Five Aces (1999) - full transcript

[GREEK MUSIC PLAYING]

MAN: When I first told the guys
about Sofe and me,

I may have heard
their collective jaws drop
all the way from San Francisco.

Now, the aces were
happy for me, of course,

but the code of the tribe
is to always look out
for one of their own.

I mean, after all, what kind
of friends would I have if,
somehow, my "I do"

fell into the ranks of
"I might," or "I sort of"?

[GLASS CLINKING]

Here we toast
as a truly blessed family.

A family who has always
continued to live

In the bounty
of his lord’s gracious gifts.



[ALL] Amen.

Sofia, the light of our lives,

a grown woman,
a grown woman soon to be
married to such a handsome man.

-Welcome to the family,
Christos.
-A good man.

-A non-greek,
but an honorable man.
-[FAMILY SCOFFS, LAUGHS]

May your lives be filled
with joy and happiness,

the kind the Panagoulis family
always had.

-Yassou!
-[ALL] Yassou!

[GUEST SPEAKING GREEK]

[GASPING, LAUGHING]

-Sorry.
-It’s okay.

[APPLAUDING]

We’d better eat
before he burns the house down.

Be nice! This is
your granddaughter Sofia’s
engagement party!



Don’t make a scene.
I’ll take you home.

[SPEAKING GREEK]

No matter where we go,
the old man’s always
shooting his mouth off.

[ALL SHOUTING IN GREEK]

[GLASS CLINKING]

Did we come here to argue
or to welcome Chris
into the family?

-[FAMILY MUTTERS ASSENT]
-[TOASTING IN GREEK]

Another toast. Good.

[MAN VOCALIZING]

[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

[RADIO JOCKEY] KBHR, 92.1
on your am dial,
the k-bear.

-[CONTINUES INDISTINCTLY]
-[MAN] You look good, son.

[CHRIS] Oh, don’t lie.
Planning this wedding,
I haven’t slept in three days.

[LAUGHING] No, I mean it.
You really look good.
You look different.

[MUSIC PLAYING OVER RADIO]

Different how?

Uh, good different.
You look, uh...

You have a glow about you.
You look excited.

I think you’re confusing
"glow" with "terror."

[LAUGHING]

Look, it’s all
part of the process.

-Everybody goes through it.
-I guess you’re right.

Sure you don’t want
to change your mind,
stay at the house?

I’d love to,
but Ash put together
this whole program for me.

-It’s... house is rented,
you know.
-Yeah, I know.

Look, don’t do
anything crazy.

No, those guys are cool.
They understand.

What I’m saying is,

don’t let 'em talk you
in or out of anything
you might regret later.

Okay?

Pop, you know these guys.
We’re all grown men.

[LAUGHING]
Yeah.

-Huh... "Grown men." [LAUGHS]
-[Chris] We are... grown.

-Okay. Call me.
-I always do.

[DOOR CREAKING]

Hello?

Hello?

-Oh, hi. Oh, God.
[LAUGHS]
-[GASPS]

-I’m sorry.
-No, I’m sorry.
Is this, uh--

-Yeah, um, this is the--
-I’m in the wrong place,
aren’t I?

-No, no, no. You’re not.
-You’re sure?

I’m actually, totally,completely
late, getting out of here.

I’m so sorry.
Let me just shut the door.

Yeah, I actually called Jeanie
over at the office to tell you,

but she couldn’t
get a hold of you, and
I’m running late, completely.

-Have the other guys shown up?
Anybody else here?
-No.

Looks like you’re
first to arrive,
last to leave, I assume.

I just need a couple minutes
to get changed and everything.

So, why don’t you just come in,
and I’ll be out in a second?

Okay.

[HAIR DRYER WHIRRING]

Oh, hey, I left a bunch of food
in the fridge, if you guys want
to help yourselves.

I think there’s a six-pack too.
Do you mind getting me one,
please?

Okay.

-You sure there were no
messages for me? Jesus Christ!
-No, no one called.

Hi. [LAUGHING]

-You’re good at that.
-Mmm. Yeah, I seem to be.
Thanks.

-There’s two of you, right?
-Mmm, just one.

-Huh...
-So, are you a skier?

I guess that’s a dumb question,
huh?

-I mean, most everybody
comes here to ski.
-Yeah.

No, I’m in town
for a reunion of sorts
with the guys, you know?

-Oh, that sounds fun.
-It could be fun.
Should be fun, rather.

-You know.
And you look like a skier.
-Mm-hmm.

No. No, I’m not, actually.

-It’s kind of embarrassing.
Relationship went bad.
-Right.

Yeah. Caught my boyfriend
with his ex-girlfriend.
She’s a real loser.

She’s the kind
that leads guys on and then
dumps them with no explanation.

-Right. Know the type.
-So I’m here to get even.

-"Get even." Uh--
-Get laid, silly.

Laid!
[GRUNTS]

Did I mention that I’m
getting married in a week?

-No, I don’t think you did,
Chris.
-Really? Well, uh--

No, no. Stop that.
Flag on the play.

-I’m a marrying man.
I am a marrying man. Yes.
-Oh, really?

-You know what?
I think marrying men are sexy.
-You do?

-Say "cheese," dick!
-Yes!

-[ALL LAUGHING]
-Oh, no, no!

[CHATTERING, LAUGHING CONTINUE]

-Evidence!
-What are you doing
with my girl, huh?

Boy’s in town
half an hour, he’s got
a new chick in his arms.

Let’s see, Chris.
Plane landed 23 minutes ago.
You held out for 22.

That’s not bad.

Oh, my God. What’s her name,
Sarafina? She’s gonna be
jacked when she sees these.

[LAUGHING]

You may need a lawyer, actually.
I happen to know one.

-Hey, Ash, you look sober.
-[LAUGHING]

-Good to see you.
-Not for long, brother.
Good to see you too.

Ow. Hey, hey, hey.
Sir Hugs-a-lot.
[GROANS]

Thank you, thank you, thank you.
It was really wonderful.

-Slide to me, you midget.
[GROANS]
-Good to see you.

-Thanks. I’ll see you later,
okay? Bye, guys.
-You bet.

Oh, man.

-Bye-bye.
-She was great, huh?

-Yeah.
-Well, I should have seen
this coming,

the old sexy-redhead-in-
the-rented-vacation-home trick.

[CHUCKLES]
Listen, dude, you gotta see
the accommodations.

This place rocks.
It’s huge. Come on.
Come on.

-I believe you.
Minor detail...
-Yeah?

-Polaroids.
-Oh, I... did you?
Nah, I...

There’s one.
I don’t know if that...

I have amnesia.
I can’t remember a thing.
I have nothing.

-Ash!
-Whoa, no, no, no!

Look at this place.
Ash, you find this
all by yourself, man?

Yeah. It’s called
the internet. You ought to
look into it sometime, Todd.

[CHUCKLING]
Oh, so your secretary found it.

-Yeah, pretty much.
[LAUGHING]
-Hey, guys? Where’s Ray?

Chris, you know
that Ray and Gloria split up
about seven, eight months ago.

Did you talk to him?

Quit working
for Lance Everett’s dad
selling cars about a year ago.

-And now he’s living in one.
-[BOTH SCOFF]

Well, I say we go get him.

He’s got a cannon.

How big?

Ehh.

Okay, he’s cool.
Phase one complete.

That little redhead?
Got him rattled.

Now we go to phase two, okay?

Now we turn up the heat,

really test his commitment.
Plant the seeds,
get him thinkin’, right?

Treat him like
a North Korean prisoner of war.
Keep him underfed.

Keep him...sleep deprivation.
That’s always good.

-And when in doubt,
keep him drunk.
-Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

The North Koreans were
very liberal with their booze
for the P.O.W.S.

[LAUGHING]

-Where you goin’ with this?
-What do you mean?

What, you’re gonna, like,
nit-pick the whole plan?
Is that the deal?

No, no.

-You think that’s funny?
-[TODD] What is this?
What am I, a snake?

[ASH] No, you’re not a snake.
You’re a worm.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

I think I see somebody.

You think that thing
really fires? Come on.

-[CANNON FIRING]
-Incoming!

[EXPLOSION]

-Damn.
-Fucker shot at us.

Well, he shot at us.
If he’d wanted to,
he would have hit us.

All right.
Let’s go get him.

-You go ahead, man.
I shat my pants.
-Uh, I shat his pants.

I’m so constipated
I can’t move.

♪ And I don’t know
What road it was...

Fuck me then.

♪ That brought us to this ♪

-Go get him, braveheart!
-Godspeed, William!

Erin go bragh, you madman!

[OPERA MUSIC PLAYING]

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Oh, hey, Chris, man.

