Getting Played (2006) - full transcript

♪ FALLIN' FOR YOU ♪

♪ FOR THE THINGS
THAT YOU DO ♪

♪ MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M ONE
WITH THE WORLD ♪

♪ FALLIN' FOR YOU ♪

♪ BOY, MY HEART
WILL BE TRUE ♪

♪ JUST AS LONG AS I'LL BE
YOUR GIRL... ♪

I AM REALLY FEELIN'
THIS NEW DO.

YOU KNOW, I'VE NEVER
DONE BANGS BEFORE.

THEY REALLY COMPLIMENT
MY FACE. DON'T YOU THINK?

OH, NO, NO.
THAT'S WAY TOO EXPENSIVE.

♪ ...ONE WITH
THE WORLD ♪



♪ FALLIN' FOR YOU ♪

♪ BOY, MY HEART
WILL BE TRUE ♪

♪ JUST AS LONG AS I'LL BE
YOUR GIRL... ♪

HOW ABOUT SOME LIP,
SWEETIE?

♪ REMEMBER LYING AWAKE ♪

♪ PRAYIN' FOR A MAN
LIKE YOU ♪

♪ WISHIN' MY FANTASIES COULD
SOMEHOW ONE DAY COME TRUE ♪

♪ I WANTED SOMEONE WHO'D
APPRECIATE THE THINGS I DO ♪

♪ I FINALLY FOUND MY BABY ♪

♪ AND THAT IS YOU ♪

♪ FALLIN' FOR YOU, YEAH... ♪

MMMWAH!

[PURRS]

WORKIN' IT!
HA HA HA!



♪ FALLIN' FOR YOU ♪

♪ BOY, MY HEART
WILL BE TRUE ♪

♪ JUST AS LONG AS I'LL BE
YOUR GIRL ♪

♪ FALLIN' FOR YOU ♪

♪ FOR THE THINGS
THAT YOU DO ♪

♪ MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M ONE
WITH THE WORLD ♪

♪ FALLIN' FOR YOU ♪

♪ BOY, MY HEART
WILL BE TRUE ♪

♪ JUST AS LONG AS I'LL BE
YOUR GIRL... ♪

I LOOK FABULOUS.

♪ I'M FALLIN' FOR YOU,
BABE ♪

♪ BOY, MY HEART
WILL BE TRUE ♪

♪ JUST AS LONG AS I'LL BE
YOUR GIRL ♪

♪ I'LL BE YOUR BABY GIRL ♪

♪ I'LL BE YOUR BABY ♪

♪ I'LL BE YOUR BABY ♪

♪ MAKE ME FEEL LIKE
I'M ONE WITH THE WORLD ♪

♪ I'M ONE WITH THIS WORLD ♪

♪ FALLIN' FOR YOU ♪

♪ BOY MY HEART
WILL BE TRUE... ♪

[SNAPS FINGERS]
SHOW TIME.

♪ ...JUST AS LONG AS I'LL BE
YOUR GIRL ♪

♪ MMM, DO YOU EVEN KNOW ♪

♪ THAT I THINK ABOUT YOU
CONSTANTLY? ♪

♪ BABY, REALIZE
I'M ALL THE WOMAN ♪

♪ THAT YOU'LL EVER NEED ♪

♪ LET ME SHOW YOU ♪

♪ JUST HOW COOL I THINK
OUR THING COULD BE ♪

♪ ALL I WANT
IS YOUR GOOD LOVIN', WHOO ♪

♪ I'M FALLIN' FOR YOU ♪

♪ FOR THE THINGS
THAT YOU DO ♪

♪ MAKE ME FEEL LIKE I'M ONE
WITH THE WORLD... ♪

YOU NEVER STOP,
DO YOU?

OOH.

GOTTA LOOK GOOD
FOR THE CLIENTS.

I WANT YOU TO SAVE
SOME ENERGY FOR ME...

FOR LATER.

HA HA.

OH, DANG.

I TOTALLY FORGOT.

I GOTTA MEET
WITH ANDREA LATER.

THAT WITCH.

RELAX, BABY.
SHE'S JUST A CLIENT.

IT'S ONLY BUSINESS.

SHE DOES NOT THINK
OF ME THAT WAY.

SHE'D LIKE TO USE YOUR FACE
AS AN EXERCISE BIKE.

YOU DO WANT ME TO BE
SUCCESSFUL, DON'T YOU?

SURE.

GOOD. LISTEN...

TOMORROW AFTERNOON,
AFTER YOGA.

YEAH.
OK.

OHH.
OOH.

WHOA.

THAT WAS FABULOUS.

HEH.

NOW I KNOW HOW YOU STAY
IN SUCH GOOD SHAPE.

OH, YOU'RE IN
GREAT SHAPE YOURSELF.

COMPLIMENTS OF YOU.

UH-HUH. DARRYL DOES
A BODY GOOD.

YES, YOU DO.

NOW, LOOK...

YOU KNOW I'M IN
THE GYM TONIGHT.

I'M GONNA SCHEDULE YOU
FOR A REAL WORKOUT.

HEH. WHAT DO YOU THINK
THAT WAS?

HA HA HA.

OOH. MMM.

YOU KNOW, DARRYL,

I USED TO WALK IN A ROOM,

AND ALL THE MEN
WOULD LOOK.

[SIGHS]

I WAS SUCH
A KNOCKOUT. OOH.

YOU STILL ARE.

THANK YOU.

I WANT TO COME OVER THERE
AND BITE THAT CAN.

HEH. YOU BETTER
LEAVE MY CAN ALONE.

I HAVE A LOVE SCENE
TOMORROW,

AND I DON'T NEED IT
ALL CHEWED UP.

CAN'T I JUST GET
A LITTLE NIBBLE?

NO.

TELL ME SOMETHING,
DARRYL.

ARE YOU STILL
DOING LAUREN?

I TOLD YOU...
SHE'S JUST A CLIENT.

YEAH.
SHE'S A CLIENT,

I'M A CLIENT,

WE'RE ALL
JUST CLIENTS. HEH.

YOU MUST THINK I'M
INCREDIBLY STUPID.

ANDREA, WE HAVE BEEN
OVER THIS.

WHATEVER.

NOW, BACK TO ME.

NOW, I NEED YOU TO BE
HONEST WITH ME, DARRYL.

AM I LOSING IT? HMM?

HECK NO!

GOOD.

YOU ARE IMPECCABLE.

HEH HEH HEH.
SUPERB!

STUPENDOUS!

MM-HMM.

YOU ARE ALL THAT
AND A BOWL OF CHIPS.

I GIVE YOU... 4 STARS.

IT'S A BAG OF CHIPS.

YOU MAKE ME SOUND
LIKE A RESTAURANT.

WELL...

4 STARS.

PERHAPS IT'S TIME
I REVISITED

THIS PARTICULAR
RESTAURANT.

I DO BELIEVE I HAVE
A RESERVATION.

WATCH THE HAIR.

KITCHEN'S CLOSED.

HOW ABOUT THE DRIVE-THRU?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[COCKS GUN]
FREEZE.

I'VE GOT A GUN, AND
I KNOW HOW TO USE IT,

SO PUT YOUR HANDS UP
IN THE AIR

WHERE I CAN SEE THEM.

I GUESS IT'S TRUE
WHAT THEY SAY

ABOUT RETURNING TO
THE SCENE OF THE CRIME.

BUT DID YOU REALLY THINK

YOU WERE GONNA GET AWAY
WITH THIS TWICE?

NOW, BEFORE I CALL
THE POLICE,

LET ME GET
A LOOK AT YOU.

TURN AROUND.
TAKE OFF THE HOOD.

NOW, THIS IS A SURPRISE.

NOW, WHAT'S
THAT NUMBER AGAIN?

OH, YEAH. 9-1-1.

NO, WAIT. PLEASE DON'T
MAKE THAT CALL.

WE'RE BOTH ADULTS HERE.

CAN'T WE WORK
SOMETHING OUT?

LIKE WHAT?

NICE.

VERY NICE.

VERY NICE INDEED.

BUT JUST WATCH IT
WITH THAT GUN.

OH, I'M WATCHING IT,
ALL RIGHT.

AND THAT'S NOT
MY GUN.

UHH!

Director: CUT!

GOOD? HA HA HA!
ALL RIGHT.

GOOD TAKE, GOOD TAKE.
HA HA. HOW WAS I?

YOU GUYS ARE GREAT.
YOU GUYS ARE GREAT.

ALL RIGHT,
THAT'S LUNCH.

THIS IS LUNCH.

THAT'S ENOUGH.
WHERE'S MY ROBE?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

SO, LYDIA...
MM-HMM?

WHAT'S THE BIG NEWS?

JUST A LITTLE PARAMOUNT
CALLING ME,

AND I'VE GOT
THE HOOK-UP.

YOU'VE GOT MY ATTENTION.

WELL, I HAVE GOT YOU
A MEETING

FOR A MAJOR ROLE...

YES! YES!
UH-HUH...

IN THE FILM VERSION
OF THE SMURFS.

THE SMURFS?
MM-HMM. MM-HMM.

LYDIA, DO I LOOK
LIKE A SMURF TO YOU?

I TOLD YOU THAT I WANTED
TO STRETCH, NOT SHRINK.

GIRLFRIEND...

WE ARE TALKING MAJOR
BLING-BLING HERE.

HOW MAJOR?

[HUMMING]

BA-LING AND BA-LING!
HA HA HA!

YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS THOUGHT
THOSE SMURFS WERE REAL CUTE.

I COULD ROCK THAT HAT,
RIGHT? POW!

WHOO! BOY...

WOULDN'T MIND
THE COLOR BLUE, EITHER.

YOU'D LOOK GREAT.

IT'S A GOOD SHADE FOR ME.
MM-HMM.

AND, ON TOP OF THAT,

GUESS WHO WILL BE DIRECTING
THIS LITTLE MOVIE.

WHO?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.
MAYBE MR. SPIKE LEE.

SPIKE LEE IS GONNA BE
DIRECTING THE SMURFS?

OH, IT IS GOING TO BE
OFF THE CHAIN.

OK, OK, ALL RIGHT.
WHAT ELSE?

OH, THE NETWORK
KEEPS CALLING.

THEY REALLY WANT YOU
IN A SERIES,

AND THEY WILL NOT
TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER.

THAT LAST SCRIPT
WAS AWFUL.

OH, IT WAS HORRIBLE.
IT WAS WACK. I KNOW.

BUT THIS TIME,

THEY'VE GOT KIND OF
A NEW CONCEPT.

WHAT IS IT?

THEY WOULD LIKE
FOR YOU

TO PLAY A RECENTLY
DIVORCED HOUSEWIFE.

OH, COME ON.
2 KIDS... THAT'S IT.

HOW OLD ARE THE KIDS?
I'M NOT TRYING TO LOOK OLD.

NO!
HONEY, I'M ANDREA.

YOU ARE.

FABULOUS, YOUNG,
FRESH, MWAH!

YOU KNOW
WHAT I'M SAYIN'?

AND IT STAYS
THAT WAY, OK?

SO I'M SURE I COULD GET IT
DOWN TO, WHAT, KINDERGARTEN.

OK, WELL,
WHAT ABOUT THE SCRIPT?

MM. IT IS DA BOMB.

OH, IT'S GONNA
BLOW UP.

REALLY?
MM-HMM.

AND IF THIS THING
GOES INTO SYNDICATION...

[GASPS]

OH, YOU ARE GOING
TO BE LIVIN' CHILLY.

MM-HMM. CAN I HAVE
ANOTHER DRINK?

UH, YOU BETTER SLOW DOWN
ON THE DRINKS, GIRLFRIEND.

THAT'S A MARGARITA,
NOT A SLURPEE.

OH, DON'T WORRY
ABOUT ME.

IT'S ALL GRAVY.

WHAT IS GOING ON
WITH YOU, THOUGH?

COME ON,
YOU CAN TELL ME.

OH, LOOK, I AM NOT
ONLY YOUR AGENT.

I AM ALSO
YOUR SISTA.

SO COME ON, TELL ME.

WHAT IS REALLY,
REALLY,

REALLY, REALLY
GOOD WITH YA?

IT'S JUST STRANGE THAT WE'RE
HAVING LUNCH AT THIS HOTEL.

SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME
HERE A FEW YEARS AGO.

HA HA.
WELL, WHAT IS IT?

A FEW YEARS AGO,
I WAS SEEING SOMEONE,

AND I HAD THIS
SNEAKING SUSPICION

THAT HE WAS SEEING
SOMEONE ELSE...

MM-HMM?

I JUST COULDN'T
PROVE IT.

YOU DON'T CALL ME
LIKE YOU USED TO...

I'M WORKING!
YOU'RE WORKING.

LOOK, BABY,
I PROMISE YOU

THAT YOU ARE THE ONLY
WOMAN IN MY LIFE.

I JUST WANT YOU
TO TELL ME HER NAME!

ROBERT,
BE A MAN ABOUT IT

AND TELL ME THE TRUTH.

ANDREA, I AM TELLING YOU
THE TRUTH.

THERE IS NO OTHER WOMAN
IN MY LIFE EXCEPT YOU.

