Ghost Mom (1993) - full transcript

Get out!

We got a one-two-four.

Get an ambulance
down here.

...suspect is a car,
silver four-door,

797, Sam, Roger, 0.

Get an ambulance
here right away.

- What do you got?
- Gunshot victim.

Three-- No, four gunshot wounds,
head, abdomen, right leg.

-Pulse is weak and frailty.
-Pulse is absent.

We're going to trauma, folks.
Prepare an amp of adrenaline.

Fire up the defibrillator
for 200 watts.



He's bleeding bad internally.

Cross him tight for six units.

Somebody call the trauma team.

I'll notify the OR
and hold the, uh, CT technician.

Everybody move. Move.

Set up two large
bottles of IV.

There it is right there.

Okay. Let's clean and close.

Andy, wow,
I got a real mess here.

Dr. Anderson,
Dr. Cavanaugh, what do we have?

Gunshot wounds.
Vitals very unstable.

Nine millimeters
semi wadcutters.

Go in small, come out
the size of a dog's head.

What kind of dog?



- A Shih Tzu?
- Bless you.

Well, this might not be
as bad as it looks.

Uh, suction, please.

Tail is shattered,

head of the tib, fib.

No more pro ball for this kid.
Sponge.

Okay. Let's plant
that artery right there. Good.

Well, considering he's down
about three quartz,

I'd say our friend is
holding on pretty good.

How about that,
in through the zygoma

and out through the mastoid.

Missed his brain entirely.

Mr. Lucky.

Television series, 1958.

John Vivyan played
the title role.

Ross Martin played his partner.
Forceps.

And Ross Martin's
next series was?

Hold that right there for me
will you please, nurse?

Wild, Wild West,
Robert Conrad. Clamp.

Gauze.

Oh. Looks like you're
gonna make it, Mr. Serpico.

1973, Al Pacino,
Paramount. Who produced it?

Dino De Laurentiis.
Written by?

Uh, Norman Wexler
and Waldo Salt.

Based on a book by?

Peter Maas.
More gauze.

He definitely gets a
Siskel and Ebert award.

Thank you.

Breathing's stopped.
I think he's occluded.

- What's going on?
- He's choking.

All right. Scalpel.
Let's go for a tracheotomy.

Wait.
There's something in his throat.

Forceps.

Forceps.

Should I keep working here?

Some...

Look at that.

What the hell?

- Wow.
- Ew.

Heard of a high-fiber
diet, but this guy eats rocks.

Breathing's normal.

Okay, everybody,
let's get back to work.

Well, there's not
a lot more I can do

until you guys finish up.

I'll take a couple more x-rays.
Maybe a CAT scan.

See if he's got
any neuro deficits.

Nurse, come with me.

Zero, zero, one.

- Hold that clamp.
- Yeah.

Now, what the hell
do you think you're doing here?

Martin, if the only way
I can get to see you

is to come to your work,
then I'll come to your work.

Mother, do you have any idea
how many millions

this hospital pays
in malpractice insurance?

Do you know what this
administration would do to me

if they knew
that my mother was in

the operating room
during surgery?

You did a wonderful job
in there.

I was very proud.

Mother, what is it?
What is it you want?

What makes you think
I want anything?

Maybe I just stopped by
to say hello?

His mother,
she's a real nutcase.

Comes here all the time.

Right into the operating room?

That's a new one.

Usually she just wastes his time
having herself tested

for every known ailment
under the sun.

He's not gonna have
a career if she keeps this up.

He should put her in a home.

Mother, there's nothing wrong
with you.

-Nothing?
-Nothing.

What about bursitis?

Okay. Maybe you have
a touch of bursitis.

That's not nothing.

Mom, eventually everyone
gets a touch of bursitis.

I probably have
a touch of bursitis.

But that's not
what's upsetting me.

Well, then, what are we
talking about?

-It's Jean.
-Jean?

Mother, you go through
housekeepers like paper towels.

I think Jean is great.

Oh.

Okay. Okay.
What's wrong with Jean?

-She seems perfect to me.
-No. I don't trust her.

And I don't like her
in my house.

She's bossy, and I'm just
a helpless old woman.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

Come see for yourself.
Come to dinner tonight.

I can't.
I've got other plans.

Besides, we're all going
over to Aunt Pearl's

for dinner tomorrow.
I'll check her out then.

Well, never mind.
Don't trouble yourself.

Come on, Mom.
Don't walk off on me.

...Dr. Shenahan to radiology.

Dr. Shenahan to radiology.

What is it, Mom?
What's really bothering you?

I miss you, Martin.

When I was working
to put you through school,

my life had purpose.

It was us against the world.

Somehow that made it all
make sense.

I guess I just need time to
get used to you not being there.

Mom, I've been out of the house
since I was 18.

Well, that just proves my point.

What point?

That I've lost all sense
of time.

That my life
has become a prison.

-Oh, I must be near the end.
-Oh, dear.

Please come to dinner tonight.

-Okay. I'll come to dinner.
-Good.

Seven o'clock.
Don't be late.

We looked everywhere.

He must have the stone with him.

What about the car?
He may have hidden it there.

-He didn't--
-Don't look at me.

He didn't have time to hide
it in his car.

We were shooting at him.

He had the stone
when he left here.

Retrace every step he made.

What if we don't find anything?

Then we go to the hospital
and get him.

Why did you
take this job?

Are you a do-gooder?
I hate do-gooders, you know.

-I think they're all phonies.
-Me too.

It's Martin, isn't it?
You're after him, aren't you?

Your son?
No. I'm not after Martin.

- Mom, where are you?
- Hmm, in here, honey.

Hi.

-Oh, hi.
-Hi.

-So did you get the check okay?
-Yup. No problem.

Good.
How have things been going?

