Gerry (2002) - full transcript

Hey, Gerry, the path.

God. It is so...

Yeah.
It is really nice, man.

Fresh air.

You ready?
- Nope.

Hi, guys.
- Hey.

Hiking moms on the trail?

It's just gonna be.
It's all tourists up there.

Well, how far is the thing?

We're halfway there.
Let's go this way, man.

Everything's gonna
lead to the same place.



Just loop around?
- Yeah.

Do our own fresh route?

I can't believe that, like,

fucking fanny
packs and sing-alongs

the whole way to the thing.

Fuck it, dude.
Fuck this.

Fuck the thing?
- Fuck the thing.

Power on to the thing!

Fuck the thing.
- Fuck the thing!

It's just gonna be
a fuckin' thing at the end.

Fuck the thing!
- Fuck the thing.

Let's go back.

Fuck the thing.

Hey, is this the way we...



Hold on. Is this
the way we were going?

So...

She thought it was a "Y"?

Who? The contestant?
- Yeah.

Yep.

She had every
letter except for the "L".

She had...

"B-A-R-R-E",
blank, "I-N-G"

down the road".

"B-A-R-R-E", blank,
"I-N-G down the road".

And all she had was "L"
for "barreling down the road".

And they were like,
"Do you want to solve the puzzle?"

Because you have to when...

When you have one
letter left, you have to solve.

You're not allowed...

Because you're only
spinning to drive up your earnings.

Right.

So it's like cheating if
there's only one letter left.

And so they told her
to solve it, and she said:

"Barreying down the road?"

And there's this
really uncomfortable pause,

and Sajak was like, "No..."

"Kenny?"

And the next dude did it.

But for zero dollars
because he couldn't spin.

He was just like,
"Barreling down the road".

I hate you.

Not really, though, right?
- Not really.

It's just really hot on my
front and really cold on my back.

There's a man
perched on the ledge,

10 feet in front of us.

Don't look.

I see you, man.

Do you hear that?

There's a lot of
dinosaurs near here.

I conquered Thebes.

When?

Two weeks ago.

How'd you do it?

Well, I got...
I did more than that, actually.

I said to Gerry:

"I ruled this land
for 97 years, and..."

"and I'd like it".

I had all the
sanctuaries built, and then...

This hot lava leaked
out of a volcano

and half destroyed my
sanctuary to Demeter, I guess it was.

And...

But I didn't have the marble
to rebuild, like, the sculptures

and that to fix the sanctuary.

But I already had
all these docks

to, like, Calydon and Argos and...

I had everything.
Everything.

I was trading
with, like, 12 cities

and...

I had a really good army.

But the river had just flooded.

And it flooded out,
like, four of my docks,

and I couldn't import the
marble to rebuild the sanctuary.

Demeter got pissed off,
and she made my fields infertile.

And then...

So I couldn't grow the grass.

I couldn't grow the wheat
to feed the horses.

And there was no...
I couldn't...

And there was nowhere
for the sheep to graze.

And some of my people were
growing hungry and restless,

and then...

And I couldn't trade
because the rivers had flooded.

And so, Knossos,
one of my vassals,

got really upset with
me and turned against me.

And they... attacked me.

And because I
couldn't train any sheep

'cause I didn't have the wheat.

I didn't have...

I didn't have a, um...

You couldn't train sheep?

I couldn't train the horses
because I didn't have wheat.

And so when they
attacked me, they just dogged me.

And I actually went to send
my army out to defend the city,

and you can only send them
out if you have 12 trained horses,

and I had 11.

So I was one horse shy...

of almost saving my city.

So then you didn't really...

Oh, I had just conquered
Thebes, and then that happened.

All right.

You go to that one,
and I'll go to this one.

All right.

Hey.

Hey.

You see anything?

Big hills.

Yeah.

Uh, re-split up.

All right.

All right, see the ravine?

Yeah.

That's the spot.

So you go to the next
one, I'll go to the next one.

If you don't find anything,
we meet back right there.

If you find something,
fuck the spot, I'll find you.

