Forces of Nature (1999) - full transcript

It's a great pleasure-

It's a great pleasure-

It's a great pleasure to

have all of you here today.

I thought you all might

begin your tour here.

I really didn't want a bachelor

party in the first place.

I'll tell you why. It's not

that I'm against tradition.

There's just something bizarre about

having a strange, naked woman....

dance around me while

my friends yell out,

"Go for it, Ben.

Last night of freedom, Ben. "

Last night of freedom for what?

Which is what I told

my best friend Alan.

I didn't want any strippers.

I didn't wanna get lucky.

I was lucky enough just getting married.

All right. Quiet!

Guys!

All right. I'm not payin' for

that. It already was chipped.

We're here to, uh, wish Ben

good luck and good riddance...

as he heads down that

rocky path to matrimony.

And, uh, hey, you know what.

Ben's dad Richard and his grandpa

Max are here. Where are you guys?

Those guys

- Watch out. You guys gotta pace yourselves.

Knowing Ben, I'd have to

say that he's probably,

- uh, one of the most loyal guys that I've ever met,

- Like a dog!

and, uh, monogamous.

And so this is probably

gonna be the last time...

that you're gonna spend in

a room with your friends...

and a n-n-naked

woman...

other than your wife, man!

So you can close your eyes

if you want to. Close 'em!

But then you're gonna be

missin' Juanita, the bull tamer!

You don't have to do this.

You really don't have to do this.

Very nice.

Ole!

Pop?

Pop?

Pop? Max?

Call 911.

How did this happen? Hmm?

What's the difference how it happened?

- I wanna know how it happened.

- It happened.

It makes a difference to me.

All of a sudden he has a

heart attack out of no place?

Mom, can we please not

talk about this now?

What is it you don't want to talk about?

Mrs. Holmes, if it's any consolation, I

think he was having a really good time.

- Alan, shut up.

- Okay.

- Come into the hall.

- What is in the hall?

A vending machine. Come on, butchki.

- Who's hungry? I'm buying.

- All hours of the night-

This is insane.

He probably just ate some spicy food.

It was spicy, all right,

but it wasn't food.

- Butchki!

- What?

Richard, you are the silliest old tart.

Grandpa, what came over you?

Hmm?

- Hey.

- Ben.

- You all right?

- Ben.

She was the most

beautiful woman I ever saw.

What about Nana?

Did you ever take a good

look at your grandmother?

Woman looked like Tolstoy.

I was never attracted to her.

Oh, maybe in the beginning,

because she was the only

woman I'd ever been with.

Well, you know, that's great. That's, uh

- That's loyalty.

Loyalty? It's fear.

Did you ever feel her arms, her-

Oh, Ben, I used to

dream about other women.

What it would be like

to hold them and to-

- Okay. - Touch

them and to-

- That's- -

Smell them.

Grandma smelled. She had a

very distinct smell. It was a-

Ben. Ben.

Listen to me.

Don't tie yourself down.

Even if you love a woman, it fades.

Marriage is a prison.

Ben!

Could I help you out? Here we go.

- You just passed my room.

- Sorry.

Feel better.

Hi.

- Hi, sweetie.

- Honey.

Oh, why does everything feel so

much better now that you're here?

- How's he doing?

- He's stable.

- You know, physically, at least.

- Great.

What happened?

What do you expect? He's an 80-year-old

man with high blood pressure...

and a naked balloon-popping

toreador is a rough combination.

- It didn't pan out. It's not funny.

- It's not funny.

- Be serious.

- There's something I want to do.

- Okay. Why? - I wanna be able to remember

this moment in 30 or 40 years.

Think my next husband

will get a kick out of it.

Oh, that's nice. Okay.

It's the night before I am flying

down to Savannah for our wedding alone,

because Ben's grandfather, who we

will now refer to as Larry Flynt,

has partied himself into intensive care.

- What do you have to say?

- Put the video camera away.

No, no, no, honey, you're not

going to get off that easy.

No, I'm saving it for my vows.

I have already finished my vows.

What's in 'em?

You know why? Because it's

easy for you. I'm a writer.

- Oh, really? - I can't just slap something

down on paper like you do.

Ben, listen.

You don't have to be brilliant...

or witty or clever or polite even.

Just have to be honest.

Come on. Say something.

What are you feeling?

Are you nervous? Are you

happy? Are you scared?

Am I scared? What would I be scared of?

- I'm scared.

- You are? Why? Now you're making me scared.

Because it's a big thing. It's our

marriage. It's the rest of our lives.

It's

- It's scary.

I know. I'm not scared.

- The only thing we

have to tear- - Yeah?

- Is this video camera.

- Hey! Come on! Just say a few words for posterity.

What, what, what

What

What, what

Follow me to the scene What

Really? You think I can

rent shoes down there?

I can't believe I forgot my shoes.

I hear they have shoes in Savannah

now. The whole South has 'em.

All right. Wedding dress. Check.

Check for the minister. Check.

Valium for Bridget's mother. Check.

- Ball and chain for you. Check.

- Not listening to you. Check.

- Here, look. Here you go.

- Thanks.

This is your present,

okay? It's a book of quotes.

I crossed out the ones I'm

gonna use in my toast. Listen.

"To say that you can love

one person all your life...

is like saying that one candle will

continue to burn as long as you live. "

- Think about that for a minute.

- I will. That's profound.

This is used.

I forgot the rings.

That's not funny. No, don't do that.

I forgot the rings, so-

Come on, man! No!

Relax. I'll catch the next plane.

Son of a bitch!

I'll see ya in Savannah.

Hey, I need to go to the city.

- New York! New York City!

- No, I can't.

Don't take the Van Wyck though.

Hurricane Amanda is headed

for the Southeast coastline.

The eye of the hurricane is

presently located 200 miles...

east of South Carolina

and Savannah, Georgia.

North, northwest-

Excuse me, folks.

Just the line's movin' forward.

No. Well, I love you.

I love you more.

No, I love you more.

No, you more.

No, I love you more.

Okay, I have to go, because I just

made another passenger nauseous.

Okay?

That's my fianc?e.

Goin' down to get

married, so we're a little-

Oh! Jack Bealy, Snap-On Tools.

Ben Holmes, scared of flyin'.

- Yeah, I was married once.

- Yeah?

To me marriage is just one big lie.

You don't say.

In the morning I had to

say, 'Don't be silly, honey.

Your breath is fine.

You smell like a rose. "

Then I had to say, '"No, honey.

I never noticed that

18-year-old girl...

with the fantastic body and halter

top that delivers our newspaper.

She can't hold a candle to you...

and the 30 pounds you've put on

since we stopped having sex. "

So when's the wedding day?

May cancel it. I may have to call back.

I didn't mean to throw a wet towel on

ya with my whole marital disaster tirade.

It's all right. It was a nice story

actually. It was very touching.

- Nice girl?

- Very nice.

As a matter of fact, I just happen

to have a picture of her right here.

- Wow, what a knockout.

- Yeah, she's beautiful.

- Oh, baby, come to Daddy.

- Well, take it easy, Jack.

What I wouldn't give

for an ass like that.

- Huh? Here we go.

- Hi.

- This is me.

- Really?

Well, this is your

lucky day, sweetheart.

We got just about enough

room for one of you, darlin'.

Must be destiny, huh?

- Careful.

- Okay.

- Excuse me.

- Yeah.

- Sorry.

- Hmm?

I was reading what you were writing. My

eye just kind of wandered over. Sorry.

Do you work for Hallmark?

Even if I had seen you looking

at it, that wouldn't bother me.

Well, I don't care either.

I'm absolutely fascinated you

can't admit you saw me reading it.

