Genitori in blue-jeans (1960) - full transcript
Giuseppe Grimaldi is a tailor who has a number of other activities. Gianni makes a good living with bills of exchange. Mario loves all (beautiful) women except his wife Lisa who, however, has the money and a son, Giorgino. Renzino has a lover and a daughter, but does not disdain other adventures. This group of 40-year-olds spends their lives doing small hours in search of easy, superficial adventures among Achille's continuous jokes and between Rome, Sabaudia, and Paris intertwining of money and women; their children seem wiser than they are.
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We had a good race, eh?
I'm not driving with you anymore!
- Coward!
I drive very well!
I was born in an automobile!
Carry on like this, you'll die in one!
- Don't believe it.
Every time he took a bend,
I though I'd have a heart attack!
Unfortunately, heart attacks
are reserved for us men.
Dear, please excuse me for a moment.
There's the fountain, it's free.
- Mariu',
your rust-bucket is falling apart.
When will you sort it out? - What with?
I have a great 2000! - The 2000?
How much have you had to drink? - Be off with you!
Good evening everyone!
Wait a moment,
we've lost someone outside.
Yes, of course: Wanda and Lisa.
Meanwhile, let's have a drink.
- Okay.
My fine filly, what are you up to?
Come here! - Yes, one moment.
You know,
it was Saturday's usual canasta.
Just a small canasta: 300,000 lire!
You shouldn't play with Giacometti:
he has a fortune!
I can't give you it: I've spent
all I have on that collection from Paris.
Why don't you ask Peppino: he's so much!
- No, I'm not asking Peppino.
It's for the best:
a woman should only ask a single
man for marriage.
You must be joking!
Why? He's a total snob
and you're a countess!
Yes, but before deciding to marry,
my dear!
Of course, he's always been nice to me,
he's a dear. - I'll say!
I supply his tailoring. He's never
paid a bill. - I bet!
The bank says he is a solvent person!
Money is guaranteed by real estate.
I still have 15 million,
which will increase with the usual returns.
Plus I'm earning interest.
- But I must look after my own interests.
Renzino, when we are talking business,
put less spirit in those!
Don't try to charm me! We're too old.
At this age, memories are better than reality
I pity your wife!
Having to put up with you!
I salute you! - You're full of talk,
but at night you go to bed alone.
Ah, yes, because the day doesn't exist.
Ask Peppino! He'll tell you.
Of course!
- What do I know?
With the telephone numbers I gave you,
did you play the lottery? - On the tombola!
Ah! What are you! Always talking
the same way! - Imagine!
It's that time again! Tomorrow
I have to depart! - Cut it out! - Careful!
Where are you going? Milan? - Yes,
to see Pietrangeli's lawyer.
Ah, you can relax. He's arranged
three divorces for me.
Shall we get going? It's 3am
and I have to work tomorrow!
You're telling me!
I open the shop at 9am.
Give me two bicarb: my stomach
is growling like a cat.
Well, of course! - This is making me hungry.
Give me a salami sandwich.
Hear that?
She has a raging digestion.
On her bedside table,
for when she is thirsty
she has a bottle of mashed lentils.
Imagine! - What a fool!
If I'm hungry I'm hungry, right?
- I was joking!
Watch what you eat tonight!
- Keep your voice down.
You're ignoring the details that Farina
brought.
I thought I could rely on you.
- Poor cocoamut, you're mistaken!
And tomorrow I'll let you try the 2000.
Let me try the Frulian! - Who's that?
- Your servant that I like so much!
Ah, idiot!
Give me 50 lire.
- Why?
I want to play ''Nessuno''.
- No, you can't at this hour.
Right, this is the time
people are sleeping.
Here's the only intelligent thing
I've heard so far.
Lisa, we can't carry on like this!
Let's go! - Yes, Peppino is right!
Let's go. - Good night!
Be seeing you! - Good night!
Let's go, guys! - Wake up!
- Good night means good night.
He's going.
- Well? - Oh!
Last time you hit me
so I paid for it all.
Now either you pay or
everyone pays his own.
I understand: his wallet
has a thermionic valve:
once the money goes in, it never
comes out. Oh well, I'll pay.
Pay, pay!
Come on, let's hit another dive
before the sun comes up!
But isn't this your son's car?
My son? Our son.
It's definitely Giorgino's car. He's
back from Sabaudia. - Indeed. - Indeed.
The upstairs is off.
Come on.
Try to make as little noise as possible.
- Of course!
Hang on! Let me catch up!
Shush! Shush!
Cough quietly or he'll hear us.
Here we go!
See how bad it is
for your poor dad?
You're nearly a doctor,
why don't you do something?
With the strain he's under, you
could avoid these late hours at night.
Why the patting?
All I needed was a little saliva.
But Giorgino has a point: you are
in bad shape! Poor thing, it's true.
Well, why have you come back? Didn't
you find Silver Bay enjoyable?
Very nice, but I needed my books.
There: it's passed.
- If you could see your face...
Why, what's up with my face?
Smoking, drinking, not sleeping.
It will take its toll.
This is what I'm always telling him.
Well, I'm going to bed. Good night.
I'm coming too. - Don't stand around
in bare feet! You'll catch a chill!
Barefooted, like a thief afraid
of the noise. - Ah!
You look the very picture of a mess.
- What mess?
Tell me, what mess?
Your own. The arteries at a certain age
lose elasticity, they harden.
The blood finds circulation difficult
and then one fine day.... - What day?
What day?
Heart palpitations. Aorta dilated.
I curse the day you started studying
medicine. Oh!
I'm tired of having to act
like your parents.
Stop drinking, eating too much,
smoking and going to bed late.
And make myself a friar...
And make yourself comfortable. Have you
thought of mum? She needs to run the store.
Haven't you understood? I only do this
for her! Just for her!
A poor woman who works all day
has the right to some leisure, no?
You call this ''leisure''?
Do what you like....
I'm going to sleep now because tomorrow
I go to the university. - University?
Staying in Rome?
And when will you return to the Bay?
Tomorrow, undoubtedly.
At least I'll be quiet. - Thank goodness.
Is everything at the villa in order?
- Yes. - Do you need anything?
A bit of money.
Mum will give it to you.
- I know! Good night. - I'll say goodbye.
So long, clever clogs!
Take heed of him, the doctor!
A cigarette. Ah.
Remember: have my morning suit
ready for tomorrow.
The wedding is at 10am.
Rest assured and best wishes to your
daughter. - Thank you.
It's a great day for a father.
You'll see: it's emotional.
So we are in agreement?
- Naturally. Thank you.
Accompany Mr. Marchese.
Until next time!
Is Leprotti's fitting ready?
Timbrotti! - Timbrotti.
- At noon, Commendatore.
Really, pins shouldn't be left.
Don't you know by now!
I've said many times that all the pins
should be collected.
But my words are in vain!
I brought the magnet especially!
How many we must have lost!
Where are you going, accountant?
To the bank, do you need anything?
One moment, listen, come,
we have a payment to make.
Here they are: pay these checks
into my personal bank account.
Did Mrs Colombrini leave the interest?
- Bernardini?
Bernardini! She left the interest?
- 86,000 lire.
Here they are: there are 4. Let's go.
And what should I do about Mr Gianni's
promissary notes?
They must be paid, what else?
Promissary notes must be paid. Don't I pay?
Then I'll add them to the collection.
- Yes, the collection...
...unless he wants a reduction of
100,000 lire.
This is when friendship can be an obstacle!
Here's what we'll do: you phone him,
you float the idea
without saying it comes from me,
without embroiling me. - I'll do that.
Commendatore!
- Can't you knock?
Someone's asking for you,
from Taxation.
Taxes... the Taxation?
Good grief, Taxation!
Okay, let's...
Tell them I'm coming...
Say... accountant...
When I talk about them, I start
to stutter, I get an attack of nerves.
I was expecting this visit.
She was expecting it! With that look
she tells me! She was expecting it!
They stick their noses in everywhere.
- If they'd only come for some tailoring!
The finances, the property,
the daytime hotel! - Shush!
Walls have ears around here!
Think this is a joke? Want me to
wind up in jail? - I don't.
Let's sort this out, accountant. Make
mistakes on these matters and you pay.
Everyone here is safe and I'm not?
Excuse me, are you Giuseppe...?
- Grimaldi. - Grimaldi.
Excuse me if I'm interrupting, but
it's something of a delicate matter.
Serious, even.
- Well...
Can we talk about it here? - I'd rather
not talk about it anywhere.
However, we can talk in my office.
Follow me.
Where is the maestro?
Hello, Peppino, is the test ready?
Actually no,
but I'm currently occupied.
Dear doctor!
Cavaliere, pleased to see you!
- Me too, always at your command.
How's the wife?
Is the grandson born yet?
Yes, a month ago! He's a bouncing boy.
Weighs 4kg. - Congratulations! I'm delighted!
Come and visit us.
- With pleasure. See you soon.
Don't worry about me: I can manage,
I'll come by later. - Wait.
Will you wait for me, please?
It concerns a friend.
No need for flattery, it can wait.
- No, listen... - Yes.
Tell me: do you really know him?
You know him well?
Tell me, you know...
- Sst!
Ah! Are you doing this on purpose?
You want to make it a kilometer!
Do I know him? That Count
Dracula, the vampire of money...
With a glance he can take an x-ray
of a locked safe
and know what's inside.
He knows everything about everyone!
And you couldn't intercede on my behalf,
since you're on good terms with him?
It's a matter of a back-hander.
- Palying tennis? - No! Money!
You need to give him a cut. - How
much am I looking at? - 100,000. - Ah!
Come on, don't be so cheap!
The physical is in your house and
you don't mess around with that, you know??
My great-grandfather had to emigrate
to Venezuela because of the physical.
My poor grandmother Gremilda,
70 years ruined because of the physical.
You should have seen how my brother looked,
after his physical.
When the physical is in your business,
it's ruination! Understand?
I've understood nothing: what is
this "physical"? - Physical? Fiscal!
What planet are you on?!
Fiscal, not physical! The taxman.
The schedule, yes.
Anytime is good for the physical.
It's an apocalyptic thing:
the more you give him, the less he sees.
Then 50,000, 60,000? - Oh no!
- 70? - What?
80? 86? That's enough.
Any more is impossible. - I'll try.
Try it, give it, go on.
How do I ''give it''?
''Hand them over'', what can I do?
These are nice and fresh. - Kiss them.
- Here.
Let's break out the glasses,
now the comedy is over!
You were great!
Now wait for me in the car.
He's my chauffeur, what an artist, eh?
And you fell for it completely!
You've always be mean to me.
And it's time to stop
with these stupid pranks.
Give me back the 100,000 lire!
- Firstly it was 86. - I'll sue you.
This is to pay for last night's whiskeys
and for future installments until it's exhausted.
I also gave you a good lesson
on the physical, eh?
I salute you!
Rotter!
Mr Gianni wants to speak with you.
- Eh, talking of rotters...
Hello? - Peppino? What did your accountant
mean about a curtailment?
I don't know...
This accountant lives in a world
of her own, it's a confusing mess.
Didn't we agree about a renewal?
- A renewal?
When did we talk about it? I don't recall.
- Last night, remember?
Today I hope to get the money for the
2000 from Mario. If he pays me in cash, fine.
Otherwise I'll give you
one of his promissary notes.
If Mario pays by promissary note,
make sure his wife signs too.
The endorsement, you get me? Be careful.
- Of course! You take me for a fool?
Yes, okay.
Thanks, bye.
Colette! - Mmm... - Colette!
- Let me sleep!
Peppino has renewed my credit
and if Mario buys the car,
we have 2 or 3 days' breathing space!
Are we rich? - Of course!
- Kiss me. - No, not now.
Answer it!
I'm sleepy!
Hello?
Hello, Roberto.
Yes, at once. Gianni!
Who is it?
- It's Roberto!
Oh, God! The IOUs I paid.
No, he's up!
He was about to leave. Here he is.
Hello, my dear old thing!
- Hello, Gianni.
Good news: the promissary notes
I'd doubted have turned out fine.
Yes. It's already done....
Excuse me a moment.
I've already credited the amount
to your account.
Splendid!
You really are a dear! Thank you.
Okay. I'll hand you back to Colette.
Be nice.
Yes? What?
I had the feeling you'd just woken up.
- Of course I'd just woken up.
It must be tremendously early!
But here you are already at work,
poor thing!
No, you don't have to apologise!
It was so nice to be woken up this way.
Yes, it's so nice in bed!
Mmm? Oh, what did you say, Roberto?
On the phone you become dangerous.
Sadly it is a metaphysical danger.
- I don't know what that means, but it could be.
What are you doing today? - I'm going
to Silver Bay. And skiing as usual.
Yes, around noon, I think.
Of course... Those who love me, follow me.
Nice of you to have come.
- ''Those who love me follow me'', you said.
Renzino has come with me.
Is he here too? Without Clara
he must be sad. - Mah...
Excuse me.
Hi, Colette! - Hi!
- Are you sad, Renzino? - Me? Why?
Colette said so. - Clara's not here?
- Yes, but it's only two days.
Renzo: Look at him!
- But who is it?!
Hey, greetings!
- Achille! We should have known.
Are you mad? Diving at your age!
- Heart attack! - Hey!
What fish did you catch?
- Fish?
It's just the two piece of an amphibious
siren of the lake. - What?
To startle your eye with a unique
show in cinemascope,
Elena is stuck naked in the middle of
the lake in a motorboat. Go on, take it back.
Elena naked?
I don't care. Give me that.
You know, when one can do a friend
a favour...
By the way,
have you seen Gianni?
You're a nosy old man!
- I didn't mean anything, just for the record!
His stupid jokes! Elena naked in the
middle of the lake! Renzino didn't waste time.
Talking of Clara...
Typical man!
- We're not all the same, dear.
You're different? Yes, you're different.
In fact, you are the only man fully-dressed
amid all these nearly-naked men.
Tie,
shirt...
- Colette! - What?
The trouble you cause!
[In French]
You don't like it?
- Very much.
Roberto, rub some cream on my shoulders.
- At once.
Help me.
Go away, please!
Please, go away!
Go away, please! I'm naked!
Precisely! I'm returning your costume!
- Don't come close!
No, relax! I'll stand off
- Go away, I said!