Higher hilltop, meet at spot.
Or fuck the spot, wait there.

Yeah.
- Roger.

Gerry!

Gerry!

Gerry!

Gerry! Gerry!

Hey!

Hey.

What are you doing?

What?

You're supposed to go
on a high-hill scout-about.

You're on a rock in a canyon.

I did.

Yeah, did you see anything?

No, did you?

No.

Well, what are
you doing on the rock?

Looking for you.

Why didn't you
just go to the spot?

I did.
You weren't there.

I've been there.
I was just sitting there.

Dude, that's not the spot.

The spot is, like,
a half of a mile that way.

I was at the spot.
I was waiting for you forever.

I was yelling your name.

And I just came walking
up here, and I saw the rock.

I crow's-nested up here
to scout-about the ravine

'cause I thought maybe
you gerried the rendezvous.

Sure enough, I mean,
that's not the spot.

All right, my fault.

Well, if you had assumed that,

then you should've gone
to the top of my mountain

because the whole plan was

if one guy finds something,
then you go to his mountain.

No, I know the plan,

but I saw you coming down
when I was on the way down,

and when you never showed up,
I thought maybe you'd succumbed.

I almost did succumb,
but then I turbaned up,

and I feel a lot better.

Come on, dude, let's go.

I can't.

Why not?

Fucking marooned.

Come on.

You're not rock-marooned.
Just climb down.

But I am rock-marooned.
I can't climb down.

I'm gonna have to jump.

Hold on.

How do you get up to that part?

Scramble.

Jesus.

How the fuck did
you get up here?

Such a bear.

I think you gotta jump.

I can't jump,
I'll break my ankle.

You'll have to barrel
out of here and get help,

and I'll just be sitting there.

All right, I'll jump.

No, no, no, no.

You're gonna
twist an ankle or something,

and then we're fucked.

Well...

Is it really crumbly there?

Like, the ledge?

Yeah.

I mean, I could try and...

Why don't you
make me a dirt mattress?

No, Gerry.

Come on, dude, I
crow's-nested all the way up here

to scout-about the ravine
'cause you gerried the rendezvous.

If I hadn't we'd be split.
We'd still be re-split.

Dude, just jump.
You'll be all right.

I won't be all right, Gerry.

Well, I could try
and break your fall.

Jump on your head?
- Like the circus, dude.

No, not on my
head, with my arms.

Didn't you ever
go to Barnum's, dude?

They have a fat guy.

He's got huge arms,
and he catches people

from, like, 50 feet.

All right, you ready?

No, I'm gonna break your arms.

Just make me a dirt mattress.

Where do you want it?
- Right there.

All right.

Well, I gotta haul the dirt.

Well, get hauling.

I can haul it from over here.

Shirt basket?
- Shirt basket.

Yeah, it's crumbly.

Is it soft?
- Yeah, soft.

It's like...
It feels hard, but it's...

You know, it's like dust.

Yeah.

You're gonna
take forever, Gerry.

I'll get all this
stuff up to it also.

I mean, all you really
need is, like, a two-by-two...

like, air-ram dirt mattress.

Just to put your feet
'cause that'll cushion it,

and then you'll
probably fall forward.

So if I clear,
like, your head area...

and then make, like,
a little, like, a dirt box.

You know how to rig that?

Yeah.

See, this is already,
like, a foot.

If I can get it
to, like, two feet...

And that's a good angle, right?
Think you can hit that, right?

I mean, I'm not
done yet, but, I mean, you...

Where it is, is good.
- Yeah.

Ah, that's great.

You really only need it
to hit with two feet in one spot.

So if we can get the spot,

and if you can hit it,
that's all the cushion you need.

How's that?

No?

Look, it's not
gonna be comfortable,

but it's not a knee-breaker.

How many feet
do you think it is?

150.

It's what?

Here, I'll get
more, I'll get more.

That's pretty good.

I don't know if I can do it.

You okay?

Yeah.

What time do you think it is?

That was far.

Here.

Animal tracks.

