G.I. Blues (1960) - full transcript

MAN:
All right,
keep 'em coming.

MAN 2:
Aw, either this ammo's
getting heavy

or I'm getting weaker.

I got a mind
to hand in my resignation.

Aw, quit squawking. We got
a steady job, haven't we?

Room and board, lots of
fresh air, good hours.

What else you want?

Only one more month
of this for me.

I wish I was out already.

Oh, whoa, you drop that shell

and we'll all be out.



Pffft. Way out.

Not bad. The first
tank crew to reach the moon.

Okay, men, come on.
Let's snap it up.

We move out at 0500.

(big band jazz playing)

*

*

*

1-6, this is 1-1.

I'm in position. Out.

Driver stop. Gunner, H.E.

Up.
Fire!

On the way.

Target. Cease fire.



(rumbling)

Fire!

Driver, stop.

Gunner, H.E.

Over. Right, two, zero.

Up 200.

White shack.

Identified.
Fire!

On the way.

Just like it had eyes.

You ought to see me
with a slingshot.

Okay, driver...
back to base.

Charlie Papa.

Roger.

Home, James, and, uh,
through the park.

(tank engine roaring)

Hey, Sarge, anything new
on Frankfurt?

Yeah, we transfer
there tomorrow.

Hey, it's our last night here.

How about getting me
a date, Dynamite?

Blonde, brunette, or redhead?

Aw, he wouldn't care
if she was bald,

just as long as she wiggles.

(laughs):
You know it.

Hey, Jeeter. Order just
came through on Frankfurt.

I got to talk to Cooky.

I'll see if he's
at the field CP.

JEETER (on speaker):
Pretty Boy 5,

this is Pretty Boy 1-1. Over.

This is Pretty Boy 5. Over.

Is this you, Cooky?

What's on your mind, pal?

Frankfurt.

Yeah, ain't it great?

I just heard, direct.

Yeah, it sort of changes
our plans for tonight, though.

The combo's gonna have to cancel
out at the Rathskeller.

I got, uh, other plans.

Cancel out?

But we were gonna break in
some new numbers.

Sorry, Cooky,
but there's some, uh,

cute numbers I have
to break off with.

I can't just leave
without saying good-bye.

For three weeks you try
to get Mueller to put us on,

he finally says, "Yes",
and now you want

to walk out waving bye-bye.

Oh, I didn't say
anything about waving.

Cooky's right, Tulse.

Like you said yourself:
"Our careers come first."

You win. I'll do my playing
at the Rathskeller,

but only until 10:00.

Hey, Rick, while I was
talking to Frankfurt,

I picked up some
hot news for you.

Get this.

Marla's there.

Marla? In Frankfurt?

Tulsa, did you hear
what I just heard?

(crashing)

Is it raining there?
I hear thunder.

What's the matter
up front? You blind?

What do you mean "blind"?
He hit it, didn't he?

Well now, are we lucky?
Oh, you're kidding.

Oh, man, what luck.
What are we gonna do?

Wow.
(jeep approaching)

Oh. Here comes trouble.

Okay, okay,
chattering on the radio.

And a thrown track.
What happened?

Sorry, Sarge.
My fault.

Of course it was your fault.

You're the driver, ain't ya?

Look, Sarge,
he said he was sorry.

Can't this army take an apology?

What do you mean, "Can't..."

She threw a track,
Sarge. Tough job.

Oh, shut up.
Who would you like me

to call, the automobile club?

Oh, would you do
that for us, Sarge?

Ye... don't just
stand there. Fix it.

And this whole crew stays here

till the job is done.
Uh, Sarge,

that's gonna make it
pretty tough for me

to fix that date up for you.

Yeah, you better ride
with me, Dynamite.

(all talking at once)

Somebody has to
make out the report.

(mimicking):
Somebody has to make
out the report.

Good-bye.
Good-bye.
Good-bye.

Dames is money in this
man's army, huh, Tulsa?

Don't look at me.
I'm broke.

Yeah, I'd like to be
as broke as you are.

TULSA:
* What's she really like

* The girl that you
see me with *

* What's she really like

* The one I'm so dreamy with

* Well, let me tell you
she's wonderful *

* She's marvelous
and she's mine *

* Talk about her kiss,
she's all mine. *

(making bubbling noises)

Hey, Cooky?

You know I was under
that tank for four hours.

If I ever come back
in this army,

I'm putting in for General.

Not me. You're looking
at a born civilian.

Say, when am I gonna get

that $300 you guys owe me?

Oh, don't every day ask
the same question, Sarge.

You'll get it. I just don't
happen to have it on me.

No pockets. Ha-ha.

Hey, somebody glommed my soap.

I think we had it for breakfast.

Hey, where's my soap?

Throw me my soap!

(thudding)

Aw, cut it out.

(Bavarian music playing)

Tulsa.
Hey, Fritzi.

I borrowed a car
from my Uncle Otto.

We go for a ride later?

Sorry, we gotta, we gotta
play tonight, honey.

Ja wohl.

No, you don't understand.

I mean, uh, here.

But I have the car.

Well, maybe after
we're finished here.

Keep your motor running, honey.

You're in for a treat, Sarge.

We're playing here tonight.

Ain't she a beauty?

Just look at that shape.

That ain't the kind of shape

I'm interested in.
Where'd Dynamite?

TULSA:
Hey, Sarge.
Hey.

I see you got your pockets on.

The gelt, the gelt.

I'll take any part
of that $300 bucks.

Sarge, you've been very patient,

so whatever problem
Mueller gives us tonight,

you get half, okay?

I'll be waiting.

COOKY:
Hey, here's Papa Mueller.

Bye, Sarge.

Hi, Papa Mueller.
Well, we're here.

Ready for the audition,
like you said.

Boys, boys, I did not say "Yes."
I did not say, "No.".

But you did say "Maybe."

The maybe's now no.

I'm afraid to take
a chance with beginners.

But Papa, I've been
trying to tell you,

we're the hottest combo
this side of the Rhine.

Yeah.
This could
make you famous.

You could discover
the Three Blazes.

And besides, you don't
have to pay us much.

How much?
How much can
you afford?

Nothing.
We'll take it.

What is this?
Shh, shh.

We need the practice.

If the price is nothing,
I take the chance.

Ain't we working kind of cheap?

Think of the bright side:

if we get nothing,

then all McGraw gets
is half of nothing.

Oh, yeah.

(low laughter)

(dance music playing,
crowd laughter)

McGRAW:
Dynamite.

Komen zie in.

Hi, Sarge.

Well, we got one of each.

Take your pick.
At ease.

Red's my favorite color.

Come on, girls.
Let's get a drink at the bar.

Uh, vas ist, uh, your name?

Britta.

(song ends,
applause and whistling)

(drum cadence plays)

RICK AND COOKY:
* Hup, hup

* Hup, hup, hup

TULSA:
* They give us a room
with a view *

*Of the beautiful Rhine
* Hup, two, three, four

* Hup, two, three, four

* They give us a room
with a view *

* Of the beautiful Rhine

* Hup, two, three, four
*A-gimme a muddy ole crick

* In Texas any ole time

* Ahh... yeah, yeah

* I've got those
hup, two, three, four *

*Occupation G.I. blues
* Hup, two, three, four

* Hup, two, three, four

* From my G.I. hair
to the heels of my G.I. shoes *

* Hup, two, three, four
Hup, two, three, four *

* And if I don't go stateside
soon, I'm gonna blow my fuse *

* Yeah, yeah
*We get hasenpfeffer

* And black pumpernickel
for chow *

* Hasenpfeffer, hasenpfeffer

* We get hasenpfeffer and black
pumpernickel for chow *

Hey, you're with me.
Ja.

