Fancy Pants (1950) - full transcript

THE KING OF THE WEST

Don't eat popcorn
during my performance

villagers.

January 6, 1912.

William Howard Taft,
President of these United States,

signs an agreement admitting
the territory of New Mexico

in the Union as State No. 47.

From a distant day in 1850,

the stubborn colonizers
of this vast territory

they demanded their rights as a state.

This is not the story of
how New Mexico won



his heartbreaking fight for admission.

But the story of one of the reasons
for a 62-year struggle.

This is the saga of a lost cause

and a man who helped lose her.

His story begins one
summer day in 1905

on a cricket ground
on the outskirts of London.

The result is 76 for the
"gentlemen", 105 for the "players".

Lynhaven is ready to
pitch Mr. Fairwick again.

A splendid blow.

There, I say.

- Aggie! stop whistling.
- But Ma, he hit a pigeon.

Whistling is not refined.
And now leave it ...

Or I'll hit you over the head with this

I say she's a bit fat, right?



For my part I find the
young woman quite intriguing.

You won't be serious,
Van-Basingwell.

I've never seen anything so vulgar.

Dress, flashy jewelry,
disgusting display of wealth.

Yes, of course.

And I take the opportunity to introduce myself.

- Do not tell me.
- Yes.

My name is Floud.

The mother is American,
new rich,

willing to instill culture
in her daughter Agatha.

- Pretty sweet, huh, Twombley?
- Almost like tea, George.

More than a cup of tea, Twombley.

I think I need something more
substantial these days.

Meat with potatoes.

I will not tell you.

No comment.

It is clear.

Look Ma,
we already have a memory.

Get that ball back right now.

Deliver it.

¡Caray!

- You are injured?
- I think not.

- Can you continue?
- Of course.

- Tough guy.
- Let's keep going.

- Stay away from the game, will you?
- The Floud.

Excellence.
Glad to see you.

- Hello, Count.
- Hello. Ms. Floud, Ms. Floud,

I present to you my friend
Lord Twombley.

- How?
- Twombley.

- How are you, Excellency?
- Charmed.

- Aggie.
- Haunted.

- I'm wondering the same.
- Well, count, what do you tell me?

What do I tell you?

Well not much.

I wonder if they would spend this
weekend at my mansion.

- It will be a pleasure.
- Good good.

I will present my family.

"It will be a delight, right, Aggie?"
- Yes, delighted.

Okay, then I'll send
my car to pick you up.

We will be waiting,
Excellency.

- Buenas tardes.
- See you later.

Goodbye.

- Now let's go somewhere else.
- Yes.

I'd like to take off these clothes.

But George,
you don't have a mansion or a family.

- But Reggie does.
- Reggie?

Yes, Reggie, and he's in Africa.

And I know how to dig up a
suitable family.

HAMPTON NEWS PLAYERS
Presenta

THE PEARLS OF ALICE

Does anyone play tennis?

How do you think about tennis
in such weather?

But what do we do
in this beastly game?

We need a suitable family
to impress American women.

Look at the mother.

Call Humphrey, Cyril.
My nerves cry out for tea.

Of course.

Did you call me, ma'am?

Why didn't you wait for
the doorbell to ring ?, idiot.

Tea, madam?

I have slipped.

You got me drenched again,
monster! Let.

I'll dry this piece.

It is brown bread.
I just have to dry it.

- Dumber, American idiot.
- You should go back to your homeland.

If I could clarify the disappearance
of Alicia's necklace.

I'm not satisfied with
Humphrey's explanation in ...

the moment of the crime.

I've already explained it to you, sir.

I was in town running
an errand for His Excellency, and ...

And if His Excellency were here,
instead of hunting,

- could verify my statement.
- Already.

- Excellence!
- You heard him. What does it say?

Amazed by his fabulation.

I have never trusted a servant
who was such a scoundrel.

- He's lying, believe me. Lie
- It's no use, Humphrey.

I swear.

I was at Barkley Ltd, buying
elastics for His Excellency.

I can prove it because the man put
me on an elevator.

Humphrey, I accuse you of stealing
my lady's necklace.

It must be a mistake.

Humphrey is an old servant
of the family ...

It has been in the family for generations.

This man is not Humphrey, he
is an impostor.

When he said "elastic" for "braces"
and "elevator" for "elevator",

I suspected he was American.

¡Bravo, Cyril!

Accusations, just accusations.

I challenge you to provide
a minimal proof.

Ask for proof, Sir Wimbley.

I can prove without question
that you are a criminal.

Do you expect a jury to believe that?

Then they will believe this.

They just gave me proof
of his fingerprints.

- Are they from the ... lab?
- Unquestionably.

And they resemble those of the well-known
assassin Oliver Grimes.

All right, I'm Oliver Grimes,
the famous American assassin.

But they will never ... take me alive.

Give it up, Mr. Grimes. I'm
Inspector Kirk from Scotland Yard.

Damn.

Unfortunately,
I have something of a recluse.

And now I face the embarrassing
problem of impressing Ms.

It is very difficult to explain.

As His Excellency says, he
has found an American girl

and wants to impress her.

He has a mansion in the country,
but pedants will not go.

You have to be
upper class ladies on the weekend.

- With a beautiful pay, eh?
- Yes of course.

- And in time for everyone.
- Yes.

It will be a pleasure to help Your Excellency.

I think I can speak for everyone.

Yes, it will be a lot of fun.
Go.

- Except Humphrey, of course.
- Yes, we don't want him to ...

Wow, why
"except Humphrey, of course"?

- Your Excellency, dramatic colleague ...
- No speeches, please.

Excellency,
some members of the cast

They are jealous of my good
performances.

I've played servant and gentleman
from Chicago to Liverpool,

and a slight blow to me is to all
the great names in the theater.

What did you say?

"Plenty of food and drink,
good pay and she spoils everything."

- Yes, precisely.
- Your Honor,

I beg you to grant me
this opportunity.

I promise the best performance of
my career, if you grant it to me,

Or the waters of the Thames
will be my grave if you don't.

- Granted?
- Yeah come on.

- I won't overshadow you.
- Give him his chance.

Very good,
but away from me.

- At your service, my lord.
- Good. At last.

I'll send you some cars.
You will surely enjoy.

Thanks a lot.

What dedication.
So elegant.

Surprise i'm a butler

Who really is a butler
Indifferent from my walk to my importance

I look as boring
as the master, the lord

How I serve
tea drinkers

He found out about Humphrey
I'm that guy

Lover of quiet people

I'm here

Yes, my lord
I am your knight and servant

What do I see, a damn pants
Here, now

Yes my lord

Can I crumble the muffins
in your tea?

Have a banana.

- Hello.
- Good afternoon, Mrs.

