Futro z misia (2019) - full transcript

LIBRARY

But there's no one here.

Goddammit!

Jurek...

You dropped something.

Thanks.

Jurek, come on.

BEAR COAT

Honourable sister,
but the Lord says in the Bible

to feed the hungry
and give drink to the thirsty.

- Another breathalyser round?
- No.



Leave the Lord
and the Bible out of this.

Ask, and you shall receive.

All right. Let's sober up.

Another Epicurean.

The priest has wine during mass!

Sober up.

During mass,

before mass, after mass,

Greg would grab a glass,

hoping to pass.

The missionaries
who are to stay with us are coming!

So soon?

Look, red yet humble.

- Maybe here?
- I doubt they have money.



True.

But they do.

Welcome, queer... dear father!

- Welcome!
- Welcome.

Welcome!

- Artists.
- Maybe here then?

Let's take a shot.

ARTIST MEETINGS,
CONCERTS, VERNISSAGES

AA MEETING TODAY

- Good day.
- Good day!

I'm glad to see you all
again at our AA meeting.

-A?/-A.

Who wants to start?

Janusz, maybe you?

Janusz, geography teacher,
eight days sober.

Hi, Janusz.

Hi, Janusz.

There was always an occasion.

My son's birthday,
a colleague's retirement.

It displeased my wife.

But why?

Because I was always wasted!

My daughter looked
for role models elsewhere.

My son had other interests as well.

He fucked everyone, but not me!

And booze made me flirtatious.

I couldn't help myself.

Halinka!

I'm sober since then.

I live in harmony with nature.

Janusz, this was really sincere.

It's time to welcome
new members of our family.

Would you like to open up to us?

My name is Krzysiek...

I haven't been drinking for six months.

Hi, Krzysiek.

Hi.

It's a very long time.

What brings you here then?

I used to drink
because I wanted to off myself.

I spent hours looking
for a proper tree and view.

Damn.

For fuck's sake,
what's with this forest?

Not a single branch?
Where am I supposed to...

Maybe there?

“God, help me“, I begged.

And God answered.

I walked onto a meadow,
bathed in the evening sun,

fragrant as a May morning.

The dewdrops glittered,
blinding me with their radiance.

"Here! ", I thought.

But it started getting
too cold and too dark.

I couldn't hang myself
in such conditions.

I collected some shrubs,
made a fire, and fell asleep.

I felt weightless,
free, and finally happy.

Then I heard a voice,

“Don't worry, my son,

and don't lose hope!

This is magic weed.

Take it and heal the aching souls!

This will be your mission!"

Thank you.

And here's the weed
we collected afterwards.

" Oh, my!
- Really!

- Happy stuff!
- Yeah!

In 20 metres tum left at the fork.

I think we've already been here.

Where does your friend live?

- My friend's friend.
- I couldn't care less!

He owes us dough!

Jasiu, you said you knew where he lived.

- I followed the GPS.
- Did you dial anything in there?

Or are we following the Pole star?

- The what?
- Pole star.

And you've only heard of the North pole?

You know the North pole?

Needle asked
if you dialled anything in the GPS.

I did.

But I erased the entire history.

In 20 metres tum left at the fork.

It's exactly the same fork!

Your destination is in 50 metres.

Thank God, or I'd throw this phone out.

Let's get back to work.

This is your destination.

Fuck!

Retardation.

What?

Turn around.

Now, back to work!

Good show at that AA meeting.

I fully improvised and it worked.

Yeah, but it's Sunday...

We should have Sundays off.

But priests, for instance...

They work Sundays and holidays,
and they're well off!

What about us?

Whole lives toiling away,
and we've got shit.

That again?

I asked you so many times.
It's not like that.

It's not?

- In many countries it's legal.
- How many?

Fuck, I don't know. Many.

Czechia, Spain, Holland, even the US.

In all the states?

Fucking no! In some!

And in Poland?

You don't like it?

So why do you sell it
to everyone who wants it?

There's no harm in it.
You said it'll be legal sooner or later.

What's with your voice?

Hot sauce.

Look at your lives!

Respect yourselves and treat...

your bodies...

like temples.

And if you decide

that you want to return
to the light side of the force,

then Mateusz Maslak, a Catholic priest,

will help, at the least.

You let him go alone?

He'll manage.

Got the dough?

He was short,
so I sent him flying.

He lives on the ground floor.

Then who was that?

- Maybe here?
- Yeah, right.

Excuse me, sir...

I've a question.

If theoretically...

I had my last sip
at five in the morning.

Can I drive?

Are you nuts?

I would drive slowly on the sidewalk.

- Excuse me?
- Thank you.

I'm going home.

I don't live here!

Pranksters!

Was it that actor?

No, he doesn't drink.

Time to go home!

Finally!

Look what's happened!

Grab a fan and take a shit!
Screw your success!

But chief, what's happened?

What's happened?

This has happened!

Satisfied, morons?

What do you find missing here?

Maybe 120 kilos of marijuana?

The one you confiscated!

I remember that moment of glory!

Brave policemen captured
a record transport of marijuana!

Good morning, sir.

Senior inspector Krokiecinski,
Tczew district police.

Driver's license, please.

What's the hurry, sir?

I'm visiting my family, office-sir!

