Girl in Gold Boots (1968) - full transcript
A young girl, Michele, is persuaded by a disreputable agent-type to leave her job as a waitress and travel to Los Angeles to become a go-go dancer. There, she must compete with the established top star, Joan, and eventually ends up taking her place.
[groovy music]
[dance music]
[clapping]
- How long have you been there?
- Long enough to see that
you've got a good act.
- I'll bet you came
in here for something
besides a show.
- As a matter of fact, I came--
As I was saying,
I came in here for
a piece of apple pie
and a cup of coffee.
- You're not from around here?
- Why do you ask?
- Afternoon fair lady, kind sir,
any idea where California went?
- It went that-a-way pardner.
- Straight down this
here road a piece?
- Sure a piece,
just beyond Arizona.
- I have five mighty
hungry companions with me
on this trip, appetites
you can't imagine.
- Well I'll sell you anything
in the place, mister.
- I'll settle for 10
Hershey bars please.
- That'll be one dollar.
- Can you cash a hundred?
- I've never even seen one.
- Lucky me, here's a single.
Good bye fair Guinevere,
I must hasten on
to the land of milk and honey.
- Hey, wait a minute.
- He here for you friend?
- That's Jimmy, he's
always hiding out there
to look for speeders.
- You're really hooked on
this dancing aren't you?
Hey, ever thought of
being a professional?
- I guess I'd give about
anything in the world
to be one.
- I can help you.
- You can help me?
- Sure, look my sister's
the No. 1 attraction
in Los Angeles in a groovy
Hollywood night club.
Let me show you, there she is.
My sister, Joan Nichols.
- This is your sister?
- Yup.
- Go on, you're a
bigger nut than he was.
- Hold on now.
Same girl.
Listen, I'm on my way
to Hollywood right now.
Why don't you come with me and
I'll bet ya my sister
can make ya into a star
just like that.
And I'll do all that
for you in exchange
for a little companionship.
You know what I mean, like
being my relief driver.
I wanna drive straight through.
- Oh boy, have you got
a line a mile long.
- Nah, I'm serious.
- I'm sure you are.
Look, I may have
stars in my eyes
but I don't believe
everything I hear.
- [Father] Michele come in here!
- Excuse me.
- Girl I told you
an hour ago to get
them pots and pans washed.
- [Michele] Daddy, I've
got a customer out front.
- You do them dirty
dishes, I'll take
care of the front.
- No, please.
- What did you say?
- Mr. Johnson hired me to
take care of the front.
And you to take
care of the kitchen.
You want to get us fired again?
- Don't you get smart with me!
- I'm not getting smart.
Just that you've been drinking
and you're going out there and
making a fool of
yourself anyway.
- That's what's bothering ya.
I've been drinking.
I slopped up a few
stinkin' beers,
I ain't good enough to be
your father no more, huh?
- Daddy please.
- What do you mean Daddy please?
You afraid I'm gonna breathe on
some of your lousy studs
out there, is that it?
- That's enough!
- Ya no good tramp, you're
just like your mother.
- You're right, I am
like her and I'm glad.
At least she had enough
guts to get away from you.
[screams]
- What's wrong, huh?
- You still want someone
to go to Hollywood with?
- You bet I do.
- Help yourself to
another cup of coffee
while I get some things packed.
- Now, Michele look
I guess I'd better
come clean with you.
There's another reason
I asked you along.
- I know, we can fight
about that later.
- No, no, no, no,
look, I'll treat you any
way you wanna be treated.
Fair enough?
- You were serious, weren't you?
- Sure, sure I was serious but,
well there is one
minor complication.
I ain't got enough bread for
gas all the way into L.A.
Will you be able to help
in that department too?
[siren blaring]
Baby, I think you're
gonna be good for me.
The old luck is
changing already.
[traveling music]
Snack time, anything
special you want?
- Yeah, a place to comb my hair.
- I'll see what they have.
Come on, move it.
- Hey man, you getting
ready for move it?
- Would you like to
take his brains out
and play with them now?
- There'll be none of
those shenanigans in here.
You come in for what
you wanted and leave.
- There's no problem,
ma'am, no problem.
- My god, Buz, you're
out of your mind!
Don't you know they'll
kill you for that?
- Don't you worry your
pretty head about it.
- Let's get out of here quick.
- That punk with the chick!
- That snobby man?
- You better believe it.
- Keep the motor running.
Have fun.
- What are we gonna do now man?
- Why don't you just
shut your mouth.
- And you wanted to save
us from my drinking.
Move over, come on!
I'm sorry.
Well I said I was sorry.
Well say something.
- I guess I was just tired.
- Come here.
[romantic music]
[tires squealing]
Hey, recognize him?
- Of course I do.
He's the guy with all the words.
- You mean he's the
guy with all the bread.
Come on, let's go pick him up.
- The good
samaritans, I presume.
- Need help?
- Yeah I guess you could say so.
Traveler here, my bike,
seems to have thrown a rod.
- Well now, seems
to me you've got
an awful lot of trouble
with that wreck.
Yesterday you had
it on a truck bed.
Oh yeah, we've met
before, haven't we?
Why you, my fair lady,
you're Guinevere,
but I don't seem to
recall your name sir.
- Look cut the baloney out, huh?
You want a ride?
- My other name is Michele.
He's Buz.
- Michelle and Buz,
mine's Critter.
- Critter?
- Yeah, you know,
like a cowboy's horse
or a wayward calf
without a home.
- Look, come on,
you want a ride?
- Yes we do.
- What do you mean we?
- Well, Traveler and I.
- Oh no, look wise
guy, I ain't carrying
no beat up old motorcycle
in the back of my car.
- You won't have
to, I got a tow bar.
- No, you gotta
have a bumper hitch
for one of them to work.
- Ah, it just so happens
I have one of those, too.
Well, for a short time.
- Where did you go,
Africa, South America?
- In Nepal.
- Nepal?
- Yeah, you know, it's
between India and Tibet.
I helped the natives herd
yaks in the Himalayas.
- Yaks, you're kidding.
Critter, I'll bet you've
got a college education.
- Well, yes and no.
I didn't get a degree,
but I tried my hand
at Columbia and Berkeley.
- I wish I could've
gone to one of them.
- I'm not the scholarly type.
- Look I hate to bud in on this
real brilliant conversation
but we gotta pay
and get outta here.
Waitress, check please.
Now how bout it, Critter
old pal, seems to me
this place ought to
have change for a 50?
Maybe even a 100, huh?
- Ever since I got
back, I've been carrying
my billfold full
of Nepalese money.
But you can try to get
it cashed if you like.
- OK baby, shell out yours.
Ten bucks, that's
all you've got?
- I had to buy gas.
- But you went back
to the cash register.
- And took what
was coming to me.
It amounted to $14.
- Well that's just great.
With this tab coming to
4.50, that'll leave us
a lousy 5.50 to get to L.A.
- Look, I didn't take
any more from the
cash register than $14.
That was mine.
- OK yak boy, can you take
care of your own share?
- Yeah, I can come
up with my own share.
And $15 more to boot.
Why, we ought to
be able to reach
Los Angeles with 20 bucks.
- Come on.
- What a ride!
- You enjoy it?
Hey, you wanna go for a ride?
- Ah, no, I guess I'll
pass for now, thanks a lot.
- I don't know about you
guys, but I'm thirsty.
- You and Buz plan to
get married in L.A.?
- I'm riding with him to L.A.
He's going to help me
get started as a dancer.