* Hasenpfeffer
*I'd blow my next month's pay

* For a slice of Texas cow

* Ahh... yeah, yeah

* We'd like to be heroes

* But all that we do
here is march *

* Hup, two, three, four,
march, two, three, four *

* We'd like to be heroes, but
all that we do here is march *

* Hup, two, three, four, march *

* Two, three, four
*And they don't give

* The Purple Heart
for a fallen arch *

* Ahh... yeah, yeah

* I've got those
hup, two, three, four *

*Occupation G.I. Blues
* G.I. Blues

* G.I. Blues
*From my G.I. hair

* To the heels
of my G.I. shoes *

* G.I. shoes, G.I. blues

* And if I don't go stateside
soon, I'm gonna blow my fuse *

* Ahh... yeah, yeah

* The frauleins are
pretty as flowers *

*But we can't make a pass
* Frauleins, frauleins

* The frauleins
are pretty as flowers *

* But we can't make a pass

* Frauleins, frauleins

* 'Cause they're all
wearing signs saying *

* Keepen sie off the grass *

* Ahh... yeah, yeah

* I got the hup, two, three,
four, Occupation G.I. blues *

* G.I. blues

* From my G.I. hair

* To the heels
of my G.I. shoes *

* G.I. shoes, G.I. blues

* And if I don't go stateside
soon, I'm gonna blow my fuse *

* Oh, Occupation G.I. blues

* Occupation G.I. blues

* Occupation G.I. blues.

At ease.

(cheering)

Hey, look.

Papa wants to
give us some money.

We just lost our
amateur standing.

Keep playing.
I'll be right back.
Yeah.

You boys were very good.

Thanks.

You know, Pop?
This is gonna help us

get our own little
nightclub back in America.

As long as it is in America.

Please, no competition.

Good luck.
Thanks, Pop.

40 marks. That's 10 bucks.

10 bucks added to 290 makes...

My 300.

Now wait a minute, Sarge.
Why?

Sure, Sarge.

I just wasn't thinking.

There it is, every
penny we owe you.

And Sarge...

seeing that you did us
such a big favor

by lending us the money
to buy the instruments,

and get the combo started,

I'm now gonna do you
a big favor.

What's this?

Well...

it used to be the Chili Parlor.

But we're turning it into
one of the hottest night spots

on the Oklahoma Turnpike.

That's the lease.

Ricky, Cooky and me,

we're opening it up as soon
as we get out of the service.

And Sarge...

we want to make you a partner.

Why?

Well, because you're a good Joe,

you're a regular fella,
and, uh...

why shouldn't you be a partner
in a nightclub?

A nightclub? With dames?

A whole chorus line.

And you can pick 'em
and rehearse 'em.

And rehearse 'em.

And this will take care
of your share of the lease.

See you later, partner.

*

* I gave my heart

* I gave my love

* Oh, ho, my darling

* I am true

* Doin' the best

* The best I can

* But it's not good
enough for you *

* I tried so hard

* So hard to please

* Oh, ho, my darling

* What more can I do?

* Doin' the best

* The best I can

* But it's not good
enough for you *

* You know I was the kind
who'd run *

* Anytime you'd call

* I guess I was the only one

* Who didn't mind at all

* I'll be a dreamer

* I'll be a fool

* Oh, ho, my darling

* My whole life through

* Doin' the best

* The best I can

* But it's not good
enough for you *

* You know I was the kind
who'd run *

* Anytime you'd call

* I guess I was the only one

* Well, it's one for the money,
two for the show... *

What are you doing, Mac?
The kid's singing!

So what? I want to
hear the original.

Turn that thing off!

Turn Tulsa off!

I'll turn it off, Cooky.

Don't do it, Jeeter.

* Do anything
that you want to do *

* But uh-uh,
honey, lay off my shoes *

* And don't you

* Step on my
blue suede shoes... *

(cheering)

Women and children first.

MPs!

Let's get out of here!

Tulsa! Let's go!

* Well, you can do anything...

Here, Papa.

This ought to take care
of the broken pretzels.

(glass shatters)

Sorry, Papa.

Sarge, you're
making a smart move.

Now your signature
on that little paper

makes you a full-fledged
partner in our nightclub.

I hope I'm not making a mistake.

Oh, I almost forgot.
We need 300 bucks.

300?

A check will do.

Are you nuts? You got
300 off me last night.

Sarge, I'll try and explain.

Signing the lease
is just part of it.

We need 600 to close the deal.

And you being
our treasurer...
I resign.

And give me my dough back.

Now, now, partners
shouldn't quarrel.

What's that?
Coming, Joe.

I didn't hear nothing.

See you guys later.
Where are you going, Rick?

I'm gonna buttonhole
that guy who saw Marla.

Tulsa?

Can I throw you a few leads?

Aw, you know I don't bother
with used phone numbers?

Did McGraw sign the lease?

Oh, he signed everything,

but he wouldn't come across
with the rest of that dough.

Oh, then what good is it?

We need 600, and
we've only got three.

I know, Cooky, I know, I know.

Hi, Dynamite.
Hi, Turk.

Hey, how are the frauleins
in Frankfurt? Good pickings?

Great for me.

Which makes it kind
of tough on you.

Well, I'll take my chances.

I followed you
in Hawaii, didn't I?

And I wound up with 12 hula
skirts in my footlocker.

Yeah, Dynamite batted
1,000 almost.
Huh.

It's that "almost"
that separates the
men from the boys.

I suppose every time
you went to bat

in Frankfurt you stole home.

Turk was knocked out
of the box once.

Just once, huh, Turk?

You mean Lili?

Yeah.

She don't count.

Who's this Lili?

She's a dancer
in the Cafe Europa.

There ain't a G.I. in the Third
Armored Division can date her.

She's a real fooler.

Steam heat outside,
iceberg inside.

Yeah?

Well, I got 50 bucks
that says I can defrost her.

And I got 50 I'd like to double.

I got Lili as far as the door.

Let's see if you
can make it inside,

and uh, stay around
for a few hours.

Like, till dawn.

Give me three days.

I'll give you a week.

That's a bet.

Ten on Dynamite.
I've got 20.

I've got 300 on Dynamite.
300?

Come on, come on.
Anybody gonna cover it?

Yeah, sure.

Hey, wait a minute.
Wait a minute!

I want a piece of that.
50 bucks.

Hey, but you're with us.

Well, I know,
but I'm betting against you.

I think you're nuts.

I'll watch out
for your interest, Turk.

Good. You can hold the stakes.

Okay, okay, come on, come on.

Hi, Padre!

ALL:
Hi, Padre.

Just getting the names
of some, uh,

art galleries to visit
in Frankfurt.

Of course, of course.

Oh, the Cafe Europa has
some wonderful paintings.

Okay, let's go!

All right, men, across
the street, on the double.

Briefing from Captain
Hobart. Let's move out!

Hup four, hup four, hup four,
hup four, hup four.

Company halt.

Right face.

At ease. This won't take long.

As you men realize,
all of you are,

in a sense, American
ambassadors to West Germany.

Your conduct during your
tour of duty in Frankfurt

is therefore of the
greatest importance.

There must be no
black sheep among you,

which I regret to say
is not the case.

Sergeant Bixby.

Sir?

Bixby, you're a good soldier,

a fine soldier
in every respect but one.

We keep getting complaints
from German fathers.

But sir, I don't know
any German fathers.

It might be better if you did.

So we at headquarters
put our heads together,

and the best answer
we could come up with

was to ship you to Alaska.

But Captain, you can't do that!

Who said that?

We take off at 1000 hours.

Fall in to entrain at 0950.

Questions?

Company ten-shun!

Dismiss your platoons.

Dismissed.

Cooky, you better get over and
see what you can do with Turk.

Would you like a little
sugar in your coffee?

Two lumps.
Gladly.

Gladly.

Turk, all we want
is a fair shake.

That's all.

It's not our fault
that Dynamite's being
shipped to Alaska.

What do you say?

Okay, Cooky, I'll
give you a fair shake.
Thanks.

Anybody in your outfit
can make the play for Lili.

Turk, quit kidding.

Come on, Cooky.
We're pulling out.

I've got to get my gear.
It's on board.

What do you say?
The bet's off?

The bet's on.

Good luck. You're gonna need it!

You've got to help us out,
Tulsa. We're on the spot.

Now look, you guys, how many
times do I have to tell you?

With me, romancing a girl
is a hobby, not a business.

When I'm romantic,
I can't think about money.

Okay, okay.
Who's second on the list?

Jeeter.
Jeeter?

He's been married six times.

Somebody must have liked him.

I mean, maybe there's
still a spark left.

Let's go ask him.

300 bucks down the drain.

Looks like I'm in
real trouble with
the Sarge this time.

You're not the
only one in a jam.

There's Rick and me,
our nightclub in Oklahoma.

Everything.

You just sent the
Three Blazes up in smoke.

Yeah, I guess I did.

Thanks, Tulse. I knew
you wouldn't let us down.

Wait a minute, Cooky.
I didn't say I'd take
Dynamite's place.

Of course you didn't.

