Funny Pages (2022) - full transcript

Fucking cool, huh?

Yeah.

Ah. All right. Now.

Now...

Tell me what you see.
Yeah there's this...

There's like two pages
right here...

In the Henry one.
And it feels like, you know,

you don't see her face, but
you see his asshole sticking out.

Subversion, subverting the form,
subverting expectation. Oh, okay.

I get the connection.
That's right.

Always subvert.
Right.



Right?

So, so, um, look at this one.

Think that one's too much?

Pft! Man that's fucking bent.

This one reminds me
of like my stuff.

I just feel like you're saying
that because you love me.

Look, obviously
you need to hear this,

because I don't think currently

you're able to think outside
your own critical box.

You're already at a professional
level of drawing for what you want to do.

You need to package this up,
put it in an envelope

and send it off to Mad Magazine.

I'm serious.

College is a pin headed
proposition.



I... I don't know
what to tell you, man.

I have to go to college.
I can't not go to college.

And what happens
if you come out ruined,

which is what's
going to happen to you.

Not going is...

It's not an option.
Okay. Fair enough.

No judgments here.

And I'm saying this
against my own will.

Okay? Thank you.

These?
Mmm-hmm.

Michael Jordan. Okay,
17 years old Michael Jordan.

These. These.

Kobe Bryant.
But I'm asking which one?

Not Kobe Bryant.

Offensive.

Those are the figure drawings.

I'm only... everyone's required
to include those.

Everything in your portfolio
needs to be very clearly

coming from who you are.

Okay, well, I have to have those
in there to show my capabilities.

It's about who you want to be.

Who you want to please.

You're asking me to tell you
nice things about your work?

Do you... Do you draw for me?

You draw for Dad?

Who do you draw for?

I mean, you need some, some,
some, figurative drawing

that's got a freaky-deaky look
to match the cartoon stuff.

It's not like they have people
like you coming in there.

I could draw it. Yeah.

Do you want me to draw you?

Do you want to draw me?

Yes.

All right, well...

Let's do it then.

To the nook.

What's the matter?

Uh, no. No.

Robert, what are you doing?

Uh...

I'm looking for charcoal.
Charcoal? It's in the left pack.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay.

Come on.

Robert it's not
a facial portrait.

Broad strokes, broad strokes,
capture the body.

Yeah, just take it in, man.

I can't.

What? I know.
I know, I know.

I know. You got it.

Bulbous tits,
but with hair on 'em.

And you've got like a big belly
with a with a distension.

What is that? Is it alien?

Alien eggs? Who knows?

This is fucking awesome man.

You'll probably make
it beautiful.

That's my point.

What are you looking for?

No, I just lost track of time.

My alarm.
Your what?

An alarm. I set an
alarm... I have to...

What are you doing?

Come on, let's finish the
drawing. I can't finish the drawing.

I got to get out.
Then go to the garage?

And this is much more important
than work, Robert.

No, this is actually
very important.

Rob. Okay, just wait.
I gotta get there fast.

All right. Thanks. Bye.

See you on Monday.

Robert.

Hey.

Oh. Hey.

I wanted to make sure
everything was okay, man.

I mean, did I freak you
out at all back there?

No, no, no. It's fine.

It's... It's cool. It's great.

I mean, people on the outside
might not understand,

but you know that I was just,

I was just trying to teach you
something right?

No. I get it. It's cool.

Are you sure?

Yeah. We're good.

All right.
Well, then get in the car.

I'll give you a lift to work.

Katano, I appreciate it, but
um, I really like this, this walk.

Helps clear my mind for work.

It's fucking
freezing outside, man.

Just get in the car.
I'll drive you.

It's not a problem.

It's a five...
it's a five minute walk.

It's no big deal.

Now you're making me feel weird.

All right. So if there's a
problem, we can talk about it.

If it's not a problem, you
don't have to talk about it.

But would you please
just get in...

You okay?

Katano?

He was such a funny guy...
You going to say anything?

A loving person He had a heart
of gold. One of the funniest guys

I ever knew in my life.

He once told me after
a mutual friend died,

that he wasn't afraid of death.

Enter life, trying to define it.

And exit back into the abstract.

I know this is a lot right now,

and I know
you were close to him.

I just want you
to know if there's

anything you want to talk about,

I'm here.
I never got the sense

that he got a lot of respect
from the rest of the faculty,

and I know for a fact
he didn't like you very much.

So...

Mmm-hmm. I'm not
trying to call you out but,

I'm just saying.

Shh. Shh!

Easy.

You gotta let it down
smooth, all right?

So just art
and meaningful stuff, okay?

I'm scared.

Don't be scared.
It's just gonna be two minutes.

Anything you leave behind
is gonna get tossed,

just remember that. Okay?

- Robert.
- What?

It's been five minutes.

Relax, it's fine.

You said two minutes.

You promised. Two minutes.

Holy shit.
What?

Miles, look. That's you.

Great. Put it in the bag.
We'll look at them later.

Let's go.

Miles, wait.
This stuff's incredible.

Fuck.

Who's in there?

Everything's going
to be fine, okay?

It might be a little bit scary
when you get in there,

but you just be calm and polite

and leave the rest to me.
Cheryl.

Okay? Just a second Ryan.
Cheryl.

Cheryl, I gotta talk to you.

Cheryl I gotta
finish telling you

my goddamn fucking story.
Please don't use that language.

This kid is going home.

Yes. Hopefully, he will be
going home, and hopefully

you will be going home as well.
Yeah I got a fucking mile-long record.

He has none. Don't worry
about anything. I got this covered.

I know the judge. I'll get this
done in two minutes.

Cheryl, you gotta get me
the fuck out of here.

Cheryl Quartermaine.
I'm legal aid.

Oh, I'm sorry. We don't...

There must be some
misunderstanding.

Robert has counsel.

Well, I've actually decided
to work with Cheryl.

Your Honor, this wasn't
a burglary case.

