Fau sai fung ching kooi (1987) - full transcript
Are you all right, young master?
How do you do, Mr. Iron-plate.
Oh yeah, young master,
how many relatives do you have?
I have no parents, no brother or sister.
I'm alone.
That's why I want to get married so early.
To marry and to settle down
is the meaning of life.
Very good!
I don't like big family.
A simple family is good to my daughter.
I'll let you marry Hsiao-hsiang!
Thank you so much, father-in-law!
My wish finally come true.
Young master!
The marriage is decided.
Oh God, I have married an iron-beauty.
Are you hurt?
Of course! It's painful!
Let me have a kiss.
What is this?
I won't let you see!
I've seen your whole body,
Why can't I see
such a picture of mandarin ducks.
You laugh at me.
It's okay. I have something to show to you.
The old memory of Han Palace.
Han Palace? Is it also called the Back Palace?
Three thousand girls
in the Back Palace for the king.
Have a look!
It is very beautiful! Won't you see?
I won't! I won't!
This is an old book from my ancestor.
It is invaluable.
Take a glance! It's really beautiful.
Come!
Can't you see that the picture is so lively.
It's very embarrassing.
How can one do such a thing?
Right!
These things are not made for ordinary man.
It's as magical as god if we do these things.
Let's be god for a while!
Our master and mistress are so decadent?
Yes, they even make love
in the garden in the daytime.
I don't know that he's such a bad guy.
He will not be great and good.
I'm wrong to marry my daughter to him!
You look!
You're naughty, my baby!
No...You laugh at me!
Father-in-law!
What's the matter, my son-in-law?
I am living in such a place
that I know nothing about the world outside.
I can find no good-teacher, and no good friend.
I want to go to the capital
for a public-examination,
so that I could be a government official.
I think that you will be happy
to hear about this.
Since you're been
my son-in-law for half a year,
you have never said such a right word.
I'm so happy that
you want to take this examination.
Very good!
We're just married,
I'm afraid that
Hsiao-hsiang wouldn't let me go.
Man is made for the world!
She couldn't say a word.
My son-in-law, feel free to go to the capital!
I will take care of Hsiao-hsiang!
No, you can't...!
I won't primose.
If I haven't met you,
I would never know that life is so joyful.
You are leaving tomorrow.
You may never come back!
You can't go! ...You can't!
My lord, this is my family's old treasure.
It would make you safe in the journey.
Take it with you!
I wish that
you will thinking me when you see it.
Yu-yi, you must take care of her.
My lord, take care of yourself!
I will.
Young master, I don't understand.
You've been married less than a year,
and you love each other so much.
How could you tolerate this separation
from your wife.
I won't stick to a single flower,
and give up one garden of delight.
Waiter! I've been sitting here for an hour,
why did the late-comer in the neighborhood
has the food first?
This...
Waiter, would you take back the food
to this gentleman?
Thank you!
Don't mention it!
I'm sorry!
Never mind!
Master, you are very kind.
Would you mind drinking with me?
I dare not...
It's my pleasure!
You, a scholar, shouldn't be so discreet.
Everyone in the world could become friend.
I'm not knowledgeable
but I like meeting new friends.
You're very generous.
Let's drink!
I will be the boss, Mister.
No, I will be the boss!
Sit down please!
Would you mind telling me your name?
I'm I Yun-sheng, and yours...
I Yun-sheng, what a good name.
My name is very poor. I'm Chen Chi-lin.
What? Chen Chi-lin!
Oh, young brother, are you frightened?
You shouldn't be so careless.
Does it matter?
Nothing!
He's that magic thief
who steals a thousand families in one night.
Young master...
I remember. He's that famous Chen Chi-lin.
Dare not!
You are a great hero really.
I admire you very much!
Mr. Chen, don't you afraid to be caught?
I won't change my name in any occasion.
I'm not a real hero if I'm afraid.
To proof one is guilty, evidence is needed.
Even if I go to the court myself
and tell than who I am,
they cannot arrest me!
Besides, everyone is trying to please me.
They are afraid that I will steal their houses
if they make me angry.
There must be some romantic events
when you steal at night?
Of course! It's no need to argue.
Many lonely women didn't refuse my robbery,
so as to sleep with me just for one night.
And I won't refuse them either,
and one that is as smart as you,
would also have lots of romance.
This way please!
Sit down!
Sit down please!
Sit! Sit!
What do you like, Sir?
Give me two bowls of noodles.
Noodles! O.K.!
Mr. It Mr. I!
What are you staring at?
One proverb says
one shouls enjoy life while one is young.
There'll be no regret in my life if I could
sleep with many girls when I am young.
Mr. Chen, to speak frankly,
I'm leaving home in the name of
taking the public examination.
Instead, my aim is to search
for beautiful girls.
Since you have such an idea,
I'll keep my eye open for you
when I'm robbering.
Thank you so much, Mr. Chen.
I'm Bei Xiang-yu, 20 years old.
My husband is called Hsiao Hsiang-tsu,
God bless me, please give me a child
so that my family can continue.
How do you do, lady!
Gut-cheung, let's go!
Yes, Madam!
Bei Xiang-yu, 20 years old!
Who is it?
Oh Mr. Chen!
Your room are lighted up,
I know that you are not sleep.
I couldn't sleep.
You can tolerate such a small and bad room.
Do you date beautiful girls frequently at this.
Hey, long time no see!
Let's drink happily!
Good! Please!
Mr. I, did you have any romance
when we were departed?
No, I just stayed alone watching the sky.
By the way,
did you find any beautiful girl for me?
How can I forget! It's always on my mind.
But most of them are just ordinary ones.