You're too modest, and
that's just what we need.

A modest, unassuming,
gentlemanly type fella

that can get his foot
in a certain door
and keep it there.

I'll tell the gang.

Hey, Rick, take over.

Hey, fellas!
You're nuts!
You're nuts, Cooky.

Hey, I found out
where Marla's working.

Good. Looks like
you're in business.

Looks like we both are.

Fellas!

Tulsa's going to take
Dynamite's place!

("Frankfurt Special" playing)

(train whistle blows)

* Is this train
the Frankfurt Special? *

* Yah, yah, yah, yah! *

* Now ain't this outfit
somethin' special? *

* Yah, yah, yah, yah! *

* Well, we heard rumors
from the bases *

* Yah, yah, yah, yah! *

* Frankfurt girls got
pretty faces *

* Yah, yah, yah, yah! *

* Go, Special, go

* Blow, whistle, blow

* Frankfurt Special's got
a special way to go *

* Whoa-oh-oh...

* Whoa-oh-oh... *

* Now when we get
to our headquarters *

* Yah, yah, yah, yah! *

* We'll be good boys
and follow orders *

* Yah, yah, yah, yah! *

* Now don't take girls
from one another *

*No, no, no, no
* Nah! *

* They'll treat a sailor
like a brother *

* Yah, yah, yah, yah! *

* Go, Special, go

* Blow, whistle, blow

* Frankfurt Special's got
a special way to go *

* Whoa-oh-oh...

* Whoa-oh-oh... *

* Round wheels singin'
on a long flat track *

* Clickety clack,
clickety clack *

* Boiler bustin'
to blow its stack *

* Clickety clack,
clickety clack *

* Towns and villages flyin' by

* Fly by, fly by *

* Farewell, fr uleins,
don't you cry *

* You'll soon get another G.I.

* Now, come on train
and get the lead out *

* Yah, yah, yah, yah! *

* Well, one more day
we gotta sweat out *

* Yah, yah, yah, yah! *

* Frantic fr uleins
at the station *

* Yah, yah, yah, yah! *

* They're ready
for a celebration *

* Yah, yah, yah, yah! *

* Go, Special, go

*Blow, whistle, blow
(train whistle blows)

* Frankfurt Special's got
a special way to go *

* Go, Special, go

* Blow, whistle, blow

* Frankfurt Special's got
a special way to go *

* Whoa-oh-oh...

* Whoa-oh-oh... *

* Whoa-oh-oh...

* Whoa-oh-oh... *

* Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-
oh-oh-oh-oh-oh... *

* Whoa-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh...

(train brakes squealing)

(indistinct talking)

What a welcome.

Nothing.

Who and what are you waving at?

Oh, I don't know.

What have I got to lose?

Somebody might wave back.

(motors roar)

I was saving this stuff
for my wedding night,

but this is more important.

Now listen, Cooky.

If I'm going to do this,
let me do it my way

and don't put
that smelly stuff on me.

Any luck with Marla?

No, the store won't give me
any dope over the phone.

I got to get over there
before they close.

Good luck, Rick.
Good luck.

Tulsa, how are you gonna
break the ice with this gal?

What's your angle?
Charm, boy.

Charm.

I'll just walk up
to her and say,

"All my life, Lili,

"I've been hoping to meet
a gorgeous babe like you.

Let's get over
to your apartment."

Huh?
No, no, no, no, no.

You got to be more subtle.

Yeah? Well, how's this?

"Little girl, I'm not
one of those G.I. wolves

"that hang around nightclubs
all the time.

Give me your key and
I'll meet you at your place."

Yeah?
That's subtle?

He's only kidding, Harvey.

Aw, relax, you guys,
I'll play it my way.

Nice, clean, wholesome.

Just don't get shook up.

A-And look...

I don't mind doing this
for you guys, for all of us,

but don't try to help me, okay?

Okay.
Okay.

Let's go.

Operation Lili.

Europa, you're on!

(horn honking)

Oh, boy, oh, boy,
oh, boy, oh, boy.

There she is, Tulse,
target for tonight.

(whistles)

Well, say something.

Wow!

Yeah, you said it for all of us.

(car door closes)

COOKY:
Hey, fellas, come on.

Come on and take a look.

Wow, wow, wow, huh?

(men clamoring)
Oh, yeah!

(whistling)

(band playing
slow burlesque jazz)

Whoa.
Whoo!

MAN:
Yeah.

(band continues playing)

(pianist performs solo)

(entire band playing)

(band continues playing)

(tempo of music
gradually increases)

(music slows down)

(music speeds up)

(applause)

She really cools a guy off,
don't she?

This might be tougher
than we expected.

It might not.

Strategy-- that's what we need.

Come to the manager's office.

We'll fix it.

Wine for Mr. Klugman
on the house.

I think I'll do
a little reconnaissance work.

Spread out, fellas.

Give me room to operate.

May I?

Yes, of course.

Thanks.

Can I, uh, buy you a drink?

No, thank you.

(drum roll)

Ladies and gentlemen.

We have a request
from an American colonel

to hear a song from one
of the soldiers in his command.

Will Specialist Tulsa MacLean
please come up?

(cheering, applause)

Better sing, soldier.

Your loyal public is waiting.

This might be the end
of a beautiful beginning.

(band playing fanfare)

I thought I told
you not to help.

What did I do?

(mimicking):
What did I do?

Wait till you get
a load of this guy.

He's a buddy of mine.

Tulsa MacLean.

Specialist Tulsa MacLean.

Ring a bell? Huh?

I do not believe I have
ever heard of the gentleman.

You haven't heard of Tulsa?

("Shoppin' Around" playing)

* You got the huggin'est arms
and the thrillin'est eyes *

* You're just my style
and you're just the right size *

* Gonna stop

* Ooh, ooh... *

* Uh, shoppin' around

* D-doo, d-doo, doo *

* I'm gonna stop...
shoppin' around *

* 'Cause I found...
the girlie I'm looking for *

* Oh, the very first time
you touched my lips *

* Took my little red book
and I tore it in bits *

* Ain't gonna be...
uh, searching no more *

* D-doo, d-doo, doo *

* I'm gonna stop...
shoppin' around *

* 'Cause I found...
the girlie I'm lookin' for *

* Ain't no other dolly
I'm wantin' to hold *

* Hey, yay, baby, I really
am sold on you-ooh-ooh... *

* Such a pretty little package
I never did see *

* Gonna wrap you up
and take you home with me *

* I-I'm thrilled
like never before *

* I'm gonna stop...
shoppin' around *

* 'Cause I found...
the girlie I'm looking for *

* I'm gonna stop

* Uh, shoppin' around

* I'm gonna stop

* Uh, shoppin' around

* I'm gonna stop...

Heh.

* Shoppin' around...

(applause)

He's not bad, your friend.

Yeah.

You two ought to get together.

I mean, you-you're
both entertainers.

Wait here. I'll get him.

Wine.

(piano playing softly)

She flipped her lid about you.

She's waiting for you.

Yeah? Where?

Come on.
Come on.

Hey, where did Lili go?

She wanted to get together
with my pal here.

I do not think so.

She really flipped over me, huh?

I think she must have
flipped out of here.

Now what?

You tell me.

Aw, look, we just lost the
first round, that's all.

Yeah, but you can get
knocked out in the first round.

You wish a drink?

Yeah, arsenic on the rocks.

Make that two.

Two beers, I mean.

Okay, two beers.

Please, Miss Lili,
be reasonable.

Look, if I nearly drowned Herr
Klugman, it is his own fault.

No, I will not apologize.

All right, all right,
you will not apologize.

But he is one of
our best customers.

Will it hurt to sit with him
and smile a little?

Tell Herr Klugman
that I am very sorry,

but I'm tired,
and I'm going home.

He will not understand that.

All right.

Tell him that I have
a previous engagement

with two American soldiers.

You like anything else?

You never know.

Bene.

Rome wasn't built in a day, and
the way they put her together,

I'm glad they took their time.

I believe you said you were

going to introduce me
to your friend.

Yeah, yeah.

Tulsa, Lili.
Lili, Tulsa.

Lili.
Hello, Tulsa.

Uh, would you like to join us?

Yes, please.
Here you are,
right here.

Thank you.

Pretty fast, Cooky.

I've not seen you
in here before.

This is your first
visit to the Europa?

First time.

Never been here before.

Here you go.
Thank you.

Good breeding, fine manners.

