Getting Any? (1994) - full transcript
A slapstick comedy, about a goofy middle-aged man who is obsessed with the idea of having car sex. While pursuing his 'dream', he makes all the wrong moves possible, and ends up enrolling in a number of crazy escapades.
Miami, P.D.
Hey, that's the wrong title
Pull it down
Pull it down
Not up. Put it down
What is this
Sorry
Where did you get this
Miss, would you like a ride
A drive home?
Are you sure
I couldn't catch a cab and I was beginning to...
Hop in
This is a nice car
It's just a cheap one
How about making love in the car, Miss?
Do you dislike it?
I need a car
To get laid, I need a car
That's it
I'm going to buy a car
'Getting Any?! '
Anything specific, sir?
I want a car. I can have sex in
Excuse me, sir
We have all kinds
How is it
Isn't it a bit small
Please make some adjustments
How much do you intend to spend?
About $2000
Thank you very much, sir
You listen well, woman
Don't even dream you can leave my car unharmed
Just take your clothes off
Perfect
Rehearsal over
Hi, miss
A ride, miss?
And do what
Like... car sex?
Asshole
You dislike it?
Miss, would you like a ride
You mean me?
A ride home?
You whacko
I know what's on your mind
Think about your looks
Pervert
Can't even start the engine
Sperm brain
Take a look at yourself
Trying to lure women with that piece of junk
Dick head
The bus broke down
Can you offer a ride?
Well, of course
Everybody, he said yes
It's funny
The car doesn't attract any women
A convertible must be appealing
A convertible...
Must be really expensive
Is there anything to sell
Grandpa
Can you help me out
Brain dead is too late
Aren't you lucky
You get a liver and kidneys
You have it all wrong
My son gets the liver
Thank you very much, doctor
Slightly used but will function
How fortunate
A convertible?
Convertible must be more appealing
You have one?
Yes, of course
Excuse me, sir
Would you like to see one
How is it
It's great
Can I pay on installment
Yes, sir
Your payment schedule?
$500 cash and...
...about $3 each month
How is it
This isn't the one I bought
Can you tell
Sure I can
The other car was so corny
I wouldn't recommend it
This is better...
...for picking up women
Are you sure?
I must be going
Didn't you sell this car?
He insisted on the other
I see
What shall we do
What shall we?
A wedding, sir?
What the fuck do you think
This car is defected
So sorry
I forgot to tell you
The lighter is broken
That's not the point
You'll have to excuse me
You mother fucker
Miss, let's do it
It's a convertible
Miss
Have a ride
Let's have sex in the car
Let's drive to Lake Ashino...
...and have sex there
Miss, don't you like sex?
Won't you buy this?
For how much?
About $30,000
Hello
Yes, a repairman
The brakes are broken
Why don't I steal this
What an idiot
Satisfaction guaranteed
A jumbo plane...
First class
must have great service
You have a first class ticket?
Yes
One moment, sir
I need some money
I should rob a bank
I need a gun
Policemen have guns...
Hand over your gun
No good
I should go to a factory in Kawaguchi
And make a gun there
First, I get a job at a factory
This is Asao.
He'll be working with us from today
How do you do
Japan and Iran should...
...cooperate in the area of Ecology,
such as Endangered species.
I'll work hard
and earn their trust
Come on. Help yourself
You'll get a raise next month
We want to eat whale meat.
And... when night comes
That's it
Great
More to the right
I make a gun
PISTOL
Now, I can Rob a bank and
Fly on a jumbo.
It'll work
I'm off to Kawaguchi
Keep this piece and car for me, will you?
Hand over the money
Excuse me
Mrs. Yoshida, your money's ready
Give me the money
1,2,3,4...
¥ 100,000. Here you are
Shut up. The money
Very well, sir
Take the number card and wait for your turn
Mr. Yoshikawa. Your turn
This is a robbery. Hand over the money
Close the shutter
I said close it
Sir
There's a man here to inspect the safe
To inspect the safe?
Haven't been told
He hasn't been told
Yes
Sir
There's a man here begging for money
He's from the Public Health Bureau
Gather around please
Ah... there is...
...a plague, spreading in this neighborhood
For your protection...
...we'd like you all to to take this medicine
We need your cooperation
Please pass it around
Wait! I said wait
What is this
I should be doing this
I am happy to be here...
...at this happy occasion
Are you glasses filled
I am much honored to lead the toast
Raise your glasses... Cheers
It's under construction
Please stop the van
Lucky I had the bullet-proof vest on
Cash transporter
Stop
Stop the car
To the left
To the left and stop
I've just been told that...
Get out immediately
Please hurry
It might explode
The bomb
Run for your life
The bomb's lit
I did it! I did it!
I really did it
It worked so well
Oh on
Shit
It's on fire
The money's burning
Darn
Forgot to tie them together
Discount King
Carries $400,000 Cash
That's right
How much?
Between 380 to 400 thousand
How much can that case hold?
If they're all new bills...
...about $1 million
In this?
If they're new bills
And you don't have any bodyguards?
No, not at all
Hiring guards will raise the cost of the goods
and raise the retail price
Freeze
You're under arrest
Everybody, freeze
You're under arrest
Excuse me
Aren't you George Saotome, the actor?
I'm an ardent fan of yours.