Few of them are extremely beautiful.
Searching for such a long time,
I see an excellent woman finally.
Tell me quickly
which family does she belongs to.
Listen to my description of her first.
One day I discovered a rate beauty
while I walked passing an alley.
She is the most beautiful woman
I have ever seen.
Her name is Yu-fen.
Her husband is Kuan Lu-chih.
He is rude and always let his wife alone.
It's just a flower
being put upon some cow's dung.
Then, when will I see this beautiful woman?
But I still have a doubt.
You are so enthusiastic
to look for other girls,
then how long could you last
for every sexual intercourse?
More or less an hour.
An hour?!
What are you laughing about? Chen?
You are just at the ordinary level.
If you just make love with your wife
and without compare to other,
You are not that bad.
But if you want to
have illicit sexual relations,
You will be laughed
at with such sexual ability.
Then, can I take medicine
to make myself stronger?
In bed, real ability is most important.
Both long duration and size of cock are needed.
If you don't mind,
Can I measure the length of your cock?
I'm quite proud of my cock's size.
Let's see after the measurement.
You just overestimate your own ability.
With such ability,
you can satisfy your wife only.
Stop dreaming about any sexual relation
outside marriage.
Young master, why are you in such low spirit?
Don't ask anymore!
Sorry! Sorry!
How can such things be written?
Don't look, let's go...
Look! Young master!
A great physician,
teaching the art of making love,
can enlarge male's genitals.
Great! I'm saved!
Do you want to learn the skill?
Come in!
Mister, generally, it is easy to teach you
how to make love in long duration
but cannot enlarge your cock,
I've just seen that words
about enlarging male's genitals,
so I come to visit you.
There's several methods,
depend on what kind of man being treated.
Could you explain clearly?
It depends on how long is your cock originally,
and how large do you want to enlarge?
I am so fond of sleeping with beautiful girl,
but with a small cock,
there's nothing I can do.
Now I've met you, master, how lucky I am!
It's like saving my life
if you can make my genitals bigger and longer.
I'll try my best if you insist.
Great! We'll count it settled.
What a cock!...
Mr. Chen, the physician
did a successful operation for me.
Now, my small cock are turned large and long.
Would you still look down on me?
You are immovable in sex romance.
You just deserve my respect!
Do the beautiful woman
live in this narrow alley?
Right!
I want to buy some white silk.
Do those at the doorway satisfy you?
Why not?
I'm afraid you, lady, don't want to sell them!
Please wait for a while.
I'll get more silk for you to choose.
Hey, you are making eyes at each other.
I think that she's in love with you.
This time, you will succeed definitely.
I have this feeling also!
Mister, please have a look.
This piece of silk is yellowish.
It's not my cup of tea.
This is really white!
Why did you say that it is yellowish?
Oh, I see! It's because
your hand is so white and beautiful that
it makes me feel that the silk is yellowish!
The silk seemed so white
when compared to his dark skin.
Mister, you are humorous.
My friend never joke.
Madam, I want ti buy ten jin of white silk.
But I need silk as white as your hands!
Madam, do you need some deposit?
There are, something, false money,
but my silk is 100% real silk.
We're first met,
How did you know my ability?
Let's go inside, have a drink and talk a white.
Please!
It's a great business.
I think I can enjoy a lot also.
My darling wife!
Tonight is the Mid-autumn Festival.
I go to see opera with my friend
and won't be back tonight.
Honey!
Don't be angry!
I'll stay with you tomorrow night.
Go away!
Don't be angry!
Bullshit!
Who's angry! I'll be mad if you don't go.
Madam, I miss you so much!
Madam!
Madam, you are the best...
Who are you?
That's me. You are marvelous!
Let's make love once more.
Where is my madam?
I'm a vanguard!
You must fight with a vanguard
before fighting with the real one.
Where's my madam? The real one?
Honey, I'm here!
You cheated me!
Yu-fen, this guy is really great!
I've finished my job. I'll go now.
Thank you, Sister Fa!
Don't mention it, I've got my share too.
I'm go now!
Madam, why did you test me?
To lost my chastity is a minor problem,
I cannot stand one, like you,
that has a good appearance
but has no ability,
I won't satisfied in intercourse
I can't afford such a loss.
So you sent that monster to testify me!
Wash yourself
with the bowel of water over there.
Why?
I don't want to be contaminated since
you're make love with the so-called monster.
And don't forget to wash your mouth!
Yes, Madam!
I know, in the very beginning,
that she is a bitch.
I cannot control her.
Uncle Fa,
I just can't believe that she has the gut...
to ask for a divorce.
Ah Kuan, I'm very sorry to hear about this.
It may be your fault
to have such a beautiful wife.
Look what you are like in the mirror.
You should know that
She will love another man.
What should I do now, Uncle Fa?
Evidence is needed to proof her guilty.
But you have no evidence,
and I heard that the guy whom your wife loved
has a powerful friend.
What kind of powerful friend?
I heard it from my wife.
That she saw, many times,
that magic thief Chen,
go in and out of your home!
Damn it, I won't let them sleep well.
I must kill them!
Don't be so angry.
Let's have a talk firstly.
What else should we talk?
Listen to me!
Your wife didn't love you anymore.
It's no use to kill her
besides it will make the magic thief angry
and you will get into trouble.
I think it's better to sell her to somebody,
then you can have money to buy a new moman.
So why not achieve two things at one stroke?
Right?
But, where can I find a buyer?
Right!
The one that we are talking about is coming.
You must be Mr. Kuan, right?
What do you want?
I'm I Yun-sheng,
I want to have a drink with you.
I'm not in mood!
In fact, I want to make a deal with you.