If I had seen you reading it, I'd

be perfectly happy to admit it.

Then why did you close your computer?

I'm known to do that from time to time.

I'm a rebel. I'll open it, then

I'll close it again just like that.

Don't get next to my fire,

because you'll get burned.

This is not working properly.

Stewardess, this isn't

- Miss? Thank you.

You're a little jumpy

for a rebel, aren't ya?

My seat belt's not functioning properly.

He's a scared flier.

Jack Bealy, Snap-On Tools.

Sarah Lewis. And you are?

Ben Holmes. Really, I'm not that scared.

- Jack's- - I can assure you

absolutely nothing is going to happen.

I speak from experience. I was

a flight attendant. There you go.

Oh, yeah? In one of

those little uniforms?

Please stay calm!

Oh, my God!

Hold on!

Oh, my God! This is a disaster.

- Daddy.

- Oh, for heaven sake.

- Let's go live- -

On the other hand,

you can never have too many of these.

- It's fabulously colorful.

- Give you that.

How tar do you think I could throw it?

Don't you dare, young

- Give me that now.

To the hospital for minor injuries.

Ceramic clown from the?

- Brewsters.

- My God! That's Ben!

There's no official word

on the cause of the crash.

There may have been a foreign object-

Let's get some help!

She hit her head.

Everyone's pretty shook up.

We had a couple of passengers go to

a local hospital with concussions.

Oh, my God. There he is again.

Call me! Oh, Ben! I love you.

Call me! No. Go back.

There you have it.

The latest information-

Hello? Ah, Ben!

Hi, honey. Yeah, I'm fine. No, I'm okay.

I'm a little frazzled.

I mean, I was in a plane crash.

This place is a nightmare.

People are running around.

I guess they lost everything.

I don't care about any of that.

I'm just so happy you're okay.

I- I-I just

wish that-

- Ben! Ben, listen.

- Tell him, um-

- What happened?

- You just get yourself down here sate and sound.

The thing is, I'm a little bit scared

to fly before I was in a plane crash,

so I don't feel much like getting-

- Jesus!

- You are a god.

- You are a god amongst all men. Do you realize that?

- I'm on the phone.

- Sorry.

- Do you mind?

- What in the hell?

- Just one of the passengers.

- He saved my life!

- She's kidding.

It's a joke.

I'm gonna get a rental car

and drive down there, okay?

I'll call you w-w-when

I have a finalized plan.

Okay, great. Thank you, sir.

Sorry. I couldn't contain myself.

It's amazing when you think about

it. We almost died today. Dead.

Isn't there a rent-a-car this

way? Are we goin' the right way?

It I died, how many people would care?

I mean, really care. You'd have

your shares of "What a shame.

What a waste. She was so young. "

- But no real crying.

- It might be in that terminal.

No eating disorders,

no attempted suicides.

Nothing. Absolutely depressed.

You know what? I'm thoroughly depressed.

I just need to shake it off.

So what were you thinking?

I was thinking how it would

affect our frequent flier miles.

What do you do for a living?

I'm a, uh, jacket copywriter.

Huh. What does that mean?

- Means I write jackets to books basically.

- Oh.

Do mostly fiction, but

I do some nonfiction.

You do blurbs. You're a blurb

writer. You're a "blurbologist. "

I'm a jacket copywriter.

As you can imagine,

- due to today's minor

incident- - Oh, sh-

Nada cars. Non cars. Cars nyet.

You should have called as

soon as you got off the plane.

Why didn't I think of that

when I was unconscious...

and bleeding from the head?

So, cars nyet. We can check

the other airports though.

No, that's all right. You can go ahead.

I'm not that big a fan of the idea

of getting on another plane today...

or tomorrow or ever, it that soon.

But you go ahead. I think I'm gonna be a

ground transportation kind of guy from now on.

I'll be right back.

How ya doin'? Did ya get a car?

- This is Vic. He's gonna give us a ride.

- All the way to Georgia?

Sure. We split the cost of

the car, the gas, whatever.

- Great.

- Good. Let's go.

- Okay.

- Wait, wait, wait. We don't even know this guy.

- He's Vic.

- Oh, he's Vic.

Great, he's Vic. He chops us

up, leaves us in the woods.

That's why I asked that you

come along to protect me.

How do you know that I'm not dangerous?

I said, hallelujah to the 16 royal fins

You're gettin' down on your knees

And it's time for your sickness again

Come on and tell me what you need now

Tell me what is making ya bleed

We got two more minutes sayin'

we're gonna cut you what you need

What's your story, Ben?

What's down in Savannah?

- My wedding, Vic.

- No kiddin'. That's great.

- Isn't that great?

- Yeah, it's a blessing.

- First marriage?

- That I know of, yeah.

Yeah, I was married once.

One day I walk into the house

and I hear the shower runnin'.

I had Chinese food with me, figurin'

it would be a nice romantic surprise.

She starts singin' in the shower.

What's that song? "Up in the

sky"? "Up with the eagles"?

- '"Wind Beneath My Wings. " Very touching song.

- "Wind Beneath My Wings. "

Suddenly there's another

voice in the shower with her.

- Oh, no.

- A baritone.

Uh-oh.

Now it's a freakin' duet.

So I walk in the bathroom and

there she is... with my brother.

- Oh! - I grab my brother and throw

him through the window naked.

He broke his leg in

two different places.

Dare we ask what, uh,

became of your wife?

I put the wind beneath her ass

and sent her packin'. Divorced her.

She never got a penny, the

lyin', whorin', adulteratin' pig.

What about you, sweetheart?

What's your story?

I'm going down to visit my brother

and hang out with my nephew.

That's nice. Kids.

- Yep. Got any?

- Nah. But I see 'em all over.

Come on, come on

So what else have you

jacket copywritten?

What else did I do? The low

point of my career was...

I did the blurb for a thriller...

about a woman-

an archaeologist-

who finds love in the pyramids.

It was called Me And My Pharaoh.

- I have that book.

- No, you don't.

Yes, I do. "A scintillating

tale of erotic mummification. "

I wrote that line.

Oh, my God! That's

why I bought the book.

Anybody who could find embalming

either scintillating or erotic...

had to be read.

- It was brilliant.

- Well, you know, I mean, it's all about adjectives.

I was gonna go with "engaging tale

of erotic mummification" first.

- But then I said, no, scintillating.

- Right on the money.

It's still selling now,

but at least I get to write.

What do you do?

I haven't settled down to

one particular thing yet.

Worked at galleries, sold cars,

tried out for "Aladdin On Ice. "

Um, wedding videographer.

I got fired, though, because

apparently nobody wants a crash zoom...

to the priest during the ceremony.

I was a exotic dancer, hostess

at the New York auto show.

- That's a gift.

- Yeah.

Let's see. What else?

- Is there anything else?

- I don't think so.

- Kids, we should get goin'.

- You got it, Vic.

Two wayward travelers stuck

in a Geo with a guy named Vic.

Don't you think this is just

a little bit over the top?

Oh, so what if it is?

Knock, knock.

- Steve! How are you?

- I'm good, real good.

- Virginia, nice to see ya.

- Well, hi, Steve.

Bridget.

Yes. I mean, hi. Hi.

Steve? How are you?

- It's been a long time.

- Yeah.

You look wonderful.

Thank you. So do you.

- So, how are you?

- How is he?

Just the most successful

lawyer in Savannah. That's how.

Youngest member at his

firm. Handles all my work.

Which I appreciate, 'cause there's not a

contractor who gets sued more than your daddy.

And what's so funny about that, Hadley?

God, you are an unpleasant woman.

Gale force winds it the hurricane

stays on course for Savannah.