What are you doing?
You promised not to come close!
Go! Go! Go away!
- Go!
Ouch! Mind those pins!
- Please be patient,
it's not the first time I've served you.
- No!
When I have a fitting, it's always Peppino!
Indeed, won't you get me Peppino?
Here I am. What's going on? When
you come here, there's always so much noise.
May I? If I may say, between us,
this jacket isn't up to much.
Actually it's not the jacket that....
- Meaning... - I'm not saying that.
You've been eating too much, got fat.
Your stomach's blown up like a bagpipe.
- No.
You used to measure me, now who measures
me? - The carpenter. - Hey!
Actually there is too much.
What were you doing, Petruccio?
- Kick out this Petruccio.
This is getting on my nerves!
- What are you doing? Ripping it all up?
Here, get rid of this. Give me the jacket.
I'm very sorry. - Yes, "be patient".
- Come back the day after tomorrow for the measuring.
Why the day after tomorrow? I need
the jacket for Paris.
You're going to Paris?
- To Paris.
Lisa's doing her usual underwear show,
so I'm taking the car. - Ah.
I bought the car from Gianni.
- Ah, so you've decided at last. - Yes.
And in cash? - Of course.
- You did the right thing.
It's not proper for a shopowner to use
promissary notes... - Lisa thinks the same.
Lisa, the whole gang, the only one
you trust is yourself. - Naturally!
You must hear: '' Peppino is here, there,
Peppino is right!'' . - May I?
Lisa is a classy woman,
she knows I'm a man who has charm.
Peppi'.
- I must confess.
Yes? Then go to the church next door.
You come to me?
I haven't explained: I've something
very important to share with you.
Let's hear it.
- You know what I've done?
I've told Lisa
that you're coming to Paris with us.
Are you drunk: I have tailoring,
workers, I am a worker.
Well, a holiday...
- No, no, no.
Ah! You could buy some paintings there,
put one there, another here...
But does one buy paintings to put
one there, another here?
Painting are bought as a speculation!
Do you know Paris well?
- Sorry? - Do you know Paris well?
Me? I know Paris like the walk
to Santa Lucia, to via Veneto.
The walk on the Champs Elysée is like...
that to piazza Duomo in Milan.
Then come with us, we will
have a whale of a time!
???
Ah, the women!
- The women, bravo.
How will you manage with your wife
suffering in the car? - That's the plan!
We will go on the car
and she will follow.
You've thought of everything, eh?
- Everything. - Then it's agreed.
Talk with Lisa tonight and
explain everything - But....
Talk with Lisa tonight and explain
everything. - But....
Talk with Lisa tonight and explain
everything, yes. - You're a pal!
I must go, it's late.
- Have a coffee first.
A coffee for the Commendatore. - Hold
that. - Hold that. - If it were up to me...
See how a poor wretch must go to work
at an hour like this!
Eh, what can you do...
Bye, Peppi'. - Be good!
- Bye! - Be good, Mario.
What was I supposed to do tonight?
Ah, see Lisa and explain everything.
I call this '' Peut-être'' [Maybe] ,
sells well in Paris.
Okay. And that ''Lunik''. - Yes,
after Khrushchev it's very fashionable.
[N.B. Lunik was a Russian satellite]
And this.... - This....
- ''Un jour viendra''. - Yes, excellent!
Lisa, how much business have we done?
What time do you call this to show up?
- A good one, considering my nerves.
Just as well I was readying the catalogue
for Paris, otherwise we'd be closed.
Don't you have a watch?
Good, Lisa. I've felt tired today.
- Oh, poor cocoanut, so much work!
Only you work! I'm having fun!
Where have you been all this time?
- At... - Don't tell your usual lies.
Then I won't say anything!
- No, you'll talk: where were you?
Working for you.
For your Paris fashion show.
Who's is this?
- The Marquise Bucceni's.
Make her pay cash! You never know with
these marquises, especially in the bank.
Where have you been?
- To foreign trade. Yes.
They said that permission for the export
of your models
will take at least 20 days. This is
why my nerves are playing up tonight.
A fine mess!
Thank goodness Peppino came up with
an idea that'll.... - What?
Madame, it seems to me we're down
to the items that don't really work.
It's common stuff, junk.
- You can call it ''junk'', look at that!
What are you muttering? - Eh?
- What did you say?
Nothing! In my opinion, that piece
will be the rage of Paris.
The girl's not coming to Paris!
I'm not talking about the girl,
but the camiknickers!
Indeed yes, it doesn't work, discard it.
- Discard it, go.
I can't find a name
for the catalogue for this.
Eh, yes... - ''Wifey'' .
- ''Wifey''? - It's cute! - Dear!
''Wifey'' it is.
- Okay, we'll call it ''Wifey''.
Enough for tonight, we'll resume
tomorrow. - Very good. Get dressed.
What's this idea of Peppino's? - Splendid!
He says he's going to Paris by car.
By car? - Yes, because the 2000
has a big luggage rack
and it could carry everything!
Okay, but the problem
of Customs still exists.
It'll be easier! Peppino knows! He's
done it... He'll explain it to you tonight.
Maybe, but I suffer in the car so much.
- Here it is! You fly in later.
Ah, here it is! Me in a plane, you
alone in Paris. - ''Alone''! With Peppino...
I convinced him,
this way he can help me out at customs.
Plus he wants to acquire some pictures...
Then Peppino's coming too?
- Of course!
Oh, that's a different matter!
I trust him! He's serious, him!
Yes, because if I was alone in Paris,
you know how I'd binge!
Good evening!
- Good evening.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Good evening, miss!
- Good evening.
Good evening.
- Good evening.
Bye, Sonia.
You want to stop looking like that?
You'll end up hurting your eyes.
And then how would I look
at my jealous little girl?
Let's go, it's late.
- Let's go, it's late.
Close up the store, eh?
Watch your head!
- Much you care!
Oh, no! Too much light! I still have
the sun from the lake in my eyes.
What a misfortune on that motorboat!
Pirate! - It's not the sort
of thing I normally do.
You behaved like a little boy.
It was a spectacle prohibited to
children of under 16 years old...
I shouldn't have come here tonight.
If Federico knew!
Husband?
- Worse! Lover!
He gets very jealous!
As for my marital status,
I'm still single.
Would you like a Baby?
Meaning?
- A small whiskey, it's what they call it.
Yes, I want to drink tonight,
smoke, I want.... - What?
I want lots of things...
- With a little ice? - Yes, thanks.
No. Federico... - Shall we forget
about this Federico for a while?
He is my remorse.
No, I don't want to get blotto.
You ["tu"] drink it.
Thank you for the ''tu'' .
You're enchanting tonight!
More than on the lake?
- This is different.
I prefered it nude.
You're right:
works of art shouldn't be covered up.
They are made to delight the eyes.
- No, not like that!
Like this...
this...
this.
And this. - No.
Perhaps I shouldn't have come. - Why not?
If Federico is spying on me?
Talk about him.
- About Federico?
Yes, if you talk about Federico,
I feel I'm less betraying him.
Okay, Federico! Federico!
Federico!
- What a beautiful rain!
Look out: hail!
They're buzzing.
- They're buzzing.
Ah, and how they buzz! - Who's buzzing?
- Federico. Federico?! - Federico?!
God! Where can I go?
- That way.
I should have guessed!
- There! - Yes, there.
Achille! What a dumb joke!
Go to hell!
Let's hope not, sir.
Oh, sorry, sister. I thought....
- I've been ringing for ages!
Daddy!
- Marisa!
Daddykins!
- Marisina!
Well?
- Well... come in.
It's a rather unusual hour.
What's going on?
- There's been a fire at the college.
You started it?
- No!
Please! - A short circuit has damaged
the dorm. - I see.
So we thought of bringing back the
students who have family in Rome.
We thought you'd be happy to
have your Marisa for a few days.
Of course! Absolutely! Very happy!
It's really a nice surprise!
Yes...
A trifle unexpected,
but a nice surprise.
Sister, would you like a drink?
A grappa? - No, thank you.
No, go and change in there.
It's ringing.
The doorbell, daddy.
- The doorbell? - Yes, sir, the doorbell.
Ah, yes, the doorbell. - Why don't you
open it? - Of course I'll open it.
Meanwhile, you go in there and
get changed.
Sister, would you mind helping
with the unpacking? - Oh, no.
Give me that, daddy.
Coming!
Who is it, Federico?
- What, Federico?! It was a nun.
At this hour? What did she want?
- Alms.
Wait there.
Here, have a drink.
Now who can that be?
- This time it's definitely Federico.
Who is it?
- Police.
Who's there, daddy? - The cleaning
lady. - At this hour?
She comes when she can.
- Strange sort of cleaning lady!
That's the cleaning ladies of today.
Open in the name of the law.
Where are you going? Excuse me!
On-the-spot inspection!
Right, here we have a violation of
article 516. - Which article?
The mink stole, gloves and handbag,
here; this is what it is.
Sorry, commissioner. - Holding an
intimate conversation behind closed doors.
Will you listen, commissionder?
Achille? Oh, no! You deserve
a heart attack! - Stop, look...
perhaps I am a little inopportune,
but I didn't suppose you'd already
have up here
the siren of the lake.
- What siren? Be off with you!
You're not going to claim this is a nun's?
- Who told you that? - Is there a nun?
Varlets!
Come in! There's a nun!
Don't get smart with us.
Where is this wildcat!
Gianni, faster!
The nun!
So it was the truth?
- Yes.
I'm going now.
Renzino! Where is Renzino?
Oh! Look!
Good evening. - Evening.
- Evening.
Good evening.
- Oh! - Bravo!
Here, on the table!
On the table, come on!
Peppino is right
to want to remain a bachelor!
I understand! One phone call and
certain remedies.... Where have you been?
Marisa.
- Daddy! Oh!
Good heavens!
Perhaps this is the moment
we should be going.
What's up? Is he the father?
- Achille, come with us.
Come on.
Tally ho!
Bye, ''Lolita''!
Sorry, lawyer,
but they rush so much these days in Rome.
Now that we have the consent of your
husband, we await the outcome.
It's a step forward that three days ago
you were a mrs, now you're almost a miss.
With all the qualities of a mrs.
A pleasant surprise for Renzino!
A double surprise, I'd say.
- Why?
He's not expecting me this morning!
There's a telephone! Excuse me.
You want to wake Renzino this early?
- No, no.
I only want to avoid the mistakes of
certain husbands who arrive unexpectedly.
Hello?
No answer, he must've left already.
He's always on the go!
Hello? Go to hell!
Hi!
- Daddy...
Who was it?
- Nobody.
Then I'm going back to bed.
- But I'm hungry!
Then eat.
- What?
I don't know, hop to it, look in
the fridge. There'll be something.
I'm going to have a shower.
I wonder how they could've set fire
to the college.
The sisters don't smoke.
- No, they don't. - Then who?
Us girls, secretly.
- Would you like a cigarette?
No, thanks,
I never smoke on an empty stomach.
Not even on a full stomach!
Is is possible I have a daughter
who smokes, dances, uses profanities?
Yesterday you made me look very bad
in front of my friends.
You know you hang out with a nice gang?
- Yes, but Achille sometimes goes too far.
Which one was Achille?
- The fat one, with a mustache.
But call him ''Mr Achille''.
The one with the paunch?
- Yes, he's ill-fated.
Why? What does he do?
- He's a pharmacist.
Well, he has two pharmacies, he
does nothing, just cashes the cheques.
And that other guy? - Who, Mario?
He doesn't do anything either,
but on the other hand
he has a very rich wife.
And are we rich or poor?
- I don't know. It depends.
With the type of work I have...
Go to the kitchen and get something
to eat.
But where will we go for breakfast?
I don't know, in some restaurant.
There are many in Rome.
I'm not going to some restaurant
dressed as a schoolgirl.
Okay: let's go to a store
and buy you a nice dress. Go on.
Good morning.
Was it you that answered the phone
earlier? - Yes.
Forgive me, may I know your age?
- 16.
That pig!
Listen!
Listen!
Aren't you daddy's woman?
Marisa! The college? - It caught fire,
we're "burnt youth".
[N.B. Burnt youth = 'Rebel without a cause']
Would you like some grapes?
- Thanks.
You ["Lei"] are really very pretty.
- Come on, you can use "tu".
You know that last night
I slept in your room?
You have some amazing clothes! - Ah, yes?
- Daddy's promised me a new dress.
We'll go together, shall we?
- Okay.
And when will you be married?
- Soon.
Miss.
What?
What ''easy''! These are not things
that can break! Relax!
Put that here.
Renzino, those addresses in Paris.
- I'll give them to you right away.
I'm putting you in charge of my things,
Peppino, because he's so easily distracted.
This trip worries me.
As soon as we arrive in Paris
I'll call you! - Bye.
I told you his boot was as big as
a house, right?
Have a good trip, Peppino.
- Bye, Wanda. - Bye, dear.
I've written a couple of thngs here
you could get me from Paris.
And a souvenir bottle of Poitou.
Don't forget the Hermès' scarves.
I rely on your taste. - The bottle!
But who's paying for all this?
- Always thinking of money!
The coffee! - I'll take it
after the amount you've eaten here!
The thermos is for them
on their trip.
Bye, Lisa, see you in Paris.
Many kisses to Giorgetto
and go to the villa regularly
to see how the boys are.
No need, I can do it:
it's a few days until I go to Sabaudia.
Thanks for the hospitality towards my daughter.
- No need to thank me.
Indeed, she went too far: bringing
along a classmate as well!
Don't rush, it's not a race!
- Goodbye!
We're not leaving.
What's up?
- We're not moving!
What is it?
- We're not moving!
The spark plugs have gone! - What
have you done to it? - You wanna bet?
Are you sure this car is new?
Hey! - What? - The usual by
Achille. - Me? No! Oh, look!
I'll have this out with you one day.
- Not today because I'm busy.
You're a retard! You ruin everything!
- No! - You're a retard!
What have you done?!
- Lend us a hand.
Look at this nonsense!
What can we use? - Hi, Mariu'!
Is it you? - What a car you have!
- A car... How are you?
I'm in a bit of a pickle this morning!
- Say no more, we'll sort it out!
Hey Gige', lend a hand, this is my
nephew's car! Come on!
