Gambit (1966) - full transcript

♪ I'm gonna spread my wings
and fly right out to you ♪

♪ For much too long
this little bird's been blue ♪

♪ I need a great big handsome male ♪

♪ To muss my feathers
and pull my tail ♪

♪ And be with me so we
can bill and coo Whoo! ♪

♪ I'm gonna spread my wings
and fly so far away ♪

♪ Till I find the nest
that's best for me to stay ♪

♪ So tell the robin and tell the dove ♪

♪ That little Miss Bluebird's
fallen in love ♪

♪ And sings all day
'cause everything's okay ♪

♪ So tell the robin and tell the dove ♪



♪ That little Miss Bluebird's
fallen in love ♪

♪ And sings all day
'cause everything's okay ♪♪

Here she is.

What do you think?

Perfect! Perfect! Will she cooperate?

A girl making 50 Hong Kong cents
a dance? Of course she'll cooperate.

Now, pay close attention.

Dean's the name. Harry Dean.

May I present Emile Fournier,
art dealer and connoisseur.

Enchanté, mademoiselle.

Won't you sit down?

How would you like to make $5,000?

Not Hong Kong.

5,000 United States of America dollars.



That's, uh,

five... zero... zero...

zero.

Good morning. My name
is Dean. Harold Dean.

Ah, Sir Harold. Welcome to Dammuz.

I am J.K. Ram, the manager
of the Semiramis Hotel.

Good of you to meet us, Ram.
This is Lady Dean.

Ah, yes, Lady Dean.

I have a car for you,
Sir Harold. Ah, yes.

If you will just be good
enough to follow me.

Yes. Now about our luggage, old boy.

We don't want to lose that, now, do we?

No, of course not, Sir Harold. All
such details will be taken care of.

Your luggage will be sent on
to you later at the hotel. Right.

Thank you very much indeed.
Not at all, Sir Harold. Not at all.

Oh, are you not coming with us?

No, I've one or two details
to attend to.

I shall have the honor
to see you later at the hotel.

Connect me with Mr. Shahbandar's
private telephone immediately.

That is what I said, immediately!

Hello. Abdul!

Sir Harold and Lady
Dean, sir. Of course.

Good morning, sir. Good morning.

The royal suite is all ready for you.

If you would care to register,
Sir Harold. Thank you.

Where can I cash a
traveler's check, please?

At the cashier's, of course. Thank you.

If I may have your
passport, Sir Harold. Yes.

Only a formality.
We will return them immediately.

Please conduct Sir Harold
and Lady Dean to the royal suite.

Yes, sir. This way, Sir Harold.

"Pictorial's Visit to
the Richest Man in the World.

An Exclusive Look
at the Shyest Billionaire...

and His Exotic
Hotel-Apartment Hideaway.

Several times a year, mostly holidays,

Ahmad Shahbandar, believed by many
to be the wealthiest man in the world,

journeys to Dammuz...

"and to his exotic penthouse in
the world famous Hotel Semiramis."

Sit down, love. Sit down.

"While his less-exclusive countrymen...

make merry in the Casbah-flavored city,

this latter-day Arabian knight
locks himself into his fortress,

to which only his most intimate
associates have ever been invited."

We are gonna change all that.

Take a look at this.

That's Shahbandar.

Twenty years ago.

Now, take a look at the girl.

That's why you're here.

She died a year after they
married. He never married again.

When he hears about you,
he'll want to see you.

That means he has to see me.

The invitation should
arrive any minute.

Come in.

What is it, Ram?

A very great honor, Sir Harold.

In the apartment
of Mr. Ahmad Shahbandar.

Oh? Who's he?

Ahmad Shahbandar?

He owns this hotel, sir.
He owns most of Dammuz.

Oh, he does, does he? Fancy that now.

Well, yes. I suppose I can fit him in.

Can you occupy yourself, my dear, while
I have a drink with this... Shah chappie?

Oh, no, Sir Harold. The
invitation is also for the Lady Dean.

Most assuredly for the Lady Dean.

Oh, really? All right then.

May I then come to collect
you at ten minutes to six, sir?

Ten minutes to six
it shall be, dear boy.

4279, please.

- Hello?
- Oh, hello. It's Harold Dean speaking.

- This is me... Emile.
- Have you made the delivery?

Yes, I have made the delivery.

Thank you. Good-bye.

You must bear in mind at all times...

that this image of his wife is
Shahbandar's lifelong obsession.

For 20 years, he has never
looked at another woman.

All he's ever wanted was a
facsimile of her. Remember that.

That'll be Ram.

One last thing, at 11:30
no matter where you are.

No matter what you're doing, leave it.

Go to the airport, be there by
midnight. The plane leaves at 12:30.

Come in.

It is ten minutes to six, Sir Harold.

Mr. Shahbandar awaits your presence.

We're right with you, dear boy.

Sir Harold, Lady Dean,
if you'll follow me.

Lead on, dear boy. Lead on.
Thank you so much, Sir Harold.

Well, there is only one entrance to
Mr. Shahbandar's private apartments,

and that is through
his personal elevator,

which was brought here all the way
from Paris in his own personal aircraft.

And then of course, as you can see,
he has his own personal bodyguard.

If you'll be so kind,
Lady Dean, Sir Harold.

If you will permit me, Sir
Harold, I shall now ascend the lift.

This mechanism is a
little slow, I'm afraid,

but I believe we shall arrive
there with perfect punctuality.

Just one moment. I've dropped
my cuff link down the lift shaft.

Oh, my goodness gracious!
Well, I shall get it for you later.

