G.O.R.A. (2004) - full transcript

The film recounts the story of aliens kidnapping the carpet-seller Arif to the planet G.O.R.A. while Arif tries to find a way to get back to his planet, he falls in love with Ceku, the princess. Arif saves the planet from the evil commander-in-chief of G.O.R.A. and hence becomes a hero for the people. In this science-fiction comedy film, Cem Yilmaz played four different characters.

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Commander Logar,
they're speaking in English.

Can we have it in Turkish from the start?

Sure thing!

I'd believe it if it were possible.
However, this is no good.

What's no good, man?

Look, dear, I've been a publisher
for 12 years now.

I've never seen such nonsense.

Are you listening?

Forget about publishing,
this is a UFO, something I've witnessed.

I've seen this,
shouldn't I have taken a picture?

Besides, I have a friend who made love
to an alien, I'll bring him to you.

Bring him, the other one too.
We'll create some synergy here.

-But these are fake.

Fake, man, fake. Counterfeit.

It says "Kütahya Porcelain". Look.

Well, I made the shot in Kütahya.
There's nothing wrong with it.

Asshole, using a magnifier.
Why are you using a magnifier?

I've been on the road for ten hours.

Which way are you going, son?

Just what I needed!
I'm going a long way, pops. Move on.

-Give me a lift to...

-Aren't you going that way?
-Alright, hop in.

Close the door.

-What's in there?

Let me turn it like this so it won't
fly away. It's a convertible after all.

You're well informed.

Would you mind if I played some music?

-What kind of music?

-What kind of music?
-You are something...

I don't like foreign music. They might be
swearing at my mom. How shall I know?

-How old is your mother?
-My mom is alive and healthy at 93.

Fine. This band is very young, so they
wouldn't know your mother, don't worry.

Oh, boy! Look at that view!

-Get out!
-What's up, son? I hope nothing's wrong.

Get out. Stop talking.


Turn towards me.

Raise your arm. We're losing the light.

You talk too much. Do something useful.

-Shall I turn it like this?
-No, just hold your arm straight!

"Innocent villager sees a UFO."
You're the man!

Our esteemed Japanese guests,

this is a really historical place.

Yes, but no photo.

Please, these are very fragile,
newly painted.

Yes. What's he saying?

He wants you to talk about the pictures.

What's there to talk about?
They're pictures after all.

Let's lead them to my carpet shop.

What's she saying?

My group is getting annoyed.

-Don't translate everything.
-How could I possibly not?

Translate this then:
"Apple pie and tart make me fart hard."

You are really killing tourism!

Cut it short.
Now we're going straight to my shop.

We'll have a look at the carpets.
My shop is nearby.

We'll get out--

Chill out, man!

Tourist or not, I'll smack you in the eye.

What's this talk, you rude bastard!

Lay down and I'll show you what rude is.

Dumb ass!

Don't make me go ninja on you, alright?

Don't make me go ninja on you!

What's this, step aside,
are you acting up? Come on.

Stop hitting me! Give me my glasses.

You'll achieve nothing by yelling
in Japanese. Bastards!

They make videos at home
and come over here

to tour the country! Bastards!
And then we'll have a tourism boom.

That's some boom!


Treasury officials asked for you.
What's up?

I was to receive a commendation from
the ministry. Are they gone?

-Yeah. Hold on a minute.
-Fine then.

Look at this stuff. How is it?

This should be painted in gray.
There's no name on it, right?

-Arif, man!

English customers are asking for you.

Good. Come over sometime,
we'll make a collaboration.

-What collaboration, dude?
-Boss, the English...

Has Prince Charles popped up?
What's the big deal?

Well, of course!

Order tea. Don't stare like an ox.

Fuck it, order anyway.


This one's crappy, go figure.

What are you going to say about this?

Don't ask the chick.
Why are you asking her?




You keep saying carpet but... Look.

This carpet here

has an authentic design
and is very valuable.

This pattern is called
"Hand on the waist". Trust me on this,

the kid who wove this went blind.

The price is 5,000 dollars,
including the kids surgery.

What did you give me to drink?

Arif Işık. December 8, 1968.

You have been abducted
by the Goran Military Import Unit.

-Excuse me?
-Go on.

From now on you are
property of the Goran Union.

-Trans-portal initiative transport--
-What are you talking about, lady?

My dear Earthling, I think you
don't get it. You've been abducted!

Get out of here, man. The outfit is fine,

but we did these jokes when we were kids.

Nice idea, nice location,
but you can't fool me.

-What's going on, Cheeba?
-Unbelievable. I guess he's in shock.

Really? Are the force shields active?

Sure they are. You don't give up, do you?

He'll recover in the cell. Take him away.

Dude, listen! Don't get on my nerves.

The lights and all are not enough.
Are you going to buy the rug or not?

Plackumates, take him to his cell.

Fuck off! Tufan, is that you, dog?
Take off your glasses!

-Take him away!
-Stop! Wait!

What was the technique?

Put a little effort into it, man!

Step back!

-Calm down.
-Shut up!

You freaked out, ha?

What now?

Are you going to kill us
with a flashlight?



Get this trash out of here!

I don't want to see you fraternizing
with prisoners again.

Get back to work.

-Engage MFD drives.

-Open the parallel port.

-Is the joystick connected?

-Is targeting stabilized?

Lieutenant Zurka, lower all shields.

Right away, sir.

What's going on there?

A Colombian is causing trouble.

Why do you cause trouble,
you worthless Earthling? Search him!

Powdered sugar, huh?

Get him out of here.
Send this to the kitchen.

Commander Logar, the cargo is ready.

The numbers?

Twenty Americans, five of them black.

Five Japanese, one Colombian,
one Danish, three Indian.

-And one Turk.

One day all Earthlings will work
under my command like dogs, Kuna.

We'll take all of them.

Those days will come to pass, sir.
Commander Logar,

why do you hate Earthlings so much?


This is hatred, Kuna. A hatred
I may never be able to overcome.

Years ago, something that happened
to my grandfather Commander Kubar

affected me so deeply, that I can't
seem to lose my taste for vengeance.

Earthlings make me sick...

JULY 14, 1789.

What we do to these uncivilized
monkeys can never be enough, Kuna.

Commander Logar, an object is approaching.

Who are you?

Get out. Out!

Come on, come on. Get a signal.

You were supposed to have
coverage everywhere. Come on!


Hello, Muhittin, this is Arif.

Bring in everybody, even the US President.

I've been abducted by aliens.

What? Yes, by them.

Stop that! Arif, cut the crap.
Where are you? What are you doing?

Muhittin, this is not a joke.
Aliens, I said. I'm in a spaceship.

-What ship?
-Muhittin, speak up.

Go to the police, to the station. Hello!

The signal is failing. Call me back.

Hello? Hell...

He must be drunk.

Hello, Muhittin, Muhittin.
It's no joke. I'm telling you, aliens!


Oh merciful and most gracious...

-Do not fear.
-You don't say!

My God, what kind of a test
are you putting me through?

Listen carefully. The Force is inside you.

Don't lose control.
You'll get away and find me.

Who are you? I can't even tell
if you're a genie or a human.



Stop it. Listen, you're the chosen one.

Find me when you land on Gora. Got it?

Find me.

Did you run out of chosen ones?

-Who are you? What's going on?
-The signal is failing, find me.

The phone has no signal,
the dude has no signal.

What's a "chosen one"?
I left the shop unattended.

Arif, you fucking idiot!

Prisoner, turn around.

Do you want me to lay down naked too?
What are you talking about, man?

Don't cause trouble, turn around.


Look, man, I know my way around.

You look like a nice person, take this,
there has been a misunderstanding,

let's forget it. I want good treatment.

I'm Arif. Take this and say:
"Mr. Arif wants some olives,

a loaf of bread, some cheese,
and toilet paper."

Come on, take it!

Holy shit...

There are families who live
a whole month on that money!