You see where he came from?
If he hadn't met poor Lisa!
You can go, Mariu',
they've unfrozen you!
Bye!
- So long!
Bye, Gianni! Bye, Colette!
- So long everyone!
I'm off. I have to defuse
the bomb you left in my room.
It wasn't me.
- That's odd.
I'd like to know who the cuckold was
who pulled this prank.
I wouldn't know, I'm a bachelor!
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
Did that hurt?
- Oh, God!
Girls, stop! I have to study!
With this racket I can't get anything done!
What a sourpuss!
Hello? Is that you, mum?
I wanted your news.
How are the girls?
Hello? Hello?
Giorgio?
- Hello.
I asked how are the girls!
Are they good? - Very good, mum.
Two little angels.
Be good to them, like a good host.
Dad called from Paris last night.
Let's hope he doesn't tire himself out.
No! Be nice, Denise, you're tickling me
under the double chin!
Lazarus! Whiskey?
- You've had enough! - What ''enough''?
We must drink! We must be merry!
We must be... what's the word? Jewish!
Jewish? I'm not Jewish.
- What did she say? - She's not Jewish.
What's it to me! - Search me.
You made a mistake. - Oh well.
Ladies, my friend meant to say
that we should drink and be jolly.
Me? Today I have a cough...
Coffee? Muy bien! So, 1 coffee,
2 coffees, 3 coffees, 4 coffees!
''Cough'' doesn't mean ''coffee''.
- What does it mean? - It means....
But are we here for language lessons?
Let's go! Forget about this!
But are you giving up, Peppi'?
They're French, need a little working on.
Leave it to me. Vive la France!
Et allons enfants de la folie!
What crap!
- Pourquoi?
These national anthems are getting us
nowhere. - So?
Undress them. - What? - I think I'll
start with myself. - What will that achieve?
I'm going to undress. - Why?
- To excite them. - Cover up, Peppi'.
Where's your gumption?
So? The gifts you promised us?
She said ''cadeau''! - Don't you know:
''cadeau'' means ''gift''. - I know!
See what happens, watch.
Le cadeau later. - Eh?
- Après. - Bravo!
No, at once!
You see? ''Cadeau'' and ''subito''
are the only words they know in any language.
I have an idea.
- Tell me.
I'll show you how to get them undressed
double quick. - Let's see it!
Excuse me!
Peppino, what're you doing? - Leave
this to me! - Don't do something crazy!
Let me do this!
- Don't make a false move! - Oh!
Look, madame!
- Oh, la-la!
Mademoiselle! C'est belle?
- Cute! - Oui!
Pour vous, mademoiselle! - Oui, merci!
- Peppino, what are you doing?
- Regardez. Eh? - Oh, monsieur,
c'est très jolie! - You like it?
Pour vous, mademoiselle. - Merci!
- Peppino, you'll ruin me! Not the black one!
It's a model.
- Que c'est chic!
Ah! Un moment!
Nous donner vous this lingerie if in
our presence you le prouvez.
Ah, non, non!
Then give it back! Who're we kidding?
- One item is missing!
Peppino, why are they crying? - I don't
know. Why're you crying? What's up?
Nous nous deshabillons
si vous allez là.
Uh! I get it! They'll undress, but
as they're shy, we can't watch.
Okay, mademoiselle. - Will they undress?
- Allons, come on!
And then you'll...? - Uh-huh!
- Allons, mon ami!
No, no, no. Tournée-vous!
Turn around. I've done it.
- What have you done?
Play the big shot with someone else's stuff!
- A few things! - Try telling Lisa!
And how will she find out!
I'll get the stuff back.
- Okay. - I'll take it back.
Oh, oh, look, look! Mmm!
Crikey, give me your glasses!
- Here! - I can't see very well!
Now I can't see properly. - You're
blind. - Let me see the brunette!
It's a sin! How little I can see!
Go and answer the phone.
The phone.
- You go! - Go and answer.
It's your room
plus I'm on holiday!
What if it's the police?
- What police! Go! - I'm going?
Hello? Ah!
Good grief, the police?
- Worse: Lisa.
My love, how are you?
I'm here in my room with Peppino.
No, he can't say hello:
he's sick.
In bed with a high fever.
- Find a pretext and send her away.
Find a pretext... Eh?
No, Peppino said ''Find a pretext
and send the maid away'' .
There's a maid who brought some tea,
that's who he means, means...
He said ''send her away'' .
- I'm having the blonde, you the brunette.
The blonde, no.
- I'm telling you.
Because there were two maids,
a blonde and a brunette.
The blonde no, because she came,
brought the tea and left at once, yes.
I don't feel so well myself!
- I saved this.
I'm hearing a ringing that I didn't mention!
- Vous allez! Damn!
I said ''Peppino, I saved it''!
He was seriously ill! I saved him!
They've locked themselves in.
- They've even locked us in!
Things... No, the suppositories!
They're locked in the bedside table
and Peppino can't open it.
See if you can open it. Try!
It won't open!
Allons!
- Un moment, Denise!
These French bedside tables, when
you close them they no longer open.
It seems impossible, eh?
When one is abroad, in a hotel,
and feels ill, one can lose one's mind.
Now the bedside table is jammed!
Peppino, try to open the bedside table!
It won't open! - You must open the
bedside table! - Ah!
You hear how he cries out? It's bad.
He's really serious! I'm telling you.
No, it's the nuns
who've come for the hypodermoclysis.
He has a hypodermoclysis every so often.
Eh, well... Au revoir! Sisters!
Au revoir! Sisters!
Madame, mademoiselle, restez ici!
Ow! Damn!
Excuse me!
- Ah, why did I say ''sisters''?
Excuse me!
Well, I should've said it in French.
What's the phrase? ''Au revoir, soeur''?
Sorry! Well, it was me that got injured!
I'm looking forward to you
being here soon!
It's sad, away from home.
Here's Peppino. He's managed to close...
to open the bedside table.
Bye, lovely Lisa, sweetie. Well?
- Nothing! I encountered two vampires!
And them?
- Skedaddled!
Peppino, they've run off with everything.
This is all that's left, and that
other thing. Where is it?
You're wearing it on your head.
- Ah, so I am! Here it is!
Tomorrow Lisa arrives in Paris
and another French Revolution breaks out.
What an adventure!
What a shitty adventure!
Ow! Check my nose.
They hit me hard there.
Who cares about your nose!
Yes, you can do a carry-over transaction,
Come and see me, Commendatore.
Heaven forbid! It's my duty, Commendatore!
How are you? - Fine. I'd like to ask
some advice. - Cigarette? - Thanks!
You're welcome. - Director. - Sorry.
Engineer! I'll be right there. - You're welcome!
Hi! - Hi! - Lucky you that you have
no worries!
Get out of here! I'm chasing certain
butterflies! - Yes, a sob story!
And I have to go to Milan
to stop a certain someone
going to the lawyer's.
In fact, I must rush or I'll miss
the plane. - Bye! - Bye!
Tomorrow Colette wil see you about
that transaction. - One moment.
I'll hang on, eh?
It's pointless involving Colette. In
some things friendship is best left out.
If central management
find your guanantees valid
the transaction will proceed and I'll
be happy, otherwise I can't help.
Have a nice trip and say hello to
Colette! Bye. - Thank you. - Bye.
I'm so sorry!
- Good grief! So...
Director, may I?
- Excuse me. Be patient.
I'm in a bit of a hurry.
I have to get to Silver Bay.
I'm meeting my daughter.
Ah, I'm seeing you in a new light:
pater familias. - Eh, well...
I've brought some drinks.
Hey, a drink.
- Ah!
Thanks.
Thanks! - Let's go for a good swim,
not in the pool but in the lake.
Had enough of your microscope?
Between a microscope and you it's
an easy choice: you! - Getting into fourth?
Look out for yourself, Nuri!
- Look out for what?
After all, I'm only being asked
to go swimming, right? - Well, yes.
Okay, let's go.
But I must warn you
I suffer from cramp in the water
and if that happens, you'll have to
take me in your arms. Can you manage?
Let's try.
If I'm in the way, just shout, eh!
- Hey, guys! - Daddy!
Hi!
Greetings!
Our mister doctor! - My college
friend. - Delighted.
Is this the way to entertain the girls?
Sun and coca-cola?
Seaside resort stuff.
Am I right?
- Well said!
Let;s go then. What would you prefer?
Water skiing, tennis, volleyball?
Whatever you'd like!
Are you on the Olympic committee?
- No.
Daddy is always full of beans!
- His motto is: ''Life begins at 40''.
Promising!
- Well!
Tha's called ''drawing a blank'' .
- Fat lot I care!
You're burning up, doctor!
The body you desired has gone!
You want to zip it, little girl?
Do you want to come for this swim?
A replacement swimmer.
Okay then!
The sisters are always teling us,
''console the afflicted''!
But let's be clear:
I don't get taken by cramps.
Shall we go?
But look at this!
I've brought tea for doctor Schweitzer.
But what sort of ''doctor''? With you,
I feel like a specialist in children!
Did you get your milk this morning?
- I see! Methuselah has spoken!
Where did you put your white beard?
You joke too much. From now on, I'll
keep busy with my studies.
All right, here's a theme for you to play:
tell me about your friend Nuri.
The tongue can't stop poking the aching tooth!
- No, healthy teeth, fresh mouth.
Okay then, here we go
today Nuri got up at 12:00
had an aperitif, ate,
then she went out with my father. The end.
- Commendable.
My theme?
- No, no, your father.
Where do we go?
- To the Sinatra booth.
Thanks, miss!
I'd like this Parker.
Fine, miss!
4000 at the cash desk.
Is the Modugno booth free?
No, it's half an hour
those two have been in there!
Fantastic!
- We're buying it?
These too?
- All that you want.
Absolutely all?
- Absolutely all.
Good.
We'll take all these records.
All of them?
- All, all, all, all..
Can I make a phone call?
- Please.
Shall I arrange delivery, miss?
- No, no, we'll take them with us.
Hello?
Ah, it's you? They're lucky,
the ones who see and hear from you!
I've been very busy.
No, not even today.
We have 3 days to see the lawyer
to sign the documents.
It's not an easy step, you know.
- As you keep reminding me!
But no, I can't even have lunch.
But who do you want to go with?
With Marisa! I'm never there!
Well, to be frank,
do as you like. Bye.
Thanks! How much? - 140,000.
- All, all, all? - All.
Happy?
- Yes.
It's late! I promised Marisa
we'd go to the cinema in Sabaudia.
Instead, have dinner with me tonight.
- But what about Marisa?
Very simple: postpone the
appointment you made.
Why? - First we should listen to
a few of the discs, don't you think?
Let's go. Quickly!
Oh, no!
- Why?
Because you're Gianni's friend.
- So? - He's in Milan.
But we are in Rome,
on the Appia Antica!
With the crickets chirping,
the intoxicating scent of pine
and your perfume, Colette!
Oh, Roberto, you're a poet!
- You're my poetry!
Banker and poet.
- Yes!
ln France, bankers are bankers and
poets are poets. Italy is weird!
It's the nation of Dante.
- A banker?
I don't know!
I don't like it here. - Why?
- In a car is like common people!
Do you want us to go home?
No, talk to me some more!
Gianni is always preoccupied with
his debts, he never talks of anything else.
You, on the contrary, close the bank,
[in French] know how to speak to women's
hearts! - Flower of my garden!
Good evening.
Please, your documents.
- Eh, here.
The lady's as well.
- I'll answer for the lady.
It's the lady who must answer me.
Please, your documents!
But there's no need! Don't two
citizens have the right to be in a car?
Not like you were.
- What does that mean?
The lipstick is pretty obvious.
- How dare you?
I advise you to change your tone.
- What tone?!
I wasn't using any tone.
- Come on, the documents of that!
Go say "that" to your sister!
- Ah, really? - Yes, really!
Then we're all going to the police station.
- Stop being a pain in the ass!
Why can't you leave us in peace?!
- After her!
Who do you think you are?
Get your hands off!
Let's go! - How dare you!
- In the car! - Hands off!
It seems odd to me! It's something
I can't conceive of.
Possibly, at customs....
Entrez! Mah...
I've been thinking about what you said
about Roberto, nothing but stories!
You understand, the poor fellow!
They arrested him; with the responsibilities
he has at the bank it's a scandal!
Forget Roberto for now
and tell me why Customs confiscated.
the lingerie.
If it had been everything I'd understand,
not just some pieces! I don't see the grounds.
Have your tea. - Yes, yes, the tea!
So, what happened? Explain!
What happened? - What happened?
- So what happened? - What happened?
So what happened? Customs
stopped the car.
Whatever. - Then they opened the boot,
they saw the goods,
they took them and goodnight Vienna.
That's what happened... - Really...
"Really". When you're all
suspicious, it makes me nervous!
Tell me how the Customs' Officer
justified taking lace panties! Go on!
Ah, ah, ah! The Customs' Officer?
- Eh!
And French Customs' Officers are like
ours? - And how are they?
And someone other than your wife,
having a friend... That would sort
it out, that! - It would!
Eh, It would...
Now hear it from Peppino. If he tells
you it too, perhaps you'll believe it!
Because you are distrustful!
- Me? - Distrustful!
Distrustful! I'm telling you!
Hello, Mr Grimaldi?
Chambre 325.
Eh?
You speak to this Frenchman....
- Mmm.
Hello, chambre 325.
Ah, il est sorti? Bien. Merci.
ll est sorti. - ll est sorti?
He's out. - I understood,
I'm not a complete idiot!
MODERN PAINTING AND SCULPTURE
Oh! Ouch!
(In French) Mr Grimaldi,
they're waiting for you in the office.
Ah, bien, bien.
- The office is there.
This way?
- If you would. Look out.
This way please.
Bonjour, madame!
- Bonjour! Miss Margaret Davidson.
- How do you do? American? - No.
English. But I speak Italian.
I completed my studies in Florence,
at Poggio Imperiale. - The best.
Sit down, please!
- Thank you!
Here is the cheque, madame.
Congratulations, you've selected
6 truly excellent paintings.
I love paintings, art in general
and these paintings are a good investment.
Let's see!
It's on a Swiss bank.
Why do you have an account
in Switzerland as well?
I've got one in the Netherlands! You
never know, best to spread it around!