Oh, hey. Listen, man,
I’m sorry about that round.

-I thought you were tourists.
-That’s okay.

-You all right?
-Fine.

Why don’t you
come on in, man.

-You alone?
-Yeah. Come on.

You think he’s
really gonna join us?

Doubtful. He’s become
a bit of a separatist,
don’t you think?

-He’s separated from Gloria.
That’s gotta help.
-[LAUGHS]

[SCOFFS, LAUGHING]

-That’s not nice.
-Hey...

You want a piece of me?

I’m sorry, Ray,
us dropping by like this,
you know, unannounced and all.

-You don’t have a phone...
-No, no, hey, man,
it’s okay.

That’s quite all right, man.
I’m glad to see you.
You look great, man.

-I look great?
-Really good.

You got
this light going on there.

No, your aura,
it’s very strong.

If he comes out,
and you guys can get him alone,

I get Ray for two minutes,
boom, I can straighten him out.

So you’re sayin' pull Chris?

Yeah, pull him,
if you can,
if he comes out. Who know...

Ray’s gotta go
along with this.

-Yeah.
-What the hell are they
talking about in there?

-Oh-ho! Seany.
-Yeah.

Where’d you acquire that, uh,
heavy artillery out there, Ray?

Oh, uh, oh, the gun.
I got that
when I moved out here.

I traded my truck for it
to some guy down in San Pedro.

-Well, you got a real nice one.
-Yeah. It’s not bad.

-You must talk to him.
-No, I read about him
in the papers.

He doesn’t come
into the store, nothing?
Doesn’t even need gunpowder?

Ah.

That’s for you.

-[RATTLING]
-What is this?

Uh, it’s just a, you know,
bunch of film footage

and stuff of us all
when we were kids.
I cut it together myself.

-You did not.
-Yeah.

Where’d you learn
how to do that?

Uh, well, books.
You know.

-That’s four.
-Oh-ho-ho, yes!
Kersplungie!

What are you doin’, Ray?

-You came out here
to get me, didn’t you?
-Yeah, pretty much.

Well, you got me.

Besides, I’m not
the kind of guy to throw
an old buddy to the wolves,

even if the wolves
happen to be our friends.

-Appreciate that.
-Yeah.
Won’t they be surprised?

Let me handle this.

Hey, Ray.
Nice digs.

-Ash.
-[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

-Well, the five aces
together again, huh?
-Just like old times.

-[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]
-[ASH] There it is,
right there, handicapped.

Okay, on the count of four,
everybody limp.

[TODD] Oh, yeah.
Is that the Ray Charles
school of driving there?

I got a bad feeling
about this.

♪ It’s a lie
It’s a doggone lie ♪

Sloany, new sign!

[MUSIC CONTINUES
IN BACK GROUND]

-He really asked you out?
-Whoa, check it out.

It’s packed, man.

-There he is.
Sloany!
-Hey, Sloan.

-Good to see you!
-How are you, man?

I’ll be go to hell!

Jeez, I almost dropped a log
down my pants
when you guys strolled in here.

-Hey, Sloan, good to see you.
It’s been a long time.
-Chris. Yeah, yeah, too long.

Well, hey, look.
Come in, come in!

-I got you a table
right over here.
-It’s about having fun.

You’re outta there.
Out, out, out.

-Hey, Sloan--
-No, no, no. It’s okay.

-Have a drink on me.
Betty, house drinks.
-Comin’ up, Sloany!

Come on. This is
ventura aceland country.

Sit down, sit down.
Adolfo!

Old friends here.

[ADOLFO SPEAKING INDISCTINTLY]

-This is Adolfo
of karaoke fame.
-Yes!

-On Saturday nights,
he’s the man.
-[LAUGHING]

What ya drinkin’ there, husky?

Uh, kamikazes, beer chasers
all around. How’s that, guys?

-Quick. That’s quick.
-Ice or straight?
Hope not.

-No, no,
ice is for injuries.
-Bummer.

How do you like
the new waitress?

-[LAUGHING]
-Very hot.

Look, what’re you guys
doin’ up here?

What did you
come back up here for?

Well, Chris is gettin’ hitched.
He’s the last man standing.

I know. I know.

Who is this unfortunate girl?
Do I know her?

-She’s, uh, she's Greek.
-A geek?

Hell,
my third wife was Greek.

Get outta here.
You were married three times?

Four. I caught
three of ’em cheating.

Chris, Chris,
come here a second.

-Come over here a second.
-I’ll be right back, guys.

-Okay.
-All right.

-Listen, are you serious
about this?
-A hundred percent.

-Changed much?
-[MUTTERS] Don’t know
about that Adolfo guy.

Now, if you want
to talk about anything,
you want any advice on anything,

come ahead to the bar
and we’ll talk about it.

-I’ll see you there.
-All right.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

-How was that?
-Oh, beautiful.

Sloany, you baited the hook,
and if I know Chris, he’ll bite.

Good. Well,
I’m glad you called me.
All right, hey!

Look, I gotta get back
to the bar, at least look
like I own the place.

-Drink up.
-Thanks.

Later, Sloany.

-Wh-wh-what was that?
You put Sloan up to that?
-Yeah.

-Are you kidding?
Do you know about this?
-[CHUCKLES]

Ray, come out of the woods
every now and--
Ash, just tell him.

Right, now here’s the plan.
It’s simple.

We do everything we can
to give the boy choices.

"Choices?" What the hell
are you talking about?
He’s already made his choice.

Yeah, so did we at one point.
Look how it turned out for us.

-We don’t even know
Miss Parthenon.
-[HUMMING]

Drink city. There, there.

Chink, boom,
trim your beard, or I’m not
going to serve you, okay?

Here we go, rushed.

Boys, I am around.

-Boys.
-Gentlemen.

-I’m not toasting to that.
-What?

-Lighten up, for christ’s sake.
-No. You guys are
assholes, man. Really.

-[BOTH LAUGH]
-No! Man...

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Last night I had a dream

Ooh-hoo! Guess who I think
I just saw over there,
still glowing.

-Who’d you see?
-The goddess, Laura Ely.

-Yes.
-No, no.

-Oh, yes.
-No, it wasn’t.

-Oh, yeah.
-It’s Laura Davis.

What, she married
Ayman Davis?

-Ayman Davis the Bad.
-Nobody saw that comin’, Ash.

Didn’t Chris have
a major crush on her
for, like, three years?

-At least. Sure.
-Right?

-Ayman make the pros?
-Never. He got as far as Florida
state second string linebacker.

Now he’s a first string
crazed local cop.
He’s a lot of fun.

♪ And then I fell asleep

♪ And I was fishing ♪

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

-Sloan, how are you?
-Yeah, you want another drink?

No, I’m all right.

I’m just curious
about what you were
talking about back there.

-Yeah?
-Yeah. You really caught all
those wives cheating on you?

Uh, yeah, over the years.

-That must have ripped
your heart out.
-Well, it did, at the time.

But it wasn’t like I was over
my womanizing days either.

I don’t follow as far as...

By virtue of that wedding ring
that you’re gonna have
on your finger,

you’re opening the door
to more ’tang

than an astronaut
workin’ overtime.

-[CHUCKLING]
-I’m here to tell you.

You know how many woman
hit on married guys?

-Nah.
-A lot of ’em.

It’s kind of
a challenge to ’em.

If you do ’em, they love you.
If you don’t, they respect you.

-It’s a win-win situation.
-[LAURA] Chris?

Chris Martin.

Laura... Davis.

Laura Ely is probably
how you remember me.

Yes! Laura, how are you?
I’m sorry.
It took me a second.

-Jeez, it’s been... Wow.
-Long time.

Long time, indeed.

So, what brings you back here
to Big Bear, California?

Um, I’m in town
for a bachelor party of sorts.

-Bachelor party?
-Yeah, more of an excuse
for the guys to get together,

Send me off.

Chris Martin,
finally gettin’ married.

So, Laura... Laura Davis.
I guess you...

-I married Ayman.
-Ayman Davis.

-Yeah, but I thought
he was on his way to--
-No, that didn’t happen.

-I’m sorry about that.
-Life. [CHUCKLES]

Yes.
Uh, it was good seeing you.

It was great seeing you,
Chris.

-Congratulations.
-Thank you.

Maybe I’ll see you again
before you go back.

Maybe so.
I mean, I hope so.

See what I’m sayin'?

Fish in a barrel.

-[ASH] Pretty much every girl
I ever wanted. Pretty much...
-[TODD CHUCKLING]

I got.

And that doesn’t ruin
my opinion of ’em.
Don’t get me wrong.

No, it does not.