-Good. Good.
-Good.

You've been busy
at the hospital.

-Yeah.
-Great.

Yeah. Very good.

Oh, I'm so sorry.

I just thought we ought
to get this dinner going

before we all starve.

- Here. Let me do that.
- Oh, yes.

Well,
that's what you're paid for.

- Mother.
- No. She's quite right.

Why don't you two
go in and sit down,

I'll bring the food out.

Come on.

-See what I mean?
-What?

-Bossy.
-I think she's nice.

You don't know her like I do.

Would you like me to get
to know her a little better?

Hope you like
scalloped potatoes.

I love them.

I hope you like 'em crispy.

I love them crispy.

Stop drooling over each other.
It makes me sick.

-Oh. I'll, uh, go get the meat.
-You're not eating with us?

I ate before you got here.

I'll let you and your mother
have a little visit.

Why are you so mean to her?

I know just what will happen.
You'll fall in love with her.

You'll marry her.

You'll take her off
to live with you.

And I'll be left with no help,
and no son.

No. I'll tell you what's
gonna happen.

I'm gonna stay single for the
rest of my life

so that I can keep you company.

Oh, don't be so mellow dramatic.

I want you to be happy.

No, you don't.

It used to be every time
I dated a woman,

you'd go berserk.

Now you're flipping out
before I even date them.

Ah ha!

So you are planning
to date Jean then?

No. I'm not planning
on dating Jean.

Shh.

Well, if you need anything,
just holler.

Please promise me
you won't date her.

Do you mind if we don't talk
about this anymore?

If you wish.

How were things
at the hospital today?

-You were there, remember?
-Indeed, I was.

And I have my lucky stone
as a souvenir.

-What?
-Don't you remember?

You gave it to me,
in the operating room.

Oh, yeah.

Mom, it's a worthless
piece of rock.

Well, I like it.

The government agents
we spoke to on the telephone

are here now, sir.

Oh, come in.

Thanks for seeing us
on such short notice, sir.

We got the first flight in
as soon as we find out

you were the only one
that could help us.

Oh, how can I help you?

We've had a couple of suspects
under surveillance

who we believe are connected
with the Japanese mafia.

I'm an archaeologist.

I collect and study
ancient artifacts.

We had a gangland shooting,
and we traced the car

to a warehouse
where we found this.

We think the sword
has something to do

with the shooting.

We were hoping you could
help us identify it, sir.

Well, I need to do some
carbon testing to date it.

But you, gentlemen,
may have found

the legendary Cluster Sword.

What's that?

The Cluster Sword
of the samurai.

Around 650 AD, two warlords
waged a very long bloody battle

for the love
of the Princess Ise.

The two warlords were killed,
and the princess died

giving birth to a son, Yamato.

Now, according to legend,
Yamato was raised

by the fathers of the clouds.

They gave him
the Cluster Sword.

Its forged steel gave him
limitless power in battle.

And the, uh, Ise Stone,
which is missing,

gave him the power to
communicate with the dead.

-So it's valuable?
-It's priceless.

And of unparalleled value
to Japanese history.

It could verify the legend
of the father of the samurai

and the Ise Stone.

The Ise Stone is, uh...

The red diamond
missing from the handle.

A red diamond this size

could be the most valuable
diamond in the world.

I hope you don't
mind me riding in the front.

I get carsick in the back.

I don't mind at all.

It's a treat to be
in any seat in this car.

Do you drive?

Yeah. But my international
license just expired.

And the left-hand steering
still spooks me a bit.

Oh, all you need
is some practice.

I don't mind taking you out
a few times if you want.

-Yeah?
-Yeah.

That's very nice of you.

Why don't you two just rent
a room and get it over with?

Don't mind Mom.

She hates it when I
talk to anyone but her.

Just drive.
We're late enough as it is.

Once more Pearl will blame me
for ruining her day.

Where are they?

Don't worry.

We'll keep an eye out for them.

Nice shot.

Okay. Okay,
I'll wear my glasses.

I hope nothing's
happened to them.

Martin's a doctor.
Nothing ever happens to doctors.

Well, would you let me know
when they get here?

I got to put the bread
in at the last minute.

Hey, could you ask George
to move that ice cream truck

around to the back?

I don't want the kids
bugging us again.

-Okeydokey.
-Oh, for Pete's sake.

Ow.

-Where'd it go?
-I don't know.

Oh, there they are.

-Hi, Milly.
-Hi, Milly.

-Hi, Uncle Al.
-Hi, Marty. How you doing?

-Great. Hi.
-Good to see you.

-You guys break any windows yet?
-Oh.

-Uh, this is Jean Connolly.
-Hi.

It's about time
Marty got himself a woman.

We were starting to
wonder about him.

No. No. Jean's Mom's
new housekeeper.

- Oh. Welcome.
- Hi. Nice to meet you.

-It's a beautiful home you have.
-Oh, Mom.

-You're very welcome in here.
-Hi.

Mom.
Sorry, Mom. Here.

What happened?

- Does it hurt?
- Ow.

Oh, I'm sorry.

Well, don't move.
Don't-- Don't--

Just stay right-- Don't move.

Let her go.

Mildred.

-Hello, Wesley. How are you?
-Never better.

Agnes, you look nice.

Laura, pretty dress.

-Mildred.
-Don't hug me, George.

-Hi, Auntie Mildred.
-Margaret.

Oh, my. How you've grown.

Well, finally we can eat.

We thought something
happened to you.

I told you not to hold
things up for us.

Well, we weren't gonna
eat without you.

Thank you for that
dram of consideration.

Well, maybe you could return
the favor one year

and be on time.

Come on. Come on.
She's here now.

So let's eat before
we all starve to death, okay?

Auntie Mildred, you wanna
come see my dollhouse?