Could you at least get me a charger
for my phone? My battery is dead.

Yo, man in black!

Is the ship drifting
a little to the left, Kuna?

-What ship, dude?

Commander Logar, an object is approaching.

That's our planet, moron! Who are you?

Get out. Out!

-I want a nice landing, Kuna.
-He wants a nice landing.

-Prisoner, come with me.
-Out! Out!

Alright, I'm coming. Get out. Please!

Listen, if you tell anyone
what you saw back there,

we'll be in really bad terms. Got it?
That's a human urge.

Those bastards have abducted
the whole world.

The ship has landed.
Anyone stepping out of line

or overreacting will be severely punished.

I don't speak German. Only English.

I don't speak German, OK?

Making a ruckus...

He stunned the guy.
It doesn't kill, it only stuns.

That's a stunner, they used it on me too.

-Hello, where are you?

Hang up, I'll call you.
I can't talk right now.

-Get back in line!
-Don't be an asshole about everything!

Get back in line here,
he's putting the blame on me!

Move on a little.

-Commander Logar.
-Superior Tocha.


My respects, Mulu.


You've raided the whole world again.
Didn't you have enough slaves, Logar?

What happened to your face, Rendroy?

-What's with my face?
-That's what I mean: what?

Superior Tocha.

Allow me to give you some
presents I brought from Earth.


This is yours, Sir. Piş...

Pişmaniye. From İzmit.

Here you go.

-You're kind as usual, Logar.

Vunar, this is for you.

Enverina, we lost your
present on the ship.

We didn't notice.

And this is yours, Rendroy.
It's supposed to bring fertility.

You're very kind, Logar.

Keep this, I was born with three.

Your daughter Ceku
is not here to welcome me.

-Yes, she doesn't feel well.

Let's go.

What time is it, man?

That idiot, Superior Tocha,
is 420 years old, Kuna.

He should give way to the young.

Ceku didn't come to meet you,
she shows no interest, huh?

She's going to. Let's see
what she's done while we were away.

-Get me 216.
-Yes, Sir.

Hi, dude.


You two, come over.

Us two?

Space has always been
the big unknown for me.

The movies, science-fiction novels,
Arthur C. Clarke, Chariots of the Gods.

I can't believe I'm here. Space Odyssey.



How did it go?

You've turned this place into
a government office. "Go here, go there."


Shall I sit or stand?


-Tell us.
-Tell us.

I'll tell you. We bought the goods
from Faik the Arab.

We reloaded the truck in Karabük.

I drove the truck till Adana.

-What are you talking about?
-And you?

You've abducted me, you do the talking.

I'm confused enough.


Yeah, aggressive.

Is that it?

Commander Logar?

216, come on, fill me in.

-She missed you a lot.
-Really? That much?

Well, she kept saying your name.

Let me see.

Logar, you damn...

Good. Did she mention marriage?

I saw her preparing her dowry.

-Is she in her room?

Great. Take this, my boy. I brought it
for you from Earth. You'll be friends.

Thank you very much, Commander Logar.

I have the batteries. Come to me
when you want to play, alright?

Concentrate on your work now.

Is the beautiful Ceku thinking about me?


It was a long journey. No welcome?

From slave taking?

Yoga didn't do you any good, you're tense.

I've brought you a present from Earth.

Really? What is it?

World peace.

An authentic carpet, the kid who wove this
went blind. A valuable piece.

I don't want any presents from you, Logar.
Why don't you leave me alone?

Aren't you
the most beautiful girl on Gora?

-Because of my father?

-Will you please leave me alone?
-But the present...

I don't like carpets, Logar.

Don't insult me in front of my troops.

It's highly decorative, enjoy it.

Nice stuff, I should get one too.

All prisoners should shower within three
minutes and go to the dining hall.

I'm sure they'll give us
little pills instead of food.

You're drawing too much attention. Don't.

-Do not fear.
-Dude, you're crossing a line here.

Brace yourself. Don't go with the flow.

Find me. My name is Garavel. Find me!

God gracious. Forgive my sins.

I almost died, covered in soap.

I'm never picky when it comes to food.

Eat the food, avoid the beating.
That's the motto. Pour it in.

Can I have more sauce?

That's your share. Move on.

Wait a minute, weren't you
the man who distributed soap?

-Cut it short, move on.
-Are you Turkish, buddy?

Get moving.

Everybody speaks Turkish, I don't
understand who's Turkish and who's not.

Get a load of that pimp,
as if he's at the beach.


God, save me from this place
before I kill someone.

Is this seat taken?

We have to escape.

Together, what do you say?

I chose you because you're different.

First of all, you're Japanese,
you're smart.

If we combine our efforts,
we can make it back to Earth.

-What do you say, samurai?

-"Our efforts"?

-Don't let on.


"Our efforts"?

Cut it short.
Let's get to know each other, I'm Arif.

And I'm Mehmet, from Zeytinburnu.

I work in a leather factory in Kazlıçesme.

Leather jackets, or shoes and such?


From there.

From there.

Step aside.

Is this rose for me?

Yes, dear.

What's your point in sending this?

Getting close and nice. Socializing.

You mean working together
against the aliens?

Don't get mad, come over here. Sit.

You are something. A real Cosby Show!

-Americans have a saying, you know what?
-What's that?

Shut up, stop being a racist!

Smarten up, act like Earthlings!

Be worthy of our planet!

Low class jerks!
Let me go, don't stress me out, man!

-Superior Tocha.
-Welcome, Logar.

You can't possibly know how I envy you.

You're like my own child,
you'll lead Gora to better days.


I've grown old. I intend to marry
my daughter to a young Goran,

and transfer all my authority
to him. What do you think?

A classical but perfect idea, sir.

I wanted to talk to you about this matter.

For Gora's future I have Vumar's son
Timar in mind. How's that?

-Vumar's son Timar?
-But, sir. Vumar's son Timar is...

God knows what they say about me.

I put myself forward for this noble duty.

-Your daughter and I are in love.
-She's burning with love.

-She never mentioned anything.
-That she's burning?

I wanted you to hear it from me.
I'd be honored to be your son-in-law.

I don't believe in love, Logar.

Vumar's son Timar
is a great hero for the Gorans.

I rather entrust Gora's future
to a hero than to a lover.


-Commander Logar!
-Yes, my dear.

-An object is approaching, sir.
-Who's this?

Excuse me. Who are you?

Get out! Out!


See you later, Superior Tocha.

Have a nice day.

Arif, dude.

-We hurt you today. Forgive us.

It's all right, forget it.

We're in space, everybody is confused.
It's not a big deal.

-Is everything fine now?
-Sure, man.

You hurt that guy again
and you'll get a feel of this.

You really are a phenomenon,
always up to something.

Is this your bed? Sorry, man.

Sit down.

Here, you left these
in the examination room.

I really appreciate it.

-Let's get acquainted.
-Let's do it.

Arif Işık. All sorts of carpets,
rugs, and travels. Here.

Fine. I'm Bob Marley Faruk.

-Are you Turkish, Bob Marley?

Great. Have one.

-I don't smoke.

-Can you give me that thing there?


-How long have you been here, Bob?
-Eight years.

You little... Come on.

I'm sorry.

Eight years?
I wouldn't stay here eight minutes.

You've disappointed me.

I had a bar in Kuşadası.
Great music, reggae.

-But it didn't fly?

I was in debt up to my ears.

The creditors came to kill me.
So I tied a rock to my neck.

I was about to jump from the pier,

and bang! I was in a spaceship.

A completely different world
Would you go back there?


Let's suppose I did return.
The creditors arrive:

"Where have you been, Bob?"

"I was abducted by aliens."
Would they buy it?

-They wouldn't.

Then there's the media.

You're making the headlines each day.
"The Man Abducted by Aliens."

-That doesn't seem to go with you.
-You got that right.

I have nothing against space,
but the attitude is wrong.