It's just the measly cost
of a broken window.

My client wanted personal art
of sentimental value

of his teacher, who had no
family anyway.

The true issue here
is a grieving kid

who just lost his teacher.

Your Honor, we've investigated
the facts and the circumstances.

It's obvious this is
a victimless crime,

considering both the
relationship and the belongings.

Therefore, the state moves

- to dismiss the case.
- Motion granted,

case dismissed.

Well, that was easy.

Thank you so much.
I really appreciate this,

I have to say,

I admire your independence.

Well, your father is here now,

so maybe you'll say
something to him.

You okay?

I'm fine.

I didn't get you anything.
It's okay.

You know Peter's a good
friend, right?

Mmm-hmm.

You know, he took the morning
off so that he could help you?

You know he has a big job?

So what I think
would be terrific

is if you could send him
a note that you write,

and just thank him for his time
and apologize.

You see, the thing is,
I didn't ask him to help me.

You did.

Clearly, I didn't need his help.

So maybe you should write
him an apology.

Get him a, I don't know,
give him a fruit basket.

He'd like that.
Fruit basket?

I've had a lot of time to think.

Especially last night.

Really, you know,
cemented it into my mind.

And I made the decision I'm not gonna
go back to school after winter break.

Oh, you have?

You had a cemented thought,

and then you're...
that's your conclusion?

Do you want to explain
that any further?

I can't really explain it.

Why am I not surprised?

If you want to take time off after
you graduate, then that's an option.

But you need
to get your diploma.

So come January, you're going
to show up on time.

You're going to smile.

You're going to look interested.

You can get straight D's for all
we care, but you're gonna pass.

Or I could just get my GED
and never suffer again.

I don't understand
how that works.

You don't under... You know, that's
the stupidest idea I've ever heard.

- Right there. Right there.
- Uh-huh?

You know... you know what
you get with it?

You know what you get
with the GED?

You know what kind of job
you would get?

What?
Gas station.

I'd love to work
in a gas station.

Would you like to work
in the dishwasher?

Yeah.
You want to work back there?

There's no reason to be
so condescending

towards people who work
those kinds of jobs.

He's not being condescending.

You can't get a job
as a dishwasher.

Do you know what time
they wake up in the morning?

5 A.M.
4:45 probably.

It doesn't matter anyway.

How is that going to look
on your application?

I don't give a shit.

Art schools don't
give a shit, okay?

They only care about
the portfolio.

Besides, I might not even
go to college anyway.

What?

Yeah.

Can you get any more
food in your mouth?

Huh?

All my heroes didn't
go to college.

Great.

I'll take anything
you don't want.

Well, you're going to be
taking a lot.

I think I can handle it.

All right. Okay.

Ah, nice. Great.

So, archive this one, this one.

That one. That one. That one.

Be gentle. Don't...

Don't rip it.

Woah, why are you so close?

What's your problem? You
always do this, you get really close.

I'm just excited.
Calm down, Rob.

I'm just saying...
Are those Cartoon Quarterly's?

Yeah. You want one?

Yeah. Let me see.
All right. You can have one.

There's only 25 copies,
so be careful.

This from freshman year?

Yeah.

Found yours.
What?

No, I was doing this
lame stick figure-y thing.

It's pretty good.
What's your problem?

Yeah, only in the context
of high school.

Once there's no school,
its complete shit. It sucks.

You need to be harder
on yourself, Miles.

If you want to get someplace, you
gotta you gotta be harder on yourself.

Any other Katano stuff?

Here, you can take these.

I don't want to be responsible
for them anymore.

Our letters from the future?

He gave these to you?

I kinda want to open mine.

What? No. What do you mean
you kind of want to open...

You can't open it for 20 years.

These are all
our parents' addresses.

I hope nobody moves in 20 years.

I hope there's a postal service
in 20 years.

I can hang out if you stick
around till last period.

Thanks. But I'll pass.

See ya.

Four damage to target player.

- Take that.
- I'll take it.

I'm kind of struggling here.

Why don't I play a little
lightning helix?

Boom!

You can't target that...
Shut up!

You don't know what the fuck
you're talking about.

You think you're a fucking
know it all.

Hey, did I sell you these? I can
do that with a lightning helix and...

No, my uncle passed all that
superhero crap down to me.

Never even read 'em.

I could do like five for the
Marvel and Image stuff.

Great.

Why are you selling
this stuff anyways?

Freaking garbage.

You know, I'm looking at a
place in Trenton later, and...

I need a car, so.
Whoa.

Trenton?

I know. It gets a little bit
scary there, you know?

I'm just trying
to get out of here.

I have no use for these
Archie Comics.

Oh, shit. I totally forgot
those were in here.

I'm not getting rid of this.

You got any Betty and Veronicas?

No.

We have some later Jugheads
if you're interested.

Sorry, but no.

How much total?
I can give you,

like 50 bucks
for what I could sell these for.

But if you work some extra
shifts during the weekends,

and on the holidays,

I'll give you the car.

What? The Cucaracha?

Yeah, I'm not giving you
my mom's car.

Wow.

Wow. Thank you.

That fucking...
And it's still running? It's...

I hope so.

Your problem now.

Welcome to Music to Spazz
By, with Dave the Spazz,

our listeners' WFMU storage.

If you'd like to set your watch,

the correct Music to Spazz By
time is exactly...

Half past the monkey's ass.

Buddy.

Yeah?

Your car is smoking.

Thanks, man.

Thank you.

Are you Robert?

Hi, yeah!

You said you'd be here
in the afternoon.

It's very hard to get here.
I'm sorry.

It's after dusk.
I know.

I'll give you the basics
of everything.

I'll walk you through.

I have a couple
of thumb rules here.

See that door?

Past midnight, locked up tight.

Okay.

This is our living room.

That's the couch there.

We have a couch.

That's the bathroom.

See that? You have a bathroom.

And, um, this is the TV.

You can watch that.

It's great.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, my God.
This painting's incredible.

