Garfield in Disguise (1985) - full transcript

[ Birds chirping ]
[ Flute plays jaunty tune ]

[ Sustained beep ]

Good morning, viewers.

Welcome to another broadcast day at WBOR,

the easy-viewing, easy-listening station.

We begin our broadcast with
"The Binky the Clown Show."

Have a nice day.

Hey-y-y-y-y-y, ki-i-i-i-ds!

Whah!

Get your Lazy bottoms out of bed,

and do jumping jacks with Binky the Clown!



One, two. One, two.
One, two. One, two. One, two.

One, two. One, two. One, two. One, two.

One, two.
One, two. One, two.

What am I doing?

Remember, kids,

if you don't exercise with Binky,

you're gonna grow up to be worthle-e-e-ss!

I hate you, Binky.

Where's my remote control?

Put it in gear, you losers!

You don’t wanna be lazy, do ya?

You've got to get into
good shape for tonight, kids!

Because this is the night you can get a lotta

can-dy-y-y-y-y-y-y!



Take that, Binky.

[ Click-click ] Ha-ha!

[ Gasp! ] Wait a minute.

Did he say we could get a lotta candy tonight?

[ Clicking ] Binky.
[ Fshwoom! ]

Binky, come back.

Where are ya, Binky, old buddy?

That's right, kids!

Tonight is Halloween night
and we wanna be in great shape

to trick-or-treat for all that candy,

don't we-e-e-e-e?!

Yes, we do-o-o-o-o!

[Click]

♪ This is the night ♪

♪ I was created for ♪

♪ I'm gonna put on my best disguise ♪

♪ And go knockin' on everybody's door ♪

♪ This is the night ♪

♪ I'm gonna hit the streets? ♪

♪ 'Cause this is the night folks are givin' away ♪

♪ many good things to eat ♪

♪ Oh, people ♪

♪ You know life could be so sweet ♪

♪ If every night was a night
to go trick-or-treat ♪

♪ Trick-or-treat ♪

♪ Wouldn't it be sweet? ♪

♪ Trick-or-treat ♪

♪ Just to trick-or-treat ♪

♪ Trick-or-treat ♪

♪ Wouldn't it be sweet? ♪

♪ Trick-or-treat ♪

♪ Just to trick-or-treat ♪

♪  ♪

[sigh]
Halloween's my kind of a holiday.

It's not Like those other, stupid holidays.

I don't get pine needles in my paws.

There's no dumb bunnies,
no fireworks, no relatives.

Just candy.

Boom, you go out, you get candy.

It's as simple as that.

Ahh!

Simple.

That's me.

[Drumbeat, chanting] Candy, candy, candy, candy,

candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy.

Hello, Halloween!

What a glorious day, and a glorious night

to go trick-or-treating for

candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy, candy.

Steady yourself, Garfield.

First, you gotta get a costume;

then, you gotta get a sack.

A sack to hold all that candy, candy, candy,

Easy, boy.

First-- first,
you got to get up.

[ Whimsical tune plays ]

[ Scraping ]

- Boo!
- Wha-ah-ah-ah!

- Whu!
-Gotcha!

That's not funny, Garfield.

And how about this?

[ Whirl! ]

[ Laughter ]

Now that's funny.

[ Laughing ]

[ Sigh ]

Why can't I stay angry with you, Garfield?

'Cause I'm a cat.

What's with the blanket?

Are you practicing for Halloween?

Practicing? Practicing? Ha!

I'll have you know Halloween's my middle name.

Gar Halloween Field.

Oh, well.

You're probably wondering what I'm doing

with this pumpkin on my head.

Wahoo!

There's a pumpkin on your head.

I hadn't noticed.

I was carving a Jack-o'-lantern

until you arrived. What do you think?

It's you.

Well, this one's ruined.

Hmm, this stuff appears to be
of the Lasagna persuasion.

Since when did you like pumpkin innards?

Ptooey!

Since never. Blah!