Fuck me
Sure
Maybe I'll take up acting
Voice not thy need
Though a base beggar
...there may be in his possession...
...items of trifle importance
If limitations span solely
...to requirements of nature...
...man's life will be...
...reduced to that
of a miserable beast
Women of high standing...
That's enough
Thank you
I'm Goro Kawasaki
Thank you for your time
All right. Next
No. 12
Pa!
Yes, Daigoro
You have grown so big
Pa
I've been a good boy...
...and waited for your return
I'm sorry we must live like this
By the way
When did you grow the 3rd eye
That's enough
Let us do some more
That's enough
But I want to be in a film
I said that's enough
I want to be in your film
Stop talking like that
I'm sorry
Cut out that kid's voice
I'm sorry
Get out of here
Pa, let's go home
Yes, son, let's go home
This isn't Akira Kurosawa's
The Siege of Moscow
Mr. Koskanovich?
Wrong studio
No. 13
How do you do
Play with your hairs
A bagworm
Play with your hairs
A boat
Play with your hairs
Beatles hair idol
Play with your hairs
Pubic hair
You're accepted
Where's my agent
I want coffee
Where's my coffee
Had some beers with a blond in Roppongi
She had big tits with small nipples
They sure keep us waiting
What's keeping them
That's good
All right
Now, the take
We're going for the take
Ready
Action
We must meet our fate
Assist me
Cut
Okay. We're ready
Let's get the close up
Staff, prepare for the close up
Get ready
Now... the close up
Let's see...
Today's an important scene
Put your mind to it
Who's front
I am, sir
You?
You'll get a close up
Good. Okay
Let's go
Ready, sir
Extras, start action
The take
Ready
Action
Stop!
What're you guys doing
Well, he insisted being in front
Who ever decided that
Stop goofing off, asshole
Is the medicine vendor here
Goro Saotome at your service
This is our lead, Mr. Kasu
I'm Goro Saotome
How do you do, sir
Nice knowing you
Your role is to...
come late and jump on the boat
Do I get a close up
Yeah, when you get on the boat
Thank you
I appreciate it
It's certainly a fine day
Everybody on board
The boat is leaving
Wait
Hurry up, mister
How is he
He won't make it
What 're we suppose to do with our lead drowned?
Get someone else?
I guess so
It's certainly a fine day
Can he really play the role
He looks confident
I'm told he graduated UCLA as a drama major
That's really something
I'll show you
Please watch me
Yes, I will
Do you gents intend to kill me
Found you at last
Fellas, mince him
Go for the take
The take
The take
Ready
Action
Welcome, sir
I'd like some tea
Found you at last
Fellas, mince him
He has his eyes open
Cut! Cut! Cut!
What's a blind masseur doing with his eyes open?
Did you really graduate UCLA?
No, I'm with Tampopo Company
Even Tampopo knows better
This time, close your eyes
Don't forget
Sorry sir
Another take
Ready
Action
Welcome, sir
I'd like some tea
Found you at last
Fellas, mince him
Close your eyes
What's he holding
It's the manure scoop
Someone, stop him
Pew!
Stop it
Ugh!
Someone, do something
It's suffocating
Can you play some other role
The next scene is important
Yesterday was a nightmare
I just got carried away
Because of that...
you grabbed the manure scoop
I'll try really hard
Really?
There's a fire
Fire!
The oil shop's on fire
Somebody... help...
My grandson is in the fire
He's still in the house
Help!
Help!
Please help!
Help me
What is the matter
My grandson is in the fire
Will someone hold this for me?
That's oil
Lost Tokugawa Gold
That is it
The lost treasure
May I join you in finding the lost gold
That's great
I'm in need of manpower
Please. This way
Have a seat
What's this bird
It's a canary
In cold mines
...it drops dead when there's gas
So as long as it's chirping it's safe
That's useful
This is it
Good grief
Someone's already here
Oh, it's mine
Can we split it half and half
I've already done some work
I want 70
Then we go 70:70
What nonsense is this
The sum has to be 100
Then I take 150
and you take minus 50
Let's take a break
Hey, fella
Smell something?
No need to worry
The canary is chirping
You're right
May I have a light
Ma, this is disaster
Let's get out of here
Run for your life
Hey, fella
Wanna try for the lost Hideyoshi treasure?
Call me when you find it
Tough bird
Must be wild
A cessna...
Please enjoy this flight
Our inflight service
A cessna's not bad
But... l'm dead broke
Fella
Take care of this car and the dope
Is this it
Yes
You sure have a lot
Better be the real thing
It is
Dr. Chin
Would you examine this
He's going bananas
Must be genuine
Can I ride on a cessna here
You sure can
What about today?
Yes, right away
It's a sightseeing flight
Why did you want to fly a cessna?
The sky's wonderful
When I flying...
I can forget all the terrible things
Do you have inflight service
Inflight service?
Of course
Shall we take off
How dare you sit in front of me
You're blocking the view
That's no different
Sit in the back
Not right behind me
Sit further back
This is your captain
Welcome on board
Instant Hell Airline
We will now begin
...our inflight service
Let's go! It's showtime
Stretch it. Man-pole!
Spread it. Man-pole!
Frig it. Frig it
Man-pole
Feels good
See you guys later
The parachute
The parachute
Shit
Hey
Who do you think I am
You'll be shitless
I'm Joe Shishido, the hitman
Did you enjoy the show?
