Funland (1987) - full transcript

♪ I remember years ago

♪ My friends and I'd ride down

♪ To a place where we
could rock all night

♪ In the middle of our town

♪ The roller
coaster went so high

♪ It blew us all away

♪ And things went
really rock and roll

♪ When the band would play

♪ But the favorite
thing that I recall

♪ The highlight of the day

♪ Was the crazy
clown of burn out man



♪ Who laughed his time away

♪ Oh Mr. Clown come
on back and wait

♪ Tell us one more joke of
yours it'll make our day

♪ Oh Mr. Clown
you're ahead of time

♪ You don't have to worry

♪ If you lose your mind

- [Director] Funland
commercial take five.

(clapper snaps)

- Hi boys and girls I'm Bruce
Burger and I'm Peter Pepperoni

his pizza pal and this week
it's sneak preview at Funland

and that means a dollar on
every ticket goes to a very

worthy cause, isn't
that so Timmy?

- [Director] Cut, Bruce try
not to be so rough on Timmy,

Timmy's the poster
child remember?



- Oh sorry Timmy.

Say he's not contagious
or anything is he?

- [Timmy] Where's my agent?

- Employment at Funland is
more than just a summer job

it is also fun, it is a
place where the fun of work

never stops.

There are many fun positions
available such as park hostess

and ride operator but the
fun doesn't stop there, no.

Other exciting positions
include fry cook, the litter

patrol, sanitary napkin clog
monitor, customer regurgitation

brigade, lard courier
and scum scraper.

Please sign the interview sheet

and state your job preference.

Does anyone have their
application ready at this time?

- Doug Sutterfield, staff
photographer just keep writing

we're doing some PR
shots for opening week.

You ever model or anything?

- Me a model, right.

- Just keep working
don't even look up

pretend I'm not
even here alright?

(camera clicking)

My idea's kinda to follow an
employee through the whole

hiring process, you know watch
you filling out your forms

your job interview, getting
your uniform fitted,

stepping outta your clothes.

- My name is Darlene Dorkner,
I'm a graduate of State

University I also attended
the David Lee Roth University

where I studied rear projection,
I type 300 words a minute,

I can create my own software
and I hope to promote world

peace through the use of
electronic office equipment

or superior fire power
which ever come first.

(clapboard clicks)

- Hi boys and girls I'm Bruce
Burger and I'm Peter Pepperoni

his pizza pal, do you
know what time it is?

It's time for Funland.

- [Director] Cut!

Bruce that was great but
you spit on the lens.

- [Bruce] It wasn't me.

- [Director] Well if
you didn't who did?

And don't blame
Timmy he's asleep.

Wake him up it's take 88.

- Well, thank you Miss Acintime.

What do you think?

Anybody.

- Bruce is a little frantic.

- Frantic?

He's a damned fruit cake.

- [Angus] I happen to like him.

- Yeah well I do to he's
a likable fruit cake,

it works for him.

- Now can somebody tell me
why everyone has such a blind

loyalty to this clown?

- Anyone want to explain
Bruce to Kristen?

Mike?

- Well you see Kristen our
Bruce Burger represents

Brewster's Pizzeria Palace,
home of the pizza burger

and every year, during opening
week, Brewster's under rides

us just a little bit
until the money comes in...

- I know why you have a clown
from Brewster's, what I'm

asking is why you have a
clown from the twilight zone.

- Well our Bruce has been
with Funland since the park

opened, he's well
he's one of the family

and he was a
remarkably fine clown.

- Is he clowned out or what?

- Last year during opening week
we had what we like to call

a slight problem with Bruce.

- What Mike means is that
Bruce went berserk in front of

a group of 100 senior citizens
who were at the park for

digitalis day.

- Oh well I'm sorry but if
he can't go the distance like

every other clown I know then
maybe he should find another

pop stand on the midway.

I'm sorry but you don't pay
good money for sentiment

that you can get for free.

- Now, now I realize that
Bruce is a little eccentric

alright or he's a lot eccentric
but he's not dangerous.

He isn't dangerous is he?

- No.

- There you see?

All we have to do is keep an
eye on him during this opening

week, the excitement makes him
jumpy and we wouldn't want to

have another incident
like that one last year.

- We had to tranquilize him
like we do the park dolphins.

- Bruce is the good will
ambassador for all of Funland

people love him.

All we have to do is make sure

that he doesn't speak to them.

- Hi job seekers, do you
know what time it is?

It's time for fun
with me Bruce Burger.

And can you guess what
Bruce has in his pocket?

- A hole for when you're bored?

(laughing)

- No I have a very
special friend with me

and maybe we can
coax him to come out.

Please come out sir
please come out.

Aw come on come out.

No.

Please come out all the boys
and girls wanna see you.

Look!

It's Peter Pepperoni, hiya
kids hiya, hiya, hiya.

(phone buzzing)

- [Secretary] Bruce.

- Yes?

- Mike will see you now.

Hey everybody let's give a
big round of applause to Bruce

and his pepperoni.

(applauding)

- [Angus] Now that's
a hell of a slogan.

- That's one of the promotional
tie in's for our opening.

Shop that at the front gate
and you get two dollars

off the ticket price.

- Great idea.

If you can't sell it give it
away that's what I always say.

Oh there's one change
in the press releases.

No more wax museum I told
operations to close it down

I've even had a few offers
already on the wax figures.

I'm gonna put in something
new some kind of a thrill ride

for the kids maybe based on
a cartoon character thing,

you know somethin'
silly and crazy.

- Hi Angus.

- [Angus] Hey Bruce.

- Hi there Mike.

- Hi.

- I'll talk to ya.

Why don't you come
by my office later

and I'll buy you a coke.

- Oh thanks a lot.

Say Mike can I come
in and talk to you?

- Yeah sure.

- May I come in too?

- Yes Peter you can come in too.

- You come on in.

Thank you.

- What can I do for ya?

- Well I want the name
on my check changed.

- It's made out to you isn't it?

- No it's made out
to Neil Stickney.

- Right Neil Stickney,
that's your name.

It's been made out
that way for 10 years.

- That's why I want it changed.

Why should Neil get the money?

- Because he, because
you are, oh Christ.

- (clears throat) What Bruce
is trying to say is why should

Neil be the one getting the
money when Bruce is the one

busting his buns.

Stop it I can talk for myself.

Well excuse me for trying to
help but I'm out there bustin'

my buns too.

Will you please stop it
we'll talk about it later.

Later, later, it's always later.

Stop it.

I'm sorry but you don't
know what it's like

living with Peter.

