Fan Girl (2015) - full transcript

♪♪

(crowd cheering)

(water bubbling)

(boy, using deep voice) One day I will grow shark teeth and‐‐

(high pitched voice) Oh no!

Help me, help me!

The evil Star King
is coming.

(deepened voice) Don't worry.

I'll save you,
nice mermaid lady.

(groaning)

(panting)



(clattering)

Oh,

(woman)
Okay, everybody up!

Get up!

Did you hear me?

♪♪

Every freaking morning.

Come on.

♪ Caught in a cold sweat
stuck splitting hairs ♪

♪ I'm drinking too much ♪

♪ I'm on my way
to striking out ♪

♪ Go to sleep with
the pressure of everyone ♪

♪ Watching waiting they're
yours for the taking ♪

♪ But I still
have my doubts ♪



♪ I still have my doubts ♪

♪ Before you ask
which way to go... ♪

(woman)
Lu!

(Telulah)
Mmm... Mary.

Lu.

Mary.

I said get up.

Come on, come on, come on.

And no screams
tonight, honey.

You got that?

I'm not gonna forget that.

That is one thing
I'm not gonna forget.

Is that music?

Don't come in.

Didn't you
set your alarm.

God, I heard you.

I'm up,
I'm awake.

I'm getting ready, okay?

Leave me alone.

No, I'm not gonna leave you
alone, Telulah Farrow.

I'm up.
Oh, come on,

you're gonna
miss the bus, honey.

I can't drive you today.

I actually have
things of my own to do.

Come on.
Mmm!

Go to the post office?

♪ This ship is sinking
I'm thinking I'm done for ♪

♪ I watch as the sails
disappear underwater ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm no captain yet ♪

♪ I'm no captain ♪

♪ I said before you
ask which way to go ♪

♪ Remember where
you've been... ♪♪

10,000 notes.

Oh my God.

I'm throwing up.

(chuckling)

(phone thuds)

Hmm...

Hello.

It's your birthday.

Happy birthday.

Happy birthday.

Mwah!

So cute.

(exhaling)

What are you doing in my closet?!
(camera snaps)

And give me my camera!

You better not have wasted any
of this battery, okay?

Now get out.

Go, go, go, go.

This better not
show up anywhere.

(Mary)
Hi, you look nice.

I hate what I'm wearing.

Oh, aren't those
a little short?

Thanks a lot, Mom.

Now my whole day's ruined.

Very dramatic.
You look beautiful.

I'm just concerned,
honey‐‐ They're not too short.

And I'm wearing
tights with them.

Honey, I'm just concerned
because I can't save you today.

Maybe you should bring some
jeans or something.

Well, I don't have
any good jeans.

You don't have
any good jeans?

What about the ones
we just bought?

Lu, what about
the ones we just bought?

(Telulah)
Hi, Alex.

Um... how's it going?

I'm making this video clearly
because it's your birthday,

and that's very exciting,

and, um, I just
wanted to wish you

a happy, happy, happy birthday

and tell you how much I love
you, and the whole band.

Jack's crazy.

And everyone is great,
but you already know that.

Um, but, yeah, I just wanted to
say happy birthday‐‐

Oh my God, I cannot believe
you put that in there.

I am peeing.

I was literally up
all night making that

and now I'm screwed.

I have like a day,
not even.

I have six hours
and three minutes

to come up with a movie trailer
for my film class.

And you so have to help me.

I‐‐ I was thinking
like a montage.

A‐‐ a‐‐ a day in the life
of a high school kid.

Something easy to shoot.

Ooh, so it's like a drama.

You don't understand.

I need this for my reel.

What am I gonna
show colleges?

My stuff on Cartwhl.

I'm never getting
into a good film school

and then I'll be stuck here
the rest of my life

with my mom and father

and Joey will have moved out
by then and I'll have to

work at the Thrifty Mart

so I can afford gas to drive
the car back that I borrowed

to the Thrifty Mart, where all
my coworkers are eating

corn chips and beef jerky

and I'll have to use that
stock boy Jeff to star

in all my sad,
little videos

because everyone else
I know will already be

at the place they end up.

And I'm eating corn chips
with random people.

(cell phone clicking)

(brakes squealing)

Yo, quit it!

Yo, quit it, man!

(door creaking)

Yo!

(door creaking)

Mr. Miyagi!

You're too slow.

You're too slow for me,
stupid Hashtag.

Hey, no dogs allowed!

(whimpering)

Every day.

Yeah, every day, man.

Stupid Hashtag.

Go home, Carmel!

Go home!

(whimpering)

You gotta be more
careful this time,

you almost
screwed it up.

Well, you didn't tell me
he was right behind me.

(Jamie)
Oh, hey, what up, Charlie?

Hey, Telulah.

(Telulah, with British accent)
Hi, Charles.

(door creaking)

(Telulah)
James, James?!

Where are you off to
so lickety‐split?

Hey, Telulah, I saw one
of your music montages

on Facebook last night‐‐

Oh, heh...

Not my best effort,
I'm afraid.

No, no, no, no, no.

Hey, well, uh...

I thought it
was really good.

Yeah.

My friend's in a band who,
uh, they sound like‐‐

like them, from where
I used to live.

What's their name?

Really, Charles?

He's your friend?

Yeah.
(both chuckling)

Do you like it here?

Yeah, it's okay.

Uh, still getting used
to it, I guess.

Well, your arrival has made
the lacrosse team happy,

which is probably
hard to do, right?

Sorry, love.

Gotta blow.

Um, what the hell
did she just say to you?!

Did she just proposition
you orally?

Or‐‐
Gothic slut!

And why were you
on the bus today anyway?

You were supposed to pick me up.
Yeah, well.

Hey, Katie.

Did you see my Insty?

Yeah, cute.

Oh, hi, Emily.

You saw Insty this morning?

(Emily)
Yeah, uh‐huh.

Well?

Look, I‐‐ I never said
I was gonna pick you up,

and she's not Goth.

Oh God,
look at this, Charlie.

You can get a sexually
transmitted disease

from Gothic women.

She's not Goth.

She's British.

Are you kidding me?!

Well, do you know what British
girls can give?

Okay, well, look at this.

Look at this!

Oh...

(Telulah, British accent)
If you knew anything more

than how to give your pony
an erection‐‐

exclamation point,
exclamation point‐‐

(using normal voice) then you'd know that emo took the place of Goth

a long time ago

and scene took the place of emo,

my fashion‐blogging
Insty queen.

Sure, there are still
girls like Holly,

who need a boyfriend to validate
their high school existence,

but these days there's
so much more here

at Huntville High.

That's right.

It's no longer just popular
kids, nerds, jocks,

and stoners who gather in high
school hallways across America.

♪ Of all the right guys... ♪

Sure, traditional social groups

still exist...

but with social networking,

it brings a new,
ever‐changing assortment.

♪ She's showing off
the way she walks ♪

♪ It's on ♪

♪ Take me show me ♪

♪ Whoa‐oh, whoa‐oh ♪

Like you can tell who's
a freshman pretty easily

because they all seem to thing
UGGs are still a thing.

