French Postcards (1979) - full transcript

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION

[ENGINE TURNING OVER]

[HORN HONKS]

BONJOUR, MESSIEURS.
BONJOUR, MADEM--

[FEEDBACK]

BONJOUR, MESSIEURS.
BONJOUR, MADEMOISELLES.

I JUST WANT TO
TAKE A MOMENT

TO TELL YOU THAT YOU ARE
EMBARKING HERE

ON A WONDERFUL ADVENTURE.

[DRIVER HONKS HORN]
AVANCE!

QU'EST-CE QUE FOU?!



OH, YES.
FOR THOSE OF YOU

I DID NOT MEET
AT THE AIRPORT,

I AM MADAME
CATHERINE TESSIER.

ON BEHALF OF THE INSTITUTE
OF FRENCH STUDIES,

I WANT TO WELCOME YOU...

NON, NON, NON,
C'EST IMPOSSIBLE.

YOU HAVE COME FROM AMERICA
TO STUDY IN FRANCE,

AND NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO
LATER IN YOUR LIFE,

YOU WILL REMEMBER THE YEAR
YOU SPENT HERE.

OH! MOVE ALONG!
C'EST BIEN, OUI?!

[SHOUTING IN FRENCH]

[ARGUING IN FRENCH]

[SHOUTING IN FRENCH]

[ARGUING IN FRENCH]



AS I WAS SAYING,

FROM THIS MOMENT ON,

YOU MUST WIPE EVERYTHING
AMERICAN FROM YOUR MIND

AS YOU IMMERSE YOURSELF
IN THE SOPH--

IN THE SOPHISTICATION,
THE DEPTH,

THE SUBTLE ELEGANCE

OF FRENCH CULTURE.
AND NOW, AS YOU CAN SEE...

[DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC?
PLAYING IN FRENCH]

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

WOULD YOU TRANSLATE...

THAT QUOTE,
IT'S FROM PASCAL.

WOULD YOUR TRANSLATE,
PLEASE, UH, MONSIEUR?

[SNAPPING FINGERS]

THAT'S YOU.
THAT'S YOU.

YES, YOU.

FIRST CLASS,
FIRST QUESTION.

WHAT? I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
SPEAK UP.

I JUST WONDERED
WHY ME.

I MEAN,
UH, POURQUOI ME?

IT WAS THAT DUMB
EXPRESSION ON YOUR FACE.

I SUPPOSE THAT BEHIND IT,

THE BRAIN IS MISSING.

[STUDENTS CHUCKLING]

ALBERT, ALBERT...
CALME-TOI.

I ASSUME MY WIFE--
MADAME TESSIER HAS TOLD YOU

THAT WE PROVIDE
A...CLASSICAL EDUCATION.

NOW, I KNOW THAT IN SOME
OF YOUR UNIVERSITIES,

THE STUDENTS SAY, "OH, NO!

"WE DON'T WANT LITERATURE.
THAT'S FOR OTHER PEOPLE.

"WELL, THIS YEAR...

"THIS YEAR, WE THINK
WE WILL STUDY...

MUSHROOMS."

MUSHROOMS?

I HAVE NEWS FOR YOU.

HERE...AT MY SCHOOL...

YOU WILL NOT STUDY
MUSHROOMS!

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

JOEL, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING?

I'M SPEAKING FRENCH.

WE PLEDGED
TO SPEAK TOGETHER

ONLY IN FRENCH,
AND I WAS JUST--

WELL, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE DON'T?

IT'S DRIVING ME CRAZY.

NOBODY AT THE INSTITUTE'S
GONNA KNOW

IF YOU DON'T
SPEAK FRENCH.

I'LL KNOW!
JE SAURAI!

ANYWAY,
I WAS JUST SAYING

THAT MR. TESSIER'S
A LITTLE WEIRD,

YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, MUSHROOMS?

I'M NOT GONNA
COME TO PARIS

TO STUDY MUSHROOMS.

YOU'RE GONNA
EAT THAT THING

OFF THE STREET?

YEAH. WHY DID YOU
COME TO PARIS?

WELL, I'M MAJORING
IN ROMANCE LANGUAGES,

AND MY SCHOOL SUGGESTED
COMING HERE.

I FIGURED IT'D LOOK
GOOD ON MY RECORDS.

ACTUALLY, I THINK
MY PARENTS WERE JUST

TRYING TO GET RID OF ME.

I WOULD'VE JOINED
THE FOREIGN LEGION TO GET HERE.

WHAT'S WRONG
WITH OBERLIN?

IT'S A GOOD SCHOOL.

YEAH, IT'S ALSO
IN OHIO.

WELL, ANYWAY,
EVERYONE SAID

THAT THE EXPERIENCE
WOULD BROADEN

MY OUTLOOK ON LIFE.

YOU KNOW, COMING
INTO CONTACT

WITH ANOTHER
CULTURE.

JESUS.

MAYBE I SHOULD'VE
GONE TO ROME.

YEAH, BUT THEY HAVE

ALL THOSE KIDNAPPINGS
IN ITALY.

WELL, I MEAN,
THEY CUT OFF YOUR EARS,

AND THEY--

Girl, voice-over:
OCTOBER 15. DEAR DAVID,

I ARRIVED IN PARIS
WITH GREAT EXPECTATIONS

UNTIL I SAW SOME
OF THE CULTURAL MEATBALLS

THIS PLACE
SEEMS TO ATTRACT.

[READING
IN FRENCH]

HEY...

YOU WANT TO QUIT
MAKING THAT NOISE?

AND, DAVID,
YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE

THE ROOMMATE
THEY'VE STUCK ME WITH.

HER NAME IS MELANIE,

AND, WELL...

I AM DOING MY BEST
TO REEDUCATE

HER RATHER SIMPLE TASTES.

OCTOBER 25. DEAR DAVID,

SIGHTSEEING WITH MELANIE

WAS NOT
MY MOST BRILLIANT IDEA.

I MEAN, I CAME TO PARIS
TO EXPERIENCE

THE GREATEST YEAR
OF MY LIFE.

UNFORTUNATELY, THE SAME
PROCESS OF DISCOVERY

SEEMS TO BE LOST
ON CERTAIN PEOPLE.

EVERY DAY AFTER CLASS,

I GO OUT,
AND I'M CONSTANTLY AMAZED

AT WHAT THIS CITY
HAS TO OFFER.

PARIS' CULTURE AND HISTORY
ARE EVERYWHERE

AND ALMOST UNAVOIDABLE.

NOVEMBER 1. DEAR DAVID,

I FINALLY DUMPED MELANIE.

BUT YOU KNOW, EVERYTHING
WOULD'VE BEEN DIFFERENT

IF YOU'D BEEN ABLE TO COME
WITH ME TO PARIS

THE WAY WE PLANNED.

I MISS YOU SO MUCH, DAVID.

ANYWAY, THERE ARE
212 IMPORTANT SIGHTS

IN THE MICHELIN GUIDE,

SO I DON'T HAVE TIME
FOR SELF-PITY,

BECAUSE I'M GOING TO SEE
EVERY ONE OF THEM, DAVID,

FOR BOTH OF US.

BONJOUR, MONSIEUR.
JE CHERCHE...

SUPPLIES.

WHAT'S A SUPPLY?

UH, PROVISION.

NO, NO, NO, NO.

UH, FOURNITURES.
OUI, OUI, OUI.

BONJOUR, MONSIEUR.
JE CHERCHE--

AH, AMERICAN!
ONE MOMENT.

ONE MOMENT.

SHIT. HOW CAN
THEY TELL?

HEY, YOU WANT TO
PAY FOR THAT?

IT'S MY BOOK.

OK, SO WHAT
DO YOU WANT?

WHAT'S THIS?

NOTEBOOK PAPER,
3-RING.

5 RINGS

5-RING.
NEW BINDER, TOO.

YOU KNOW,
I DON'T UNDERSTAND

ANYTHING YOU'RE SAYING.

YOU DON'T SPEAK FRENCH?

NOT YOUR FRENCH.

OH.

WELL, IS THAT
ALL NOW, I HOPE?

WELL, YOU DID
FORGET, UM....

I MEAN, I NEED
SOME PAPER CLIPS.

I WAS JUST SAYING

THAT I'D SEEN YOU
BEFORE ON THE METRO.

WE TAKE
THE SAME ROUTE.

A BOX OF PAPER CLIPS,
A CARTON, OR WHAT?

HOW MANY IN A BOX?

I DON'T KNOW.
COUNT THEM.

RIGHT.

UH, THANK YOU.
UH, DEUX, SIX, HUIT.

YOU'VE BEEN
A LOT OF HELP.

HUIT, DIX, DOUZE,
QUATORZE...

ALLEZ!

WAIT A MINUTE,
PLEASE!

DON'T GO YET!

UM, I WAS VERY RUDE,
AND I'M SORRY.

SO BEFORE YOU GO,

I WANT TO GIVE YOU
SOMETHING.

IT'S A FREE GIFT
FROM LIBRARIE GIRET.

IT'S A HANDY
METRIC CONVERTER.

THANKS.

THAT IS HANDY.

I'M ALWAYS
GETTING CONFUSED

WITH INCHES
AND CENTIMETERS.

THIS'LL BE A BIG HELP,
THOUGH, I'M SURE.

SO, IF YOU OR ANY OF
YOUR AMERICAN FRIENDS

NEED ANYTHING AT ALL,
MY NAME IS TONI.

I'M JOEL.

THANKS, TONI.
UM...AU REVOIR.

PARDON?

UH, BYE.

BYE-BYE!

YOU'VE BEEN ENJOYING
YOURSELF HERE.

WELL, UH, YEAH.

BECAUSE YOU CERTAINLY
HAVEN'T BEEN WORKING.

YEAH, I KNOW.

I HAVE COMPLAINTS ABOUT
YOU FROM THE STAFF,

FROM PROFESSORS.

IT'S TAKING ME A WHILE

TO GET ACCUSTOMED
TO EVERYTHING.

WHAT DO YOU WANT
TO DO IN LIFE, ALEX?

HEH! I DON'T KNOW
EXACTLY.

I LIKE MUSIC.
I LIKE WRITING MUSIC.

ALEX...

YES? I MEAN, OUI?

MADAME?

I KNOW WHY
YOU CAME TO PARIS.

NOT JUST
TO SEE THE CITY,

BUT MORE THAN THAT,

TO SEE AND TO LIVE
LIFE, YES?

WELL, YES.

I MEAN, YOU CAN'T
WRITE SONGS

IF YOU DON'T HAVE
ANYTHING TO WRITE ABOUT.

I'VE BEEN WATCHING YOU.

NOW, YOU MUST NOT TELL
ANYONE I TOLD YOU THIS,

BUT...

I--I WON'T.

OF ALL
THE STUDENTS HERE,

YOU, ALEX,
YOU ARE SPECIAL.

HEH! I AM? WHY?

BECAUSE THIS YEAR,

YOU WILL FIND THE THINGS
YOU'RE SEARCHING FOR.