Let me show you the kitchen.

This room is mine.

You don't need to see it.

Goodbye for a moment.

Cool man. Yeah.

Hi, there.
Hey.

Sorry.

Is there another bedroom?

Here's the kitchen.

I know those boxes
may be kind of a fire hazard.

Oh no, it's cool.
It's totally cool.

Okay, Mister Robert, there's
something that I have to be up front about.

No one can know
that you lived here.

Okay.

So you'll just have to be
rather discreet.

Yeah, sure. Understood.

Now, now that that's settled,
please tell me your concerns.

I mean, it just feels like
the air's a little, um...

It's a little...
It's a little... Warm.

It's too hot for you?

Yeah, it's boiling hot.

Okay, I'll, I'll shut it down
for a moment.

Thank you.

Legally, we have to keep the...
keep it up at all times,

but we like to cool it down
once a week.

Yeah, and where would
I be staying?

Steven's room.

Oh, he's leaving.
No, he's staying.

I'd be given half the room?

Yes, about.

But it's not really
for me to say,

How much for the room?
350.

350.

Okay. And is there any way
I could stay tonight?

You want to stay here tonight?

Yeah. I mean,
if it's possible.

It'd be greatly appreciated.
Um...

I guess it's okay.

Wow.
We have a spare mattress.

Awesome. Cool. By the
way, I was I was wondering.

I don't...
Is there a fish in here?

I didn't see any fish.
Um... Oh.

He was eaten by another fish.

And where is he?

I don't know.
Okay.

Okay, down there
is the DA's office.

He's the guy who wanted
to put you behind bars.

Just kidding, Robert.

Here is Steven's office.

He kind of runs the show.

Yeah, that happens.

He's usually
in Trenton. And...

Back there is paralegal.

Hmm.
Kind of a dump huh?

No, no, no, it's awesome.

Oh God, you're cute.

And last but not least,

this is me.
Nice.

Now just drop your
coat anywhere,

and make yourself at home.
Okay.

Robert.
I have got to say,

this just...

It just absolutely tickled me.

Yeah?

I'm glad. Yeah.

Oh, my God.

So tell me something
about yourself.

Uh, well,
I've recently left school.

Um, and I'm supporting myself
for the first time.

And I'm looking for
new opportunities.

I have an idea.

Yeah. I want to call in
one of my coworkers,

and I just want you to draw him.

Can you do that for me?

Sure. Yeah, I can do that.
Okay, hold on.

Jared, could you come
to my office, please?

Okay.

Here. Don't let him see
you do it and make it mean.

Yes. What do you want?
Um, I'm curious,

did we ever get the discovery
from the Judkins case?

Don't you remember?
I told you like two hours ago

that she called and everything
is going to be set up

for tomorrow morning's meeting?

Right. That's right.
Excellent. Thank you.

Is Roberta in?
Uh,

Roberta had to step out
to the drugstore

to buy her mother some perfume
and different kind of lotions

because she's having a
skin problem now.

But she'll be back
in a few minutes.

Okay. Can you tell her
to come in?

Um, I can,
if you really want me to.

Thank you so much.

But I'm not happy doing that.
Pardon me?

I'm not really happy doing that.

I didn't ask you if you were
happy doing it.

But if you could do it,
it would be fabulous.

Okay, I will do it for you.

Yes. Thank you so much.

Bye.
Bye.

Hand it over.

Oh, my god.

Okay. You are truly delicious.

Your responsibility
is very simple.

People are going to come in
and they're going to talk.

So your job is to distill the
essence of what they're trying to say.

Into the fewest
possible words. Right.

So that I have clear notes when I
review it later on, you understand?

Yes.
So,

for example, in your case,
in your case, you were accused

of breaking and entering,
right? Mmm-hmm.

But you said to me,
It wasn't really burglary

because I was taking back
what was rightfully mine.

Yeah.
So, you would write down...

Uh, so, believes...
"Believes," good.

"He was taking back," good.

"His own property."

"Property."
"Property." Perfect.

Right. It's easy.

Hi, Wallace. It's so good
to see you.

What's happening?

Uh, so, uh, Robert,
meet our friend Wallace.

This is Robert.

He will be sitting in
taking some notes.

What's happening?

So, Wallace.

It's so nice to see you again.

How are you feeling today?

What do you mean?

In whatever way.

Um, uh...

You know what? Don't
worry about it. Okay.

Uh, in regard to your outburst
at Rite Aid Pharmacy,

I think that you will want
to plead guilty to that charge.

I think that's our best bet.

Listen.

I'd imagine you get
a lot of maniacs in here.

But this is a very specific,
unique case.

And I can assure are you
that you are in good hands.

I approach all my cases
with the same care.

Frankly, I'd be better off
defending myself out there,

because after my last experience
with this, I'm not in the market

for another simple jackass
with an agenda.

Robert, honey, you don't need
to be writing this part down.

I bet this wouldn't be just
another case if I was paying you.

I refuse to go to court if this
is my only option.

Well, not showing up
for your court date

will ensure you time in jail,
which is not an option.

Right, Wallace? Please
don't make this difficult.

It is my job to believe you.

Miles, you're so fucking
disgusting.

What?

I don't know. You're just
chewing really loud

and you got grease
all over your fingers.

No wonder you skin
looks like hell.

Pork rinds make it worse?

Yeah of course.

They did a study a little
while ago, at Harvard.

They studied pork rinds
at Harvard?

Yeah. Dr Frankensladder.
You ever heard of him?

Well, basically,
he came to the conclusion

that acne is an unconscious
refusal to mature into adulthood.

What are you talking about?

Bad skin is one way to ensure
absolutely no one in the world

expects you to act
like a grown-up.

I'm not gonna stop eating
pork rinds.

These things are good.

Wow. This is it?

Yeah.

It's incredible.

Yeah, it's cool.

Yeah.

This is the best.

Just shut that door.

I can't wait.

I'm going to take the train
here every weekend.

