Fisherman's Friends (2019) - full transcript

♪ Whatever your ship
And wherever your sea ♪

♪ Keep haulin', keep haulin' ♪

♪ Whatever your storm
Or your rocks may be ♪

♪ Keep haulin', boys ♪

♪ Hold your course and don't let go ♪

♪ Keep haulin', boys ♪

♪ Hold your course and don't let go ♪

♪ Keep haulin', boys ♪

South-westerly,
veering north-westerly, six to gale eight.

Perhaps severe gale nine.

Later moderate or poor becoming good.



Biscay south-westerly six
to gale eight, occasional rain.

Moderate or poor.

Granfer?

- Yeah?
- Can I come out on the boat with you?

You got school today, my love.
Lessons to learn.

They can't teach me
how to bait a lobster pot.

I think your mother might use me as bait
if I let you play hooky.

Now, here.

I'll take you out on Saturday. All right?

Go on.

What the bloody hell's
going on down here, Jago?

I can't find her.

A grown man... wandering around...

with a pixie in his pocket
needs his head examining.



Hey, you won't say that when
I'm dragged down to Davy Jones' locker.

Well, at least
I'll get a decent night's sleep. Here!

Have a good day, my darlin' maid.

'Tis still the middle
of the bleedin' night.

- Ahh.
- Oh, no!

Here, let me give you a hand with that,
Father.

All set, Jim.

Good lad.

Here he is, just like clockwork.
Turns up when all the work's done.

- What time do you call this then?
- Ungodly!

Here. Dad and I
found another song last night.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

- What's that, then?
- "Nelson's Blood."

- Love song, is it?
- Oh, no. Not quite.

So, apparently,
at the Battle of Trafalgar,

they had to put Lord Nelson's corpse
in a big, bloody barrel of brandy.

What did they use? Martell or Courvoisier?

A big word for this time of day, innit?

Well, how's the song go, then?

♪ And a drop of Nelson's blood
Wouldn't do us any harm ♪

♪ And a drop of Nelson's blood
Wouldn't do us any harm ♪

♪ And a drop of Nelson's blood
Wouldn't do us any harm ♪

♪ And we'll all hang on behind ♪

♪ Come on and roll the old chariot along ♪

♪ We'll roll the old chariot along ♪

♪ We'll roll the old chariot along ♪

♪ And we'll all hang on behind ♪

♪ And a damn good flogging
Wouldn't do us any harm ♪

♪ And a damn good flogging
Wouldn't do us any harm ♪

♪ And a damn good flogging
Wouldn't do us any harm ♪

♪ And we'll all hang on behind ♪

♪ Come on and roll the old chariot along ♪

♪ We'll roll the old... ♪

What's going on?

It's going straight to voice mail.

- Let's just leave without him.
- Totally. You snooze, you lose.

There is no way he's getting out
of your stag do that easy.

Yeah.

I'm on my way, Troy.

See, what I don't get,
is why a smart-arse lawyer

wouldn't insist on a prenup.

It's called trust, Danny.

Is that why Abigail
didn't trust you to go to Vegas?

She did. She just didn't trust you guys
to take care of me.

No, sailing a yacht
out into the wide blue yonder.

That's much more of a buzz.

If you ever hear me say that,

fly me to Switzerland and check me
into the euthanasia clinic, pronto.

With pleasure, mate.

You're just cynical because
you've not met the right girl yet, Danny.

No. It's because monogamy...
It isn't natural.

That is... That is right. That is right.

In mammals,
it is practically non-existent.

What about penguins?

They mate for life. I saw it
on a documentary on Animal Planet.

Penguins live on the South Pole, Henry,
where it's a hundred below zero.

No way they're gonna get their
crown jewels out for a bit on the side.

For them, monogamy is all about
keeping their bollocks warm.

- ♪ Ooh ♪
- ♪ I'm gonna get me some ♪

♪ Sippin' all day on Coke and rum ♪

♪ Somebody tell the sun ♪

♪ I'm ready to burn and have some fun ♪

Come on. We're gonna be late.

Coming, Mam.

- Got everything?
- Yup.

- Two times two.
- Four.

- Three times three.
- Nine.

When possible, make
a U-turn. When possible, make a U-turn.

Stop repeating yourself, woman!

Henry, you better get used to it.
That's what marriage sounds like.

- Four times four?
- Sixteen.

- Five times five?
- Mmm.

Hey.

- You have to reverse.
- You gonna have to back up, mate.

- Any damage is coming out of your bonus.
- No pressure, mate.

One of you's gonna have to get out
and help me. Please?

I'll deal with it.

Sorry, love.

Um, would you mind backing up?

Only it's a bit tight down this end,
and my friend's only just passed his test.

Yeah, I'm amazed he got a licence
considering he's visually impaired.

- It's a one-way street.
- What?

Sorry about that.
We're from out of town.

Yeah, you don't say. Only an idiot
would bring that thing down here.

Oh, nothing to do with the bright spark
who designed a road system

that's too narrow to drive down.

Yeah, how short-sighted
of the 17th century town planner

not to account for that cock extension.

You're gonna have to back up.

What a tosser.

What's a... tosser?

Well...

So let's have a toast, ay?

To-To the newest resident of Port Isaac.

- To Kenwyn.
- To Kenwyn.

May he bring as much joy, laughter
and wisdom to our world as...

as his granfer did.

Thanks, Jim.

I'll be there in a minute.

Who's Sir Walter Raleigh?

Some wanker from London.

Apparently, they're staying up
at Charles Montegue's place.

Huh? Damn bloody emmets.

Coming down here like they own the place
with their second homes,

and... only visit twice a bloody year.

Gives us two chances to take their money,
son.

If it were down to me,

we'd have toll booths on every road
crossing the River Tamar.

That's what they do in Wales.

Charge the buggers
for the privilege of coming in.

Hey, you get any more militant, my son,

you'll have to join
the Cornish National Liberation Army.

- I never left, Father.
- Good boy.

- Hello, gentlemen.
- How are you?

- Four pints of lager, please.
- Lager?

I'm afraid we don't have much call
for fizzy drinks this time of year.

We've got Tribute, Proper Job
and guest ale, Bishop's Finger.

Do we know where it's been?

That was good, man. That was good.

No. But I got a pretty good idea
where he could stick it.

Oh, here he is. Captain Pugwash.

- Don't shout.
- Morning, chaps.

Slight change of plan, I'm afraid.

We won't be casting off
or trimming the jib today.

Is that a euphemism?

No, the boat's stuck in Milford Haven
with a ripped sail.

- Where's Milford Haven?
- Wales.

- How we gettin' there?
- We're not, Driss.

You're telling me I gave up a seat
at the roulette table in the Bellagio

for a weekend yachting,

and we don't have a yacht?

Correct.

Well, what are we gonna do instead?

Whoa!

It's last man standing!

Hey, guys. I'm getting the hang of this.

Oh, oh, New York, here I come!

- No sign of those numpties?
- No.

- When were they due back?
- About two hours ago.

- We've gotta get those boards.
- I am staying on dry land.

Another 20 minutes,
and there won't be any!

Hey, hey. You can get that one.
Get that one.

I'm not sure. I'll try.

Henry, no.
He's gonna fall and crack his head open.

- Danny, he could get that one.
- I'm gonna fall...

- No, he can get it.
- Help!

Jago, I need you to come
and help me get these sheets off the line.

He's a fisherman, Maggie,
not a bloody chambermaid.

This has to be
the worst stag do of all time.

Christ, we've got a shout!

Where's me pager, Maggie?

Don't ask me. I'm a barmaid,
not a Lifeboat Operations Manager.

- What we got?
- Three men in the water off Tag's Pit!

Dig! Dig!

- Over here!
- Boat! Help!

All right now. Stay calm. Wait.

- One at a time!
- Move. Move.

- One at a time!
- Careful. Get up. Get up.

All right. You. Get on.

Oh, thank you so much.
I thought we were goners.

Here, ladies. You forgot your handbag.

Oof. Oh.

We're on a stag do.

You're never gonna get to the wedding
if you carry on like that.

- Take it easy, Jim.
- Well, they're hangin'. All of 'em.

Probably been on the wacky backy too.

- Wacky backy?
- Jim, come on.

Well, why else would they drag us out
on a day like this?

Hey, relax, chief.
We come in peace, man. Okay?

Chief?

Hey, listen. We're just not
used to the ocean, all right?

You'd do well to show her
a bit of respect.

- Oh, shit!
- What?

Driss!

Help!

Help!

Help.

Port Isaac, this is Whisky Bravo 178.

We've a fix one kilometre south-west
of Tag's Pit.

Getting quite badly burned, so...
take your time. Over.

One, two, testing. One, two.

One, two, one, two, one, two.

I thought we was having a sing-song,
not putting on a bloody rock concert.

You're not here to hide, Jago.
You're here to be heard.

Thank you, Yoko Ono.

- I shall be listening.
- I know you will.