- Okay listen if you don't
want the check made out to you

who do you want it made out to?

- I want it made out
to me Bruce Burger.

- So you're saying don't
make it out to Neil.

- Forget Nei, Mike
I heard that Neil

once had a nervous break down.

- (Laughs) Brucey, Brucey
ever think about endorsing

some other kind of product
maybe you know like

how 'bout mixed nuts.

I'm so, neverm, okay look
I'll call accounting Monday

bright and early and see if we
can get the name on the check

changed okay?

- Oh thanks a lot Mike.

One more thing we want
a bigger dressing room

the one we got right
now's to small, to small.

- Hmm, I guess with you
and Bruce and Neil in there

it does get kinda crowded.

- I'll say it does.

Well it would be nice,
I'll tell you what Mike

I'll come by later and give you
a list of all my demands ok?

Thank you Mike.

Thank you Mike.

Bah bye.

Bah bye.

Where we gonna go to eat?

Oh let's eat at the commissary.

The commissary?

- [Announcer] Good day
Funlanders and welcome aboard.

VIP night is only seven days
away so start practicing your

smiles remember a Funlander
without a smile and a hello is

like a cheerleader without
her pompoms and her clothes.

- Well, well, well Chip Cox.

Is that a blue
windbreaker you've got on?

Have they gone and made
you a junior supervisor?

A nickel an hour what are
you gonna do with all that

extra money?

- Sutterfield just
take the picture.

- [Doug] Oh yes sir Mr. Cox.

Look real good, show us one.

Perfect except you have a
little brown at the edge of your

nose, yeah.

(camera clicks)

Perfect.

(camera clicking)

- I'm Chip Cox your
junior supervisor

and I'll be instructing you
today in the proper working

procedure of the watermelon
theme concession stand.

Now how many of you
are good with knives?

(camera clicking)

- The key to Funland security
is getting the job done

without getting in the way.

Now a kid is breaking into a
line what is your reaction?

Now let's say I'm
the kid breaking in,

Darlene how would you handle it?

- Freeze maggot brain or
your balls are history.

How's that?

(camera clicking)

- This is a
Brewster's crust bun.

It is manufactured in Toronto
and then shipped to Cleveland

where the mozzarella cheese
paste laminate is applied.

Every morning take
your pepperoni stencil
and apply three

and only three of your
pepperoni glob dots.

(camera clicking)

- I'm not sure what Neil wants.

You know what Angus I'm no
psychologist but I don't think

Bruce even knows that he
is Neil Stickney anymore.

Look you sure you don't wanna
think about retiring Bruce?

- No, no, no.

- Alright how about getting
Bruce just to send him back to

clown college just for
the opening week please?

- Didn't you ever throw
sticks in the stream

when you were little?

Some of them caught the current
and went right by the rocks

and the limbs and
some of them didn't,

some of them get stuck on
a sand bar or trapped in a

back water and they never
could seem to find their way

back to the flow.

I put Neil in that group.

- Oh come on you're a
business man Bruce is a clown.

- Well not in the beginning.

No when I met Bruce, excuse me
when I met Neil he was right

outta college he
was our original
accountant then he could

really make a
balance sheet dance.

- Well that must've been
before Neil had his nervous...

- Breakthrough?

Listen Neil, Neil is
gonna be just fine.

Believe me it's not the
alligators you have to watch out

for in the swamp, no
it's the mosquitos,

and speaking of mosquitos
is Hurley up to speed yet?

- Oh God still
pitchin' slow ball.

- Seems to me there's somethin'
kinda dense about him.

What about Kristen isn't
she just a little bit...

- Aggressive, pushy, abrasive?

(laughing)

- Now wait she's alright,
she's brand new right out of

grad school and she wants to
be sure to make success with

her coming, I hired her just
because I knew she'd be tough.

Hey look at this will ya,
just hey look this is great.

There's something about
the air this time of year

- Ah yeah it smells like money.

- Everything is great.

The park looks great,
the kids look great

and when we open we
are going to be great.

- But he managed to walk to
work everyday, to his job at

the skillet creek grill and
that employee had a wooden foot.

(applauding)

- Thank you and thank you.

Well now, here's somebody
we all know Steve Murphy

Murph the Surf.

(applauding)
(cheering)

- Murph's up he's out
he's rappin' to ya.

How many kids out there
listen to me on Q91?

Let me hear it from ya.

(cheering)
(applauding)

How many of you watch
midnight videos?

Alright.

How many people out there
think that Bruce Burger's feet

are as big as his shoes?

Hey Bruce who does your wig?

General Electric?

(laughs)

So remember when things
are really down kids

at least you don't have to
be the man in the clown suit.

Keep listenin' to me I'm
outta here bye bye love you.

(applauding)
(cheering)

- Thanks dude.

Well boys and girls I realize
looking out over your sea

of eager young faces exactly
why Funland gets better

every year.

Now there've been some rumors
circulating that I am planning

to sell the park to developers
this year, all I can say is

they don't know Angus Perry
very well because the day that

they take this park away from
me it will be over my dead

body. (laughs)

(applauding)
(cheering)

- The body, that of Angus
Perry, owner and operator of

Funland, dead at age 58.

The body was discovered
less than an hour ago in the

brackish back waters of
the Costawalla river.

Mr. Perry's coupe de ville
was found parked on the bridge

above with a suicide note
taped to the steering wheel.

With the live action news
eye cam I'm Janna McMartin

for WSUA.

Bob, back to you.

(phone ringing)

- Mike Spencer can I help you?

Yes Shelly I'm
watching the news.

Uhhuh it's tough.

Well yeah sure the VIP
preview's already scheduled.

Yeah the funerals on Thursday.

The eulogy, I don't know,
who's doing the eulogy?

(morose music)

- Well boys and girls I guess
we all know what time it is

for Angus, our beloved father
of Funland has bought himself

a season ticket on
God's roller coaster.

He was the father of our
family and like all families

I guess we had our differences
I remember Mr. Hurley leaving

Angus's office one afternoon
shouting at me that incompetent

son of a bitch is to old to
run an amusement park why

doesn't he just die.

Well he has.

I remember Mike, Mike would
confide in me that Angus's

beloved Funland was just
another pit stop on the road to

some place better and I remember
Angus the thrill he would

get every time Miss Willingham
would bend over and sharpen

her pencil, he would look at
me and say Bruce I'd love to

take my shoes off and run
barefoot through her tits.

- It's true I mean
he was the nicest man

I ever met in my life.

- And now let's bow our heads.

Dear God why did you take
our Angus when you coulda had

any one of these people, amen.