Not later, dear boy. Now.

But Mr. Shahbandar does not
like to be kept waiting.

Yes, and I don't like to
walk about half naked.

Why am I being kept waiting?

You must try to be patient, effendi.

The British aristocracy insists on arriving
either too early or too late, but never on time.

And while we are waiting, would you
care to make a decision about the Buddha?

What? I promised him an early reply.

How much? Only $5,000.

Extremely inexpensive.

All right, all right. Buy it.

It has to be down there
somewhere, doesn't it?

Don't worry, Ram. We'll find it.

Ah, very nice.

Very nice indeed.

How many Rolls does
Mr. Shahbandar own? Three, sir.

This one, the black one
there and a new white one.

And how does one move
these cars in and out of here?

In the usual manner, sir.
Through the door.

- That is the door.
- Goodness gracious.

Looks more like a safety curtain.

Here is the cuff link, Sir
Harold. It was quite undamaged.

Good. I knew we'd find it.

Shall we go now, Sir Harold, Lady Dean?

Go along, darling. Could
you fix this for me, dear boy?

It would be my pleasure,
Sir Harold. My pleasure.

Thank you. You are
most welcome, Sir Harold.

Ah, Sir Harold. May I present to you...

Ah, Mr. Shahbandar.

I am Mr. Shahbandar's
secretary. Oh, I am sorry.

Welcome, Sir Harold,
milady. This way, please.

Darling.

If you'll just make yourselves comfortable,
Mr. Shahbandar will be here in a moment.

Thank you.

Sir Harold, how kind of you to come.

How do you do? May I present my wife?

Uh, please be seated.

May I offer you some refreshment?
Perhaps a little champagne?

Oh, that'd be splendid.

Aren't you going to join us?

We are not permitted alcohol.

I expect you're wondering
why I wanted to meet you.

The thought had crossed my mind.

I presumed you wanted to have
a chat about the world oil situation.

A remarkable thing has happened.

You might even call it a miracle.

I don't know quite how to...
How to explain it.

You have a very beautiful wife, sir.

Have you been married long? Four years.

You're fortunate.

I was married for only one year.

It was a wonderful year,
but... it passed so quickly,

and then she was gone.

May I show you something...

Something quite extraordinary?

Certainly. Please come with me.

Always interested in seeing
something extraordinary.

Uh, this is my office and library.

This way, please.

I must say, Mr. Shahbandar,
you have some beautiful things.

This, for instance. Chinese, isn't it?

That's right. Yes.

You see?

This bust is of the Empress Lissu.

She was born in Burma 2,300 years ago,

the daughter of a Burmese mother
and a Greek father.

She married the emperor of China
when she was 12 years old.

I believe I gave the highest
price ever paid for a work of art,

but that is not important.

You see, I had to have her...

because the face of the Lissu...

is the image of my late wife.

And now...

You understand now
what I meant by a miracle?

It's... It's incredible!
It's absolutely amazing.

At the risk of appearing
bad-mannered, Mr. Shahbandar,

I wonder if I might have
another glass of champagne?

Of course. Come, darling.

Indeed, now that you realize
why I wanted to meet your wife,

I hope you'll have more
than a glass of champagne.

I'd be greatly honored
if you would dine with me.

Now, take Hutton.
There's a cricketer for you.

They knighted him, you know.
Jolly well deserved it too.

Most people, you know...

They think that cricket is solely
for the Australians and the English.

But let me tell you this, Shahbandar,

the West Indians are playing
better than we are at the moment.

Of course, I don't think
they'll beat the Australians.

They're dedicated sort of chaps.

Good gracious, 10:00.

Nicole, my dear,
we really must be going.

Going? But, uh... Must you really?

It is early.
Could I not persuade you to...

Things to do, Shahbandar. Things to do.

I have to call London. Might even
have to call New York, damn it.

I'm afraid your trip to the Arab Quarter
has been knocked for a six, my dear.

I had promised Lady Dean
a tour of your city,

but I'm afraid I don't
have the time right now.

Well, it's been a delightful evening,

and we've thoroughly enjoyed it.

Come along, darling.

Sir Harold. I hope you won't
consider it presumptuous...

I'm not quite sure how
to suggest this, but...

I would consider it
an honor and a privilege...

if you would allow me to show
Lady Dean our beautiful city.

That's very kind of you, Shahbandar,
but that's far too much trouble.

But I insist, please. With
your permission, of course.

Uh... Very well then.

And thank you for your generosity.

Uh... Well, I suppose that just
leaves me to say good night.

Thanks awfully for a wonderful evening.

Good night, darling.

And please bear in mind that
Lady Dean does value her rest.

Don't be too late, darling. Toodle-loo.

There's the ticket to Hong Kong.

There's a passport made out in the
name of Lady Dean to get you out of here.

And there's $5,000.

Your plane leaves in 15 minutes.

Good-bye, and thank you
for your cooperation.

And that's the plan, Emile,
down to the very last detail.

It can't fail.
It's absolutely foolproof.

If it works the way
you think it will work...

It works. They'll write us up
in books. We'll be historical.

What do you know about her?

Her name's Nicole Chang.

French Canadian mother,
Eurasian father. Displaced person.

Stateless? Yeah.

What makes you so sure
she will cooperate?

Instinct, Emile. Instinct.

Dean's the name. Harry Dean.

Emile Fournier, art dealer and
connoisseur, may I present...

I wanted you to follow me. So you did.

Why are you standing here? I
thought you wanted to dance.

No, no, no. I want you to
meet this friend of mine.