What kind of a deal?
This is your wife's letter.
Please take a glance.
I don't know a single word!
Then, I tell you the truth.
Your wife want to stay with my friend.
I think you know that things has changed,
won't go backward.
Here's the money to buy your wife! Take it!
Thank you very much, my brother!
Don't mention it!
Tomorrow, I'll travel afar for my business.
You take care of yourself! Brother!
Let' drink!
My husband have left for a long time
and didn't send me a letter.
Didn't he forget about me?
I miss him so much!
Sir, I've heard that
there is a ruined garden in your house.
I'm poor and want to get a job.
Would you kindly employ me to be a gardener?
To rebuild a ruined garden is a difficult task!
You know!
I've done hardwork since I was a kid.
You can give me a few day of probation, Sir.
You can dismiss me if I'm not suitable.
You seem so honest.
Okay, I give you this job!
By the way,
you have to sleep in the story room.
I'm a single-man, so I can sleep in any place.
That's good! Besides gardening,
you have to do anything casual of the house.
Yes, of course! Sir!
My lord, do I look good?
Yes, very good!
You should stay in bed, honey!
Try not to disturb the foetus.
Yes, I know.
What are you doing?
I'm studying? The examination is coming soon.
I want to pass the examination
and become a government official.
I'm afraid that you won't love me anymore
if you become an officer.
Don't be silly!
I swear that I love you, always!
Swear?
People like you always lie.
I won't believe you.
Gut-cheung, let's go there and have a look.
Yes!
Madam, can I help you?
I just look around.
Please! Please!
Let's go!
Lady, don't go please!
Isn't she living next to me?
She must be at home at this time.
Robber! Robber!
Don't shout! It's me! Don't be afraid!
Robber! ...Who are you?
Get lost at once
or I call my servant to arrest you.
Lady!
Lady!
How do you do!
I've been searching you for a longtime
and finally I can get you at ease.
Get lost! What do you want?
I call the police if you don't go!
Lady, it's destiny so that we've met.
People living far apart will finally meet
because of destiny,
beside, we're in the neighborhood.
Since we've departed in the temple,
I miss you everyday.
Where is my fan?
I keep it in my pocket!
We live in the neighborhood,
but you come to see me so late.
I don't want it anymore!
Why are you so painful?
If I know you are next to me early enough,
I won't be so sad and depressed,
and climbed the wall, jumped thro the window
and finally fell to the ground.
Are you painful? Did you hurt?
Yes, of course.
You deserve it. God will punish you!
I've done so many things and got hurt.
It's time for me to get my fair share.
Kuan!
Yu-yi!
Kuan!
Yu-Yi, can I help you?
Did...Did you have a wife?
I'm not that fortune.
You are a honest man.
That's why my young madam
always talk about you.
Do you know
you are the only young man in this house?
Where is the husband of the young madam?
He is touring for a long time
and have not come back.
Can I ask a question?
Did her husband called I Yun-sheng?
How did you know?
I've heard other people said.
Kuan, you are working hard.
Do you want to get married?
Sir, I'm just a poor servant.
I can only support myself.
How can I manage to have a wife?
I need a servant as honest
and hard working as you.
If you don't mind,
I employ you as a permanent worker.
Beside, I let you marry Yu-yi.
Do you like it?
Thank you, Sir! I can settle down finally!
Thank you, Sir!
Yu-yi! It's cold! Let's go to bed earlier.
I'm afraid that
young madam would call me to work!
Tonight is our first night of marriage,
Young madam is generous,
she'll let you free tonight!
Let's go!
Let's get in the room!
Come!
Oh god! What date is today?
The Fifth day of January, what's the matter?
My husband would take his student home
at this day every new year.
He is probably coming back. Get up!
I go back by climbing the wall.
It's too late,
you hide yourself under the bed.
I haven't finished yet.
I've got it.
I sit on here
and you continue screwing underneath, O.K.
Great!
Master!
My darling wife, I've brought two students
to greet you "happy new year".
Come...
How do you do!
I just woke up and haven't get dressed up yet,
I'm sorry that
I can't get out of bed to greet you.
Daring, you love new-year-cake very much.
See! They have brought you new-year-cake.
I don't want to eat.
Let's play cards.
Play cards?
Let's play beside the bed!
Play beside the bed!
All right! Are you ready?
Yes!...
Let me divide the cards?
As you like it!
One for you, one for him, one for me...
One for you, one for him, one for him...
One for me, one for you, one for him...
Me...You...Him...
My darling, are you alright?
I'm game-over!
Game-over?
Yeah!... Yeah!...
You are wrong!
What are you doing? Do you want to rape me?
Get lost! ...Help...
Young madam, listen to me!
I come to work in this house,
because I want to see you and love you.
I'm be witched by your beauty
and cannot get rid of it.
I cannot tolerate anymore!
Please forgive me, madam!
My lord!
I've been living in the neighborhood
for half a year.
Until tonight, we can't sit together
and appreciate the snow.
We are lucky somehow.
I'm busy in managing my school
and seldom have this leisure feeling.
Your wife is pregnant.
When she gives birth to her baby,
you must invite me your celebration party!
Sure! Sure!
We're so happy.
Let's play game!
Good! Drinking wine,
watching the snow, and playing game
are the happiest things in life!
Let me introduce a title.
Everyone here is highly educated,
I'm not that knowledgeable.
I just sit and watch you playing!
So, it's my turn first.
It is clear with water,
becomes green without water.
Omit water and add an heart,
then it become emotion.
We look for Buddhist instead of gold,
and look for the emotion of water
instead of the emotion of fish.
It's my turn.