Anybody want some weed?

The experiment was a complete

failure. The U.F.O. landed-

It's sinsemilla. It?ll

take your head right off.

That's great, Vic. You think you should

have your head taken off while driving?

- Can I have some?

- Atta girl.

You sure you don't want, Ben?

No, that's okay. I had some

peyote for lunch, so I'm all set.

He's getting married. Don't

forget. He has to be responsible.

Not necessarily. You know,

look at the Fitzgeralds.

F. Scott and Zelda,

crazy, married couple.

They drove a-

Had to know about that.

- Whoa! Hey!

- Sorry. Sorry.

Oh, shit!

Uh, what's that?

- Do you hear that?

- What's what?

Hi, honey. How are the

bridesmaids' dresses comin' out?

Good. No, everything's tine. I

just got a little bit delayed.

Car trouble, in a manner of speaking.

But I'm fine.

Everything's gonna be okay.

Yes, I know. Well, I love you too.

Well, hoo-hoochie, I love you so much.

Baby, no, because I love

you more. I love you more-

Honey, I can't do this right now.

- I'm gonna miss my wedding.

- Oh, relax, Benjie.

It's a simple drug bust. It's

not like we killed anybody.

This may be an everyday event in your

life, but speaking as a non-felon-

I'm on a bit of a time

crunch here, too, okay?

If I don't make it down to Savannah by

Saturday morning, I lose 25,000 bucks.

Are you on Dig For Dollars? You told me you

were going to visit your brother and nephew.

Yeah, I know.

Okay, kids. Here's the situation.

Vic DeFranco was driving

with an expired license.

Plus he's got three priors

for possession and selling.

And there was ten ounces in the

vehicle that he admits is his.

Did anybody else know

there were drugs in the car?

- No, sir. In fact, I just

met this man- - You can't-

You can't ask us these questions

without an attorney present.

You haven't advised us of our rights.

I believe that's called-

Oh

- Ah! A Miranda violation. That's it.

This is a very simple procedure.

You tell me you didn't do anything illegal.

you sign a statement. And you go quietly.

Sir, I'd like to be considered

separate from her, sir.

- Hmm. What part of quiet didn't you understand?

- What are you doing?

Why me?

Well, I think that went well.

- I'm not that happy with how that went.

- No?

No, not really.

I haven't known you that long, but I

think something may be wrong with you.

- May we have two tickets

to Savannah, please?

You want these seats together?

It's totally up to you.

- Just give me one second. Can I talk to you?

- Yeah.

I just, uh

- I don't want to be rude or anything,

but in situations like

this, I think about...

what I would want Bridget to do

it the situation were reversed.

I wouldn't necessarily be

that comfortable with her...

riding down on a train

together with some guy...

who she had a, you know,

kind of a connection...

or a chemistry or spark,

whatever, some kind

of a thing like that.

You know, and-

The look on your face is

telling me you have no-

You're not feeling

or you're not sensing-

- You have no idea what I'm-

- Oh, no, no, not really.

Fascinating. Okay.

Maybe we just shouldn't

ride down together,

because at this point I really

made kind of a chump out of myself.

Okay.

- Have a nice nuptial.

- Thank you.

Other than the drug bust and

the plane crash, it was, uh, tun.

So long, Sarah.

- Farewell, Ben.

- Okay.

'Oscar Wilde: One

should always be in love.

This is the reason one

should never marry. "

Well, what did he know?

What you writing there, mister?

My wedding vows actually. My

fianc?e and I are writing our own.

Oh, that's sweet.

Isn't that sweet, Emma?

- It's sweet as pie.

- We didn't write our own vows.

It's kind of a new thing.

It's nontraditionalist.

We were so nervous. It was hard

enough to do what the preacher told us.

I didn't really think about it at all. It

just seemed natural, the order of things.

I had doubts. I'll be honest.

- You did? You never told me that.

- I don't tell you everything.

You better, you old geezer.

It seems like it worked out

pretty well for both of you.

Oh, we're not married.

We're having an affair.

I'm happy for the

first time in 34 years.

- I don't believe this.

- I don't have any regrets.

My children are long gone, and

I gave my wife 30 faithful years.

Until I met Ned, I

always was convinced...

that sex was some horrible

obligation God put on women...

like cramps or high heels.

For all those years, she never

experienced a genuine orgasm.

Wonderful. Could you watch my stuff?

I'm gonna go pull the emergency cord.

- Hi. How are you?

- Hi.

- Truck.

- What do you have?

A truck? Can I see? Hey,

hey, let me see your truck.

- Grab my nose. Oh!

- Grab nose.

What are you doin'?

What are you doin'? Slap

me five. Slap me five.

- Five!

- Slap me five.

Something's wrong. He

should have called by now.

He can take care of himself.

He's a grown man, isn't he?

Daddy, what is it exactly

that you don't like about Ben,

besides the tact that he's from

New York and he voted for Clinton?

- That's not enough?

- I voted for Clinton.

All the best presidents sleep around.

Help.

Hello? Oh, hi, Steve.

Ooh.

Oh, nothing, just, uh, you know,

staving oft a nervous break down.

Oh, well, thank you, but I can't.

No. No, no, it does.

It does sound like fun.

But quite frankly, a series of

rabies shots sounds like tun...

compared to another

evening with these two.

Bridget, come watch the biography

of Newt with me. He's amazing!

He is not. He's an imbecile.

- No, he's not. He's a damn genius.

- Well, then, you're an imbecile.

Maybe I can come by

for just a little while.

The train will be underway momentarily.

We apologize for the inconvenience.

Hello!

Can you hear me?

Is anybody out there?

No, but leave a message,

and we'll call you back!

Hi.

I wasn't expecting an answer.

I wasn't expecting to find

some crazy woman on the roof.

Wanna come up?

No, not really. I think probably that

the top of the train might be off-limits.

I know. How many times in your life

you gonna see a view like this? Come on.

Seize the moment, Benjie. Come on.

I am. I'm eye level

with the sunset here,

so I have a better view because I'm-

Come up.

Okay, buddy, this time, we're gonna

do it with a little more feeling.

- Okay. - We're

just gonna-

Echo!

I am alive!

Just a little

- Open. Just push out.

Push out. No one can hear

you. Just throw it out there.

I am somebody!

- I think-

- Oh, God.

I think He heard me.

Excuse me. I'm fine.

Let me show you how

I do it. Okay, ready?

All right, here we go.

Oh, God!

Stella!

Well, that was nice. You

know, I mean, as sunsets go.

This is interesting. I don't

remember the rooster car.

- Do you remember seeing roosters?

- No, I'm a vegetarian.

Oh, no, not again. Didn't

you two hear the announcement?

When we stop outside Youngsville,

no one on the Savannah-bound train is

supposed to board the last three cars.

- We uncouple there, and then we reroute.

- What does that mean?

That means this train's

going to Chicago.

Aah!

I got you. I got you.

You try to seize the moment, you

end up getting yourself killed.

- Will you jump? It's not going that fast.

- It's too fast!

I got you. I got you. There you go.

There's another one coming tomorrow

afternoon, or there's a bus station in town.

Okay, thanks!

I'm starting to get the feeling that there's

maybe a hint that I'm not getting here.

Just spell it out for me!

- That pretty much spell it out for ya?

- I'd say it does.

Whoo! Yeah! Whoo!

Hey! Come on! What are you doing?

- Oh! Come on!

- Oh!

Whee!

Oh, come on!

Ah! It kills. It kills. Ah!

Ow!

- Not exactly a hub city, I guess.

- No!

But we'll come back in the morning.

- What do we do for the next 12 hours?

- Come on.

- I have an instinct about these things.

