropes.

Oh, no, no, no, no. You must.

Nat, let's dress them up
as lord and lady Foxley.

No, we can't do that.

No, we are not going with you.

No, we can't.

(Dave) Jim.

Do you hear me? Never.

N-e-v-e-r.

M-o-n-e-y. How much?

I had her, I had her, I had her, I
had her, I showed her the way.

Benson.

(All) ♪ I had her, I had
her, I had her, I had her, ♪

♪ I showed her the way.

♪ I had her, I had her,
I had her, I had her, ♪

♪ I showed her the way.

(Leo) Come on, men!

♪ And I had her, I had
her, I had her, I had her, ♪

♪ I had her and I
showed her the way. ♪

[traditional English music]

♪

It's the buckstones.

Charles, I think we
must accept the fact

that we're going
to be recognized.

(Carl) Jim, Jim, Jim.

£50.

What?

£50 for the entrance fee.

Come on, we got 20
minutes to rehearse.

Hold that.

(Announcer) Ladies and
gentlemen, the Foxley forresters.

[Traditional English music]

♪

They've certainly livened
things up a bit, Charles.

♪

[singing unintelligibly]

[Mysterious music]

♪

Who are you?

No one really.

Yow!

Brothers and sisters

and assorted guests.

You didn't fall off a cliff.

Brothers.

How are you?

What the fuck is
with those threads?

Where the fuck have you been?

Yeah.

Been around.

But now I'm back.

Frankly, I expected
a warmer reception

on such a cold fucking day.

Yeah, well, uh... welcome back.

Yeah, is that what
you want to hear?

Welcome back.

That's what I want to hear.

Hey, you must be Nat.

I'm Ben.

Nice to finally meet ya.

Likewise.

Listen, uh, the label says

you guys got some great stuff.

Love to hear it.

[Rock music]

♪ jumping around
everything that you say. ♪

♪ There's a hole in the ground
that has the urge to swallow. ♪

♪ So glad you found this.

♪ So glad you knew this.

♪ So glad you fo-o-ound this.

♪ Digging into nowhere
with no promising ♪

♪ in this no win situation.

♪ Flowers are slowly fading.

♪ We're always
getting into your way. ♪

♪ And I get along and along. ♪

♪ Jumping around
everything that you say. ♪

♪ There's a hole in the ground ♪

♪ and it has the
urge to swallow. ♪

♪ So glad you found this.

♪ So glad you knew this.

♪ So glad you found us, yeah. ♪

♪ So glad you found us.

♪ So glad you knew this.

♪ So glad you found us, yeah. ♪

♪ Do-do-do.

♪ Do-do-do-do do-do-do-do. ♪

[applause]

What do you think?

A lot of it is Nat's,

but we feel tight.

You want to know what I think?

(Leo) Yeah.

I'll tell ya.

I think that you guys...

Are fucking stars!

That's a great fucking song.

It's a great song, man.

It's a great song.

Good stuff, furry.

Furry man.

You rock, brother.

Hey, look at you. That's great.

Carl, pipes.

We're gonna call you the pipes.

Pipes.

(Ben) Yeah, yeah, the pipes.

[Whispering inaudibly]

Rock god.

And you...

It was really
good. You're great.

Well, you can have my spot.

I'm just kidding.

But between chancellor and I,

we'll make sure that you
get well paid for your efforts.

I mean...

You always got this song, right?

You could sell it to a
movie or something.

Fuck your money and fuck you.

I know I'm better than you.

Did I say something wrong?

Did I do something wrong?

Well, fuck, man.

[Dramatic music]

I think this is most unfair.

Won't you at least stay

and have a farewell
drink with us?

I can't.

But you can't just rush
off without anything.

Yes, I can.

I was silly to think
this would last.

Well, it's very foolish of them

to let you go.

And after all that
work you put in,

and anyway, I
shall miss you too.

Stick that in the
bin for me, will you?

Bye, guys.

[Dramatic music]

♪

I can't believe you let her go

just like that.

Why don't you do something?

What am I supposed
to do, Margaret?

Ben's the band.

You're more than he'll ever be.

You know, for what it's worth,

it was a privilege
to watch you work.

For what it's worth.

(Ben) Here's the deal.

From Wembley, we
go to Paris, Berlin,

Athens, and that's Europe.

After Europe, Bangkok.

From Bangkok, we
go back to the states.

Back to the states means...

More beer?

Oh, thanks, Margaret.

You know, I only drink
them ice cold over there.

Truly if it was ice
cold, it would be frozen,

and therefore, quite
impossible to drink.

Just get me another beer.

A colder one.

Today.

Thanks, Margaret.

I thought this was five-star.

All: Thanks, Margaret.

I don't like what's happening.

It's not right.

No, he's not my cup
of tea, that young man,

but thus far, Diana,
there is nothing we can do.

I'm not so sure about that.

