Ginger in the Morning (1974) - full transcript

Thanks for the lift.

I sure wish you were
going all the way.

Well, you're welcome.

And, uh, I sure worry
about a young girl like you

out here, hitchhiking
alone by herself.

I'll be OK.
So long.

Goodbye.

Goodbye.

Hello, bird!

Hey, Joe!
Joe!

Joe, I'm back here!



It's me!

I'll walk in with ya!

How about those stewardesses?

You notice that?

They were really knockouts,
almost every one of 'em.

Drives you right
up the wall, right?

Right.

Right.

Look, Joe, like I said, I
always mind my own business,

but when I meet
someone who's gone

through the same darn thing I
have, I just want to help out.

I mean, that's just the way
I am, do you understand?

Oh, sure.

Well, then listen to me, Joe.



The only way to get
over a bad marriage,

or a breakup with anybody,
is to go right out

and find somebody
else right away.

And I mean pronto.

Oh, psychiatrists will give
you a lot of junk about,

you know, adjusting to failure
and all that kind of stuff.

But don't listen to them.

What I say is-- hey,
get a load of that.

Oh, Joe, these kids today drive
you right up the wall, right?

Yeah.
Right, right.

How long have you been
divorced now Joe, you said?

Well, I told you--

Three months, right?

-Three months, right.
-Yeah, yeah.

And what have you been
doing all this time?

I mean, just sitting around
feeling sorry for yourself,

I'll bet.
-No, no.

Yeah?

Well, then, how
many women have you

been out with since, uh, you
busted up with what's her name?

-Well, actually, I--
-How many?

None.
-I haven't had much time.

None, right?

That's right.

And you know why, Joe?

You know why?

Because you're the
sensitive type, Joe.

That's it.
You're sensitive.

And if you don't watch
yourself, you're going to end

up on a psychiatrist's couch.

I don't follow what you're--

Pick up a girl.

Thin, dark haired brunette.

Hey.

Oh, take one look at that.

You know, I'll bet you
don't even have a date

for New Year's Eve, do you?

Well, I haven't met too many
people out here socially yet.

Oh, come on.

Don't bull me, Joe.

I know that you're lonely,
you're unhappy, you're uptight.

You're horny.

Oh, now wait a minute, Fred.

So why don't you just do
me and yourself a favor?

Pick up a girl, and
check into a model.

A motel?

Oh, yeah.

That is the magic word.

You just mention the word
motel, and you'll know

right off if you're in or out.

I travel all the time, Joe.

I know what I'm talking about.

Motel is the secret word.

Don't play grab bag
with your life, Joe.

Listen, Joe, I've got
something for you.

A telephone number.

This is a computer
dating service.

They've got offices in
all the major cities.

Don't forget, Joe.

We're studs.

Bulls.

We can service any
number of women.

Live your life, and
don't look back, Joe.

Oh my gosh, I've gotta run.

My girlfriend's
going to pick me up.

Well, so long, Joe,
and happy new year.

Well, happy new
year to you, Fred.

I want you to know, it's
been a real pleasure meeting

somebody on an
airplane that you've

got a genuine rapport with.

So, go out and get 'em, boy.

Bye bye.

Bye.

ANNOUNCER: Ivan Wiles, white
courtesy telephone, please.

Ivan Wiles, white courtesy
telephone, please.

Hi.

Well, hello.

So, you're getting
off here, too?

Yep.
I live here.

Do you?

Well, I suppose they're
going to have you flying

new year's eve, are they?

No.

I'm going to be off
three whole days.

Really?

Probably going to some
big new year's eve party?

No.

I just want to spend
a nice, quiet evening.

You know, I've
got a great idea.

I don't know why I didn't
think of it before.

I could get in my car, and
just drive up to-- Mr. Maroni,

I'd like you to meet
my husband, George.

George, this is Mr. Maroni.

Well, how do you do?

Glad to meet you.

Pleasure.

Well, I hope we'll
be flying together

again sometime real soon.

Oh, so do I. So do I.

Bye.

Goodbye.

[music playing]

Hi.

Hello.

Didn't you just pass
me going the other way?

Yeah.

I was coming back
to pick you up.

Far out.

How come you didn't pick
me up the first time?

Oh, I was going too fast.

The roads are pretty narrow.

I bet you thought I
was gonna molest ya.

I've never picked
a girl up before.

On the highway, I mean.

So I'm your first
experience, right?

I'm Ginger Brown.

Joe Maroni.

How do you do?

Fine.

How are you?

How far are you going?

Colorado Springs.

My old man's a sergeant
in the air corps there.

He's a mechanic.

I haven't seen him
in a couple years.

How far are you going?

Uh, Denver.

Out of sight.

Can I ride all the way with ya?

Sure.

One ride, all the way
to Colorado Springs.

I do have to stop in Sante Fe.

I, uh, have some business
I have to take care of.

So we'll stop over.

OK.

More coffee?

Yes, please.

Uh-- no, thank you.

Why couldn't I have
another cup of coffee?

Because coffee
gives you wrinkles.

Didn't you know that?

No, I didn't know that.

Well, did you ever see
anybody with wrinkles that

didn't drink a lot of coffee?

I don't think so.

Look over there.

Look over there.

See what I mean?

Look at me.

I don't have any wrinkles,
and I don't even drink coffee.

Yeah.

I never thought about that.

You need to think about it.

[SINGING] Maraschino
now, what does

she know about my cherry red?

So, listen, people, while
I sing this song about how

the food and drugs gone wrong.

Well, they lied.

They lied.

About formaldehyde.

Well, they're feeding us
poison without any warning.

Why, I had a bowl of
maraschinos this morning,

and now I do about a bag a day.

Oh, I can't go on
strung out this way.

You don't get high.

No, you just die, from eating--

That's a motel.

Yes, sir.

There's a motel, all right.

[SINGING] Maraschino,
now, what does

she know about my cherry red?

Well, I'll see if they've
got a couple of rooms.

I won't tell my mother
if you won't tell yours.

OK.
It's a deal.

It was hard enough for my
mother and Daddy to accept me

as a hippie, much
less a kept woman.

Right.

Hey, Joe?

Yes?

Will you get adjoining rooms?

Adjoining rooms?

Yes, so we can talk
through the connecting door.

OK.

-Evening.
-Good evening.

Like a room?

Yes.

As a matter of fact,
I'd like two rooms.

Uh-huh?

That's my sister.

She's, uh, traveling with me.

And you'd like adjoining rooms?

Adjoining rooms.

Yes, um-- that'll be fine.

Just fine.

Well, I'm sorry to say
we've only got one room

left-- a unit with twin beds.

I could give you a screen.

This would give you
and, uh, your sister

a semblance of privacy.

A screen?

Yes.

That is a thought, sir.

I'll have to discuss it
with my sister, naturally.

Oh, naturally.

Would you like to,
uh, see the room?

See the room?

See the room.

Uh-- no, on second
thought, I think

I'd better try somewhere else.

It's the holidays, you know?

Everything's filled.

Yes, well, if we can't find
anything else, we may be back.

Thank you.

Well, good luck.

You're going to need it.

Yeah.

They only had one room.

Did it have twin beds?

Well, yeah.

Why?

Well, remember that old movie?

What, about twin beds?

Yeah, with Clark Gable
and Claudette Colbert?

I saw it on the late show once.

"It Happened One Night."

Yeah, that's it.

Well, why don't we
do it like they did?

Like what?

We could pose as man and wife,
and get a rope and a blanket,

and make a barrier
between the beds.

Rope and a blanket?

Yeah, wouldn't it be a gas?

As long as you don't have
a toy trumpet, I'm safe.

A toy trumpet?

Don't you remember at the
end of the movie, when Gable

blew on the trumpet and
the walls of Jericho

came tumbling down?