Yes, I would.

Well, it's not really
a dollhouse.

It's just furniture,
beds, chairs, and tables.

Come on. I'll show you.

George, for the fifth time,
would you move

-your ice cream truck?
-Oh, sorry, Pearl.

-Uncle George.
-Marty.

And with a beautiful woman.
Well, it's about time.

We were all starting to think
that you were one brick short

of a man-sized load.

I'm not with Martin.
I'm Mildred's housekeeper.

Thanks a lot.

But I have slept with him,
and believe me,

he has all the bricks he needs.

What?

Well, whatever makes you happy.
I got to move my truck.

Jean.
What was that all about?

Just looking out
for your reputation.

Hi, Marty, will you take
a look at this for me?

Look, right here on my back.
What is it?

Same as last year.
It's a mole.

Nothing's changed.

-Oh.
-So I think you'll be okay.

Martin, I feel so much
better now.

Oh, Jack's got something
on his foot.

-I'll go get him.
-Great. I'll be here.

Ooh. You're right,
it is a little swollen.

That sounds okay.
All right. Now, deep breath.

Good. And again.

Well, sounds fine.
All right. Next.

All right. Have a seat. Let me
give you a hand with that.

How come you're not married?

I was in love with a man once,
when I needed him, he went away.

Is that why you're so mad
all the time?

Well, maybe.

But you be careful.
Falling in love is dangerous.

Men can hurt your feelings.

Margaret, why don't you come
and help me in the kitchen?

I think you've heard enough
from your Auntie Mildred

for one day.

-Bye.
-Mm.

-You okay?
-Yeah.

I was thinking about Tony.

You should give that up,
you know.

Mm.

Remember the day
you and Tony collected

all the rotten tomatoes
out of Pearl's garden,

and heaved them
at the Higgen's shed?

-Oh, they were so mad at you.
-Yeah, I remember.

Just like brothers.

And you were like
a father to us both.

-Hmm?
-Mm-hmm.

It's nice to see
you again, Martin.

Makes me imagine what Tony
would have been like

if he'd had a chance to grow up.

Hard to believe
it's been 20 years.

Yeah.

So, uh, how are things with you
and your mother?

How they've always been.

You should have a life,
you know.

A wife, family.

You can't look
after her forever.

I know, I know.

You have no right
coming into my house

and saying things
like that.

Don't walk away while
I'm talking to you, Mildred.

I'm your sister for God's sake.

I did not come here
to be shouted at.

Well, if you spent
a little less time

dressing like
Mrs. Oscar de la Renta.

Well, at least
I don't look like

I just came off
a Vegas junket.

Martin, find Jean.
We're going home.

Mom, I'm not going anywhere
until I've had something to eat

and a chance
to visit with everyone.

Fine.
You have your little visit.

I'll wait out here,
because I don't have

any friends in there.

Well, good. Good.
You just stay out here

because you're not gonna ruin

my party again this year,
Mildred.

Aunt Pearl, what's happened?

Your mother's
got a big mouth, Martin.

Now, we've all had to learn
how to put up with that,

but I will not tolerate her
lying to my grandchildren,

especially considering...

Considering what?

Considering the lie
she told about your father.

He was a nice man, Martin.

And she was a fool
for leaving him.

Wait a second.
You knew my father?

I think I'll freshen up
my drink.

I'm so--
Honey, I'm sorry.

I-- I had no right
to mouth off like that.

I, uh... It's just that
she gets me so angry

I forget my own man--
Oh, God. I'm sorry. I...

-Mom--
-Whatever she said it's a lie.

Pearl knew my father.
I thought you said--

She met him.
She didn't know him.

I thought you said he died
before you came here?

Never mind what Pearl said.
Your father died,

and I had to get a job,
and be a mother

and a father to you.
And that's all you need to know.

Where you going?
Whoa!

Mildred, I brought you
some food.

Thank you, Jean.

You know, I think Pearl
would be much happier

if you came inside
and joined the party.

She made her choice
and I made mine.

Now, you just run along
back inside.

Watch over Martin.

Don't let anybody
hurt his feelings.

He's very sensitive, you know,
like his mother.

Now, run along.

Milly, come inside
for God's sake.

Don't drag this out anymore.
Put an end to it now.

Pearl doesn't want me here.

She only invited me
because I'm her sister

and she feels she has too.

You want me to sit
with you a while?

Just run along.
I'll be fine.

Hey, Pearl, everybody's
having a great time.

Come on.
You're missing all the fun.

-Now, what are you doing?
-What am I doing?

I'm doing the tango.
What do you think I'm doing?

I'm working in here by myself.
I feel like a widow, Wesley.

Look,
do you want some help?

I don't want any help.
I want you to do it.

I need a drink.

Come on, Aunt Mildred,
don't be such an old goat.

What?

What did you say?

I said,
"Don't be such an old goat."

Oh, that's very disrespectful.

You know better than to talk
that way, Tony Miller.

You know, it's funny.

And it never ceases to amaze me

that one miserable person
has the power to ruin it

for everyone.

I did not ruin this party.

Oh, you have no idea what a mess
you made of this party.

Now, are you coming under
your own steam

or do I have to drag you?

What do you think you're doing,
Tony Miller?

Wait a minute.

You-- You can't be here.

You're dead.

Yeah, well, you're one to talk.

Who is that?

I think you already know
the answer to that one.

I'd hand it to her.
She's got real staying power.

How long do you think
she'll keep it up?

Past the end of the party
and well into the night.

This is very strange.

I went out for some Mr. Lucky's
fried chicken.

Well, uh, that-- Well,
I didn't even see the truck.

I-- I was just
making a left turn.

I have to get home to tutor.

She's waiting
for the chicken.

Shut up, please, will you?

What's happened to me?
Where am I?