I WILL?

YES. BUT YOU'RE
BRIGHT ENOUGH

TO ALSO LEARN UP HERE.
YOU CAN DO BOTH.

LEARN ABOUT LIFE,
OF COURSE,

BUT ALSO STUDY.

WILL YOU DO THAT?

FOR ME?

YES. YES, I WILL.

GOOD.

EXCUSE ME.

GRRR.

FOR ME.

SPEAK ENGLISH, ALBERT.
YOU NEED THE PRACTICE.

OH, CERTAINLY, MY DEAR.

YEAH, RIGHT ON, GROOVY,

FAR OUT,
I GO WITH THE FLOW.

ANYWAY, I THINK THIS
ALEX, ALEX MOORE,

WILL START
STUDYING NOW.

DID YOU GIVE HIM
YOUR STANDARD SPEECH?

DID YOU TELL HIM,
"YOU ARE SPECIAL"?

MM-HMM.

WHEN I TAUGHT
AT THE SORBONNE,

WE DIDN'T HAVE
THIS PROBLEM.

THE BUMS DIDN'T STUDY,
AND IT WAS...

TSSK!
BACK TO AMERICA, BOZO.

YES, BUT AT
THE SORBONNE,

YOU COULDN'T AFFORD
YOUR COUNTRY HOUSE

IN VILLEFRANCHE.

AND YOUR NEW CAR
AND THE TENNIS CLUB

AND THE JAPANESE
TERRARIUM--

BY THE WAY,
I HAVE SOME THINGS

TO GET
FOR THE WEEKEND.

I'LL SEE YOU
AT HOME AT 8:00.

DON'T BE LATE, DARLING.

HUMPH.

Joel: I CAN'T SLEEP,
MOTHER.

THEY DON'T HAVE
REAL PILLOWS HERE.

THEY HAVE THESE--
THESE ROUND, HARD THINGS.

Man: HOW MANY
PARENTS YOU GOT?

SO SEND ME PILLOW.
AND HOW ABOUT A LETTER?

WELL, MOTHER,
EVERYBODY ELSE GETS LETTERS.

CAN'T YOU WRITE ME?

HEY, SOMEBODY JIMMIED IT!

YOU CAN CALL ANYWHERE
IN THE WORLD FOR FREE.

IT LOOKS LIKE
THE WORD'S OUT.

JOEL, HOW MUCH LONGER
ARE YOU GONNA BE?

PARDON, PARDON.

UM, AND SOME
PEANUT BUTTER.

NO, NO, THE CHUNKY,
THE DEAF SIMON KIND.

I GET IT AT THE HEALTH
FOOD STORE. WHAT?

OF COURSE I LIKE
FRENCH COOKING.

IT'S TERRIFIC.
BUT, I MEAN,

YOU CAN ONLY EAT
SO MANY SNAILS.

[SIREN]

WHAT? WHAT IS THAT?

IS THAT THE COPS?

NO. NO, NO, NO.

MOTHER?

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

MOTHER! NO, NO, NO.

DON'T--DON'T WORRY
ABOUT THE CALL, MOTHER.

IT'S NOT EXPENSIVE.

SO...HOW ARE THE DOGS?

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

NON, NON.

[SALESWOMAN CONTINUES
IN FRENCH, INDISTINCT]

♪ MAKE YOU MY OWN ♪

♪ SO YOU SEE ♪

♪ I REALLY CARE-ARE-ARE ♪

♪ WITHOUT YOU ♪

♪ I'M NOTHIN' ♪

♪ OH, OH ♪

♪ JUST ONE LOOK ♪

♪ AND I KNOW-OW ♪

[WOMAN
SPEAKING FRENCH]

AH, OUI.

[WOMAN SPEAKS FRENCH]

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

♪ SOMEDAY ♪

♪ OH, OH ♪

♪ JUST ONE LOOK ♪

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

♪ THAT'S ALL IT TOOK, YEAH ♪

[SALESWOMAN
SPEAKING FRENCH]

NON, NON.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

♪ THAT'S ALL IT TOOK ♪

NOUS AVONS BIEN
DE CHOSES EN BAS.

♪ THAT'S ALL, OH, BABY ♪

♪ JUST ONE LOOK ♪

♪ YOU KNOW
I LOVE YOU, BABY ♪

♪ JUST ONE LOOK ♪

♪ I'LL BUILD A WORLD
AROUND YOU ♪

♪ JUST ONE LOOK ♪

♪ THAT'S ALL IT TOOK ♪

♪ COME ON, BABY ♪

♪ JUST ONE LOOK ♪

♪ THAT'S ALL IT TOOK ♪

[SONG INSTRUMENTAL ENDS]

[NEW INSTRUMENTAL BEGINS]

[SINGING IN FRENCH
J'ÉCOUTE DE LA MUSIQUE SAULE]

[WHISPERING TO RHYTHM]

HUH.

[HORN HONKS]

Girl: DECEMBER 1.

DEAR DAVID,
THINGS HERE AT SCHOOL

HAVE PRETTY MUCH SETTLED
INTO A ROUTINE NOW...

ALTHOUGH PARIS
IS STILL A GREAT ADVENTURE.

I WISH YOU'D QUIT
WORRYING ABOUT ME.

I DON'T KNOW
WHY MY LAST LETTER

MADE IT SOUND LIKE
I WAS DEPRESSED AND LONELY,

BECAUSE I'M NOT.

IN FACT, I'VE ONLY GOT
A SECOND TO WRITE.

THERE'S ALL
THESE PEOPLE AROUND

WHO WANT ME TO GO
TO LUNCH WITH THEM.

THEN I'VE GOT
SEVERAL MAJOR MUSEUMS

TO SEE THIS AFTERNOON.

BY THE WAY...
IT'S GOTTEN VERY COLD.

IT'S DEFINITELY WINTER
NOW...

THE WINTER OF...

[CHUCKLES]

THE GREATEST YEAR
OF MY LIFE.

[ELECTRONIC BATTLE EFFECTS]

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

RETOURNEZ LE FEU.

[TV DIALOGUE
CONTINUES IN FRENCH]

Kirk: RAPPORT DES DOMMAGES,
MONSIEUR SPOCK.

Spock: MINEURS,
CAPITAINE.

NOUNS AVONS EU
DE LA CHANCE.

FAIBLE DOMMAGE
AUX PONTS 10 ET 18.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[TV DIALOGUE CONTINUES,
INDISTINCT]

HI.

WHAT'RE YOU DOIN'?

YOU'RE LIKE
A SHUT-IN.

HOW WAS THE CONCERT?

FINE. THE FRENCH
STILL LOVE JAZZ.

THEN I COME BACK TO
A RETIREMENT HOME.

WELL, MADAME PIMOT
HASN'T BEEN A WIDOW LONG.

I THINK SHE'S LONELY.

NOT ANYMORE. SHE'S
GOT A NEW ADOPTED SON

WHO CAME FROM AMERICA
TO KEEP HER COMPANY.

I HAD TO FINISH
AN ESSAY, YOU KNOW.

ESSAYS, BOOKS, PAPERS,
ALL OVER MY BED!

I'LL GET 'EM.

WERE YOU
READING THIS?

YEAH.

"IF YOU WERE LUCKY ENOUGH
TO HAVE LIVED IN PARIS

"AS A YOUNG MAN,
THEN WHEREVER YOU GO

"FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE,
IT STAYS WITH YOU,

FOR PARIS
IS A MOVABLE FEAST."

ERNEST HEMINGWAY.

YEAH. I SEE IT'S HAD
A GREAT EFFECT ON YOUR LIFE.

HMM?

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA WRITE
IN YOUR MEMOIRS?

"IF YOU LIVED IN PARIS
AS A YOUNG MAN,

"YOU'RE LUCKY, FOR PARIS
IS A GREAT PLACE

"TO WATCH OLD RERUNS
OF STAR TREK.

JOEL WEBER."

I MEAN, YOU'RE LIVING
HERE LIKE A MOLE!

ALL YOU'VE SEEN
OF THIS CITY

IS THE SUBWAY
TO THE INSTITUTE.

YOU'VE GOTTA
GET OUTTA HERE.

LOOK, YOU'RE NOT
IN PRISON, YOU KNOW.

YOU'RE IN PARIS.

THERE'S A WHOLE WORLD
OUT THERE.

STOP HIDING FROM IT.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

ALLO. LIBRARIE GIRET.
J'ÉCOUTE.

JUST A MOMENT.

IT'S FOR TONI.
IT'S AN AMERICAN.

TONI HAD A CLASS
THIS AFTERNOON.

HERE.

HELLO? YES?

[LOUD MUSIC PLAYING]

HI.

THIS IS JOEL.

I'VE BEEN BY THE STORE
A COUPLE TIMES

BUYING THINGS.
YOU--YOU REMEMBER ME?

YES, I REMEMBER YOU,
BUT--

OK, WELL, LISTEN,
I JUST WONDERED

IF YOU WEREN'T,
UH, BUSY

SATURDAY NIGHT,
I THOUGHT THAT, UH,

MAYBE YOU'D LIKE
TO, UH, GO SEE A MOVIE

OR--OR HAVE DINNER
OR SOMETHING?

WELL, UH...OK.
SATURDAY IS GOOD.

TONI'S GOING
TO KILL YOU.

[WHISPERING]
She always plays jokes on me.

SATURDAY'S GOOD?

[CHUCKLES]

OK, THEN.
UH...GREAT!

WELL, LISTEN, UH...
WHERE DO YOU LIVE?

UH...WHAT--
WHAT'S YOUR ADDRESS?

[GIGGLING OVER PHONE]

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

[EVERYONE LAUGHING]

[LAUGHTER]

[SPUTTERS]

[ALL LAUGHING]

WHEN YOU CALLED
THE STORE,

YOU MUST HAVE TALKED
TO MALSY OR CÉCILE.

I'M SURE OF IT.

OH.

AND YOU REALLY THOUGHT
IT WAS ME ON THE PHONE?

YEP.

[LAUGHTER]

OH...GOD.
I'M GONNA DIE.

HA HA HA.

[MAN SPEAKING FRENCH]

AND YOU REALLY THOUGHT
WE HAD A DATE TONIGHT?

Joel: YEAH.
[CHUCKLES EMBARRASSEDLY]

BUT I ALREADY
HAVE A DATE.

HI.

I DON'T NEED 2.

WELL, I'LL JUST,
UH, GO HOME NOW

AND...SHOOT MYSELF.

NO, DON'T GO.

Man: IL VA
SE SUICIDER.

[LAUGHTER]

I HAVE AN IDEA.

Toni: PASCAL!

THE CHECK.
LISTEN, WHY DON'T I

JUST PAY
MY SHARE OF THAT,

AND THEN I'LL JUST...
GET OUT OF HERE.

YES, WE'RE ALL GOING.
AND YOU PAY FOR IT

BECAUSE
HE'S OUR GUEST.

WE'RE GOING
TO A GREAT DISCO NOW.

