García y García (2021) - full transcript

Javier Garcia.

This man is also Javier Garcia.

A different Javier Garcia.
It's better when he doesn't talk.

And coming this way
is Hispavia flight 3567,

which has taken off on time for once.

You're probably Wondering why I'm here,
about to die.

Well, because I'm Javier Garcia,

and for the same reason we do
99% of stupid things:

for love.

But it's best we start
from the beginning.

About three days ago...



Morning!

LOW COST AIRPORT

HISPAVIA OFFICES

God, it's like no one works here.

Look, Dario. Listen to me.

Do none of you have jobs to do?

Listen to me.

This is the eighth flight
cancel led this month. Is that normal?

And the worst thing is
our best aircraft is grounded.

What do we tell the shareholders?

- Don't be dramatic, Eva.
- Dramatic?

August and September, losses.
October...

- Awful?
- No. A disaster.

So we charge a few extras.



Extras?
But we charge for luggage,

water, food, babies,
overweight passengers,

credit and debit cards...
We'll end up charging for air.

Something needs to be done.

With the ceiling. Paint it?

The company is what needs a makeover.

We'll get thrown out.

So why are we waiting?

Getting it right
could mean we either win or lose.

The shareholders' meeting
is in two days.

God give me strength...

Why did I leave British Airways?
I was fine there.

Javier Garcia, the ninja of aviation.

- A, What?
- "Number one business consultant."

Specialist in major companies.
Call him, he's our man.

Few people have seen him.

Like the A-Team. He arrives,
does his magic, and vanishes.

Well, we're going to need a miracle
to be able to afford him.

No, the miracle will be getting him here.

You're doing it wrong!

This is bland.

Now what's up?

It makes my asthma worse.

Not the red wire, the green one.

I already told him.
Green, not red, Borjita.

Tell me which, I'm colour-blind.

Colour-blind, asthmatic...
Your parents must be happy.

Alfonso!

How is it going?

Will you please work on the plane,
this is urgent!

Don't pressure me because I get
blocked and can't work.

It's been two weeks
of shots in the dark.

Well don't get your hopes up,
I'm not too sure about this.

Cloe, we have a lunch date.
Remember?

How could I forget, Ricky?

I'm on fire! I'm on fire!

Spray him, he's on fire!

Coeliac, inflammable...

- And dumb.
- So dumb.

FLY WITH HISPAVIA
DON'T BELIEVE WHAT THEY SAY

We've been waiting here for three hours.

Calm down.
All complaints will be dealt with.

We only have one:
we're still on the ground.

It's just delayed.

I mean the plane, not your...

Excuse me...?!

Your attention, please,
passengers of Hispavia 6611.

We will shortly be disembarking.
We apologise for the delay.

Meanwhile, you can buy our lottery
tickets and win dozens of euros.

- Check it out!
- What?

- The purser is on Sinder.
- You're kidding!

It says:

- "I like sleeping naked."
- Sure.

And check it out.
"Let's do grown-up stuff."

Like what? Pay a mortgage?

This is a disgrace.
When will flight 6612 leave?

When 6611 lands.
It's the same plane.

And when does 6611 land?

You see all the planes, Pablito?

- Look at that big one.
- Cool!

Stop!

Stop!

Look what it says here!

It's so big!

Big.

Look...

Wow, it is big...

Pabli...

Pablito?

- Big plane! Big plane!
- Pablito!

Flight 6611 just arrived.

For more information,
please go to our Hispavia counters.

JAVIER GARCIA OFFICES, BILBAO

Where are you calling from?

- Hispavia.
- Huh?

HIS-PA-VIA.

I need to talk to Mr. Garcia.

It's urgent.

You'll have to talk to me,
he just got back from Dubai...

It's a matter of life or death.

All right. If it's that serious,
I'll try and track him down.

What a pain in the arse.

Pain in the arse.

I'd never have imagined
a situation like this one.

But this is your third divorce,
Javier.

I can't deal with Nina anymore.
It's too much.

Same as the others.

- Yeah...
- But all this marrying and divorcing

is making me rich.

- Is it doable in a week?
- A fast-track divorce?

Fast-track or supersonic,
but make it quick.

Check him out.

Bet he had hair when he agreed
to represent my wife.

Now look at the mess on his head.

Javier!

That's being bipolar for you:
you never know what to expect.

Nina is bipolar?

Sometimes yes, sometimes no.

Where have you been, Javier?

You fucking bastard.

You want to get rid of me?

Over my dead body.

And that of my gran, my dad,
my mum, and the Holy Spirit.

So we have an agreement?

I'd kill you before divorcing.

And you, too.

Hope your liver fails.

Never. You hear me?
I'll never grant you the divorce.

Right.

Where are you going?

Yes, Olga?

- Crap husband!
- They called from Hispavia.

- Hispavia?
- A third-rate low cost airline.

They need a route plan
and you're the best.

They said it'll be a tragedy
if you don't help them.

I got some tragedies of my own.

Yeah, I can hear it.
I did some research.

Rumour has it that the owner,
Dario Torres,

is involved in some shady deals.

But they're willing to pay our fees,
so...

- When would that be?
- Right away.

Tell them I'm on my way.

Alfonso, the guys on top are fed up,
they want a mechanic.

An outside one.

Ricky is from Galicia.

One who knows how to repair it.

All right, whatever...

My wife's cousin
is the brother-in-law of a jerk

who's a relative of this guy:

Javier Garcia.

Don't know him, but they say
he's the best. A Spanish MacGyver.

So why would he work
for us if he's so good?

His wife died and he's depressed.

He hasn't worked for ages.
Here, Javier Garcia.

Javier Garcia.

Bloody...
Not this again, Garcia!

SAVINGS BANK

Hold it right there
or your badge is toast!

Today, "charred mortgage."

We've known each other since school.

You were a scumbag loan shark
even then. Too mean to share anything.

Dad...

- I know what I'm doing.
- We came to check the account.

Don't be naive, it's still in red.

If I don't have a house,
want me to sleep here?