Andrea:
I ACCIDENTALLY STUMBLED

ON SOME
INCRIMINATING EVIDENCE.

BINGO. GOTCHA.

NICE TO SEE YOU.

YOU, TOO. YOU, TOO.
THANK YOU. THE USUAL.

APPLE MARTINI,
BOURBON AND WATER.

UP TO THE ROOM.

ON ITS WAY.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

I'M SORRY.

MY BOYFRIEND'S
CHEATING ON ME.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

NICE JACKET.

SO, YOU JUST
COME DOWN FROM...

YOU HAVE A GUEST BY THE NAME
OF ROBERT MITCHELSON.

COULD YOU PLEASE TELL ME
WHAT ROOM HE'S IN?

MADAM, I'M AFRAID
IT'S HOTEL POLICY

NEVER TO GIVE OUT
THAT INFORMATION.

HE'S IN ROOM 235.

ROOM 235.
YEP.

JUST DOWN THERE.
THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
MM-HMM.

235.

NO, WAIT.

I'M GONNA NEED
A KEY FOR THAT ROOM.

MADAM, WE WOULD
NEVER, NEVER

GIVE OUT A GUEST'S KEY
WITHOUT HIS PERMISSION.

DID YOU WANT AN EXTRA KEY
WITH THAT, OR JUST THE ONE?

ONE WILL BE FINE.
OK.

THERE YOU ARE.

THANK YOU.

ENJOY YOUR STAY.
OH, I WILL.

Andrea: ROOM SERVICE.

JUST LEAVE IT.

OH, I'M LEAVING IT,
ALL RIGHT.

OH. ANDREA.

UH...

THIS IS NOT
WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE.

IS THAT RIGHT?

DO I LOOK BLIND TO YOU?

BECAUSE IT LOOKS TO ME
THAT YOU'RE IN A HOTEL,

WAITIN' ON YOUR COW TO
COME OUT AND DO YOUR BUSINESS.

WHERE IS SHE?
WHERE IS THE LITTLE COW AT?

WHERE IS
THE NO-GOOD WITCH AT?

I AM NOT A COW,
AND I AIN'T NOBODY'S WITCH.

OHH!

I TOLD YOU YOU WERE
THE ONLY WOMAN.

NO. NO, NO, NO.

YOU GOTTA BE KIDDING ME.
OK. THIS IS JUST A DREAM.

SOMEBODY NEEDS TO COME
AND WAKE ME UP!

ROBERT...

NOW, IT IS BAD ENOUGH
THAT YOUR GIRLFRIEND

HAS TURNED OUT TO BE
A BOYFRIEND,

BUT HE'S EVEN WEARING
MY ROBE!

MISSY, THIS IS NOT
YOUR ROBE.

IT IS NOT EVEN CLOSE.

THAT'S MY MAN,
AND THAT'S MY ROBE.

I KNOW MY ROBE
WHEN I SEE IT.

OK, I WANT YOU
TO CALL ME CRYSTAL,

'CAUSE I WANT YOU TO BE
CRYSTAL CLEAR ON THIS...

I DESIGNED THIS ROBE,
SO DON'T EVEN GO THERE!

OH, I'M GONNA TAKE YOU
THERE, ALL RIGHT...

AAAAH! AAH!

MM! AH!

ANDREA COLLINS!

ANDREA COLLINS!
ROBERT, YOU DID NOT TELL ME

YOU WERE DOING
MISS ANDREA COLLINS!

ANDREA COLLINS,
I AM SO SORRY.

I DID NOT MEAN
TO BE DOING YOUR MAN.

LET ME JUST TELL YOU,
I HAVE SEEN ALL OF YOUR FILMS,

AND YOU ARE ONE OF
MY FAVORITE ACTRESSES.

THANK YOU. HA HA.

ANDREA COLLINS, YOU'RE EVEN
MORE BEAUTIFUL IN PERSON

TH-TH-THAN YOU ARE ON TV.

I LOVED YOUR TV SHOW.

LOOSE ENDS?
YES!

OOH, GIRL,
YOU WERE NASTY IN THAT ONE.

WASN'T I?
OOH! [HISSES]

AND I WATCHED
EVERY EPISODE.

I EVEN SAW THE RERUNS.

WELL, THAT'S GREAT.
HEH. GREAT.

SO, YOU REALLY
DESIGNED THESE ROBES?

OH, YES, GIRL.
I DESIGNED THIS ROBE.

I FOUND THE FABRIC,
THE CHINESE SATIN,

I EVEN FOUND A CHINAMAN.
HE HAD 2 COLORS...

BLACK AND CHERRY.

I PUT 'EM TOGETHER
AND MADE BLACK CHERRY!

OH, NO, CHILD.
PUT THAT UP.

OH, I'M SO SORRY, BABY.

OH! OOH!

I LOVE YOUR COAT!

OH, THIS OLD THING?

EXCUSE ME!
ANDREA...

WHATEVER.
WHATEVER.

NOW, BACK TO ME...
YES?

Lydia: SO, WHATEVER
HAPPENED TO ROBERT?

HEH. ROBERT?

HEH. I KICKED HIS
CHEATIN' BUTT TO THE CURB.

OH, WELL, PROPS TO YOU,
GIRLFRIEND. ALL RIGHT.

HE DESERVED IT.
YES, HE DID.

WHOO, HE WAS
BAD NEWS, HUH?

MM. WHAT ABOUT
THAT OTHER GUY?

WHO, DENNIS?
YEAH.

I HIRED HIM.

WHAT?
YOU'RE KIDDING.

HE BECAME MY DESIGNER, AND
WE WENT INTO BUSINESS TOGETHER.

SURE DID.

WHOO! I LOVE THAT.
HA HA HA!

THE MORAL
OF THAT STORY IS...

ANOTHER BOYFRIEND
WILL ALWAYS COME AROUND.

BUT A HOT STYLIST?
[SNAPS]

CHILD, HARD TO FIND.

OOH, YOU GO, GIRL!

OOH.

LYDIA? WHY DON'T YOU
LET ME DRIVE YOU HOME?

OH, HONEY, NO.
I DIDN'T DRIVE MY CAR.

MM-MM.
DIDN'T YOU PEEP MY RIDE?

THAT IS NOT YOUR LIMO.

IT IS MY LIMO.

COST ME A LOT OF CHEDDAR,
BUT IT'S MINE.

OH, I KNOW THAT
YOU HAVE GOTTA SLIDE

TO THE LEFT SIDE, OK?

BUT I AM HAVING A PARTY
NEXT WEEK AT MY CRIB.

WHY DON'T YOU COME BY
SO WE CAN KICK IT?

ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW I'LL BE THERE.

GOOD. OH. IF YOU NEED
ANYTHING, YOU HOLLA.

OR BETTER YET,
HIT ME ON MY CELLY.

HIT YOU ON YOUR CELLY.
MM-HMM.

LYDIA, WHEN DID YOU
BECOME SO STREET, HUH?

OH, SWEETHEART,

I'VE BEEN INTO HIP-HOP
FOR YEARS.

YEAH, YOU KNOW, I'M DOWN
WITH THE CULTURE.

IS THAT RIGHT?
YEAH.

LIKE TO KEEP IT GANGSTA.

WELL, GIVE ME A POUND
ON THAT, GIRL.

OK, HERE WE GO.
MM-HMM.

UH, UH...
OH, YEAH.

KEEP IT REAL, GIRL.

OH, WORD TO YOU.

OK? OK?
UH-HUH.

HEY, DO YOU HAVE
ANY MONEY?

OH. YEAH, I GOT YOU.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[NO AUDIO]

ALL RIGHT. WELL,
JUST GIVE ME SOME FEEDBACK

ON THE CALLBACK, OK?
ALL RIGHT. LOVE YOU. MEAN IT.

THANK YOU
FOR COMING.

I COULDN'T REACH
MY THERAPIST.

GIRL, YOU KNOW
WE GOT YOUR BACK.

SO, WHAT HAPPENED?

HE CALLED AND BROKE UP
WITH ME ON THE PHONE.

HE SAID I WAS TOO NEEDY.

THAT'S PATHETIC.

I MEAN,
WHAT DO MEN WANT?

GIRL, IT'S LIKE
CATCHING A CAB.

IF THE LIGHT'S ON
AND YOU'RE NOT READY,

THEY'LL TAKE YOUR ACT
FOR A RIDE EVERY TIME.

WORDS TO LIVE BY.

HEY.

HEY, SORRY I'M LATE.
MWAH.

I JUST HAD TO FIRE
MY BARTENDER.

JOE?
MM-HMM.

I LIKED HIM.

HE GAVE ME FREE DRINKS
ALL THE TIME.

THAT'S EXACTLY WHY
I FIRED HIM.

WELL,
YOU LOOK GREAT.

REALLY?
MM-HMM.

GOSH, I NEED A DRINK.

ME, TOO.

[SNAPS] WAITER!

MM. SO, HOW WAS
YOUR WEEKEND?

PERFECT.

I HAD MY COLON
CLEANSED

AND THEN WENT OUT
ON A DATE.

OHH. ANYONE I KNOW?

I DON'T THINK SO.
HE'S VERY NICE.

HOW ROMANTIC.

YOU KNOW, DATING
IS SO CONFUSING.

Andrea: MMM,
I AGREE, I AGREE.

MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T MET
THE RIGHT MAN YET.

WELL, I'LL SAY THIS...

THERE ISN'T ONE MAN
OUT THERE

THAT I COULDN'T HAVE
IF I WANTED HIM.

HA HA! I DON'T THINK MEN
ARE THAT PREDICTABLE.

I DO.

OK. WHAT ABOUT... HIM?

Andrea: OH, PLEASE.
HEH. IT WOULD TAKE ME...

2 MINUTES, MAYBE 3.

HEH!
3 WHOLE MINUTES?

YOU'RE RIGHT. TWO.
MAYBE ONE.

OK, FINE. HIM.

HA HA!

Lauren: HIM?
YEAH.

LET'S BE REAL. THAT'S
NOT EVEN A CHALLENGE.

OK, FINE.
HA HA!

OK. WHAT ABOUT...

EMILY.
WHAT?

THEY'RE ALL
THE SAME.

THAT'S A BIT SIMPLISTIC,
ISN'T IT?

I MEAN, THEY CAN'T ALL
BE THE SAME.

WELL, THEN,
LET'S FIND OUT.

WHAT DO YOU LADIES SAY
TO A WAGER?

OOH, WHAT KIND
OF WAGER?

A SIMPLE ONE.

I SAY ANY MAN
CAN BE SEDUCED,

NO IFS, ANDS, OR BUTS.

AGREED.

SO?

WELL, THINK OF IT
AS A GAME.

WE PICK A MAN
COMPLETELY AT RANDOM...

A TOTAL STRANGER,
NO TIES TO ANY OF US.

I SEE WHERE YOU'RE
GOING WITH THIS.

I DON'T.
OF COURSE YOU DON'T.

LOOK, WE PICK
THIS MAN TOGETHER,

AND THEN WE EACH
TAKE TURNS

ATTEMPTING
TO SEDUCE HIM.

WHO WOULD GO
FIRST?

WE DRAW STRAWS.

AND, TO MAKE IT
MORE INTERESTING,

WE EACH HAVE ONLY ONE NIGHT,
ONE SHOT,

TO GET THE JOB DONE.

YOU'RE KIDDING, RIGHT?
THIS IS A JOKE.

BUT HOW WOULD WE KNOW
WHO REALLY WON?

HMM. GOOD QUESTION.

I MEAN, NONE OF US
WOULD LIE, OF COURSE,

BUT STILL...

THERE NEEDS TO BE SOME KIND
OF VISUAL PROOF

OF THE, UH, CONSUMMATION.

A VIDEOTAPE!
I'VE GOT A CAMERA.

AS DO I. EMILY?

OH, MY GOSH! YOU GUYS,
WHAT WOULD MY THERAPIST SAY?

UH-UH.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL
YOUR THERAPIST EVERYTHING,

DO YOU?

THAT IS THE IDEA.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I LOVE IT.
HA HA HA HA!

WAIT A MINUTE.
A PERFECT STRANGER?

WE DON'T KNOW
WHERE HE'S BEEN.

WELL, THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT
SO INTERESTING.

I MEAN, IT'S INTRIGUING.

IF YOU'RE NOT UP TO IT...

NO, IT'S NOT THAT.
IT'S JUST... I MEAN...

I GOT IT!

THE FIRST ONE
THROUGH THE DOOR.

THAT DOOR?

HMM. THAT'S PRETTY RANDOM.
WHY NOT?

IT'S GOTTA BE SOMEONE.

THE FIRST MAN
WHO COMES IN...

NO. YOU GUYS, WE'RE NOT
GONNA DO THIS. LAUREN.

IF YOU'RE AFRAID
YOU'LL LOSE, EMILY...

OK, I'M NOT AFRAID.

GOOD.

HEH. FINE. OK.

I GUESS.

GREAT.

WHEN DO WE BEGIN?