Are you Mr. Joe Shishido, the hitman?
We welcome you
I'm not Shishido
Want to hide your identity, huh
Hey, guys
He's hiding his identity
What a guy
Please come with us
It's Shishido
Yeah, yeah. I know
Don't interfere
Show us how good you are with your gun
Is it the spot
It's not any different from the other spot
Here we are, Mr. Weirdo
It's Shishido
Mr. Joe
Show us how good you are
Can't you be original
I know it
You'll try to impress us...
...but with the same gig
I can tell
I knew it
Throw that in the air?
See. I told you
Wow. A new gig... Shit
Hey
When will you kill the boss
Hurry up
Kill me?
He was a fucking spy
You're great. Really great
A terrific hitman
Best hitman in Japan
A great hitman
Welcome Mr. Joe Shishido
That's enough
Honorable guest
Drink and sing all you like
This is all for you
Go ahead. Help yourself
The silhouette show
This is really cool
Do the silhouette show
First, a dog
Splendid
Now... Bambi
Oh, my, how cute
A wild boar
Wow, how frightening
A bear
The big bad bear
What's that shit
They look the same
You morons
Lower... lower
What's next
A lizard
How revolting
The slimy creature
What's next
A toad
Next, a toad
Oh no. The ugly toady
Toady
What's next
I don't know
Next, unknown object
What could that be
Asshole
What's wrong with you guys
Boss
What
What's up
Boss. We caught a spy
The bastard was checking out the house
What shall we do
The Minamikata family boss...
Ask him where he is
And then show him our hospitality
Yes, boss
Boss
Osamu dear
Asshole, you scared me
I'm still 16...
Don't give me that smile
...and I'm a virgin
I'm having my first date with my sweetheart
I'm going to do it
Turn around. Turn around
Boss
Let's go look at the spy
He might have welched
You maybe right
Please
I didn't mean this hospitality?
Won't welch
How can he welch with this
Honorable guest
can you help us out?
Where is Minamikata
Help. Help
Please help me
Why don't you drip this on his back, too?
This usually works
Please don't
Please. Don't do it
Please stop
What are you doing
Do it to him, not me
Why are you dripping all that wax on me
What's with you
You scumbag
That really hurts
You scumbag
Lard ass
You scumbag
I'll punish you
Please. I'll say anything
Anything you want to know
I'm not interested in you
This is between you and me
That hurts
Are there any volunteers
A bunch of miserable cowards
Isn't there anyone brave enough
...to kill the enemy boss?
Let me go
Honorable guest, will you?
If I don't go, who will?
Let me go
He's a great guy
I never thought there still was a man of honor in
I don't care where
Just step on it
Hurry. Hurry
This is the picture of the enemy boss
He's just gone to the barber
It's the latest information
Honorable guest, we count on you
Do it for us
I see
Ah... excuse me
Take this to that barber shop and
...hand it to the boss of the Minamikata family
What is this?
A birthday cake
Why don't you take it yourself
I'm bashful
You like this person?
All right. I understand
I just hand it to him?
It's a cake, huh?
Yes, a birthday cake
Did you get a job?
Yes. Why don't we celebrate
Takuya, we have a cake
Wow. A cake. A cake
Yes, a special cake
I hear a ticking
Let's do our dance
Around the table as usual
A cake. A cake. A cake
Listen. I said listen
What's up, boss?
I love that line
Which line, boss?
Missy, I'm in love with you
Challenge for a duel?
The messenger's downstairs?
Everybody
Come with me
So you're the one
Are you going to accept or not
Decide now
This isn't a kid's game
But you are a kid
Hey, fellas
Oh, you're behind me
Come with me
Where the hell is Akeiwa
Are you blind? I'm here
I want your goddam family out of my turf
You're the one getting out
You dirty bastard
You dirty bastard
Wait a minute
Big boss
I want you both to listen to what I have to say
No way
You stay out of this
Better not fuck with me
Are you going to do it or not
We'll wipe your out
Wait. Wait a minute
Just listen to what I have to say
There are those who incline to evil
And they persecute the good
Get out of here
Not that again
Okay. Let's start
lt'll be a bloody massacre
Wait a minute
I said wait a minute
I want you to listen to your class president
Hey
Let's listen to the class president
I don't want any life wasted
Why don't you let me solve this situation?
Square it out with your best gun
In that case we have a terrific gunman
Throw a ¥ 500 coin
He shoots from below
And it'll end up like this
We have a terrific one, too
Paper, scissors, bang!
Three steps
1... 2... 3... Go
That imbecile
All you do is shoot a hole in a coin
Oh, my, how terrible
What a chilling sight
Shut your trap
If you're a real yakuza
...let's settle this with the sword
I've been waiting for that
It's your show
The fly...
It's cut into two
What is this? Just a hand
It's a germ. A germ!
It's the atom nucleus
The atom nucleus
Honorary guest
show us something better
Place an apple on big boss's head
Blindfold him
Cut the apple into two
This is highly technical
We'll call this:
Red Apple for Two
Honorary guest
show them your art
What have you done to big boss
Honorary guest
Hey, fellas, wipe them out
A women's bath
If I were invisible, I could peep
Hey, you
Didn't you say you want the old age pension?