Yes, I remember that.

Where to now?

Is it too late for dinner?

You don't pass up a meal just
cause of what the clock says.

Right.

Two for dinner?

Yes, please.

Which way to the ladies' room?

Top of the stairs
to the right, miss.

Thank you.

You try to behave while
I'm gone, will ya?

Yes, I'll try.

MAN: This way, please.

Can I help you?

This way, please.

Wow.

Who are you?

I'm Ginger Brown, from
Miss Goldbrick's School

of Pedigreed Young Ladies.

You look lovely.

Thank you.

Shall we dine?

I could eat a horse.

I don't know if they serve
horse on the menu, madame,

but if not, we'll
certainly send out for one.

May I take your drink orders?

No thank you.

Scotch and soda, please.

Right.

Thank you.

Can I have anything I want?

Why not?

Far out.

Joe?

Hm?

Are you married?

No.

At least, not anymore.

Why do you ask?

Your wedding ring.

Why don't you take it off?

It might make you feel better.

Thank you.

That looks good.

What are you doing?

You know what this is?

Whipped cream.

Wrong.

It's all synthetic.

Didn't you ever read on the
can what's in this stuff?

I never--

You should.

There's not anything in here
that ever came close to a cow.

Well, they won't
kill you with it.

Not the point.

The point is you
are what you eat.

Right.

Ah, no coffee.

Thank you.

Want some of this?

No, thank you.

A fella I met on the plane
today said that after a divorce,

you should go out and
have a-- a lot of affairs.

What do you think about that?

Sure, if you're
that kind of guy.

But I dont' think
you're that kind of guy.

Hasn't there been
anybody-- I mean,

since you and Marcy busted up?

Oh.

Well, that's-- no.

You wanna see a
picture of Clayton?

Sure.

Looks like John the
Baptist, doesn't he?

Very handsome.

Beard, and all.

Well, is he a-- a good guy?

Yeah.

One of the best.

How about Marcy?

Was she pretty?

Here.

Here's a picture of her.

Wow.

We've got a couple
of terrific hang ups.

No wonder you keep her picture.

She probably keeps you
warm on cold nights.

No.

Cold nights now, I
just sit by the fire.

Hey, they have one in there.

Come on.

What a great room.

Uh, Clayton?

Oh.

One day I'm gonna have a private
ceremony and burn this picture.

My mother's Irish, and
my father was Italian.

Mother felt that
since Marcy wasn't

Irish, Italian, or Catholic,
that's why the marriage failed.

To her it was that simple.

What kind of a guy is Clayton?

Crusader.

Which is OK.

I mean, I'm against
a lot of things, man.

A lot of things.

But he's going to get
his head busted in,

or he's going to end up
in jail before he's 30.

I just don't dig
violence, in any form.

If I'm gonna throw a bomb,
it's gonna be a love bomb.

And if I'm going to trip out,
it's going to be a love trip.

You know what I mean?

I think so.

I still have faith in
my fellow human beings,

and so far, I'm right.

Well, so far.

It's really weird, though.

People are more afraid
of love than hate.

And love's so much stronger
than hate or violence.

It's just a lot
harder to come by.

I guess that's true.

What's this?

A surprise.

Thank you.

What's it called?

It's called Irish Coffee.

You know what I told
you about coffee?

It's just a name.

I mean, a fog cutter doesn't
have fog in it, does it?

Give it a try.

Tastes pretty good.

I think this has booze in it.

By golly, I think you're right.

Just take a gulp of that, man.

Fantastic.

Do you know what's
wrong with this country?

No.
What's wrong with this country?

No exercise.

People just stuff
themselves, and then

they plop down in
front of their TV set,

or they just go
right off to bed.

It's a serious
national problem.

No doubt about it.
-Yeah.

People should run, walk, or
jog right after every meal.

Right.

Right after?

Yeah, right after.

I like to run.

You want to?

-Now?
-Yeah, right now.

Yeah, OK.

On your mark, get set, go!

Now, wait.

Wait!

All right.

Hut, two, three, four!

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

Wait!

Hold it.

Hold it.

Oh-- hey.

That's really something.

I feel 100% worse than
I did when I started.

Oh, you.

Hey.

I just remembered something.

How could I be so stupid?

I've got a friend who
lives here in Santa Fe.

He's got a place here.
-Far out.

Yeah.

Can we stay with him?

Well, no.

I mean, yeah.

He, uh-- he left me
the key at his store,

and, uh, he's away
for the holidays.

Oh.

Yeah.

Said if I was passing through,
I could stay at his place.

Imagine, me forgetting
a thing like that.

Imagine.

Can I ask you a question?

Sure.

What are we sitting
here freezing for?

I don't know.

I'll pick up the keys
and be right back.

Good evening.

Good evening.

I'd like to wish you a--
a very happy new year.

Happy new year to you, sir.

Thank you.

Thank you very much.

Your friend lives here?

God.

This is his house?

Oh, it's just a
duplex apartment.

He rents half of it.

Out of sight.

Bless you.

What do you expect,
running around a parking

lot in freezing weather?

It's cold in here.
Come on, I'll start a fire.

OK.

And to think we were
sweating out a motel room.

That's really weird.

Yeah, I can't imagine
what I was thinking.

Gesundheit.

Gotta get a fire started.

Look at all the
mail this guy gets.

I'll take care of that.

Take a look around.
Make yourself at home.

OK.

Hey, this guy's very artistic.

I'd like to meet him.

You would?

Yeah.

Hey, this picture
has your name on it.

Uh, this fella is
very fond of my work.

All these paintings
have your name on 'em.

Well, he's, uh-- he's
very fond of my work.

Joe.

Sometimes people play
games with people.

You're too much.

You're a different kind of cat.

I swear, I never met
anybody like you before.

Well, that's, uh,
a vanishing breed.

You're beautiful.

You really are beautiful.

Would you believe that nobody
ever told me that before?

Nobody ever told
me that either.

Join the club.

[laughter]

[sneeze]

Gesundheit.

What are you doing?

I'm taking off your shoes.

Taking off my shoes?

Do you have any Vicks VapoRub?

Well, yeah, I think so.

Why?

I'm going to give you a
foot bath and rub your chest.

You are?

Yeah, I am.

Well, look, I don't think
I got a cold exactly.

It's my sinuses.

After 10 years in New
York, they just can't get

used to the shock of clean air.

[sneeze]

Bless you.

Either that, or I'm allergic
to that damn Christmas tree.

GINGER: I never saw a brown
Christmas tree before.

JOE: Brown, yeah, well, it's
brown because it's dead.

I bought it the day
after Thanksgiving.

GINGER: You're kidding.

JOE: It was a
lousy Thanksgiving.

I thought it might cheer me up.

This year I was going to have
a really great New Year's.

I was going to spend it with
my old buddy, Charlie McClain.

But I called his ranch
in Texas, and they

said he'd gone down to Mexico.

What kind of guy is Charlie?

Charlie?

That's a picture
of the two of us.

We were in Korea together.

You didn't kill
anybody, did you?

Me?
No.

No.

I don't think so.

Well, Charlie and I
were two of the biggest

goofballs in the whole outfit.

There's never a dull moment
when old Charlie's around.

I mean, it's wild.

It's really wild.

One day I'd like you
to meet old Charlie.

Mr. McClain, this
is highly irregular.

Well, I just wanted to wish
you a Happy New Year properly.

Well, you wouldn't want me
to lose my job, would you now?

Oh, of course not.

And don't you worry your
sweet little head about it.

Say, how would you like to come
with me and meet my best pal?

I'm sorry.

We're leaving for
Albuquerque in 10 minutes.

Doggone the luck.

He's going to be
awful disappointed.