YOU'LL LIKE IT.

YOU FRENCH CERTAINLY
HAVE LONG DATES.

[DISCO MUSIC PLAYING]

I'M STUDYING
AMERICAN LITERATURE

AT THE SORBONNE!

WHAT?!

I'M STUDYING
AMERICAN LITERATURE

AT THE SORBONNE!

10 YEARS!

WHAT?!

10 YEARS,

AMERICA WILL
BE FINISHED!

SHUT UP, PASCAL.
YOU'RE BORING!

AMERICA IS POLLUTED,
CORRUPTED,

SICK, AND DYING.

Toni:
PASCAL!

SPEAKING OF WHICH,
IT'S GETTING LATE!

I THINK I'D BETTER GO!

OH, COME ON, DON'T GO.

LET'S DANCE.

Pascal:
THE ONLY DANCING

WILL BE THE CHINESE

DANCING ON YOUR
CAPITALIST GRAVES.

AMERICA STINKS,
YOU TURKEY.

[CHORTLES]

[SNIFFLES]

OOHH!

SORRY ABOUT THAT!

[SNAPS FINGERS TO RHYTHM]

THERE. I'M SORRY.

I THINK
YOU STILL LIKE ME.

NO. I STILL
HATE YOU.

THANKS FOR
THE WONDERFUL EVENING.

I GUESS
I'LL BE GOING NOW.

OH, HERE, PASCAL.
OPEN THE DOOR FOR ME.

WELL, UH...I REALLY
OUGHT TO BE GOING NOW.

UM...THANKS FOR
THE WONDERFUL EVENING.

GOOD-BYE.

UM...

[WHISPERING]
Come back in 10 minutes.

[GIGGLES]

YOU KNOW,
YOU WERE VERY NICE

ABOUT
THE WHOLE MISTAKE.

AFTER A MEAN JOKE
LIKE THAT PHONE CALL,

ANYBODY ELSE
WOULD HAVE JUST...

GONE HOME.

[CHUCKLES]

I KNOW.

I WAS ABOUT TO...

SEVERAL TIMES.

THAT'S A PROBLEM I HAVE--

INDECISIVENESS.

INDECISIVENESS.

WHAT DOES IT MEAN?

IT MEANS THAT YOU CAN'T
MAKE A DECISION...

THAT YOU'RE...

AF-AFRAID TO DO THINGS.

WELL...

IT'S VERY LATE.

OH. YEAH.

GOOD NIGHT.

WILL I SEE YOU AGAIN?

OH...OH, YES,
I THINK SO.

GREAT.

BYE.

WHOOPS.

SORRY.
THAT'S THE BEDROOM.

WRONG DOOR.

NO...

RIGHT DOOR.

[PLAYING PIANO]

I'M REALLY MORE OF A, UH,

SONGWRITER THAN A SINGER,
BUT...

HERE GOES.

♪ I HEAR A SIGH ♪

♪ FROM A BENCH
IN THE SQUARE ♪

♪ AND THE SOUND
OF THE SIGH ♪

♪ SAYS A LOVER
IS THERE ♪

♪ THEN I SUDDENLY SEE ♪

♪ THAT THE LOVER IS ME ♪

♪ AND THE THING
OF IT IS ♪

♪ PARIS ♪

ALEX--

♪ PARIS ♪

♪ IS A LADY ♪

♪ WITH A LIGHT
IN HER EYES ♪

♪ A SURPRISE KIND
OF GLOW ABOUT HER ♪

♪ PARIS ♪

♪ IS A TEACHER WHO
HAS LESSONS TO GIVE ♪

♪ HOW TO LOVE,
HOW TO LIVE ♪

♪ AND THERE'S
SO MUCH TO LEARN ♪

♪ THAT YOU TOSS ♪

♪ AND YOU TURN ABOUT HER ♪

♪ I HEAR A SONG ♪

♪ DOWN A COBBLESTONE STREET ♪

♪ AND I'VE NEVER HEARD SINGIN' ♪

♪ THAT SOUNDED SO SWEET ♪

♪ THEN A JOLT
IN MY SPINE ♪

♪ SAYS THE MUSIC
IS MINE ♪

♪ AND THE ♪

♪ THING OF IT IS ♪

♪ PARIS ♪

[SONG ENDS]

WHY DID YOU
SING ME THIS SONG?

WELL, UH, YOU KNOW
THAT 19th-CENTURY

LITERATURE ESSAY
WE WERE SUPPOSED TO DO?

MM-HMM.

THE, UH...COMPARISON

BETWEEN ROMANTICISM
AND CLASSICISM?

SURE.
IT'S VERY IMPORTANT.

MY SONG'S KIND OF
A ROMANTIC LOOK

AT A CLASSIC SITUATION.

YOU WROTE A SONG
INSTEAD OF THE ESSAY?

HA HA HA!

YEAH.

YOU DIDN'T LIKE IT.

EVEN IN ENGLISH,
YOUR METAPHORS WERE FEEBLE.

AND YOUR SYNTAX...
PRIMITIVE.

UM, MADAME TESSIER...

YOU KNOW, UH...

I WASN'T AS CONCERNED
WITH THE STYLE

AS I WAS
WITH THE CONTENT.

AND YOU HAVE
BEEN FOLLOWING ME.

HAVEN'T YOU?

Y-YEAH.

I'M DISAPPOINTED, ALEX.

AT THE BEGINNING
OF THE YEAR,

I HAD HOPES FOR YOU,
BUT NOW...

YOU ARE BEING
VERY FOOLISH.

[DOOR OPENS]

UN MOMENT, ALBERT.

AND YOU...

WRITE THE ESSAY...

BY MONDAY MORNING.

[SPEAKING FRENCH
TO ALBERT]

[CONTINUES IN FRENCH]

ALBERT!

OUI, J'ARRIVE.

[INDISTINCT,
ENTHUSIASTIC CHATTER]

[WHISTLES]

WHOOIE!

JANUARY 12.

DEAR DAVID,
IT HASN'T ALWAYS BEEN FUN,

BUT I'VE COVERED MOST
OF THE HISTORICAL SITES

OF CENTRAL PARIS,

AND I'M MOVING OUT
TOWARD THE SUBURBS NOW.

OF ALL THE CEMETERIES
I'VE VISITED,

I MUST SAY PERE-LACHAISE
IS MY FAVORITE...

STROLLING DOWN ROW
AFTER MARVELOUS ROW

OF SO MANY GIFTED
AND FAMOUS DEAD PEOPLE.

TODAY I LEFT FLOWERS
ON THE GRAVES OF COLETTE...

ISADORA DUNCAN...

AND EDITH PIAF.

ANYWAY, I'M ENCLOSING
A MAP OF THE CEMETERY

FOR YOU, DAVID.

YOU'LL SEE THAT I'VE MARKED
ALL THE BEST GRAVES ON IT.

MERDE.

[ALBERT SPEAKING FRENCH]

NON. NON, NON, YVETTE.

PFFT!

[YOU'RE THE ONE THAT I WANT
PLAYING IN FRENCH]

Toni: DO YOU WANT
TO PLAY PINBALL?

Joel: PRETTY GOOD, HUH?

Toni: NO!
HA HA!

COME ON. I DON'T
WANT HER TO SEE ME.

COME ON!

Toni: WHO?

MADAME TESSIER.

ALEX USED TO
FOLLOW HER

LIKE, UH, INSPECTOR MAIGRET
ON A CASE.

YEAH, BEFORE I MADE
AN ASS OUT OF MYSELF

WITH THAT SONG.

OHHH...

[CAR STARTS UP]

THAT'S HER CAR.

COME ON, LET'S
GO IN THERE.

MOVE! MOVE!

[TONI GIGGLES]

Joel:
WHAT'S HE DOING?

[SIGHS]

[HORN HONKS]

OH, SHIT.

ALEX? IS THAT YOU?

WHY DID YOU
RUN IN THERE?

ARE YOU GOING HOME?

WOULD YOU LIKE A RIDE?

WHY DON'T YOU
GET IN THE CAR?

OK.

THIS CAR MUST BE
VERY EXPENSIVE IN FRANCE.

OH, YES. IT COST
10 MILLION FRANCS.

OLD FRANCS.

I'M SORRY.

[TIRES SQUEAL]

W--

PSHHH...

[SIGHS]

[SIGHS]

[CAR DRAWS NEAR]

[TIRES SCREECH]

[SCREECH]

[DOOR UNLOCKS]

[TIRES SCREECH]

[TONI GASPS]

Joel: OH. GOD.

ALEX.

OH, GOD.

HI, JOEL.

I THOUGHT IT WAS
MADAME PIMOT.

HI, TONI.

HI.

OH, LISTEN,

I'M REALLY SORRY
ABOUT THIS.

UM, WE WERE JUST FEELING
A LITTLE PASSIONATE,

AND, UH...WE COULDN'T
FIND A HOTEL.

I--I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
GOTTEN INTO ME LATELY.

NO. WAIT A MINUTE.
HOLD ON.

WHAT--WHAT
HAPPENED WITH YOU

AND--AND
MADAME TESSIER?

MONSIEUR TESSIER IS LEAVING
FOR ITALY TOMORROW MORNING.

Joel: SO WHAT?

SO MADAME TESSIER
IS PICKING ME UP

TOMORROW AFTERNOON.

AND SHE'S TAKING ME
TO HER HOUSE.

ALEX.

ALEX, YOU DID IT!

YOU DID IT!
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

WHERE'S OUR SCOTCH?

[JOEL CHUCKLES]

LISTEN. I CAN
COVER FOR YOU.

I'M TAKIN' TONI
TO THE INSTITUTE

FOR LUNCH
TOMORROW, AND...

I'LL--I'LL TELL 'EM
YOU'VE GOT THE FLU.

[BOTH GUYS CHUCKLE]

[CLINK]

Joel: SHE'S FRENCH,
YOU KNOW.

SHE'S MINE.

PROBLEM IS...

YOU GUYS HANG AROUND HERE
TOO MUCH.

I PICKED UP TONI
IN A LOCAL DISCO.

SHE LIKED THE WAY I DANCED.

IT'S ONLY
THE MOST IMPORTANT

MEDIEVAL FESTIVAL
IN THE WORLD.

IT OCCURS
ONCE EVERY 5 YEARS,

AND UNLESS I CAN GET
A GROUP TOGETHER

TO GO WITH ME,
I'M GONNA MISS IT.

BUT I TELL YOU
ONE THING...

I'M NOT GOING
TO MISS IT.

Joel: HEY, TONI.
EXCUSE ME, LAURA,

IT'S REAL INTERESTING,
BUT, UM--

TONI?

WHERE
HAVE YOU BEEN?

WE HAVEN'T SEEN YOU
IN SUCH A LONG TIME.

WELL, I WENT TO SCHOOL,
AND...I WORKED.

OH, YEAH?

YOU TWO
KNOW EACH OTHER.

Woman:
OF COURSE.

JEAN-LOUIS,
VENEZ.

LOOK WHO'S HERE.