- No! It's hailing! No!

How are you?

It's so good to see you!

- You gotta see Linda. Remember Linda?

- Hi!

Hey, you guys, look who came.

Bridget's getting married this weekend.

Hey, hey, hey, hey

- Ouch! It kills! It kills!

- Hey, hey, hey, hey

Oh! Oh, man!

- It's open 24 hours.

- What are you doing? No, no, hey.

Benjie, they cannot kick us out.

- Please, get up.

- Oh, God!

I love this place so much.

- Oh! Oh!

- This is dry. It's the best thing I can say.

Oh, my God, this is heaven.

Baby has an old witch

doll My baby rang his bell

I didn't have the time to

tell my baby fare you well

Hey, hey, hey, hey

Takes him down.

I just wish we'd stayed in touch.

- I regret not keeping the friendship going.

- We're friends.

Steve, friends.

I regret that too.

How can I just let you walk away

Let you leave without a trace

When I stand here taking every breath

With you Ooh, ooh

You're the only one who

really knew me at all

So take a look at me now

There's just an empty space

There's nothing left here to remind me

Just the memory of your face

Take a look at me now

- Do you remember that song?

- Yeah.

I thought you would.

All I'm saying is that I don't

understand the idea of living...

with just one person

for the rest of my life.

How do you make a choice like that?

That's like choosing what

you're gonna wear in 25 years.

It things worked that way, everyone

would still be wearing hot pants.

- Ya dig? - I never wore hot pants,

so there goes your whole argument.

Hey, life is supposed

to be a ride, right?

You want to be on your deathbed saying,

"I played by all the rules," or "I lived"?

'Cause I lived. I loved.

I fought. I broke hearts.

I screamed. I bled.

I guess thinking like that can

explain your hostility toward marriage.

I don't have hostility toward marriage.

I just have hostility towards my husband.

You're married?

Yep. Twice, actually.

you saw him. I was

kissing him at the airport.

My husband Carl was a hustler

from the first day I met him.

Who am I to talk? I was a dog walker.

He convinced me I should invest

in a bagel store down in Savannah,

because he thought they

couldn't make good bagels.

That's why they lost the Civil War.

Of course, we had to

invest all my money,

because Carl's was tied up

in some phony tax shelter.

- Is that your $25,000 you were talking about?

- Yep.

I am going to sell the place, get

the last in a string of divorces.

of course, he doesn't know

about it, or the divorce.

Wow. What a story.

So do you think it's a

terrible thing I'm doing?

You know, deceiving my husband?

No, I

- It's none of my business.

Well, I do.

Beg you listen me, don't

be kissin' me till I'm done

I'm some champion of

reason like seasoning

Pepper your thoughts with

spice and entice you to a space

Where bass players or layers are leaps

Think what I think with

my prayers, it's nice

My world is everything

I've become contained

In the hum between voice and drum

I'm comin' from the same

place I'm still runnin' from

Even sittin' in the garden

I can still get stung

- Hi.

- Hello.

I'm gonna go outside and take a walk.

Will you watch my stuff for me?

- Yeah, sure.

- Okay.

My Jesus

Mr. Spiro, hi. It's Sarah Lewis.

Yeah, listen, I'm on my way down to

sell the bagel shop. I should be there-

What?

No.

Mr. Spiro, I think

that's a misunderstanding,

'cause the man who called couldn't

possibly have been my husband.

No.

No, Mr. Spiro, actually, my husband

- He's coming with me to sell the property.

- Hi.

- No, no, no, no. I have these. How ya doin'?

- It's okay. I can pay for them.

- It's the least I can do.

- Two for the 9:30 to Savannah, please.

- Thank you.

Residents of Savannah,

Georgia, are at risk...

for the hurricane to make

landfall by tomorrow afternoon.

Where's my wallet?

Fun in the sun.

You've already won.

We're taking you to Miami.

Hey, Ben, you know what this is?

This is one of those real estate

things where they give you prizes.

You look at one of their condos. I used

to do phone solicitation for these guys.

I was wonderin' why you hadn't

mentioned phone solicitation.

They'll take you anywhere it they think

there's a chance of you buyin' a condo.

I'm sure you've done this

before, but it's not my speed.

Benjie, make you a deal, okay?

I will get you on the bus. I'll get

you down to Savannah for your wedding,

if once we're down there just for a couple

of minutes, you pretend you're my husband.

What do I have to do? Treat you badly

and get you to make bad investments?

No. We have no other option. What

options do we have? Zero. None.

Yet still somehow, they seem

more appealing than this one.

I'm going another way. Wait, Sarah.

- I don't wanna be your husband.

- Ben. Ben.

- Do you think I like these?

- I don't know. Everybody's different.

No, Ben, this is not for me.

This is for a little person.

- I know, your nephew.

- No, not my nephew, my son.

- You have a son?

- Yes, I have a son.

I have a ten-year-old boy who lives

in Savannah with my first ex-husband.

And, um, I haven't seen

him in, like, two years.

I wanted to take the money from the

store, and I wanted to give it to him...

for college or school

or whatever he wanted.

It didn't matter to me, but I

can't go in there empty-handed.

So, please?

Hey, everybody. I want your

attention for one second.

Hey, everybody. I want your

attention for one second.

I'm like to introduce

two new sun seekers.

Okay, Ben and Sarah.

- Holmes and Lewis.

- Just married.

Yes, I'm keeping my name.

What am I? His slave?

They missed their bus, so I

thought we'd give them a ride.

Actually, as it turns out, they

are looking for a place to live.

We were gonna stay with his parents, but I can

take that for a week before I poke out my eye.

No offense, honey, but

really, they're not human.

And guess what, everybody. You're

gonna love this. Ben is a doctor.

We came to the right bus.

Tell 'em what your specialty is.

What's your specialty, pooky?

Tsk.

He's a surgeon. Yeah.

- Going to be.

- Going.

He's shy. Brain surgeon.

That's why we're

relocating down to Miami.

Let's face facts. It's like one

big emergency room down there.

No offense. No offense.

Every day I get in the queue

Too much, magic bus

Get on the bus It takes me to you

I'm so nervous I just sit down and smile

Okay, one hour fiesta. A little taste

of Mexico, and you can drink the water.

Ben Holmes. Sorry

about the collect call.

I'll reimburse you when I get

- Okay. Is Bridget around?

Uh-huh. She's out to

lunch. Okay. Who's Steve?

- Come on.

- Yes.

Hyah, hyah, hyah.

Hyah, hyah, hyah, hyah.

Hi.

You wanna go on the

spinning sombrero ride?

- No, not really.

- Oh, come on.

Bunch of 70-year-olds

are going. Come on.

Sarah, there's two

kinds of people in life.

The kind that look at the

spinning sombrero ride and think...

that there's maybe some

amusement to be had there...

and the kind that look at it and

think, "Where will I throw up after?"

You really should get some thrills

in your life before you die.

- Nausea is not a thrill.

- Shh!

I've noticed you around.

Everybody, say, "Come on, Ben. "

Come on, Ben!

All right.

Whoo!

Don't throw up on me, Tony.

Let it out, baby!

Murray!

Hey! Stop the ride!

Stop the ride!

Give him some room.

Where's Dr. Holmes? Anybody

see Dr. Holmes? Dr. Holmes!

Dr. Holmes, I think we, uh

- I think we need you.

Step back. Let the

doctor do some work, huh?

- Uh, all right. Call 911.

- Somebody call 911!

We're gonna get your head back here.

Okay. Listen for breath,

check for a pulse.

Hey, you know what. Step back, guys.

Let him breathe a little

bit, huh? Step back.

Excuse me, guys. Excuse me.