See you, Sal.

Can't keep ignoring the bank, Rowan.

You need to call them.

I'm not sure what to say.

This came from the Inland Revenue.

I am not the pheasant plucker.

I'm the pheasant plucker's mate.

And I'm only plucking pheasants
'cause the pheasant plucker's late.

I'm only fucking pheas...

No, I... I can't get my tongue round it!

Well, that's not what Rowan's
been telling everyone.

Get off me, you great arse!

Here, do you two want to get a room
or shall we get on with it, eh?

Ooh!

Ladies and gentlemen,
we're the Fisherman's Friends.

We all hail from Port Isaac,

and the songs we're singing today
are about sailors and the sea.

These songs come from a time
when sailors were clapped in irons,

hung from the highest yardarm,
nailed to the mast,

shanghaied, wanghaied...

- Hey, stop. Stop. Stop. Stop.
- What? Here?

- Yeah, here. Right here. Pull in.
- Why?

...rum, bum, buggered, blinded...

And that was all before they set sail.

Jim over there,
he's been sufferin' from a sore throat.

Sounds nasty. Have you consulted
your health care professional about it?

Yes, I have, son.

Well, if the antibiotics don't work, you
can always suck on a Fisherman's Friend.

Oh.

This next song is John Kanaka,
a right rascal if ever there was one.

♪ I thought I heard the old man say ♪

- ♪ Hoo ♪
- ♪ John Kanaka-naka tu-rie-ay ♪

♪ Today, today, it's a holiday ♪

- ♪ Hoo ♪
- ♪ John Kanaka-naka tu-rie-ay ♪

- ♪ Tu-rie-ay, oh, tu-rie-ay ♪
- It's good man. It's good.

Yeah.

- Oh, this is bloody torture.
- No, no, no, no.

I want these guys signed up
to Duke Management's roster.

Yeah, why don't you sign 'em up for life?

I'm serious, man.

♪ We're bound away for Frisco Bay ♪

- ♪ Hoo ♪
- ♪ John Kanaka-naka tu-rie-ay ♪

They're funny. They look the part.
They're singing copyright-free songs.

- What is not to like?
- Everything.

Oh, don't be so cynical.

These songs
are reminiscent of the work songs

sung on the plantations by my people.

I'm not sure these are slave songs, Troy.

Well, okay,
but fishermen are slaves to the sea,

and exploited peoples across the globe

have always shared their suffering
through song.

- ♪ John Kanaka-naka tu-rie-ay ♪
- Still feels like a long-shot, Troy.

No, no. Trust me.
My dad is gonna dig this historical shit.

The label will dig it.

Why don't you go do what you do best?
Sign 'em up.

No, no, no, no. Don't send me up there.
I'm hangin'.

Well, go hang with them. Get.

♪ Just one more heave, and that'll do ♪

- ♪ Hoo ♪
- ♪ John Kanaka-naka tu-rie-ay ♪

♪ For we're the crew
That'll pull her through, hoo ♪

You're not serious about signing
this bunch of inbreds, are you?

Of course not.

♪ Oh, tu-rie-ay ♪

♪ John Kanaka-naka tu-rie-ay ♪

♪ I thought I heard the old man say ♪

- ♪ Hoo ♪
- ♪ John Kanaka-naka tu-rie-ay ♪

♪ Today, today it's a holiday ♪

- ♪ Hoo ♪
- ♪ John Kanaka-naka tu-rie-ay ♪

♪ Tu-rie-ay, oh, tu-rie-ay ♪

I think you've got an admirer.

♪ John Kanaka-naka tu-rie-ay ♪

- ♪ Tu-rie-ay, oh... ♪
- Enough of your meddlin', Grandma.

Last time you played Cupid,
the bloke turned out to be my cousin.

♪ John Kanaka-naka tu-rie-ay ♪

Once removed.

Nice one!

I'll be with you in a minute.

Small world.

Um, just out of interest,
what kind of music were they singing?

The rock 'n' roll of 1752.

- That'll be 38 pound, fifty.
- Ta, my lover.

- I'll get these.
- Oh, thank you.

Well, you saved our lives yesterday.
It's the least I could do.

I'd like to talk to you and the boys
about the future of the group.

- Future?
- Yeah.

I manage bands,
and I'm interested in representing you.

You'd better come and talk to the boys.

For your information,
my Jago is the Roger Daltry of the group.

Well, I'll bear that in mind.

Here, you'll never guess what.

- Our boys have just been talent-spotted.
- By who?

Your admirer.

Apparently, he's some kind of big shot
in the music industry.

Watching you sing was one of those...
rare moments in the music business

when you realise you are
witnessing something truly original.

The bottom line is...
you've got a unique sound.

And we believe we can help you
get it released by a major label.

You can't be...

Now, all right, all right.
Now look, look, look.

I'm serious.

So how's about we crack open the champagne
and get this deal done?

Right here. Right now.

Hang on. You mean this is for real?

Thanks for the offer, son,
but we're just fishermen, see.

We have no need to sell our souls
for 15 minutes of fame.

Especially to an emmet.

An emmet?

It's old Cornish for an ant.

Something that invades in large numbers,

causes great irritation
and is a helluva job to get rid of.

Now, if you don't mind...

some of us have got some real work to do.

Thanks for your time.

Where's the...?

Oh. Come on.

Fuck it. Just one bar.

The only place you'll get reception
down here is on the sea wall.

Way out there?

- Is that Danny?
- Mmm.

Is that... Wait. All right. All right.
All right, get it.

Hey, Danny, what's going on, man?

Where the bloody hell
have you parked the car?

- Ah, sorry, bro. We had to peel out.
- Eh?

- Major, major crisis.
- Well, what about this major crisis?

Look,
you never leave a man behind enemy lines.

First rule of war!

First rule of rock 'n' roll,
don't forget the money.

As soon as they've signed,
we'll get you out of there.

I'm sorry to disappoint you,
but they ain't signing anything, mate.

- Hello?
- Oh, oh, Danny.

Hello?

I'm... I'm sorry.
Have-Have you lost your touch?

No. These guys aren't interested
in fame and fortune.

Hey, hey. Everybody's interested
in fame and fortune.

So do your job and close the deal.

I don't want to wake up and find out
somebody else has beat us to it.

Hello. Hello? Shit.

Ooh.

Hold up! Whoa, whoa. Hold up.

What's it gonna take
to get you boys over the line, eh?

Sorry, Danny. It isn't going to happen.

For me, Leadville and Rowan
'tis a dream come true, but...

but me boy and a few others ain't so keen.

We don't need the others, Jago.
Five is more than enough.

In fact, five is the magic number
when it comes to any boy band.

You know, look at, er, the Jackson Five,
Take That.

Now, we got to stick together down here,
one an' all.

That's the difference between
sinking or swimming in a place like this.

Yup, the only way this'll work
is if you manage to convince Jim.

Well, how do I do that?

There's an old Corny saying.

You never know a man till you find out
what his legs is made of at sea.

Where's the lift?

I thought I'd made my position
perfectly clear.

You did,
but us ants are tricky to get rid of.

Hello, darling'.

Jago said there may be room at the inn.

Yeah, you...
You'd have to ask my daughter about that.

She runs the B & B side of things.

Tam, could you go and fetch your mother,
please. Thanks, darling.

Mam! The tosser's at the door!

Yeah?

Tosser.

Hello again.

I'm looking for a room.

I'm sorry. We're full.

Well, that's...
not what it says on the sign.

Look. It's just for one night,
and I've got an early start.

Severe gale nine...

to violent storm eleven.

Rain then squally showers.

Poor becoming moderate. Jersey...

Mr Anderson.

You're waking up the other guests.

Mr Anderson.

Mr Anderson!

Oh! Oh!

Your wake-up call.

Oh, er... What is it?

I'm coming!

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Pull up the anchor. I'm here.

Sorry I'm late.

What have you come as, then?

We're going fishing, son,
not competing in The America's Cup.

You're gonna have to
change that jumper, boy.

Fishermen don't wear green.

Makes the boat seek land.

And don't whistle on board.

To whistle
is to challenge the wind herself.

She might whip up a proper storm.

- Anything else?
- Yeah,

turn starboard after leaving the dock.

Always kiss the first fish you catch.

Never, ever, under any circumstance,
say the word "rabbit"!

- Rabbit?
- Shh!

♪ Yo, ho, heave ho
Yo, ho, heave ho ♪

♪ Yo, ho, heave ho
Yo, ho, heave ho ♪

♪ Gonna sing you all a song
About a ship that haunts my dreams ♪

♪ Blow high, blow low ♪

♪ So sail we ♪

- You all right, Danny?
- Yeah.

- Do you want an orange?
- Will it stop me feeling sick?

No, just makes it smell sweeter
when it comes up.

Oh, oh.

Here, answer me this, then.

What I don't understand...

is why anyone would wanna part
with their hard-earned cash

to buy a record sung
by ten hairy-ass fishermen.