I didn't say that
I said if I were invisible
I could peep
Oh, My Buddha!
Give me that
Look at this carefully
Invisible Man
Promotion Association?
Why do you want to be invisible
I want to peep
You want to peep
Crystal clear. My type
I must ask some questions
Your height?
170 cm
Your weight?
63 kilos
Your name?
Makoto Ashikawa
Why are you answering
I'm sorry
I'm asking him
Once again. Your height?
175 acres
Acres? Your weight?
68 gallons
He's confused
That's strange
The anesthetic
Inhale
Inhale... inhale
Don't exhale
Inhale
Your name?
Asao
It's not working
Strange
Look at this finger
Keep looking at it
Now it's working
Your name?
Asao
Darn
To be... to be or not to be
Hamlet
To sleep for a chance to dream
Worked
It did
Put him into the capsule
What is this?
Didn't you get rid of it?
I'm sorry
Well, this...
I fed the wrong data
and it worked only on the clothes
Won't happen to you
I've corrected the data
You can be the invisible man
You can peep
Good luck
Get ready
We'll begin
How are his cells
All right
The oxygen, hydrogen and atoms
All okay
Hey
Why are you in there
Damn it
Stop goofing off
I'm sorry
He should be in there
Sorry
You could die in there
Hamlet
How is it
It's working well
His cells are transforming into oxygen
Look
He's gradually becoming invisible
This is terrific
We did it
It's complete
This would be sensational
You'll get a Nobel Prize
The Nobel Prize
He's escaped
What'll we do
Yeah, what?
Will he be at the public bath
That's where we caught him
He will be there to peep
What's this for
What do you mean
Don't you know what this is
This is the Invisible Man Viewer
Put this down. You can see him
Normally we keep it up
Conserve electricity
You didn't know?
I'm sorry
This is the women's bath
We're gay
Scram
Jiro dear, he's so rigid
Hamlet... Hamlet
Let's have some more fun today
My, you look beautiful
What is this?
Animal Sex Shooting Room
You're gorgeous
It's really nice
Splendid
A gorgeous body
with a baby face...
What penetration!
Marilyn
Feeling good?
Now blow this whistle
That's wonderful
Ready... Action
That feels so good
Caught him
Now, a press conference
Thanks for waiting
Prof. Tachibana will make his announcement...
...on the invisible man
To make the long story short to sum it up...
my long time research has been
the exchange of human cells with air atoms
This is...
As you can see here...
making this man invisible
proves my research
very successful
You cannot see the invisible man
when the bandage is off
you will see nothing
Not in photos, either
Despite this...
by the completion of my Invisible Man Viewer
you will see him with your own eyes
He will lend you this later
Please confirm him with this
Now...
When the bandage comes off
you may be puzzled
You see nothing
We can see him
It's because you are using
my Invisible Man Viewer
This device...
You're right
I can see him, too
Sorry for the mishap
Ashikawa
Why did he become visible
I wonder why
It was perfect
Was the power too low
You're right
Increase it 3 times
Yes, let's
Okay
Is it analyzing properly
Increase the power
A fly is on the screen
It must have flown in
Inside the capsule?
It's analyzing the fly
What's happening
They're integrating
What's this
Give me back the money
I understand, sir
Commander
The Flyman is heading for Tokyo
What?
The Flyman is heading for Tokyo
Commander, look at this
What the hell
So... this is the Flyman?
This must be Shinjuku
Yes, it is
Already so far
What an amazing speed
He'll appear in Ginza next
Gather all the troops
On the double
I want you all to go to Ginza
I'm not going
I don't want to be seen
Earth Defense Force
The Earth Defense Force is seeking new members
Educational background, I.Q.
And sexual preferen
Nor shape of your penis
Try Sushi Yu in Nishi Azabu
A joint open to everybody
It's owned by comedian Yoshichi Shimada
Fish gourmets try Otaru's Tamura
What about Astro-Vision?
You mean Hibino's Astro-vision
Why are you so specific
If I say the name, rental fee will be lower
Would you keep the Hibino Astro-Vision?
What's up
We lost him
I see
I have one hell of an idea
Gather all the stool in Japan
Stool? What for, sir?
Just wait and see
We're looking for the Flyman, aren't we?
No, stool. Yes, that's right
We need lots of it
Yes, and get some from the neighborhood, too
Stool?
Hard or soft?
Sure we have that
How much more is coming?
100 manure trucks and...
farmers in the neighborhood too
So much of it?
What's going on
The rehearsal, sir
Singing folk songs?
It should have a festive mood
I see
We also have drums and hula dancers
Is that so
Now, all we do is wait for the night
Shall we begin?
Please. Would you begin
How is the Flyman
I feel he's nearby
Can't see him yet
Let's go for the folk song
Would you please begin
Excuse us
Good luck, ladies
Commander
Is he here
Right above us
He won't come down
Let's get his mother
Would you try to persuade him
Stand here?
He's right above
Asao
Don't make a fool of yourself
Asao
Big brother, come down
I think... Asao is angry
I see
That's too bad
Okay. Get the Fly Fly Girls
Here he comes
Get them away
It's dangerous. Run
He's stopped
Commence attack
Car sex...
We did it
We did it
THE FLYMAN
IS AN INTELLIGENCE MAMMAL
What?