Garcia is right.
You're a loan shark and a scumbag.

Calm down, madam.
You all know

I delayed the mortgage payments.

Sorry. He overdid his meds.

Just so you know,
the police are on their way.

Really?

- Let the BBQ begin, then.
- No.

Crap. You answer it, Rosa.

I've got my hands full.

Screw the banks,

mortgages, preferential shares,
and screw you, Antoñito.

He's busy.
He dropped some screws.

Yeah, the very best.

When would that be?

Sure, of course he can.

- Dad, you won't believe it!
- What?

You've got a job!

Take this, lad.

It's all under control.
Just a practical joke.

I could hit you! Out of my sight!
Come on, scram!

Bloody...

Bloody Garcia and...

BILBAO
LOIU AIRPORT

Sure about leaving just now,
in the middle of the divorce?

That's exactly why.
So good luck, you got this.

By the way, not a word to Nina
about where I am.

Don't worry.
Have a good flight.

Not a word...

QUICK REMOVALS

Cheer up,
we won't get evicted this month.

You can't go alone, Dad,
you're not well yet.

What if you get depressed again?
Got the pills?

Yeah, and that's only if I get nervous.
So don't make me nervous.

We'll join you, that way
I audition for Cirque du Soleil.

Sure!

Yeah, like they're gonna hire you.

I said no. I'll repair the plane
and be back in two days.

Are you sure?

Yes... Off you go.

- Bye, Dad.
- Bye.

Summing up,
I'd say you are an enneatype five,

maybe eight, a mixture of both,

dominant, self-demanding,
megalomaniac tendencies.

A clear case of narcissism.
I saw it when you walked in.

You're a psychiatrist?

You clearly have an unconscious lack
of self-esteem.

Probably caused by an absent father
and/or an over-possessive mother.

And you replace that obvious lack
of self-esteem

by constantly changing partners,
who you regard as objects

or superficial trophies.

Do we know each other?

The seat belt,
it means we're going to land.

Seen Sleeping Beauty here?

I'm an airplane mechanic.

Most plane accidents are caused
by screws that aren't tight enough.

I should know,
I've been in this field...

You've got to really tighten those screws.

All it takes is one loose screw
and it's over for everyone.

Could you fasten your seat-belts?
We're landing.

Nowadays, they'll call anything
a seat belt.

In the past they actually worked,

but these will cut you into two pieces
when the plane starts falling.

BARAJAS AIRPORT, MADRID

Hey, that's me!

Javier Garcia!

Miss, that's me.

Here I am, Javier Garcia.
That's me.

The consultant?

No, I don't consult anyone,
I repair it all by myself.

I'll deal with it, okay?

Welcome.
I'm Eva Benguria, from Hispavia.

Javier Garcia,
from the Garcia family.

Excuse me.

Remember what we agreed?
Tuesday and Thursday mornings.

Call me.

Sure I will, I'll call the police
if I see you again.

Oh, it's already landed.
Shit...

- Sorry!
- I'm so sorry!

Sorry.

Please don't bother.
I'm your man.

Is that your usual line?

Javier Garcia. That's me.

I'm Cloe.

Nice to meet you.

I wasn't expecting someone so...

I was expecting someone less...

So let's go,
your flight landed 20 minutes ago.

All right. Who will carry my luggage?

Pretty funny
for someone who's depressed.

As I told you in my email...

Four-pole AC induction motor
and a copper rotor.

- Sorry?
- It's an electric car.

The battery current changes
the polarity. Amazing, huh?

Right.
Talking about current changes...

One thing wrong with these cars:
they're too quiet.

Unlike some...

We're in a bit of a rush
to sort out the route.

More haste, less speed.

You know...
I went on the Wine Route with my wife.

- How nice.
- But she passed.

Exactly, some routes
are of the past...

I meant my wife, not the route.

- Oh, sorry.
- Don't worry about it.

Really? If you say so...

You've hired the very best here.

Of course, you have a fine reputation.

No, not again.
Could you do me a favour?

- Yes.
- Just play along and don't worry.

Officer!

- Is this yours?
- Yes.

You know how
illegal it is to park here?

It means a big fine.

And rightly so... look...
ozone therapy.

Sorry?

My husband gets...

He just got in from
Santiago de Compostela.

They had to pump his body with oxygen

using the insufflation of a mixture
of oxygen and ozone...

- Feeling better, honey?
- Yes, I'm fine.

Well, if it's an emergency...

Absolutely, of course.
Can't stand the sight of blood.

- Same here.
- Really?

When we drive through villages,

we skirt around the slaughterhouses
or he gets queasy.

Science will thank you for this!

- That's terrible.
Indeed.

- Good luck.
- Thanks.

Ozone therapy...

Sorry, but I couldn't afford
another fine.

Don't worry about it.

I wish my wife
had been that concerned.

Oh, right. Very sorry about your wife.

You must be suffering.

Wow, I had no idea everyone knew.

I couldn't go through the same thing.
I'm never marrying.

- Well, it's no big deal.
- Hey! Watch out!

Don't be frightened by what you see
in the hangar.

Hangar? I'll try and avoid
going there if I can.

So, how will you sort it out?

First, by analysing the situation,

then hearing what the specialists
have to tell me.

You'll definitely hear them,
all they do is yell.

The problem is that our mechanics
are absolutely clueless.

Why not bring in someone external

who knows the model,
what he's doing...

The very best.

And the most modest,
from what I can see.

Shit, the exit!

Where are you going? Are you crazy?

Yes, all good, right?

We can iron out the details.

After you.

Remember, no one must know.

Dario, this is Mr. Garcia.

Well, well,
I can't believe you're here.

Javier Garcia.
That was Chinese, right?

- Yes.
- My neighbour is Chinese.

When I run in to him, I bow

and he says...
Let's see if I say it properly...

”Hi, butthead.”

- Hi, butthead.
- Hi, butthead.

What a funny guy!

Hi, butthead!

Okay, can we focus?

- Javi, may I call you Javi?
- Of course.

We won't be able to pay you
what you undoubtedly deserve.