We're going to stay up
all night drawing.

We're going to have such a
great time. All right, all right, Miles.

Please, just cool your
jets. Don't embarrass me.

Okay.

Hey, Barry.

Hello.

Slam it tight.

This is a sponge fisherman,
a special breed of man...

Special breed of man.

Oh, sorry. Wrong room.

Sit right down.

Sit down.
Right here?

What? You started without me?

What are you watching?
Beneath a 12-Mile Reef.

With Richard Boone
and Robert Wagner,

on glorious Cinemascope.

He's very handsome.

You think so?

Did you ever hear
of Richard Boone?

Nah.

He later played Paladin on TV,
and once he was a guest

on The Joe Franklin Show.

Did you ever
hear of The Joe Franklin Show?

Well, that was before your time.

But he was a big talk show host
in New York for many, many years.

He was great.

You like adventure movies?

Oh, I love them.
I love them all.

You know, Gulliver's Travels?
The Dave Fleischer. Oh yes.

Oh sure I do. His brother Max.
It was his studio.

Full length animated
feature in 1939.

Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, that's great.

And I love the character
of Gabby.

Remember him?
The comedic character?

Yeah.
He was great.

Hey.

What are you guys doing in here?

We're watching movies.

A friend of mine puts them on
discs for me in exchange for things.

Cool.

Do you have any sodas?

Comics.

Oh, boy.

We have fans of the
funnies, Steven.

Did you hear me?

Robert likes funny
books, Steven.

Dick Tracy?
Dick Tracy rules.

Blondie.

Yeah.

- Batman and Robin.
- Yeah.

Dennis The Evil Menace
with a slingshot.

You like Archie and Jughead?

I was in the Archie Fan club.

- What, really?
- Mmm-hmm.

One Big Happy.

You guys sure like comics.

Doonesbury.

What's that one?

Wait, what.
Steven.

Okay. Could you be careful
with that one?

It's a rarity, isn't it?

Tijuana Bibles? Yeah.

This, this anonymous cartoonist
did 'em, like a long time ago.

But they're so fucking dirty.

They're just really insane
and vulgar. Um...

But, yeah, they're really...
they're really rare.

You can find them if
you're looking for em usually.

This is disgusting.

They're like 20, 30,
sometimes higher.

It's a bit much isn't it?

Well, it's supply and demand.

There should be more actually.

But most people don't really
care about that stuff.

That one's actually our old
art teacher's.

Your teacher's?
He was into subversive stuff.

That one had
a lot of subversion.

Subversion.

Yeah.

I like that, Barry.
Reminds me of The Munsters

where Paul Lynde
went to the house

and they served him water in
their best china, and he took a sip

and at the bottom of the glass
was a giant widow spider.

Oh boy.

What's this comic called?

Oh, it's some crappy, you know,

funny animal anthology,
mess of reprints.

You know.

Pay wasn't good.
Nobody took it seriously.

People batted
the shit out overnight.

Sounds like it's good.
Like look at this.

What is this red void
he's floating on?

And why is his...
Why is his chin cut off?

Like a perfectly flat... What
is that line a cut off for?

It's just a mess on every level.

It's like so they wouldn't even
print these things right.

Half the time, it's like they
have the colors spilling out

on the wrong sides of the lines
and crap. They don't look that bad.

I mean, they don't look sloppy.

I love it, man.
I think it's loose.

You know what I mean?

It's like Warhol.
I brought my new Afrobot.

Nice.

I'm really proud of it.

Yeah, you want a critique?

Sure.

Afrobot and Segar's Treasure.

Like E.C. Segar. Artist to
Popeye, you know?

What's funny?

I don't know, Miles.

Your line work's like
really ratty.

That's just my style.
But crude isn't a style.

I'm... I'm sorry.

I just want to help you.

I mean, this is the fifth
one, right? Mmm-hmm.

I don't... I really...
It's not for me.

I'm sorry. It's not for me.

The poor guy.

You've got to put him down.

He's like flailing around
in a coma.

Just pull the plug.
Robert.

Besides, nobody buys
the mini-comics as it is.

Yo, move, move!

Yo, move.

I think I deserve
a second opinion.

All right.

Hey, everybody.

Who wants to win a free
comic book?

No, I'm okay.
Nobody.

George. George.

If you give this a review,
you get to keep it.

Just don't mince words.

They have a price,
it says one measly buck.

Did you really draw this?

It looks like Tales from
Be an world to me.

The eyes look like Be an world.

The Sprout-Butts, it's...

I'm sure he's just stealing
from it subconsciously.

Yeah, I think he stole it.

I've never read Tales
from the Be an world.

I bet you have.
Kinda reminds me

when Gran'Ma'Pa threw that fabulous
Look See Show for all the beans.

Ring a bell?

Does that ring a bell?

Ding ding!

I think the Sprout-Butts

in Be an world, they... they
look more like little beads.

Oh my God, you have read it.

You're a cheater.

Pulling from Be an world
for inspo.

You're allowed to have diverse
influences as a cartoonist, Robert.

You have the most obvious
egghead taste in everything.

You have asshole taste.

You love the taste of asshole.

Taste of asshole?

Miles is making strides.

I'll buy five for the
mini comics shelf.

Great. I only made five.

Can I owe you for those?
Sure.

Oh. That's Neal Adams.

Grip that shit. Top shelf.
Oh, cool.

Except Joe's idea of top-shelf was
trash like McFarlane's early Spawn run.

Don't be a dickhead.

This shit's meant to be fun.

That's, that's why they
call them the funnies.

They don't call them
the funnies for no reason.

This is what you got?

Mmm-hmm.

You're not threatened
by me or something,

now that I'm drawing
cartoonier looking comics?

Miles, if I'm being honest,
I think they show promise.

But...
I asked you a question.

No, I'm certainly not threatened
by you drawing like me.

Yeah, I'm flattered.
But if Katano were alive,

he'd call it a hodge.
A half-assed job.