Oh, he wants to dance. Is he
shy? No, we wanna talk to you.

No kidding? What about?

Well, it's about, uh...
Look, let me put it this way.

If you would do me the honor of accepting
my invitation, I assure you we will tell you.

Well, now, since you put it so gallantly,
Mr. Dean, I can hardly refuse, can I?

You're so very kind.

Emile Fournier, art dealer and
connoisseur, may I present...

Nicole Chang. Enchanté, mademoiselle.

Enchantée. Vous parlez français?

No, not really. Just a few phrases.

And I know one German limerick.

Yeah. Well, will ya...
Will ya sit down, please?

Sorry.

Is there any particular
subject you'd like to talk about?

How would you like to make $5,000?

Now that's a terrific subject.

I happen to be perfectly serious.

Serious is as serious does, Mr. Dean.

Then I will ask the question
again, Miss Chang.

How would you like to make $5,000...

Very serious American dollars?

And a genuine,
guaranteed British passport?

What would I have to do?
Nothing too difficult.

Slide into some beautiful clothes.

Travel in first-class luxury.

Be entertained in top-notch style.

Pretend to be my wife. Oh. Pretend?

Yes. Just pretend, Miss Chang.

What's the catch, Mr. Dean?
Is it dishonest?

Do I look like a crook?

You do a little. Right here.

On the left side of this cheek,

a kind of crooked little
indentation all the way up to his eye.

Yeah. You do. You do look like a crook.

But then again, you
can't tell the crooks...

from the good guys anymore, can you?

I mean, with all this
secret stuff going on.

Genuine, guaranteed British passport?

Well, I'll do it.

This way to immigration, please.
Watch your step.

This way, please.
Immigration this way, please.

Will you please step this way?
This way, sir. Thank you. This way.

I thought you said there'd be
a Rolls-Royce. It'll be out front.

Do hurry, please.
You're holding up the line.

Please have your baggage checks ready.
Thank you.

This way to customs, please. Have
your baggage checks ready. Thank you.

Thank you.

This way to customs, please.
Have your baggage checks ready.

I happen to be Sir Harold Dean.
Isn't there some way of avoiding these...

It's an international custom,
Harry. Everybody has to do it.

Will you wait for me
by the exit, darling?

Yes, Harry.

It is forbidden to take tips, effendi.

It's not a tip, dear boy. It's a bribe.

Well, that's quite another matter.

I shall move you through
very quickly, sir,

and have your bags
taken directly to the taxi.

There's no need for a taxi, dear boy.
There'll be a Rolls-Royce waiting for me.

Do airplanes bother you? Nope.

You know, when you go from air travel to
ground travel, it can affect your equilibrium.

My equilibrium is fine, thank you.

You're not still mad because I wore this
dress instead of the red one, are you, Harry?

It is better for traveling,
and I really...

Yes, yes. You explained all that
at the Hong Kong airport.

So I did.

Well, I met this Norwegian ship's
captain once... I think he was from Oslo...

And he had a theory
about motion sickness.

Something to do with the relationship between
your vision and the weight of your shoes.

He said he made a study
of things like that.

Isn't it interesting how some
people get attracted to things?

You know, I've come to
realize in the past two weeks...

that you're a very
difficult man to know.

I wish we'd come by boat.

I say. Would you tell your Mr. Ram...

that Sir Harold and Lady Dean
are here and would like to have...

Step to the reception desk,
sir. They'll take care of you there.

Well, if I were you, I would
send it direct to his company.

I say. Yes, sir?

My name is Sir Harold Dean. Why
wasn't my limousine at the airport?

Sorry, sir. It is no longer the policy of this
hotel to send the limousine to the airport.

All right. Right. Get me
your manager, Mr. Ram.

Mr. Ram is not with us anymore, sir.

I suppose you do have
a suite reserved for me?

Yes, of course. Oh, really?

If you'd be good enough
to register, please.

Thank you.

My key to room 325, please.

I shall be needing
your passport, Sir Gerald.

It's Harold, with an "H."

Oh, yes. Of course.

816 and 817. This way, sir.

Something else missing, Harry?

No. No, nothing.

Thank you.

Harry, it's like a palace!

I never thought I'd be
standing in a place like this!

Don't you think it's a palace too? Yes.

You know what it reminds me of? What?

It reminds me of Mrs. Peonski. Did
I ever tell you about Mrs. Peonski?

I should think so. You told me
about all the other chaps in your life.

She's not a chap. She's an old woman,
and she came from Poland on a cattle boat...

and then rode all the way from
Burma to Thailand on an ox.

Ah, here it is.

And all she had with her
was a small paper sack.

Full of soap, I hope.

4279, please.

Will you play a little quieter, Nicole?

Nicole!

Whenever I think of Mrs.
Peonski, I appreciate luxury more.

I'm going into the
bedroom now. Promise?

Yes, 4279, please.

Hello, Emile?

- Who is this?
- That call is for me!

Hello?

Operator, would you get me 4279 again,
please? I think there's been a mistake.

It can't possibly be busy.

Would you please keep trying?

There's only one bed in here.
Where are you going to sleep?

Sleep? Oh, nobody's
gonna sleep anywhere.

If things will start going properly,
we'll be out of here by midnight.

Midnight?

You mean we came all this
way just to leave at midnight?

That's right.

I think I'm entitled to know a little
more of what's going on. Don't you?

Funny you should say that.

I do think you are entitled to know
a little bit more of what's going on.

Now, here is part two
of your instructions.