Is this for real?

How about this figure?

Jesus, it must be a major problem.

When do we start?

As soon as possible. We have
a shareholders' meeting tomorrow.

Here's some background info.

All I need is the manual in Spanish.

I won't even look
at the other languages.

The other languages, he says.
You're hilarious.

If we're done here,
I'll take you to your hotel.

All right...

- Hi, butthole!
- Hi, butthole!

Slaphead, what a jerk.

Take a good look, I'll introduce you,
then you get to work immediately.

Will management be coming down?

Sure, and they'll let off fireworks
to welcome you.

There you go.

- I think there's been a mistake.
- Sorry, it's the only size.

Cloe.

Hey, this is the ace.

- Hi.
- Hi there, I'm Ricky.

How are you? Javier Garcia.

- Don't forget.
- Yes, yes.

I better be off, okay?

I'll take you to the hotel later.

Good luck, Javier, you'll need it.

Sorry.

All good? How about the company?

Weird. Really weird.

You wouldn't believe it if you saw
where I am right now.

In a hangar
with an overall they gave me.

This is some kind of joke.

Low cost, yes,
but the lowest and craziest.

Good one, Javier.
Talking of crazies...

Nina is driving me mad.
Your wife, remember?

She was here twice asking for you.

She wanted to kill both of us.

I didn't understand a word
the second time around,

but she laughed a lot.

I mean it, she really scares me.

Come back.

Please don't tell her where I am.

I'll try.

Bye.

What?

It's pretty quiet around here, right?
Not much hustle and bustle.

Nope.

Changing rooms?

At your command, coronel.

Hello.
Mr. Garcia's suite, please?

Right away.

Room 847, eighth floor,
lifts are on the left.

- Great.
- Everything okay?

Rubén... is in training.

It's the booking
for Mr. Garcia's suite.

Magnificent. Mr. Garcia's suite
is always at your disposal.

Has he already stayed here?

Mr. Garcia?
He's one of our regular guests.

A gent with exquisite taste,
the best in his field.

If you say so.

Ruben, finish off here,
just press enter.

You're dropping things.
Be a bit more careful, huh?

- Welcome.
- Thank you.

- See you tomorrow, Mr. Garcia.
- Bye.

Look through it all.

- See you at nine?
- On the dot.

- Bye.
- Goodbye.

Room 847, eighth floor,
lifts are on the left.

The hot tub is preheated

and you have a spa booking
for 7.30 pm.

Top-class hotel! Excuse me.

Help yourself.

Thanks.

May I?

Yes, the bag.

What are you doing, kid?

Hey, MacGyver!

Come here.

- Who, me?
- Yes.

Come here.

Check this out.

What do you reckon?

Very nice.

What am I looking at?

I told you, the problem isn't there.

Not this again,
the plane can fly without it.

This is like your appendix.
Totally expendable.

You nearly knocked me out.

Just what I needed.

This amateur has no idea.

- What if I slug you one?
- Seriously?

You heard I worked in maintenance
for NASA?

Yeah right, toilet maintenance.

- Mopping floors.
- I'll shove that mop down your throat.

My theory is that the fault
is in the panel connectors.

I've seen that this LED...
I got an electric shock!

Are you okay?

Relax, I got hit by lightening
as a kid.

Without rubber soles?

- Yes, why?
- To act as insulation.

This is the faulty component.
He has no idea.

Leave the expert alone.
The materials are worn out.

I've been repairing these things
for 20 years.

You're worn out yourself.

From putting up with you,
Justin Bieber,

That new look is so tacky.

- This is natural.
- Natural? This is natural.

What? So who's right, expert?

- Me, right?
- It'd be the first time.

Just one question:

what time do we get off work?

- Quarter to. What time is it?
- Three.

Fifteen minutes overtime.

So a late start Monday.
We follow the rules.

- Why not come with us?
- Me?

We all go for lunch,
great seafood platter...

I'm proposing to my girl today.

I didn't even get time
to stop by the hotel.

See you later, then.

Sorry, is Cloe going?

Mr. Haemophiliac
will pick you up later.

Take you to paradise?

My goodness.

Jesus...

Hey, the lights are automatic.

Jesus, if my wife could see me...

Wow, this place is enormous.
Jesus!

An army could fit in here.

What is this?

Amazing what they can do with a towel.

"PARADISE" HOSTEL

If this is paradise,
what must hell be like?

It's like a cave in here.

There were none facing the street.

Sorry, Hispavia can't afford
anything else.

What a relief you're here.

I'm glad.

I needed to get away, too.

Don't worry.

Look, Javier,

I don't want to kid you.
Hold it tight.

Hispavia is a bunch of cretins.

Dario, my boss, is the worst.
I can't stand him.

You know, he's the typical

rich guy who thinks he can do
what he wants because he has cash,

and fool everyone around him...

Just talking about it
makes me uncomfortable.

Same here.

But there must be some decent ones,
right?

Haven't met any yet,

but they're my cretins and that plane
has to fly to keep the company afloat.

- Watch out. Are you okay?
- Yes.

How about I treat you to lunch?

No, my treat when you repair
that plane.

How do you mean?

I thought I had to fix
the whole company.

You can't fix it either?

I thought you were the best.

No, and I am, I am.
The best in the world.

See you tomorrow at eight.

At eight?

And enjoy "paradise."

Some paradise.

All that's missing is the snake.

Gosh!

My head.

Wow...

I'm looking good, huh?

All right.

Time for the match.

Nope, won't be able to watch
the match.

It's over. This is humiliating.

Garcia!

- Yes?
- Garcia!

Yes!

What's up?

Garcia!

Who's that?

Me, Borjita.
Come on, time for lunch.

- Come on down.
- In that?

My Lola. Hurry.

What a pain...

Comfortable?

It was red.

- It was red.
- No, it was green.

- What?
- Yeah.

- You jumped the lights.
- No I didn't.

Careful, careful...

- That's two already.
- Yeah? No.

It's okay.

- You got a license, right?
- Who, me?

What a question.
You're funny.