I mean, somebody
must do something.

Mmmm.

(Ben) I'm talking about
quality Bangkok, flit,

the likes of which
we've never seen before.

I thought we should
have some champagne.

It's a special occasion

when a good friend who's
been missing turns up

safe and alive.

They thought you
were dead, you know.

All those clothes on the
beach and everything.

It would have been
kinder to let them know.

Who is this woman?

I love her. Sign her up.

Thanks.

I don't know.

Margaret has a point.

You could have called.

Oh, come now, Leo.

I'm sure you've
also done childish,

attention-seeking
things in the past.

Excuse me, lady.

(Dave) Whoa, whoa, hey...

First of all, Ben,

her name is Margaret.

Thanks. Here, Margaret,
let me give you a hand.

Thank you.

Okay, girls...

What's up?

You ship out without a word.

I think we all got a
right to know why.

That's what's up.

You're very smart.

You're right.

You want to know why?

Why?

Ask flit.

Go on, man, tell 'em.

Go on, flit.

All right, fuck you. I will.

It was planned, all right?

What are you talking about?

What are we, Eddie
and the fucking cruisers?

I'm talking about hype, Leo.

Free fucking hype. Hype?

Yeah.

Ben Gould goes missing.

Will the band survive?

Have you seen the
run on the record?

The fucking things are
picking themselves up

and walking out the door.

Oh, flit.

You knew.

Hey, it's not him...

Yeah, just leave
him alone, all right?

I swore him to secrecy

because I knew you
guys wouldn't approve.

Ya think?

Okay, I fucked up.

But I did it for you
and you and you

and you, man.

I did it for us.

It seems to be as though

you did it very
much for yourself.

How Ben Gould goes missing,

will the band survive?

But, as you can see, they have.

What's more, they've changed.

And for the better,
and they all know it.

Hey, what the fuck are
you doing, you slave bitch?

What did you call her?

[Yelling and screaming]

You want a fucking
piece of me, grandpa?

You want a fucking piece of me?

Put it down! No, no!

Bring it on.

Fuck you guys, all right.

Fuck each and every one of you.

I made this band.

It's my fucking band.

And you know it.

You may have put us
together, my friend...

But we're the band.

I made you, flit.

You're nothing without me, man.

I can't be your
puppet anymore, Ben.

You know what, Ben.

I think we're all sick and
tired of being your puppets.

[Telephone ringing]

Chancellor.

It's flit.

(Nat) What?

Yeah, okay.

Bye.

180?

[Laughing] I guess. 180.

[Uplifting music]

♪

(Diana) Benson.

Apparently it's time
to party on, dude.

[Dance music]

♪

(Dave) Go, Margaret.

♪

Thanks.

Come on.

Vitamin e.

Does it give you energy?

(Dave) Oh, yeah, a
whole loving spoonful of it.

Carl.

Oh, ho.

Benson.

Give me your tongue. What is it?

Give me your tongue.

♪

Listen, I think I gotta
explain something to you.

You don't have to
explain anything.

I-I really need to
explain something to you

because I don't
want you to think

that I'm prone to
random acts of meanness.

I've been in this band for
a really, really long time.

Well, long enough
to forget what it's like

to just be a person.

And when you
started playing with us

and you could do
that, I realized that

that was something I
wanted more than anything.

[Romantic music]

♪

[Party music]

Do you fancy going to bed?

Oh, what a good idea.

Yeah.

Oh, yes.

Wait. What?

I don't know, just wait.

Come on, wait.

(Dave) Margaret and Benson.

(Nat) Can you believe it?

They're...

Lord and lady Foxley, retards.

They're married? Duh.

You think she knows he's gay?

He's not gay.

First night we were here,
he jumped into bed with me...

Well, you're in his room.

Why would they do this?

Why are they being
Margaret and Benson?

Well, because they
need the money,

and they're proud people.

Too proud to let you
know who they are.

(Diana) Oh, come
on, Charles, get up.

We should have been
down there ages ago.

Here, put your shirt on.

Oh, there's my other shoe.

Charles.

I'm not afraid anymore.

For our future.

Come and do your butling.

[Mysterious music]

♪

Whoop, sorry. Excuse me.

Get in here. Just on
the last page there.

Hi. Good morning, everybody.

Morning. I see you've
helped yourselves.

Well, we didn't
have much choice,

did we, Margaret?

I do apologize.

I'm afraid I overslept.

Where's that Randy old Butler?

I beg your pardon?

I guess I'm not the only one
he made a pass at last night.

What?

He made a pass at me too.

The vitamin e gave
you a little extra energy,

huh, Margaret?

Oh, perhaps that's
why I couldn't sleep.

[Laughing] Guess why.

[Laughter]

Am I missing something?

Yeah. Perhaps.

What kind of night
do you think they had?

Probably a lot like the
kind of night you had.

