Girly (1970) - full transcript

Good morning Mumsy...

...Good morning Nanny.

Six o'clock already.
What a lovely morning it is.

Why haven't you brought the dear children
to give me my good morning kiss?

Master Sonny and Miss Girly
were up very early Mumsy.

They're off playing.
They do love their games so.

Found some new friends most likely.

Bless them...
... Heaven bless them!

Did Miss Girly brush
her hair this morning?

Of course, Mumsy.
A hundred strokes for Nanny.

She does have beautiful hair.
Of course, Mumsy. Nanny sees to that.



You're really too good to them, Nanny.

...and Master Sonny's toenails,
did you cut them?

Of course Mumsy.
Oh, but he did struggle!

That's because
the little chap's growing up.

Mind you, Mumsy, for such a little chap
he does get on his high horse sometimes.

Ah, like his sister. The little loves.
The dear little loves!

Did you give them
a nice breakfast, Nanny?

Nellie the Elephant
packed her trunk... "

went to join the circus... "

Oh!

Have a sweetie.
- Thank you mister!

Here!

Mmm. Do spoil me mister.
- Brothers should spoil their sisters.

Do you know Mumsy, those little rascals



hardly touched their brekkie this morning.

The dear little rascals.
That's not at all like them.

Well, come along Nanny,
let's get room number two all shipshape.

I was on my knees
half the night, scrubbing...

...all spick and span ? lovely!

Sheets ? I thought linen...
Oh no, no. Flannelette.

Flannelette's itchy!
But very cosy.

No, definitely the flannelette, Nanny.

Come on, help me turn the mattress.

Tell you what, Mumsy.
What, Nanny?

The little loves must be starving.
You carry on here in two, and I'll make them

a glass of hot milk and a nice biccie.

A choccy biccie.

Guess what?
- What?

Nothing.
- What?

Mind your own business, fry your own fish,
Don't poke your nose in my clean dish!"

Are you going to tell?

Ask me no questions you'll get no lies,
Shut your gob and you'll catch no flies!"

Are you going to tell?

It's a secret.
- Come on, tell.

You're hurting me!
- Give in then.

Promise not to let on?
- Cross my heart.

Cut your throat?
- Cut my throat.

Children! Children!

Don't hide from Nanny!
Nanny's got nice milkies and biccies.

Choccy biccies.

Nanny! It's all right Nanny.

Come inside and give Mumsy a hand.

I heard Mumsy and Nanny discussing
a certain person. And this certain person...

Do I know this certain person?
- This certain person...

What about him?

...has been getting a little bit uppity
with Mumsy and Nanny.

We'll have to find someone else then.

That was the idea.

Do you suppose his room's ready yet?

It looks ever so much nicer here
than it did in number five, Mumsy.

Come on, run!

Hello, come on, are you friendly?
Come on, we won't hurt you.

There we are, Mumsy.
All done. Elevens.

There's our pretty pattern
where we can both see it.

Not tens?
- Elevens. Tens are for bootees.

Better hurry up
or I'll be finished before you.

You're not allowed to finish before me.

That's right, I'm not.

Just remember, you're only the Nanny...

...I'm the Mumsy.

Come on!
He's usually friendly, you know.

Come on, here boy.
- Come and eat your dinner!

Ah, isn't he sweet.

Hey!

Hey!

What are you two doing here
this hour in the morning, eh?

Me?
- Me?

Well I'm not talking to meself, am I...

Of course not.
- That would be silly.

Now don't try to be funny.

You heard the gentleman...

And that goes for you too.
Now 'oppit. I might have to get a policeman.

Don't do that mister.
Don't call a policeman mister.

We weren't doing anything.

How did you get in here?

Easy.

Go on.

Go on with you.

Hey!

Come back here, come on, come on.

What have you been up to, eh?

Sneaking in here before the place is open.

What have you got in that box?

Come on, let's have a look at it.

Come on, bring it here. I can see
you've got something hidden away there.

Open it up!

Bless their little hearts.
- Their darling little hearts!

Mumsy's so proud of her dearest things.
- Course she is!

Mumsy?
- Mmm?

Do you think they'll bring anybody home?

Not... anybody.

Wake up, mister.
Come on, wake up!

Drinkies!

What's that?

Drinkies! Nice drinkies!

What's that? Who are you?
- My name's Girly.

Yes, this is my sister. Her name's Girly.

You can call her Girly.
My name's Sonny. I'm her brother.

Drink up, plenty more
where that comes from...

...if you come with us.

The little angels should be home soon.

Seems ages since they went
to the playground.

They shouldn't make friends so easily.

But it does them good to get out
and about. Meet lovely new friends.

What's your name?
- Girly.

Girly what?
- My... name... is

Addy-addy-shickory-
dickory-dinya-prinya-"

Upon-the-larry-alla-
balla-whisky-chinese-salt... "

...just call me Girly.

Just call me...
- You're our new friend.