Aggie.

Buenas tardes.

- Your shawl, ma'am?
- Yes. Bought in Chicago.

I am the butler.
May l?

- Thanks. Your umbrella?
- I'll keep it. It could rain.

His Excellency waits in the garden.
Follow me, Mrs.

What kind.

I wish I had something like that at home.

Ma, they could shoot him
before he got home.

Straight from America features
Ms. Floud and Ms. Floud.

Glad to see you.

- Hello, Count.
- And I'm very glad to see you.

Come, you will see my family.

This is my mother, Lady Brinstead.

Flattered to meet you,
Lady Brinstead.

- Haunted.
- Do it, Aggie.

Haunted.

And my cousin Rosalind,
Duchess of Dover.

- Haunted.
- How are you.?

Aggie.

- Hello, Duchess.
- How are you?

His Excellency,
13th Earl of Brinstead, my father.

- He thinks I have sauce on them.
- Yes Yes. Dad! Dad!

Forget my father's enthusiasm.

I told him about you and this is his
way of showing his approval.

Did you hear that, Aggie?
The count told his father about us.

Someone should tell their mother
all about their father.

Hope you
guys relax here at Brinstead Manor. Eh, mother?

- Yes, we will do it.
- Yes.

¿Milord? Please.

A cigarette?

Nozzle.

Fire?

It's better than the service we
've had in a month

and Big Squaw.

Well, Humphrey anticipates
my wishes.

How often do you have to stop it?

Stop it? Ah, stop it.

Very funny.
Cheerfully good.

- It was everything. Thanks, Humphrey.
- Thanks.

Well, mother?

I must commend George for his taste.

You will know that many young
American tourists are rude.

Is not true.
Right, Aggie?

Yes.

Let's go from here.

Does anyone play tennis?

How do you think about tennis
with weather like this?

Sorry.
I thought I was acting.

Cyril, you forget we have guests.

Mrs. Floud, Miss Floud,
my nephew, Lord Cyril.

How are you?

- Aggie.
- What?

How are you?

He will have to forgive Cyril.
Tennis is his obsession.

Yes.

- What about tea, mother?
- Sure, dear.

I will call.

Have you called, ma'am?

I was ready, Humphrey.

Why didn't you wait for
the doorbell to ring ?, idiot.

Jamon.

You know, Earl, this is the first time
I 've seen a real English butler.

I saw one performing.

It was in Cheyenne.
We throw tomatoes at him.

And now we will have tea.

- How do you want it?
- What is the difference?

Indian tea is a
vitality- giving blend during bad weather.

While the Chinese import
increases the stimulus.

- What did you say?
- Has said...

"Indian tea is a
vitality- giving blend during bad weather,

"while the Chinese import
stimulus increases."

Lady?

- Well said, Humphrey.
- Thanks.

A knife.
Have a...? Do not.

May l?

This part is the strainer.

Fresh cut lemon?

Two points.

- A lump or two?
- I like two,

but since lately
I have eaten pork, better one.

In that case, may I suggest ...?

- Can I stir a little, Ma?
- Yes please.

Tea time.

Could you...?

Will you choose your tea, ma'am?

Soaked again!

It's quite a stir, Ma.

You should not do that.
Don't you have judgment?

They said to relax.

Stupid, always screwing up.
I explained how I should ...

- Mother, mother! Please!
- It's the hot pipe, Ma.

How did you manage to be such an idiot?

Going to bed early and getting up early.

Is the answer.
Better do it with this.

Unfortunate occurrence
of an inevitable nature.

I recommend a cold shower.

- Shut!
- Do not.

You should not be here.
Go do something.

- Yes, ma'am. I'll go get cold tea.
- Watch this.

Honey.

Come on, I'll help her change.

Humphrey.

I've been looking for him.

- I want something solid.
- So soon, ma'am?

- How much do they pay him?
- Quite a lot, Mrs.

How much is enough?

Are you trying to relieve me of the service
of Your Excellency?

- Exactly!
- Impossible!

I cannot abandon His Excellency.
That would not be nice.

My family has always served
the Brinstead.

My father, my grandfather,
my great-grandfather.

I can't go any further.

You have reasons to work for me.
It is already en route.

Please, ma'am,
don't insist on it.

My ancestors are already
frowning.

- Who is it?
- The great grandfather, Lord Cedric.

He became famous in the army.

What was he looking for in his shirt?

Pull up your pants from the inside.

A funny pose.

Funnier if you put your hand out, Mrs.

Hey, Humphrey,
you earn nothing between these paintings.

Take my card.

Go to my hotel and we'll make a deal.
Double salary.

Don't tempt me, ma'am.
I can resist any temptation.

My whim is steel, Humphrey.
When I want something ...

Wow!

Oh yes! Mr / Ms.

My great-great-grandmother,
splendid genet.

- Did you always ride like this?
- Angelic Betsy, no.

He often rode rider style.

If she did it in Big Squaw, she
would be arrested.

It was.
That's how he met great-great-grandfather.

He was a magistrate.

Well, I will have to continue, Mrs.

Now, put this hand
lightly on the end.

- Slightly?
- Yes, slightly.

Of course, this game is
taught throughout England.

It is the most popular sport.

Playing it or teaching it?

- You know, Agatha ...
- What?

He is the most exciting person
I know.

If I knew the exact words,
if I knew what to do ...

May I attend the service, my lord?

- Fast service. Jerez, Miss?
- Okay, I wasn't going to drink.

- Jerez, my lord?
- No, I don't take anything, thank you.

- Whiskey and soda, my lord?
- I want nothing.

- ¿Whisky con soda, milord?
- No.

"Soda and water, my lord?"
- Nothing at all.

Water with water?

"Whiskey on ice, my lord?"
- Nothing.

¿Whisky con whisky?

- That's all.
- Do I make music with the glasses?

We don't want to drink anything else.

Shall I draw the curtains, my lord?
Do I prepare your bath?

- Shall I make a portrait of you?
- Look, Humphrey,

do what you like,
but elsewhere.

- Elsewhere.
- Yes, my lord.

Shall I chalk Miss's cue,
my lord?

Why don't we give up
until he stops?

Yes.

I'm terrible, sorry.

Now, Agatha, as I was saying ...

Announcement to Sir Wimbley,
Mrs. Floud, Miss Rosalind ...

You have to be with me, Aggie.

The count has told me things.

Billiards!

Can I get you a soda, ma'am?

Thanks.

- You know, Aggie ...
- What?

I bet Humphrey would make
your father a knight.

Will you take it home with us?
Ma, are you nuts?

Do not worry. I'll get Humphrey
anyway.

- Ma.
- If Mrs. Maude fires him.

- Pa would put him to take care of pigs.
- Go on with the billiards.