This magazine's 10
years old. Turn to page 41.

Look at the funny hats
they wore then, Harry.

And the hemlines... Well, never
mind the hats and hemlines.

Turn to page 41.

Thirty-seven. Thirty-eight.

Forty-one.

Now take a good, hard look at that man.

I'm taking a good, hard look.

His name is Ahmad Shahbandar.
Ahmad Shahbandar.

And he's the man we're here to meet.

He's the man we're here to meet.

He also happens to be the
richest man in the entire world.

Hey, Harry.

There's no such thing as the
richest man in the entire world.

It's like the highest
star. It's like infinity...

Yeah, all right. The second
richest man in the entire world.

The 27th! What difference does it make?

You don't have to get mad at me.

Your mind's always going off
on some sort of tangent!

If it's not one thing, it's another.
Either it's the ship's captain from Oslo...

or your Chinese nurse
with the wooden toe...

or Mrs. Ponskiwonski's paper ox!

It's not Ponskiwonski. It's Peonski.

And it wasn't a paper ox,
it was a paper sack.

I can't help it if my mind takes
a tangent every now and then.

Well, it's driving me
round the bloody bend!

All right. All right.

So you've made an appointment with this
richest man in the entire world. Is that it?

If you will read the magazine as I ask, you
will see he does not make appointments...

Because he is a recluse!

Then why does he want to see
us? A recluse doesn't see anybody.

A recluse... That's why. That's why.

Who is this, his wife?
Was his wife. She's dead.

You made me look like this dead lady.

Exactly. And when Shahbandar
learns about you,

we will be invited to meet him.

Between now and midnight?

Yes. And then what?

Whatever it is, Harry,

if I were the richest man in the world,

I certainly wouldn't fall for this.

Well, you're not, and he will.

When he does,
you just do as you're told...

and listen to the instructions
I'm about to give you.

You understand? Yes, Harry.

I have already taken care
of Oriental Steamship. Yes.

They agreed to my price... $15 million.

I know.

Anytime.

Fifteen million for Oriental Steamship?

Ahmad, you're a genius.

Hardly, Abdul, hardly.

You won't forget the Buddha,
Mr. Shahbandar?

Hmm? The Buddha from
the Frenchman, Fournier.

You remember him. He did an excellent
reproduction for us a few years ago.

How much? 5,000.

Quite reasonable.

Perhaps too reasonable.
I'll think about it.

Arlette, would you mind
leaving us for a moment?

No, Abdul. If I were a genius,
I would understand this.

I would understand exactly
why this particular face...

has arrived at this particular hotel.

They flew TWA from Karachi.
They have a 48-hour visa.

The man is 30 years old.

He was born in London and
he was wearing an Etonian tie.

This is too good to be true.

Imagine my reaction when I first
saw her in the hotel lobby.

The resemblance
is absolutely astounding.

It's like magic.

Perhaps too much like magic.

Have them watched.

Yes, Ahmad.

No matter what you're doing, leave it.

Go to the airport.
Be there by midnight.

I'm supposed to drop
everything, no matter where I am?

That's right.

Is that all you're going to tell me?

That's all you have to know.

Now just follow your instructions
and retire gracefully. Right?

Yes, sir.

Sir.

Hello, this is Sir Harold Dean.

Twenty minutes ago I asked
you for 4279. Where is it?

Would you mind hurrying, please?

Come with me.

Lady Dean has retired gracefully
and is unpacking.

Will you come with me, please?

Why? Where are we going?

We're going to find Emile. Emile?

I thought he was in Hong Kong.

No, he's here. Now will
you stop asking questions?

It's only human to be curious, Harry.

Well, as far as I'm concerned,
you're far too human.

Vous restez ici
quelques minutes pour moi.

Merci.

Harry.

I have the funniest feeling.

Harry? What is it?

You're not one of those spies
who gets blown up, are you?

What are you talking
about? We're being followed.

Are you at it again? Who's following
us, your Aunt Minnie from Manchuria?

I don't know their names, but they've
been behind us ever since we left the hotel.

Are you sure?

They're fingering trinkets at
the purple booth. Purple booth?

Why is it that people who follow
people always end up fingering trinkets?

I don't know, but they're
fingering trinkets all right.

Come with me.

Nicole?

Nicole?

Hello. Could I have a drink
of something, please?

Do you know you've been gone
20 minutes?

Do you know you have very nice
eyes for a man who never smiles?

Where you been? Moving
in and out of car doors.

Do you realize
what sort of place this is?

You could be bought and sold
for half a crown.

Were you worried about me? Not at all!

I was worried about
losing those two men.

No, no. That's where you
weren't being tricky enough.

I let them follow me back to the taxi.

I got into the back seat of the taxi
and I told the driver to drive away.

They got into their car
and followed the taxi.

Only they didn't suspect that I've
been to the cinema many times...

and knew to crawl out of the other
side of the taxi before my driver even left,

which means that their car
is still following my taxi.

Oh, I forgot to tell you.
I found Emile.

You what?

He said, "Please tell Harry
everything is all right.

I have made the delivery."

I don't know what it means,
but it must be very good.

You are the most infuriating
person I have ever met in my life.

But, Harry! My drink! I'm thirsty!

The message desk, please.

This is Sir Harold Dean. Are
there any messages for me, please?

"May your stay in Dammuz
be all you have ever desired."

Harry Dean, you're
a major confusion to me.

Are you absolutely sure? Absolutely.

Thank you. You're welcome.

I never would've thought you
were the type to send a lady flowers.

You're one of those people who
live in spurts, aren't you? Spurts?