The Grasshopperman
is heading for the Tokyo Tower?
He's here
Ouch
He's stuck!
Hey, that's the wrong title
Pull it down
Pull it down
Not up. Put it down
What is this
Sorry
Where did you get this
Miss, would you like a ride
A drive home?
Are you sure
I couldn't catch a cab and I was beginning to...
Hop in
This is a nice car
It's just a cheap one
How about making love in the car, Miss?
Do you dislike it?
I need a car
To get laid, I need a car
That's it
I'm going to buy a car
'Getting Any?! '
Anything specific, sir?
I want a car. I can have sex in
Excuse me, sir
We have all kinds
How is it
Isn't it a bit small
Please make some adjustments
How much do you intend to spend?
About $2000
Thank you very much, sir
You listen well, woman
Don't even dream you can leave my car unharmed
Just take your clothes off
Perfect
Rehearsal over
Hi, miss
A ride, miss?
And do what
Like... car sex?
Asshole
You dislike it?
Miss, would you like a ride
You mean me?
A ride home?
You whacko
I know what's on your mind
Think about your looks
Pervert
Can't even start the engine
Sperm brain
Take a look at yourself
Trying to lure women with that piece of junk
Dick head
The bus broke down
Can you offer a ride?
Well, of course
Everybody, he said yes
It's funny
The car doesn't attract any women
A convertible must be appealing
A convertible...
Must be really expensive
Is there anything to sell
Grandpa
Can you help me out
Brain dead is too late
Aren't you lucky
You get a liver and kidneys
You have it all wrong
My son gets the liver
Thank you very much, doctor
Slightly used but will function
How fortunate
A convertible?
Convertible must be more appealing
You have one?
Yes, of course
Excuse me, sir
Would you like to see one
How is it
It's great
Can I pay on installment
Yes, sir
Your payment schedule?
$500 cash and...
...about $3 each month
How is it
This isn't the one I bought
Can you tell
Sure I can
The other car was so corny
I wouldn't recommend it
This is better...
...for picking up women
Are you sure?
I must be going
Didn't you sell this car?
He insisted on the other
I see
What shall we do
What shall we?
A wedding, sir?
What the fuck do you think
This car is defected
So sorry
I forgot to tell you
The lighter is broken
That's not the point
You'll have to excuse me
You mother fucker
Miss, let's do it
It's a convertible
Miss
Have a ride
Let's have sex in the car
Let's drive to Lake Ashino...
...and have sex there
Miss, don't you like sex?
Won't you buy this?
For how much?
About $30,000
Hello
Yes, a repairman
The brakes are broken
Why don't I steal this
What an idiot
Satisfaction guaranteed
A jumbo plane...
First class
must have great service
You have a first class ticket?
Yes
One moment, sir
I need some money
I should rob a bank
I need a gun
Policemen have guns...
Hand over your gun
No good
I should go to a factory in Kawaguchi
And make a gun there
First, I get a job at a factory
This is Asao.
He'll be working with us from today
How do you do
Japan and Iran should...
...cooperate in the area of Ecology,
such as Endangered species.
I'll work hard
and earn their trust
Come on. Help yourself
You'll get a raise next month
We want to eat whale meat.
And... when night comes
That's it
Great
More to the right
I make a gun
PISTOL
Now, I can Rob a bank and
Fly on a jumbo.
It'll work
I'm off to Kawaguchi
Keep this piece and car for me, will you?
Hand over the money
Excuse me
Mrs. Yoshida, your money's ready
Give me the money
1,2,3,4...
¥ 100,000. Here you are
Shut up. The money
Very well, sir
Take the number card and wait for your turn
Mr. Yoshikawa. Your turn
This is a robbery. Hand over the money
Close the shutter
I said close it
Sir
There's a man here to inspect the safe
To inspect the safe?
Haven't been told
He hasn't been told
Yes
Sir
There's a man here begging for money
He's from the Public Health Bureau
Gather around please
Ah... there is...
...a plague, spreading in this neighborhood
For your protection...
...we'd like you all to to take this medicine
We need your cooperation
Please pass it around
Wait! I said wait
What is this
I should be doing this
I am happy to be here...
...at this happy occasion
Are you glasses filled
I am much honored to lead the toast
Raise your glasses... Cheers
It's under construction
Please stop the van
Lucky I had the bullet-proof vest on
Cash transporter
Stop
Stop the car
To the left
To the left and stop
I've just been told that...
Get out immediately
Please hurry
It might explode
The bomb
Run for your life
The bomb's lit
I did it! I did it!
I really did it
It worked so well
Oh on
Shit
It's on fire
The money's burning
Darn
Forgot to tie them together
Discount King
Carries $400,000 Cash
That's right
How much?
Between 380 to 400 thousand
How much can that case hold?
If they're all new bills...
...about $1 million
In this?
If they're new bills
And you don't have any bodyguards?
No, not at all
Hiring guards will raise the cost of the goods
and raise the retail price
Freeze
You're under arrest
Everybody, freeze
You're under arrest
Excuse me
Aren't you George Saotome, the actor?
I'm an ardent fan of yours.
Fuck me
Sure
Maybe I'll take up acting
Voice not thy need
Though a base beggar
...there may be in his possession...