- Punch, ma'am?
- I want nothing.

Nice hit, Mrs.

Some punch, ma'am?
You will feel the caress of the drink

and nap.

Punch, ma'am?

- Thanks.
- Thanks.

You ... You ... Get out!

You are fired!
I'm fed up!

And don't come back again!
Not today, not tomorrow, not ever!

And now out!

- It was an accident, my lord.
- Out of!

I know, out. I know.

Big Squaw.

- Hi Mike.
- Hello.

- Hello, Mr. Floud.
- Hello.

Hey, Pa.

Look, Cart.
Stop calling me "Pa"!

- What do you know about Aggie?
- He's on his way home.

Big Squaw, New Mexico.

Arrival at Big Squaw on June 23.

Put on a clean shirt.

Aggie and I bring in an
English valet.

With love. Effie.

Hey, what's that
"valet" thing?

The same as man of man.
Knight of knight.

Like a knight, when the
knight thinks he is a knight.

Good, but don't interfere
with my plans.

Aggie and I are getting married
as soon as she's here.

- Now you know.
- Maybe the one who doesn't know is Aggie.

Ma wrote that an earl
had his eyes on her.

And if it's him, you have a problem.

I think the problem is his.
I'm going to pick her up on the train.

You won't need a clean shirt

because the count
will never see her, Pa.

Don't call me Pa!

Ma, mira. Cart Belknap.

What a rocking ...

- Hi, Cart.
- Hello.

- Get away from my girl.
- Okay...

- She just ...
- Hold it, boy.

Cart, leave him alone!

Wait, we are in a tunnel.

No one will marry Aggie
except me.

Please don't dance here.
Please!

¡Cart!

- Please, we haven't been introduced.
- Cart!

Only a coward hits a coward.

¡Cart!

- Go get him, Aggie!
- Ma, let him go.

Go for him!

Do not worry.
Has jumped.

Hope it jumps all the way
back to England.

Well, you'll go get it.

I paid for your trip first class,
and I'm not going to miss it now.

I will not do it!

If I don't bring it alive, you'll have
to prepare a shake.

¡Baja!

Water.

Water!

Water. Water.

I go crazy.
Water! Water!

Miracle. The heat.

I'm crazy!

Water.

Water.

Seltzer.
Water. Something.

He is drunk.

Aguilas.

Indians. Indians!

Hey, sabrootodo!
[Abelotodo]

What's the matter with you?
You've gone mad?

There is no time to explain it.
Here, hide behind there.

I'm going to brag.
I will challenge you.

I will flee!

We will die together.

What are you doing raving about giving up?

Indians.
Indian children!

- Hi, Aggie.
- Need help?

- No.
- What's wrong with him?

He thinks he has broken a twig for you.

Because his friends are good,
otherwise he would have killed them.

Yeah, how he killed Cart Belknap.
Indian children.

Is he the guy who tried to shoot me
in the feet?

- What have you got against me?
- Will you marry me.

I think he imagines that you
and I understand each other.

How can you imagine something
so ridiculous?

Absurd.
You are not my type, Mrs.

Same here, he would kill
anyone who touched me.

In that case, I will wait impatiently for a
long and happy life, Mrs.

- Come on, sabelotodo.
- Come on, Mrs.

- Come on, help me ride.
- Yes ma'am.

Do not! Not that way.

- Put your hands like this.
- Yes ma'am.

It was not very pleasant to do.

You should have warned
your muscles.

- Yes ma'am.
- It's supposed to get me high.

Eleva. Eleva.

It is done.
Shall we canter, ma'am?

¿Sra.? ¿Sra.?

What are you doing down there?

Having tea with a groundhog.
What do you think?

Sorry, mrs.

Only me...

- Ready?
- Not that way.

- Get on all fours.
- Yes, Mrs.

We will do it safely.

- Are you on board, ma'am?
- Yes.

- Now give me your arm.
- Yes, Mrs.

Not that one, the other one.

- Now jump.
- Above. Upstairs, Mrs.

Here we are, Mrs.

Wouldn't it be easier to
call a cab, ma'am?

I have a better idea.

- Go.
- Yes, Mrs.

When in the service of the count,

I never had to help
him ride the horse.

He put his boots on in the morning
and took them off at night.

- There were never animals.
- Shut up.

- Get on the rock.
- Yes, Mrs.

- Facing the horse.
- To the horse?

Take off your hat.

¡Effie!

¡Effie!

¡Effie!

Yes?
Why do you scream

What the hell happened
to my clothes?

I have burned it.
I got rid of it.

- Did you burn it?
- Yes.

Humphrey will buy you a
new outfit in the shop.

I don't want clothes from the store ...
Humphrey?

- Who is Humphrey?
- The Butler.

Butler?

Yes, the one we
brought with us.

You told Aggie to find
a valet.

- That's Humphrey, the butler.
- I thought...

Thought what?

- Just thought.
- I doubt it.

And another thing, grab that
beat-up old rocking chair

and spit it out of here
before he comes.

Right now.

Aggie.

- ¡Aggie!
- ¡Pa!

- Hi father!
- Aggie, what you have seen with your eyes.

Pa, in Europe I have not seen anything
better than you and our home.

How is it that you wear clothes for Sunday
being Tuesday?

Ma likes finery
like a pig likes mud.

- Is dead?
- Do not.

He passed out when I hit him
with a rock.

Now give him another stone.
Tell him he fell off his horse.

- No, Ma held me responsible.
- I'm in trouble, Aggie.

- How is that?
- I didn't know he was a butler.

I told everyone he was an earl.
They will give you a proper welcome.

God, when Ma finds out,
what do I do?

Don't do anything,
what's done is done.

And all for him.
Please, Aggie, give him a stone.

Pretend, Ma is coming.
I did it, Ma!

Great. We could...

- Aggie, if he's hurt, help me ...
- Easy. It's healthy.

- He's well alive.
- Let's put him down.

There must be another way
to see America.

What happens?
Can't get up?

Looks like something's wrong, Mrs.

We have to save him from that misfortune.

Yes, it will have to be buried in a barrel.

Bring it home!

I'm glad you're okay,
Humphrey.

In a few days my misfortune will return.

I will help you improve.

This is Wampum, our worker.
And this is Wong, the cook.

- Guys, this is Humphrey.
- How are you?

- How? [Jául]
- Okay.

And that's Mr. Floud.

- Hello.
- Hello Sr.

Let me tell you something, Humphrey.
I know how to take care of myself.

- It is obvious.
- Look ...

One moment.
I give the orders.

Humphrey, you can start by
instructing Mr. Floud

of the correct way to act.

- Well, you see, Mrs. Floud, I ...
- Humphrey.

Well, may I suggest,
sir, in the presence of the ladies.