Because it is.

I didn't want to tell you, but
Katano helped me with the story line.

He actually loved it.

So he said I'd turned
on my lights for this one.

Okay. Great.

Then why are you showing
it to me?

You haven't seen this.

I've been working on it
a long time.

Well, maybe don't
mention his opinion.

If you're going to ask
my advice.

Because I don't think
he was always honest with us.

Honestly.

That's $4.50.

That's including the
friendly discount?

Well, there's a friendly tax.

How long are you going to be?

Just a minute. Oh, you're
working for Cheryl, right?

Yeah. Sometimes.

You think she's good looking?

Uh, she's really nice.
She's a really kind person.

She's also a dishonest
person too.

You turn your back,
she'll talk behind your back.

Um, I'm just gonna be a minute.

Before that, I was
fixing computers.

And who were you fixing
computers for?

For people whose computers
were broken?

Okay.

And after that, you worked
for a company called Image.

Years ago.
Wait, Image Comics?

It says here that you were a
creative supervisor of some sort.

That's just a fancy way of
saying I was a color separator.

It's like an assistant
to the colorist,

but more assembly line.

I wasn't an artist.
Nobody get all excited.

And what ended your position

as an assistant colorist there?

Isn't that in your notes?

Yeah. No, it's, it's just
mentioned briefly,

but I would, I would love
to hear it from you,

since that was the position
that you had the longest

and had the most
responsibilities.

Because you're talking about
a 10-year-old incident.

It's completely irrelevant,

and inappropriate to
bring into this. Wallace...

It's... It's obviously
all in front of you.

You don't need to hear
anything about it from me.

I understand why
it would seem that way,

but it is better for me.

I can build a better case
for you

if I understand...
Let's close this subject.

Yo, Joe.

Yeah. Where are those old
Image back issues I sold you?

Hell of a constitution you have.

Yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yuck it up.

Could you move?

What?
Move.

No! Go.

You're not getting
a discount on those.

Come on, now.
Those aren't yours anymore.

Hey, man.

Sorry to bother you.

I just can't believe
you worked at Image.

It's definitely, uh, really big, early,
you know, an inspiration for me.

Inspiration to what?

Become a typist?

No, no, I'm actually...
My main thing is I, uh...

Draw.

Okay, well, again, I was
assistant to a colorist.

Color separator, I had no creative
input in the product you read.

Wow!

I had to go to the bathroom bad,

and everything's closed down,
you know?

So, I got a cup,
I went in the bathroom,

and I took a hot piss
in the car.

Right?

And then a woman must have
saw me, called the police.

They opened up the doors,
they grabbed me,

he punches me in my face,
throws me against the cop car.

She's making me
plead guilty against my will.

Boy, you guys...

I just... I wanted to say that I think
your mark on those Image books is,

like way more distinctive
than you think.

What does that mean?

It feels like it doesn't...

mean anything, but it...
You speak very well.

Very good.
Um...

Just that it does.
It's art, and it has impact

and meaning and... Impact.

Well, like think of how many people
read the books that you worked on.

You separated those colors,
you know, that's a big deal.

I know.
He's a professional.

I don't know.
This is really crazy for me.

I've just never met a
professional cartoonist before.

And I really think that your separating
style is really its own unique thing.

I just, I have to show you.

I have to show you like, like...

Like here, the way the neon
colors bleed over the lines.

You only really get
that in older printing,

And it's kind of...
That's what I worked on?

Um, I think. Is it?

Maybe it's not...
Boy, you did beautiful work

Doin' that stuff.
Why'd you have this?

Um... Weirdly, I've just
been re-reading them.

But what were you going
for them with that style? It's...

You're making him upset.

I was going for my survival.

I'm in the middle
of legal counseling here.

Right. Yeah. I'm so sorry.

Sorry.
Some crazy kid.

What the hell's wrong with him?

With a guy like that,
you gotta calm down.

Forget about him.

Hey kid.

Well, I guess I'm off to my
hour long bus ride back home.

Hey, break a leg at the trial.

Even though I live 40 minutes away
in Trenton and the bus route is absurd.

I live over by the Trenton
Monument. Do you, uh, you want a lift?

Okay. Cool.

I'm trying to find WFMU.

Also for the record, I didn't sweet
talk you into driving me home.

Okay. I'm just saying
that so it doesn't seem like

I'm ungrateful for something
I didn't specifically ask for.

Sweet.

It's on Hermitage Avenue,
just stay on Hermitage Avenue.

There's a mall on Hermitage,
it's coming up.

I have to pick up
a prescription.

Hmm.

I'm not telling you what the
prescription is, if that's what you're...

No, Sorry. No, that's...

You just missed it.

You just missed it.

Oh shit. I'm sorry.

You know what? Do you want to
actually go to Burger King? I'm hungry.

Maybe we could just
talk shop there.

I need to pick up something
for my well-being.

Should I make a U?
What do you think?

Really.

Now you roll down the window,
roll down the window.

I need some fucking air.

Roll... Oh my God. I don't
know why it doesn't work.

Would you just sit for a second?

What do you think?

Do you uh...
Do you recognize her?

Are you gonna get
your prescription?

I actually need you to talk to
this guy for me in there first.

Okay? He's a pharmacist.

You're going to talk
to him for me

and I'm gonna wait here
while you do it.

This is the...

Is this, this is...

Despite whatever propaganda
Cheryl has drilled into your head,

he pushed me first. Okay?

Okay.

Richard is a very,

very sick man with very twisted
ideas about how a pharmacy operates.

I know for a fact!

I'm sorry. I didn't realize
he was the one who started it.

He's unhinged, very violent.

And all it would take is for
you to fuck with him a little

to push him over the edge.

All I'm asking is for you to fuck
with him a little and then fire.

You want me to fuck
with him? Provoke him!

I just want it on record

that I'm not the only one he
does this to and that it was him.

Not me. You're gonna see
he's gonna get riled up very fast.