Jean-Louis: TONI!

HOW ARE YOU?

I'M FINE.

WHAT ABOUT
STEVEN, TONI?

HOW IS STEVEN?

I DON'T KNOW.

MMM. STEVEN
AND YOU,

THAT WAS
THE BIG ROMANCE, HMM?

BIG SCANDAL. REMEMBER
WHEN THE CLEANING LADY

FOUND STEVEN AND TONI
IN THE LOUNGE

THE MORNING
AFTER THE PARTY?

SHE ALMOST HAD
A HEART ATTACK. OH.

WE HEARD STEVEN'S
AT HARVARD NOW.

I DIDN'T
KNOW THAT.

NO?

NO.

HEY.

HE DIDN'T WRITE YOU?

WHO'S STEVEN?

HUNHH-UNHH.

REMEMBER THIS, TONI?

CHRISTINE,
DON'T DO THIS.

10 TO 1,
THAT'S STEVEN.

IT WAS FROM THAT
SILLY PLAY LAST YEAR.

I WANTED TO HANG IT
IN MY OFFICE,

BUT MADAME TESSIER SAID
IT WAS NOT DIGNIFIED.

OH, NO. I THINK
THE INSTITUTE

SHOULD PUT IT
ON THE CATALOG.

I MEAN, THEY'D GET
A LOT MORE APPLICATIONS.

[LAUGHTER]

[DAVE BRUBECK'S
TAKE FIVE PLAYING]

[GLASSES CLINKING]

DO YOU LIKE
THE HOUSE?

MM-HMM.

WE DECORATED THESE ROOMS
IN WHAT WE CALL

THE EISENHOWER
FIFTIES STYLE.

IT'S VERY HARD TO FIND
GOOD AMERICAN FURNITURE

FROM THAT PERIOD
IN PARIS.

I'LL BET IT IS.

IT'S AMUSING,
ISN'T IT?

WELL, UH...NOT WHEN
YOUR PARENTS LIVE IN IT.

WHAT?

OH...A-ALEX, YOU--YOU
MUST NOT RUSH THINGS.

MOVING SLOWLY CAN BE
VERY EROTIC, TOO.

I SUPPOSE YOU'VE HAD
A LOT OF--

I MEAN, UH...

YOU KNOW A LOT
ABOUT EROTIC THINGS.

OH! IT'S ALMOST
INSTINCTIVE

WITH THE FRENCH,
YOU KNOW.

OK, I W--I WANT
TO SHOW YOU

THE REST
OF THE HOUSE.

BUT, UH, DID YOU SEE
THIS COFFEE TABLE?

IT'S AN EARLY
FORMICA.

OH. REALLY.

YEAH.

THAT'S GREAT.

THE DEN...
AS YOU CAN SEE.

YEAH.

[GASPS]

NOT YET, ALEX.

WHOA! EUROPE.
[CHUCKLES]

YES!

GOOD.

EACH FLAG WILL SOMEDAY
BE A NEW INSTITUTE.

I HAVE PLANS
FOR AN INSTITUTE

IN EVERY MAJOR CITY.

THEN WHAT WILL YOU DO?

MOVE TO LOS ANGELES.

FLORENCE, ITALY?

MY HUSBAND IS THERE NOW
BUYING A BUILDING.

THE BASTARD.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND HIM,
HE SAYS.

SO HE GOES ELSEWHERE
FOR HIS, UH...

UNDERSTANDING.

SO, I GUESS WE CAN LOOK
AT THE BEDROOM NOW.

GREAT.

YEAH?

YEAH, I'D LIKE TO...

SEE THE BEDROOM.

WELL, IT'S
ABOUT TO HAPPEN.

BUT FIRST I WANT TO SHOW
YOU SOMETHING OUTSIDE.

OUTSIDE?
IT'S COLD OUTSIDE.

COME ON.

IT'S FREEZING!

YOU KNOW,
YOU COULD'VE TOLD ME

YOU'D BEEN HERE BEFORE.

I DIDN'T EVEN THINK
ABOUT STEVEN

UNTIL
THEY MENTIONED IT.

"MENTIONED IT"?

THEY HAD
A GODDAMN BILLBOARD

WITH YOUR PICTURE
ON IT!

YOU'RE GONNA MAKE THIS
INTO A BIG DEAL NOW.

WELL, I'M NOT MAKIN'
THIS INTO A BIG DEAL.

YOU DID BY
NOT TELLING ME.

I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM
STEVEN SINCE HE LEFT.

HE SAID HE'D WRITE ME,
AND HE DIDN'T.

WE MADE
A LOT OF PLANS,

AND NOTHING
HAPPENED. OK?

SURE. AND YOU THOUGHT

MAYBE YOU'D HAVE
BETTER LUCK THIS YEAR.

I HATE TO HURT
YOUR MALE EGO,

BUT I'VE BEEN AROUND
THE BLOCK, YOU KNOW.

AROUND THE BLOCK?

WHAT'S THAT
SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

IT'S A GOOD
AMERICAN EXPRESSION.

WELL, NOBODY USES IT.

RAYMOND CHANDLER DOES.

AND QUIT ACTING
LIKE AN IDIOT.

LOOK WHO'S TALKING HERE!
THIS IS SOME KIND

OF AN INSTITUTE
GROUPIE HERE!

THEN WHY WERE YOU
SHOWING ME OFF

LIKE A HUNTING TROPHY?

AND QUIT
FOLLOWING ME.

I'M NOT FOLLOWING YOU!

THEN GO AWAY.

OR ARE YOU AFRAID?

LIKE YOU'RE AFRAID
OF EVERYTHING?

AFRAID OF SOME GUY
FROM LAST YEAR?

OF WHAT
YOUR FRIENDS THINK?

COWARD.

YOU'RE A COWARD.

[HORN HONKS]

BONJOUR, MONSIEUR...

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

TESSIER?

C'EST UN COURS.

VOUS VOUS
RENDEZ FOLLE.

[CONVERSATION CONTINUES
IN FRENCH]

CHRISTINE!

MONSIEUR TESSIER
IS BACK.

WHY IS HE BACK
ALREADY?

HE DIDN'T GO
TO ITALY.

THERE'S A STRIKE
AT THE AIRPORT.

IS HE GOING HOME?

YEAH.

DOES MADAME TESSIER
KNOW?

NO. HE DIDN'T
WANT TO CALL

WHEN HE HEARD
SHE WAS ILL,

IN CASE SHE WAS
RESTING IN BED. WHY?

IN BED?

OH, MY GOD.

[CAR STARTS]

MONSIEUR!

MONSIEUR!

MONSIEUR!
UN MOMENT!

UN MOMENT!
S'IL VOUS PLAIT!

UN MOMENT! UN MOMENT!
UN MOMENT!

[CHUCKLES]

SO, UH...

DO YOU WANT TO GET
A BEER OR SOMETHING?

A BEER?

GET A BEER?

Madame Tessier:
YOU KNOW WHAT?

WHAT?

THERE ARE NOT MANY
HOT TUBS IN FRANCE.

MMM.

THIS IS TO RELAX YOU
BEFORE WE DO IT.

DO WHAT?

HA HA!

OH, YEAH. THAT.
IT'S JUST IT'S SO...

SO HOT IN HERE,

I THINK I ALMOST
PASSED OUT FOR A SECOND.

MY HUSBAND
LIKES IT THAT WAY.

YEAH, HE WOULD,
THE COLD FISH.

I DON'T KNOW
WHERE THE CONTROLS ARE.

BUT...DON'T YOU FIND
JACUZZIS ARE EROTIC?

I GUESS I'M JUST NOT
AS EXPERIENCED AS YOU ARE

IN THIS KIND
OF, UH, EXPERIENCE.

LISTEN, ALEX...
TO BE HONEST,

I'VE ONLY DONE
RESEARCH.

I GOT A BOOK YESTERDAY
ON LOVEMAKING.

HOW LONG
DID THE BOOK SAY

WE HAVE TO STAY
IN HERE?

[LOUD POP MUSIC PLAYING]

YOU KNOW,
I WAS JUST THINKING.

IT'D BE A REAL SHAME
TO LEAVE FRANCE

WITHOUT HAVING A--
A CHANCE

TO GET
TO KNOW YOU BETTER.

[SOFTLY]
JOEL. JOEL.

CAN YOU HEAR ME?

CAN I HEAR YOU?

YEAH, SURE.
I CAN HEAR YOU FINE.

WHAT--WHAT IS--WHAT?

WHAT KIND OF DRUG
HAVE YOU TAKEN?

WHAT KIND OF, UH...

DOPE.
YOU HAVE TAKEN DOPE.

DOPE?

NO, I HAVEN'T TAKEN
ANY DOPE. REALLY!

THEN YOU DON'T MIND
IF I GO HOME?

WELL, DON'T YOU THINK
THAT WE OUGHT TO

JUST CALL YOUR WIFE
FIRST AND WARN--

JUST LET HER KNOW THAT
YOU'RE GONNA COME HOME?

I MEAN,
IT'S NO PROBLEM.

THERE'S A PHONE BACK
THERE. I CAN DO IT.

WHAT'S THE NUMBER?
IS IT LISTED?

YOU ARE FREAKING OUT NOW,
AREN'T YOU?

UH...NO.

WE HAD A STUDENT

FREAK OUT 3 YEARS AGO
IN HER ROOM.

NO. I'M NOT
FREAKING OUT. NO.

A MOVIE? UH...

WELL, HOW ABOUT
THE OPERA?

YOU LIKE THE OPERA?
UH, IT'S NO PROBLEM.

IT'S JUST--
WE COULD CALL YOUR WIFE

AND, UH...UHHH!

[SIGHS]

[STARTS MOTOR]

20 YEARS IN MY OWN COUNTRY,

AND NOTHIN' LIKE THIS

EVER HAPPENED.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I AM FREAKING OUT.

[SOFT PIANO MUSIC PLAYING]

"HELLO, BABY."

HELLO...

BABY.

MMM...

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

MADAME TESSIER?

YES?

YOU KNOW, EVEN THOUGH
I NEVER EXPECTED

THIS WOULD
REALLY HAPPEN, I...

I HAVE BEEN PLANNING IT
A LOT IN MY MIND.

YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN
WRITING YOUR ESSAYS.

EVER SINCE
I FIRST SAW YOU TRY ON

THAT PAIR OF LEVIS.

YOU WHAT?

SOMETHIN'
YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT.

THERE IS SOMETHING
I NEVER TOLD YOU, ALEX.

YEAH?

YOU KNOW THAT SONG
YOU WROTE ME?

IT WAS NOT SO BAD.

I LIKED IT.

[CHUCKLES]

[HORN HONKS]

LOOK, IT'S ALL GONNA
COME OUT ANYWAY,

SO I MIGHT
AS WELL TELL YOU

THE WHOLE DIRTY STORY.

UH, IT JUST--
IT GOT TO ME.

I MEAN, THE PRESSURES,
SCHOOL, AND...FRANCE.