- Ladies?
- You mean me and Ma.

- Sassafras. [American tree]
- Now let's go up.

- Not until I have my clothes.
- Oh yeah?

Can I get
Mr. Floud some clothes, ma'am?

We will fill a
tub with water and bathe Mr. Floud!

- What?
- Bath, ma'am?

Yes.

- Now you see, Effie ...
- Do it!

- You too.
- But...

- Humphrey.
- Yes, Ms ...

- May I, sir?
- Yes Yes.

Delicious
Could you ...?

Are you planning to shave now, sir?

Rest assured, Humphrey:

No one has bathed me since
I was a child.

Effie can take my job off

But any fool
who tries to give me a bath

I will cut it into pieces that cannot be
hung.

- He had picked up a gray hair.
- And now, get out of here.

And keep your mouth shut.

What's the matter, Humphrey?

You want to lather yourself, Mrs.

Well, while you wait,
put Aggie's hair back.

- Bring it, ma'am and I'll do it.
- No, Humphrey. Let's go there.

I want you to leave her as a duchess.

I haven't been with one in a while,
but I'll try.

Here it is.

May l?

What the hell is he doing?

- Humphrey will pick your hair up.
- I can do it myself.

He will leave you like a duchess.

- I don't want to sound like a duchess.
- Aggie!

Okay, what does he know
about the woman's hair ?

That?

For 10 years I have been an employee
of Gómez in Paris,

as an expert in hairdressing.

- I dont believe it.
- See if I can with your "jungle."

Quiet, still.

I will never forget
Lady Cunningham's hair .

He made me comb a huge bun for him.
It was amazing.

- What nonsense.
- Yes.

All the people said:

"There goes Lady Cunningham,
with her bun on top."

The people were picturesque.
Now...

I should do something with inspiration,
something with a point.

An exceptional creation.
A monument to me.

I need a team.
Is there a rat or two around here?

- Why don't you look in the mirror?
- You got it right.

I'll do something elevated,
something statuesque.

No, it is not enough.

No.

Why...

eureka.

Eureka, yes.

Magnificent.

My masterpiece.

Hopefully this is not the time to spray.

Miss.
Don't look at yourself until it's over.

I can't stand flattery.

You...

You are taking a bath, Mr.

Take off your change of clothes.
The water is not cold.

Wait, when I catch you,
I'll break your neck.

Are you.

Live! I was looking for her to
see the result.

- Humphrey, it has been exceeded.
- I think so.

- It's amazing.
- Yes, I was amazed.

Maybe I made the toupee a little high,
but I'll fix it later.

I'll think something.
Maybe practicing a little,

get it curled with my fingers.

- Good afternoon, Your Grace.
- How are you?

- Greetings, Mr. Count.
- Ladies, all together.

Welcome to Big Squaw, Your Grace.

¿Su Graz ...?

Soy Jones,
editor del Daily Chronicle.

Welcome to Big Squaw, the largest
town west of Wagonwheel.

- How are you?
- I'm Andrews, the undertaker.

At first I came west
to dig for gold.

Yeah sure, it
doesn't make sense to spend a shovel

Your Grace, I want to introduce you
to my daughter.

- She's a bit shy. [Afraid]
- Afraid of what?

Glad to see you all, dear ones.

- Effie, how lucky.
- Congratulations.

- And your guest. Effie, what a prize.
- You. what does Humphrey think?

His
name is Humphrey, it is his first name, serious as his face.

I knew Humphrey would cause a stir

but I had no idea it would come to this.

Every woman would give something to
be in her shoes.

Thank you dear.

Effie, this is the biggest story
my journal has ever published.

You've put Big Squaw on the map.

- What?
- Don't tell me you haven't seen it.

"Mrs. Mike Floud introduces
the Earl of Bri ..."

"Count of..."

This makes you the queen
of Big Squaw society.

Me? Queen?

What nonsense, right?

Let your honor think

which is nonsense, it
is pampering the visitors too much.

Right, Your Honor?

- But ...
- His neck.

I'll double his salary, I'll
double everything.

Well, like Humphrey,
Earl of Brinstead,

and from my hostess,

I welcome you to
Floud Mansion.

Your Honor, 2 minutes past
teatime.

- How can you hold on?
- With arrests.

Shall we have tea?

His daughter looks like the Duchess
of Murdock.

- The Duchess?
- Many afternoons we have tea,

the Duchess and I, while her husband
plays his favorite sport.

- The cricket?
- Maybe not, but she's irresistible.

A happy group, right?

Will you sit here, Your Honor?

- Pa, the whole city is down there ...
- Yes, I can hear them.

He is bad as a butler,
and here you will not be able to live,

now that everyone believes him count.
We have to...

- What are you doing with that bird?
- That know-it-all did it to me.

- Shut.
- Aggie ...

- What?
- Humphrey has to go.

- I know how to do it.
- Yes?

- And Ma can't blame us.
- Good.

Belknap thinks there is something
between Humphrey and me.

- Yes?
- Suppose I let him keep believing it.

Cart would cut up his liver and
dip it in his own sauce.

Marching an order for liver.

Yes, I enjoy my
best walk in America.

Can you compare the
American and English women?

I think the American woman
is much prettier.

What about their horses?

I think American women are
prettier than our horses.

Sorry for being late.

- Hello everyone.
- Hi, Aggie.

- Aggie.
- What?

Don't you know you have to ask
Humphrey if you can come into the room?

Yes, Ma, I know.

Dear, dear earl,
what can Miss Maude say?

- No carnation in his buttonhole.
- I can't take them.

This would rust my medals.
Pass this out.

- Please tell us about your medals.
- Yes, let's talk ahead.

I've seen it in action.
It's cold like an old bathtub.

Yes. One of the things you've done has made
my hair stand on end.

Tell me about an experience
for my journal.

No no no please!
Your Honor is very tired.

- It has been a very busy day.
- Not much, not much.

Let me see,
how do I explain my first medal?

Thanks. Well, I think it was my
first year of service out of the East.

It was my first year of service.
At the same time he was a simple lieutenant.

Well, those dirty natives
were very dirty.

They had promoted the malaise
for weeks.

They wanted to eliminate us.

And they waited for the end of the monsoon.

Monsoon, in French for sir.
[Monsieur]

Exactly.

The infernal drums sounded.

"The bullying hour," he said,
"is when the drums stop."

The infernal drums stopped.
I was distraught.

But he was the
bravest man outside the East.

Colonel Jothergill took me aside.

"We are 3 against 1,000"
We had to call for reinforcements.

- No man could pass.
- The earl was a boy then.

Colonel Jothergill.

Called "Old Saliva and Polish."
He always spit, and he was Polish.

Well, sir, old Colonel Jothergill
outlined his plan for me.