It is a river with water,
a question mark without water,
omit water and add a bird, it becomes a hen.
Good words! Good words!
It's a lucky wolf as brave as tiger,
an unlucky phoenix even worst than a hen.
Mr. I, it's your turn!
Okay!
It's a river named "key" with water,
it still reads "key" without water.
Omit water and add a character of "owing",
it become "humiliation".
Just like a dragon is humiliated
by a small shrimp in shallow water,
so as a tiger being humiliated
by a dog in a plain.
Good! Very good!
Let's drink!
Cheers!
We can't let my father know
what has happened between us.
Of course!
This morning your dad asked me
when will Yu-yi be pregnant,
so that my family can expand.
I just didn't know what to say!
I won't let you have another woman,
including Yu-yi!
Hsiao-hsiang,
I've never known that you're so possessive.
I won't let you leave me!
Hsiao-hsiang, we can stay together everynight
only if we're careful enough.
In fact, I do not love Yu-vi.
I'm not satisfied with her.
She is not my type, you are!
Why are you crying?
I don't want to meet you so secretly anymore.
My dad is old-fashioned,
if he knows our relationship,
and I'm having your child,
he surely will kill me.
You...You're having my child?
The only way is to run-away, both of us!
Why so long! Be quick!
I'm tired!...
I'm very tired...
Hsiao-hsiang!...
Hsiao-hsiang!...
Hsiao-hsiang, are you all right?
Hsiao-hsiang...
Lu-chin!
You wake up, finally.
Where am I?
Don't worry.
Why are we lying in this room?
My baby? What happens to my baby?
It's better,
I'm free now.
What did you say?
Now listen!
When you recover, you won't see me anymore.
You are going to leave?
Not me, it's you!
Do you want to take me home? I won't go!
I don't have the courage to see my dad!
I know! So I've sold you ti Kuo Sin-leung.
Who is Kuo Sin-leung?
She is the hostess
and the boss of a whore-house.
What?
I tell you the truth,
I took you away because I want to take revenge.
Your husband had taken my wife away.
So I decided to take an eye-for-eye revenge!
Don't blame me!
It's your husband whom you should blame!
Good! ...Really good...
Quickly!
Be quick!
Be quick!...
The customer is waiting.
Be quick!
Come on...
Waiting for a long time.
Hey, big spender, our girls have arrived.
Let me introduce them to you.
She is called Kam-chi. (Golden stem)
She is called Yuk-yip. (Jade-leaf)
She is called Chun-tao. (Spring-peach)
She is called Fei-yin. (Flying sparrow)
She is called Yan Yu-yuk. (Jade-face)
Yu-fen, I...
My lord, what's the matter?
You are sweating heavily! Are you alright?
I want to go back to my hometown!
Shrine of Hsiao-hsiang...
Father-in-law, she...
You still have the gut to see me, don't you!
She died because she missed you so much!
My daring wife!
Forgive me! My darling wife.
I don't mean to hurt you!
Please, that way!
I will come again! I will come again!
Mr. I, Mr. ll!
Mr. Hsiao!
Why can I meet you in such a time and place!
I don't know that
you do visit prostitute, either!
We're both scholar.
You do know that
there are gold houses in books,
there are also beautiful girls in books.
(Jade-faces in books)
It quite normal
to have some romance after studying.
Besides,
there is a real Jade-face in this house.
Jade-face?!
Yes, she is more like
a high-class girl than a whore.
But, it's very difficult to see her.
Is she really that proud of herself?
Yes! If you want to sleep with her,
you must satisfy three requirements.
What requirements?
Knowledge, ability to drink,
and long duration in sexual intercourse.
I have both knowledge and ability to drink.
But, what is the definition of duration?
I am always proud of my sexual ability.
But I have been screwing her over night
she was still not satisfied.
Then, she is really my cup of tea!
Mr. I,
are you really good enough to satisfy her?
Go home and ask you wife if you don't believe.
What?
I mean asking my wife
who respects me very much.
Mr. I, you are so humorous!
Mr. I, this way please!
This way please!
I'm not exaggerating.
My girl, Jade-face, is really something.
She won't see ordinary people.
But you are so handsome, so educated,
and so generous, I'll let you see Jade-face.
Thank you, Sin-leung!
Jade-face! I bring you a noble customer!
Thank you, Sin-leung! Let him come in!
Mr. I, You can go in!
I'll leave you two alone.
Okay!
Ah! "Phoenix chasing each other"!
You play very well!
Mister, please go away!
Why do you send me away?
Did I say something wrong?
Please forgive me. I don't want you to stay.
Lady, you're wrong.
I know you have a strict regulation.
I have both knowledge and ability to drink.
But I satisfy all three requirements
especially sexual ability.
We haven't go to bed, why didn't you accept me?
Then you drink three glasses of wine firstly!
Okay!
Mister, don't you regret!
Miss Jade-face, why are you crying?
You must have a very painful experience.
I'm as miserable as you are.
We are all the same.
Come on, let me hold you.
My lord!
My darling wife! ...You!
My lord!
Are you dead, aren't you?
Father-in-law told me so.
Yes, I'm dead! I'm dead anyway!
Why? Why in this whore-house?...
Kou Sin-leung!...
Kou Sin-leung!...
Let me go!
It's none of your business!
Mister, what's the matter?
What do you do?
Kou Sin-leung!
What's the matter?
Why?
Why did Hsiao-hsiang become a prostitute here?
Keep quiet! Tell me why?
She ran-away from home with a man,
and that man sold her to me.
Who's that man?
He is called Kuan Lu-chih!
Kuan, Kuan Lu-chin!
Oh! God! I deserve this punishment!
Hsiao-hsiang!