His sister can help me,
that's all there is to it.
- Well my naive country
girl, I hope it.
- Maybe Buz does seem
a little crude at times
but you just have
to get to know him.
- Like two days?
Hey, don't pay any
attention to me.
What you do is your own business
and it's really no
concern of mine.
- That's right, it is
no concern of yours.
I'm going to become
a dancer, Critter,
and a good one.
You said yourself, I'm pretty.
I'm good at dancing, too.
- You're even prettier
when you're wet and angry
honey child.
- Critter stop teasing
me, I want you to
take me seriously for once.
- Oh I'm taking you seriously.
- Stop it Buz!
- Now listen you, you stay away
from Michele, understand?
- Why don't you let
her decide that?
- Yeah, why not?
- Are you here in
California to play with
the yak boy and his broken
down old motorcycle?
Or are you here for a reason?
Now you tell him.
Tell him!
- I'm here to be a dancer!
- Hey, how far is
it to Los Angeles?
- About 20 miles.
- Thanks.
- Find your number?
- Ah, yeah.
- Will this be cash or charge?
- Cash.
- Hey, what the devil's goin on?
- Stay in the car.
Get behind the wheel.
- Where's the attendant?
- Sound asleep.
OK, roll this baby out of here.
- Buz what have you done?
Have you gone crazy?
- Move it!
OK, yak boy, you can get
outta here if you want to.
- You're not afraid
I might turn you in?
- Why should I be,
you're an accomplice.
- My friend, you might
have seriously hurt
that man back there.
- I might have, but I didn't.
Don't worry, he's up
on his feet by now
banging on the door.
Well are you getting out or not?
- I gave you $15 for
a ride to Los Angeles.
- OK but get that
bike off of the back,
too conspicuous.
- Look, we'll be in
L.A. in 20 minutes.
You'll be rid of
me and the bike.
[Christmas music]
[go-go music]
- Hi, table for three?
- Uh-uh.
- Would you like to sit down?
- Get lost.
- You enjoying the show pal?
- Yeah.
- You guys are broke,
go home and watch
a late, late movie on TV.
Now don't get cute sonny.
- We're just waiting for
the show to get over with.
That's my sister up there.
The one in the middle.
- Hey!
Follow me.
[knocking]
- [Leo] Hey Joanie,
got visitors.
- Screw you.
- [Buz] Come on Sis,
open up the door.
- Buz, Buz!
I don't believe it!
Why didn't you tell
me you were coming?
Oh, friends of yours?
- Yeah they're rolling
through Caifornia with me.
This is Michele
Casey, Critter Jones.
- Glad to meet you Miss Nichols.
- Hello Michele.
Oh, she's pretty.
Hello Critter.
- Hi Miss Nichols.
- Come in, come in!
Sit down, sit down.
Oh, you met Leo I guess.
- Well no, not officially.
- Oh, well I want
you all to meet
my one and only, Leo McCabe.
He owns the place.
Well, now that we've
got the greetings
settled brother, tell
me what are you doing
out here on the coast?
Did you finally get in
some serious trouble?
- Are you kidding?
None of those good
citizens are hip enough
to catch me.
- The fuzz may be numb where you
come from friend, but
they're pretty well
with it on the Hollywood scene.
You give me.
- Give you what?
- You lay that gun
on me, sweetheart.
- Buz, my god,
are you carrying--
- Do it!
I'm not gonna count sonny.
Now.
- When do I get it back?
- You don't.
There are only a few
people in this town
who pack these things.
And most of 'em are cops.
If you need some
bread, I can help you.
But I don't like
bad-mannered kids with guns.
Dig?
You, ah, come to my
office and we'll talk OK?
Ciao.
- Don't let him bug ya Buz.
- Oh I'm not bugged,
I, I just forgot
I was in someone else's
ballpark for a moment.
- What about you
Michele, you gonna be
moving on with Critter?
- Nah, she is with me.
- Oh.
- Joanie, I want to be a dancer.
- Sis you ought
to see her dance.
She is just great and I told her
you're gonna help
her get started.
- Thanks.
- Just try me, I'll work.
Really I will.
- Well, um,
we'll take a look
at you tomorrow.
- Just an audition,
that's all I ask.
- Oh, OK, we'll, ah,
audition you tomorrow.
- Looks as though
you folks pretty well
have your futures set.
I feel like the Lone
Ranger riding off
looking after folks
that are gonna live
happily ever after.
Well,
so long.
Thanks for the buggy ride.
- Any time yak boy.
- You sure she's with you?
- Critter?
Do you feel that you
really have to go?
- Yes I do Michele.
- Will I ever see you again?
- I honestly don't know.
- Critter, earlier
this afternoon,
when you and Buz made
me choose between you,
it isn't that I don't like you.
I do.
It's just that I have to--
- I know, you have to dance.
- I almost envy you Michele.
I wish there was
something that I cared
that much about.
If you had any sense
you'd just keep
walking with me
right down this hall.
- Are you asking me
to go away with you?
- I don't think either one
of us is ready for that.
All I'm trying to
do is help you see.
This is no place for you.
- I guess I'm going to have
to decide that for myself.
- Well I never was much
for helping people.
Peace Corps proved that.
So, I guess I'll just go back
to minding my own business.
- Oh, no baby.
We're not going to a hoedown.
You want Leo to
hire you as a dancer
or a dishwasher?
You're about the same size I am.
Let's get ya into these.
This is what you
need to show off
what you've got baby.
- Attendant not seriously hurt.
Front page.
[clears throat]
- How do you like it?
- Beautiful.
One more time.
Let me help you.
- Thank you.
[go-go music]
- Well OK boys,
you've had your fun.
Get on with the work.
- Sure thing, Leo.
- Mr. McCabe.
Yeah, I think she'll do.
Can you have her ready tonight?
- She'll be ready Leo.
- Good.
- Yeah!
Turn around.
- Well, well, my
educated janitor.
Well you look half human
with that beard gone.
- Don't let that fool ya.
- How ya doin?
Things going OK?
- I've only one complaint.
- What's that?
- That water's too hard to
make a good bucket of suds.
- Really?
Look you remember
what I offered you.
Any time you say, I can
do much better for you.
Much.
Look, smart fella
like you shouldn't
waste his time mopping floors.
- Hey, me honey.
Come on.
- Know anything about engines?
- Yup.
- Fool around over there and
I'll check this place here.
- Hey Marty, is that him?
- Don't look up like
that, pay attention,
fix that engine.
Nah, it's only a salesman.
Here comes Joey now,
walking towards us.
Just act normal.
- Hey, little case of
hard trouble Marty?
- Yeah.
- Aw, it's a bad scene man, wow.
- [Marty] Tell me.
- It's these carburetors.
You know I used to have a
short just like this one.
Bad carburetors man.
You know if you get a
grain of sand in there
pssh!
However, it might not be that.
You know you might be outta gas.
- Play it straight Joey,
we can't stall around here
all day, huh?
- Hey come on, relax.
Live a little,
live a little man.
What's the use in passing
all this bread around
if you can't have a little fun?
Who's this cat?
- He's a new friend of yours.
His name's Buz.
- Crazy, crazy.
Like all careers
my career depends
on good connections.
Where's the stuff?
- In the usual spot,
right in front of you.
- Right by the battery.
- [Joey] My pockets hate you,
you and your battery acid.
- Put the grand
down by the air pan
and get outta here, will
ya, before we pick up heat.
- Hey man, I've been
going around the block
for 20 minutes.