You never run out of film,
do you. Who are you?

They call him Sonny.
- Who's 'they'?

All the new friends.

My... name... is

What's your name?"
"MMary Jane"

Where'd you live?"
"DDown the lane"

What d'you keep?"
"AA little shop"

What d'you sell?"

Lucky new friend!
- Not everybody is allowed a free film show.

Nursery tea!
- Cakies! Lemonade! Crackers!

Do you think they've found anybody yet?

Mumsy sounds rather nice.
She is!

Will I meet her?
If you're lucky.

Will I meet your Nanny too?
- If you're a good boy you might.

What have I got to do to be good?
- Stop asking questions!

That's it. Is that where you live?
- Where...?

That bench?
- Over there on that bench?

No.
- Where do you live? Come on, where?

You can't meet Mumsy and Nanny
unless you tell us.

After all we can't just make friends
with anybody...

?can we. We've got to know things,
you could be anybody...

...couldn't you.
- I'm nobody.

You must be somebody.
- I'm nobody.

Don't keep saying that!
- I'm nobody I keep telling yer.

I've got nowhere, nowhere to live. Nowhere.

I bet you're lonely.
Got nobody in the whole wide world?

Are you what Mumsy would call...

?an inveterate footman?
- You what?

Nobody can miss you?
- Nobody.

Now come on,
get me out of here.

Come on, you got me into it,
get me out of here!

'Soldier' ? that's a nice name!

Eat up your jelly like a good boy

and then you can have some teacake!

Teacake?

Toasted teacake...

?with currants in...
- And sultanas!

Why are you laughing at your new friend?
You're not to laugh at Soldier.

Sorry Mumsy.
- Sorry Soldier.

Now children, get on with it.
And afterwards, we can all play games!

Games?

And then we can pull crackers.
- What do I wanna pull crackers for?

Hats. Paper hats.
Tin whistles. Plastic whistles.

They simply mean, dear, that
no party is complete without crackers.

What about these teacakes?
- The alarm is set for five o'clock.

Teacake time!

It's one of the rules.
- Rules?

In a happy family, you must always have rules.
To abide by.

See. Mumsy says.
- What?

If you don't have rules, where are you?

I'm standing here with me bleeding guts
hanging out, that's where. Sod the rules!

What about my teacake?

Teacake time!
- Patience is a virtue, possess it if you can!

There we are!
- Here's a lovely paper hat for Soldier.

Now it's medicine time!

Medicine?

All of us get medicine in this house. Me and Girly.
And you.

I can't stand the stuff!
- Then you'll have to go without.

Mmm.

Mind you, not all medicine. I mean, er...

Mmm.

...some medicine's not so bad
as others. Quite nice in fact.

Come on, where's my medicine?

Where's my bleeding medicine!

Don't worry, dear. You'll get your medicine.

Ring a Ring a Roses,
A Pocketful of Posies ? Hasha! Hasha!"

...We all fall down!"

You didn't fall down.
- You should have fallen down.

Stupid, innit!

But you've got to play games.
- We did tell you about the rules.

Not one more game?
Just one more game before bye-bye?

Bar off this. Mucking about
like kids. We're not kids.

That's not nice.
And now you won't play any more.

Would like a nice little drinky
before bye-byes wouldn't you?

Nanny tuck you up?

Rather have her tuck me up...

Well, Mumsy?

All right then, one more game.
But only one.

What shall it be, Mumsy?
What shall we play?

Let's play... Oranges and Lemons"..

Come along Nanny.

Oranges and Lemons
said the Bells of St Clement's"

I owe you five farthings
said the Bells of St Martin's"

When will you pay me?
said the Bells of Old Bailey"

When I grow rich
said the Bells of Shoreditch"

When will that be?
said the Bells of Stepney"

I'm sure I don't know
said the Old Bell at Bow"

Here comes a candle
to light you to bed"

Here comes a chopper
to chop off your head!"

Chop! Chop! Chop! Chop!
Chop! Chop! Chop! CHOP!"

Scrub my fingers to the bone
trying to get these stains out!

Girly should take greater care.

Do hope they won't show
when they're dry...

She really is very naughty,
smashing her dolls like this.

...if they do I'll have to try bleaching them.

Do you think you could glue
his head on again, Nanny?

They'll shrink a bit. Might have to
alter them for the next new friend.

I tell you we're wasting our time.

The Mumsy doesn't want new friends
from the park any more.

I still think we're wasting our time here.

...who says so?

Why do we have to leave now?

Because you're drunk
and I am bored. That's why.

I know I'm not everybody's favourite layabout
but I thought I was yours.

I was just beginning to enjoy myself.

You and that red-headed trollop.
She can't afford you anyway, lover boy.

And you can?
- I can, and I do.

You... bitch!
- You... bastard!

That's better.
Down with that lousy party.

Come on, let's go where it's all happening.

Come with us and
something's bound to happen!