-[CHRIS] Of course not.
-As much as the fact
that about half of ’em,

that I know about,

had a significant other,
a husband, a boyfriend,
back at home at the same time.

And I don’t find out
about this
until after the fact.

[TODD] It’s sad.

-You know, it’s tragic.
It’s hysterical.
-[TODD] It hurts.

So, we’re having pillow talk
after the ol’ deed is done,
and then they tell me,

"We’re having problems,
my husband and I."
What is with that?

There’s no such thing

-as the ex-boyfriend
or the ex-husband.
-No?

No. There’s only a guy
out there with a free spin card,
and he will use it.

[TODD SLURRING] Fine.
You fuckin’ wanna hear
about wife number two?

-I’ll tell you about
wife number two, all right?
-Mmm.

Oh, fuck!
What was I thinking
when I married her?

We were married, like,
a fucking year.
A year!

[CHUCKLES]
I find her fucking...

She’s fuckin' cheating on me
with her boss.

-I didn’t even fucking know
she had a job, Ash.
-[ALL LAUGHING]

But, fuck, she comes
to fuckin’ me,

she says, "all right,
fuck it, I cheated on you."

So I figure, I’m hurt, fine,
but I’ll be a fucking mensch.

I’ll do the whole fucking thing.
Bygones be bygones.

I don’t even prepare
a court case, none of that
fucking shit, right?

We go into court, boom!
She fucking changes
her whole story around!

The fucking judge is like...

[IMITATES SOBBING]
"She got fucked."

-[ALL LAUGHING]
-[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

You know the fucking kicker?
Here’s the fucking kicker.

The whole time we’re married,
less than a fucking year,
the whole time we’re married,

the most she made
in a fucking year,
at the age of 30,

all right, the fucking age
of 30, like, 11 grand
as a fucking waitress.

-All right? 11 grand. That’s
a fucking shitty waitress.
-[GLASS SHATTERS]

"Honey, how much is he worth?"

"Oh, sister,
you-you-you deserve
half of what he makes."

"Is he cheating on you?
"No?"

"Oh, darling, he’s cheating.
They all cheat.

Every man cheats.
Our husbands did it, so your
husbands must have cheated."

And, did you?

[SIGHS]
Just once... a week.

[ALL LAUGH]

[CHRIS] Oh, man.

-Not all of ’em.
Come on, not-not-not--
-Pick one.

-Pick what?
Pick what? What?
-Pick one...

Married,
boyfriended, whatever.

-She’ll be cryin'
her love story inside an hour.
-I will not place some wager

on the fact that you can
go out and slam somebody’s--

Hold on, Chris.
Let me top that crop.

No offense, Ash,
but I think you’re full of it.

-Okay, Ray.
And you wanna go two?
-Two, and I’ll cover him.

-I want three off of you.
He doesn’t have any money.
-I’ll cover him!

-Oh, that’s nice. Thank you.
-I got him. I got him.
I got him.

Pick a girl.
Have sex with her.

-What, do you mean now?
-Now.

No, see, I’m not about to go
and pick up a girl and leave...

When Chris blows into town
for the first... it’s not cool.

-Then you forfeit!
-No. Forfeit?

What, do you want me
to sing it for you?

-Yeah, you forfeit.
-Sing it. Sing it.

-As Ray’s attorney,
yeah, that’s correct.
-♪ Forfeit ♪

[CHRIS LAUGHING]

-I’ll just do it tomorrow.
I’m not fucking.
-I’m cool with it. Go crazy.

All right, fuck you guys.
Go ahead, pick one.

All right.

The one in the green
right there.

-[TODD] Ooh, Sean.
-[ASH] Oh, shit.

-Oh, you bastard.
-[GIGGLES]

[LAUGHING]

All right.
Fuck you guys.

You know what,
fuck you guys.
Watch and learn.

All right.

-Uh-huh.
-You or her?

[ASH EXCLAIMS]

Oops! Hi.
[CHUCKLES]

Sorry.
My name’s Ash.

-Hi, Ashley.
-[CHUCKLES]

You’re a long way
from your buddies,
aren’t you?

Uh-huh. You must be...
the friend.

That’s right.
I’m the friend.

[GROANS]

-Swell.
-Mm-hmm.

[ASH] Right here. Right here
in the handicapped.

[WOMAN GIGGLING]

-Nice pooper.
-[CHUCKLES]

-Quit draggin’ your heels,
cowboy!
-Comin’, comin'.

Hoo!
How many steps was that?
You need some more steps.

[RAY] Shh! Shh!
Come on! This way.

-Excuse me.
[LAUGHING]
-There it is!

-Oh, God,
it’s hot in here.
-Hey.

-This is, uh, nice.
-[SIGHS]

-Thanks.
-[GROANS]

Hey, Wayne. Dan.
A Cal shirt?

[JACKIE GIGGLES]

This is...
this would be yours then?

[JACKIE] Uh, boyfriend’s.

Um, well, ex. [CHUCKLES]

We’re having problems.

Ah. I understand.

[LAUGHS]

-[ASH] Oh!
-[WOMAN CONTINUES GIGGLING]

I made a bad bet.

-[CAR APPROACHING]
-Oh, God!

-[MOANING]
-[CAR DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

-He’s gonna die, he's gonna die.
-Yeah.

-Ash!
-Wha...

-What?
-Um, your husband’s home.

[WHISPERING]
oh, my God!

He’s gonna kill you!
Oh, God, he’s gonna kill you!

Come on, Ash, Ash, Ash.
Come on!

[CHRIS] Now the lights are on,
but the pants are not on!

[RAY] Must go now!

Hey, Tom!
How are you, man?

Who the hell are you?

Who am I? Ash Grey.

High school football team?
We kicked Arrowhead’s ass.

I’ll be damned. Ash.
What are you doin’ out here?

Oh, you know Chris Martin
is getting married.
I’m in town for that, and...

-You remember Chris Martin?
Well, he’s tying the knot.
-Yeah.

We were down to Sloan’s,
and who did we run into,
but Jackie.

So I thought I’d come by
and say "hi."

-Ash, where’s my wife?
-She’s in getting
some sweats on.

Honey? Honey!

Not very polite
leaving our guest out here
by his lonesome.

-Sofe-Sofe!
-I didn’t leave him unattended.
I left him with a drink.

So why are his pants
under my couch?

[SCOFFS]
What makes you think
those are mine?

[SCREAMING]
Are you deaf?

No, we were just--

-Guys!
-Just what, peeper guy?

Whoa!

-Move!
-Move, move!

[GROANING]

Keys, keys!
Who’s got the keys?

-Tom!
-Hey, Jackie!

[ASH] Nice place.
Call you tomorrow?

-[JACKIE]
You do this every time!
-Yo!

Just relax, please, Tom!

[TOM] I’m gonna crush your
head in, you little weasel!

[JACKIE]
Tom, nothing happened.

-Please stop!
-[TOM] I’ll kill you
you son of a bitch!

-No!
-[CHRIS] Anybody pick up
my face back there?

-Whoo!
-Old brother-of-bigfoot
tossed the lumber!

-Whoo!
That was heavy! Jesus!
-Whoo!

-Aah! Fucker almost killed me!
-You son-of-a-bitch fuckers
almost got me killed!

[TODD] Bloody lip,
gashed forehead, bunch of
white guys outta breath.

Battle of the sexes
gets bloody.

[RAY] Shut up, Todd.

[SOFIA]
When I see you again,
I want you to want me so much...

[CHUCKLES]
Our wedding night
will be special.

It’s workin', boy.
It’s workin'.

-Where are the boys?
Where are they?
-Shh-shh-shh.

-Chris is sleepy-poop
in there.
-Sleepy-poop in there?

And Ray’s right--
where the fuck is Ray?

-Okay, shh.
-[LAUGHING]

[SOFIA]
I don’t want you to call me,

Especially not to check in.

I trust you, Christos.
I want you to have fun,
see your friends.

[CHUCKLES]
I want you to miss me instead.

-Is mission accomplished
or not?
-That was some crazy shit.

Thank you! Thank you!
I guarantee you

that Chris is in his room
right now thinking about it.

-Guarantee you!
-[LAUGHING]

-Screw you...
-No, no, no. What...

What did you tell that
fabulous chick to get her
to go home with you?

You wanna know my secrets!

-I’ll tell you.
I’ll tell you.
-What?

-Here it is. Ready?
You ready for this?
-Yeah. Yeah.

Bought her
a new living room set.

[LAUGHING] I did!

You’re not fucking around!

