Father Came Too! (1964) - full transcript
A young married couple experience difficulties doing up a cottage, and are hindered by the wife's father.
(upbeat music)
(romantic music)
- Love me darling?
- Pardon?
- I said,
do you love me?
- What do you think?
(knocking on door)
Come in.
- A cable for Monsieur.
- Oh thanks.
What time is it?
- It's three o'clock, Monsieur.
- In the afternoon?
(speaking in foreign Language)
- Tip darling.
- I haven't any money on me.
(speaking in foreign Language)
- How much did you give her?
- 10 francs.
- That's nearly a pound.
- Oh, what does it matter?
We're on our honeymoon.
- Oh no.
- What is it?
- The house has fallen through.
- But it can't, you signed the contract.
- Yes, our half but the other chap hasn't.
He's backed out.
- Oh well, we've two whole
days before we worry about it.
- 43 hours, actually.
Oh well, we'll just have
to get a furnished place
And start looking all
over again, l suppose.
- We could go and stay with Daddy.
- No, it'd be better in our own place.
- It'd be cheaper.
- Well?
- Give you chance to get to know him.
- I know him already.
- No you don't, he's
an old darling really.
(dramatic music)
(thunder crashing)
- You're three minutes late, Lang.
- Your watch is fast.
- My watch is never fast.
(grandfather clock chimes the hour)
- Never?
- I will take that tea in to Mrs. Munro.
- Mrs. Munro prefers me to take it.
- My daughter prefers me to take it.
- The tea will get cold.
- Since the days, Lang, when l rescued you
from the inept performance of small parts
in provincial theaters,
I have become inured,
Amongst many miseries, to cold tea.
(grand music)
♪ Here's a great big fat
girl twice the size of me ♪
(humming)
Lang, have Fridella attend to me.
(humming)
(thunder rolls)
♪ She's the kind of girl
to marry me me me me me ♪
♪ She's the kind of girl
to marry me tiddly push ♪
Terrible fog in here, let's have some air.
(calm music)
Good morning darling.
Good morning Dexter, rise and shine.
- The old ham.
- You sure you don't want me
to run you to work darling?
- Well your father's been kind
enough to offer me a lift,
So there's no point in
us both getting wet.
- Dexter, be so good as
to open the garage doors.
There's no point in us both getting wet.
- No, well good bye till
lunchtime Mrs. Munro.
- I'll think you every
minute till then Mr. Munro.
And I'll think of you
all the time too darling.
- Come along you two, you aught to have
Got over that sort of thing months ago.
Take that jacket off,
you’ll make the seat wet.
The gate, Dexter.
(horn honking)
Come on, Dexter.
(horn honking)
Come on, man.
(thunder rolling)
I'm sorry I can't take you
any nearer to your office,
But I go a different way from here.
- Well, if you'd said that before.
- Yes?
- Oh, never mind it's
only 1 0 minutes walk.
(inspirational music)
(dramatic music)
(groaning in pain)
- Don't worry, I saw
everything, it was self defense.
How terrible.
- Well, I thought it
was rather good myself.
- Aye?
- We were only rehearsing my
play, A Knife in the Back.
I play the leading role.
- At the Royal, Thursday,
Friday, and Saturday.
- One or two still available,
Store's half a crown,
bench is one and six.
- I’m looking for a house.
- Who isn't?
Kindly deal with this person
Miss Ledgeworth, will you?
- l'm looking for something small,
Well built, and not too expensive name.
- Name?
- Dexter Munro, and l'm already on
The books of seven other estate agents.
- Address?
- Elsinore, Beacons Cross,
care of Sir Beverley Grant.
- Sir Beverley Grant?
- Yes.
- Are you staying with him, sir?
- Well, he's my father-in-law.
- Really?
I'll deal with this
gentleman, Miss Ledgeworth.
- Oh, that's kind of you.
- Yes, not at all.
Your father-in-law,
what a marvelous actor.
I model my belch on his.
And did you see his bottom
at the Old Vic, tremendous.
- Yes, but about the house.
- Oh yes, of course, you'd like
to do something right away would you?
- Well, as soon as possible.
- Well, how about this afternoon?
My services are always
at a client's disposal,
even on a Saturday afternoon.
- But Roddy, you promised you'd take me...
- Another time, another
time Miss Ledgeworth.
- I don't want to spoil anything.
- No no, not at all.
Just gonna play tennis, you know.
We’ll play another game
tonight instead, won't we yes?
Yes, now I'll pick you up at three o'clock
At Elsinore this afternoon,
is that all right.
- Oh yes, it's very kind of you.
- Not at all lad.
Sir Beverley will be there won't he?
- Well, I expect he will.
- I'll certainly be
there at three o'clock.
Glad to have been of help, good day then.
My foot is on the first rung
of the ladder, Miss Ledgeworth.
Everyone tells me I
must turn professional.
Now if I can get Sir Beverley
to give me an audition...
- Could you get me one too, Roddy?
- Well now first things first, Lana.
It's what I've always wanted.
With my acting ability, and my sex appeal,
Nothing can stop me.
I can see my name flashing
in Piccadilly right now,
Roderick Chipfield, Roderick Chipfield.
- Sir Roderick Chipfield.
- We mustn't rush things.
(giggling)
- [Miss Gadsgill] Wedgewood Travel Agency.
- Good morning.
- [Miss Gadsgill] Can I help you.
- Good morning, Miss Gadsgill.
Good morning, Mr. Donovan.
Morning, Miss Marthrop.
It's still coming down in buckets outside.
Sorry I'm a few minutes
late, Mr. Wedgewood.
Still searching for the house.
I'll make up for lost
time, don't you worry.
(contemplative music)
(calm music)
(romantic music)
(fast paced music)
- Juliet, I've fixed up a foursome for us.
- You'll have to count us out.
- Why?
- We're going to look at some houses.
- What for?
- Dexter wants to buy one.
- What's the matter with this one?
It's warm, comfortable, spacious,
furthermore it has the
measure of being free.
- Dexter appreciates that.
- Well what's the matter with him then?
- Don't you know, he just married.
- He's only himself to blame for that.
Why should I be made to suffer?
This house needs a woman in it.
- Well darling, you have got Lang.
- Lang, what have you been
keeping from me all these years?
- Daddy listen, Dexter and
I want a home of our own.
We like to be alone occasionally.
- Oh excuse me sir, hold it.
(camera clicks)
- Are you suggesting that l'm in your way?
- Well, you are a bit of an
old goose berry sometimes.
Isn't he Dexter?
- Well, yes, sometimes.
I mean well, not exactly, only you know.
- I should hope not.
Anybody could live here without
knowing of my existence.
I'm calm, considerate, self effacing,
And altogether delightful.
- Yes, but...
- People usually pay to enjoy my company.
You have it for nothing all the time.
Now go and get your clubs,
I shall be in the car.
- Ah, Sir Beverley Grant,
if I'm not mistaken.
Off for a quiet game of the
old Scotsman's croquet, hey?
- Who are you?
- Roderick Shipfield sir, estate agent.
And occasional sterling player.
- Are you the individual
who was endeavoring
To sell my son-in-law a house?
- Yes sir, I have that privilege.
- My son-in-law does not require a house.
My daughter prefers to remain with me.
- If I may say so sir, who can blame her?
- So there is no point
in your hanging around.
Well?
- Can I ask a favour of you, sir?
- What is it?
- I’d be eternally grateful
if you'd come and see
my performance in A Knife in the Back
At the local hall on Thursday night.
I've not only written the play
sir, I'm also directing it,
And playing the leading
role, a sex mad killer.
- Thank you very much, indeed.
- Then you'll come, sir?
- No, goodbye Mr. Chip.
- No, Chipfield sir.
- Come along you two, we shall be late.
- I’ve told you darling,
We're going to have a look at some houses.
- Aye, with Mr. Chipfield.
- How sharper than a serpent's tooth
it is to have a thankless child.
- King Lear.
- Oh bravo sir, very well done.
- Juliet?
- Yes, darling.
- Won't you come too sir, please, please?
Room for a small one in front.
- Very well.
You may not be willing to give
up anything for your father,
but your father is perfectly
willing to sacrifice
his weekly game of golf in order that you
should not be saddled with some suburban
Shangri-La at an inflated price.
Drive on.
- [Roderick] Yes sir, right away.
(birds singing)
- You have now spent 65 minutes
searching for Rose Cottage,
A bijou gem set in a
ledge floral surrounding.
Do you think there is any point
in our going on any further?
- Oh it certainly is, Sir Beverley.
I haven't seen the property myself, yet.
I've got a feeling it's
gonna be just what they want.
I'm sorry about this delay, Mr. Munro.
- Oh that's all right, if
it's hard for you to find,
It will be hard for others too.
- No doubt we’ll be able
to persuade the council
Do something about this road, sir.
Rumor has it they're
building a motorway down here
that will greatly increase
the value of the property.
- That sort of rumor Mr. Chesapeake,
Is only believed by the
gullible or the half witted.
- I believe it, sir.
- Exactly.
Is that it?
(inspirational music)
- There we are sir, there.
- Oh, it's not bad darling.
- Not bad at all.
- Obviously, falling to pieces.
Reminds me of a cottage
in Long Live the King,
A play I was in once.
- That was the one where
Bonnie Prince Charlie
Was hiding in the apple tree, wasn't it?
- You're entirely wrong,
I presume you refer
To Charles I I who hid in an oak tree.
- Anyway, you're terribly
good playing royalty.
Do you play polo as well?
- Oh Dexter, a wishing
well, isn't that romantic?
- I suppose it is.
- Nice unique feature actually,
undoubtedly Elizabethan.
It's got the date on it here somewhere.
- 1 666, it's a perfectly ordinary well,
The kind a pussy falls into.
It suggests there is no main water supply.
- Well water is so much
healthier, you know.
It's delicious for the
old Scotch, delicious.
(gagging)
I think pussy's been here already.
- [Dexter] Oh, it's locked.
- Come along darling.
- Seems very solidly built.
Something tells me this
is just what we need.
(Loud crashing)
- Just as I thought, the whole
place is falling to pieces.
- That's nothing to worry about.
- A couple of screws
will soon put that right.
- Course they will.
- And after all, we can do it ourselves.
- We'll do everything ourselves.
Oh no, just a minute dear.
If you don't mind, I'd like to
carry you over the threshold.
- Oh Dexter, what a darling
idea, isn't it Daddy?
- Absolutely darling.
(Loud crashing)
(yelling)
- Now you'll be able to lay a new floor
For yourselves, won't you?
- There we are, after you sir.
This way sir, mind your head.
- It's a bit small, isn't it.
- Much easier to warm up.
Now if you want a larger room,
You can knock down this
dividing wall here.
- What a good idea.
- If you knock down that wall,
You’ll knock down the entire house.
- Now Daddy don't be
such an old pessimist.
Dexter and I are going to
have a look around on our own.
You stay here and talk to Mr. Chipfield.
Come on darling.
- Now sir I'm very, sir I'm very glad
To have the opportunity of
this little chat with you.
You see I'm, I'm anxious
to turn professional.
- Really with Tottenham Hotspur?
- Oh sir, you are quick.
- No, not Tottenham
Hotspur sir, Harry Hotspur,
once more into the breach dear friends,
And all that old Vic stuff.
- Mr. Chipperfield, I fail
to see why I should deprive
the property business of a bad actor
In order to supply the stage
with a bad estate agent.
- It's not much of a kitchen darling.
- No, we’ll just have
to start from scratch.
But try and imagine
what it would look like.
A refrigerator there,
a sink unit there,
a stove there,
And a small cupboard
over in the corner there.
You see what I’ve got in mind?
- Yes, I think I can.
Refrigerator,
sink unit,
stove,
and cupboards.
Yes, I know exactly what you mean.
But wouldn't it be a bit expensive?
- No, not if we're careful.
- Well, Daddy will take care of it.
- Juliet.
I'm not gonna take a penny.
- All right darling, not a penny.
We’ll have a chandelier up there,
Only a small one of course.
- Might that not be a
wee bit ostentatious?
Careful with those floor boards.
- Oh Dexter, isn't it a darling?
We’ll have a four poster here, a big one.
And we’ll have cupboards all
along that wall for my dresses.
And we’ll have another
one her for my shoes.
- That will be marvelous.
Where am I gonna keep my clothes?
- In the spare room, I suppose.
Who are those people?
- [Dexter] They've obviously
come to look over the house.
- We're not to let them.
Tell Mr. Chipfield to send them away.
- Right.
(yelling in pain)
Loose floor board.
- What's happened here?
- Somebody's in our garden.
Mr. Chipfield tell them to go away.
- Sorry Mrs. Munro, that's
Mr. And Mrs. Trumper.
They're clients of ours too.
- Well tell them it's sold.
- Can't do that I'm afraid,
it's up for auction.
You'll excuse me won't you sir?
- What are we gonna do?
- We'll put them off it, of course.
Daddy you must help us,
Even if it's only to annoy Mr. Chipfield.
Oh please darling, you're
such a fabulous liar.
- Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Trumper.
- How do you do?
- Good afternoon.
- So glad you were able to have
A second view of this delightful property.
Yes, opposition, they're
crazy about this place too.
- Quite the pokiest
cottage I've ever been in,
Riddled with dry rot, and the
drains reeking of black fever.
- And it's a pity about the
delinquent school next door.
(wood cracking)
- Oh, Dexter, oh, oh dear.
- I fell.
- Wasn't very clever.
- Well, well, well.
- Come along Cedric,
he's just showing off.
- Excuse me.
- Of course.
(yelling)
(water splashes)
- Really?
- The idea.
- [Juliet] Dexter, are you asleep?
- [Dexter] Yeah.
- Do you think those ghastly
people will buy our cottage?
- They might.
- Couldn't we definitely
decide to buy it ourselves?
