Gaming in Color (2015) - full transcript

Diverse queer themes in game story lines and characters are an anomaly in the mainstream video game industry, and LGBTQ gamers have a higher chance of being mistreated in social games. Gaming In Color explores how the community culture is shifting and the industry is diversifying, helping with queer visibility and acceptance of an LGBTQ presence. Almost every gamer will relate to the concept of seeking solace in a video game. Hope for sanctuary guides their escape into a virtual universe where they can be anything they want to be. For many, however, choosing to be true to themselves becomes an open invitation for hatred. This multiplies for those who are marginalized people, including people of color, women, and members of the LGBTQ community. Toxic cultures that breed violence and vitriol hide behind a industry that undervalues the innovation of its audience. GAMING IN COLOR crusades for anyone who believes that the pixelated world can be a better place for everyone, no matter who they are or what they love. A lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or otherwise queer gamer has a higher chance of being mistreated in a social game. The power dynamics of a male-dominated geek society tips against them. Further, diverse queer themes in game story lines and characters are an anomaly in the mainstream video game industry. However, the gaming community is far more colorful than one may expect. Gaming In Color shows that there is a full spectrum of gamers picking up their controller to play. This feature documentary explores the queer side of gaming culture and the game industry's LGBTQ presence. The queer geek community is taking huge steps forward in being recognized on a worldwide industry scale. At the same time, more popular mainstream and indie games are featuring a greater amount of queer characters than ever before, helping with visibility and acceptance. There's a long road ahead and tons of aspects that desperately need improvement, but the video games universe will continue to mature and diversify both in its community culture and industry only if we elevate the conversation about inclusion and respecting one another - not in spite of our gay geekiness, but because of it!

Yeah,
I'm definitely,

I would consider myself a gamer.

I've been a gamer
since video games

came to the home, you know,
when I was a little kid.

I'm a gamer
first and foremost.

I love gaming, I've
been gaming all my life.

It's my career, it's my hobby.

Gaming provides young gay people

who may not be comfortable
with themselves

an outlet to be
themselves, that is,

totally forgiving,
totally accepting



and you get to be
anyone you want to be.

The first digital games I
played were on an Apple IIe.

My dad helped me, and
that was something

that we did together,
and I kind of think about

playing with my dad as sort
of being the equivalent

of the hokey stories of, like,

"Yeah, my dad and I used
to fix cars together,

"and that's why I became,
like, an auto engineer".

I really enjoy playing
all sorts of games.

You know, all the way
from the big budget titles

to small free games that
are released by individuals.

I definitely came
out as a gamer first

because I think
being a gamer was

so much a part of my
closeted identity.



It was something safe I
could do, and love, at home

away from people who
might make fun of me

or who would make
me feel different.

I think people actually
think of the term gamer

and they're like "ugh".

You know, this is
someone who's anti-social

and just sits in front
of a screen all day

and that's what they do,
and they eat Cheetos.

But, I'm increasingly
of the belief that

learning to play games
is learning to be

a more active
participant in society.

The world is a set of systems
that aren't set in stone.

That you can make a
change, and a small change

can actually set off
larger repercussions.

So, a game can contain within
it so many possibilities

and I think that
gamers experience that,

they internalize
it, and they start

to look at the
world in a new way.

The gamer community is
a really diverse place

with a lot of different
kinds of people

who take different
approaches to games.

I think when most people
hear the word gamer

they think about people
who strongly identify

as, like, receiving their
entertainment from games.

It's a primary source
of entertainment,

pleasure, and
recreation for them.

And of course it
also sort of carries

these stereotypical connotations

of adolescent and
post-adolescent guys

who are overwhelmingly straight.

And yeah, you sort of have,
a kind of, like macho,

kind of masculinist
attitude towards gaming,

who enjoy certain
kinds of games.

There's a lot of showmanship.

There's a lot of "I'm
really good at this".

There's a lot of stats and
knowledge and that kind of thing.

For non-gay gamers, games feel

so much more
competitive I think.

You get people who are
very much interested in

a solo experience that they
can compare to their friends

in a way that's
about "I'm the best".

What's interesting
to me is that

the idea of "gamer"
is growing a lot.

As recently as, you know,
maybe 10 years ago or so

there was this new idea that

all sorts of people
could be gamers.

There are certainly gay gamers.

I think that they
come at games, also,

in a lot of different ways,
just like everyone else does.

While I don't
particularly like the idea

of people labeling themselves,

you need a flag to
bear, once in awhile.

You need to have a term to
bring yourself together.

Gaymer with the y is also
an issue of branding.

It gives us a common flag,

and I think that
it's more about being

part of a community,
than simply saying

"I am a gay man, and
I play video games".

'Cuz when it comes down to
it, everybody plays something.

There's something
out there that's

geeky that everybody does.

And I think what the
term "gaymer" does

is allows the video game
community to be exactly that.

It's a gay video game community.

With gaymers there's a lot
more sensitivity, generally.

Like, you have an
experience there of

people who know what it's
like to feel bullied.

And also who know what it's like

to sort of want to welcome
people into the community.

In the gay geek area,
I think that that's

fairly typical,
there's a lot of, like,

"I want you to be
a part of this.

"I want you to know
that this is awesome.

"I want you to understand
why this is great".

A lot of, there are a lot
of gamers and game designers

who are lesbian, gay,
bi-sexual, transgendered,

or queer, or genderqueer.

Other words, who
are really seeking

to kind of reinvent games
in a new and different way

that's very much outside
the traditional notions.

And that's often
called "queer games",

and that community I
think is really distinct.

For some people,
they're just gamers

who happen to be gay, right?

For others, you know,
there are a lot of people

who are really
interested as people with

LGBT experience, at seeing
games represent them more.