[ Bowl shatters ]

How about some breakfast?

Oh, no, thank you.

I must save room for all that candy. Heh.

[whispering] Candy, candy, candy, candy, candy,

candy, candy.

Ohhh, maybe I'll have a sweet roll

to tide me over.

[ Jazz plays ]

Perhaps some bacon and a croissant.

Oh, what the heck!
[chuckle]

[ Outro plays ]

[ March plays ]

[ Scraping ]

- Boo!
- Rah!

Ha! Gotcha, didn't I?

Agh!

Oh, I knew it was you all the time, Odie.

[ Panting ]

It's not nice to scare people, you know?

[ Panting ]

Phew--

Grim. Odie's so stupid,

he'd have to stand on a chair to raise his IQ.

Ha ha.
[ Snare drum ]

He's ugly, too.

It would take two of him to get any uglier.

[ Chuckle ]
[ Snare drum ]

He's so ugly, he wouldn't have to wear a mask

to go trick-or-treating on Halloween.

Ha ha.
[ Snare drum ]

Hey, wait a minute.

That's it!
[ Suspenseful music plays ]

If I take Odie trick-or-treating
with me tonight,

there'll be two sacks to fill, not one.

I'll get twice the candy.

Candy, candy, candy, candy, candy.

Garfield, you are a genius!

[gasp] I know that.

[ Drumroll ]

[ Panting ]

- Hey, Odie, old boy!
- [barks]

You know what Halloween night is?

Yeah, well, take that stupid pumpkin off your head

and I'll tell ya.
[Growls, barks]

[ Squeak! ]

- Better.
- [Panting]

That's a night when dogs have to help cats

- go out and get candy.
- Rrr! Hmm?

That's right. And if a dog does a good job,

he gets a whole piece of candy

of his ve-e-ry own.

Well, you wanna go, boy?

- Huh? Huh?
- [Barking excitedly]

Wanna go out and get candy?

Huh? Do ya?
Do ya wanna go?

Huh? Huh? Huh? Okay.

Let's go to the attic and
find some costumes for tonight.

Rrr! Rah!

You know, just between you and me,

there are times when I love that dog.

[ Suspenseful music climbs ]

There should be some great Halloween costumes

up here somewhere, Odie.

Jon has never thrown anything away.

[ Whimsical tune plays ]

[ Blows, coughing ]

Here's Jon's first bowtie.

Tacky. Some sunglasses.

Cousin Wanda's wig.

Aunt Orpha's false teeth. Yuck!

Roy Ogle's roots, string, sealing wax,

and all that funny stuff.

Well, I guess there's nothin' here.

- Rrr!
- Waaah!

Very funny, Odie. Come on! Let's keep lookin'.

[ Whiffle! ]

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

[ Creaking ]

-[Panting]
-[gasp!] Eureka.

The mother lode!
[gasp]

Look at all this great stuff, Odie.

With these costumes, we can be anything we want.

[ Whining ]

♪ What should I be? ♪

♪ What should I be? ♪

♪ There are so many sides to me ♪

♪ I could be handsome or brave ♪

♪ A king or a slave ♪

♪ It's all up to me ♪

♪ So what should I be? ♪

♪ What could I be? ♪

♪ What should I be? ♪

♪ I could be sca-a-a-ry vampire ♪

♪ And turn myself into a bat ♪

♪ Flap, flap ♪

♪ Or I could put on some bla-a-ck pajamas ♪

♪ Go as a big fat Halloween cat ♪

♪ What should I be? ♪

♪ There are so many sides to me ♪

♪ I could be an astronaut or robot ♪

♪ A hobo, a clown ♪

♪ Or an alien creature goin' out on the town ♪

♪ What should I be? ♪

♪ It's all up to me ♪

♪ What should I be? ♪

♪ Let's go ♪

I think I have just the costumes for us, Odie.

[ Jaunty Italian tune plays ]

Arr!

It do be a landlubber

who be shovin' lasagna in his face.