Mm-hmm. I know all about it.

It has to do with
emotional contradiction.

A psychologist tried to explain...

Don't you ever simply come
to the point about things?

But the point is simply...

I find it touching that you
sent me a bouquet of flowers.

"Compliments of the management."

I'm sorr... I'm sorr...

Sir Harold Dean? Yes?

Oh. Thank you.

"Mr. Ahmad Shahbandar requests
the pleasure of the company..."

Of Sir Harold and Lady
Dean to luncheon at one...

Luncheon? I don't wanna go to
luncheon. I wanna go to dinner.

At the Osiris. What the hell is that?

I don't want lunch at the Osiris!
I wanna see his apartment!

Something else gone wrong, Harry?

No, no. Everything's fine. Thanks.

Then why are you standing there
like a wounded basset hound?

Oh, yes, yes. Very helpful. Very.

All I'm trying to say is I know what
it's like when things don't go right.

Maybe I can help you, Harry,
if you'll only let me try.

Look, I happen to have
a foolproof plan.

And the only way you can help me...

is by doing the right thing
when you meet Shahbandar.

Speak when you're spoken to.
Smile if he makes a joke.

Always use the right knife and fork.

And if you don't know
which one to use, watch me.

And never, under any circumstances,

talk about your psychologist and his
emotional contradictions, understand?

Yes, Harry.

Lady Dean. I am Ahmad Shahbandar.

Sir Harold. How do you do?

I'm so pleased you were able
to accept my invitation.

My pleasure. Always ready to discuss the oil
situation. I presume that's why we're here.

Oil. Yes.

Ah, yes, of course.
A favorite subject of mine.

There is nothing like discussing a favorite
subject with someone from the old school, is there?

So true.

Who was headmaster in your
day, Sir Harold? Headmaster?

At the old school. Your Etonian tie.

Ah, yes. What was his name now?

Uh, nasty old chap.
Name began with an "M."

What a perfectly lovely setting
for luncheon, Mr. Shahbandar.

Thank you.

Shall we be seated?

Lady Dean. Sir Harold.

You know, Mr. Shahbandar,
you're not at all what I expected.

Oh? No.

I expected a monocle, a fez,
a high fancy collar perhaps.

You're nothing like the pictures
I've seen of you.

What you speak of is the, uh...
well, the public Shahbandar, or was.

I discovered early in life, Lady Dean,

that newspaper people prefer
to think of rich men as eccentrics.

I encourage that fallacy and
manage to retain my privacy.

Chinese?

Yes. Ming Dynasty. Are you
fond of amber, Sir Harold?

Yes, I've always been fond of amber.

Then you must know
what the Chinese say about it.

Oh, yes. Uh, how does
that go now? Uh... Uh...

"Amber is the soul of the tiger
turned to stone."

Why do you fly the multicolored
flag, Mr. Shahbandar?

Is it a special occasion?
A very special occasion.

Not only are you my guests,
but it is the feast day of Ali Hajj.

Perhaps you know the legend.

It's the story of
a young boy, Ali Hajj,

who was given three wishes.

His first wish was for good health;
His second, for great happiness...

And the third was for
great wealth, I suppose.

It always is with these wish
things. Not always, Sir Harold.

Ali Hajj considered health and
happiness all the riches he required.

And so he gave his
third wish to the people,

that all who are in
Dammuz on this day, today,

should have one wish come true.

Even our guests may have a wish.

What a perfect day
to have arrived in Dammuz.

Uh... Have you made a wish,
Mr. Shahbandar?

Not yet, but I will.

You, Sir Harold... Have
you a wish for today?

Well, I-I suppose I shall
have to give that some thought.

What a careful man you are.

Lady Dean?

Yes. Yes, I do.

I've just thought of
something I'd like to wish. Ah.

I wish that the public
Mr. Shahbandar...

would permit my husband
and myself the honor...

of a further glimpse
of the private Mr. Shahbandar.

We understand that your apartment
is... is magnificent. Don't we, Harold?

Quite.

My apartment? Yes.

You wish to see it? Could we?

That is a wish
I can easily grant anytime.

Well. What a lovely day.

"Dean, Sir Harold Everett.

Sixth baronet. O.B.E., J.P. Born 1892."

A bit elderly for our man,
I should think.

"Dean, Sir Harold Bingley Roger,
K.C.B., K.B.E.

"Lieutenant General, retired." Read on.

"Dean, Sir Harold
de Vere Morgan, K.C.M.G.

British ambassador to the Netherlands."

Well, so much for his title.

I doubt that he is listed in any other
record books either. Certainly not at Eton.

He's an impostor. Obviously.

Well, what does he want?

At the moment,
he wants to see my apartment.

Go and fetch them.
I've invited them to tea.

Ahmad, what on earth for?

Come, come. Have you
no sense of... curiosity?

This couple have staged an elaborate
and no doubt costly production for my benefit.

I wouldn't dream of missing the
second half of the performance.

The performance... or her?

You must occasionally leave
me my little secrets, Abdul.

Go and fetch them.

Your cuff link, Sir Harold. Thank you.

Is there something that,
uh, puzzles you, Sir Harold?

No, it's just that I imagined
it would be quite different.

Thank you, Abdul. Different?

Well, as a matter of fact,
it was different. Yes.

I remember a few years back,
in a moment of weakness,

I permitted an American
magazine to photograph it all.

As soon as the pictures were
published, I completely redecorated.

The private Mr. Shahbandar
versus the public one.