This your car?

Where the hell did you come from?
Get out of here before...

OK, let's go!
Go where?

Anywhere. You heard what he said ? let's go!
- Come on, let's go!

Did the dear sweet loves say
where they were going?

This time?
- Yes.

No.
- Oooh!

Come on, come on over!

Now you!

Come on slowcoach, you're lazy!

Come on!

Oh, I'm tired.

Hurry up!

Come on, attaboy! Come on, boy.

Whee-uu!

Come on, gee up, that's it!

Faster!

Wheeee!

Go on, up you go! Go on.

Fun, isn't it.

Wheee!

Come on!

I want to go home.

Why are you always spoiling everything?
I'm not spoiling anything.

We're having a good time, why don't you
join in the same as everybody else?

Now come on, ladies first...

Come on ?
Truth, Dare, Crime or Promise?"

Stop being so childish...
I'll look after you.

...you're lousing everything up.
These two are a couple of ravers!

Get up the top, come on.
I don't want to.

Come on...
Let me alone.

Come on, behind me.

No, let me go ?
stop this, I don't want to go!

Come on, go down the slide.

It doesn't hurt, it's all right.

Go on!
Give her a good shove!

Leave me alone!

Cowardy cowardy custard!"

Silly bitch! Come on, down you go!
Leave me alone!

What d'ya push her for, mister?

Do you know what the nice
Mr Dickens says about children?

I love these little people,
and it is not a slight thing... "

when they, who are so fresh
from God, love us. "

Hurry up, get your heads down.
I'm going to jump over you.

Come on then, hurry up.
Quick, come on.

Spoilsport.

Come on. It's your turn.

Come on ? you're not that drunk.

Go on...
... it's your turn!

Nanny, Nanny, wake up!

What about Mr Dickens?
- Shush!

Don't shush me!
- Wake up!

It's the children!

They've found a new friend!

Hurry up!

Put it in the trunk!
Well, open it. Go on.

Little Miss Girly packed her trunk... "
".... and somebody joined the angels... "

Don't worry, you'll be safe with us.
- The Mumsy will love you!

Ow!

Children!
- Don't fuss so, Nanny.

That's right, Nanny. Don't fuss.

We'll have none of your naughtiness.
What do you say to dear Nanny?

Come along...?

Sorry Nanny.
- I should think so.

Mumsy?
- Dear?

Can I take New Friend his breakfast?

'May' I. Friend in five
has been a naughty boy.

Friend in five has been forbidden breakfast.

No, not him. The new one.
- Is he awake yet?

We've put him in room two.
I've taken his clothes off.

Those clothes weren't dry.
He'll catch his death!

What's this?
- They're for you.

I can't wear these. It's kid's gear.
- Why, are you going somewhere?

Where are my clothes?

We had to burn them.

You're lying.

Gave you a bath last night
and tucked you up

and Sonny put your clothes
in the incinerator.

You gave me a bath?
- You looked ever so cosy.

You're not embarrassed?

You had blood everywhere.
All down your chest.

All right, all right!

And all inside your thighs.
- Shut up!

Sorry you don't like being reminded.

It was an accident, see.
We were struggling and she fell.

Liar.

You pushed her!

Saw you with my own two eyes.
Sonny saw you too.

Anyway, Truth, Dare, Crime or Promise"
we said. And she...

Nobody else saw anything, did they?
- Might have...

Anyway, no-one will find you.

And they won't find her,
not in a month of Sundays.

What the hell do I do now?
- You're safe with us.

We're a happy family.

Come on, eat up.

The Mumsy likes having people in.

Don't you like being looked after?

That's naughty mister.

You're going to need to learn the rules.

Well?
- He's rather spirited!

As long as he doesn't get
too high-spirited.

Give me that thing ?
No, I want that one!

No. that's mine.
Mumsy bought it for me!

No, Nanny got me one...

No, it's not yours, no, it's not -
... I'm going to tell Mumsy.

Come on.
Hurry up with that water.

When do we get something to eat?

You'll have to wait.
Not dinnertime yet.

Do you have a lot
of rules in this house?

Of course.
They're for our own good. And yours.

Who says?
Mumsy and Nanny, that's who.

What do you think
we'll get for our dinner?

Fish's eye in glue, filleted worms,
yum yum, pig's bum... "

?Scab and matter custard, green snot pie,
dead dog's giblets, dead cat's eyes... "

And a cup of sick to wash it down. "
- You'll like it here when you've learnt the rules.

Yes. Well I'll try.

He might as well, huh. Come on.

These rules.
Tell me some of them.

You'll find out, won't he.
He'll find out!

These games, for example.

Games are what you might call
your rent money. Your dues.

You have to play games because
you're our new playmate.

It's like being back at school.

Suppose... I get fed up with these games.

Where do you think you're going?
- The lavatory.

You know, shed a tear for Nelson.

For your girlfriend, more likely.
- He wants to go to the 'lav'.