You know, chicks dig me,
but... [SPEAKING INDISTINCT]

[ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ I saw something round

♪ Rolling in the sky above

♪ I saw something round

♪ Rolling in the sky above

♪ I saw something round

♪ I saw something again

♪ I felt something warm again

♪ And I know what it was

♪ I felt something warm again

♪ And I know what it was ♪

[RAY] Oh, boy, nothing has
changed. Ante 50 cents
to play with the big boys.

Seany! Long Sean.
You in?

-[ASH] Sean, we’re
playin’ cards here.
-I’m out.

-[CHRIS] Patience, Ash.
-Listen,

-I’ll be home
when I get there.
-I got another ante for him.

-And me.
-I thought he was still
talking to Karen.

All right.
Ceremonial first card.

Oh, snowman? Jeez.

-Beat an eight, Ray.
-Why not?

-Oh, mama! Oh, ace...
-Oh, boy.

No, I understand that.

My god, Karen.
What do you want me to do?

You want me to
take care of it tonight,
right now, this second?

You want me to run
down to the bank, rob it, and
pay ’em the money I owe 'em?

Come on!
Think about what you’re
asking me to do.

No. No-no-no-no.
No.

See, oh, the little duck.
Very little.
It’s a teeny little duck.

Uh-oh, fin!
Look out, baby.
That’s a gunboat.

I don’t know. Soon.

I-I’ll be there
when I get there, right?

-The donner party would not
want that hand, okay, bro?
-[LAUGHING]

[ASH] Hell, don’t play
Seany’s hand.
Let’s see what he's got.

-Yeah, I got
your hand there, pal.
-[TODD] That was bad.

-[ASH] We’re playin' cards here,
man. Come on

[RAY] Patience, Ash.
He’ll be along.

Come on, man.
We’ll get his money
the next hand. It’s okay.

-All right, I got...
No, I got weak sixes.
-See you guys in a little bit.

-Where you goin’?
-Down the hill and see Karen.
She’s not feeling well.

Okay.

[MUTTERING]
What’s the deal?
Such a pussy. Jesus Christ.

-Whoa, whoa, whoa!
-Hey, hey, hey, hey!

-[CHRIS] Sean! Sean! Look at me.
-Hey, Sean, relax.

-Relax. Relax.
-Look at me, look at me.

Hey, Chris, get him
outta here, man.
Come on.

-Guys.
-[INDISTINCT]

Come on. Hey, Sean,
good luck, buddy.

Yeah.

See that?

See when that happens?
Never fails.

Three or four guys get together,
having a great time,
great fucking time

and you add one female,

just one,

woman to the mix...

Everything goes to shit,
down the crapper.

Who wants a shot?

-[SIGHS]
I’ll take one.
-Done.

[SIGHS]
Well, home sweet home, huh?

[SIGHS]

Can I talk to you?
Be honest with you, you know?

Yeah.

You know how you have
that feeling sometimes

where you’ve got a weight
that’s pressing in on you,
and you can’t get rid of it?

That’s the way I feel right now.

Yeah, I get that only...
every day.

-Really?
-Yeah. How long has it
been going on?

About a week.

[CHUCKLES]
That little
piece-of-shit house, huh?

You guys are all
doing so well, you know?

It’s kind of like coming back
to your high school reunion
on unemployment.

Hey, hey, Sean.
That’s your house.
That’s your home.

It’s something
to be proud of, you know?

The things other people have
isn’t always what it looks like
from the other side, you know.

Well, then why do I wish
I was saying that
to somebody else?

Hell, you got Ash in Manhattan,

You, your own business,
successful,

Todd’s a lawyer,
and I sell nuts and bolts
for a living.

It’s-it's weird.

[SCOFFS]
Last time I checked,

there was no dishonor

in owning your own business
and going through
some hard times.

Yeah. You ever...

You know, I hit mid-30s
about a month ago,

and I thought for sure,
Chris, that I’d be somebody
by now, you know?

And I’m not talking about
somebody special, just,

you know,
something more than this.

I love that woman, Chris.

-[SIGHS]
-It’s just hard.

-You want me to wait outside
for you? I could sit here.
-No. That’s all right, thanks.

-Want me to go inside
with you? Yeah?
-No, I’m good. Yeah.

Listen, I appreciate it.
I’ll catch up
with you guys later.

-Yes, you will.
-Thanks.

-Good to see you again.
-Good to see you.

[ENGINE STARTS]

[ANNOUNCER ON TV]
Tom Kimmel will be
along in a moment...

with the national weather.

We have snow and more snow
in the San Bernardino area,

drifts accumulating along
the passes and local roads,

and a winter snow warning
has been issued.

I want everyone to be careful
driving out there, because the
roads are gonna be slippery--

[TV CLICKS OFF]

How are the aces?

Aces are fine.

-How’s Chris?
Is he excited?
-What?

-Is Chris excited?
-Yeah. Yeah, he’s excited.

It’s funny. It's always the ones
that aren’t married who
are excited about being married.

There you go again, Karen.
Once again, your timing
is impeccable.

We agreed
that we’d talk about this
after Chris’s wedding.

Well, I’ve had a few days
to think about things
while you were out playing.

-The bank called again today.
-I know, I know. You’ve told
me a thousand fuckin’ times.

-Well, what are you
gonna do about it?
-What am I gonna do about it?

I don’t know, Karen.

I don’t know what the fuck
I’m gonna do about it.
Let ’em take the thing.

Let ’em take
the whole fuckin’ thing.
For 16 years,

I’ve been standing
behind that counter.
They can take it.

-I don’t know.
-You don’t know?

Maybe that’s your problem:
you don’t know!

Maybe you just stand around
all day waiting for something
to happen!

-Do you think
I just stand around?
-[GASPS]

That’s what I do.
I stand around all day
doing nothing?

Isn’t that what you do?
Jesus, they’re gonna
foreclose, Sean!

-Let ’em!
-The shower section
in Home Depot Redlands...

Is bigger than our whole store.

-Maybe we didn’t grow.
Maybe you chose not to.
-Oh, shit.

I married you,
not a hardware store!

I busted my ass.
I have been busting my ass for
16 years to make a life for you.

-Busted my ass!
-Oh, don’t you put that on me!

-16 years, 24/7!
-Don’t you put that on me!

You loved your hardware store!
You loved it so much,
you spent all your time there,

and you left nothing for me!

You left nothing for me!

There was a time
when I missed you.
I don’t miss you anymore.

I don’t miss you anymore.

[EXHALES]

-God, Karen, I love you.
-Oh, don’t, Sean.

Just don’t.

Okay.

So what is it
you’re trying to say to me?

You’re so blind.

I’m not blind enough to see
that the woman I married doesn’t
have the guts to tell me

she doesn’t love me anymore.

I don’t love you anymore.

[ASH] Well, you know, I feel
a little bad about Sean tonight.
I mean, really bad about it.

He’s having problems,
and I just wanted
to hang with him, you know?

-Yeah.
-To Sean.

-[GLASSES CLINK]
-To Sean.

How you doin’?

-[SNICKERING]
-What’s so fucking funny,
Fido?

-She liked me.
You laughed her off.
-[LAUGHING]

What a doofus.

She did.
She was all over me.

Chicks dig me, fucko.

Ash, my friend,
you’re just...

You’re just not cut out
to be the nice guy, bro.

[CONTINUES LAUGHING,
SIGHS]

Actually, I gotta tell you,
I’ve been thinking.

You’ve got some interesting
takes on the relationships
between men and women.

-Can I ask you a question?
-Shoot.

[SIGHS] You ever stop
and wonder what it would
be like to be a woman?

-Uh, no.
-[SNICKERS]

Is that where you’re going...
Getting in touch with your
feminine side there, pal?

Well, now, now, no.
I’ve thought about it
now and again, you know.

Actually, I think
being a woman is a lot better
in a lot of ways.

What the hell are you...
what ways?

Well, okay, take the beauty
of childbirth.

-"The beauty of childbirth"?
-Yeah.

All right, that’s nine months
of hormonal turmoil

Culminating in that
big moment of childbirth

ripping your guts apart.

I’ll, uh,
pass on that, thanks.

I don’t know.
I don’t know if it's that bad.
I mean, you know...

Childbirth’s a beautiful thing.
It’s right up there with
the seven wonders of the world.

-Yeah.
-It doesn’t top the wonder
of the early-morning woody.

-You with me?
-[CHUCKLING]
Ash, you’re an original.

Women have better intuition.

See, I knew
you were goin’ there.

-Whoa.
-See that?

[BOTH CHUCKLE]

I know, we can sit here
and be obvious all night,
but you don’t think she's, uh,

cheating on Sean,
do you?

I left my crystal ball
in Cincinnati, man.
I... Mm-mm.

How ’bout you?
You ever cheated on Sofie?

No.