Okay? What do you mean,
what's he gonna do?

You'll see, He's probably gonna
put his hands on you.

His hands on me?
He's like...

Okay, but if he's, like, really
unhinged, couldn't it get ugly?

Couldn't get really... No, no,
I'll jump in when it gets bad.

Okay?

I promise. And, and, and,
I'm not even allowed in there.

That's how much I'm willing
to go to the wall with this.

I just want the same from you.

You're sure he's in there?

Very sure.

He's definitely in there?
Fuck it.

You don't have to care
about me. No, no, no, no.

Just drop me off at
the bus stop.

Fuck it. Go fuck yourself.
No, no, no, no, no, wait.

I'll do it.
Great.

Now just get him upset,

so he does something incriminating
for me and we can get it on tape.

You could say...

You could say
you're a junior pharmacist,

from, from, a Walgreens.

In Princeton.

You got all that?

Yeah. Okay.
All right. Yeah.

Excuse me.

Anything else?

Are you okay?

Are you okay?
Mmm.

Richard?

Yeah? Can you get
this from the back?

Yeah.

How are you?

What are you doing here?

I just... I'm checking out
the pharmacy here.

I'm a junior pharmacist
in Princeton.

Could you get me a Percocet?

Percocet?

Please, just get me a Percocet.

I'd do anything, literally.

I'm sorry. What do you mean?
You need that right now?

Well, aren't you the pharmacist?

Yeah. I can't prescribe stuff
like that.

I'm still junior pharmacist.

What on earth is
a junior pharmacist?

I have no power at all.

I have, like, no access
to that medication.

I can't prescribe it to anybody.

So you say.
No, really.

I'm like a, I don't know.
I'm like a doorman or something.

Doormen have lots of power.

They have door power.

Don't you get
your medication here?

Get me a Percocet you schmuck!

You told me
to do something I don't know...

Do you know him?

He's horrible.

He's a horrible man.

Don't look at me. Do it. Do it.

No, no, I don't know...
Do you sell DVDs?

I don't work here.

What the fuck
are you doing here?

I was going to get him...

One of these, actually, because
he's actually not doing so well.

Is that like
a pig for Christmas?

- Richard?
- Yeah?

- Simchowitz?
- Yep.

All right. Nice meeting you.

Ow. Fuck!

Oh my God.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

Let go of me!

Oh my God.
Are you okay?

He throw a horsey.
Fuck.

Wallace...

The idea was to provoke... I was 100
percent entirely trying to do what I thought

you would do in there.
I don't want to talk about it.

I'm gonna help you, Wallace.

Just so you know, when you're
tucked in your warm bed tonight

that I'll be sleeping
in a rat's ass!

I live in a shithole apartment
in Trenton.

It's a total shithole, Wallace.

Wallace. Wait one second.

Please. Just talk to me.

What would it take for
a drawing lesson?

Honestly, you consider yourself
a cartoonist, right?

I'd pay you.

How much?

Two hundred? Three?

Show it to me.

I mean, I don't...
I don't have it on me.

But how about
you come over tomorrow?

Christmas!

You want me to go to a child's
apartment on the worst day of the year?

My parents make these chocolate
chip pancakes at their place in Princeton.

What part?

There in sort of
the middle class part.

There is no middle class part.

Go.

Have the money
and the food ready to go.

Five Oldfield Lane.
Like "old field."

Barry, can you turn
the music down?

Barry, are you okay?

Barry!

Oh!

Fuck.

Fuck!

Fuck! Fuck!

Hey.

Merry Christmas.

Your bed's made.

Merry Christmas.

Did you come here
to get your presents?

I came for the pancakes.

Hmm.
Presents, too.

Merry Christmas.

Oh, it's the Neat Stuff
Anthology.

Yeah, I know
you like Peter Bagge,

and that's supposed to be
a really good collection.

Well, exactly.
It's a collection,

and I have all the original
Issues. No, that just came out.

What I'm saying is it's a reprint
of what I already have. So...

I, I have the issues, and I mean,
it's a very attractive collection.

You know what? These are
actually really nicely bound.

I think I'm going to keep them,
you know, for backup.

Okay.
So... thanks.

Who is that?

Oh yeah, that's my friend,
Wallace.

I forgot to tell you.
I invited him.

You forgot?
Well, it slipped my mind.

God damn it!
I'm gonna grab the door.

Do you know who Wallace is?

No, I don't know Wallace.

Hey.
Hey.

It's very confusing.

You have two front doors, so I
I just went for the fancier one.

Yeah, no, everybody gets
that mixed up.

Here. Let me get your coat.

Hey, everybody, this is
Wallace. Hi there, Wallace.

I'm Lewis, Robert's father.

What's happening?

I feel overdressed.

Oh, no, no shoes on the carpet.

Mom, Mom, it's fine. All right.
You can wear your shoes.

- It's fine.
- It...

It's literally the only rule
that we have in the house.

I just wasn't...

...thinking I would take off
my shoes.

Where do you live, Wallace?

Uh, Trenton. Oh, is
that where you're from?

Yeah. I'm from Trenton.

You still have family there?
This isn't a job interview, Dad.

Don't ask him about that.

My parents are there as far as I
know, but I don't speak to them.

I'm not a big fan of my family.

Totally understand.

I mean, I live in a house with a
son and we... he barely speaks to me.

Actually, we don't live in the
same house anymore, so...

I guess he moved out.

How do you two know each other?

We work together.
At the garage.

No, Dad, I I got a new job.

Working for a lawyer. So...

What lawyer?
Cheryl.

Her name is Cheryl.
You guys met.

So let me get this straight.

The lawyer who was given to you for
free is now the lawyer that you work for.

Well you say I don't tell you
anything about my life,

and when I tell you,
you're immediately judgmental.

Nobody's being judgmental here.

I'm just saying,
you know, I like this job.

Well, Wallace, now that
we have you here,

maybe you could answer some
questions about Robert's life.