Partly, yes. In any case,

contemporary furnishing gives a
better setting for my art collection,

of which perhaps you've heard.

I chose this room for my paintings.

You'll find a somewhat
varied selection,

from the chiaroscuro
of the Dutch masters...

to the symbolic fantasy
of Chagall, Matisse, Picasso.

Yes, yes. Very nice. Very nice indeed.

Is this your entire
collection, Mr. Shahbandar?

No. I have other things in other rooms.

You approve, Lady Dean? Oh, very much.

Um...

It's one of his earlier
paintings, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

Yeah. Interesting.

Picasso, and one of
his best, I always think.

Uh... Oh, the Blue Period.

Yes. 1906.

Was it 1906? Or was it 1907?

No, I think perhaps
you're right... 1906.

I must congratulate you, Lady
Dean, on your knowledge of art.

Oh, thank you.

One rarely sees so many originals.

Oh, they must be worth thousands.

Hundreds of thousands. Yes!

And you, Sir Harold.
Have you any special favorites?

I beg your pardon? Have
you any special favorites?

Ah... Well, it's difficult to say.

Uh, I really must confess
that my great weakness...

is sculpture.

Is it? Yes.

Then we have something
in common, Sir Harold.

My greatest treasure
is a piece of sculpture.

Oh, really? Would you care to see it?

That would be nice, wouldn't it?

Hmm.

Remarkable, isn't it?

Remarkable.

I mean the likeness.

Yes, it... it's really
quite extraordinary.

An almost unbelievable coincidence.

I thought it would surprise you.

It did me when I first
set eyes on you, Lady Dean.

This is the Empress Lissu.

It is said that Marco Polo found her
in China and brought her to Rome.

She is the most magnificent
example of early Chinese art.

- What are you thinking?
- Thinking?

I mean, what do you think, Lady
Dean, about my most prized possession?

I'm stunned!

Hmm.

They said when the empress was alive,

there would never be another
to match her beauty,

nor her purity,

and yet it seems that, um...

Is it... very valuable?

Oh, priceless, yes.

My friends believe I paid
such an enormous sum for it...

because of its uncanny
resemblance to my late wife.

Aren't you afraid of it being stolen?

Not really, Lady Dean.

Although her original owner is
supposed to have kept 100 guards...

to watch over her day and night.

Uh, stretch out your hand,
Lady Dean, as if to touch her.

- My hand?
- Yes.

I'm so sorry to have shocked you.

You can release the doors now.

You see, Lady Dean, in this modern age,

a simple electronic device
is all the protection necessary.

See those little lights
around the edges?

Each is an electronic eye...

that sends a ray down to
these receptacles on the floor.

I love gadgets.

This one isn't particularly
ingenious, but, uh...

Well, it's good enough,
don't you think?

At the risk of appearing
bad-mannered, Mr. Shahbandar,

I wonder if I might have a drink?

But of course. Please.

It's difficult to tear oneself
away, is it not, Sir Harold?

Practically impossible.

Now, what may I offer you, Sir Harold?

A little cocktail or something stronger,
perhaps? Lady Dean, some tea?

I won't have anything, thank you.

We've taken quite enough
of your time already.

We should be going, Harold.
Oh. You have an engagement?

No hurry, darling. We're
not catching any trains.

I'll have a whiskey and soda, please, and
I'm sure Lady Dean would love some tea.

Good.

Milk? Thank you.

You know, Lady Dean, I have
not yet made my wish for Ali Hajj.

It is my wish that you will both
be my guests for dinner tonight.

Love to show you our city, especially
today in its most colorful moment.

Impossible, I'm afraid. I'm expecting
some important telephone calls this evening.

I see. What a pity.

It seems that my wish cannot come true.

Yes, it is a shame. Cheers.

Oh, now... Now, wait a minute.

You can have half a wish.

There's no reason why Nicole
shouldn't enjoy herself.

- Perhaps Lady Dean would prefer...
- - No, no! Nonsense.

She'd love to go with you,
wouldn't you, Nicole?

You've made my wish
come true, Mr. Shahbandar.

I'd be delighted
to do the same for you.

Thank you, Lady Dean. I'm honored.

And now, I think I will have a drink.

Sir Harold,

to whatever you may wish
for yourself today.

I've got him! I really got him!

I held out the bait.
He bit, and I hooked him.

And as for you, you were
marvelous. Absolutely marvelous!

Much better than I ever expected.

Fancy you knowing all
about Matisse, Chagall,

the Dutch masters and
their Blue Period and all that.

No, you were great. Absolutely great!

And as for that stuff about the
Chinese jade and the proverbs,

I don't know how you thought of it all.

Here.

I bet you do know all
about dragons, don't you?

What's the matter with you then?

I asked you right at the start if this
job was honest, and you said yes.

On the contrary. I said, "Do I look
like a crook?" and you said yes.

So I took it for granted that you
knew it wasn't exactly honest.

I didn't expect tea
at Buckingham Palace,

but I never dreamed you'd
think of getting me involved...

in something like stealing
that statue up there.

If you're gonna break the law,
you might as well do it properly.

And what do you think
you're doing? Leaving.

Oh, really?

I don't like being lied to, I don't
like being taken advantage of,

and I don't like crooks.

We made a deal, remember?
I'm paying you $5,000 for this.

A lot of good that'll do me in jail.

Nobody's going to jail. I've
worked out everything perfectly.

It'll have to work
perfectly without me.

If I'm as terrible as that, why did you accept
Shahbandar's invitation if you'd no inten...

Me accept it? You didn't
give me a chance to refuse!