IT JUST--SO I INGESTED
A CONSIDERABLE QUANTITY

OF UPPERS, DOWNERS,
AND, UH...

OTHER TYPES OF DRUGS
THAT YOU PROBABLY

NEVER EVEN HEARD OF
IN FRANCE.

AND, UH, YOU DON'T THINK
THAT THEY'RE GONNA, UH,

PUMP MY STOMACH OUT
AT THE HOSPITAL, DO YA?

BECAUSE I'M SUDDENLY
FEELING MUCH BETTER.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

WE'RE NOT GOING
TO THE HOSPITAL?

WHO'S THAT?

I DON'T WANT TO BE
A BURDEN TO YOU.

BUT YOU JUST,
YOU KNOW,

REALLY SHOULDN'T
FEEL RESPONSIBLE

FOR THE WHOLE THING,
'CAUSE I CAN JUST GO OUT,

AND I CAN FINISH
FREAKING OUT ON MY OWN,

AND THERE'S
REALLY NO REASON

WHY WE'VE GOTTA
DISTURB YOUR WIFE.

UM, DON'T YOU THINK
WE OUGHT TO KNOCK FIRST?

NO. SHE'S PROBABLY
SLEEPING AND, UH--

OH, THAT'S OK.
I'LL KNOCK.

[KNOCKS]

[POUNDING]

I THOUGHT YOU SAID
HE WAS IN ITALY!

I GUESS HE'S BACK.

DO YOU THINK
HE'LL GET VIOLENT?

I'VE SEEN HIM
GET VERY VIOLENT.

SHIT.

DON'T WORRY.
MAYBE THIS IS GOOD.

I HAVE NOTHING
TO HIDE.

NOTHING TO HIDE?
WHAT ABOUT ME?!

[POUNDING]

HEY!

AH.

OH. [CHUCKLES]
YOU LOST YOUR KEYS.

GOD, THEY MUST BE
AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.

HO, HO, HO, HO.

WHAT?

OH, THAT'S OK.

LOOK, WE CAN
COME BACK TOMORROW.

COME ON.

WHERE'S THE BACK DOOR?

ALEX!

OH, JESUS!

ALEX, DON'T LEAVE!
IT'S MORE HONEST THIS WAY!

OH, SURE.
HONESTY'S FUN,

BUT WHAT ABOUT
THE EXHILARATION

OF DECEIT
AND ESCAPE?

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

LOOK,
I'LL FIND A WAY

FOR US TO SEE
EACH OTHER AGAIN.

BELIEVE ME.

NOTHING'S GONNA
KEEP US APART NOW.

EXCEPT DEATH, MAYBE.

[CRICKETS CHIRPING]

Madame Tessier:
ALBERT.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

HE DIDN'T GO TO ITALY.

THERE WAS A STRIKE
AT THE AIRPORT.

JOEL, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?

HE TOOK AN OVERDOSE
OF DRUGS...

HE SAID.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING HERE?

WELL, WE WERE JUST--

JUST ABOUT
TO MAKE LOVE.

WELL, IT SOUNDS
LIKE IT'S BEEN

A BIG NIGHT
FOR EVERYBODY.

ALEX, LET'S
JUST GO HOME NOW.

NO!

I'LL KILL HIM!

ALBERT! STOP IT!
IT'S YOUR FAULT!

MY FAULT?
LET GO OF ME!

RUNNING AWAY
WITH YVETTE,

THE POOR GIRL

AT THE ANSWERING
SERVICE!

HOW PITIFUL!

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[SPEAKING
FRENCH]

Joel: HE SAID
HE DIDN'T GO TO ITALY.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

SHE SAYS THAT HE'S BEEN
OTHER PLACES WITH YVETTE.

YOU SEE, SHE KNOWS
ALL ABOUT THEIR AFFAIR.

JOEL, I KNOW
WHAT'S HAPPENING.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

"AND WHAT IS THIS?"

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

"WHAT ABOUT HIM?"
HE MEANS YOU.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

"YOU TAKE SOME," UM--

I THINK HE SAID,
"TWERP FROM SCHOOL,

AND YOU TAKE HIM HOME
TO BED WITH YOU?"

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[SPEAKING
FRENCH]

"WHAT FOR? REVENGE?"

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[ALBERT
SPEAKING FRENCH]

Joel: YOU KNOW, I UNDERSTAND
EVERYTHING THAT THEY'RE SAYING.

DAMN IT, JOEL,
WILL YOU SHUT UP?

LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

[MADAME TESSIER
SPEAKING FRENCH]

[ALBERT
SPEAKING FRENCH]

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[ALBERT LAUGHING]

[MADAME TESSIER
YELLING IN FRENCH]

[GLASS BREAKING]

[ALBERT
YELLING IN FRENCH]

[MADAME TESSIER
YELLING IN FRENCH]

[DOOR SLAMS]

[PLAYING FLAMENCO MUSIC]

MERCI.

HEY, LISTEN, MY DAY WASN'T
SO TERRIFIC, EITHER.

WHAT ARE YOU
TALKING ABOUT?

TONI.

I TOOK TONI
TO THE INSTITUTE

FOR LUNCH TODAY.

SO, WHAT HAPPENED?

SHE'D BEEN THERE BEFORE.

COME ON.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

EXCUSE US.

[GUITARIST PLAYING NEW SONG]

[GUITARIST SINGING
IN SPANISH]

WELL, HERE'S
TO YOUR GREAT IDEA

ABOUT GOING AFTER
FRENCH WOMEN.

WE COME 4,000 MILES
TO GET DUMPED ON.

[SINGING IN SPANISH]

I'M NOT GOING BACK
TO THE INSTITUTE.

MADAME TESSIER CAN HAVE
HER PREDIGESTED CULTURE.

WELL, WHAT ARE
YOU GONNA DO?

HUH?

YOU GONNA GO
BACK TO OHIO?

LET'S GET
OUT OF HERE.

LET'S SEE THINGS
THE RIGHT WAY.

YEAH.

WHAT'S
THE RIGHT WAY?

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

2 TICKETS TO BARCELONA.

[P.A. ANNOUNCER
SPEAKING FRENCH]

UH, AT BARCELONA,
WE CAN FOLLOW

THE MEDITERRANEAN SOUTH
TO VALENCIA.

VALENCIA!

THE GOLDEN TOWERS
WHERE EL CID

CONQUERED THE MOORS.

AND THEN, UM...
GRENADA

AND THE ALHAMBRA,

THE MOST ROMANTIC
MONUMENT IN SPAIN.

NO, SORRY.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

I'M NOT GOING.

OH, GODDAMN IT!
I KNEW IT!

I KNEW YOU'D DO THIS!

WELL,
YOU WERE RIGHT.

YOU CHICKENSHIT.
I THOUGHT YOU'D CHANGED!

WELL...

WHAT'S WRONG?

WHAT AM I GONNA
TELL MY PARENTS?

YOUR PARENTS?
OH, CHRIST, JOEL!

WELL, I CAN'T JUST DROP OUT
HALFWAY THROUGH.

I'LL LOSE THE WHOLE YEAR!

THEY MIGHT NOT EVEN LET ME
BACK INTO MY OWN SCHOOL!

WELL, I'M NOT TALKING
ABOUT SCHOOL.

I'M TALKING
ABOUT LIFE!

ALEX, YOU'RE NOT!
YOU'RE DREAMING.

THIS IS ANOTHER FANTASY,

JUST LIKE MADAME TESSIER
WAS A FANTASY.

OK, GO BACK
TO THE INSTITUTE,

FINISH COLLEGE,
GET A GOOD JOB,

SO MAYBE IN 10 YEARS
YOU CAN AFFORD

TO COME BACK
AND GO TO SPAIN!

WHY NOT GO NOW?

I CAN'T.

WHY NOT?!

I DON'T KNOW!

HAVE A NICE TRIP.

WRITE ME, WILL YA?

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

UM, WHERE'S TONI?

OH, UM, SHE LEFT.

WHERE DID SHE GO?

I DON'T KNOW.
SHE WOULDN'T TELL US.

OH, YES, WAIT.

UH, SHE SAID SOMETHING
ABOUT GOING TO MARSEILLES.

MARSEILLES?

YEAH, THAT'S WHERE
SHE TOLD ME

SHE WAS GOING.

WELL, I'LL CALL
HER FAMILY.

HER PARENTS HAVE LEFT, TOO.
THEY ALL WENT AWAY.

BUT THIS IS CRAZY.

YOU MEAN SHE DIDN'T
LEAVE AN ADDRESS?

EXCUSEZ-MOI.
LISTEN, JOEL,

I'M SORRY,
BUT THAT'S ALL I KNOW.

MERCI.

YOU'RE WELCOME.
GOOD-BYE.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

Toni: JOEL?

MALSY SAID
YOU WERE IN MARSEILLES.

YOUR FRIENDS SAID
YOU WERE GOING TO SPAIN.

ALEX WENT.

YOU DIDN'T
WANT TO GO?

NO, I WANTED TO GO.

WHY DIDN'T YOU?

I COULDN'T,
YOU KNOW...

BECAUSE OF YOU.

WELL, THAT'S NICE,
JOEL, BUT MAYBE...

IT'S MORE BECAUSE
YOU WERE AFRAID.

[CHILDREN SPEAKING FRENCH]

I DON'T WANNA
ARGUE ANYMORE.

WELL,
NEITHER DO I.

I'LL GO TO SPAIN
SOMEDAY.

[CAR HORNS HONKING]

HEY, I GOT
A POSTCARD FROM ALEX.

OH, YEAH?

YEAH.

"ACRES OF, UH, ORANGES

"AND OLIVE TREES STRETCH
TO THE BLUE MEDITERRANEAN.

"MARCH HERE
ISN'T LIKE PARIS.

THE SPANISH SUN
IS FANTASTIC."

"SPANISH SUN."

HMM. "AND THERE ISN'T
A CLOUD IN THE SKY."

HE SAYS HE'S GOING
TO GREECE NEXT.

THAT DOESN'T SOUND
TOO BAD, DOES IT?

I'VE GOT AN ITEM.

THE TESSIERS ARE
DEFINITELY SPLITSVILLE.

YEAH, MANIQUE TOOK
OVER HIS LIT CLASS.

Melanie: YEAH.

ACCORDING TO MY SOURCE,

MONSIEUR TESSIER NOT ONLY
LEFT THE INSTITUTE,

BUT HE LEFT THE HOUSE

AND MADAME TESSIER.

[STUDENT SPEAKING FRENCH]

SCREW YOU.

OH, HI, LAURA.

YOU ALL THINK I'M FLAKY.

THAT'S WHY NOBODY WANTED
TO GO WITH ME

TO THE MEDIEVAL FESTIVAL.

[SIGHS]
CAN IT, LAURA.

LOOK, I DON'T HAVE TIME TO
EXCHANGE PLEASANTRIES, MELANIE.

I JUST DROPPED BY
TO TELL YOU

THAT I'LL BE LEAVING
IN EXACTLY 2 HOURS.