I haven't had the right
moment with the right man.

Oh really?

Dance with me.

Lead the way.

The interesting thing
is, just like everybody,

like all gamers in some sense,

people are coming from
really different places,

have different concerns that are

born out of their experiences.

Becoming immersed in a
fantasy world is awesome.

It's so wonderful
to live somewhere

that is unreal and fantastic,

and gaming lets you
do that, you know?

If I want to fly, I can fly.

If I want to cast magic spells,

If I want to be, you know, a
space marine from the future,

anything that I want
to do, I can do.

For me, my first
experience with video games,

my best friend and
I would sit down

and we'd play Super Mario 3,

and we'd be at world
six and all of a sudden

it was time for dinner
and he had to go.

And it was sort of taking us out

into this world of adventure,

where you could really do
anything, and be anything.

For most people games
seem like a waste of time,

whether it's, you know,
somebody in their living room

staring at a screen,
or, you know,

just crushing candy all day.

But actually, I think
that those games,

and all kinds of other
games, they ask us

as players to try new things.

The best games are the games

where you have to change the
way that you do something.

And that's what I think is
interesting about games.

I think that games teach
us to look at ourselves

in a new way, and of course look

at the world in a new way too.

Gaming has taught me
almost all of my life skills.

Gaming taught me
how to be social,

and I know that sounds ironic,

because most people think
gaming is an anti-social thing.

But, I mean, for instance
like Smash Brothers,

Mario Kart, Mortal
Kombat, all these games

were huge in growing up,
and they're social games.

You have to do them
with other people.

So, gaming taught me
all my social skills.

Gaming taught me all
of my financial skills.

Like, Warcraft II and the
Warcraft series and StarCraft.

All of the the simulation
games, Sim City

and RollerCoaster Tycoon,
and all of these games

they taught me how to manage
things and multi-task.

Yeah, well, I've been playing
games almost my whole life.

and making them almost as long.

Yeah, they're just
a very special

form of culture to me
because, in part because

they do things that other
forms of culture don't.

Games are the aesthetic
form of systems,

much as music is the
aesthetic form of sound.

You know, we all need to learn
more about how systems work

in order to engage,
meaningfully with the world

and in order to engage
with political processes.

In order to understand why
we didn't get that raise

and somebody else did, and how
to sort of live in the world.

Games are valuable in a
ton of different ways,

and they're valuable as tools

for self expression too, right?

Just as, we think,
oh, it's really great

for someone to learn
how to play music

so they can express
themselves through sound.

I think more and more we're
all starting to realize

oh, it's actually really
valuable to be able

to learn how to make
games and how to

express yourself
through systems.

Gaming and games are
one of those things

that you start doing when
you're little, right?

It's one of the first ways
you learn how to socialize,

it's how you learn how to
interact with other people,

and it's a huge facet of what
you do in your spare time.

Video games wind up being
really important for people

because you get to
be part of the story.

You get to interact, you
get to tell a different

view of things, it
gets to be your view.

When you talk about
wanting to see yourself

represented in those
games, it's about

wanting to see yourself
represented in your stories.

Wanting to be included
in the Mass Effect game

and see myself
there is a lot about

I want to play as
someone I'd want to be.

I don't want to play as
the He-Man macho guy,

'cuz that's not me.

And I know they're
not gonna give

Shepard a lisp any time soon,

but it's nice that he
can kiss guys at least.

Games are different
because games ask us

to engage in them and
create our own stories.

So, you know, if
I'm reading a book,

or going to see a play,
or going to the movies,

and then I walk out and we
were together at the movie

we might say "Oh wow, what
about that part where..."

But in a game, you know, I
might experience something

very differently from
the way that you do,

just based on the
choices that we make.

And so, for me, that's one of

the exciting things about games.

That we can share
certain aspects

of our experience in the game,

but they're always going
to be slightly different.

Gaming is something
that anyone can access.

Gaming is something that,
well, everybody games.

Why not, react to the
community at large

by including as many
people as possible?

I think it only enriches
stories and these video games

by making them rich
with varying characters.

Diversity in games is
a huge, obvious problem

that the game
industry knows about

and is going to have
to do something about.

Games are embarrassing
themselves,

and have been for a long time.

The gaming industry
has tended in the past

to really cater to a
heterosexual, male audience.

A lot of the leaders
in the game industry,

even in the, sort of very
large end AAA game industry,

are aware of how
embarrassing this is

when they look at their peers

in other forms of entertainment.

And so it's very
tough being gay,

you know, you don't see any
protagonist gay characters.

With the exception of, you know,

things like Shepard
from Mass Effect.

But, that's kind of
an optional thing.

You get to pick if
you want to be gay,

but you can also
pick to be straight.

You're never really
forced into the role.

And you see that all the time

with heterosexual protagonists.

You know, you see straight
guys as the protagonist.

I have to play the straight
guy saving the girl,

or I have to play
the straight guy,

who has a wife or whatever.

And that's okay, I don't
think that that's bad.

You know, like stories are
stories and I think it's great.

Any story can be wonderful.

I wish there were more stories

in the game industry that
represented me as a person.

I would say that I'm
disappointed with the progress

that companies have
made up to this point.

I think that, from the dialogues

I've had with a lot of companies

it seems like they
are ready to move,

but they're scared.

I don't think anyone
really wants to be

the first one to
dive in, because

I think that gaming
is something that

there's a lot of
people who can be

very vocal on the
internet, and, you know,

nobody wants to be the person
who draws the ire first.

You know, and be like
"That's the company

"that's doing all
that gay stuff".