- I never thought this would
happen to Angus like this.

Did I tell ya I met
him in a bowling alley?

- I know this has been a strain
for you having to get these

arrangements in such a
short time, I'm sorry.

- Mrs. Perry I just wanna
say that we'll all miss Angus

very much.

Oh what a lovely dress
black makes you look thin.

- Ah Mrs. Perry we're all
very sorry about Angus please

accept our condolences.

- Thank you Mike, oh by the
way I've sold the park to

amneco.

- You've sold, excuse me Mrs.
Perry but well it's just that

I've always thought of
Funland as being you know

in the family.

- Well that's what made me
feel so comfortable I've sold

it to a family the DiMauro's,
Mario DiMauro and his sons.

They own amneco.

I really didn't wanna sell it
at first but they did put up

a lot of collateral the
bulk of the Funland stock.

- But Mrs. Perry with Angus
gone you own the Funland stock.

- Well they bought the company
so they own the stock now,

I guess they can put it up
for collateral if they want

it's called a, oh what is it?

- A leveraged buy.

- Yes that's what it
was a leveraged buy.

You know Angus always said
that Bruce was such a financial

wizard before he
went and lost his...

His interest in money.

- So what's leveraged buying?

- Well leveraged buying is
getting more and more common

it sounds like you're buying
what you're getting when in

fact you're selling
what you're buying

leveraged buying.

Well that's what Neil says
anyway but what does Neil know

he never has any fun.

- Well anyway they'll be
at the offices tomorrow

and explain the whole thing.

(ominous music)

- I'm Mario DiMauro

this is my son Carlo.

- Papa.

- This is his brother Larry.

See Carlo if you have a question

see Lawrence if
you have a problem.

Carlo.

- This is a get acquainted
meeting, we have had access to

the company files and
know everything about you

and you don't know
anything about us.

(laughing)

- Excuse, I hope I'm not
interrupting anything.

Say Mike this is the
complete list of my demands

I told you about review it and
go over it with these people

I'll be back in my
dressing room, thank you.

- Who is that guy?

- The local Bruce Burger.

A few changes we
would like to make.

(door bangs)

- Excuse me ah just
one more thing.

Do you know how long
you're gonna be?

- Larry.

- Hi Larry you're a dear.

Cause I was ow, alright it's
no rush, no rush I can, I'm in

my room all day.

(door bangs)

- Thank you Larry.

- [Larry] No problem.

- There are three changes
we would like to make.

First Michael Spencer will
assume temporary responsibility

as general manager
until a permanent

replacement is recruited.

Second we want everybody
to cut expenses by 20%.

- 20%?

- What are you some
kind of an echo?

I want everybody to cut 20%
they gotta feed the kitty

the kitty don't fat I get mad.

- Third Bruce Burger needs a
bigger role in the opening.

- I am having a nightmare.

- Not our Bruce Burger.

- Not that idiot in the wig

I mean the national
Bruce Burger.

- The national Bruce Burger
will be arriving shortly.

Brewster's Pizzeria
owes us one (laughs).

Questions? No?

Then let's get going.

- And remember feed the
kitty I want a 20% cut

I make room in my operations
for people who can cut.

- Hey you know I
kinda like your hair

it kinda does somethin' to me.

- Oh thank you you know I
always say why look natural

if you have the time you know.

- Let me just say Mr. DiMauro
your organization maybe the

salvation of this park.

- Well thank you.

- You know it's (laughing)
it's very refreshing to meet a

man who knows the value of
cutting overhead while raising

production at the same time.

You let me know if there's
anything I can do to make your

transition any more pleasant.

- Actually there is one thing

um we need to locate
Neil Stickney.

- Ah who?

- Neil Stickney he's a major
stockholder in Funland.

- Hmm I've never heard of
him but I will research the

corporate records for you.

- Good and Kristen?

- Yes Mr. DiMauro.

- Do it quietly.

(ominous music)

- So where we goin'?

- What are you talking about?

- On our date this Friday?

- Date, we have a date?

- Look I know you're overwhelmed
by all this I mean humble

employee being favored by

the high profile
park photographer...

- Look I have no interest
in going anywhere with you.

- Does that mean no?

- Mmhhmm.

- But why not?

- Well for three reasons
you happen to be arrogant,

conceited and egotistical.

- Hold on egotistical and
conceited are the same thing

that leaves you with two,
I'll pick you up on Thursday.

- [Girl] I'm busy.

- How 'bout Friday?

- Look I'm working late
Doug I just don't have any

interest in you, you're
not my type okay?

- I see now, you're the
one who's egotistical.

You're the one who's
conceited, you're a snob.

- I am not.

- Yes you are.

I mean you don't even know
me and yet I'm not your type.

You are a snob.

- I am not.

- Then why won't
you go out with me?

- Well maybe I will.

- No you won't.

- Yes I will.

- Okay, how about Saturday?

- Friday.

- Eight o clock.

- Seven o clock.

- Okay.

- Guess I showed him.

(bouncy music)

♪ Way down upon the
Swanee river far, far away

♪ That's where my
heart is turning ever

♪ Down where the old folks stay

♪ Way down how I love
ya, how I love ya,

♪ Swanee river, that's
where the old folks stay.

- What was that?

Singing?

Dancing?

God, I've seen epileptics
kick higher during a seizure.

- For Christs sake Ruth Ann
would you please get Mr. Joseph

another cup of coffee?

And make it fresh.

- For Gods sakes,
get those arms down

this is not a float
in the rose parade.

- Okay Bertram

here is a revised schedule
for the VIP preview.

- This pile of poodle poop
will not be ready for VIP day.

- Oh not now Bertram I
have my own problems okay?

- I told you when I took this
job this is one fairy that

doesn't come
equipped with a wand.

(knocking)

- Bruce?

- Hi Mike.

- Hey, how you doing big guy?

- Say, don't you
say hello to me?

- Hello Peter.

Listen, Bruce, could we
have a moment without Peter,

just you and me?

- Okay, I can take a hint.

Listen now that we're alone

I wanna find out are those new
boys, they're gonna play ball

with us because if not Mike

I may not work the
park opening this year.

- Bruce you're not gonna be

working the park
opening this year.

- But I work it every year,

I've always worked it every
year, its my wooden jubilee.

What about the spend opening
day with Bruce Burger contest?

Angus would never
let this happen.

- Yeah I know but Angus
owned the park, I don't.

And you see these
new owners, you know,

they want the real Bruce Burger.

- The real Bruce Burger,
he's the real Bruce Burger.