I SAY... RIGHT NOW.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ OHH, YEAH, YEAH ♪

♪ SEE, YOU'RE THE MAN
OF MY DREAMS ♪

♪ I SIT AROUND
AND THINK MY LUCK IS GONE ♪

♪ THEN I FOUND YOU... ♪

UH-UH.

OOH. OH, MY GOSH.

[WHISTLES]

OH, NO.
THAT'S NOT RIGHT.

♪ YOU OPENED UP
MY HEART... ♪

Andrea:
MM-MMM. MM-MMM.

SINGLE MEN ONLY.

YEAH, I AGREE.

YEP. SINGLES ONLY.

Andrea: HERE HE COMES.

UH-UH.

THAT'S A DO-OVER.

Andrea: HA HA.
ABSOLUTELY.

YEP. DO-OVER.

OHH. THAT'S
ANOTHER DO-OVER.

OHH.
MMM.

DEFINITE DO-OVER.
AGREED.

YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING,
LADIES?

THERE'S NOT A GOOD MAN
AROUND WHEN YOU NEED ONE.

TRUE.
MM-HMM.

OK, LET'S SEE WHAT HAPPENS
THIS TIME.

HEH.

CAN'T DO NOTHIN' WITH THAT.
STRICTLY MANLY OVER HERE.

HA HA!
I HEARD THAT.

HA HA HA!

AHH.

WELL, LOOK HERE.

[NO AUDIO]

OOH.

SWEET.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?
NOT BAD, HUH?

COULD BE WORSE. EM?

HE'S OK. MM-HMM.

BUT WHO IS HE?

HE'S A PERFECT STRANGER.

NOT FOR LONG.

[SIGHS]

I'M GONNA BE SICK.

OH, DON'T BE SICK.

YOU KNOW THAT GUY...

Andrea: SHE IS GOING
TO GET ALL THE SCOOP.

WATCH AND SEE.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
WE'RE DOING THIS.

BELIEVE IT, BABY.
IT'LL BE GOOD

FOR YOUR NEXT
THERAPY SESSION.

IT'S LIKE ME WHEN I PLAY
DIFFERENT CHARACTERS.

OH, GOSH.

YOU GET TO ESCAPE.

[NO AUDIO]

UH-OH.
HERE SHE COMES.

OH.

HMM.

SO, HERE'S THE STORY.

HIS NAME
IS MARK SELLERS.

HE'S IN REAL ESTATE,

HAS GREAT STYLE,
SO HE MUST HAVE MONEY...

MM-HMM?

AND HE IS SINGLE.

HEH.
THAT'S HIM.

HE'S THE ONE.

[SIGHS] YEP.

SO... WHAT DO WE
DO NOW?

HA HA HA!

WE DRAW STRAWS.

HA HA HA!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

FRANKLY, EMILY,

I'M DISAPPOINTED.

I MEAN, THIS KIND
OF GAME-PLAYING

SEEMS IMMATURE.
IT'S RECKLESS.

IT'S POSSIBLY
DANGEROUS.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M SURE WE WON'T EVEN
GO THROUGH WITH IT.

I MEAN, YOU KNOW,

THIS IS JUST ANDREA
BEING ANDREA.

EMILY, YOU AND I
HAVE ACCOMPLISHED

A GREAT DEAL OVER
THE PAST COUPLE OF YEARS.

I WOULD HATE TO SEE YOU
DIMINISH THIS WORK

WITH THIS
IRRESPONSIBLE DIVERSION.

[SIGHS]

SO, WHEN'S
YOUR TURN, HMM?

LAST, THANK GOODNESS.

IT'S ANDREA, LAUREN,
THEN ME.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M SURE THEY'VE FORGOTTEN
ALL ABOUT IT.

[KISSES]
I LOOK FABULOUS.

OH, I AM SO SORRY.
OH!

LET ME HELP YOU OUT.

NO PROBLEM.
I GOT IT, I GOT IT.

I'M SUCH A KLUTZ.

SOMETIMES I DON'T LOOK
WHERE I'M GOING.

HAVE WE MET BEFORE?

DID I SHOW YOU
A HOUSE, OR...

I DON'T THINK SO.

YOU'RE PROBABLY RIGHT.
I WOULD'VE REMEMBERED.

ME, TOO.

LISTEN, I'M SORRY
FOR THE INTRUSION.

CAN YOU EVER POSSIBLY
FORGIVE ME?

UNDER ONE CIRCUMSTANCE.

AND THAT WOULD BE?

YOU LET ME
BUY YOU A DRINK.

HOW ABOUT DINNER?

DINNER IT IS.

I WON'T HOLD YOU UP.
HERE'S MY NUMBER.

CALL ME.

WHOO!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

NEXT THING I KNOW,
SOMEONE OFFERED ME

MORE FOR THE HOUSE
THAN I PAID FOR IT.

SOLD THAT ONE,
BOUGHT ANOTHER ONE,

FIXED IT UP,
SOLD THAT ONE, TOO.

MMM.
HA HA!

THAT'S FASCINATING.

HA HA.

SO, TELL ME, MARK,

A GUY LIKE YOU...
HANDSOME, WEALTHY...

I'M HARDLY EITHER.

OH, COME ON.
DON'T BE MODEST.

HEH. YOU'RE QUITE
A CATCH.

EVER BEEN MARRIED?

ENGAGED?

UH, I WAS ENGAGED ONCE.

REALLY?

YEAH. IT SEEMS LIKE
A LONG TIME AGO,

BUT IT WASN'T,
REALLY.

WELL, I DON'T MEAN
TO PRY, BUT...

NO, IT'S OK. IT'S COOL.

I SHOULD TALK ABOUT IT,

'CAUSE FOR A LONG TIME,
I REALLY COULDN'T.

HMM.

UM, WE HAD MADE
ALL THE ARRANGEMENTS.

IT WAS A WEEK
BEFORE THE WEDDING,

BUT SOMETHING WAS WRONG.

IT JUST DIDN'T
FEEL RIGHT, YOU KNOW?

MM-HMM.

AT FIRST,
I KIND OF WROTE IT OFF

AS PRE-WEDDING JITTERS.

OH, I MEAN, IT HAPPENS.
IT'S NOT UNCOMMON.

NO PROBLEM.

BUT AS WE GOT CLOSER
TO THE WEEKEND,

IT GOT WORSE.

SO I ASKED MELINDA...

THAT'S MY FIANCéE AT THE TIME...

I'M, LIKE, "BABY,
WHAT'S WRONG?"

AND...
AND?

IT TURNS OUT THAT
SHE WAS SEEING SOMEBODY

ON THE SIDE.

WHAT?

AND SHE WAS STILL
IN LOVE WITH HIM.

MM.

SO, UH, SHE WAS VERY
APOLOGETIC ABOUT IT,

BUT SHE CALLED IT OFF.

SHE SAID IT WOULDN'T
BE FAIR TO ME.

WHO WAS THE GUY?

[SIGHS]

MY BEST FRIEND.

DANG.

THAT'S WHAT I SAID.

I MEAN, THAT GIRL WAS CRAZY,
IF YOU ASK ME.

SHE MADE A BIG MISTAKE.

YOU DON'T HAVE
TO SAY THAT.

IT'S TRUE.
BUT THANKS.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

THIS IS THE FIRST
REAL DATE I'VE BEEN ON

SINCE I CAN REMEMBER.

LISTEN, MARK...
YEAH.

I KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE
TO FEEL PAIN.

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU...
NOBODY CAN MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

BUT...

I'M HOPING
YOU'LL LET ME TRY.

[TIRES SCREECH]

AND...
THIS IS MY BEDROOM.

NICE, NICE.
HEH HEH.

THANK YOU.

UH, DO YOU MIND
IF I USE YOUR BATHROOM?

OH, SURE.
IT'S RIGHT THROUGH THERE.

THANKS.

[DOOR CLOSES]

ANDREA,
YOU'VE DONE WELL.

OH, HA HA. YOU LIKE?

YES.

WHY DON'T YOU COME MAKE
YOURSELF MORE COMFORTABLE?

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

HEY, DO YOU MIND
IF I TURN ON SOME MUSIC?

SURE,
GO RIGHT AHEAD.

ANDREA. HEH.

ANDREA, ANDREA,

ANDREA, ANDREA.

THIS GIRL DEFINITELY
LOVES HERSELF.

[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

Mark: WHEW!

MMM.

ANDREA, YOU ARE...

ONE SPECIAL KIND OF LADY.

[CHUCKLES]

[SIGHS]

HELLO.

HI.

I MISSED YOU.

AND I COULDN'T WAIT.

MMM. THE THING IS,
I'M JUST A LITTLE NERVOUS.

I HATE TO RUSH THINGS,

BUT EVER SINCE WE MET,
YOU'RE ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT.

REALLY?

DO YOU WANT ME?

OH, YES. GOSH, YES.
ARE YOU KIDDING?

THEN WHY DO YOU STILL
HAVE ON YOUR CLOTHES?

GOOD QUESTION.

I WANT YOU TO STRIP
FOR ME.

REALLY?
YEAH.

RIGHT NOW?
YEAH.

LET'S WORK IT.

DON'T BE SCARED.

[HIP-HOP MUSIC PLAYING]

WORK IT.

WORK IT, YEAH.
WORK IT.

OH, YEAH.

THAT'S IT.

LIKE THIS?
YEAH.

YOU WANT ME TO, LIKE,
GRIND ON IT?

WORK IT. WORK IT.
OOH.

OHH, LIKE THIS?

YEAH, ROUNDABOUT.
ROUNDABOUT.

YEAH.

GO, MARK. HEY!

OH. OH, THAT'S GOOD.

LOOK AT THEM ABS,
BABY. YEAH!

HA HA HA!
YEAH.

DROP YOUR BACK,
BABY.

OHH!

WORK IT, MARK.
JUST WORK IT.

GET INTO IT.
YEAH. THAT'S IT.

THAT'S IT.
OHH...

OHH, WHAT? HUH?

GO, MARK.

I FEEL IT. I FEEL IT.
I LIKE IT.

YOU FEEL IT? YEAH.
HA HA HA!

YOU GOT THE FREAK
IN YOU!

WHOO!
SHAKE IT, BABY.

SHAKE IT.
SHAKE IT.

SHAKE IT.

UHH!
YEAH!

HOW IS IT?
IS IT WORKIN'? UHH!

DROP IT.
COME ON, BABY.

YOU WANT TO
SEE SOMETHIN'? OHH.

GO, MARK.

MM-MM-MM. MM.

WANT SOME?
YEAH, SHAKE IT.

SHAKE IT.

SLAP IT, BABY!
WHOO!

OW!

SPANK IT!
OW!

HURT MYSELF!
YEAH!

SHAKE IT. OHH.

OHH!
HA HA!

HA HA HA HA!
HA HA! OK.

YOU LIKE THAT.
YEAH.

UH-OH. DROP IT!

DROP FOR ME!
OOH!

[THUD]
YOU ALL RIGHT?

BUT I'M BACK.

THAT'S IT.
RIDE THE PONY FOR ME.

COME ON. WORK THAT WALL.
WORK THE WALL. YEAH.

YOU LIKE THAT?
THIS IS YOU, ANDREA.

POW!
OHH!

OH, THAT'S GOOD.

THAT'S HOW I'M GONNA
DROP IT ON YOU.

I'M TAPPIN' IT.
I'M GONNA TAP IT.

OHH!

OH, THAT'S GOOD.

OH, THAT'S IT
RIGHT THERE, MARK.

I'M GONNA
DROP IT ON YOU.

YEAH. THEN I'M GONNA
BACK IT UP ON YOU LIKE THAT.

YEAH. POP, POP, POP,
POP, POP, POP.

OW!

CAN YOU SHAKE IT?
SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT.

SHAKE IT.

SHAKE IT, SHAKE IT.

THAT'S IT.

SHAKE IT. WORK IT.
WORK IT.

WORK IT. WORK IT.

I'M ON IT.
HERE I COME.

I'M BRINGIN'
THE THUNDER.

BRING IT.
UHH.

SHAKE IT.
GO, MARK.

GO, MARK.

GO, MARK.

AAH!

MARK?

WHO'S YOUR DADDY?
WHO'S YOUR DADDY?

WHO'S YOUR DADDY?
WHO'S YOUR DA... HUH?

I'VE GOT AN EARLY CALL
TOMORROW.

OH, OH, OH, OK.

YOU WANT ME
TO LEAVE NOW?

MM-HMM.
OH.

LOOK, I HAD
A GREAT TIME, BUT...

[YAWNS] I GOTTA GET
MY BEAUTY REST, YOU KNOW?

CLOSE-UPS.

AND WITH YOU HERE,

I WON'T BE ABLE
TO GET MUCH SLEEP.

RIGHT. UM,
MAYBE WE CAN, UH...

I'LL CALL YOU.

WELL,
I WAS WONDERING...

NO, REALLY.
I'LL CALL YOU.

OH, OK.

WHAT THE HECK?

[DOGS BARKING]

MAN...

HA HA HA!

SHOW TIME!

HA HA HA!

COME ON.

WHAT THE HECK?
OH, NO.

THIS CAN'T
BE HAPPENING.

I DON'T BELIEVE IT!

NO-O-O-O!

NO! NO-O-O-O!