Is this a dream?

You had a stroke.

Ah, I'm in the hospital.

A fatal stroke.

You mean...

Are you sure?

Pretty sure.

You see, Aunt Mildred,
this is kind of a waiting room.

People who have something

that they've left
unresolved at life

come here until they figure out
how to fix it.

Then what?

Then they move on.

Do you remember
how you got here?

I was at Pearl's house,
in the garden, in the chair,

and then you came.

But...

Oh, yes.

Oh, dear.

Yes.

I do remember.

I am dead, aren't I?

I...

Wish I'd had time
to say goodbye to Martin.

He's such a nice boy.
I have some things

I wanted to tell him.

Like what?

None of your business.

What now?

Well, it's different
for everybody,

but you're catching on.

You'll figure it out.

Wait!

-Hi, Larry, how are you?
-Good, good.

Good.

Martin.

I just feel so guilty
about having left her

out there alone for so long.

Maybe if I checked up on her,
I could've saved her.

Ah, don't torture yourself
like that, Marty.

She had a massive stroke.

She didn't even fall
out of the chair.

So there was no suffering.

There's nothing any of us
could've done in that situation.

- Martin.
- Maybe you're right.

Martin, look out!

Get down!

Get down, get down.

-Are you all right?
-Yeah.

-You okay?
-I'm okay.

Security, seal all exits.

Wait. Let me have a look.

You'll be okay.
Okay. Come--

Nurse, get a gurney.

What made you turn around?

I don't know.

Well, I owe you one.

What happened to my stone?

Tell me where it is.

I'll die before I tell you.

I don't have to kill you.

The Ise diamond is mine
and you'll tell me where it is.

You've made
an excellent decision,

Dr. Mallory, in choosing
Marble Gardens.

Our facilities
offer the dearly departed

a sense of tranquility
unavailable anywhere else.

So, is that what all
these spitting gargoyles

and marble urns are all about?

To make the dead
feel more tranquil?

Uh, yes, exactly.

Well, in my work, I see
a lot of dead people,

Mister, uh...

-Whippet.
-Whippet.

-Yes.
-Whippet.

And I've got to tell you,
I think they're pretty tranquil

all by themselves.

Oh.
Well, you know,

it's not just for the deceased,
Dr. Mallory.

No, no, no.
We offer peace and harmony

to the surviving
relatives as well.

Take a look around you.

Don't you feel serene?
Don't you feel at rest?

Well, actually,
I feel as if I got here

a little too early.

Is there a place that maybe
I could sit down

and wait for the others?

Yes. Yes, sir.
Right this way.

What's going on?
What is she doing here?

She's supposed to be
in the chapel.

I can't get this out
of her hand.

What?
What-- What is it?

It's a stone or something.

Do you want me to break
her fingers?

No, no, then I'll just

have to fix them
and we don't have time.

Listen, all right. All right,
let me do this.

Okay. You just put that there
and we'll hide it

with this hand, okay?
No one will ever notice.

Oh, more lipstick.
I want her lips to come alive.

Oh, Mom.

It's gonna be
so quiet around here

without you driving
everyone crazy.

Martin.

We're almost finished
here, Marty.

Just got a couple
of loose ends to tie up.

Yeah, while we're here,
would you like us to do

some liposuction?

Cut it out, guys.

Dr. Cavanaugh, they're here.

Ah, don't move,
we'll be right back.

-Who's here?
-Cappuccino, want one?

Hey, guys.
I've got a funeral to go to.

Ah, two minutes,
we'll be right back, Marty.

What are you looking at?

We decided not to have
the service at the chapel.

They're having the whole thing
at the graveyard,

and they're waiting for you.

Look, I know
what you're thinking, but...

she was standing
right beside me, I...

I took a good long look
at her, she was there.

Yeah, well,
I know how you feel.

Because sometimes
grief can make you see

all kinds of things
that you never thought

were there.

No, she was there, Jean.

I saw her, she was there.

Oh, nasty.

Sorry.

It's okay.

I brought your suit.

You think I'm nuts, don't you?

No, I think you're stressed out.

Your mother died,
you survived a shootout

at your own hospital.

It has to be affecting you.

-On the other hand...
-What?

It is possible that you did see
your mother's ghost.

So you do believe?

Of course I believe,
I'm Irish.

Are you sure
these are all the names

and addresses of the doctors
and nurses who attended

the surgery
on the gunshot victim?

That's the only list we have.

They all have to sign in
before the surgery.

Can I have a copy of it?

Sure.

Well, the doctor say how long?

Well, I don't--
What'd you hear?

I phoned. He's on his way.

-Oh, good. Fine.
-Pearl.

Oh, all right.
Okay, good. They're here.

All right. All right,
everybody, let's go, come on.

I'm sorry.

Pardon me.
Excuse me. Hi. Hi.

Sorry.

Uh, I'm sorry I kept you all
waiting so long.

It was, uh... Please.

We gather here today
to mourn the passing

of Mildred Mallory.

We pray that as she enters
into her eternal wholeness

and rest that those of us
who remain may find healing

and peace.

We are especially grateful
for the memory

of Mildred, who by her
warm, endearing,

and caring ways,
deeply enriched the lives

of her family and friends.

Each of you has special memories
of Mildred

that you will cherish forever.

And so in a real sense,
she will have a sanctuary

in your hearts.

Mildred will live on
in the hearts and minds

of us who knew--

Who knew and loved her.

It's not here.

We go!

Let us pray.

Gracious God, we need strong
comfort amid the perplexity

and sorrows of life.

Now we commit Mildred's
earthly remains

to the elements
from which they came.

Dust to dust...

ashes to ashes...

in the sure
and certain hope

of life eternal.

- Jean.
- Make us grateful

-that we are upheld...
-What?