- Okay, I'm sorry I
didn't mean to say real,

I meant to say the
national Bruce.

- That no talent.

- Yeah, right, yeah.

Oh another thing,

he's gonna need your
dressing room to, okay?

- Well where are we gonna dress?

- Well I don't think, hey!

I know what, we can
put you in a wax museum

wouldn't that be great.
You love the wax museum.

- That's no good,
there's no privacy there.

- It's closed.

Angus closed it,
don't you remember?

Okay look.

I'm gonna need you to
start packing this stuff up

and getting out okay?

Need any help with
some of this or?

- No it's okay, Peter
and I can do it all.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- Okay, hey, thanks
you're a real Funlander.

(ominous music)

- Oh, you're a real Funlander,

you're a real piece
of candy, you are.

Don't talk that way to me.

Why didn't you say that to him?

Stop it.

You make me wanna puke!

Well you can't puke,
you're a Muppet!

- Mr. Pizzaburger, hey
big guy how're you doing?

Chad, Mike Spencer Funland.

I really appreciate, you
know you're making me look.

- No.

- Chad you have to understand.

- Absolutely not, I told
you on the telephone

it's bad enough you make me
deal face to face with the

little snots at all but I
will not spend an entire day

with one of then just because
he won some inane contest

one of your cretins dreamed up.

- Chad we promised the child

the real Bruce
Burger now if you...

- Read my lips, I refuse,
absolutely, no negotiations.

I will not spend
one minute with your

precious little lucky winner.

- You know Chad if I could...

- I want to play Hamlet
damn it, not a hamburger!

Oh please.

Listen, I realize that a
tiny mind can make even the

simplest mental tasks
difficult but try

to understand I don't
like this, any of it.

I'm doing it for one
reason and one reason only.

That reason has
nothing what so ever

to do with liking children.

Which I don't.

With liking those
dreadful little gut bombs

you call pizza burgers
or liking anything about

this retched little business
you call public relations.

It has to do with money.

Pure and simple.

Filthy fricking luca.

Now I've given you my career
for it, my reputation,

my name, leave me my soul?

This is my dressing room?

God, what a dive.

Who are you?

- I'm Bruce.

- Oh no, don't tell me.

This is the image I'm projecting
to the urchins of America?

God help us all.

- You use this on your face?

Your pores must be
the size of nickles.

- Don't worry, all of this
will be out of here soon.

You were supposed to
be out of here bozo.

(throat clearing)

- Bruce, I don't believe we've
been properly introduced.

Chad you know Peter
Pepperoni don't ya?

- Put that stupid puppet away

or I'll use it to blow my nose.

- Tell him to shove
a coal up his ass and

we'll use him to mop the floor.

(ominous music)

(thuds)

(gentle music)

It sure is dark in the wax
museum now that it's closed.

Where have all of
the wax figures gone?

Oh so this is what life
is like at the top.

Gee the air is so thin
here I can scarcely breath.

Ahoo, ahoo, ahoo.

Come on Peter, this is
just temporary, you wait.

Pretty soon I'm gonna start
throwing my weight around.

Aw take an enema.

I'm warning you Peter,
don't get fresh with me I

could just throw you
across that room!

Oh, I'm so scared, look at me,

ah I'm shaking, ah I'm shaking.

Will ya just stop it, would ya?

Sit down.

Say, could you give
me a cigarette?

- No.

- Come on Peter.

Give your partner a cigarette.

- Oh he isn't my partner,
no, no, I'm a solo act now.

- You know Bruce the
whole worlds coming apart.

It's not the time to ruin
a beautiful partnership.

Last year this was a
pretty good set up,

I had friends here,
I could call it home.

But times change.

Now I'm being shipped
off to a museum

in Chicago with Richard Nixon.

Aw thank angel, now
get back in the box

and I'll be there in a minute.

Look Bruce what I'm trying to
say that the problems of three

little people in your case
Bruce, Neil and Peter,

don't amount to a hill of
beans in this crazy world.

Look I'm not much at
making speeches but I know

you gotta take what you can get.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah, but
you would never take this,

you never took this
in any of your movies.

- That was back in the
40s when a guy could

shoot a few people and make
a difference in the world.

But times have changed.

Look at me I'm Chicago bound

and I can't even
pick my own company.

- Well what am I gonna do.

- For one thing, you can stop
feeling sorry for yourself.

- Excuse me, I'm looking
for Denise Wilson?

- What do you want now?

- Why Denise is that you?

What are you doing here?

This is like the reform
school for the UN.

- Well I went out
with you, that's why.

And I broke a date
with Chip to do it.

- I complement you on your
taste but since when can

Chip Cox reassign people?

- Well he can get
Hurley to do it.

- Ah, P G Hurley.

I think this calls for
a little retaliation.

- Oh no.

- Oh yeah.

- No.

- Mhm.

- No.

Oh come on I have to go to
college, I need the money.

- Something subtle
yet appropriate.

- No, come on.

- A real case of adolescent
vandalism I think.

- No.

(snap)

(upbeat music)

- Doug I'd like you to
meet Mr. and Mrs. Peppers,

this Doug Sutterfield
our staff photographer

here at Funland.

You know Doug, Mr. Peppers
is the driving force behind

rectal supplies, I
want a great shot.

- Rectal supplies huh?

Maybe we should take this
shot over where it says

deliveries in the rear.

(laughing)

- He's funny.

- Shut up.

- I got a great idea, why
don't we have the VIPs

and the junior supervisor
take a shot of you

right over here.

Come on Mr. and Mrs. Pepper.

Go ahead kay.

Right there, we'll get the
water and the background,

it'll be beautiful.

Stand there, let's see.

Oh, that's wonderful.

If we can get a little
closer please, just a little.

Back up now, we'll get
you right in there,

perfect, beautiful shot but
Mr. Peppers, if we could just

have your arm around
your lovely wife.

There we go.

- Get on report, I'm
putting you on report!

(laughing)

- Tada!

(kids cheering)

- [Kid] He had 'em up his
sleeve, it's a magic trick,

you can buy it at the store.

- Oh no you can't these
are the official Bruce

Burger funny flowers.

- [Kid] And he's not
really Bruce Burger.

He's just an actor.

- Am not.

- [Kid] Am to!

- Am not!

- [Kid] Am to!

- Am not!

- [Kid] Am to!

- Am not!

- Hey there's the
real Bruce Burger!

- Now wait a minute kids, no,
no don't, the funny flowers.

(kids screaming)

(sad music)

- Wanna see my funny walk?

- [Announcer] This is security,
paging Mr. Wally Pepper.

Paging Mr. Wally Pepper.