But by this time next year,

many will have graduated
over to the fashion bloggers.

They drink their coffee black.

It's very serious.

Now the fashion bloggers
often overlap with

the preppy, popular girls.

But if you look at how they
punctuate their text,

you can definitely
tell the difference.

Don't let their pearl earrings

and Lilly Pulitzer
lifestyle deceive you.

These girls can be found
either shoe shopping

or puking in your living room.

Check Vine for daily updates.

Lacrosse is big here
but so is soccer,

and ironically these teams
compete with each other.

But instead of black eyes
and bloody noses,

last season these teams
got into a huge Twitter fight,

and while the subtweets were
quite amusing,

the coaches were forced to ban
all players from Twitter

for the entire season.

Personally, I'd rather
be punched.

Others will end up here.

Among the MySpace leftovers.

This is a dangerous group

because just one match can cause
spontaneous combustion

But you know what really
irritates me?

Here at Huntville High the most
popular girl in our school

doesn't even go to our school.

She doesn't even live
in the same state

and she's the most
popular girl here.

(man on PA)
Good morning.

As part of Huntville High's
new health initiative,

cakes and cookies
have been removed

from all school menus.

A bake sale will be held today

to raise funds
for the initiative.

(students gasping)

Surprise, people.

We're having a quiz today.

Sit down, Mr. Edwards!

Okay, people, these questions
will be familiar to those

of you who actually listened
this week.

No, no whining.

Riley, what's my motto?

"I'm a big baldie with a cow
brand on my arm."

Say it, Riley.

"Those who don't
understand history

are desperate to repeat it
this summer."

"I'm a big baldie with a cow
brand on my arm."

Say it!

"I'm a big baldie with a cow
brand on my arm."

(class laughing)

He‐‐ he Evangelicalisted me.

These are Greek letters.

Do you even know
where Greece is?!

Yes, Kim.

I'm feeling frightened
and disturbed, Mr. Somma.

Me too, Kim, me too.

People...

That's Darvan.

He's in a category
I didn't mention

because he's very rare.

He's a super senior,

meaning he's been a high school
senior here more than once.

Why didn't you tell me
we were having a test today,

Telulah Farrow?!

...possibility
of a quiz.

Get started!

Yo, Telulah Farrow, what's
the answer, Telulah Farrow?

Shh, Darvan,
it's a surprise quiz.

That's not even
a surprise.

Were you surprised,
Telulah Farrow?

Did you jump back and go, "Whoa,
I am surprised at this quiz"?

While Mr. Somma's approach
to education

is somewhat aggressive,

the science department's
centuries‐old Mrs. Smith

has completely
lost her faculties.

She doesn't wear diapers
or anything

but she's always very tired

and always,
always angry about labs.

One day, she pointed to
the ceiling

and said to Hashtag...

You know where
you're going, mister?

And Hashtag goes...

In‐school suspension,
Mrs. Smith.

And she looked at him
kind of crazy‐eyed,

scoffed, and said...

No.

To the moon.

You're going to the moon.

Yes.

Though mildly confused
by Mrs. Smith's uncharacteristic

outburst, Hashtag
was totally excited,

until he realized in fact

he was not going to
the moon.

To this day, whenever
Mrs. Smith points her finger

for any given reason,
the entire class yells...

(all)
To the moon!

(texting)

Hey.

I have three hours
and 12 minutes to upload,

edit and hand in my trailer.

I think I got some
good stuff, though.

(cell phone alerting)

What?

I even shot Mrs. Smith
and Hashtag.

Yeah.

Claire Bovary
is moving here.

What?

The Claire Bovary?

(cell phone alerting)

I feel like that sucks.

Ugh.

Doesn't your mom get
that I don't like mayo?

I guess it's something
about her dad's job.

It seems odd the most popular
girl in our school

might actually
start going to our school.

Look at your phone.

I mean, everyone's
talking about it.

(texting, message alerts)

Why does everyone love her?

Literally no one here has ever
even met her in person.

Well, except Josh.

They so had sex.

Um, yeah, they met at camp
when he was like ten

and he hasn't seen her since.

She lives in like Florida
or something.

Who?
Claire?

He could've still did it.

He's barely
"pubertish" now.

Well, she's friends with
everyone in our school

because of him, so...

Because of Facebook.

Well, whatever.

Josh still loves her.

I love Josh.

He was in my film class

and uses her name in like
all his film titles.

"She Don't Claire,"
"Handle With Claire."

His first one was like
"Claire Bear" something.

Anna isn't
a good name for titles.

It doesn't even go
with anything.

Except "banana."

(scoffing)

Oh, no way!

No, they're mine!

No, get off!

Give me my fruit things.

No!

Hands off my fruit things.

What are you doing?

(startled gasping)

Zoo Crew.

(students screaming)

Ahh!

♪♪

Wait, Jamie!

I gotta shoot this.

The Zoo Crew is made up
of stealth,

angry seniors who lost their
lunch room privileges.

They steal milk crates
off the school delivery trucks

so that...

(boy)
Ooh, nailed her!

...if you're hit,
by seventh period,

you're gonna smell like...

(screaming)

Hey, down!

♪ I'm not about to be
a shut‐in ♪

Get down!

Uh... (with British accent) Really,
I mean, though.

Come on, your camera.

♪♪

(grunts)

Insty.

Pop‐punk bitch.

(man)
Okay, settle.

Settle, everybody, settle.

Please put your name
on the scrap of paper

you've just received.

I have a very big
announcement.

Very, very big news.

All right.

Two weeks ago,

I assigned you to create
a film trailer.

Now some of you have
turned those in.

Many of you
have not.

So why do you suppose

I assigned a film trailer?

Anybody?

I will tell you.

Because your final project

will be to create

a short film,

a real film, a whole film‐‐
beginning, middle, end‐‐

based on your trailer.

Everybody say,
"Holy Kurosawa!"

(all)
Holy Kurosawa!

But there's more.

The best three final films,
judged by me‐‐

and I encourage you to IMDB me‐‐

will be shown
on the big screen

at a real movie theater

this June at the Community Art
Center's Annual Film Festival.

Whoa!

It is up to you...

my brilliant,
young students,

to find the true spirit

of independent film.

Now, every other
one of you please

fold your piece of paper
and put it in this can.

Who...

who here
will be the next genius?

Does he mean me?

Do I put one in.

(whispering) I'll be
the next genius.

Just put your
name in, dude.

Okay.

Start thinking.

Percolate your brains.

Documentary.

Music video.

Short narrative.

What inspires you?

What are you
passionate about?

Okay, now those

who didn't
put their name in here,

I want you to chose
one out of there.

That person will
be your partner.

But‐‐ and this is a big but‐‐

(chuckling)

Oh.

Uh, if I don't
have your trailer

by the end of ninth
period today,

I will not consider you
for the film festival.

(girl)
Seriously.