Well, next time, OK?
-Oh, we'll see.

Now, Happy New Year.

Yeah, same to you, honey.

Oh!

And put this on
my bill, will you?

Thank you, sweetheart.

Man, does this feel good.

Hey!

Do you mind if I wash
out a few things?

JOE: You do anything you want!

How long have you lived here?

JOE: I just moved out from New
York about three months ago.

GINGER: Why Santa Fe?

Well, it's beautiful country.

I always wanted to live here.

You sure dig
Indians, don't you?

Navajo.

A fantastic people!

The language is very poetic.

Do you know, they got the
same word for hope and love?

Hard rain is masculine rain.

And gentle rain is feminine.

Hey, that's far out.

You know, I'm a poet.

I write songs and poems.

I never knew a
real poet before!

That's just about all
I have in my suitcase.

Hey, very nice.

Thanks for the loan.

My pleasure.

[inhales deeply]

Oh, very nice.

Very nice.

You should open a clinic.

You're very good at this.

I got to pay for
my supper, don't I?

Right, right.

Towel please.

What is that?

Oh, it's a project of mine.

It's a model of a new type
of city I've been working on.

Tell me about it.

JOE: Well, I believe, as most
of our greater architects do,

that cities are dead and dying.

And to just keep building new
buildings on top of the ruins

is not the answer.

So what is the Answer

Lifestyles and
structures that enhance

nature instead destroying it.

That's terrific.

Have you told anybody about it?

I mean, I bet the
president or the governor

or Congress or somebody,
would like to hear about it.

Well, it's not a
new or original idea.

I mean, everybody--

Who cares?

It's important.

It's necessary.

You gotta promise me you'll
do something about it.

OK.

I promise.

I think somebody made you up.

You know, for a backward cat,
you say a lot of heavy things.

Joe?

Hmm?

Let's have a ceremony.

What ceremony?

Burn the photographs.

Good idea.

Goodbye, Clayton.

Goodbye, Marci.

nine years, up in smoke.

What are you doing
New Years Eve?

Nothing.

What are you doing?

I'd like to stay here,
spend it with you.

You know what?

What?

I'm going to start picking
up lady hitchhikers regularly.

Do you know, when I said I
wanted to stay here with ya,

I meant with you.

I just want to make that clear.
Because--

I know, I know.
I'm a little slow.

And we'd waste an
awful lot of time.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I need you.

I dig you.

I think you dig me.

I dig you a lot.

The saddest thing is to
wake up and there's nobody.

Yeah.

So we'll just spend a couple of
lovely days and nights together

and then I'll split.

OK.

You're not sure?

Oh no, I'm sure.

Good.

Now, I'm going to go upstairs
and get on some clothes

and get some things
for breakfast.

Is that little market open?

Yeah, till midnight.

Look, I can go!

GINGER: Nuh-uh!

But I'll need some
bread for groceries!

Bread for groceries?

Right.

Bread!

Bread for groceries.
Right.

[laughter]

I'm gonna fix you a
breakfast you'll never forget!

JOE: Hey!

Don't you run out on me.

Don't worry.

Uh, remember-- I've got
your suitcase, with all

your paperbacks and your poems.

I'll be damned.

I'll be damned.

My, that's sure pretty.

You people sure know
how to decorate a town.

Gracias, senor.

[singing to self]

I want to take a bath.

I'm gonna take a bath.

[singing to self]

[water running]

[music - "joy to the world"]

[bell ringing]

[doorbell]

[country music playing]

Charlie?

[laughter]

You old son of a gun!

Oh boy!

It's good to see you!

It's really good to see you!

Yeah, Charlie--

I come in on a
champagne flight.

I come all the way
Mexico to celebrate

New Year's Eve with ya!

Charlie!

Well, I surprised the
fire out of you, didn't I?

Yeah, you sure did.

You certainly have.

[laughter]

Hey, don't you smell purty.

Yeah, well, I-

You wasn't expecting
me, was you?

No, as a matter of fact, I
wasn't, you old Texas rat.

[laughter]

Uh-- Charlie--

Boy, you're looking good.
You know that?

You are looking good!

Yeah, well, why didn't
you give me a call,

let me know you were coming?

What?

Waste good money on phone
calls when you could

spend it on booze and women?

You got to be kidding!

Hey, look at this
place you got here.

You living out here like
a high doggone, son.

Look at all them candles.

What you having
here, an Irish wake?

Charlie, there's something
I got to tell you.

Excuse me a minute.
Hey!

Salvador!

Mi amigo's in la casa.

So bring in those
bags muy pronto!

SALVADOR: Si, senor!

I got all the bags!

Hey, Charlie--

And don't rupture
yourself, son!

Bring 'em in one at a time!

No, wait a minute.

Charlie, I got to
explain something to you.

-What's that?
-What?

What?
What?

Sounds like Niagara Falls.

Niagra-- oh, good grief.

Oh!

[laughter]

Charlie--

You old rapscallion, you.

You got a little dolly here
somewhere, haven't you?

Where you got her hid, boy?

Now, look, she
went to the market.

Charlie--

Oh my goodness, she must
be getting awful cold

without her little things on.

Charlie, it's not
the way you think.

Tiny little rascal, ain't she?

Yeah, but-- Charlie, it's
not the way you think.

Well, listen, I'm as
happy as a clam about it.

And I'm not going to
get in the way, either.

I'll just sneak out
to the picture show

or someplace soon
as she turns up.

SALVADOR: Hey!

Senor!

I got all these bags!

Oh, the bags.

Charlie!

Hey!

Salvador, you're liable
to sprain something, son!

Not very big, but
I'm very strong.

Just put those bags
down there anywhere, boy.

You know what,
Charlie, wait, please.

Hey, Salvador, I'd like you
to meet mi compadre here.

Jose Marone.

Joe, this is Salvador Rodriguez.
-Very nice to meet you.

He drove me all the way
here from the airport.

Very good.
Thank you, Salvador.

Charlie, just--

Salvador, this is mi
amigo grande, Jose Marone.

Very pleased.

Very pleased to
meet you, Salvador.

Charlie, will you
listen to me please?

Hey, sit down there, boy.

Take a load off your feet and
have some of this champagne.

No, Char-- fellas,
wait a minute.

Hey, gracias.
You're really nice fellas.

Charlie, will you listen
to me for just a second?!

Now, look, you've
got to clear out

of here with all this stuff.
And your friend too.

It's nothing personal, Salvador.

And you too, Charlie.

You got to clear out right now.

Look, I already told you,
I'm going to clear out.

And then I'll sneak back in
here, quiet as a little mouse.

And I'll crash out on
the couch up there.

No, Charlie-- Charlie--
that's not going to work.

Look, if you think I'm going
back out in this Blue Norther,

boy, you're crazy.

That's exactly what
you're going to have to do.

Hey, I don't get this.

I don't get this at all.

Do I send you to a hotel when
you come down home to visit me?

Huh?

No, no, Charlie.

And I'm just as
sorry as I could be.

But this is a very
special thing, Charlie.

And I'll explain it all later.

Well, I'm not
going to interfere.

Shucks, maybe she's
got a girlfriend

she can fix me up with.

I'm human too, you know?
Right, Salvador?

[laughter]

Hey, very nice fellas.

Gracias, amigo.

Gracia--

Charlie, will you
pay attention, please?

Now, this is not some
broad coming up here.

Charlie, this is a very lovely,
a very sweet, a very young

girl.

And you're going to
louse up the whole deal

unless you leave right now.

Hey, wait a minute.

You haven't gone and fallen in
love with somebody, have you?

Oh, no, Charlie.

You just got yourself out of
nine years of bondage, boy.

Stay out!
-Right.

Charlie, you don't
know the girl.

You don't know the situation.