...and supported by the above.

Look over there.

...and make us
receptive to...

Where?

Straight ahead.

Behind the preacher.
Beside the tree.

What?

Don't you see anything?

Oh, God of the living,
make real to us now

and all of life's tomorrows.

The abiding presence
of those...

No.

...we have known and loved.

Foster in us,
interior companionships...

-Come on, let's get out of here.
-...growing company of those...

Come on, let's get out of here.

...we have loved and lost.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

So our lives may be enriched.

And that those
who are dead may yet speak.

Eternal God, we seek you
in this hour of sorrow...

Not because by seeking...

You saw her again, didn't you?

No.

...make us grateful...

- Let's walk for a minute.
- Oh, God.

Amen.

Are you all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

I just thought it would be
a good idea

if we walked for a minute.

Don't run from her.

If you see her,
let's talk to her.

I don't see her
and I'm not run...

There!

Sitting on the tombstone.

Shh, I didn't say anything.

- You don't see her?
- No, I don't see her.

Okay, then what?

Am I insane?

No.

Call to her,
ask her to come over.

Okay.

Mom, Mom.

Louder.

Mom!

Is she looking at you?

Well, no. Well, yeah.

Sort of.

She's looking right through me.

Call her again.

Mom.

Mom, come on.
Mom, don't ignore me.

Is she any closer?

She's gone.

This must be his mother.

She's on the list.

We must find out
where she lives.

Strike.

What are you doing?

Oh, what does it look like
I'm doing?

Wasting time.

Oh, Tony, honey, I'm dead.

And I've never bowled better.

You have a task
to perform.

Huh, is that so?

And because you're not
performing,

you separated into two parts.

Well, I hope
the other part of me

is having as much fun
as I am.

Your etheric double
is back down there

scaring the pants
off your son.

It won't hurt him, will it?

No, because it's you.

It's the husker shell
of your spirit.

But it needs this part
or it can't perform the task.

Think about your task
and it will come to you.

-No.
-Try a little harder.

Niagara Falls.

Now you're getting it.

What's the big hurry?

I hate it when he does that.

You see her?

Right over there.

Hold on, hold on.
I'm coming.

I heard that.

But it didn't come from her.

Don't pay any attention to her.

She's just a husk.

Ah, there. That's better.

-Do you see that?
-Yes.

Stop that whispering.

But you're dead.

Of course I'm dead.

Who do you think you buried?
Marge Simpson?

I don't believe this.

I'm the real Mildred.

That other was my
etheric double.

They call it a husk,
but that's not important.

What's important
is you have to dig up my body

and bury it in Niagara Falls.

What?

That's it?

Ghosts are supposed to come back
with an important message.

But, no, my mother comes back
to make a change

in travel plans.

Just do it. It's very important.

Hello, Jean,
I didn't mean to ignore you,

but I'm not sure
just how much longer

I can stay with you now.

What's it like?

What happens after you die?

Well, so far, it's pretty much
of a no frills trip.

I was in a waiting room,
I went bowling.

That's all I've seen so far.

You went bowling?

Wait. Mom, wait.

Mom.

Did that just happen
or am I crazy?

Oh, wasn't it fantastic?

I wonder why she wants
her body moved to Niagara Falls.

I don't know.

But if I were you,
I'd do it.

This is a real spirit,
and she's got a mission.

Yeah, but I haven't got a clue
of what's involved

in exhuming a body
and moving it halfway

across the country.

You better do it.

Martin, this isn't like picking
up a quart of milk

for me at the store.
This is big.

If I could, I'd do it myself
but I can't, I'm dead.

I-- I need your help.

Now, move my body
to Niagara Falls.

And you have three days
to do it or else...

Or else what?

Or else, I may be with you
forever.

Oh, no.

Uh, do you think
she's coming back?

I don't know.

Well, what am I supposed
to do now?

I guess we better start
our mission.

We?

Things happen for a reason.

And I'm here because
I'm supposed to be here.

Martin, this is one of those
very rare adventures

that comes along
once in a lifetime.

We have to do it.

Okay.

Uh, okay.

Quiet.

This is the driver
from Marble Gardens Mortuary,

Dr. Mallory.

We need to know
if we can pick you up

at this address
or from your late mother's

former address
over on Crestview.

Crestview. We go.

This is Ms. Mandel
from Dr. Wobblestern's office

to confirm your dentist's
appointment tomorrow

morning at 10:30.

You're way past your six months.

I hope you've been flossing.

You're not gonna like this.

She had the stone all right,
but she's dead.

And they buried her with it.

Get in.

Go.

-Oh.
-Hey, that's the glass I broke.

You're jinxed.

Dr. Mallory.

This is Jean Connolly.

Uh, yes, yes. All right.

Let's go.

I trust you're here to tell us
that you're all better

from your fall
and that there'll be

no serious legal
consequences for us.

We all know how expensive it is
when doctors get hurt.

Uh, no.
I wanna move my mother.

Oh?

Well, why would you wanna
do that?

She has wonderful neighbors.

The entire Robinson family
on one side

and the Wiltern couple
on the other.

I should think
she would be very happy

right where she is.

Well, she's not.

Uh, we wanna see
what's involved

in moving her body to, uh,
another city.

Well,
why didn't you say so.

All right, let's see.

Ah, Florida.

Now, we've got a lot
of happy customers down there

at our sister resting ground,
the Ponce de Leon

Marble Gardens.

Well, she'll make a lot
of new friends down there.

And when you visit her,
well, it's more than

just a grave site visit.

We have recreational villas
for the whole family

right on the grounds.

So you can mourn while the kids
hit the water slide.

Fish cove, grieve,

snorkel, tennis, mourn.

No, we wanna move her
to Niagara Falls.