Please come to the front tier
section of the park and pull

your wife out from under
the mechanical bull.

- [Announcer]
Ladies and gentlemen

Funland has come to the end of

another fun day the park is
now closing but we remind

all our VIPs that the grand
opening is this weekend

so be there, thank you
and have a safe trip home.

- You said you knew
where the keys were.

- I do know Wally,
they're in the car.

(laughs)

- I said check the
keys, not lock the keys.

- This is Officer
Dorkner I've got a 2079.

Somebody locked their keys
in their car durkamole.

Alright, clear the
area, stand back please,

stand back, get the little
lady out of here, come on,

folks, stand back, stand back,

come on I've got other
people to take care of.

(gun firing)

Thanks for coming to
Funland, have a good day.

(carnival music)

- Good morning Funlanders,
only one more day until

grand opening.

- Well I see every one is here.

Well we have noticed
in the news paper that

there is some speculation
about amnico's take over

of Funland and
there have been some

responses from within
the company that are not

compatible with our
business philosophy.

Frankly we're disappointed.

- Pissed.

- Open your folders,

we have listed more
appropriate responses.

Here, page three.

Possible question
from the press.

Does it disturb you that amnico

is the object of a
federal investigation?

Now your reply might be
investigations of the nature

mentioned are conducted by
our own federal government

much of which is located
int he district of Colombia,

our nations capital.

Funland is certainly in favor
of government of one kind or

another and most of the
management here are citizens

and some are still
registered voters and

have participated in
federal elections.

So there.

- Memorize it, let it
sink in like cement.

- Now the problem is how
to draw attention away

from these unfounded
rumors and focus attention

on the good wholesome
fun that is Funland.

Now case in point the
golden horse shoe review.

It needs to be spicier.

- Spicier?

- Tits.

- A Vegas style chorus line.

- Tits, any problems?

- No, no, I'm a
big tit man myself.

- Second on the
agenda a replacement

for the former wax museum.

I think we've found the
theme for our new attraction.

Everybody this is Byron
Mandle he did most of his work

at the past two
world fairs Byron?

- Hello.

This idea is awesome.

Celebrity death and disease.

It's like a roller coaster ride

through the Betty Ford clinic.

The people ride through
in these little hearses

past the audio
animidroid displays.

This is Natalie Wood's row boat.

See how that works?

Then we have the king of
rock and roll on his throne

It's so sad, so sad.

Then we have John Lenon
in front of the Dakota.

They die every 30 seconds, I
can move that up to 20 seconds

if you needed to move the
crown through any faster.

- Nah, 30 seconds is fine.

- Good, good, inside we
have Jimmie Hoffa's body

being dumped into
the cement to make a

bridge abuttment in New Jersy

- [Mario] Philadelphia.

- Thank you Byron
now that is fun.

You have the green light,

go ahead and draw
up the blue prints.

Mike we'll need to
have a meeting about
how to promote this.

Well that's it,
thank you everyone.

- Excuse me, now are you sure

this attraction is a good idea?

I mean I'm not sure it's
gonna draw the right crowds.

Of course it'll probably
make a lot of money.

- Then what's the problem?

Ah, I see, not your taste.

Kristen, amnico is
leisure service company

we don't make money
questioning how people recreate

we just supply by
the recreation.

- Let me explain
business to you.

Al Capone, may he rest
in peace, once said

you can get anything you want
with a smile and with a gun.

But you can get a lot more
without a smile then you

can without a gun
you understand?

- You'll have to forgive papa
he's a bit old fashioned.

- Well, what's good today?

♪ Look at here

♪ We got fresh hot
burgers from apple pies

♪ It's pump, it's pump,
with all beef chunk.

♪ Coupled with doughnut
you can slam dunk

♪ We can't get loud
with our hot french fry

♪ And you can't be late
with our chocolate shake

♪ The ice is cold,
a dog turned nine

♪ Our service is
good, we almost forgot

(screaming)

- Cut it out, will ya!

I'll have a hamburger please.

- [Angus] Give me
one of those to,

will you Bruce with
some cheese on it?

- Uh and a cheese burger please?

Yes, thank you very much.

What are you doing here?

- Don't forget the beans.

- Beans please.

- Maybe some peas to.

- Peas please.

- That macaroni.

- Macaroni please.

- Oh and cream corn that's
my very own favorite.

- Oh I remember, oh cream corn
please, a lot of it thank you

oh that's good.

- A couple of brownies.

- A couple a brownies.

- And lets top the whole thing
off with an orange drink.

- Okay, let's top the whole
thing off with an orange drink.

Maybe I'll even get
myself an orange drink to,

what do you think of that, huh?

- Little hungry
today, huh Bruce?

- Well half of it's for.

Yes I'm on, I'm quite hungry,

I'm so hungry I'm
almost starved.

(whistles)

- I haven't eaten in days.

How have ya been?

Pass the salt.

- Oh you know you should
really cut down on salt,

it's bad for your
blood pressure.

- So what happened at the
funeral, tell me all about it,

was it great huh?

Oh hey, who did my eulogy?

- I did, uhuh I told them how
you were the father of Funland

and how we were all one
big happy family and.

- Oh Bruce that's sweet.

Darn it I wish I'd
heard the thing but

well the lid was shut.

Tell you what though I
really am glad to see you.

- Aw I am so glad to see you,

you know what the
DiMauro's did to me?

- Did to you, well what do
you think they did to me,

this isn't ketchup you know.

- They killed you?

But why?

- To get Funland, this is
the ideal place for them,

don't ya see?

There's a huge cash flow,
you can launder money here,

you can hide excessive profits
from shady business dealings,

it's a great tax loss, and on
top of that the whole place

is worth a fortune, come
on you remember Bruce you

used to be in finances before
you lost your interest in it.

Well I didn't forget, I've
been taking good care,

I'm the one that set you
up with that stock plan.

- Yes I remember that,
thank you very much.

- Oh boy am I hungry.

- Of course you're hungry,
you've been dead for three days.

But which one of
them killed you?

- Larry.

- Larry?

- Larry.

Keep an eye on the
brief case of his.

- Well we gotta do something.

- Well that's why
I came to see you.

- Okay.

- We're not gonna
let them use Funland.

- Alright, no.

- Bad enough they stole it,
they're not gonna ruin it to,

no we are gonna stop them.

- Yes sirree we're gonna
stop them hand in hand,

shoot from the hip, yeah.

- Hell yes, remember when
I started this place I said

this is the book keeping,
I ordered the souvenirs,

I mopped the floor.