- Twenty minutes
behind a school yard?
The way you look,
they'll be busting you
for a deviate any second.
Come on, get outta here.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I have a special order
for tomorrow morning.
- I thought we
were only supposed
to hit this spot once a week.
- And that's all
we're gonna hit it.
- Somebody better
be here tomorrow.
Or else you ain't
gonna be making
any more deliveries in
this neighborhood, baby.
- That's exactly what I mean!
That's what these
cretins pay for.
Ya got the movement,
let's hear it with music.
- I'll see you in Leo's
office in a minute, OK?
Well, well.
- Ah, my faithful
traveling companion.
- See you've been
promoted from yak boy
to mop boy, huh?
- How's your new job?
You have a chance to
murder anybody yet?
- You stay away from Michele.
Now look, you're
not fooling anyone.
You've still got
your eye on her.
- I admit, I like Michele a lot.
Buz do you honestly think
she'll ever be your girl?
- I'm warning you,
because I won't leave
nothing but the pieces.
- Buz.
You know you're like
a blind rattlesnake.
You hear a noise and you strike.
You should try staying calm.
Then you could
think and observe.
If you did that, you'd
know I'm no threat
to your love life.
- You're about as gutless
as this bike of yours.
- What a blast.
Joanie how did I do?
I don't think I goofed
a single step, did I?
- No, no babe, not a
goof in the carload.
- Thank you for putting
me at the end of the line.
- That isn't your spot.
I just put you there
in case they noticed
you made a goof or something.
But that spot belongs to
one of the other girls.
- Well you just leave her there.
OK?
- Thank you.
You don't think it'll
make anyone mad do you?
- So, let 'em find
another joint.
Here.
Put this on and come
out front with me.
I want you to meet
some of the customers.
Sport your business.
And that's for tomorrow night.
I want you to dance
in Joanie's place.
Oh she needs a day off.
Besides she's tired.
- You know, I'm
almost out of pills
from the holiday.
[inaudible]
- Oh, by the way.
I'm having a party later.
I'd like you there, OK?
- Sure.
- Great.
- Yeah Leo.
- You know what we talked about.
- What?
- Joey's special delivery.
- Oh yeah.
- Well I want you to
make that delivery
by yourself.
- Sure.
- By the way, Marty
tells me your car is hot.
Is that right?
It's hot, get rid of it.
- Get rid of it?
- Dump it.
Get outta here.
Get outta here.
You really look
great in that dress.
- Thank you.
- Your glass is empty.
Cheers.
I bet you move pretty good, eh?
Why don't you show me
what you can really do.
Come on, groove baby.
- Well, well.
Glad to see somebody made it.
Ya know I hate
doing business with
leery people like Marty,
you know what I mean?
That type will get popped.
Where's the junk?
Relax, live a little bit.
I mean, what's the use
passing all this bread
if we can't have
fun, right baby?
- You know for a new cat,
you're sure learning fast.
- The money first, huh?
- What's the matter,
don't ya trust me Buzzy?
- I wouldn't trust you
with a care package.
Hey Joey.
Why don't you look
at the tire, huh?
- OK.
OK, see ya next Friday Buzzy.
Second and Main, huh,
don't forget 2pm.
- OK baby.
- See ya later Buzzy, see ya.
- Hey man, hold it.
Who's that?
- I don't know, but I like it.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- I was just listening in,
what's the name of that tune?
- Doesn't really
have a name yet.
I been thinking about calling it
"Do You Want to Laugh or Cry."
- Oh it's one of yours?
I like it, it has a good sound.
Oh I'm Chris Holland.
- Critter Jones.
- You have this
thing written down?
- Just the words.
Never dreamed anyone
else would wanna play it.
- Well why don't
you come out front.
Let's give it to the guys.
I'd like to see what they
could do with it, OK?
- Sure.
- [Chris] You have
any more of those?
- Yeah I got a
bunch lying around.
♪ Do you want to
♪ laugh or cry
- If you gentlemen
will excuse me.
- Oh you don't have
to go yet baby.
- Yes I have to get
changed for my next show.
- Don't be too long.
- No I won't.
- Promise you'll be right back?
- Oh yes.
May I come in?
- Sure.
Now I won't have to say
goodbye to you in a note.
- Are you really leaving
this time Critter?
- Yes.
If you take a good look
around you, you would too.
Close the door.
Now sit down.
Leo deals in narcotics,
LSD and you name it.
And Buz is up to
here in it with him.
- So?
- I sold a couple of
songs today for 100 bucks.
You can have half.
- Fifty dollars.
That's more than anyone
else has offered me.
You don't even want me.
- Hey I'm not
trying to be funny.
- I was afraid you weren't.
- Look Michele, you can't
afford to get mixed up
with this bunch.
- Who says I have to get
mixed up with anyone?
- Listen to me Michele.
The pigs of this world won't
let you sit on the fence
above the mud and watch
the action for very long.
You either run
when they spot you
or they'll pull you down.
And then you'll have no choice.
Now I say they have us spotted
and it's time we
find a new fence
to straddle for a while.
- Just ask me to go away
with you and I will.
- Well what in the devil do
you think I've been doing?
- I mean ask me
because you want me.
Because you need me.
- It doesn't matter
what I want or need.
- Critter, please tell
me that you love me.
Then I'll go away with you.
We can get out of here together.
- Tell you a thing like that?
And then have you hate my guts
when you find out about me?
Uh-uh, not on your life baby.
- Find out about what?
- All right, you asked for it.
You think I'm just
a college dropout
from the Peace Corps.
Well I'm much bigger than that.
Next week I'll be on the
wanted list of the FBI.
Findley Jones,
alias Critter Jones,
wanted for refusal
to serve his country
in a time of a
national emergency.
- Are you supposed
to be in the army?
- Next week I'm supposed
to be, only I won't.
- A draft dodger, you?
- I don't know.
All I know is that I've gotta
find a hole to crawl into
so they can't find me.
That's the kind of man I am.
One that's gotta find
a hole to crawl into.
- All right, you find your hole.
Me, I'm staying here.
Why should I leave?
Leo says I'm really
going places.
Just because he deals in
dope, that doesn't tarnish me.
- That's what you think baby.
Tarnish isn't a
strong enough word
for what he'll do to you.
Try corrode for size.
Why don't you take a
good look at Joanie.
She's been places
with Leo, and there's
a trashy book written in
every line on her face.
- Aren't you the great one?
Solving other people's problems.
♪ I love her lips
♪ The touch of her hand
♪ I love her eyes
♪ the way they shine
♪ Something inside me
♪ makes my heart low
♪ Could be the reason
♪ I miss her so
♪ Oh
♪ lonesome man
♪ Oh
♪ lonesome man
♪ I woo'd many others
♪ Always to find
♪ I have a feeling
♪ I'm wasting my time
♪ Kissing their lips
♪ is just like some wine
♪ I remember
♪ all of those times
♪ Oh
♪ lonesome man
♪ Oh
♪ lonesome man
♪ I told her I loved
♪ and needed her so
♪ She smiled and said
♪ this love would grow
♪ Lied, she lied,
♪ deceived me so
♪ Now my heart
♪ is feeling so low
♪ Oh
♪ lonesome man
♪ Oh
♪ lonesome man
[knocking]
- Yeah.
- Can we come in?
- Yeah.
Well mister if you're a
cop I want you to know
I'm not responsible for
this punk in any way.
It just so happens
he's the brother
of one of my dancers.