Family looks best on pictures!

Yeah, from the speed camera.

Please, wait here.

Check him.

Is Mr Hu Young Lo a Polish resident?

Who?

Get him.

You get him.

When Warsaw pushed me
to transfer you to homicide,

I knew my ass is going to regret this!

And my ass is off limits!

I see those headlines...

"Drugs stolen from precinct in Tczew."

With my picture below!

We're claiming it's a gas leak.

Find those drugs
as soon as possible, clear?

- Clear?
- Yes, ma'am!

Fojcik, the storekeeper,

will show you on camera what went down.

- Move it!
- Yes, ma'am!

And you! Don't just stand there!

Now what?

What? Squat!

- Someone jacked 120 kilos of...
- White mulberry.

Let's look for it.

For fuck's sake!

I'll fuck them up!

I was supposed to
stop fucking swearing!

- What's white mulberry?
- Herbal tea, boss.

You don't think that we switched it?

I don't think.

- Me?

- Definitely not me.
- Andrzej, calm down.

Boss, none of us
would dare to disinfect you...

I mean, disrespect...
or steal from the hand that feeds us.

- Bite.
- Bite even more.

Who's this Evenmore?

- Find him and...
- Bury him, boss?

Bury your brain.

Wrap his balls around his head
and send him to Walbrzych.

But first, find what he switched.

- And take it all.
- If there's nothing?

For your sake,
he'd better have it.

Or else you'll be peddling
this mulberry shit until your dying day!

This man...

has a debt to pay.

These goods were...

for Zdzislaw Malina.

- From Szczecin!
- No, dammit!

From Swinoujscie!

He moved to Szczecin,
as he doesn't like to depend on ferries.

As a Polish patriot, he doesn't want to
use the German expressway.

But when they build a proper tunnel,

he will move back to his hometown!

Is that fucking clear?

Then get the fuck out!

On Saturday, we got a tip.

A pizza delivery guy said
he delivered pizza.

He comes in and sees
a psycho covered in blood.

So, the pizza guy
freaked out and ran.

We sent a unit there.

Nobody's there,
so, they open the fridge.

Inside they find
a dismembered body.

And now listen.

He was covered with meat!

They used kids to rob a precinct?

It's not a kid,
but an acrobat midget.

He set off sleeping gas,
that daredevil.

Enlarge him.

Enlarge a midget?

Zoom in on him, I mean.

Really? That's so helpful.

A stolen car waited outside.

They packed up and disappeared.

What about the pizza killer?

- There was no killer.
- And the body?

- Meat.
- What meat?

Cow-ass meat.
I'm in shit because of you.

As far as I remember,
you didn't need any encouragement!

All right, but...

I didn't do this for the money.

Sure, but you didn't
turn it down either.

You promised to
hook me up with his sis.

You leave my sister out of this.

She's one Coat you can't afford.
Shallow as desert grave.

And she's married!

So, baby?

Are you ready?

Can we do it now?

Then let's move!

Let's go! First, we run in place!

Straight ahead! Quickly! Run!

Coat, what's with all this bending?
Too much energy?

I'm young-

And I'm hungry.

What can I do about it?

Mrs Wala cooks here. I only look good.

- Hence the workout.
- You need to know how to fight.

Punch hard! Attack!

Attack hard! Harder! More!

Great! Take five!

Take a deep breath and ask your husband
or lover to join in.

I'll remind you how abs look like.

Pierre...

What?

Will you join me?

Leave me alone...

I have a headache...

Screw, time for some grub!

Man, it's badass!

You're wearing martial arts!

- Hot chilli with seven islands?
- Of course.

This search has made me hungry.

How can you eat this crap?

You know what's in there?

Ears, hooves, bowels, pig's buttholes...

The worst trash.

- These are the facts.
- Authentic?

A fact is a fact.

There are no inauthentic facts.

What about Pinocchio?

- He had a long nose?
- He did.

When he lied.

- A fact?
- Yes.

Authentic?

I have a sausage here.

- Swap?
- Yeah.

So, Woody.

What have you got?

Come on.

Jumpy stole
the goods from the precinct.

How? Already?

Not in two days?

Seems he changed his plans.

How?

And you didn't know?

You were supposed to inform us.

- I am.
- Don't be cheeky.

Woody, because of your...

lack of knowledge...

Jumpy stole 120 kilos
of drugs from the precinct!

We knew he would.

And we were supposed to catch him!

And here's the good news.

It better be really good.

The stuff they stole

wasn't exactly marijuana.

What was it?

White mulberry.

What is that? Some kind of drug?

Herbal tea for losing weight.

How?

We think someone switched the stuff.

- Who?
- We.

You?

We think.

But we don't know who did it.
Probably someone from the precinct.

And now Jumpy
wants to send that person to Walbrzych.

- Why the fuck to Walbrzych?
- Yeah!

For the eternal search
of the Nazi gold train

no one ever returns from.

You're new in the group...

Woody.

That's why you need to...

prove yourself.

Get back to the mountains.

Birds don't like you, Woody.

Listen...

You need to be vigilant,
like a wild bison in the forest.

Stoned again.

Good. It's easier to control him.

Robbed the evidence room.

Who works in there?

Move it.

We can't go in there
and start questioning cops.