...items of trifle importance
If limitations span solely
...to requirements of nature...
...man's life will be...
...reduced to that
of a miserable beast
Women of high standing...
That's enough
Thank you
I'm Goro Kawasaki
Thank you for your time
All right. Next
No. 12
Pa!
Yes, Daigoro
You have grown so big
Pa
I've been a good boy...
...and waited for your return
I'm sorry we must live like this
By the way
When did you grow the 3rd eye
That's enough
Let us do some more
That's enough
But I want to be in a film
I said that's enough
I want to be in your film
Stop talking like that
I'm sorry
Cut out that kid's voice
I'm sorry
Get out of here
Pa, let's go home
Yes, son, let's go home
This isn't Akira Kurosawa's
The Siege of Moscow
Mr. Koskanovich?
Wrong studio
No. 13
How do you do
Play with your hairs
A bagworm
Play with your hairs
A boat
Play with your hairs
Beatles hair idol
Play with your hairs
Pubic hair
You're accepted
Where's my agent
I want coffee
Where's my coffee
Had some beers with a blond in Roppongi
She had big tits with small nipples
They sure keep us waiting
What's keeping them
That's good
All right
Now, the take
We're going for the take
Ready
Action
We must meet our fate
Assist me
Cut
Okay. We're ready
Let's get the close up
Staff, prepare for the close up
Get ready
Now... the close up
Let's see...
Today's an important scene
Put your mind to it
Who's front
I am, sir
You?
You'll get a close up
Good. Okay
Let's go
Ready, sir
Extras, start action
The take
Ready
Action
Stop!
What're you guys doing
Well, he insisted being in front
Who ever decided that
Stop goofing off, asshole
Is the medicine vendor here
Goro Saotome at your service
This is our lead, Mr. Kasu
I'm Goro Saotome
How do you do, sir
Nice knowing you
Your role is to...
come late and jump on the boat
Do I get a close up
Yeah, when you get on the boat
Thank you
I appreciate it
It's certainly a fine day
Everybody on board
The boat is leaving
Wait
Hurry up, mister
How is he
He won't make it
What 're we suppose to do with our lead drowned?
Get someone else?
I guess so
It's certainly a fine day
Can he really play the role
He looks confident
I'm told he graduated UCLA as a drama major
That's really something
I'll show you
Please watch me
Yes, I will
Do you gents intend to kill me
Found you at last
Fellas, mince him
Go for the take
The take
The take
Ready
Action
Welcome, sir
I'd like some tea
Found you at last
Fellas, mince him
He has his eyes open
Cut! Cut! Cut!
What's a blind masseur doing with his eyes open?
Did you really graduate UCLA?
No, I'm with Tampopo Company
Even Tampopo knows better
This time, close your eyes
Don't forget
Sorry sir
Another take
Ready
Action
Welcome, sir
I'd like some tea
Found you at last
Fellas, mince him
Close your eyes
What's he holding
It's the manure scoop
Someone, stop him
Pew!
Stop it
Ugh!
Someone, do something
It's suffocating
Can you play some other role
The next scene is important
Yesterday was a nightmare
I just got carried away
Because of that...
you grabbed the manure scoop
I'll try really hard
Really?
There's a fire
Fire!
The oil shop's on fire
Somebody... help...
My grandson is in the fire
He's still in the house
Help!
Help!
Please help!
Help me
What is the matter
My grandson is in the fire
Will someone hold this for me?
That's oil
Lost Tokugawa Gold
That is it
The lost treasure
May I join you in finding the lost gold
That's great
I'm in need of manpower
Please. This way
Have a seat
What's this bird
It's a canary
In cold mines
...it drops dead when there's gas
So as long as it's chirping it's safe
That's useful
This is it
Good grief
Someone's already here
Oh, it's mine
Can we split it half and half
I've already done some work
I want 70
Then we go 70:70
What nonsense is this
The sum has to be 100
Then I take 150
and you take minus 50
Let's take a break
Hey, fella
Smell something?
No need to worry
The canary is chirping
You're right
May I have a light
Ma, this is disaster
Let's get out of here
Run for your life
Hey, fella
Wanna try for the lost Hideyoshi treasure?
Call me when you find it
Tough bird
Must be wild
A cessna...
Please enjoy this flight
Our inflight service
A cessna's not bad
But... l'm dead broke
Fella
Take care of this car and the dope
Is this it
Yes
You sure have a lot
Better be the real thing
It is
Dr. Chin
Would you examine this
He's going bananas
Must be genuine
Can I ride on a cessna here
You sure can
What about today?
Yes, right away
It's a sightseeing flight
Why did you want to fly a cessna?
The sky's wonderful
When I flying...
I can forget all the terrible things
Do you have inflight service
Inflight service?
Of course
Shall we take off
How dare you sit in front of me
You're blocking the view
That's no different
Sit in the back
Not right behind me
Sit further back
This is your captain
Welcome on board
Instant Hell Airline
We will now begin
...our inflight service
Let's go! It's showtime
Stretch it. Man-pole!
Spread it. Man-pole!
Frig it. Frig it
Man-pole
Feels good
See you guys later
The parachute
The parachute
Shit
Hey
Who do you think I am
You'll be shitless
I'm Joe Shishido, the hitman
Did you enjoy the show?
Are you Mr. Joe Shishido, the hitman?