I offered to move on.
It was a dangerous mission.

Behind us was a river,
dark and infested with crocodiles.

To the right the jungle full of
hissing pythons.

And the earl whistled like them, didn't he?

Yes.

On the left,
a wall of high rocks.

And in front, the enemy.

Three against 1,000.

Horrible!

Exciting though.
Dawn was coming in the East.

Our souls fell in the West.

Three against 1,000.

What chance did we have?

And when the sun rose, they attacked.

Soon we would have finished.
We knew it.

We shook hands, we distributed
the last portions of food,

the last drops of water.

The ammunition practically depleted.

Then Colonel Jothergill
told us the worst.

"Stiff upper lip," he murmured.

"You guys will have to face this."

There is no more tea.

They had to pay dearly for it.
We would sell life at a high price.

How to stop them?
How to get out of that? How?

- Like. [Jául]
- Like.

There was no more time.
We heard their hideous howls.

There they were, storming the fortress.
They were going to stab us.

Screaming, with spears and machetes.
Disintegrating the British plaza.

Three against 1,000.

Three, watching.

You are wonderful.

There I was, with a spear
piercing my body.

- Didn't it hurt?
- Only when he laughed.

I pulled the spear and began to attack.

Colonel Jothergill, attacking
to my right, was shot down.

That angered me.
I brandished my machete

I made my way between them.
Stabbing, stabbing.

Heads, arms, legs,
bodies!

There it was, drenched in blood.

Blood!

Wet with blood.

Blood.

Bien, Sr. Belknap.

Poor guy. He has not endured
the bloody tale.

Excuse me. I always take a nap
before going to bed. If you are...

But Your Honor!
What happened?

- How was the end?
- Ah, the meeting!

Well, they finally left.

They were the most resistant of all
that we had fought.

Good, goodnight.

Goodnight.

What work.

You can enter.

Get out of bed and head
to the Yellow Dog Lounge.

Those two bad bugs, Pa and Aggie,
they went there dressed in suede.

- They have rebelled!
- But Effie,

a count is not disturbed.

The earl feels very earnest this morning.

Humphrey, in the Morning Chronicle
you may be an earl,

before my friends you can
be a count,

But I pay Humphrey,
the butler.

- And his job is Pa and Aggie.
- But Mrs. Floud, I ...

Humphrey.

Yes, Mrs.

Yes, Mrs.

And my hat?

He wore a tall silk hat
and a long tailcoat

I looked like O'Leary's goat

Cantando you do yayyi yay, yayyi yay

Cantando you do yiyi yayyi yay

This is bacon and beans
Every day

I had to eat soon in
the hay meadow

Cantando you do yayyi yay, yayyi yay

Cantando you do yiyi yayyi yay

My feet in the stirrups
roye by the side

Show me a horse that I
ca n't ride

Cantando you do yayyi yay, yayyi yay

Cantando you do yiyi yayyi yay

Pa, look who's here.

Guys, our guest,
the Earl of Beerstein.

I beg your pardon, gentlemen,
the Earl of Brinstead.

What is the difference?
Come on, guys, let's drink beer.

The mother asks both of them to
return to the mansion.

What about our manners here?

Why? I'll escort you both
to Mrs.

Relax, Count.

Come on, we'll discuss it.
Before we wet the throat.

Bring some beer.

I would stay,
but we have to go.

- You know the lady.
- Sure, Humphrey. Sure.

This morning we go out and she is crazy
if we come home moderate,

but it will be more so if we come back
with breath smelling of beer,

Will you forget how we got away

- Let's have a beer.
- It's too late...

Forget it. Sam! Come on, Sam!
Hurry up with that beer!

For Jove, they are alive!

Jolly.

Sorry.

Thanks.

Here, count.

Thanks.

Excuse me

Bring Cart!

Sabelotodo

You are a dry law bug

When you see a girl you jump

Hey you!

Sabelotodo

You dropped your pretty handkerchief

Mama will spank us

Fauntleroy

Women who crave men

They want to love troglodytes

Come on angel

Show courage

That's what you need

Sabelotodo

You're a bloated old man

You are afraid to catch a girl and hold her

Hey you!

Sabelotodo

Run to protect you Ma

How is your stamp collection?

Underpants

Look how we stomp

What scares you?
Take a chance

If you like to roam and snoop

People will stop screaming

"That's where sabotage goes"

Sabelotodo.

Hunter.

Remember my throat was
slightly slit

and I had to keep my head
because the handkerchief was torn.

If I could go back to base,
I would recover in 15 days.

Five days, you know.
Then it happened.

- What?
- Throughout Africa,

I have never seen a
more ferocious beast .

There I was standing in a
black night

its immense size dwarfed
the elephant I was riding.

How could you tell the size
in the dark?

The dark night let his
white coat stand out.

You see, when ...

Hola, Sr. Belknap.

Well, it's snack time.
I'm going to walk.

No, count.

- I'd like to hear the rest.
- You better be careful.

You know what happened last night.

Maybe this time I will catch him.

Ok, if you like risk.
Where was it?

Staring at a huge animal
in the dark.

That? Ah, that was it.
Yes Yes Yes.

Well, his white coat highlighted the
biggest polar bear I've ever seen.

- It must have been ...
- Those don't belong to Africa.

That's what I was going to tell him.
He approached.

I was withdrawing, step by step.

What happened to the big elephant?

I sent him help.

I think. Yes.
Well, there he was.

I stood there unarmed
except for a spear

that a native nailed in my chest.

- That it only hurt to laugh.
- Yes.

I staggered off the spear,
weak from loss of blood.

I was all blood.
It was dripping blood!

Even the bear was.

Not feeling a slight faint?
Do not.

Did I say that the ground was
covered in blood?

As I said. It's snack time.
The best thing is to walk ...

Do you know what I would have done?

- Well, I ...
- I would have twisted his neck like that!

What?

Then he would have grabbed his ears
and ripped them off like that!

I wish I had been there.

Then with his skin in my
hands I would have skinned him!

- Well ...
- Pa, we have to stop Cart.

It's getting hotter.

I want Humphrey to do something
and Cart will let him go.

I don't think Humphrey
stood up to Cart.

- And do you know what would follow?
- No. Let me guess.

- Okay, go ahead and guess.
- You would have taken the rifle

and I would have shot him like that.

Goodbye!

Very good, huh, Effie?

Mr. Mayor, this is so
big it scares me!

President Teddy Roosevelt!

He's on a tour of the
Western territory .

I wouldn't have played Big Squaw, but
when I telegraphed about the earl,

He replied that it would be a pleasure!

O'Goshen Land.

Of course he can stay
here with you, right?

Here? At my place?

It would be a great compliment.