While we're on the subject of
Shahbandar, don't you underestimate him.

Or me! A lot of money's
been spent on this operation,

what with airplane fares,
hotels, most of my clothes,

all of yours, including
the dress you're wearing!

You can have them all back,
including the dress I'm wearing.

Besides, I'm saving you
$5,000 by leaving.

So, after all this time and all I've done
for you, you're leaving me in the lurch.

I'm getting out of this place
as quickly as I can,

and if you had any brains,
you'd do the same thing.

I have no intentions of leaving,

but if you don't want to fulfill
your obligations, that's just too bad.

I'll do it alone!

And put those hangers back!

I'm sure I have something for you.

I have this. No, no,
no. That's too big.

We have this.

How about this? Is this for sale?

Yes, it is. I'll take that.

Would you wrap it up for me, please?

I'll take these as well.

Here you are, sir... Lighter fuel.

Yeah. Uh, do you have
lighter fuel in a glass bottle?

Yes. Bottle? Yes. Yes.

Bottle, sir. That's
it. How much is that?

Two francs.

You said you were leaving.

I have a dinner engagement.

I thought you changed
your mind about dinner.

I changed it back again. Oh? Why?

'Cause when you come right down to it,

I can't bear the thought of your
spending the next 20 years in an Arab jail,

even though you are a crook.

Do you know, that's
the nicest thing anybody...

Ever said to me.

I don't doubt it.

If you're gonna have dinner
with Shahbandar,

why are you wearing that
dress with your hair down?

This is my dress, and I like it,

and I think Mr. Shahbandar
is going to like it...

and the way I've done my hair,
whether you like it or not.

Do you understand?

I like the way you look, Nicole.

Thank you.

Mr. Shahbandar's compliments, milady.

Exquisite.

If I may say so, Lady Dean,

your husband is very foolish
to be so dedicated to his work.

My husband is an ambitious man.

With him, his work comes first.

And the idle shall benefit.

You must forgive my
not offering you a cocktail,

but I thought you might wish to see
something of our city before the sun sets.

Oh, I'd like that.
Good. Then shall we go?

No. This way, please.

I have a few surprises for you first.

Speaking of surprises,

I thought it rather strange you didn't know
of the likeness between you and my Lissu.

Is there any reason why I should have?

Perhaps not. Your
husband seemed to know.

He took it so... so calmly
when I showed him the Lissu.

My husband never shows his
emotions. He's English, you know.

Ah, yes, of course. The English.

Now, this room will interest you.

It's unique of its kind.

As you already gathered this afternoon,
Lady Dean, I have a passion for gadgets.

Are you ready?

Am I ready for what?

Watch.

We are going up one floor.

I'm so disappointed
Sir Harold isn't with us.

I'm sure he would've liked
seeing the city in this way.

Business affairs so often prevent
us from really enjoying ourselves.

Don't they?

You don't mind flying, I
hope? But of course not.

You must've flown thousands
of miles with your husband.

Hundreds of thousands.

Thank you.

Mr. Shahbandar's apartment, please.

This is Sir Harold Dean. Could
I speak to Lady Dean, please?

Oh, she has? Oh, all right. Thank you.

Oh, by the way, does
Mr. Shahbandar own a helicopter?

Oh, he does?

What you see now is something
of a potpourri of past and present.

There is so much to
become acquainted with here.

Is there a chance your husband's business
will keep him in town longer than he thinks?

Oh, no, I don't think so. Perhaps
we'll stay longer next time.

I hope you will.

We're going to land
over there by those trees.

I have a car waiting to take us to the
old quarters where the festivities are.

It is always like this
on the Feast of Ali Hajj.

Everybody's happy, hoping
his wish will come true.

Buy a scroll, effendi.
Buy the scroll of Ali Hajj.

It will bring much luck and
good fortune to you and your lady.

Luck and good fortune to you...

and, of course, to Sir Harold.

Lady Dean, may I present Colonel
Salim. Colonel Salim, Lady Dean.

How do you do?

I asked Colonel Salim to join us
because I thought your husband...

would be happier if we were chaperoned.

No one could make a more
suitable chaperone than the colonel.

He's our chief of police. Oh, really?

Oh, how interesting.

Salim and I have been friends for
years. We have many interests in common.

He also shares
my enthusiasm for gadgets.

In fact, it was he who helped me to
perfect all those little electronic devices...

to protect my paintings and sculpture.

One of these days, we hope to
test them out. Don't we, Salim?

If you'll excuse me for one
moment, I'll be right back.

Hotel Semiramis, please.

Thank you.

Fire! Fire!

There's a fire!
Quick! Quick, look! Look.

There's a fire! There, look!

Get the extinguisher! Come
on, quickly! Come on! Come on!

Harry?

Harry!

Bravo!

Harry?

What are you doing in Shahbandar's
bedroom? It goes up and down.

- What does?
- The bedroom. It's one of his gadgets.

It goes all the way to the roof...
Why are you dressed like that?

- I just left Shahbandar in a rest...
- Shh!

I sneaked out and got ready to leave.

Harry, he's planning
some dreadful trap for you.

There's a fire escape out here.
We can get out this way.

If you think I'm gonna pack
it in now, you must be mad.

Harry, be sensible!
He'll be here any minute!

Shut up!

You'll never get through there, Harry.

If you're so determined to go through
with this, why don't you let me help you?

I can get through there now.

You sure?

Go on then.

You're a clever girl, and I love you.

Get out! I'll meet you at the airport!

To the airport, please.

Very bright.

Bring them back.