You expect something more civilized
when you think of aliens.

-You're a prisoner here.

Don't make me mad.
You're a prisoner. I'm comfortable.

That's because I work in the kitchen.

If you were in the quarries...
They work you to death there.

They implant a chip on you
and you walk around like a monkey.

Quarries? Chips?
Is this being alien or human?

If you like, I can get you
a job in the kitchen too?

What kitchen, man?
ls there no way out of here?

-You have to find a ship.
-Easy. What's a spaceship, anyway?

Alright, calm down, have patience.

These are the final touches.
It's finished, here.

-Is this some kind of joke?
-Of course it is.

I mean it's impossible to get away.

Quit saying that. There has to be a way.

Excuse me, Bob, but you seem to be
a little oblivious to sci-fi.

I'm oblivious to sci-fi?
I'm oblivious, huh?

You don't know who you're talking to,
so you talk nonsense.

What's your point?

I was the first guy to write
a Turkish science fiction scenario.

You said you had a bar.

That was after I got fed up
with the movie business.

So, you got fed up with the movies?

It was years ago.

In the last days of the sex movies.

I was looking for something new in movies.

SEPTEMBER 12, 1980

No, sir, impossible.

My name is Erşan Kuneri,
I'm not a porn producer.

I said they'd fuck
with their underwear on. Of course.

The cook, the servant, the gardener.
All of them. It takes place in a mansion.

The cook does the gardener, the gardener
the driver, the driver the servant.

Then everyone on the servant.

Yes, get it printed,
I'll send a poster immediately.

The title is Group Discount. Quickly.

Stand straight.

Raise your chin.



This, this, this.

Good, this is it.

Who are you? Get out. Out!

Be yourself, don't imitate others!

Mr. Erşan. Should Faruk come in?

Keep him waiting. Wait.

Look at me. This.
Do you have blue underwear?

-Write down: "Brings his own underwear."

You, from Tophane, I want you to
fuck like an animal, not a human.

-Like a beast!

Alright then, the movie's name is
Jackhammer. Beat it.

Send Faruk in.

Mr. Faruk.

Hi, Mr. Ersan.

I see a tank outside.
Was there a parade today?

Nothing important. I have great ideas.

A fresh approach in movies:
science fiction. What do you say?

Science? Let me see.

Americans are into this thing,
there's lot of money in this.

-Any sex?
-No, it's about a robot's adventures.

The title is The Six Million Dollar Man.
How's that?

"Six million"? Do you want to ruin me?

Foreign currency is prohibited.

We could change the title.

-Lunar Lust. How's that?

It can't be on the moon.
We have to shoot in one week.

We'll do it. A robot falls in love
with an astronaut. How is that?

Nice. Lunar Lust is nice.

Could I have an advance?
I'll scout for a location.

Let's celebrate this.
I have Kent and Marlboro. Pick one.

Mr. Erşan, the police is here.

They want to entertain you
for possessing foreign cigarettes.

That's not entertaining,
that's detaining. Let's go.

There's no escape from the law.

Erşan? The movie?
Science-fiction, what now?

That film is not going to happen.

Let's go to bed now. Don't ever
mention science-fiction to me again.

They bring me everything from Earth.

Hey! Slice it carefully!

These guys have chips,
half of their brain is gone.

Hand it over, let me do that.

Come on, you've wasted it.

But the guys are okay.

So it seems. You have something nice here,
but please think

about this escaping business.

Cut the crap
and let me tell you how to escape.


First, try the kitchen's
ventilation shafts.


Did you all escape, too?

-Don't come out in here.
-So, you think you're smart, huh?

Why smart, man? I came to get food.

And there's another thing that could do.

What's it? Tell me.

Close it.

Close it.

You are way too curious.
Yeah, I'm escaping, so what?

Can we flee right through there, dude?

Why do you take off my helmet?

If that doesn't work,
there's molecular transportation.

-No wonder. What's that?
-Beaming, you know.

Sure I know! If there's beaming,
I'll be at home right away.

Beaming is a risky business,
you have to enter the exact coordinates.

I'm willing to risk it.
I have to get out of here.

It's impossible to escape this place.
You don't get it, do you?

Sorry Bob,

you call yourself Bob Marley, but have
no idea of the philosophy behind it.

Just wearing that cap is not enough.

And what is that philosophy?

Get me a stick and a piece of cloth.

I'll show you beaming.

You know nothing about Arif yet.

Don't lose hope. The Force is inside you.

The Force is inside you.

Yeah, right! Inside.
Just a hologram, you're no help at all.

Nothing but hot air, asshole.

Fuck this cap as well.

Beaming, yeah? Beaming. There we go.

What are you doing here?

-I don't have a bucket, if I had one...
-What do you mean?

Commander Logar instructed me to clean
this place. There' s dust everywhere.

-Why now?

-You've turned the planet into a shithole.

Behave like a woman for once
and clean this place.

Move on.

What are you doing here?

I beg you, just let me wipe off
the dust in the beaming room.


Some guy came and said: "The prisoner
shall wipe the dust of that place."

I swear. He said:
"No beaming, just the dust."

Don't squeeze my arm.
He only talked about cleaning.

Curse you all!

To hell with all the beaming...

Leave me alone! Fuck this.

I'm exhausted.
Sometimes I forget that you're a robot.

Come on, I'm useless as a robot now.

I go wild when I'm with you,
otherwise I have direct robot logic.

The music was fantastic.

Wasn't it? I've downloaded
3000 of them from the Internet.

Look what I have.

Oh, I don't believe it. A Turkish movie
where the girl goes blind.

No, in this movie the boy goes blind.

Why don't they use a microlaser
on the girl's cornea in that movie?

Come on, Ceku,
is that the way to watch movies?

Just look at the emotions. The sacrifice
of the boy, his kiss in the final scene.

Let's kiss like the Earthlings.

-My circuits still waggle from the dance.
-Come on, please.

Okay, there you go.

-The Earthlings are fun, aren't they?
-With their music, dance, and everything.

-Will you tell my fortune?
-Is it cold now?

Move a bit.

-You know I don't do this for everyone.
-I know.

-Promise in God's name.
-Come on.

Let's see.

There's someone.

-Oh, that's me.

-Come on, say something.
-Be quiet.

Look, in the near future.
Do you see it's all in black?

With long hair. Could that be Logar?

-Yuck! In my fortune too?
-I see a wedding.

There's someone else.
He's a little chubby, it's very clear.

He has lots of people around him.
He will do you a favor. Don't forget it.

The letter "R" is in his name
or surname. Don't forget it.

Rinse this out.

He asked about you the minute he arrived.

What did you say?

I was very direct. I said:
"She has other things in her mind.

Don't push her.
She's not willing, so why do you push her?

Nothing good comes by force,
it will cause bigger problems

in the future." But he wouldn't listen.

Are you an oracle?

Commander Logar?

Commander Logar, I was only joking.

Take this battery-powered doll away.

Put him with those dogs from Earth.


You scum, he's my best friend.

You force me to be evil, got it?

I love you, I'm jealous of you.
Be it a robot or even my father.

So, you love me?

I want this, can you do it?


Disgusting Earth customs.

The prisoners to be implanted
a chip today are:

Jack Bailey.

Chris Lover.

Guenter Westinghouse.

José Gabriel Estevez.

Will U. Marry Mee.

Akimi Noname.

Please report to the front desk.

The Japanese guy is gone too.

I see no rebellion here.

We won't get anywhere
just with my resistance.

-Black can't move there.

But you moved the white bishop here.

Now don't start with black and white
in front of this guy.

Give me five, Julio. Let's start again,
that robotic voice confused me.

Let's start over.

If only we had a camera,

I'd take pictures of this place.
It would be a super document on Earth.

Let me go, man!

There's another one.
Welcome to the circus.

Get a load of that guy.

Don't leave me here,
don't leave me with them!

Don't cry, we got through the same.