Hey, Garcia and nerd boy!
That was quick.

He jumped all the traffic lights.

- Colour-blindness has its advantages.
- Go, Borjita!

This ace is gonna fix the plane
for us.

If you say so.

I'm getting married, damn it. Cheers!

Eat up!
Ricardiño is getting married.

No, thanks, but I'm not hungry.

What? You don't like octopus?

All right, well I'll have...

Delicious.

Come over here!

I never skip my diet.
But today I'll make an exception...

If you don't fancy fish,
you can try other stuff.

Yeah, I'm sure...

What's that noise?
Are you at a demo?

Yeah, to support cholesterol.

How's the storm going?

How do you think? I offered
your wife the chalet in Biarritz.

The chalet in Biarritz.

The Jeff Koons...

What did she say?

What do you think?
As your wife, she already has all that.

True that.

Give Nina whatever she wants.
But get me that divorce.

Oh, no. You're in love again.

Are you mad?

If you fall in love with every woman
who makes eyes at you for being rich,

you won't be rich for long.

Whatever happens, don't remarry.

Cloe, how you doing?

Not yet.

- Do as I say.
- Just get me divorced.

- Cloe...
- Hey, what's going on'?

- Cloe!
- Why are you here?

I honestly don't know.
Borjita came by to pick me up...

Your attention, please.

No, not yet!

I've got something
very important to tell you.

What are you doing, Ricky?
Please, Ricky, no...

Look inside.

I said no! How hard can it be?
I'll let you know.

An empty oyster shell.

Empty? And the ring?

What ring? What ring?

Something in his windpipe.

We're not an item.
Get your head around it already!

- Didn't you like the surprise?
- What? Getting married?

Is that a surprise?

That's like a tax inspection.

Inspection? Where?

Stand on your bloody head!

You're a dickhead.

- And you're awful!
- Excuse me?

- Just like the food here then!
- What?

Don't go there.
Seafood is sacred to these people.

Where is my ring?

So this isn't good food?

Take that! Stop it now!

Draw.

Cloe! Hang on.

Hang on.

I'm on your side.

You might well be the only one.

You've got shrimp here.

So do you.

- Cloe... Cloe.
- Just get lost!

Are we getting married or what?

I've got the ring here.

Oh dear.

Relax, it took her by surprise
and she got a bit nervous but...

Right. Have you guys
been together for long?

Two years today.

Taxi!

I thought I was dying.
I saw the tunnel.

To the Palace Hotel, please.

- Good to see you again, Mr. Garcia.
- How are you?

- All good.
- I'm glad.

Jesus, this is brilliant, isn't it?

Check out the water jets.

Here we are.

Lie down and relax.

Good afternoon.
May I have your dressing gown?

- Mr. Garcia.
- Hello there, Héctor.

Glad to see you.

- How is everything?
- Same as usual. And your wife?

Divorcing me and doing
what she likes best: ruining my life.

I'm so sorry.

Are you still doing
those Cher impersonations?

It's my passion.

I'd like my usual suite.

Didn't you check in this morning?

I just got here.

Strange, the suite is occupied.

I can offer you another suite
while we sort it out.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

Didn't you get a whiff of fish?

Hey, what are you doing?
What's with the mud?

Are you mad?
I'd give you the back of my hand...

This idiot covered me in mud.

Idiot!

The Palace Hotel, madam.

- Welcome, madam.
- He's here, isn't he?

Bring us up a bottle of champagne.
No, make that two.

This is something else, see?
It certainly is.

Hello?

Your Wife is on her way up.

See? This is not good.

Hang on. Which room?

Sorry, this is an emergency.

What the hell...?

What are you doing?

I know you're here.

Okay-

Javier.

Wow.

Please come in.

Fix me a drink.

Top-notch hotel, mate!

Yes, right, but no tip...

Another of his lawyers?

I don't care,
I eat them for breakfast.

- Don't hide.
- What?

You won't get rid of me that easily.

What a headache.

Darling...

I don't know who you are,
but I'm here with a young lady, so leave.

- Javier Garcia
- At your service.

But who are you?

Javier Garcia.
But no need to be so formal.

- All right?
- Are you taking the piss?

- Who?
- You.

Me?

- Please don't give me away.
- What?

She's my future ex-wife.

We're getting divorced,
but you go ahead and...

Do what?

Look, shyster.

I don't know What's going on here...

but I've come a long way

to sort things out with my husband.

Whatever you say,
I'm not getting divorced.

I'm not...

Miss?

Miss?

Miss? Miss?

Miss?

Wake up.

Excuse me, I left the key inside.
Could you open it for me?

Thank you.

Miss?

Breathe.

Bloody hell!

- Hey!
- Where are you? Why didn't you call?

Guess what.

I'm getting paid a fortune.

That leech at the bank
is gonna hear me.

Are you drunk?

No, I'm at a top-notch hotel.

We're coming to look for you.

I'll send a photo now.

Where are you, Javier?

Come here, my love.

That's the way, that's the way.

I've got to go,
a guy with the same name as me

left his wife here.
I'm gonna look for him.

Bye.

He's totally lost it, Blanca.

Since Mum died, he can't move on.

- Who's she?
- She was speaking Russian.

Bet it's one of those people
that harvest and sell kidneys online.

Let me see...

Kidney girl looks dead.

What are you on about?

- We need to go get him.
- And fast.

- Yeah, yeah...
- Come on, Prudencio!

Yes?

Can you open the door?

Yes, but just to talk.

Sure, sure.

What's up?

- Take it easy.
- I am.

Take it easy, take it easy.
Hang on...

Take her.
She's still your wife, right?

I'm afraid so.

Damn it, you got my hopes up.

I'll be off, three's a crowd.

Explain yourself
or this will get nasty.

She took half my pills,
she'll be out for a while. Shoot.

Javier Garcia, a pleasure.

Same here.
Just Garcia, not the "pleasure" bit.

So we have the same name?

Get your wife out of my room, please.

I can't, I'm snowed under with work
right now.

Tell me about it.

I have to read all this
and I don't understand a word.