LEAVING FOR LAON.

I'M GOING TO THE FESTIVAL
DESPITE ALL OF YOU.

WHY DON'T YOU
SIT DOWN?

WELL, I HAVEN'T MUCH TIME
FOR SMALL TALK.

I HAVE TO GO PACK
AND THEN MEET MY FRIEND.

DON'T YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHO MY FRIEND IS?

WHO'S YOUR FRIEND,
LAURA?

NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS,
JOEY.

HE'S A TRAVEL AGENT.

I WENT TO CANCEL
MY RESERVATIONS

BECAUSE I COULDN'T
AFFORD TO GO

TO THE FESTIVAL
BY MYSELF,

AND ALL OF A SUDDEN
HE SAID HE'D TAKE ME.

THE TRAVEL AGENT?

Laura: YEAH.

HIS COMPANY WAS
SENDING HIM,

AND HIS COMPANY
WILL PAY FOR THE TRIP.

I DON'T EVEN HAVE
TO PAY FOR GAS.

YOU JUST MET THIS GUY.
WHO IS HE?

AND HE JUST TOOK ME
TO A REAL FRENCH RESTAURANT

FOR A LUNCH
WITH 3 WINES,

NOT LIKE THIS DUMP.

Melanie:
IS HE FRENCH?

THAT'S ALL I NEED.
HE'S PROBABLY FRENCH.

Laura: WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW.

FRENCH?

FRENCH, ME?
DARIUS SAYYID?

FROM THE LONG LINE
OF THE KINGS OF PERSIA?

I AM IRANIAN.
WHERE THE HAVIAR COMES FROM.

THE WHAT?

YOU KNOW, HAVIAR.
SAY IT.

HAVIAR.

[LAUGHS]

OH, CAVIAR.
YOU MEAN CAVIAR.

NO. HAVIAR.
[CHUCKLES]

IT'S SO FUNNY
WHEN YOU SAY IT.

OH, MY GOD.

LISTEN, UH, SAYYID,

WOULDN'T WE GET TO
THE FESTIVAL QUICKER

IF WE TOOK
THE HIGHWAY?

WHAT, AND MISS
THE VINEYARDS?

VINEYARDS?
WHAT VINEYARDS?

EVERYTHING LOOKS DEAD.

IT'S MARCH.
THE GRAPES...

ARE SLEEPING.
[SNORES]

YES?

YES.

IN THE SPRING,
THEY SPRING.

IT'S ALL BEAUTIFUL.

OK?

OK.

[LAUGHS]

[TIRES SCREECHING]

WHOO!
WHOO-HOO-HOO!

IT'S LIKE MECCA.
I COULD LIVE HERE.

YOU TURN THE BOTTLE
SLOWLY LIKE THIS,

AND THEN
THERE IS NO POP.

OOPS, LITTLE POP.
BUT IT'S OK. DON'T WORRY.

LET'S GO BACK
TO THE CAR.

YOU LIKE THE CAR?

IT'S CONVERTIBLE.

TOP GO UP,
TOP GO DOWN.

LEAVE IT UP?

HOW ABOUT SHUT UP?

[BELCHES]

UH, MAYBE
I SHOULD DRIVE?

IN MY COUNTRY,
WOMEN DO NOT DRIVE.

FIGURES.

IN MY COUNTRY,
IN FACT,

THE WOMEN RUN
BEHIND THE CARS.

HA HA.

[LAUGHS]
SAYYID JOKING.

IT'S NO PROBLEM.

AH, WHAT'S THAT?

ALLAH GIVES ME SIGN.

Laura: OH, NO, COME ON!
WE CAN'T STOP AT EVERY WINERY!

NO, IT'S A CORK!
LOOK OUT!

[SIGHS]
YOU ASSHOLE.

NO PROBLEM.

LAURA, SEE?
SWIMMING POOL.

IT'S A CRUMMY MOTEL.

IT'S ALL NEW.

WHY YOU AMERICANS
ONLY LIKES OLD THINGS?

IN MY COUNTRY, WE LOVE
EVERYTHING MODERN.

ALSO, SAYYID GET
DISCOUNT HERE.

I'M GONNA CLEAN UP.
THEN WE'LL GO

INTO TOWN
FOR THE FESTIVAL.

SURPRISE!

OH, NO.

SAYYID'S FEELING
MUCH BETTER.

SAYYID, OUT.

WHO ARE THEY?

WHO?

SHAH OF IRAN.
WIFE, BEAUTIFUL SHABANU.

WHAT ARE THEY DOING
IN MY ROOM?

WE IRANIANS USED TO BUY
EVERYTHING, YOU KNOW?

BUT NOW VERY SAD.

WHEN THE SHAH
WAS NO MORE,

SAYYID LEAVE IRAN,
COME TO FRANCE.

[KNOCKS ON DOOR]

WAIT!
MORE SURPRISE.

OH.

HEY!

[SPEAKING IRANIAN]

FESTIVAL.

WHAT WAS
THAT ALL ABOUT?

SMALL WORLD.

WE WENT TO SAME
HIGH SCHOOL IN IRAN.

HAVIAR!

REALLY? I'VE NEVER
TASTED CAVIAR.

HAVIAR.

AH, SAYYID
IS GOOD TO HIS WOMEN,

ISN'T HE?
ISN'T HE?

SAYYID, YOU'RE SPILLING
ALL MY LITTLE HAVIARS.

LAURA, I LOVE YOU.
A LOT.

WHAT ARE YOU CRAZY?
I'VE GOT A BOYFRIEND.

AND BELIEVE ME,
EVEN IF I DIDN'T--

BUT AMERICAN GIRLS
DO IT WITH EVERYONE.

WHAT?!
GET OUT OF MY ROOM!

LET GO OF ME!

YOU'VE BEEN AROUND WOMEN
IN VEILS TOO LONG!

AAH!

I LIKE INFIDEL WOMEN.

OHH!

OH, YOU PERSIAN
CHAUVINIST!

OHH!

[KNOCKS]

I'M GOING TO GO NOW.

TO GET--
TO GET HELP.

OK?

NO PROBLEM.

BIG PROBLEM.

AAH!

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

[CAR STARTS
AND DRIVES OFF]

OH...

I MISSED IT.

[HORSE WHINNYING]

[TV PLAYING LOUDLY]

[THUNDER]

[STEEPLE BELL CHIMING]

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

Madame Tessier: CLOSER!

CLOSER, EVERYBODY,
AND SMILE!

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

[PHOTOGRAPHER
SPEAKING FRENCH]

HEY, ALEX!

[MADAME TESSIER
SPEAKING FRENCH]

Madame Tessier:
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,

THAT'S IT.
NO MORE PICTURES TODAY.

HOW ARE YOU?

[CHATTERING]

HEY, HOW YOU DOING?

ALL RIGHT.
IT'S GOOD TO SEE YOU.

I THOUGHT YOU WERE
IN GREECE.

I CAME BACK
TO REFUEL.

DID I GET ANY MONEY
FROM HOME?

MM-MMM. NO,
I WOULDN'T COUNT ON IT.

UM, YOUR PARENTS
WENT BERSERK

WHEN YOU DROPPED OUT.

HOW WAS SPAIN?

SPAIN WAS UNBELIEVABLE.
I KNOW WHY--

HEY, YOU KNOW, IF WE'RE
GONNA DROP BY THE HOSPITAL,

WE GOTTA GET GOING.

OK.

[MADAME TESSIER
SPEAKING FRENCH]

Joel: HEY, ALEX,
WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH US?

YOU COULD TELL US
ABOUT SPAIN.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

Joel: HEY, ALEX!
YOU COMING OR NOT?

COME ON!
WE'LL MISS VISITING HOURS!

Laura: I DON'T KNOW.

AT FIRST, THEY JUST THOUGHT
I HAD PNEUMONIA

FROM SITTING IN THE RAIN
THAT NIGHT,

BUT NOW THEY THINK
IT'S SOMETHING ELSE.

SOMETHING...
CONTAGIOUS?

Toni: JOEL!

SOME KIND
OF NERVOUS BREAKDOWN.

BUNCH OF FRENCH QUACKS.

I MEAN, REALLY,

DO I SEEM LIKE I'M HAVING
A NERVOUS BREAKDOWN?

[HUMMING]

[CHUCKLING]

IT'S NOT FUNNY, MELANIE!
NOT FUNNY AT ALL!

I FEEL LIKE AN IDIOT.

YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH
I WAS LOOKING FORWARD

TO COMING TO PARIS.

AND NOTHING THIS YEAR
TURNED OUT THE WAY

I THOUGHT IT WOULD.

I DON'T KNOW.

MAYBE MY EXPECTATIONS
WERE TOO GREAT.

I GUESS IF YOU DON'T
EXPECT ANYTHING,

THEN YOU AREN'T
DISAPPOINTED.

[SNIFFLES]

YOU KNOW,
IT'S WEIRD.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

LAURA'S BEEN AT
THE INSTITUTE ALL YEAR.

HUH?

I NEVER
EVEN NOTICED HER.

YEAH, I KNOW.
IT'S FUNNY.

I'LL SEE YA LATER.

I THINK I'M GONNA
GO BACK INSIDE.

OK.

OK?

[DOOR OPENS]

HI.

HI.

LISTEN, I DON'T WANT
TO BOTHER YOU,

BUT, WELL...

LOOK, UH,
I'M GONNA BE AROUND

FOR A COUPLE
OF DAYS.

SO MAYBE
I CAN COME BACK

AND VISIT YOU.

NO, NO, THAT'S OK.

I'LL BE GETTING OUT
OF HERE THIS WEEKEND.

WELL, THEN I'LL
SEE YOU THEN.

OK.

OH, YEAH,
THE BULLFIGHT WAS GREAT.

I WATCHED A HORSE
GET GORED.

EL CID CAPTURED
VALENCIA.

I PICKED UP
DYSENTERY THERE.

I SPENT A WEEK
IN GRENADA

MOSTLY WATCHING
THE FAMOUS RAIN

IN SPAIN.

ALL IN ALL, THE TRIP
WAS INCREDIBLY...

[CHUCKLES]
LONELY.

BUT DON'T TELL
JOEL THAT, OK?

I JUST TOLD HIM
THE TRIP WAS GREAT.

YEAH, I WAS GONNA SAY
THAT ABOUT MY TRIP,

BUT IT'S HARD
WHEN THEY BRING YOU BACK

IN AN AMBULANCE.

I PICKED UP
MY PLANE TICKET TODAY.

DO YOU HAVE TO LEAVE?

WELL, I'D STAY,
BUT I'M OUT OF MONEY.

MY PARENTS FINALLY
PULLED THE PLUG.

SO, I GO HOME TUESDAY.

YOU KNOW IN THE HOSPITAL
WHEN YOU WERE TALKING

ABOUT THE GREAT EXPECTATIONS
YOU HAD FOR THIS YEAR?

YEAH.

I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.

BELIEVE ME.