NO-O-O-O-O!

SHOOT!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

BUT IT'S NOT FAIR.

I KNOW
I ROCKED HIS WORLD.

IS IT MY FAULT THAT
THE CAMERA DIDN'T WORK?

LOOK...

NOW, WE GO BACK
SINCE COLLEGE.

CAN'T YOU TAKE
MY WORD FOR IT?

EM...

COME ON,
AREN'T WE FRIENDS?

WHERE IS THE LOVE HERE?

ALL RIGHT, FINE.
BE THAT WAY.

I'M GOING TO
REMEMBER THAT, THOUGH.

YOU SAID IT YOURSELF.

NO TAPE, NO PROOF,
NO DICE... YOU LOSE.

IT'S A STUPID RULE.

SO, WHAT WAS HE LIKE?

LET'S JUST SAY
HE'S VERY... SENSITIVE.

WAS HE NICE?

I DON'T HAVE
ANYTHING ELSE TO SAY.

COME ON, ANDREA,
WE'RE NOT THE ENEMY.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I SAY
WE CALL THE WHOLE THING OFF

BEFORE WE GO
ANY FARTHER.

LOOK, I DIDN'T GO THROUGH
ALL THAT FOR NOTHING.

WELL, AT LEAST
YOU GOT SOME.

[SCOFFS]
BIG DEAL.

HELLO, LADIES.

HEY, DARRYL.
HEY, DARRYL.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU TWO KNOW EACH OTHER.

YES, WE DO.

ANDREA.

MM-HMM.

OOH. I DIDN'T FORGET
ABOUT YOU, LAUREN.

HEY.

HI.

[SIGHS]

LOVE THE CHANGES.

THE NEW DECOR LOOKS GREAT.

I DON'T BELIEVE
WE'VE MET.

THIS IS
OUR GOOD FRIEND EMILY.

WELL, EMILY,
HAVE WE MET?

US? NO.
I DON'T THINK SO.

I JUST CAN'T HELP BUT FEEL
THAT WE'VE MET BEFORE.

THAT'S BECAUSE YOU TRY
TO MEET EVERY WOMAN IN L.A.

[EMILY AND DARRYL LAUGH]

I DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT.

I'M MEETING SOMEBODY
FOR LUNCH.

A NEW CLIENT.

RIGHT.

I SHOULDN'T
KEEP HER WAITING.

[SIGHS]

WELL, EMILY,
IT IS A PLEASURE.

HERE'S MY CARD

IN CASE YOU EVER WANT
TO GET IN SHAPE.

[EMILY GIGGLES]

LADIES.

BYE, DARRYL.

BYE.

OH, MY.

HE CERTAINLY
IS SOMETHING.

HE'S SOMETHING,
ALL RIGHT.

WELL, ALL RIGHT,
MISS LAUREN.

IT'S YOUR TURN.

IT'S NOT GOING TO BE
AS EASY AS YOU THINK.

WE'LL JUST SEE ABOUT THAT,
WON'T WE?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND.

I MEAN, YOU SAID
THAT THEY DID IT,

BUT THEY CAN'T PROVE IT?

ANDREA SWEARS
THEY HAD SEX,

BUT THE CAMERA
MALFUNCTIONED OR SOMETHING.

WHICH MEANS SHE LOSES.

YEAH. AND I WOULD'VE
BET ON ANDREA.

SHE'S SO DETERMINED.

WELL, LET ME
JUST ASK YOU.

WHO'S UP NEXT?
IS IT LAUREN?

YES. I HAVE NO DOUBTS
ABOUT LAUREN.

SHE'S A SEXY SUCCESSFUL
BUSINESSWOMAN.

HE'LL FIND HER
IRRESISTIBLE.

AND WHAT ABOUT YOU?

WHAT ABOUT ME?

WELL, HOW WILL HE
FIND YOU?

I DON'T KNOW.

AND HOW WILL YOU FEEL
IF YOU LOSE, RIGHT?

AND WHAT IF YOU WIN,
AND SHE WINS?

WHAT IF THERE'S A TIE?

I MEAN, IS THERE
SOME SORT OF A RUNOFF?

I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, YOU NEED
TO FIGURE IT OUT.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW,

BUT I HIRED
A PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR.

YOU WHAT?

MM-HMM. I HIRED SOMEONE
TO DO SOME DIGGING.

YOU DID NOT.

THAT'S GOOD. THAT'S VERY...
THAT'S VERY SMART.

I'M FEELING
AN INTENSE GUILT.

MM-HMM.

SO, I THINK
YOU WERE RIGHT.

IT'S IRRESPONSIBLE.
I'M NOT A CHILD.

I'M CALLING
THE WHOLE THING OFF.

OH, NO, YOU ARE NOT.
NO, YOU CAN'T DO THAT.

WHAT I MEAN TO SAY
IS THAT...

BY FOLLOWING THIS THING
THROUGH A BIT,

IF IT MIGHT NOT BE THE MOST
CONSTRUCTIVE PATH TO TAKE.

CONSTRUCTIVE?

IN THAT YOU HAVE ALWAYS
HAD A PROBLEM

FINISHING THINGS.

YOU'RE RIGHT.
I... I'M CURIOUS.

MM-HMM.
I DO WANT TO MEET HIM.

I MUST BE CRAZY.

OH, NO, HONEY.

YOU KNOW WE DON'T USE
THE "C" WORD.

SORRY.

ALL RIGHT, EMILY...

ALL RIGHT, I WANT
TO KNOW EVERYTHING, OK?

I'M GOING TO GO AHEAD
AND GIVE YOU

MY HOME PHONE NUMBER.

YOU MEMORIZE IT.
YOU CALL ME

IF THERE IS ANY NEW
INFORMATION AT ALL

AT ANY TIME.

DOCTOR,
ARE YOU SURE?

YES. ARE YOU KIDDING?
I'M A PROFESSIONAL, OK?

YOU JUST KEEP
YOUR MIND OPEN,

AND YOU KEEP ME INFORMED
OF EVERYTHING.

Andrea: ALL RIGHT,
LAUREN, ROUND 2.

Lauren:
LET'S GO.

ALL RIGHT, I KNOW
THIS IS YOUR FAVORITE.

HA HA HA. I AM GOOD AT IT,
I HAVE TO ADMIT.

MM-HMM.

ALL RIGHT, WELL,
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

[SIGHS]

LET'S TURN IT UP.

MM-HMM.

OK.
YOU DOING OK?

YEAH, GOOD.

MY MOM LIKES TO GO
AT YOUR PACE, TOO.

OH, OK.
ALL RIGHT.

YEAH?
OK.

YOU'RE LUCKY I CAN'T GET YOU
OUT ON THAT TRACK.

I WOULD JUST KILL YOU.

HA HA. THAT'S WHAT
YOU THINK.

GIVE ME SOME STRONG
KICKS FOR DARRYL.

COME ON,
HE DESERVES IT.

YEAH. THAT WAS
A GOOD ONE.

THAT WAS IT.
STRONGER.

YES.
THAT WAS GREAT.

YES. ALL RIGHT,
THAT WAS NICE AND HIGH,

BUT THAT'S OK.
THAT WAS HIGH.

OK.
ALL RIGHT.

YES.

HA HA!

IS THAT ALL
YOU GOT?

IS THAT
ALL I GOT? OK.

I'M JUST WARMING UP.

YOU CAN DO BETTER
THAN THAT.

OK.

AAH!

[OBJECTS CLATTER]
LAUREN?

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MM-MMM.

♪ SO MANY TIMES
I'VE PICTURED YOU, YEAH ♪

SORRY I'M LATE.

NO PROBLEM.
ANY TROUBLE FINDING IT?

NO, NO. YOUR DIRECTIONS
WERE GREAT.

ARE YOU READY?

YES.

[BOTH LAUGH]

NOW, THIS HOUSE...

♪ MAKING WORDS
I SHOULDN'T SAY ♪

♪ BABY,
I'M DREAMING ABOUT ♪

♪ GETTING INTIMATE
WITH YOU ♪

♪ SHARING A MOMENT
TOGETHER ♪

♪ CAN YOU FEEL IT, TOO ♪

♪ OH, OH ♪

♪ SHOULDN'T KEEP IT
INSIDE ♪

♪ COULDN'T HURT
TO LET YOU KNOW ♪

♪ WHAT YOU'RE FEELIN',
GIRL ♪

♪ SHOULD I LET IT SHOW ♪

AND HERE'S THE FIREPLACE,

WHICH COMES COMPLETE
WITH ITS OWN DRAGONS.

[BOTH LAUGH]

YOU ARE SO CUTE.

UH... AHEM.

HOW ABOUT WE GO OUTSIDE?
I WANT TO SHOW YOU

THE MOST AMAZING VIEW
OF LOS ANGELES.

♪ ALL I GOT TO DO
IS CLOSE MY EYES ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE NEXT TO ME,
YEAH ♪

♪ NOW I QUESTION
MY DESIRE ♪

♪ IS IT JUST TO BE INSIDE ♪

♪ AND FEEL
THE PASSION FIRE ♪

♪ IS IT MORE ♪

♪ AM I READY TO BELIEVE ♪

I HOPE YOU DON'T THINK
I'M BEING TOO FORWARD...

I'M SURE THIS HAPPENS
TO YOU ALL THE TIME...

BUT I WAS WONDERING,
IF YOU HAD A FREE EVENING,

I'D LOVE TO TAKE YOU
TO A COMEDY CLUB.

I LOVE TO LAUGH.

GREAT.

UM, I'M FREE NEXT SATURDAY,
IF THAT WORKS FOR YOU.

IT WORKS FINE.

I GUESS
I SHOULD CALL YOU.

OH, HERE.

PERFECT.
SATURDAY NIGHT, THEN.

MM-HMM.
CAN'T WAIT.

I'LL CALL YOU.

♪ WHAT I NEVER HAD
TO TELL YOU ♪

♪ YOU'RE MY FANTASY,
FANTASY ♪

[WHISTLES]

♪ TELL ME WHY ♪

♪ ALL I GOT TO DO
IS CLOSE MY EYES ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE
ALL THAT I CAN SEE ♪

♪ OH, GIRL ♪

WHOO.
MMM.

♪ YOU'RE MY FANTASY ♪

[NEW SONG BEGINS]

♪ I LIKE THE WAY YOU DO IT,
THE WAY YOU RIDE ♪

♪ I LIKE THE WAY
YOU LOCK ON TO THE GROOVE ♪

♪ WHEN I'M INSIDE ♪

♪ I LIKE THE WAY
YOU PLEASE ♪

♪ THE WAY YOU TEASE ♪

♪ I LIKE THE WAY
YOU'RE GIVIN' ME ♪

♪ EXACTLY WHAT I NEED ♪

♪ I LIKE
THE WAY YOU DO IT ♪

♪ THE WAY YOU RIDE ♪

♪ I LIKE THE WAY
YOU LOCK ON TO THE GROOVE ♪

♪ WHEN I'M INSIDE ♪

♪ I LIKE THE WAY
YOU PLEASE ♪

♪ THE WAY YOU TEASE... ♪

SO, HOW'S YOUR GAME?

[SIGHS] YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO BELIEVE

WHAT'S BEEN
HAPPENING TO ME, MAN,

BUT I KNOW YOU CAN
APPRECIATE IT.

OHH.

SO, THIS... THIS
WHOLE THING STARTED

ABOUT, WHAT,
10 DAYS AGO, RIGHT?

I JUST CLOSED
ON THIS PROPERTY.

I'M FEELING GOOD.

I DECIDE TO TREAT
MYSELF TO LUNCH

AT THIS NICE TRENDY SPOT
ON OCEAN... YOU KNOW,

WHERE YOUR WAITRESS
FRIEND USED TO WORK.

WE DON'T HAVE
TO TALK ABOUT THAT.

COOL, BECAUSE I USUALLY JUST
GRAB A SANDWICH SOMEWHERE.

BUT YOU WERE...

CELEBRATING.
CELEBRATING.

EXACTLY, MY BROTHER.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Andrea:
IF THE LIGHT'S ON,

AND YOU'RE NOT READY,

THEY WILL TAKE YOUR ACT
FOR A RIDE EVERY TIME, OK?

Emily:
WORDS TO LIVE BY.

HEY.
Lauren: HEY.

SORRY I'M LATE.
[KISSES] MWAH!

I JUST HAD TO FIRE
MY BARTENDER.

JOE?

REALLY?
YEAH.

GOSH, I NEED
A DRINK.

OH, ME, TOO.

[SNAPS FINGERS]
WAITER!

MMM.
I AGREE, I AGREE.

Emily: MAYBE YOU HAVEN'T
MET THE RIGHT MAN YET.

WELL, I'LL SAY THIS.

THERE ISN'T ONE MAN
OUT THERE

THAT I COULDN'T HAVE
IF I REALLY WANTED HIM.

WHAT?

Emily: I DON'T THINK MEN
ARE THAT PREDICTABLE.

Lauren: I DO.

ALL RIGHT, FINE.
WHAT ABOUT... HIM?

HIM?
YEAH.

OH, LET'S BE REAL.

THAT'S NOT EVEN
A CHALLENGE.