Leave me alone!
My daling wife!
How do you do, Mr. Iron-plate.
Oh yeah, young master,
how many relatives do you have?
I have no parents, no brother or sister.
I'm alone.
That's why I want to get married so early.
To marry and to settle down
is the meaning of life.
Very good!
I don't like big family.
A simple family is good to my daughter.
I'll let you marry Hsiao-hsiang!
Thank you so much, father-in-law!
My wish finally come true.
Young master!
The marriage is decided.
Oh God, I have married an iron-beauty.
Are you hurt?
Of course! It's painful!
Let me have a kiss.
What is this?
I won't let you see!
I've seen your whole body,
Why can't I see
such a picture of mandarin ducks.
You laugh at me.
It's okay. I have something to show to you.
The old memory of Han Palace.
Han Palace? Is it also called the Back Palace?
Three thousand girls
in the Back Palace for the king.
Have a look!
It is very beautiful! Won't you see?
I won't! I won't!
This is an old book from my ancestor.
It is invaluable.
Take a glance! It's really beautiful.
Come!
Can't you see that the picture is so lively.
It's very embarrassing.
How can one do such a thing?
Right!
These things are not made for ordinary man.
It's as magical as god if we do these things.
Let's be god for a while!
Our master and mistress are so decadent?
Yes, they even make love
in the garden in the daytime.
I don't know that he's such a bad guy.
He will not be great and good.
I'm wrong to marry my daughter to him!
You look!
You're naughty, my baby!
No...You laugh at me!
Father-in-law!
What's the matter, my son-in-law?
I am living in such a place
that I know nothing about the world outside.
I can find no good-teacher, and no good friend.
I want to go to the capital
for a public-examination,
so that I could be a government official.
I think that you will be happy
to hear about this.
Since you're been
my son-in-law for half a year,
you have never said such a right word.
I'm so happy that
you want to take this examination.
Very good!
We're just married,
I'm afraid that
Hsiao-hsiang wouldn't let me go.
Man is made for the world!
She couldn't say a word.
My son-in-law, feel free to go to the capital!
I will take care of Hsiao-hsiang!
No, you can't...!
I won't primose.
If I haven't met you,
I would never know that life is so joyful.
You are leaving tomorrow.
You may never come back!
You can't go! ...You can't!
My lord, this is my family's old treasure.
It would make you safe in the journey.
Take it with you!
I wish that
you will thinking me when you see it.
Yu-yi, you must take care of her.
My lord, take care of yourself!
I will.
Young master, I don't understand.
You've been married less than a year,
and you love each other so much.
How could you tolerate this separation
from your wife.
I won't stick to a single flower,
and give up one garden of delight.
Waiter! I've been sitting here for an hour,
why did the late-comer in the neighborhood
has the food first?
This...
Waiter, would you take back the food
to this gentleman?
Thank you!
Don't mention it!
I'm sorry!
Never mind!
Master, you are very kind.
Would you mind drinking with me?
I dare not...
It's my pleasure!
You, a scholar, shouldn't be so discreet.
Everyone in the world could become friend.
I'm not knowledgeable
but I like meeting new friends.
You're very generous.
Let's drink!
I will be the boss, Mister.
No, I will be the boss!
Sit down please!
Would you mind telling me your name?
I'm I Yun-sheng, and yours...
I Yun-sheng, what a good name.
My name is very poor. I'm Chen Chi-lin.
What? Chen Chi-lin!
Oh, young brother, are you frightened?
You shouldn't be so careless.
Does it matter?
Nothing!
He's that magic thief
who steals a thousand families in one night.
Young master...
I remember. He's that famous Chen Chi-lin.
Dare not!
You are a great hero really.
I admire you very much!
Mr. Chen, don't you afraid to be caught?
I won't change my name in any occasion.
I'm not a real hero if I'm afraid.
To proof one is guilty, evidence is needed.
Even if I go to the court myself
and tell than who I am,
they cannot arrest me!
Besides, everyone is trying to please me.
They are afraid that I will steal their houses
if they make me angry.
There must be some romantic events
when you steal at night?
Of course! It's no need to argue.
Many lonely women didn't refuse my robbery,
so as to sleep with me just for one night.
And I won't refuse them either,
and one that is as smart as you,
would also have lots of romance.
This way please!
Sit down!
Sit down please!
Sit! Sit!
What do you like, Sir?
Give me two bowls of noodles.
Noodles! O.K.!
Mr. It Mr. I!
What are you staring at?
One proverb says
one shouls enjoy life while one is young.
There'll be no regret in my life if I could
sleep with many girls when I am young.
Mr. Chen, to speak frankly,
I'm leaving home in the name of
taking the public examination.
Instead, my aim is to search
for beautiful girls.
Since you have such an idea,
I'll keep my eye open for you
when I'm robbering.
Thank you so much, Mr. Chen.
I'm Bei Xiang-yu, 20 years old.
My husband is called Hsiao Hsiang-tsu,
God bless me, please give me a child
so that my family can continue.
How do you do, lady!
Gut-cheung, let's go!
Yes, Madam!
Bei Xiang-yu, 20 years old!
Who is it?
Oh Mr. Chen!
Your room are lighted up,
I know that you are not sleep.
I couldn't sleep.
You can tolerate such a small and bad room.
Do you date beautiful girls frequently at this.
Hey, long time no see!
Let's drink happily!
Good! Please!
Mr. I, did you have any romance
when we were departed?
No, I just stayed alone watching the sky.
By the way,
did you find any beautiful girl for me?
How can I forget! It's always on my mind.
But most of them are just ordinary ones.
Few of them are extremely beautiful.