WELL, WHAT DID YOU
THINK THE YEAR

WAS GONNA BE LIKE?

I DON'T KNOW.
I THOUGHT IT MIGHT...

YOU KNOW, I KIND OF
HOPED IT MIGHT--

MIGHT BE LIKE THIS:

SUNSET,
PRETTY GIRL.

Laura, voice-over:
MAY 25. DEAR DAVID,

SATURDAY NIGHT
IS JOEL'S PLAY

AND THE END-OF-THE-YEAR PARTY.

BUT, YOU KNOW, THE YEAR
STILL MIGHT TURN OUT

TO BE ALL RIGHT,
AFTER ALL.

YOU SEE, I'VE MET
SOMEBODY, DAVID,

AND, WELL...

THIS'LL PROBABLY BE
MY LAST POSTCARD.

OK, NOW, TONI,

NOW, YOU REALLY CAN'T
TELL ANYBODY ABOUT THIS, OK?

OK.

COME ON.

[FRENCH SONG PLAYING]

THIS IS JUST
A MOMENTARY LAPSE.

I ACTUALLY PREFER
STEAK TARTAR

AND COQUILLES
SAINT-JACQUES.

WHAT'S THIS?
THAT'S ALL YOU'RE EATING?

YEAH.

Joel:
WELL, WHAT'S WRONG?

OH. YOU'RE THINKING
ABOUT ME LEAVING?

WELL...

I GOTTA GO.

I KNOW.

BUT, LISTEN,
THERE'S NO REASON

WHY YOU CAN'T
COME WITH ME.

I DON'T THINK HAMBURGERS
ARE GOOD FOR YOU.

COME BACK WITH ME
TO THE STATES.

YOUR ENGLISH IS GOOD.

YOU'RE STUDYING
TO BE A TEACHER.

I'VE TAUGHT YOU
ALL THE BEST DIRTY WORDS.

YOU COULD TUTOR FRENCH
AND LIVE WITH ME.

BUT I JUST CAN'T
GO LIKE THAT.

IT'S NOT THAT EASY.

WHY CAN'T IT BE THAT EASY?
LISTEN...

I USED TO DO THAT,

YOU KNOW,
WORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING?

BUT I'VE CHANGED.

THIS IS THE NEW JOEL
YOU'RE LOOKING AT.

IF YOU WANNA DO SOMETHING,
YOU JUST DO IT.

SO WHAT DO YOU SAY?

TONI, REALLY,

I'D LIKE YOU
TO GO BACK WITH ME.

YEAH? OUI?

GARCON! ENCORE!

2 BIG MACS.
S'IL VOUS PLAIT.

LAST FALL,
65 AMERICAN STUDENTS

SUDDENLY DISAPPEARED

LIKE MONEY
INTO A WHORE'S STOCKING.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

OK, I WANT
THAT STREET OFF

STARTING NOW.

Alex: THE LEADS
WERE SKIMPY.

THE CASE WAS VERY SLEAZY.

[WOMAN SCREAMS]

BUT I'VE BEEN DOWN
THESE MEAN STREETS BEFORE.

YOU SEE,
I'M A PRIVATE DICK.

[AUDIENCE CHORTLES]

AND IT WAS JOB
TO FIND THEM.

I THINK THEY LIKE IT.

YEAH. THEY JUST
LIKE TO WATCH

PEOPLE BE HUMILIATED.

THANK GOD WE'RE LEAVING
THE COUNTRY TOMORROW.

ARE YOU STILL SURE YOU
WANT ME TO GO WITH YOU?

YES. I'M SURE.
I'M POSITIVE,

AND THERE IS NOTHING
IN THIS WORLD

THAT IS GOING TO
MAKE ME CHANGE...

OH, MY GOD.

JOEL!

MY PARENTS?!

DARLING!

Alex: THE HEAD HONCHO
MUST'VE CAUGHT WIND

OF MY INVESTIGATION, 'CAUSE
HE TOOK A POWDER SUDDENLY,

DECIDED TO MAKE LIKE A TREE,

BRANCH OUT AND LEAVE.

REMIND ME,
NEXT YEAR, NO PLAY.

WHAT DO YOU THINK, SON?

IT'S A BROCHURE.

WELL, IT'S NOT JUST
ANY BROCHURE.

I MEAN,
THAT'S A BROCHURE

ON FINLAND.

YEAH, FINLAND. UH,
YOU COULD'VE MAILED IT.

DARLING,
I DON'T THINK

YOU UNDERSTAND.
LOOK, YOUR FATHER

HAS ARRANGED THAT
WE CAN ALL TAKE

OUR VACATIONS
TOGETHER.

OH?

WE LEAVE IN THE MORNING.

JOEL, WE'RE TAKING YOU
TO FINLAND.

FINLAND.

AND LAPLAND.

AND LAPLAND.

LISTEN, WHY DON'T
YOU AND DAD

GO OUT FRONT
AND TAKE A SEAT,

AND I'LL, UM...

TONI?

LOOK, I CAN
EXPLAIN THIS.

YOU DIDN'T EVEN
TELL YOUR PARENTS

WE WERE GOING BACK
TOGETHER.

NO, NO, NO.

I KNEW YOU'D DO
A CHICKEN-OUT.

NO, I'M GONNA
TELL THEM TONIGHT.

WE'LL VISIT
THE ORACLE AT DELPHI,

SWIM THE HELLESPONT.

ALEX, I'D LOVE
TO GO TO GREECE.

BUT HOW?

THAT'S WHAT I FOUND OUT
THIS AFTERNOON.

IF WE CASH IN OUR
RETURN PLANE TICKETS--

THEN HOW DO WE GET HOME?

NO PROBLEM.

I TOLD YOU
NEVER TO SAY THAT.

LOOK, WE'LL WORRY
ABOUT THAT LATER.

THIS WAY WE HAVE

THE WHOLE SUMMER
TOGETHER.

Alex: SHE WAS SCARED.
SHE DIDN'T WANT TO TALK,

SO I, UH--I TOOK HER
TO A LOCAL CAFÉ

TO LOOSEN HER UP,
AND FIND OUT

ABOUT THIS
INSTITUTE.

SO, WHAT'LL IT BE,
KID?

A LITTLE
VINE ORDINARY?

THEN HOW ABOUT
SOME SNAILS?

OH, I DON'T KNOW.
I'VE NEVER EATEN SNAILS.

THE THOUGHT OF IT JUST
MAKES ME WANT TO PUKE.

COME ON, SPLURGE.
YOU'LL LOVE 'EM. WAITER!

YOU MISSED YOUR CUE!

YOU SHOULD BE OUT IN
THE AUDIENCE, MADAME TESSIER.

IT'S A MUCH BETTER VIEW.

I HAVE TO TALK
TO ALEX.

TALK TO HIM?

YES.

WHY?

I'VE JUST BEEN
THINKING ABOUT HIM.

SINCE HE CAME BACK
TO ME.

TO YOU?

MMM.

HE CAME BACK FOR FINALS.

AND LISTEN,
WE SHOULD TALK.

YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED
BETWEEN YOU AND ALEX?

WELL, IT'S OVER,
OF COURSE.

ALEX TOLD ME THAT
RIGHT AWAY.

I MEAN, YOU DON'T
THINK THAT--

LAURA, YOU'RE
BEING NAIVE,

WHICH IS
UNDERSTANDABLE.

YOU'RE A 20-YEAR-OLD
AMERICAN SCHOOLGIRL,

AND I AM--

YOU'RE LONELY?

POOR ME.

YOUR HUSBAND DUMPED YOU!

DID HE, REALLY?

AND I'M SURE
THAT THE PRESSURES

OF RUNNING THE SCHOOL
ARE GETTING TO BE TOO--

TOO WHAT?

WAITER!

OUI, OUI, OUI.

OHH!

AFTER THE SNAILS,
WE'LL HAVE A...

WHAT'S WRONG?

[SQUISHING]

[GASPING]

YES, MONSIEUR?

YEAH, WE'D LIKE
A COUPLE OF DOZEN

OF YOUR BEST SNAILS,
AND AFTER THAT--

MONSIEUR, YOU WISH
TO EAT SNAILS?

[BALLS CLACKING]

SNAILS! YOU MUST
HAVE SNAILS.

MES AMIS?

WHAT'S WRONG HERE?

I'D LIKE
SOME SNAILS!

S-N-A-I-L-S
SPELLS...

[ALL SQUISHING]

SNAILS.

LISTEN, I'M GLAD
WE'RE HAVING

THIS KIND
OF MATURE DISCUSSION.

I THINK, UH...

[MELANIE SCREAMS]

YEAH, I THINK--LET'S
STEP IN HERE A MOMENT.

LAURA...

NO, THERE'S SOMETHING
I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND.

NO, LET'S GO IN HERE.

NO! NO!

NO!

[PROP GUNSHOTS ONSTAGE]

YOU'RE GONNA KEEP
YOUR PAWS OFF OF ALEX!

WE'RE GOING TO GREECE!

UGH! UHH...

[PIANO PLAYING]

♪ YOU COME
TO PARIS ♪

♪ YOU COME TO PLAY ♪

♪ YOU HAVE
ZE WONDERFUL TIME ♪

♪ YOU GO AWAY ♪

♪ AND FROM THEN ON, YOU TALK
OF PARIS KNOWINGLY ♪

♪ YOU MAY KNOW PARIS ♪

♪ YOU DON'T
KNOW PAREE ♪

BECAUSE I'VE NEVER
TAKEN ANY CHANCES!

ALL RIGHT,
LET'S ALL CALM DOWN.

NOW, THE TRIP TO
FINLAND WILL GIVE US

ALL TIME
TO THINK AND TALK.

I'M NOT GOING
TO FINLAND!

NOW, I'M GONNA GO TO
THE STATES TOMORROW,

AND I'M GOING TO TAKE
TONI WITH ME.

NOW, MY MIND'S MADE UP!

[MADAME TESSIER CALLING OUT
IN CLOSET]

[BANGING ON CLOSET DOOR]

MADAME TESSIER.

JOEL!

I'D, UH, LIKE YOU

TO MEET MY PARENTS

MR. AND MRS. WEBER.

I AM MADAME
CATHERINE TESSIER,

DIRECTOR
OF THE INSTITUTE.

BONJOUR.

WELCOME TO FRANCE.

HOW DO YOU DO?

WELCOME TO FRANCE.

♪ BUT NEVER
ONCE FORGET ♪

♪ HER LAUGHTER IS
THE LAUGHTER ♪

♪ THAT HIDES
THE TEARS ♪

♪ AND UNTIL YOU'VE
LIVED A LOT ♪

♪ AND LOVED A LOT ♪

♪ AND LOST A LOT ♪

♪ YOU DON'T KNOW PAREE ♪

♪ YOU DON'T KNOW PAREE ♪

WE DID IT!

THIS IS THE GREATEST MOMENT
OF MY LIFE TO DATE.

[ARGUING IN FRENCH]

I GOTTA GO.

MADAME LEVERT!