- It's an awfully big decision to make.
We better sleep on it.
- I do love it so.
Shan't sleep a wink worrying about it.
(calm music)
(grand music)
(humming)
♪ Good morning my daughter ♪
Come on Dexter, rise and shine.
- That settles it.
We're gonna buy Rose Cottage or bust.
(fast paced music)
- Yes well, from what you're say Mr. Munro
it appears you'll not only
have a delightful property
In Rose Cottage, also a
fairly sound investment.
- Oh I knew that's what
my best friend would say.
- I take it you propose to put up a
Small percentage of the purchase price.
- Exactly, yes.
- Yes while we, excuse
me, while well we advance
the remainder using the house and your
Life insurance policy as security.
- Leaving me with ample
reserves for improvements.
You know, carpets, curtains, etcetera.
- It remains to be seen whether your bid
- Lt remains to be seen whether your bid
Of 4000 pounds is successful
at Friday's auction.
- Well I'll not bid a penny more.
- That's the sort of talk we like
To hear in the County Bank.
- Thanks.
- Apple Cottage.
- Rose Cottage, sir.
- Of course. (chuckles)
- Oh, there's one.
(metal crunching)
- Kindly remove that car.
- I was here first.
- If you were here first,
your sixpence would be in the meter.
- Don't let him get away with it.
- Don't worry, I won't.
- Shall I get the police, Cedric?
- I'll deal with this Muriel.
Out, out.
- Say that again, if you dare.
- Out, out.
- Right that's done it.
(grunting)
- Now, now.
- You know perfectly well that...
(all shouting at once)
- Quiet I say!
Who put the money in the meter?
- I did.
- Cheat.
- Oh you.
- Now then, you know the law sir.
This gentleman hired this
space, so off you go or else.
- My foot.
- Come along, we'll be
late for the auction.
- Do I give you a parking ticket or not?
(metal banging)
Litter.
(horns honking)
- Eight five, eight five
I'm bid, eight five l'm bid.
Do I hear eight? 50, eight 750?
For the gentleman eight 750.
Do I hear 0000, do I hear 0000?
0000 I'm bid, 0000 pounds the first time,
nine for the second time,
Going for the last time at 0000 pounds.
(gavel bangs)
Gone.
Thank you sir, congratulations,
thank you very much.
Shifty eyed bloke with the blue rinse.
Well now we come to Rose
Cottage, a Tudor paradise
Surrounded by health
giving, country fresh air.
Birds in the trees, roses round the door,
Enchanting mod cons at
the bottom of the garden.
- Go on, get on with it.
- Do you mind, sir?
I'm starring at this auction.
(all laughing)
Now who'll start me off
with a realistic bid?
Shall we say 5000?
Oh come along ladies
and gentlemen, come on.
Who'll give me a bid,
anything to get me going.
Come anything, anything, you sir?
- [Man] 1 500.
- Oh really sir, no joking please.
- 3000.
- 3000, 3000 l'm bid, 3000 I'm bid.
Three one, three one.
Three two, do I hear?
Three two at the back there, three two?
Three three anywhere,
three three, three three?
All the threes, 33, all the threes, 33.
Three and four, 34, 34.
Three five at the back there, three five.
3500, any advance on three five?
Three five, 3000, three five, 3500.
3500 going for the first
time at three five.
Going for the second time, 3500.
For 3500 pounds.
- Three six, three six I'm bidding.
- Three six, 3600.
Three six, three 600, three 600.
Three seven, three seven, 3700.
Three eight, three eight,
36, three eight, 36.
Three nine, three nine, three nine.
Do I hear four?
Four, 4000, blind 40, blind
40 I'm bid, 4000 I'm bid.
4000 I'm bid by the distinguished looking
gentleman in the glasses there.
Thank you sir, thank you very much.
400 l'm bid, any advance on 4000?
I'm going for the first
time at 4000 pounds.
Going at 4000 for the second time.
And for the last time 4000 pounds.
Four one I'm bid, four
one, four one I'm bid.
Four one I'm bid, four one l'm bid.
Do I hear four two, do I hear four two?
- Cedric, you're mad,
we've reached our limit.
- [Roderick] Do I hear four two?
Four two I'm bid.
- You promised, no higher than 4000.
- Oh.
- 4200, any advance on 4000 two?
- 4000 three, and damn the consequences!
(all laughing)
- That's the spirit now, 4000 three,
And to hell with the consequences.
Do I hear four four?
Four four l'm bid, four four.
All the fours, 44.
Four five, four five l'm bid, four five.
- Four six, 4000 six.
Four six I'm bid, four six l'm bid.
Any advance on four six?
This is terribly exciting.
4600, 4600 going at for the first time.
Going at 4600 for the second time.
At 4600 pounds,
(gavel bangs)
bingo.
I mean sold for 4600 pounds to the lady
In the charming red and blue straw hat.
- That's no lady, that's my wife.
(all laughing)
- The Rose Cottage is yours aye?
Did you go to the 4000?
- 4600 actually.
- 600 more than we anticipated.
- Well you see there
was a bit of a mix up.
But the place is well
worth the extra money.
- I suppose you expect us to
advance you the sum required.
Yes,
well now.
Yes, well I think we can authorize that,
as long as you don't expect the bank
On every occasion to
subsidize your mix ups.
- Oh no.
- Sign there please.
We’ll fill in the details later.
- Oh, sorry.
To Rose Cottage.
- Rose Cottage, our first home.
Aren't you excited?
- I’ve always wanted
to live in the country.
Just listen to those birds.
- I can hear cows too.
- Do you know something?
This is the first meal that
you've ever made for me.
- Actually darling, Lang
made the sandwiches.
- Oh really, oh well, never mind.
I'm sure they'll be delicious anyway.
(cows bellowing)
- Oh Dexter, the cows
are coming down our lane.
- They'll make an awful mess of the road.
Still, they look very picturesque.
- [Farmer] Watch it, watch it, watch it.
- What do you think you're doing?
- Oh Dexter don't leave me.
- It's all right they won't harm you.
- Afternoon.
- [Dexter] Where do
you think you're going?
- Canther's meadow, yonder.
- Then go around by the lane,
And get those cows off my property.
- You bought Rose Cottage then?
- Yes I have.
- Then you know all about the right away?
Watch it Christine.
- What right of way?
(cows bellowing)
- Dexter they're stampeding.
(dishes clattering)
(cows bellowing)
- This is outrageous,
I'll call the police.
- All right.
- At least I would if I had a phone.
- I'll take a message if you'd like.
But the Captain knows all
about the right of way.
- I'll write to my M P about this.
- The last lot did that too,
but it didn't get them nowhere.
Come on there Lynn, now watch
Jack, damn you naughty boy.
That's it, that's it.
Well, see you next Thursday then.
Good afternoon.
(cows bellowing)
Come on then, come on Bluebell.
(cows bellowing)
- Have they gone?
- [Dexter] Yes, you can
come down now darling.
They've all gone.
- Oh right.
- Everything's all right, don't be afraid.
Come on and give us a nice big kiss.
(cow moos)
- Morning Lana, baby.
- You're half an hour late.
- I’ve been compiling a dossier
on a most valuable property.
- Harvard Hall?
- Roderick Chipfield, the
man with a million faces.
I'll show you.
Tom Brown's school days.
Look back in anger.
Dr. Jekyll.
(gasping)
Mr. Hyde.
The invisible man.
(Laughing)
When Sir Beverley sees
these, I'll be made.
And so Lana baby, will you.
- Oh Roddy.
- L'm going to do what no estate
agent has ever done before.
See if I could be of assistance
After the house has been sold.
(upbeat music)
- [Dexter] What's this?
- [Juliet] Daddy must have sent them.
Don't be angry darling,
he's only trying to help.
- Bulstrodes of Belgravia.
By appointment to the nobility.
That means another 50% on the bill.
- Don't worry darling.
He's probably only giving an estimate.
- Well these tiles will most
certainly have to be relayed.
And at the same time I suggest we repaint
The chimney stacks and check the gutters.
All right sir?
- Yes, windows will have to be
Repainted and the sashes checked.
- What's going on?
- This is my daughter and son-in-law
who are going to I’ve here.
- Morning sir.
Shall we continue with the interior?
- [Sir Beverley] Very well.
- You see my whole aim is to do away with
This ghastly oldy worldy, tea
shoppy, country cottage motif.
And that'll have to go.
- Yes.
- And I suggest we eliminate
this wall leading to the hall,
with perhaps a picture window here with
A terrazzo leading through to the lawn.
- I'm quite content to leave
The artistic details
to you, agreed Juliet?
- I think that's a lovely idea.
- I thought we were gonna
do everything ourselves?
- If this cottage is even
to be remotely tolerable
- If this cottage is even
to be remotely tolerable
It’ll have to be done up by experts.
- Yeah, but wait a minute.
I'm not a millionaire you know.
- You were saying Mr. Bolingbroke?
- I thought the color motifs
would be yellow and apricot.
They're the colours of
the season you know.
- And green.
- Yes, in moderation.
- I don't want to interfere, but...
- What is it Dexter?
- Well this happens to be my
cottage and I'll decorate it
As I want it without
interference from anyone.
Now get out, the lot of you.
- A nice show of gratitude, I must say.
- It is Dexter's cottage darling.
- There was a time when my efforts
To provide you with
comfort was appreciated.
- But Dexter wants to do it his way.
- Very well.
- L'm sorry darling.
- That's all right.
But Daddy's so sensitive.
- Oh I know.
- Do you really think we’ll be
able to do it all ourselves?
- Aye, and for what we can't
do we can find a country
Workman whose prices will
be more within our means.
- Hello, hello there sir.
Looking round the old love nest?
Remember me?
- No audition.
- Oh sir, before you make such
An unwise decision do look at these.
You'll see me in an
entirely new light sir.
- Young man I have no wish
to view your snapshots.
- But I'm the man with
a million faces, sir.
- L'm satisfied at least
you have more than one.
- Oh sir, look.
- Good Heavens.
- Surprises you, aye sir?
I'm a master of the old disguise.
- Disguise, that is major surgery.
- [Roderick] Sir, that's
supposed to be there at all.
- Don't apologise, I
admire your versatility.
- What, oh but this isn't me sir.
But this one is here.
Would you like to see my widow twankey?
- Some other time, Cuddles.
- What, oh but you wont
be wasting your time sir,
I can assure you, I’ve got.
(calm music)
(contemplative music)
(calm music)
- He must be inside.
No messing about aye,
gets on with the job.
(country music)
What's that noise, is it the radio?
- I suppose so.
♪ But you know just where I'll be ♪
♪ I'm gonna scrub a scrub
scrub scrub a scrub yeah yeah ♪
♪ Scrub a scrub scrub
scrub a scrub yeah yeah ♪
♪ Until my baby comes home to me ♪
♪ I'm gonna scrub a scrub
scrub scrub a scrub yeah yeah ♪
♪ Scrub a scrub ♪
- Oh, there you are Mr. Wicks.
- Good morning sir.
We were just taking advantage of
Our tea break to have a little rehearsal.
I don't think you've met my
three assistants, have you?
- No.
- [Josh] That there, that's Stan.
He's on electricals and tenor solos.
And we got Ron, he's
brick works and guitar.
- Hello.
- [Josh] And then that's our Wally,
He's on plumbing and harmony.
- Professionally known as The Scrubbers.
- And of course yours truly,
Jack of all departments.
Get the lady a chair Stan, come on.
- I won't sit down, thank you very much.
- Have you decided on everything
that's needed, Mr. Wicks?
- Well, that's just what
we've been discussing sir.
I mean you don't want to rush into
Any needless expense now do you?
- Well, we'd like an
estimate as soon as possible.
- Ah yes, well I'm afraid
you’ll have to wait
a day or two for that because you see,
Mrs. Wick, you see, she's the accountant.
And she's got a, well she's poorly.
- But it isn't gonna cost
all that much, is it?
- Oh no no, very little, very
little indeed, considering.
- Considering.
- Well, how long before we can move in?
- Oh, let's find out.
Let's see now, what's the date then?
- Friday.
- Friday is it?
Well that's the fifth,
that's the 1?Th, 1 0th.
Well that would be a bit, oh not long.
Well this won't do will it?
Time's money men.
- You shouldn't be here
talking with us you know
Because we're on your time ain't we?
- Wiring all right Mr. Wicks?
- Oh well it's a bit out of date.
But nothing that can't
be put right, aye Stan?
- How much is it going to cost?
- Oh, very little Ma'am,
it's just a little job.
These old fuse boxes
are perfectly all right.
Pliers please Stan.
Provided you treat them right.
(electricity crackles)
(gasping)
See they're never any
good, these old fuse boxes.
Well I never, look at that.
This must have been an
arms dump during the war.
(Laughing)
That's more like it.
- What's that then?
- That's a swallows nest.
If we was Chinese, we'd
make soup out of that.
(Laughing)
- How's it going, any trouble?
- Oh no just a few toes missing,
And a bit loose guttering,
nothing to worry about.
- About a half a day's work, in fact.
- Oh if that, if that Mr. Munro, hey Ron?
- Yeah, that's about the size of it.
- Good, good.
- Is everything all right?
- Oh perfect.
The way things are gone we
should be in in 1 0 days.
Well, a fortnight anyway.
(Loud banging)
- I was under the impression that
My assistance was no longer required.
- Oh don't be silly.
I told you Dexter didn't mean that.
- You told me my dear,
your husband did not.
- Well he will now, won't you darling?
Won't you darling?
- Well naturally I didn't mean to be rude.
It was just that I was getting
so worried about the expense.
I'm sorry.
- I accept your apology unreservedly.
And I think the curtain
material quite delightful
And inexpensive at two pounds a yard.
- This looks like Mr. Wicks' estimate.
Might as well start off with
the bad news first thing.