I understand very well.
Now if you give me the address, I will
have the paintings dispatched at once.
Yes:
corso del Rinascimento 327. Rome.
Rome! What a wonderful city!
Are you Roman?
No, no, no! I had a Roman uncle.
I'm from Naples.
Oh, Naples! What a lovely place!
Eh, Vesuvius, the singing,
the maccaroni with tomato and sausage.
Are you married? Have you a mother?
Brothers? A French poodle?
No, I live alone.
Uh, that's bad! How sad! Solitude
brings sadness, melancholy.
Can I make you a proposition?
Here's the Italian!
What would this proposition be?
I'd like to invite you for dinner tonight.
I have a friend with me, with his wife,
we won't be alone. Will you give me your address?
I live in the Champs Elysées.
- What a nice area!
Rue Balzac.
- Ah, what a pretty street!
Number 27.
- Uh, 27, erm...
So... may I pick you up at 8pm?
Yes, let's say 8pm.
- It's said!
Au revoir, madame!
Pardon, mademoiselle, eh?
You see where I've brought you?
So what are we drinking, whiskey?
- I don't know. Peppino, what are we drinking?
Champagne! We're in Paris! - You're
in good form! - Lots of champagne.
If I never drank anything else, I'd be
fine. - Drink nothing else! - He already knows.
Are you coming with us to Rome?
- As for me, I'm there.
He's in and making an effort
But keep an eye on the pen! - Why?
Eh, what did you say she was called?
- Margaret. - Margaret?
That this prime beef doesn't
get engaged to you every month.
What does ''prime beef'' mean?
Prime beef is like....
It means when one is a beautiful girl.
- Here.
Then you too are prime beef!
- Prime beef! Put you in the broth!
Here.
- Thanks.
No, it's for her, not for you.
- Pardon, madame! - It's for me. - Combien?
2000 francs. - Ah!
- Understand?! - How fragrant!
What madness!
Would you like a cigarette?
One moment, my cigarettes.
It costs an arm and a leg! You're the
Aga Khan of the gin-joint. - When in Paris!
She's a beautiful piece
of prime beef, eh?
Cheers, Margaret!
- She's a good catch, eh?
Nice, eh?
Why don't we leave? This sort of
thing is old hat. Agreed, Peppino?
Yes, yes, yes.
It would be best to go.
Especially as I no longer feel in the mood.
- Let's go!
Plus you're tired,
must get up early tomorrow. Let's go!
Who can make sense of you?
The one time I'm allowing you
to watch a pretty girl undress,
you want to go?!
She's not so pretty!
- Very graceful! - Mmm.
I think it's an amazing number!
But...
But yes, that is my model!
It can't be! - It's ''Wifey'',
I'm telling you! - Looks like it, but isn't!
She's the Customs' Officer, is she?
Scoundrel!
Actually it was Peppino who....
- Actually he's a scoundrel too!
But what's going on here?
Nothing.
- Nothing, it's a prank. Let's go.
Leaving me on my own, Peppino?
- One time it doesn't end like this!
No, Lisa, let me explain.
- Explain what?! - Guess who she is?
The Customs' Officer's girlfriend. - And
the other's his granny? - The granny, bravo!
Idiot!
- Ah!
And it's the chlorophyll
that makes plants green.
You know it all. But on one thing
I would beat you. - What?
Famous quotes. Who loses, pays.
Are you in? - I'm in.
I'll start. Who said:
'' Better to fight in the shade''?
Leonidas at Thermopylae.
- Bravo! Your turn.
What did Caesar say
when he crossed the Rubicon?
Eh! ''The die is cast''!
I lost again.
I owe you 1,750,000 sterling.
You can pay me at your leisure.
- Ah, thanks very much!
When I play for fun,
I always lose fantastic sums.
Because when you play seriously,
you win? - No, I lose even more.
At least I am lucky in love!
Am I wrong or is your temperament
a little chilly?
Some like it hot, eh?
- Yes!
Oh, this is good! Shall we dance?
- Uh-huh.
Are you cold?
- Cold? No.
Excited?
- Excited? Why?
Then it's fear.
- Of what?
I don't know. But it seems to me
I can feel you trembling.
''And we will ring our bells''!
- The answer is correct! - Your turn!
Let me think. I want to find a
very difficult one. Wait a moment...
Who said: ''Love conquers all''?
''Love conquers all''...
All...
I don't know! Who said it?
- Me.
I told you it a minute ago.
That's not fair; it's cheating! - Cheating
or not, pay the forfeit! - What forfeit?
This.
I'm drunk.
Eh, never bring into the world
a child at age 20!
Why? - Because then
you find yourself at my age
with girls who are your age.
So? - So... it's tough,
you understand? Let's dance!
Good evening sister! Make yourself
at home! May I offer you a whiskey...
a Benedictine.
I've come to return the girls.
Nuri.
She's been very good!
Has the damage to the college
been repaired?
Yes! And it would be best
if the girls came back at once.
Quite right! Absolutely!
I'll go and fetch the car.
No need. Don't bother.
We have ours. - Good.
Goodbye!
Did you have fun?
- Yes, lots.
Goodbye! I'll write.
- Thank you!
Bye, daddy!
- Bye, baby girl!
Will you come to see me?
- Of course I'll come
Have you had a good time?
- Yes, yes.
No, lawyer!
This time I won't let it pass!
Madame, you're right, but put yourself
in your husband's shoes a little. - Yes!
A man alone in Paris,
the city of temptation.
You know how many times I've forgiven
his temptations! The fool that I was!
Ah! The story about the Customers' Officer!
- He had to find an excuse!
I am a specialist in divorce,
but I try, whenever possible,
not to break up the family unit.
You will understand that
we cannot go to court
over a pair of panties
and a Customs' Officer.
Then leave the court out of it!
Is there no more Mexico? - Indeed!
Well, court, Mexico or Perù,
I don't want to see that man anymore!
The boy is now nearly grown up,
he's almost a doctor
and it's never too late to regain liberty!
I'll pay him alimony.
That will have to be! Dura lex sed
lex. ["Harsh, but it's the law"]
Layyer. - Excuse me a moment.
- Please. - What is it?
Miss Clara is on line three.
- Put her on.
Another poor woman!
Yes, it's me. Good morning, dear.
If those papers are ready,
I'd like to stop by.
They're ready,
indeed I was expecting to see you.
Renzino was on vacation.
I wanted to come with him
I was waiting for his return.
Let's see:
can you come today at 5pm?
Renzino, is 5pm okay to go?
- Fine, darling!
Coming at 5pm then.
Goodbye, lawyer!
But I'm telling you that in Milan
there was no work to be had!
I couldn't earn a lira!
So now, with Roberto's transfer to
Calabria, we're all screwed. - Yes.
There's still Peppino.
He returned from Paris euphoric.
Is he really getting marries? - It was
Love at first sight! - What?
Peppino says she's the ideal woman.
I'm showing her all over Rome.
Not for free?
I'm trusting Peppino will remember.
- Me and you should form a union.
Is it true he's bought her a horse
from the Trajan Forum? - Absolutely!
He says she's an artist
and must live among beautiful things.
He's finally learnt to open his wallet!
After tailoring all his life....
- ....he's got himself a Mercedes!
Not from me! I didn't even
make a dime.
But Peppino needed a real car!
- Funny!
Mummy, show some understanding:
daddy can't continue to live alone.
He has to come home.
I said no!
- Instead say yes!
Why are you playing the deceived young
bride? At your age? Be sensible!
I've been too sensible before!
So have I...
that's why I told dad to come here.
He's outside.
Can I call him? Mmm? Can I call him?
Well, call him, but I'm not
speaking with him.
One needs patience with you!
Dad!
Go!
How are you?
Giorgio wanted this and I....
Here you are right
because our child is involved
but you can't expect me
to have anything more to say to you.
From now on. I'm the only one to speak.
And we're closed.
Oh no! What're you doing?
What am I doing?
This is for the alimony!
I'll turn off the lights, wait.
Mind your head!
- Thanks, dear!
Hi, Wanda!
- Hi, Peppino!
Sorry I'm late, but I'm not used
to shopping with a woman
Love does this and more, dear Peppino!
This is why I was blind!
Now however, I begin to see well,
clearly and I'm happy!
Margaret will be here shortly.
She's arranging the things
we bought yesterday.
There were lots and it's important
they are in order. - That's fine.
Now check those lights in the hall, please!
Thanks for your help. - Don't mention it.
I'm happy to make myself useful.
Thanks! You're such a dear!
Margaret loves you too.
Your recommendations. I want her
to have nice clothes, a beautiful house,
I'm out of control!
Leave it, we have a queue of
seamstresses and antique dealers!
Good grief, poor me! Seamstresses!
Okay, seamstresses! You like it?
Not bad.
- I thought so! It's a Gemito!
What do you mean, a Gemito?
This is the Flemish school!
Yes! It's a Flemish Gemito.
Margaret chose it herself.
By the way,
I need you to find me something...
what's that name?
What?
- Damn! A... Stendhal.
What? - Don't make me say it again
because I can't pronounce it and it's embarrassing.
It's something....
- A Stendhal? - A standard.
Ah! - Standard?
- A Stendhal. - Stendhal!
But, Stendhal is a writer.
You want a book?
Yes, a book.
Then we will organise a nice party,
magnificent!
I want to present her to my friends.
We'll get Achille to organise it.
He's a specialist in these matters.
As long as he doesn't pull any pranks,
that idiot.
Margaret is a special girl,
has a particular spirit.
She won't tolerate certain vulgarities.
Darling! - Oh!
- Margaret, dear!
We're so late,
but Rome makes one lose all sense
of time. It's so beautiful! Ah, Rome!
Rome!
- Look out!
Rome, paradise and sepulchre,
city and solitude at the same time
and where "over the dead a light of
laughing flowers over the grass is spread".
[N.B. Adonais 49-52 (Go thou to Rome)]
Our Shelley was right. Do you know
of him? - He's been my client for years!
And all the great poets loved Rome:
Byron, Keats, Goethe, Stendhal.
I recommend Standard, eh!
You've organised a nice shindig!
This is just the prelude, you wait
until the grand finale! Shall we dance?
One part cognac,
three parts rum, two of whiskey
and lots of champagne! - Lots! How
much? Enough! - Oh, just for starters!
Can I have taste?
- Of course! - Thanks!
Won't it make you feel bad?
- Perhaps, but it's just the ticket.
Well, not bad, eh!
- Depraved!
Tell me: why is that gentleman there
looking so very serious?
He's being transfered to Calabria,
poor thing!
Come on, Roberto, what's up with you?
Don't be making that face!
Be brave! Join in with us!
You too can dance!
This will do the trick!
Drink some of this!
Go easy on it. - What is it?
- Reinforced camomile. - Ah!
Look at those two:
San Marino, Mexico, Perù and now....
Margaret.
She's pretty cute, eh?
Maybe, but she has no class.
For you, ''class'' means a skank
in a nice outfit.
Hey! We need the complete gang:
Gianni, Colette, Mario, Lisa, where
are you? - I'm here! Here I am, see?
So I propose a game of truth.
- Oh, yes! Good!
Colette, come! We're going to play
the game of truth, like ''tricheurs'' .
Mario, are you sure?
You're okay with thise, eh?
He is, he is!
- All right!
And so here's the first question:
was the Customs' Officer
blonde or brunette?
Red-head! There. Who can remember?
- Mmm, red-head...
The truth! The truth!
- Tell the truth.
There were two: one blonde
and one brunette. Two.
How much of a louse are you?
- But it's a game, Lisa!
A redheaded Customs' Officer, when
does that happen! You can...
Now, if I may, I'd like to ask
a question of my own.
May I? - Certainly.
- Miss. - Eh?
The truth, eh!
- Mmm.
What are you thinking at this moment?
The same thing you're thinking.
Then forgive me.
What are you thinking?
- Shush!
Roberto, your turn.
You now have to expose yourself
in front of everyone. - What?
About the name of that girl who was
with you on the via Appia. - I can't.
Come on! - Bravo! A gentleman
takes his pleasure and is silent.
Was she blonde or brunette?
- Brunette.
Nationality?
- Swedish. - Impossible:
the only things in Sweden that have
brown heads are the matches,
everything else is blonde.
Of course as a game,
this is very clever.
You need to get your liver treated.
- And you your brain
Those Swedes are prime blonde beef.
What do you say? Who was this
mysterious Swede of Roberto's?
What do I care of this nonsense!
This is getting ridiculous!
Even kids don't play games like this.
- What's come over you?
I'm just sick of it!
- What's up? Idiot! Hang on!
This is catching fire
like Swedish matches!
I may have been a bit insinuating,
but come on, let's not overdo it!
What's the big deal
Maestro, Charleston!
Shall we dance?
Ah, good!
What were you thinking earlier?
Is it what I think?
No! I was thinking what I was thinking.
- Ah...
Try this!
Here!
The English girl is off the leash, eh?
- Now we'll see something!
What a remarkable woman!
She'll have the shirt off your back too.
- Eh!
Good, eh!
Thanks!
Achille!
- Achille!
What's happening? Achille!
My good Achillone! May I?
We need a doctor!
- Yes, a doctor!
In Italy, everyone's a doctor.
But when you need one, none are around!
A doctor!
- Come on! Give him room!
Poor thing... - This is life:
we're anxious, we run...
Shame, he was a great customer.
Poor Achille! He always said it:
''Heart attacks are reserved for men''.
Maybe he smoked too much...
He was always cheerful, always joking.
He jokes and then
the heart attack comes for real!
I only just met him,
but he seemed a dear.
He was intelligent,
bright, cultured...
And he danced so well!
Danced, was intelligent...
You've already given up on him, poor thing!
Let's wait! I know someone
who had three heart attacks
and survived. Yes, three times!
No!
He was such a good sort!
He looks like he's sleeping.
- Our poor Achille!
I can't believe it.
He's still warm! - What's the time?
- About 4am.
I had you fooled! I had you fooled!
I've always hated this! Always!
The final prank!
- Always!
Achille,
go fuck yourself!
You all fell for it, eh!
Can you believe that rogue?
What he did! Ugly....
Come with me.
Goodbye!
Where are you taking me? - To do
another striptease, if Peppino allows.
Please.