I declare this booty property o' the queen.

Hey! Who do you think you are?

Arrrrr!

I be Orange Beard, the pirate cap'n,

and this be me first mate,

[ Footsteps thumping ]
Odie the Stupid.

Rrr! Arr-rr-r!

You be havin' a mite too many
peg legs there, matey.

[ Barking ]

You guys look ridiculous.

Arr! I've killed men for sayin' less than that.

But I’ll let ya live, seein' as
how you're the only man

who'll change me kitty litter.

I suppose you boys are dressed up

to go out trick-or-treating, huh?

[gasp]
We don't be the welcome wagon,

if that's what you mean.

Well, here's a couple of sacks.

Have a good time.

Lootin' always be a good time.

Come along, matey.

We got a village to pillage.

Arr-rr!

Don't be out too late.

[ Crickets chirping ]

♪ Sixty men all lost at sea ♪

♪ All of them drunk, except for me ♪

♪ 'Twas I who had to face the storm ♪

♪ With nothing in sight to keep me warm ♪

♪ Yo-ho-ho-ho! ♪

♪  Over the raging sea we go ♪

♪ Yo-ho-ho-ho! ♪

♪ Wherever the four winds blow, hey! ♪

[ Barking fearfully ]

Odie, will you stop herding me?

There's nothing to be frightened of.

These are kids, just like us,

who are out, trick-or-treating

for candy, just like us!

Look!
-Hmm?

See? [Crea-e
kid.
a-ea-k!]

[Twang!] Ow!

[chuckle]
See?

Ha ha. I'm no scaredy-cat.

[ Whimsical-spooky tune plays ]

♪ I may be lazy ♪

♪ I may be fat ♪

♪ I don’t do laps ♪

♪ And I do not chat ♪

♪ I may be selfish /

♪ Yeah, and all of that ♪

♪ But the one thing I'm not ♪

♪ is a scaredy-cat ♪

Both: Aaaaaaaaah!

Aaaaaah!

♪ The one thing he's not is a scaredy-cat ♪

♪ I may be bossy ♪

♪ may lack grace ♪

♪ I don't do situps ♪

♪ To trim my waist ♪

♪ I may be thoughtless ♪

♪ Yeah, and all of that ♪

♪ But the one thing I'm not is a scaredy-cat ♪

Both: Aaaaaaaaah!

Aaaaah!

♪ The one thing he's not is a scaredy-cat ♪

♪ I don’t have charm ♪

♪ Or much pizzazz ♪

♪ I don't chase mice ♪

♪ And all that jazz ♪

♪ I may be sassy ♪

♪ Yes, and all of that ♪

♪ But the one thing I'm not ♪

♪ Yeah, the one thing I'm not ♪

♪ I said the one thing I'm not ♪

♪ is a scare-dy ♪

Both: Aaaaaaaaah!

Aaaaah!

♪ The one thing he's not is a scaredy-cat ♪

[ Crickets chirping ]

[ Ominous drumbeat plays ]

- Observe carefully, Odie.
- Hmm?

I'll teach you some of the fine
points of trick-or-treating.

[ Knocking ]

[ Shimmering-suspenseful tune plays ]

- Gimme.
- Oh, how cute!

Here you go, kids.

[ Twinkling tune plays ]

Methinks you be a mite stingy

with your candy, miss.

If you don’t reconsider your contribution,

I'll give your livin' room drapes

a taste of me broadsword.

[ Drumroll ]

Thank you.

A thousand blessin's upon your home, ma'am.

[ Laconic jazz plays ]

♪  ♪

♪ ♪

Well, Odie, we've had a pretty successful evening.

-[Bark]
-[Squeak!]

[ Pitter ]

[ Splash! ]

Hang on, Odie. I just had a brilliant idea.

Look at all those houses
across the river over there.

- [Panting]
- If we could make it

across the river, the candy is all mine!

Do you hear me?! All mine!

Ah, wait a minute. Am I being too greedy?