Gee whiz.
- Anything wrong, Dexter?
- 033 pounds, 11 and five pence.
- That, I dare say, is only a beginning.
- He says the whole roof
will have to be redone.
- L'm sure he does.
That's how these small
time builders exist.
- Listen to this.
For plumbing, 305 pounds.
- Ridiculous, you'll have to
go and see him straightaway.
- I can't, I've already
had one day off this week.
- Well somebody's got to go.
(grand music)
- [Sir Beverley] Your name Wicks?
- That's right sir.
Joshua Wicks, plumber and builder,
And sometime interior decorator.
What's this then?
- Your estimate, it's far too high.
I prefer to go through
it with you item by item.
- So be it.
- Is this one of the skilled labor force
- ls this one of the skilled labor force
Enumerated on page one, section six?
- No, he's my mate
- Yeah.
- To fetch your tools when
you forget them, I suppose.
- I’d be obliged sir if we could dispense
With the customary humor
about plumbers and their mates.
The modern sanitary engineer doesn't
Forget nothing, and neither does his mate.
- Indeed.
- Hey Josh.
- You'll be suggesting
next that young Ron here
Has come to say that he's
forgotten our dinner.
- How did you know?
(upbeat music)
- [Josh] I warn you sir, it
ain't safe up here, is it Ron?
- No, it's falling to bits, look at this.
- There's no need to make
it worse than it already is.
This part's perfectly sound anyhow.
- Oh, but that's one of the good ones.
Look at it, it's disgusting,
disgust I'll tell you.
- Wait till see the chimney stack,
it's cracked right in the middle.
Let's show him Ron, come on.
- There it is.
- What's the matter, nervous?
- Certainly not.
- Well you aught to be, 'cause bit here
Is condemned, as per page three, item 1 7.
- On the contrary.
This section of the
roof is perfectly sound.
I aught to know, I've played...
(Loud crashing)
- Are you all right down there, sir?
Perfectly, one thing my profession
Has taught me is how to fall.
- [Josh] Well mind
where you put your feet.
We do want you going through
the ceiling now do we?
I'll have young Ron,
bring a ladder to you.
Come on Ron.
The revised estimate for roof,
Two dozen more slates, new
joists and underpinning.
Say 23, 1 0?
(Loud crashing)
Plus new bedroom ceiling, say 42 pound.
They never learn.
-? 3 pounds, 1 0.
4? quid.
(upbeat music)
Can you spare me a moment, Mr. Wedgewood?
Well, the fact is that I've
been working pretty hard lately
and it's two years now since
I last asked you for a,
what with my new house and
the unforeseen expenses,
Well I expect you can guess
what I'm about to say.
I wouldn't have brought
the matter up only,
course if business hasn't
been too good lately and you,
You don't feel that
this is the right time?
Well, thanks anyway
forgiving my suggestion your
Kind consideration.
(tyres squealing)
♪ Scrub scrub scrub a scrub ♪
♪ Until my baby comes home to me ♪
♪ Have a couple of guys up ♪
♪ We're gonna scrub a
scrub scrub scrub a scrub ♪
♪ Scrub a scrub scrub scrub a scrub ♪
- Morning.
- Morning.
- [Roderick] Morning Joshua.
- Oh morning sir, in my defense they...
(clay breaking)
- Hello, hello.
Everything all right Mr. Munro?
- Oh fine, fine.
Apart from paying too much for the house,
I have to take two weeks unpaid holiday,
and the builders estimate goes up on
An average of 50 pounds a day.
- Jolly good.
- What do you want, anyway?
- I was hoping to snatch a word
With your delightful father-in-law.
He's anxious to browse
through my scrapbook.
Would you care to?
- Sir Beverley's not
here now and l'm busy.
- Well, is there any chance
of him turning up later then?
- Unfortunately yes.
- Well in that case I'll
wait if you don't mind.
- As you wish, but keep
away from that wall.
- Oh why?
- L'm about to knock it down.
- No no, pickaxe.
No no, pickaxe.
(glass breaking)
- [Josh] Oye, watch it!
- Allow me.
Pickaxe.
It's stuck.
- Aye, I can see that.
(grunting)
I'll have to knock it
out from the other side.
When I shout right, I'll
bash and you pull, right?
- Right.
- Right?
- Right.
(Loud banging)
- Right?
- Call this a bath?
It's too narrow, it's too shallow,
the plug hole is inaccessible,
And the taps are in the wrong position.
It's nothing more than
an exaggerated bidet.
- It's the standard model
for the bijou residence sir.
Most of our customers prefer
the taps in that position.
- I prefer to turn on my bath
With my hands, not with my feet.
The taps should be here in the middle.
- But Daddy, that sort's
far too expensive.
- Don't let spoil the tub
for the hate of the tap.
I want to enjoy my bath when
I come to stay with you.
Let's see if you can't find
something better somewhere.
Now, what about that one over there?
- Oh no.
(calm music)
- This is our deluxe suite sir.
As you can see it has
the single type faucet,
Tastefully disguised in
the shape of a dolphin.
And, as you require, set into
The wall in the central position.
- How much?
- 300 guinea sir, delivery in one week.
- Daddy, we can't possibly let you do it.
- Is there a lavatory included?
- Yes sir.
- Where is it?
Oh, I beg your pardon.
- Would you care to try
the bath for size, sir?
- Naturally.
That's better, have a good splash in this.
All these gadgets work?
(yelling)
Don't me mad, you idiot!
Why on Earth didn't you tell me
This water was turned on, you imbecile?
- Wrong towel sir.
- If I carry on like this I'll be
- If I carry on like this I'll be
Too tired to give Sir
Beverley an audition.
- There's only this wee bit left.
- Can you spare a minute, Mr. Munro?
- What is it?
- Well, what we always say
in the building trade is
There's always surprises
around the corner.
Some's good and some's bad.
You have to take the
rough with the smooth.
Well, to cut a long story
short, as you might say.
It's the roof, wood rot.
The whole lot will have to come down.
- How much?
- Without, as you might
say, committing myself,
300 pound, give or take 50 or so.
- Why didn't someone tell me this before?
- Always have trouble with
these cottage conversions.
I don't know why people ever buy them.
What I mean is, the surveyor
should have noticed.
You did have a surveyor, didn't you?
- There wasn't time.
- Wasn't time?
He never knew.
Well, back to work, time's money.
- Blessing in disguise really.
All these improvements you're making
Will greatly increase the
value of the property.
Not only that, I'm saving
you a great deal of money
By helping you knock down this wall.
(wood creaking)
- Here, what's going on then?
(Loud rumbling)
(upbeat music)
- [Lang] ls this it?
- [Sir Beverley] Yes.
- [Lang] What's it being
used for, target practice?
- Oh Lang.
- You've got about as
much chance of moving
in here this month as I have of dancing
The pasodoble with Dame Margot Fonteyn.
- Daddy don't be like that.
You wait until we get inside,
Dexter's working wonders.
- Oaf!
- L'm terribly sorry.
- Don't worry, he was always
was a sucker for slapstick.
Oh, nice big room.
- Yes, it'll look even bigger
when the ceiling's finished.
- The proper way to whitewash your ceiling
is for the brush never
to leave the surface
except when dipped in the pot.
- Yeah yeah.
- And you missed that bit over there.
- I haven't got to that bit yet.
- What kind of wallpaper
are you going to have?
- We're not having wallpaper,
we're distempering.
- False economy, distemper
flakes, you must have paper.
- Here we go again.
- You keep out of this.
- How about a nice floral design?
- Can't think of anything
quite so disgusting.
What this room needs is
something perfectly simple.
I will endeavor to find it.
- We're not having wallpaper.
- Bath's arrived.
- [Juliet] I do hope you like it.
- Oh, I'm sure I will,
I'll go and get Mr. Wicks.
Oh, would you mind?
- Not at all.
- Daddy.
(grunting)
- Hello hello sir, having a bath?
I was just passing, so
I thought I'd just...
- Chipster I neither know
nor care what you want.
You've chosen the most
inappropriate moment to call.
- You said you'd be good
enough to have a look...
- Now now, thank you.
I'm supervising what's certain
to be a most delicate operation.
- Well, I'm glad to give
you a hand Sir Beverley.
Whilst I'm doing that,
perhaps I can tell you about...
- Careful there, careful.
- Directed by Roger Chipfield, who will
also be appearing in the role of...
- [Sir Beverley] Steady there.
- Sir Walter Raleigh.
It's a very historically festival.
It'll be very colorful and I shall
Personally supervise the whole, hey.
- Must you always draw
attention yourself Mr. Chipmunk?
- I don't blame you being
down there sir, please.
Times money you know.
Come on up with it lads, pitch it up.
- Put all that rubbish down
and lend a proper hand.
- Right away sir.
Wait a minute, my finger's caught,
my finger's caught in the hole.
- Remove it.
(grunting)
- Mind the paintwork
(all talking at once)
- Take the crate off it.
- We'll have to get the
casing off, come on.
(all talking at once)
You aught to ordered a shower you know.
- Now get it erect.
(all talking at once)
- Watch the paintwork
(gong banging)
- Watch what you're doing
you half witted nincompoops.
- Oh wait, it's my father-in-law.
I'm sorry.
The best thing is to get
this round in the door,
And then we can get it over the bannister.
Watch the woodwork.
- Stop sucking your finger
and go and give them a hand.
- Tip it over this side,
now come 'round to it.
- Lend a hand Mr. Chipfield, come on.
- I'll give you a hand, I've got it here.
(all talking at once)
- Mr. Chipfield, you're in the way.
- You'll have to get over the other side,
just get over to this side.
- I don't know whether I can, I'll try.
I can't get my foot out down here.
I'll hold on up here.
(wood breaking)
(yelling)
- Mr. Chipfield, are you all right?
- Don't come in, l'm in the bath.
- Oh dear.
- He always has a bath Fridays.
- Well, what do we do now then?
- Take it outside and start again.
- Come on boys, get it in.
(cows bellowing)
- Go on there Bluebell,
go on there me darling.
Afternoon.
(cows bellowing)
(comical music)
- You cow.
- [Ron] There she goes, now gently, up.
Hold her there, hold it.
- [Josh] This will clean
up a treat, smashing.
- It looks lovely Daddy,
absolutely divine.
- Certainly does, well
worth all the trouble.
Don't you think so, Dexter?
- [Ron] There she is, now hold her there.
Oh oh, no no, wait a minute.
That's it yeah yeah,
now forward, no forward.
- It's in the immortal Micawber,
annual income? 0 pounds,
- It's in the immortal Micawber,
annual income? 0 pounds,
Annual expenditure? 0
ought six, result misery.
You are heading for misery Mr. Munro.
- You see there have been one or two
Unexpected expenses in
connection with Rose Cottage.
- That sir, is putting it mildly.
- The trouble is I can't
get the workmen out.
- What they haven't finished yet?
Well there's only one way to get them out.
You must move in immediately.
- But the central heating
isn't finished yet.
- Central heating?
Even Mrs. Gallagher and I
haven't central heating.
So far as this bank is
concerned, this extravagant
And reckless spending
spree must cease forthwith.
In no circumstances
whatsoever are we prepared
To advance you any more money.
- I must have a hundred or two.
- Then I suggest you borrow
it from your father-in-law.
- I’d rather shoot myself.
- And don't expect the bank
to pay for your funeral.
Good day sir.
(upbeat music)
- Poor daddy, he's going to be so lonely.
- Well, he's got Lang.
Not bad, aye?
- It's lovely.
- Just a minute.
I'll carry you over the
threshold properly this time.
Upsie Daisie.
(Laughing)
- Oh look, it's from Mr. Wicks.
Don't use front door, use back.
- It's not.
(Laughing)
(calm music)
- This is all I've ever wanted.
- Me too.
Mind you I'll I feel happier
When I've got curtains in this window.
- I don't know why you worry about it.
Nobody can see us.
- All the same, I think
I'll put up this blanket.
Oh, damn.
- Don't worry darling,
moonlight's very romantic.
Do you love me?
(romantic music)
(knocking on door)
- What was that?
Oh no.
- Where is everyone?
- In bed.
- Well, it's only 1 0 o'clock, open up.
- What does he want?
- That's what I’d like to know.
- An old man brokered
with the storms of state
Has come to lay his weary bones among ye.
Couldn't let you face it alone.
- But we were just getting into bed.
- [Sir Beverley] Be careful of that,
We must christen the house
in an appropriate manner.
- I suppose you'd better come in.
- Do you mind if I have
the room facing south?
- But that's our room.
- Otherwise I shall keep you
awake all night with my asthma.
(quizzical music)
(calm music)
(grand music)
♪ The young man he was no good ♪
♪ He took me into a shady wood ♪
♪ He done me all the harm he could ♪
♪ And now he's joined the Army ♪
♪ Twiddle da Dee da dum ♪
♪ Da Dee da dum da Dee dum da Dee ♪
Come along now, rise and
shine, seven o'clock.
(upbeat music)
You are 1 0 minutes late.
I presume you will dispense
with your tea break
in order to make up the deficiency.
- Here here, wait a minute.
- [Sir Beverley] Furthermore,
I want all services connected at once.
- Can't be done sir.
- Why not, have you forgotten your tools?
- I’ve already had occasion
to remonstrate with you
About casting aspersions on
the plumbing profession, sir.
The modern sanitary engineer
Is like the proverbial elephant.
- And just as slow.
- Wally, where's Wally?
- Hey, we must have forgot him.
- Which of you is the senior electrician?
- I have that honor.
- [Sir Beverley] Take
me to your circuit box.
- It ain't ready, sir.
- Do as you're told.
- As you say sir.
- What are you, a fugitive
from Jukebox Jury?
- No you see, I'm on the roofing.
And I finished, and I’ve
come to collect all my gear.
- Well see that you got it
all cleared up by lunchtime.