Searching for such a long time,
I see an excellent woman finally.
Tell me quickly
which family does she belongs to.
Listen to my description of her first.
One day I discovered a rate beauty
while I walked passing an alley.
She is the most beautiful woman
I have ever seen.
Her name is Yu-fen.
Her husband is Kuan Lu-chih.
He is rude and always let his wife alone.
It's just a flower
being put upon some cow's dung.
Then, when will I see this beautiful woman?
But I still have a doubt.
You are so enthusiastic
to look for other girls,
then how long could you last
for every sexual intercourse?
More or less an hour.
An hour?!
What are you laughing about? Chen?
You are just at the ordinary level.
If you just make love with your wife
and without compare to other,
You are not that bad.
But if you want to
have illicit sexual relations,
You will be laughed
at with such sexual ability.
Then, can I take medicine
to make myself stronger?
In bed, real ability is most important.
Both long duration and size of cock are needed.
If you don't mind,
Can I measure the length of your cock?
I'm quite proud of my cock's size.
Let's see after the measurement.
You just overestimate your own ability.
With such ability,
you can satisfy your wife only.
Stop dreaming about any sexual relation
outside marriage.
Young master, why are you in such low spirit?
Don't ask anymore!
Sorry! Sorry!
How can such things be written?
Don't look, let's go...
Look! Young master!
A great physician,
teaching the art of making love,
can enlarge male's genitals.
Great! I'm saved!
Do you want to learn the skill?
Come in!
Mister, generally, it is easy to teach you
how to make love in long duration
but cannot enlarge your cock,
I've just seen that words
about enlarging male's genitals,
so I come to visit you.
There's several methods,
depend on what kind of man being treated.
Could you explain clearly?
It depends on how long is your cock originally,
and how large do you want to enlarge?
I am so fond of sleeping with beautiful girl,
but with a small cock,
there's nothing I can do.
Now I've met you, master, how lucky I am!
It's like saving my life
if you can make my genitals bigger and longer.
I'll try my best if you insist.
Great! We'll count it settled.
What a cock!...
Mr. Chen, the physician
did a successful operation for me.
Now, my small cock are turned large and long.
Would you still look down on me?
You are immovable in sex romance.
You just deserve my respect!
Do the beautiful woman
live in this narrow alley?
Right!
I want to buy some white silk.
Do those at the doorway satisfy you?
Why not?
I'm afraid you, lady, don't want to sell them!
Please wait for a while.
I'll get more silk for you to choose.
Hey, you are making eyes at each other.
I think that she's in love with you.
This time, you will succeed definitely.
I have this feeling also!
Mister, please have a look.
This piece of silk is yellowish.
It's not my cup of tea.
This is really white!
Why did you say that it is yellowish?
Oh, I see! It's because
your hand is so white and beautiful that
it makes me feel that the silk is yellowish!
The silk seemed so white
when compared to his dark skin.
Mister, you are humorous.
My friend never joke.
Madam, I want ti buy ten jin of white silk.
But I need silk as white as your hands!
Madam, do you need some deposit?
There are, something, false money,
but my silk is 100% real silk.
We're first met,
How did you know my ability?
Let's go inside, have a drink and talk a white.
Please!
It's a great business.
I think I can enjoy a lot also.
My darling wife!
Tonight is the Mid-autumn Festival.
I go to see opera with my friend
and won't be back tonight.
Honey!
Don't be angry!
I'll stay with you tomorrow night.
Go away!
Don't be angry!
Bullshit!
Who's angry! I'll be mad if you don't go.
Madam, I miss you so much!
Madam!
Madam, you are the best...
Who are you?
That's me. You are marvelous!
Let's make love once more.
Where is my madam?
I'm a vanguard!
You must fight with a vanguard
before fighting with the real one.
Where's my madam? The real one?
Honey, I'm here!
You cheated me!
Yu-fen, this guy is really great!
I've finished my job. I'll go now.
Thank you, Sister Fa!
Don't mention it, I've got my share too.
I'm go now!
Madam, why did you test me?
To lost my chastity is a minor problem,
I cannot stand one, like you,
that has a good appearance
but has no ability,
I won't satisfied in intercourse
I can't afford such a loss.
So you sent that monster to testify me!
Wash yourself
with the bowel of water over there.
Why?
I don't want to be contaminated since
you're make love with the so-called monster.
And don't forget to wash your mouth!
Yes, Madam!
I know, in the very beginning,
that she is a bitch.
I cannot control her.
Uncle Fa,
I just can't believe that she has the gut...
to ask for a divorce.
Ah Kuan, I'm very sorry to hear about this.
It may be your fault
to have such a beautiful wife.
Look what you are like in the mirror.
You should know that
She will love another man.
What should I do now, Uncle Fa?
Evidence is needed to proof her guilty.
But you have no evidence,
and I heard that the guy whom your wife loved
has a powerful friend.
What kind of powerful friend?
I heard it from my wife.
That she saw, many times,
that magic thief Chen,
go in and out of your home!
Damn it, I won't let them sleep well.
I must kill them!
Don't be so angry.
Let's have a talk firstly.
What else should we talk?
Listen to me!
Your wife didn't love you anymore.
It's no use to kill her
besides it will make the magic thief angry
and you will get into trouble.
I think it's better to sell her to somebody,
then you can have money to buy a new moman.
So why not achieve two things at one stroke?
Right?
But, where can I find a buyer?
Right!
The one that we are talking about is coming.
You must be Mr. Kuan, right?
What do you want?
I'm I Yun-sheng,
I want to have a drink with you.
I'm not in mood!
In fact, I want to make a deal with you.
What kind of a deal?
This is your wife's letter.