Listen, I have a new project for
tomorrow, then I'll call you!
Is Giorgio back in the villa?
- Of course. - Yes? - Eh!
Then everyone to the Trevi fountain!
- And last to arrive pays! Eh?
Ready?
Go!
---
We had a good race, eh?
I'm not driving with you anymore!
- Coward!
I drive very well!
I was born in an automobile!
Carry on like this, you'll die in one!
- Don't believe it.
Every time he took a bend,
I though I'd have a heart attack!
Unfortunately, heart attacks
are reserved for us men.
Dear, please excuse me for a moment.
There's the fountain, it's free.
- Mariu',
your rust-bucket is falling apart.
When will you sort it out? - What with?
I have a great 2000! - The 2000?
How much have you had to drink? - Be off with you!
Good evening everyone!
Wait a moment,
we've lost someone outside.
Yes, of course: Wanda and Lisa.
Meanwhile, let's have a drink.
- Okay.
My fine filly, what are you up to?
Come here! - Yes, one moment.
You know,
it was Saturday's usual canasta.
Just a small canasta: 300,000 lire!
You shouldn't play with Giacometti:
he has a fortune!
I can't give you it: I've spent
all I have on that collection from Paris.
Why don't you ask Peppino: he's so much!
- No, I'm not asking Peppino.
It's for the best:
a woman should only ask a single
man for marriage.
You must be joking!
Why? He's a total snob
and you're a countess!
Yes, but before deciding to marry,
my dear!
Of course, he's always been nice to me,
he's a dear. - I'll say!
I supply his tailoring. He's never
paid a bill. - I bet!
The bank says he is a solvent person!
Money is guaranteed by real estate.
I still have 15 million,
which will increase with the usual returns.
Plus I'm earning interest.
- But I must look after my own interests.
Renzino, when we are talking business,
put less spirit in those!
Don't try to charm me! We're too old.
At this age, memories are better than reality
I pity your wife!
Having to put up with you!
I salute you! - You're full of talk,
but at night you go to bed alone.
Ah, yes, because the day doesn't exist.
Ask Peppino! He'll tell you.
Of course!
- What do I know?
With the telephone numbers I gave you,
did you play the lottery? - On the tombola!
Ah! What are you! Always talking
the same way! - Imagine!
It's that time again! Tomorrow
I have to depart! - Cut it out! - Careful!
Where are you going? Milan? - Yes,
to see Pietrangeli's lawyer.
Ah, you can relax. He's arranged
three divorces for me.
Shall we get going? It's 3am
and I have to work tomorrow!
You're telling me!
I open the shop at 9am.
Give me two bicarb: my stomach
is growling like a cat.
Well, of course! - This is making me hungry.
Give me a salami sandwich.
Hear that?
She has a raging digestion.
On her bedside table,
for when she is thirsty
she has a bottle of mashed lentils.
Imagine! - What a fool!
If I'm hungry I'm hungry, right?
- I was joking!
Watch what you eat tonight!
- Keep your voice down.
You're ignoring the details that Farina
brought.
I thought I could rely on you.
- Poor cocoamut, you're mistaken!
And tomorrow I'll let you try the 2000.
Let me try the Frulian! - Who's that?
- Your servant that I like so much!
Ah, idiot!
Give me 50 lire.
- Why?
I want to play ''Nessuno''.
- No, you can't at this hour.
Right, this is the time
people are sleeping.
Here's the only intelligent thing
I've heard so far.
Lisa, we can't carry on like this!
Let's go! - Yes, Peppino is right!
Let's go. - Good night!
Be seeing you! - Good night!
Let's go, guys! - Wake up!
- Good night means good night.
He's going.
- Well? - Oh!
Last time you hit me
so I paid for it all.
Now either you pay or
everyone pays his own.
I understand: his wallet
has a thermionic valve:
once the money goes in, it never
comes out. Oh well, I'll pay.
Pay, pay!
Come on, let's hit another dive
before the sun comes up!
But isn't this your son's car?
My son? Our son.
It's definitely Giorgino's car. He's
back from Sabaudia. - Indeed. - Indeed.
The upstairs is off.
Come on.
Try to make as little noise as possible.
- Of course!
Hang on! Let me catch up!
Shush! Shush!
Cough quietly or he'll hear us.
Here we go!
See how bad it is
for your poor dad?
You're nearly a doctor,
why don't you do something?
With the strain he's under, you
could avoid these late hours at night.
Why the patting?
All I needed was a little saliva.
But Giorgino has a point: you are
in bad shape! Poor thing, it's true.
Well, why have you come back? Didn't
you find Silver Bay enjoyable?
Very nice, but I needed my books.
There: it's passed.
- If you could see your face...
Why, what's up with my face?
Smoking, drinking, not sleeping.
It will take its toll.
This is what I'm always telling him.
Well, I'm going to bed. Good night.
I'm coming too. - Don't stand around
in bare feet! You'll catch a chill!
Barefooted, like a thief afraid
of the noise. - Ah!
You look the very picture of a mess.
- What mess?
Tell me, what mess?
Your own. The arteries at a certain age
lose elasticity, they harden.
The blood finds circulation difficult
and then one fine day.... - What day?
What day?
Heart palpitations. Aorta dilated.
I curse the day you started studying
medicine. Oh!
I'm tired of having to act
like your parents.
Stop drinking, eating too much,
smoking and going to bed late.
And make myself a friar...
And make yourself comfortable. Have you
thought of mum? She needs to run the store.
Haven't you understood? I only do this
for her! Just for her!
A poor woman who works all day
has the right to some leisure, no?
You call this ''leisure''?
Do what you like....
I'm going to sleep now because tomorrow
I go to the university. - University?
Staying in Rome?
And when will you return to the Bay?
Tomorrow, undoubtedly.
At least I'll be quiet. - Thank goodness.
Is everything at the villa in order?
- Yes. - Do you need anything?
A bit of money.
Mum will give it to you.
- I know! Good night. - I'll say goodbye.
So long, clever clogs!
Take heed of him, the doctor!
A cigarette. Ah.
Remember: have my morning suit
ready for tomorrow.
The wedding is at 10am.
Rest assured and best wishes to your
daughter. - Thank you.
It's a great day for a father.
You'll see: it's emotional.
So we are in agreement?
- Naturally. Thank you.
Accompany Mr. Marchese.
Until next time!
Is Leprotti's fitting ready?
Timbrotti! - Timbrotti.
- At noon, Commendatore.
Really, pins shouldn't be left.
Don't you know by now!
I've said many times that all the pins
should be collected.
But my words are in vain!
I brought the magnet especially!
How many we must have lost!
Where are you going, accountant?
To the bank, do you need anything?
One moment, listen, come,
we have a payment to make.
Here they are: pay these checks
into my personal bank account.
Did Mrs Colombrini leave the interest?
- Bernardini?
Bernardini! She left the interest?
- 86,000 lire.
Here they are: there are 4. Let's go.
And what should I do about Mr Gianni's
promissary notes?
They must be paid, what else?
Promissary notes must be paid. Don't I pay?
Then I'll add them to the collection.
- Yes, the collection...
...unless he wants a reduction of
100,000 lire.
This is when friendship can be an obstacle!
Here's what we'll do: you phone him,
you float the idea
without saying it comes from me,
without embroiling me. - I'll do that.
Commendatore!
- Can't you knock?
Someone's asking for you,
from Taxation.
Taxes... the Taxation?
Good grief, Taxation!
Okay, let's...
Tell them I'm coming...
Say... accountant...
When I talk about them, I start
to stutter, I get an attack of nerves.
I was expecting this visit.
She was expecting it! With that look
she tells me! She was expecting it!
They stick their noses in everywhere.
- If they'd only come for some tailoring!
The finances, the property,
the daytime hotel! - Shush!
Walls have ears around here!
Think this is a joke? Want me to
wind up in jail? - I don't.
Let's sort this out, accountant. Make
mistakes on these matters and you pay.
Everyone here is safe and I'm not?
Excuse me, are you Giuseppe...?
- Grimaldi. - Grimaldi.
Excuse me if I'm interrupting, but
it's something of a delicate matter.
Serious, even.
- Well...
Can we talk about it here? - I'd rather
not talk about it anywhere.
However, we can talk in my office.
Follow me.
Where is the maestro?
Hello, Peppino, is the test ready?
Actually no,
but I'm currently occupied.
Dear doctor!
Cavaliere, pleased to see you!
- Me too, always at your command.
How's the wife?
Is the grandson born yet?
Yes, a month ago! He's a bouncing boy.
Weighs 4kg. - Congratulations! I'm delighted!
Come and visit us.
- With pleasure. See you soon.
Don't worry about me: I can manage,
I'll come by later. - Wait.
Will you wait for me, please?
It concerns a friend.
No need for flattery, it can wait.
- No, listen... - Yes.
Tell me: do you really know him?
You know him well?
Tell me, you know...
- Sst!
Ah! Are you doing this on purpose?
You want to make it a kilometer!
Do I know him? That Count
Dracula, the vampire of money...
With a glance he can take an x-ray
of a locked safe
and know what's inside.
He knows everything about everyone!
And you couldn't intercede on my behalf,
since you're on good terms with him?
It's a matter of a back-hander.
- Palying tennis? - No! Money!
You need to give him a cut. - How
much am I looking at? - 100,000. - Ah!
Come on, don't be so cheap!
The physical is in your house and
you don't mess around with that, you know??
My great-grandfather had to emigrate
to Venezuela because of the physical.
My poor grandmother Gremilda,
70 years ruined because of the physical.
You should have seen how my brother looked,
after his physical.
When the physical is in your business,
it's ruination! Understand?
I've understood nothing: what is
this "physical"? - Physical? Fiscal!
What planet are you on?!
Fiscal, not physical! The taxman.
The schedule, yes.
Anytime is good for the physical.
It's an apocalyptic thing:
the more you give him, the less he sees.
Then 50,000, 60,000? - Oh no!
- 70? - What?
80? 86? That's enough.
Any more is impossible. - I'll try.
Try it, give it, go on.
How do I ''give it''?
''Hand them over'', what can I do?
These are nice and fresh. - Kiss them.
- Here.
Let's break out the glasses,
now the comedy is over!
You were great!
Now wait for me in the car.
He's my chauffeur, what an artist, eh?
And you fell for it completely!
You've always be mean to me.
And it's time to stop
with these stupid pranks.
Give me back the 100,000 lire!
- Firstly it was 86. - I'll sue you.
This is to pay for last night's whiskeys
and for future installments until it's exhausted.
I also gave you a good lesson
on the physical, eh?
I salute you!
Rotter!
Mr Gianni wants to speak with you.
- Eh, talking of rotters...
Hello? - Peppino? What did your accountant
mean about a curtailment?
I don't know...
This accountant lives in a world
of her own, it's a confusing mess.
Didn't we agree about a renewal?
- A renewal?
When did we talk about it? I don't recall.
- Last night, remember?
Today I hope to get the money for the
2000 from Mario. If he pays me in cash, fine.
Otherwise I'll give you
one of his promissary notes.
If Mario pays by promissary note,
make sure his wife signs too.
The endorsement, you get me? Be careful.
- Of course! You take me for a fool?
Yes, okay.
Thanks, bye.
Colette! - Mmm... - Colette!
- Let me sleep!
Peppino has renewed my credit
and if Mario buys the car,
we have 2 or 3 days' breathing space!
Are we rich? - Of course!
- Kiss me. - No, not now.
Answer it!
I'm sleepy!
Hello?
Hello, Roberto.
Yes, at once. Gianni!
Who is it?
- It's Roberto!
Oh, God! The IOUs I paid.
No, he's up!
He was about to leave. Here he is.
Hello, my dear old thing!
- Hello, Gianni.
Good news: the promissary notes
I'd doubted have turned out fine.
Yes. It's already done....
Excuse me a moment.
I've already credited the amount
to your account.
Splendid!
You really are a dear! Thank you.
Okay. I'll hand you back to Colette.
Be nice.
Yes? What?
I had the feeling you'd just woken up.
- Of course I'd just woken up.
It must be tremendously early!
But here you are already at work,
poor thing!
No, you don't have to apologise!
It was so nice to be woken up this way.
Yes, it's so nice in bed!
Mmm? Oh, what did you say, Roberto?
On the phone you become dangerous.
Sadly it is a metaphysical danger.
- I don't know what that means, but it could be.
What are you doing today? - I'm going
to Silver Bay. And skiing as usual.
Yes, around noon, I think.
Of course... Those who love me, follow me.
Nice of you to have come.
- ''Those who love me follow me'', you said.
Renzino has come with me.
Is he here too? Without Clara
he must be sad. - Mah...
Excuse me.
Hi, Colette! - Hi!
- Are you sad, Renzino? - Me? Why?
Colette said so. - Clara's not here?
- Yes, but it's only two days.
Renzo: Look at him!
- But who is it?!
Hey, greetings!
- Achille! We should have known.
Are you mad? Diving at your age!
- Heart attack! - Hey!
What fish did you catch?
- Fish?
It's just the two piece of an amphibious
siren of the lake. - What?
To startle your eye with a unique
show in cinemascope,
Elena is stuck naked in the middle of
the lake in a motorboat. Go on, take it back.
Elena naked?
I don't care. Give me that.
You know, when one can do a friend
a favour...
By the way,
have you seen Gianni?
You're a nosy old man!
- I didn't mean anything, just for the record!
His stupid jokes! Elena naked in the
middle of the lake! Renzino didn't waste time.
Talking of Clara...
Typical man!
- We're not all the same, dear.
You're different? Yes, you're different.
In fact, you are the only man fully-dressed
amid all these nearly-naked men.
Tie,
shirt...
- Colette! - What?
The trouble you cause!
[In French]
You don't like it?
- Very much.
Roberto, rub some cream on my shoulders.
- At once.
Help me.
Go away, please!
Please, go away!
Go away, please! I'm naked!
Precisely! I'm returning your costume!
- Don't come close!
No, relax! I'll stand off
- Go away, I said!
What are you doing?
You promised not to come close!
Go! Go! Go away!
- Go!
Ouch! Mind those pins!
- Please be patient,
it's not the first time I've served you.
- No!
When I have a fitting, it's always Peppino!
Indeed, won't you get me Peppino?