- Wait a minute, wait a minute,
what do you mean I, I, I?

- We did the book keeping,
we ordered the souvenirs.

- Neil Stickney

- Neil Stickney huh.

That's right, he
did do a lot then.

- Did he?

We had good times in
those days though huh?

(laughing)

(gentle music)

- Now this is all I was able
to find on Neil Stickney.

For some reason his file
is incomplete I mean he was

on the pay roll until last week

so he must have worked
in the park somewhere.

- Is Mike around,
I've gotta see him?

- Well Bruce, why don't
you try his office?

Now let's see, where were we?

Oh here oh look I
found out that Neil

was one of the original
Funland partners.

Now I checked his
mailing address but

he hasn't lived
there for ten years.

You know it's almost as
if he has disappeared.

- That would be nice.

- [Mike] What?

- The DiMauro's
killed Angus I swear.

Larry's got the gun
in his brief case,

see it's all a matter of hiding
tax profits and tax losses.

Amnico sells out to amniplex,

amniplex sells
out to amnirealty,

amnirealty says the
property is to valuable

to be an amusement
park so amniplex

takes the loss while
amnirealty cleans up!

- How do you know all this?

- Angus told me
in the cafeteria.

- Angus?

Perry round jovial sweet
silver haired Angus?

- That's the one, now Angus
says we can block the sale to

amniplex if, if we buy the
remaining stock options

which go public in
the next two weeks.

- That isn't the point.

- I know what the point
is, this isn't their park,

this is our park,
Angus built this park.

25 years ago this place
was just a merry go around

in a corn field and now
it's a shrine to fun.

People go to church to pray,
they go to polls to vote,

well they come here to have fun.

- [Angus] Give me
two, make 'em good.

- Well Burger, what
are you gonna do?

- Give me one.

- Yeah Bruce, tell us
what you're gonna do.

Now that you're all washed up.

Hey, no offence, but a
dead man and a wax figure,

well they just ain't much
of a match for the DiMarcos.

- One for Peter, and
dealer takes two.

- The way I figure it Bruce
your back is to the wall.

It's just a matter
of time before they
kick you out of here.

It is up to you to stop them,

you're the only
one who can do it,

you are the only one who can
save the park for the kids

and the families
and the generations

of Funlanders yet to come.

- Yeah, but how?

- Sabotage.

Sabotage the grand
opening, that'll show 'em.

- Oh wait a minute that's
a little extreme isn't it?

- Yeah I felt that way once.

Back in '39 in Paris that's
when the crowds marched in

and my girl walked out.

I was left with 50 thousand
Jerries breathing down my neck

and a sick feeling in my gut
that's when I found out that

sometimes you gotta
cut off your hand

in order to get rid of the rash.

- What the hell is
he talking about?

- Sabotage.

It's not a bad idea Bruce.

- [Carlo] And fire Bertram
Joseph the artistic director,

we're bringing in our own man.

- I know we're
trying to make cuts

but these are deductions
in the kids salaries,

you're asking for problems.

- If they don't like it
the bus is on the corner.

And you'll note we are cutting
the weekend rock concerts,

to much cash out lay up front.

Questions, comments?

- Yeah, I'll shoot
straight okay?

It's about your brother Larry,

some people have problems
about his behavior.

- Papa, Lawrence
is being bad again.

- This is what breaks
a father's heart.

He has two sons, my son
Carlo, he shines like a light.

He's sensitive,
looks good in a suit.

My other son Lawrence, he's
selfish, vindictive, spiteful,

ill tempered and low,
a real puppy kicker.

Takes after his mother.

But down deep he's
really a good boy.

- As you can see
Larry's a problem

that worries us all
thank you for noticing,

any more comments?

- Uh yes.

I'd like to talk
about Bruce Burger.

Now I know we like
him but the days

of the happy Funland
family are over.

Now this is a corporation
and not a charity.

We have two Bruce Burgers here.

Two, I think if we
need to cut the budget

that's a good place to start.

- Look Bruce has
always been the.

What I'm saying is Bruce is

Funland there's no
other way I can say it.

It's not enough,
then it's not enough.

- Dump the bozo.

- It's not enough.

Would you take
care of that Mike?

- Me?

Wait a minute, no way.

- Good Larry can handle it.

- I'll do it!

I'll do it.

- Thank you Mike.

- Now here's how I see it.

The enemy's two major
divisions are food and beverage

and operations knock them
out and the rest fall like a

house of cards.

The key is confusion,
unbridled chaos,

the two weakest points clock
tower and the p a system.

How do we knock them out?

The computer the x g
7000 cobra mark six.

Break the code and
you break the park.

- [Announcer] Good
morning park personnel.

(ominous music)

- Brucey feels good today,
zowie does Brucey feel good

and tomorrow is the opening yes
the opening and we are going

to pow bring Funland
to it's knees.

(bottle whistles)

Hey where's a, where's?

- Oh he's gone they picked
him up about an hour ago

probably on his way
to Chicago by now.

Oh come on Bruce I'm sorry
he's gone to but we did give

it a try didn't we?

Look it's not your fault I mean
we've all gotta go sometime

believe me (laughs).

You know I wish they had
killed me in cotton you simply

cannot get stains
outta this polyester.

Well guys I gotta be going the
party's over and I am late.

- Late for what?

- It's just a little joke Bruce
relax, you know you win some

you lose some.

So long Peter.

- [Peter] Bye Angus
it's been real.

- Goodbye Bruce I won't
be seeing ya again.

So take care of yourself okay?

I'm sorry, but there
was nothing we could do.

- [Peter] Boy dead people
give me the creeps.

- [Man] Bruce.

- Angus?

- Bruce where are you?

This isn't easy for me, I know
how you feel about the job.

The DiMauro's want you out,

you're fired.

I'm sorry.

- It's that national
guy isn't it Mike?

They really want him huh?

First he takes my dressing
room, then he takes my job

he wants it all doesn't he Mike?

- No, no listen.

I'm really doing
you a big favor.

- Okay.

- This could be the beginning
of a big thing for you

you can get a real
job out there.

Listen to me the DiMauro's
want you outta here tonight.

Security needs your park id
and wardrobe needs the costume

the wig and the shoes.

- They want my suit huh?

They want my wig huh?

They're gonna get, I'm telling
ya Mike that Chad he's an

impostor he hates kids he
told me so now the real Bruce

Burger he loved children.

- If it were up to
me you could keep it

but wardrobe needs it okay?

Look do me a favor and
make this one easy for me.

Look on it as an adventure
after tomorrow you won't be

Bruce Burger, starting tomorrow
you'll be Neil Stickney ok?