I don't have to know
the girl or the situ--

Charlie!
Listen to me!

Please!
-Will you stop that?

You're giving me a headache.

Charlie.

I picked this girl up on
the highway a few hours ago.

She's a hippie, hitchhiker.

You're putting me on.

No, no, I'm not.

CHARLIE: Picked up
a hippie hitchhiker?

I don't believe it.

Well, it's true, OK,
I'm a little desperate.

Huh?

Hey, look, Charlie, I
been without a woman

for three months.

Oh, you poor boy!

Yeah.

No wonder you're looking
so wall eyed and jumpy.

Well--

CHARLIE: You think
she's a sure thing?

JOE: Sure thing?
Sure!

She's a sure thing.

Charlie, she already asked me.

She asked you?

Sure!

Well, man, you got
yourself a real hot number!

That's right!
A real hot number!

Now, Charlie, will you clear
out and just give me a call

a little later.
-Ooh, come on, Salvador.

Let's vamanos, boy.

Come on.

Hi, honey.

Joe was just telling me some
lovely things about you.

I heard.

Uh-- Ginger, this is
my old buddy, Charlie.

I know.

Uh, Ginger, this is
Salvador Rodriguez.

Uh-- let me take those things.

Honey, uh, Salvador
and me's just going.

I'm staying over
here at the hotel.

Then why'd you
bring your bags up?

My bags?

Oh, oh, oh, my bags.

Well, I almost forgot.

I brought Joe and
you too, honey,

some fresh homemade country
smoked deer meat sausage.

I can't wait for y'all
to see these sausages.

Why don't you just pay
the driver, Charlie?

What about my hotel?

Why don't you just pay the
driver and let him split?

There's about half a dozen
ways out of this situation.

And we didn't seem to
hit on a-one of them.

If you'll wait a minute, you
can drop me at the bus station.

Ginger-- here's your change.

And uh, thanks for the ride.

Now you see what you've done?

Look, I'll fix
this up in no time.

Oh, you already fixed it.

If she leaves you because if
you, old buddy, that's it.

We're through.

kaput, finished, count on it.

Hold this.

Salvador?

You got to split, old buddy.

Hey, senor, but the senorita.

Never mind the senorita.

I'll explain it to you later.

[spanish].

Uh-- you keep the champagne.
It's a present.

Gracias.
Happy New Year!

Yeah, happy New
Year to you too.

Same to you!

[music playing]

No, it's your fault.

Shh.

Shh.

GINGER: Where's the cab driver?

CHARLIE: Oh, he had
to split, honey.

He was double parked.
-Thanks a lot.

Then I'll just walk.
-No, no, no, no, no.

Now, wait.

No wait.

Look, honey.

This is all my fault.
-No it's not.

It's my fault. I asked for it.

Ginger, wait.

I-- I don't know what you heard.

But I promise you--

Promise me what?

That you'll take something
beautiful and make it ugly?

A sure thing you
picked up on the road?

A hot number?

Now see what you've done?

Don't blame him.

It's you.

You just stood there.

At least Charlie tried.

You tried and he had to lie.

I won't forget that, Charlie.

Honey, what are friends for?

This is absolutely ridiculous.

I don't believe it.

This is all going to
come out in the wash.

Charlie, will you knock it off?

Now, you've done enough
damage for one day.

What do you keep
yelling at Charlie for?

Does it help anything
to keep yelling at him?

She's right, Joe.

I'm just a victim
of circumstance.

You?

Now, wait a minute!
I'm the victim.

I'm already convicted.

I didn't even get a trial.

Why did you have to saw
all those awful things?

Because I was desperate.

Because it's the
only kind of language

this drunken bum understands.

Well, now, that hurt, boy.

That really did.

Did you know that
today was the most

beautiful day of my whole life?

I believed you.

And to think that all I was
to you was just a little--

Oh my god.

CHARLIE: Look, I just met you.

But from what Joe
tells me, and from what

I can see with my
very own eyes, I

know you're just the
sweetest, most decent

kind of a little girl
that any lucky man

would ever hope to meet.

Thank you.

That's very sweet.

It's incredible.

Shh.

Now, Everything.

Is going to be hunky dory.

Just remember, I'm
part of the family.

And the thing that
you think is so awful

now is going to seem just
like angel food cake tomorrow

morning.
-Everything is ruined.

No, no, now it's not.

Now, look, you just go
in the bedroom there.

And you go to bed.

And Joe and me are
going to stay out here.

Aren't we, Joe?

We all go to sleep
on this thing.

And tomorrow it's going
to turn out just fine.

Got to go.

Joe, ask her nice, to stay.

Ginger, please stay?

Please.

Come on, honey.

I'll stay if you'll
stay, Charlie.

Well, if that's what you want.

And don't worry.

I won't contaminate your bed.

I'll sleep on the floor.

That is the silliest damn
thing I've ever heard!

Easy, boy, now, easy.

Now, you just go on
in there to sleepy pie.

Don't worry.

I'll leave first
thing in the morning.

No, sir.

Tomorrow we gonna just
love each other to pieces

and bring in that baby New Year.

You really are a
groovy guy, Charlie.

CHARLIE: Tomorrow,
when I'm sober,

you won't be able to stand me.

GINGER: Not a chance.

Goodnight, honey.

Goodnight.

Psst.

Um-- goodnight.

Goodnight.

Everything is
possible through faith.

Is your insurance paid up?

Well, now, that's
gratitude for you.

I just averted a disaster here.

There's no justice.

Charlie, are you planning
to flop here indefinitely?

You know you're just
a bundle of nerves.

Answer the question.

I forgot what it was.

Are you going or aren't you?

Well, I don't see how I can.

I promised that sweet
little thing there I'd stay.

I can't leave for your sake.

Child, old buddy,
our friendship

has survived some incredible
tests over the years.

But this one-- this
one tops them all.

And I swear, I'm going to
get you for this if it's

the last thing I ever do.

You're just disappointed.

That's why you're saying
ugly things you don't mean.

What is this thing?

What the hell
does it look like?

It's a Christmas tree.

Well, it's not anymore.

It's now an incendiary bomb.

Charlie, will you get
out of here so I can think

up a way to clear up this mess?

You better just cool it
for awhile, old buddy.

What a mess.

What a ridiculous mess.

If it'll make you
feel any better,

I'll tell you some
of my problems.

Oh, Charlie--

It always makes me feel a
whole lot better to find out

somebody else is in
worse shape than I am.

You want to know how
I spent my Christmas?

Not particularly.

I spent my Christmas all
alone with just my old dog

and a couple of drunk cowboys.

Santa Clause didn't bring me
nothing but a big old sack

of heartache.

Charlie--

CHARLIE: Maybe I wasn't
a model husband, Joe.

I'll admit that.

But I was a darn good father.

And I love those kids,
Joe, and I miss 'em.

Shucks, on cold winter
nights like this,

I even miss old Sugar.

Oh my god.

You don't care what's
happening to me, do you?

Charlie, will you
please go so I can think?

Joe, I think it's high time
I told you about my discovery.

Your discovery?

Do you know what least 85% of
the joy derived from sex is?

Now, look, I figured
this out all by myself.

But I am certain that
science will bear me out.

85% of the joy derived
from sex is nothing

in the world but anticipation.

Jesus.

Now, don't you realize
that the longer you prolong

this thing, the finer it's going
to be when it finally happens?

Charlie, I'm warning
you, go to a hotel now.

No, actually, I'm a
blessing in disguise.

Well, if you weren't
drunk, I'd clobber you.

Do you honestly believe that
this temporary little setback

with that precious
little thing in there

is going to end your romance?

Why, no, boy.

It's just going to
make it all better.

Charlie--

Because anticipation
is going right to work.

I don't believe this.