Maybe if we treat it very well

I would recommend to Congress the exchange
of this territory for a State.

- Land of lands!
- And Effie ...

You. would be the queen of the state!
- Mayor!

I am going to organize the City Council.
Goodbye, Effie.

Congratulations, Aggie!
Congratulations, Mike!

President Roosevelt comes
to see Humphrey.

Is not it wonderful?
Mike!

- What?
- I swear

who said the President is
coming to see Humphrey.

That's what I said.
Is not it wonderful?

- Ma, have you drunk brandy?
- No, Mike, it's true!

Why would you want to see Humphrey?

Because he thinks Humphrey is an earl.

Where is Humphrey?

¿Humphrey?

Teddy Roosevelt, huh?
Well, I'll be tied up by pig.

- Where's Humphrey?
- Go ahead and tell him.

The last time we saw him, he was
leaving town.

- Leaving town?
- Yes, he was going to ...

It was suddenly decided to
go to London.

Both of you!
I was not expecting something like this!

- We did not do anything!
- Take your horse and look for it!

- Don't come back without him!
- We could have a problem.

The worst problem is that we can't
find it. Walking!

And you. Take off those clothes!

I'm going, wait a minute.
Easy, that's what I was going to do.

¡Humphrey!

Wait!

Hey, know it all!

What this, time control?
Leave me alone. I want to get out of here.

Well, I don't blame him.
Pa and I have it very bad.

Cart Belknap is not exactly
the chamber of commerce.

Leave. It's the only good thing
I can do since I arrived.

I don't ask him to come back,
Ma sent me.

- I knew you would say no.
- Well, you knew the right thing to do.

I got nervous when he
got Cart's face wet.

So I figured you could
meet President Roosevelt.

Yes, I had the courage to face it.
He won't think I'm ...

Who?

You see, everyone at Big Squaw thinks
you're really an earl.

Teddy Roosevelt is coming
to town to meet him.

So President Roosevelt is coming to meet the Earl of Brinstead

and not the count.
Well, you seem silly.

His mother and father and the small
town seem silly.

They will have to change the name to
Big Fool.

Yes, and it could be worse if you stay.

You may be able to make people believe
that you are an earl,

but I do acknowledge that President Roosevelt
will meet with several real earls.

Presidents can be crazy.
They vote for them, right?

- I made him think I was a butler.
- Right, he did.

I have waited a long time to receive
a gesture for my performance.

I am not a count. No butler.
I've never been Humphrey.

My name is Arthur Tyler
and I am an actor.

- Actor? God!
- If you let my wagon out, I'm going.

Why has he pretended to be a butler?

In London he was unemployed,
broke.

So much so that they threw me out
of the hotel without opening the door.

I would make President Roosevelt
believe that I am the Earl of Brinstead.

But I do not want.

If you are an actor, you
have your chance.

If you perform well, it will be the great
performance of your life.

Imagine acting as an English earl
for President Roosevelt,

Me, Ma and Pa clapping.

Yes, and me being the star.
One step up.

And an audience of three.
It is a step up.

Yeah, you put Big Squaw on the map,
and they can't erase it anymore.

Many innocent people in
the city will depend on you.

Innocent.
How Cart Belknap?

Tell him there's nothing between us

and stop trying to put
my head as a trophy.

Sure, I'll tell you there's never been
anything between us.

You can be perfectly sure.

And later, when the President is
gone, you can go too.

Arrea! President Roosevelt.
An executive command.

I accept the role,
but for one performance only.

Then I'll do a tour.
Wherever, but far away.

Everyone will thank you for this.

And I on behalf of all, Arthur.

Grab it!

Yes, President Roosevelt,
I am the Earl of Brinstead.

Wait for my agent to
hear this.

Let's go there.

Society column

Home cooking
for the President

Misfortune is mine
that goes with me

I hate this life chosen for me
Tired of so much misery

I should never roamAnd
leave this

Homemade food

Homemade food

Life is cruel I
was a fool to roam

A tramp earns nothing

Only win the betrayal of an accomplice

You see the world,
which is applesauce

You never have your nose too far

Homemade food

Homemade food

I'm afraid of staying home

I know a girl
Her name is Sal

I want to have it in my corral

But she says it's just yal
[Bird of Chile]

And he's never home when I want to

- Homemade food
- Long distance

- Homemade food
- Long distance

Life is cruel, I
was a fool to roam

Long distance from Hong Kong

Far from my hut I
accumulate great value

I lose my Indian
when I lose my legal Indian

- Dipper with Minnehaha's already
- Like yayoose half moose

What?
Homemade food

Give me that homemade food

Sit on the blanket and
ugh, ugh, ugh with the tribe

Dame Hong Kong, Hankow

Where am I choy-choy
boy number one

Shanghai, Foochow
Marry a Ming girl to play

Homemade food

Homemade food

Count Chinese friends
as Chinese from home

I went abroad and turned left

They English bugs
never thawed

When a duke said, "Yes, my lord"
Mate, hear me cry

- Homemade food
- Put it on

Homemade food

Some know-it-all might have
a chance with me

- Smoke rings with the pipe of peace
- Rice cake, kunquat, abundance

Real fine wingdings
Rocking in a rocking chair, that's it

- Homemade food
- Smell it

Homemade food

A quiet life
is life enough for me

- Yes, give me that homemade food
- A spoonful

Homemade food
This is life for me

- Hurry! Ma is coming!
- What's going on?

- Ma!
- What?

Everyone to their posts.

The President arrives at our house.

Dear boy.

I hope they do everything well.

The Mayor and the welcoming committee
will bring you here from the station.

Outside on the porch,
the Silver Cornet Band will be playing.

And Humphrey, you'll wait on the
stairs with your monocle,

and his evening gown until the
boy with the horn blows "Ta-da."

- "Ta-da".
- Then you will go down the stairs.

Everyone will clap as you go
down the stairs

and Pa will introduce you to Mr. Roosevelt.

- And you, Aggie.
- What?

If you forget to bow,
I'll take you out of the spotlight.

- Agree.
- The party must be perfect

- or you will suffer the consequences.
- Yes, Ma.

- They call, Mrs.
- They call, they call.

Stop calling me ma'am.
You are the Earl of Brinstead.

It will be Carrie with her
potato salad.

Humphrey, I want to tell you
that the best of you.

is that he is a count again despite
how we have treated him.

All right, old friend.

- If you want, you can call me Pa.
- Thanks, Pa.

What a taste!

I hope Carrie didn't load up on
the onion potato salad.

- Okay, get her in.
- How are you, Mrs. Floud?

Passed out

Put her on that chair.

- It's the bad thing about surprising, Mr. Pte.
- That's it.

It will be fine.

I'm coming. I'm coming.
Who is wrong, friends?