You ever thought about
cheating on Sofie?

-Should I have
a lawyer present?
-I’m just curious.

Everybody thinks of something
at some point in time.

I’m just not as liberal with
my, uh,

raunchy department
as the rest of you
knuckleheads Jesus, come on.

Whoa, whoa, wait a second.
I was faithful
in both my marriages.

Yes, I was.
Something else busted them up.

-That being what?
-Well,

it was them,
hundred percent.

You can’t argue this one:
women have better bodies
than men, by far.

I mean, the curves...

-You know, they’re like statues.
They’re goddesses.
-[SIGHS]

Got a word for you:
gravity.

[CHUCKLES]
Look, women have cellulite.

-Well, so do men.
-Yeah, well,
women get it first.

You, on the other hand,
obviously have found
the keys to the kingdom.

Oh, come on, Todd.
I’m not even crossing the moat.

Oh, well, you’re on a horse,

and there’s nobody dumping
a cauldron of hot oil
on your head.

Right? I mean,
what-what-what is it?
What do you got?

Trust.

I feel like I’m not
walking alone,

finally.

You know, I got a partner.
We’re a team, you know?

That’s damn near poetic.

-Multiple orgasms.
-So?

-[SNORTS]
-Hey, at least men have
real orgasms.

-Know what I mean?
-Okay. Hold on.

Women can change their minds
any time they want

with no justification
and no explanation.

-Just...
[SNAPS FINGERS]
-Oh, you got a point there.

-That’s gotta be cool,
right?
-That’s... it's good.

Four tequilas, please.
Ooh, yeah.
Straight up. [GIGGLES]

You know what it was?
I fall for women you couldn’t
possibly have a future with,

-and I marry ’em.
-Bad combination.

Yeah. Expensive.

I don’t know.
It’s weird. I've never...

I never felt like a dad.

Never.
Never felt like a husband.

Yeah, I know, I know.
It’s weird, but...

it’s true.

You gotta have courage
to think like that.
You have got to want it.

You’ve gotta want to
surrender into someone else.

And I... tried,

but I couldn’t sustain it.

It’s all about choices, Todd.

Remember when your mom died?
It was just you and your dad.

You had to grow up
[SNAPS FINGERS] like that.

Was that a choice?

It was a mandatory one.

I remember watching you--

When I was a kid,
watching you go through
those changes.

You just stopped...

You stopped competing
with everybody and everything,

and, and, and
it made you different.

You were different.

I’ve been hearing that
a lot this weekend.
Different how?

Good different. Good.

I mean, you know,
you were a kid.
You were sad, but-but...

you got calm
about everything.

Maybe a part of me died.

Sofie, does she...
does she fill
some of that for you?

-Yeah. Yeah.
-Good.

-Look at ’em. Pathetic.
-And loving it!

-Ladies, entrez-nous.
-[CHATTERING]

Oh, oh, oh,
no, no, no, sorry.

This way. See,
that’s where the tub is.
It’s nice, though, isn't it?

-Just down the stairs.
You’ll find it.
-Right there. Oh, sorry!

-[WHOOPING]
-[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

So listen,

there’s all kinds
of suits downstairs,
and the water’s hot.

-So...
-All right!

Gentlemen,
the eagle has landed.

-Houston,
we have no problems.
-[CHUCKLING]

[WHOOPING, GIGGLING]

Chris, man,

you’re not on the hook for this,
because we know all about your
loyalty to Sofie and all that.

Ooh. But, you know,
if you want me to send
those girls away...

-Why are you
breathing so hard?
-The blonde.

Uh-huh. Yeah, I know.
No, no. Do your thing, man.

-Go crazy. Have fun.
I’ll just be over here...
-You sure?

-jacking off.
-Okay.

[SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
We’re coming!

Do us a favor.
Could you bring us
some towels?

[ASH LAUGHING, WHOOPING]

Careful, now.
Watch my wooden leg.

-[SCREAMS]
-That’s not my leg.

-Hey, Ash. You gonna
chew on that log all night?
-Oh, look who’s here.

That’s not Ash next to me
anymore.

It’s nice, kind of like
a boy-girl-boy-girl thing.

-Well, stop the world.
Um, how you doin’?
-Hi.

-Are you going inside?
Can you deliver these?
-Yeah.

I appreciate it.
Thank you.

You bet.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[ALL CHATTERING]

Where’d you go, Ray?

-What do you mean?
-What made you just walk?

I was wondering when
you were gonna ask me that.

What do you see?

[ASH]
What am I, a lip reader?
They’re looking at the stars.

[TODD]
Well, looking at the stars.
That’s...

Nah, that’s horrible.
You know what that means?

That means, like,
philosophy and God
and life and all of that crap.

-Ugh.
-If Ray fucks this up, man,
I’m gonna kill him, I swear.

Isn’t that supposed to be
pointed in our direction?

I was working late one night
at the car lot, right?

And Gloria and I were
supposed to go to this party.

Of course, I couldn’t go
’cause I was working, you know,
so she went by herself.

And when she came out
of the restroom...

Well, there was this guy
standing there, you know.

She tries to make her way
past him, and he stops her,

and he hits her.

And then he, uh,
rips her shirt off,

and stuffs it in her mouth
so no one can hear her scream.

He kind of has his...
has his way with her.

Well, I was already in bed
by the time she got home.

I was sleeping.
And the next morning,

I wake up,
and she’s very disturbed.

She’s very strange.
She won’t even let me
look at her.

And I asked her
what was wrong.

She won’t tell me.
All she does is cry.
She just cries, you know?

So, like a jerk,
I immediately assume that maybe
she had a few too many drinks,

You know, and, uh, hooked up
with some guy or whatever.

I get mad,
and I want to leave, you know?
So I’m on my way out the door.

And she stops me at the door.

She pulls her shirt aside,
and she shows me these marks.

Then she told me
what happened.

I mean, I was gonna
kill somebody.

So, uh, she begs me...

I mean, she begged me

not to say anything.

So eventually
the conflicts within her
began to outweigh

the contact
between she and I.

Hmm.

Well, then one day she walks in,
and she just asks me to go.

So, I did.

So I ended up out there
in that old trailer that
used to belong to my pop,

where you found me.

So, you see, Chris, I,
unlike those guys up there,

wasn’t hurt by a woman.

I was hurt by a man.

A stranger just walked in

and blew out my candle,
you know?

[SIGHS]

And that’s why I come out here
every day,

and I stare into the sun,
because that’s my candle.

And I defy any man
to blow that out.

And, hopefully,

God willing,
one day that light,

that sunlight,
will shine in her again.

I’m sorry.

But I miss her.
I miss her a lot.

Yeah, yeah.
He’s-he's had it for some--

-Some time.
-Some time. Yeah.

-Oh, no. Wow.
-Wow. Yeah.

Yeah, well, it’s terrible.

And he’s our friend, so...

When the diagnosis came in...

-Big. Big tumor.
-Big-big tumor.

That he’s only got a little...

-A little time to go.
-Yeah.

Oh, poor Chris.
God!

Can’t they do anything?

Ah, they-they...
They...

-They... You know,
you may be able to help.
-You. You.

Me? How?

Yeah, well, come inside,
we’ll talk about it.

-That’s the saddest thing
I’ve ever heard.
-Yeah.

You like puppies?

[SOFIA] I’m looking at you
as my life.

Why get into something
that’s forever

if I wasn’t
absolutely sure about it?

I love you, Christos.

-[KNOCKING]
-Chris Martin, you in there?

[CHRIS]
Yeah, I’m comin'.

-Morning, Ray.
-How you doin’?

Sean didn’t come home
last night.

What?

Sean didn’t come home
last night.

Maybe he’s working things
out with Karen, huh?

-I haven’t seen her in years.
-Right.

-Hey, Ray.
-Hello, Karen.

Karen, how are you?

Why don’t you come on in
for a minute?

-Hmm.
-[DOOR SHUTS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

Is, um, everything okay
here, Karen?

I’m leaving Sean, Ray.

You’re... What? I-I...

I don’t have that feeling
for him anymore.

It’s been bad for a long time.

I know you two are his friends,
and that’s why I'm telling you.

We’ve been cramped
in this house for so long.

God knows how much longer
we would have stayed here.

I feel like if I don’t
do it now, I’ll never do it.

I’ll die here.

I never cheated on him.
I never lied to him.

I’m ready to live
with what I’m doing.

I feel like I’m saving
the rest of my life.

Chris, I’m sorry if this
seems like bad timing.

Chris?

I’m sorry, I'm...
Yeah? What?

I said I’m sorry.
I know it’s bad timing.

Um, does he, uh,
does he know you’re leaving?