[Laughter]

(Leo) What a good
evening it was.

(Diana) More coffee?

Yeah, maybe you could just

top it up there,

you little fox.

Ley.

Benson, you all right?

Benson, how are
you, you old stud?

(Nat) Stop it.

(Leo) Hey, Benson,

do you have a pen in this house

that works?

Oh, might I advise caution

before you sign that.

You may be placing
yourself in legal jeopardy.

Excuse me, Benson qc, when
did you become the expert?

Lord Foxley, when
young, studied law,

and over the years,
he has passed on

the greater part of his
legal expertise to me,

and I'm telling you
that in that contract

there is a clause,
two to be precise,

which taken together,
which they can be,

places, ultimately, the
control of your music

in the hands of the
record company.

Is that what you wish?

What?

Oh, really.

You son of a bitch.

All this shit about believing
in our new direction,

liking our new sound.

I do. I really, really do.

(Flit) Bullshit. You don't
care. You never have.

(Diana) I believe he does care.

He's always checking
the sound quality

with his machine.

You were recording us.

(Flit) That breaks the contract.

You bootlegging son of a bitch.

(Jim) You don't know
Manson like I do.

He's a complete bastard.

He told me I'd never
work in this business again.

(Dave) Listen to me, asshole.

Why don't you get
the hell out of here

before I pull out my
full-on can of whoop-ass?

Well, that's it, isn't it?

15 years in this business
down the bloody tubes.

(Flit) Well, what do you
expect, sympathy from us?

No, I don't. I really don't.

You're just a corporate rat bag.

You said you were our friend.

You're a double-dealing
ass-muncher!

(Dave) That's right, you two...

No, actually, you know what?

You're a ten-faced dick!

And that's a lot of dick!

You've got everything it
takes to be our manager.

What?

Think about it.

He's got it all, man.

He's got it down.

Do you mean that?

No, you listen to
me, you fat fuck.

I've got your dick in a drawer,

and I'm gonna slam it

unless you sign off
on this baby, okay?

You get back to me.

Okay, Dave, Dave,
she can't breathe.

Excuse me.

Sorry, Margaret.

Now, listen to me.

Cut towards your chum,
not your thumb, all right?

You're a funny creature, David.

Thanks, Margaret.

Bye, Margaret.

You'd better go before
I do something foolish.

I say!

All net, Jeeves.

(Nat) Come on, Carl.

Keep it.

Thank you.

(Dave) Hey, come on, Carl.

Oh, I almost forgot.

Where can one
buy those vitamins?

Keep them coming!

It's all in a good cause.

[Laughs]

Keep them coming!

It's all in a very good cause.

Roll up.

Benson, more pimm's?

Don't mind if I do, sir.

I almost forgot, sir.

This arrived in
the afternoon post.

Thank you.

What's that?

A rather large check.

They want me to be their
permanent legal adviser.

Shouldn't this be
made out to Benson?

Not lord Foxley.

[Laughing]

Diana, there's
something I wish to say.

Yes?

If in the past I've
led you to believe,

that is to say, that I know

that there have been times
when I have made you feel...

(Flit on radio) Hello, Rome.

We'd like to send
out this next song

to some old friends
of ours in England.

♪ I don't know I'm born. ♪

♪ I'm only young. ♪

♪ I don't have a choice.
You know I'm only young. ♪

♪ I'm getting older. ♪

♪ I'm getting smaller. ♪

♪ Everybody tells you,
"you gotta walk taller." ♪

♪ you did a war, and
now you're poor. ♪

♪ And like your friends, ♪

♪ you're gonna
get it in the end. ♪

♪ Oo-oo-oo.

♪ You've heard it all before. ♪

♪ You can't go on much more.

♪ It's not like I think
the old folks are losers. ♪

♪ They can't work computers.

♪ They die in December time.

♪ You put it on.

♪ Don't ever stop.
It doesn't last long. ♪

♪ The younger folks, they
don't understand, they. ♪

♪ Back in the day, they.

♪ You're gonna
get it in the end. ♪

Would Mr. Heywood jablowme...

Please come to the office.

[Laughter]

What did the snail say

when he jumped
on the turtle's back?

Whooo!

- Turkish?
- Turkish? No, man.

Colombian.

I'll tell you what, chancellor.

Why don't you get
the hell out of here...

I'll tell you what,
you son of a bitch.

Why don't you get out of here

before I put my foot
up both his assholes?

No, no, no. That's mine.

Got a big piece of
turd in your mouth.

I'll tell you what.

It bounced off the
fucking ground.

I'll tell you what! Fucker.

Why don't you get the
hell out of here before...

Why don't you get
your ass out of here...

Fuck.

Old fashioned peanut butter.

Can't sleep. It's...

[moaning]

Fuck.

Ever been to Berlin, Benson?

Hey, Margaret, you
ever been to Colombia?