Dr. Keller, this is Dr. Holmes.

He suffered an acute

myocardial infarction...

that was complicated by

ventricular fibrillation.

Okay.

But he's going to be fine. You

saved his life. Good work, Doctor.

Good work.

Hey, everyone, I think out

of respect for Florence,

we're gonna stay here

in town tonight, okay?

I made arrangements at a local motel.

We really have to get on the road,

so we're gonna part ways here.

- I absolutely insist. See ya

outside. - No, no, no, we're-

Wow. What a passion pit.

It's the honeymoon suite. Imagine

what the wedding must have been like.

Mm-mmm.

I think I'm gonna take a bath.

- Hi.

- Door won't close.

Need some help?

Thank you.

Oh, yeah. Oh.

If I call three times a day

Come and drive my blues away

Be ready to play

Do your, do your

If you want to have some luck

Give your baby your last buck

And it you can't be

With the one you love, honey

Love the one you're with

Love the one you're with

- I heard you said you didn't love me

If I need attention

Call, I'll call you on the phone

I'm gonna head down to the gift shop.

- It's Ben.

- Okay. Thanks for clearing that up.

If my radiator gets too hot

Yeah, Dad, uh, wire the money to, uh,

Cash-O-Gram office in

Orin, South Carolina.

Yeah, Ben, Orin, South

Carolina, but what are you do-

- What is he doing in South Carolina?

- I'm handling this.

What are you doing in South Carolina?

What's going on? Are you coming

through the Bermuda Triangle?

Could I talk to you guys a second?

- Certainly.

- Yeah, sure.

I was wondering- I

mean, I- Are you happy?

- You're asking if we're happy?

- Yeah.

- We're very proud of you.

- That's not what he asked.

- He asked if we're happy.

- I heard what he said.

- Why shouldn't we be

happy? - I mean, uh-

With your lives together,

with your marriage.

- What kind of questions are these?

- What's this about?

Well, on the way down

here, I met this woman.

- Oh, Ben, you idiot!

- Would you let him talk?

What woman, you idiot?

She's just

- It's not like that.

It's just that she's completely

different than anyone I've ever met.

Please! They always are!

This is not good timing.

- You're supposed to be getting married.

- I know, Mom.

I want to know how, when you got married, how

you knew you were the right ones for one another.

I understand. Listen to me.

Ben, when I met your father, I had

an opportunity to marry Sam Wellman.

- Sam Wellman?

- Shh! Will you please?

- Who is now a very prominent

businessman- - He sells pools.

They're not even built-in.

They're the kind you blow up.

- Some are built-in.

- Even they leak.

It's okay. You know what? It's tine.

I was just curious, but it's-

Dad, I appreciate it if

you could wire the money.

- I'll be down there as soon as I can, okay?

- Okay, kid. Take care, huh?

Yeah. Bye-bye.

Thanks.

- Whoo! Okay. Okay,

now, we're honeymooning.

All right.

But, I mean, it seems like

what you're saying, though,

is that marriage itself is good.

Oh, you know, yeah

- You gotta remember your parents were young once.

They went out dancing.

They made love in the

back seats of cars.

Then they got married and had

kids, and the kids, they slowly...

sucked the life right out of them,

until all their passion, all

their visions of a life...

of great adventure are

reduced to hoping to be able...

to sit on a goddamned toilet in peace!

Well, I'm gonna get

something to eat, Joe, so I-

Well, I'm gonna get

something to eat, Joe, so I-

- I can't believe it!

- How weird!

- Ben! Oh my God!

- Hey!

- What's going on? Hey, Debbie.

- Hi!

- How are ya?

- I'm good.

- What are you doing here?

- What are you doing here?

Uh, it's

- You would not believe what happened to me.

Tell me about it. When they closed

La Guardia, I couldn't get a flight...

out of Newark or J.F.K.,

but, uh, luckily, uh,

Debbie here had a vehicle.

Uh, well, there's a certain symmetry

there. Best man, maid of honor.

- You know.

- Well, not really.

- This is Joe.

- Hi. Farrell.

Head of the Sunshine

Seekers Real Estate Company.

Joe, uh

- Joe gave me a ride down here.

And it was a pleasure. Quite a couple.

- So, you guys staying here?

- No, no, it's like the only place for miles.

You know, we thought we'd

stop, get a bite to eat, pee.

- Yeah, so come on. We'll give you a lift.

- No, no, no, no, no, no.

- You're not taking the good doctor away from us now.

- The good doctor?

So, maybe you guys should just eat,

and I?ll just come back down

and meet you in say, you know-

- Fifteen minutes? Is that good?

- Great.

- Let me grab the stuff out of my

room. - You got a- You got a room?

- Yeah, the honeymoon

suite. A little ba-da-bing.

That's right. Rehearsing

for tomorrow night.

- What's tomorrow night?

- Hey, this kid's gettin' married.

Yeah.

That's

- that's funny. He's already married.

That's true, you know,

but, uh, in my heart I'm already there.

But we all have lives to lead, so let's move

on with that, and I'll see you guys in a bit.

Nice talking to ya, Joe. Okay, guys.

You gotta have heart

Please, ma'am, I need

your signature, ma'am.

Signature? For what?

Look at this. It says

"'damaged. " Do you see?

- Can you read, young man? D-

A-M-A-G-E-D, damaged. - Damaged.

We're very proud of Ben.

If he's late, believe you

me, he has a good reason.

What I don't understand is

how, in this day and age...

of A.T.M.'s and cell

phones and the Internet...

and Voyager Two,

could it take two

days- two days-

to get from New York to Savannah.

Oh, don't drink out

of the bottle, darling.

Thank you.

We are really very proud of him.

This is ridiculous.

I'll put an end to this right now.

Pretending to be a doctor, listening to

my parents' advice on my personal life.

Sarah? Sarah?

And where's my lousy maid

of honor? Where's Debbie?

Huh? Can I not at least have that?

Who's supposed to be pouring me drinks while

I'm being stood up by the so-called groom?

Answer me that. Thank you.

Honey, he'll be here.

It's all gonna work out.

It's true, Bridge. Husband

and wife, that is something.

It must be nice to see your

parents back together, though.

Yeah, talk about a match made in hell.

What do you mean, "back together?"

What do you mean you're separated?

Oh, honey, baby, sugar lump,

it means your father has

an apartment he stays in...

- when you're not here.

- I'm never here.

I stay there a lot.

When were you going to tell me?

Honey, we didn't want

to spoil your wedding.

This is your special time.

Well, it would have been.

Okay.

Get me outta here.

Whoo!

- Look who's here. Hey, Ben.

- There's Ben.

I want to buy this man-

Whoo!

Whoo!

Whoo!

Get out there.

How can you resist it?

You look like you should be writing to your

congressman to protest cuts in Medicare.

Really? That's exactly

the look I was going for,

compliments of Sun Seeker Phyllis.

Listen, Sarah, I just ran into, uh-

Shh. You can't do two

things at one time.

- Well, the plans that

we sort of- - Okay.

You obviously didn't win your fianc?e

over on the dance floor either, did you?

How did you and Bridget meet?

- Uh, at a party.

- And?

- It was a surprise party.

- Oh, what a beautiful story.

It must have been a magical night.

No wonder you can't write your vows.

No offense, but I'm not sure I should

be taking romantic advice from you.

- You think?

- Failure's a fantastic teacher.

You could learn from my

mistakes. I could tell you...

everything I hated about my husbands and

my boyfriends so you don't do the same.

- Should I get a pad?

- Get a scroll.

- A scroll?

- Aw, okay.

Never forget her birthday. Make a

really, really big deal out of it.

After sex, hold her for a little while.