They've got me repairing planes
and I can't even change a tyre.

You're an aircraft mechanic, too?
What a coincidence.

I don't know a thing about planes.
I manage aviation routes.

Routes?

Yes.

Oh no.

What?

They got us mixed up.

Wait, wait... What are you saying?

That they got us both mixed up?

Sorry, but I don't see it.

All the bad stuff happens to me.

I was counting on that money
to pay off the mortgage.

Now what do I tell my daughters?

- Excuse me.
- What?

That's a wrap.

This is the napkin.

Now it all adds up.

Why didn't you say anything?

Oyster pearls.

Thank you.

Because there's a girl, Cloe,
who works at Hispavia,

who picked me up at the airport...

Actually, she went to pick you up.

Watch out, you're drooling.

So, does she like you?

No, she likes you.

The clams.

Garcia, Cloe thinks that I'm you.

But if she likes you
and she thinks you're me,

imagine how much she'll like you
when she finds out you're you.

Huh?

You're loaded, man.

Hey, where's the clam?

The thing is, I needed to prove
that I could win her over by myself.

And not love you just for your money.

Actually, hate me for my money.

She hates rich people.
She can't stand them.

Imagine if she finds out.
I'd be done for.

It would be over.

What do you plan to do?
Give up without a fight?

No way... You have to try, don't you?

You know, you're right.

But that means things
have to remain the same.

Do you realise that?

I could tell you what to say
to the board.

But what about you?

You know nothing about planes.

No, but you can teach me.

No way.

I need to do it a little while longer.

- It's not such a big deal.
- No, sorry, can't do it.

Why?
Why?

Because lying isn't my thing.
Neither is having dinner.

Goodbye. Maybe they can fix me
a sandwich at the bar.

Garcia!

Your tapa, sir.

I'm off, Cloe!

Wow! What would I do
without you?

- Night shift?
- Yep, ten emergencies yesterday.

Who fractures their ankle
while they're sleeping?

Fixed. I was sick of waiting
for the landlady.

Me too.

- I don't believe it.
- What's up?

Are you mad? You'll wake up
all the neighbours. Go away!

Let's talk inside.

Jesus, what a pain. No!

Okay, I'm coming down,
but tell them to stop.

Incredible...

Which part of "piss off"
don't you understand?

We're made for each other.
End of story.

The fact we had off once, drunk,

doesn't mean you can
give me a hard time forever.

Who's the other guy?

This relationship
is just in your head.

There are three ways to sum this up:

Not then, not now, not ever!

- You won't find anyone like me.
- That's the idea, jerk.

You better watch your mouth.

All right, let's all calm down.

Ana, you're a nurse.
Isn't ice good for bruises?

- Yeah, why?
- Get the ice ready.

No!

Shut the fuck up!

Yes!

Hello, Rosa.

Javier, I want you...

I want to kill you!

No...

Make that two.

Or three.

Do you think we can pull it off?

I do.

When do you have to deliver
your conclusions to Hispavia?

- Tomorrow.
- Tomorrow?

Then we have to start now.

- What clothes you got?
- Three tracksuits.

Is that all you wear?

Well, I have one as a pyjama.

What a mess.

We need the big boys for this.

Héctor.

Is this a good time?

One: barber and manicure.

Two: a decent suit.
Three: footwear.

Size 9, broad.

Italian. We also need a tie and...

And... handcuffs.

And shackles too.

They're called cuff links.

He can't wear his buttons
like a lowlife.

The company is on the verge
of bankruptcy.

I didn't read the reports.

But there are some options.

Okay-

Set up the base in a country
with flights on the Asian route,

which isn't very strict...

Turkey. There could be
a niche market there.

Not writing it down?

I have a good memory.

Number one.

The nouveau riche who travel
to the UAE for business or pleasure.

Two. The world's
most populous country?

- New York.
- That's not a country.

- So what is it, smart ass?
- China.

But the Chinese are all over here,
aren't they?

Right. Remember that:
the Chinese travel a lot.

Three. Mecca. Millions of pilgrims
travel there every year.

Don't they do St. James' Way?
Pilgrims, I mean.

Let's see...

Just forget it. Everything I said.

Remember the essentials.

He pricked me.

The base in Turkey is a key route
for migratory routes.

- Full stop.
- Migra... what?

Migratory, what storks do.

Questions?

It's not me. It's not me.

Well, if you look carefully...

Two coffees, please.

Two more for me,
today is gonna be

very tough.

- What's up with the plane?
- It's not starting.

Okay, well give me something.

What did you see?
What did the mechanics say?

Not much, they spend all day arguing.

But anyway,

I think Ricky said something
about a component,

and the other guy, the boss,
mentioned worn out materials.

Never heard that before.
Do they get tired?

Well, they have their days.
Go on.

And Borjita, who seems the brightest,
said something about...

a light on the control panel.

Or maybe not... no, it was an LED.

There's something important missing.

On the plane?

No, I meant me.

A toothpick, please.

Got it!

- Right.
- It's not mechanical failure.

Come off it.

It's just a hunch, but...

it might be that the fault light
isn't working

because it's disconnected
from the mainframe.

The thing is, if the fault light
indicates a breakdown,

everything jams:
engines, landing gear...

I get it, but I also don't.

Hang on. Hey!

You lift this up, like I'm doing.

Piece of cake.

You look for a connector like this one,
it will probably be loose.

Don't look like that.
This is similar to a plane.

I'll bear it in mind
the next time I fly.

An engine is an engine.
Hold the blue one.

Hold it.

Idiot.

You're a real idiot.

Scared you there.
I was just testing you, and you failed.

Oh, and what about you?

What about me?

There you go.

Now you're a mechanic.

Bit by bit. No need to overdo it.

All right? Ready?

Ready.

Do or die?

Do or die.

A selfie for my kids.

The only suit they see
is the debt collector's.

Mr. Garcia.

Excuse the indiscretion,
but what is wrong with your wife?

It's best to take her to my room.

This isn't too much trouble for you?

This way she sleeps it off
and I can keep an eye on her.