This boy could be in
the diplomatic service,

but he'd rather be a soldier.

I enjoyed your song very much.

That was your work
before you were a soldier?

Well, it might be
when I get out.

Uh, with Cooky here
and another buddy,

we might open our own club.

Not that this boy has to
make a living. No, sir.

He's not one of those
rich, spoiled playboys

like other oil
millionaire's sons.

You'd never know he was
sole heir to 100,000 acres

deep in the heart of Texas.

Now, look, uh, uh...

Sorry.

It slipped out.

Tulsa here wants to
make it on his own.

Wouldn't take a nickel
from his old man.

LILI:
That shows much character.

Why don't you take
a walk, Cooky, huh?

Yeah, I guess I'd
better get out of here

before I spill the beans about
your grandfather's railroad.

(slow jazz music playing)

I do not like it here.

We shall go to some other place.

Anything you say, honey.

You won't get into trouble
leaving here for the night?

I leave when I want to.

And I want to, now.

Lili!
Good night.

Good night.

Hey, don't you want to
see how he makes out?

Later. I got a little
side bet going on me.

Get going.

Where are we going
tonight, honey?

I'd prefer it if you didn't
call me "honey."

Well, you didn't mind it inside.

Now we're outside.

But I got the idea you
and me kind of hit it off.

Ah.

You and Herr Klugman
have much in common.

Eh, now wait a
minute, uh, honey...

No "honey."

Look, if you and I are
going places tonight...

We are not going anyplace.

You helped me get rid
of Herr Klugman.

Thank you.

Now I'm going home.

Alone.

But we got a date.

A rich young man from Texas

shouldn't have any trouble
in finding a date.

I'm not a rich young man.

(chuckles)

Son of an oil millionaire.

The closest I ever came to oil

was draining crankcases
at a gas station.

Oh, and your
grandfather's railroad?

My grandfather was a brakeman
on the Texas Central.

(laughing)

(chuckles)
What's so funny?

Come on, you poor millionaire.

I'll buy you a drink, honey.

Let's go.

And when your friend mentioned
the 100,000 acres in Texas,

you should have seen
the look on your face.

Yeah, now I know
why I lose at poker.

(chuckles)

You should see
that Tulsa operate.

Nice to see you, Lili.

Oh, nice to see you.

It's not like your music, huh?

We play too slow?
Uh-uh.

No, it's just that we do it a
little differently, that's all.

But if it is too slow,
it is, uh, dull, ja?

Nein.

Not if you're with it.

Uh, the rhythm has to
just sort of ooze out.

Vas ist "ooze"?

(laughing)

Show him, vas ist "ooze."

Okay, I'll show you
vas ist "ooze."

Ja, ja. Ooze.

(guitar playing lively tune)

* Hold me tight

* The moon is so bright *

* Tonight is so right *

* For love

* Doodle-oodle-oodle doo,
doodle-oodle-oodle doo *

* Now's the time

* To say you'll be mine *

* Tonight is so right *

* For love

* Doodle-oodle-oodle doo,
doodle-oodle-oodle doo *

* One by one

* The stars appear

* They twinkle in your eyes

* Doodle-oodle-oodle doo,
doodle-oodle-oodle doo *

* Who'd believe

* That we'd be here

* So near to paradise

* Doodle-oodle-oodle doo,
doodle-oodle-oodle doo *

* This could be the kiss

* To unlock heaven's door

* That magic hour of bliss

* That we've both waited for

* I love you more

* And more

* Oh, we could fly

* Right up to the sky

* To things we've been
dreaming of *

* Oh-oh-oh, oh-oh-oh

* And how real it would seem

* Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

* A midsummer night's dream

* Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

* Can't you see that tonight

* Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

* Is so right

* For love?

* Ah, ah-ah, ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

* Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah

* And how real they would seem *

* Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

* A midsummer night's dream

* Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

* Can't you see that tonight

* Ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

* Is so right

*For love?
* Ah, ah-ah

* Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah

* Ah-ah, ah-ah-ah, ah-ah

* Hold me tight

* The moon's so bright

* Tonight is so right

* For love.

(music stops)

(applause)

Das ist "ooze."
Ja wohl.

(chuckles)
Very nice.

Danke schoen.

Would you like to go
someplace else?

Yeah, let's do that.

He's off and running.

(applause)

Turk had her this far
and got dumped in the stretch.

It's on me, fellas.

Auf wiedersehen.

Let's go someplace where
we can get some food.

No music.

I have a good idea.

We'll go home, and I'll
make you a nice Liederkranz

on pumpernickel and some coffee.

Oh, I wouldn't want you
to go to all that trouble.

Oh, well, if you don't...
Of course, it
would be quiet,

and, uh, I'm very
good at doing dishes.

Okay. Liederkranz,
pumpernickel and coffee.

And for dessert, we'll get
some delicious apple strudel.

Hey, you are hungry.

I'm a growing boy, ma'am.

I'll get a cab.

Oh, no, no, we'll walk.

It's not far.

And on the way we'll find a
place to get some apple strudel.

Well, thanks, ma'am.

And, I don't like "ma'am."

Neither do I, honey.

You keep an eye on 'em,
I'll call Cooky.

Cafe Europa, please.

Talk a little louder.

What's the latest?

Breakthrough.

He's walking her home.

She's gonna make him a sandwich.

Liederkranz on pumpernickel.

They're stopping
on the way for strudel.

Good. A man can't do his
best work on an empty stomach.

Three and a half hours to go.

He better take small bites

on that Liederkranz
and pumpernickel.

Oh, and, uh,
you better leave word

at the barracks where she lives.

I may be a little late.

You're beautiful, Tina.

You had no trouble with
the manager to let me off early?

No trouble.

I told him I was-a
your cousin, Angelo.

And he believed you?

Why shouldn't he?

You believe me,
Tina, don't you?
(chuckles)

You know, before we go to the
little night spot I mentioned,

I want you to know something.

I'm not that kind of guy.

What kind of a guy
you mean, Cooky?

The kind of a guy
you think I am--

smooth, tricky, a heartbreaker.

You got me all wrong.

But I believe you.

They don't hand out
these good conduct medals

to just anybody, you know.

Che bella, Cooky.

Che bella, Tina.

Ein taxe, bitte.

(whistle blowing)

Cooky, I think
we have fun tonight.

I love going to nightclubs.

Personally, I can't stand them.

What were you doing
at the Europa then, huh?

Well, I-I was lonely, Tina.

A lonely soldier, far from home.

I'm far from home, too.

I come from Milano.

Funny, isn't it?

Here we are, two lonely
people, far from home.

Neither one of us
with a cozy apartment

to invite the other one to,
where we could sit and read.

Maybe listen to records
on the grammafunken.

I have an apartment.

You have?

But no grammafunken.

No grammafunken?

(clucks tongue)

Who needs a grammafunken?

We'll make our own music.

Bene, Cooky.

Danke schoen.

The fraulein will
give you the address.

Tulsa, tell me more
about Oklahoma.

Oh, you've heard just
about everything.

But it's so interesting.

Uh, your Indian grandmother,

she was
a full-blooded Cherokee?

Smoked a corncob pipe
till she was over 90,

and played a guitar.

She taught me how.

That's strange.

I thought Indians
only played tom-toms.

Oh, well, that's
just in the movies.

Now you take my Uncle Charlie.

Leaping Bear,
that's his real name.

Now he plays the
best hot clarinet

that you'd ever want to hear.

Ah, yes.

Like in the movies.

All Germans are
submarine commanders.

And all French girls
are can-can dancers.

Same thing.

You know, uh, that, that's
the trouble with people.

I mean, if people got
to know each other better,

then they'd uh, get to
know each other better,

and everything would
be better all around.

Much better.

You like my pizza?

Oh, Roman hors d'oeuvres,
it's no wonder Nero got fat.

I'm glad you like.

I make some more.

Oh, not now.

Let's, uh...
let's talk a while.

We talk.

We talk about Park
Avenue, New York?

Where you come from.

Oh, okay.

What do you want to know,
my little bambino?

You make a mistake.

Bambino, it's a boy baby.

Oh, that is a mistake.

Baby, you're no boy.
Mm-mm.

To live in Park Avenue,
New York, one must be rich.

Mm-hmm.

Cooky, are you rich?

Well, now, money isn't
everything, Tina.

Take me, for instance.

Before I decided
to make the army my career,

the only girls I ever met
were, uh, debutantes.