No, you must learn, people.

Production
is preproduction.

What is production?

(all)
Preproduction.

Correct.

Nice of you
to join us, Darvan.

Please chose one.

Thank you, Mister...

Mister...

Shoot, sorry, I got
a lot of you guys.

Telulah Farrow.

I won you.

(man)
Think about it, people.

(chuckling)
I got myself.

That's so cool.

I'll tell you what, Darvan.

There are two things
I love in this world,

and making films
is one of them.

Am I the other?

I have to be in that film festival, Darvan. Yeah.

And with you
as my partner,

I have half the chance
of making it.

You know, 'cause some people
care about stuff, Darvan.

You see Josh over there?

He's wearing
Claire flair.

Of course they'll win.

She's friends with
our very own teacher.

And OBEY girl over there
has a better camera

than Martin Scorsese.

That's his name,
Martin Scorsese‐‐

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Our teacher's name
is Martin Scorsese.

Oh, thank you.

(chuckling)
Yeah.

(sniffing)

You smell like milk.

(Darvan) Yo,
Telulah Farrow, wait up.

I meant to tell you
your boots are busted

by the way it
sour smells.

And that milk,
you really stink, Telulah.

I'm sorry to say,
forgive my bluntness,

but you stink.

Yo, Telulah Farrow,
you don't have to get all

"Gossip Girl" on me.

Dude, check it out.

Epiphany just got
an ISS from Mrs. Stacy.

She's been on like a rampage
since the milk fight.

(sighing)

Hi, Darvan.
What's up?

So yeah, you better watch your
Alex birthday outfit‐‐

Wait, this is perfect
for my trailer.

ISS is in‐school suspension.

Ms. Stacy lives to get
girls like me in ISS.

Darvan, I know you're behind me.

Please... get out.

I'm being such
a helpful partner,

Telulah Farrow.

(Telulah) Girls who care about how they dress

come to the school wearing
sweatpants over

their real outfits and pull
them off at their lockers.

They spend the rest of the day
dodging Ms. Stacy.

Mostly that means
hiding behind each other.

Usually it works,
but other times...

♪♪

(school bell ringing)

Yeah, I'm thinking
of getting a hat.

Sort of a cap.

Maybe it'll say "Security."

Maybe not.

We don't know that yet.

She has favorites
and I'm not one of them.

Darvan, you get to
class right now

unless you plan on being here
another five years‐‐ Hey.

Okay, my secret lover.

Darvan, please don't move.

Darvan, get to class.
(whispering) Please, don't move, Darvan.

I'll make a phone call.
I'm going, I'm going.

(whispering) Say, "Darvan,
you're so cute." (whispering) What?

Say it, say, "Darvan,
you're so cute."

Darvan, you're so cute.

(laughing)

I saved you, Telulah Farrow.

I'm your hero.

Gotta go find me a cape
now and a Batmobile.

Maybe a super‐sonic Dar‐car.

Yeah.

Or a Dar‐van.

(cackling)

You‐‐ you said, "Dar‐van."

You just might be funny.

(Ms.
Stacy) I thought I told you to get to class, Dar‐van.

Oh, oh...

What do we have here?

Hold on a minute.

Girl.

I believe those shorts
break school rules,

don't they?

Really?

I didn't think so.

(Jamie)
Charlie.

(Holly)
Oh, I'll hold those for you.

Let's see how
things measure up.

As suspected.

Clearly not regulation.

Your mom know
you're wearing this?

(with British accent) Actually, Ms.,
my mum bought me this.

I think it's quite nice.

Why would you insult
my mum like that?

What'd you say?

My mum.

Who do you think
you are, girl?

Kate Middleton?

Hmm.

Rather lovely,
yes, but, um...

I'm more of
a Pippa really.

Pippa, a Pippa?

How about ISS, Ms. Pippa?

Three days next week.

But right now...

it's school nurse for you.

Move it.
Keep going.

Insty.

(cell phone clicking)

What is wrong with you?

If you don't like
what you're wearing,

it will ruin your
entire day at school.

It's sexist and unfair.

The boys never get
harassed for what they wear.

Hello, this is Mary's phone.
Please leave a message.

(cell phone beeping)
Mom, where are you?

This has been
the worst day of my life.

And it's Alex's birthday.

Just... I only have
47 minutes left.

Please pick up the phone.

(sighing)

I can't go to class like this.

It's not even ironic.

Maybe it is a little.

(sighing)

Geometry.

Blah‐blah‐blah.

In this equation,
we'll be using the new math.

Blah‐blah‐blah.

Now don't use
the old new math.

Use the new new math.

It's a little freaky
if you're not used to it.

A gifted Huntville art student
perfected eyeball stickers

about two years ago,

and she's been selling
them online ever since.

Mr. Goldfarb thinks his students
are really into geometry.

I guess it helps he's
practically blind.

Blah‐blah.

Okay, let me see what I have

and then I can put
something together

to just give him an idea.

(beeping, student yawning)

What?

No, no.

I‐‐ I don't understand.

(shrieking)

(gasping)

I'm so sorry, Math Wizard.

I just came to check
on my new partner.

Hey, Telulah Farrow.

Hey.

I was worried
about you.

(gasping)

That's just messed up.

Oh my God,
what are you wearing?

Insty.

(cell phone clicking)

(sighs)

(gasping)

(Darvan)
Telulah Farrow, wait.

Hey, hey, hey.

Telulah, what's up?

Telulah Farrow, we need to
discuss our project

so we can be famous.

I didn't make
the trailer, Darvan.

I spent too much time
on a birthday video

that got like 500,000 notes.

500,000.

But not one mention
from anyone in the band.

I'm just a stupid fan girl,

and I don't have a camera
and I don't have a trailer.

You better tell our film teacher
you need a new partner.

What‐‐ what trailer,
Telulah Farrow?

Don't we need to make
the movie first?

Bye.

I'm trying to be
very big to scare him

but I think he likes me now.

Hashtag, duh.

(growling)

♪♪

♪ My ship went down ♪

♪ In a sea of sound ♪

♪ When I woke up alone ♪

♪ I had everything ♪

♪ A handful of moments ♪

♪ I wished I could change ♪

♪ And a tongue
like a nightmare ♪

♪ That cut like
a blade ♪

♪ In a city of fools ♪

♪ I was careful
and cool ♪

♪ But they
tore me apart ♪

♪ Like a hurricane ♪

♪ A handful of moments ♪

♪ I wished
I could change ♪

♪ But I was carried away ♪

♪ Give me therapy ♪

♪ I'm a walking travesty ♪

♪ But I'm smiling
at everything ♪

♪ Therapy ♪

♪ You were never
a friend to me ♪

♪ And you can
keep all your misery ♪♪

(groaning)

What happened to you?

Where were you?

It was the worst
day of my life.

What‐‐ what happened?

What's wrong?

(Mary)
Hey, honey...

why don't you go hang out
with your friends

instead of staring
at that computer.

(sighing)

Because I hate
my friends.