- Yes, lunchtime tomorrow.
- Juvenile delinquent.
- Right, fuse circuit, main switch right?
Down on, up off, right?
- 1 5 amps, that's no good at all.
- But the electricity board says that...
- I don't give a damn what
they say, I want 30 amps.
- But you'll overload the circuit.
- Great heavens man.
Do you mean to say you haven't
Rewired for 30 amps like I told you?
- [Josh] Look sir, these
sort of jobs can't be rushed.
(whistling)
With all due respect sir, I can't go...
- I know what I'm doing.
I played Edison in Let There be Light.
- I don't play if you
played Left Out for Chelsea,
electricity board regulations...
- Do as I say.
- Oh well, if you think you know better
than me and the whole southern region.
- I do.
- A one, two, three, four.
♪ She's oh so sweet the one I need ♪
- I'll give him 30 amps.
♪ Off my feet ♪
(dramatic music)
(Loud exploding)
- Oh dear, oh dear.
- I’ve heard of going off like a bomb,
but this is ridiculous.
- 30 amps aye?
That never learn. (coughing)
- No no, no no, look
look, fold as you go, see.
Like this.
- Oh I see, I'll get another piece.
Not as easy as it looks.
- Never mind, here's another piece.
- Just testing the circuits.
(electricity exploding)
Damn fools.
What do you think you're doing?
- Hanging wallpaper.
- Then I suggest you hang it straight.
- It is a bit crooked darling.
- Does it matter at all that much?
- Of course it does.
If you're going to do a job,
you must do it properly.
It wants shifting about
two inches to the right.
Wasn't any good anyway.
- Get a rag, that ought to hold it surely.
Hang on, and I'll get one.
Hey, Mr. Wicks.
- What's the matter, can't
you find a bit of rag?
You see, we never forgot
him, he come on his bike.
- Is the water turned on yet?
- Before turning on the
water, it is necessary...
- Don't make excuses
man, turn it on at once.
- If we must, so be it.
Walter, Water if you please.
- Hey but Mr. Wicks.
- I am no longer in charge here Walter.
Do as the gentleman says.
(pipes rumbling)
- What's that, air?
Soon get rid of that.
(disposal motor running)
Do something man, do something.
- You mustn't muck about like
that sir, you'll choke it.
- They never learn.
(upbeat music)
- Right?
- Right.
Now a little bit more to the left.
- [Dexter] How's that?
- Fine, we are doing well.
(drum roll playing)
- That's better.
- Well done Daddy, you're clever too.
- That paper's not properly butted.
As the paste dries, the paper contracts.
- And I suppose you think
you can do it better.
- Of course I can, give me that brush.
- I'll do nothing of the sort.
- Now Daddy, you do the pasting.
I've got lots of other things to do.
(upbeat music)
- Come on man.
- Thanks.
- Whoops, nearly right it in Sir Beverley.
Very comical but a bit sticky
around the old buttocks.
I say, you know Mr. Munro
you're turning this place
Into a regular little Shangri,
proper little paradise.
- What do you want,
and why are you wearing
That ridiculous apology for a beard?
- Imitation is the sincerest
form of flattery, Sir Beverley.
(scoffs)
Besides, l'm playing Sir Walter Raleigh
In the pageant, remember?
That's why I came in actually sir.
A couple of tickets
for the VIPs enclosure.
You won't be wasting
your time, Sir Beverley.
I'm at my best in the well known
Puddle scene with Queen Elizabeth.
- I wish you'd puddle off, Mr. Chipfield.
We're trying to get some work done.
- Well I'll help you.
Delighted yeah, yeah.
- What are you doing?
- Just shifting this to
other end of the room.
- Allow me Sir Beverley.
Mustn't over do it at your age.
(comical music)
(groaning in pain)
I beg your pardon sir.
Nearly put your foot in it, Mr. Munro.
- I don't want to seem
ungrateful, but I think I could
Do this job much better
without assistance.
- It's perfectly all right
sir, no trouble at all.
There.
I'm sorry sir.
- Idiot.
- Now, 'round here.
- Remove it.
Paper.
Brush.
Scissors, hold that.
Hold that.
Paste.
Hold that.
Turn it over.
- Paper.
No no, a wee piece for up here.
- Oh right.
(comical music)
- You and your damn poster.
- Oh nasty.
Kaka.
- You want to be careful sir.
Can you spare a moment, please sir?
- Can't you see I'm busy?
- Yes, well I want your
okay on a main fuse box.
And if she blows, I'm not
gonna take responsibility.
- Very well.
Can you spare me a minute?
- L'm coming too, it's my fuse box.
(comical music)
(drum roll playing)
(comical music)
- [Sir Beverley] What's going on?
(comical music)
(contemplative music)
- I think I can guess why you
want to see me Mr. Wedgewood.
You may have been feeling lately that
I haven't quite been pulling my weight.
The fact is I've had so
many financial worries
I can't think of anything else.
I realise that my work may
have suffered a wee bit
And that I have been late five
times in the last two weeks.
But, you weren't thinking
of firing me were you?
And you'd like me to leave
at the end of the month?
At the end of the week?
Thank you.
(calm music)
- Don't worry darling,
you can get another job.
You could even start
your own travel agency.
- What with, my overdraft?
- Where do you want this, Miss?
- Oh just put it down there.
And be careful with it,
it's a valuable antique.
- All right Miss.
- Hello Lang.
- Ah, hello Mrs. Munro.
Is he ready yet?
- Well, no not quite.
- You have told him, haven't you?
- We thought we'd better leave
it until the last minute.
- We better do it now,
otherwise he'll never move out.
Where is he?
- Do you realise that idiot
Wicks persisted in fitting
1 5 amp fuses, directly
contrary to my instructions?
I told him to fit 30 amps.
- Daddy, Dexter has
something to say to you.
- Certainly my boy, what is it?
- Yes, I wanted to ask you if...
- Don't worry about me,
I'm perfectly comfortable.
Lang, what are you doing here?
- Come to take you home.
They're fed up with you
interfering in everything.
- Is this so?
- Course not darling, it's
just that Dexter and I
Feel you'll be better
off in your own house.
- We've enough trouble as it is.
I mean we should start off
married life on our own.
- I see.
So your father isn't wanted.
Lang, be so kind as to fetch my bags.
- I mean it's a perfectly normal
Thing for a young married couple.
- Perfectly normal.
I stay too long by thee, I weary thee.
Thus thou so hunger at my empty
chair that thou would needs
Invest with mine honors
before thy hour be right?
Oh foolish youths.
- Henry four, part two, act
four, scene five, terrible.
- When you're ready, Lang.
- I feel awful turning him out like this.
- Oh now don't you fall for
his hearts of lance routine.
- [Juliet] What's the matter Daddy?
- Nothing, I'll be all right in a minute.
- Don't worry.
He always does that when
he can't get his own way.
It's only wind.
I really am going to fire that man.
- You're feeling better already, aye?
- Goodbye my dear.
I trust I’ve left nothing
behind that reminds you of me.
- Do you think he’ll be all right?
- Of course he will, selfish old fool.
I say good riddance.
- That's not a very nice thing to say
after all he's done for us.
- Done for us?
He stuck his nose in every time,
he doubled our building costs,
And given me so much
worry I've lost my job.
- That's nice thing to
say about my father.
You've made mistakes too.
- Aye, and the biggest was to
get him for a father-in-law.
- So it was a mistake to marry me, was it?
- I didn't say that, it's only
your father I can't stand.
- Then it's a pity you let him house you,
Feed you, and entertain you, all free.
- Oh he did it to please himself.
He's a miserable, sanctimonious,
cantankerous old buzzard.
- Do you really think that?
- Yes I do.
- Then this is what I think of
you, (slap lands) I hate you!
- Where do you think you're going?
- Back home, where I belong.
- Juliet come back, I
didn't mean anything.
She'll wreck the car.
(sombre music)
(upbeat music)
(electricity crackling)
(upbeat music)
(electricity crackling)
(upbeat music)
(fire blazing)
(upbeat music)
(dramatic music)
- Fire, fire!
Operator?
(dramatic music)
My house is on fire, can you
take me to the fire station?
- Sure jump on the back.
(upbeat music)
- Do you have to quite so fast?
- We're only doing a tonne.
You're the one who's
in a hurry aren't you?
(upbeat music)
- Going to a fire?
- Coming away from one, actually.
You see my house is on
fire, and this young fella...
- Can't you think of
anything better than that?
Let's have a look at your license.
- No I've got to get the fire brigade.
- Oh yeah, your Reticence please.
- I haven't got it on me.
- Don't you understand,
my house is on fire!
- All right, you can't
interfere with the law.
- Oh, you stupid great nut.
Thanks for the lift.
- Hey, come back.
(engine trying to crank)
Oh no you don't.
- I'll write up for resist for a start.
- Anybody here?
(bell ringing)
(knocking on door)
- Yes?
- Quick, puck, oh sorry.
Fire.
Fire!
- Now now sir, no need to
panic, no need to panic.
Name?
- Oh hurry, Munro.
- Harry Munro.
- No no, it's Dexter.
- Harry Dexter.
- My house is on fire.
- This is not the first fire
The Pillsbury Brigade's
been called upon to attend.
Address?
- Rose Cottage.
- Rose Cottage, where sir?
- Pillsbury you damn fool.
- Pillsbury you damn. (laughing)
(door slams shut)
Care to climb aboard sir?
- Haven't there any other firemen?
- You've chosen a bad day for a fire sir.
All my lads are at the pageant.
♪ It's a hey naughty no
and a scrub a scrub scrub ♪
♪ Hey naughty no and a
scrub a scrub scrub ♪
♪ Until my lady comes home to me ♪
♪ My lady left me ♪
♪ I don't know why ♪
♪ Was she unhappy ♪
♪ Did I make her cry ♪
- Oh awfully good Harold, I'm
sure you'll die a great death.
- Oh, thanks very much Mr. Chipfield.
- Keep a nice straight back, Sir Frances.
Is your posture quite right?
- I’ve never had any complaints before.
- Oh Bruce, you look marvelous.
Now, if at first you don't succeed.
- Give up.
- Ah, incredible atmosphere
Charles, incredible.
- This wig's giving me a terrible itch.
- Nellie, don't let them drop out.
(giggles)
Good luck everyone, good luck.
Don't lose your head.
Oh, I like the hairdo.
(giggling)
Now remember chaps, no smoking.
(dramatic music)
(flames crackling)
(bell ringing)
- Look at all those people,
what we're gonna do?
(upbeat music)
(metal crunching)
(upbeat music)
- What's going on?
(all shouting at once)
- Take this monster out of here.
- Wicks, drop that and
get to the fire house.
There's a fire.
- Is there, all right.
- And Perkins, drop that
banjo and get to this fire.
- You can't have them,
they're on the May pole.
(all shouting at once)
The show must go on.
(Loud explosion)
(all shouting at once)
- Come over here, Nellie.
(fast paced music)
- Only take a couple of minutes now, sir.
(bell ringing)
- What are you gonna do?
(dramatic music)
(fire crackling)
(birds singing)
(bell ringing)
(cows bellowing)
Sound the horn.
(cows bellowing)
- Afternoon.
- Out of the way there,
can't you see there's a fire?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah been
going on for some time now.
Where you be?
Come on me darlings.
- Here Mr. Wicks, it's on fire.
- I know, that's why we come isn't it?
- No the engine.
- Oh, I thought you meant the house.
I was gonna say I know.
- Brake, someone get the brake water.
- Where's the hydrant,
where's the hydrant?
- Oh we ain't got one,
we’ll have to use the well.
- Right, get the pumps working.
- Don't just stand there, come and help.
(cows bellowing)
- Get them cows out the way.
- We were here first.
- If you could even get some
of the smaller valuables out.
No, what are you doing you silly, big ass.
The door's open.
- Afternoon.
- Right.
- What do you think you're doing?
- First things first, she's on fire.
- First things first?
- She'll go up like a rocket
if those flames goes up.
- And what about my house?
- Don't worry.
Right Perkins, living room.
Get number two hose working.
- Oh right.
- Don't you worry now sir.
We’ll soon have everything under control.
- What's happened?
- Well's gone dry Fred, I mean sir.
- Where's the nearest hydrant?
- A mile away Fred, I'm afraid.
- That's that then.
Right men, save what we can.
Hurry up there, that table.
- That's a valuable antique.
- [Ron] The leg's stuck Mr. Wicks.
- Leave me that.
(flames crackling)
- If only you'd summoned
the brigade earlier.
- If only you'd summoned
the brigade earlier.
- They never learn.
Do we?
(sombre music)
- Sorry about this sir.
Can we give you a lift anywhere?
- No, I've got nowhere to go.
- Well if she starts up
again, give us a ring.
(sombre music)
(calm music)
(upbeat music)
- [Lang] Oh, it's a fire.
(dramatic music)
- Oh no.
Oh Dexter.
Dexter!
Dexter it's all my fault, I
should never have left you.
- No.
- Hello there sir.
I say Mr. and Mrs. Munro.
I say, have you heard the news?
- What news?
- Do you remember that motorway
I said might go through here?
- What motorway?
- Well it is, right
through your front garden.
They're gonna requisition.
- A motorway, that's all we need.
- But you don't understand.
You'll get back all
you paid for the place,
plus a handsome profit.
Plus a handsome profit.
- You're kidding?
- No.
- But that means we've got
to start all over again.
- Not at all.
Wisteria Cottage on the other side
Of the hill is a real
bargain, ready to move into.
You can view it straight away.
- Have you got the keys?
- Of course I have.
- Come on.
- I feel like a fairy godmother.
- [Sir Beverley] I shall be delighted
to give you an audition.
- Will you really sir?
- I always believe in
helping young talent.
You may find your own way home, Lang.
I shall not be home for dinner.