Dull, artificial butterflies.

Oh, they could play tennis,
and ride, and raise beagles.

But could they cook pizza?

Not on your life.

I cannot raise a bagel.

Beagle.

That's what I said, bagel.

But since 12 years old,
I can cook a pizza.

Tina knows what a man likes.

Oh, I could tell that
the minute I looked at you.

Cooky.

I mean you're
very understanding.

You're a simple,
understanding,
Italian farm girl.

I come from the city.

My father is a butcher.

Better yet.

A simple, understanding
butcher's daughter.

Oh, Tina,

I respect you.

And I respect you.

And that's what makes
the world go round.

Respect.

Cooky!

What, what are you doing here
in, in Tina's apartment?

Oh, but it's my apartment, too.

We're roommates.

Tulsa, I would like
you to meet Tina--

oh, but of course,
you already met her
in the Europa.

I'll fix the coffee
and the strudel.

Come help me, Tina.

And how did you get here?

It wasn't easy.

You fouled it up again.

What's he doing up there?

Who cares?

Look, the bet says Tulsa's
got to be alone with Lili.

Yeah, yeah, we know.

I'm supposed to be
alone with her.

You can't be alone
with Tina here.

That's right.
Get your hat.

Lili?

You break your rule, huh?

For the first time you let
someone in the apartment.

Oh, but he's not
like the others.

He's so open and-and honest.

Just like my Cooky.

Lili?

Oh, we'll have everything
ready in a few minutes.

Oh, I'm sorry, but we're
going to have to beat it.

Oh?

Oh, what a pity.

Well, Cooky here
just reminded me

that it's our first
night in town,

and we have to get
back to quarters early.

We're, we're due
for passes tomorrow.

We wouldn't want to lose 'em.

I've got plans for us.

Cooky.

Tina, hand me a
paper bag, please.

I'll give you some
strudel for the road.

Thanks.

Look, uh, about
that pass tomorrow.

Oh, if you get a pass,

maybe we can take a trip down
the river to Aschaffenburg.

Oh, well, good.

Ever since I was a little kid,

I always wanted
to see Aschaffenburg.

Where is it?

COOKY:
Come on. We'd better get going.

Okay, General.

Auf wiedersehen.

Arrivederci.

I didn't know you
could speak German.

I didn't know you
could speak Italian.

Here's the strudel.

Thank you.

Auf wiedersehen.

Auf wiedersehen.

Arrivederci.

Tina, you know something?

In Oklahoma, Indians do not
always play tom-toms.

Lili, you know something?

Before me, he only knew
girls who raised bagels.

Tina...

Hey, Cooky, how did
you get up there?

I'm stupid.

That's right.

Why didn't Turk tell us
Lili had a roommate?

'Cause you didn't ask him.

Look, why don't you guys
throw in the towel

and let me pay off the bets?

Because we're gonna win.

Right, Tulsa?

Right, tonight, reconnaissance,

tomorrow, the battle
of the bulge.

Yeah.

That's the stuff, Tulsa.
You can do it.

Tulsa!

Hey, why don't you watch
where you're going?

What the...
(laughs)

Oh, hi, Sarge.

Glad you dropped by.

I'd like to talk to you
about a pass this afternoon.

No dice.

As of now, you're
doing guard duty.

But it's Saturday.

So it's Saturday.

Hey, look, Sarge.

Now this is important.
It, it's for us.

What do you mean, it's for us?

Uh, well, if I can get off,

I'm going to try
to get the trio booked

on the Armed Forces show
for tomorrow.

It'll be worth
a fortune in publicity.

For our nightclub, you know.

Well, that's different, partner.

Why didn't you say so?

I guess I'm just stupid.

Yeah.

Sergeant...

McGraw.

Oh, thanks, Sarge.

Oh, you better make
one of those out for Cooky.

Mm-hmm.

Sergeant...

McGraw.

Oh, thanks, Sarge.

And, and Rick, too.

Uh, uh, they might want us
to audition.

Maybe I ought to go
along with you, huh?

Like you could say
I'm your manager.

We'd love to have you, Sarge,
but, uh, they need you here.

You run this man's outfit.

I do?

Yeah, yeah, I do.

Thanks, Sarge.
Thanks.

(engine misfiring)

(in rhythm with engine):
Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina, Tina.

You know, everything that moves
reminds me of that girl.

Of all the rotten luck.

Huh?

First I get transferred
to North Africa for a year.

And, when I finally get here,

the landlady tells me Marla
moves, and left no address.

That's tough.

(engine humming smoothly)

You did it!

That's all she needed
was a little sweetening.

Hey, a little sweetening.

Yeah, that's it.

That's how I get
to her landlady.

Thanks, Cook.

Well, what'd I say?

All right, men, knock it off.

Three-day passes.

For you.

Oh, you're a pal.

I can sure use it.

How'd you wangle 'em?

Never mind.
I'll take it.

Uh, Lili's picking me up
at the gate in half an hour.

You're doing real good
with Lili.

I think she goes for you.

Yeah, but I can't figure
what's the matter
with me, Cooky.

I mean, I'm not
enjoying it like
I should, you know,

you know, with the bet
and everything.

Don't let it bother you.

This is all very natural.

You like Lili,
and she likes you.

And if your buddies
can make a little money
on the side, is that bad?

Huh?

I guess there's
nothing wrong with it.

That's better.

(horn beeping)

Good luck.

Good afternoon.

Hi.

I like that better.

"Hi."

Hope I'm as lucky as he is.

Yeah, I hope you are, too.

There's our bus.
Let's grab it.

Ach, schoen vieder the soldier.

Look, I want to talk to you
about Fraulein Marla.

I told you yesterday.

Fraulein Marla does not
live here anymore.

She has moved.

Where, I do not know.

Well, maybe this
will help you remember.

Young man,
if you give me
one million marks,

I still could not help you.

But Mrs.
Hagermann, I...

Do not come back.

You waste your time and my time.

Marla?

Marla?

Where is this child?

Marla!

Yes, Mrs. Hagermann?

He was here again.

I hope this time
he will not come back.

Marla, only when you are in love

can you be so angry
with someone.

Why don't you see him?

No.

He seems such a nice young man.

I'm sure if he knew the
circumstances, he'd...

Please, Mrs. Hagermann,
I do not wish to talk
about him.

Please.

(baby cries)

(baby fussing)

Thank you.

Do you have scenery
like this in Oklahoma?

No, ma'am.

I mean, uh, well, we
have Catfish Creek,

and the Red River, and
well, that's about it.

(bell clangs)
Come on.

(bell clangs)

Frankfurt-Am-Main
is so called

because it is on the River Main,

which flows into the Rhine,

which eventually flows
into the North Sea.

Wouldn't want it any other way.

Ah.

Observe this excellent example

of ancient handiwork,

uh, dated by the artist
in the year, 1959.

"Fritz liebe Emma."

Liebe?

For those who do not know,
"liebe" translated means love.

Oh, you don't have to
explain that to a G.I.,

uh, that's one of the
first words he learns

when he gets over here.

Ah, you too, Tulsa?

Oh, absolutely.

Like uh, "liebe that
sauerkraut."

I was not thinking
of sauerkraut.

Hey, here's another one.

"Fritz liebe Dora."

I have one too.

Hey, "Fritz liebe Hilda."

Fritz gets around.

You know...

you know, I have something
to confess.

Last night when I sat down
at your table,

I thought, "Uh-oh,

another one
to watch out for."

And when you sat
down, I figured,

"Well, now, here she is,

the gal I've heard
so much about."

Oh, I have a reputation.

Yeah, but it's a good one.

You're supposed
to be a cold potato.

A human iceberg.

The original fisheye.

Oh, please.

So many compliments
will go to my head.

Pretty, huh?

Ja wohl.

(children shouting)

Whoa!

Apaches.

(children shriek)

What's all the excitement about?

Circus in town?

Oh, much better than that.

A puppet show.
Yeah?

I've never seen one before.

You know, it's times like this

I wish I was
seven years old.
Well, come on.

For a half hour
we'll be seven again.

(Ludwig talks for puppets
in German)

If the soldier really loves her,

he'll never give up.

Ten to one he chickens out.

Bet?

A bet.

Ahh.

(in a feminine voice):
Papa, Papa.

(in a manly voice):
Ach du liebe.

(applause)

A happy ending.

You win.

(applause continues)

Oh, it's not over yet.