Don't shout,
you're drawing too much attention.

He's a robot.

Take him with you to the kitchen,
he'll make a nice kitchen robot.

Don't cause trouble.
He's a robot, an android.

Really? Hi, robot.


-Are you a robot?

So, what are you doing here?

Commander Logar has punished me.

Commander Logar?
I'm going to fuck his shit up.

Here, have one.

What's your name?


216? What's that?

Updated model of 215. Second generation,
16th segment, improvable intelligence,

and high mobility,
seven hours audio and video recording.

Audio recording? Does that mean
that you can receive from anywhere?

What kind of a talk is that?

Well, what else should I ask a robot?

Would you like a drink? Are you hungry?

Such a pity. He's a prisoner, like us.

A robot, but still miserable.
Does this thing come out?

I'm totally detachable.

Really? That's sad, man.

Why don't you welcome the guy?
The guy's crying.

-Welcome, man.

Maybe he's programmed to cry.

This is so sad, look at him.

I'm Faruk, Bob Marley Faruk.


Can you take pictures as well?

Excuse me?

Never mind. Say welcome, people.

Don't discriminate him.
Robot or not, everyone's equal.

-Welcome. I'm Arif.
-Hi, 216.

Do I eat red meat?

I'm sorry, sir.

Why aren't you eating, Ceku?

I have no appetite.

I have some news
which will revive your appetite.

Is Logar dead?

My funny daughter.

You'll marry Vumar's son Timar.

Vumar's son Timar?

Yes, Timar. Moreover, Vumar's son Timar.

Logar said that you two
were in love but--

I don't love Logar,
nor any other Goran man.

And I don't intend to marry.



We have a situation.
We have to meet immediately.

What happened?

It's very serious,
we should go to the big hall.

If it comes close to our planet,
it could extinct life on Gora.

What's going on, Superior Tocha?

A big danger, Logar. A fireball.

A fire shaped ball
or a ball shaped fire, right?

We decided to use the sacred stones.

Do you approve as military adviser?

Is there no other option? I think
the stones should be the last resort.

We have no choice.

It's natural that I think differently
because I'm a soldier.

I know very well how to send
that fireball back to where it came from.

We don't doubt your courage, Logar,
but we have to try the sacred stones.

You know better, sir.

Bring the sacred stones.

So be it.

The user guide is missing.

How does that feel, huh?

What do you mean missing?

I guess this is the end.

We're doomed.

I want full authority, Superior Tocha.

-What can you do?
-"What can you do?"

Give me one hour.

Logar. Lo...

What are we going to do?
Shall I get the ship ready?

Pull yourself together! What ship?
Be smart, come.

Are we going to sit
and watch the fireball get closer?

It's such a pity that the user guide
of the sacred stones is missing.

Is it?

What are you doing, Logar?

What do you think, you idiot?

Can you believe that my dad
sent that fireball?

You are playing with fire.

Don't make puns with me, jackass!


There's no other way to get that geezer
Tocha and his girl's attention.

I've set it up like a clock.

-You see this?

I'll stop the fireball with this.

And that old fart is going to give
me his daughter, as well as Gora.

You're amazing, Logar.

Am I?

Notify that geezer
about our conditions immediately.

Yes, sir.

We don't have much time.

Logar, be careful with that shot.

Am I being problematic?

Ceku, I can't believe it's you!

Your prediction came true,
I'm being married.


To whom?

Everything's messed up.
A fireball is approaching Gora, 216.

This could be our last meeting.

My father made a deal with Logar,
if he can stop the fireball,

I'll have to marry him.
Either way, I'm dead.

Don't talk nonsense!

-I miss you, 216.
-Me too.

Visiting hours are over.

Please, don't be sad.

Don't forget me, 216.

Maybe he can't stop it.

"Maybe he can't stop it"?

Turn that off. What's this crap?

Come on, dude.

-The kids are watching it.
-Don't you feel no shame at all?

Arif, Bob.

Arif, Bob, you're all going to die.

We're not living anyway. What happened?

Turn on the TV.
A big fireball is approaching Gora.

The planet could go up
in smoke in an hour.

-Let it burn. It's the Gorans' concern.
-We are on Gora, dude.

Yeah, right. Let's see what it is.

The approaching fireball
is 10,000 vedon in diameter

and can wipe Gora
out of the celestial map.

The Goran Administrative Council stated
that the user guide of the sacred stones

is missing,
and therefore, Commander Logar's

destruction system will be used.

-This is The Fifth Element.
-Since the meteor shower...

-This is The Fifth Element. Bruce Willis.

There's this fireball,
and he places the sacred stones...

That's it.
Bruce Willis, that short, bald guy.

Gora's leaders and Commander Logar
are in the Sacred Chamber.

Dear Gorans! I'm Commander Logar!

I'm always ready
to sacrifice my life for Gora!

Due to a big misfortune,
we can't use the sacred stones

but with this Hyperoptic Vascular Freezer
that my engineers devised,

I will save you from this disaster.

Bullshit. First of all there's no such
gadget. There is no need for such gadget.

He needs to place the stones down.

Wait, Arif.

Hyperoptic Vascular Freezer!


We are all very tense and worried.

Now I'll stop this damn fireball
and invite you all to my wedding tomorrow.

-Watch out for your heads.
-He's just boasting.

For Gora!

For Gora!

Just shake it a little bit.

Logar, are you playing with us?

I'm doing the best I can, sir.

-Did you play with its batteries?
-Maybe it was left turned on?

Come on, come on.

He's not going to make it.
Robot, I have an idea.

-Can you take me there?

-Try the ventilation.
-I won't fall for that again!

The Sacred Chamber. Come with me.

Don't panic, don't panic.

Shame on you!

-Perhaps a part fell off?
-Which one?

If we turned it off and on again,
it could get charged.

The fireball is coming!

So what? Did my father send it?

-Take off your glasses.
-Here. So what?

-Commander Logar.
-Yes, dear.

-An object is approaching, sir.
-Who are you?

Get out! Out! Please, go!

Get out of my way, shorty!

-Greetings, chiefs!
-Who the hell are you? Get him!


Shut up, blockhead. We know what you are.

-Do you want to save your planet?
-Who are you?

Blind son of the carpet maker.
What difference does that make?

Bring the sacred stones.
I know how to get rid of the fireball.

Are you an oracle?

What oracle?
Captain, tell that schmuck to shut up.

If he had some brain,

he'd understood that those stones
symbolize the four elements.

-Symbolize, of course.

The four elements of nature.
Fire, water, earth, wood.


Why, are you offended?

Four elements of nature.

Fire, earth, and water is easy.
Just get me some wood.

Wasn't it air?

I said elements of nature.

He could be right, sir.

This is a prisoner from Earth. Are you
going to trust him with Gora's future?

No, he'd better trust you.
Don't piss me off, bring the stones.

Are you sure you can stop it?

Never mind that. I have a condition.

After I save the planet,
you'll release me and my friends.

I agree to your terms.
Bring in the stones.

You brought this guy to Gora, right?

Forget it, maybe he can't stop it.

"Can't stop it"? What did I just say?

We're done for.

Yes, four elements of...

Ten minutes to impact.

Don't stress me out here.

Four elements of nature.

Fire, water, earth, wood.
Now get me some wood. Wood.

Would this do the job?

-Don't ask, throw it.

Here we go. Our first element.


No, earth.

Our second element, wood.

Nope. Fire. Just a second.

And our third element, wood.

Look, are you sure it's not air?

No, water. Just a minute!

He spat on the sacred stone!

What was I supposed to do, dig for water?

And our last element, wood!

No, it's air. Just air!

It's not wood. Don't make up elements.


Well, we've learned
and seen many elements.

Now, the trickiest part.
You'll have to find me a girl.

I'll kiss her in the middle of the four
elements and the fireball will stop.

For example, that girl.

What the hell are you saying, you moron?

The girl will come here!
Otherwise, I'll turn off the elements!