Here I am. What's going on? When
you come here, there's always so much noise.
May I? If I may say, between us,
this jacket isn't up to much.
Actually it's not the jacket that....
- Meaning... - I'm not saying that.
You've been eating too much, got fat.
Your stomach's blown up like a bagpipe.
- No.
You used to measure me, now who measures
me? - The carpenter. - Hey!
Actually there is too much.
What were you doing, Petruccio?
- Kick out this Petruccio.
This is getting on my nerves!
- What are you doing? Ripping it all up?
Here, get rid of this. Give me the jacket.
I'm very sorry. - Yes, "be patient".
- Come back the day after tomorrow for the measuring.
Why the day after tomorrow? I need
the jacket for Paris.
You're going to Paris?
- To Paris.
Lisa's doing her usual underwear show,
so I'm taking the car. - Ah.
I bought the car from Gianni.
- Ah, so you've decided at last. - Yes.
And in cash? - Of course.
- You did the right thing.
It's not proper for a shopowner to use
promissary notes... - Lisa thinks the same.
Lisa, the whole gang, the only one
you trust is yourself. - Naturally!
You must hear: '' Peppino is here, there,
Peppino is right!'' . - May I?
Lisa is a classy woman,
she knows I'm a man who has charm.
Peppi'.
- I must confess.
Yes? Then go to the church next door.
You come to me?
I haven't explained: I've something
very important to share with you.
Let's hear it.
- You know what I've done?
I've told Lisa
that you're coming to Paris with us.
Are you drunk: I have tailoring,
workers, I am a worker.
Well, a holiday...
- No, no, no.
Ah! You could buy some paintings there,
put one there, another here...
But does one buy paintings to put
one there, another here?
Painting are bought as a speculation!
Do you know Paris well?
- Sorry? - Do you know Paris well?
Me? I know Paris like the walk
to Santa Lucia, to via Veneto.
The walk on the Champs Elysée is like...
that to piazza Duomo in Milan.
Then come with us, we will
have a whale of a time!
???
Ah, the women!
- The women, bravo.
How will you manage with your wife
suffering in the car? - That's the plan!
We will go on the car
and she will follow.
You've thought of everything, eh?
- Everything. - Then it's agreed.
Talk with Lisa tonight and
explain everything - But....
Talk with Lisa tonight and explain
everything. - But....
Talk with Lisa tonight and explain
everything, yes. - You're a pal!
I must go, it's late.
- Have a coffee first.
A coffee for the Commendatore. - Hold
that. - Hold that. - If it were up to me...
See how a poor wretch must go to work
at an hour like this!
Eh, what can you do...
Bye, Peppi'. - Be good!
- Bye! - Be good, Mario.
What was I supposed to do tonight?
Ah, see Lisa and explain everything.
I call this '' Peut-être'' [Maybe] ,
sells well in Paris.
Okay. And that ''Lunik''. - Yes,
after Khrushchev it's very fashionable.
[N.B. Lunik was a Russian satellite]
And this.... - This....
- ''Un jour viendra''. - Yes, excellent!
Lisa, how much business have we done?
What time do you call this to show up?
- A good one, considering my nerves.
Just as well I was readying the catalogue
for Paris, otherwise we'd be closed.
Don't you have a watch?
Good, Lisa. I've felt tired today.
- Oh, poor cocoanut, so much work!
Only you work! I'm having fun!
Where have you been all this time?
- At... - Don't tell your usual lies.
Then I won't say anything!
- No, you'll talk: where were you?
Working for you.
For your Paris fashion show.
Who's is this?
- The Marquise Bucceni's.
Make her pay cash! You never know with
these marquises, especially in the bank.
Where have you been?
- To foreign trade. Yes.
They said that permission for the export
of your models
will take at least 20 days. This is
why my nerves are playing up tonight.
A fine mess!
Thank goodness Peppino came up with
an idea that'll.... - What?
Madame, it seems to me we're down
to the items that don't really work.
It's common stuff, junk.
- You can call it ''junk'', look at that!
What are you muttering? - Eh?
- What did you say?
Nothing! In my opinion, that piece
will be the rage of Paris.
The girl's not coming to Paris!
I'm not talking about the girl,
but the camiknickers!
Indeed yes, it doesn't work, discard it.
- Discard it, go.
I can't find a name
for the catalogue for this.
Eh, yes... - ''Wifey'' .
- ''Wifey''? - It's cute! - Dear!
''Wifey'' it is.
- Okay, we'll call it ''Wifey''.
Enough for tonight, we'll resume
tomorrow. - Very good. Get dressed.
What's this idea of Peppino's? - Splendid!
He says he's going to Paris by car.
By car? - Yes, because the 2000
has a big luggage rack
and it could carry everything!
Okay, but the problem
of Customs still exists.
It'll be easier! Peppino knows! He's
done it... He'll explain it to you tonight.
Maybe, but I suffer in the car so much.
- Here it is! You fly in later.
Ah, here it is! Me in a plane, you
alone in Paris. - ''Alone''! With Peppino...
I convinced him,
this way he can help me out at customs.
Plus he wants to acquire some pictures...
Then Peppino's coming too?
- Of course!
Oh, that's a different matter!
I trust him! He's serious, him!
Yes, because if I was alone in Paris,
you know how I'd binge!
Good evening!
- Good evening.
Good evening.
Good evening.
Good evening, miss!
- Good evening.
Good evening.
- Good evening.
Bye, Sonia.
You want to stop looking like that?
You'll end up hurting your eyes.
And then how would I look
at my jealous little girl?
Let's go, it's late.
- Let's go, it's late.
Close up the store, eh?
Watch your head!
- Much you care!
Oh, no! Too much light! I still have
the sun from the lake in my eyes.
What a misfortune on that motorboat!
Pirate! - It's not the sort
of thing I normally do.
You behaved like a little boy.
It was a spectacle prohibited to
children of under 16 years old...
I shouldn't have come here tonight.
If Federico knew!
Husband?
- Worse! Lover!
He gets very jealous!
As for my marital status,
I'm still single.
Would you like a Baby?
Meaning?
- A small whiskey, it's what they call it.
Yes, I want to drink tonight,
smoke, I want.... - What?
I want lots of things...
- With a little ice? - Yes, thanks.
No. Federico... - Shall we forget
about this Federico for a while?
He is my remorse.
No, I don't want to get blotto.
You ["tu"] drink it.
Thank you for the ''tu'' .
You're enchanting tonight!
More than on the lake?
- This is different.
I prefered it nude.
You're right:
works of art shouldn't be covered up.
They are made to delight the eyes.
- No, not like that!
Like this...
this...
this.
And this. - No.
Perhaps I shouldn't have come. - Why not?
If Federico is spying on me?
Talk about him.
- About Federico?
Yes, if you talk about Federico,
I feel I'm less betraying him.
Okay, Federico! Federico!
Federico!
- What a beautiful rain!
Look out: hail!
They're buzzing.
- They're buzzing.
Ah, and how they buzz! - Who's buzzing?
- Federico. Federico?! - Federico?!
God! Where can I go?
- That way.
I should have guessed!
- There! - Yes, there.
Achille! What a dumb joke!
Go to hell!
Let's hope not, sir.
Oh, sorry, sister. I thought....
- I've been ringing for ages!
Daddy!
- Marisa!
Daddykins!
- Marisina!
Well?
- Well... come in.
It's a rather unusual hour.
What's going on?
- There's been a fire at the college.
You started it?
- No!
Please! - A short circuit has damaged
the dorm. - I see.
So we thought of bringing back the
students who have family in Rome.
We thought you'd be happy to
have your Marisa for a few days.
Of course! Absolutely! Very happy!
It's really a nice surprise!
Yes...
A trifle unexpected,
but a nice surprise.
Sister, would you like a drink?
A grappa? - No, thank you.
No, go and change in there.
It's ringing.
The doorbell, daddy.
- The doorbell? - Yes, sir, the doorbell.
Ah, yes, the doorbell. - Why don't you
open it? - Of course I'll open it.
Meanwhile, you go in there and
get changed.
Sister, would you mind helping
with the unpacking? - Oh, no.
Give me that, daddy.
Coming!
Who is it, Federico?
- What, Federico?! It was a nun.
At this hour? What did she want?
- Alms.
Wait there.
Here, have a drink.
Now who can that be?
- This time it's definitely Federico.
Who is it?
- Police.
Who's there, daddy? - The cleaning
lady. - At this hour?
She comes when she can.
- Strange sort of cleaning lady!
That's the cleaning ladies of today.
Open in the name of the law.
Where are you going? Excuse me!
On-the-spot inspection!
Right, here we have a violation of
article 516. - Which article?
The mink stole, gloves and handbag,
here; this is what it is.
Sorry, commissioner. - Holding an
intimate conversation behind closed doors.
Will you listen, commissionder?
Achille? Oh, no! You deserve
a heart attack! - Stop, look...
perhaps I am a little inopportune,
but I didn't suppose you'd already
have up here
the siren of the lake.
- What siren? Be off with you!
You're not going to claim this is a nun's?
- Who told you that? - Is there a nun?
Varlets!
Come in! There's a nun!
Don't get smart with us.
Where is this wildcat!
Gianni, faster!
The nun!
So it was the truth?
- Yes.
I'm going now.
Renzino! Where is Renzino?
Oh! Look!
Good evening. - Evening.
- Evening.
Good evening.
- Oh! - Bravo!
Here, on the table!
On the table, come on!
Peppino is right
to want to remain a bachelor!
I understand! One phone call and
certain remedies.... Where have you been?
Marisa.
- Daddy! Oh!
Good heavens!
Perhaps this is the moment
we should be going.
What's up? Is he the father?
- Achille, come with us.
Come on.
Tally ho!
Bye, ''Lolita''!
Sorry, lawyer,
but they rush so much these days in Rome.
Now that we have the consent of your
husband, we await the outcome.
It's a step forward that three days ago
you were a mrs, now you're almost a miss.
With all the qualities of a mrs.
A pleasant surprise for Renzino!
A double surprise, I'd say.
- Why?
He's not expecting me this morning!
There's a telephone! Excuse me.
You want to wake Renzino this early?
- No, no.
I only want to avoid the mistakes of
certain husbands who arrive unexpectedly.
Hello?
No answer, he must've left already.
He's always on the go!
Hello? Go to hell!
Hi!
- Daddy...
Who was it?
- Nobody.
Then I'm going back to bed.
- But I'm hungry!
Then eat.
- What?
I don't know, hop to it, look in
the fridge. There'll be something.
I'm going to have a shower.
I wonder how they could've set fire
to the college.
The sisters don't smoke.
- No, they don't. - Then who?
Us girls, secretly.
- Would you like a cigarette?
No, thanks,
I never smoke on an empty stomach.
Not even on a full stomach!
Is is possible I have a daughter
who smokes, dances, uses profanities?
Yesterday you made me look very bad
in front of my friends.
You know you hang out with a nice gang?
- Yes, but Achille sometimes goes too far.
Which one was Achille?
- The fat one, with a mustache.
But call him ''Mr Achille''.
The one with the paunch?
- Yes, he's ill-fated.
Why? What does he do?
- He's a pharmacist.
Well, he has two pharmacies, he
does nothing, just cashes the cheques.
And that other guy? - Who, Mario?
He doesn't do anything either,
but on the other hand
he has a very rich wife.
And are we rich or poor?
- I don't know. It depends.
With the type of work I have...
Go to the kitchen and get something
to eat.
But where will we go for breakfast?
I don't know, in some restaurant.
There are many in Rome.
I'm not going to some restaurant
dressed as a schoolgirl.
Okay: let's go to a store
and buy you a nice dress. Go on.
Good morning.
Was it you that answered the phone
earlier? - Yes.
Forgive me, may I know your age?
- 16.
That pig!
Listen!
Listen!
Aren't you daddy's woman?
Marisa! The college? - It caught fire,
we're "burnt youth".
[N.B. Burnt youth = 'Rebel without a cause']
Would you like some grapes?
- Thanks.
You ["Lei"] are really very pretty.
- Come on, you can use "tu".
You know that last night
I slept in your room?
You have some amazing clothes! - Ah, yes?
- Daddy's promised me a new dress.
We'll go together, shall we?
- Okay.
And when will you be married?
- Soon.
Miss.
What?
What ''easy''! These are not things
that can break! Relax!
Put that here.
Renzino, those addresses in Paris.
- I'll give them to you right away.
I'm putting you in charge of my things,
Peppino, because he's so easily distracted.
This trip worries me.
As soon as we arrive in Paris
I'll call you! - Bye.
I told you his boot was as big as
a house, right?
Have a good trip, Peppino.
- Bye, Wanda. - Bye, dear.
I've written a couple of thngs here
you could get me from Paris.
And a souvenir bottle of Poitou.
Don't forget the Hermès' scarves.
I rely on your taste. - The bottle!
But who's paying for all this?
- Always thinking of money!
The coffee! - I'll take it
after the amount you've eaten here!
The thermos is for them
on their trip.
Bye, Lisa, see you in Paris.
Many kisses to Giorgetto
and go to the villa regularly
to see how the boys are.
No need, I can do it:
it's a few days until I go to Sabaudia.
Thanks for the hospitality towards my daughter.
- No need to thank me.
Indeed, she went too far: bringing
along a classmate as well!
Don't rush, it's not a race!
- Goodbye!
We're not leaving.
What's up?
- We're not moving!
What is it?
- We're not moving!
The spark plugs have gone! - What
have you done to it? - You wanna bet?
Are you sure this car is new?
Hey! - What? - The usual by
Achille. - Me? No! Oh, look!
I'll have this out with you one day.
- Not today because I'm busy.
You're a retard! You ruin everything!
- No! - You're a retard!
What have you done?!
- Lend us a hand.
Look at this nonsense!
What can we use? - Hi, Mariu'!
Is it you? - What a car you have!
- A car... How are you?
I'm in a bit of a pickle this morning!
- Say no more, we'll sort it out!
Hey Gige', lend a hand, this is my
nephew's car! Come on!
You see where he came from?
If he hadn't met poor Lisa!
You can go, Mariu',
they've unfrozen you!
Bye!
- So long!
Bye, Gianni! Bye, Colette!
- So long everyone!
I'm off. I have to defuse
the bomb you left in my room.