In this house you have to ask
to go to the 'lav' ?

you don't just go to
the 'lav' without asking.

You've got to say...
- Please may I be excused?"

Please may I be excused?
- Of course.

Do you know where it is?
- Yes.

Go on, then.

He needs watching, that one.

Itching powder in his bed?

Getting fed up with the itching powder bit.

I've got it!

Didn't he say it nicely.
What? Say what nicely?

Please may I be excused?"
He said it ever so nicely.

The Mumsy likes well-spoken people.

Open this door! Open this door!

I don't give him long!

Will you open this door!

Go on.

He's coming.

He's made his bed...
... now he can lie in it!

Oh, dear,
what can the matter be...?"

Our new friend
got locked in the lavatory... "

He'll be there... "

Shut up! SHUT UP!

Is something the matter, dear?
Now then, have we all washed our hands?

If there's one thing I do like to see

it's nice clean hands at the lunch table.

Remember children...
Cleanliness is next to Godliness.

What is cleanliness next to?

Cleanliness is...
next to Godliness.

Now then, whose turn is it
to say grace today?

Me! Me!
- Is it Master Sonny's turn, Nanny?

Yes!

Through the lips, round the gums
Watch out stomach, here it comes!"

What do good boys say?

Please may I have some bread?

Please may I have some bread...?"

Please may I have some bread, Mumsy?

Shall the New Friend have
some bread, children?

Nanny, shall the New Friend
have some bread?

Only if he sings us a song.

What a good idea. What song shall
the New Friend sing, children? Mumsy?

I dunno, what would you like?
Roll Out The Barrel"??

Any Old Iron"??

Onward Christian Soldiers"??
Do you like that?

We'll have no blasphemy at the meal table
thank you very much!

I only thought...

...The Siamese National Anthem.

I don't know that one.

OH. WA.TAN. A. SIAM"

OH. YE. SIAM. ANAS"

See.

What tune?
- What tune do you think?

Try the National Anthem.

Go on if you're going. Come on.

OH. WA.TAN. A. SIAM"

OH. YE. SIAM... "

Oh, what an ass I am
Oh yes I am an ass!"

Hello!

First of all she tried
Father Bear's bed, but that was too hard. "

Next she tried Mother Bear's bed
but that was too soft. "

Last of all she tried
Baby Bear's bed... "

You have been a great disappointment
to all of us. Certainly to me.

However, bearing in mind the fact

that new friends often feel
a little strange at first,

that is to say, alarmed,
and invariably try to run away,

we usually give them a second chance.

In fact, it might almost be said

that giving them a second chance
is part of the rules.

Mark you, not all new friends
get a second chance.

I remember only last year...
- Get on with it Mumsy, I'm tired.

Don't interrupt. You know Mumsy
doesn't like naughty boys who interrupt.

He needs his sleep, he's growing!

Mumsy doesn't like Nanny
to interrupt either.

We have decided to sentence you
to do the shopping.

Shopping is a lenient sentence when
there are certain... mitigating circumstances.

What Mumsy means is that...
New Friend's not stupid.

New Friend knows what Mumsy means...

Just remember...

...in future, stick to the rules ?
and don't do anything silly.

Now I think it's time
we adjourned again, to bed.

Come along Master Sonny,
back to beddy-byes.

You've been
a great disappointment to me.

It's very silly to panic.

Only little boys do silly things like that.

And you're not a little boy any more, are you...

Show Mumsy you're not a little boy any more.

Where are you off to?
- I'm hungry.

But you're never hungry.
- I am now.

I'm a growing girl, aren't I?
Mumsy says so.

Sometimes a growing girl
gets an appetite.

Rock-a-bye baby
on the tree top

Now New Friend knows what Mumsy meant...

by mitigating circumstances.

Come on, hurry up.

Quick!

Careful. That's it.

And, erm... a loaf of bread, please, miss.

Yes, sir. Good day, sir.

Good day. Thank you miss.

Hello.

Yes sir. What would you like?
- Mumsy and Nanny sent me.

They gave me a list.
- How is the Mumsy? ?and Nanny?

Oh, they're very well, thank you.

Anyway, erm...
- Yes?

I'd like a pint of strap oil,

two left-handed screwdrivers,

a pound of elbow grease,
and a pint of cooking glue!

You've come to the wrong shop.

You should've gone to hardware
down the road.

Well then, you wouldn't have
any striped paint, would you?

Mumsy and Nanny want some striped paint

for the Last Post.

Like I said. Hardware.

But let's see what we've got...

How's that suit you?

No, that's no good.
- Why?

The stripes are too wide.
- Then you'd better try hardware.

Sorry I couldn't help you!

Mumsy and Nanny will be cross.

You can't go yet!

The shops are always so crowded
these days you get quite worn out.

So why not take the weight
off your feet, I say,

and have a nice cup of tea!

Do I have to?
- It's part of the game.