Well, uh, we don't have
anything in Niagara, uh...

Oh, well, then I guess
we'll just have to find

someone else to help us
move her.

No, no, no.
No, no, no, no.

No, no, we can find a place
and make an arrangement.

-You know, it-- It's just--
-What?

Well, a little more expensive
that way.

How much?

I mean, how much to get her
moved immediately?

Well, immediately?
Well, no, time.

We need time.

You see, we've got to contact
the health department.

We've got to get all
the necessary permits here.

Uh, arrange for refrigerated
transportation.

Get the permits
in Niagara Falls.

Well, how long?

It could take a month.

A month?
No. That's too long.

-Uh, is that too long?
-I think so.

That's too long.

No, well, m--
Maybe three weeks, you know,

but I can't guarantee it.

May-- May I ask what the reason
for the rush is?

Uh, we had a special request
from the deceased.

Well, I hope it
wasn't a personal visit.

Look, Mr. Whippet,
I don't think you realize

the urgency of this matter.

I mean, what do we have to do
to get her body moved today?

You get a couple of shovels
and you dig her up yourself.

You know, I can't believe
we're doing this.

I feel like such a ghoul.

Don't talk like that.
You're giving me the willies.

Does that mean you're scared?

Terrified.

Of what? Seeing a ghost?

We already saw a ghost
this afternoon.

The worse that can happen
is we see a ghost

we don't recognize.

Here we are.

All right.
Give me that.

I guess, I'll go first.

No, no, no, no.

I said I'd help you
and I will.

You got to save your strength
for the end.

What's at the end?

You have to get that casket out.

Hold it. That thing weighs
over a thousand pounds.

Uh, we'll just leave
the casket here

-and take the body.
-You're right.

You can buy another casket
in Niagara Falls.

Yeah. What?

I paid over $5,000
for that casket.

Uh, you're right.

We'll find some way
to get her on the truck.

Start digging.

You know, you're in good shape.

Get rid of the shovels.
We'll let them do all the work.

My butt hurts.

I don't think
they got all the glass out.

Hey.

Tempura.

I can't believe how hard it is
to dig a hole in the ground.

My back's killing me.

Shut up and dig, will you?

I got it!

I got it.
I hit the top of the coffin.

Okay. I'm getting out.

Uh, wait. Uh, me too.

No. You keep digging.
I'll go get the truck.

Are you sure you know
how to drive the truck?

Okay. Okay. I was just asking.

What the hell?

♪ Bingo's ice cream cone

♪ Bingo's cone

♪ Bingo's ice cream cone ♪

♪ Bingo's ice cream cone

There is a button
that says music on it!

Well, I didn't see it, did I?

Okay. Okay.
Let's not yell at each other.

With any luck, there's a chain
and a winch kit at the back

that will help us
pull the casket out.

That's just great!
That's just fantastic!

This has got to be
the only truck in the world

that doesn't have a winch
and a chain thing on it.

How the hell am I supposed
to pull a thousand-pound casket

out of the ground by hand?

This is just great!
Fantastic!

-Will a rope work?
-A rope?

A rope's good.
A rope's good.

Okay.

Okay. So, you just tie your end
to that handle up there.

Here.

And I'll tie my end
to the casket handle.

And then you floor it.

And that should just flip
the casket out of the grave,

and lean it against the truck,
and then we'll just slide it in.

Yeah. That will work.

Are you sure?

You're the driver.
I'm the engineer.

You just drive.

Go on.

Okay.

Okay. Now, floor it.

Good. Good. Yeah.
That's it.

It worked.

Of course it worked.
I knew it would work.

Come on.

Come on.

It's too heavy.

No. Just one more time.
Come on. You can do it.

Come on. What is it?
What?

Uh, this isn't the way it looks.

Uh, we're not really
grave robbers.

You're the gardener's son.

Wait.
That's my mother.

I know.

-My condolences.
-Thank you.

Obviously,
you miss her very much.

Perhaps I could help you
and your mother

get back together again.

-Get in the hole.
-You've got to be kidding.

-Get in the hole.
-Oh, sure.

A bunch of guys I've never seen
before in my life,

telling me to jump in a hole
and steal my mother's body?

Oh, that makes perfect
logical sense to me!

Get a hold of yourself.
They've got guns.

I can see that.
Excuse me.

Fill it in.

Oh, brilliant.

You're not gonna bury us alive,
are you?

Wait.

Let's go.

You hit me.

What the hell was that about?

They just stole my mother.

Go after them.
They're getting away.

Oh, look.

I knew it was you.

You desecrated a body,
broke the law.

You!

You can't be here.
Uh, no. I, uh--

I embalmed you myself.

You're a...
You're a...

zombie!

Zombie!

-Come on.
-Come on.

Now, here-- Here's your car.

Now, get my body.

-I'll meet you there.
-Come on.

I'm a doctor,
not a secret agent.

Look out!

Where is Kaga?

What the hell?

Mom?

Mom, what happened?

Oh, I scared the pants off them.

You know, I'm beginning
to enjoy this.

Me too.

Good. Fine.

I'm glad you're both having fun.

You know, those guys
were Japanese.

The guy I operated on,
he was Japanese too.

Now, that's how racism starts.

Just because they're Japanese
is no reason to--

You know, it's that stone.
That's what they're after.

The guy was hiding it
in his mouth.

I mean, they must think
we have it.

Why would anybody
go to all that trouble

for an ordinary
little beach pebble?

Well then,
why are they chasing us, huh?

What do they want?

And what the hell
do they want with your body?

That's not very nice.

I may be dead, but some people
may still find me attractive.

You know, I haven't seen them
for two hours.

Are you hungry?
How about some eggs?

No.

-Pancakes?
-No.

What are you asking her for?
She's dead.