- What's wrong with Mrs. Floud?
- He passed out.

- Don't stay there, I'll bring water.
- Without fail.

I was very excited.

The President is coming and
we are all nervous.

I'll give you some brandy.
It's not very good, but it will do.

I believe that...

¡Aggie! ¡Pa! ¡Pa! ¡Aggie!

- What happens?
- What?

President!

Welcome to Big Squaw,
Mr. President.

I am Mike Floud.
And there is my daughter Aggie.

- How are you.?
And this is the Earl of Brinstead.

And this is our host,
Mrs. Effie Floud.

- Wake up, Ma.
- I'm sorry, Mrs. Floud.

I arrived unexpectedly.
We drove the Broken Arrow.

I should have stayed
on the official train.

But I've heard so many
welcome speeches

he hoped to avoid the one at
his station.

I hope you will excuse our appearance.

We would leave the kitchen,
to prepare something for you.

Yes, even the count.
He's very good at cleaning.

Yes, it is as normal
as your democracy, Mr.

You know, when in Rome
and all those things.

Aggie, take the President into the living room before
things sort out in the kitchen.

Please leave the formality,
Mrs. Floud.

I'd like to go to the kitchen with you.

- May l?
- Really?

I'll make a steak in sauce, it
's very popular in Washington.

- It will?
- Extraordinary!

- I learned in Paris.
- Paris cooks!

- You are our man.
- He is the most exquisite President.

- Everyone to the kitchen!
- Delicious. Bravo for you.

- And to think that I almost voted for Bryan!
- This is a pressure group, right?

- It is done.
- Good looking, right?

- Give me some.
- I'm anxious ahead of time.

- Amazing!
- Like he said, delicious!

- Thanks thanks.
- You need more sherry.

- Bye.
- Stop, Ma.

I haven't had a drink since
I took that hit.

Yes, and Pa is too old
to climb those hills.

- Agatha!
- Maybe another jet wouldn't hurt.

No way!. Keep your nose
on the presidential recipe.

- In my opinion ...
- Nobody is interested.

There was a lot of sherry in your
kitchen before we got married.

Mike Floud!
Are you hinting ...

Ma, if you had used stronger sherry,
I would be two years older.

Do not get into this!
And you, Mike Floud ...

- Don't start with that argument.
- Mr / Ms. Floud! Mr. Floud!

After all,
the President is on vacation.

You want me to think he's
back in Congress?

Excuse me, Mr. President.

I have overheard discussions
like this in my own kitchen.

And I must say that my wife
has convinced me,

that I have the same
right to have an opinion.

Is not true.

You think the first
lady has the last word.

Well aimed, Brinstead.
Now some butter.

The butter is there.

Is not it wonderful?

Yes, this role of earl,
it makes me seem very low ...

- Brinstead.
- I'm coming, Mr.

Tell me, Brinstead,
what is England's position

in relation to the situation
in the Mediterranean?

Yes. You see, there are two lines of
thought: Pro and Con.

Sure, but what do you think
pros and cons?

The pros seem to be in favor,
and the group against are opposites.

Naturally.
And you personally, Brinstead,

- What party do you take?
- Me? Yeah well I'm pro.

Why? Brinstead.

How can you support a situation
that only creates problems?

Well, I think I'm pro-contra.
I am in favor of the opposite.

He wasn't on the train!

I, Democratic nominee, have
waited at the station for 1 hour.

My entire speech written by hand.
And I won't be able to read it in public ...

- Good Lord, it's him!
- Where is he going?

The committee waits in front of the porch!

Let's go.

Well, Brinstead, there is no choice.
But we have done well to try.

It was good while it lasted,
Mr. President. Go?

- Ma, where is my neck and tie?
- On the hotplate.

¡Dated prisa!

Sr. President,
as Mayor of Big Squaw,

let me welcome you
to our beautiful city.

Bravo Bravo! Excellent public
speaking. Brief and full-bodied.

- Thank you, Mr. Mayor. Thank you all.
- But Mr. President, there is more.

- Good. He mails it to me.
- Yes, everyone for food.

- Let's get around.
- It's free.

Aggie got this
venison, Mr. President.

He fired at a distance of
200 meters.

- Magnificent! She is a good shot.
- Thanks.

How are you.? If I had
time, I'd like to hunt something here.

We have a lot of deer and bears.

Very tempting. But my tour
forces me to leave tonight.

- We were supposed to go fox hunting.
- Yes, they will have fun. Sure.

I returned some of the
most wonderful hunting equipment from London.

What a good idea! I could have
organized a good fox hunt,

it would have been a pleasure for the fox.
Far over hills and valleys!

Tallyho * and its rot.
Ashamed, you have to go.

- I can't change the train schedule.
- Of course not.

Pity.
We could talk about it for years.

- Yes, fox hunting.
- Bad show, I don't like it.

We are for hunting,
Brinstead. We will do a hunt.

Bennett!
We stay until tomorrow.

- Take care of the train.
- Long live President Roosevelt!

- And Brinstead is coming hunting.
- Long live the count!

I could start tonight.

Tallyho! * [Hunter's cry
as a fox escapes].

Come on kid.
Come on kid.

Quick boy! Go!
We can hunt the fox!

Gallop, boy.

Okay, stop it, boy.

Not bad.

Not bad on the barrel.

- Now with the horse.
- One alive?

- An animal?
- Yes. Here's Bessie.

Carefully.

This is Bessie.

Come on in, get used to it.
Gentle as a kitten.

Look at your teeth.
He is 15 years old.

I am not afraid of being bitten.
But when I mount it, yes.

Let's go there.

- You lied about your age!
- Okay, let's go back to the barrel.

Aggie, let's face it. I cannot
ride a horse for the hunt.

Playing the count is easy, and the
only thing I caught was work.

But you must ride.
The city depends on you.

It can convince me.
Who convinces the horse?

I'll teach him to saddle up
even if we're here all night.

No. I've tried,
but I'm just a parlor earl.

You will have to find someone else
for that task.

I'm not asking you to ride
Big Squaw, Pa, or Ma.

Only for me.

Me? Am I something for you?

The first time I saw him,
I said to myself:

"There you have a dirty,
short, cowardly coyote."

Then I got to know him better,

I categorized him as a filthy rat.

I have grown up with people like that.

But again, it reminds me of
a squirrel I had as a child.

I've only loved once.

Her gaze resembles his.

I'll never forget how he looked at me
before he left the west.

¿California?

Dead.
Cart Belknap shot him.

Did you tell Cart Belknap there
is nothing between us?

Not yet, but she was determined.

Do not do it. Because I
do n't want my wife to lie.

Are you planning to leave us?

Let's go back to the barrel.

Nothing will stop me from
riding!