Oh.

Are you going to have one?
- It's only for customers.

Oh.

Well, if it's part of the game...

Castor oil's good for you, dear.

If I'd told you, you wouldn't have touched it!

Castor oil?!

Sonny takes his with blackcurrant juice
and I take mine with lemonade.

Castor oil! I thought, I really thought...
Castor oil!

Miss Girly says the New Friend's a good boy.

Friend in two?

Well I wouldn't mean the naughty boy
in five, would I? Five is in disgrace.

Miss Girly says our friend in two
did the shopping like a good boy.

Miss Girly said he'd prefer
his castor oil in ginger beer, though.

I don't imagine he'll give us
any more trouble.

Nanny hopes not.

He's so very... different.

Mumsy, you're not fancying him are you?

Fancying new friends is against the rules,

you can have them but you mustn't fancy them.

Fancying them only complicates matters.

Rules are for the children, Nanny dear.

And rules are for us, too.
- Now don't upset yourself.

Just remember!
- Must I remind you, Nanny dear, that you are only...

Yes, I know. I'm only the Nanny.
You're the Mumsy.

Do you think he likes it here?
Friend in two?

Well you don't get cakies in prison.
- Prison?

Our friend in two...

...is a murderer.

A murderer! In our house!

No, no!
Leave me alone! Please, help!

The dear things!

The dear, sweet things!

Like I said, Mumsy, him in five's
been very restless lately, very restless.

Is that who they're playing with?
Friend in five?

I didn't see the rota this morning.

No, friend in five is not allowed
to play any more.

They're playing with new friend in two.

Ah, the nice new friend.

He seems to have lots of energy.
Just like the dear children.

I do like to see all the dear hearts happy
even if they do have too much energy.

Got you!

There you are!
I thought you were trying to escape.

Well, you thought wrong.

Let go of my hand.

I said, let go of my hand.

You've not been learning the rules.

Rules can be broken.

I thought you were trying to run for it.

No.

You must never try to run for it.
Not a second time.

Because if you try to run for it,
we catch you.

I'm not joking! We put you on trial.

P- properly, this time.

Then what?

If-if we found you guilty of trying to run for it,

of trying a second time,

if we caught you breaking one of the rules

...we'd send you to the angels.

You wouldn't like that.

Would you?

No, no, oh don't go -

don't ever try to run for it!

Do you think he's settled in?

Do you?
- What's that, Nanny dear?

Friend in two,
do you think he's settled in?

Oh, I think he's settled in extremely well.

Indeed, he's the one with too much energy.

That's why I put bromide in
his cocoa, Mumsy.

You'll forget this if you know
what's good for you.

You won't, though.
- What's that supposed to mean?

They say you never do,
not the first time.

Look, just forget it.
- Suppose I don't want to.

Don't be so bloody na?ve!

You and your stupid games!

Anyway, it's like you say...
- Yes.

It's five's the worry.
- He's had his opportunities.

Now that two's all cosy
where's the point in five?

Why do we bother with five
any more, he never listens...

I said to him more than once
he played us all up...

Not like two, two's a good boy.

I think it's time friend in five
was made to play 'the game'.

The Humpty Dumpty game?

Who's that for?

I said, who's that for?
- Him in five.

What about him?

Mumsy and Nanny say he's
to be put on trial.

Why?
- You know why.

Because he tried to run away
a second time.

Oh.

When?
- The other day.

No, I mean 'when'.

Oh, soon.

Here. Make yourself useful.

You seem sure he's guilty.
- And you're getting soft.

Mind yourself!

No I'm not.
- And getting soft's against the rules.

I know, getting soft's
against the rules.

Just remember...
- What?

Rules are applied rigidly.
You needn't think otherwise.

Why should I?
- Just don't start getting soft, that's all.

Come on then, rabbit.
Have your biccies, come on.

Come on then, have your biccies.
Come on then.

There's a good boy, come on then...

New Friend like a nice biccie?
- Thank you Nanny.

Why doesn't Nanny like
the New Friend any more?

Why would New Friend think that?
- Well...

...Nanny didn't help the Mumsy give
New Friend his bath last night.

Last night?
- Uh-huh.

Mumsy said the New Friend had the sniffles
and wasn't to have a bath last night.

I wonder why Mumsy
would say a thing like that?

Yes, I wonder...

Spoilsport.

You're not allowed!

That's a grown-up's game.

I thought you liked
grown-up games.

I suppose you'd call it
Mothers and Fathers"..

You showed me a game ?
now I'm going to show you one.

Oh, yeah?
What do you call your game?

This game's got no name.

But if you tell tales
about you and me...

you'll finish up in the sand pit.
Up to your neck in it.

And when you're struggling,
buried in it...

and when you're struggling,
when you're struggling to get out, but can't...

we'll all be taking potshots

at you ? only we won't be using cues.

You do understand?
- Kiddy billiards, huh?