Well, pardon me
for not being part

of your little
clique of the living.

You know, I think
I'd rather sleep than eat.

Why don't we find a place
to stop for a few hours?

That's a good idea.

Sleep tight, Ma.

Okay.

Thanks. Let's go to the office.

-I want a fudgesicle.
-What?

I'd like a popsicle and
an ice cream sandwich, please.

What are you guys talking about?

-Do you have any drumsticks?
-No. Now, get out of here.

Oh, yeah.
Um, we've sold out.

Um...
Uh, truck's being repaired.

Look, I'm not an ice cream man.

Well, which is it,

you're sold out,
getting the truck fixed,

or you're not an ice cream man?

Uh, take your pick.
Now, buzz off.

Yeah. Right.
He's got ice cream in there.

Well...

here we are.

One-o-four.

One-o-five.

Well, just tap on the door
when you're ready to go.

Um...

have a nice sleep.

Oh, great.
Now we're scaring each other.

I thought it was a closet.

Yeah. I was gonna have
a nap in the closet too.

Look, uh, do you wanna...

Yes.

How could a girl
resist your charms?

You get an ice cream truck,
dig up a body,

check into a nice place
like this.

I'd do anything for you.

Would you mind helping me
with my boots then?

Yeah.
That's a start.

So where am I
supposed to sleep?

I can't believe--
Mother, you--

You and I need a little chat.
Don't lose that thought, huh?

Come with me.

-Aren't you ashamed?
-No, I'm not.

I'm just doing what
any normal man does

when he's attracted
to a very special woman.

Well, she's not your woman.

She's my woman.
She works for me.

Come off it, Mom.
You're dead.

-D-E-A, dead.
-How can you say that to me?

Do you think it's easy
being D-E-A-D, dead?

Listen to me.

You ran my life
when you were alive.

I'm not gonna let you
do it anymore.

I sacrificed everything for you.
I was father and mother to you.

So what is that, huh?

A debt I have to pay off
for the rest of my life?

I mean, I can't have a happy
relationship with a woman

because you never had one
with my father?

You're right.
I'm sorry.

What is that?
What? Some kind of trick?

No. Jean is a nice girl.
And you deserve to be happy.

Go on.

And I promise
I won't leave this room.

Okay.

Okay.

I'll check in on you later.

And you really ought
to take a bath.

It's time to play
Bet the Bundle.

And here's your host,
Bob and Lana.

Over there.

You must guess
each other's secret phrases

in order to qualify
for the big bundle grand prizes.

It's...

So you're gonna get
the ice cream?

-What?
-You know, the ice cream?

We'd like some too.

There's no ice cream here.
Get lost.

Yeah, right.

We know there's
ice cream in there.

Yeah.
Give us some ice cream.

Get the hell out of here
or I'll break your necks.

Now, guesses
do not have to be literal...

...and be in the same language.

Contestants with...

They've come to steal my body.

If you are or any
of your family want tickets

forBet the Bundle
contact your local priest,

rabbi, minister,
or a nun for details.

Well, let's get the game...

Hmm?

Mildred, a single mother,
originally from Harrisburg.

But more recently,
you've been dead for four days.

That's right, Bob.

Okay. Now, Mildred.
You have $10,000,

the luggage, and the freezer.

Are you going to gamble it all
that Dennis Lambert is going

to get your secret phrase?

I'll risk it all, Bob.

What have I got to lose?
I'm dead.

Okay. Now, we're gonna
show the audience at home

Mildred's secret phrase.

The phrase today is...

Martin, get up quick!

They're trying
to steal my body.

Martin, get up quick!
They're trying to steal my body.

Now, remember,
big bundle prize winners

will fly to Hawaii
on Air Extraordinaire.

All flights depart for Hawaii
on Monday and arrive home...

-They're there.
-Where?

...leaving the weekends free...

-Right outside.
-What are we gonna do?

Uh, let's go out this way.
Grab the clothes.

My wife doesn't understand me.
What can you do?

...go to commercial.

-Who is it?
-Room service.

-Thank you.
-What the hell?

Hey, where's our food?

The rooms have to be checked
before the food arrives.

It looks great. Thank you.

...wanna thank John
in our graphics...

Whoa.

I don't know who they were.

What's going on here?

Look.

Mildred, you've just won
a 1994 Lexicord Cygnet.

I don't believe it.

Oh, that's nothing.

Sometimes they get trips
to Hawaii.

Even cruises all around the
world.

You hit something.

-Whoa.
-Cool.

Well, I'm not gonna stop
and leave a note.

Come on.

Awesome.

Congratulations.

You've just won
a $10,000 Hawaiian vaca...

What's going on here? Bob?

Come on, Aunt Mildred.
You've got work to do.

Oh, I can't stop now.

I just won that
beautiful automobile,

a trip to Hawaii,

and I'm going for the home
entertainment center.

But you've got to help them.
They're in great danger.

Is this all about
my stupid, little pebble?

Why don't I just give it
to those dumb jerks?

No.
Don't let it go until it's time.

Well, when will it be time?

I'm sick of all this.
I want some laughs.

When you get to Niagara Falls.

Niagara Falls. Niagara Falls.

I was supposed
to be married there.

-Martin's father.
-Your husband.

-He never married me.
-You took his name.

Listen, kid. I had to.
I was pregnant.

That's what this is all about.

I'm taking Martin
to see his father.

And you have less
than six hours to do it.

Okay. Let's go.

We have about four hours
to meet Mildred's deadline.

Oh, who cares about
Mildred's deadline?

See if they're following us.

I don't see them.

Well, they're coming.
Believe me.

All we did was delay them,
but...

Better get off the main road.

How about we get rid
of this truck?

It makes us
way too easy to spot.

We need the truck
to carry the body.