That's the job of the cops.

- Right?
- Where did you get him? On sale?

As a limited offer?

He's my cousin
from the father's side.

- We share grandparents.
- And a grandmother.

You should go on The Feud.

You share one brain too?

They won't even notice
we questioned them.

Cousin, grab some flowers.

- From that broad?
- No, the other one.

Pick the one you like better.

Go.

He'll manage. I believe in him.

Needle!

Needle!

Do you have any change?

The one I like can't make change.

- Really?
- Yeah!

Out of my sight!

- How much are the flowers?
- 19.99.

What an artsy price!

- Can I owe you a penny?
- Yes. Buy yourself something nice.

Halinka...

Someone jacked your flowers.

Good morning.

Flower delivery.

- For whom?
- The evidence room officer.

Name?

Serge!!-

- Doesn't work here.
- And who does?

- Fojcik.
- They're for Mr Fojcik.

I'm Sergey.

I can show you some ID,
if you wish, inspector.

I'm not an inspector yet,
just an officer on duty.

The evidence room is down.

Name?

Jan Nowak.

Too bad.

His elderly mother
sent him these flowers.

From the nursing home
for his birthday.

She'll be disappointed.

Wait, Sergey.

Fojcik doesn't live far.
I'll give you his address.

Beautiful gesture.
Flowers from a mother.

I think we've met before.

You may be right.

Wait a minute...

From his mother?
He's only got a grandmother.

So, flowers from a grandmother.

Dial this into the GPS.

Run! Run! Run!

Grandson...

Grandson...

Maybe your cousin Heniek
could help you find a girl?

He's coming to dinner today

- Isn't he on a diet?
- That's why he's coming.

I made pierogi.

Who is it?

Officers Boar and Bison. Open up.

Good Lord! Boring Bison?

Fuck that, I won't open.

Well, Fojcik.

We're listening.

- What are you listening to?
- Modern Talking.

Who stole the goods?

Don't know.
Some midget from the fridge.

That shit wasn't marijuana.

Now, my colleague
will turn on his timer.

Each ten seconds of silence
is a year in prison.

In one cell with Long Johnny.

And you'll fart like this...

Off we go.

Something to drink?

- Granny, not now.
- I'll make you some tea.

I don't know what happened.

You don't?

Right from under your nose 120 kilos

of the best marijuana was stol...

Jacked and switched
with the shit they robbed you of.

Two years.
Long Johnny will be happy.

Fojcik, you're a brave lad.

Mommy didn't bring up a thief.

That's my grandma.

I'll get you some tea
that will crook your mouths!

You know how much you got?

Gentlemen, stop this watch.

I would've told you
40 seconds ago, if you had let me.

We're all ears, Fojcik.

I fell in love...

Unhappily... Not mutually.
This unfulfilled love lasts till now.

Hurry up, I'm getting sick.

Some time ago,

the guys from our precinct
captured a transport of marijuana.

TV, champagne, diplomas and all...

The guys got promoted
and the weed landed with me.

One night, we went out together.

Drunk, I confessed to Krokiet that

I've been in love with Dempsey's sister.

Love cannot be obstructed.

And we know what to do.

We'll switch the weed
in the evidence room.

It'll go to waste there.

We'll take care of it.

You'll get your share
for the expensive Coat.

Let's drink to Coat!

I've been saving every penny,
so when she's mine,

I'll be able to fulfil all her needs.

- You have all that money?
- Yes.

Only my share.

Are Krokiet and Dempsey names?

Almost. Krokiecinski and Dempsowicz.

Dempsowicz is my future brother-in-law.

Krokiecinski is a friend of Pierre,
her ex-husband,

the future ex-husband
of my future wife.

Future.

- No, current friend, my colleague.
- Future looks grim.

We know what the watch showed.

Pray your future wife
doesn't have to send food to prison.

What?

- Where's the bathroom?
- On the left.

An accident, Fojcik?

No, mint.

Don't touch the striped towel!
It's Granma's intimate.

Fucking shit!

It's not fucking Radom
to drive around for over an hour.

What did you dial in?

Fifty metres to your destination.

Turn this crap off
or I I'll throw it out!

Your destination.

Turn around.

Retardation.

Honey, what is it?

- A phone!
- Who was that?

Everyone's looking for you...

and you're here.

What do you mean?

We know what you stole,
switched, and sold.

You can make up for it,
and I don't mean face paint.

- Officially, this case doesn't exist.
- The money you got will be utilised.

You also will be utilised.

Not in the way Long Johnny
could use you in prison.

We'll provide you
with relative safety.

Here...

or in the slammer.

- Good morning.
- Hello.

- Nice boys!
- My twins.

Both?

- How old is he?
- Ten.

And the other one?

Good morning. Excuse...

Damn...

Excuse me!

Excuse me!

Where can I find
house number five?

- So, where is it?
- At the corner of three streets.

Tamtaramtam's, Peasoupski's,
and this Czech poet's, Slovenski's.

- At the corner?
- He said so.

Really?

Dial ii in.

Into what?

Tamtaramtam's, Peasoupski's,
and Slovenski's! Simple!

- For the money you didn't spend yet...
- And which we took from Fojcik...

You'll make a purchase.

You'll pretend to want to make one.