Gel is needed in 803.

I owe you for the whole
suite mix-up.

Hello?

- Yeah?
- Javier.

No, not at all, I was awake.

Dry, so dry.

Okay, okay.

I'll wait for you here.

Cloe is picking me up
at the hostel in ten minutes.

Probably better...

We're going up.

Step on it and drive as fast as you can.

- Will you pay the fine?
- I'll double it.

And this suit as a gift.

Crap...

- Hi.
- Morning.

Come in. Can you give me five?

Sure.

Brought some coffee to wake us up.

We have all our trust in you today.

Well, I do at least...

Would you mind passing me
that shirt that's next to you?

Yeah.

Gosh, you don't buy cheap, do you?

Crap.

Fakes, they're all fakes.

Are they?

Tell me where you buy them,
they look great.

By the way, Ricky really overdid it.

Two years and he didn't know
you hate marriage,

I knew it in two minutes.

Did he tell you two years?

No, two years since...

we had a stupid roll in the hay
at the company party... God.

- Right.
- He's not over it.

So, you're not an item?

And what's it to you?

No, it's not important.

I just sort of understand Ricky.

Maybe if I were him
I wouldn't get over it, either.

Wow,

that's one of the nicest things
I've heard lately.

All right, well...

maybe I'd never seen that look before.

I can assure you that Ricky
is the one who hasn't seen it.

Can you say that again?

Oh you cheeky...!

All night on the road.
Some jalopy your boyfriend has.

What's this, Prudencio?
Are you shedding your skin?

It's my dragon costume
for my try-out at Cirque du Soleil.

It'll blow them over.

Oh, we need to fill up the tank.

Rosa, is this serious between you two?

All right.

Mr. Garcia will be down in five.

Thank you very much.

You look so different.

I am different.

I think you've overdone it
with the air freshener.

Has he been gone long?

- About two minutes.
- Where? He isn't picking up.

Discretion is our motto at this hotel,

but you can leave a message
if you want.

The Cirque du Soleil try-out.

Oh, right. Let's go, sweetie.

So, no message?

You were right, Mr. Garcia.
We hired the very best.

Call me by my first name.

Oh, that's great.

You need to know
that some of the shareholders

are pretty tough cookies.

But after reading our reports

you probably know this isn't
our best moment.

After the cuts, we had losses.

The only thing that is left
is to sack half the staff.

But then who runs it?

Don't worry, I have it all sorted out.

Really? Give me some details.
What's the angle?

No... what for?

Ladies and gentlemen,
let's make a start.

- Mr. Garcia.
- Yes?

- We're anxious to start.
- Me too, me too.

It wasn't this one, it was this one.

Oh dear.

Oh my God.

"New vogue quiche", "rabies"...

Oh, nouveau riche, Arabia.

Number one.

Tonnes of young nouveau riche
go to Arabia.

For example, you, Dario.

You're rich, not young.
You go to Arabia, right?

Yeah, I frequently travel to Kuwait.

Me too.
I queue and wait at the airport...

Good one.

Summing up:

there is business there.

- Sure...
- What is going on?

Chinese tourism.

Number two.

What about all the Chinese here?

How did they get here?
Simple, by plane.

China is undeniably an emerging
and growing tourism market.

- Yes, yes...
- It's undeniable.

Rhymes with... Black and Decker.

Right! Mecca!

The pilgrims?

We call them "penguins", they all
dress the same and go in groups.

You're right there.

It's consultancy jargon.

So how do the pilgrims
make it to the Mecca?

On a magic carpet? No, sir!

How do they do it?
You, how do they get there?

On a plane?

Unquestionable.

And number three:
the migraneatory movements.

Migratory.

Who is the expert here?
You or me?

As we were saying,
the migratic movements

plus the previous point,
indicate that the future lies here.

Syria?

Syria, are you serious? Let's focus.

Please.

In Turkey. TU R-KEY.

Of course.

Turkey. Of course!

- Half the expenses.
- Right.

It's in the middle
of all the European-Asian routes.

Halt the expenses, twice the routes.
Brilliant.

No need...

Turkey, then?

You're on the wrong track.

See? I told you so.

What would you know, Gluten Face?

Keep it quiet, guys.
I need to focus, you're stressing me out.

- What's with your eye?
- It's the fashion.

- Did you walk into a door?
- Wanna be fashionable, too?

Let's see what we have here.

Well, well, well...

- A loose earth wire.
- Good thing I'm wearing rubber boots.

Earth wire? That's the positive one.

Obviously. Of course it is.

I was just testing you.

The positive wire
can only be connected to one place.

Which will be the first one I find.

Give it a go now. See if it works.

Just what I said.

It won't last.

If we move fast,

we get the okay from Civil Aviation
in two days.

- But you do the paperwork, it's boring.
- Right.

Off to work, I have things to do.

Welcome to Hispavia.
Please come into my office.

The plane is fixed!

Fabulous.

Sorry, I'm going to tell everyone!

Too many good things in one day.
This isn't normal.

Tomorrow we sign.

Wonderful. I'm so keen to see
the back of this company.

My boss wants to know if the employees
know we'll replace them.

No one needs to know in advance.

All yours.

- Hi, boss, may I?
- Yes, come in.

I wanted to introduce you
to the aircraft mechanic.

- Thanks, Cleo.
- Cloe.

That's fine.

Our second man of the day.
Get in here!

No, you're covered in grease.
Hug him.

Lad, give him a hug.

This is the mechanic
who solved our problem.

- Gosh...
- It was no big deal.

When you're good, you're good.

My post is yours if you want.

Stop by my birthday party tonight.
Javier Garcia is my guest of honor.

- Javier Garcia.
- Excuse me. Yes?

How did it go? Okay?

Feeling better, huh?

Can't you tell?

- Look.
- You can wash them.

Why are those Chinese here?

God knows what Dario is up to.

Party time, huh?

Aren't you going to take me?

This sucks, Eva.

You're the one that's still in the closet.

Yep, you're right. I'm a coward.

Who are you going with?