Now he sings to her.

No music.

Oh, it's a full orchestra.

(music on gramophone)

MAN (SINGING):
* Moose-ee den, moose-ee den *

* Zoom schtay till aye
hin house *

* Schtay till aye hin house *

* Oon do mine shots
blybst here *

* Moose-ee den... *

(gramophone winds down)
* Moose---ee--den *

* Moose---ee--den *

(children laughing)

* Schtay will aye hin house *

* Oon do mine shots *

* Blybst here *

* Mein herz ist troy *

* Mein lieb Blybst tray... *

(laughing)

Maybe I can get
that thing going for 'em.

You better.

(gramophone breaks)

Vas is los?

Kaput.
Kaput, huh?

(groans)
Kaput.

Do you know this tune?

Ja, I know.

Do you think you can play it

on your, uh, squeezebox?
Ja.

Well, what do you say
we give it a whirl?

We give it like
you say, a whirl.

I'll try anything once.

(children clap)

(singing):
* Can't you see
I love you *

* Please don't break
my heart in two *

* That's not hard to do

* 'Cause I don't
have a wooden heart *

* And if you say good-bye

* Then I know that I would cry *

* Maybe I would die

* 'Cause I don't have
a wooden heart *

* There's no strings
upon this love of mine *

* It was always you
from the start *

* Treat me nice, treat me good

* Treat me like
you really should *

* 'Cause I'm not made of wood

* And I don't have
a wooden heart *

TULSA & CHILDREN:
* Moose-ee den, moose-ee den *

* Zoom schtay till aye
hin house *

* Schtay till aye hin house *

* Oon do mine shots,
blybst here *

* Moose-ee den, moose-ee den *

* Zoom schtay till aye
hin house *

* Schtay till aye hin house *

* Oon do mine shots,
blybst here *

* There's no strings

* Upon this love of mine

* It was always you
from the start *

* Zy meer goot, zy meer goot *

* Zy meer vee do
vair blips zolst *

* Vee do vair blips zolst *

* 'Cause I don't have
a wooden... *

(knocking)
*Heart.

Oh!

Ow! Oh!

Ow! Whoa, whoa, oh.

(cheering and applause)

In front of you, the
famous Niederwald.

I would like to point
out that the summit

of the Niederwald rises
985 feet above sea level,

740 feet above the river.

Uh, do these things
ever break down?

I mean, suppose we got
stuck up there all night?

Oh, no need to worry.

Oh, I wasn't worried.

I, uh, was hoping.

I kind of like it up here.

It's, uh, very cozy.

The vineyards of the Niederwald
have been in existence

for over 300 years.

Oh, you know,
riding forward makes me dizzy.

Oh, well, you'd better sit here.

Ja, and, uh, I'll sit over here.

Observe the neatness and
precision of the grape fields.

Tulsa, what are you doing?

I just, uh, want to sit
next to you, that's all.

There, now, isn't that better?

Much better.

LILI (singing):
* Rainbows

* Rainbows... rainbows

* I don't worry

* Whenever skies
are gray above *

* Got a pocketful of rainbows *

* Got a heart full of love *

* Rainbows

* Rainbows

* Mr. Heartache

* I've found a way
to make him leave *

* Got a pocketful of rainbows *

* Got a star up my sleeve *

* Rainbows

* Rainbows

* Kiss me extra tender

* Hold me extra tight

* 'Cause I'm saving
your sweetness *

* For a lonely night, aye *

* Aye, aye, aye,
aye, aye, aye, aye *

* No more teardrops

* Now that I've found
a love so true *

* I got a pocketful
of rainbows *

* Got an armful of you

* Rainbows

* Kiss me extra tender

* Hold me extra tight

* 'Cause I'm saving
your sweetness *

* For a lonely night, aye *

* Aye, aye, aye,
aye, aye, aye, aye *

* No more heartaches

* Now that I've
found a love so true *

* Got a pocketful of rainbows *

* And an armful of you

* Rainbows

*Rainbows *Rainbows

* Rainbows. *
* Rainbows. *

You're very quiet.

You haven't said anything
for such a long time.

Didn't you enjoy yourself today?

Yes, I did.

Maybe too much.

Tulsa?

Yeah.

So far, I've been making
all the plans.

Tonight after work,
we do what you want.

Come on, honey.

(airplane flying overhead)

You're so generous to buy
me a ticket to Milano.

I'll be so happy to
see my mama and papa.

Listen, Tina, I know
what it is to be homesick,

and, well, I can't go back
to Park Avenue just yet,

but I can certainly treat you
to a visit to your family.

Thank you.

Keepen zie change.

Come on, I don't want you
to miss that plane.

Well, it won't be long now.

You are so sweet
to do this for me.

Oh, I'm doing it
for myself, too.

Huh?

I mean, if you're happy,
I'm happy.

ANNOUNCER:
The plane for Milano will be
delayed for two hours.

Cooky, you do not have to stay.

You have been too kind already.

How can I ever repay you?

Oh, I'll think of something.

Bye, Tina.

(knocking)

Come in.

Hi.

Hi.

Well, my millionaire friend
from Oklahoma.

And where do we go tonight?

Well, that's what I want
to talk to you about, Lili.

I, I'm going to have
to break our date.

Oh, you have no more pass?

No, that's not it.

I'm, I'm just gonna have to
call off our date, that's all.

Oh?

I should have realized.

You are a soldier.

You can't possibly afford
to take a girl out every night.

No.

It's nothing like that.

See, I had a great
time this afternoon.

Well, so did I.

And I, I've been thinking
about it ever since.

I-I like you a lot.

I'm glad.

More than a lot.

I am more than glad.

You see,

a guy like me--
on temporary duty--

he meets a girl he thinks
a lot of, like you.

They go out together and
they have a good time.

All of a sudden, things
start to get serious.

Oh?

And before you know it,
somebody gets hurt.

I don't want that to happen.

I see.

You've obviously given
the matter much thought.

I have.

You're trying to tell me
that it will be best for me

that we do not
see each other anymore?

Yeah.

Well, I guess that's it.

Hey, Cooky.
Tulsa.

Hi, Tulse.
Hi, Tulse.
Have a chair.

Sit down.
Boy, have I got good news.

No roommate tonight.
I bought Tina

a plane ticket to Milano.
The coast is clear.

Sorry, I just cancelled out.

You what? Oh, no.

You didn't tell Lili
about the bet?

I didn't tell Lili
about anything,

I just called off
our date, that's all.

There's no need in both
of us thinking I'm a heel.

You're off of your rocker.
Look, Cooky,

I'm going back to the barracks.

The bet is off.
But Tulsa, you...

Nothing you can say
will change my mind.

Okay. Okay, so you were born
with a decent streak.

Iit's not your fault.

Nobody's perfect.

Sorry, fellas.

A stein of gin.

Vas?
Ja wohl, ja wohl.

Hi, Tulse.
Hi, Mac.

Hey, Rick's been
trying to reach you.

Left this number
for you to call.

Very important, he says.

Thanks a lot, Jeeter.

(thuds)

Hi.

Well, uh, what's everybody
so happy about?

Aw, shut up.

What did I say?

I got an idea.

Don't do nothin'
till you hear from me.

Hey, where's he going?

What are you guys planning?

(knocking)

Yes?

It's me, Cooky.

Well, come in.

Cooky.

I'm very pleased to see you.

You are?
Why, yes.

I was just having a drink.

Won't you join me?

Yeah, I don't mind if I do.

It's none of my business,

you were going to drink
all of this alone?

Not all.

Just a little.

My morale is very low, Cooky.

Mine, too.

I was about to ask
for a tranquilizer.

This should help.
(glasses clink)

It's, uh, too bad
about you and Tulsa.

He's quite a character,
your friend.

I'm not used to men
who break dates with me.

I don't blame you
for being sore at him.

Oh, I'm not, uh, sore.

I admire him.

We'll drink a toast.

(clinking)

To a gentleman.

Yeah.

Here's to Benedict Arnold.

You know, Cooky,

in this business
it's very unusual,

and very refreshing,

to meet a young man
with principles.

I shall miss him.

(knocking)
MAN:
Your number, Miss Lili.

Oh, yes, I'm ready.

Will you excuse me?
Of course.

I got to join my gang, too.

I wouldn't miss
you number, Lili.

Fellas, you're looking at a guy

that just left
a babe that is really

carrying a torch.