I don't believe it.

Look, don't you realize that
she's all curled up in there

right now, in your bed,
just throbbing and pulsating

with love for you?

I'm warning you,
Charlie, that's enough.

I just tingle all over
when I think about it.

I'm warning you, Charlie.

Do you think all this powerful
love is going to waste?

Why, no, boy!

It's just getting all stored
up minute by minute and hour

by hour.

Charlie, I'm warning you--

Just building a growing
and warming and throbbing.

JOE: Charlie--

And when y'all finally
do get together, powee!

Whoopee!
Yoo-hoo!

You bastard.

Ow!

What's going on?

Are y'all trying
to kill each other?

Charlie, why?

Why did you have to come
here now, of all times?

Don't you know, boy?

I'm lonely.

[CRYING] I just had to be
with somebody on New Year's

Eve who cares about me.

Charlie.

ANNOUNCER: Texas
International, Flight 57,

now arriving, Gate 5A.

[planes landing]

[snoring]

[phone rings]

Morning, buddy.

Morning.

Hello?

Joe?

JOE: Yeah.

Hey, Joe.

Sugar here.

Well, hello.

Hey, this is a surprise.
Where are you?

Albuquerque.

I got a half-hour layover here.

So I thought I'd just call
and wish you a happy New Year.

Well, a Happy New
Year to you too.

Kids and I were in
Honolulu for Christmas.

And I sent them on ahead to
stay with mother in Dallas

for a few days.

And hey, well, Joe,
darling, how are you?

I missed you.

Oh, and I've missed
you too honey.

Say, have you heard from
our old friend lately?

Uh-- if you mean my darling
ex, the wandering mud king, no.

He hasn't paid his child
support in over five months.

I'd sure like to
lay my hands on him.

You know, it's funny
you should say that.

It's funny you should say that.

Charles-- is there with you?

That's right.

Look, honey, would you
hold on for just a second?

I'm going to take this
in the other room.

Don't hang up.

Who's that?

An old friend.

[door closes]

I wonder who that was.

It hope it was a girl.

Heard him call somebody honey.

After breakfast,
I better split.

Nothing doing.

You're not going anywhere.

JOE: I'll see you later.

Hey, where you going?

Oh, out for a little while.

Well, wait a minute.

That's not very hospitable.

You got company here.

Well, you two seem to
get along just fine.

I won't be here
when you get back.

So goodbye.

Now, wait a minute.

We got a date
tonight, regardless

of how you feel about me.

You got to keep it.

I mean, fair is fair.

Well, what about me?

Somebody's got to fix
me up with somebody.

I'm working on that
right now, old buddy.

As a matter of
fact, I may have you

fixed up one of those
real hot numbers you like.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

Here's a little souvenir
from the islands.

Oh, thank you, ma'am.

Oh, Sugar, I can't tell you how
much appreciate you doing this.

Are you kidding?

After what that
so-and-so's done to me,

I wouldn't miss a
chance like this

for all the leis in Honolulu.

You're one heck of
a fine cook, honey.

You know that?

If I was around you for long,
I'd be as big as a barn.

You really like it?

Mhm.

But you didn't eat
nothing, hardly.

Well, I'm not very hungry.

Oh, darling, don't
you know that things

between men and women never
end abruptly like this?

They just usually fizzle out.

What's on your mind, honey?

Well, I got to tell somebody.

Well, I'm somebody.

I'm going to have a baby.

Oh.

How is he, Joe?

Still drinking?

Well, he's uh-- yeah,
he's still drinking.

Well, if you left him with
this girl you picked up,

all I can say is lots of luck.

Oh come on, Sugar.

Now, Charlie's got
his bad points.

But he wouldn't try
anything like that.

Want to put some money on it?

No.

[laughter]

Are you serious?

Absolutely.

Things don't work out
between you and Joe,

I'll marry you and give
that little shaver of yours

a good name.

You're crazy.

You don't even know me.

You're an exceptionally
fine little woman.

And I don't care if
the kid is mine or not.

A kid is a kid.

That's far out, Charlie.

But I guess I just
better go this alone.

And don't say anything
to Joe about it.

OK?

You're something else.

You know that?

Charlie, let's make
tonight special, OK?

How come?

I don't know.

It's just important to me.

Whatever you say, kid.

Gimme give.

JOE: Hey, Charlie.

Here's that red-hot
number I promised you.

Hello, Charlie.

Well now, how about that?

Isn't this a lovely surprise?

[mariachi music]

Good evening, Russell.

Oh, Mr. Marone, I have
your table right here, sir.

Good.

Excuse me, sir.

Mhm.

Thank you, Russell.

Well, what would
everybody like to drink?

Well, it's New Year's Eve.

Let's celebrate.

A whole bottle of champagne.

Waiter, a whole Mag-um.

Why don't you stick with what
you've been drinking, Charlie?

And it's pronounced Mag-num.

I don't care if it's
pronounced Boxcar.

We want the biggest
bottle you got.

Yes, sir.

For a man who was
dying of loneliness

less than two hours
ago, you've made

a remarkable recovery, Charlie.

Well, why not?

Being reunited with
my darling Sugar

and meeting little Ginger here,
and discovering that my best

pal that has this
delightful sadistic streak,

that's enough to rekindle
the spirits of any man.

Paper hats?

Oh my, what fun.

Charlie, since
you're the mud king,

you get to wear the crown.

You know it, baby.

And Diamond Lil, here's a little
dunce cap for you, darling.

Thank you, darling.

Your thoughtful nature is
something I've really missed.

Have you now?

You're looking
good, Sugar, baby.

You've put on a little
weight, didn't you, honey?

That Italian boyfriend
of yours must

be feeding you lots of spaghetti
and macaroni and stuff.

How did you know about him?

Oh, society columns.

That's the way I keep up with
you and my kids these days.

Why don't we dance?

Oh, let's see if Charlie
can stand up first.

Oh, no, wait!

Let's have a champagne first.

Hey, wait, let me do this.

I'm an expert at this.

You got to watch out though.

There's the thing.

Ow!

Woo-hoo-hoo!

Saludos, amigos!

Oh, Happy New Year!

That's a little toast here.

Happy New Year.

Captain?

Sir?

I'd like to buy a
round of mariachis

for the margarita band.

They look parched.

Yes, sir.

God love you.

Ginger, would
you like to dance?

GINGER: Sure.

Mm.

Oh, well, oh, hey!

Sugar, baby, shall we
trip the light fantastic?

We shall trip, I
can promise you that.

Oh, you are a darling
thing, aren't you?

Come on.

Oops, watch that.

[mariachi music]

You're not mad anymore?

No, I don't stay mad long.

I'm sorry the way things--
and if Charlie hadn't arrived,

maybe--

I'm glad he did.

I learned some things.

Ginger, you know I
didn't mean what I said.

Or even what you thought
I might have said.

Tonight's a fun night, OK?

Tomorrow I'll
split, no problems.

You feel might
good, Sugar, baby.

Mighty good.

SUGAR: Do I?

Mhm.

How can you tell the difference
between all us girls, anyway?

Oh, I can tell.

How's little Joe, Peggy Sue?

They're fine.

They had a nice Christmas.

They loved your presents.

Good.

Good.

Tell me about your
dress designer.

That's really none of
your business, Charlie.

Oh, I think it is, if he's
going to be my kids' new daddy.

Where'd you hear that?

Gossip columns.

Well, I-- I really
don't care to discuss it.

Well, I think we better.

If he's going to try to fill
my shoes, I think we better.

Charlie, let's sit down
before you fall down.

I'll tell you what,
let's change partners.

I want to dance.

Come on.

Excuse me.

[guests chattering indistinctly]

[mariachi music]

[cheering]

[applause]

CHARLIE: Hey!