With the consultant.
Such a pain in the arse.

Red is your colour.

Birthday party tonight? Awesome.

- You seem nice.
- Thanks.

Cloe has always had
a terrible taste in men.

That's what I thought.

So I hope that you...

are honest.

You wouldn't lie to her, would you?

What I mean is,

you wouldn't break...

her heart, right?

Me? No way.

I'm sure of it.

Looking good!

You look gorgeous.

- Shall we go?
- Sure.

Javier is a charmer.

If you don't want him, I'll have him.

Come on, let's go.

Shit.

Ça va, Javi?

Talking to me?

Ça va, Eva? You look strange.

That's nice, coming from you.

The special cocktail
for our special guest.

Jesus!

What's this? Late and no uniform.

Go on, in you go.
We'll find you one.

My family has land in Bioko.

My dream is to build
a little hotel there.

But without any savings,
things are moving slowly.

Perhaps if you had an associate
it would all be quicker.

I know full well
that mechanics don't have a penny,

but it's a lovely, kind thought.

Not like my boss: look at all this
just to celebrate his birthday.

Actually, I don't find it
that over the top.

No?

Why are you here?
Where is my husband?

Who is your husband?

Javier.
Javier Garcia.

But which Javier Garcia?

Tell me where he is, or I'll pluck out
your eyes for earrings.

Thanks.

Let me introduce him, please.

Javier Garcia, the ninja of aviation.

Roque and Ana Madariaga,
banking consultants.

What do you know!
I have a question about mortgages.

If you'll excuse me a minute.

Welcome.

Why not come into my office?

The boss says she'd rather stay here.

Of course. Have fun.

I want to tell you something,
but please let me finish.

Things are not always the way
you think they are.

I mean,

there are mechanics,
and then there are mechanics.

What do you mean by that?

Mechanics up here...

or down here.

Mechanics here or here.

You're either here or here.
Or in the middle, but...

ls something wrong?

Ricky?

He's followed me here.

I'll kill him.

Is our dad back?

- Who would that be?
- Javier Garcia.

Dear Lord...

They're throwing a party here.

All the Javier Garcias you want
are there.

Eva, where have you been?

Not dancing?

DJ, a slow one, please.

Shall we dance?

Why are the Chinese here?

You mean Turks.
The key is in Turkey, you know.

What a bastard!

- I only brushed your bum.
- Let's go somewhere quiet.

- Am I getting my cheque?
- No one's getting paid here.

Let me go...

For God's sake...

Dickheads.

Let her come in.

Thanks.

It's the entertainment.

The couch is more comfortable.

Thanks.

I bet you've seen my husband,
Javier Garcia.

Have you seen Javier Garcia?

- Javier.
- No... No...

You seen my husband?
Javier Garcia.

Where is he?

What?

Want one?

- Yeah, what about you?
- All right.

There's one over there. This way.

- What are you doing?
- And you?

Be right back, sweetie, don't move,
I'll fetch drinks.

Careful,
there are lots of creeps in there.

God, look at her move.

If we weren't here,
I'd teach that idiot a lesson.

- Oh, sorry.
- Sorry.

Mr. Garcia.

- Héctor.
- Héctor?

Oh, so you're doing Cher.

- You look a bit like her.
- I know.

- The spitting image.
- Really...

Dario's selling the company
to the Chinese.

They don't buy, they sell.

He's gonna run off with the cash!
We'll end up broke.

What? So I won't get paid either?

What a bullshitter.

You seem like an honest guy.

Look, Eva,

since we're being honest,
I'm not one of those consultationers.

I'm a mechanic,
and about to lose my home.

I knew it!

So, if you're not Javier Garcia...

No, no, I am Javier Garcia.

- But not the other guy...
- The consultationer?

Right.

- The other guy is...
- Him.

Why is he here dressed as a waiter?

No, the expert's over there.

But that's Cloe.

Why is she with him?

We don't have invites.

How do we get in?

We're the artists.

They're waiting for us.

You had us all fooled.

I'll laugh to keep from crying.

It wasn't my intention,
but you treated me like a king...

Will you marry me?

- Oh, Javier...
- What?

- I have a girlfriend.
- No.

Yes.

Another woman?

I'd never have guessed.

You know, I'm starting to like you.

- Dad!
- What...?

- Are you okay?
- We were so worried.

Your attention, please.
Quiet everyone, I'm gonna sing.

Kill the music.

Excuse me a minute.

I'm an artist and I come from Paris...

Look how I play the drum!

Bravo!

Bravo!

The dinosaur is my son-in-law.

Cirque du Soleil.

So...

sometimes it's good to hide.

I could stay here forever.

What are you...? With him...?

What's going on?

Ricky, can I tell you something?

This is exactly what it looks like.

Are you mad!

Javier!

Get him off me!

And you told me to behave myself?

Hey!

Another G&T, please.

Let me go!

Miss, miss...

Get off!

Help me!

What are you doing? Cut it out!

What an idiot!

This is impossible.

Everyone stop!

My dress!

Cut it out!

See that jerk over there?

He's my millionaire husband,
and he's a swine.

Who, this guy?

No, the other one.

This guy?

Do I look like a millionaire?

Not him either.

- The Russian chick is alive.
- Not Russian, Basque.

This one?

Yep, that's him.

I'm sorry.
You didn't give me time to explain.

Cretin...

Cloe!

Give it a rest already!

Ricky!

God, this party is wild.

Cretin,

liar.

Now what?

I'm sick of men, Ana.

- You're off?
- To Equatorial Guinea.

- Guinea?
- The further, the better.

Javier is a millionaire!

- Such a tragedy.
- And he's married.

- Wasn't he a widower?
- Divorcee.

- Then it's not that bad.
- Were you listening?

He's a millionaire.
Millionaire.

- That's not good.
- No!

No, no. Go on, off you go.

To Equatorial Guinea.

Isn't that in the Caribbean?

It's done.

Dario signs at five.

At five?

- Then he's off to a Caribbean island.
- Caribbean?

Still got chocolate in your ears?