He’s known for a long time.

You know where he is now?

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

[TIRES SCREECH]

Hey, Sean!
Are you in here, man?

Yo, Sean!

I’m gonna help myself
to a socket set
if you’re not here, man.

-Fan out.
-Fanning.

-Check.
-Sean!

Sean!
Are you in here? Yo!

Oh, shit.

If he’s not here...

Are you breathing?

Hey!
I got him.

Ah, Jesus.
Is he alive?

Yeah, he’s just dead drunk,
that’s all.

-Jesus.
-Let’s clean him up, guys.

Stand up. Stand up, Sean.
Come on.

-What’d I do?
-Nothin’, buddy.

I got my license right here.

-All right, get him back!
-One, two, three.

Aah!

-Here you go.
-[SHOUTING]

[RAY] Come on, buddy,
you got it.

Why don’t you guys wait outside?
I’ll take care of him.

You sure? Yeah?
You got him?

-Hold him, man.
He’s gonna go down.
-I got him.

You’re gonna be
all right, buddy.

[SOBBING]

-All right, brother.
-[MOANING]

All right. All right.

Go ahead and finish up
in there, okay?

[SOBBING]

I must look like
a real fool, huh?

There’s no fools
in this room, man.

I sure feel like one.

Hey, man, I’m sorry
you guys had to find me
like this, you know.

-Where are the aces?
-[ASH] Ray and Chris
are outside.

And Todd’s back
at the house waiting.

Sean, you and I have
always been close, right?
Pretty close.

Yeah.

You know we’ve all gone out
and done our own thing
and gone our own ways,

but you and I
have always, uh,

always stayed in touch,
you know.

We bust each other’s balls,
and, you know,

do some, uh...

We fight, but, you know...

-That’s just guy stuff, man.
-Yeah.

But you know how you’ve
always been Mr. Open Guy?

Mr., uh...

What do you mean,
"Mr. Open Guy"?

Shit, man, you...

You are the most honest guy
that I have ever met.

Your feelings, you know-,
you just let ’em out there
for other people to see,

and I, I’ve always
admired that in you.

Most guys, you know,
they’re dickheads

when it comes to that stuff,
myself included. So...

I’m gonna tell you something
that I’ve never told anyone

in my life.

Hey.

It’s in the tunnel, bro.

The tunnel.

Thanks, man.

Uh, we’re going back awhile.
This is New York.

Uh, I’m in the Big Apple,
N.Y.U., Freshman year.

I’m alone, vulnerable.

I meet this girl.

A vision. I fell for her.
I fell for her hard, Sean.

Christy Johnson.

I, for the first time,

clearly understood
what it felt like.

Love, you know-,
what that feels like.

So, uh, we talked about things.

This is serious. She’s the one.
We’re making plans.
We’re going to, uh,

get married, have kids.

You getting married
and having kids.

At that age?

Who knew?

Yeah, so...

this is the one love
of my life, the only girl
I ever truly loved,

and...

sadly, probably
the only girl I’ll ever love.

So anyway,
Thanksgiving break’s coming up.

My dad invites my brother
and I to go out fishing,

And I’m thinking,
"I don’t know", you know,

"It’s the break, Thanksgiving.
I’ll take Christy home.

Do the dance for the people,"
and Christy said no.

She said, "This will be
good for both of us."

Yeah.

So, cool. I go,
have fun, fish.

Come back, call her up.
Catch her mom at the house.

Her mom says she’s gone
out of town for a couple weeks
with a friend.

She’s left a letter
for me, though,

with her mother.

She wrote me off,
Sean, like I was, uh,

a stranger.

Just...

no reasons, no explanation,
no, no recourse.

Just...

you know, "See ya.
Oh. Bye-bye."

Reason she left town was
’cause she was pregnant.

She was pregnant, and, uh,
she was carrying a child

fathered by a guy
that she didn’t love.

And...

Killed it.
Killed it like it was nothing.

Just...

What was she thinking, Sean?
What--what are you thinking
when you actually do that?

I-I don’t, I don't get it.
Anyway...

Long story short,
I’m, uh, I'm trap-doored
and I’m fucking floored.

I track her down.
I say, "Christy, why?
You owe me that. Why?

"You tell me why.
You tell me, goddamn it. Why?
How could you do that?

Tell me." Right?

"Sorry."

"I’m sorry."

Shit. So that-that’s
why I’m fucked up.

Part of me’s never gonna let
myself go out there again.

Never gonna let myself...

Broken. It’s fucking...
There’s a clamp on it now.

You know, so years later
when I get married,

I, uh, I marry a woman
I can’t fully love.

A woman I’m never
gonna let hurt me again.

See how sick that is?
How fucked-up it is?

Hey. You’re
a good man, Ash Gray.

I needed that, brother.
Thank you for hearing me out.

What are you doin’?

-Eavesdropping.
-Mm.

Are they done in there?

Let’s find out.

He all right?

Boys, I got a plan.

As the old saying goes,
Rome was not burnt in a night.

So tonight,
the world is our ashtray.

So tonight we ride.

We’re stepping out, brothers.

I bought one for all of you mugs
of the wedding party.

This seems like
a good time to break ’em out.

Boys?

-Ash...
-[ALL] Rules.

Let’s get amongst 'em!

His name is Howie,

and how we love him
for singing!

-So give it up for Howie!
-Whoo!

You ready to party, big bear?

Whoo!

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Heaven knows anything goes...

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ And it’s good bad today
And black’s white today
And day’s night today...

♪ Once knew better words

♪ Now only use
Four-letter words
Writing prose

♪ Anything goes

This sucks.
Pass it down.

This sucks.
Pass it down.

-This sucks.
-Definitely.

♪ And most guys today
That women prize today

♪ Are just silly gigolos ♪

So this is
karaoke night, huh?

Hey, hey! Look at this,
the five asses.

-It’s been
a very heavy day, Sloan.
-Uh-oh.

Sounds to me like
you need the old
"men in a crisis" cocktail.

That sounds good.
Bring that. Bring that.

Uh, none for me, Sloany.

Bring five.

I’ll be back in a flash.

Whoa, hold on. Whoa, wait.
Where are you going?

I’m gonna change
the tone of the evening.

-How are you gonna do that?
-"Tone adjusting"?

What the hell’s
the "men in crisis" drink?

So, Sean, man,
what are your plans now?

I don’t know.
Um... I don’t know.

Sean, Ray,
you come to New York.

I’m large.
You pay for nothing. Okay?

-Well, why don’t you
move back here?
-I might.

-Ooh!
-Oh, yeah. Yeah.
That’s gonna happen.

-Scootch.
-Scootching.

-Ready?
-What did you do?

Requested a song.

Oh, that’s nice.
I hope you’re singing it.

-No.
-Five asses.

Five crisis drinks.

Thank you, sir.

Ladies and gentlemen,

how do I say this?

There are aces
in the house, man.

And here’s one now,

Big Bear’s own
Mr. Raymond Vanowen!

That’s bullshit.

Ray! Ray! Ray!

-Ray’s singing?
I’m gonna go shoot pool.
-I don’t sing no more.

-Ray! Ray! Ray! Ray!
-Okay.

All right. Only because
it’s your week, asshole.

[ADOLFO]
Come on, Ray. Get those
tight little rosy buns up here.

-Mama!
-Thank you, sexy.

[PEOPLE CHEERING]

A singing ace.

[SOFT ROCK MUSIC PLAYING]

I’m gonna go for it.
I’m joining him.

Sean, Sean, hold up.
You know the moves, right?

Oh, yeah.
What moves?

-Come on. Let’s go.
-There were never any moves.

♪ Spendin’ all my nights
And all my money

♪ Goin’ out on the town

♪ Doin’ anything
Just to get you off of my mind

-[CHEERING]
♪ But the mornin’ comes
I’m right back

♪ Where I started again

Those aren’t moves.

♪ Tryin’ to forget
You was just a waste of time

-♪ Baby, come back
-[CHEERING]

♪ Any kind of fool could see

♪ There was something

♪ In everything about you

♪ Baby, come back

Man, oh, man.
This could be
a toughie, you know?

A lot of people find this
to be a very tough shot,

but I, on the other hand,
I tend not to, you know?

[LAUGHING]
Cincinnati kid. Yes.

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

♪ All day long
Wearing a mask
Of false bravado

How you doin’?

-I’m good.
-You up for a game?

Yeah.

Why don’t we put
a little money on it?

-How much we talkin’?
-Ah, just enough
to keep it interesting.