But really, you'll give us Jumpy and...

someone we can't catch for a while.

Money is in the trunk.

As well as other necessary items,
such as underpants.

Spare underpants may come in useful.

We also cleaned your flats.

We removed everything
that could help to identify you.

Photos, films, computers, corres...

And letters.

The bad guys shouldn't know
what you look like.

- Stag party.
- I took it.

It's a souvenir.

Good morning.

Excuse me...

Where is the address...

corner of Tamtaramtam's,
Peasoupski's, and Slovenski's?

Over there, close!

Did you find out?

Over there, close!

Over there, close!

To the left.

Fuck!

Drive!

Stop.

Needle, look.

Who the hell is that?

Good afternoon!

Would you take a moment
to talk about God?

Grandson, the Jehovah's are back!

You know why we're here?

Right?

You jacked or you know who jacked

120 kilos of weed,
which happen to be ours.

What are the consequences
of such hasty actions?

Tell us who has the goods and where.

In exchange for which...

we'll knock your hands out
and break your teeth.

Or the other way around.

Works for you?

I didn't do it. I don't know a thing.

Then who did it?

Enrique lglesias?

Would you like some tea?

- Granny, not now.
- Why not now?

Three cups, please.
Respect your granny.

How about white mulberry? It's diuretic!

Diuretic?

Then hold your sphincter.

All right, I'll tell everything.

- I fell in love.
- Cut this love crap!

- It's important.
- Important is where our stuff is!

- I don't know!
- Who does?

Dempsowicz and Krokiecinski.

Cops from our precinct.

Cousin, spark him out,
just don't break a sweat.

He'll manage.

Stay with him.

I told you everything.
There wasn't supposed to be a beating!

Good afternoon, Henio.
I made pierogi.

We have visitors.

Good afternoon.

Look, another one to spark out.

You misunderstood me.
The girls will lake care of you.

And I thought that Needle forgot.

- About what?
- My birthday.

And here we have
beautiful ladies for all of us.

It's your birthday?

Happy birthday then!

You're from a local service?
Any name?

Tymex Kielce.

Kielce rule!

This is a surprise.

- If we enjoy it, you'll get five stars.
- Damn, a knot!

You'll enjoy it.

"And your patience shall be rewarded..."

Fuck, I'll explode in a minute!

Screw, what's keeping you?
Move your asses!

Screw, look,
this unicorn has your phone!

You know what?

I'm lost for words,
and I'm quite eloquent.

- We were just...
- Just what?

Surprised.

Can you amplify on that?

It's because
it's Screw's birthday today.

At the end they said...

Happy birthday!

To you!

So, happy birthday, Screw!

Thanks.

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday to you

Happy birthday.

- And we're short on printing paper.
- But we have a fountain.

They'll look everywhere,
but not back home in Zakopane.

Operation codename...

"Bear Coat".

Here are your guidelines. Gummy Bear?

Our man inside, Woody,

nickname Mole.

Mole?

- Very sophisticated.
- It's darkest before dawn.

He'll introduce you to Jumpy
as guys interested in a purchase of...

marijuana.

You must do everything
to close the deal.

Jumpy will see this as his chance.

He'll try to screw you over
and make up his losses.

He'll take your money,
buy goods for it,

and tell you to fuck off.

- What if they want to...
- Don't worry.

Then we'll come in.

- And put an end to it.
- Of course, we get guns.

God forbid!
You can't arouse suspicion!

You'll get new IDs and phones.

Our numbers will be listed as...

Jannetta and Jessica.

But better learn them by heart.

- I have, Jeanetta and Jessica.
- Which one is Jessica?

Take a wild guess,
you motherfucking cocksucker!

Come on, calm down.

I overreacted.

It's him.

Good afternoon, boss.

Are you here on vacation?

Yes, Jasiu, on vacation.

Mr Zdzislaw Malina invited me.

- From Szczecin.
- No, from Swinoujscie!

- Is it some agritourism?
- You're some agritourists!

Take a look at yourselves, morons!

We had a prang, boss.

But everything is
under complete control.

A prang?

What car was it?

A high breed.

- A hybrid.
- Guess so.

- You guess so?
- I'm sure.

Rather...

High...

breed.

A world-renowned
astrophysicist Sir Stephen Hawking

wrote in one of his works

that the very existence
of a problem guarantees its solution.

He wrote that because
he didn't know the two of you!

We'll get them, boss!

Who?

Those who did that...
the guy who did that.

We'll just get them.

You know what priorities are?

- Stamps so the letters come faster?
- Your father came faster.

Priorities tell us what is important
and what is more important.

Your bruised mugs are
less important to me than my lost weed!

We know, who jacked... who stole it.

But they know that we know.

Where from?

We were there.

They're gone.
We don't know their faces.

- They vanished.
- In the air.

You will vanish in the air in a while.

All right.

All right.

Muhammad won't come to the mountain?

He will come to the mountain.

- Andrzej...
- Towelheads will come here?

Yes, and they'll open
a kebab joint at Eagle's Path.

Happy?

Fuck me.

- Andrzej, you shouldn't...
- Not now, Needle.

I have a plan.
We need to protect ourselves. Come on.

On the Eagle's Path?

What a dumb spot to choose!