That's swell!

Woo!

Anyhow-- anyhow,
I could sell out

and have a little money
left to go in on a ranch

down in Sonora.

And I want you to
come in with me.

A ranch?

Yeah.

Hell, Charlie, I don't know
one end of a cow from the other.

Oh, Joe, you learn
ranching in no time.

And it's beautiful
down there, man.

It's wild and beautiful.

We could live like
kings down there.

Charlie's a barrel
of laughs, huh?

Well, you just try living with
a barrel of laughs, honey.

[noisemaker]

I'm still in the
mud business anyway.

And I'm moving to Mexico.

SUGAR: You're not
selling anything, buster.

That company belongs to me.

Well, listen, we better get
out fast before you end up

with a big old half of nothing.

SUGAR: You're drunk, Charlie.

You don't know what
you're talking about.

Well, why don't you
just come and take

a look at the books, mamacita?

You watch your language!

What'd I say?
I didn't say nothing.

Look, we're trying
to have a party.

OK?
-I'm having fun.

Hey, man, will you pour me
another glass of champagne?

Oh, she's had enough, Charlie.

Oh, give a little lady a drink!

SUGAR: And why don't you go to
the restroom, wash your face,

and comb your hair. you look
like the wild man from Borneo.

And why don't you go on a diet?

You look like a fat
lady in a sideshow.

Oh!

[women shriek]

Oh my goat!

My leg is broke!
-Charlie--

I think she broke
my doggone leg.

Oh!
-Mr. Marone--

-Not now, Russell.
-Mr. Marone--

Ginger, get your
wrap, will you?

Mr. Marone--

Yes, I know, we're going.

I hate to say this.

But I'm afraid you
and your people

are going to have to take
a more secluded table.

Just bring us the check please.

That won't be necessary.

I'll mail it to you.

Thank you.

I'll like a check.

We got to get a doctor.

Come on, Charlie.

Thank you, Russell.

Well, I don't care
if I am crippled.

I'm clearing out and
I'm going to Mexico.

You can go to Timbuktu
as far as I'm concerned.

But you're not selling
the mud business.

Well, this is the first
time I've ever been

kicked out of a restaurant.

Falling-down drunk.

Falling-down drunk?

I was kicked over!

And you have turned
into an alcoholic.

Oh, shut up!

I divorced you to stop
you from bugging me.

So stop bugging me!

This is turning out
to be one of the truly

great New Year's Eve parties.
SUGAR: Pay up!

No I am not.

Not a nickel till
I can see my kids

any time I want to see them!

That's not what the judge said.

You know what you can
do with the judge, honey!

You don't need my money!
It's spite!

Pure spite!

That's all it is!

You have a
responsibility, Charlie.

They are your kids!

They are not my kids!

Not anymore!

And the next time your old lady
or that precious daddy of yours

won't let me see 'em,
I'm going to kidnap 'em.

You just try that, and I'll
have you put away so far,

they'll have to feed
you with a bean shoot.

To one helluva party.

You invited her!

I didn't!

Well, I'm not going to
talk about it anymore.

Well, good.

Cause I don't want to
talk about it either.

Why aren't you out at
some cheap honky-tonk

with one of your car hops
or your cocktail waitresses?

Any car hop I know is a better
woman than you are, sweetheart!

Male menopause, that's
what's the matter with you.

No other woman ever locked
me out of her bedroom

but you, sweetheart.
-Oh!

Well, that's because they
were cheap and I had pride.

I wasn't about to compete
with every ticky-tail car

hop in the whole country.

I gave you 10 wonderful years!

No, you gave me
about two, actually.

Then you went frigid on me.

There are no frigid
women, Charles,

only clumsy, selfish men.

Did your psychiatrist
tell you that?

You caused me to go to on.

You did it, with all
you're catting around.

Oh, bull, bull, bull!

I never catted around!
You locked me out.

Lie!
Lie!

Lie!

Using your sex
like a door prize.

If I didn't jump every time you
said, jump, hit the lock, baby.

O-U-T, out.

That is a bald-faced lie.

No, it ain't!

Other things become more
important to you than me.

Your social work, your
political causes, activities!

You didn't have time for me!

You stopped being a woman
and turned into a machine!

Well, when you did, you turned
me out to pasture, honey!

Well, I pastured.

Let me tell you!

I pastured!

SUGAR: I hate you.

I hope everybody's
having a good time.

And I hope you rot in hell.

Well, I ain't.

Not just anyway.

Because I'm going to Mexico.

And if Joe doesn't marry
little Ginger here,

I will, and give that little
shaver of hers a good name

and teach him to
grow up like a man!

That's what I'm going to do!

Little shaver?

Charlie--

Sorry, honey.

Going to find out
sooner or later anyhow.

You promised.

What little shaver
is he talking about?

I'm going to have a baby in
about seven-and-a-half months.

You're a surprise a
minute, aren't you?

You know who the father is?

Yes.

That fella we
cremated yesterday?

GINGER: Yes.

Does he know the child is his?

Yes.

He doesn't want children.

He doesn't think a child should
be subjected to the world

the way it is today.

Oh, he doesn't?

Well, then he should be
celibate, don't you think?

Or maybe let you
know about the Pill?

I know about the Pill.

I want this baby.

What about a father?

Or are you in the market
for one, is that it?

I mean, you're going to just
keep sleeping with strange men

until you find someone who--

Oh, honey, honey,
let's go to the hotel.

We don't have to stay
here to be insulted.

How can you be so dumb?

Yeah, you're right.

It's not every day I pick
up a pregnant hitchhiker.

Thanks for the
swell party, fellas.

And tomorrow, if I don't
get my child support,

I report you to the judge!

Good riddance, you old bitch!

Pregnant.

Stupid broad.

Pregnant!

Dumb broad.

[church bells]

[horns, noisemakers]

Happy New Year, Charlie.

Happy New Year, Joe.

[music, "auld lang syne"]

Come on, let's go out and
have ourselves some fun.

No, Charlie, I don't
feel much like it.

Well, we're out of booze.

What kind of New Years
we going to have if we

don't get some more booze?

[sigh]

Oh, come on.

Let's go out and have ourselves
some fun, even if it kills us.

Why not?

[BOISTEROUSLY SINGING IN
SPANISH]

Home!

[singing]

Hey!

[speaking spanish]

Ah.

That's beautiful.

That's beautiful.

Fantastic.

Very pretty.

Very pretty.

Beautiful.

Joe?

Joe?

Yeah?

Do you know what old
Lot said to his wife

when he looked back
and saw that she had

turned into a pillar of salt?

No, what did old Lot say
about his wife's salt?

He said, honey, I sure
hate to tell you this,

but you have turned
into a pillar of salt.

That's a joke?

That's it.

[laughter]

Oh my goodness!
look at the bell!

Somebody forgot to
decorate the bell!

Oh, that's terrible.

Awful.

Well, hey, it is.

Let's decorate it for them.
Want to?

-No, no.
-No, come on, let's do it.

Get a little nearer.
JOE: No nearer.

Stay there.

CHARLIE: Come on,
get a little nearer.

Ah.

[laughter]
Got one?

Got it.

All right, put
yours over there.

And I'll put mine up yonder.

Hey, sir, could you
hold this for me, please?

Thank you.

Some women like
old Sugar, should

be belted every now and then.

Who you think you're kidding?

Sugar is tougher, meaner
than you and me put together.

You never laid a hand on her.

I did so.

I knocked the fire
out of her once.

What'd you hit her with?

That, old buddy.

Right smack on the jaw.

She saw stars for a week.

Yeah?

Yeah.

She danced around,
yelling like a banshee.

Thought I'd killed her.

It was lovely.

[laughter]

What'd she do then?

Huh?