Thank you very much.
Just a minute! Just a minute!

There are police everywhere.
We can't leave together.

Here's your ticket and your passport.

They'll never recognize you
on your own.

Get on a plane, and I'll meet you
in Hong Kong. But what about you?

Don't worry about me. I'm taking
another route. It's all been arranged.

I'll see you.

Go on. Go on!

Twenty francs,
please, sir. Airport tax.

Flight 702 to Karachi...

Immigration is to your left, sir.

Rangoon, Bangkok and Hong Kong...

is now ready to board at Gate 2.
Your passport and ticket, please.

Which is your luggage, Miss, uh, Chang?

No luggage.

That will be 10 francs,
please. Airport tax.

Immigration is over there.

Your plane will be leaving
in 15 minutes. Thank you.

Will Mr. Henry Miller please
come to the TWA counter?

Passengers holding
for filled space on Flight 702,

on board immediately, please.

Through that door. Have
a good trip, Miss Chang.

One moment, Miss Chang.

Good morning.

You look a little different
this morning.

Come and sit down.

I trust you slept well.

You must forgive my not waiting,
but I breakfast rather early.

There's fresh fruit and juices,
coffee and rolls.

Strange, is it not, how we, uh...

How we spend time with people...

and still can't be certain
what they are really like?

So many of us posing as one thing...

In reality, being
something quite different.

Your young man, for instance,

fashioning himself as some
sort of clever high society burglar.

He didn't play his part
very well, did he?

He got away, but he'll be caught.

While you've been sleeping, my
people in London have been learning...

precisely who and where he is.

One telephone call to Hong Kong...

can have Mr. Dean shackled and
flying back here within a few hours.

However, as I, uh...

As I took you and your
friend rather too lightly...

and played a game with you...

and lost,

I'll put off making
that telephone call.

Instead, I have decided that
you will go on to Hong Kong...

and tell Mr. Dean that
unless my Lissu is returned,

he will be apprehended
and punished for his crime.

Punished severely, I assure you.

That's all I have to say.

Perhaps reading this dossier
will be an inducement for you...

to help put an immediate end to
this ridiculous crime spree of his.

Thank you.

Good-bye, Nicole.

The Lissu will now
always remind me of you...

when I get her back.

Where the devil have
you been? Oh, Harry!

I've met every plane
for the past 48 hours.

Listen to me! You listen to me.

I've got a message for you
from Shahbandar.

Forget Shahbandar. You can't forget
Shahbandar. He's not gonna forget you.

I said forget Shahbandar.
You must send the head back.

I can't send the head back.
You must send the head back.

Shahbandar knows you're here and
has people watching you right now!

I didn't steal it.
Don't joke with me now.

I am not joking with you.
I didn't steal the head.

You don't seem to understand.

He can have you shackled and flown
back on a plane to Dammuz within the hour.

I'll bet you $5,000 and a British
passport that I didn't steal the head.

"The smile of the Buddha
covers a multitude of sins."

Stop. Shall we call it a draw?

"Harry Dean."

Arrived a few hours ago.

Now, look.

There's nothing inside. I've checked.

Welcome back.

You know, Salim, I don't consider
myself an unintelligent man,

but for the life of me,
I can't understand...

why they should go to
all this trouble and expense...

in order not to steal it.

The answer is very simple.

We needed the publicity, and we got it,

all over the world.

Publicity? For what?

I'll tell you. Two years
ago, for insurance purposes,

Shahbandar commissioned
Emile to make a copy of the Lissu.

Now, Emile is something of a genius...

when it comes to copying
the work of others.

So, does he stop at making one copy?

You bet your life he doesn't.

He makes a second copy,

a reproduction that is so perfect...

it is impossible to tell it
from the original.

It is my finest work.

I found a clay 2,000
years old in Mongolia.

I used the same tools, the same method
of baking as they did in ancient times.

Every art expert in the world
will believe that this is the original.

And what happens when
Shahbandar announces he has it back?

We already have three offers from people
who don't care what Shahbandar announces...

because they believe that
Shahbandar has the copy...

and this is the original.

Who thought up this whole idea? He did.

Who paid for it? Who financed it?

He did.

Of all the nasty, low-down,

underhanded, despicable tricks!

You're not even honest
enough to be crooks!

- Now, hold on a minute!
- You hold on a minute, Harry Tristan Dean!

You've done your best
to turn me into a thief.

Now you wanna turn me into a swindler.

Maybe you'd like to lead a
life of crime, but count me out!

Who told you my name was Tristan?

I know lots about you, Tristan.

Nobody knows my name is Tristan.

Your father's name was Eric.
Your mother's name was Mary.

You grew up on the London docks and
ran away from home at 17 to join the navy.

You've never been married and
had your tonsils out at the age of 18.

Who told you my name was Tristan?

It was in Shahbandar's dossier.

And you won the Ping-Pong championship during
the Korean War with His Majesty's fleet.

You've never been in jail
and never even been arrested,

so this is probably your first crime.

There's lots more I'd like to know
about you, Harry Tristan Dean,

but if you insist on this ridiculous
crime spree, what's the point?

Excuse me!

Nicole, stop! What for?

I-I'll... show you something.

I'm sorry, Emile.

I suppose this is the end of a...

beautiful friendship.

Well, I'll help pay for
all the cost of everything.

Good-bye.

Forgive me, if you can.

I do love you.

Come on.

I'm sorry, Emile.

It's for the best.

I'm sure you can find something
honest to do with all that Mongolian clay.

Emile Fournier speaking.

Yes. Come at once.