Please take a glance.
I don't know a single word!
Then, I tell you the truth.
Your wife want to stay with my friend.
I think you know that things has changed,
won't go backward.
Here's the money to buy your wife! Take it!
Thank you very much, my brother!
Don't mention it!
Tomorrow, I'll travel afar for my business.
You take care of yourself! Brother!
Let' drink!
My husband have left for a long time
and didn't send me a letter.
Didn't he forget about me?
I miss him so much!
Sir, I've heard that
there is a ruined garden in your house.
I'm poor and want to get a job.
Would you kindly employ me to be a gardener?
To rebuild a ruined garden is a difficult task!
You know!
I've done hardwork since I was a kid.
You can give me a few day of probation, Sir.
You can dismiss me if I'm not suitable.
You seem so honest.
Okay, I give you this job!
By the way,
you have to sleep in the story room.
I'm a single-man, so I can sleep in any place.
That's good! Besides gardening,
you have to do anything casual of the house.
Yes, of course! Sir!
My lord, do I look good?
Yes, very good!
You should stay in bed, honey!
Try not to disturb the foetus.
Yes, I know.
What are you doing?
I'm studying? The examination is coming soon.
I want to pass the examination
and become a government official.
I'm afraid that you won't love me anymore
if you become an officer.
Don't be silly!
I swear that I love you, always!
Swear?
People like you always lie.
I won't believe you.
Gut-cheung, let's go there and have a look.
Yes!
Madam, can I help you?
I just look around.
Please! Please!
Let's go!
Lady, don't go please!
Isn't she living next to me?
She must be at home at this time.
Robber! Robber!
Don't shout! It's me! Don't be afraid!
Robber! ...Who are you?
Get lost at once
or I call my servant to arrest you.
Lady!
Lady!
How do you do!
I've been searching you for a longtime
and finally I can get you at ease.
Get lost! What do you want?
I call the police if you don't go!
Lady, it's destiny so that we've met.
People living far apart will finally meet
because of destiny,
beside, we're in the neighborhood.
Since we've departed in the temple,
I miss you everyday.
Where is my fan?
I keep it in my pocket!
We live in the neighborhood,
but you come to see me so late.
I don't want it anymore!
Why are you so painful?
If I know you are next to me early enough,
I won't be so sad and depressed,
and climbed the wall, jumped thro the window
and finally fell to the ground.
Are you painful? Did you hurt?
Yes, of course.
You deserve it. God will punish you!
I've done so many things and got hurt.
It's time for me to get my fair share.
Kuan!
Yu-yi!
Kuan!
Yu-Yi, can I help you?
Did...Did you have a wife?
I'm not that fortune.
You are a honest man.
That's why my young madam
always talk about you.
Do you know
you are the only young man in this house?
Where is the husband of the young madam?
He is touring for a long time
and have not come back.
Can I ask a question?
Did her husband called I Yun-sheng?
How did you know?
I've heard other people said.
Kuan, you are working hard.
Do you want to get married?
Sir, I'm just a poor servant.
I can only support myself.
How can I manage to have a wife?
I need a servant as honest
and hard working as you.
If you don't mind,
I employ you as a permanent worker.
Beside, I let you marry Yu-yi.
Do you like it?
Thank you, Sir! I can settle down finally!
Thank you, Sir!
Yu-yi! It's cold! Let's go to bed earlier.
I'm afraid that
young madam would call me to work!
Tonight is our first night of marriage,
Young madam is generous,
she'll let you free tonight!
Let's go!
Let's get in the room!
Come!
Oh god! What date is today?
The Fifth day of January, what's the matter?
My husband would take his student home
at this day every new year.
He is probably coming back. Get up!
I go back by climbing the wall.
It's too late,
you hide yourself under the bed.
I haven't finished yet.
I've got it.
I sit on here
and you continue screwing underneath, O.K.
Great!
Master!
My darling wife, I've brought two students
to greet you "happy new year".
Come...
How do you do!
I just woke up and haven't get dressed up yet,
I'm sorry that
I can't get out of bed to greet you.
Daring, you love new-year-cake very much.
See! They have brought you new-year-cake.
I don't want to eat.
Let's play cards.
Play cards?
Let's play beside the bed!
Play beside the bed!
All right! Are you ready?
Yes!...
Let me divide the cards?
As you like it!
One for you, one for him, one for me...
One for you, one for him, one for him...
One for me, one for you, one for him...
Me...You...Him...
My darling, are you alright?
I'm game-over!
Game-over?
Yeah!... Yeah!...
You are wrong!
What are you doing? Do you want to rape me?
Get lost! ...Help...
Young madam, listen to me!
I come to work in this house,
because I want to see you and love you.
I'm be witched by your beauty
and cannot get rid of it.
I cannot tolerate anymore!
Please forgive me, madam!
My lord!
I've been living in the neighborhood
for half a year.
Until tonight, we can't sit together
and appreciate the snow.
We are lucky somehow.
I'm busy in managing my school
and seldom have this leisure feeling.
Your wife is pregnant.
When she gives birth to her baby,
you must invite me your celebration party!
Sure! Sure!
We're so happy.
Let's play game!
Good! Drinking wine,
watching the snow, and playing game
are the happiest things in life!
Let me introduce a title.
Everyone here is highly educated,
I'm not that knowledgeable.
I just sit and watch you playing!
So, it's my turn first.
It is clear with water,
becomes green without water.
Omit water and add an heart,
then it become emotion.
We look for Buddhist instead of gold,
and look for the emotion of water
instead of the emotion of fish.
It's my turn.
It is a river with water,
a question mark without water,
omit water and add a bird, it becomes a hen.