I wonder who'll connect
the electricity there!

Lech Walesa, stupid!

Let's go.

Cousin, this way.

Eagle, lead me on your path!

You got them?

We sent a friend request
to Krokiecinski, but no answer yet.

The other one
is not on Facebook.

Maybe he's dead.

Find Fojcik.

There he is.

He even has an open profile.

- So?
- It's like wi-fi with no password.

He pasted his face in
to have a photo with some chick!

"Jakub Fojcik

feels great

in the company of

Felicja Dempsowicz...

Curly!"

Stevie Wonder,
it's Dempsowicz-Curry.

Curie, for fuck's sake.

Curie, for fuck's sake!

For fuck's sake!

Seven times today.

Eight! Those sit-ups will kill me.

Do you love me?

This is the time to ask?

I went shopping today.

Did you spend a lot?

Nothing.

There wasn't
anything expensive?

You bought an expensive car.

So?

And it broke down.

How?

It got folded.

- Where?
- At the mall.

Mr Tow will bring it home.

- Do you love me?
- Merde...

Okay, let's start.

I'll introduce you to Jumpy.

Boss, the two guys
from the seaside are here.

Put them there for me.

I go now.

See if everyone puts in.

Auntie and cousin from Suwalki.

For you. I chose it myself.

And the envelope.

Stanislaw Rachon
and Wiktor Ceber I told you about.

Hello.

We have a celebration today.

It's my grandson's,
Tadeuszek Mateuszek's, Holy Communion.

Got the names
after his great grandfathers.

Our Polish Jean Claude.

Governor from Kochany
with his miss... assistant.

Hello, dear...

- Mateuszek.
- Mateuszek...

Tadeuszek...

- Certainly, Tadeuszek...
- Mateuszek.

Certainly, Tadeuszek Mateuszek.

We wish you

such jumps like Kamil Stoch.

- And...
- We brought...

And we brought you...

as a gift from our region,

skis signed by Kamil Stoch.

Only one is signed.

And the other one?

It has a surprise autograph.

We'll have a welcome shot now.

Then we'll go to my place
to talk business.

The autograph of
Nakamura Naoki himself!

I don't want Nakukamura! Grandpa!

The envelope.

- Nice presents?
- I don't give a shit about them!

My blood.

Let's go.

You're so ugly.

And you're fucking beautiful.

Grandpa!

My man mentioned

that you are interested
in buying in bulk from my store.

I'd like to know more.

We have
a bit different proposal.

- We don't buy. We sell.
- What?

We have an offer
which you may find attractive.

Any quantity at a good price.

The sea wants to
see more of the mountains.

Or we could even work out
the rules of a permanent deal.

You want to discuss rules?

Fine, let's discuss rules.

For starters,
Trigger will rule out your asses.

Excuse me?

Just kidding.

No, I meant it.

No, I was kidding.

So?

Now, you don't know
when I was serious and when I wasn't.

Was I serious when I said I wasn't?
Or when I said that I was?

We don't know.

What do you think, old friend?

Okay, for starters I want 120 kilos.

- That takes time.
- I'll make myself clear.

I want to test your stuff.

Then... maybe a taste panel tomorrow?

Excellent.

Tomorrow in The Alpenstock.

I can't wait.

Things are getting crazy.

Boar and Bison
will land in the forest.

We're already in the forest.

What if Jumpy
kills us without paying?

What if he doesn't pay and kills us?

Does the order matter?

He wants the stuff.

- He'll try to screw us over.
- We don't that much.

We have one kilo!

You keep complaining!

Bonjour.

Bonjour! I cooked you pasta!

Thank God!

- Because raw is not tasty.
- I'm doing my best.

- What?
- Here, catch.

Catch!

Still hard.

Probably the Jehovah's again.

- Hello.
- Hello.

- We're here about the Bang.
- What Bang?

This one.

- Mr Tow?
- No.

But we'll tow you.

It's not that bad!

Think of it as free holidays.

Last Minute of your life.

You're so tight-lipped.

Take his scarf off.
Maybe he'll say something.

Gentlemen, don't kill me!

You should say "us".

I was out of line!
I started playing hard!

I know I was supposed
to pay back this month, but...

You know how it is.

If you kill me,
you won't get anything!

I have an idea!

Take her!

I won't mind!

Cousin, take the lady's gag out.

- I cooked you pasta!
- Coat!

You motherfucking asshole!

French he can only speak!

- I know some French.
- Hush! Hold my purse!

I hate you, you bald frog-eater!

You know?

I had an affair with
Mr Tomek from TV!

- I had Wala in the kitchen!
- My ass!

In the kitchen!

I feel sorry for her!

It's worth to talk.

- Put the scarves back on.
- Tomek is my middle name!

Could you drive faster'?

Polish roads are really dangerous.

You can't imagine!

I read the statistics.

Take a deer, for instance.

You won't even notice it
when it jumps out.

Then how will I know it was a deer?

They have white butts.

So do you, and you're not a deer!

It took you a while to get here.

- The local highway is long.
- We've got it.

Great. Pawelek...

Pawelek is our weed-smoking expert.

Greeting.

Awesome shit.
Almost as good as ours.

Excellent.

Your advance.

You've won the tender
for a larger amount.

What amount would interest you?