- You know, talk to her like a human being.

- Ah.

Uh, oh, and do not

wear your socks to bed.

- Why?

- No socks to bed,

because you might not be all

that attractive to begin with.

No. Keep going.

Always, always side with her

in an argument with your mother.

Um, listen to her like you mean it.

Supportiveness is a

really, really sexy turn-on.

- Never, ever hit.

- No.

No. And, um,

- no matter what annoying

habits she has, - Mm-hmm.

just realize that she's dealing with a

huge mountain of imperfections every day.

So you might just want to let it go.

- That's it.

- That's it?

Yep.

- Hey, can I sit there?

- Hey.

- Hey- Aaah!

Ohhh! - Oh!

Uh, let's get some air.

- Why? - I'm

just- I'm hot.

Grilled prawns or something?

One second.

- What's the matter with you?

- Hmm?

- What's the matter with you? -

Nothing's the matter with me. Do, uh-

- Do you know how to swim?

- Of course I know how to swim.

Aaah!

I'm tellin' you, I

saw him come out here.

That

- That's him down there. That's him.

- I don't see anything.

- There's a body at the bottom of the pool.

No, I think that's just a big drain.

I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, and P.S.

- you're a moron.

Hello? Excuse me? Hi. Hi.

- Do you know Ben Holmes?

- I'm sorry. Know who?

Ben Holmes. Is that Ben

at the bottom of the pool?

I don't know, but I

could go ask for you.

It's not Ben, okay?

He's afraid of the water.

He goes to the beach in a suit

and tie. Come on, let's go.

I found it! I got it, I got it.

- What?

- Godamn contact lenses.

You oughta just stick with glasses.

Oh, hey, guys? What's

going on? What's happening?

- Hi.

- Hey, Alan.

This is Sarah. Sarah, Alan.

- This is my best man at my wedding.

- Hey. How are you?

Debbie. This is the maid of honor.

- Hi, Debbie.

- Hi.

So, how'd you two hook up?

Uh, I wouldn't say that

we're hooked up, really.

I sort of barely know this person, but-

You were on the bus, right? Yeah,

we rode down on the bus together.

There's a whole group of

folks. Rode down together.

Okay, and the whole pool thing?

She fell in the pool, and uh,

didn't look like she

was a strong swimmer.

She was kind of flailing around, so I-

There's no lifeguard on duty

if you see the sign there,

So I jumped in, and you

know, hauled her out.

Then, in the course of that,

the contact lens fell out.

Here you go, miss. You oughta be

careful with these, because they're-

Here you go. It's your contact lens.

That's a great story.

Bridget's really lucky to be

marrying such a great swimmer.

Whoa! What happened here?

Well, perhaps after you dry off,

you'll come back in for another dance?

- You got it, Herman.

- Dr. Holmes, you don't mind...

if I dance with your wife, do you?

Yeah. You don't mind, do you sweetie?

- All right, all right. Well, I'll see you in there.

- Okay.

I'm pretty disappointed in you, Ben.

You know, everybody's always

telling Bridget she's so lucky...

because you're such a nice guy.

Debbie, I am a nice guy, all

right? This is not what you think.

Okay. Whatever, Dr. Holmes.

Okay?

- Alan?

- Ben, you don't need to explain, okay?

Remember, I'm the guy who begged you...

to sleep with more women

before you got married.

I am not sleeping with her, man!

Okay? There's nothing going on!

Why

- Why won't you listen to me?

- Maybe because I'm getting married tomorrow?

- All right, look, Ben.

It you're not gonna take

advantage of a night...

that's gonna get you through many

sad, pathetic, lonely years, then-

My God.

I'll see you in the

lobby in five minutes.

I hate to remind you, but

we had a deal, remember?

You were supposed to be my husband if

I got you a ride. Do you remember that?

Yes, I remember that arrangement.

I did not, however, presuppose

the tact that Debbie...

is now on her way down to tell

my fianc?e that I am holed up...

in a hotel room in South

Carolina somewhere with a woman...

claiming to be the wife

of the good Dr. Ben Holmes!

What was I supposed to do? The

Sunshine people think we're married.

They would have stoned us. As it is, I already

feel bad enough about not buying a condo.

Why don't you just

tell Bridget the truth?

What kind of marriage do you

have if she doesn't believe you?

- Just explain why you're with

me- - Sarah, I'm not with you!

We're not together! This

is not a relationship!

I just happen to be traveling

alongside a natural disaster!

- You know what? I

really feel sorry for you.

'Cause at least when I was getting

married, I could admit I was scared.

- Well, save me your pity, because I am not scared.

- You know what?

You have such a problem with

honesty, Ben, you know that?

- Oh.

- You can't tell your fianc?e what's going on.

You can't explain something absolutely

simple and innocent to your best man,

and you are with me, Ben!

You could have left a

hundred times, but you didn't!

- I tried to!

- Then why are you still here?

I'm leaving! All right, tine!

You wanna talk about honesty?

Let's talk about honesty.

- Bring it on.

- You complain about your life, nonstop, all the time.

It's all your fault.

You are a beautiful, incredible woman.

You could have any guy you wanted,

but you keep picking these losers.

And the only thing I can think of

is that you choose these guys...

who are intellectually inferior to

you so that you can control them,

but still feel conveniently

wounded when the relationship ends.

You're the one that's afraid of commitment.

You back out of every job you ever have!

You run away from anyone and anything,

and you think it's so

unconventional and liberating,

when in tact, it's just

cowardice and juvenile...

and unable to face the real world!

Ha! Okay, you want honesty,

I'll give you honesty.

Do you know why you can't

write your marriage vows?

Because you are absolutely terrified

that you have nothing to say.

And why would you, Ben? Because

you run around so scared...

that life is gonna throw you this

curveball that'll completely shatter...

this crystal clear, perfect existence that

you've created for yourself in your Day Timer,

that you blurb your way out of feeling

anything emotional, anything real.

You have no emotions, and that's

what makes you a shitty writer, Ben.

You know what? At least I

don't sit around obsessing...

that no one's going

to come to my funeral,

because I have relationships

that last longer than a week.

- My funeral is gonna be packed!

- You know what, Ben?

That is just great. And

I know your eulogy...

is gonna look so nice on

the back of a book cover.

I just think you are an

immature, selfish person.

Well, I'm obviously wrong.

Have a fabulous time in Westchester.

I do hope you enjoy the minivan.

God! How great it must be to be

so cool and above everyone, huh?

It must be great! Let

me ask you somethin'.

How cool is it to abandon your kid?

I was 17 years old, okay? Fuck you.

You don't know anything about it.

- All right, well, try 27, Sarah,

- Nothing.

because seventeen's not working anymore.

Okay, Ben, take your marriage Clift

Notes and have a nice wedding, okay?

- Have a nice divorce.

- Okay.

Four, three, two, one.

- Okay, I'm leaving.

- Hey, Deb, he's comin'.

Five minutes. There he is. I think he's

- Come on!

No, no, no, don't-

- Well, that was smooth.

- You're getting married tomorrow, Ben.

What's your point?

Well, you see, if I'm

gonna turn my life around,

I can't very well

break up your marriage.

I'll have bad luck for the rest of

my life, karmically speaking, and I-

I am getting married tomorrow,

I have nonrefundable tickets to Hawaii,

and I cannot make

myself leave this room.

Well, I like you too, Ben.

I-

I can't go through with a

marriage like that. I can't.

Ben, relax. We didn't

even get to second base.

Have you seen Dr. Holmes and his wife?

We're doing the raffle.

He's not Dr. Holmes,

and she's not his wife.

Okey dokey? Okey dokey?

I'm gonna tell her.