So don't do anything silly
like friend in five did.

So there is another one
in five, then?

Plenty of dollies
in the toy cupboard.

Yeah, but this one in five...
- He's being sent to the angels.

He's what?
- We're putting him on trial.

Hey!

I don't want to see you get hurt.

Just remember...

Mumsy, Nanny, Sonny and me,
we're a happy family.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall... "

Why do you suppose
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall, Nanny?

Well, if the Mumsy doesn't know why,
the Nanny isn't allowed to know why, is she?

Look out!
- Here comes a certain person...

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall, "

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, "

All the King's horses
and all the King's men... "

Girly says...
- Girly has far too much

to say for herself sometimes...
- ... has Miss Girly.

Girly says you're sending
number five to the angels.

She said you put him on trial, and
found him guilty of not sticking to the rules

and he's to be sent to the angels.

Now you're being curious,
and curiosity killed the cat.

I just wondered, that's all.

Little boys should be seen
and not heard...

...otherwise, little boys
get sent to bed.

Who with?

Come on, who with?

That's not very nice...

Not nice, what do you mean, not nice?

You don't mean to say
you've never...

...Nanny means you're
speaking out of turn.

I know all what Nanny means.

Does she put all the new friends to bed?

Mumsy thinks you'd best
go to your room.

All right, Mumsy. Nanny.

Join me later.

I don't like his tone.

No.

...I'm sure you don't.

Are you trying to tell
me something, Nanny dear?

We have deliberated.

And we have decided
that you shall play the Humpty Dumpty game.

But we will give you
a little start. Fair's fair.

So I shall count to ten
and then Sonny will try to catch you.

Off you go, then.

One"

Two"

Three"

Four"

Seven"

Ten"

Girly gets naughtier every day!
Spoiling all her lovely toys.

That's right, Sonny dear.
Let's all see the lovely film again...

and this time, Girly, you're to
stop fidgeting and watch properly.

I don't have to remind you, that in
a happy family, fidgeting is not permitted.

New Friend is not to fidget, either.

Switch the lights off, Nanny.

You're not to talk to me.
- Listen...

You're just sticking your neck out
and for what?

Because something's got to be done.
- What can you do?

Have you forgotten
that girlfriend of yours?

All right, I'm across a barrel, I know...

...but then so are you ?
just shut up and listen.

You and me, we've got to
get out of this madhouse.

We're not mad... we're happy...
We're a happy family!

For how long? Go on, how long
are you going to be happy carrying on like this?

I tell you we've got to
clear off and leave them to it.

'We?' What happened between us
was just part of the game.

Don't stick your neck out.

What am I supposed to do?

Don't ask questions!
Don't you understand?

You just play the game
and stick to the rules.

The rules?

We are, we are,
we're... a happy family!

Do you know,
I've warned you, you can have them

but you mustn't fancy them.

Anyway, we've always bathed new friends
together before, that's the rules.

There's no need
to upset yourself, Nanny dear.

I assure you that on this occasion...

You went in when friend two
was in the bath?

He left the door open.
- But you didn't even knock!

I had to take him in his baby powder.

Then what?
- He looked so sweet...

Then what?
- ... just like one of nice...

...Mr Kingsley's Water Babies...

Are you listening to me?
- ... splashing about with that plastic boat we gave him.

YOU gave him.

Don't you remember, Nanny dear?
WE took it away from number six.

I still think you should have
knocked before you went in, Mumsy.

Wake up! Wake up!
Come on, please! Wake up!

Why did you wake me up?

...Hansel and Gretel were just going
to invite me to tea...

Mumsy and Nanny have had a row.
- What about?

Friend in two. He's all playing them off
against each other.

Why would he want to do that?
- Don't you see?

No, I don't see. What's there to see?
- He's trying to rule the roost.

He thinks if he can get Mumsy and Nanny
at each other's throats...

Well?
- ... he thinks something might happen.

Such as...?

Do I have to explain everything?
- Since you ask, yes.

You're really thick you are,
you're thicker than two short planks.

Brothers shouldn't talk to
their sisters like that.

Talk to you how I like!

In fact, you're thicker than
two short planks, you're thicker than...

I know, thicker than mule turd ?
I'll tell Mumsy and she'll wash your mouth out!

Anyway, get on with it ? I want to go
back to tea with Hansel and Gretel!

I wouldn't be surprised if friend in two
tried to stir things up so much...

...either Mumsy or Nanny
does something terrible.

To each other, you mean?

What are we going to do then?
- Oh, I don't know.

I don't want to go bothering with
a trial, though. Trials are a bore.

What started it all?
- Thought you wanted to go back to sleep?

Oh, get on with it, will you?

Well, he let on to Nanny that he
and Mumsy did something together...

...and that upset Nanny, of course,
because he's never done that with her.

Does Nanny want him to, then?
- Of course she does.

Clear as the nose on her face.
- At her age?

At her age.

Yes, we'll have to send him to the angels.