It wasn't me.
- That's odd.
I'd like to know who the cuckold was
who pulled this prank.
I wouldn't know, I'm a bachelor!
- Ow! Ow! Ow!
Did that hurt?
- Oh, God!
Girls, stop! I have to study!
With this racket I can't get anything done!
What a sourpuss!
Hello? Is that you, mum?
I wanted your news.
How are the girls?
Hello? Hello?
Giorgio?
- Hello.
I asked how are the girls!
Are they good? - Very good, mum.
Two little angels.
Be good to them, like a good host.
Dad called from Paris last night.
Let's hope he doesn't tire himself out.
No! Be nice, Denise, you're tickling me
under the double chin!
Lazarus! Whiskey?
- You've had enough! - What ''enough''?
We must drink! We must be merry!
We must be... what's the word? Jewish!
Jewish? I'm not Jewish.
- What did she say? - She's not Jewish.
What's it to me! - Search me.
You made a mistake. - Oh well.
Ladies, my friend meant to say
that we should drink and be jolly.
Me? Today I have a cough...
Coffee? Muy bien! So, 1 coffee,
2 coffees, 3 coffees, 4 coffees!
''Cough'' doesn't mean ''coffee''.
- What does it mean? - It means....
But are we here for language lessons?
Let's go! Forget about this!
But are you giving up, Peppi'?
They're French, need a little working on.
Leave it to me. Vive la France!
Et allons enfants de la folie!
What crap!
- Pourquoi?
These national anthems are getting us
nowhere. - So?
Undress them. - What? - I think I'll
start with myself. - What will that achieve?
I'm going to undress. - Why?
- To excite them. - Cover up, Peppi'.
Where's your gumption?
So? The gifts you promised us?
She said ''cadeau''! - Don't you know:
''cadeau'' means ''gift''. - I know!
See what happens, watch.
Le cadeau later. - Eh?
- Après. - Bravo!
No, at once!
You see? ''Cadeau'' and ''subito''
are the only words they know in any language.
I have an idea.
- Tell me.
I'll show you how to get them undressed
double quick. - Let's see it!
Excuse me!
Peppino, what're you doing? - Leave
this to me! - Don't do something crazy!
Let me do this!
- Don't make a false move! - Oh!
Look, madame!
- Oh, la-la!
Mademoiselle! C'est belle?
- Cute! - Oui!
Pour vous, mademoiselle! - Oui, merci!
- Peppino, what are you doing?
- Regardez. Eh? - Oh, monsieur,
c'est très jolie! - You like it?
Pour vous, mademoiselle. - Merci!
- Peppino, you'll ruin me! Not the black one!
It's a model.
- Que c'est chic!
Ah! Un moment!
Nous donner vous this lingerie if in
our presence you le prouvez.
Ah, non, non!
Then give it back! Who're we kidding?
- One item is missing!
Peppino, why are they crying? - I don't
know. Why're you crying? What's up?
Nous nous deshabillons
si vous allez là.
Uh! I get it! They'll undress, but
as they're shy, we can't watch.
Okay, mademoiselle. - Will they undress?
- Allons, come on!
And then you'll...? - Uh-huh!
- Allons, mon ami!
No, no, no. Tournée-vous!
Turn around. I've done it.
- What have you done?
Play the big shot with someone else's stuff!
- A few things! - Try telling Lisa!
And how will she find out!
I'll get the stuff back.
- Okay. - I'll take it back.
Oh, oh, look, look! Mmm!
Crikey, give me your glasses!
- Here! - I can't see very well!
Now I can't see properly. - You're
blind. - Let me see the brunette!
It's a sin! How little I can see!
Go and answer the phone.
The phone.
- You go! - Go and answer.
It's your room
plus I'm on holiday!
What if it's the police?
- What police! Go! - I'm going?
Hello? Ah!
Good grief, the police?
- Worse: Lisa.
My love, how are you?
I'm here in my room with Peppino.
No, he can't say hello:
he's sick.
In bed with a high fever.
- Find a pretext and send her away.
Find a pretext... Eh?
No, Peppino said ''Find a pretext
and send the maid away'' .
There's a maid who brought some tea,
that's who he means, means...
He said ''send her away'' .
- I'm having the blonde, you the brunette.
The blonde, no.
- I'm telling you.
Because there were two maids,
a blonde and a brunette.
The blonde no, because she came,
brought the tea and left at once, yes.
I don't feel so well myself!
- I saved this.
I'm hearing a ringing that I didn't mention!
- Vous allez! Damn!
I said ''Peppino, I saved it''!
He was seriously ill! I saved him!
They've locked themselves in.
- They've even locked us in!
Things... No, the suppositories!
They're locked in the bedside table
and Peppino can't open it.
See if you can open it. Try!
It won't open!
Allons!
- Un moment, Denise!
These French bedside tables, when
you close them they no longer open.
It seems impossible, eh?
When one is abroad, in a hotel,
and feels ill, one can lose one's mind.
Now the bedside table is jammed!
Peppino, try to open the bedside table!
It won't open! - You must open the
bedside table! - Ah!
You hear how he cries out? It's bad.
He's really serious! I'm telling you.
No, it's the nuns
who've come for the hypodermoclysis.
He has a hypodermoclysis every so often.
Eh, well... Au revoir! Sisters!
Au revoir! Sisters!
Madame, mademoiselle, restez ici!
Ow! Damn!
Excuse me!
- Ah, why did I say ''sisters''?
Excuse me!
Well, I should've said it in French.
What's the phrase? ''Au revoir, soeur''?
Sorry! Well, it was me that got injured!
I'm looking forward to you
being here soon!
It's sad, away from home.
Here's Peppino. He's managed to close...
to open the bedside table.
Bye, lovely Lisa, sweetie. Well?
- Nothing! I encountered two vampires!
And them?
- Skedaddled!
Peppino, they've run off with everything.
This is all that's left, and that
other thing. Where is it?
You're wearing it on your head.
- Ah, so I am! Here it is!
Tomorrow Lisa arrives in Paris
and another French Revolution breaks out.
What an adventure!
What a shitty adventure!
Ow! Check my nose.
They hit me hard there.
Who cares about your nose!
Yes, you can do a carry-over transaction,
Come and see me, Commendatore.
Heaven forbid! It's my duty, Commendatore!
How are you? - Fine. I'd like to ask
some advice. - Cigarette? - Thanks!
You're welcome. - Director. - Sorry.
Engineer! I'll be right there. - You're welcome!
Hi! - Hi! - Lucky you that you have
no worries!
Get out of here! I'm chasing certain
butterflies! - Yes, a sob story!
And I have to go to Milan
to stop a certain someone
going to the lawyer's.
In fact, I must rush or I'll miss
the plane. - Bye! - Bye!
Tomorrow Colette wil see you about
that transaction. - One moment.
I'll hang on, eh?
It's pointless involving Colette. In
some things friendship is best left out.
If central management
find your guanantees valid
the transaction will proceed and I'll
be happy, otherwise I can't help.
Have a nice trip and say hello to
Colette! Bye. - Thank you. - Bye.
I'm so sorry!
- Good grief! So...
Director, may I?
- Excuse me. Be patient.
I'm in a bit of a hurry.
I have to get to Silver Bay.
I'm meeting my daughter.
Ah, I'm seeing you in a new light:
pater familias. - Eh, well...
I've brought some drinks.
Hey, a drink.
- Ah!
Thanks.
Thanks! - Let's go for a good swim,
not in the pool but in the lake.
Had enough of your microscope?
Between a microscope and you it's
an easy choice: you! - Getting into fourth?
Look out for yourself, Nuri!
- Look out for what?
After all, I'm only being asked
to go swimming, right? - Well, yes.
Okay, let's go.
But I must warn you
I suffer from cramp in the water
and if that happens, you'll have to
take me in your arms. Can you manage?
Let's try.
If I'm in the way, just shout, eh!
- Hey, guys! - Daddy!
Hi!
Greetings!
Our mister doctor! - My college
friend. - Delighted.
Is this the way to entertain the girls?
Sun and coca-cola?
Seaside resort stuff.
Am I right?
- Well said!
Let;s go then. What would you prefer?
Water skiing, tennis, volleyball?
Whatever you'd like!
Are you on the Olympic committee?
- No.
Daddy is always full of beans!
- His motto is: ''Life begins at 40''.
Promising!
- Well!
Tha's called ''drawing a blank'' .
- Fat lot I care!
You're burning up, doctor!
The body you desired has gone!
You want to zip it, little girl?
Do you want to come for this swim?
A replacement swimmer.
Okay then!
The sisters are always teling us,
''console the afflicted''!
But let's be clear:
I don't get taken by cramps.
Shall we go?
But look at this!
I've brought tea for doctor Schweitzer.
But what sort of ''doctor''? With you,
I feel like a specialist in children!
Did you get your milk this morning?
- I see! Methuselah has spoken!
Where did you put your white beard?
You joke too much. From now on, I'll
keep busy with my studies.
All right, here's a theme for you to play:
tell me about your friend Nuri.
The tongue can't stop poking the aching tooth!
- No, healthy teeth, fresh mouth.
Okay then, here we go
today Nuri got up at 12:00
had an aperitif, ate,
then she went out with my father. The end.
- Commendable.
My theme?
- No, no, your father.
Where do we go?
- To the Sinatra booth.
Thanks, miss!
I'd like this Parker.
Fine, miss!
4000 at the cash desk.
Is the Modugno booth free?
No, it's half an hour
those two have been in there!
Fantastic!
- We're buying it?
These too?
- All that you want.
Absolutely all?
- Absolutely all.
Good.
We'll take all these records.
All of them?
- All, all, all, all..
Can I make a phone call?
- Please.
Shall I arrange delivery, miss?
- No, no, we'll take them with us.
Hello?
Ah, it's you? They're lucky,
the ones who see and hear from you!
I've been very busy.
No, not even today.
We have 3 days to see the lawyer
to sign the documents.
It's not an easy step, you know.
- As you keep reminding me!
But no, I can't even have lunch.
But who do you want to go with?
With Marisa! I'm never there!
Well, to be frank,
do as you like. Bye.
Thanks! How much? - 140,000.
- All, all, all? - All.
Happy?
- Yes.
It's late! I promised Marisa
we'd go to the cinema in Sabaudia.
Instead, have dinner with me tonight.
- But what about Marisa?
Very simple: postpone the
appointment you made.
Why? - First we should listen to
a few of the discs, don't you think?
Let's go. Quickly!
Oh, no!
- Why?
Because you're Gianni's friend.
- So? - He's in Milan.
But we are in Rome,
on the Appia Antica!
With the crickets chirping,
the intoxicating scent of pine
and your perfume, Colette!
Oh, Roberto, you're a poet!
- You're my poetry!
Banker and poet.
- Yes!
ln France, bankers are bankers and
poets are poets. Italy is weird!
It's the nation of Dante.
- A banker?
I don't know!
I don't like it here. - Why?
- In a car is like common people!
Do you want us to go home?
No, talk to me some more!
Gianni is always preoccupied with
his debts, he never talks of anything else.
You, on the contrary, close the bank,
[in French] know how to speak to women's
hearts! - Flower of my garden!
Good evening.
Please, your documents.
- Eh, here.
The lady's as well.
- I'll answer for the lady.
It's the lady who must answer me.
Please, your documents!
But there's no need! Don't two
citizens have the right to be in a car?
Not like you were.
- What does that mean?
The lipstick is pretty obvious.
- How dare you?
I advise you to change your tone.
- What tone?!
I wasn't using any tone.
- Come on, the documents of that!
Go say "that" to your sister!
- Ah, really? - Yes, really!
Then we're all going to the police station.
- Stop being a pain in the ass!
Why can't you leave us in peace?!
- After her!
Who do you think you are?
Get your hands off!
Let's go! - How dare you!
- In the car! - Hands off!
It seems odd to me! It's something
I can't conceive of.
Possibly, at customs....
Entrez! Mah...
I've been thinking about what you said
about Roberto, nothing but stories!
You understand, the poor fellow!
They arrested him; with the responsibilities
he has at the bank it's a scandal!
Forget Roberto for now
and tell me why Customs confiscated.
the lingerie.
If it had been everything I'd understand,
not just some pieces! I don't see the grounds.
Have your tea. - Yes, yes, the tea!
So, what happened? Explain!
What happened? - What happened?
- So what happened? - What happened?
So what happened? Customs
stopped the car.
Whatever. - Then they opened the boot,
they saw the goods,
they took them and goodnight Vienna.
That's what happened... - Really...
"Really". When you're all
suspicious, it makes me nervous!
Tell me how the Customs' Officer
justified taking lace panties! Go on!
Ah, ah, ah! The Customs' Officer?
- Eh!
And French Customs' Officers are like
ours? - And how are they?
And someone other than your wife,
having a friend... That would sort
it out, that! - It would!
Eh, It would...
Now hear it from Peppino. If he tells
you it too, perhaps you'll believe it!
Because you are distrustful!
- Me? - Distrustful!
Distrustful! I'm telling you!
Hello, Mr Grimaldi?
Chambre 325.
Eh?
You speak to this Frenchman....
- Mmm.
Hello, chambre 325.
Ah, il est sorti? Bien. Merci.
ll est sorti. - ll est sorti?
He's out. - I understood,
I'm not a complete idiot!
MODERN PAINTING AND SCULPTURE
Oh! Ouch!
(In French) Mr Grimaldi,
they're waiting for you in the office.
Ah, bien, bien.
- The office is there.
This way?
- If you would. Look out.
This way please.
Bonjour, madame!
- Bonjour! Miss Margaret Davidson.
- How do you do? American? - No.
English. But I speak Italian.
I completed my studies in Florence,
at Poggio Imperiale. - The best.
Sit down, please!
- Thank you!
Here is the cheque, madame.
Congratulations, you've selected
6 truly excellent paintings.
I love paintings, art in general
and these paintings are a good investment.
Let's see!
It's on a Swiss bank.
Why do you have an account
in Switzerland as well?
I've got one in the Netherlands! You
never know, best to spread it around!
I understand very well.
Now if you give me the address, I will
have the paintings dispatched at once.
Yes:
corso del Rinascimento 327. Rome.
Rome! What a wonderful city!
Are you Roman?
No, no, no! I had a Roman uncle.