♪ How I wish to God
That you were here

-Yeah!
-♪ Baby, come back

♪ Any kind of fool could see

♪ There was something

♪ In everything about you

♪ Baby, come back

♪ You can blame it all on me

♪ I was wrong

♪ And I just can’t live
Without you

♪ And now I’ve
Put it all together

♪ Give it a chance
To make you see

[CLAPPING IN RHYTHM]

♪ Have you used up
All the love in your heart

♪ Nothing’s left for me

♪ Is there nothing left for me?

-[CHEERING]
-♪ Baby, come back

♪ Any kind of fool could see

♪ There was something

♪ In everything about you

♪ Baby, come back

♪ You can blame it all on me

♪ I was wrong

♪ And I just can’t live
Without you

♪ I was wrong

♪ And I just can’t live

♪ Baby, come back

♪ Any kind of fool could see

♪ There was something

♪ In everything about you

[CHEERING]

♪ Baby, come back

♪ You can blame it all on me ♪

[CHEERING AND CLAPPING]

Now I got this figured out.
This is bullshit, man.

Where you think
you’re goin', asshole?

I got it, man.
I know what this is.

Stop... Hey, hey, hey.
Don’t grab my arm.

Pay as you exit. No excuses.
You lost, you owe.

I don’t owe you anything.
You’re a hustler.

You’re a welsher.

I’m an attorney.

[SCOFFS]
I hate attorneys.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[CHRIS] Todd?

So sue me, asshole.

Excuse me.

Hey, what’s up?
What’s this?

-Back the fuck up!
-You all right, Todd?

-I don’t know
who you are, man...
-[RAY] Get up!

but this doesn’t involve you.
Stay down!

No, see, I’m afraid it does.

You hurt our friend,
you hurt all of us.

Your little friend here
likes to humiliate people.

He does it for a living.

He tried it on me.
He lost. He owes me.

All right, listen, man.

-Put the knife down.
Put it down. Be cool.
-Stay away!

How much does he owe you?
How much?

Two hundred bucks.

Here’s three, all right?
Here’s 300.

Walk away, okay?
You got the money.

Give the money to him.
I want him to pay me.

I’m not paying him
anything.

Would you just give him
the fucking money?
Give it to him.

Let this be a lesson
to you, mouth.

See you later,
Mr. Attorney.

Come on, Debbie.
Let’s go.

That’s it.
Come on. It’s over.

Go in. Go in.

What are you doing?
Are you nuts?

-You could’ve got yourself
killed, you know that?
-You guys can all go to hell.

Come on, Todd.
Let’s go back to the house.
Come on.

Why, Ray? I’m having
the time of my life!

This?
Means nothing.

Come on, Todd, man.
You had too much
to drink, bro.

Don’t... Don't tell me
what I had.

You don’t... You don't know
nothing about me.

What the hell you guys
have me around for, huh?

Laughs?

Come on, Todd.
What’s the matter here?

"What’s the matter, Todd?"
Look at us!

Bunch of grown men.
Bunch of emotional cripples.

Baying at the moon
like teenagers.

For what? Huh?

Did you ever stop
to think why? Ash?

All that macho bullshit?
Why?

To cover a bad marriage.

Ray,

you disappear in the woods,

nobody even knows
what the hell you’re thinkin'.

Seany, I feel bad for you, man.
You played it by the book.

You read the manual.

You’re still gonna get
your ass kicked.

And then there’s me!

Todd Lackey! Ugh!

Two divorces.

The only two cases
I ever lost.

So what do you say, aces?

Why don’t we tally it up?

Come on.
Let’s do the math real quick.

We got three divorces.

We got a separation,
whatever the hell that is, Ray.

And another divorce
coming down the pike
like a runaway truck.

Got a guy finally
gonna try marriage
at the tender age of 35.

Does it even make
you guys think

for one second?

Does it even
make you wonder? Huh?

’Cause it scares
the shit out of me

that none of us can
maintain a relationship.

I got my ass kicked
tonight.

[CHUCKLES]

You know something?
I didn’t run.

I’m tired of running.

Chris, if any of this
means anything to you,

take it to heart.

When the going gets
tough with Sofie,

and it’s gonna get tough,
you don’t run.

You don’t run
like the rest of us.
You stick it out.

Because the other thing

is so much worse.

Todd! Hey!

Let him walk it off.
Had a rough night.

[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHRIS] Adolfo,
you ever wonder, like, uh,

I don’t know, not so much
about your choice, but about

the right decision
from now until whenever?

Oh, all the time.

I mean, you know,
this man, that man.

I mean, is he successful
at what he does?

You know, is he
a short-term guy,
a long-term guy?

You know,
what are his ambitions,
his family background?

I don’t even know how
people get together anymore.

You know what I mean?

It’s like... I mean,
I don’t know if I'm ever
gonna meet Mr. Right.

-You’re fine, Chris.
-You think so?

You are gonna be fine.
It’s gonna be the end
of the story.

You’re there.
Trust me.

-Hi, Adolfo.
-Girl!

You look scrumptious.

-Hi, Chris.
-Hi, Laura. How you doin’?

Where are all the aces?

Oh, they’re over there.
I just had to take
a few moments.

You look nice
in a suit, Chris.

Yeah? Um, thank you.

-Can I sit down?
-Oh, yes, of course.
Here, sit, sit.

-Adolfo, get us
a drink here, please.
-Yes.

-Single malt.
-Single malt? Okay.

-You, sir?
-I’m good.

-You are?
-Yes. Thank you.

So where’s uh...
Where’s Ayman?

On duty.

It’s just as well.

Gives me some time
to breathe, you know?

Breathing’s good.

[BOTH CHUCKLING]

Yeah.

[MUSIC PLAYING IN BACKGROUND]

Maybe you could use
a break.

Yeah? Maybe...

Maybe we could break away
together somewhere.

Oh, I’d... I'd...

I’d love to, but I, you know...
You know I can’t.

I know.

No, I’m sorry. God.

I understand, really.

[EXHALES] I’m...

I’m glad you haven't
changed in that way.

Yeah.

Maybe I’ll see you around
before you go.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

-Adolfo.
-[ADOLFO] Sir?

-Can I borrow your phone?
-Sure. Flying in.

Thank you.

[LINE RINGING]

[SOFIA OVER ANSWERING MACHINE]
Hi, this is Sofia.

I’m out of town for a few days,

So leave a message
and I’ll call you
when I get back.

-Thanks.
-[ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS]

[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Tell you some secrets

♪ No one else will know

♪ Run your fingers
’Cross my scars

♪ I’ve been listening
To the passing cars

♪ It’s this velvet glove

♪ That holds me so

♪ Take me in your hand

♪ There’s no place else
I’d rather go

♪ Sometimes I’m so lost
In this love

♪ It’s just a velvet glove ♪

Hey, Chris.

What are you doing
walking out here like this?

Ah, couldn’t sleep.

Just heading to Ray’s
out at the dry lake bed

to try to clear my head.

Ray’s?
That’s two miles away.

Let me give you a ride.

Come on.
I’m not gonna bite you.

Fate put us on
the same road tonight.
Come on, climb in.

Yes?

[HUMMING]

-Hi, Ayman.
-Adolfo.

Did my wife
come in tonight?

-Cheers.
-[THUNDER RUMBLES]

Whoa.

[ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

This reminds me
of when we, um...

When we used to hang out
at the dam.

You mean, when we got
busted at the dam.

-Yeah.
-Huh?

-Eddie Fuchs
and that yellow bikini?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh, God.
Fifteen years ago.

Fifteen years?
Almost.

God.

We had such a crush
on each other then.

Seems like lifetimes ago.

Your heart is beating
really fast.

Let me know if it stops.

She must be really special

for you to care about her
the way you do.

Yeah.

Jesus.

-I know. I know.
-I can’t.

-We can’t.
-I know.

-You know we can’t.
You know we can’t.
-I know.

-I...
-I know. I’m sorry.

I’m sorry. ...

That’s what makes you...

Separates you from them.

From us. I...

You know the difference.

That’s, uh...

That’s why I'm here,
I think.

That’s why I think
your fiancee

is getting a, a great guy.

-Thank you.
-Yeah.

Oh, Ash, there’s a paper
on the table over there

if you want to check
your Dow Jones Index.

Yeah, the local
Big Bear news.

Oh, my God.

There’s an entire page
dedicated

to aloha shirts
and the men who wear them.

Huh. I’ll tell you
who wears ’em, losers.

Guys with zero personality.
They need the shirt

to make up for
the personality they don’t have.

[SIGHS]
Morning, boys.

Get a cup of coffee
in this joint?

I got a shirt like that.

[CHRIS] Thanks, Ray.

Listen, Todd, uh,

I know that what happened
last night was,
was embarrassing for you.

We were all embarrassed.