Can you help me please?

- Above.
- Yes, upstairs.

Lower, please.

A little more.
Chin up.

You'll have to put up with me
before I hunt the fox.

Okay...

BIG SQUAW Welcomes

TEDDY ROOSVELT and the
COUNT OF BRINSTEAD

Hold the fox while
I put the sauce on.

Sauce? So that?

Dogs don't go for the fox,
but for the sauce.

Long live the President!

Hello.
Hello.

Mr. President, how exciting!
Right?

If the truth.
Great idea, this hunt.

It will not be like in England,
but the fox ignores the difference.

- This is your horse, Mr. President.
- Splendid. Splendid.

Tallyho! *
All set!

- Good morning, Excellency.
- Good morning, Brinstead.

- Splendid day to hunt.
- Typical Devon climate.

Give the man a horse
to ride!

Well, where is Bessie?

- Here, Bess, here, Bess.
- Bessie is there.

- I didn't know you. You're ...
- Wait a minute, Your Honor.

Mr. President, I brought this jackfruit
from my ranch, it's the best.

Do me the honor of riding you
on the hunt.

Excellent, sir, excellent.
You are very kind.

I will be pleased.
Good animal, good animal.

The count is a guest in our country.
He should ride it.

I do not think so.
Hunting is like my old hat.

I don't want to deprive you of the
best mount.

I figured it out,
that's why I brought the best.

- I didn't have to do this.
- Great! Then I will accept.

- Change the chair.
- Yes, great, I see.

- Now bring the earl's horse.
- Yes, bring ...

- That horse?
- Why? It's Pacific!

- "Peaceful." Nickname, huh?
- He has only knocked down 4 riders.

Yes, but they weren't
master horsemen like the earl.

He will calm down when he knows
that you are the boss.

Can't we tell you sooner?

I don't want to be ungrateful,
but I promised Bessie

and I don't want to let her down.

Do you want to cross Bessie
or the President?

- Don't answer.
- Put the chair on him!

- What are we going to do?
- You can break your leg.

I know, I depend on you.

Ready, Count.
Come on, I'll help you ride.

Ride, he says.
If he knew.

Come on, old bean.

I'm terribly sorry.
Clumsy of me.

Clumsy to ride.

What happens?

- What is it?
- An old injury.

Playing rugby at Oxford.

They kept me on the team.
It was worth two.

I know.
But there will be no hunting without you.

- I'll have to give the stop voice.
- Nothing of that. Tradition!

I'm not well.
Last night I didn't sleep thinking about it.

Don't unsaddle Pacific.
Bring him and kneel.

Brinstead, you must not ride.
It would aggravate that injury.

I will suffer for the President.
I'll be fine.

You cannot ride.
Orders of the President.

I think I give up.
Bad luck.

It's the first hunt I
've ever missed.

I don't know how I'll explain it
to the Hunting Club.

Wow.
Well, you can criticize me now.

Everyone up. Have fun.

I'll sit here until
the pain goes away.

Very bad "stringer"
that of the count.

Yes.

And it will get much worse.
Give me the sauce.

You must not keep the
President waiting . Come on, cheer up.

Voucher. Bring the fox.
I'll make you a stole.

- Poor knee.
- Too bad, count.

- I'm going to fix his leg.
- Perfect.

- Any other injuries?
- Do not do that.

- That's what was missing.
- How is your chest?

- I'm good.
- Any broken ribs?

- No, I have them well.
- And his back?

My back.

- Do not worry.
- This will do you good.

Perfect. I will improve.

Trumpet of orders!

Release the fox!

Look how it runs!

He's going on a date with another bitch.

Unleash the hounds!

Hunting!

Hey, they are looking for you.

Help! Police, dogs!
Help! Go away!

Am I the fox?

Chivato.

There must be a shortage of meat!

Please help!
I wouldn't do this to a dog!

I'd throw a bone at them,
but this is my leg!

AMERICAN ACTOR

TENDLY
WILDLY RECEIVED

It is the first hunt where
the dogs get lost.

We should go home, pick up
weapons and go hunt a bear.

Don't even think about it. I barely have
time to go back

and say goodbye to my friend
the count.

Couldn't we just buy more
dogs and move on?

Ma, we already have a pack
of barking dogs.

I don't know what happened to those
hungry hounds.

Go.

CLOSED UNTIL AFTER
HUNTING.

One for the trip?

For an injured leg, he
rides very well.

One who is born in a chair
must hunt.

- Do not tell me.
- Yes.

Brinstead's coat of arms is
a pair of pants ...

- rampant in a field of blisters.
- Very funny.

Now show me how you laugh
at this, Mr. Tyler.

- Tyler. Who is Tyler?
- You.

Here's your photo, Mr. Tyler.

I have read what they say about you.
Here it is:

"Arthur Tyler, American actor.
But not very good."

Yes? One moment.
There are others who say ...

It's ... read this. It says, "Arthur
Tyler outstanding performance."

- You don't admit it's Arthur Tyler?
- Of course not.

So what was the album doing
under his pillow?

I like to sleep with my
head on hard.

I am Humphrey, Earl of Brinstead,
old friend. Pip-pip and all that.

And I want my album.

The President and the city will
know the truth

and how you have made fun
of the Floud and everyone.

But Mr. Belknap.
Will not Ud. to contárselo.

It's not about me, it's about the Floud.
They are very nice people.

- Especially Aggie.
- Yes it's true.

I won't shut it up for
a million dollars.

Okay, I'm going, Mr. Tyler.
Goodbye.

By the way, I will speak well of you
in your obituary.

Can not do that.
You won't take my album!

Oh no?

He found my album.
You know I'm an actor.

Okay, get out of here, quick!

I'd swear it was Brinstead.

- Brinstead? Where?
- There.

Fast! The President is coming.
Go away!

- Brinstead!
- Mr. Roosevelt!

I almost missed it.
I had to say goodbye, Mr.

- What happened?
- I wanted to catch the train earlier

of you leaving, but I
fell twice. Bad leg, Mr.

He didn't have to.
It should be in bed.

Do not worry. It was great
that you were at Big Squaw.

Splendid hunt.
I wish you to come back here.

Maybe we can hunt together
when you cross the pond.

This was what happened to
our dogs.

Crazy dogs.
Why are they persecuting you?

Mr. President, you and the entire city
should know that the Floud

and the false count, they
have tried to deceive him.

- What are you talking about, Belknap?
- He's a cheap actor.

It is the most humiliating thing.
Because I'm going back to England ...

He's a phony,
and that album will prove it.

Because ... Give me that!
Accusations, just accusations!

If we make it out alive, nothing will
come between us.

A kiss like that can kill one.

Translated and synced
by JLGLAGO 02/06/10