At that price? Any.

Stay here until tomorrow.

Taste the highlanders' hospitality.

You know...

We have a problem with two cops.

They vanished with
something that belongs to me.

To attract them,
we kidnapped one's sister.

And, accidentally,
her half-French husband.

What do you want to do?

I don't know. We'll kill them.

Or they'll kill each other.

There will definitely be some killing.

If you found the cops,
what would you do with them?

- Kill them?
- Kill them.

Death makes up
for losses and solves problems.

Did you take photos
of that quarter-French couple?

Yes, boss.

Then send them
with that Snapbook to Facegram.

Whatever,
just make sure the cops get them.

With Bookface, boss.

Send them by owl,
but just deliver them.

Another radio competition.

You play as well?

I think Jasiu does.

Did you get a text too?

I lost my phone.

What's with those phones?

You could've won something.

Krokiet, they've got my sister.

I have a plan.

What plan?

After the meeting, I had to piss,

so I went to the john.

Thank God the dudes
with weed showed up.

You know,
where Malina would send us?

To Szczecin.

- Yes?
- No.

To Walbrzych.

Why there?

For the eternal search
of the gold train one ever returns from.

First!

Fuck!

Wash your hands!

They're depending on this weed.

It's for a guy everyone's afraid of!

But we have one packet!

But they don't know that.

Penguins of Madagascar!

And King Julien.

Don't drink.

Gentlemen!

When I saw you for the first time,

I thought it was our last meeting.

But the quality
of your goods won me over.

Clearly, I was wrong.

Let's drink to our errors! Pawelek!

Drink up!

You know howl like it here?

These irregularities, these meanders.

At home, there's only the sea,
the wind, and all is flat.

And here,
firs on mountain tops, valleys...

- Rafter...
- What?

Rafter.

A ski jump for jumpers,
from which the jumpers jump.

Right, I knew that.

Sauerkraut soup, trout fish.

Not only halibuts
and flounder with fries.

- Let go, Stach.
- What?

Oh, that's me.

The sea is also beautiful.

Maybe it's not mountainous,

but still beautiful.

Drink up!

I don't like them.

Me neither.

I'm in between.

Yes, Zdzislaw?

All is ready?

Yes.

See you then.

Exactly in 72 hours.

- I understand.
- At the usual place.

Gentlemen...

It was Mr Zdzislaw Malina.

- From Swinoujscie?
- No, from fucking Szczecin.

He comes from Swinoujscie,
but he lives and works in Szczecin,

to be free of the ferry!

Is it so fucking hard
to understand?

To be frank,

I need the stuff
the day after tomorrow, at the latest.

Of course!

Men!

Save the warlord!

- From what?
- From the booze!

Highlander, can't you see

You should go to the sea...

- They're afraid of this Szczecin guy.
- Swinoujscie.

They need us,
so they're depending on us.

I'm afraid they'll hurt her.

And it would be my fault.

Where will we find so much weed?

HERBAL BULK STORE

Good afternoon.

Good afternoon.

We need white mulberry. 120 kilos.

How much?

It can be bio.

- They seemed fishy from the start.
- Calm down.

If they want to earn, they'll come.

Voulez vous coucher... avec moi?

Ce soir?

Needle...

just look at him.

The hunchback of Rotterdam.

- But the hunchback is...
- Not now, Needle.

Not now.

How to switch the stuff?

Hey...

we could pretend
that one of the packages got torn...

and we'd stick
what we have left in there.

Will Jumpy buy that?

- What if he doesn't?
- Then, as usual...

We improvise.

That's a plan.

Madame, te sens bien?

You turned out useless.

Your brother didn't come,
so he doesn't love you.

Your husband doesn't love you, I don't.

Nobody loves you.

Strange, because you're nice.

- I love you.
- Needle, you know what to do.

We're here!

We would have come earlier,
but the highway...

The rest of the stuff's in the car.

Give it here.

- Wait, don't give that one!
- It came apart!

Seal it and take another one.

- All right, already!
- No.

This one is fine.

Pawelek.

Awesome shit.

All right.

We delivered, now it's your turn.

You want us to turn you in?

Needle, take them all to Walbrzych,

show them a better world.

Wait a minute! Not so fast!

Andrzej, check your phone.

THE REAL STUFF IS IN A SAFE PLACE

These packets right here
are not exactly the real stuff.

You mentioned two brave cops
who robbed the precinct.

That's us.

And we still have your stuff.

We can return it.

Someone will call.

You'll say the password "Bear Coat".

Our man will know we're fine,
and he'll tell you what to do.

Bear Coat.

We have your stuff.

You have someone who's dear to me...

Who's dear to us.

- You want a trade?
- Yes.

You've involved an innocent woman,
and now you must let her go.

Or forget it.

Weed for Krokiet and Dempsey.

- That's not an option.
- No?

You can still get your stuff.

Or Special Services will gel you.

You won't deliver to Malina,
and you'll hang.

You want some tea?

Not now.

When they are safe,

I'll contact you again.

Later.

Grandma.

Make some sandwiches.

A thermos of tea...

- I'm off to Zakopane.
- Oh, my!

You've played me.

I wanted to recover what's mine.
What did I get?

- White mulberry, boss!
- Shut the fuck up!