He blew in last
night from back east.
- A cop, heaven forbid.
No, I'm no cop.
However, I am associated
with the police.
Rather closely associated.
- He is kinda nutty Leo but
he's got one
beautiful scam, now,
you better listen what
he has to say, huh?
- Since when did
you start telling me
what I should hear?
What do you want?
- Well, ya see,
one of my best
friends is a hop head.
- You have my sympathy.
- Oh there's no
need for concern.
He's well fed by a
sort of a foster mother
named Joey.
- Never heard of him.
- It's just as well.
I'm sure that you
prefer a higher degree
of intelligence
in your employees,
and Joey isn't very bright.
He proved that by not
listening to my story.
- Well he sounds
very smart to me.
- Poor Joey is also
not very careful.
When he refused to
listen, it became
necessary for me to follow him
and speak to his connection.
A young man with far
more on the ball.
You might find it
expedient to promote him.
- Oh really?
- Of course, this is
no surprise to me.
Connections should
always be smarter
than the pusher.
If he weren't then he
would be the pusher,
the pusher would be he.
- Leo, Leo look.
He told me he's a
trustee at the Eastwood
County Jail about
40 miles from here.
- And I've been a guest
there on other occasions.
- Yeah, yeah.
Now he says the
narcotics squad out there
made a big hit last weekend.
Leo, he picked up over a
$100,000 worth of stuff.
- They keep it in an
empty cell at the jail,
locked of course.
Now that's where I enter
the picture once more.
- I suppose you got the keys?
- Fella, I'd never steal
anything as worthless as a key.
Your desk locked?
- Yeah, why?
- Excuse me.
- What are you doing?
- Sir I'm going to
give you a $100,000
demonstration in 10 seconds.
Now that cell door
is much easier.
That's all that
stands between you
and $65,000.
- And you only want a third.
- Well I've been
thinking of retiring.
My wants are quite
simple really.
Tonight I shall
get good and drunk.
Break a show window
if necessary.
Tomorrow I'll be at
Eastwood County Jail
as their No. 1 trustee.
I need only one brave man.
- I think I know you,
what's your name?
- The boy'll do.
Even if he does think I'm nutty.
- What's your name?
- Blatz.
Harry Blatz.
- Excuse me Mr. Blatz
while I have a talk
with this bright young man.
You stupid punk, I
oughta kick your face in.
Do you know who Harry Blatz is?
- No, he said he's not a cop.
- Well he might as well be.
He spends half his time
in jail, he's a drunk.
And he's got a big mouth.
And he hasn't seen
more than 1,000 bucks
in one spot in his life.
And you bring him to me
like a long-lost brother.
And he thinks you're smart.
Well that alone proves
how smart he is.
- Hey how was I
supposed to know that?
Listen, besides, I think
he's got a good plan.
- Yeah, that's true.
The cops did make that raid.
- [Buz] Should we get it?
- I don't know.
I still oughta
smash your face in.
I don't know.
You tell me, can you get it?
- You mean I can go with Harry?
- If you can get back
here with the stuff
without the cops, yeah.
But if you bungle it, remember,
I won't know you.
Now where's my money?
- Yeah the boss tried
to take him home
but he grabbed one
of their flashlights
and threw it through
a plate glass window.
Well if he wants to
live off the county,
he can go to the
welfare department.
The judge'll probably give
him 10 days this time.
I'm gonna work his
tail off all the time.
OK, bye.
All right Harry, let's
get some work done.
It's open Johnathon
let's go to work.
[door buzzes]
- Here, this'll give
you something to do
with those busy hands.
- OK, what do we do now?
- Just follow me and act
as if you lived here.
[door buzzes]
- Morning Otis.
- Harry I thought you got out.
- Well I have returned.
- You oughta lay off that stuff.
Man when I get outta
here I don't wanna
ever see the inside
of this place again.
- Otis say hello to Buz.
- Buz, what ya in for?
- Oh his wife claims
that he beat her up.
- Yeah, ya know how broads are.
- No tell me, I've
been here 18 months.
- Well enough of
the chit-chat boys.
We'd best get on
with our duties.
I don't want to be responsible
for you going on bread and water
on your very first day.
- What are you trying to do?
- Merely establish a witness
in case I should ever
find need of one.
- Well I don't like it.
- There's nothing to
be concerned about.
He has no way to finger you
without my help.
You see, I've been
planning my retirement
for some time.
Let's go.
- Well open it up.
Come on.
You get it.
- Don't worry, all
my little precautions
have now been taken.
From here on, it's as easy
as falling off the
proverbial log.
Take the satchels,
put them into the wastebasket,
you carry them to your
car and drive away.
And I won't mind sitting gold.
Because I know that there is now
only one way to keep you from
landing my share.
[door buzzes]
- You may think this
success with Leo
and all the kooks in this joint
mean you got the
world by the tail.
But that ain't the case, baby.
It's got you by the tail.
You, you wouldn't
believe it but I came
to this town four years ago.
And I was just as
young and as fresh
as you are right now.
And see this hand?
It was as steady as a rock.
And I had a pretty mind.
I had a pretty mind.
Oh god
I wish I had that
pretty mind back.
- Don't!
Don't, help!
Help me please!
Help!
- Michele get that
junk off the couch
- What happened?
- [Michele] I don't
know she just fainted.
- [Critter] I'm sure you know
what's wrong with her Leo.
- Well knowing Joanie,
I can imagine Critter.
She's probably on a
bad trip from those
pills she takes.
- She did take one not
long before she fainted.
- One?
Not the first time
this has happened.
It's become a habit with her.
- Somebody better call a doctor.
- Nobody's calling a doctor.
She'll survive the
way she always does.
Ya know, maybe it's too
bad she will survive.
She used to be a good dancer.
She still is but she's
losing her spark.
Besides, she's old hat
with the customers.
Michele,
you may be the luckiest
girl in Hollywood.
You've got what it takes
to really blow their minds.
And those and more to boot.
So starting tonight,
you'll replace
Joanie permanently.
And you'll be the No.
1 attraction here.
- I couldn't do that to Joan.
- I bet you can.
And if it'll ease
your conscience, honey
let me tell you she
wouldn't bat an eye
stomping on you.
And if you don't take her place
somebody else will.
All this means an
apartment like Joan's.
A car, a wardrobe,
a name up in lights.
Believe me baby,
there ain't nothing
like the sound of
people clapping for ya
night after night.
- Yeah.
Look what it's done for me.
Get out of here.
Get out of here!
Get out, get out!
- Who do you think
you're talking to?
- I'm talking to you!
- It's you who's
getting outta here,
you're getting outta here!
- I've already left here!
- You shut up!
You shut up you trashy bitch!
Get outta here!
- You pig!
You rotten pig!
Get out!
Get outta here, get out!
- Leo, got the stuff right here.
Everything went off
great, just great.
And old Harry Blatz
retired earlier
than he planned to.
- Shut up.
- Old Harry, just who
is this Harry Blatz?
- How do you know the
name Harry Blatz Critter?
- Look what you guys do
is no business of mine.
You're playing a
game I don't know.
And one I don't want to know.
So if you don't mind,
I'll just take my leave.
Come on Michele,
you're going with me.
- It's a little late for
that decision friend.
You are involved.
You're not going anyplace.
Get in here.
- Just like I said Michele
the pigs have finally
pulled us down.
- Sit down.
- Critter stop,
you're killing him!
Critter!
- OK.
OK you've made your point.
Now take your girl
and get outta here.