Follow these to water.

Animals have to know
where the water is out here.

Then we follow
them to the water,

and we just drink our faces up.

Or else they go to the
mating grounds, you know, and...

And then they mate,
and they get thirsty,

and they come back.

All right, but, I mean, I...

Yeah.

We don't know how
far the water is, though.

And I don't think we should
abandon the higher-ground idea,

'cause it was a good idea.

And that was a
rolling hills scout-about.

And if we go on a
mountain, like, crow's-nesting,

like that mountain over there...

Yeah, but...

We know where the water is now.

We could just go there,
and then get water

and then go on our mountain,
the mountaintop scout-about,

after we've gotten water.

I think the
mountain's a better idea

because what if we
go to the mating grounds

and they see us
and they get self-conscious,

and then they don't mate?

Then we'll just...

And then
they won't get thirsty...

Whichever way it is,

if we go there,
and it's the mating grounds,

then we'll just watch them
from a brush.

They won't know we're there,
they won't have any body shame,

and they'll mate,
and get thirsty,

and then they'll come back,
and lead us to the water.

All right.

Fuck this.

I can't even
see the tracks anymore.

Fuck 'em.

Do you think we should
just go over to that mountain?

Just stop crying, man.

Where you going?!

I don't know!

You wanna help?!

Fuck you.
- Fuck you.

We're walking north-northwest...

for...

a couple hours... a way...

But that's been the way
we've been walking the whole time.

I mean, it's been
30 hours of walking.

North-northwest.

Okay?
- Uh-huh.

We've gotta be
fucking close to the highway.

Yeah.
But we got lost.

I mean, we were going...

We walked our ways,
and maybe it was north.

And then...

We came,
we turned around, and...

We got off...

We started going straight back
down the way we were going.

No, we didn't.
No, no, no, no.

Before we turned around, we
started going down the same way.

But we had turned before...

No, we didn't go
the same fuckin' way.

We have not seen any
of the stuff that we've seen.

We haven't passed
anything that looks familiar.

Whatever our direction is,
it's not south,

and it has not been south.

We veered off
at a different point,

and when
we started to come back,

to go back, we started
back the exact same way.

But we didn't see
anything that looked the same.

We could have just
bailed early, you know.

There were so many
gerrys along the way.

We took...

I mean, we started
going back the same way,

and then we stopped
and said it didn't look right,

and then we went to
the right for a little while.

So we were going east, all
right, which is a total gerry

because that's fucking
a million miles to a road.

That's because we
came up over the thing,

and we saw that whole layout.

There was nothing there.
We didn't see anything.

And then in the morning...

In the morning,
we walked north again.

In the morning, we...

In the morning,
we definitely walked north.

And then we gerried
off to the animal tracks,

which was east...

which was west,
but it doesn't matter...

When we hit the
tracks, we took a left,

which was going...

...which was going west.

But more importantly,
when I got up, when we split up,

and I was walking
up on my scout-about,

I was looking into the sun,
which means that it was east.

Um...

So, and then,
when I was on the rock,

and I was looking
at you, the sun was...

When we came down,
we went in that direction.

That means we were going
east, and we walked for a long time.

And our scout-about was east,
so we gerried the scout-about.

We went up
the wrong fuckin' mountain.

Okay?

So our direction's
been north-northeast,

but if we spin the fucker

and just go north, balls-out north,

we're gonna hit
the fuckin' highway

because we can't go south.

South is a fucking disaster for us.

It would take too
fucking long to get there.

All right, then let's go north.

Come on, let's go.

We may as well just sit here.

You know why
I think we should go?

Why?

Because I've got water.

Come on, don't fuckin' joke.

I'm not joking.

I found water.

I know exactly where the car is.

How?

Just figured it out.

It was another fuckin' mirage.

It was a mirage.

What are you doing?

I really wanted to...

walk up to you and say
I had two bottles of water,

and that I knew
where the car was.

Come on, we gotta go.

Come on.

How do you think
the hike's going so far?

Pretty good.

I'm leaving.