- I see.
Oh well, that's show business.
(calm music)
(comical music)
(romantic music)
- Love me darling?
- Pardon?
- I said,
do you love me?
- What do you think?
(knocking on door)
Come in.
- A cable for Monsieur.
- Oh thanks.
What time is it?
- It's three o'clock, Monsieur.
- In the afternoon?
(speaking in foreign Language)
- Tip darling.
- I haven't any money on me.
(speaking in foreign Language)
- How much did you give her?
- 10 francs.
- That's nearly a pound.
- Oh, what does it matter?
We're on our honeymoon.
- Oh no.
- What is it?
- The house has fallen through.
- But it can't, you signed the contract.
- Yes, our half but the other chap hasn't.
He's backed out.
- Oh well, we've two whole
days before we worry about it.
- 43 hours, actually.
Oh well, we'll just have
to get a furnished place
And start looking all
over again, l suppose.
- We could go and stay with Daddy.
- No, it'd be better in our own place.
- It'd be cheaper.
- Well?
- Give you chance to get to know him.
- I know him already.
- No you don't, he's
an old darling really.
(dramatic music)
(thunder crashing)
- You're three minutes late, Lang.
- Your watch is fast.
- My watch is never fast.
(grandfather clock chimes the hour)
- Never?
- I will take that tea in to Mrs. Munro.
- Mrs. Munro prefers me to take it.
- My daughter prefers me to take it.
- The tea will get cold.
- Since the days, Lang, when l rescued you
from the inept performance of small parts
in provincial theaters,
I have become inured,
Amongst many miseries, to cold tea.
(grand music)
♪ Here's a great big fat
girl twice the size of me ♪
(humming)
Lang, have Fridella attend to me.
(humming)
(thunder rolls)
♪ She's the kind of girl
to marry me me me me me ♪
♪ She's the kind of girl
to marry me tiddly push ♪
Terrible fog in here, let's have some air.
(calm music)
Good morning darling.
Good morning Dexter, rise and shine.
- The old ham.
- You sure you don't want me
to run you to work darling?
- Well your father's been kind
enough to offer me a lift,
So there's no point in
us both getting wet.
- Dexter, be so good as
to open the garage doors.
There's no point in us both getting wet.
- No, well good bye till
lunchtime Mrs. Munro.
- I'll think you every
minute till then Mr. Munro.
And I'll think of you
all the time too darling.
- Come along you two, you aught to have
Got over that sort of thing months ago.
Take that jacket off,
you’ll make the seat wet.
The gate, Dexter.
(horn honking)
Come on, Dexter.
(horn honking)
Come on, man.
(thunder rolling)
I'm sorry I can't take you
any nearer to your office,
But I go a different way from here.
- Well, if you'd said that before.
- Yes?
- Oh, never mind it's
only 1 0 minutes walk.
(inspirational music)
(dramatic music)
(groaning in pain)
- Don't worry, I saw
everything, it was self defense.
How terrible.
- Well, I thought it
was rather good myself.
- Aye?
- We were only rehearsing my
play, A Knife in the Back.
I play the leading role.
- At the Royal, Thursday,
Friday, and Saturday.
- One or two still available,
Store's half a crown,
bench is one and six.
- I’m looking for a house.
- Who isn't?
Kindly deal with this person
Miss Ledgeworth, will you?
- l'm looking for something small,
Well built, and not too expensive name.
- Name?
- Dexter Munro, and l'm already on
The books of seven other estate agents.
- Address?
- Elsinore, Beacons Cross,
care of Sir Beverley Grant.
- Sir Beverley Grant?
- Yes.
- Are you staying with him, sir?
- Well, he's my father-in-law.
- Really?
I'll deal with this
gentleman, Miss Ledgeworth.
- Oh, that's kind of you.
- Yes, not at all.
Your father-in-law,
what a marvelous actor.
I model my belch on his.
And did you see his bottom
at the Old Vic, tremendous.
- Yes, but about the house.
- Oh yes, of course, you'd like
to do something right away would you?
- Well, as soon as possible.
- Well, how about this afternoon?
My services are always
at a client's disposal,
even on a Saturday afternoon.
- But Roddy, you promised you'd take me...
- Another time, another
time Miss Ledgeworth.
- I don't want to spoil anything.
- No no, not at all.
Just gonna play tennis, you know.
We’ll play another game
tonight instead, won't we yes?
Yes, now I'll pick you up at three o'clock
At Elsinore this afternoon,
is that all right.
- Oh yes, it's very kind of you.
- Not at all lad.
Sir Beverley will be there won't he?
- Well, I expect he will.
- I'll certainly be
there at three o'clock.
Glad to have been of help, good day then.
My foot is on the first rung
of the ladder, Miss Ledgeworth.
Everyone tells me I
must turn professional.
Now if I can get Sir Beverley
to give me an audition...
- Could you get me one too, Roddy?
- Well now first things first, Lana.
It's what I've always wanted.
With my acting ability, and my sex appeal,
Nothing can stop me.
I can see my name flashing
in Piccadilly right now,
Roderick Chipfield, Roderick Chipfield.
- Sir Roderick Chipfield.
- We mustn't rush things.
(giggling)
- [Miss Gadsgill] Wedgewood Travel Agency.
- Good morning.
- [Miss Gadsgill] Can I help you.
- Good morning, Miss Gadsgill.
Good morning, Mr. Donovan.
Morning, Miss Marthrop.
It's still coming down in buckets outside.
Sorry I'm a few minutes
late, Mr. Wedgewood.
Still searching for the house.
I'll make up for lost
time, don't you worry.
(contemplative music)
(calm music)
(romantic music)
(fast paced music)
- Juliet, I've fixed up a foursome for us.
- You'll have to count us out.
- Why?
- We're going to look at some houses.
- What for?
- Dexter wants to buy one.
- What's the matter with this one?
It's warm, comfortable, spacious,
furthermore it has the
measure of being free.
- Dexter appreciates that.
- Well what's the matter with him then?
- Don't you know, he just married.
- He's only himself to blame for that.
Why should I be made to suffer?
This house needs a woman in it.
- Well darling, you have got Lang.
- Lang, what have you been
keeping from me all these years?
- Daddy listen, Dexter and
I want a home of our own.
We like to be alone occasionally.
- Oh excuse me sir, hold it.
(camera clicks)
- Are you suggesting that l'm in your way?
- Well, you are a bit of an
old goose berry sometimes.
Isn't he Dexter?
- Well, yes, sometimes.
I mean well, not exactly, only you know.
- I should hope not.
Anybody could live here without
knowing of my existence.
I'm calm, considerate, self effacing,
And altogether delightful.
- Yes, but...
- People usually pay to enjoy my company.
You have it for nothing all the time.
Now go and get your clubs,
I shall be in the car.
- Ah, Sir Beverley Grant,
if I'm not mistaken.
Off for a quiet game of the
old Scotsman's croquet, hey?
- Who are you?
- Roderick Shipfield sir, estate agent.
And occasional sterling player.
- Are you the individual
who was endeavoring
To sell my son-in-law a house?
- Yes sir, I have that privilege.
- My son-in-law does not require a house.
My daughter prefers to remain with me.
- If I may say so sir, who can blame her?
- So there is no point
in your hanging around.
Well?
- Can I ask a favour of you, sir?
- What is it?
- I’d be eternally grateful
if you'd come and see
my performance in A Knife in the Back
At the local hall on Thursday night.
I've not only written the play
sir, I'm also directing it,
And playing the leading
role, a sex mad killer.
- Thank you very much, indeed.
- Then you'll come, sir?
- No, goodbye Mr. Chip.
- No, Chipfield sir.
- Come along you two, we shall be late.
- I’ve told you darling,
We're going to have a look at some houses.
- Aye, with Mr. Chipfield.
- How sharper than a serpent's tooth
it is to have a thankless child.
- King Lear.
- Oh bravo sir, very well done.
- Juliet?
- Yes, darling.
- Won't you come too sir, please, please?
Room for a small one in front.
- Very well.
You may not be willing to give
up anything for your father,
but your father is perfectly
willing to sacrifice
his weekly game of golf in order that you
should not be saddled with some suburban
Shangri-La at an inflated price.
Drive on.
- [Roderick] Yes sir, right away.
(birds singing)
- You have now spent 65 minutes
searching for Rose Cottage,
A bijou gem set in a
ledge floral surrounding.
Do you think there is any point
in our going on any further?
- Oh it certainly is, Sir Beverley.
I haven't seen the property myself, yet.
I've got a feeling it's
gonna be just what they want.
I'm sorry about this delay, Mr. Munro.
- Oh that's all right, if
it's hard for you to find,
It will be hard for others too.
- No doubt we’ll be able
to persuade the council
Do something about this road, sir.
Rumor has it they're
building a motorway down here
that will greatly increase
the value of the property.
- That sort of rumor Mr. Chesapeake,
Is only believed by the
gullible or the half witted.
- I believe it, sir.
- Exactly.
Is that it?
(inspirational music)
- There we are sir, there.
- Oh, it's not bad darling.
- Not bad at all.
- Obviously, falling to pieces.
Reminds me of a cottage
in Long Live the King,
A play I was in once.
- That was the one where
Bonnie Prince Charlie
Was hiding in the apple tree, wasn't it?
- You're entirely wrong,
I presume you refer
To Charles I I who hid in an oak tree.
- Anyway, you're terribly
good playing royalty.
Do you play polo as well?
- Oh Dexter, a wishing
well, isn't that romantic?
- I suppose it is.
- Nice unique feature actually,
undoubtedly Elizabethan.
It's got the date on it here somewhere.
- 1 666, it's a perfectly ordinary well,
The kind a pussy falls into.
It suggests there is no main water supply.
- Well water is so much
healthier, you know.
It's delicious for the
old Scotch, delicious.
(gagging)
I think pussy's been here already.
- [Dexter] Oh, it's locked.
- Come along darling.
- Seems very solidly built.
Something tells me this
is just what we need.
(Loud crashing)
- Just as I thought, the whole
place is falling to pieces.
- That's nothing to worry about.
- A couple of screws
will soon put that right.
- Course they will.
- And after all, we can do it ourselves.
- We'll do everything ourselves.
Oh no, just a minute dear.
If you don't mind, I'd like to
carry you over the threshold.
- Oh Dexter, what a darling
idea, isn't it Daddy?
- Absolutely darling.
(Loud crashing)
(yelling)
- Now you'll be able to lay a new floor
For yourselves, won't you?
- There we are, after you sir.
This way sir, mind your head.
- It's a bit small, isn't it.
- Much easier to warm up.
Now if you want a larger room,
You can knock down this
dividing wall here.
- What a good idea.
- If you knock down that wall,
You’ll knock down the entire house.
- Now Daddy don't be
such an old pessimist.
Dexter and I are going to
have a look around on our own.
You stay here and talk to Mr. Chipfield.
Come on darling.
- Now sir I'm very, sir I'm very glad
To have the opportunity of
this little chat with you.
You see I'm, I'm anxious
to turn professional.
- Really with Tottenham Hotspur?
- Oh sir, you are quick.
- No, not Tottenham
Hotspur sir, Harry Hotspur,
once more into the breach dear friends,
And all that old Vic stuff.
- Mr. Chipperfield, I fail
to see why I should deprive
the property business of a bad actor
In order to supply the stage
with a bad estate agent.
- It's not much of a kitchen darling.
- No, we’ll just have
to start from scratch.
But try and imagine
what it would look like.
A refrigerator there,
a sink unit there,
a stove there,
And a small cupboard
over in the corner there.
You see what I’ve got in mind?
- Yes, I think I can.
Refrigerator,
sink unit,
stove,
and cupboards.
Yes, I know exactly what you mean.
But wouldn't it be a bit expensive?
- No, not if we're careful.
- Well, Daddy will take care of it.
- Juliet.
I'm not gonna take a penny.
- All right darling, not a penny.
We’ll have a chandelier up there,
Only a small one of course.
- Might that not be a
wee bit ostentatious?
Careful with those floor boards.
- Oh Dexter, isn't it a darling?
We’ll have a four poster here, a big one.
And we’ll have cupboards all
along that wall for my dresses.
And we’ll have another
one her for my shoes.
- That will be marvelous.
Where am I gonna keep my clothes?
- In the spare room, I suppose.
Who are those people?
- [Dexter] They've obviously
come to look over the house.
- We're not to let them.
Tell Mr. Chipfield to send them away.
- Right.
(yelling in pain)
Loose floor board.
- What's happened here?
- Somebody's in our garden.
Mr. Chipfield tell them to go away.
- Sorry Mrs. Munro, that's
Mr. And Mrs. Trumper.
They're clients of ours too.
- Well tell them it's sold.
- Can't do that I'm afraid,
it's up for auction.
You'll excuse me won't you sir?
- What are we gonna do?
- We'll put them off it, of course.
Daddy you must help us,
Even if it's only to annoy Mr. Chipfield.
Oh please darling, you're
such a fabulous liar.
- Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Trumper.
- How do you do?
- Good afternoon.
- So glad you were able to have
A second view of this delightful property.
Yes, opposition, they're
crazy about this place too.
- Quite the pokiest
cottage I've ever been in,
Riddled with dry rot, and the
drains reeking of black fever.
- And it's a pity about the
delinquent school next door.
(wood cracking)
- Oh, Dexter, oh, oh dear.
- I fell.
- Wasn't very clever.
- Well, well, well.
- Come along Cedric,
he's just showing off.
- Excuse me.
- Of course.
(yelling)
(water splashes)
- Really?
- The idea.
- [Juliet] Dexter, are you asleep?
- [Dexter] Yeah.
- Do you think those ghastly
people will buy our cottage?
- They might.
- Couldn't we definitely
decide to buy it ourselves?
- It's an awfully big decision to make.
We better sleep on it.
- I do love it so.