Andrea: OK.
ALL RIGHT.

WHAT ABOUT...

Andrea: EMILY,
THEY'RE ALL THE SAME.

THAT'S A BIT
SIMPLISTIC, ISN'T IT?

I MEAN, THEY CAN'T
ALL BE THE SAME.

WELL, LET'S FIND OUT.

WHAT DO YOU LADIES SAY
TO A WAGER?

Lauren:
WHAT KIND OF WAGER?

A SIMPLE ONE.

I SAY ANY MAN
CAN BE SEDUCED,

NO IFS, ANDS, OR BUTS.

Lauren:
AGREED. SO?

WE'LL THINK OF IT
AS A GAME.

WE PICK A MAN
COMPLETELY AT RANDOM,

A TOTAL STRANGER,
AND WE EACH TAKE TURNS

ATTEMPTING TO SEDUCE HIM.

AND TO MAKE IT
MORE INTERESTING,

WE EACH HAVE
ONLY ONE NIGHT,

ONE SHOT
TO GET THE JOB DONE.

WHO SAID THAT?

Lauren: YOU'RE KIDDING,
RIGHT? THIS IS A JOKE.

Emily:
I'VE GOT IT.

THE FIRST ONE
THROUGH THE DOOR.

Andrea: YEAH.

THAT'S PRETTY RANDOM.
WHY NOT?

SO, WHEN DO WE BEGIN?

I SAY RIGHT NOW.

[EXHALES]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

AAH!

[PANTING]

[SHRIEKS]

EXCUSE ME! WATCH OUT!

AAH!

AW!

WHOO! WHEW!

HEY.
MR. SELLERS.

HEY, YOU MAY BE APPROACHED
BY A LADY ASKING ABOUT ME,

AND IF YOU ARE, THIS IS
WHAT I NEED YOU TO SAY.

[NO AUDIO]

♪ I LIKE THE WAY
YOU LOCK ON TO THE GROOVE ♪

♪ WHEN I'M INSIDE ♪

♪ I LIKE THE WAY
YOU PLEASE ♪

♪ THE WAY YOU TEASE ♪

♪ I LIKE THE WAY YOU'RE
GIVING ME EXACTLY WHAT I NEED ♪

COME ON, DO YOU
THINK I'M DRUNK?

YOU PLAYIN' WITH ME,
RIGHT?

YOU MAKING ALL THIS UP
TO TORTURE ME.

WOULD I LIE
TO YOU, MAN?

HOLD UP.
IT DON'T STOP THERE.

SO, LIKE,
A FEW DAYS GO BY.

NOTHING HAPPENS,
SO I'M FIGURING

MAYBE THESE LADIES HAD
A FEW TOO MANY MARTINIS,

AND THEY FORGOT.

AND THEN...

OOH!
OH!

I AM SO SORRY.
OH, MAN.

LET ME HELP YOU OUT.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
NO PROBLEM. I GOT IT.

OK.

OH, I'M SUCH A KLUTZ.

ARE YOU SURE
IT WAS ACTUALLY HER?

YOU SAID YOU REALLY
DIDN'T SEE THEM.

BELIEVE ME, I MANAGED
TO GET A GOOD LOOK

WHEN I WALKED
THROUGH THE FRONT, OK?

IT WAS HER FOR SURE.

SO, WE MADE A DATE
FOR DINNER,

AND AS YOU CAN IMAGINE,

I'M FEELING PRETTY GOOD
ABOUT THINGS RIGHT NOW.

HA HA.
IT'S NOT FAIR.

WHAT'S NOT FAIR?

IT'S HAPPENING TO YOU
AND NOT ME.

WHAT CAN I SAY?
GOD LOVES ME, J.

DON'T PLAY LIKE THAT.

SO, WHERE Y'ALL GO?

I TOOK HER TO THIS
SEXY PLACE ON MELROSE.

I KNEW SHE'D LIKE THAT.

BUT LET ME EXPLAIN.

THIS WOMAN ISN'T
JUST BEAUTIFUL, MAN.

SHE'S RADIANT.

AND SHE'S
A PROFESSIONAL ACTRESS,

SO SHE GOT TO BE FINE.

ANYWAY, SHE'S FLIRTING.

SHE'S BUMPING HER LEG
ON MY LEG

UNDER THE TABLE
OR WHATEVER, YOU KNOW?

AND NOT ENOUGH
TO BE OBVIOUS,

BUT JUST ENOUGH
TO KEEP A MAN

PLAYING
CLOSE ATTENTION.

RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.

SO, THIS IS WHERE
I TAKE IT OVER THE TOP.

I MAKE UP THIS STORY
ABOUT MY FIANCéE

AND HOW SHE DUMPED ME
FOR MY BEST FRIEND.

AND I'M PRACTICALLY
IN TEARS,

AND I KNOW
IT'S A BUNCH OF BULL.

DENZEL AIN'T GOT
NOTHING ON ME, DAWG.

THAT'S MY BOY!

SO, WHAT HAPPENED
AFTER DINNER?

BOY, WHERE HAS
THE TIME GONE?

YOU KNOW, J, I GOT
TO GET OUT OF HERE.

HEY, LOOK, LOOK,
DON'T PLAY, OK?

YOU AIN'T GOING NOWHERE.
WHAT HAPPENED? TELL ME.

SHE PRACTICALLY RIPPED
MY CLOTHES OFF.

UH-UH.

SHE CAME OUT
THE BATHROOM.

SHE'S STANDING THERE
IN HER BRA AND PANTIES

LOOKING LIKE SHE STEPPED
OUT OF VICTORIA'S SECRET.

OOH.

TYRA BANKS ON STEROIDS,
EVERYTHING MATCHING.

SWEET TOES.

OOH. SWEET TOES?

I'M, LIKE, YOU KNOW,

"MAYBE... MAYBE
WE SHOULD WAIT."

SHE'S, LIKE,
"I WANT YOU NAKED NOW."

WHOA.
AND THEN WHAT?

YOU REALLY WANT
TO KNOW?

YES, I DO.

WHEW.

HOW LONG YOU BEEN
KNOWING ME, MAN?

A LONG TIME.

AND YOU COULD SAY
ROUGHLY

I'M AN EXPERIENCED
GUY, RIGHT?

YEAH.

LET ME BE HONEST, J.
WE DID THINGS.

SUCH AS?

THINGS.

WHAT KIND OF THINGS?

I'M FREAKED OUT
JUST THINKING ABOUT IT

RIGHT NOW, MAN.

WELL, TRY HARD.

LET ME JUST SAY, WE... WE
INVENTED NEW POSITIONS.

I NEED TO SEE
MY CHIROPRACTOR RIGHT NOW.

HOW MANY?

JOSH,
A REAL GENTLEMAN

DOES NOT TELL
HIS BUSINESS.

THEN YOU SHOULD HAVE
NO PROBLEM, MARK.

WHATEVER.

ANYWAY, WHAT
SHE DIDN'T KNOW WAS,

WHEN SHE WENT
IN THE BATHROOM,

I FOUND THE VIDEO CAMERA
WHICH I KNEW WOULD BE THERE.

SHE HID THE CAMERA?

AMAZING HOW DEVIOUS
SOME PEOPLE CAN BE, HUH?

YEAH.

SO, I UNPLUGGED
THE VIDEO FEED.

ARE YOU SURE YOU DIDN'T
DREAM ALL THIS?

DREAM?
IT WAS REAL.

I'VE ALREADY MET
BACHELORETTE NUMBER 2.

SHE PRETENDED TO BE IN
THE MARKET FOR A HOUSE,

SO I GAVE HER
A GUIDED TOUR.

HA HA!

SMART GIRL.

SO, WHAT DID SHE
LOOK LIKE?

WHOO!
MMM, MMM, MMM.

LIKE THAT?

LIKE THAT.

[KISSES]
MMM.

WHEW.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

SO, WHEN'S
THE NEXT DATE?

THIS SATURDAY.

I WOULD SAY,
"WISH ME LUCK,"

BUT THERE'S REALLY
NO NEED TO,

BECAUSE AS YOU CAN SEE,
I'M DOING WELL.

HA HA!

DON'T DO THAT.
DON'T HATE, JACK.

UM, ANY CHANCE OF YOU AND
KIM GETTING BACK TOGETHER?

YEAH.

I MEAN, I DON'T LIKE
BEING BY MYSELF.

AND LATE AT NIGHT

WHEN I'M AT HOME,

MAN, I'VE BEEN OVERUSING
MY PALM PILOT.

UHH.

I'M SERIOUS.

I'M STARTING TO GET
ARTHRITIS IN BOTH HANDS.

THAT'S TOO MUCH
INFORMATION, J.

I DON'T NEED TO KNOW
ALL THAT, MAN.

THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH
PLEASURING YOURSELF, MARK.

CHECK.
AHEM.

I'M ONLY HUMAN, OK?

AND I GOT SEXUAL NEEDS
THAT'S GOT TO BE SATISFIED.

CHECK!

ANY CHECK, PLEASE.

I GOT A CALLUS
ON THIS ONE RIGHT HERE.

HELP!

[CROWD CHEERING]

OK. IF YOU EVER FALL IN LOVE
WITH A YOUNG BOY,

AND HE DROP YOU,

I'M GOING TO TELL YOU
HOW YOU GET BACK AT HIM.

HAVE SEX WITH HIS FATHER.

OH, THAT'LL HURT HIM,
THAT'LL HURT HIM.

HE COME HOME FROM THE CLUB
LATE ONE NIGHT.

HIS FATHER GOT ONE OF THEM

OLD BOBBY WOMACK,
GENE CHANDLER RECORDS ON.

HE FIGURES DADDY IN THERE
HAVING SEX

WITH SISTER JENKINS
FROM THE CHURCH.

THAT'S WHEN I COME
BOUNCING OUT, LOOK AT HIM,

AND GO, "YOUR DADDY SAID
TAKE THE GARBAGE OUT

BEFORE YOU GO TO BED."

THAT'LL KILL HIM.

WHEN HE'S BUSY,
I'M EASY.

YOU CAN HAVE SEX WITH ME
ON THE HOOD OF A CAR.

YOU JUST NEED TO KEEP
THE CAR RUNNING,

SO MY BACK
DON'T GET COLD.

I'M EASY LIKE THAT.

MMM!

AND THEN, LADIES, YOU NEED
TO FIX YOURSELF UP.

YOU NEED TO LOOK GOOD.
WHY?

BECAUSE WHEN YOU LOOK GOOD,
YOU FEEL GOOD.

WEAR SOME DANG MAKEUP.

I KNOW I GOT TO WEAR MAKEUP,
BECAUSE WITHOUT MAKEUP,

I LOOK EXACTLY LIKE
WESLEY SNIPES.

WEAR SOME MAKEUP.

SHUT UP, SHUT UP, SHUT UP.

LOOK AT THE WHITE PEOPLE GOING,
"I KNEW I KNEW HER.

EITHER
SHE WAS IN BLADE, OR..."

HA HA!

LADIES...

WE NEED TO STOP
PLAYING GAMES WITH OUR LOVE.

Y'ALL KNOW
WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

Y'ALL KNOW WHAT GAME
I'M TALKING ABOUT.

YOU GO OUT
WITH A GOOD MAN.

HE A DECENT MAN.

YOU DONE ATE UP
ALL THE STEAK AND LOBSTER.

THEN WHEN IT'S TIME
TO HAVE SEX,

YOU WANT
TO TALK ABOUT JESUS

AND THE DIRECTION
OF YOUR LIFE.

YOU'S A TRICKY WENCH.

YOU KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE YOU'RE MESSING IT UP

FOR DECENT PROS LIKE MYSELF.

SEE, WHEN A MAN
GET HIS FEELINGS HURT,

HE DON'T CHANGE
FOR THE BETTER.

HE CHANGE FOR THE WORSE,

SO WHEN I GO OUT WITH HIM,
NOW HE'S A BITTER BUSTER.

NOW I CAN BARELY GET

A HAPPY MEAL AND SNICKER BAR
OUT THIS BITTER BUSTER,

AND IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.

IT'S NOT RIGHT.

STOP MESSING WITH YOUR MAN
WHILE HE WATCHING TV.

GIVE YOUR MAN HIS SPACE.

WHEN YOUR MAN
IS WATCHING TV,

FIX HIM SOME SNACKS
AND GET OUT THE WAY.

DON'T TRY TO TALK TO YOUR
MAN WHILE HE WATCHING TV.

NEVER ASK YOUR MAN
THIS QUESTION...

"WHAT YOU THINKING 'BOUT?"

YOU KNOW WHY? HE CAN'T TELL
YOU WHAT HE THINKING ABOUT

WHEN YOU SAY,
"WHAT YOU THINKIN' 'BOUT?"

BECAUSE YOU KNOW
WHAT HE WANT TO SAY?

"I WAS THINKING YOU NEED
TO GET YOUR ACT

"OUT OF THE FRONT
OF THE DANG TV

"WHILE I'M TRYING
TO WATCH THE GAME,

"BUT I CAN'T SAY THAT
TO YOU,

"BECAUSE I'M GOING TO WANT
TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU

IN ABOUT 20 MINUTES
WHEN THE GAME GO OFF."