We welcome you
I'm not Shishido
Want to hide your identity, huh
Hey, guys
He's hiding his identity
What a guy
Please come with us
It's Shishido
Yeah, yeah. I know
Don't interfere
Show us how good you are with your gun
Is it the spot
It's not any different from the other spot
Here we are, Mr. Weirdo
It's Shishido
Mr. Joe
Show us how good you are
Can't you be original
I know it
You'll try to impress us...
...but with the same gig
I can tell
I knew it
Throw that in the air?
See. I told you
Wow. A new gig... Shit
Hey
When will you kill the boss
Hurry up
Kill me?
He was a fucking spy
You're great. Really great
A terrific hitman
Best hitman in Japan
A great hitman
Welcome Mr. Joe Shishido
That's enough
Honorable guest
Drink and sing all you like
This is all for you
Go ahead. Help yourself
The silhouette show
This is really cool
Do the silhouette show
First, a dog
Splendid
Now... Bambi
Oh, my, how cute
A wild boar
Wow, how frightening
A bear
The big bad bear
What's that shit
They look the same
You morons
Lower... lower
What's next
A lizard
How revolting
The slimy creature
What's next
A toad
Next, a toad
Oh no. The ugly toady
Toady
What's next
I don't know
Next, unknown object
What could that be
Asshole
What's wrong with you guys
Boss
What
What's up
Boss. We caught a spy
The bastard was checking out the house
What shall we do
The Minamikata family boss...
Ask him where he is
And then show him our hospitality
Yes, boss
Boss
Osamu dear
Asshole, you scared me
I'm still 16...
Don't give me that smile
...and I'm a virgin
I'm having my first date with my sweetheart
I'm going to do it
Turn around. Turn around
Boss
Let's go look at the spy
He might have welched
You maybe right
Please
I didn't mean this hospitality?
Won't welch
How can he welch with this
Honorable guest
can you help us out?
Where is Minamikata
Help. Help
Please help me
Why don't you drip this on his back, too?
This usually works
Please don't
Please. Don't do it
Please stop
What are you doing
Do it to him, not me
Why are you dripping all that wax on me
What's with you
You scumbag
That really hurts
You scumbag
Lard ass
You scumbag
I'll punish you
Please. I'll say anything
Anything you want to know
I'm not interested in you
This is between you and me
That hurts
Are there any volunteers
A bunch of miserable cowards
Isn't there anyone brave enough
...to kill the enemy boss?
Let me go
Honorable guest, will you?
If I don't go, who will?
Let me go
He's a great guy
I never thought there still was a man of honor in
I don't care where
Just step on it
Hurry. Hurry
This is the picture of the enemy boss
He's just gone to the barber
It's the latest information
Honorable guest, we count on you
Do it for us
I see
Ah... excuse me
Take this to that barber shop and
...hand it to the boss of the Minamikata family
What is this?
A birthday cake
Why don't you take it yourself
I'm bashful
You like this person?
All right. I understand
I just hand it to him?
It's a cake, huh?
Yes, a birthday cake
Did you get a job?
Yes. Why don't we celebrate
Takuya, we have a cake
Wow. A cake. A cake
Yes, a special cake
I hear a ticking
Let's do our dance
Around the table as usual
A cake. A cake. A cake
Listen. I said listen
What's up, boss?
I love that line
Which line, boss?
Missy, I'm in love with you
Challenge for a duel?
The messenger's downstairs?
Everybody
Come with me
So you're the one
Are you going to accept or not
Decide now
This isn't a kid's game
But you are a kid
Hey, fellas
Oh, you're behind me
Come with me
Where the hell is Akeiwa
Are you blind? I'm here
I want your goddam family out of my turf
You're the one getting out
You dirty bastard
You dirty bastard
Wait a minute
Big boss
I want you both to listen to what I have to say
No way
You stay out of this
Better not fuck with me
Are you going to do it or not
We'll wipe your out
Wait. Wait a minute
Just listen to what I have to say
There are those who incline to evil
And they persecute the good
Get out of here
Not that again
Okay. Let's start
lt'll be a bloody massacre
Wait a minute
I said wait a minute
I want you to listen to your class president
Hey
Let's listen to the class president
I don't want any life wasted
Why don't you let me solve this situation?
Square it out with your best gun
In that case we have a terrific gunman
Throw a ¥ 500 coin
He shoots from below
And it'll end up like this
We have a terrific one, too
Paper, scissors, bang!
Three steps
1... 2... 3... Go
That imbecile
All you do is shoot a hole in a coin
Oh, my, how terrible
What a chilling sight
Shut your trap
If you're a real yakuza
...let's settle this with the sword
I've been waiting for that
It's your show
The fly...
It's cut into two
What is this? Just a hand
It's a germ. A germ!
It's the atom nucleus
The atom nucleus
Honorary guest
show us something better
Place an apple on big boss's head
Blindfold him
Cut the apple into two
This is highly technical
We'll call this:
Red Apple for Two
Honorary guest
show them your art
What have you done to big boss
Honorary guest
Hey, fellas, wipe them out
A women's bath
If I were invisible, I could peep
Hey, you
Didn't you say you want the old age pension?
I didn't say that
I said if I were invisible
I could peep
Oh, My Buddha!