You wanted to kill us.

- Then rob us.
- Now he's offended.

Well, once a bear screws you...

And once it screws you!

Get lost, bear! No photos here!

Screw, send Mr Bear to the Antarctic.

But polar bears live in the Arctic!

Just kick his ass.

- Okay.
- I wouldn't.

I'm the man who talked to one of you,
but I don't know who.

I can't tell because
I have this head on my head.

Then forgive me.

Give Mrs Coat to the man in fur.

- I come to the rescue, madame!
- Fuck off, bear!

What about the Frenchman?

- Can we bang him at least?
- I'm taking him too.

I'll call in five minutes.

Au revoir! Mon amour!

They almost killed us there!

- You saved us, Mr Bear!
- I saved you.

Yes, certainly.

Me, but...

No buts. I did it just for you.

I don't understand.
Just for me?

When they wanted to hurt you,
I thought I'll go crazy.

And you know what?

I did!

I'm crazy in love with you!

Who the fuck are you?

Exactly.

Who the fuck are you?

Fuck this!

Fuck!

COPS. gangsters!

Burying, threatening!

I didn't agree to any frigging bear

fucking my own Coat!

I didn't agree to this!

I fuck all of this!

We're waiting for the call.

Oui, out. Or a Facebook message.

Or fucking smoke signals!

It would be better if the bear called.

The bear won't call.

We don't have the stuff.

Surrender, you're surrounded.

Boss, they're fucking nuts.

The services are on this.

If you lake out two cops,
you'll be taking out garbage in jail.

You think jail is a problem for me?

You don't deliver,
Szczecin will deliver you to Walbrzych.

So, you'll exchange
the stuff we brought.

This stuff is crap.

It's stuff,
until someone realises it's crap.

Before they do, we'll wrap them up.

- For white mulberry?
- For the kilo from the previous batch.

- We'll add kidnapping, robbery...
- Using a child.

- Midget.
- Midget kid.

Can midgets have children?

They can.

Andrzej,

the decision is yours.

When are you meeting?
We'll do the rest.

Fine.

Szczecin.

Today at midnight,
the pier by the gantry.

Phone.

Jessica?

Jumpy's meeting
is at midnight in Szczecin.

The pier by the gantry. Over.

You.

Shoot him.

Where? Here?

What for? Why? For what reason?

Fucking grammar lover?
I said, shoot him.

It's over!

Definitely for you.

And now we'll show you
the unknown face of Zakopane.

So pretty.

May I?

Needle, your turn.

Well!

You look exceptionally well.

Now you'll find out

why they call me Needle.

So?

You think he's gone mad?

How did it happen?

And the champagne was on ice.

But life is like
a drag queen's striptease.

Nice and all,
and suddenly a dick pops up.

I'm the dick here.

- Andrzej...
- Not now, Needle.

Maybe we
shouldn't have told Mr Malina

that we managed to retrieve
the stuff from the precinct.

But luckily we have friends
across the Czech border,

who have so much stuff it hurts.

We took in on IOU.

You inspired me,
I just swapped mulberry for weed.

It will be easy
to get it across the border.

Mr Malina set the date for tonight.

Now watch and learn,
as I won't live forever.

Goddammit, my battery is dead.

Screw, give me your phone.

I don't have it.

Cousin.

I don't have one either.

Are you fucking Amish?

One normal guy.

Hello?

Zdzislaw, it's me.

It's a different number.

I've got credible information
that our midnight party

will be a masquerade.

Interesting.

We'll check it.

- It better be true.
- Bye.

We bought some time.

Check if we can expect
any unexpected operations.

- They want to bust us?
- Allegedly.

If it's true, we'll teach them
not to come up with stupid ideas.

Here we go!

Stop!

Police! Drop it!

- Stop!
- Down!

Stop or down?

- I think you got the wrong party.
- Here, inspector.

A kitten for good luck, inspector?

What the fuck is this?

Cats.

You want an invoice?

This is destruction of property.

That cat is of sentimental value to us.

- They played us.
- Calm down.

We need a new strategy.

- Let them go.
- All right.

End of operation!

Hello?

This is him.

Yes.

All's good.

Nothing to worry about.

All is under control. Yes. Ciao.

The package crossed the border.

Morning, son. How did you sleep?

Hi, daddy, great. I worked out.

But this garbage...

In the mountains,
we don't litter anywhere.

Tidy this up.

- I'll take care of it.
- Good.

How are you, baby?

Good morning.

Quite well, daddy.

- That's nice.
- Right...

Poachers?

Stay here,
we'll check it out with Piotr.

Be careful.

Sacrable! It went off by itself!

- Got him a loaded gun?
- Give it back!

- Get an alpenstock!
- Screw...

They should put you away!

I'm doing my best.

We have witnesses.

- All tracks lead to you.
- Right.

Tracks?

There'll be an article about you.

Two cops stole from the station...

- The precinct.
- Right.

...from the precinct in Tczew,

drugs of immense value and ran.

Maybe to San Escobar?

These guys are AA activists!

They saved my life!

Enough of this digging!

Mole goes for a walk,
and you're off to Walbrzych.

- What do we do?
- Stone them!

- Oh, man!
- What the hell?

Someone wants to help!

Come out, desperado!