Because deep down,
there's a sailor in all of us.

There's never been a sailor in me!

Your songs...

transport the listener
to distant shores...

and allows them to return stronger
and braver than they've ever felt before.

I never thought I'd say this to anyone,

but I think you talk more bollocks
than my wife.

God rest her soul.

Look, what I'm proposing
is that you come up to London,

record a demo
so the labels have got something to hear.

We can't go on a jolly like that,
we got lobster to catch.

Well, okay.
Then, we'll record it down here.

Duke Management will cover
all your expenses.

Is there any money in it for us?

Well, if we're lucky enough
to land a deal, yeah.

Not a fortune, mind you, but, you know,
definitely enough to go on a nice holiday.

Maggie Googled him.

He is who he says he is.

Sally reckons he's a proper big shot.

Proper big mouth, more like.

Come on, Dad. You always told me,
"Never trust an emmet,"

and I've never met one yet
who could prove you wrong.

Listen, son.
One thing I've learned in my old age.

It ain't so much black and white
as them an' us.

We have to take every man
on his own merit.

Yeah. We might even make money out of it.

Come on, Rowan.
It's a bloody pipe dream, and you know it.

Right now, I'll give anything a shot.

Ooh. No charge for the wake-up call then?

All part of the service.

I'll make sure I mention it
in my Trip Advisor review.

Mr Anderson, I'm glad I caught you.

- Can we have a word?
- Yeah.

Come on in. Sit down.

Here.

Ah, now.

Now...

just for clarity's sake...

if we did agree to let you manage us...

you'd have to understand
that our real work comes first.

Now we, we got boats,
businesses to run and...

and they'd have to...
be looked after before anything else.

Absolutely.

And you'd have to promise
you wouldn't take the piss.

Now, we've got our ways down here.

And once you cross the River Tamar,
you're not in England any more.

We're a land apart.

Now you-you get my drift, son?

I give you my word.

Good.

'Cause down here...

a man's word is... strong as Cornish oak.

- Danny's on line three.
- All right, put him through.

If it isn't the Pirate of Penzance!

Yeah. I forgot
what a gifted comedian you are, Troy.

Danny, have you plundered the village
and found any hidden treasures?

I did indeed, Henry.

Not only have I persuaded all
ten fishermen to sign on the dotted line,

they're also up for recording a demo.

Oh, my God. Oh!

I cannot believe you fell for that!
You knobber!

What?

Danny, it was a joke, bro!

Do you really think we would sign
a boy band with a combined age of 653?

You bastards.

Now, I suggest you tear up that contract

and get yourself back within the M25
where you belong.

- I can't.
- Why?

I've given them my word.

When did that ever count for anything?

Hi, there.

I'm impressed.

You are?

Can't believe you got 'em
to give up a day's fishing.

Yeah.

I just hope you make all this bother
worth their while.

Well, that's the plan.

I mean, after all,
I gave your dad my word.

- ♪ In South Australia I was born ♪
- ♪ Heave away, haul away ♪

♪ In South Australia, 'round Cape Horn ♪

♪ We're bound for South Australia ♪

- ♪ Haul away your rolling king ♪
- ♪ Heave away, haul away ♪

♪ Haul away, you'll hear me sing ♪

♪ We're bound for South Australia ♪

- ♪ As I went out one morning fair ♪
- ♪ Heave away, haul away ♪

♪ 'Twas there I met Miss Nancy Blair ♪

- ♪ We're bound for South Australia ♪
- ♪ Haul away your rolling king ♪

♪ Heave away, haul away ♪

♪ Haul away, you'll hear me sing ♪

♪ We're bound for South Australia ♪

♪ I shook her up, I shook her down ♪

♪ Heave away, haul away ♪

Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Look, I'm all for ambient realism,
but this is ridiculous.

- We can't record here.
- I got a plan.

Lord Almighty. We're scuppered now.

Sorry? Scuppered?

It's a sign.

Like the albatross in the Ancient Mariner.

Samuel Taylor Coleridge, you know?

- No.
- Kills the albatross is becalmed.

Becalmed?

Dead in the water, mate.

Water, water everywhere,
but not a bloody drop to drink.

Yeah, but it's a... It's a seagull.
It's not an albatross.

It's the same difference, Danny.

Yeah. A curse is a curse.

How's it going?

Oh. Got some great guest vocals
from the seagulls.

Why don't you try recording in the church?

It's where they all learned to sing.
It's brilliant acoustics.

I-I reckon it'll be easier
if we went into the studio.

Then you risk losing their charm.

The people that come and listen to them
don't care if they hit the high notes.

They want to be transported
to the high seas.

♪ The other night, I had a dream ♪

♪ The funniest dream of all ♪

♪ I dreamt that I was kissing you ♪

♪ Behind the garden wall ♪

♪ And she said
Little Liz, I love you ♪

- ♪ Honey ♪
- ♪ Little Liz, I love you ♪

♪ I love you in the springtime
And the fall ♪

♪ Honey, honey, honey, honey ♪

- ♪ Little Liz, I love you ♪
- ♪ Honey ♪

♪ Little Liz, I love you ♪

♪ I love you the best of all ♪

♪ Honey, honey, honey, honey ♪

What do you think?

No. You were right. The sound's great.

Although I was picking up a little bit
of interference in the last verse.

Might be me pacemaker.

Now you don't want to be turning that off,
Father.

Right. Take five, lads,
but, um, well done, everyone.

Sounding... brilliant.

Do me a favour and take care of it, Driss.

Yeah, j-just tell Troy I'll be back
by the end of the week. Okay?

Yeah, listen. I've got to bounce.

- Off already?
- Got to pick Tamsyn up from school.

Ah. Listen, thanks again for the tip-off.

I mean, this place is a real discovery.

Hardly. I've been coming here all my life.

Six generations of my family buried there.

Um, could I...
buy you a drink later to say thank you?

Sorry, I already got plans.

Anything exciting?

Homework. Big pile of laundry.

Well, maybe some other time then.

Yeah, maybe.

About that curse?

They're winding you up, Danny.

Okay, lads.

Now, we've got nine shanties in the can,

which means we're one track
short of an album.

- Well, can I make a suggestion?
- Yeah.

Something more melodic. "Widow Woman."

Mm, aye.

Oh, I'm... I'm not singing that.

Come on, now, Rowan.
Don't be shy. Come on.

- No.
- It's one of your best songs.

- Come on, my lovely.
- Go on.

Come on. I'd love to hear it.

♪ Why do you sit, widow woman? ♪

♪ Why do you stare out at me? ♪

♪ Is it a secret you keep in your heart
Buried deep ♪

♪ Of a boy on the bed of the sea? ♪

♪ In Port Quin
There's a clouded glass window ♪

♪ Pane cracked
And frame dusty dried ♪

♪ And behind your lace
Is a sad-weather face ♪

♪ Of a woman
Whose heart has long since died ♪

Marvellous, Rowan. It's marvellous.

- That was beautiful.
- Yeah.

What's it about?

Back along... 1698. Down Port Quin.

Herring fleet went out.

They say the gale blowed up
in a couple of hours.

All was lost.

Two dozen widows was made that day.

We still suffer tragedies
from time to time,

but... nothing like that, mind.

- Amen to that, eh?
- Amen.

Talking of tragedies,

which one of you fair maids
has parked your chariot on the Platt?

Oh, bollocks!

What we lack in traffic wardens down here,
Danny,

we more than make up for
with the fast incoming spring tide, see.

Driss!

♪ It's a bitch being a dog
Nobody wants my job ♪

♪ It's a bitch being a dog
Nobody wants my job ♪

♪ It's a bitch being a dog
Nobody wants my job ♪

♪ It's a bitch being a dog
Nobody wants my job ♪

♪ It's a bitch being a dog
Nobody wants my jo... ♪

Yeah. I've been trying to contact Danny.

His phone keeps going to voice mail.
What's going on?

Pillock's still in Cornwall,
trying to bang that bird.

- What bird?
- The girl with the Noddy car.

Who's Noddy?

♪ Why do you sit, widow woman? ♪

♪ Why do you stare out at me? ♪

♪ There's a secret you keep in your heart
Buried deep ♪

Danny. Telephone for you.

Thank you.

Hello.

You proved your point, Danny.

- Now it's time to get back to business.
- This is business, Troy.

Cut the bullshit, Danny. I know
you're down there just trying to get laid.

All right, hands up, I was.

But things have changed.

Listen, I was reading up on sea shanties,
and you're right.

They do have universal appeal.
I mean, after all,

maritime work songs
were the rock 'n' roll of 1752.

Has all the ocean air gone to your head?

All right, maybe. But I genuinely think
these guys have got something to say.

I'm recording one more song,

then I've got an album
to send out to the labels.

- Let them be the judge.
- Hey! Hey!

This has gone far enough, Danny.

I want you back at your desk...

after Henry's wedding

to deal with the acts
that actually make us commission!