MONSIEUR LEVERT,
I WAS JUST LOOKING

FOR YOUR DAUGHTER.
DID YOU LIKE THE PLAY?

NO!

YOU'RE NOT TAKING
TONI TO AMERICA.

THE MORE WE THOUGHT,
THE MORE WE WORRIED.

YOU HAVE NO MONEY.
SHE HAS NO MONEY.

I'M NOT
GIVING YOU ANY!

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

TONI IS GOING WITH ME!

WHAT WAS THAT
ALL ABOUT?

I SUPPOSE YOU THINK
I'M RUINING MY LIFE, TOO?

[SINGING IN FRENCH]

♪ IT'S ALL OVER, BABE,
I GOTTA SPLIT ♪

[SINGING IN FRENCH]

♪ IT'S ALL OVER, BABE,
I GOTTA SPLIT ♪

♪ UH-HUH, I'M GONNA DO IT ♪

♪ UH-HUH, I'M GONNA DO IT ♪

♪ UH-HUH ♪

♪ I'M GONNA DO IT
RIGHT NOW ♪

[SINGING IN FRENCH]

♪ IT'S ALL OVER, BABE,
I GOTTA SPLIT ♪

I CAN'T BELIEVE
I PASSED.

ACTUALLY,
I GOT A C-PLUS.

ALEX?

BON--BONJOUR.
BONSOIR.

I WANT TO TALK
TO YOU.

UH, I WAS JUST TAKING
THESE DRINKS OVER TO LAURA.

SHE'S, UH--
SHE'S WAITING.

DANCE WITH ME.

DANCE?

YES.

[BAND FINISHES SONG]

[WILL YOU LOVE ME TOMORROW?
PLAYING IN FRENCH]

[WHISTLES]

PBBT!

LAURA...LAURA...

DID YOU SEE ALEX
DANCING WITH HER?

YEAH. WHERE'D THEY GO?

I DON'T CARE.

LOOK, WHEN ARE YOU AND
TONI LEAVING TOMORROW?

I--I DON'T KNOW.
I CAN'T EVEN FIND HER.

I'LL CALL YOU. WE'LL GO
TO THE AIRPORT TOGETHER.

"DEAR MR. AND MRS. MOORE,

AS PER OUR TELEPHONE
CONVERSATION, I--"

TELEPHONE?

YOU CALLED MY PARENTS?

NOT YET. I'M GOING TO.

SHH!

"I'M WRITING CONCERNING
YOUR SON ALEX,

"WHOM I WANT TO EMPLOY
AT MY INSTITUTE

OF FRENCH STUDIES."

[LAUGHS] YOU DO?

YES! THAT'S MY PLAN.

SIT DOWN.

"THERE IS A SUMMER SESSION
STARTING IMMEDIATELY,

AND," UH...

"ALEX WOULD BE ACTING
AS A COUNSELOR

"FOR
THE AMERICAN STUDENTS

"AND AS
MY PERSONAL ASSISTANT.

"NOW, WHY ALEX, YOU ASK?

"WELL, ALEX IS INTELLIGENT

AND, WHEN," UH, "MOTIVATED,

AN EXCELLENT SCHOLAR."

[LAUGHS]

SO, THAT'S A BIG LIE.
[LAUGHS]

OH--W--YEAH.

"ALEX IS ALSO
QUITE CHARMING.

"HE'S VERY ATTRACTIVE...

ESPECIALLY FOR WOMEN."

"I REMEMBER
THE FIRST NIGHT ALEX

AND I WERE
ALONE TOGETHER."

UH, MADAME TESSIER...

UH...

I DON'T THINK YOU SHOULD
SEND THIS LETTER

TO MY PARENTS.

WHY NOT?

WELL...

IT'S, UH...

IT'S A LITTLE
TOO REVEALING.

AND--AND--A-ACTUALLY...

I'M NOT SURE
THIS WHOLE THING

IS REALLY
A FIRST-RATE IDEA.

I THINK IT IS.

I'VE THOUGHT
ABOUT IT A LOT.

WHY NOT?

REALLY, I--I
APPRECIATE THE OFFER--

UH, THE JOB...

BUT I CAN'T STAY.

WHAT ABOUT...

EVERYTHING?

WHAT ABOUT THE SONG
YOU WROTE ME?

WELL, THAT WAS
JUST A SONG.

I DIDN'T THINK YOU--

I MEAN...

THIS IS REALLY
HAPPENING HERE.

YOU TOLD ME
YOU WANTED

TO EXPERIENCE
LIFE AND--

I'VE HAD
ENOUGH EXPERIENCE,

PLENTY.

RIGHT NOW,
I'M JUST GONNA TRAVEL

A LITTLE THIS SUMMER,
AND THEN I'M--

I'M GOING BACK
TO OHIO.

IT'S QUIET THERE. I--

I CAN RECUPERATE
FROM ALL MY EXPERIENCE.

ALEX!

KEEP IN TOUCH.

WE HAVE
A NEWSLETTER.

WE WRITE ABOUT
ANYTHING INTERESTING

THAT HAPPENS
TO OUR STUDENTS

AFTER THEY LEAVE.

MADAME TESSIER,

IT'LL BE A LONG TIME

BEFORE ANYTHING
THAT'S INTERESTING

HAPPENS TO ME AGAIN,

BUT I'LL LET YOU KNOW.

OK.

AU REVOIR.

HMM?

[LAUGHS]

[ENUNCIATING CLEARLY]
AU REVOIR.

RIGHT.

ANYWAY...

CIAO, ALEX.

TONI?

TONI...
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

I'VE BEEN LOOKING
ALL OVER FOR YOU.

IT'S FREEZING
OUT HERE!

WELL,
I'VE BEEN THINKING.

I DON'T KNOW IF I
SHOULD GO WITH YOU.

Mrs. Weber: JOEL!

JOEL?

I DON'T SEE HIM.
HE'S--

JOEL, WHERE ARE YOU?

TONI!

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

TONI! TONI!
VOILA. TONI!

TONI!

TONI! TONI!

AH!

AH!

[LAUGHS]

[LAUGHS]

LOOK, I CAN'T HANDLE
THIS ANY LONGER.

IT'S NOW OR NEVER.

OHH! I DON'T
BELIEVE IT!

Mr. and Mrs. Weber: JOEL?

Mr. and Mrs. Levert:
TONI?

COME ON.

I'M NOT GONNA
CHICKEN OUT THIS TIME.

Mrs. Weber: HOWARD,
HERE THEY ARE.

Mr. Weber: JOEL, LOOK,
NOW LET'S TALK IT OVER.

Mrs. Weber: WE'LL GET
YOU A ROOM AT OUR HOTEL.

IT'S--IT'S LOVELY.

Joel: I'M NOT
STAYING, MOTHER!

[MR. LEVERT
SPEAKING FRENCH]

Mr. Weber: COME ON,
THIS IS RIDICULOUS. GET DOWN.

DAD, WILL YOU
LET GO OF MY LEG?!

WHOA! OHH! OHH!

Mrs. Weber: JOEL!
YOU PUSHED HIM!

JOEL?

ARE YOU ALIVE?

[PARENTS ALL TALKING
AT ONCE]

Mr. Weber: HE'S OK.
RIGHT, JOEL? JOEL?

TONI, COME ON.

I LOVE YOU.

ME, TOO.

[PARENTS ALL TALKING
AT ONCE]

Mrs. Weber: JOEL?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Mr. Weber: YOU'RE
MAKING A BIG MISTAKE.

I'M DOING THE FIRST
SPONTANEOUS, IRRATIONAL THING

I'VE EVER DONE
IN MY LIFE!

Mrs. Weber: WELL,
WHAT IF IT'S A BAD IDEA?

WELL, THAT'S A CHANCE
I'LL HAVE TO TAKE.

[P.A. ANNOUNCEMENTS
IN FRENCH]

HI.

COME ON. WE'RE LATE.

P.A.: ...DEPARTURE
FOR DEAUVILLE,

U.T.A. FLIGHT 14,

IMMEDIATE BOARDING,

SATELLITE 6.

HI, LAURA.

WHAT ARE
YOU DOING HERE?

YOU GOING BACK?

NO, I'M STAYING.

I JUST CAME
TO SAY GOOD-BYE.

Joel: OH, TERRIFIC IDEA.

[WHISTLES]

HEY, LAURA.

ARE YOU
ALL SET TO GO?

DID YOU GET YOUR
BOARDING PASSES YET?

NO, UH,
I'LL GET THEM.

I NEED MY TICKET!

HERE'S
YOUR TICKET.

LAURA'S IN NO MOOD
TO SAY GOOD-BYE TO YOU.

[LAUGHS]
YOU'RE RIGHT.

I DON'T THINK
SHE'S GOING TO.

MADEMOISELLE,

THIS IS NOT EVEN
A PLANE TICKET.

YOU HAVE
2 TRAIN TICKETS HERE.

2 TRAIN...

MMM, AND THEY ARE
NOT FOR NEW YORK.

THEY ARE
FOR GENEVA, VENICE,

BELGRADE, ATHENS.

THEY ARE FOR GREECE.

GREECE?

BYE.

LAURA--

LAURA?

BYE.

LAURA, DID YOU
GET THE SURPRISE?

YEAH.
YOU TOOK MY BAG

AND SWITCHED
THE TICKETS.

YEAH, I THOUGHT

YOU'D RATHER GO
TO GREECE.

WELL, THE YEAR STARTED
OUT ALL SCREWED UP.

WHY SHOULDN'T IT
END THAT WAY?

GIVE ME MY BAG.

[LAUGHS]
WE'RE GOING, THEN?

I'M GOING.

YOU CAN DO
WHAT YOU WANT.

DON'T WORRY.
BY YUGOSLAVIA,

I'LL HAVE HER
CONVINCED.

I'LL SEE YOU,
JOEL.

YEAH, WE'LL KEEP
IN TOUCH, RIGHT?

RIGHT.

YEAH...

SURE. BYE.

P.A.: DEPARTURE
OF AIR FRANCE,

FLIGHT NUMBER 3,

HAS BEEN CHANGED
AND IS NOW...

OH, THAT'S
OUR FLIGHT.

YEAH, BUT WE'RE
AT THE, UH, WRONG GATE.

NOW, DON'T WORRY.
LISTEN, IT'S--

I'VE GOT IT
ALL TAKEN CARE OF.

PASSPORTS,
TICKETS, EVERYTHING.

HEY, LAURA, YOU CAN'T
STOP SOMEBODY

FROM RIDING
THE SAME TRAIN!

IT BETTER BE
A LONG TRAIN.

IT IS!

NO PROBLEM!

LOOK, DON'T HIT ME.

THANK YOU.

[P.A. ANNOUNCEMENTS
IN FRENCH]

P.A.: T.W.A. CHARTER FLIGHT
NUMBER 4

FROM NEW YORK

NOW ARRIVING AT SATELLITE 5.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY
PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION

CAPTIONS COPYRIGHT 2002
PARAMOUNT PICTURES CORPORATION