You love your friends.

They suck,
I wanna move.

Oh yeah.

Where?

London.
London?

(cell phone clicking)

What are you doing?

(cell phone clicking)

Mom, why do you have
so much makeup on?

Oh, do you like it?

I had it
professionally done.

You don't know anybody
in London.

Some of my best friends
are in London.

They talk just like me.

What...

Is that why you couldn't pick me
up from school today?

You had to have someone
do your makeup?

Oh, you try to talk
like them.

No.

On Cartwhl.

I'm not even going to
begin to explain it.

We have similar blogs,
similar interests.

We like the same bands.

Well, I'm getting
a Facebook.

I don't know how
to respond to that.

Are you trying to be
the last person on earth?

I guess I'm feeling...

Yeah, I'm feeling a little
left out of things.

Do you think I should get
a professional picture taken?

No, we make fun of people
who do that.

Why?

(cell phone clicking)

Mom, there's an art to taking
a selfie and this is not it.

So cute in that.

Aw.

Um, I forgot that there was
somebody who called

who wanted your email address.

I don't know anyone
who emails.

Paul, your film teacher.

And I tried to find it
but I couldn't‐‐

I just didn't remember
the secret password

and your dad
is still on the plane.

Well, Dad's
pretty predictable.

Oh, yeah, here it is.

He just wants to meet before
school on Monday,

so that's fine.

Yeah.

Okay.

I bet I could guess
the password.

Let me see.

Let me see.

Yup, that's it.

It's your birthday.

There you go.

Oh, it's my birthday.
Yup.

That's smart.
Yeah.

Thank you.
Mm‐hmm.

Don't get mad at me.

Joey?!

You hardly even use it.

You have your
phone, Telulah.

Look, Joey,
this is very personal.

Each song on here says something
about each year of my life.

I love this iPod.

It's...

But you said you
hate everything.

Almost everything.

Do you hate Jamie?

Yes.

Do you hate...

Do you hate these?

Yes.

Do you hate... this dog?

Yes.

Do you hate...

this backpack?
Yes.

Do you hate this pen?
Yes.

Do you hate this brush?
Yes.

Do you hate your room?
Yeah.

Do you hate me?

Yes, I hate you so much

that I'm going to
give you Flissac.

But you must take
very good care of him, okay?

Okay.

Wait a second.

(water sloshing)

Here.

But, Joey,
this is Mermaid Lady.

Uh‐huh.

She has boobies.

I think I broke
your camera.

I'm sorry.

Do you want Flissac back?

No.

No, I think it
was the milk.

(birds chirping)

I heard kids are putting
poop on the computer now.

Just taking pictures
of it, posting it.

You're always texting
on the toilet.

Maybe it's some kind
of contest of something‐‐

What?

(sighing)

I said it's a new day, Lu.

It's a new day.

And don't worry, honey, Paul
thinks very highly of you.

And who the heck

is that?

What?

I didn't know Mr. Somma
teaches morning driver's ed.

You may start the vehicle.

(engine revving)

It's okay, Kim.
Take a deep breath.

(chuckling)

Mom?!

Now put on your blinker...

and move away
from the curb.

Don't get so close.

I'm serious.

Oh, come on, Lu, come on.

Why can't I just have
a normal mom?

All right.

Just messing with
the driver's ed. student.

She doesn't even see me.

(shifting)

(loud thud, tires screeching)

Did I kill something?

Oh...

Mom.

What?

You didn't check
your mirror.

You have a car
right behind you.

Bam‐‐
like that‐‐

we're broadsided.

I wanna get out.

I hate driving.
I wanna get out!

(Paul) ...the rules,
she did not

abide by the rules.

(Darvan) I understand,
I understand all of that

but it's just‐‐ it's just‐‐

Look at this, man.

Just look.

Come on.

She went through
all this work.

I heard about the whole
trailer situation.

It's just not fair,
Mr. Scorsese.

I made it very clear
when it was due.

All right, but‐‐ but Telulah
Farrow is so talented.

She's your best student.

Look what she can do.

Look.

Look, look, look.

I don't even
like this music

and she got all these kids

listening to it.

I appreciate you
coming in.

Thank you.

Oh, hi, Telulah.

(gasping)

Thanks for
coming in early.

I've got a big
problem here.

Can't you get down?

Darvan.

I gotta say, he's a very
creative kid,

and so are you.

Your video‐‐ who is it?

All Time Low?

It's extremely well done,

and I've decided to accept it
as your trailer.

But with one condition.

I would like you to film

the upcoming
Spring Talent Fest

for the school's website.

Really?

Thank you, Paul,
thank you so much.

Um... yeah.

That's what I wanted to do
that night anyway.

I mean, if someone asked me
what I wanted to do

the night of the
Spring Talent Fest,

I would say,
"Film it."

Obviously.

Well, you can thank
your partner for that.

Now there's something else
I wanna tell you.

You of course know
who Tina Fey is...

You mean Ms. Norbury?

Of course, I mean, the first
female head writer of "SNL."

I respect her work so much.

Well, there's a pretty good
chance she's gonna be judging

the film fest in June.

(gasping)

Oh my God!
I know.

So you're gonna have to
bring your best.

And this is important
to you, Telulah,

but it's also important to me
and Huntville High

and this video program.

Oh my God,
I am throwing up.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

All right, apparently
she's very interested

in emerging talent,

and especially emerging
female talent.

That's you.

(both chuckling)

And listen, hey, even if it
doesn't work out with her,

don't worry.

I do know people.

God, has no one
IMDB‐ed me?!

Really, I've been involved
in over 13 films.

14‐‐ I'm an EP
on your film too.

That's 14.

So great.

(man on PA)
Good morning.

The Procrastinators Club
meeting scheduled for today

has been postponed 'til
Thursday at 2:30.

(Holly)
I wonder what it's like

to be a boy who
gets to be with me?

(Kim)
I wonder if I'm still growing.

(Holly) lTelulah is totally not a virgin.

(Telulah) Hey, everyone,
did you see Holly's hickey?

(scoffing)

(boy)
My hair looks so fresh today.

It should be illegal.

(Riley)
Maybe Boba Fett is alive!

(Darvan)
Yo.

(Kim) I want Mr.
Somma to reprimand me.

Hey, Telulah, um,
I wanted to make sure

everything was okay.

You know, the other day,
that was insane.

Yeah.

Oh, nice, milky
white legs, Telulah.

I literally thought you were
wearing white leggings.

She's British, Holly.

Not everyone
is perpetually tan.

Well, maybe she's like afraid of
the sun or something.

Yeah, like a vampire.

♪♪

Wait, what is that?

(girl) Whoa,
I'm like drawn to it.

It's so beautiful
and bright.

Hmm.

(gasping)

(Holly)
Oh my God!

It's Claire Bovary!

You guys, it's‐‐

Everyone, Claire Bovary
has arrived!

(girl)
Wow, she's beautiful.

(girl 2)
Oh my God.