OWNING A RESTAURANT,
THAT'S EXCITING.

NOT ALWAYS.

DEALING WITH THE STAFF...

THE CHEF, WAITERS,
BUSBOYS, BARTENDERS.

QUALITY IS EVERYTHING.

MMM.

THE RESTAURANT BUSINESS
IS VERY COMPETITIVE.

SOUNDS LIKE A LOT
OF RESPONSIBILITY.

YOU MUST BE GOOD AT IT.

I AM...

BUT IT'S NO LONGER
MY REAL PASSION.

SO, WHAT IS LAUREN'S
REAL PASSION?

I RECENTLY BECAME INVOLVED
WITH THE HOMELESS.

YOU KNOW, FUNDRAISING,
BUILDING AWARENESS.

WHEN I THINK OF PEOPLE
GOING HUNGRY,

IT BREAKS MY HEART.

WHEW.

I'VE DONE WELL
FOR MYSELF,

AND I WANT TO GIVE
SOMETHING BACK.

THAT REMINDS ME.
I HAVE SOME FRIENDS

WHO VOLUNTEER AT
THE MISSION DOWNTOWN,

AND THEY HAND OUT
MEALS.

THEY'RE OUT THERE
HELPING OUT.

HOW ABOUT YOU AND I
GO DOWN THERE TOGETHER

SO YOU CAN MEET THEM?

I'D LOVE TO.

[BOTH LAUGH]

WHAT'S WRONG?

OHH. I MAY HAVE HAD
ONE DRINK TOO MANY. MMM.

HEADACHE?

A LITTLE.

OOH. YOU WOULDN'T BE
DISAPPOINTED

IF WE MADE IT
AN EARLY NIGHT?

NO! I MEAN,
IT'S JUST THAT...

I'M HAVING SUCH
A WONDERFUL TIME TONIGHT.

GET ME SOME ASPIRIN...
EXTRA STRENGTH.

I REALLY DON'T
WANT YOU TO GO.

YOU DON'T?

I THOUGHT WE WERE,
YOU KNOW, CONNECTING.

WAS I WRONG?

NO, NO, NO, NOT AT ALL.

MMM.

[GIGGLES]

[MARK INHALES]

Mark: OH, YEAH.

[BREATHING DEEPLY]

AH.

OH, THAT FEELS GREAT.

MMM, MMM.

MMM.

HOW'S THE HEADACHE?

WHAT HEADACHE?

HA HA.

THAT FEELS GOOD.

I KNOW.

YOU ARE SO TENSE.

AM I?

YEAH.

YOU'RE ALL KNOTTED UP.

MMM.

YOU MUST HAVE A LOT
OF STRESS IN YOUR LIFE.

MM-HMM.

MMM.

OH, YOU POOR BABY.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW

THAT I DON'T NORMALLY
DO THIS ON A FIRST DATE.

THANK YOU.

NOW, WHAT ABOUT
YOUR BACK?

MMM. YEAH,
IT'S BROKE, IT'S BROKE.

IT'S... IT'S
REALLY BROKE.

DO YOU MIND
IF I TAKE THIS OFF?

NO. I MEAN,
IF YOU MUST.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE
THAT SHIRT OFF?

[LAUGHS]

AH.

FOR THE MASSAGE.

RIGHT, RIGHT.

WHEW.

OK, LET'S SEE
WHAT'S GOIN' ON.

[KING FLOYD'S GROOVE ME
PLAYING]

HA HA HA!

UH-HUH. YEAH.

♪ COME ON ♪

♪ HEY THERE,
SUGAR DARLIN' ♪

♪ LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHIN' ♪

♪ GIRL, I'VE BEEN TRYIN'
TO SAY, NOW ♪

♪ YOU LOOK SO SWEET ♪

♪ AND YOU'RE
SO DOGGONE FINE ♪

♪ I JUST CAN'T GET YOU
OUT OF MY MIND... ♪

OH! HA HA HA!

OHH.

WHOO.

MMM.

OHH. YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU REALLY HAVE
THE TOUCH.

HEH HEH.

I HAVE AN IDEA.

YOU WANT ME
TO STRIP FOR YOU?

WHY DON'T I?

THAT WORKS FOR ME.

HEH HEH HEH.

AHH.

MM-MM-MMM.

♪ GROOVE ME, BABY ♪

OK. OHH, YEAH.

♪ OH, YEAH,
NOW, NOW, DARLIN' ♪

♪ UHH, COME ON, COME ON ♪

♪ HEY! UHH! ♪

MM-MM-MMM.

OWW.

HA HA HA!

MM.

[WHISTLES]

♪ HERE'S SOME
GOOD, GOOD LOVIN' ♪

MM. ALL RIGHT,
WOMAN. MM!

MM-MM-MMM.

I WANT TO MAKE LOVE
TO YOU.

OK.

♪ YOU DON'T NEED
NO COMPANY ♪

HA!

HA!

♪ NO OTHER MAN,
NO OTHER GIRL ♪

WHAT'S THAT?

I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND.
I LOVE TAPING IT.

TAPING IT? HOLD UP.
HOLD... HOLD... HOLD...

I'VE NEVER DONE THAT
BEFORE.

OH. I REALLY
GET OFF ON IT.

LOOK, LAUREN,
I'M REALLY SHY, ALL RIGHT?

I FIND IT VERY AROUSING,

LIKE AN APHRODISIAC.

TO BE HONEST, I'D RATHER
THIS BE OFF-CAMERA.

YOU UNDERSTAND?

PLEASE?

WELL...

THERE'S A FIRST TIME
FOR EVERYTHING.

I SHOULD BE OPEN TO
NEW EXPERIENCES, RIGHT?

YES! YOU WON'T
REGRET IT.

WELL, TURN
THE DANG THING ON.

HA HA HA!
OHH.

HEH HEH HEH.

I MUST BE DREAMIN'.

MM-HMM.

COME ON, BABY.

HA HA HA!

WHOO!

♪ COME ON, COME ON ♪

OHH!

♪ GROOVE ME, BABY ♪

♪ GROOVE ME, BABY ♪

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

LAUREN'S EYE
IN THE SKY.

GOTTA HAVE SECURITY.

SO, WHAT'S UP?

MY VCR AT HOME IS BROKEN,

SO THIS IS A WORLD PREMIERE.

SO, HOW WAS IT?

BE PATIENT.

NO, I MEANT
DID YOU...

LET'S JUST SAY
IF THIS WAS A MOVIE,

IT WOULD BE IN THE ADULT SECTION
OF THE VIDEO STORE.

HEH HEH.
REALLY?

THIS IS SOMETHING I LIKE
TO CALL GIRL GONE WILD.

OK, LADIES. READY?

HERE IT GOES.

...CLEAR!
YOU SCREAM IT!

H-O-R-E!

WHAT THE HECK IS THIS?

SOMETHING'S WRONG.

I'M CONFUSED.

UM... WHICH ONE
IS YOU? HMM?

WHAT'S UP
WITH THIS TAPE?

I'VE GOT 2 WORDS,
HONEY...

NO CARBS.

WELL, MAYBE YOU SWITCHED IT
WITH A TAPE AT HOME?

I ONLY HAVE
ONE TAPE, EMILY.

OK.

LAUREN,
WAS THERE A REASON

THAT YOU WANTED US TO WATCH
THE JERRY SPRINGER SHOW?

THE CAMERA WAS FINE.
I DON'T...

I JUST DON'T
UNDERSTAND THIS.

THE LIGHT WAS ON,
HE WAS NAKED.

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE
RULE AGAIN, HUH?

VISUAL PROOF?

[LAUGHS]

Lauren:
THIS IS NOT FAIR.

Andrea:
HONEY, YOU LOST.

I DID NOT LOSE!

YES, YOU DID.

WE DID IT. TWICE!

TWICE?
TWICE?!

WELL, JUST TO MAKE SURE.

WELL, DID YOU TAPE
OVER IT OR SOMETHING?

NO, NO. I MADE SURE
THAT IT WAS...

[CHANTING WITH TV CROWD]
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

OK, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK WE SHOULD FORGET
ABOUT THE CONTEST.

WHAT?

NOW? AFTER WHAT
I'VE BEEN THROUGH?

WHAT ABOUT WHAT
I'VE BEEN THROUGH?

WHAT ABOUT ME?

WHAT ABOUT YOU?

YOU LOST.
YOU LOST, TOO!

SO?
SO?

LADIES!
WE'RE FIGHTING...

ABOUT WHAT?

[TV SHOW CONTINUES]

[BOTH SIGH]

HMM. I JUST
DON'T GET IT.

NO, ON OUR SHOW...
THERE'S A "W" THERE.

Woman:
I'M SORRY, JERRY.

Crowd:
JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!

[MUSIC PLAYING]

Mark, voice-over: I KNEW
IT WAS JUST A MATTER OF TIME

BEFORE I MET
BACHELORETTE NUMBER 3.

AND THERE SHE WAS.

DO YOU MIND
IF I HAVE A SEAT?

OH, NO. THAT'S FINE.

DO YOU KNOW
WHAT TIME IT IS?

THANK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

♪ I MADE A WISH ♪

♪ ON A SHOOTING STAR... ♪

HA HA.
HEH.

SO, WHAT ARE YOU
READING?

HA HA HA HA!
HA HA!

WHOO!
YEAH.

UH-HUH. MM-HMM.

MY FRIENDS THINK
I'M TOO NICE.

I'M SURE YOU ARE.

HEH. WELL,
I DON'T KNOW.

IT'S ALL SO CONFUSING.
WHO KNOWS?

♪ IS IT REAL ♪

♪ OR AM I LIVING
IN A FANTASY? ♪

♪ I'LL TAKE MY CHANCES ♪

♪ IF IT'S POSSIBLE
THAT MIRACLES ♪

♪ CAN HAPPEN
IF YOU'RE CYNICAL ♪

♪ SOMEDAY, YEAH ♪

♪ 'CAUSE SOMETHING THIS GOOD
NEVER LASTS ♪

♪ LASTS FOREVER ♪

♪ I WANT IT TO BE
THE FIRST TIME, BABY ♪

♪ I'M TRYING TO FIND
A WAY TO MAKE IT ♪

♪ SOMETHING MUCH MORE
THAN USUAL ♪

♪ MUCH MORE THAN USUAL ♪

♪ I SEARCH THE SKY ♪

♪ FOR A SIGN OF LIFE ♪

♪ WHILE ORION AIMED HIS ARROW
AT OBLIVION ♪

♪ AND I WONDER ♪

♪ AS THE NORTHERN LIGHTS
ARE SHINING ♪

♪ IF THEY'RE BRIGHT TONIGHT
FOR GUIDING ME ♪

♪ SOMEWHERE ♪

♪ STAY BY MY SIDE ♪

♪ I NEED YOU HERE WITH ME ♪

♪ IF THEY'RE SENDING OUT
A MESSAGE ♪

♪ THAT WE NEED TO KNOW ♪

♪ HELP ME THROUGH IT ♪

♪ IF WE FIND
A WAY TOGETHER... ♪

[MUSIC FADES OUT]

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

HELLO? IT'S ANDREA.

HEY, IT'S ME.
I GOT YOUR MESSAGE.

I WANTED TO TALK TO YOU
ABOUT EMILY AND MARK.

YOU KNOW THEY'RE GETTING
TOGETHER THIS WEEKEND.

I KNOW. I BOOKED THEM
A TABLE AT MY PLACE.

I BET YOU DID,
LITTLE MISS NOSEY.

LOOK, EMILY'S OUR GIRL,

AND YOU KNOW SHE'S
REALLY FEELING MARK.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE HER
GET HURT.

NOR DO I.

GOOD. SO...

I WAS THINKING ABOUT
PUTTING AN END TO IT.

HOW WOULD YOU
ACCOMPLISH THAT?

WELL, THE ONLY
RIGHT THING TO DO

IS TO CALL MARK
AND TIP HIM OFF.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

I THINK SHE'S GONNA BEAT YOU
AT YOUR OWN GAME,

AND YOU DON'T LIKE IT.

THAT IS NOT IT
AT ALL, LAUREN.

AND I THINK YOU MAY BE
A LITTLE JEALOUS.

OF EMILY? HA!

DON'T BE RIDICULOUS.
YOU TRIPPIN'.

MAYBE I'M WRONG.

OH, YOU'RE
DEFINITELY WRONG.

YOU'RE JUST STILL
PISSED OFF

ABOUT JERRY SPRINGER,
AREN'T YOU?

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW WE BOTH LOST.

I WAS THINKING
THE SAME THING.

THAT'S WHY
I SHOULD CALL MARK.

LOOK, ANDREA,
DON'T DO ANYTHING, OK?

LAUREN?
YOU'RE BREAKING UP.

ANDREA?

CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
YOU'RE BREAKING UP.

CALL YOU LATER!

[SIGHS]

UNBELIEVABLE.

HEY, BABY.

MISS ME?

Andrea:
WELL, HI THERE.

[CAR ALARM CHIRPS]

OOH.

[STARTS ENGINE]

THAT'S MY JAM.
YEAH. UHH! UHH!