What'd she do then?

Oh.

Well, she uh,
naturally hit me back.

What'd she hit you with?

A golf club.

Gold club?

A number nine iron.

Right across the top of my head.

She almost fractured
my dad-blamed skull.

[laughter]

I don't see why it's
so doggone funny.

[laughter]

Took seven stitches in my scalp.

Look at that.

would you look at that?

You came that close to losing
the best pal you ever had.

[laughter]

Ma'am, look.

Look at those boys over there.

They're drinking the
liquor in this park.

Oh.

Now, that's against the law.

God bless America!

Help us and save us.

-Amen.
-Uh-oh.

Hmm?

[tires squeal]

JOE: Here come the fuzz.

Her come the fuzz.

Here come the fuzz.

Here come the fuzz!

All right, stop right there,
in the name of the law.

Now, get your hands up.

Come on, get 'em
up a little higher.

SHERIFF: Everett!

Everett!

Put that dad-blamed gun away.

Why don't you go over yonder and
straighten out them luminarias?

I'll handle this.

All right, boys.

Officer, this may not seem to
appear what it is underneath.

No way, you see.

I think that you boys
better come along with me.

Woo.

[singing]

Shh.

You trying to wake
up everybody in town?

No, sir.

No, sir.

You boys sure had it rough.

I'm just sorry that I
had to spoil your fun.

Why, I'd be the last
person in the world

to throw a couple
of war veterans

in jail on New Year's Eve.

It's all right, Captain.

You were just doing your job.

We haven't seen each other
since the prison camp in Korea.

Yeah.

I just got over my amnesia and
they sent me off to Vietnam.

I sure feel sorry
for you fellas.

You sure had it rough.

Yes we have.

Would you like to see
where I got it in the leg?

That's terrible, Captain.
You don't want to see it.

Oh, no thanks.

No thanks.

I-- I'm just sorry that I
had to do what I had to do,

that's all.

It's all right, sir.

You're just like us.

Duty comes first.

Duty first, captain.

Look, boys, will
you do me a favor?

Yes, sir.

Yes, sir.

Just stay inside.
Huh?

Yes, sir.

[singing]

[singing loudly]

[rooster crows]

You know who I really miss?

Who?

Les Paul and Mary Ford.

Pregnant.

Pregnant.

The world's becoming feminized.

RIght.

Right.

Men have got to take over,
stop this pussyfooting around.

Right.

-Damn.
-Hmm?

I got an idea.

What?

Let's go out in the streets
and get this whole movement

started.

Right.

Shake the complacent
bastards into action.

Right!

But first let's get
something to eat.

I'm starved.

My head hurts.

Huevos rancheros.

That's what you need.

Fix you right up.

Oh, God, I hope so.

Come on.

[sigh]

Coffee gives you wrinkles?

Hmm?

Wrinkles.

-Wrinkles?
-Mhm.

It's a fact.

Hmm.

Hey, Joe, you can't eat
that without hot sauce, boy.

Here.

Whoa.

That'll fix you right up there.

Ain't it good?

Mm.

You know the trouble with that?

We're like the old boll weevil,
just looking for a home.

Mm.

Ah.

My dad built up a business
from scratch, from nothing.

Since he's been gone, I just
watched it dwindle away.

My old man was a shoemaker.

They had a little shop.

You know, one time,
I asked him, I said,

pop, what do you want
in the whole wide world?

You know what he said?

He looked me right in
the eye and he said,

Joseph, I want to make
a fine pair of shoes.

Man, ain't that something?

Isn't that beautiful?

I mean, he knew that's
all he really wanted.

I know.

Oh, I know.

Boy, my dad was about
10 feet tall to me.

I mean, when I was
a kid, it always

seemed to me he lived
in a giant world

among giant men and
giant machinery.

Never knew how to show
his affection to me.

Anyway, he took me
on this deer hunt.

With some oil men,
some cronies of his.

I never told you about this.

We was down near Bandera
and staying one cold autumn

morning.

When all of a sudden, this
10-point buck jumps up.

He's about-- oh,
about 150 yards off.

My dad motioned that
I should take him.

Well, I shot him.

At first, I thought
I missed him.

He run like hell about 50 yards.

And then he dropped.

Hmm.

I shot him right
through the heart.

Well, my dad was pretty
excited, I'll tell you.

He kept yelling, great shot!

Great shot, boy!

Later, he's watching
me skin this old buck.

I was looking into the big brown
eyes of this deer that'd run 50

yards with a 0.30-caliber
bullet through his heart,

and thinking how
much grander and more

beautiful he was than me.

And all of a sudden, I felt
my dad's hand on my shoulder.

And I looked up.

He had great big old
tears in his eyes.

He was just bustin'
with pride and joy.

I never seen him
like that before.

Well, Joe, I don't
deer hunt no more.

Three weeks later,
my dad was dead.

He dropped dead right up on the
derrick floor of an oil well,

right up there where
he'd spent all his life.

Maybe I let him down.

I don't know, I guess I have.

I just hope, though,
that he'd understand.

there I go, bawling again.

Well--

[blows nose]

Damn.

Come on, old son.

Let's take a drive up
in the mountains, huh?

OK.

Listen, kid, you're the
one who's pregnant, not I.

Sugar, you're in worse
shape than all of us.

You're a divorced
women with two kids

and you're still in love
with your ex-husband.

And you're miserable.

Well.

OK.

Let's assume that
I'd take him back.

Now, just assume, mind you.

Stop assuming.

Stop playing games.

If you want him back,
you can get him back.

Just how do I got
about doing that?

Help him.

Don't buck him.

Forget your pride.

Take him in your arms
and tell him you dig him.

Cry if you have to.

Get down on your knees.

Tell him you're all the
awful things he says you are.

Be honest.

You've got to be kidding.

Well, I don't know
how it was with you,

when you and Sugar split up.

But boy, I can't make
another mistake like that.

I just couldn't take it.

I know.

I know.

This girl, she's--
Charlie, she's really

got to me in a different,
wild kind of way.

Oh, I don't know if it's because
I'm on a rebound from Marci,

or lonely or--

Horny?

Yeah, horny.

[laughter]

Can't get her out of my head.

I know.

She's a-- she's a very special
kind of a little person.

Oh, she is, Charlie.

She is.

Man, I don't know
if I can handle it.

Pregnant.

I wish I could help you, Joe.

I really do.

Yeah, sure do too.

Hey, look at those
kids out there.

Little rascals.

Yeah.

Hey, let's go down there
and challenge them, huh?

Show 'em what real
war's all about.

Want to?
-Oh, I don't know.

Oh, come on. let's go.

Come on.

Come on, let's go.

Come on.

Hey.

Hey, kids?

You want to have a-- you
want to have a fight with us?

We going to challenge
you to a fight, OK?

All you kids against us.

OK?

OK?
Listen!

Wait a minute!

We got to get some ammunition.
Joe?

Sure.

You all right?

Listen!
Get over there!

We'll get some snowballs here.

OK?

OK.

Wait a minute!

[children yelling]

Get you little buggers!

You little rascals!

[yelling]

Got you, bugger!

[yelling]

[music playing]

Steady!

Charge her!

[yell]

[music playing]

Everett!

Come back here.

Leave your gun alone.

Why don't you stay with the car?

I'll handle this.

Go get 'em!

Charge!

Charge!

[music playing]

[groaning]

[breathing heavily]

Oh, buddy.

I think we lost that war.

I think we did.

[breathing heavily]

[groaning]

Officer, we'd like
to report a mugging.

Charlie?

Look who's here.

You invite those people?

Got to be the wrong house.

Must be.

I got to talk to you.

Charlie, I uh-- um-- been
doing some uh-- thinking

about uh-- us.