Nanny, dear?
- Not now, sweetest ? you can see that Nanny's busy.

It's important.
- It'll have to wait, dearest.

But Nanny...
- Can't you see how busy I am?

Now go along and play.

Friend in five in there?
- That's right.

On his way to the angels?
- I expect he's there by now, sweetest love.

Nanny, I've got to talk to you,
it's important.

All right then, now what's all this
that's so important that you can't wait?

Sonny doesn't like New Friend.
Sonny broke a rule.

Are you telling tales out of school?
- No, but Sonny did.

What did he say?
- I won't tell you what he said

but because he said it I know
he doesn't like the New Friend.

You like him though, don't you?
- Say what you mean, dear.

Sonny wants to send New Friend to the angels.
- Why?

Promise not to tell?

Sonny said to Mumsy
that you told New Friend in two

that you want him to do to you
what he did to Mumsy.

Mumsy's going to get you, so there!

Sonny didn't bargain on Mumsy
saying that. He bargained on Mumsy

sending friend in two to the angels. See?

All right, Miss Girly.
Off you go to bed.

How many rows
have you done, Nanny?

Fifteen. You?

Twelve.

It's because I knit faster than you.

I can't help that.
I think it's time to call it a day.

Yes, Mumsy. It's time we called it a day...

Are the dear things
all tucked in?

Are they nicely cosy?
- Very, very cosy.

Goodnight then, Nanny.

I'm so tired I could sleep for a hundred years.

You do that then, Mumsy.

Is she asleep?

My night light's gone out.

You mustn't be afraid of the dark.

But I am.
I've been crying ? see.

I'd better take a look
at your night light, then.

Do you brush your teeth?
- After every meal.

Why?
- You know why.

Mumsy and Nanny say
if I brush my teeth after every meal

I'll grow up to be a big boy. That's why.

Big and fit and strong?
Do you always brush your teeth?

...Of course.

With a brush?
Do you clean your top teeth with a brush?

...Of course.

What do you clean your bottom with?
- A brush.

Eurgh... I bet that hurt!

We'll have to go out tonight.
Find ourselves a new friend.

What for?

We'll want someone to play with,
now that five's gone.

We've still got friend in two...

Not for much longer.
He's being sent to the angels.

Who says so?

He hasn't had a trial.
- He won't need one,

not when I tell Mumsy and Nanny
certain things I know.

What... sort of things?

Mind your own business, fry your own fish,
Don't poke your nose in my clean dish!"

Come on, out the way.

Listen!
- What?

You know that boy?
- What boy's that?

You know, that boy?
- What boy?

That boy, Tony Chestnut!
- Tony Chestnut? Who's Tony...

TOE!"!!
- Aaaargh!

KNEE!"
- Urghhh!

CHEST!"
- Aiieee!

NUT!"

Who're you gonna send
to the angels? Who?

Go on, who're you gonna
send to the angels?!

Do you like ice-cream?
Do you like fourpenny ones?

WELL HERE'S A FOURPENNY ONE!

...nicest new friend I've ever had...

He's my friend, not yours!

You leave him alone in future!

I didn't mean to... I didn't mean to, honestly!
- Shhhh!

I didn't want to break
my little drummer boy...

Girly dear, if I've told you once,
I've told you a hundred times

you must learn to take
more care of your toys.

Now you've gone and smashed
that lovely little china drummer boy.

Honestly, Girly dear, if you go on like this
you won't have any toys left.

Here's your lovely Nanny doll.
There. Are you quite comfy?

Where's New Friend?

Just putting Sonny on the train for Heaven.

He won't get on it
himself will he Mumsy?

Now what on earth makes you think that?

Sonny wants to send him to the angels.

Well, Sonny's gone instead, hasn't he.

I'm all asleep, Mumsy.

That's right, dearest cherub.
You go to bye-byes

and the Sandman will come and put
the lovely sleepy dust in your eyes.

...Hansel and Gretel invite me to tea?

If you're a good girl, and take the thumb
... out of your mouth.

That's right, dearest.
Just go to bye-byes.

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, "

All the King's horses and all the King's men,
Couldn't put Humpty together again, "

Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall, "

All the King's horses
and all the King's men, "

Couldn't put Humpty together again... "

Elevenses, dear!

Couldn't touch a thing...

What, not nice buppy toast?

You're not ailing...?

How is she? Girly?

After all...
- After all, what?

What's 'after all'?

Girly!
- Ah, poor Girly.

It was quite a shock...

She was always so fond
of that little drummer boy.

Do you think she'll be all right?
- Why?

He was her brother!

Mark you, he wasn't at all nice. The Nanny
spoilt him so, it coarsened him.

Why, you only had to hear him speak.
He was vulgar.

And extremely devious.
- Devious?

He was jealous of you.
- Of me?!

Silly Sonny. I do believe he thought you
were fraternising with my little Girly...