CARLOS, MAN. HE THINKS
HE CAN CHECK ME, DAWG.

HE'S OVER HERE
TALKIN' SMACK TO ME.

I'M GONNA PULL OUT
MY BAG OF TRICKS FOR YOU.

GONNA GIVE YOU SOME OF
THIS MICHAEL JORDAN.

YOU WANT
SOME OF THIS JORDAN?

AH! MAN, DON'T REACH.

YOU WANT SOME OF THAT?
HA HA HA!

HUH? Y'ALL WANNA SEE
THE SHOW?

COME ON, Y'ALL WANNA
SEE THE SHOW?

WANNA SEE SOME OF
THAT KOBE BRYANT?

WANNA SEE A LITTLE KOBE?

UHH!

UHH!

YOU DON'T DO THAT
TO KOBE, OK?

YOU LET KOBE GO.

AND THAT WAS
A FOUL.

CHECK IT UP.

[DIALING ON CELL PHONE]

[RING]
HEY.

HA HA! HEY, HOLMES.
TONIGHT'S THE NIGHT.

MM-HMM.

YOU DON'T SOUND
TOO EXCITED.

IT'S A SURE THING,
RIGHT?

IT'S NOT THAT.
IT'S JUST THAT I WISH...

I WISH I COULD'VE DONE THIS
DIFFERENTLY, THAT'S ALL.

MAN, IF YOU ASK ME,
YOU PLAYED IT PERFECTLY.

DID I? I'M...

SORRY I HAD TO MEET HER
THIS WAY, MAN.

THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHO
THEY WAS DEALIN' WITH.

THEY TRIED TO PLAY YOU,
REMEMBER?

YOU'RE THE WINNER.

YEAH.

SO, TELL HER THE TRUTH.

AND I USUALLY
DON'T RECOMMEND THAT.

BUT IN THIS CASE, HEY...

I'M IN TOO DEEP, J.
WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO SAY?

"HEY, EMILY,
I OVERHEARD YOUR BET.

"HAD SEX
WITH YOUR 2 FRIENDS,

BUT I LIKE YOU MORE."

YEAH, THAT DON'T SOUND
TOO GOOD.

SO, WHAT YOU GONNA DO,
BLOW IT OFF?

I MEAN, THIS IS
WHAT YOU WANTED.

YEAH, I THOUGHT SO, TOO.

BUT NOW
I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

LOOK, LOOK, DON'T BEAT
YOURSELF UP ABOUT IT.

NOW, YOU HAVE DINNER,
DO YOUR BUSINESS,

AND THAT'S IT.

GREAT ADVICE, JOSH.
REALLY, THANKS.

NO PROBLEM.

JUST LET ME KNOW
WHAT HAPPENS.

[SIGHS]

[MUSIC PLAYING]

YEAH.

[MOANING]

2 NAUGHTY LITTLE GIRLS.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

[RING]

CHOCOLATE.

CHOCOLATE.

[RING]
DANG!

HELLO?

Mark: HEY, MAN.
WHAT'S UP?

AW, NOTHIN'.
JUST SITTING HERE

WATCHING DISCOVERY
CHANNEL, THAT'S ALL.

THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL?
WHAT'S ON?

YOU KNOW, NATURE.

DOCUMENTARIES
AND STUFF, MAN.

YEAH.

AND ACTUALLY,
IT'S QUITE FASCINATING.

UH-HUH.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

HOLD ON, MAN.
I'LL BE BACK.

SOMEBODY'S
AT THE DOOR.

[KNOCKING]

I'M SORRY
TO BOTHER YOU.

NO BOTHER AT ALL.
WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU?

I CANNOT GET THE DOOR OPEN.
THE LOCK MUST BE BROKEN.

LOCK BE BROKE,
LOCK BE FIXED.

I'LL BE BACK.

OK.

I GOTTA GO.
I'LL CALL YOU LATER.

Mark:
WHAT'S GOIN' ON?

IT'S AN EMERGENCY.
LIFE AND DEATH!

I GOTTA GO!
[HANGS UP]

UH, LET ME TRY THAT.
YEAH.

IF YOU CAN,
I WOULD BE SO GRATEFUL.

YEAH?
MM-HMM.

WELL, SEE, THIS IS
A MATTER OF, UH,

DELICACY AND FINESSE.

MM-HMM.

YOU KNOW?
IT'S ALL IN THE WIGGLE.

YOU JUST CAN'T
SHOVE IT IN.

RIGHT.

ONE MUSTN'T BE
TOO ROUGH.

AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT,

SHE'S OPEN.

YES! OH!

SO SWEET.
COME ON IN.

[WHISPERS]
Ah! Thank you.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

MY HERO.
HEH.

IT WAS NOTHIN'.

TO YOU.

JOSH.
SHARISE.

MMM.

YOU KNOW,
I CAN'T THANK YOU ENOUGH.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I WOULD'VE DONE

IF YOU HADN'T
COME ALONG.

YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M JUST
GLAD I COULD HELP.

MM-HMM.

THIS IS DELICIOUS.

HEH HEH.

OH, NO!

THAT'S THE LAST OF IT.

YOU MIND GOING
TO THE STORE?

YOU WANT ME
TO GO TO THE STORE?

I LOVE THIS WINE. HEH.

I'M GOING
TO THE STORE.

IT'S RIGHT
DOWN THE STREET.

OK.

AND, JOSH...

WHILE YOU'RE THERE,

PICK UP A BOX OF CONDOMS.

[CAT YOWLS]

[GLASS BREAKS]

[TIRES SCREECH,
HORN HONKS]

Man: HEY, MOVE IT!

[PANTING]

[RINGING DOORBELL
AND KNOCKING]

THAT WAS QUICK.
YEAH.

I DIDN'T WANT
TO KEEP YOU WAITING.

I GOT THE WINE AND...

YOU ARE SIMPLY
IM-PECCABLE.

IM-PECCABLE.
IM-PECCABLE.

WHY? BECAUSE YOU
GOT IT GOIN' ON.

YOU GOT IT GOIN' ON.

WHO'S THE MAN?
YOU'RE THE MAN.

WHO'S THE MAN?
YOU'RE THE MAN.

'CAUSE YOU GOT IT
GOIN' ON. AH!

AH! UHH! UHH!

♪ GOT IT GOIN' ON ♪

♪ I GOT IT GOIN' ON ♪

♪ I GOT IT GOIN' ON ♪

♪ I GOT IT, I GOT IT,
I GOT IT, UHH, AHH ♪

♪ GOT IT GOIN' ON,
I GOT IT GOIN' ON ♪

♪ I GOT IT, OOH! ♪

Sharise:
GET YOUR BUTT IN HERE!

WELL, ALL RIGHT.

[MUSIC PLAYING]

[SIGHS]

AHEM.

HEY.
HEY.

WOW.

WOW.

LOOK WHAT I GOT
FOR YOU.

THANK YOU.
UH-HUH.

OHH, SO SWEET.

ALL RIGHT.

OK?

I'M GLAD
YOU COULD MAKE IT.

Andrea:
HAVE TO ADMIT...

I NEVER THOUGHT
SHE'D GET THIS FAR.

AREN'T YOU GLAD I GOT
THE CLOSED CIRCUIT HOOK-UP?

IT'S NOT
A VERY GOOD PICTURE,

AND I CAN'T HEAR
A THING.

BY THE WAY,
DID YOU REACH MARK?

HE WOULDN'T RETURN
MY PHONE CALL.

I WONDER WHY.

AHH.

AHEM.

THIS IS REALLY NICE.

YEAH, A FRIEND OF MINE
OWNS IT.

HEH.

Dr. Klemmer, whispering:
That's it, Emily... smile!

Just flirt a little it.
Be yourself.

Oh!

HUH.

LOOKING
FOR SOMEONE?

OH!

EMILY, YOU SCARED ME.

WHAT A COINCIDENCE.
I WAS JUST HERE

MEETING MY, UH,
GYNECOLOGIST FOR A...

UH-HUH.
WE NEED TO TALK.

HUH?
NOW.

OH, ALL RIGHT.
HOLD ON. MY DRINK.

I'M COMING. OW. OW.

WHAT?
YOU'RE SPYING ON ME?

OH, EMILY.

"SPYING" IS AN UGLY,
UGLY WORD, ALL RIGHT?

I AM HERE...

I AM SUPPORTING YOU.
I AM CHEERING YOU ON.

THIS GOES A BIT
BEYOND SUPPORTIVE,

DON'T YOU THINK?

NO. EMILY,
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND ME.

THIS IS AN IMPORTANT PART
OF YOUR TREATMENT, OK?

TONIGHT COULD BE
A BREAKTHROUGH FOR YOU.

A BREAKTHROUGH?
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

NO.

DR. KLEMMER, I WANT YOU
TO LEAVE IMMEDIATELY.

NO. NO, I CAN'T.

I... I... I JUST ORDERED
SOME POTATO SKINS.

BESIDES, I'M GONNA SIT
OVER THERE IN THE CORNER.

I'M GONNA BE VERY TINY...
SHH... LIKE A QUIET MOUSE.

YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW
I'M THERE.

THIS WHOLE SITUATION
IS A GREAT BIG MESS.

I WANT YOU
TO LEAVE NOW. NOW.

ALL RIGHT. EMILY...

NOW.
OK.

I'M LEAVING.
SHH!

I'M GONNA CANCEL THE SKINS.
I'M 100% BEHIND YOU.

LOOK AT ME. HERE I GO.

LIKE I'D MISS THIS.

EVERYTHING OK?

OH, JUST PERFECT.

Andrea:
HURRY UP, SHE'S BACK.

WHAT HAPPENED?

I DON'T KNOW.
SHE JUST, LIKE, TOOK OFF.

HOW'S YOUR FOOD?

OH, IT'S FINE.

I MEAN,
I'M SURE IT IS.

IT ALWAYS IS.
HOW'S YOURS?

COULDN'T BE BETTER.
GOOD.

MARK...
EMILY...

OH, I'M SORRY.
YOU GO FIRST.

NO. YOU, PLEASE.

NO, I CAN WAIT.

I INSIST.
LADIES FIRST.

HEH.

SOMETHING'S WRONG,
ISN'T IT?

MARK, I NEED
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING.

YOU CAN TELL ME
ANYTHING.

I DON'T WANT TO,
BUT I HAVE TO.

LOOK, EMILY...

NO, THIS HAS GONE ON
LONG ENOUGH.

WHAT ARE YOU... COME ON,
DON'T BLOW IT, EMILY.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT? WHAT...

WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?
THIS IS MY PATIENT.

I'M WORKING NOW.
THANK YOU.

THE THING IS,
I LIKE YOU VERY MUCH, MARK.

I FEEL THE SAME WAY
ABOUT YOU.

WELL, YOU MAY NOT
AFTER YOU HEAR

WHAT I HAVE TO TELL YOU.

OH, MY GOSH.
THIS ISN'T EASY FOR ME.

OK, I'M JUST
GONNA SAY IT.

WHAT IS SHE SAYING?
WHAT'S GOING ON?

I DON'T KNOW! I TOLD YOU
WE SHOULD'VE BUGGED THE TABLE.

DANG.

SO, MY PLAN WAS TO BRING YOU
HOME WITH ME TONIGHT

AND...
WELL, YOU KNOW.

I THINK SO.

BUT NOW THAT
I'M HERE WITH YOU,

I CAN'T.

I JUST CAN'T
GO THROUGH WITH IT.

OH, EMILY.

OHH.

SHE'S TELLING HIM
EVERYTHING!

I KNEW SHE DIDN'T
HAVE IT IN HER.

NO, IT WAS WRONG.
IT WAS DEVIOUS, DISHONEST...

LET ME ASK YOU
SOMETHING.

YOU SAID THAT YOU WERE
GONNA BAIL OUT.

WHY DIDN'T YOU?

I SHOULD HAVE.

GOSH, I WISH I HAD.

BUT THE TRUTH IS...

I WANTED TO MEET YOU.

THAT DAY YOU WALKED
IN THE RESTAURANT,

THE FIRST TIME I SAW YOU,

I THOUGHT...

"WOW. HE LOOKS SO NICE,

CONFIDENT, TOGETHER."

YOU KNOW, IT'S SILLY,

BUT SOMETIMES YOU JUST GET
A FEELING ABOUT SOMEONE,

EVEN FROM ACROSS THE ROOM.

LISTEN, IF YOU NEVER WANT
TO SPEAK TO ME AGAIN,

I COMPLETELY UNDERSTAND.

EMILY, I NEED
TO TELL YOU SOMETHING,

AND I HOPE THAT...

WHEN I TELL YOU THIS,

YOU'LL FIND IT IN YOUR
HEART TO FORGIVE ME.

FORGIVE YOU?
FOR WHAT?

WHEN YOU WERE
AT THE RESTAURANT

WITH YOUR GIRLFRIENDS...

[NO AUDIO]

I FELT REALLY BAD
ABOUT IT...

NOT TELLING YOU
THE WHOLE THING.

EMILY.

OHH. EMILY!

YOU DON'T HAVE
ENOUGH CAMERAS.