(Holly)
Loser Telulah.

I think I'm gonna go now.

My milky white legs
are taking me this way.

And she's speaking
fluent French.

She's so smart.

I can't.
Amazing.

Did someone just
mention Telulah?

Telulah Farrow?

I've been wanting to meet her.

Ew.
Why?

No.

(cell phone clicking)

(typing)

Mom, I need a new
camera for school.

Uh‐huh.

(cell phone clicking)

It's for a really
big project.

Could mean
my future in film.

Terrible.

Remember that festival
I was telling you about.

Well, if I'm chosen,

my work will be seen
by very important people.

Plus, my teacher asked me to
film the talent fest

which is, you know,
also a really big deal.

So...

(sighing)

Could put it on my
college résumé.

Well, can't you use
your phone for that?

No.

Honey, that's a very
expensive camera.

Meanwhile, look at this,
look at this... Can't use my phone.

Do I really look
like that?

I look like a man.

My face is shape shifting
or something like that.

Hey, kid.

Has my face changed
since I've met you?

From the time when
I was one day old?

Yeah.

Yeah.

When's Dad coming home?

In about a week.

You can call him, Joey.

Hey, I have an idea.

Toss on an old sweater,
some boot‐cut jeans,

I'll take your photo, okay,

with my new camera,
and you'll look so good

I'll barely have
to Photoshop you.

It's perfect.

So should it look like
I take my own picture or not?

(Mary) Telulah,
you better not be on Cartwhl again.

And did you do your
SAT question of the day?

I'm so getting
a tattoo.

Not while you live
here you're not.

Just listen.

It would be so small.

Just lyrics in Alex's
own handwriting.

"You're safe from
the weight of the world."

It's so cute.

No, there's no way.

You're underage,
you need my permission.

A tattoo is a permanent reminder
of a temporary feeling.

Mom, all feelings
are temporary

unless you
remember them.

So if I get one,
I'll remember.

No.

You only remember
that you had a moment

you don't actually feel
the feeling again.

Plus, it's low class.

According to you
everyone is low class

because all my friends
are getting tattoos.

I don't care what all your
friends are doing.

No.

You have beautiful skin.

Don't ruin it.

I can't wait to get out of this
house and do whatever I want.

And then she's like,
"But you have beautiful skin.

You don't wanna ruin it."

And then I'm just like,

"Mom, I'm not
Emma Stone white.

If I was, I wouldn't even be
doing this."

Yeah, you're not.

All right, first apply this
cream to your hands and feet,

knuckles, fingers,

toenails, fingernails,
and under your fingernails

'cause those areas can
get like four times darker

and this cream will
help protect them.

Put on this hairnet.

Here's a towel.

Step into the booth, put your
left foot on the letter "C"

and your right foot
on the letter "A."

And when the spray starts,
don't scrunch up your face

and don't breathe it in.

Just do like this.

Keep your hands at your sides
with your palms facing in.

When the spray stops,

turn quarter of the way
around until finished.

There's a recorded message
to walk you through.

Your tan will darken
over the next few hours.

Are you ready?

Jamie, don't leave me.

(indistinct chatter)

Oh, hi, Petey.

Are you ready for me?

Oh, it'll just be a few more
minutes, Holly.

Someone's in there.

But this is my
usual time, Petey.

Reserved just for me.

Remember?

Telulah Farrow?!

Wait, so what's going‐‐
what's happening now?

I don't know,
I'm really confused.

You're supposed to listen
to the robot lady.

Well, there's no
voice coming‐‐

Well, you're closer to her.

Hold‐‐
Okay, here we go.

Okay.
All right, all right.

It's going really fast.
Yeah, that's the machine‐‐ duh!

No, but it's too fast.
Okay, well, how do you know?

Are you an expert
on these things?

I looked it up!
(robotic voice) Your spray tan is complete.

Wait, it's going‐‐
did you change‐‐

Yes, I changed it‐‐
When did you change it?

Did you press a button?

Telulah, I didn't press
any buttons, okay?

You're supposed to be
pressing all the buttons.

I didn't touch anything.

Oh, it's in my eyes, Jamie.

Jamie, this is so bad‐‐ Okay,
don't scrunch up your face.

You're scrunching up your face,
you don't scrunch up‐‐

Okay, it's gonna be
uneven if you do that!

What are you doing?
I'm trying to defend it!

I'm blocking‐‐

You're gonna get
an uneven spray tan

and that will look
worse than this.

But I don't want
a spray tan anymore!

(cell phone alerting)
Stop texting me.

(cell phone ringing)
God.

I'm on my way.

I have everything.

Calm down, I just...

Oh,

Ah, shoot.

Listen, honey, I'll be home
in five minutes.

Everything is gonna be okay.

God.

Oh...

There's something about
life handing you lemons.

Well, I can't believe
you just said that.

But thanks.

Do I know you?

Yeah.

Mary, it's Mike Bovary
from Burner High School,

class of '82.

Oh, Mike.
Yeah.

(chuckling) Hi.

Yeah, I mean, I thought
that was you in there,

but I wasn't‐‐ I wasn't sure.

Oh.

Yeah, you‐‐
you look great.

Really?

Really?
Yeah.

Oh, well, lemons are
actually an excellent source

of bioflavonoids
and nutrients

and, well...

thank you very much.

Yeah.

(crickets chirping)

Well, I'll be damned.

Darned.

Who puts a picture
of his dog on there?

He's cute.

Real cute.

Oh, hey, ladies.

You look hot, Mrs. Farrow.

I do?

(girl)
I love your makeup.

Okay, all right.

Well, hey, how's
it going up there.

Telulah said you
had loofahs, right?

Yeah, in the kitchen.

Thanks.
Got it.

Thanks.

Hey, Lu, I'm leaving.

I'm gonna go to the,
uh‐‐ that concert‐‐

the new concert place,
The Space,

and your brother's downstairs
so be sure to check on him.

Lu!

Okay, here I go.

I‐‐ I'm leaving.

Gonna have a great time.

Whoo!

Yay, me!
Bye!

So that girl Claire,
she's in my science class

and she's like,
"I love your blog.

I've been following you on
Cartwhl for like two years."

Yeah, Claire's
pretty chill.

Well, yeah, she's‐‐

she's probably
not that chill.

Just everyone saying she's chill
makes her like a bit chiller

than she actually is.

I'm not saying
I'm completely chill

but I am considerably chill,
so I am a pretty good judge.

Mm‐hmm.

(laughing)

I... I...

I should not have
drank that much wine.

I'm sorry if I said too much.

Oh no worries, no worries.

The band drowned you
out a bit.

What?

That's not funny,
that's not funny.

So how...

Mike, I don't remember the last
time I danced like that.

Oh, I was worried that's
how you normally dance.

I'm sorry.

You keep setting me up,
I can't help myself.

I'm glad you
had a good time.

That's not funny at all.

I know,
it's so stupid.

It couldn't have
been more stupid.

That's 'cause I'm an idiot,
you'll get to know that.