I think at the very

least she deserves that.

If I can feel this

way about someone else-

Hey! Come on!

- Why does this have to get dangerous?

- Get in, you freak!

God!

Is that your ride?

Yeah. Yeah, it was.

Now what are you gonna do?

I don't know. Let's go get

the money my father wired.

That should get us a cab at least.

This is actually the

perfect car for this trip.

It's already been wrecked, totaled

and destroyed. What else can go wrong?

Well, you asked.

Really. That's interesting.

That's not really that funny, actually.

I think we should just sit here

and wait for the locusts to come!

Oh, my God.

- Oh.

- Oh.

- Yeah. All righty.

- Yeah.

She's on tire, Ben.

Well. I guess we should, uh-

Yeah. We should-

I am slipping!

This is so wrong.

But it feels so right to me.

Oh, good evening.

Good evening. Good evening.

- Hi, Joe.

- It is a good evening, isn't it?

Dr. Holmes, or whoever it is you are.

We made a call. There's no Dr.

Ben Holmes in New York City.

Unless you're a

veterinary brain surgeon.

Well, all God's creatures

are welcome in my office.

But the way you two carry on, you

oughta be ashamed of yourselves!

- You tell 'em.

- There is the matter of your bill.

Thank you very much.

I'm really sorry.

- Let's look at this bill here.

- Seems a little excessive.

No, if you add the two and the

two, that's tour, and then, uh-

Run! Jesus! Jesus!

How long do you think

before they call the police?

- Oh, about five minutes ago.

- All right.

Yesterday I was just trying to

get married, today I'm a fugitive.

Okay, I get it now.

This is a sign. This

whole thing is a sign.

I am not supposed to get

married. Loud and clear.

We have to be in

Savannah in the morning.

The fuzz are after us.

Hey, Ben, how much was that

car we saw back in the lot?

The disaster car? It was $150.

'Cause I'm thinking that if, uh-

It somebody went into

this place right here...

and did, you know, a little bump and grind

for the good old boys, they could, uh-

they could probably walk out of there

with that amount of money in their pocket.

Strip dancing?

You're saying you'd just go in and strip

dance? I'm talking about something serious.

Ben, let's weigh out

our alternatives here.

On one hand, what do we have? We

have a little harmless dancing...

that gets us to Savannah where

I have $25,000 waiting for me,

and you have what, 130 of your closest

family and friends waiting for you.

And on the other hand, we have

- oh, look, we have nothing.

Oh, there's nothing there. So, we have

dancing, going to Savannah. Oh, nothing!

- I see where you're going with this.

- You know I'm right.

The fuzz.

All right. Am I being

too prudish about this?

Is that what it is? Maybe I

am. I just gotta open my mind.

You go in there, you take your

clothes off, you have the power.

Post-feminist. It's aggressive.

You have the power and control.

I know what I'm doing. Watch my back.

Watch your back? What,

are we on Mod Squad now?

- Hiya. How ya doin'?

- Good.

I was wondering if y'all

had any entertainment.

- We got a pool table out back.

- What would you say to somebody dancing on it...

for a set price of, I don't know, $150?

I could guarantee you

a really good show.

- $150 seems like a lot of money.

- What? Look at her.

I am looking at her. I'm not interested.

How much for you to dance?

- Excuse me?

- Ben,

I think this is one of these places...

where everyone would much rather

see you dance than see me dance.

- You mean- - Get your

hands off of my man

Get your hands off of my man

It's not funny anymore,

because I don't even like...

to be naked at home

in my shower by myself.

- So, it was okay for me a minute ago?

- Well, it's on your resume.

If you want me to blurb you

a novel, I could do that.

So much for power and

control, big guy. Get up there.

- All right, I'm sorry.

- There you go.

Oh, watch me ride

I'm a sexual animal

Eat you like a cannibal

Prime for the energy

I'm inflammable

Yeah, I finished my beer So come here

And get nice while I Lick your ear

Put your legs over there

And kinda swing on a chair

I swear you look wicked

When your hand is in your hair

Eyes half closed Cute little nose

And like a pound of self raising

I roll and roll

Step out of my clothes

Like I'm doing the right thing

It was pumping and she was frightening

Yeah, lightning flashed

and thunder roared

They're really cheering for

you. You're doing a great job.

Nope. Everyone in here

is looking at your ass.

This is where I'm lost all night

If loving you is wrong

I don't want to be right

If loving you is wrong

I don't wanna be right

Don't wanna be right

If I come first Well, that's not worse

One take like an earthquake

I'll take a delight in making

the bedsprings sing all night

If loving you is wrong

I don't want to be right

- Whoo! Ha ha! Can do! Let's check it out.

- Come on.

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Look at that!

Convertible style.

I'm a sexual animal

Eat you like a cannibal

Well, I didn't have...

the g-string and the cowboy boots, but, uh,

I think it was a good showing nonetheless.

Don't be too proud of yourself.

You weren't that good, Ben.

Don't be jealous.

It's amazing, because the things you find

so exotic and interesting right now...

are gonna be the same things that

you're gonna hate me for in the end.

Why am I hating you in

this scenario? What's-

Okay? Trust me.

A lot of stuff?s happened really

fast. You're just not registering it.

It's registering, okay? I'm

a gay dancer and I'm proud.

I'm a gay, gay strip

dancer and I love it.

Registered. Cha-ching! Change!

The password is "denial,"

okay? You've known me two days.

Two days. Now we're on our way

down to go break up your marriage.

That has nothing to do with you.

I don't believe you.

I don't either.

Amanda is beginning to gather

strength as it continues...

its journey in the Atlantic.

It's currently a category two hurricane.

The hurricane is continuing

its push towards the northwest,

and that means the coastlines

of Georgia and South Carolina-

He'll make it.

That's it right there. Yep.

- Oh, my God, that's Carl.

- Carl?

My husband.

Surprise, sweetheart. Who's this?

I know it's not the guy you're trying to

sell the place to, 'cause I got an injunction.

Bullshit.

This is so fake.

You can't even get an

injunction that fast, all right?

- What are you doing this to me for?

- Carl.

- I have to get back pretty soon,

so- - This is my place, okay?

- I bought it with my money.

- Your place?

- Yeah.

- For chrissakes, Sarah, we're married.

You wanna sell the place? That's

fine, we'll sell the place.

You can send the money down to your

kid it that's what your worried about.

Now, come on.

Come on, angel. You

got no place else to go.

I'm not going, Carl.

You ungrateful bitch.

- What?

- Hey. Hold on.

- Nobody's talking to you, my friend.

- Okay. Just cool it.

- Sarah, get in the car.

- I'm not going, Carl. Forget it. Not going.

- I said get in the car, now!

- No, I'm not getting in the car!

Goddamn you. Hey, what's your problem?

You sleep with her and you

think that means something?

- You don't know what you're

talking about. - Don't you tell me-

- Ohh!

- You all right? You okay?

- Did you find my thumb?

- Get outta here, Carl.

- Go! Go!

- You know, I got news for you, buddy.

- You're just the next number on the list.

- Just go home, man.

You know what happened with

her kid? What did she tell you?

Carl, don't. Carl, don't.

- She let the dad raise him? Well, that's bullshit!

- Shut up.

The kid chose the father.

She was never even around.

But even a

six-year-old could see.

You can't trust her.

Enjoy the ride, pal.

- Hey, are you okay?

- Yeah.

Oh, Jesus. Now I can't even go see him.

Who? Your little boy?

Hey.

- Why? Because of $25,000?

- Yeah.

Aw, Sarah.

I don't know anything

about raising kids,

but I don't think $25,000

is gonna win him over.

I think he wants to see you.