All right. Maybe this is why
Wallace doesn't talk to his own family.

That's not actually why.

I'd like to know more
about this job.

But I think it's great that it's
something that you really like.

Is it great, Lewis?

I'm sorry, Wallace.

It's nothing personal.
I know that...

You work for Cheryl also.
Technically, she works for me.

Uh... What's your case about?

I think Wallace is here for some
pancakes and not to be interrogated.

I'm not interrogating you,
Wallace, am I?

Jennifer.

Uh...

Robert.

What? Go help your
grandfather with his TV.

He's gonna figure it
out on his own.

Go.
Okay.

So Wallace, why don't
you tell us about your case?

Are you familiar with the Rite
Aid on Hermitage Avenue?

No.

Well you're lucky.

Why, what happened?

It's just a violent atmosphere.

Very poorly managed.

So what actually happened?

Excuse me?

Look. At the top corner...
Okay. It's resetting.

What does that mean?
Okay.

HDMI 2.
HDMI 2, HDMI 1,

I didn't know which one it was.
What were you watching?

Was C-SPAN.

C-SPAN?
Yeah.

...lives up to
the commitment

that he made to me in my...
I think that's it.

Cool, here.
Okay. Come watch with me.

Not now.
Come on. Be a nice boy.

That was
specifically about this issue.

I don't know. I don't...

Why are you asking me that?
I don't understand why...

Where's Wallace?

I believe he's pretending
to use the bathroom.

There's someone in here.

Wallace. It's me.

Can I have some fucking privacy?

Wallace, I'm alone.
Do you want to let me in?

Get in here.

What is this?

Why the fuck did
you invite me here?

Look, I don't, I don't know you.
Okay? I don't...

...know you or what
you're capable of.

This is a business transaction.

Money is exchanging hands.

Look, I'm sorry
if you're uncomfortable.

Yes, it's uncomfortable!

I need...
I need air.

Air. I need air.

Okay. I can open the window.

Just back up!
Back the fuck up!

What the fuck?

What the fuck?

What's going on?
Hello?

What's going on in there?

Open the door.

Don't come in. Don't come in.
I'm making.

Robert open the door!

Dad, everything's fine.
Robert, open the door now!

What the hell's going
on in here?

What? What are you? What are you
doing locking my kid in the bathroom?

He's not locking me
in the bathroom.

What are you doing?

Are you... Are you funny?

Are you funny?
No, sir. Not at all, sir.

What does that mean? No, I don't I
don't mean, I don't know how to say it.

What...

What's this?
That was me.

I did that.
You did that.

For air. He was...
He couldn't breathe.

And I opened it
and the windows were stuck.

What do you mean
he couldn't breathe?

What's going on?
Do you have asthma?

No.
Are you sick?

What?
What?

Why? What is going on?
He couldn't breathe.

He's a guest, and I was... He couldn't
breathe so I opened the windows for him.

Well, did you unlock the lock?

Did you think of doing that?
Yes.

It's stuck from when
they were painted.

Asshole. So are you
going to blame the painters?

Is that what this is about? No, I'm
not blaming the painters, I'm trying

to explain my situation. 'Cause
it's always someone else's fault.

It's always
someone else's fault.

It's just an observation.

Can you two gentlemen
get the fuck out now?

Felix the Cat.
We meet again.

This is nice.

Yeah, the leg's broken,
uh... throwing it away.

You're gonna toss it?

It's just a broken hinge,
I could easily fix it.

This is you?

Yeah. Yeah. It's just
some old stuff I drew.

Yeah, I don't really... I don't
really get this kind of stuff.

This is disturbing.
It's older stuff.

Where's your superhero shit?

Oh, I'm not really
into superhero stuff.

I'm more into like, old humor
comics and undergrounds.

This is what I'm working
on right now.

What's this one?

Uh... oh, that's,
it's Bill and Stan. It's uh...

It's ancient.
Stop with that shit.

These are not ancient,
you're not ancient.

You're 18.

It's an old father and son strip
I used to do in middle school.

"What's so sad about
losing his job?"

These jokes
don't make any sense.

I begged my mom to send a
letter to King Features Syndicate.

They distribute all the comics in
the, you know, Princeton papers.

She sent those, and they sent
them back without even opening them.

I was 13, I was already trying
to be this hotshot professional.

It's pretty pathetic.

Oh no, it's hilarious that you
thought these would ever be published.

What is it?

Merry Christmas.

Who's this?
Oh uh...

Wallace, this is Miles.

For your new apartment.

On one side he's asleep
and the other he's awake.

I'd leave him on
his sleeping side.

Permanently.

Are these recent?

Yeah. I don't know. Uh...

I don't know.
They're really good.

They're really not. Can you
put them away, please? Yeah.

I don't really understand what you
guys see in those funny animal comics.

You can't appreciate
any funny animal comics?

Pogo?
Pogo?

The Ducks?
The Ducks?

Donald Duck and his nephews,
Daisy, Grandma Duck,

Scrooge McDuck, Feathery Ducks.

Some of those Carl Barks Duck
comics are actually pretty sophisticated.

Are you guys fucking Martians?

Those were for ten year-olds
in the 50s.

The only people who read
those now are pedophiles.

It's probably kid bait.
Robert, that's bullshit.

You love the Duck comics.
No I don't.

I stopped reading that
Disney shit when I was like 15.

Fifteen is still kind of old
to be reading the Ducks.

You know, Wallace used
to work in the industry.

He used to work in Image.

Really?
Yeah.

Shoot. Should've brought
some of my new work.

Your work?

You know what? You should, You
should go back home, get some stuff.

Yeah. I'll do that. Maybe. Maybe
Wallace could give you some pointers.

Okay. I'll be back in
seven minutes. Yeah.

Great. Cool.

And by the way, don't tell people
I used to work for Image Comics.

That's not something I feel
comfortable talking about.

Sorry about that.

So you don't have the
money. No I have the money.

Where is the money?

It's downstairs. I'll get
it... Go get the money.