And I think that on top of that

games that are AAA
titles are so expensive

that game companies don't
want to take that risk

of being the company that's like

"Oh, we're gonna make a
gay character in this game

"and we're risking this 10
million dollar franchise".

Being queer is just one
facet of someone's identity.

I think it's not something
that needs to be included

but by adding it here and there

you're making a more real world.

And any time you're
writing a more real world

that's gonna pull a player
in much more deeply,

so I don't see how that could
not benefit the developer.

Diversity is
incredibly important.

It's important to me, it makes
a real difference to me when

I play a game if I can see
myself somewhere in the game.

Whether as part of an
ensemble of characters

and non-player characters,
or in character creation

where I can sort of make someone

who represents me in some way.

Visibility is the way in which

an industry says that we
recognize that you exist.

When you get
acknowledgement that you are

the intended audience
for something

it makes you feel like
you're a part of it.

Like in Mass Effect, when
you're able to choose

to be with guys that
you want to be with,

it makes that gameplay
both more immerse

for you as a person,
but also it lets me know

that they know that
people like me exist.

And that's comforting,
and helpful.

I think it validates
who you are as a person.

I think that is someone
like me, as a kid,

I feel like if there
were video games

that were like,
had a gay character

that I could relate to, or a
gay character that I could,

you know, feel affection for

or my character
felt affection for,

I think it would have
made me feel so much more

validated as a person.

It is sort of essential in games

in a different way than it
is for other forms of culture

to be able to experience
yourself as part of the system.

And if there's a failure of that

then the player either has to,

just experience this kind
of alienation and distance

that I think really
is a drawback for

investing in the
game and really,

sort of playing it
with all of your heart.

And this is something
that I think

a lot of average-guy,
stereotypical gamers

aren't aware of
because they have

so many choices
available to them.

And it's not like you have
to be able to see yourself

in every single game, right?

But, if you have this
experience over and over again

that takes a toll,
and it means that

you can't invest as
fully in the game.

You can't play a game
with all your heart.

And again, it's like sure,
you can do this sometimes

but, it uses up a little bit of

your willpower and your
investment in a different way.

I think there's
a slow surge in

them starting to
recognize that LGBT gamers

are actually just as equal to

you know, the straight community

as far as numbers are concerned.

A lot of gamers, but even
more so people who make games

are aware that its
embarrassing that

games are so far behind.

That we are sort of
fulfilling this stereotype

of, like, a pimply
teenager in the basement.

And there's more
and more anxiety,

at least among people
who make games,

and maybe to a lesser
extent among gamers

that, to sort of grow
out of that phase.

But I think that
there's a gradual trend,

and it's slow, frustratingly
slow for a lot of people,

to move away from
and beyond that

at a lot of different levels,

from the big budget
games all the way down.

For me the most important
dialogue to be having

is how to include
characters in games

and making it so that
every area that the

video gamers are enjoying
are representative

of those people
they're playing with.

So that they just see that
there are characters out there.

So many people are
afraid of gays and lesbians

and queer people
because of ignorance.

Because they've never
met a gay person,

or they've never, you
know, actually had

a friend who's actually gay,

and so they don't have any
reason to care about them.

And if you play games and you
have someone on your squad

who's helping you out who's gay,

or you have, let's just
say that were the case,

having someone who's helping
you out the entire time

who's, like, throwing you
ammo, being a part of that.

Then you can actually
form a bond for someone

and be like "Oh,
I'm forming a bond

"with someone who's a lesbian".

Like, they're actually
not some mythical thing,

like they're just normal people.

And I think that it could
be really helpful for

introducing young people to
the idea of gays and lesbians

and that they're not
anything to be afraid of.

That they are normal people
and it's just as important

for, you know,
queer kids to see it

as it is for straight
people to see it as well.

Even just gay side
characters let me know

that you're expecting
me to be there.

That you're anticipating
that I'm going to play this.

That you're expecting
me to be a part of it.

For example, like GTA 5

has, you know, huge problems

but mostly it feels like,

I don't know, just a bleak
outlook on everything.

And it's hard to play that
game and not feel like

you know, it's just not for you.

Like that game, just
blaringly in your face

is like, "It's not about you.

"It's not for you.

"We don't think you're
deserving of our time

"or energy enough to
give you a voice here.

"You don't exist in this city."

And that's hard.

We did this, one of our
actually male freelancers

did an article about
why can't there be

a female character
in the new GTA game.

Because they have
three characters,

but they're all very
macho male stereotypes.

But, like, you
could just as easily

work in a female character.

Would GTA 5 have
been different

with a main female character?

Absolutely, but...

I could have seen
instead of Michael

we could have had
Michelle Visage

and she would have
really nailed it.

I don't think it would
be that hard to mix in

but in response to
that article we did see

a lot of feedback
where people were like

"Well, if you had, like anything

"but a white guy in this
game, I wouldn't play it."

And I've actually, there were
several people who said that

and I was like, well,
with that logic,

if I had that kind of
logic in approaching games

where I never played
a game unless it had

a strictly female protagonist

then I would never
play games like

Red Dead Redemption or Bioshock

or Uncharted, or like,
all of these amazing games

simply because I can't
get past the fact

that I have to play as a dude.

And thankfully I'm
not in that position,

but the fact that we still
are encountering that,

I mean, it's a
little discouraging

but I kind of wish
that gaming companies

would just bite the
bullet and take the plunge

and take the risk that the
indie developers are doing.

Yeah, I mean whats good
about the industry today

as opposed to, let's
say five, 10 years ago

is that small independent
teams can make games

and those games can
be very successful.

Now, it's still hard to do that

and not everyone is successful

but I think that
enables different

kinds of games to be developed.

The indie game community
is absolutely incredible

because it's kind
of risen up through

you know, people
who are interested

in saying new things with
games and trying new things.