Can't win him over. He obviously

doesn't want what I have to offer.

Sarah, you have the most

incredible ability...

to make people absolutely

crazy about you.

No, I have the ability

to make people crazy.

That's what I can do. Really well.

Sarah, everybody loves you.

You just-

You just think they're all wrong.

When does your wedding start?

Well.

Seventeen minutes late.

Ben's usually very prompt.

You must be so very proud of him.

I hate to interrupt, but

I think the hurricane...

may arrive before the groom.

Good Lord.

Ben, where are you?

Look, we'll-

I just wanna get my

bearings here for a second.

Okay.

- Well.

- All right.

Two strangers arrive at a

wedding. One invited, one is not.

And as the guests arrive and

the appetizers are served,

the true drama unfolds

just minutes from the altar.

I don't think I'm gonna be able

to blurb my way out of this one.

Nope. Probably not.

Okay. All right.

I'm just gonna run in there...

just put a quick stop to this

whole wedding thing, you know.

Maybe grab a few gifts on the way out.

- You need anything?

Bread maker? - Um-

- Cuisinart?

- No, no, I think I'm good.

Yeah.

You will be here when

I come back, won't you?

Oh, well, you know me.

I would not presume.

All right. Wish me luck.

Ben, do me a favor and just

forget about luck, okay?

Forget about loyalty, forget about...

being nice, forget about polite, okay?

Because this is the rest of your

life and possibly somebody else's too.

- Yeah.

- You know?

Yeah.

Just be honest.

If her father happens to

shoot me on my way out,

I guess I'll see you in heaven.

Yeah. I don't think I deserve heaven.

Ah, Sarah.

You deserve so much more than you think.

You deserve to be with somebody...

who will be really, really

depressed if your plane goes down.

- Hey, Ben.

- Hey, man, what happened to you?

What, did you go swimming?

- Ben! Honey, honey, come on.

- I have to talk to you!

- Dad, I can't right now.

- We just want to talk to you for a minute.

- I can't right now! -

Benjamin! - Get in there!

- All right, Benjamin.

- Barbara, please.

I want you to listen to your father.

- Ben? We were thinking about...

- Yes.

what you were telling us on the phone,

and the thing is, nobody

knows if it's gonna work out.

It's all a leap of faith.

It just so happened that

in my case, I was lucky.

My heart told me to

do something, I did it,

and 32 years later, here I am.

Don't speak. You'll ruin the moment.

You have got a lot of nerve!

Now, maybe this is how they

treat women back in New York,

but here in Savannah, we

have a little more respect...

for the sanctity of marriage.

- Oh, do you hear yourself?

- I am not talking to you, Virginia!

- Where's Bridget? I want to marry her.

- Who the hell are you?

- Someone who gets to a wedding on time!

- Hi, we haven't met. I'm Ben.

Steve Montgomery. I used to go out with

Bridget and I'm still in love with her.

- Can I see your invitation?

- Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Excuse me! Somebody should be asking

for your invitation, all right?

P.S.

- you shouldn't even be having a wedding!

- I saw him in the hotel last night with some woman!

- Whoa! Hey, untrue!

They are just travel

friends. And she's ugly!

Why do you New Yorkers

have to be so unpleasant?

- I like New York.

- Put 'em up!

- Ben?

- Yeah?

Um, in about five minutes, we're

supposed to be joined for eternity,

and I was wondering...

if you were gonna get dressed.

Well, if it's eternity, it can wait.

No, no, I think technically

eternity starts immediately,

especially when there's

ice sculpture involved.

- Well, Bridge.

- Yeah.

The truth is-

I'm sorry.

This always happens

at weddings, you know?

I'm sorry I took so long to get

down here. Something happened.

It's okay. I know.

Debbie told me, and I told her that

it didn't matter because I trusted you,

and I knew you wouldn't cheat on me.

And then I threw up. But, um

- Everything else was going wrong.

Everything was going wrong,

and my parents are separated,

and then this guy Steve, who-

Bridge, you know what?

I always thought that there was this one

perfect person for everybody in the world.

And when you found that person,

like the rest of the world just

kind of magically faded away...

and the two of you would

just be inside this kind of...

protective bubble,

but there is no bubble.

I mean, or if there

is, we have to make it.

I just think that life is more

than a series of moments, you know?

We can make choices, and we can

choose to protect the people we love,

and that's what makes us who we

are, and those are the real miracles.

Stop me when it just becomes glaringly

obvious that I have no idea...

- what I'm talking about.

- No, I know what you're talking about.

I do. I know exactly

what you're talking about.

Farewell, Ben.

I fell in love with you

the moment I saw you.

And when I saw you up there on the balcony,

I fell in love with you all over again.

None of the plane crashes

and the hurricanes...

and the other people

will ever change that.

Because when I'm on my

deathbed, I'm gonna know...

that I married the only

woman I ever really loved.

I think you just wrote your vows.

I love you so much.

- Get her out of the rain!

- Guys, hold on.

You guys, it's only rain.

All right, all right.

I'm okay. I'll be right back.

- It's okay.

- Bridge! Bridget!

You wanna get married like this?

Let's go get married...

under a waterfall in Hawaii!

- Okay.

- Okay. Let's go.

Morning smiles

Like the face

Of a newborn child

Better said unknowing

Rejoicing

From the sight of a long lost friend

Speaks to me of course

But I feel

I have nothing to give

I have so much to lose here

In this lonely place

Tangled up in our embrace

It's nothing I'm not feeling how to fall

Wind in tow

Grapes the flow trembling on the vine

- Nothing needs to shelter

- Don't hit my house, bad lightning.

You're gonna burn us down!

But I feel

I have nothing to give

Well, there's one quote

that pretty much sums it up.

It's from a bishop in the 16th century.

He said, "Marriage has less beauty...

but more safety than the single life.

It's full of sorrows and full of joys.

It lies under more burdens,

but it is supported by

all the strengths of love.

And those burdens are delightful. "

I have nothing to give

Sometimes the people we

meet change us forever.

I've never forgotten Sarah, and

I'm pretty sure I never will.

Wherever she is, I

really hope she's happy.

In the end, all you can do is

commit to the people you love,

hope for a little luck...

and some good weather.

Hearts gone astray

Keeping hurt when they go

I went away

Just when you needed me so

You won't regret

I'll come back begging you

Don't you forget

Welcome love we once knew

Yeah

Where life's river

flows No one really knows

You're someone left to

show the way to lasting love

Like the sun it shines

Endlessly it shines

You always will be my eternal love

Whenever love went wrong

Ours would still be strong

We'd have our own Everlasting love

This love will last forever

Open up your eyes Then you'll realize

You've always been my everlasting love

Need you by my side Come and be my bride

Never be denied Everlasting love

From the very start Open up your heart

Feel the love you got Everlasting love

Everlasting love

If you're dumb and confused

And you don't remember

Who you're talking to

Concentration

Just seems to fade

'Cause your baby is too far away

There's a rose in a fisted glove

And the eagle flies with the dove

And if you can't be

with the one you love

Honey, love the one you're with

Don't be angry

Don't be sad

Don't sit quiet

Good times you had

'Cause there's a girl

Right next to you

She's just waiting

For something to do

There's a rose in a fisted glove

And the eagle flies with the dove

And if you can't be

with the one you love

Honey, love the one you're with

Do-do-do-do

do-do-do-do

Do-do-do-do

do-do-do-do

Turn your heartache

Right into stone

'Cause she's a girl

A girl alone

So get it together

And you can fight

You're not gonna need any more goodbye

There's a rose in a fisted glove

And the eagle flies with the dove

And if you can't be

with the one you love

Honey, love the one you're with