Do you know, he always was a silly billy.
You and Girly, indeed...

No, can't imagine what gave him that idea.

You see, dear, he was plotting against you.

He had a word in Girly's ear,
and she told me that he suggested

it was time all of us...
conspired against you.

You wouldn't do that, would you?

Why on earth would I want
to do a thing like that?

Well, if Sonny was jealous of me
he... might have invented stories.

What stories could he have
invented about you?

You wouldn't have believed
them though, would you?

And you, you wouldn't believe Nanny,
if she told you stories?

The Nanny?

Well, if Nanny said things to you
and you believed them

what would there be
to stop you getting jealous?

Now, now, I do believe you're
allowing yourself to become upset.

You mustn't let the Nanny
distress you.

Oh, I don't. She's harmless enough.

I just thought your pillow
looked a bit uncomfy, dear.

That's not very nice.

Snatching isn't very nice, Miss Girly.
What do you say?

Sorry!

That's better!
- No, I'm not.

What?
- I'm... not... sorry... so... there!

Not nice at all.
Girly's not been at all nice lately.

Why does Girly suppose she's
not been very nice?

You've not been very nice lately, either.

And what does Girly suppose
she means by that?

Making my pillow comfy... my foot!

Are you trying to say something?

Because if you're trying to say something
you ought to just say it

instead of sitting there all sulky
like some toffee-nosed young madam!

Nasty Nanny... is no good!..
Chop her up for firewood!..

When she's dead... boil her head...
make it into gingerbread!

Girly! What are you doing here?

It's far too soon to be up and about,
you should be in bed.

Come along inside
like a good little girl.

Don't want to go to bed.
- Yes, you do.

And Mumsy will read you a nice story
before she tucks you in.

No, don't want a story!

Perhaps Girly would like Nanny
to read her a story?

No! Don't want Nanny.
Nanny's nasty!

Please, I want to stay out here.
- Come along...

My word! Girly doesn't want a story

and she doesn't want to go to bed?

But Girly must want something...

Girly always wants something
when she's in a tantrum...

Not in a tantrum!

Mumsy will get you a nice dolly
to cuddle up with.

Oh. Where's your lovely Nanny doll?

Don't want Nanny doll!

Nanny's nasty!

You're not frightened of Nanny are you?

She hasn't been telling you
about the bogeymen?

Not frightened!

That's right. You just cuddle up
nice and warm

and I'll go and see if Nanny
has the lunch ready yet.

Nasty... Nanny...
is... no... good!

Chop... her... up... for... firewood!

When... she's... dead!"

Nanny? Nanny, where are you?

Nanny? Nanny?

Nanny, where are you!

Nanny? Nanny?

Nanny!

Oh, Girly!

What could you expect?

Well, go on ?
what could you expect?

I really don't know.
- You must have.

What do you mean, 'I must have'?
- That something would have happened

sooner or later with me and one
of these new friends.

So much for all the rules.
- What good did rules ever do?

You must have rules ?
a happy family needs rules!

Now if the rules count for so little
I really don't know what's going to happen

to any of us. To you, to me, or to Nanny.

Oh, where is Nanny, anyway?
If I don't find her soon this meal will be rui...

Girly!

When she's dead... boil her head...
make it into gingerbread!"

What are you doing?
- Putting Nanny on the train to the angels.

Why in your room?
- Mumsy says I won't be needing it any more.

Mumsy says she's going to be
lonely without Nanny.

Girly's in the wrong chair.

Nicer!

Just this once, then.

There we are. Elevens.
Tens are for bootees.

What have you done with friend in two?
- Putting Nanny on the train to heaven.

I do hope he gave her a blanket,
she does feel the cold so.

And here's our pretty pattern
where we can both see it.

Can't I have one of my own?

In happy families, it's nicer...
- ... to share and share alike.

That's right, dearest.

Dearest?
- Hmm-hmm?

You're knitting faster than me,
and it's not allowed.

I can't help it if I'm better.

Mumsy, if we share everything...
- ... Mumsy understands, sugarplum.

Friend in two shall be your playmate
on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.

He'll be mine on Tuesdays,
Thursdays and Saturdays.

What about Sundays?
- Miss Girly!

Sorry, Mumsy.

What day is it today, Mumsy?
- My dearest, it's Saturday.

My day.

I think I should find you a new friend.

You'd like that, wouldn't you Mumsy?

Mmm. Somebody younger this time.

You might tire of friend in two
and so might I.

After all, suppose we both...
- There's no suppose about that.

All right dearest, you can go
to the playground.

But do be careful, my cherub.

You'll be alone this time.

Can New Friend come?
- Must I remind you, Girly...

Yes, I know. It's Saturday.

Off you go, then.

Watch your step, dearest.

And you watch yours...

Humpty Dumpty
sat on the wall... "

Humpty Dumpty
had a great fall... "

All the King's horses
and all the King's men... "

Couldn't put Humpty together again... "