Superior Tocha, I won't allow this.

What are you after, Logar,
shall we all die?

Guys, the fireball!


Let them do it.
We'll deal with him later.

Come on or I'll turn it off.



-Your name?

I'm Arif. Are you from around here?


Are you at school? What grade?

Your dress is beautiful,
are you a princess?

Sort of.

I have to kiss you.

I know.

Shall I?

One minute to impact.

Just a minute. Actually...

Kissing a stranger,
I don't know, but maybe...

It's strange, but you know, the fireball.

-Do you love your planet?

I love my planet too.
I love it very much but...

Ten, nine, eight,

seven, six, five...

Enough of this nonsense!
Plackumates, arrest him.

What for? I saved the planet.

-Superior Tocha. Don't believe this trash!

You think you're smart,
don't you, Earthling?

You want to take over Gora.

What are you talking about?
Didn't we have a deal?

This fool has cast dust in your eyes.
I have to mind Gora's security.

I'll interrogate him. Take him!

Typically alien, using me
until you have what you want.

Now that we got rid of the fireball
sent by that stupid Earthling,

I'd like to invite you all to my wedding
tomorrow. He didn't hurt you, did he?

Forget about the deal.
There will be no wedding.


Then I will put these photos
all around Gora City.

Please, don't exaggerate.

Bravo, Arif! You saved us all.

Yeah, sure. You saw how I was treated.

That was an awesome kiss with the girl.

Drop it Japanese. Don't get on my nerves.

I'm so sorry Arif.
Had I known they would do this...

-Where have you been?

Robot, everyone but you is useless.
You and the girl. Forget the rest.

-Did you see how she looked at you?
-No. How did she look?

We've seen it all on TV,
she was really checking you out.

Shame on you. You should have zapped
when you saw us kissing.

Give me a smoke.

Light it up.

Are they marrying that girl
to that pinhead?

She doesn't want to.

Well, how could she? This is weird.
The girl is an alien, as is that asshole.

Then they say all aliens are evil.
She's like an angel. Such a beauty.

Do you know the line when an alien says:

"Hi, Earthling, we come in peace"?
If that girl said it, I'd trust her.

But that son of bitch...
Look how he makes me curse.

I was the one who placed the stones,

but he brags as if he were the commander.

He is the commander!

Could be, but first he needs to be human.
What's with that attitude.

And he says: "Take him away!"
I'm going to take him out for sure.

No, man. This is not a way to be an alien.
It should come from the inside.

The other guy is an animal.
The girl is like an angel.

Please tell me, for God's sake.

Did I miss again? Was this no goal too?

-Was this no goal?
-It was!

Was this no goal too?

-It was.
-Was this no goal too?

I entrust myself to your justice
and humanity, your Honor.

Was this no goal too?

It was.

Ceku, my child.

I'm in love, Mom.

With the Earthling?

Was it that obvious?

Just like me.

Look, Mom. Arif is mine.
I fell in love with him first.

I'm not talking about Arif, Ceku.

I happened to fall in love
with a non-Goran, too.

You loved someone from another planet?


I was even sure
that he was madly in love with me.

I don't know how to put this.

-Your father is not Tocha.

Tocha is not your real father.
Your father was very different.

He stood out from the rest.



It's not me.
Your father is an Earthling, Ceku.


Rendroy is the only one
who knows our secret.

Your father has been a fugitive
outside Gora for years.

He always wanted to take us
to Earth, but in vain.

Tell me where my father is.

In Negney. What are you doing?

I'm going to my father.

I'd rather go back to Earth with my dad
than marry that lowlife Logar.

Negney is outside Gora's defensive shield.

Ceku, you can't go alone.

Then you will help me, Rendroy.

Such a girl, and when you look
at her from a distance,

she's too tolerant to be an alien.
For instance, we kissed.

-She didn't do anything.
-She was saving her planet, man.

What planet?
There was electricity between us!

Something happened.
Would she have kissed you?

Of course.

Get out of here. I wouldn't kiss you
even if Earth was on fire.

What, are you pissed off?

Arif Işık, Arif Işık, You have a visitor.

The girl is here! I swear it is the girl.

-How do I look?
-Alright, stand up straight!

Oh boy, I'm shaking.
Give me that rose. I'm off.


Was it you, creature? What evil
are you planning for me this time?

First of all,
I'd like to apologize as a Goran.

What's up?

Don't think I approve of Logar's behavior.

-You are a big hero, Arif.

Take this pass card,
it will get you out of here.

If this is another trick,
I won't forgive you.

Don't be ridiculous. We don't have time.

This card will take you
to the waste disposal unit.

You have to flee
before Logar takes notice.

Ceku will be waiting for you outside.
Take care of her, don't leave her alone.

Creature, you are the only human
among them.

You are a decent man, thanks.
I have a question.

-What happened to your face?
-What's with my face?

That's what I'm asking.
My goodness, there's something with it.

Anyway, take care.


This dog will get no bread or water.

If Rendroy said this, you can trust him.

He's different from the rest,
originally he's from Anarsha.

Arif, smarten up.
What waste depot, what girl?

They are pulling your leg.

But he says that Rendroy is from Anarsha.

Anarshans never tell lies.
And they are the best at keeping secrets.

Move on, everything's fine.
Look, I have the pass card.

I'm out of here.
Whoever wishes it can come too.

I'm in.

I'll come with you to the exit.
Maybe I can be of help.

That's the spirit.
Do your thing, don't let the door zap us.


The guy's at the door. What now?

-Distract him, I'll come from behind.
-What kind of an idea is that?

Let's go!

-Hello there, sir.
-What are you doing here?

Come, dear.

Hello, again.

Our friend is ill.
He only has three months to live.

Look. We collect money for his operation
and we're selling these postcards.

Everyone from the cook
to the Superior bought one.

-Give whatever you like.
-What "postcards"? What "Superior"?

This "Superior"...

The bastard fully interrogated us
just for a small donation.

Open up. "Would you like postcards?"

-Let's go!
-So long, I'm not coming.

Bob, be smart, we can go back to Earth.

Do you really think that
you can get to Earth?

Don't be shy. Listen to the man.
Flee at once and find me.

Who's that?

This is nothing alike your science-fiction
movies. Let's go.

He kept saying:
"Come, come." His name is Garavel.

-This is all in vain.

Would he appear
in a beacon light if it were in vain?

We have to find the girl first.

There's a girl, too.
You're making this too complicated.

Don't complain about everything.
You're spoiling the adventure.

-I don't like adventures.
-So, you don't like adventures?

Let me give you a brief insight then.
You're writing scripts for adult movies.

You have a reggae bar in Kuşadası.
You're in another galaxy, as a prisoner.

You have robot friends. You eat pills
as food. But you don't like adventures?


Why are you laughing?

Maybe he's programmed to laugh.
Give me five. Let's go.

Come, this way.

Oh, no. The other way.

I thought you liked adventures.

Let's not argue, please. I didn't go in
because I got spooked. Move on.

-216, Arif, I'm here.

"Arif and 216!"
I only have decorative purposes.

Ceku, my dearest!

How are you? Thanks for rescuing me.

-We'll talk about that later, let's go.
-Let's go then, honey!

And I'm Bob Marley Faruk,
nice to meet you. For God's sake.

We'll exit through here.
The atmosphere could burn your lungs.

-Why should it?
-What do I know? Ask her.

Come on.

-Why are you acting all...
-You're against everything!

You go ahead.
They may look at your ass. Go on.

Why do you say such things?

The atmosphere is beautiful.

Come on.

We made it! We escaped!

Sure we did.

-I can almost see Taksim Square.

There should be a bar around here.

Let me.

Ceku, this is crazy.

Are we going to Waste Town?

Chungo. We have to find Chungo.

Come and get it. Finest of them all.

Come and get yours. Come.

Hold on a little. I can't hear it. Hello.