- Uh-uh.
The muck's too deep in here.
Operator, give me the
police department.
[upbeat music]
[dance music]
[clapping]
- How long have you been there?
- Long enough to see that
you've got a good act.
- I'll bet you came
in here for something
besides a show.
- As a matter of fact, I came--
As I was saying,
I came in here for
a piece of apple pie
and a cup of coffee.
- You're not from around here?
- Why do you ask?
- Afternoon fair lady, kind sir,
any idea where California went?
- It went that-a-way pardner.
- Straight down this
here road a piece?
- Sure a piece,
just beyond Arizona.
- I have five mighty
hungry companions with me
on this trip, appetites
you can't imagine.
- Well I'll sell you anything
in the place, mister.
- I'll settle for 10
Hershey bars please.
- That'll be one dollar.
- Can you cash a hundred?
- I've never even seen one.
- Lucky me, here's a single.
Good bye fair Guinevere,
I must hasten on
to the land of milk and honey.
- Hey, wait a minute.
- He here for you friend?
- That's Jimmy, he's
always hiding out there
to look for speeders.
- You're really hooked on
this dancing aren't you?
Hey, ever thought of
being a professional?
- I guess I'd give about
anything in the world
to be one.
- I can help you.
- You can help me?
- Sure, look my sister's
the No. 1 attraction
in Los Angeles in a groovy
Hollywood night club.
Let me show you, there she is.
My sister, Joan Nichols.
- This is your sister?
- Yup.
- Go on, you're a
bigger nut than he was.
- Hold on now.
Same girl.
Listen, I'm on my way
to Hollywood right now.
Why don't you come with me and
I'll bet ya my sister
can make ya into a star
just like that.
And I'll do all that
for you in exchange
for a little companionship.
You know what I mean, like
being my relief driver.
I wanna drive straight through.
- Oh boy, have you got
a line a mile long.
- Nah, I'm serious.
- I'm sure you are.
Look, I may have
stars in my eyes
but I don't believe
everything I hear.
- [Father] Michele come in here!
- Excuse me.
- Girl I told you
an hour ago to get
them pots and pans washed.
- [Michele] Daddy, I've
got a customer out front.
- You do them dirty
dishes, I'll take
care of the front.
- No, please.
- What did you say?
- Mr. Johnson hired me to
take care of the front.
And you to take
care of the kitchen.
You want to get us fired again?
- Don't you get smart with me!
- I'm not getting smart.
Just that you've been drinking
and you're going out there and
making a fool of
yourself anyway.
- That's what's bothering ya.
I've been drinking.
I slopped up a few
stinkin' beers,
I ain't good enough to be
your father no more, huh?
- Daddy please.
- What do you mean Daddy please?
You afraid I'm gonna breathe on
some of your lousy studs
out there, is that it?
- That's enough!
- Ya no good tramp, you're
just like your mother.
- You're right, I am
like her and I'm glad.
At least she had enough
guts to get away from you.
[screams]
- What's wrong, huh?
- You still want someone
to go to Hollywood with?
- You bet I do.
- Help yourself to
another cup of coffee
while I get some things packed.
- Now, Michele look
I guess I'd better
come clean with you.
There's another reason
I asked you along.
- I know, we can fight
about that later.
- No, no, no, no,
look, I'll treat you any
way you wanna be treated.
Fair enough?
- You were serious, weren't you?
- Sure, sure I was serious but,
well there is one
minor complication.
I ain't got enough bread for
gas all the way into L.A.
Will you be able to help
in that department too?
[siren blaring]
Baby, I think you're
gonna be good for me.
The old luck is
changing already.
[traveling music]
Snack time, anything
special you want?
- Yeah, a place to comb my hair.
- I'll see what they have.
Come on, move it.
- Hey man, you getting
ready for move it?
- Would you like to
take his brains out
and play with them now?
- There'll be none of
those shenanigans in here.
You come in for what
you wanted and leave.
- There's no problem,
ma'am, no problem.
- My god, Buz, you're
out of your mind!
Don't you know they'll
kill you for that?
- Don't you worry your
pretty head about it.
- Let's get out of here quick.
- That punk with the chick!
- That snobby man?
- You better believe it.
- Keep the motor running.
Have fun.
- What are we gonna do now man?
- Why don't you just
shut your mouth.
- And you wanted to save
us from my drinking.
Move over, come on!
I'm sorry.
Well I said I was sorry.
Well say something.
- I guess I was just tired.
- Come here.
[romantic music]
[tires squealing]
Hey, recognize him?
- Of course I do.
He's the guy with all the words.
- You mean he's the
guy with all the bread.
Come on, let's go pick him up.
- The good
samaritans, I presume.
- Need help?
- Yeah I guess you could say so.
Traveler here, my bike,
seems to have thrown a rod.
- Well now, seems
to me you've got
an awful lot of trouble
with that wreck.
Yesterday you had
it on a truck bed.
Oh yeah, we've met
before, haven't we?
Why you, my fair lady,
you're Guinevere,
but I don't seem to
recall your name sir.
- Look cut the baloney out, huh?
You want a ride?
- My other name is Michele.
He's Buz.
- Michelle and Buz,
mine's Critter.
- Critter?
- Yeah, you know,
like a cowboy's horse
or a wayward calf
without a home.
- Look, come on,
you want a ride?
- Yes we do.
- What do you mean we?
- Well, Traveler and I.
- Oh no, look wise
guy, I ain't carrying
no beat up old motorcycle
in the back of my car.
- You won't have
to, I got a tow bar.
- No, you gotta
have a bumper hitch
for one of them to work.
- Ah, it just so happens
I have one of those, too.
Well, for a short time.
- Where did you go,
Africa, South America?
- In Nepal.
- Nepal?
- Yeah, you know, it's
between India and Tibet.
I helped the natives herd
yaks in the Himalayas.
- Yaks, you're kidding.
Critter, I'll bet you've
got a college education.
- Well, yes and no.
I didn't get a degree,
but I tried my hand
at Columbia and Berkeley.
- I wish I could've
gone to one of them.
- I'm not the scholarly type.
- Look I hate to bud in on this
real brilliant conversation
but we gotta pay
and get outta here.
Waitress, check please.
Now how bout it, Critter
old pal, seems to me
this place ought to
have change for a 50?
Maybe even a 100, huh?
- Ever since I got
back, I've been carrying
my billfold full
of Nepalese money.
But you can try to get
it cashed if you like.
- OK baby, shell out yours.
Ten bucks, that's
all you've got?
- I had to buy gas.
- But you went back
to the cash register.
- And took what
was coming to me.
It amounted to $14.
- Well that's just great.
With this tab coming to
4.50, that'll leave us
a lousy 5.50 to get to L.A.
- Look, I didn't take
any more from the
cash register than $14.
That was mine.
- OK yak boy, can you take
care of your own share?
- Yeah, I can come
up with my own share.
And $15 more to boot.
Why, we ought to
be able to reach
Los Angeles with 20 bucks.
- Come on.
- What a ride!
- You enjoy it?
Hey, you wanna go for a ride?
- Ah, no, I guess I'll
pass for now, thanks a lot.
- I don't know about you
guys, but I'm thirsty.
- You and Buz plan to
get married in L.A.?
- I'm riding with him to L.A.
He's going to help me
get started as a dancer.
His sister can help me,
that's all there is to it.
- Well my naive country
girl, I hope it.
- Maybe Buz does seem
a little crude at times
but you just have
to get to know him.