Shan't sleep a wink worrying about it.
(calm music)
(grand music)
(humming)
♪ Good morning my daughter ♪
Come on Dexter, rise and shine.
- That settles it.
We're gonna buy Rose Cottage or bust.
(fast paced music)
- Yes well, from what you're say Mr. Munro
it appears you'll not only
have a delightful property
In Rose Cottage, also a
fairly sound investment.
- Oh I knew that's what
my best friend would say.
- I take it you propose to put up a
Small percentage of the purchase price.
- Exactly, yes.
- Yes while we, excuse
me, while well we advance
the remainder using the house and your
Life insurance policy as security.
- Leaving me with ample
reserves for improvements.
You know, carpets, curtains, etcetera.
- It remains to be seen whether your bid
- Lt remains to be seen whether your bid
Of 4000 pounds is successful
at Friday's auction.
- Well I'll not bid a penny more.
- That's the sort of talk we like
To hear in the County Bank.
- Thanks.
- Apple Cottage.
- Rose Cottage, sir.
- Of course. (chuckles)
- Oh, there's one.
(metal crunching)
- Kindly remove that car.
- I was here first.
- If you were here first,
your sixpence would be in the meter.
- Don't let him get away with it.
- Don't worry, I won't.
- Shall I get the police, Cedric?
- I'll deal with this Muriel.
Out, out.
- Say that again, if you dare.
- Out, out.
- Right that's done it.
(grunting)
- Now, now.
- You know perfectly well that...
(all shouting at once)
- Quiet I say!
Who put the money in the meter?
- I did.
- Cheat.
- Oh you.
- Now then, you know the law sir.
This gentleman hired this
space, so off you go or else.
- My foot.
- Come along, we'll be
late for the auction.
- Do I give you a parking ticket or not?
(metal banging)
Litter.
(horns honking)
- Eight five, eight five
I'm bid, eight five l'm bid.
Do I hear eight? 50, eight 750?
For the gentleman eight 750.
Do I hear 0000, do I hear 0000?
0000 I'm bid, 0000 pounds the first time,
nine for the second time,
Going for the last time at 0000 pounds.
(gavel bangs)
Gone.
Thank you sir, congratulations,
thank you very much.
Shifty eyed bloke with the blue rinse.
Well now we come to Rose
Cottage, a Tudor paradise
Surrounded by health
giving, country fresh air.
Birds in the trees, roses round the door,
Enchanting mod cons at
the bottom of the garden.
- Go on, get on with it.
- Do you mind, sir?
I'm starring at this auction.
(all laughing)
Now who'll start me off
with a realistic bid?
Shall we say 5000?
Oh come along ladies
and gentlemen, come on.
Who'll give me a bid,
anything to get me going.
Come anything, anything, you sir?
- [Man] 1 500.
- Oh really sir, no joking please.
- 3000.
- 3000, 3000 l'm bid, 3000 I'm bid.
Three one, three one.
Three two, do I hear?
Three two at the back there, three two?
Three three anywhere,
three three, three three?
All the threes, 33, all the threes, 33.
Three and four, 34, 34.
Three five at the back there, three five.
3500, any advance on three five?
Three five, 3000, three five, 3500.
3500 going for the first
time at three five.
Going for the second time, 3500.
For 3500 pounds.
- Three six, three six I'm bidding.
- Three six, 3600.
Three six, three 600, three 600.
Three seven, three seven, 3700.
Three eight, three eight,
36, three eight, 36.
Three nine, three nine, three nine.
Do I hear four?
Four, 4000, blind 40, blind
40 I'm bid, 4000 I'm bid.
4000 I'm bid by the distinguished looking
gentleman in the glasses there.
Thank you sir, thank you very much.
400 l'm bid, any advance on 4000?
I'm going for the first
time at 4000 pounds.
Going at 4000 for the second time.
And for the last time 4000 pounds.
Four one I'm bid, four
one, four one I'm bid.
Four one I'm bid, four one l'm bid.
Do I hear four two, do I hear four two?
- Cedric, you're mad,
we've reached our limit.
- [Roderick] Do I hear four two?
Four two I'm bid.
- You promised, no higher than 4000.
- Oh.
- 4200, any advance on 4000 two?
- 4000 three, and damn the consequences!
(all laughing)
- That's the spirit now, 4000 three,
And to hell with the consequences.
Do I hear four four?
Four four l'm bid, four four.
All the fours, 44.
Four five, four five l'm bid, four five.
- Four six, 4000 six.
Four six I'm bid, four six l'm bid.
Any advance on four six?
This is terribly exciting.
4600, 4600 going at for the first time.
Going at 4600 for the second time.
At 4600 pounds,
(gavel bangs)
bingo.
I mean sold for 4600 pounds to the lady
In the charming red and blue straw hat.
- That's no lady, that's my wife.
(all laughing)
- The Rose Cottage is yours aye?
Did you go to the 4000?
- 4600 actually.
- 600 more than we anticipated.
- Well you see there
was a bit of a mix up.
But the place is well
worth the extra money.
- I suppose you expect us to
advance you the sum required.
Yes,
well now.
Yes, well I think we can authorize that,
as long as you don't expect the bank
On every occasion to
subsidize your mix ups.
- Oh no.
- Sign there please.
We’ll fill in the details later.
- Oh, sorry.
To Rose Cottage.
- Rose Cottage, our first home.
Aren't you excited?
- I’ve always wanted
to live in the country.
Just listen to those birds.
- I can hear cows too.
- Do you know something?
This is the first meal that
you've ever made for me.
- Actually darling, Lang
made the sandwiches.
- Oh really, oh well, never mind.
I'm sure they'll be delicious anyway.
(cows bellowing)
- Oh Dexter, the cows
are coming down our lane.
- They'll make an awful mess of the road.
Still, they look very picturesque.
- [Farmer] Watch it, watch it, watch it.
- What do you think you're doing?
- Oh Dexter don't leave me.
- It's all right they won't harm you.
- Afternoon.
- [Dexter] Where do
you think you're going?
- Canther's meadow, yonder.
- Then go around by the lane,
And get those cows off my property.
- You bought Rose Cottage then?
- Yes I have.
- Then you know all about the right away?
Watch it Christine.
- What right of way?
(cows bellowing)
- Dexter they're stampeding.
(dishes clattering)
(cows bellowing)
- This is outrageous,
I'll call the police.
- All right.
- At least I would if I had a phone.
- I'll take a message if you'd like.
But the Captain knows all
about the right of way.
- I'll write to my M P about this.
- The last lot did that too,
but it didn't get them nowhere.
Come on there Lynn, now watch
Jack, damn you naughty boy.
That's it, that's it.
Well, see you next Thursday then.
Good afternoon.
(cows bellowing)
Come on then, come on Bluebell.
(cows bellowing)
- Have they gone?
- [Dexter] Yes, you can
come down now darling.
They've all gone.
- Oh right.
- Everything's all right, don't be afraid.
Come on and give us a nice big kiss.
(cow moos)
- Morning Lana, baby.
- You're half an hour late.
- I’ve been compiling a dossier
on a most valuable property.
- Harvard Hall?
- Roderick Chipfield, the
man with a million faces.
I'll show you.
Tom Brown's school days.
Look back in anger.
Dr. Jekyll.
(gasping)
Mr. Hyde.
The invisible man.
(Laughing)
When Sir Beverley sees
these, I'll be made.
And so Lana baby, will you.
- Oh Roddy.
- L'm going to do what no estate
agent has ever done before.
See if I could be of assistance
After the house has been sold.
(upbeat music)
- [Dexter] What's this?
- [Juliet] Daddy must have sent them.
Don't be angry darling,
he's only trying to help.
- Bulstrodes of Belgravia.
By appointment to the nobility.
That means another 50% on the bill.
- Don't worry darling.
He's probably only giving an estimate.
- Well these tiles will most
certainly have to be relayed.
And at the same time I suggest we repaint
The chimney stacks and check the gutters.
All right sir?
- Yes, windows will have to be
Repainted and the sashes checked.
- What's going on?
- This is my daughter and son-in-law
who are going to I’ve here.
- Morning sir.
Shall we continue with the interior?
- [Sir Beverley] Very well.
- You see my whole aim is to do away with
This ghastly oldy worldy, tea
shoppy, country cottage motif.
And that'll have to go.
- Yes.
- And I suggest we eliminate
this wall leading to the hall,
with perhaps a picture window here with
A terrazzo leading through to the lawn.
- I'm quite content to leave
The artistic details
to you, agreed Juliet?
- I think that's a lovely idea.
- I thought we were gonna
do everything ourselves?
- If this cottage is even
to be remotely tolerable
- If this cottage is even
to be remotely tolerable
It’ll have to be done up by experts.
- Yeah, but wait a minute.
I'm not a millionaire you know.
- You were saying Mr. Bolingbroke?
- I thought the color motifs
would be yellow and apricot.
They're the colours of
the season you know.
- And green.
- Yes, in moderation.
- I don't want to interfere, but...
- What is it Dexter?
- Well this happens to be my
cottage and I'll decorate it
As I want it without
interference from anyone.
Now get out, the lot of you.
- A nice show of gratitude, I must say.
- It is Dexter's cottage darling.
- There was a time when my efforts
To provide you with
comfort was appreciated.
- But Dexter wants to do it his way.
- Very well.
- L'm sorry darling.
- That's all right.
But Daddy's so sensitive.
- Oh I know.
- Do you really think we’ll be
able to do it all ourselves?
- Aye, and for what we can't
do we can find a country
Workman whose prices will
be more within our means.
- Hello, hello there sir.
Looking round the old love nest?
Remember me?
- No audition.
- Oh sir, before you make such
An unwise decision do look at these.
You'll see me in an
entirely new light sir.
- Young man I have no wish
to view your snapshots.
- But I'm the man with
a million faces, sir.
- L'm satisfied at least
you have more than one.
- Oh sir, look.
- Good Heavens.
- Surprises you, aye sir?
I'm a master of the old disguise.
- Disguise, that is major surgery.
- [Roderick] Sir, that's
supposed to be there at all.
- Don't apologise, I
admire your versatility.
- What, oh but this isn't me sir.
But this one is here.
Would you like to see my widow twankey?
- Some other time, Cuddles.
- What, oh but you wont
be wasting your time sir,
I can assure you, I’ve got.
(calm music)
(contemplative music)
(calm music)
- He must be inside.
No messing about aye,
gets on with the job.
(country music)
What's that noise, is it the radio?
- I suppose so.
♪ But you know just where I'll be ♪
♪ I'm gonna scrub a scrub
scrub scrub a scrub yeah yeah ♪
♪ Scrub a scrub scrub
scrub a scrub yeah yeah ♪
♪ Until my baby comes home to me ♪
♪ I'm gonna scrub a scrub
scrub scrub a scrub yeah yeah ♪
♪ Scrub a scrub ♪
- Oh, there you are Mr. Wicks.
- Good morning sir.
We were just taking advantage of
Our tea break to have a little rehearsal.
I don't think you've met my
three assistants, have you?
- No.
- [Josh] That there, that's Stan.
He's on electricals and tenor solos.
And we got Ron, he's
brick works and guitar.
- Hello.
- [Josh] And then that's our Wally,
He's on plumbing and harmony.
- Professionally known as The Scrubbers.
- And of course yours truly,
Jack of all departments.
Get the lady a chair Stan, come on.
- I won't sit down, thank you very much.
- Have you decided on everything
that's needed, Mr. Wicks?
- Well, that's just what
we've been discussing sir.
I mean you don't want to rush into
Any needless expense now do you?
- Well, we'd like an
estimate as soon as possible.
- Ah yes, well I'm afraid
you’ll have to wait
a day or two for that because you see,
Mrs. Wick, you see, she's the accountant.
And she's got a, well she's poorly.
- But it isn't gonna cost
all that much, is it?
- Oh no no, very little, very
little indeed, considering.
- Considering.
- Well, how long before we can move in?
- Oh, let's find out.
Let's see now, what's the date then?
- Friday.
- Friday is it?
Well that's the fifth,
that's the 1?Th, 1 0th.
Well that would be a bit, oh not long.
Well this won't do will it?
Time's money men.
- You shouldn't be here
talking with us you know
Because we're on your time ain't we?
- Wiring all right Mr. Wicks?
- Oh well it's a bit out of date.
But nothing that can't
be put right, aye Stan?
- How much is it going to cost?
- Oh, very little Ma'am,
it's just a little job.
These old fuse boxes
are perfectly all right.
Pliers please Stan.
Provided you treat them right.
(electricity crackles)
(gasping)
See they're never any
good, these old fuse boxes.
Well I never, look at that.
This must have been an
arms dump during the war.
(Laughing)
That's more like it.
- What's that then?
- That's a swallows nest.
If we was Chinese, we'd
make soup out of that.
(Laughing)
- How's it going, any trouble?
- Oh no just a few toes missing,
And a bit loose guttering,
nothing to worry about.
- About a half a day's work, in fact.
- Oh if that, if that Mr. Munro, hey Ron?
- Yeah, that's about the size of it.
- Good, good.
- Is everything all right?
- Oh perfect.
The way things are gone we
should be in in 1 0 days.
Well, a fortnight anyway.
(Loud banging)
- I was under the impression that
My assistance was no longer required.
- Oh don't be silly.
I told you Dexter didn't mean that.
- You told me my dear,
your husband did not.
- Well he will now, won't you darling?
Won't you darling?
- Well naturally I didn't mean to be rude.
It was just that I was getting
so worried about the expense.
I'm sorry.
- I accept your apology unreservedly.
And I think the curtain
material quite delightful
And inexpensive at two pounds a yard.
- This looks like Mr. Wicks' estimate.
Might as well start off with
the bad news first thing.
Gee whiz.
- Anything wrong, Dexter?
- 033 pounds, 11 and five pence.