(door closing)

Did you know the Equal Rights
Amendment never became one?

It was never ratified.

It's not in the US Constitution.

It says right here that women
still aren't covered

by our constitution
the way men are.

Don't you think that sucks?

Not if we can have guns.

(Anna)
I can burn my bra.

It's kind of big.

Telulah, aren't you supposed to
be looking for movie ideas?

I want it to be the best
film I've ever made

and I think
that's paralyzing me.

(sighing)

I just wish
I could meet them.

Just Alex.

And Jack and Rian and Zack.

Then maybe my project
wouldn't suck so much

and I could actually get
into a decent film school

and I wouldn't have to live
here the rest of my life.

My guidance counselor
tells me that there is

a college for everyone.

Like what would you
even say to them?

All Time Low?

Yeah.

Something really witty
and intelligent.

Something that doesn't
imply I'm a scary fan girl

but gives off more of like an
"Oh, oh, yeah, you're that band.

"I've heard a few
of your songs before.

"You're not that impressive.

"So try to impress me.

Because I winged my eyeliner
for this," kind of feel.

Well, I heard Claire's dad's
in the music business.

Maybe Claire can help you.

Yeah, she's so amazing.

I was talking to her
third period about

the shampoo she uses.

Her hair is so
freaking smooth

yet somehow also bouncy.

No wonder
Josh loves her.

I don't love Josh anymore.

I only like
a percentage of him.

I like the left side
of his face.

Well, it's still worth a shot.

What was your
very first album?

Do you remember?

Yup.

Yeah, Santana, "Abraxas."

Whoa.

I'm not kidding.

My‐‐ my dad worked
at a record company

and he'd bring home
all these albums

and that was my first.

Yeah.

And then my
brothers took it

'cause it had boobies
on the cover.

(chuckling)

I woulda had you
pegged for Cat Stevens.

Oh, well...

Yeah, he's messed up now‐‐
no thank you.

He's messed up now, though.

Ew!

Why didn't you
shave your knee?

It's my filter.

If a guy only notices

that one thing about me
then he's an.

Do the feminists know
about filters?

Yeah, think so.

Uh, Darvan never
answers my text.

I don't have a partner,
I don't have a camera

and I'm orange.

I'm never going back
to school.

Okay.

Five minutes and you
have to soak again

and loofah, Telulah.

I think you're trying way to
hard to defend pop punk.

Oh.

Are you gonna kiss me
or something?

What?

Oh...
God, no, no.

"Oh God, no."

"Oh God, no."

What about the jeans
and everything?!

I didn't mean it
like that.

Oh...

I mean, I was just gonna
say that, uh...

there can come
a time when, you know,

he never comes back.

I mean, even from Canada.

What?

What, who said that?

Who told you that?

My wife.

My wife loved
classic rock.

Always hanging backstage
with the bands.

You know, then one day,
out of nowhere,

she just takes off
with a country music star.

That's insulting.

Oh.

Yeah, that's insulting.

That's... that's insulting.

She's been in Nashville...

for two years.

Oh.

Insult on top of insult.

Yeah.

Now, the move here has been
really good for Claire.

Still, it's really hard,
you know.

I mean, I'd like to
see her get angry.

I really would.
Yeah.

But she just wants
everybody to be happy.

So I'm trying.

I mean, you know,
I'm really‐‐

I'm really trying.

Yeah, that's
all kids want.

They just want everybody
to be happy.

I know.

Have you ever heard of that band
called All Time Low?

You ever gonna take
that off?

I'm getting ready
for my oral report.

Dad says if I practice
a lot I won't be nervous.

He's gonna help me
when he gets home.

My friend Steve's parents
are getting a divorce

and his dad got another house

and Steve's gonna have
a room with an Xbox in it

so he'll have two Xboxes.

Really.

Anna's parents are getting
divorced too.

Mom's on a date.

Somebody took her
in a big car.

Come here, Ben Franklin.

Mom doesn't go on dates

because she's married to Dad.

She's at a show with some
friends, silly.

(video game gunfire)

She wouldn't even
know how to date.

All I know is that there's
a man's face on my forearm.

(woman)
What? What do you mean?

Whose face?

I don't know.

I mean, possibly
that guy but...

(gasping)

Oh my God.
What?

Diane, Cat Steven's
face is on my forearm.

Oh God,
it's gotta be henna.

Is it henna?

Holy Mary.

Whoa.

Adult telephone
conversation.

Hold on, honey.
What?

Hi.

Hi.

What's going on?

You still orange?
No.

What the hell did you do?

Well, I'm pretty
sure we were‐‐

oh, ow‐‐ in Tommy Tattoos
around 2:00 last night.

Oh my God!

Why do I keep rhyming?!

Calm down.

Don't tell me
to calm down, Lu.

I'm the mother.

Wait, you were at
Tommy Tattoos last night?

Let me see, oh my‐‐

Why is Grandma
on your arm?

Grandma.

You will never be
my first tattoo, Mom.

(Diane)
Mary?

Uh...

Ow!

No, Diane!

I think Jamie's sister is
driving us to school early.

Okay.

And Joey's still sleeping.

Sounds good.

(Diane)
Good freaking parenting.

Diane...

♪♪

Now, Thomas,
you ever wonder what

the very last song
you here is?

No, Johnson,
I never wonder that.

Oh, come on, man.

(bells jingling)

Hey, boys.

Give me three
light and sweet.

You mean if I listened
to music in the car

and got into
a fiery crash?

Yes, yes, like that!

Good morning,
Telulah.

Well, then, let's hope
it's the Thomas song I hear.

♪ Oh, why, why,
why, Thomas ♪

♪ Why, why,
why, Thomas ♪

♪ Why, why, why,
Thomas ♪

♪ It's here, it's here,
it's here ♪

Welcome to heaven,
dear Thomas.

God's been waiting
for you with Arabica beans.

No, man, no.

I mean before the angels sing.

I never
imagine it.

Well, what if it
just so happens

to be the very same song

as the very first song
you ever hear

in your life on this earth?

Why do you
think like this?

All I'm saying is
it could happen!

And I could marry your mother
and you could be my son

and Telulah could
be your babysitter.

And I could use the work,

but only if he was a little boy,
a much smaller Johnson.

(chuckling)

Under two Johnson.

(laughing)

A little mini pee‐pee.

Thomas!

Teeny‐tiny.
No, stop.

Stop it.

(laughing)

Oh, you must be Alex.

(Thomas laughing)

Telulah, it's on me for
making me laugh so hard.

Telulah, it's a sweet name.

Throw up.

Anything could happen.

I'm throwing up!
Ah, I'm throwing up!

Don't let her in
if she's throwing up.

Shut up, it's something
she says lot.

You shut up.
You shut up!

Oh.

What happened?

It was him,
it was him.

Who?

He was standing
right behind me

and I didn't know.

How could that be?

And, I‐I‐‐ Thomas was there
and Johnson was there

and Arabica beans.
(horn honking)

Oh, my God, shut up, sister.
You're scaring the old people!