Hello, Muhittin. Yes, dear.

What? Hereke carpet. Say 5,000.

It cost us 3,500, man. Is he a tourist?

Alright, sell it for 5,000. Later.

Just a call from work.

-Arif, let's buy this one.
-Okay, take it.

-Changing room?
-At the back.

-He's happy.
-How much did you pay?

It's nothing.

Dude, I have great
second-hand lightsabers.

-Come on, beat it.
-Sorry, Faruk, I didn't recognize you.

-What the fuck?
-I don't know him.

What's up, Bob?

Oh Bob, how are you, pops?

Faruk, are you staying for tonight?

She must have mixed me up.

-So, you never went out, huh?
-Okay, just a couple of times.

-How can we find him? What was his name?

On Earth we would have asked the barmen.

Shall I ask?

Don't even speak.
They'll tear you apart twice here.


There he is!


Who's Garavel?

-You told us to come, here we are.
-Who are you? Get lost.

-Aren't you Garavel?
-No. Beat it!

-Garavel? We're looking for Chungo.
-Who's looking for Chungo?

-Rendroy. We're going to Negney.
-I'm Chungo. Are you Ceku?

How could I've known, they all wear hoods.

Let's get down to business, Chungo.
Rendroy sent us. We're off to Negney.

He said two people. Are you four now?

Four... Three adults and one robot.

Money first.

Here you go.

Dollars are no good.
Go buy some candy with it.

What else?

-Well, I have 20 million liras.
-Turkish money is fine.

I don't trust this guy.

These? These are junk, man.

-Pal, is the nitrogen tank full?
-Nitrogen, my ass. Come.

What nitrogen?

I'm using technical words
so he doesn't think we're gullible.

216, ride with me.

I can't ride with you,
you drive like crazy. Arif...

Bob, have you ever ridden one of these?

I used them as a ring shuttle in İstanbul.

Well, take it easy!

We escaped!

Sit down!

Arif, listen to this fellow.
The robot says he's hungry.

You are some devil.

We'll stop by the Churo trees.

Commander Logar,
the Plackumates are ready.

Bring them in.

-So, is this the summer outfit?
-Yes, sir.

Nice. Turn around. Attention! March!

Mugan, dore, kuman, vrichi.

Mugan, dore, kuman, vrichi.

Battalion, stop!

Isn't this too flashy, Kuna?

-I think it's perfect for the summer.

-Commander Logar.
-Yes, dear?

Three prisoners escaped, sir.

Excuse me?

Colonel Zoran reported the fugitives.

Earthling Arif, 216,
and one from the staff broke out.

-What are you talking about?
-Not me, she gave the report.

Logar, where's my daughter?

What do you mean, Superior Tocha?

Ceku is missing!


Give me that.

Clear the way.

You're going to burn, you're going to die!

-Are you an oracle?
-Don't cause tension!

Dude, I've got very nice
second-hand lightsabers.

-Who am I?
-Commander Logar.

-Commander Logar.

Have you seen them around here?

In that pose?

Commander Logar.

Look here, money from Earth.
Where did you find this? Speak.

-Alright, stop. I'll tell you everything.
-Shut up, dog! Don't answer back.

What have you done?

I don't know. When things get tense,
I get carried away a little.

-Take off your glasses.
-Yeah, so what? I lost my temper.

-Commander Logar.
-Yes, dear?

-An object is approaching, sir.
-Who are you?

Get out! Out!

Shoot at everything that moves.
Burn this place down.

Burn it!

-Ceku, are you cold?
-A little.

If you're cold,
I could set this whole place on fire.

Oh, Arif!

Robot, you don't know
what you're missing.

That's some great sujuk.

Look at the fruits of that tree. Sujuk.

We're out in space.
Did nothing else startle you?

Bob, what's inside of those?

Just plain meat, but it's pretty spicy.

Yuck! You're eating meat?

I'm going to ask you something.
Where are we going now?

Bit by bit to Earth?

Ceku, shall I tell them?

Folks, we will first find Ceku's father.

Ceku's father is a fugitive from Earth
who lives in Negney. Are you surprised?


Was Superior Tocha not you real father?

My mother Mulu told me everything.

We'll find my father and flee
from this damned place. Are you with me?

I am.

Oh my dearest.
The things you've suffered...

We have to find that flashing guy.
He'll settle everything.

We'll find him,
and we'll find Ceku's father too.

You saved us from that prison, we'll
even find your primary-school teacher.

I foretold you that someone
would help you out.

-It turned out to be true. Arif
-Bravo, Arif.

Who says there's no life in space? Here!

Yeah, hit on her.

Can't I have a little romance here?
Take this. I'll take a leak.

-There are no creatures here, right?
-No, go on.

When you meet someone,
you ask for their sign.

Mine is Taurus.
Or who your favorite philosopher is.

Socrates. That kind of thing. I could have
done that, but I don't favor it.

So strange. You're in a different galaxy,

on a totally foreign planet,
but you don't seem to mind.

That's philosophy. I'm into tourism,
so we work with foreigners all the time.

I know foreign languages,
so I can socialize.

If I stayed here for three months,
I could learn enough to manage.

-Do you speak English?
-English? No.

English is a must. How come you don't?

English, let me give you an example.
"I love you" is English.

"I love you." Don't get me wrong,
it's an example.

It means "I love you."

I... Love... You.

But it's not that simple. There are
different conjugations in English.

So, it's complicated. Whatever.

Are you going to Earth
when you find your dad?

I don't know. Can I adapt to Earth?

Earth should adapt to you.

What's Earth? Just a planet.

-Does it have satellites?

The Earth? Yeah, the Moon.

You can't see it from here,

but it's very beautiful, with the romantic
moonlight and some wine...

-So, Earth is beautiful.
-It is.

-What about men from Earth?
-That's the difficult part.

But you'll tell me the truth.

Well, should I speak about myself
or about men from Earth?

Are men from Earth so different?

There's at least
5,000 different types of people.

The "Brad-Pitt type", you know.
"Baby face".

And there are those manly guys
who are appealing to women.

For example myself,
I'm different, really. For a regular guy,

sex comes in first place.
For me it's second, even third.


I don't know.
Maybe it's just me, I don't know.

-You're so sweet.
-You too.

Now stop. I don't want to brag.

What about love?
Do men fall in love on Earth?

-They are loyal to their love.
-Do you have a lover?

No, not on Earth or on any another planet.

I'm in love with you, Arif.

I have feelings for you, too.
But let's get to Earth first.

It's not just me.
There are 1,000 different types of people.

Have a look.

-No, we had sujuk.
-What's that got to do with it?

On Earth, when you eat sujuk you don't...

Excuse me.

Bob, can you come here for a second?

Over here. Can you come here for a second?

-Bob, what do you think you're doing?
-What's going on?

You didn't let me enjoy a little romance.

-What did I do?
-Didn't you let one out?

-Who, me?
-No, me.

-There's only two of us.
-There's the girl and the robot.

-Did the girl fart then?
-Maybe it was the robot.

-Bob, you're going too far.
-Maybe he's programmed to fart.

Come on.

He brags that he's a fine robot.
It must have been him.

We're on another planet,
besides you're peeing on my foot.

-Plackumates! Arif, Bob, run!

They're shooting at us!


Ceku run towards the trees.

Where's Ceku? Where is she?

To the waterfall!


-Where's Ceku?

Let me go!

Our defiant girl is back.
Who was rough to you?

Where are her companions?

They were killed in the Churo forest.

What a lovely place to die.

Ceku, Ceku.

You're a dog!

You had sujuk.

Ceku, my daughter.

Mom, get me out of here.

Mulu, is the wedding dress ready?
You see, we're running out of time.

Your daughter used her adventure
bonus, I don't want any more games.

Don't look like that.

If I hadn't farted,
we all would be dead by now.

We have to find Garavel.

Would it be OK if he found you?


Hold on!
You think everyone with a hood is Garavel.