Yeah. Well, that was the idea
before people

with guns started chasing us.

Now we have other priorities,
like staying alive.

I heard that.

Well, I don't care
if you heard it, Mother.

Things have changed.
Now we're going to the police.

What are you gonna tell them?

That you're a doctor,
and your dead mother told you

to dig her up?
Don't be silly, Martin.

They'll think you're a lunatic
and a grave robber.

She's right, Martin.

When you were a little boy,
you trusted me.

Now I'm asking you to trust me
just one more time.

Get my body to Niagara Falls,
and get it there by noon

and everything
will be all right.

So I'm just supposed
to trust you?

Just this one last time.

Okay. Niagara.

Left here. Now!

Now, go straight ahead.

Ah. Here.
Turn down this street.

So where are we going?

Turn right here.

Okay, Mrs. Houdini.
Now what?

I can't concentrate
with your being a smart-ass.

Is that it?

Yes. Right here.

Okay. Okay.

This is it.
This is it, right here.

Go ahead. Buzz it.

Can I help you?

Uh, yes.
This is Martin Mallory.

Oh, come in, Dr. Mallory.

Try and get that
vertebrae cataloged, 114.

You're, uh, making a delivery?

Uh, yeah.
Actually, uh, I am.

Uh, I think this is
the right place.

I've got a dead body
in the back.

Oh.

Well, uh,
you're lucky to get him.

He's leaving on an expedition
in a couple hours.

He won't be back for six months.

Would someone tell me
what's going on?

-You go along.
-What?

You bring us all the way
to Niagara Falls

and now you're leaving us?

-Just go.
-This way please, hmm.

Come on. Trust her.

-Dr. Mallory?
-Yes.

Someone here to see you.

Mildred.

-Dr. Mallory.
-Yes?

-Dr. Mallory.
-Yes.

-Oh, I'm Martin Mallory.
-No, I'm Martin Mallory.

-What a coincidence.
-What a coincidence.

-And you are?
-Jean.

-Jean Mallory?
-Connolly.

Oh. Yes.

-Mildred sent us.
-Mildred?

She's my mother.

Where is your mother?

-She's--
-She's dead.

She died four days ago.

Oh, I am sorry.
Truly very sorry.

Did you know Mildred?

I knew a Mildred.

When were you born?

February 16th, 1958.

February 16th.

Why?

That's not your birthday too,
is it?

He's your father,
you donut brain.

My father?

No. My father died when...

I didn't know we had a son.

Mildred left...

-You're not blind?
-No.

I'm just touching your face.

How did you find me?

It's a long story.

And, frankly, I don't know
if you'd believe me.

Try me.

Hey. Did you see a van?

Let me have a moment
alone with her.

Of course.

Thank you, Mildred.

Thank you
for bringing him to me.

Is that an apology?

Don't be frightened, Martin.
You're used to dead bodies.

That's what you left me for.
Remember?

To go dig up old bones.

-It's amazing.
-It's me. I'm here.

Why didn't you let me know
we had a son?

You left.
I thought you didn't want me.

Well, let's not talk
about that now, Martin.

Are you married?

Never did.
How about you?

No.

I had offers,

but none of them seemed as right
as you could've been.

So I devoted my life
to bringing up my son.

Our son.

Come on, Aunt Mildred.
It's time.

I'm sorry, Martin.
It's time for me to go.

No. No.
It's not time for you to go.

It's time for you
to give him the stone.

But it's mine.
It's my lucky stone.

Who are you talking to?

Give it to him.
Your task is complete.

Well, all right.

I'm supposed to give you
this pebble.

It's been nothing
but a nuisance to me.

Goodbye.

Take care of our boy.

I promise.

Where you think it's from?

Did she speak to you?

Yes.
And she gave me this.

Her lucky stone.

Uh, this isn't a stone at all.
It's-- This is...

Good Lord.
I can't believe it.

I believe this is the Ise Stone.
It's...

It's beautiful.

Is it valuable?

It's the most valuable diamond
in the world.

Well, does that mean we're rich?

Well, I have to do some tests.

Tests won't be necessary.

I will be happy to confirm
that you're holding

the real Ise Stone.
Now, give it to me.

This is the trouble
I was talking about.

Shut up.

Do something.
You've got to stop it.

I can't stop it.

I didn't go to all the trouble
bringing Martin

to meet his father
just so he'd be killed.

Wait.

You can't interfere
with the course of human events.

Give me the stone
and no one will be harmed.

Don't be ridiculous.
This is a religious relic.

It has no street value.
It belongs in a museum.

You try my patience, old man.
The stone belongs to me.

No.

-Concentrate, Aunt Mildred.
-I can't.

Yes, you can.

There!

Did you see that?

Yes, I did.

Give us the stone.

Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.

Heavenly Father,
please accept onto thy bosom

the soul of our dearly departed
Mildred Mallory.

Amen.

-Amen.
-Amen.

Do you mind if I have a minute
alone with her?

Well, don't be too long.

You have a lot of catching up
to do with your living relative.

We'll wait at the car.

I don't know
if you can hear me, Mom.

I just want you to know
that I understand.

I understand about you and Dad.

And why you were
always so angry.

It's funny
the way things work out.

I got to know you.

And I think I liked you best
when you were dead.

Don't be so morbid.

Mom, I thought your spirit
was finally at rest.

You know what they say,
no rest for the wicked.

What do you mean?

I mean, I have to work.

You have to work
after you're dead?

Oh, some of us do.

My job is to get some
newly departed nitwits

to face up to their lives.

I'm gonna meet one right here
in about half an hour.

Basket case.
Refuses to believe she's dead.

So, uh, am I going
to be seeing you around?

Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
I'll be around.

Jean? Dad?
She's back. She's back.

Oh, yes. Yes.
I'm back.