Open the door!

Do you really think
I wouldn't know Alex Gaskarth?

I even know his mother's
maiden name!

I know all their
mother's maiden names.

Okay, get in the car,
take a breath.

Here you go, see,
we're gonna have coffee talk.

All right.

It was him.
It‐‐ it was him.

It was‐‐
it was definitely him.

If there was just
a photo of‐‐ of Jack

and just a sliver
of Alex's elbow in there,

I would definitely know
it was Alex's elbow!

Well, that would be because
they're in the same band.

Hey, shut up!
You shut up.

He was so cute
with the little hoodie

and his bed head.

I couldn't think.
I said, "Throw up."

I don't‐‐ oh, God.

I told him to throw up.

What is that, like
a command or something?

I just...

Oh, God, I think
I'm really gonna be sick.

Do you wanna know
what a command is?

Shut up!

You shut up!

You shut up!

I can't go to school.
I have to find him.

All right, dude, no.

The dreaded Spring Talent Fest
is tonight.

You haven't even
started making your film

and it's due in like four days,
six hours, and 22 minutes.

It‐‐ you made that up.

Hello, Tina Fey?

(sighing)

Drink up.

Use this to shoot
the Spring Talent Fest tonight.

And then, you know, just hang
onto it for your final project.

You should've told me
your camera was busted.

What have you been using?

Well, Darvan and I have
been very hard at work,

but I don't wanna
give away too much.

All right.

But, uh, no phones.

Yeah.
Okay.

Thank you, Paul.
This is so nice, um...

I'll do a good job.

Yes, you will.
Thank you.

(chuckling)

You really must be
practicing a lot, Charlie.

We've met only a few times
and I'd say you're ready.

Hmm, I'm really
nervous, Claire.

I've never done this before.

I'm so glad you
kept it a secret.

Don't worry or you won't
enjoy it when it's happening.

Just relax, Charlie.

Nothing could be
more romantic.

Karl's got swooshed!

What?

Wait, Scene Boy, come back!

Does Jamie know?

(school bell ringing)

♪♪

(inaudible dialogue)

♪ People say that ever cloud
has a silver lining ♪

♪ But they have
never wrecked a car ♪

♪ And killed
two of their friends ♪

♪ And they have never seen
someone do too much heroin ♪

♪ So those people don't
know

♪ And people say little clichés
like when it rains it pours ♪

♪ But they don't live
in faded houses ♪

♪ With damp buckled floors ♪

♪ And thieving neighbors
who just wait ♪

♪ To go break down
their doors ♪

(whistling,
music continues)

Help! Help!

I need help! Help!

(man over P. A.) Good morning,
a friendly reminder.

The anti‐bullying rally will
take place at noon today.

Everyone is expected to
attend... or else.

Telulah, wait up.
Um, how's it going?

Did Jamie text you?

(British accent) No worries, love,
Carlos is curiously well.

Just a small fracture,
a little shaken is all.

Well, I'm happy for Jamie.

It's really hard
to lose a pet.

So you're going to the Spring
Talent Fest tonight, right?

Bollocks,
unfortunately.

Cheers, Charles.

Oh, well...

See you there.

Yeah,
see you around, Charlie.

Telulah.

I'm so glad we're lab partners.

Did I just see you
with Charlie?

He's so nice.

Hashtag...

what do you think would happen
to a can of shaving cream

if you added
liquid nitrogen to it?

Um...

Should I just go
to the moon now?

Yes. Claire?

It would expand enough
to fill an entire school bus.

No way, no,
that's not possible.

Wanna bet?

Thank you, Claire.

I hope gets you all
a little excited

about our next unit
featuring nitrogen.

(mimicking explosion)

Actually...

the same result
can be achieved

using
a conventional freezer.

You just have to freeze
the cans of shaving cream,

cut the frozen blocks
out of the cans,

and then place them
in a bus.

Then walk away
and let them thaw.

It'd be amazing to witness,
don't you think?

(water bubbling)

I do a lot of
experimenting at home.

I like, like, Bill Nye
the Science Guy.

Yeah, me, too.
That dude is dope.

Charlie has this friend, Josh,
who I think is really cute.

Wait... wait, what?

You don't know Josh?

I know, it's like crazy.
He looks so familiar to me.

I mean, I'm friends
with him on Facebook,

but I'm not not going
to friend someone

just because
I don't know them.

That's just mean.

Hey, you know
that girl Holly?

She said if she sees
me outside of Facebook,

she's not my friend.

That's ironic because she's on
Facebook all the time.

Like she's 30
and at home with kids.

Oh, Claire, don't be sad.
She's... just jealous.

Oh, your‐‐ your goggles
are starting to fog up a bit.

And‐‐ and it's probably pretty
dangerous right now, right?

I mean, I see that‐‐

Claire, there's
smoke everywhere.

That's just‐‐ that's not...

That's supposed to happen.

That is...
supposed to happen.

(Mary) Telulah,
are you on Cartwhl again?

What?!

No, I'm getting ready
for the Talent Fest.

Oh, my God, oh, my God,
oh, my God, Ma!

Warp Tour tickets.

Yeah, but did you do your
SAT question of the day?

(clicking)

Ew, ew!

(clicking)

Who are you sending nudes to?

Oh, come on, honey,
nobody's ever gonna see this.

Once it's out there,
it's out there!

Gross.

I'm going back to my room
to literally throw up.

Okay.

Can you drive me
to school, though?

Yeah, sure.

(clicking)

(sighing)

Yeah, so nothing on All Time Low
yet, but it was definitely Alex.

Took me all day
to stop shaking.

Hey, you should get
a balloon doggy for Hashtag.

Yeah, Hashtag...

Oh, I'm losing it.

Maybe because
he saved your dog.

Hashtag hero.

He could be hot,
you know.

Thank you.

I gotta work on that.

Gotta pee.
Oh.

(guitar playing)

It's Man Overboard,
his friend's band.

And they sound like
Man Overboard.

Dude, you gotta film this.

♪ When the night gets old
so I'm back again ♪

♪ The day just started because
I'm up with my old friends ♪

♪ The fat smoke
and funny joke ♪

♪ Sitting like a sponge
letting everything soak ♪

♪ And I just got the nerve
to get in the cage ♪

♪ So don't bite me now ♪

♪ And I just got the nerve
to get in the cage ♪

♪ So don't bite me now ♪

♪ We made love tonight
as the result of a fight ♪

♪ When you put
your arms around me ♪

♪ The whole world's all right ♪

♪ And a day's worth of bitching
goes down the drain ♪

♪ When you lay in my bed
and pick my brain ♪

♪ Shut up, shut up,
it's my turn to talk ♪

♪ Don't try and run
before you learn to walk ♪

♪ Because a day's worth of
bitching goes down the drain ♪

♪ When you lay in my bed
and pick my brain ♪

♪ I left my heart
with my phone ♪

♪ In my center console ♪

♪ I left my feelings ♪

♪ With my wallet
and my keys ♪

♪ I feel so stupid 'cause
I came here without anything ♪

♪ But I'm finally at ease ♪

♪ We made love tonight
as the result of a fight ♪

♪ When you put
your arms around me ♪

♪ The whole world's all right ♪

♪ And a day's worth of bitching
goes down the drain ♪

♪ When you lay in my bed
and pick my brain ♪

♪ Shut up, shut up,
it's my turn to talk ♪

♪ Don't try and run
before you learn to walk ♪

♪ 'Cause a days worth of
bitching goes down the drain ♪

♪ When you lay in my bed
and pick my brain ♪

♪ I left my heart
with my phone ♪

♪ In my center console ♪

♪ I left my feelings
with my... ♪

Telulah,
check your phone!