What's wrong?

Danny's gone native.

Come in.

Hiya.

Helping your mum with her homework?

We're doing kings and queens of England.

My favourite is King Canute.

That's the one who stopped the tide,

and then the tide won
and he got soaked, right?

Yeah, what an idiot.
Everyone knows you can't stop the sea.

Um, I just wanted to ask
about those photographs

of the fishermen in the hallway.

Er, you don't happen
to know who took them?

I did.

Seriously?

Well, they're fantastic.

Thank you.

It would be great if we had some pictures
of them to send out with the demo.

I don't suppose you'd be interested?

Yeah. What were you thinking?

Well, something with a nautical theme
that would stand out

in a supermarket checkout.

Sounds a bit naff.

Well, to be fair,
I haven't really given it much thought.

Well, if you're interested in capturing
who they really are,

that's something I can do.

Great.

- ♪ Le capitaine de St Malo ♪
- ♪ Ali alo ♪

♪ Qui fait la peche au cachalot ♪

♪ Ali, ali, ali alo ♪

Granfer, towards me.

- ♪ Ils a trois filles qui font la peau ♪
- Chin out, chin down.

Which one?

You'll walk the bloody plank
if you keep that up.

Magic, lads. Beautiful.

- What does action man want?
- Coming to give us an hard time.

And to make sure we can't earn a living.

It's all right. I'll deal with them.

We're not fishing today, Officer.
We're just taking a few photos.

I'm still going to need to
check the hold and your log books.

Twenty minutes, we lose the light.

Officer, you're wasting your time
as well as ours.

- You can see there's no fish.
- Stand back, sir. I'm only doing my job.

Oh, I'm sorry. I thought your job
was to protect our shores.

Not to harass ordinary working men
who are trying to earn a living.

Do you know?
I think the taxpayer has a right to know

how their hard-earned money
is being spent.

Give us that.

Smile.
Your 15 minutes of fame is about to start.

- Put that away, sir.
- Or what?

What did you get?

Let me off with a caution.

But I don't think I'll be getting
me fishing licence any time soon.

Come on. Get in.

My Dad'll kill me
if I'm late for quiz night.

There he is, the hero of the hour.

Thank you.

You should come out with us more often,
son.

- Buggers might stop bothering us then.
- Don't know about that.

Eh, tribute, my ass. It's time to open
that rare bottle of Jamaican rum.

Oh!

Now, this is courtesy of a shipwreck.

Father always used to say it was like
Whiskey Galore all over again.

Oh, aye. Please, Lord.

Let us pray for all those on the sea.

If's there's going to be shipwrecks,
then send them to me!

Although it wasn't always nature
taking its course, was it, Grandma?

One of Mother's ancestors was hanged
at Bodmin Assizes in 1786,

for waving a lantern up there
on the clifftop, see.

Trying to lure passing ships
on to the rocks.

Great, Great, Great, Great Uncle Hedrick.

Mind, he was the black sheep
of the family, you know.

Oh, he was a rascal.
He was a right heller.

No resemblance then.

- Alwyn.
- Trieve.

Here, how's your general knowledge
then, son?

Okay. Next round.

Music.

No pressure, Danny.

"Walk On By",
"Say A Little Prayer For Me",

in the 1960's were both very big hits
for Dionne Warwick.

Now, Burt Bacharach composed the music...

but who wrote the lyrics?

- It's...
- Hal David. Hal David.

- It's Hal David.
- Number two.

Which artist
has had the most weeks at the top

of the UK Hit Parade ever?

- The Beatles.
- Elvis. Elvis.

- It's the Beatles.
- It's Elvis.

- Well, which is it?
- Dad, it's Elvis.

- Put Elvis.
- Three.

I thought this
was your specialist subject?

So did I.

"Sorrow Is A Woman" was on which album?

All Through The Night!

Hang on a minute.

They got a bloody ringer on their team.

Well, they can ask to have
another member if they want.

You'd be better off sorting out
your own team,

you miserable lot of town crows.

Lost control of your wife again,
yarnigoat?

- Jim.
- Dad!

- Jim!
- Dad, leave it.

Sit back down!

Before I put you right on your arse!

I done it before, Trieve.

I would be so happy to do it again.

Now, calm yourself down, lads.

None of us wants to be hauled up
back in front of the magistrate.

Come on, my darling. Sit down, sweetheart.
Come on. Sit down, love.

I take it being called a yarnigoat
isn't a term of endearment.

No. Far from it.

I mean, the people from Padstow

think that we spend
most of our time telling yarns.

And we call them town crows

because all they do is strut about town
crowing about how many fish they caught.

Ah.

So the goats and the crows, eh?

- A bit like the Sharks and the Jets.
- Yeah, well, bloodier.

Because back in the 1700s,
they used to send press gangs over here

to grab our boys
and send them to the King's Navy.

Ah.

But it's also a bit more personal
than that.

Ah?

The guy that my dad was threatening,
he used to be my father-in-law.

So, you were sleeping with the enemy.

Yeah, you could say that.

So, how long were you with him?

Nearly five years.

It was a really painful breakup, but...

at least Tamsyn doesn't have to compete
with another child any more.

- What about you?
- Hmm?

You ever been married?

Yeah,

to the job.

Thanks.

I should go up.

Early start for the school run.

Who was the first artist to have
a posthumous number one in the UK?

Otis Redding.

"Dock of the Bay," 1968.

Night, Danny.

- Night, Dad.
- Night, my love.

Fancy a nightcap, man?

Yeah, yeah.

Certainly beats the sounds of the city.

Yeah.

You... You got a girlfriend up there,
or what, then?

No.

Yeah. I'm yet to meet someone
who'll put up with me.

Right.

Saves you getting hurt, mind?

Well. That's, uh... That's me, then.

Night, Jim.

Okay, just check
you've got your math book...

All right. Come on, then.

With the pub running at such a loss,

I don't see you've got any choice
but to consider selling up.

You know as well as anyone
how much the pub means to the village.

I do. But you've got to consider
what's best for your family, Rowan.

All right, Father.

- How's my little mermaid then, eh?
- Fine.

Go and see your great granfer, go on.

Hey, princess!

Why didn't she spend the weekend
with her dad?

He didn't show up again.

What kind of man does that?

The kind I decided
not to spend my life with.

Tamsyn, come on, darling.

Be a good girl, all right?

Say, "Bye."

- They drink you dry last night?
- Yeah.

Jago was the last man standing.

Swaying, but standing.

Catch you later.

- Danny?
- Yeah?

Have you got time for a quick chat?

Yeah, sure.

Come in, mate.

I tried re-mortgaging,
but they won't accept.

It's not surprising,
seeing as we aren't making much profit,

any profit, in fact.

Then, your solicitor
is probably right about selling up.

What about the band? I mean,
could we make some money if it went well?

Even if we do manage
to secure a record deal...

anything the band makes,
you've got to split ten ways.

Look.

I might know someone
who'd be interested in buying the pub,

if you were willing to do a private sale.
Cut out the middle man and all that.

It's not that easy.

This has always been
the heart of our village.

It means a lot to a lot of people.

In my experience, Rowan, emotions...

They have no place in business.

Danny, my man on the ground.

I was just about to call you
for some local intel.

Why, what's up?

Abigail's morphed into bridezilla.

We need a UN peacekeeping envoy
to solve the seating plan

and we've just lost
the official wedding photographers.

Well, I think I can probably help you out
with the photos.

That would be great.

One more thing...

Abigail keeps bugging me about having
the Fishermen sing at the reception.

Seriously?

She wants to give our guests
a flavour of the real Cornwall.

I don't know.

Okay, I'll see what I can do.

Listen, the reason
why I'm calling you, yeah...

I've just had a tip-off.
The village pub is coming up for sale.

I thought it might interest
your father-in-law.

Nice spot.
I'll speak to him about it this evening.

- See you now. Bye.
- Thanks, Danny.

Heads up, lads.

Good news.

I've got you your first professional gig.

Ah-ah. Before you get too excited,
it's only local.

A place called Rock.

That ain't local 'round here.

Our head of Business Affairs
is getting married there.

- We look like wedding singers to you?
- A lot of powerful people

from the music industry will be there.

Could be a great opportunity
for a showcase.

Well, all right.

We won't be taking any requests, mind.

Come on, Dad. Give us a hand.

Good man.

Okay, big smile.

Okay, this time looking at me.

Gentlemen, you're gonna step over here.

That way? That way.

- Facing in.
- This way?

And then all are facing
in the same direction.

Wait, let me just check.
Oh, no, you're good.

Big smiles.

Lobbers Point. Men in the water.

Hey. Hey, listen.

I'm no photographer,

but I can picture me and you together.

Seriously, that's an image
that will never be captured.

Well, that's a big bloody tent.

Must have cost a bit.

Henry passed on the details
of the Golden Lion.

I have to say, I'm surprised
the family are thinking of selling up.