I'm from Naples.
Oh, Naples! What a lovely place!
Eh, Vesuvius, the singing,
the maccaroni with tomato and sausage.
Are you married? Have you a mother?
Brothers? A French poodle?
No, I live alone.
Uh, that's bad! How sad! Solitude
brings sadness, melancholy.
Can I make you a proposition?
Here's the Italian!
What would this proposition be?
I'd like to invite you for dinner tonight.
I have a friend with me, with his wife,
we won't be alone. Will you give me your address?
I live in the Champs Elysées.
- What a nice area!
Rue Balzac.
- Ah, what a pretty street!
Number 27.
- Uh, 27, erm...
So... may I pick you up at 8pm?
Yes, let's say 8pm.
- It's said!
Au revoir, madame!
Pardon, mademoiselle, eh?
You see where I've brought you?
So what are we drinking, whiskey?
- I don't know. Peppino, what are we drinking?
Champagne! We're in Paris! - You're
in good form! - Lots of champagne.
If I never drank anything else, I'd be
fine. - Drink nothing else! - He already knows.
Are you coming with us to Rome?
- As for me, I'm there.
He's in and making an effort
But keep an eye on the pen! - Why?
Eh, what did you say she was called?
- Margaret. - Margaret?
That this prime beef doesn't
get engaged to you every month.
What does ''prime beef'' mean?
Prime beef is like....
It means when one is a beautiful girl.
- Here.
Then you too are prime beef!
- Prime beef! Put you in the broth!
Here.
- Thanks.
No, it's for her, not for you.
- Pardon, madame! - It's for me. - Combien?
2000 francs. - Ah!
- Understand?! - How fragrant!
What madness!
Would you like a cigarette?
One moment, my cigarettes.
It costs an arm and a leg! You're the
Aga Khan of the gin-joint. - When in Paris!
She's a beautiful piece
of prime beef, eh?
Cheers, Margaret!
- She's a good catch, eh?
Nice, eh?
Why don't we leave? This sort of
thing is old hat. Agreed, Peppino?
Yes, yes, yes.
It would be best to go.
Especially as I no longer feel in the mood.
- Let's go!
Plus you're tired,
must get up early tomorrow. Let's go!
Who can make sense of you?
The one time I'm allowing you
to watch a pretty girl undress,
you want to go?!
She's not so pretty!
- Very graceful! - Mmm.
I think it's an amazing number!
But...
But yes, that is my model!
It can't be! - It's ''Wifey'',
I'm telling you! - Looks like it, but isn't!
She's the Customs' Officer, is she?
Scoundrel!
Actually it was Peppino who....
- Actually he's a scoundrel too!
But what's going on here?
Nothing.
- Nothing, it's a prank. Let's go.
Leaving me on my own, Peppino?
- One time it doesn't end like this!
No, Lisa, let me explain.
- Explain what?! - Guess who she is?
The Customs' Officer's girlfriend. - And
the other's his granny? - The granny, bravo!
Idiot!
- Ah!
And it's the chlorophyll
that makes plants green.
You know it all. But on one thing
I would beat you. - What?
Famous quotes. Who loses, pays.
Are you in? - I'm in.
I'll start. Who said:
'' Better to fight in the shade''?
Leonidas at Thermopylae.
- Bravo! Your turn.
What did Caesar say
when he crossed the Rubicon?
Eh! ''The die is cast''!
I lost again.
I owe you 1,750,000 sterling.
You can pay me at your leisure.
- Ah, thanks very much!
When I play for fun,
I always lose fantastic sums.
Because when you play seriously,
you win? - No, I lose even more.
At least I am lucky in love!
Am I wrong or is your temperament
a little chilly?
Some like it hot, eh?
- Yes!
Oh, this is good! Shall we dance?
- Uh-huh.
Are you cold?
- Cold? No.
Excited?
- Excited? Why?
Then it's fear.
- Of what?
I don't know. But it seems to me
I can feel you trembling.
''And we will ring our bells''!
- The answer is correct! - Your turn!
Let me think. I want to find a
very difficult one. Wait a moment...
Who said: ''Love conquers all''?
''Love conquers all''...
All...
I don't know! Who said it?
- Me.
I told you it a minute ago.
That's not fair; it's cheating! - Cheating
or not, pay the forfeit! - What forfeit?
This.
I'm drunk.
Eh, never bring into the world
a child at age 20!
Why? - Because then
you find yourself at my age
with girls who are your age.
So? - So... it's tough,
you understand? Let's dance!
Good evening sister! Make yourself
at home! May I offer you a whiskey...
a Benedictine.
I've come to return the girls.
Nuri.
She's been very good!
Has the damage to the college
been repaired?
Yes! And it would be best
if the girls came back at once.
Quite right! Absolutely!
I'll go and fetch the car.
No need. Don't bother.
We have ours. - Good.
Goodbye!
Did you have fun?
- Yes, lots.
Goodbye! I'll write.
- Thank you!
Bye, daddy!
- Bye, baby girl!
Will you come to see me?
- Of course I'll come
Have you had a good time?
- Yes, yes.
No, lawyer!
This time I won't let it pass!
Madame, you're right, but put yourself
in your husband's shoes a little. - Yes!
A man alone in Paris,
the city of temptation.
You know how many times I've forgiven
his temptations! The fool that I was!
Ah! The story about the Customers' Officer!
- He had to find an excuse!
I am a specialist in divorce,
but I try, whenever possible,
not to break up the family unit.
You will understand that
we cannot go to court
over a pair of panties
and a Customs' Officer.
Then leave the court out of it!
Is there no more Mexico? - Indeed!
Well, court, Mexico or Perù,
I don't want to see that man anymore!
The boy is now nearly grown up,
he's almost a doctor
and it's never too late to regain liberty!
I'll pay him alimony.
That will have to be! Dura lex sed
lex. ["Harsh, but it's the law"]
Layyer. - Excuse me a moment.
- Please. - What is it?
Miss Clara is on line three.
- Put her on.
Another poor woman!
Yes, it's me. Good morning, dear.
If those papers are ready,
I'd like to stop by.
They're ready,
indeed I was expecting to see you.
Renzino was on vacation.
I wanted to come with him
I was waiting for his return.
Let's see:
can you come today at 5pm?
Renzino, is 5pm okay to go?
- Fine, darling!
Coming at 5pm then.
Goodbye, lawyer!
But I'm telling you that in Milan
there was no work to be had!
I couldn't earn a lira!
So now, with Roberto's transfer to
Calabria, we're all screwed. - Yes.
There's still Peppino.
He returned from Paris euphoric.
Is he really getting marries? - It was
Love at first sight! - What?
Peppino says she's the ideal woman.
I'm showing her all over Rome.
Not for free?
I'm trusting Peppino will remember.
- Me and you should form a union.
Is it true he's bought her a horse
from the Trajan Forum? - Absolutely!
He says she's an artist
and must live among beautiful things.
He's finally learnt to open his wallet!
After tailoring all his life....
- ....he's got himself a Mercedes!
Not from me! I didn't even
make a dime.
But Peppino needed a real car!
- Funny!
Mummy, show some understanding:
daddy can't continue to live alone.
He has to come home.
I said no!
- Instead say yes!
Why are you playing the deceived young
bride? At your age? Be sensible!
I've been too sensible before!
So have I...
that's why I told dad to come here.
He's outside.
Can I call him? Mmm? Can I call him?
Well, call him, but I'm not
speaking with him.
One needs patience with you!
Dad!
Go!
How are you?
Giorgio wanted this and I....
Here you are right
because our child is involved
but you can't expect me
to have anything more to say to you.
From now on. I'm the only one to speak.
And we're closed.
Oh no! What're you doing?
What am I doing?
This is for the alimony!
I'll turn off the lights, wait.
Mind your head!
- Thanks, dear!
Hi, Wanda!
- Hi, Peppino!
Sorry I'm late, but I'm not used
to shopping with a woman
Love does this and more, dear Peppino!
This is why I was blind!
Now however, I begin to see well,
clearly and I'm happy!
Margaret will be here shortly.
She's arranging the things
we bought yesterday.
There were lots and it's important
they are in order. - That's fine.
Now check those lights in the hall, please!
Thanks for your help. - Don't mention it.
I'm happy to make myself useful.
Thanks! You're such a dear!
Margaret loves you too.
Your recommendations. I want her
to have nice clothes, a beautiful house,
I'm out of control!
Leave it, we have a queue of
seamstresses and antique dealers!
Good grief, poor me! Seamstresses!
Okay, seamstresses! You like it?
Not bad.
- I thought so! It's a Gemito!
What do you mean, a Gemito?
This is the Flemish school!
Yes! It's a Flemish Gemito.
Margaret chose it herself.
By the way,
I need you to find me something...
what's that name?
What?
- Damn! A... Stendhal.
What? - Don't make me say it again
because I can't pronounce it and it's embarrassing.
It's something....
- A Stendhal? - A standard.
Ah! - Standard?
- A Stendhal. - Stendhal!
But, Stendhal is a writer.
You want a book?
Yes, a book.
Then we will organise a nice party,
magnificent!
I want to present her to my friends.
We'll get Achille to organise it.
He's a specialist in these matters.
As long as he doesn't pull any pranks,
that idiot.
Margaret is a special girl,
has a particular spirit.
She won't tolerate certain vulgarities.
Darling! - Oh!
- Margaret, dear!
We're so late,
but Rome makes one lose all sense
of time. It's so beautiful! Ah, Rome!
Rome!
- Look out!
Rome, paradise and sepulchre,
city and solitude at the same time
and where "over the dead a light of
laughing flowers over the grass is spread".
[N.B. Adonais 49-52 (Go thou to Rome)]
Our Shelley was right. Do you know
of him? - He's been my client for years!
And all the great poets loved Rome:
Byron, Keats, Goethe, Stendhal.
I recommend Standard, eh!
You've organised a nice shindig!
This is just the prelude, you wait
until the grand finale! Shall we dance?
One part cognac,
three parts rum, two of whiskey
and lots of champagne! - Lots! How
much? Enough! - Oh, just for starters!
Can I have taste?
- Of course! - Thanks!
Won't it make you feel bad?
- Perhaps, but it's just the ticket.
Well, not bad, eh!
- Depraved!
Tell me: why is that gentleman there
looking so very serious?
He's being transfered to Calabria,
poor thing!
Come on, Roberto, what's up with you?
Don't be making that face!
Be brave! Join in with us!
You too can dance!
This will do the trick!
Drink some of this!
Go easy on it. - What is it?
- Reinforced camomile. - Ah!
Look at those two:
San Marino, Mexico, Perù and now....
Margaret.
She's pretty cute, eh?
Maybe, but she has no class.
For you, ''class'' means a skank
in a nice outfit.
Hey! We need the complete gang:
Gianni, Colette, Mario, Lisa, where
are you? - I'm here! Here I am, see?
So I propose a game of truth.
- Oh, yes! Good!
Colette, come! We're going to play
the game of truth, like ''tricheurs'' .
Mario, are you sure?
You're okay with thise, eh?
He is, he is!
- All right!
And so here's the first question:
was the Customs' Officer
blonde or brunette?
Red-head! There. Who can remember?
- Mmm, red-head...
The truth! The truth!
- Tell the truth.
There were two: one blonde
and one brunette. Two.
How much of a louse are you?
- But it's a game, Lisa!
A redheaded Customs' Officer, when
does that happen! You can...
Now, if I may, I'd like to ask
a question of my own.
May I? - Certainly.
- Miss. - Eh?
The truth, eh!
- Mmm.
What are you thinking at this moment?
The same thing you're thinking.
Then forgive me.
What are you thinking?
- Shush!
Roberto, your turn.
You now have to expose yourself
in front of everyone. - What?
About the name of that girl who was
with you on the via Appia. - I can't.
Come on! - Bravo! A gentleman
takes his pleasure and is silent.
Was she blonde or brunette?
- Brunette.
Nationality?
- Swedish. - Impossible:
the only things in Sweden that have
brown heads are the matches,
everything else is blonde.
Of course as a game,
this is very clever.
You need to get your liver treated.
- And you your brain
Those Swedes are prime blonde beef.
What do you say? Who was this
mysterious Swede of Roberto's?
What do I care of this nonsense!
This is getting ridiculous!
Even kids don't play games like this.
- What's come over you?
I'm just sick of it!
- What's up? Idiot! Hang on!
This is catching fire
like Swedish matches!
I may have been a bit insinuating,
but come on, let's not overdo it!
What's the big deal
Maestro, Charleston!
Shall we dance?
Ah, good!
What were you thinking earlier?
Is it what I think?
No! I was thinking what I was thinking.
- Ah...
Try this!
Here!
The English girl is off the leash, eh?
- Now we'll see something!
What a remarkable woman!
She'll have the shirt off your back too.
- Eh!
Good, eh!
Thanks!
Achille!
- Achille!
What's happening? Achille!
My good Achillone! May I?
We need a doctor!
- Yes, a doctor!
In Italy, everyone's a doctor.
But when you need one, none are around!
A doctor!
- Come on! Give him room!
Poor thing... - This is life:
we're anxious, we run...
Shame, he was a great customer.
Poor Achille! He always said it:
''Heart attacks are reserved for men''.
Maybe he smoked too much...
He was always cheerful, always joking.
He jokes and then
the heart attack comes for real!
I only just met him,
but he seemed a dear.
He was intelligent,
bright, cultured...
And he danced so well!
Danced, was intelligent...
You've already given up on him, poor thing!
Let's wait! I know someone
who had three heart attacks
and survived. Yes, three times!
No!
He was such a good sort!
He looks like he's sleeping.
- Our poor Achille!
I can't believe it.
He's still warm! - What's the time?
- About 4am.
I had you fooled! I had you fooled!
I've always hated this! Always!
The final prank!
- Always!
Achille,
go fuck yourself!
You all fell for it, eh!
Can you believe that rogue?
What he did! Ugly....
Come with me.
Goodbye!
Where are you taking me? - To do
another striptease, if Peppino allows.
Please.
Listen, I have a new project for
tomorrow, then I'll call you!
Is Giorgio back in the villa?
- Of course. - Yes? - Eh!
Then everyone to the Trevi fountain!
- And last to arrive pays! Eh?
Ready?
Go!