Give me that
Look at this carefully
Invisible Man
Promotion Association?
Why do you want to be invisible
I want to peep
You want to peep
Crystal clear. My type
I must ask some questions
Your height?
170 cm
Your weight?
63 kilos
Your name?
Makoto Ashikawa
Why are you answering
I'm sorry
I'm asking him
Once again. Your height?
175 acres
Acres? Your weight?
68 gallons
He's confused
That's strange
The anesthetic
Inhale
Inhale... inhale
Don't exhale
Inhale
Your name?
Asao
It's not working
Strange
Look at this finger
Keep looking at it
Now it's working
Your name?
Asao
Darn
To be... to be or not to be
Hamlet
To sleep for a chance to dream
Worked
It did
Put him into the capsule
What is this?
Didn't you get rid of it?
I'm sorry
Well, this...
I fed the wrong data
and it worked only on the clothes
Won't happen to you
I've corrected the data
You can be the invisible man
You can peep
Good luck
Get ready
We'll begin
How are his cells
All right
The oxygen, hydrogen and atoms
All okay
Hey
Why are you in there
Damn it
Stop goofing off
I'm sorry
He should be in there
Sorry
You could die in there
Hamlet
How is it
It's working well
His cells are transforming into oxygen
Look
He's gradually becoming invisible
This is terrific
We did it
It's complete
This would be sensational
You'll get a Nobel Prize
The Nobel Prize
He's escaped
What'll we do
Yeah, what?
Will he be at the public bath
That's where we caught him
He will be there to peep
What's this for
What do you mean
Don't you know what this is
This is the Invisible Man Viewer
Put this down. You can see him
Normally we keep it up
Conserve electricity
You didn't know?
I'm sorry
This is the women's bath
We're gay
Scram
Jiro dear, he's so rigid
Hamlet... Hamlet
Let's have some more fun today
My, you look beautiful
What is this?
Animal Sex Shooting Room
You're gorgeous
It's really nice
Splendid
A gorgeous body
with a baby face...
What penetration!
Marilyn
Feeling good?
Now blow this whistle
That's wonderful
Ready... Action
That feels so good
Caught him
Now, a press conference
Thanks for waiting
Prof. Tachibana will make his announcement...
...on the invisible man
To make the long story short to sum it up...
my long time research has been
the exchange of human cells with air atoms
This is...
As you can see here...
making this man invisible
proves my research
very successful
You cannot see the invisible man
when the bandage is off
you will see nothing
Not in photos, either
Despite this...
by the completion of my Invisible Man Viewer
you will see him with your own eyes
He will lend you this later
Please confirm him with this
Now...
When the bandage comes off
you may be puzzled
You see nothing
We can see him
It's because you are using
my Invisible Man Viewer
This device...
You're right
I can see him, too
Sorry for the mishap
Ashikawa
Why did he become visible
I wonder why
It was perfect
Was the power too low
You're right
Increase it 3 times
Yes, let's
Okay
Is it analyzing properly
Increase the power
A fly is on the screen
It must have flown in
Inside the capsule?
It's analyzing the fly
What's happening
They're integrating
What's this
Give me back the money
I understand, sir
Commander
The Flyman is heading for Tokyo
What?
The Flyman is heading for Tokyo
Commander, look at this
What the hell
So... this is the Flyman?
This must be Shinjuku
Yes, it is
Already so far
What an amazing speed
He'll appear in Ginza next
Gather all the troops
On the double
I want you all to go to Ginza
I'm not going
I don't want to be seen
Earth Defense Force
The Earth Defense Force is seeking new members
Educational background, I.Q.
And sexual preferen
Nor shape of your penis
Try Sushi Yu in Nishi Azabu
A joint open to everybody
It's owned by comedian Yoshichi Shimada
Fish gourmets try Otaru's Tamura
What about Astro-Vision?
You mean Hibino's Astro-vision
Why are you so specific
If I say the name, rental fee will be lower
Would you keep the Hibino Astro-Vision?
What's up
We lost him
I see
I have one hell of an idea
Gather all the stool in Japan
Stool? What for, sir?
Just wait and see
We're looking for the Flyman, aren't we?
No, stool. Yes, that's right
We need lots of it
Yes, and get some from the neighborhood, too
Stool?
Hard or soft?
Sure we have that
How much more is coming?
100 manure trucks and...
farmers in the neighborhood too
So much of it?
What's going on
The rehearsal, sir
Singing folk songs?
It should have a festive mood
I see
We also have drums and hula dancers
Is that so
Now, all we do is wait for the night
Shall we begin?
Please. Would you begin
How is the Flyman
I feel he's nearby
Can't see him yet
Let's go for the folk song
Would you please begin
Excuse us
Good luck, ladies
Commander
Is he here
Right above us
He won't come down
Let's get his mother
Would you try to persuade him
Stand here?
He's right above
Asao
Don't make a fool of yourself
Asao
Big brother, come down
I think... Asao is angry
I see
That's too bad
Okay. Get the Fly Fly Girls
Here he comes
Get them away
It's dangerous. Run
He's stopped
Commence attack
Car sex...
We did it
We did it
THE FLYMAN
IS AN INTELLIGENCE MAMMAL
What?
The Grasshopperman
is heading for the Tokyo Tower?
He's here
Ouch
He's stuck!