- Like two days?
Hey, don't pay any
attention to me.
What you do is your own business
and it's really no
concern of mine.
- That's right, it is
no concern of yours.
I'm going to become
a dancer, Critter,
and a good one.
You said yourself, I'm pretty.
I'm good at dancing, too.
- You're even prettier
when you're wet and angry
honey child.
- Critter stop teasing
me, I want you to
take me seriously for once.
- Oh I'm taking you seriously.
- Stop it Buz!
- Now listen you, you stay away
from Michele, understand?
- Why don't you let
her decide that?
- Yeah, why not?
- Are you here in
California to play with
the yak boy and his broken
down old motorcycle?
Or are you here for a reason?
Now you tell him.
Tell him!
- I'm here to be a dancer!
- Hey, how far is
it to Los Angeles?
- About 20 miles.
- Thanks.
- Find your number?
- Ah, yeah.
- Will this be cash or charge?
- Cash.
- Hey, what the devil's goin on?
- Stay in the car.
Get behind the wheel.
- Where's the attendant?
- Sound asleep.
OK, roll this baby out of here.
- Buz what have you done?
Have you gone crazy?
- Move it!
OK, yak boy, you can get
outta here if you want to.
- You're not afraid
I might turn you in?
- Why should I be,
you're an accomplice.
- My friend, you might
have seriously hurt
that man back there.
- I might have, but I didn't.
Don't worry, he's up
on his feet by now
banging on the door.
Well are you getting out or not?
- I gave you $15 for
a ride to Los Angeles.
- OK but get that
bike off of the back,
too conspicuous.
- Look, we'll be in
L.A. in 20 minutes.
You'll be rid of
me and the bike.
[Christmas music]
[go-go music]
- Hi, table for three?
- Uh-uh.
- Would you like to sit down?
- Get lost.
- You enjoying the show pal?
- Yeah.
- You guys are broke,
go home and watch
a late, late movie on TV.
Now don't get cute sonny.
- We're just waiting for
the show to get over with.
That's my sister up there.
The one in the middle.
- Hey!
Follow me.
[knocking]
- [Leo] Hey Joanie,
got visitors.
- Screw you.
- [Buz] Come on Sis,
open up the door.
- Buz, Buz!
I don't believe it!
Why didn't you tell
me you were coming?
Oh, friends of yours?
- Yeah they're rolling
through Caifornia with me.
This is Michele
Casey, Critter Jones.
- Glad to meet you Miss Nichols.
- Hello Michele.
Oh, she's pretty.
Hello Critter.
- Hi Miss Nichols.
- Come in, come in!
Sit down, sit down.
Oh, you met Leo I guess.
- Well no, not officially.
- Oh, well I want
you all to meet
my one and only, Leo McCabe.
He owns the place.
Well, now that we've
got the greetings
settled brother, tell
me what are you doing
out here on the coast?
Did you finally get in
some serious trouble?
- Are you kidding?
None of those good
citizens are hip enough
to catch me.
- The fuzz may be numb where you
come from friend, but
they're pretty well
with it on the Hollywood scene.
You give me.
- Give you what?
- You lay that gun
on me, sweetheart.
- Buz, my god,
are you carrying--
- Do it!
I'm not gonna count sonny.
Now.
- When do I get it back?
- You don't.
There are only a few
people in this town
who pack these things.
And most of 'em are cops.
If you need some
bread, I can help you.
But I don't like
bad-mannered kids with guns.
Dig?
You, ah, come to my
office and we'll talk OK?
Ciao.
- Don't let him bug ya Buz.
- Oh I'm not bugged,
I, I just forgot
I was in someone else's
ballpark for a moment.
- What about you
Michele, you gonna be
moving on with Critter?
- Nah, she is with me.
- Oh.
- Joanie, I want to be a dancer.
- Sis you ought
to see her dance.
She is just great and I told her
you're gonna help
her get started.
- Thanks.
- Just try me, I'll work.
Really I will.
- Well, um,
we'll take a look
at you tomorrow.
- Just an audition,
that's all I ask.
- Oh, OK, we'll, ah,
audition you tomorrow.
- Looks as though
you folks pretty well
have your futures set.
I feel like the Lone
Ranger riding off
looking after folks
that are gonna live
happily ever after.
Well,
so long.
Thanks for the buggy ride.
- Any time yak boy.
- You sure she's with you?
- Critter?
Do you feel that you
really have to go?
- Yes I do Michele.
- Will I ever see you again?
- I honestly don't know.
- Critter, earlier
this afternoon,
when you and Buz made
me choose between you,
it isn't that I don't like you.
I do.
It's just that I have to--
- I know, you have to dance.
- I almost envy you Michele.
I wish there was
something that I cared
that much about.
If you had any sense
you'd just keep
walking with me
right down this hall.
- Are you asking me
to go away with you?
- I don't think either one
of us is ready for that.
All I'm trying to
do is help you see.
This is no place for you.
- I guess I'm going to have
to decide that for myself.
- Well I never was much
for helping people.
Peace Corps proved that.
So, I guess I'll just go back
to minding my own business.
- Oh, no baby.
We're not going to a hoedown.
You want Leo to
hire you as a dancer
or a dishwasher?
You're about the same size I am.
Let's get ya into these.
This is what you
need to show off
what you've got baby.
- Attendant not seriously hurt.
Front page.
[clears throat]
- How do you like it?
- Beautiful.
One more time.
Let me help you.
- Thank you.
[go-go music]
- Well OK boys,
you've had your fun.
Get on with the work.
- Sure thing, Leo.
- Mr. McCabe.
Yeah, I think she'll do.
Can you have her ready tonight?
- She'll be ready Leo.
- Good.
- Yeah!
Turn around.
- Well, well, my
educated janitor.
Well you look half human
with that beard gone.
- Don't let that fool ya.
- How ya doin?
Things going OK?
- I've only one complaint.
- What's that?
- That water's too hard to
make a good bucket of suds.
- Really?
Look you remember
what I offered you.
Any time you say, I can
do much better for you.
Much.
Look, smart fella
like you shouldn't
waste his time mopping floors.
- Hey, me honey.
Come on.
- Know anything about engines?
- Yup.
- Fool around over there and
I'll check this place here.
- Hey Marty, is that him?
- Don't look up like
that, pay attention,
fix that engine.
Nah, it's only a salesman.
Here comes Joey now,
walking towards us.
Just act normal.
- Hey, little case of
hard trouble Marty?
- Yeah.
- Aw, it's a bad scene man, wow.
- [Marty] Tell me.
- It's these carburetors.
You know I used to have a
short just like this one.
Bad carburetors man.
You know if you get a
grain of sand in there
pssh!
However, it might not be that.
You know you might be outta gas.
- Play it straight Joey,
we can't stall around here
all day, huh?
- Hey come on, relax.
Live a little,
live a little man.
What's the use in passing
all this bread around
if you can't have a little fun?
Who's this cat?
- He's a new friend of yours.
His name's Buz.
- Crazy, crazy.
Like all careers
my career depends
on good connections.
Where's the stuff?
- In the usual spot,
right in front of you.
- Right by the battery.
- [Joey] My pockets hate you,
you and your battery acid.
- Put the grand
down by the air pan
and get outta here, will
ya, before we pick up heat.
- Hey man, I've been
going around the block
for 20 minutes.
- Twenty minutes
behind a school yard?
The way you look,
they'll be busting you
for a deviate any second.
Come on, get outta here.
- Wait a minute, wait a minute.