Should I share my candy with
those less fortunate than me?

Am I missing the spirit of Halloween?

Nah!

[ Drumbeat climbing ]
All mine, mine, I tell you!

[chuckle]
Mine!

[ Spooky music ]

[ Jaunty Italian tune plays ]

Arrgh! What have we here?

Why, it do be a pirate ship
for us to get across the river.

I commandeer this ship in the name

of Orange Beard the Pirate.

Free the moorin's and shove off, matey.

Rrr-rr!

[ Panting ] [ Snap! ]

Mm-hmm.

[ Whines, barks ]

It appears we're caught up
in the current, matey.

- Put out the oars.
- Rrr-ah!

[ Barks, pants ]

[ Splash! Splash! ]

[ Crickets chirping ]

[ Suspenseful music climbs ]
Ohhh.

I'd make him walk the plank, if I had one.

We be at the mercy of the sea, matey.

Topside, topside! Batten the hatches!

Trim the main! Slip the sheets!

Flibber the gibbets!

I want my mommy-y-y-y-y!

[ Crickets chirping ]

[ Melancholy tune plays ]

Some pirate captain I am.

I can't even get a rowboat across a river.

I'll probably float out to sea

and never be heard from again.

If I ever get back to land,

I'm gonna give up this pirate business.

I'm gonna stop pretending I'm something I'm not.

I'm just gonna be me, Garfield the Housecat.

Gourmet.

Bon vivant.

World traveler.

Jetsetting playboy.

Rrrah!

Leave me alone, Odie.

- [Barking excitedly]
- I'm busy wallowing

in self-pity.

[ Jaunty tune plays ]

Arr! And shiver me timbers.

It be land, ho.

[ Owl hooting ]

[Thunder and lightning crash ]

Nice touch.

[ Jazz plays ]

Look, Odie!

There's a light in the window up there.

Someone must actually live in that old house.

- [Barks sharply]
- [Owl hooting]

[ Jazz plays ]

[ Flames crackling ]

[ Crickets chirping ]

Hey, Odie. I know.

Let's investigate.

[ Suspenseful music climbs ] [ Panting ]

Okay, Odie. Here's the plan:

I'll kick the door open.

You jump in and secure the place.

Are you ready?

Rrr-ah!

[ Crash!]
Ow!

Hey, tell you what:

Let's quietly slip in.

[ Horn plays creaking tune ]

[ Whimsical-suspenseful tune plays ]

[Thunder and lightning crash ]

[ Ticking ]

It looks as though the place is deserted.

Let's warm ourselves by the fire.

Ah, this is more like it.

[ Horn plays climbing suspenseful tune ]

- Aaaaaaah!
- [Barking]

-[Shouting indistinctly]
- Shut up, you two!

- [Gasp!]
- That's enough to stop

[Clock ticking]
an old man's ticker.

- Mm-hmm.
- [Whimpering]

You've picked a poor night
to come visiting, my friends.

This could be the worst night of your lives.

I knew it. Let's not bother the man

any longer, Odie.

Stay-y-y-y-y!

What I'm about to tell you

has never been told to another living soul.

[Thunder and lightning crash ]

Catchy beginning.

This island has a secret.

A deep, dark secret it has held for 100 years.

100 years ago tonight,

a ruthless band of pirates
held up in this very house.

[ Suspenseful music climbs ]
They had looted many ships,

and were pursued by government troops.

They were heavily laden with
their ill-gotten gains,

they had to bury the treasure
before making their escape.

However,
[ Thunder and lightning crash ]

before they left this island on that stormy night,

they signed a contract

written in blood.

They vowed to return for the treasure

100 years from Halloween night,

at the stroke of midnight,

even if it meant returning from the grave.

[ Thunder and lightning crash ]

[ Ticking ]

[Thunder and lightning crash ]

Do you believe this?

Belie-ie-ie-ve it my friends!

The pirates had a 10-year-old cabin boy.

I was that boy.