The bloke's desperate.

- And when's he thinking of off-loading it?
- The sooner the better.

And your finder's fee?

Two per cent.

One and a half,

- you've got yourself a deal.
- Done.

I'll be in contact.

- Lovely.
- Enjoy the wedding.

All right. Grab my arm.

Where's everyone else?

They have something more important to do.

Jago,

you're singing
in front of some big players here.

What can be more important than that?

Saving lives, Danny.

Yeah, okay.

- You're sure you can handle the crowd?
- 'Course he can.

He's Port Isaac's number one bingo caller.

Testing. One, two.

One, two.

Hello, Kensington-on-Sea.

We've played to uglier audiences,
but I can't recall one right now.

Bloody hell.
They're a miserable bunch, inum?

Danny, what the hell is going on here?

Abigail wanted the Fishermen to perform.

I thought half of London
was on antidepressants.

Get on with it!

Driss.

You asked for it.

♪ I was as pissed as a parrot
In Paradise Street ♪

♪ Way, hey, blow the man down ♪

♪ When a mingin' old strumpet
I chanced for to meet ♪

♪ Oh! Gimme some time
To blow the man down ♪

- ♪ She had hair like a scarecrow ♪
- Piss off!

- Not funny!
- ♪ And a rolling glass eye ♪

♪ Way, hey... ♪

Have you seen who's here?

This is career suicide.
Plug the plug. Now!

I can't go up there
and drag them off, can I?

This is not just your credibility
on the line.

It is mine too.

This is on you.

- Look, just give 'em a chance.
- No chance.

Fix it.

♪ Way, hey, blow the man down ♪

♪ Blow him right back
Into Liverpool town ♪

♪ Gimme s... ♪

All right, look, hands up,
that was... poor.

But you cannot judge the band
on that performance alone, Troy.

Oh, man.
Oh, they've been judged, man.

They've been judged, and they've been
found guilty of being horseshit.

They're something there.
All right? Trust me.

I've heard them sing with genuine passion
about something we've all lost.

The only thing you appear to have lost
is your mind.

I'm talking about a way of life.

A sense of community
that I didn't even know existed any more.

I don't know what you've been smoking,
and quite frankly, I don't care.

But as your boss, I am commanding you
to get rid of them now.

Legally, you can't do that.

- Really?
- Yeah.

Our arrangement
is that I have full control

over every artist I sign.

Yes.

- Besides...
- Danny.

I've already sent the album
out to the labels.

You did what? You...

I have to go.

Something's gone wrong on the rescue.
Apparently, Dad went in the water.

Is he okay?

They're calling the coastguard,
but they're bringing him in now.

Come on, darling. Come on. Let's go.

I'll come with you.

Father.

Dad, are you okay?

Sea mist came in.
The navigation system failed.

Boat ended up on the rocks
at Lobber point.

Broke up in minutes.

By the time we got there,
there were two in the water.

Now, we got 'em both out, mind.

We must get you
to the hospital now, Mr Trevellion.

You've had a nasty knock to the head.
Suspected concussion.

Time for being brave is over.

Dad, just do as they ask.

- Enough. I'm going home.
- Jim.

- Uh, Mr Trevellion.
- Dad.

Stubborn!

Your dad is one of the toughest blokes
I know.

- Sorry we let you down, Danny.
- How'd it go?

They did you proud.

Oh!

Hello, Tamsyn.

What you doing sitting out here
on your own?

Waiting for my dad.

- You want me to wait with you?
- Sure.

Is it true you're gonna turn Granfer Jim
into a famous pop star like Justin Bieber?

Well, I'm gonna try.

Do you think he's got the X factor?

Well, uh, the thing
about being a Belieber...

is that anything is possible, right?

- Here you go.
- Hmm.

All right?

Hello, Jim.

How long before
you're back out on the boat?

Directly.

Directly?

Yeah, it's like mañana.

Only slower.

- Granfer?
- Yeah?

My dad's not coming, is he?

No, I don't think he is, sweetheart,
but...

Maybe he just got held up. That's all, eh?

How about we go and ask your mum

if there's summat
we can all do together instead?

- Okay.
- Yeah? Come on, then.

♪ I'm feeling it for the first time ♪

♪ Walking in the sunshine... ♪

I can feel a good one coming on.

That was useless! One?

Bend your knees and flick.

I think you can beat that.

Here you go. Where have they gone?
Here you go.

Bingo.

Beat that!

Do you know what?
I'm not even gonna try.

You're officially the winner.
Put it there.

Let's go and get your winner's medal.
Come on.

♪ Even though I should be skippin' home ♪

♪ All my life... ♪

Right, one for you.

One for me.

And one for the pot.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

This is magical.

I can't remember the last time
I had a weekend off.

Sounds exhausting.

Nobody wants to be the man
who missed out on signing the Beatles.

What about missing out on life
in the meantime?

♪ When a woman made a man... ♪

This is one hell of a vinyl collection.

Hmm.
I've always been a bit of a music nerd.

I don't think you can beat that feeling
of taking a record out of its sleeve

- for the first time.
- Ooh, amen to that.

- Cheers.
- Cheers.

♪ When a woman made a man ♪

I wish I could still
get away with hiding up in my room

and listening to an entire album
from beginning to end.

Luckily, it comes with my job description.

Yeah, but kids don't do that any more,
do they?

They just click a button
and download their favourite track.

I don't think you really
get to know an artist that way.

Steve Jobs has got a lot to answer for.

Yeah, he was a total hypocrite.

He used to come home from Apple at night
and listen to all his old records.

I didn't know that.

Right, um, so what shall we put on next?

You pick blind.

Right, here goes.

♪ You got the notion ♪

♪ Said I'd like to know where
You got the notion ♪

♪ To rock the boat
Don't rock the boat, baby ♪

♪ Rock the boat
Don't tip the boat over ♪

♪ Rock the boat... ♪

♪ Yeah, rock the boat ♪

♪ Rock the boat ♪

♪ Rock the boat ♪

♪ Rock the boat ♪

♪ Rock the boat ♪

♪ Rock the boat ♪

That's Cornish for "good morning."

What's Cornish for "hangover"?

Make sure you don't spill her.

Mam!

Look what I just caught.

A tompot blenny.

Granfer said
I can keep him as a pet.

Can I?

- Sure.
- Hey, Tam.

Go and find that old goldfish bowl
and give her a nice new home, will you?

Please don't start.

Oh, starting's the easy part, Alwyn.

What happens when it finishes,
that concerns me.

- Well, this is different.
- Well, how can you possibly know that?

Sorry. It's just, uh, you know...

You know as well as I do that...

ever since your mother left...

And you did an amazing job.

I can't just stop though, Alwyn.

I'm always gonna worry about you.

Put yourself in my shoes
and imagine it was Tamsyn.

Oh, yeah, if it was, I wouldn't want her
hiding away for the rest of her life...

too scared to let anyone in.

Dad, I'm big enough
to make my own mistakes, okay?

I just don't want to see your little heart
broken again. That's all.

You'll never guess what!

I asked for croissants,

she said, "You're in Cornwall,
my lover, not Calais!"

You can take the piss out of my accent,
son,

but don't you ever
take the piss out of my daughter.

Dad.

No, I'm not here to hurt anyone, Jim.

Good.

Glad to hear it.

Sorry about my dad.

He's always been protective.

I don't blame him.

Ever since he discovered
my mum was having an affair,

he's found it hard to trust anyone.

What happened?

She left him...

for a sailing instructor
from the Isle of Wight.

I guess his boat was bigger than my dad's.

Sorry. I've got to take this.

Hello?

Yeah.

Well, why does he want
to slag 'em off to the labels like that?

Yeah, I'll tell you what. Do me a favour.

Tell him I don't want to be associated
with him any more.

Lads.

We've been sabotaged.

It's my former boss.

He isn't a fan of your music,

and he's been pressurising the labels
not to take the album.

What do you mean, your "former boss"?

- I resigned.
- Resign?

What'd you do that for, you daft bugger?

Because I believe in you.

I believe in the music, and
I believe I can secure you a record deal.

Well, you're a stubborn sod.
I'll give you that.

Takes one to know one.

Now, who's up for a road trip?

♪ The modern ships
Carry mighty fine gear ♪

♪ Get away, get away, you shantyman ♪

♪ Shantyman, oh, shantyman ♪

♪ Who's got a berth for a shantyman... ♪

What's this, then? A reservoir of seadogs?

Special offer was it, Father?
A pound a pair to avoid the glare?

Remember what
the well-known Irish singer said, Jim.

"I may be plain old Paul Hewson
from Dublin.

Put a pair of shades on, I'm Bonio!"

Bono, you pillock.

- Get in the van.
- Here, come here.

- Take care.
- I love you.

- See you later!
- Thank you, darling.

- Bye-bye, darling.
- You watch them groupies.

Look after him, Jim. Please.