These are all people who have
been raised playing games

so they're gamers too.

But games like Papers Please

or Cart Life, or
Gone Home, Dysphoria.

All of these games are exploring

new topics and subjects,
and they're out there.

Many of them are
out there for free

so, you know,
people of all kinds

of backgrounds and means
can actually play them.

So I think there's a
really exciting movement

in the indie game scene.

Like, gay games, if
it is my ideal, right?

It comes at it from a
different perspective.

It doesn't give me
another space marine

and just make him kiss
boys, it's not just that.

It gives me a character
who is different

and whose differences
are celebrated.

I mean, I think like, probably
the queerest game that exists

right now, in AAA sense
at least, is Portal.

Because there you have
two female characters

who are battling
against one another

and you, sort of, have all
the makings of a queer game.

It's not about a macho
figure who is enacting the,

just who's enacting
the male power fantasy

of, like, conquering
and domination.

That's not what
its about, right?

It's about two
characters who are

at opposite ends of the spectrum

fighting for different goals.

And specifically as
the protagonist in that

you're invited to
try to be your best

in a way that I find
super comforting.

I'd have to go back to Fables

'cuz the fact that
you can actually swoon

and date someone in the
game that's of the same sex

and you can actually
marry 'em and adopt kids

and have a family just like
you could in real life.

That's probably
the most positive

that I've personally
experienced.

Well Gone Home was
really kind of amazing.

I mean, the thing
about Gone Home is that

one of the primary characters,

not the person that
you're controlling

but her sister is kind
of coming into her own

as a young queer woman,

and your experience
in uncovering that

is really interesting

because you're seeing it
through the eyes of a sister

who cares about
her little sister

and is, you know,
trying to figure out

where she is and
what's going on.

The only way you
experience the characters

is through their voice and

through the writing and drawing,

and not through seeing them.

Sometimes you just

have to lie to Mom and Dad.

Like when Lonnie asked
me to see a band with her

and stay over at a friend's
place in the city after.

That's a lie to Mom
and Dad situation.

But it was so worth it!

The girls on stage were just
so loud, and real, and awesome.

And everybody was
moving together

like one huge tide of sound.

Between two songs Lonnie
leaned over and said

"How do you like
your first show?"

I was so happy I felt
tears starting in my eyes

and then she up and hugged me.

I think she could tell.

You're able to then,
kind of, maybe even

apply your own self to
some of the characters

or your own
experiences, so for me

it was a really
touching, kind of

deep experience
playing the game.

I mean, you could say
Minecraft is a really queer game,

for example, because it's
very wide open for play,

for players to sort of do
whatever they want with it.

Minecraft is, you
know, kind of like

the queer party bottom of games.

It's like, it's
available for anybody

to sort of go in and be like
"I want to do this with you"

and Minecraft's like
"Okay, I'm down with that".

And then of course
there are games

that are about
queer people's lives

and I think that those are
incredibly important too.

And there's a lot of
amazing queer game creators

who are making those
kinds of games.

And a lot of times those games,

structurally are
really different.

They don't just
let players come in

and do whatever they want.

Instead it's about a
player having an encounter

with someone else's
life that they have to,

they have to listen to.

You're a part of the story,

but you're not the
thing that makes it move

or that changes the outcome.

You know, what's
happening right now

is that you're
seeing game companies

begin to slowly
dip their toes in.

And I think that's
a really good start

but I think that the next
step is gonna have to be

that they have to actually
write well-written,

fully flushed out characters
that are queer in games

and there's very,
very, very few games

that actually have that.

I think gaming developers,
especially brave ones

like David Gadar are
coming out and saying

"Look, we can make changes.

"We can include different people

"and that only
enriches the story".

So I think we're moving
in the right direction.

Will we have missteps?

Absolutely, but I
think any time we're

progressing as a nation
with these issues

we will progress as an industry.

Even in the most,
kind of mainstream games

we're starting to see
more sophisticated writing

and writing that incorporates
different perspectives.

Game designers know that
people who are playing games

are, you know, increasing
and diversifying

and it's not just, you
know, making a game for

someone who might,
you know, have a more

normative perspective on things.

You know,
ultimately it's on us

as to whether or not
we're gonna buy their game

and tell them that that's
the story we want to hear.

But, they absolutely should
be meeting us halfway.

We don't need a reason
to change video games.

There needs to be a
good reason not to.

Because this is about
reflecting our society

and connecting with out stories.

You know, I think that as
an entire gaming community

it's been for the past 10 years

it's been, we want the
entire world to see

games as art, not as
just games for kids,

but video games
are actually art.

And, so, if you really want
to consider video games art,

if you want the entire world
to be able to consider it art

you can't limit
storyline choices

by saying "Oh we can't
talk about sexuality.

"We can't talk about
gender identity.

"We can't talk about race,
we can't talk about misogyny.

"We can't talk about
any of that stuff.

"We can really only use violence

"as a plot line
forwarding mechanism".

Which, and there's nothing
wrong with using it,

like, I mean, that's fine.

I'm not against, like, if people

want more Call of
Dutys or whatever

you know, like that's fine.

But I think that when
you're saying that

all these other
things are off-limits

then it's really constraining
for people to create good art.

As an entertainment
person overall

gaming is just beginning to

scratch the surface of
what I think it's gonna be.

No experience in the world

is as emotionally involving
as playing a character

and living another life.

We talk about virtual reality,

that's kind of it, and
it's hugely powerful.

So, yeah, tying it
back to equality,

you think something
that immersive

isn't gonna have
impact on someone life,

on the way that
they see the world,

the way they communicate
in the future?

It will.