I have a special order
for tomorrow morning.
- I thought we
were only supposed
to hit this spot once a week.
- And that's all
we're gonna hit it.
- Somebody better
be here tomorrow.
Or else you ain't
gonna be making
any more deliveries in
this neighborhood, baby.
- That's exactly what I mean!
That's what these
cretins pay for.
Ya got the movement,
let's hear it with music.
- I'll see you in Leo's
office in a minute, OK?
Well, well.
- Ah, my faithful
traveling companion.
- See you've been
promoted from yak boy
to mop boy, huh?
- How's your new job?
You have a chance to
murder anybody yet?
- You stay away from Michele.
Now look, you're
not fooling anyone.
You've still got
your eye on her.
- I admit, I like Michele a lot.
Buz do you honestly think
she'll ever be your girl?
- I'm warning you,
because I won't leave
nothing but the pieces.
- Buz.
You know you're like
a blind rattlesnake.
You hear a noise and you strike.
You should try staying calm.
Then you could
think and observe.
If you did that, you'd
know I'm no threat
to your love life.
- You're about as gutless
as this bike of yours.
- What a blast.
Joanie how did I do?
I don't think I goofed
a single step, did I?
- No, no babe, not a
goof in the carload.
- Thank you for putting
me at the end of the line.
- That isn't your spot.
I just put you there
in case they noticed
you made a goof or something.
But that spot belongs to
one of the other girls.
- Well you just leave her there.
OK?
- Thank you.
You don't think it'll
make anyone mad do you?
- So, let 'em find
another joint.
Here.
Put this on and come
out front with me.
I want you to meet
some of the customers.
Sport your business.
And that's for tomorrow night.
I want you to dance
in Joanie's place.
Oh she needs a day off.
Besides she's tired.
- You know, I'm
almost out of pills
from the holiday.
[inaudible]
- Oh, by the way.
I'm having a party later.
I'd like you there, OK?
- Sure.
- Great.
- Yeah Leo.
- You know what we talked about.
- What?
- Joey's special delivery.
- Oh yeah.
- Well I want you to
make that delivery
by yourself.
- Sure.
- By the way, Marty
tells me your car is hot.
Is that right?
It's hot, get rid of it.
- Get rid of it?
- Dump it.
Get outta here.
Get outta here.
You really look
great in that dress.
- Thank you.
- Your glass is empty.
Cheers.
I bet you move pretty good, eh?
Why don't you show me
what you can really do.
Come on, groove baby.
- Well, well.
Glad to see somebody made it.
Ya know I hate
doing business with
leery people like Marty,
you know what I mean?
That type will get popped.
Where's the junk?
Relax, live a little bit.
I mean, what's the use
passing all this bread
if we can't have
fun, right baby?
- You know for a new cat,
you're sure learning fast.
- The money first, huh?
- What's the matter,
don't ya trust me Buzzy?
- I wouldn't trust you
with a care package.
Hey Joey.
Why don't you look
at the tire, huh?
- OK.
OK, see ya next Friday Buzzy.
Second and Main, huh,
don't forget 2pm.
- OK baby.
- See ya later Buzzy, see ya.
- Hey man, hold it.
Who's that?
- I don't know, but I like it.
- Hi.
- Hello.
- I was just listening in,
what's the name of that tune?
- Doesn't really
have a name yet.
I been thinking about calling it
"Do You Want to Laugh or Cry."
- Oh it's one of yours?
I like it, it has a good sound.
Oh I'm Chris Holland.
- Critter Jones.
- You have this
thing written down?
- Just the words.
Never dreamed anyone
else would wanna play it.
- Well why don't
you come out front.
Let's give it to the guys.
I'd like to see what they
could do with it, OK?
- Sure.
- [Chris] You have
any more of those?
- Yeah I got a
bunch lying around.
♪ Do you want to
♪ laugh or cry
- If you gentlemen
will excuse me.
- Oh you don't have
to go yet baby.
- Yes I have to get
changed for my next show.
- Don't be too long.
- No I won't.
- Promise you'll be right back?
- Oh yes.
May I come in?
- Sure.
Now I won't have to say
goodbye to you in a note.
- Are you really leaving
this time Critter?
- Yes.
If you take a good look
around you, you would too.
Close the door.
Now sit down.
Leo deals in narcotics,
LSD and you name it.
And Buz is up to
here in it with him.
- So?
- I sold a couple of
songs today for 100 bucks.
You can have half.
- Fifty dollars.
That's more than anyone
else has offered me.
You don't even want me.
- Hey I'm not
trying to be funny.
- I was afraid you weren't.
- Look Michele, you can't
afford to get mixed up
with this bunch.
- Who says I have to get
mixed up with anyone?
- Listen to me Michele.
The pigs of this world won't
let you sit on the fence
above the mud and watch
the action for very long.
You either run
when they spot you
or they'll pull you down.
And then you'll have no choice.
Now I say they have us spotted
and it's time we
find a new fence
to straddle for a while.
- Just ask me to go away
with you and I will.
- Well what in the devil do
you think I've been doing?
- I mean ask me
because you want me.
Because you need me.
- It doesn't matter
what I want or need.
- Critter, please tell
me that you love me.
Then I'll go away with you.
We can get out of here together.
- Tell you a thing like that?
And then have you hate my guts
when you find out about me?
Uh-uh, not on your life baby.
- Find out about what?
- All right, you asked for it.
You think I'm just
a college dropout
from the Peace Corps.
Well I'm much bigger than that.
Next week I'll be on the
wanted list of the FBI.
Findley Jones,
alias Critter Jones,
wanted for refusal
to serve his country
in a time of a
national emergency.
- Are you supposed
to be in the army?
- Next week I'm supposed
to be, only I won't.
- A draft dodger, you?
- I don't know.
All I know is that I've gotta
find a hole to crawl into
so they can't find me.
That's the kind of man I am.
One that's gotta find
a hole to crawl into.
- All right, you find your hole.
Me, I'm staying here.
Why should I leave?
Leo says I'm really
going places.
Just because he deals in
dope, that doesn't tarnish me.
- That's what you think baby.
Tarnish isn't a
strong enough word
for what he'll do to you.
Try corrode for size.
Why don't you take a
good look at Joanie.
She's been places
with Leo, and there's
a trashy book written in
every line on her face.
- Aren't you the great one?
Solving other people's problems.
♪ I love her lips
♪ The touch of her hand
♪ I love her eyes
♪ the way they shine
♪ Something inside me
♪ makes my heart low
♪ Could be the reason
♪ I miss her so
♪ Oh
♪ lonesome man
♪ Oh
♪ lonesome man
♪ I woo'd many others
♪ Always to find
♪ I have a feeling
♪ I'm wasting my time
♪ Kissing their lips
♪ is just like some wine
♪ I remember
♪ all of those times
♪ Oh
♪ lonesome man
♪ Oh
♪ lonesome man
♪ I told her I loved
♪ and needed her so
♪ She smiled and said
♪ this love would grow
♪ Lied, she lied,
♪ deceived me so
♪ Now my heart
♪ is feeling so low
♪ Oh
♪ lonesome man
♪ Oh
♪ lonesome man
[knocking]
- Yeah.
- Can we come in?
- Yeah.
Well mister if you're a
cop I want you to know
I'm not responsible for
this punk in any way.
It just so happens
he's the brother
of one of my dancers.
He blew in last
night from back east.
- A cop, heaven forbid.
No, I'm no cop.
However, I am associated
with the police.