♪ Drive my truck midway
To the motorway station ♪

♪ Fairlane cruiser
Coming up on the left-hand side ♪

♪ Headlight shining
Driving rain on the window frame ♪

♪ Little young lady stardust
Hitching a ride ♪

♪ And it's a two, four, six, eight
Ain't never too late ♪

♪ Me and my radio truckin' on
Through the night ♪

♪ Three, five, seven, nine
On a double white line ♪

♪ Motorway sun coming up
With the morning light ♪

♪ Whiz kid sitting pretty
On your two-wheel stallion ♪

♪ This ol' ten-ton lorry
Got a bead on you... ♪

Here, here, lads.

Come here. Look.

See what they charge for mackerel up here?

We should have brought some up with us,
you know? Cut out the middle man.

Make a little bit of profit on the trip.

It's Danny.

- Don't bloody answer it.
- Don't answer it.

- We're supposed to be resting up.
- We ain't here.

- Leave...
- Hello, Danny?

- You lot settling in all right?
- Yeah, yeah.

Uh, we're just doing a bit of, uh...
a bit of sightseeing.

Sightseeing? Where?

Well, we're checking out the, um...

- London Aquarium.
- Seriously?

- I'll book us a table for eight o'clock.
- All right, yeah, yeah.

We'll see you later.

Yeah, good to see you'd hold up
under interrogation

Right, let's get this pub crawl started.

- All right.
- What can I get you chaps?

Ten pints of bitter, please.

Put that away, Father.
I'll get this round.

Oh?

That's gonna be 53 pounds 80.

- How much?
- What?

What do they brew it with 'round here?
Unicorn tears?

♪ Sexy beast, sexy beast ♪

♪ Sexy beast, sexy beast ♪

♪ Sexy beast, sexy beast ♪

♪ Sexy beast, sexy beast ♪

♪ And that is saying the least ♪

♪ Sexy beast, sexy beast ♪

♪ Sexy beast, sexy beast ♪

♪ Sexy beast, sexy beast... ♪

- So where did you get that one done?
- Ah!

That, my lovely, I had done in Manila.

Nineteen sixty-four.

I was on shore leave in the merchant navy.

Mmm. And who's Rosie?

Rosie was my very first love.

Him and half the British fleet.

And he was the only wazzock
to make a permanent declaration.

I had a lucky escape.

- Otherwise, I'd have never met his mother.
- That's true.

Who's the lead singer of the group?

- Well, nobody. We take it in turns.
- That's very democratic.

So, what kind of songs
do you guys perform?

Shanties.

Sh... Shan... What?

Traditional sea shanties, you know?

- No.
- All right, um...

You'd know this one, perhaps, um...

♪ What shall we do
With the drunken sailor? ♪

♪ What shall we do
With the drunken sailor? ♪

- You got it.
- Yeah.

♪ What shall we do
With the drunken sailor ♪

♪ Early in the morning? ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises
Early in the morning ♪

♪ Put him in the brig until he's sober ♪

♪ Put him in the brig until he's sober ♪

♪ Put him in the brig until he's sober
Early in the morning ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises
Early in the morning ♪

♪ Shave his bum with a rusty razor ♪

♪ Shave his bum with a rusty razor ♪

♪ Shave his bum with a rusty razor
Early in the morning ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises
Early in the morning ♪

♪ Put him in the bunk
With the captain's daughter ♪

♪ Put him in the bunk
With the captain's daughter ♪

♪ Put him in the bunk
With the captain's daughter ♪

♪ Early in the morning ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises ♪

- ♪ Hooray, and up she rises ♪
- It's Danny!

- ♪ Hooray, and up she rises ♪
- It's Danny! It's Danny calling.

- ♪ Early in the morning ♪
- What? Oh, Christ.

Hang on. Wait. Shh. Hold on, everybody.
Hold on. Shh. Sorry.

I've got to take this call. Hold on.

Danny.

Yeah, Dan. I just, uh, just nodding off.

I got Rowan fast asleep
in the bed next to me.

Asleep?

We're supposed to be meeting up
for a spot of grub, Jim.

Oh, yeah, mate. Sorry about that.
We... We thought we should turn in.

All that sightseeing, see, did us over.

Are you sure you boys
haven't been out on the lash?

On the lash? No.

No, Danny. We're saving our voices
for the morning, see.

Glad to hear you're taking it seriously.
Listen.

- I'll pick you up after breakfast.
- All right. Goodnight. See you tomorrow.

♪ Have you seen the captain's daughter? ♪

♪ Have you seen the captain's daughter? ♪

♪ Have you seen the captain's daughter
Early in the morning? ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises
Early in the morning ♪

And that, mate, is a sea shanty!

I've never seen you lot so quiet.

I know you must be nervous
about performing in front of a label,

but just try and imagine
you're all in a pub somewhere

holding a pint,
having a good old sing-song.

Yeah, I think we can manage that.

All in. All in. All in.

Now, remember what John Lennon said, lads.

"A dream you dream alone is only a dream.

A dream you dream together is reality."

Now let's give it to 'em.

♪ As I walk down on Broadway
One evening in July ♪

♪ I met a maid, she asked me trade
"A sailor boy am I" ♪

♪ And away Santee, my dear Annie ♪

♪ Oh, you New York girls
Can't you dance the polka? ♪

♪ I took her off to Tiffany's
I did not mind the expense ♪

♪ I bought her two gold earrings
And they cost me 50 cents ♪

♪ And away Santee, my dear Annie ♪

♪ Oh, you New York girls ♪

- ♪ Can't you dance the polka? ♪
- Hello, Leah.

♪ I kissed her hard and proper
Before her flashman came ♪

♪ But fare you well, me Bowery girl
I know your little game ♪

♪ And away Santee... ♪

I thought Danny Anderson was in rehab.

Yeah, that's what I thought.

- He should ask for a refund.
- ♪ Can't you dance the polka? ♪

♪ I joined a Yankee blood boat ♪

♪ And sailed away next morn ♪

♪ I'll never kiss another maid ♪

♪ I'm safer around Cape Horn ♪

♪ And away Santee, my dear Annie ♪

♪ Oh, you New York girls
Can't you dance the polka? ♪

- Danny, did we have an appointment?
- No.

But it's your job to find great artists.

And I've got ten of 'em.

Meet Port Isaac's Fisherman's Friends.

We need a word.

Danny, we deal in originality.

Leah...

I guarantee you've never heard
anything like that before.

The song they were singing
was about prostitution.

Yes.

So was "Roxanne."
That didn't work out too badly for Sting.

Look, come on, Leah.

We may live in the age of The X Factor,
but what that show has taught us

is that the public love to see
real people with real talent.

And it doesn't get any more real

than singing fishermen
who risk their lives out at sea every day.

I mean, think of the marketing angles.

You won't just be signing a new act.

You'll be signing 500 years
of naval history.

I'm sorry, Danny.

You know how much ongoing business
we've got with Troy.

If I take a punt on Popeye and his pals,
I'd risk jeopardising that.

All I'm asking for
is a basic one-album deal.

You'll spend less on this

than you would on a music video
for one of your A-list artists.

- I'm sorry, Danny.
- Leah.

Maybe next time.

Don't be too hard on yourself, Danny.

You give it your best shot.

Wasn't good enough though, was it, Jago?

Hello, Danny?

Afternoon, Sian.

That was fantastic.

Shame the powers that be
didn't think so.

Well, I've got a TV show
that are looking for someone to step in

and sing the national anthem
for the queen's birthday next week.

We've had a last-minute dropout,
if you're interested.

Let me run it past the boys.

Look, I know
this isn't what we had in mind,

but this could be a golden opportunity
to reach a wider audience.

Jim, at least consider it.

Yeah, we'd be honoured to, my fair maiden.

We would?

We would.

And now to celebrate the queen's birthday,
something a little different.

Singing the national anthem,
live from Cornwall,

are Port Isaac's Fisherman's Friends.

♪ A good sword and a trusty hand ♪

♪ A merry heart and true ♪

♪ King James's men shall understand ♪

- ♪ What Cornish lads can do ♪
- That's not the national anthem.

♪ And have they fixed
The where and when? ♪

Yes, it is.

♪ And shall Trelawny die? ♪

- ♪ Here's 20,000 Cornishmen ♪
- It's the Cornish one.

♪ Will know the reason why ♪

- ♪ And shall Trelawny live? ♪
- That's not in the script.

Cut it. Cut it.

♪ Or shall Trelawny die? ♪

♪ Here's 20,000 Cornishmen ♪

♪ Will know the reason why ♪

- Jim.
- Yeah?

- You got time for a quick word?
- Uh, yeah, sure. What?

- What the hell was that?
- What?

That.

We're patriots, Danny.

Yeah, so are all the people tuning in
to hear the queen's national anthem.

And you've just gone and alienated
every single last one of them!

And spoiled our chances of a knighthood.

Come on.

That's it. I got nothing left.