You know, even geek who
would be watching this

understands what
it's like to have to

come out as a geek,
whether that be, you know

admitting that you like
certain geeky things,

or just being whatever
traditionally a geek is.

Whether that be you're
really into reading,

or science stuff, or
video games, or whatever.

Being a geek is tough.

You know that your
life's gonna be

a little bit harder
because you're not

gonna be, kind of
fitting the social norms.

I was the nerdiest
kid in the world.

Like, I would talk to
my classmates about

ancient Chinese generals,
and that stuff excited me

and they, I don't know, I
was always the biggest nerd.

So I was more okay
being a gamer, sure.

I was always the nerd.

I ate lunch with
teachers every day

of my high school experience,
and never had friends

but to me, that
was just who I was.

Coming to terms with
my gay identity,

I guess I wouldn't have
been able to do it as easily

without the safety
of the gaming world

and I'm grateful I
was able to navigate

both those identities
and now I'm able to,

you know, share
them both proudly.

Yeah, and I've
always benefited

from being
professionally in games

'cuz I can tell people "Oh
yeah, I make video games"

and people are
like "Whoa, what?".

But yeah, whenever I
would talk about games

people would be polite, right?

They'd be like "Wow,
that's really cool"

and not really know
what else to say.

Which is fine, but it's
also, it's like okay

I get it, you're not
really into this.

Yeah, so that is
kind of like stigma

and it's kind of a bunch of
other complicated things too.

Gay culture I
think, I mean, I think

it really does come down to it.

Like, gay culture itself
is very body focused.

So when you have to tell
people that you're geeky

you do wind up having
to have this kind of

awkward conversation,
and there's

a lot of impressions
that people have, right?

'Cuz people think geeks live
at home with their mother,

or they, like, have
terrible social cues,

or any of the other
myriad of other like,

"You're weird"
components to them.

And you don't necessarily want

that judgement
coming off on you.

It's like, yeah geek
culture has kind of

risen up along side other
types of pop culture.

But, yeah, games I think
have a special stigma

of like, admitting that
you play a lot of games

there's kind of like, yeah.

There's a feeling
like "Oooh really?

Like, if you go onto
dating websites,

like there's this
dating website OkCupid

where there's all these
questions that you answer

and one of the questions says

"Would you date
someone who plays games

"more than six hours a day?"

and it's clearly one
of these questions

that's like there to filter out

all the really
undesirable people.

And six hours is
definitely a lot.

But yeah, it was
definitely interesting

to hear about that
in a dating context

and how it's one of these things

where like, the
equivalent of the question

like "How often do
you brush your teeth".

With gay culture in
general it's gotten better

about geeky things as
they become more popular

but it's also still challenging

to find friendship
in similar interests

in a community that
becomes very much about

shapes rather than,
you know, desires.

And, you know it just
took awhile for me,

in terms of like
I'm a queer geek and

it took me until I was
23 to be at a point

where I decided I don't
want to have to settle

for not being my true self.

I want to be around people
who are going to accept me

as I really am, which is

both a geek and
someone who's queer.

It's this whole notion
of being who you are.

That's really all it is.

When I was pushed up
against a locker and spat at

for being a geek in high school,

if the same thing had
happened because I was gay

why am I gonna do it to myself?

Why am I gonna sit
here and let the fear

of being too nerdy for
gay culture pull me back?

Or, too gay for nerdy culture.

It's more of an issue I think
in the straight community

right now, but fake
nerds, gamer girls,

everybody's on the
internet saying

"Well these people
don't have a right

"to take a picture of themselves
with a Super Nintendo".

They're expressing
themselves too, so lay off.

I think, you know,
until the last few years

I kept a pretty strict
firewall between

my life doing queer activism
and in queer communities

and everything I was doing
in games, professionally

and playing games online
with my game friends.

Like, those were just
totally separate.

On one hand, the people I
knew through queer communities

a lot of the people
I knew that way

were not really that
interested in games.

And, so, I just
kind of knew, like,

"Okay, these aren't people
that I can play games with"

even though they're incredibly
important in my life

but I couldn't really
talk to them about games.

And on the other
hand, I was working

professionally in games, right?

And, I was never closeted
about my relationships

and being in
relationships with women

but I really didn't talk too
much about my experiences

or my past, or my
background, or anything.

I wasn't so much afraid
of discrimination,

in part because I worked with
a lot of really great people,

but I didn't want to make
people uncomfortable either.

But then in the last few years

what happened is a ton of queer

and trans game creators started

to come out of the woodwork.

They'd been making
games for a long time

or playing games, but now
they were really invested

in making new types of
games, and really talking

about their experiences
through games.

And, I met a bunch of these
folks and I was blown away.

I was like "Oh my God".

These guys are doing things
that, I really sort of

again, I was like
"I didn't think

"that that was really possible".

And I realized,
yeah, okay this is

a really important conversation
that needs to happen

and also, maybe I can
just get rid of that wall.

And at the same time
there are more and more

people in my queer
communities who were

talking openly
about playing games.

That old division
for me has been

in the process of dissolving.

It's healthy to do, and I think

it can happen more and more now

because of shifts
in the culture.

I don't think there's
a gay person out there

who would make being
gay in gaming an issue.

But because there's
so much bullying

and there's so much homophobia

out in the gaming
community still.

And, don't get me wrong.

It's getting better.

But because there's so
much of it still out there

we have to make it an issue.

I have seen
people, other people

that have experienced where it

does influence what they play

and what they don't
play, or how they play.

A lot of people who are gay
won't get on the mic online

and talk, they'll actually
use the chat function

to type out their stuff.

Oh gosh, I mean it
all just sort of blurs

into a haze of, yeah terrible
online harassment stories.

Mostly that I hear in the mix
with awful YouTube comments.