Rather closely associated.
- He is kinda nutty Leo but
he's got one
beautiful scam, now,
you better listen what
he has to say, huh?
- Since when did
you start telling me
what I should hear?
What do you want?
- Well, ya see,
one of my best
friends is a hop head.
- You have my sympathy.
- Oh there's no
need for concern.
He's well fed by a
sort of a foster mother
named Joey.
- Never heard of him.
- It's just as well.
I'm sure that you
prefer a higher degree
of intelligence
in your employees,
and Joey isn't very bright.
He proved that by not
listening to my story.
- Well he sounds
very smart to me.
- Poor Joey is also
not very careful.
When he refused to
listen, it became
necessary for me to follow him
and speak to his connection.
A young man with far
more on the ball.
You might find it
expedient to promote him.
- Oh really?
- Of course, this is
no surprise to me.
Connections should
always be smarter
than the pusher.
If he weren't then he
would be the pusher,
the pusher would be he.
- Leo, Leo look.
He told me he's a
trustee at the Eastwood
County Jail about
40 miles from here.
- And I've been a guest
there on other occasions.
- Yeah, yeah.
Now he says the
narcotics squad out there
made a big hit last weekend.
Leo, he picked up over a
$100,000 worth of stuff.
- They keep it in an
empty cell at the jail,
locked of course.
Now that's where I enter
the picture once more.
- I suppose you got the keys?
- Fella, I'd never steal
anything as worthless as a key.
Your desk locked?
- Yeah, why?
- Excuse me.
- What are you doing?
- Sir I'm going to
give you a $100,000
demonstration in 10 seconds.
Now that cell door
is much easier.
That's all that
stands between you
and $65,000.
- And you only want a third.
- Well I've been
thinking of retiring.
My wants are quite
simple really.
Tonight I shall
get good and drunk.
Break a show window
if necessary.
Tomorrow I'll be at
Eastwood County Jail
as their No. 1 trustee.
I need only one brave man.
- I think I know you,
what's your name?
- The boy'll do.
Even if he does think I'm nutty.
- What's your name?
- Blatz.
Harry Blatz.
- Excuse me Mr. Blatz
while I have a talk
with this bright young man.
You stupid punk, I
oughta kick your face in.
Do you know who Harry Blatz is?
- No, he said he's not a cop.
- Well he might as well be.
He spends half his time
in jail, he's a drunk.
And he's got a big mouth.
And he hasn't seen
more than 1,000 bucks
in one spot in his life.
And you bring him to me
like a long-lost brother.
And he thinks you're smart.
Well that alone proves
how smart he is.
- Hey how was I
supposed to know that?
Listen, besides, I think
he's got a good plan.
- Yeah, that's true.
The cops did make that raid.
- [Buz] Should we get it?
- I don't know.
I still oughta
smash your face in.
I don't know.
You tell me, can you get it?
- You mean I can go with Harry?
- If you can get back
here with the stuff
without the cops, yeah.
But if you bungle it, remember,
I won't know you.
Now where's my money?
- Yeah the boss tried
to take him home
but he grabbed one
of their flashlights
and threw it through
a plate glass window.
Well if he wants to
live off the county,
he can go to the
welfare department.
The judge'll probably give
him 10 days this time.
I'm gonna work his
tail off all the time.
OK, bye.
All right Harry, let's
get some work done.
It's open Johnathon
let's go to work.
[door buzzes]
- Here, this'll give
you something to do
with those busy hands.
- OK, what do we do now?
- Just follow me and act
as if you lived here.
[door buzzes]
- Morning Otis.
- Harry I thought you got out.
- Well I have returned.
- You oughta lay off that stuff.
Man when I get outta
here I don't wanna
ever see the inside
of this place again.
- Otis say hello to Buz.
- Buz, what ya in for?
- Oh his wife claims
that he beat her up.
- Yeah, ya know how broads are.
- No tell me, I've
been here 18 months.
- Well enough of
the chit-chat boys.
We'd best get on
with our duties.
I don't want to be responsible
for you going on bread and water
on your very first day.
- What are you trying to do?
- Merely establish a witness
in case I should ever
find need of one.
- Well I don't like it.
- There's nothing to
be concerned about.
He has no way to finger you
without my help.
You see, I've been
planning my retirement
for some time.
Let's go.
- Well open it up.
Come on.
You get it.
- Don't worry, all
my little precautions
have now been taken.
From here on, it's as easy
as falling off the
proverbial log.
Take the satchels,
put them into the wastebasket,
you carry them to your
car and drive away.
And I won't mind sitting gold.
Because I know that there is now
only one way to keep you from
landing my share.
[door buzzes]
- You may think this
success with Leo
and all the kooks in this joint
mean you got the
world by the tail.
But that ain't the case, baby.
It's got you by the tail.
You, you wouldn't
believe it but I came
to this town four years ago.
And I was just as
young and as fresh
as you are right now.
And see this hand?
It was as steady as a rock.
And I had a pretty mind.
I had a pretty mind.
Oh god
I wish I had that
pretty mind back.
- Don't!
Don't, help!
Help me please!
Help!
- Michele get that
junk off the couch
- What happened?
- [Michele] I don't
know she just fainted.
- [Critter] I'm sure you know
what's wrong with her Leo.
- Well knowing Joanie,
I can imagine Critter.
She's probably on a
bad trip from those
pills she takes.
- She did take one not
long before she fainted.
- One?
Not the first time
this has happened.
It's become a habit with her.
- Somebody better call a doctor.
- Nobody's calling a doctor.
She'll survive the
way she always does.
Ya know, maybe it's too
bad she will survive.
She used to be a good dancer.
She still is but she's
losing her spark.
Besides, she's old hat
with the customers.
Michele,
you may be the luckiest
girl in Hollywood.
You've got what it takes
to really blow their minds.
And those and more to boot.
So starting tonight,
you'll replace
Joanie permanently.
And you'll be the No.
1 attraction here.
- I couldn't do that to Joan.
- I bet you can.
And if it'll ease
your conscience, honey
let me tell you she
wouldn't bat an eye
stomping on you.
And if you don't take her place
somebody else will.
All this means an
apartment like Joan's.
A car, a wardrobe,
a name up in lights.
Believe me baby,
there ain't nothing
like the sound of
people clapping for ya
night after night.
- Yeah.
Look what it's done for me.
Get out of here.
Get out of here!
Get out, get out!
- Who do you think
you're talking to?
- I'm talking to you!
- It's you who's
getting outta here,
you're getting outta here!
- I've already left here!
- You shut up!
You shut up you trashy bitch!
Get outta here!
- You pig!
You rotten pig!
Get out!
Get outta here, get out!
- Leo, got the stuff right here.
Everything went off
great, just great.
And old Harry Blatz
retired earlier
than he planned to.
- Shut up.
- Old Harry, just who
is this Harry Blatz?
- How do you know the
name Harry Blatz Critter?
- Look what you guys do
is no business of mine.
You're playing a
game I don't know.
And one I don't want to know.
So if you don't mind,
I'll just take my leave.
Come on Michele,
you're going with me.
- It's a little late for
that decision friend.
You are involved.
You're not going anyplace.
Get in here.
- Just like I said Michele
the pigs have finally
pulled us down.
- Sit down.
- Critter stop,
you're killing him!
Critter!
- OK.
OK you've made your point.
Now take your girl
and get outta here.
- Uh-uh.
The muck's too deep in here.
Operator, give me the
police department.
[upbeat music]