Can you assure me
that it's always gonna be a public house?

That's certainly my intention, Rowan.

We don't have a choice, love.

So, do we have ourselves a deal, or what?

- What's going on?
- The inevitable.

Does Jim know?

Nobody does.

Rowan's gotta find
the right moment to explain.

Congratulations.

A pleasure doing business with you.

I can't believe
they're up to a million hits.

Look at the state of them.

I mean, who even dresses like that?

Have you been to Hoxton lately?

It's all nautical tattoos
and Breton sweaters and facial hair.

♪ Or shall Trelawny die? ♪

Retro's back. Again.

♪ Here's 20,000 Cornishmen ♪

♪ Will know the reason why ♪

Danny?

Yeah?

Granfer's on YouTube.

Turn it up.

♪ A trusty hand
A merry heart and true ♪

I don't believe it.
How long's this been on there?

They're all over it. Look!

Harbour View Bed and Breakfast.

♪ Here's 20,000 Cornishmen ♪

♪ Will know the reason why ♪

- Danny.
- Yeah?

Island Records are on the phone.

♪ And shall Trelawny live? ♪

- Hello.
- Danny. It's Leah.

I've had a rethink. We're in.

Problem is, Leah, you're not
the only one who's chasing this.

The phone is red hot right now.

We both know that's not true.

And the only reason
you got on the TV in the first place

is because of my promotions department.

- So do the right thing.
- Okay, how much you offering?

I'll put the album out
and cover your costs.

Done.

For the purposes of the general public,

could we maybe get a little creative
with the signing-on fee?

How creative?

There's no way he got a million quid.

He got the headline.

That's all that counts.

♪ I'm gonna make you a star ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

- What's going on out there?
- Hey! No!

How did it feel to sign a million-pound
record deal at the age of 72?

Mother always said I'd be a late bloomer.

Not this bloody late.

For 15 years they've sung sea shanties

in their local pub in Port Isaac.

But one night the group's performance
caught the ears of a music manager

who was here on holiday.

As soon as I heard them,
I knew they could be huge.

In a world saturated
with manufactured pop bands,

the Fishermen are a real catch.

One minute
you're watching Britain's Got Talent,

wondering what it's like to be famous.

The next minute you're
asking your husband for his autograph!

What's special about the ten of us
is that we're all born and raised here.

Sea shanties have been passed down in our
families from generation to generation.

We've known each other
since we were knee-high.

Makes the bond unbreakable.

We disagree over things,

but then they all realise I'm right,
they're wrong, and we get on with it.

The Fisherman's Friends
say they're just ordinary men

who've never sought fame, money,
or a record deal.

Now they have all three.

Let's see if this unlikely boy band
can climb the charts

as well as they can climb the rigging.

Eh?

I thought you said
they'd interviewed everyone.

- They did.
- How come my Jago wasn't on the telly?

Some faces are only made for the radio,
Maggie.

Here.

They say you can tell a man
by the company he keeps.

So lookin' round at you party,

I ain't surprised
me reputation's in tatters.

But, uh, seriously though...

I've known most of ees
since you was this high.

I've helped some of you learn to walk,

talk, fish,

and, in a few cases, sing.

But you've given me back
so much more than I can...

- that I could ever...
- Oh, Dad.

Come on, guys.

I...

I'd like to say a few words, if he can't.

When we first devised the plan
to escape the wives once a week

for rehearsal...

Speak for yourself, boy.

...all those years ago,

none of us would ever have believed
we'd end up with a record deal.

I-I-I was the most sceptical,
I will admit that,

of anyone here.

It's all been down to the...

the tenacity and belief of one man.

- Danny Anderson.
- Yeah!

So I'll make a toast.
To old friends and new.

Old friends and new!

Is that Jago?

Mm-hmm.

And Rowan's dad, Kenwyn.

That's outside the old lifeboat station.

They were both part of the same crew

that answered an emergency call
at Hawker's Cove.

And during the rescue, a freak wave
hit the lifeboat and capsized it.

They were the only two members to survive.

Well, Kenwyn never got over it.

He didn't go out to sea again.

And then when the village
was granted a new lifeboat house,

then Kenwyn bought the old one
and turned it into the Golden Lion.

That's why it's so important to us all.

- Danny.
- Henry?

I really need to get hold
of your father-in-law.

Incommunicado, I'm afraid.

He's sailing in Barbados.

Don't worry.
Last I heard the deal had gone through.

Right.

Jago?

Your meals on wheels have arrived, love.

All right for some, isn't it, eh?
Sneaking in a little siesta.

Jago.

Playin' silly buggers.

Oh.

Oh, God.

Oh, my...

♪ It is time to go now ♪

♪ Haul away your anchor ♪

♪ Haul away your anchor ♪

♪ 'Tis our sailing time ♪

♪ Feel the seas run under ♪

♪ Haul away down channel ♪

♪ Haul away ♪

♪ Down channel ♪

♪ On the evening tide ♪

♪ Now my days are over ♪

♪ Haul away for heaven ♪

♪ Haul away for heaven ♪

♪ Lord, be by my side ♪

Bon voyage, my love.

May you have fair seas
and following winds.

Need to make sure
the new owners keep that pump on.

Don't know what I'd do without
my pint of Tribute of an evening.

Thanks, John.

New owners, did you say, was that?

What's that about new owners, Rowan?

I didn't have a choice, Jim.

There was no other way to settle the debt.

Well, why didn't you come
and speak to me about it?

I wanted to tell you,
but what with the band and the baby and...

well, then your father, I...

- Th-There just hasn't been a right moment.
- Who bought it then?

Charles Montegue.

You sold it to that grabbin' bastard?

'Twas his ancestors who drove us overseas
and down the bloody mines.

He offered a fair price,
and he promised to keep it as a pub.

You've been a damn fool, Rowan.

Businessman like Charles Montegue...

he's not gonna want to
keep this place as it is.

He's gonna want to make
a tidy profit out of it.

That'll probably mean turning it into
one of them boutique hotels or summat.

There'll be no place here for us.
You do know that, don't you?

Well, that's not true. Is it, Danny?

- What's it got to do with Danny?
- Well, he made the introduction.

Rowan came to me for business advice.
He was in an impossible situation.

Oh, you... you went to an emmet?

In your hour of need?

Rowan and Sally
didn't make this decision easily, my son.

Wh... Y-You knew?

Well, what else would you lot
want him to do?

Go bankrupt? Be homeless?

Look, I'm sorry.

I was just trying to help.

You're only sorry
because you were found out.

You're just full of showbiz bullshit,
aren't you, son?

Huh?

With your million-pound record deals
and your fake handshakes and all that.

Jim, look. Listen, just hear me out.

When I spoke to Rowan,
I didn't know anything about the pub,

its history,
or what it means to the community.

But you know now because I told you.

Yeah, but by then
the deal had already gone through.

So you were getting a cut, were you?

And you didn't want to risk
losing your commission.

No, Alwyn, wait.

Alwyn!

Let me explain!

Alwyn, please, just hear me out!

Keep your voice down.

Go away, Danny. I'm not interested
in anything you've got to say.

No, wait, wait! Look, um...

I-I-I'm gonna talk to Charles.

I-I'll make sure things don't change.

Everything's changed.

Cornish oak, my ass.

Your word is like... It's like willow...

blowing in the wind.

Yeah.

I warned you
not to take the piss out of us.

And I warned you not to hurt my daughter.

It wasn't intentional, Jim. I promise.

I think it might be time
for you to leave, Danny.

Unless you want me to drag you
through the River Tamar myself.

♪ Keep me in your heart ♪

♪ Don't let me ♪

♪ Slip away ♪

♪ When the morning comes ♪

♪ And those tears won't stop ♪

♪ Please keep me in your heart ♪

♪ Keep me on your side ♪

♪ Well, you know ♪

♪ Sometimes I run ♪

♪ And even when the tears ♪

♪ Oh, they fall from your eyes ♪

♪ Please keep me on your side ♪

♪ And you know I'd wait for you ♪

♪ A thousand years ♪

♪ Oh, would you do the same for me? ♪

♪ And I would swim across ♪

- ♪ The loneliest sea ♪
- We're just up for our 20-week scan.

Ah, congratulations.

Don't expect him
to be too sincere, darling.

He thinks marriage is for penguins.

Uh, that was monogamy, and, uh...

well, I've had a rethink about that.

♪ Keep me on your mind ♪

♪ Even when I am far away ♪

♪ And even though I know ♪

♪ You may tire of me someday ♪

♪ Please keep me in your heart ♪

Danny.

Troy. Driss.

- You all right?
- How's the midlife crisis going?

Well, I'm not the one
desperately clinging on to my youth.

Mmm. When is the world's oldest boy band
shuffling into shops?

The album is released on Friday.

Oh, man. No pressure, right?

Only up against Lady Gaga, Paul Weller,
and Florence and the Machine.

Good luck, bro.