- That, I dare say, is only a beginning.
- He says the whole roof
will have to be redone.
- L'm sure he does.
That's how these small
time builders exist.
- Listen to this.
For plumbing, 305 pounds.
- Ridiculous, you'll have to
go and see him straightaway.
- I can't, I've already
had one day off this week.
- Well somebody's got to go.
(grand music)
- [Sir Beverley] Your name Wicks?
- That's right sir.
Joshua Wicks, plumber and builder,
And sometime interior decorator.
What's this then?
- Your estimate, it's far too high.
I prefer to go through
it with you item by item.
- So be it.
- Is this one of the skilled labor force
- ls this one of the skilled labor force
Enumerated on page one, section six?
- No, he's my mate
- Yeah.
- To fetch your tools when
you forget them, I suppose.
- I’d be obliged sir if we could dispense
With the customary humor
about plumbers and their mates.
The modern sanitary engineer doesn't
Forget nothing, and neither does his mate.
- Indeed.
- Hey Josh.
- You'll be suggesting
next that young Ron here
Has come to say that he's
forgotten our dinner.
- How did you know?
(upbeat music)
- [Josh] I warn you sir, it
ain't safe up here, is it Ron?
- No, it's falling to bits, look at this.
- There's no need to make
it worse than it already is.
This part's perfectly sound anyhow.
- Oh, but that's one of the good ones.
Look at it, it's disgusting,
disgust I'll tell you.
- Wait till see the chimney stack,
it's cracked right in the middle.
Let's show him Ron, come on.
- There it is.
- What's the matter, nervous?
- Certainly not.
- Well you aught to be, 'cause bit here
Is condemned, as per page three, item 1 7.
- On the contrary.
This section of the
roof is perfectly sound.
I aught to know, I've played...
(Loud crashing)
- Are you all right down there, sir?
Perfectly, one thing my profession
Has taught me is how to fall.
- [Josh] Well mind
where you put your feet.
We do want you going through
the ceiling now do we?
I'll have young Ron,
bring a ladder to you.
Come on Ron.
The revised estimate for roof,
Two dozen more slates, new
joists and underpinning.
Say 23, 1 0?
(Loud crashing)
Plus new bedroom ceiling, say 42 pound.
They never learn.
-? 3 pounds, 1 0.
4? quid.
(upbeat music)
Can you spare me a moment, Mr. Wedgewood?
Well, the fact is that I've
been working pretty hard lately
and it's two years now since
I last asked you for a,
what with my new house and
the unforeseen expenses,
Well I expect you can guess
what I'm about to say.
I wouldn't have brought
the matter up only,
course if business hasn't
been too good lately and you,
You don't feel that
this is the right time?
Well, thanks anyway
forgiving my suggestion your
Kind consideration.
(tyres squealing)
♪ Scrub scrub scrub a scrub ♪
♪ Until my baby comes home to me ♪
♪ Have a couple of guys up ♪
♪ We're gonna scrub a
scrub scrub scrub a scrub ♪
♪ Scrub a scrub scrub scrub a scrub ♪
- Morning.
- Morning.
- [Roderick] Morning Joshua.
- Oh morning sir, in my defense they...
(clay breaking)
- Hello, hello.
Everything all right Mr. Munro?
- Oh fine, fine.
Apart from paying too much for the house,
I have to take two weeks unpaid holiday,
and the builders estimate goes up on
An average of 50 pounds a day.
- Jolly good.
- What do you want, anyway?
- I was hoping to snatch a word
With your delightful father-in-law.
He's anxious to browse
through my scrapbook.
Would you care to?
- Sir Beverley's not
here now and l'm busy.
- Well, is there any chance
of him turning up later then?
- Unfortunately yes.
- Well in that case I'll
wait if you don't mind.
- As you wish, but keep
away from that wall.
- Oh why?
- L'm about to knock it down.
- No no, pickaxe.
No no, pickaxe.
(glass breaking)
- [Josh] Oye, watch it!
- Allow me.
Pickaxe.
It's stuck.
- Aye, I can see that.
(grunting)
I'll have to knock it
out from the other side.
When I shout right, I'll
bash and you pull, right?
- Right.
- Right?
- Right.
(Loud banging)
- Right?
- Call this a bath?
It's too narrow, it's too shallow,
the plug hole is inaccessible,
And the taps are in the wrong position.
It's nothing more than
an exaggerated bidet.
- It's the standard model
for the bijou residence sir.
Most of our customers prefer
the taps in that position.
- I prefer to turn on my bath
With my hands, not with my feet.
The taps should be here in the middle.
- But Daddy, that sort's
far too expensive.
- Don't let spoil the tub
for the hate of the tap.
I want to enjoy my bath when
I come to stay with you.
Let's see if you can't find
something better somewhere.
Now, what about that one over there?
- Oh no.
(calm music)
- This is our deluxe suite sir.
As you can see it has
the single type faucet,
Tastefully disguised in
the shape of a dolphin.
And, as you require, set into
The wall in the central position.
- How much?
- 300 guinea sir, delivery in one week.
- Daddy, we can't possibly let you do it.
- Is there a lavatory included?
- Yes sir.
- Where is it?
Oh, I beg your pardon.
- Would you care to try
the bath for size, sir?
- Naturally.
That's better, have a good splash in this.
All these gadgets work?
(yelling)
Don't me mad, you idiot!
Why on Earth didn't you tell me
This water was turned on, you imbecile?
- Wrong towel sir.
- If I carry on like this I'll be
- If I carry on like this I'll be
Too tired to give Sir
Beverley an audition.
- There's only this wee bit left.
- Can you spare a minute, Mr. Munro?
- What is it?
- Well, what we always say
in the building trade is
There's always surprises
around the corner.
Some's good and some's bad.
You have to take the
rough with the smooth.
Well, to cut a long story
short, as you might say.
It's the roof, wood rot.
The whole lot will have to come down.
- How much?
- Without, as you might
say, committing myself,
300 pound, give or take 50 or so.
- Why didn't someone tell me this before?
- Always have trouble with
these cottage conversions.
I don't know why people ever buy them.
What I mean is, the surveyor
should have noticed.
You did have a surveyor, didn't you?
- There wasn't time.
- Wasn't time?
He never knew.
Well, back to work, time's money.
- Blessing in disguise really.
All these improvements you're making
Will greatly increase the
value of the property.
Not only that, I'm saving
you a great deal of money
By helping you knock down this wall.
(wood creaking)
- Here, what's going on then?
(Loud rumbling)
(upbeat music)
- [Lang] ls this it?
- [Sir Beverley] Yes.
- [Lang] What's it being
used for, target practice?
- Oh Lang.
- You've got about as
much chance of moving
in here this month as I have of dancing
The pasodoble with Dame Margot Fonteyn.
- Daddy don't be like that.
You wait until we get inside,
Dexter's working wonders.
- Oaf!
- L'm terribly sorry.
- Don't worry, he was always
was a sucker for slapstick.
Oh, nice big room.
- Yes, it'll look even bigger
when the ceiling's finished.
- The proper way to whitewash your ceiling
is for the brush never
to leave the surface
except when dipped in the pot.
- Yeah yeah.
- And you missed that bit over there.
- I haven't got to that bit yet.
- What kind of wallpaper
are you going to have?
- We're not having wallpaper,
we're distempering.
- False economy, distemper
flakes, you must have paper.
- Here we go again.
- You keep out of this.
- How about a nice floral design?
- Can't think of anything
quite so disgusting.
What this room needs is
something perfectly simple.
I will endeavor to find it.
- We're not having wallpaper.
- Bath's arrived.
- [Juliet] I do hope you like it.
- Oh, I'm sure I will,
I'll go and get Mr. Wicks.
Oh, would you mind?
- Not at all.
- Daddy.
(grunting)
- Hello hello sir, having a bath?
I was just passing, so
I thought I'd just...
- Chipster I neither know
nor care what you want.
You've chosen the most
inappropriate moment to call.
- You said you'd be good
enough to have a look...
- Now now, thank you.
I'm supervising what's certain
to be a most delicate operation.
- Well, I'm glad to give
you a hand Sir Beverley.
Whilst I'm doing that,
perhaps I can tell you about...
- Careful there, careful.
- Directed by Roger Chipfield, who will
also be appearing in the role of...
- [Sir Beverley] Steady there.
- Sir Walter Raleigh.
It's a very historically festival.
It'll be very colorful and I shall
Personally supervise the whole, hey.
- Must you always draw
attention yourself Mr. Chipmunk?
- I don't blame you being
down there sir, please.
Times money you know.
Come on up with it lads, pitch it up.
- Put all that rubbish down
and lend a proper hand.
- Right away sir.
Wait a minute, my finger's caught,
my finger's caught in the hole.
- Remove it.
(grunting)
- Mind the paintwork
(all talking at once)
- Take the crate off it.
- We'll have to get the
casing off, come on.
(all talking at once)
You aught to ordered a shower you know.
- Now get it erect.
(all talking at once)
- Watch the paintwork
(gong banging)
- Watch what you're doing
you half witted nincompoops.
- Oh wait, it's my father-in-law.
I'm sorry.
The best thing is to get
this round in the door,
And then we can get it over the bannister.
Watch the woodwork.
- Stop sucking your finger
and go and give them a hand.
- Tip it over this side,
now come 'round to it.
- Lend a hand Mr. Chipfield, come on.
- I'll give you a hand, I've got it here.
(all talking at once)
- Mr. Chipfield, you're in the way.
- You'll have to get over the other side,
just get over to this side.
- I don't know whether I can, I'll try.
I can't get my foot out down here.
I'll hold on up here.
(wood breaking)
(yelling)
- Mr. Chipfield, are you all right?
- Don't come in, l'm in the bath.
- Oh dear.
- He always has a bath Fridays.
- Well, what do we do now then?
- Take it outside and start again.
- Come on boys, get it in.
(cows bellowing)
- Go on there Bluebell,
go on there me darling.
Afternoon.
(cows bellowing)
(comical music)
- You cow.
- [Ron] There she goes, now gently, up.
Hold her there, hold it.
- [Josh] This will clean
up a treat, smashing.
- It looks lovely Daddy,
absolutely divine.
- Certainly does, well
worth all the trouble.
Don't you think so, Dexter?
- [Ron] There she is, now hold her there.
Oh oh, no no, wait a minute.
That's it yeah yeah,
now forward, no forward.
- It's in the immortal Micawber,
annual income? 0 pounds,
- It's in the immortal Micawber,
annual income? 0 pounds,
Annual expenditure? 0
ought six, result misery.
You are heading for misery Mr. Munro.
- You see there have been one or two
Unexpected expenses in
connection with Rose Cottage.
- That sir, is putting it mildly.
- The trouble is I can't
get the workmen out.
- What they haven't finished yet?
Well there's only one way to get them out.
You must move in immediately.
- But the central heating
isn't finished yet.
- Central heating?
Even Mrs. Gallagher and I
haven't central heating.
So far as this bank is
concerned, this extravagant
And reckless spending
spree must cease forthwith.
In no circumstances
whatsoever are we prepared
To advance you any more money.
- I must have a hundred or two.
- Then I suggest you borrow
it from your father-in-law.
- I’d rather shoot myself.
- And don't expect the bank
to pay for your funeral.
Good day sir.
(upbeat music)
- Poor daddy, he's going to be so lonely.
- Well, he's got Lang.
Not bad, aye?
- It's lovely.
- Just a minute.
I'll carry you over the
threshold properly this time.
Upsie Daisie.
(Laughing)
- Oh look, it's from Mr. Wicks.
Don't use front door, use back.
- It's not.
(Laughing)
(calm music)
- This is all I've ever wanted.
- Me too.
Mind you I'll I feel happier
When I've got curtains in this window.
- I don't know why you worry about it.
Nobody can see us.
- All the same, I think
I'll put up this blanket.
Oh, damn.
- Don't worry darling,
moonlight's very romantic.
Do you love me?
(romantic music)
(knocking on door)
- What was that?
Oh no.
- Where is everyone?
- In bed.
- Well, it's only 1 0 o'clock, open up.
- What does he want?
- That's what I’d like to know.
- An old man brokered
with the storms of state
Has come to lay his weary bones among ye.
Couldn't let you face it alone.
- But we were just getting into bed.
- [Sir Beverley] Be careful of that,
We must christen the house
in an appropriate manner.
- I suppose you'd better come in.
- Do you mind if I have
the room facing south?
- But that's our room.
- Otherwise I shall keep you
awake all night with my asthma.
(quizzical music)
(calm music)
(grand music)
♪ The young man he was no good ♪
♪ He took me into a shady wood ♪
♪ He done me all the harm he could ♪
♪ And now he's joined the Army ♪
♪ Twiddle da Dee da dum ♪
♪ Da Dee da dum da Dee dum da Dee ♪
Come along now, rise and
shine, seven o'clock.
(upbeat music)
You are 1 0 minutes late.
I presume you will dispense
with your tea break
in order to make up the deficiency.
- Here here, wait a minute.
- [Sir Beverley] Furthermore,
I want all services connected at once.
- Can't be done sir.
- Why not, have you forgotten your tools?
- I’ve already had occasion
to remonstrate with you
About casting aspersions on
the plumbing profession, sir.
The modern sanitary engineer
Is like the proverbial elephant.
- And just as slow.
- Wally, where's Wally?
- Hey, we must have forgot him.
- Which of you is the senior electrician?
- I have that honor.
- [Sir Beverley] Take
me to your circuit box.
- It ain't ready, sir.
- Do as you're told.
- As you say sir.
- What are you, a fugitive
from Jukebox Jury?
- No you see, I'm on the roofing.
And I finished, and I’ve
come to collect all my gear.
- Well see that you got it
all cleared up by lunchtime.
- Yes, lunchtime tomorrow.