AND THERE'S
NO DANG SOUND.

EMILY, EMILY.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

EMILY, EMILY, EMILY.
LISTEN, LISTEN, PLEASE.

JUST PLEASE. SIT HERE.
COME ON, BABY. SIT HERE.

WHAT THE...

EXCUSE ME.
EMILY...

I DIDN'T PLAN ANY OF THIS.
IT JUST HAPPENED.

Man:
YOU KNOW HIM?

I MEAN, I HEARD YOUR VOICES,
I LOOKED OVER.

I SAW 3 BEAUTIFUL LADIES

TALKING ABOUT HOW THEY EACH
WERE GONNA HAVE SEX

WITH THE NEXT GUY
THAT WALKS IN THE DOOR.

3 OF 'EM?

HONESTLY,
I GOT CAUGHT UP, OK?

WHAT WAS I TO DO?
EMILY, A GUY LIKE ME...

I'D BE LUCKY TO MEET
ONE OF YOU IN A LIFETIME,

MUCH LESS 3.

Man: OH,
THEY'RE FREAKS!

I THINK ANY MAN
IN MY POSITION

WOULD'VE AT LEAST
CONSIDERED THE SAME THING.

LOOK, MY MAN,
IF 3 BEAUTIFUL WOMEN

WANTED TO MAKE LOVE TO YOU,
WOULD THAT BE A PROBLEM?

FOR ME? NO.
BUT FOR MY WIFE?

SHE DON'T GET DOWN LIKE
THAT NO MORE, PLAYER.

DON'T TELL 'EM MY...
UM... HEH. WAIT A MINUTE.

MAYBE WE SHOULD LET THEM
HAVE THIS TABLE.

NO. I'M SORRY.
I APOLOGIZE.

WE'RE RUINING
YOUR DINNER.

NO, NOT REALLY, MAN.
THIS IS OFF THE CHAIN.

I LOVE THIS.

WAIT, WAIT, GEORGE, GEORGE,
DON'T YOU GET IT?

THIS IS ONE OF THOSE, UH,
HIDDEN CAMERA TV SHOWS.

YOU KIDDIN'!
NO!

WHERE THE CAMERA AT?

I DON'T KNOW.
THEY HIDE 'EM SOMEWHERE.

OH! OFF THE CHAIN.

EMILY...
OH.

GLAD I WORE
MY NICE DRESS.

YOU SAID IT YOURSELF.
YOU'RE AS GUILTY AS I AM.

AND THE WAY I SEE IT,

IF IT WASN'T
FOR YOUR CONTEST,

WE WOULDN'T HAVE MET.

EMILY, PLEASE.

I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU.

OHH. GO AHEAD.
FORGIVE HIM, GIRL.

HE SEEMS
LIKE A NICE GUY.

AND Y'ALL LOOK GREAT
TOGETHER.

I MEAN, PERFECT.
BETTER THAN PERFECT.

Y'ALL DO.
HEH.

EMILY...

I HAVE NEVER SAID THIS
TO ANYONE IN MY LIFE.

WHEN I LOOK AT YOU,

I SEE EVERYTHING
I'VE EVER WANTED.

HEY, I DON'T HAVE
ALL THE ANSWERS.

BUT THE ONE THING
THAT I AM SO SURE OF

IS THAT I WANT A CHANCE
TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE.

OH. THAT IS SO SWEET.

WHY YOU NEVER SAY
ANYTHING LIKE THAT?

THIS IS TV, GIRL.
THIS AIN'T REAL.

GET YOUR MIND RIGHT.

SHUT UP.

EMILY,
UNLESS I'M WRONG,

YOU DO HAVE FEELINGS
FOR ME, DON'T YOU?

GOOD.

THAT IS GOOD.

SO, UH...

HOW ABOUT, UH,
WE START OVER?

YOU KNOW?
NO MORE GAMES.

TOTAL HONESTY
FROM HERE ON.

GO, GIRL.
GIVE HIM ANOTHER SHOT.

EMILY, YOU COULD DO THAT.
IT'S WORTH IT.

HEH.

GO AHEAD.

WHY DON'T WE GO
FOR A WALK?

YEAH. COME ON.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
WHERE Y'ALL GOIN'?

HEY, HEY,
WHERE YOU GOIN'?

THE SHOW
JUST STARTED.

WE GOT 30 MINUTES,
DON'T WE?

ALL RIGHT, NOW.
Y'ALL WAS GOOD, THOUGH.

THAT WAS GOOD.
THAT WAS A GOOD PERFORMANCE.

Y'ALL WERE DA BOMB!

OH, MAN,
THAT'S A GOLDEN GLOBE.

GOLDEN GLOBE FOR SURE!
I ALMOST DROPPED A TEAR!

SHOOT.
HA HA!

I THINK I SAW HIM ON
THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS.

YOU THINK WE'LL GET A CHECK
FOR BEING ON THE SHOW?

I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT A CHECK,

BUT YOU BETTER KEEP YOUR EYES
IN YOUR HEAD NEXT TIME.

I SAW YOU LOOKIN' AT HER.

WHAT YOU TALKIN' ABOUT...

I SAW YOU
LOOKIN' AT HER!

HEH. YOU GOTTA KEEP
BRINGIN' IT UP, OK?

SPEAKIN' OF CHECKS...
CHECK, PLEASE!

GIVE HIM THE CHECK.

NAH, YOU KNOW
I AIN'T GOT IT.

WE'LL GO TO JAIL
TOGETHER.

I AIN'T GOIN' TO JAIL.
YOU ALREADY BEEN 5 TIMES.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

AT LEAST I'LL BE FULL,
AND I KNOW PEOPLE.

OH, YOU FULL, ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT.
THEY'RE GONNA GET YOU.

FULL OF STUFF!

I GOTTA GET UP
OUT OF HERE...

LET ME GO
BUY YOU A DRINK.

HEH. MAKE IT
A DOUBLE.

HA HA HA!
HA HA HA!

CAN I GET YOU
ANOTHER DRINK?

HEH. HELLO.

HI.

YOU WANT TO BUY ME
A DRINK?

YEAH. UNLESS
I'M INTRUDING.

OH, INTRUDE AWAY.

HEH. BARTENDER,
ANOTHER, UM...

OH, A KIR ROYALE.

KIR ROYALE
FOR THE LOVELY LADY,

AND ONE FOR ME AS WELL.

♪ SOMETHING THIS GOOD
NEVER LASTS FOREVER ♪

♪ I WANT IT TO BE
THE FIRST TIME, BABY ♪

♪ I'M TRYING TO FIND A WAY
TO MAKE IT ♪

♪ SOMETHING MUCH MORE
THAN USUAL ♪

♪ AND SOMETHING THIS GOOD
NEVER LASTS FOREVER... ♪

Andrea, voice over:
SO, LAUREN AND I GOT PLAYED,

AND EMILY ENDS UP WITH MARK.

THAT'S OK.

LIKE I SAID,
SHE IS MY GIRL,

AND I TAUGHT HER
EVERYTHING SHE KNOWS.

AND YOU HAVE TO ADMIT,

THEY DO LOOK
KIND OF GOOD TOGETHER.

BUT ENOUGH ABOUT THEM.

NOW... BACK TO ME.

KNEW I SHOULD'VE
LEFT THAT CLUB EARLY.

THAT'S THE RESTAURANT
WE SHOULD'VE BEEN GOIN' TO.

OK.
WE'D HAVE 3 OF 'EM.

3 OF 'EM COME IN...
TOGETHER!

I'M OUTTA HERE.

YOU DONE HELD ME BACK
LONG ENOUGH.

HEH HEH.
I GOT DREAMS.

MM-HMM. I KNOW
YOU GOT DREAMS.

THAT MAN GOT 3 OF 'EM.

HA HA!
3 OF 'EM.

HA HA HA HA!

♪ FALLIN' FOR YOU ♪

♪ FOR THE THINGS THAT YOU DO
MAKE ME FEEL... ♪

[LAUGHTER]

UHH!

THAT WAS GREAT...
SOMEWHAT. BUT OK.

HA HA HA!

2 MORE.
YOU ALL RIGHT.

I'M GETTIN' TIRED.
ALL RIGHT.

YEAH.
CUT.

THAT GIRL WAS CRAZY,
IF YOU ASK ME.

SHE MADE A BIG MISTAKE.

[SOBBING]
YOU DANG RIGHT.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[FILM CREW LAUGHING]

TANYA...
WHERE YOU AT, GIRL?

I THOUGHT YOU WAS
GOIN' TO THE BATHROOM.

YOU LEFT ME HERE.
I DON'T HAVE NO MONEY.

BUT YOU DONE LEFT ME
FOR THE LAST TIME.

WHAT UP, WHAT UP,
WHAT UP, WHAT UP?

OH, MY BOY.
BABY, WHAT IS UP?

YOU AIN'T GONNA BELIEVE
WHAT WENT DOWN

THIS HERE EVENIN'
IN THIS RESTAURANT. OH!

MAN, I DONE
MESSED AROUND

AND FELL UP
IN A REALITY SHOW.

I MEAN,
LORD, HAVE MERCY.

THIS WOMAN, FINER THAN
A GOVERNMENT JOB!

LEVEL FROM 1 TO 10...
SHE'S A LEVEL 15!

15!

YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THEM.
ALL OF 'EM WAS FINE.

BASKIN-ROBBINS...
HE HAD ALL KINDA FLAVORS.

ONE WAS FRENCH VANILLA,
ONE WAS VANILLA,

AND ONE WAS CHOC-A-LOT!

YEAH, AND THEY
VIDEOTAPED IT, THOUGH,

SO YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
MAKE LOVE WITH YOUR SHIRT ON,

'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU GOT
MALE BREASTS AND STUFF.

THAT KIND OF THING MIGHT
BREAK YOU OUT, YOU KNOW?

YEAH! FINE WOMEN.

I'M TALKIN' 'BOUT
GOT THEY OWN MONEY,

FACE DONE, NAILS...

AIN'T LIKE THE WOMEN
WE MESS WITH,

YOU KNOW, GOT 3 FINGERS
AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

IT'S HARD MAKIN' LOVE
TO A WOMAN WITH 3 FINGERS.

THEY RUB ON YOUR BACK,
YOU START SQUIRMIN' AND STUFF.

OH, LORD! YEAH!

YOU GOT TO GET DOWN HERE.
MAN, I'M NOT LYIN'.

BETTER THAN THE MIDGETS
YOU EVER HAD.

LEAVE THE TOYS
AT HOME, MAN.

YOU'RE GOIN' TO HELL
IN A LIMO.

YOU NEED TO GET
YOUR MIND RIGHT.

DO YOU KNOW
I AM THE MAN?

HEY, BABY.
I'M GLAD I CAUGHT YOU.

BEFORE YOU SAY ANYTHING,
LOOK, I MEAN IT THIS TIME...

I KNOW I AIN'T MADE LOVE
PAST THE COMMERCIAL,

BUT YOU TALKIN' TO
A NEW MAN NOW, BABY.

AND I'M GONNA GIVE IT TO YOU
LIKE YOU NEVER HAD IT BEFORE.

FORGET VIAGRA.
I HAD DIAGNA.

THAT MEAN
I'VE BEEN DENIED.

I'M TELLING YOU,
I'M HAVING AN EPIPHANY

ABOUT ME AND YOU
RIGHT NOW.

WELL, WHO IS THIS?

I DON'T KNOW
NO LAQUISHA.

WELL, I'D LIKE
TO KNOW YOU.

I MEAN, THE OFFER
STANDS FOR YOU, TOO.

I MEAN, IF YOU COME
PICK ME UP.

CUT. HA HA!
I'M SORRY.

[FILM CREW LAUGHING]

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
NEW LINE HOME ENTERTAINMENT

♪ LET ME SHOW YOU
JUST HOW COOL ♪

♪ I THINK OUR THING
COULD BE ♪

♪ ALL I WANT
IS YOUR GOOD LOVIN', WHOO ♪

♪ I'M FALLIN' FOR YOU ♪

♪ FOR THE THINGS THAT YOU DO
MAKE ME FEEL ♪

♪ LIKE I'M ONE
WITH THE WORLD ♪

♪ YEAH, WITH THIS WORLD ♪

♪ FALLIN' FOR YOU ♪

♪ BOY, MY HEART
WILL BE TRUE ♪

♪ JUST AS LONG AS I'LL BE
YOUR GIRL ♪

[REGGAE SINGER TOASTING]

♪ OHH ♪

♪ FALLIN' FOR YOU ♪

♪ FOR THE THINGS THAT YOU DO
MAKE ME FEEL ♪

♪ LIKE I'M ONE
WITH THE WORLD ♪

♪ I'M ONE WITH THE WORLD ♪

♪ FALLIN' FOR YOU ♪

♪ I'M FALLIN' FOR YOU,
BABE ♪

♪ BOY, MY HEART
WILL BE TRUE ♪

♪ JUST AS LONG AS I'LL BE
YOUR GIRL ♪

♪ I'LL BE
YOUR BABY, YEAH ♪

♪ I'LL BE YOUR BABY ♪

♪ I'LL BE YOUR BABY... ♪