♪ And I would swim across
The loneliest sea ♪

♪ If it meant you could ♪

♪ Free my love ♪

♪ Oh, you mean that much to me ♪

♪ Keep me in your heart ♪

♪ Don't let me ♪

♪ Get away ♪

♪ When the morning comes ♪

♪ And those tears won't stop ♪

♪ Please keep me in your heart, my love ♪

♪ However far ♪

♪ Apart we may become ♪

- I don't want a commission, Charles.
- Why on earth not?

Because I'd like something else instead.

Come on, Dad.

This isn't the time to be stubborn.

It's Rowan and Sally's
last day at the pub.

No, I'm... I'm in no mood for a drink.

Don't you think you've made your point?

Rowan has torn the heart
out of this village.

The heart of the village isn't the pub,
Dad.

It's the people.

I owe you an apology, Rowan.

I-I've been a stubborn fool.

You did what you did
for the sake of your family,

and I should never have let that
come between us.

I'm sorry.

One and all?

One and all.

- The usual?
- Yeah.

That's more like it, mate.

Come on. Come on!

Top 40's on in a minute.

I'd tune into the top 400 if I were you.

- Dad!
- Don't be such a pessimist!

Danny!

Tamsyn. Oh.

I missed you.

What you doing here then?

I came here to tell you that the pub is
gonna remain the way it always has been.

How's that possible?

Because I bought it.

Well, in case you've forgotten,

we're not too fond
of second-home owners round here.

Well, that's good,
because I've only got one.

I gave Charles Montegue my London flat
in exchange for this.

And I'd like Rowan and Sally
to keep it running.

Did you hear that?

Alwyn, wait.

Alwyn, uh, wait.

- Wait, please.
- What are you doing, Danny?

Just because
you made things right with the pub,

that doesn't mean
you made things right with me.

I'm not expecting anything.

I want you to know that I've done a lot
of thinking over the last few months.

Everything I thought I cared about...

money, status,
the flat, the cars, the toys...

none of them have ever made me happy.

But being down here
with you and Tamsyn did.

Come on, you two!

You're missing the countdown. Come on!

Come on.

At number 12,
"Eighty Not Out" from James Last.

Number 11, down one,
"Lungs" by Florence and the Machine.

Number 10, down three,
Paolo Nutini's "Sunny Side Up."

Number nine, and a new entry.
It's Fisherman's Friends.

♪ Come, all you no-hopers
You jokers and rogues ♪

♪ We're on the road to nowhere
Let's find out where it goes ♪

♪ It might be a ladder to the stars
Who knows? ♪

♪ Come, all you no-hopers ♪

♪ You jokers and rogues ♪

- I knew we were on to a winner! I knew it!
- ♪ Leave all your furrows ♪

♪ And your dreams where they lie ♪

♪ The factories and offices ♪

♪ Kiss them all goodbye ♪

♪ Have a little faith
In the dream-maker in the sky ♪

♪ There's glory in ♪

♪ Believing in ♪

♪ And it's all in the beholder's eye ♪

Get the drinks in for all!

♪ Come, all you no-hopers ♪

- ♪ You jokers and rogues ♪
- Whoo-hoo!

- ♪ We're on the road to nowhere ♪
- What'd I tell you, boys? A leap of faith!

♪ Let's find out where it goes ♪

♪ It might be a ladder to the stars
Who knows? ♪

♪ Come, all you no-hopers ♪

♪ You jokers and rogues ♪

You're gonna be popular
with the local tourist board.

- Enough to be an honorary Cornishman?
- No, you have to try harder than that.

Danny!

- Yeah?
- Did you leave your car in the bay?

Eh?

Did you park your car down on the harbour?

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

No! Oh, no, no, no!

♪ So raise a glass ♪

He's only parked his car
down on the harbour!

On the harbour?

♪ Come, all you no-hopers ♪

♪ You jokers and rogues ♪

♪ We're on the road to nowhere ♪

♪ Let's find out where it goes ♪

♪ It might be a ladder to the stars ♪

♪ Who knows? ♪

♪ Come, all you no-hopers ♪

♪ You jokers and rogues ♪

He'd have bloody loved this.

He would, my darlin'. He would.

Now, let's go and have a look
at that damn fool, shall we?

Come on!

♪ Though it's gale force ♪

♪ Let's steer a course ♪

♪ For sanity ♪

♪ Come, all you no-hopers ♪

♪ You jokers and rogues ♪

You're not the first
to fall afoul of the sea,

and you won't be the last.

Just like King Canute!

- ♪ Come, all you no-hopers ♪
- What are we gonna do?

- Nothing.
- ♪ You jokers and rogues ♪

When the tide goes out, we'll use
Dad's old tractor to drag it back in.

Engine'll be buggered, mind.

♪ Let's find out where it goes ♪

- ♪ It might be a ladder to the stars ♪
- Well, I definitely can't go back now.

♪ Who knows? ♪

♪ Come, all you no-hopers ♪

♪ You jokers ♪

♪ And rogues ♪

♪ I wish I was a fisherman
Tumblin' on the seas ♪

♪ Far away from dry land
And its bitter memories ♪

♪ Castin' out my sweet line
With abandonment and love ♪

♪ No ceiling bearin' down on me
Save the starry sky above ♪

♪ With light in my head
And you in my arms ♪

Whoo!

♪ What shall we do
With the drunken sailor? ♪

♪ What shall we do
With the drunken sailor? ♪

♪ What shall we do with the drunken sailor
Early in the mornin'? ♪

♪ Hooray, up she rises
Hooray, up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, up she rises
Early in the mornin' ♪

♪ Put him in a leaky boat
And make him bail 'er ♪

♪ Put him in a leaky boat
And make him bail 'er ♪

♪ Put him in a leaky boat
And make him bail 'er ♪

♪ Early in the mornin' ♪

♪ Hooray, up she rises
Hooray, up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, up she rises
Early in the mornin' ♪

♪ Put him in a corsair
And make him pull 'er ♪

♪ Put him in a corsair
And make him pull 'er ♪

♪ Put him in a corsair
And make him pull 'er ♪

♪ Early in the mornin' ♪

♪ Hooray, up she rises
Hooray, up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, up she rises
Early in the mornin' ♪

♪ Put him in the brig
Until he's sober ♪

♪ Put him in the brig until he's sober ♪

♪ Put him in the brig until he's sober ♪

♪ Early in the mornin' ♪

♪ Hooray, up she rises
Hooray, up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, up she rises
Early in the mornin' ♪

♪ Make him sleep
With the captain's daughter ♪

♪ Make him sleep
With the captain's daughter ♪

♪ Make him sleep
With the captain's daughter ♪

♪ Early in the mornin' ♪

♪ Hooray, up she rises
Hooray, up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, up she rises
Early in the mornin' ♪

♪ Have you seen the captain's daughter? ♪

♪ Have you seen the captain's daughter? ♪

♪ Have you seen the captain's daughter ♪

♪ Early in the mornin'? ♪

♪ Hooray, up she rises
Hooray, up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, up she rises ♪

♪ Early in the mornin' ♪

♪ Keelhaulin', keelhaulin' ♪

♪ Keelhaulin', keelhaulin' ♪

♪ Keelhaulin', keelhaulin' ♪

♪ Early in the mornin' ♪

♪ Hooray, up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises ♪

♪ Hooray, and up she rises ♪

♪ Early in the mornin' ♪

♪ For all the small people
And the tall people ♪

- ♪ For the dispossessed ♪
- ♪ And the observers ♪

♪ For all the brokenhearted
And the recently departed ♪

♪ For the unwashed and the unheard ♪

♪ Mother Nature
Don't draw straight lines ♪

♪ Broken moulds in a grand design ♪

♪ We look a mess, but we're doing fine ♪

♪ We're card carrying lifelong members ♪

♪ Of the union of different kinds ♪

♪ For all the lonely faces
In those empty spaces ♪

- ♪ For the unloved ♪
- ♪ And the denied ♪

♪ For the little wheel
Turning bigger deal ♪

♪ For all dreams that bloom
And those that die ♪

♪ Mother Nature
Don't draw straight lines ♪

♪ Broken moulds in a grand design ♪

♪ We look a mess, but we're doing fine ♪

♪ We're card carrying lifelong members ♪

♪ Of the union of different kinds ♪

♪ It's why the oak tree bends ♪

♪ In the wind that blows, my friend ♪

♪ And the river finds its end in the sea ♪

♪ Yes, it does ♪

♪ Mother Nature
Don't draw straight lines ♪

♪ We're broken moulds in a grand design ♪

♪ We look a mess, but we're doing fine ♪

♪ We're card carrying lifelong members ♪

♪ Of the union of different kinds ♪

♪ Mother Nature
Don't draw straight lines ♪

♪ We're broken moulds in a grand design ♪

♪ Let's stand up for one last time ♪

♪ We're card carrying lifelong members ♪

♪ Of the union of different kinds ♪