Will you allow me to make a test?

-It's him! We're saved.

-High five.
-We're saved!

My real name is Hurşit,
but they call me Garavel here.

He's a robot, he doesn't drink. Thanks.

-A 211?
-Oh no, 216.

Good upgrade.


-How long have you been here?
-It's been 24 years.

You must have had a hard life.


Drink your tea and rest.
We have plenty to do.

I have to touch and sniff you
so that I can get to know you.

This guy's a serious case.

Why the sniffing?

I'm blind.

There we go.

But a big shock would open
your eyes, wouldn't it?

What kind of bullshit is that?

You are very different from your movies.
In Turkish movies it works like that.

Ten years ago I lost my eyes
during an acid rain.

Now knock it off and let me sniff you!

You, come over here!

-Your name?
-Faruk, Bob Marley Faruk.

Okay, go. Now you!

216. Go!

-Do I smell too?
-I can smell everything. Move. You!

Arif Işık, all kinds of carpets,
rugs, and travels.

We've come a long way.
Don't get my smell wrong.

Okay, I got what I wanted. Move.

Now watch me.

Bob, you're there.
Arif, there. 216, there.

-Yes! Bravo!

-Can we talk for a second?

Mr. Garavel, how long
have you been sniffing?

This guy's a nutcase.

And he's not blind, he can definitely see.

Come on. Let it go, for God's sake.

Ceku's picture. You're Ceku's father.
We found you.

Give me that.

Yes, this is Ceku.

But I'm not Ceku's father.

Guys, please. I hope
I don't end up being her father.

Tell us who Ceku's father is.

Ceku's father is...

a pilot: Major Rıza Küçükdurmaz.
He's Ceku's father.

In 1979 we were together during
a reconnaissance flight.

We disappeared in a light beam
and came here.

Rıza was rebellious and tempered.
He always had an escape plan.

-Just like I would do.
-My circuits are running wild.

He always wanted to take his daughter
to Earth. Being a fugitive is hard.

We managed to build a ship
but Rıza was at the end of his days.

-Don't tell me he's dead.
-He's dead. Dead as meat.

My condolences.

It was two years ago.
First I didn't know what to do.

I sent out signals to Gora prisoner ships.

Many times...

Then I found you thanks to your phone.

-You were talking to someone.

Like I care! I needed someone
who wanted to return to Earth.

Finally, I got your signal
and contacted you.

That's why you called me the "chosen one".


I gave my friend my word.

Do you understand what this means?
I gave him my word!

Alright, I get it.

It's too late for me.

I won't make it.

Would you take Ceku to Earth?

I would go to hell and back for her.

You didn't disappoint me, Arif. How
about supper before we start training?

We have rakı, too.

I could drink a big bottle.

Cut it, he's blind.

If you don't settle for less,
you won't get more.

Did you pick this by sniffing?

-Why, is it bad?
-Nope, but...

Let me.


Well done.

Technique. Ambition.
Will power. Concentration.

This is technique, did you see that?

Robot, pass me that salt?

I have it. Speed, balance, timing.


I'm here!

Yeah, but why?

Here we go!


How did I get here in seconds?

Knowledge, experience, discipline.

-Arif, he's insane.
-Never mind. Bottoms up!

Determination. Desire. Wisdom.

Thanks for the food. Now excuse me.

-Eating less, improves intelligence.
-I don't eat at all.

Who the hell are you? Yeah, the robot. OK.

Now excuse me, Mr. Garavel. Good night.

Did you see that? They are afraid of me.

You stayed. Why?

Because you are the One!

-"Red or blue"?
-What about red and blue?

Don't try to fool me.
Is it not from The Matrix?

What "mattress"?
These are my blood pressure pills.

You're a strange guy, Master Garavel.
How are we going to go back to Earth?

We'll take out what's in you
and then stick it back in.

What riddles are these?

Arif, you're here.

Hey, a camera!

Just let me take
a long shot as a souvenir.

I'll sniff it and remember you.

I can only think of Ceku.
We're going to rescue her, right?

Don't worry, we'll take care of all that.

Get some sleep now.
Tomorrow will be a long day.

This camera came in handy.
I don't have a single picture in space.

-Where are you?
-Here, here.

Had you ever seen Ceku before today?

-No, I hadn't.
-Hadn't sniffed her either?

-What sniffing?
-Fine then. This way.

I don't believe they're dead.

Arif told me
that he was loyal to his love.

I know he'll come and rescue me.

Don't take it so hard on yourself.

we have to accept our fate, Ceku.

On Earth brides say:
"I cry but go anyway."

How true that is.

Don't be so disgusting, Logar.

We are here for the fitting.
What's disgusting about that?

-Why are you doing this?
-Because I'm a psychopath.

Please don't, Commander Logar!

This is a trick knife. Look.

But I have a real one if you want.
Enough with games, put it on.

This is the ship
that will take you to Earth.

"So-Hi 1500"?


-The turbines are not original.
-Get a shot of me with the ship.

Master Garavel,
are the papers of the ship in order?

We have a long way ahead.
I wouldn't like any trouble.

Yes, everything's fine.
Have you ever flown a So-Hi 1500?

-To be honest, no.
-Come with me.

Look. How's that?

Nice. What is it?

I built it. It's an uploading system.
Don't ask me how it works.

It takes six hours to explain. With this,
I can make you a real space fighter.


Let's see what we have.

So-Hi 1500...

Hold on. How about a little action?

Kung fu. Want it?

For me? OK, do so.
What else do you have?

Aikido, karate, jiu-jitsu, high-school
physics, Taoist sex, Best of MFÖ.

Got a mix tape?

-Give me the mix tape.


Tie him up.

Man, this is a Commodore 64, right?

Bob, give me a rest.
Turn the camera off. Don't waste the tape.

Adjust the helmet.



You won't feel any pain.

After the upload,
you'll be a perfect warrior.

I've got nothing to do with war.
Just give me enough to rescue Ceku.

-Are you ready, Arif?

Come on baby. Come on.

Here it comes!

Here it comes!

OK, take it off.

The Force should be used
in the right place and time.

Don't forget it,
you should never play with food.

I told you, it was a great upload.
His body accepted it.

Use your wrist.

Are you sure you're not
getting a free paint job here?

Don't forget it, you can use
your powers for good as well.

How am I going to use karate for good?
I'm going to beat the shit out of them.

These exercises will be fruitful later on.

Master Garavel, these fruits are not ripe.

Gather them. You were unripe too,
now you're ripe. Come on.

Just run in circles around me, man!

I'm doing that. What else should I do?

Turn that off.

You are a pinhead.

When I bend back like this,
run in a full circle around me.

I didn't get it, so I ran that way.

-A full circle. That's it.
-Bob holds it the wrong way.

Turn it on again!

What's going on here?

Stop playing! We've got things to do!

Take your position!


One, two, three...

-Odd or even?

Go on!

-Did I guess it right?
-Yes, you did.

Give me five, Bob!

-Don't be a spoilsport.
-Why, man?

Sit down.


Alright. Let's say, this is Ceku's room.

The nearest Plackumate is at the
end of the corridor. What do we do?

A: Beat him up.

B: Ignore him.

C: We scram.

-Sir, sir.

Yes, Faruk?

B: Ignore him.

A: We beat him up.

Well done, Arif!

If I had been uploaded that much,
I would have known it, too.

-You know the machine--
-Stop talking!

Robot, you got the plans?

-Yes, Sir.

When you get to Gora,
go directly to her room. No adventures!

Will we get extra credit if we give
that asshole with the cape a good beating?

What extra credit?

OK, you can leave now.
Arif, continue with your exercises.

-Let's go, Robot.
-Have a nice day, sir.

Ceku will love you much more like this.

I don't intend to boast.
As soon as we're back on Earth,

-I'll get it all erased.
-Do you think it will be easy?

-Rescuing Ceku from Gora.