- Juvenile delinquent.
- Right, fuse circuit, main switch right?
Down on, up off, right?
- 1 5 amps, that's no good at all.
- But the electricity board says that...
- I don't give a damn what
they say, I want 30 amps.
- But you'll overload the circuit.
- Great heavens man.
Do you mean to say you haven't
Rewired for 30 amps like I told you?
- [Josh] Look sir, these
sort of jobs can't be rushed.
(whistling)
With all due respect sir, I can't go...
- I know what I'm doing.
I played Edison in Let There be Light.
- I don't play if you
played Left Out for Chelsea,
electricity board regulations...
- Do as I say.
- Oh well, if you think you know better
than me and the whole southern region.
- I do.
- A one, two, three, four.
♪ She's oh so sweet the one I need ♪
- I'll give him 30 amps.
♪ Off my feet ♪
(dramatic music)
(Loud exploding)
- Oh dear, oh dear.
- I’ve heard of going off like a bomb,
but this is ridiculous.
- 30 amps aye?
That never learn. (coughing)
- No no, no no, look
look, fold as you go, see.
Like this.
- Oh I see, I'll get another piece.
Not as easy as it looks.
- Never mind, here's another piece.
- Just testing the circuits.
(electricity exploding)
Damn fools.
What do you think you're doing?
- Hanging wallpaper.
- Then I suggest you hang it straight.
- It is a bit crooked darling.
- Does it matter at all that much?
- Of course it does.
If you're going to do a job,
you must do it properly.
It wants shifting about
two inches to the right.
Wasn't any good anyway.
- Get a rag, that ought to hold it surely.
Hang on, and I'll get one.
Hey, Mr. Wicks.
- What's the matter, can't
you find a bit of rag?
You see, we never forgot
him, he come on his bike.
- Is the water turned on yet?
- Before turning on the
water, it is necessary...
- Don't make excuses
man, turn it on at once.
- If we must, so be it.
Walter, Water if you please.
- Hey but Mr. Wicks.
- I am no longer in charge here Walter.
Do as the gentleman says.
(pipes rumbling)
- What's that, air?
Soon get rid of that.
(disposal motor running)
Do something man, do something.
- You mustn't muck about like
that sir, you'll choke it.
- They never learn.
(upbeat music)
- Right?
- Right.
Now a little bit more to the left.
- [Dexter] How's that?
- Fine, we are doing well.
(drum roll playing)
- That's better.
- Well done Daddy, you're clever too.
- That paper's not properly butted.
As the paste dries, the paper contracts.
- And I suppose you think
you can do it better.
- Of course I can, give me that brush.
- I'll do nothing of the sort.
- Now Daddy, you do the pasting.
I've got lots of other things to do.
(upbeat music)
- Come on man.
- Thanks.
- Whoops, nearly right it in Sir Beverley.
Very comical but a bit sticky
around the old buttocks.
I say, you know Mr. Munro
you're turning this place
Into a regular little Shangri,
proper little paradise.
- What do you want,
and why are you wearing
That ridiculous apology for a beard?
- Imitation is the sincerest
form of flattery, Sir Beverley.
(scoffs)
Besides, l'm playing Sir Walter Raleigh
In the pageant, remember?
That's why I came in actually sir.
A couple of tickets
for the VIPs enclosure.
You won't be wasting
your time, Sir Beverley.
I'm at my best in the well known
Puddle scene with Queen Elizabeth.
- I wish you'd puddle off, Mr. Chipfield.
We're trying to get some work done.
- Well I'll help you.
Delighted yeah, yeah.
- What are you doing?
- Just shifting this to
other end of the room.
- Allow me Sir Beverley.
Mustn't over do it at your age.
(comical music)
(groaning in pain)
I beg your pardon sir.
Nearly put your foot in it, Mr. Munro.
- I don't want to seem
ungrateful, but I think I could
Do this job much better
without assistance.
- It's perfectly all right
sir, no trouble at all.
There.
I'm sorry sir.
- Idiot.
- Now, 'round here.
- Remove it.
Paper.
Brush.
Scissors, hold that.
Hold that.
Paste.
Hold that.
Turn it over.
- Paper.
No no, a wee piece for up here.
- Oh right.
(comical music)
- You and your damn poster.
- Oh nasty.
Kaka.
- You want to be careful sir.
Can you spare a moment, please sir?
- Can't you see I'm busy?
- Yes, well I want your
okay on a main fuse box.
And if she blows, I'm not
gonna take responsibility.
- Very well.
Can you spare me a minute?
- L'm coming too, it's my fuse box.
(comical music)
(drum roll playing)
(comical music)
- [Sir Beverley] What's going on?
(comical music)
(contemplative music)
- I think I can guess why you
want to see me Mr. Wedgewood.
You may have been feeling lately that
I haven't quite been pulling my weight.
The fact is I've had so
many financial worries
I can't think of anything else.
I realise that my work may
have suffered a wee bit
And that I have been late five
times in the last two weeks.
But, you weren't thinking
of firing me were you?
And you'd like me to leave
at the end of the month?
At the end of the week?
Thank you.
(calm music)
- Don't worry darling,
you can get another job.
You could even start
your own travel agency.
- What with, my overdraft?
- Where do you want this, Miss?
- Oh just put it down there.
And be careful with it,
it's a valuable antique.
- All right Miss.
- Hello Lang.
- Ah, hello Mrs. Munro.
Is he ready yet?
- Well, no not quite.
- You have told him, haven't you?
- We thought we'd better leave
it until the last minute.
- We better do it now,
otherwise he'll never move out.
Where is he?
- Do you realise that idiot
Wicks persisted in fitting
1 5 amp fuses, directly
contrary to my instructions?
I told him to fit 30 amps.
- Daddy, Dexter has
something to say to you.
- Certainly my boy, what is it?
- Yes, I wanted to ask you if...
- Don't worry about me,
I'm perfectly comfortable.
Lang, what are you doing here?
- Come to take you home.
They're fed up with you
interfering in everything.
- Is this so?
- Course not darling, it's
just that Dexter and I
Feel you'll be better
off in your own house.
- We've enough trouble as it is.
I mean we should start off
married life on our own.
- I see.
So your father isn't wanted.
Lang, be so kind as to fetch my bags.
- I mean it's a perfectly normal
Thing for a young married couple.
- Perfectly normal.
I stay too long by thee, I weary thee.
Thus thou so hunger at my empty
chair that thou would needs
Invest with mine honors
before thy hour be right?
Oh foolish youths.
- Henry four, part two, act
four, scene five, terrible.
- When you're ready, Lang.
- I feel awful turning him out like this.
- Oh now don't you fall for
his hearts of lance routine.
- [Juliet] What's the matter Daddy?
- Nothing, I'll be all right in a minute.
- Don't worry.
He always does that when
he can't get his own way.
It's only wind.
I really am going to fire that man.
- You're feeling better already, aye?
- Goodbye my dear.
I trust I’ve left nothing
behind that reminds you of me.
- Do you think he’ll be all right?
- Of course he will, selfish old fool.
I say good riddance.
- That's not a very nice thing to say
after all he's done for us.
- Done for us?
He stuck his nose in every time,
he doubled our building costs,
And given me so much
worry I've lost my job.
- That's nice thing to
say about my father.
You've made mistakes too.
- Aye, and the biggest was to
get him for a father-in-law.
- So it was a mistake to marry me, was it?
- I didn't say that, it's only
your father I can't stand.
- Then it's a pity you let him house you,
Feed you, and entertain you, all free.
- Oh he did it to please himself.
He's a miserable, sanctimonious,
cantankerous old buzzard.
- Do you really think that?
- Yes I do.
- Then this is what I think of
you, (slap lands) I hate you!
- Where do you think you're going?
- Back home, where I belong.
- Juliet come back, I
didn't mean anything.
She'll wreck the car.
(sombre music)
(upbeat music)
(electricity crackling)
(upbeat music)
(electricity crackling)
(upbeat music)
(fire blazing)
(upbeat music)
(dramatic music)
- Fire, fire!
Operator?
(dramatic music)
My house is on fire, can you
take me to the fire station?
- Sure jump on the back.
(upbeat music)
- Do you have to quite so fast?
- We're only doing a tonne.
You're the one who's
in a hurry aren't you?
(upbeat music)
- Going to a fire?
- Coming away from one, actually.
You see my house is on
fire, and this young fella...
- Can't you think of
anything better than that?
Let's have a look at your license.
- No I've got to get the fire brigade.
- Oh yeah, your Reticence please.
- I haven't got it on me.
- Don't you understand,
my house is on fire!
- All right, you can't
interfere with the law.
- Oh, you stupid great nut.
Thanks for the lift.
- Hey, come back.
(engine trying to crank)
Oh no you don't.
- I'll write up for resist for a start.
- Anybody here?
(bell ringing)
(knocking on door)
- Yes?
- Quick, puck, oh sorry.
Fire.
Fire!
- Now now sir, no need to
panic, no need to panic.
Name?
- Oh hurry, Munro.
- Harry Munro.
- No no, it's Dexter.
- Harry Dexter.
- My house is on fire.
- This is not the first fire
The Pillsbury Brigade's
been called upon to attend.
Address?
- Rose Cottage.
- Rose Cottage, where sir?
- Pillsbury you damn fool.
- Pillsbury you damn. (laughing)
(door slams shut)
Care to climb aboard sir?
- Haven't there any other firemen?
- You've chosen a bad day for a fire sir.
All my lads are at the pageant.
♪ It's a hey naughty no
and a scrub a scrub scrub ♪
♪ Hey naughty no and a
scrub a scrub scrub ♪
♪ Until my lady comes home to me ♪
♪ My lady left me ♪
♪ I don't know why ♪
♪ Was she unhappy ♪
♪ Did I make her cry ♪
- Oh awfully good Harold, I'm
sure you'll die a great death.
- Oh, thanks very much Mr. Chipfield.
- Keep a nice straight back, Sir Frances.
Is your posture quite right?
- I’ve never had any complaints before.
- Oh Bruce, you look marvelous.
Now, if at first you don't succeed.
- Give up.
- Ah, incredible atmosphere
Charles, incredible.
- This wig's giving me a terrible itch.
- Nellie, don't let them drop out.
(giggles)
Good luck everyone, good luck.
Don't lose your head.
Oh, I like the hairdo.
(giggling)
Now remember chaps, no smoking.
(dramatic music)
(flames crackling)
(bell ringing)
- Look at all those people,
what we're gonna do?
(upbeat music)
(metal crunching)
(upbeat music)
- What's going on?
(all shouting at once)
- Take this monster out of here.
- Wicks, drop that and
get to the fire house.
There's a fire.
- Is there, all right.
- And Perkins, drop that
banjo and get to this fire.
- You can't have them,
they're on the May pole.
(all shouting at once)
The show must go on.
(Loud explosion)
(all shouting at once)
- Come over here, Nellie.
(fast paced music)
- Only take a couple of minutes now, sir.
(bell ringing)
- What are you gonna do?
(dramatic music)
(fire crackling)
(birds singing)
(bell ringing)
(cows bellowing)
Sound the horn.
(cows bellowing)
- Afternoon.
- Out of the way there,
can't you see there's a fire?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah been
going on for some time now.
Where you be?
Come on me darlings.
- Here Mr. Wicks, it's on fire.
- I know, that's why we come isn't it?
- No the engine.
- Oh, I thought you meant the house.
I was gonna say I know.
- Brake, someone get the brake water.
- Where's the hydrant,
where's the hydrant?
- Oh we ain't got one,
we’ll have to use the well.
- Right, get the pumps working.
- Don't just stand there, come and help.
(cows bellowing)
- Get them cows out the way.
- We were here first.
- If you could even get some
of the smaller valuables out.
No, what are you doing you silly, big ass.
The door's open.
- Afternoon.
- Right.
- What do you think you're doing?
- First things first, she's on fire.
- First things first?
- She'll go up like a rocket
if those flames goes up.
- And what about my house?
- Don't worry.
Right Perkins, living room.
Get number two hose working.
- Oh right.
- Don't you worry now sir.
We’ll soon have everything under control.
- What's happened?
- Well's gone dry Fred, I mean sir.
- Where's the nearest hydrant?
- A mile away Fred, I'm afraid.
- That's that then.
Right men, save what we can.
Hurry up there, that table.
- That's a valuable antique.
- [Ron] The leg's stuck Mr. Wicks.
- Leave me that.
(flames crackling)
- If only you'd summoned
the brigade earlier.
- If only you'd summoned
the brigade earlier.
- They never learn.
Do we?
(sombre music)
- Sorry about this sir.
Can we give you a lift anywhere?
- No, I've got nowhere to go.
- Well if she starts up
again, give us a ring.
(sombre music)
(calm music)
(upbeat music)
- [Lang] Oh, it's a fire.
(dramatic music)
- Oh no.
Oh Dexter.
Dexter!
Dexter it's all my fault, I
should never have left you.
- No.
- Hello there sir.
I say Mr. and Mrs. Munro.
I say, have you heard the news?
- What news?
- Do you remember that motorway
I said might go through here?
- What motorway?
- Well it is, right
through your front garden.
They're gonna requisition.
- A motorway, that's all we need.
- But you don't understand.
You'll get back all
you paid for the place,
plus a handsome profit.
Plus a handsome profit.
- You're kidding?
- No.
- But that means we've got
to start all over again.
- Not at all.
Wisteria Cottage on the other side
Of the hill is a real
bargain, ready to move into.
You can view it straight away.
- Have you got the keys?
- Of course I have.
- Come on.
- I feel like a fairy godmother.
- [Sir Beverley] I shall be delighted
to give you an audition.
- Will you really sir?
- I always believe in
helping young talent.
You may find your own way home, Lang.
I shall not be home for dinner.
- I see.
Oh well, that's show business.
(calm music)
(comical music)