We'll all end up on the street.

Even Cloe quit.
She's off to Equatorial Guinea.

No, no... not to Guinea.

What possessed her...

Oh, Guinea is in the Caribbean.

Come on, shake a leg
and let's get to the airport.

Which one was it? Number 34b or 43?

Crap, this is so different by day.

Good afternoon, madam.
Is Cloe there?

- Big man.
- Who Wash', Pablito?

- Welcome.
- Sorry.

Mustn't be here either.

At last.

Well well, some nerve
you got showing up here.

Been jogging?

Look, I'm having a bad
enough time as it is.

I want to talk to her.

She just left. She was so pissed off.

She's gone? Where to?

To the airport.

Since you're in a tracksuit, run.

Run!

Hi, butthole.

Hi, butthole.

Hi, butthole.

- Hurry, hurry.
- Coming.

We're too late.

I want my money
or Beijing goes up in smoke!

Eva, you got a lighter?

This is pointless.

But I know how to find Dario.

Will you put that down?

Javier, sign!

Now?

Weren't you keen to get divorced?

- I'm marrying Ricky.
- Now isn't a good time.

I spoke with your lawyer. Sign it.

Sorry, but I'm in a real hurry.

We regret to inform you
that the departure of Hispavia 3856

has an estimated delay of two hours.

It's easy to find, must be
a small plane about to take off.

Got it, Eva.

- Take-off taxiway two.
- Delay it all you can.

Garcia, taxiway two. Straight ahead
to the right, then left.

Taxiway two...

What are you doing?
What are you doing?

Wait for me!

- About time, huh?
- Coming!

Not that way! To the left!

Didn't you hear? To the left!

This damn steering wheel doesn't work.

Watch out! Are you crazy!

Come on!

There it is!

Javier!

Javier!

Step on it!

- What's up?
- It's Nina.

Nina?

- My wife.
- God she's annoying.

Where are you going?
You're on the runway!

Get out of there now!

Hey!
"Stop!"

- What's going on?
- Watch out!

Five euros they crash.

Five euros? Rubbish.

I say they pass below it.

This way!

We need to take off.

Can't, a pair of lunatics
are on the runway.

Bloody hell.

Eva, can you try and find
Cloe's plane?

Can you check
the Equatorial Guinea flight?

Flight to Equatorial Guinea,
runway one.

It's right next to you.

That's it.

Javier!

- Stop, I'm getting off.
- No way.

- How so?
- Let's get the cash.

You keep the cash,
now stop this thing.

- Stop.
- I said no.

Why not?
Don't you know how to brake?

I don't even have a license.

No, but you have a pair of balls...

Sign, Javier!

Just a second, please!

Nice one.

- Sorry.
- Your boarding card, please.

Thank you.

- Passengers of Hispavia 362...
- Sorry, sorry.

Cloe, I know that you're here.

Hello, your board...

I wanted to tell you,
but you didn't... Jesus!

Javier, sign.

I always have to do everything
when you want.

The arsehole is free.

How sweet.

Cloe!

Nina is right.

I'm an arsehole, a scumbag,
and a swine.

Yep, a swine.

But she's right
when she says I'm free.

I'm a mess, always have been.

Why is this happening to me?
I'm cringing so hard.

You changed me. You made me want to be
a better person, that's no mean feat.

Please, I'm stuck with these people for
another four hours.

I just wanted to know if I could make you
feel something. Not for what I have,

but for who I am.

Well, congratulations.

Because now I hate you for who you are.

Look, Cloe,

I know I messed up big time.

But I was afraid of losing you.

Afraid? I'm afraid I'll miss
my connecting flight!

Be quiet and fasten your seat belt.

At least tell me you forgive me.

Forgive him, sweetheart,
or we'll never take off!

Okay, I forgive you.

I forgive you for all the lies,

For all the emotional fraud,
even for the fact that you're married.

But this show? This?

I won't forgive you for this.

Never!

You convinced me, you know?

Thanks.

I'm on Sinder.

Garcia, that's it. To your left,
then straight in front of you.

Shit.

No!

I've got the cash.
Now, how do I stop this thing?

Oops...

God, what a brute.

Garcia,

I think this is the beginning
of a beautiful friendship.

Toothpick?

Go on, then.

Want a lift to the terminal?

Cloe, you're back!

Don't get your hopes up,

they made me leave the loo.

You're in love.

I'm embarrassed.

Slow down or I'm going
to have a heart attack!

Your friends are at it again.

So I see.

Admit it, you got off the plane
because you love me.

I'd love to kill you!

There's time for that later.

Now we have to think about this.

I don't believe it.
Two Garcias.

You're spoilt for choice.

Cloe managed to open her hotel.

I couldn't get her to marry me,
and Javier is still single.

I don't know if he'll remarry one day,

but if he does,
I bet he'll wear a tracksuit.

Eva founded an exclusive airline
for dogs: Woof Air.

Her wife finally
came out of the closet.

Dario lives in a peaceful place,
surrounded by people like him.

He's serving a prison sentence
for fraud.

Hector devoted himself
to his true passion

and is triumphing in Las Vegas.

Héctor and Cher
have become very close friends.

But Ruben is the one who has really
gone far: he's his agent.

Ricky and Nina married.
And divorced. And married again.

And divorced. They're happy...
sometimes.

Alfonso has retired and can now devote
himself to his true passion:

eating.

Borjita quit aviation to embark
on a promising career

as a traffic light designer.

For colour-blind people.

Jin Tao and Chu Mao

quit everything and set up a Spanish
store in China". "Olé Bazaar."

Patricia the purser found love
on Sinder... without leaving the plane.

Antonio continues to be
a mean cheapskate.

Now he's the director general.

The security guard at the bank

was unable to explain to the police
why he had a petrol can and a lighter.

My lawyer Begoña is still a lawyer.

But not Nina's lawyer.

Still, as a delivery guy,
he's unrivalled.

Cirque du Soleil never hired
Prudencio,

but young Blanca stole his act
and is now their biggest star.

The first thing she did
was pay the mortgage.