Don't worry. Just give me that.

Fuck this shit.

Step aside!

Mr. Garavel, Arif and Bob are calling you.


Dude, I can't move in these tights.

It looks good on you. Your shoulders
are in the open. Leave it like this.

Master Garavel,
why this outfit for the raid?

The outfit is very important
for a superhero, Arif.

-But this is a little...
-I think it's too sexy.

Sexy. Go, change.

How's this?


Nope. Next.

And this?

-The helmet doesn't look good.
-The helmet is no good they say. Next.

Is this too gentlemanly?

A little classic.

Too classic. Next.


Because of this? Alright.

How's this one?



Now go my boys!
Arif, go and bring Ceku back!

Thanks for everything, Master Garavel.
We'll be here with Ceku in 12 minutes.

Good, you're quick.
Have a nice journey. Come back quick.

Let's go!

Good luck!

Bob, are you ready to shoot
the sci-fi movie of your life?

Start recording.

Let's go!

Bob, be careful with the camera
or Mr. Garavel will kill us!

Move on!

Let me take you one.

This is great.

-You again?
-Oh my!

Why "Oh my"? Is this guy "Oh my"?

-Nicely done, Arif
-Ceku's room.


Make sure you record everything.

How do I look?

You look great in that color, Logar.

-I'll make you one too.
-Drop it, Logar.

Be careful!
Are you going to stitch it on me?

Commander Logar, alarm in corridor D.
Three of our men are missing.

Why do you bother me with that, you idiot?

I don't want to pay attention to anything
but my wedding suit.

I said careful.

Look, Kuna, I don't want trouble
in the last minute. Soldier, get out!

-But, sir--
-I said out!

I'm sick, I'm psycho, OK? Get out!

Get out! Out!

-Commander Logar.
-Yes, dear?

An object is approaching, sir.

Out! Get out, all of you! Get out!

Come closer, come. Sit down.

Take off your glasses.

-What's your name?


Why do you constantly say;
"An object is approaching", Tihulu?

Are you an oracle?

Why are you doing this?

Who are you?

Arif. Let me have it.
I want to shoot a little too.

Hold on.
Something very weird is going on here.

What is it, man?

Oh boy, Logar.
You're having a wedding, right?

You'll get the perfect wedding gift
from me!

I can't believe my eyes!

I didn't know you were so nervous.

I am. You can ask Kuna.

He is very nervous.

-Commander Logar!
-Yes, dear?

Are you really going to
make me Patrol Chief?

Yes. I'm going to make all of you.

What's going on there?

Bob, your movie took a weird turn.
It's not sci-fi anymore.

Arif. "Oh my" again.

You, dude in black! Come here.

Come, keep coming like that!

-Did I use my fists on the other one?

Then you'll get a kick.

-Arif, Ceku is not here!
-What do you mean?

Oh, my carpet! Take it with you,
I've got nothing to give away. Move.

Bob, hold it.


Arif? Guys?

-Where's Ceku?
-She thinks you're dead.

Well, we are not dead yet.

-They are in the ball room.
-I know the way.

-Oh man, what a ventilation.

-This is the ballroom.

The bride's relatives are here as well.

Are your force shields up?

Beautiful. Out, out, out!

Dear Gorans,

Commander Logar Trihis

and his future wife, Ceku Lamtschina.

Throw the bouquet.

Dear Gorans. Commander Logar
will give us a little harp concert.

Commander Logar Trihis!

Make it big, so everyone can see it.

Arif, be careful!

-My composition is called "You're Mine".

-What was I going to play?
-"You're Mine".


Shall I do an encore? Shall I?

Greetings! Is this dude
having his circumcision ceremony?

-Ceku, honey.

Plackumates, arrest him!

Sure. Excuse me, honey. Come over!

Come, come!

Logar, you idiot!
I'm at the limit of heroism

that's possible in these kind of movies.

Don't make me beat you.

I'll take Ceku and leave.

Stupid Earthling!
How dare you ruin my wedding?

Don't enrage me, dude!

Dear Gorans, I'll show you his real face.

Bob! 216!

Go forward, man! What's this?

60% of the Gorans are idiots.

Tocha, too. A little blackmail
with edited photos and he obeyed.

When I'm the Superior, I'll get rid
of them all! The council, too.

I sent a fireball
and they all chickened out.

-Did you send that fireball?
-No, my father.

This has been edited!

Yeah, and you didn't ride anybody either.

Plackumates, arrest him!

We'll burn down the planet!

You little piece of scum!

Thanks, man.

Commander Logar, I'm detaining you
under charges of treason against Gora.

That's not detaining, it's entertaining.

-Logar, what are you doing?
-What do you think?

-I always wanted to do that.
-Well done, Bob!

Get them out of here.
They'll answer before a court.

You are a great man, Earthling.

You saved us from a big disaster again.

On behalf of all Gorans,
I'd like to thank you.

Don't mention it, Superior Tocha.

We did learn a lot from you, my friend!

So did I.

I learned to look at life
from a different angle.

I starved, I was pushed around,
and held captive.

But I didn't give up.
I was oppressed because I was from Earth.

I found struggle, I found love, romance.

Look how similar we are
and how we all strive for love, right?

Hollywood, this goes to you.

For decades,
you've presented aliens the wrong way.

But don't forget,
a human is a human even if he's an alien.

-Mother Mulu, may I?
-Speak out, Arif.

Superior Tocha, Ceku and I are in love.

We will return to Earth
and build a new world there.

A new world within that world.

As you wish.

Shall I get a ship prepared?

We have one, don't worry. Bob, 216.

We'd like to give you the key to Gora.

-Is it golden?
-It is.


Who are you, a basketball player?

-Give me that tape!
-What tape, man?

Give it to me!

That tape is the only proof
of our space adventure. Piss off.

-I have a family. Now, give it.
-What are you saying, fireball?

-Run if you're smart.
-Let him go, Arif. He's just a kid.

-Kid? He has a beard,
-Our love is proof enough.

My love!

When you're past the heat of entering
the atmosphere, everything is okay.

-I'll put the carpet into the ship.
-Great. Thanks!

Guys, the ship is only for two.
So, excuse us, okay?

Tocha is our friend now.
We can come and go whenever we want.

You're just as cool as Bob Marley.

Don't worry. Everything will be fine.

Here, this is for you.

What's this?

Your dad's belongings.

Thank you, Garavel.

You can't find this kind of friendship
even on Earth, Robot.

-Arif, I'll never forget you.
-You really are a humane robot!

Master Garavel!

Give us your blessing.
You've helped us a lot.

You have my blessing!

-No way!

It's education, pops.

-What's this?
-A camera. Does it have film?

I don't know.

Yes, there is. Get over there.

We're very lucky!

Say cheese!

No, this is no good either. It is so fake.

-Fake. It's phony.

I'd like to ask a question.

You either don't take this seriously
or you're playing with me.

This space thing is nothing like it.

Cut the crap, look.

This is me, this is Ceku,
this is 216, the robot. Look!

This is Bob Marley Faruk,
and this is Master Garavel.

This photo was taken on Gora.

500,000 dollars minimum.
Here you see the ship.

So-Hi 1500. Don't tell me
about the ship I came back in.

Ceku, the girl, is Goran!



Asım, I want a lemonade
and two Goran toasts.

Do you want anything, friend?

You'll never understand this.

I'm not touching you this time.

Cast pearls before swine...

-What happened?
-They moved.

-My hala.

I wanted you to meet them
while you are here.

-What's "hala"?
-Hala and her family, relatives.

"Hala" means "the sister of the father".
I'll teach you all these things.

"Teyze" is "the sister of the mother".
"Görümce elti" is something like Rendroy.

What's wrong?

Arif, do you think
that I can adapt to Earth?

Of course.
Just get over with that galactic stress.

It's only a planet. Adapt to it!

-Shall I go at light speed?
-Yeah, sure.

Oh boy!