I have the money, it's
downstairs. Go get the money.

What money?

None of your business.

You can take that.
No, no, no, It's just...

He's fixing the table, so he...

Good. Wallace is gonna fix
it? I'm just looking for tools.

Fixing the table and then he
gets the table as a reward. Robert?

Robert. So, I'm just looking
for tools for him to fix it.

Why are you doing this today?

What are you looking
for, Robert? Duct tape.

He could be a career criminal,
he could have killed somebody.

You have no idea who he is.

He's a stranger. He's not
a stranger, he's my friend.

You know what? You're gonna stay down
here, 'cause I forbid you to go upstairs.

What were you doing up there?

I was. I was. I was in my room
and I wasn't near...

What's his name?

And you're not going to go near
him, either. "What's his name?"

"What's his name" is my guest
and you don't get to be rude to him.

Well, he's not our guest.

Okay? And you know what? You're
gonna go back... Don't touch me.

You're going
to go back next semester.

Okay? You're gonna go back
if I have to strap you

into a fucking straitjacket and put
you on the bus, you understand?

Yeah. I'll be long dead
before that happens.

Well, I'm sure you will.

I'm sure you will.

I'll visit your casket.

Okay? Come on. Let's go.

No, no, no...

Let go of me. Let go!

You think you're
a rabble rouser?

You think you're a gangster?

You're a spoiled brat.

And that's all that this is,
it's brat shit.

Do you understand me?

Do you understand me?
Let go.

If it's the last thing
that you learn...

Fuck this. I'm leaving.

Wait. Where are you going?
I can tell I'm not wanted.

Wait, wait!
Don't touch me!

What about the lesson?
I have the money. See?

It's $220.

You said $300.

Yeah. I'm sorry.

This is all I have.
I'll have to owe you the rest.

Just please.

Please don't leave.
Fine.

I fixed this, by the way.

See? I just bent back the hinge.

Are you okay?

This is uh...

Sort of a treat.
You drew this?

Yeah, a while back.
Held on to it all this time.

It's cool how they have the
Image Inc. cover stock on it.

Well, that's great about
the Image Inc. cover stock.

What about the art, asshole?

No, no, it's great.
I love it.

I love it.
Let me get the ink.

God.

Another.

They're really good.

I know.

Oh was this uh...

What was is this?
An Image pencil test?

Yeah. For a pencil application.
Never submitted.

Okay. So...

Liefeld's inking
is the gold standard.

Is it?

You should know that if you were
studying Image from that period.

Oh yeah. Totally.

Thin lines.

The outlines could be thicker and
chubbier looking, but not too thick.

I'm being particular,
so you don't ruin it.

Here. You ink it
so I don't fuck it up.

Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure.

Okay,

And...

if you do a good job,

maybe it will turn
into something.

Seriously?

Look, I've haven't been
in the game for a while but...

Let's just say
I have connections.

You wanna...

I'm deeply moved.
But be careful with that.

I just can't believe you would
do that for me. Yeah, yeah.

Just be careful with that.
Oh, okay.

I'm back.

I wanted to grab my original
so you can see the details.

What do you think?

We're in the middle of a
lesson. He paid for one lesson.

Just be careful with
the shadows.

I can draw.

Katano said my style's my own.

Okay.

Don't know what that means.

Isn't imagination...

more important?

I mean, than craft?

You see the influence
of the Duck book?

Just shut up, Miles.
He doesn't care.

This is Wallace's?

Yeah, some sample stuff he did
when he was separating.

Separating?

So you weren't
even an artist at Image.

Miles, please. Is form really
more important to you than soul?

Miles, please.

Is form really more
important than soul to you?

What would Katano say
about this?

Miles, please. Form is
more important than soul?

Miles. Please. don't quiz
a pro on art.

- I'm quizzing him on soul.
- Don't...

Don't quiz me on soul.

What did you do?

What did you do?

Stand up. Now!

I was just practicing the
texture, I was going to black it out.

I was gonna black
that out eventually.

You ruined the fucking page.

Wallace. I was just practicing
the texture. I'm just inking it out.

I'm... Look, I can white
some of that out if you prefer.

I can do it great, I swear.
No. You can't!

I'm trying to sell this,
you fucking amateur!

Well, maybe what sells
these days is originality.

Just face up to the fact that you
failed and you're not very good.

Do I really just suck to you?

My style isn't...
You didn't fail.

If anything, he made it more...

Artistic.

No one in this room
is an artist. Okay?

I'm not an artist.

You're not an artist.

You're definitely not an artist.

You don't just...

Get to be an artist!

It's not about being an artist.

Shut up, shut up!

You failed.

Yeah, but he failed with soul.

That's the difference.

Okay. Okay.

Can I um... Can I uh...
Can I, um...

What?
Can I take a look

at what you were writing?

- Thank you.
- What are you doing?

Oh my God! Miles. Stop.

Guys, guys, guys.
Chill out. Guys. Knock it off.

What the fuck are you doing?

Please. Knock it off.

Stop! Stop!

- Oh my God. Oh my God.
- Oh my God.

Oh my God!

Fuck! Fuck!

Miles!

Wallace!

- What the fuck!
- What is going on!

- What the fuck, Wallace!
- What is going on?

Oh my God.

Oh, fuck.
What the fuck?

What... Miles!

- Put pressure on it! Pressure!
- What do I do?

Get the first aid!
First aid!

What is going on?
Miles is hurt.

Oh my God, Lewis!

Oh my...

It doesn't work.

Wallace, it doesn't work.

It doesn't work.

No. It doesn't...

I don't know.

Robert, get the first
aid kit! Oh my God!

Oh my God, a man just crashed
into our house!

Yes, he was just, I don't know.
He was just...

Robert, get back here!

Robert, get back here!

Robert, listen to me!

You have no right
to interfere in my life!

Fuck you, you soulless creep!

You're obsessed with my failure!

Stay the fuck away from me.

Fucking creep.