Good words! Good words!
It's a lucky wolf as brave as tiger,
an unlucky phoenix even worst than a hen.
Mr. I, it's your turn!
Okay!
It's a river named "key" with water,
it still reads "key" without water.
Omit water and add a character of "owing",
it become "humiliation".
Just like a dragon is humiliated
by a small shrimp in shallow water,
so as a tiger being humiliated
by a dog in a plain.
Good! Very good!
Let's drink!
Cheers!
We can't let my father know
what has happened between us.
Of course!
This morning your dad asked me
when will Yu-yi be pregnant,
so that my family can expand.
I just didn't know what to say!
I won't let you have another woman,
including Yu-yi!
Hsiao-hsiang,
I've never known that you're so possessive.
I won't let you leave me!
Hsiao-hsiang, we can stay together everynight
only if we're careful enough.
In fact, I do not love Yu-vi.
I'm not satisfied with her.
She is not my type, you are!
Why are you crying?
I don't want to meet you so secretly anymore.
My dad is old-fashioned,
if he knows our relationship,
and I'm having your child,
he surely will kill me.
You...You're having my child?
The only way is to run-away, both of us!
Why so long! Be quick!
I'm tired!...
I'm very tired...
Hsiao-hsiang!...
Hsiao-hsiang!...
Hsiao-hsiang, are you all right?
Hsiao-hsiang...
Lu-chin!
You wake up, finally.
Where am I?
Don't worry.
Why are we lying in this room?
My baby? What happens to my baby?
It's better,
I'm free now.
What did you say?
Now listen!
When you recover, you won't see me anymore.
You are going to leave?
Not me, it's you!
Do you want to take me home? I won't go!
I don't have the courage to see my dad!
I know! So I've sold you ti Kuo Sin-leung.
Who is Kuo Sin-leung?
She is the hostess
and the boss of a whore-house.
What?
I tell you the truth,
I took you away because I want to take revenge.
Your husband had taken my wife away.
So I decided to take an eye-for-eye revenge!
Don't blame me!
It's your husband whom you should blame!
Good! ...Really good...
Quickly!
Be quick!
Be quick!...
The customer is waiting.
Be quick!
Come on...
Waiting for a long time.
Hey, big spender, our girls have arrived.
Let me introduce them to you.
She is called Kam-chi. (Golden stem)
She is called Yuk-yip. (Jade-leaf)
She is called Chun-tao. (Spring-peach)
She is called Fei-yin. (Flying sparrow)
She is called Yan Yu-yuk. (Jade-face)
Yu-fen, I...
My lord, what's the matter?
You are sweating heavily! Are you alright?
I want to go back to my hometown!
Shrine of Hsiao-hsiang...
Father-in-law, she...
You still have the gut to see me, don't you!
She died because she missed you so much!
My daring wife!
Forgive me! My darling wife.
I don't mean to hurt you!
Please, that way!
I will come again! I will come again!
Mr. I, Mr. ll!
Mr. Hsiao!
Why can I meet you in such a time and place!
I don't know that
you do visit prostitute, either!
We're both scholar.
You do know that
there are gold houses in books,
there are also beautiful girls in books.
(Jade-faces in books)
It quite normal
to have some romance after studying.
Besides,
there is a real Jade-face in this house.
Jade-face?!
Yes, she is more like
a high-class girl than a whore.
But, it's very difficult to see her.
Is she really that proud of herself?
Yes! If you want to sleep with her,
you must satisfy three requirements.
What requirements?
Knowledge, ability to drink,
and long duration in sexual intercourse.
I have both knowledge and ability to drink.
But, what is the definition of duration?
I am always proud of my sexual ability.
But I have been screwing her over night
she was still not satisfied.
Then, she is really my cup of tea!
Mr. I,
are you really good enough to satisfy her?
Go home and ask you wife if you don't believe.
What?
I mean asking my wife
who respects me very much.
Mr. I, you are so humorous!
Mr. I, this way please!
This way please!
I'm not exaggerating.
My girl, Jade-face, is really something.
She won't see ordinary people.
But you are so handsome, so educated,
and so generous, I'll let you see Jade-face.
Thank you, Sin-leung!
Jade-face! I bring you a noble customer!
Thank you, Sin-leung! Let him come in!
Mr. I, You can go in!
I'll leave you two alone.
Okay!
Ah! "Phoenix chasing each other"!
You play very well!
Mister, please go away!
Why do you send me away?
Did I say something wrong?
Please forgive me. I don't want you to stay.
Lady, you're wrong.
I know you have a strict regulation.
I have both knowledge and ability to drink.
But I satisfy all three requirements
especially sexual ability.
We haven't go to bed, why didn't you accept me?
Then you drink three glasses of wine firstly!
Okay!
Mister, don't you regret!
Miss Jade-face, why are you crying?
You must have a very painful experience.
I'm as miserable as you are.
We are all the same.
Come on, let me hold you.
My lord!
My darling wife! ...You!
My lord!
Are you dead, aren't you?
Father-in-law told me so.
Yes, I'm dead! I'm dead anyway!
Why? Why in this whore-house?...
Kou Sin-leung!...
Kou Sin-leung!...
Let me go!
It's none of your business!
Mister, what's the matter?
What do you do?
Kou Sin-leung!
What's the matter?
Why?
Why did Hsiao-hsiang become a prostitute here?
Keep quiet! Tell me why?
She ran-away from home with a man,
and that man sold her to me.
Who's that man?
He is called Kuan Lu-chih!
Kuan, Kuan Lu-chin!
Oh! God! I deserve this punishment!
Hsiao-hsiang!
Leave me alone!
My daling wife!