I know I speak for all the guys
when I say that, uh,

I’m very sorry if we stepped in
where we shouldn’t have.

Why? What happened?

Come on.
I’m yankin' ya.

No apology necessary.

-Hear, hear.
-Hear, hear.

[POUNDING ON DOOR]

-Who the hell’s that?
-I got it.

[RAY] Great.

[TODD]
Man, that’s loud.

-Ash Gray.
-Ayman Davis.

Mind if I come in?

Sean. Ray.

-Stonehenge.
-Where’s Chris?

Jeez, Chris who?

-What’s he doin'?
-What the hell’s
he want with Chris?

I don’t know.
I don’t know, man.
You know something?

You don’t have to open
the door, even for
an officer of the law.

-Like I knew that.
-It’s not an officer
of the law. It’s Ayman Davis.

Vanowen!
Where’s Chris?

Or do I tow that
twinkie wagon of yours?

I’ll be back.

Okay, Arnold.

-[DOOR SHUTS]
-Chris isn’t downstairs.
Where the fuck is he?

I thought he came home
with us last night.

Well, boys,
my keys are missing.

I’ll lay you ten to one
Chris decided to take
a little walk.

I bet he’s sitting
in my trailer right now.

What the hell’s he doing
in your trailer?

Maybe he’s with Laura.

[ALL] Fuck!

[TODD]
Positive this is a shortcut?

[RAY] Trust me, Todd,
trust me.

[SEAN] Hey, Ray, I didn’t know
you had a handicapped spot.

-[ASH] Yeah, I didn’t
even know you golfed.
-[SEAN] Good for you.

[RAY] Yo, Chris, come on, man.

Chrissy! Braveheart!

[ALL SHOUTING]

-[POUNDING ON DOOR]
-[GASPS]

What’s going on, guys?
Looks like you’ve seen a ghost.

More like a nightmare.

-It’s, uh, her...
-What?

-What?
-Gun.

-Her gun?
-I don’t have a gun.

But your dickhead husband does!

He’s closing in.

[CHRIS] Think!
Come on, think!

[ALL CHATTERING]

[LAURA] Uh-oh.

This is a very
dangerous weapon.

Hey, you shot at us.
You’re the only one
who knows how to shoot it.

Shoot it, yeah.
Aim it, no.

A couple of warning shots, Ray.
Come on!

Fine, I’ll aim the gun.

Are you kidding me, man?
That’s a deral case.
It’s a police officer!

[SEAN] It’s Ayman Davis,
it’s not a police officer.
Come on!

Right. Come on!

Get out of there!
Get out of there!
All right!

Go in the car.
Go in the car.

You guys back the car.

Hand me a shell.

[WHOOPING]

[SEAN] This is not
a drill, boys!

All clear.
Fire in the hole!

[CANNON FIRES]

Ah, shit!

Son of a bitch!

-Holy shit!
-Whoo!

You smell that?
Napalm, son.

Nothing else in the world
smells like that.

Reload!

Blow him into
the stone age, son.

-Fire in the hole!
-Clear!

Ah, shit!

-Son of a bitch!
-All clear?

No, no. Check that, red team.
I repeat, check that.

-We still have movement.
-Damn.

Fire in the hole.

-Shit!
-[TIRES SCREECH]

That little
pencil-necked geek.

Fire in the hole!

-You know
that gasoline smell?
-Oh, yeah.

-Smells like--
-fire in the hole!

Fire in the hole!

That’s it.
Your ass is grass,
you little shit!

Oh, shit!

Victory.

A little too close.

Sorry. Lucky shot.

What the hell are we
still doing here?

Serpentine, serpentine,
serpentine, serpentine,
serpentine, serpentine.

Yo, yo, hold up.

Well, thank you.
I had a great time doing--

Nothing?

Oh. Good luck, Chris.

-Come on, Chris!
-[TODD] Come on, Chris!

-I gotta go.
-I know. Okay.

-Bye, Chris.
-We don’t say good-bye.

-We say...
-[TOGETHER] See you later.

[CHUCKLES]

[ALL SHOUTING]

[LAUGHING, WHOOPING]

Yo, nice shootin’, Ray.
Ayman’s gonna be jacked!

[GROANING,
MUTTERING]

Son of a bitch!

You go after those boys,
Ayman Davis, you’re gonna
answer to me.

-But, uh... But--
-Eh!

-I’m the sheriff!
-You heard me.

-Yes, honey.
-[ACES WHOOPING]

Fuck Ayman Davis!

He’s always been
a fucking bully!

He’s always been an asshole.
And he’s got nothin' on us.

Chris takes his woman
and we blow up his car.
Yaah!

If any of you knuckleheads
ever, ever, ever decide
to get married again,

do me a favor,
don’t invite me.

Yeah!
We’re so white!

Ayman sucks.
Ayman sucks.

[ALL CHANTING]
Ayman sucks.
Ayman sucks.

Ayman sucks. Ayman sucks.
Ayman sucks. Ayman sucks.

Ayman sucks. Ayman sucks.
Ayman sucks. Ayman sucks.

[FATHER] What is it, Chris?
You look a little pensive.

I don’t think
"pensive" covers it.

I’m nervous, you know.
Real nervous.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, well, that’s natural.

Everybody feels that way.

I still miss her.

Still miss mom being around.

Yeah, me too.

Did you go out to see her?

Nah. No.

Listen, Chris.

I want to say
something to you.

Marriage is...

Well, it’s sticking to something
that you committed to

because you want to.

You know, I was never
unfaithful to your mother,
not once.

I had my opportunities,
believe me.

You really loved her,
didn’t you?

Oh, boy.

She was mine, and...

and she was the bee’s knees.

I’m scared, Dad.
I’m really scared.

Of loving somebody...

that much and then...

losing her like you did.
You know?

Wait.

Here. I want you
to take this.

-What is this?
-It’s your mother's
wedding ring.

I know she’d want you
to have it.

Hey.
Don’t be scared.

Thanks, Pop.

[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]

Getting married.
Thought I should

come up and tell you that.

Dad’s good.
Dad’s real good.

Still driving
the same old truck,
you know?

She’s a good gal.
Good girl.

Uh, nice family.
Loving family.

I think you’d be proud.

I think you’d love her.
I think you will love her.

Sorry you won’t be there,
but I...

I know you will be there.

[SOBBING]

Rose for a rose, huh?

I love you.

I wanted to surprise you.

Your dad said
you might be up here.
I hope it’s okay.

Yeah, well,
as usual, he was right.

I got you a wedding present
from mom.

I missed you.

What was that about absence
making the heart grow fonder?

It worked.

I missed you.

You want to meet my friends?

[SOFIA CHUCKLING]

So these are the five
deadly aces, huh?

Look at you guys.
Where are you?
I’m comin' up.

-See that right there?
-Yeah.

-That’s Ash.
-Aw.

-Yeah, looks like Ash, right?
-Always in control, right?

Oh, yeah. So we thought.

-There’s Ray next to Ash.
See him there?
-Okay.

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
Soldier without a war.

Oh, boy. Captain wilderness.

-Oh, there’s, um, there's Todd.
There’s Todd.
-[SOFIA] Mm.

[CHRIS] Ready to sue somebody,
I guess.

-And, um, there’s Sean.
-He’s nice.

What’s not to love?

Oh, oh, who’s that?
Who’s that?

-Who’s that?
-You.

-Who’s that?
-That’s you.

Me.
[CHUCKLES]

These are my...
Oh, I love you too.

These are my friends.

[RAY] Hey, thanks for
getting me out of that trailer,
you guys. I appreciate it.

[ASH] Yeah, see now,
see that look right there?

That’s why chicks dig me.

[TODD]
You know something, guys?

We threw the kitchen sink
at him this week.

He didn’t bat an eye.
I think he’s gonna be all right.

[PEPPY MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ There’s no reason
For you to be afraid

♪ If I tiptoe

♪ Doesn’t mean it's a raid

♪ Tell me secrets and I’ll

♪ Listen well

♪ Tell me anything

♪ In the end, I can tell

♪ ’Cause I believe

♪ In lavender

♪ I believe in grace

♪ Open up for I’ve

♪ Been a while

♪ And I promise you

♪ I’ll give a mile

♪ Help me, love, with a

♪ Needle line

♪ From the thorny bed

♪ Bed of lies

♪ That I lay on

♪ That I lay on

♪ Oh

♪ I need a love cradle ♪

[MELLOW MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ Will I find
One more handhold

♪ In the month of May

♪ Some will pay
For just one chance

♪ At this highest place

♪ Hallelujah

♪ For the way up

♪ To the best of me

♪ Hallelujah

♪ For the best of ♪