I'm sorry but there's
nothing we can do.

- Nothing we can do (coughs).

Nothing we can do
Peter (coughs).

(briefcase clicks)

- [Peter] Where'd you get that?

First you mess the
computer in the clock tower

now you steal Larry's briefcase.

(pieces clicking)

Say maybe you better
put that away.

Come on Bruce put it away,
Bruce this is the last time

I'm gonna say, you know the
national Bruce Burger is a

person too and I don't think
the boys and girls will like

it one bit if you blow him away.

- Then screw 'em.

(gentle music)

- [Announcer] Your attention
please this is park security.

- [All] Ride the big one.

- Thank you and here's
your Funland discount card.

- [All] Ride the big one.

- Thank you and here's
your Funland discount card.

- [Announcer] Ladies and
gentlemen welcome to Funland's

grand opening where
the fun never stops.

Besides all the great
rides and super attractions

we have some extra special
treats in store for

the whole family.

- Dear heavenly father for the
fun we are about to receive

may you make us truly thankful
and let us remember while we

are having fun not to
enjoy ourselves to much

for that would be sinning.

- I wanna go home,
I wanna go home.

- We've come up to Funland
to have fun and you're all

gonna damn well have fun if
I have to beat it out of you.

- And remember before you use
the water fountains be sure

and let me spray the handle
with disinfectant and don't

use the park restrooms.

If we have to use the rest room

we're gonna go back
to the Winnebago.

- Good God I think I'd rather
be shot that go through

this day.

- [Announcer] We open in 30
minutes Funland will be open in

30 minutes.

(voice speeds)

Ladies and gentlemen
Funland is now open.

Let the fun begin.

- I don't care.

No.

I said close the gates.

It's only 8:30 don't
let anybody else in.

- Mike look it's our first
lost child of the day.

- What did you bring
her up here for?

Take her down to family reunion.

- Well I tried but
nobody's there yet.

Did you know somebody opened
the part a half an hour early?

- Yes, yes.

(phone ringing)

Ah let the kid stay here
I gotta get down there

and see what's goin' on.

- Did you know
they had this ride

tied into some kind of charity?

Well you're my agent man

you're supposed to
tell me these things.

Yeah well do I
get a cut or what?

(sniffs)

Well look man this deal's
supposed to promote me

not some kind of stupid charity.

Oh yeah well listen to this
pea brain you just screwed

yourself out of job.

(clicks)

- Chip.

Chip!

- What?

- What the hell are you doing
it's 8:30 you're not supposed

to be open.

- Can you believe I let those
philistines talk me into this?

God the power of the dharma.

An entire day with some
fawning little yard ape.

- Chad I...

- Two years a Julliard, two
more at the royal academy of

dramatic art, an apprenticeship
at the Guthrie, private

instruction and direction by
some of the more visionary

minds in contemporary
classical theater and for what?

I've played Henry the fifth,
Marc Anthony, Romeo and Iago,

Oberon, Richard the frigging
second for the love of God

and now I'm play a pizza burger.

A pizza burger!

And I could have
been another Olivier.

The effortless power of
a young Richard Burton

the Washington post said and
now I'm on national television

hawking junk food to five
year olds and you tell me

not to be depressed.

- [Girl] Well Chad if you
don't like it why do you do it?

- My love, does nothing remain
in that admittedly lovable

but limited mind of yours
long enough for anything

resembling a thought process?

Don't interrupt listen closely

cause I won't repeat it again.

In over 10 years when some
of the most prestigious

repertoire companies on this
planet the most money I ever

got paid, the largest sum I
ever received for my talent,

the most generous compensation
ever given me for pouring my

heart out in iambic pentameter
on the legitimate stages of

this country was 500 dollars
a week, before taxes.

I couldn't keep my manicurist
around for that amount.

An entire day with a child

I'd rather be dead.

- Chad I...

- Leave me alone.

Now is the winter of our
discontent made glorious summer

by the son of York.

(kids screaming)

- You can't do what you're
doing and get away with it.

You've mistreated employees and
terrorized the entire staff.

I'll stay through
the grand opening

but after today I'm gone.

- No, you're gone now.

Larry why don't you
help Mike find his car.

- The same way you helped
Angus find his car?

- You're pressing your luck.

Forget his car Larry
maybe you'd better drive.

- I found him (laughing).

Neil Stickney you are not
going to believe this.

- So where is he?

- Oh I don't know where he
is but I do know who he is.

He's Bruce Burger.

- Well wait a minute you mean
that cement head with the wig.

- That cement head with
the wig has option to buy

controlling interest
in this park.

Kristen you have done great,
Larry get your briefcase.

- Carl I meant to mention this
I can't find the briefcase,

I had it yesterday.

- Larry you have come to
work without your tools.

Papa will be very disappointed.

And I hate your shirt.

- It's a new shirt Carl.

- Hello security.

- [Security] This is security.

- Did Bruce Burger hand
in his id last night?

- [Security] I was not
on duty last night sir.

- Well check right now okay?

- [Security] Yes sir.

That is a negatory report
on the clown and his id sir.

- [Mike] He didn't?

- [Security] No sir.

- [Mike] Alright did
anybody over in there

see him at all today?

- [Security] He was
spotted last night

at the clock tower computer.

- [Mike] This is Mike, you
look around, you find him

and you call me the second
you see him you understand?

- [Security] Sure
I'll do that sir.

- Bruce please don't
do anything stupid.

- You got to get up, you got
to get up, you got to get up

in the morning you, you got
to get up, you got to get up.

- Shut up or I'll
blow your head off.

- Help, help, I'm up here,
I'm on the clock tower

with a killer clown help help!

- [Announcer] Ladies and
gentlemen please direct your

attention to the park coaster
where the national Bruce

Burger and DJ Steve Murphy
for a few rounds on the Waylon

Wrecker give them your
support and don't forget to

bite the big one thank you.

(crowd cheering)

Ladies and gentlemen Brewster's
Pizzeria hold your attention

to the roller coaster where
Q91's Steve Murphy will attempt

to break the world's
roller coaster record.

- The DiMauro's are firing me
so they think they can just

get rid of me and I'll
take it lying down.

Well I've never taken
anything lying down.

Except that one time
in San Francisco.

(applauding)

- [Announcer] Funland proudly
presents artistic director

Bertram Joseph in
Bye Bye Bertram.

♪ I've got what it takes

♪ To make all the breaks

♪ I've got the style

♪ To drive the boys wild

♪ I'm queen of the palace

♪ Queen of the palace

♪ I'm queen of the palace

(crowd booing)

(yelling)

- It sounds like a
really good show huh?