And uh-- well, I--
I've-- I'm willing

to discuss our
s--s--situation, if you are.

What you got up your sleeve?

Oh, nothing.

It's just that uh-- well,
we were partners once.

And I thought we could uh--
well, uh-- have a-- a meeting

of the board, huh?

Come on.

The only time your wife
invites you in the bedroom

these days is for
business conference.

Hell, I can't even
take care of myself.

I didn't ask you to marry me.

I just asked you to love me.

Charlie?

Hmm?

Charlie?

Hmm?

Charlie-- I've been a
horrible, spoiled selfish bitch.

And-- And I-- I want you to
forgive me and take me back.

You know I picked you
up for just one reason.

Wanting someone
isn't wrong or evil.

My darling, I'll be so--
I'll be so good to you

if you take me back.

I'll never, never, never
lock you out again.

And you'll be-- you'll be
too tired from loving me

to even think of another woman.

Oh, Charlie, please,
take me back.

Oh, please!

Oh, I wish I had
a witness to this.

Sugar, honey, get up from there.

What if somebody came in?

Do you love me
even a little bit?

Oh, darling, you know I do.

I never loved all
those other gals.

I just--

Oh, no, no, don't
talk about it ever.

I never loved anybody but you.

Look, look at the ring.

I never took that ring off.

Oh, Charlie.

Do you think I'm fat?

Oh, no.

Honey, you're just--

Do you still desire me?

Oh, you know I do.

Well, I-- I love you.

Mm.

Passionately.

And I desire you passionately.

And I only wish that
I could prove it.

Oh darling, I do, I do.

You can!

You can!

Uh, sweetheart-- uh, not now.

Uh wait. wait!

I can't!
I can't!

Oh!

Charlie!

I don't believe in free
love. i mean, love's not free.

You have to earn it,
work for it, pay for it.

I believe in God.

I believe in the
sanctity of marriage.

I believe in work, all the
things you people seem to hate.

You don't know what I hate.

I'm not a category.

I'm me.

And you're not a
category either.

I'm only sure of one thing.

I don't want to hurt you.

But I just don't know if
I can handle you having

someone else's child like this.

I don't know if you can
handle anything at all.

Well, kids, I've decided
to take old Sugar back.

Yeah.

Well uh, let's say,
we both decided.

Congratulations.

Joe, boy, I've called a cab.

We're going to clear out of here
and let you two get acquainted.

I gotta split too.

Hey, what you trying to do?

Make me feel bad?

Can you give me a lift
to the bus station?

Well, sure.

But--

Hey, Joe, why don't
you take her, huh?

Well, I'd like to, Sugar. but--

Hey, listen you two.

If we can work things out
after all we've been through,

you all should at least
get a decent start.

Great!

I stayed for the party.

The party's over.

Look, if you two are
going to get married again,

I'd be glad to be your best man.

Well, why not?

You're still my best friend.

No I'm not.

Hmm?

I'm your only friend.

Yeah.

Yeah.

But think how lucky we are.

At least we got one friend.

Bye.

You take care now.

-You bet.
-OK.

Sugar?

Bye, Joseph.

We'll be in touch, huh?

Sure, sure.

Bye.

Ginger, I'd be glad to
drive you to the station.

Why?

When something's
over, it's over.

I'm not good enough for you.

I never said that.

OK!

So you're uptight!

Well, who isn't?

So you need some time to
get your head together.

Fine.

But if you ever
want to build one

of those wonderful new cities
or shake the world up at all,

make it a better place for
kids and people and stuff,

then you just got to get it on.

And the same thing goes for me.

If you don't want to get
involved with me, OK.

But do yourself a favor.

The next time somebody comes
along and offers herself

to you, you better take her.

Because you need somebody bad.

You know what hurt the most?

You never even asked to
read one of my poems.

[music playing]

You all right, kid?

[music playing]

GINGER [VOICEOVER]: "You're
a good man, Joe Morane.

And I'm a lucky girl."

[phone rings]

Hello?

Joe?

What in the world's the
matter with you, boy?

We left that sweet
little old girl

standing down there in front
of the bus station, crying.

Don't you know
she's crazy about--

[joe hangs up]

Joe?

Joe?
[testing the phone line]

Joe?

Uh, excuse me.

Did you see a pretty young girl.

She was wearing kind
of a hairy, fuzzy coat.

She was carrying a
guitar and a suitcase.

It was an old suitcase.

Well, I'd remember
a face like that.

Well, I think she got
on the bus to Colorado.

Well, the bus to Colorado
left 15, 20 minutes ago.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah.

Captain Dieter?

Oh no, not you again.

Is this your car?

Yes sir, it is.

Captain Dieter, this is a
matter of life and death.

I've got to stop
that northbound bus.

Is that so?

Yes, sir.

First I let you off for
disturbing the peace.

Then you're illegally parked.

Now you want me to
help you hold up a bus?

Yes, sir.

Please, you see, there's
a girl on that bus.

And Captain, I don't know
exactly what she's going.

And I've got to find her.

Because I've been terrible
to her and I'm an idiot!

Well, I'll go along
with you on that.

Where's that other idiot,
that buddy of yours?

Who, Charlie?

Well, Captain, he's
gone back to Texas.

Well, heaven help Texas.

[laughter]

Please, Captain.

If I don't stop the bus,
I may lose the girl.

And I'd sure hate
to do that now.

Oh, Captain, could you
help an old soldier?

Please?

All right.

Thank you.

Everett, you take this car on
back to the Sheriff's office

and wait for us
yonder, will you?

Come on, get in.

Keys are in it.

[music playing]

Driver, this old boy
here has lost somebody

and he thinks that
maybe she's on this bus.

Well, hurry up.

I'm on schedule.

Thank you.

Ginger, I've got to talk to you.

Will you get off the
bus with me, please?

No.

Ginger, please.
I've got to talk to you.

It's important.

PASSENGER: Fella,
I got to get home.

Just a minute.

Ginger, please.

Sheriff, she doesn't
want to get off the bus.

Well, what do
you want me to do?

Arrest her?

You know, boy, she ain't
a-breakin' the law.

Mister, you either
pay or get off the bus.

Sheriff, could you lend $5?

$5?

You've got my car as security.

Here.

Thank you, Sheriff.

You won't be sorry.

Can I go now?

I wish you would.

Ginger, I'm going to stay on
this until you listen to me.

Ginger, I'm most stupid.

I know I hurt you.

I'm sorry.

I want you.

I want your child.

You've got to believe me.
You're right.

I do need you.

But you've got to believe me.

What do you need me for?

Because I love you.

Because I think I
need you more than

I've ever needed
anyone in my life.

You don't even know who I am.

I only know you're
the most beautiful

thing that ever happened to me.

And I can't let you go now.

DRIVER: Mister!

I'll never have
the chance to know

who you are if you leave now!

Ginger, you got to
give me a chance!

DRIVER: I said,
stay in your seat!

Just a minute.

I want to hear
one of your poems.

I mean, if you go away, I'll
never hear one of your poems.

Will you read me a poem?

I said, sit down!

WOMAN: Wait!

I know.
I'll get 'em.

Sorry, folks!

Have to get off
the bus a minute!

Yes, ma'am.
Here.

Thank you.

There you go.

And a radio too.

Yes, ma'am.

I got them.

But sure to take it easy.

Yes, I'm trying.

Please excuse.

Yes, ma'am.

I think I got most-- I
think I got most of them.

She-- she had a few.

Do you have any
more of the pieces?

Well, there are
only 16 in each set.

No, thank you.

Here's two more.

Here, put these in.

I'm sorry.

I really am.

Oh, goodness.

Thank you.

OK, folks.

Let's load it up to go.

You going with us, mister?

No thanks.

I had my $5 worth.

[music playing]