Now I'm giving it
to you straight.

The welcome mat
is still out for Tulsa.

(big bane fanfare begins)

(applause)

*

*

*

(song scatting)

(laughter)

(bugle call over big band music)

(big band music resumes)

(scatting)

(fingers snapping)

(applause)

(song ends, applause)

Hey, Cooky, I thought you said

Tina was on her
way to Milano.
She is.

The roommate!

She's probably been
there and back already.

These jet flights
get faster every day.

See you later.

Tina, baby, you're not
supposed to be here.

Sí, I change my mind.

Yeah, but you were
so homesick for Milano.

But then after you leave,
I am homesick for you.

And I miss my work.

Oh, and I missed you too, Sugar.

Right after you
get through working tonight,

we're gonna do the town.

Just you and your Cooky.

Oh, good, Cooky.

Tulse! Come on in.

Come on, come on.

Glad you came over.

Come on in the living room.

What are you so shook up about?

Now take your hat off.

All right, sit down.

Sit down.

No, no, stand up, stand up.

First, you got to have a cigar.

Now you said this
was an emergency.

You didn't bring me
over here just to give
me a cigar, did you?

I found Marla.
I had a hunch you did.

We're gonna be married.

Well now, how about that?

And you want me to
be best man, right?

Uh, no, we need a babysitter.

A, oh, a babysitter?
Marla!

Hello, Tulsa.
It's good to see you again.

It's good to see you.

Both of you.

He's beautiful, no?

He's beautiful, yes.

But how, how did,
I mean, who did...?

uh, I don't know what I mean.

Congratulations, Rick.

Thanks, Tulse.
You too, Marla.

Can you imagine this little
dummkopf not telling me?

You know, I still wouldn't know

if her landlady hadn't
double-crossed her.

Mrs. Hagermann is a
very wise woman.

Look, honey, Tulsa must
have a million questions.

Well, I, I...
Sure you do.

Look it. Tell him about
your silly pride.

How you ran out on me
with a baby on the way.

Uh...
Without even
letting me know.

Honest, there's no reason...
It was not pride.

But when I received a letter
from a young lady in America

saying she's engaged to the man
who says he loves me.

Well, that was her story.

Look, I already had
a license to marry you.

And the CO's permission.

But I did not know.

You should have told me.

Well, you never
gave me a chance.

You were gone without a word.

Now look, there's no reason...

Tulse, I'm sorry.
Go ahead.

You must have
a million questions.

No, I... think you
just answered them all.

(chuckles)
Well, look, we're
making a quick trip

to Heidelberg to
use that license.

(cooing)
!
That's uh, why we
need a babysitter.

Well, I'm glad
to help out, Rick,

but there's only
one thing wrong.

The G.I. manual didn't brief us

on this kind of an emergency.

Oh, look, you'll
have no trouble.

If he cries, you just
give him his bottle.

Yeah?
His formula's all fixed.

But he will not cry.

He's a very good baby.
Well, good.

I put him back to bed.

(cooing)

Good night, son.

Good night, little fella.

Say good night to him.

Good night.

Oh, I got to buy
my kid a present.

A bicycle?
A bicycle?

Sure, he's a boy, isn't he?
Ah!

Hey, what's his name?

Uh... Junior.

Junior, huh?
Well, that figures.

(chuckles)
Oh, yeah.

Ready, honey?

Shh. He will sleep like a baby.

Why not? He is a baby.

(laughs):
Well, we're off.

Come back anytime.

Oh, if you are hungry,

there's some liverwurst
in the icebox

right next to the baby's bottle.

Thank you.
Take care.

Oh, I'll do that.

(cooing)

(whistling)

(baby crying)

Air raid!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
(crying continues)

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Now just be calm.

Calm, calm down. Calm down.

That goes for both of us.

(crying)
Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Now don't be scared.

Don't be scared.

(crying)
Shh.

Now your ma and pa
will be right back.

They just went away
to get married.

No, no, wait. Coochie.

(crying continues)

I'm your old Uncle Tulsa.

Let's play, huh?

Hey, look. Look, look.

Can't say that I blame you.

Hey, I know, you're
hungry, aren't you?

Well, we'll fix that.

We'll fix that.

(continues crying)
At ease, at ease.

Wait, wait.
Shh, shh, shh, shh.

You just take it easy now.

You stay right here.

You stay right here,
and I'll go get your milk, okay?

(crying)
Now, just don't
run off anywhere.

Just don't...
just don't run off.

(glass breaking)

(crying intensifies)
Now see what you made me do?

(imitates crying)

I'll be there mach schnell.

Enough.

Hey! No, wait!

Come on, you can't have that.

Come on, now, give it
to your Uncle Tulsa.

Come on. Oh.
(crying)

Ah... Army manual, section 43.

"When in hand-to-hand
combat with the enemy,

apply judo chop to
the back of neck."

Oh, if you was only my
size, you little rascal.

(crying)

Come on, come on.
Give it here.

Milk, milk.

I gotta have... no milk.

(closes door)
I gotta get milk.

(crying)

I gotta get help.

You make more noise than a tank.

Hello, get me the
Cafe Europa, please.

This is an emergency.
(crying)

(jazz music playing,
indistinct conversations)

Telephone, Miss Lili.

Hello?

(crying)
Hello, Lili?
It's me, Tulsa.

Tulsa.

What's all that noise?

Oh, that's the baby.
Baby?

Look, uh, I don't want
to bother you at work,

Lili, but uh, you see,
I'm babysitting

for a buddy who just
ran away to get married.

And, and, and, and
I'm in trouble.

Oh, I know.

You don't know
how to change a diaper.

Oh, I haven't even come
to that problem, yet.

I don't think I have.

Uh, the bottle with the
kid's formula broke,

and, and, and he's crying,

and everything,
and he's going nuts.

I'm telling you, Lili,
it's an emergency.

I was just leaving here, Tulsa.

I can meet you in my apartment

in about 20 minutes.

We'll be right over.
(crying)

Good-bye.

Come on, Tiger.

Good news, boys.
That was Tulsa.

Tulsa?
Once more,
love is in bloom.

You should have heard
that honey voice.

"I'll meet you in my apartment,
Tulsa, in 20 minutes."

Don't just sit there. Get going.

Right.

Operation Dawn Patrol.

(crying)
There you go.

Hang on.

Shh, shh. Just take it easy.

I'm sure glad
women have the babies.

(baby crying, engine humming)

(door opens)

(door closes)

(door opens)

(door closes)

What's he bringing her?

It's a magnum of
champagne, you dope.

This boy thinks big.

It's only 2:30.
He can still be kicked out.

He won't. Let's
get some coffee.

We got a long wait.

(cooing)

The tiger is quiet.

He's a good baby.

He's a time bomb.

You never know
when he's gonna go off.

Oh, I'm only kidding.

Nothing personal, Tiger.

Uh, Lili?

I-I'm sorry to bother you so
late and everything, but, uh...

uh, you were the first
person I could think of.

The only one.

I'm flattered.

I'm also very glad.

I didn't think
I would see you again.

Yeah, that goes for me, too.

Yes, sir, I'm sure glad

I had to baby-sit tonight.

Oh? You like babies?

After they grow up.

Coochie, coochie.

(laughing)

Hey, none of that
"coochie, coochie."

You just sit there.

(cooing)

I think he's getting ready
to bust loose again.

(crying)

Oh... all babies love to cry.

Sometimes
because they're hungry,

or teething, or sleepy.

And I think sometimes just so
they can hear a lullaby.

Oh, I get it. Blackmail, huh?

Well, certainly.

Don't they have
lullabies in Oklahoma?

I don't like that look
in your eye, Tiger.

(gurgling)

Okay, okay, I'm going.

I'm just trying
to remember the words.

Lullaby.
(cooing)

* They call your daddy
Big Boots *

* And Big Boots is his name

* It takes a big man
to wear big boots *

* That's your daddy's
claim to fame *

(light switch clicking)

* They know your daddy
Big Boots *

* Wherever soldiers are

* 'Cause he can handle
an armored tank *

* Just like a kiddie car

* So sleep little soldier

* Don't you cry

* Loo loo loo loo loo loo loo *

* General Sandman

* Soon coming by

* Loo loo loo loo loo loo loo *

* I'm gonna tell you
a little secret *

* You won't believe it's true

* Did you know your daddy
Big Boots *

* Once wore
little boots like you *

* Once wore little boots
like you. *

I guess I took care
of that pretty well,

didn't I?
Uh-huh.