It all kind of sinks
into a cesspool

of internet stupidity for me.

Me and my friends have
actually talked about this.

Extensively, with other
people that are gay

and that want to
play video games

and constantly are like "What
games are good to play?"

or to rephrase it "What
games are safe to play?"

There is a guy
who used to call

all of my moves gay,
just over and over again.

If I would win he'd be
like "That's so gay".

He was like "Do you want
to play another round?"

We'd always be
like "Sure" even though

he'd be like "That's
gay, this is gay".

At some point it was
just like "I'm gay"

and he was like "Oh man,
I didn't mean it that way"

and then didn't change
any of his behavior.

He just kept
calling other things gay

and he'd be like
"But not like that".

For haters, or trolls,
they think that

because no one will
trace it back to them

that they can say
whatever they want.

In video games,
especially like MMOs

and online fighting
games and such

that they're known
for their trash talk.

People consider it
part of the game,

and so you either have
to accept that, or not.

It feels like I have
to come to this table

to get online, to log in,
to do any of this stuff.

In order to exist in a
by and large fake society

you have to change
yourself constantly

in ways you just
don't think about.

But then you get online,
or get onto these big sites

and you have these people
who really feel like

well, I'm just saying "gay" or

I'm just saying it
in a different way

and because I don't mean it
the way that you're taking it

that that releases it's power.

That releases me from any
kind of responsibility.

And it's, the structural
problems that create this

are really about the
fact that a lot of

jerks are just using games as

a kind of clubhouse where
they get to be a jerk.

Games are still in a place in

a kind of like
cultural backwater,

and in the habit of making money

just sort of by providing,
like a pleasure fix

to a certain crowd of
people where they sort of

don't have to think too much
about being a human being.

And I think when you are
gay and when you are geeky

you have a very clear
understanding of, like,

no, no, you saying that
brings that word up.

"That puts that word
in this conversation.

That puts it in, even if you're

saying it in a
different context,

even if you're trying
to put this on the table

and be like "No, no, I'm
putting it in stupid category.

"Not, you know faggoty."

Like, what you are
saying is that like

my identity is part
of your insult.

And you want to
explain to them like

it's not that you said it,

and I now think that
you're a homophobe,

or I'm worried that you
think I'm gay, cuz...

It's that you don't feel like I

get respect enough, or that
my people get respect enough

that you should have to
change anything you do.

And you can brush that
up, you can gussy it

you can make it wear lipstick,

but that's not gonna
change that for me.

I hate the argument
of freedom of speech,

you know, I can say what I want

because yeah, you
can say what you want

but that doesn't make you immune

to the consequences of somebody

not liking what you
just said to them.

I seriously doubt
that an online game

is the most effective
vehicle for educating people.

I don't doubt that
it happens sometimes,

and it's like "Yeah, props
for you for being brave"

but playing online
games at this point

in the history of
games is sort of like

"Yeah, oh my hobby is to go
swimming in toxic swamp water".

You know, I can log
in to any online game

and still sometimes
I'll be teamed up with,

that's the worst when you
get teamed up with players

who, you know, start
saying "That's gay"

or, you know, "Man enemy
team you know, such fags".

Stuff like that.

It's so frustrating to
have to work with them.

It's so frustrating to
have to play against it,

but yeah, bullying
is pretty tough.

It takes a lot of guts
to stand up to them

and sometimes, you know,
I just want to game.

Sometimes I don't want
to fight the fight.

Sometimes I want
to just be accepted

and it's very frustrating
when that's not the case.

I'm really proud of Riot beacuse

one of the main tenets is we
don't tolerate homophobia.

I was really impressed
as somebody who's designed

online community
management tools.

I thought that they were
taking a really serious

and well considered approach.

In League of Legends there's
a system called a Tribunal.

Basically players log in
and they review a case

of somebody that was
reported too many times,

and then they decide
whether that person

should be punished or pardoned.

In the Tribunal the word fag

is almost instant
ban from everyone.

Like, the vast majority
of our community.

Overwhelming majority.

Way more than the amount of
gay people playing our game.

But yeah, so it's
really smart and clever.

When it works it seems
to work really well,

but there are plenty of
times when it doesn't work.

So its not the perfect solution,

and I don't really
think there is one

short of the culture changing.

Most people are tolerant.

Most people are
neutral to the issue.

Most people are
not dicks, right?

They're not homophobic,
they're totally accepting,

they're totally tolerant,

but not being gay
and potentially

not even having someone close
in their life who is gay,

they're also probably not
going to be a crusader.

So you need to
have those figures,

you need to have those
people that step up and say

"Hey, it's not okay for
you to be homophobic.

"I'm gay" or "My
friend is gay" or

"My brother is gay" or
my, you know, anything.

We need people to step
up and start saying that

and saying it's not okay
for you to be this way.

As a gay gamer you have to

kind of make your
own safe space.

You have to set up rules,
you have to find people

that you get along
with that you're able

to play this game with
that you can enjoy

your time and energy and money

that you're spending
on this game

with people that aren't
going to, you know,

be bigots, or have hate speech.

What people want is a
way to be able to play

with people who they
can feel trusting

and safe around, who are
not going to be jerks.

I don't know that
there's a real easy

solution to this,
and it just continues

to be a problem for
online game makers.

And it's just going to
continue to be a plague

until there's a much more
massive shift in the culture.

I wish there
were an easier way

to get across to people what
it means to have a safe space.

Nobody in the gay
community is saying

"Hey, we don't want
straight content in gaming".

But its very frustrating
when there's people out there

who say "Hey, we don't want
gay content in gaming".

I'm actually pretty
interested in that argument.