I was there.

I never took the treasure

because they would have found me.

There's no escaping them.

They know we're here.

They know who we are

Well, that made my mind up.

Come on, Odie. Let's blow this joint.

You wanna come, too?

[ Ominous chord strikes ]

[ Thunder and lightning crash ]

- Uh, where'd he go?
-[Panting]

Oh well. Never mind. Let's get to the boat.

[ Whimsical tune plays ]

[gasp!] Rats!

- There goes my boat.
-[Whimper]

Rats!

- There goes my candy!
-[Whimpering]

My boat's gone.

My candy's gone.

Dead pirates are cornin' any minute.

It's past my bedtime.

I wanna go home.

[ Whines ]

[ Clock striking profoundly ]

[ Pounding on door ]

[ Squeaking ]

It's midnight. Hah

Just as I suspected.

That old man was just

- some kind of lunatic.
- [Panting]

[ Suspenseful music climbs ] [ Thunder and lightning crash

[ Whimsical-suspenseful tune plays ]

[ Crickets chirping ]

[ Ominous music plays ]

[ Gurgling ]

Aaaaaaaaaaaaah
[Barking]

- Aah! Watch it!
- [Barking]

[gasp!]
We gotta hide, Odie.

- [Panting]
- We haven't much time.

We gotta find a good place to hide.

Don't worry that

[baritone]
they know where we are.

Both: Nyah nyah nyah nyah

- Nyah nyah nyah
- [Barking]

Not there, dummy.

[ Suspenseful music plays ]

[ Creak ]

[ Spooky tune plays ]

[ Grinding ]

[ Electricity snap-crackling ]

[ Spooky flourish plays ]

[ Gasping ]

[ Whimsical-suspenseful tune plays ]

[ Gasping ]

Ah-choo!

[ Creak ]

Maybe they didn't see us.

[ Horns blare suspenseful tune ]

[ Snap! Splash! ]

[ Suspenseful music climbs ]

This is it, pal. We swim for it!

One, two, three--

[ Splash! ]

Rats! I forgot.

I can't swim!

[ Melancholy-sinister tune plays ]

[ Gurgling ]

[ Paws striking water ]

[ Whining ]

[ Sniffing ]

[ Splashing ]

[ Snap! ]

[ Gasp]

I owe you one old buddy.

[ Mellow jazz plays ]

The old man was right, Odie.

This was the worst night of my life.

I've had nightmares that
looked like birthday parties,

compared to tonight.

Rrr!
[ panting ]

[ Sinister music plays ]

[ Jaunty tune plays ]

Well, looky here!

- It do be me candy! Arr!
- [Barks sharply]

I guess this story do have a happy ending,

after all, matey.
-[Barking]

Let's be shovin' off for home now.

[ Barking excitedly ]

So the pirate ghosts got the treasure,

and we got the candy, candy, candy, candy.

[ Melancholy tune plays ]

Odie, I'm about to do something

that is totally out of character for me, but,

seeing as how you saved my life

about 18 zillion times tonight,

I wanna give you something.

Something of great personal worth.

Something that represents
a great personal sacrifice

on my part.
[ Profound sigh ]

Here's your half of the candy.

[ Barks, slurps, yips ]

Yeah, I love ya. Now, get outta here.

[Yipping ]

What a night.

Boy, am I wired.

I think I'll see what's on TV.

[ Click-click ]

Good evening and welcome

to our all-night pirate-movie festival.

[gasp!]
Boy, am I tired!

[ Whimsical tune plays ]

Arrrrr.

[ Jaunty tune plays ]

♪ 60 men all lost at sea ♪

♪ All of them drunk, except for me ♪

♪ 'Twas I who had to face the storm ♪

♪ With nothing in sight to keep me warm ♪

♪ Yo-ho-ho-ho! ♪

♪ Over the raging sea we go

♪ Yo-ho-ho-ho! ♪

♪ Wherever the four winds blow ♪

♪ Hey! ♪