- [Announcer] Ladies and
gentlemen Q91's Steve Murphy is

on round 50 that means he
only has 683 left to break the

world's record.

(screaming)

- [Announcer] This is security
will the owner of the green

1953 housewife please report
to the skillet creek grill.

She choked down and may
need jump start, thank you.

- Come on you s.o.b.
where are you?

Oh Chad come out, come
out where ever you are.

Okay boys and girls
what time is it?

It's time for Chad
to bite the big one.

Well here's looking at you kid.

(gun firing)

Eat my dread you
white faced wimp.

(gun clicks)

- [Announcer] Ladies and
gentlemen Steve Murphy is now on

round 67 and going strong.

(cheering)

The national Bruce Burger is
here folks and will ride for

a few rounds to
keep Murph company.

(cheering)

- Open wide, here goes.

(gun firing)

- There it was again.

- What?

- The gun fire, it's
gotta be your gun.

- Where?

- It's coming from
right up there.

Oh Christ, it's
that damned clown.

- Carl he's mine.

- Make it clean.

(ominous music)

(gun firing)

(electrical buzzing)

(gun firing)

(screaming)

(gun firing)

(screaming)

(sirens blaring)

- Tragedy struck at
Funland this morning.

Opening day which started
out as a pleasant outing for

25,000 ended abruptly two
hours later when gun fire sent

thousands fleeing.

The local Bruce Burger
heroically stopped mobster Larry

DiMauro's assassination attempt
of Chad Peller the national

franchise clown, Doug
Sutterfield was an
eye witness, Doug.

- Thank you Jenna hi there
Doug Stutterfield here ace

photographer Funland
media park representative.

We're asking people how
they rate today's tragedy

and look here's teen
model Denise Wilson.

At any time today did you
feel frightened, scared

feel as if you wanted to rush
into my arms and cling to me?

- You're a nut, I mean
you're an attractive nut

but you're still a nut.

- Oh come on tell that tv
audience you're crazy about me.

- Come on let's get outta here.

- Give me, give me that.

Bruce Burger who has chosen
to keep his identity a secret

told this reporter in
an exclusive interview,

"I only did what I had to do

and I'd do it again
if I had the chance".

- Well you know Jenna we had
a little bit of a security

problem kind of a crowd
problem but they called Funland

security wham bam thank you
ma'am no more problem you know

because when this puppy
barks people listen.

(gun firing)

- [Camera Man] Oh
God I've been shot.

- From the grief stricken
park a tragedy for WSUX

eye witness with action
alive news team update

I'm Jenna McMartin
back to you Bob.

- [Bob] Thank you Jenna.

Meanwhile a local dj is
still on a world's coaster

endurance run
since a malfunction
prevented the coaster

from stopping.

And Funland has a new owner
tonight his name is Neil

Stickney the arrest of the
DiMauro family on charges of

embezzlement and racketeering
dropped the price of Funland

stock to less than
50 cents a share.

(knocking)

- [Bruce] Come on in it's open.

- [Mike] Bruce.

Bruce Burger.

- Mike how the hell are ya.

I was gonna call but.

- I have to talk to you Bruce.

- [Neil] Neil.

- I have to talk to you Neil.

- Why so touchy?

I know it's hard to
be up after today.

What a day huh?

But don't worry we'll
pull ourselves up again

we always have, remember six
years ago, well it was your

first year, we got Miss
Boat a rama to open the park

and she showed up tanked.

- Look I don't know how or
why it happened but you went

crazy today, really crazy.

- Neil woul, I was
as sane as you Mike.

- Then Bruce Burger went
crazy he had a gun Neil a gun.

- Mike a clown can
get a way with murder.

Now sit down, I wanna tell
you what we're gonna do with

the park, we gotta do somethin'
sensational to make people

feel like they have to
come back to Funland.

The DiMauro's got one thing
right they said you gotta grab

the people by the balls if you
want them to turn their head

around, Angus always
used to say if you

make a mistake feature it.

Okay we've got a disaster
on our hands I know that

but I think I've got a
sensational ride idea.

It's an indoor roller
coaster and it's called

are you ready for this the
nuclear helacoster (laughs).

It's more than a thrill ride
Mike it's a ride that travels

through a city that's
been leveled by the bomb

it's physical, it's visual,
it's emotional and it's topical

damn it.

- Mr. Stickney here's
that ledger you wanted.

Okay if that's all you
want I guess I'll be goin'.

He's so cute he's just
like little bear isn't he?

- How'd ya like to make
a pizza outta that?

Oh.

Mike one last thing.

I received your
resignation today.

Well I'm afraid I
can't accept it.

(crinkles)

- No Neil, keep it.

My mind's made up.

Oh, when the workmen went
up to repair the clock this

afternoon they found
something up on the balcony

I think it belongs to you.

- Ah leave it on the desk.

(ominous music)

Peter, what are you doing there?

It's the first time I've
seen you without Bruce.

What is this doing
in your mouth?

Okay, okay.

- [Peter] Is this our office?

Why, we've finally hit the top.

- [Neil] See I told you.

- Are you still here?

Oh sweetie no.

I guess you wanna
go home to huh?

Come on I'll walk you to
security and we'll start

making phone calls.

- [Neil] But Peter you've got
to understand that when other

people are around I'll have
to hide you in my desk.

♪ Mama please take me to Funland

♪ I want to go there with you

♪ Funland is really the one land

♪ Where all of your
wishes come true

♪ Papa please take me to Funland

♪ I want to stay until dark

♪ It's the original great
all american old fashioned

♪ Family themed park

♪ Mama please take me to Funland

♪ I want to go there with you

♪ Funland is really the one land

♪ Where all of your
wishes come true

♪ Papa please take me to Funland

♪ I want to stay until dark

♪ It's the original great
all american old fashioned

♪ Family themed park

♪ Mama please

♪ Mama please

♪ Mama please take me to Funland

♪ I wanna go there with you

♪ Mama please take me to Funland

♪ That's all I wanna do

♪ Mama don't break me

♪ Mama please take me with you

♪ Mama please

♪ Mama please

♪ Mama please show
me a good time

♪ I wanna have me some fun

♪ Mama will you show
me a good time baby

♪ Funland have us some fun

♪ Mama can you take me

♪ Mama can you
take me to Funland

♪ Mama please

♪ I'm on my knees

♪ Mama please

♪ Mama won't you
take me to Funland

♪ I wanna go there with you

♪ Mama don't break me

♪ Mama won't you
take me with you