Like at one level you
can look at that and say

"Oh that's just some
sort of homophobic

"right-wing argument
of someone who just

doesn't want to see gay people".

I think a lot of
people saying that

are not necessarily,
you know, members

of the Westboro
Baptist Church, right?

Or maybe they're not
even republicans.

What I think that they want
is a space free from cares

where they don't have to think

about anything that
might trouble them.

So games are already the safe
space for those guys, right?

And what makes it safe for them

is that they don't have to
think about any of these things

that maybe at some level
they feel bad about,

or makes them think too
hard, or reminds them

of some problem they're having
in the rest of their life.

And this is just another case of

games making
themselves available

as little safe hidey-holes
for people to run into.

And of course, yeah, of
course you can sell that.

Of course you can make
money off of that,

and it does create this
little pleasure bubble

which is endangered
by the intrusion

of what feels like a
"real world" subject.

You know, having a gamer
group that is gay friendly.

I have yet to find
any gay gaming group,

ever, that is exclusive.

It's just, if you want to
be a part of this group

we welcome you no
matter who you are.

You just have to
be gay-friendly.

No homophobia is tolerated.

That seems pretty simple to me.

I don't get why
that's a bad thing.

It's not a special
place only for gays,

it's a special place where gays

don't have to
fight all the time.

Where gays don't
have to get bullied.

It's just a safe space.

We need a safe space because

microaggressions
exists and are real.

And when I say
microaggressions I mean

the straight gaming community is

if you ask individuals, like

"Are you okay with gay people?"

I think the vast, vast majority
would say "Totally fine".

And then you would say
"What do you think of

"a male character in a
dress" and they would say

"That person is a freak"
or "That's really funny"

or it's stupid, or,
like, that's the joke.

The armory is prepared.

The shuttle is primed.

It'll still be a
few hours before

the fleet's mobilized tho.

Now we just wait?

Yeah.

I was hoping you might
want to wait together.

Stay here with me,
'til the call comes.

Of course, not one
moment for granted.

And they don't realize that
part of that is, you know,

derogatory, and it
comes across that way

and it makes you feel unsafe.

And I think safe
spaces for queer gaming

and for gay gamers
really is important

because you get to eliminate
those things by and large.

You move away from
the joke is on you,

or the joke is on
you being different

into the best thing in the world

is hanging out with your friends

and people who are
welcoming to you.

Yeah, so something
like GaymerX

or the Queer Gaming Conference

I think are
extremely valuable as

just places for talking
about these issues

which are interesting,
which are relevant

to the future of
the game industry.

We've written articles
on our website already

dealing with why this
is an important issue

and we do get a
generally good feedback

from people who are
not LGBT, and they do

kind of understand
why it needs to happen

because you don't see it at
the major gaming conventions.

But then, of course,
you get the people who

still don't really
get it, but it's not

quite as negative as it probably

would have been, like
five or 10 years ago.

A lot of people
in game development,

in game academia, are
watching these spaces

to see what's going
on because they know

at some level that
there's potential there

for change, for innovation,

for unusual, interesting
things to happen.

That the ideas that
are produced there

are going to reflect back
into the production of games

that's being done by all of the

queer and gay folks who
are inside the industry.

A lot of people
may not understand

why gaming conventions
that are geared

towards LGBT people
need to exist,

but those same people may
also not really realize

that there are
places in the world

where you can not be openly LGBT

and this convention is
open to those people

and they can come
to this convention

and be exactly who they are.

And that's what's
really great about it.

When you can find
spaces for yourself

where you know that that's
not how everyone feels.

Where everyone is sort
of being very encouraging

of other things, of
exploring alternative options

of how your playing
and what you're doing,

and the vibe and culture.

You really do get a
much better experience

of what it's like
to find community.

So I'm at GaymerX
because, not only am I

the senior editor
of Game Revolution,

and just being a journalist,

but I'm also here
because I'm a gamer.

I'm a gamer.

I'm a gay gamer, so of course
I wanted to come to GaymerX.

This is the first
LGBT gaming convention.

It's the only
convention of its kind.

I heard this was coming up,

and it seemed like a really
interesting opportunity

to connect with not only
interesting science fiction people

but actually gay
science fiction people.

I felt it was my duty to
come to this convention.

I've been working in
the game industry for,

gotta be, 13, 14 years now.

I've gone to a lot of
other gaming conventions

over my time as a
gaming journalist

over the last three years
and there's a severe absence

of LGBT themes at
those conventions.

I mean, I live in San Francisco
where it's more accepted

but all across America
there are people who feel

that they are cut out
of the gaming community

and feel discriminated against.

It's really exciting
to be around a group

of people who are a lot like me.

To, I don't know, be
among a community of people

who are kind of accepting
and more open minded.

I think it seems
like the primary goal

for GaymerX was to create a
safe space for queer gamers.

You know, this is a safe space

where everyone can just
be who they want to be,

and that's what makes
GaymerX historic.

You know, with the
Kickstarter and everything

it showed that there are
many of us out there.

To me it's
exciting that finally

the gamer community is realizing

that, you know,
there's difference

and that that's good, and that's

something to be celebrated.

It's very exciting
to see a national stage

where people can come together.

Gaming means so much
to so many people,

and so does, for
me, being a gay man.

Having your own sexual identity,

it should never define
somebody entirely,

but it is a defining
aspect of our lives,

and we need to be
able to come together

on common ground about it.

So, my name is
Matt Conn, and I'm

the founder and creative
director of GaymerX.

You know, I was just
really surprised

that there wasn't anything
like this out there before.

And so, the reason
why I created GaymerX

is really for me,
and when I say for me

I don't mean me now, I
mean me in high school,

me, you know, in freshman year

when I was just
barely figuring out

that yes, I am a
gay male, and yes

I still love Earthbound
and Mario RPG

and all these nerdy
games that I love.