(cooing)
And as your reward,

you can help me
clean the kitchen.

Hmm, KP duty again.

(cooing)

COOKY:
1:00 on the dot.

Honey, like I said,

it's too early to go home.

Again, 1:00.

It was 1:00 two hours ago.

Hmm?

What do you know?
My watch stopped.

Waiter. Waiter.

Beer, we'd like more beer.

Ja wohl.
Hmm.

Cooky, I am not thirsty.

I am tired.

I want to go home.

Man, this is really
baby-sitting.

Shh...

Asleep, huh?

He won't be any more trouble.

You mean I should
take him home now?

Well, while he's asleep,

it would be better.

Yeah. Well, might
as well get going,

long as he's asleep.

I think so.

I'll get his basket.

(whispering):
Wake up, Tiger. Wake up.

Hey, wake up, Tiger.
(murmuring)

Hey, wake up,
Tiger. Wake up.

Atta boy, atta boy.

(crying)

(basket thuds)

(whispering):
I knew you wouldn't
let me down.

Well, that settles it.

You better stay now
until he is asleep again.

Hey, Tiger.

(crying)

That a boy.

(clock chiming)

There, Tiger.

(clock chiming)

There he is.

No dice.
It's dawn, pal.

You're dead.

Tulsa.

You have the bottle,

but you forgot the milk.

Uh, will I see you tomorrow?

Uh, I mean, today?
Yes.

But not for the whole afternoon.

I have a rehearsal tomorrow.

Today. For your
Armed Forces show.

Yeah, we're on it, too,

so I guess I'll
see you there, huh?

Yes.

Well, uh... good-bye.

Well... good-bye.

I forgot something.

He sure is working overtime.

I'm glad you came to Germany.

I'm going to write

a thank-you letter
to your draft board.

(chuckles):
Yeah, that ought
to surprise them.

They probably never got
a thank-you letter before.

(engine starts)

I get $10.
He gets $20.

Even Dynamite couldn't
have done better.

All right, all right.

Long as we get
our dough, soldier.

Don't rub it in.

(band playing)

Very nice, very nice.

I think we've got it.

Thank you, Lili.

Thank you.

See you tonight, boys.

Yeah.
Yeah.

All right, gang, take five.

Hi, Maestro.

Well, Maestro, how many
numbers you want from us?

One.
Right.

One number, one encore.

No, one number, no encores.

Rehearsal in 15 minutes.

Don't go away.
Be right back.

Did you see the expression
on the Maestro's face?

Have you got a light?
Yeah.

Tulsa.

Hi.
See you later.

Hi.
Hi.

Have you recovered
from your baby-sitting?

Now don't go running
old Tiger down.

He did me a big favor.

Oh?
If it hadn't been for him,

I might have never
seen you again.

I'll let you in
on a little secret.

I would have given you
one day to call me.

Maybe even two.

Then, on the third day,
I would have called you.

Hey, Tulsa.

Excuse me.

Look, boy, the roof's caved in.

Captain Hobart's on
his way over here.

He'll want to
talk to you.
What about?

You're asking me what about?

Who won the bet for us?

He did stay in your apartment
till morning, didn't he?

N-No offense, ma'am.

There was no bet.

We called it off.

Then how come
everybody got paid?

I got to find Cooky.

Maybe he'll have an angle.

Look, I know what
you're thinking,

but that's not how it was.

Naturally.

The whole matter concerned
two other people.

No, it was us.

You tell me about it
some other time.

I'll tell you about it now.

Very well, soldier, tell me.

How much did you win?

Going up to your
apartment last night

had nothing to do with any bet.

There was no need
to borrow a baby

to get into my apartment.

Really.

You underestimate
your attraction.

Specialist MacLean?
Yes.

You have an appointment
with Captain Hobart.

First I gotta see a pal.

Follow me.

Wait in here.

(baby cooing)

Tiger?

Tiger?

(coos)

Excuse me, Miss Lili.

Captain Hobart would like
to talk to you before you leave.

Oh, thank you.

Two babies could not look
so much alike.

You are the one.

Oh, you are Lili.
Why, yes.

I'm the baby's mother.

Oh.

It was good of you
to help Tulsa.

Men are so helpless.

They are more babies
than the babies.

You mean,
he wa your baby-sitter?

Ja, er war.

Ich kenne inn shon sehr lange.

(laughs)
Ein susses baby.

Und ein gutes baby.

Oh, you're telling me.

(both laugh)

Miss Lili?

(whispering):
Excuse me.

Miss Lili?
Yes.

I believe the Army
owes you an apology.

Now, I must tell you
that your rendezvous

with this young man
had a mercenary motive.

There was a bet on it.

A bet that MacLean here

could spend the night
with you alone.

I'm afraid that wasn't the case,
Captain.

We were extremely
well chaperoned.

You see, Tulsa and I
were baby-sitting.

Oh, that's right, Captain,
for Marla and me.

Baby-sitting.

Why, I certainly can't
transfer a man for that.

Well, I wish I'd known before

that you went in
for this kind of work.

Mrs. Hobart and I have a date
for bridge tomorrow evening.

How are you with twins?

Uh, twice as helpful, sir.

(baby coos)
Here you go, Tiger.

Back to your papa.

I got, uh, work to do.

Captain.

Captain.

Now, Lili, this isn't the time

and it's certainly
not the place...

Well, of course I'll marry you.

I love you.

We can get hitched?

Mm-hmm.

Even this afternoon, huh?

Mm.

If I get the CO's permission.

Oh, maybe.

And maybe tonight
after the show,

you'll win the bet.

("Didja Ever" playing)

*Didja ever * Didja ever *

*Didja ever get
* Didja ever get *

*Didja ever get one
* Didja ever get one *

*Didja ever get one of them
* Didja ever get one of them *

* Days...?

* Didja ever get
one of them days, boys? *

*Didja ever get
one of them days? *
* Yeah! *

* When nothing is right
from morning to night *

* Didja ever get
one of them days, boys? *

*Didja ever get
one of them days? *
* Yeah! *

* Days, days, days, days,
days, days, days, days *

*You get up in the morning
and you turn the shower on *
* Yeah! *

* You're getting p-neumonia,
the hot, hot water is gone *

* Freezin', sneezin',
you wanna dry your back *

* A-well, didja ever get
one of them days *

*When there's no towel
on the rack? *
* Yeah! *

* Rack, rack, rack, rack,
rack, rack, rack, rack *

*Didja ever * Didja ever *

*Didja ever get
* Didja ever get *

*Didja ever get one
* Didja ever get one *

*Didja ever get one of them
* Didja ever get one of them *

* Girls...?

* Didja ever get
one of them girls, boys? *

* Didja ever get
one of them girls *

* Who's awful nice
but cold as ice? *

*Didja ever get
one of them girls? *
* Yeah! *

*Didja ever get one
of them girls? *
* Yeah! *

* Girls, girls, girls, girls,
girls, girls, girls, girls *

*You're at a drive-in movie
with a cute brunette *
* Yeah! *

* A-countin' on the kisses
that you figure to get *

*Closer, closer,
then she hollers "Whoa" *
* Oh! *

* Didja ever get
one of them girls *

*Who just wants
to watch the show? *
* Yeah! *

* Show, show, show, show,
show, show, show, show *

*Didja ever * Didja ever *

*Didja ever get
* Didja ever get *

*Didja ever get one
* Didja ever get one *

*Didja ever get one of them
* Didja ever get one of them *

* Days...?

* Didja ever get
one of them days, boys? *

* Didja ever get
one of them days *

* When nothing is right
from morning to night? *

* Didja ever get
one of them days, boys? *

*Didja ever get
one of them days? *
* Yeah! *

* Days, days, days, days,
days, days, days, days *

*You're on a Sunday picnic,
a-then it starts to pour *
* Ya-ho! *

* You run through poison ivy,
scratch until you are sore *

* Ants come dancin',
carry off the bread, oh! *

* Didja ever get
one of them days *

*When you should have stayed
in bed? *
* Yeah! *

* Days, days, days, days,
days, days, days, days *

*Didja ever * Didja ever *

*Didja ever get
* Didja ever get *

*Didja ever get one
* Didja ever get one *

*Didja ever get one of them
* Didja ever get one of them *

* Days...?

* One of them days...

(cheering, applause, whistling)

Didja ever?

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