One without sin
should cast the stone first!

Fuck you all!

And you too!

What have I done?

- Sir?
- Yes?

- Nice throw, son.
- Thanks, dad.

- You okay?
- Everything's fine.

- I think I've seen you somewhere.
- At an AA meeting.

- Right!
- Janusz, my man!

Perfect timing!

Could you watch them
until the cops arrive?

You can shoot them.

We can still intercept
the delivery for Jumpy.

I know the delivery route.

Krokiet, step on it.

It's not the way! Break!

Fuck!

- What was that?
- Crap.

Sorry, I didn't...

Fuck me, it's Hu Young Lo!

- Bloody hell!
- Wait, Chink!

Police!

Get him! Run after him!

You run.

I have a headache.

- And French fries.
- We're out of fries.

- Do you have potatoes?
- We do.

Wash, peel, chop and fry them.

Yes, sir.

The stuff is on the way.

It'll be here soon. Very soon.

- You said that four times already.
- But...

But this time
you crossed the line.

People are surprised when suddenly

you start treating them
as they treat you.

What do you mean, Zdzislaw?

You think you get
what you think I said.

But you're wrong thinking
that what I said is what I think.

Polish Space Agency says
that due to solar hyperactivity

the phone navigation
systems were disabled.

Now, we're off to our field reporter.

Another black attack
of a brutal bear on...

Another brutal attack of a black bear
on a tourist in the Tatras.

Sir, please wait.

An accidental tourist
found the crushed victim.

He was naked and scratched,
and kept screaming he hated bears.

He was chased
by a male bear for a long time.

And the bear didn't catch the tourist?

- He did.
- Why didn't he attack?

- He did.
- But didn't kill him.

He wanted a female.

Right.

How did you feel when it happened?

I felt it will end this way.

I won't let it be!

- Some bear won't...
- Black bear...

I didn't interrupt you!
I know it's black!

Some bear
won't get off soot-free...

I'll report this to NATO,

the Tribunal and Brexit!

I'll tell everyone!

- What will we do with this?
- With what?

We have a van of Czech weed.

We can't smoke it alone.

Let's give it to someone.

- You can give a peace sign.
- Should it rot in storage?

Or get stolen again?

This weed is pure evil.

It causes nothing but trouble.

Let's make a good deed.

I think I have...

the right number for this occasion.

But we don't have a phone.

You've reached
your destination... retardation.

Needle...

God didn't condemn me after all...

and took to heaven.

Needle, don't worry, it'll be fine.

Nope, it's not heaven.

Why don't you take it out? He's in pain!

- Needle, I'll help you.
- No!

Zdzislaw, you vindictive son of a whore!

They're coming.

What's going on!

It's four days after the operation!

You've got some nerve!

Where's the weed?

It's all in the van.

So, we're done?

No, we're just beginning.

- You're under arrest.
- Why?

- The operation was a success.
- What operation?

No idea...

Do you know why
Woody didn't tell you everything?

And why you learnt
about the robbery ex-post?

He realised sources vanished
after your successful operations.

They're past their expiration dates.

Brilliant business plan.

The source, Woody, for instance,
informs you of an event.

You prepare an operation,
intercept drugs, and sell them off.

You wanted to do the same
after Jumpy's robbery,

and in Szczecin as well.

But instead of grass,
you only found cats there.

My dear psychologist.

What would you have done with Woody
if there had been weed in Szczecin?

- Kill him?
- We're not bandits.

It's enough to show the mole.

Another operation...

You've got a green light.

Jurek, come on.

- Gangsters don't like snitches.
- Right.

- We just let them know.
- And people die?

You'll die too!

They're waiting for you in prison.

There's an order for you.

- Right?
- Bloody right!

In that case...

I think we got it.

Complete control.

Surprise!

Stop, police!

- Hands!
- Don't move!

You're under arrest.

I must admit I'm surprised.

We weren't that bad.

With your stupidity
and irresponsibility!

You all could've died!

But I misjudged you.

You think?

My ass is still untouchable.

- Go it?
- Yes, ma'am!

Yes, ma'am...

No free seats.

Come in half an hour or wait.

Something weird is going on.

The meter's broken?

- Sisters, come here.
- Come, quickly.

Just a sip!

Promiles.

Promiles.

- Promile. Everyone's sober!
- Sister Margaret!

They come for this Czech tea,
it tastes like heaven!

Maybe we should try it too?

An anonymous donor from Czechia

donated 120 kilos of herbal tea
to a diner for the homeless.

Two special services
officers were detained.

They were accused of contracting
assassinations and corruption.

Do you see the occupancy?

They run to this Czech tea.

Good lurks everywhere.

I'll tell you a story.

There were two girls,
a good and a bad one.

They made a bet
which one would spit

on more people
from the balcony.

The good one did.

Do you know why?

I don't, but I will.

Because good always wins.

Dempsey...

- Look how they parked.
- Oh, my.

Gentlemen!

That's yours?

I don't speak Polish.

Me neither.

- This flour won't make bread.
- Right.

You'll have a new inmate.

Good morning.

Fuck, it's beautiful.

Bonjour.

Bonjour, mon amour.

J'ai rate...

Who's that?

It's the bank.

Oui...

- Grandma...
- What?