And so I felt like I
could never really have

a place where I
could just be myself.

So I started a group
called SF gaymers,

SF, you know,
gay-mers, and I just

tried to find every queer
geek in San Francisco

and found 10, 20 of them
and we had a meet-up.

And since then it
just started growing

kind of, like, astronomically.

But people were like, I finally,

I think they came to that
same realization that I did.

Yes there's finally a place
where I can be truly myself.

I can be gay, talk
about gay stuff

talk about guys,
talk about whatever

but still be super nerdy, like

"Do you want to play
some Magic, you want

"to talk about
playing some games?"

Like actually have
that all in one spot

and people could be
their true selves

and I think once they came to me

and told me how much
it meant to them

I realized that I wanted
to extend this out

to more people than
just the Bay Area.

I wanted this to be
everything to everybody.

I wanted people who were trans

to feel like this
was a safe space.

I wanted people who're maybe
genderqueer or whatever

to feel that they have
a safe space here.

I also wanted, I wanted everyone

to feel like they had something.

And, pretty much everything
would surprise me, honestly.

You know, when I went on stage

for the opening
ceremony and I saw

people, we had chairs lined out

and people were backed up.

And I looked outside while
I was doing interviews here

and there was people backed,
you know just a line to get in

was going around the corner

and up to around
the other street.

That was really unreal,
and very surreal.

And as a lesbian
it's actually

really huge to have
this kind of convention

because generally when
I go to press events

or when I'm out and
about at conventions

I normally don't really
meet a lot of women.

And we had a, I feel like
a really profound moment

during one of the meet-ups
we had here at the convention

for women in the
gaming community

and I walked into a room
full of around 40 to 50

women who were all there
because they love video games.

And that was something
in the past three years

as a gaming journalist that
I have never experienced.

Events like GaymerX
actually create a space

that's safe, that people
feel comfortable in

and that actually celebrates
games unabashedly.

Games themselves are, you know,

a medium to be celebrated,
but also a medium

that needs to probably
change and be more diverse.

And I think that events like
that show the game makers

actually that there's a
huge audience out there.

GaymerX was a big deal
for a lot of reasons,

but I think first
and foremost was

it got major
coverage from places

that don't cover gay
things all that often.

I think in a year
where you had us

getting so many more rights

it really did feel
nice to sort of

go to a convention
that felt for us,

especially in the
wake, I would say,

of things like PAX
comments that came out

and the stuff that
you're having where

you're seeing, as
we gain visibility

you're seeing push back.

It was nice to have a convention

that felt like it was
there for the people

that the other
conventions aren't for.

It felt so liberating,
so incredibly liberating

for me to be to be able to say

hey, if I wanted to start up
a conversation with someone

'cuz I kind of like them,
and ask them out for coffee

or whatever, I can do
it and it's normal.

Like, what?

This never happens,
anywhere that I go.

You know, if I'm at a gay event

nobody even knows
what Mega Man 2 is.

If I'm at a gamer event, like
I said, I'm not comfortable.

I think it's really important

that spaces like GaymerX exist,

especially to address
what's going on

with people who work
inside the industry

and work conditions.

That is, to me,
one of the, sort of

most important human issues.

That people get to be themselves

that they're free
from harassment

and discrimination
in the workplace,

and that they can actually,
as creative professionals

put something of
their own experiences

into the games they make

without having to
disguise, or cut it off,

or completely avoid it.

I know, just from experience
walking around the con

just running into
any random person

I can talk to them without
questioning myself,

feeling self-conscious,
because I know

they have two huge
parts of their lives

in common with mine, and
that double commonality

can't be denied as a friendship
and bonding experience.

I believe that GaymerX
is a very historic thing.

You know, I hope
there will be more

GaymerXs in the future
and we'll get larger

and bigger and have
a bigger audience

and a bigger voice, obviously.

But, I think it's good to
make our presence known.

Hopefully, it'll be
transformative in showing

other video game
companies and developers

and other geek venues
that we are an audience

and that we're here, and don't
be afraid to market to us.

Don't be afraid to
tell our stories.

I feel like we're at the
beginning of big change in games.

I mean, we're only
at the 51st year

of video games today
and I think that

we're gonna see
this medium mature,

we're gonna see it diversify,

we'll see all kinds of people

being able to make
their own games.

I really believe that
a lot of the ways

that we think about games,
and the dominant genres

in games are going to shift.

I'm excited about seeing
more independent creators.

People who are working
out on the margins,

or even the big indies, take on

more unusual and
interesting experiments,

push the boundaries
in different ways.

But in really
questioning a lot of the

assumptions that we
already have about games.

And there are a lot of cool
experiments going on like that

so I have faith that that's
going to continue to happen.

The reality is, is
that games have been

connected with,
at least society,

and society has sexuality in it,

in a really specific
way since they began.

Probably the first
game I ever played,

and probably I think
a lot of people

one of their first
memories is Mario

where you are
rescuing a princess.

Even before that, you've
got Donkey Kong, right?

Where you are
rescuing a princess.

I want someone who
represents me on this screen,

and that's not really
about sexuality

as it is about representation.

It's partially about
educating people,

spreading the word
with documentaries,

and conferences, and making
sure those stories are told.

But, its gonna take,
I think, the bravery

of the developers and the people

who are passionate
about video games

to step up in this
industry and make a stand.

I believe that the culture
has begun to change slowly,

because, I mean, what you'll
see from companies like Bioware

is they're starting to
incorporate more LGBT themes

into their games,
which is great.

And I really think that
in the next five years

or even decade, that we'll see

more of that in the
major AAA titles.