"Fall Out Boy on hiatus.
All Time Low, The Space!"

Come on, let's go!

♪ But I'm finally at ease ♪♪

What?
It's him, he's not gonna press.

Oh.

Dude, Alex just Insty
a hamburger

the size of Holly's head.

I'd recognize
that burger anywhere.

What about
commenting on Alex?

Jamie, that's the beef.
I have Insty this burger.

Let's go.

(cheering and applause)

♪ You've got me
poppin' champagne ♪

♪ I'm at it again ♪

♪ Caught up in the moment,
but not in the right way ♪

♪ I'm falling in between... ♪

Jack just Insty the band in
front of all these funny faces.

Oh, it's so cute.

That could so be an album cover.

It's not on my phone,
but isn't that The Space limo?

Wait, stop the car.
Stop, no, let us out here.

Yeah, mm‐hmm.

(Mary)
Where are you going?

Let us out here,
we're good.

♪ Follow me down ♪

♪ Take this all the way ♪

♪ Any way you want to ♪

♪ Why don't you say so? ♪

♪ I think I'm caught in between,
the nights and days fly by ♪

♪ When I'm lost on the streets
and my eyes they despise you ♪

♪ For who I am,
why don't you say so? ♪

That's her aura.

What?

Telulah Farrow!

Hi, Telulah Farrow!

What the f...

(banging on door)

Coming.

(door squeaks open)

Yo!

Are you mad at me,
Telulah Farrow?

I couldn't just
blow off my new job.

Ms. Stacy
helped me get it.

I do think
that lady loves me.

Nice hat.

Oh, yeah.

How come you didn't
tell me?

Hello?

Hi.

This is Darvan,
my‐‐ my film partner.

Oh.
Project.

Yeah, nice to meet you.

Thanks.
You look very familiar.

What, really?

Mm‐hmm.
Huh.

Yeah, I guess, I wasn't
expecting someone so mature.

Well, yeah...

She means you don't look
like a high school kid.

Oh, that's because
I'm in the 12th‐‐

12th grade, ma'am.

Nice to meet you, too.

Uh, is your husband
in Canada?

Canada? Oh, no.

No, my dad's
in California.

Yeah.
(whispers) In California.

Hey, listen to me.

I know where
they're staying.

I know what room
they're staying in.

And I know how to get in
the room they're staying in

at the place
where they staying.

What are you saying?
What does that even mean?

Shh‐shh‐shh‐shh.

I have a plan.

All right.
(chuckles)

Yeah.
(laughing)

All right.

This is your big idea?

Yo, we can get to
their room from the roof.

Ha‐ha.

Yeah.

Jamie, no!

(gasping)
(distant music playing, singing)

Listen to
their beautiful,

melodic,
underdeveloped voices.

Like a girl's voice.

Darvan, it's them!

Darvan?
Spray me.

It helps me
suck more.

Yo, like a big
E‐Z Pass.

You have to wet the plastic
thingy so they stick.

So you want us
to help lower you down?

Uh, it's real high, but don't
worry about me, Telulah Farrow.

This can't fail.

I tied the rope
to that thing.

No, how can that fail?

All right.
(grunting)

Whoa, this is higher
than I thought.

Still, hold onto that rope
with your lives anyways.

If it slips,
these plungers will save me.

I saw it in a movie!

Hey, I got it.
I don't got it, ahh!

(screaming)

Telulah Farrow!

I suck too much,
Telulah Farrow!

I suck too much!

I can't‐‐
I can't move!

Darvan, don't panic.
Just, um...

Uh, use your legs.

Okay, now, try to
break off the suction.

And fend off!
Fend off!

(Darvan grunting)
(Jamie laughing)

Jamie, yank it.

Yank it!
I think I peed!

Oh, my God, he looks like
one of those, like,

plush toys stuck
to the car windows.

(Telulah) Hang on, Darvan, okay? (whimpering)

Now, um... what do you see?
What are they doing?

Uh, making‐‐ making
phone calls, I think.

Texting maybe.
I... I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.
This was supposed to be our‐‐

our big action scene,
Telulah Farrow.

I hope they're not
calling the cops.

(Darvan)
My tee‐tee's are stuck!

My‐‐ my tee‐tee's are stuck.

(chuckling) Oh, my God,
I have to Insty this.

Wait... dude...
dude, someone already did.

(man)
Yo, give me a knife.

Oh, my God, All Time Low's
gonna kill Darvan.

(plungers pop)

(Jaime) Come on, Telulah,
it's just like in gym.

I could never do those ropes
in gym anyway.

And if you're holding my legs,
I'm just gonna fall.

(weakly)
I can't jump.

Well, I can't‐‐

It's like two feet,
Telulah, just jump.

Darvan could be dead.
(groans)

Look at this.
Oh, my God.

We can't take these.

Jamie. There's a million of them,
they'll never know.

God.

Oh, my God.
I'm throwing up.

Really?

Damn it, Jamie,
theoretic vomit.

Per usual.

I can't meet
my favorite band

in the entire universe
wearing this.

(sighs)

Do you think this is
Alex's pillow?

Yeah, you think this is
Alex's girlfriend's?

Mm‐hmm, don't touch that.

Don't‐‐ don't...

Wait, don't mess it up.
Don't you need something to wear?

That's just creepy.
That is so cr‐‐

This is so cute.

(keypad clicking)

(sighing)
How are we gonna get there?

Call your mom?

No, seriously, the concert
starts in like 30 minutes.

If we're going backstage, we
basically have to be there now.

Maybe you should
call your sister.

Darvan?

We almost thought
you were dead.

No, Telulah Farrow.

I am not "almost dead."

They saved me,
Alex or Jack.

They look so much alike.

And I just kind of go, "Hey."

And they go, "Hey."

They look nothing alike.

What happened?

Get in, get in.

Yo, they were late
for The Space place.

So they were kind of
happy to see me.

(Telulah)
I knew they wouldn't kill you.

All Time Low is not like that.

(Darvan) Yeah,
but that Vinny Vegas is one angry merch guy.

He could've killed me,
Telulah Farrow.

Telulah! And friends!
Oh, hi.

I'm so glad
you're here.

Have you ever
been backstage?

Come on.
My dad owns the place.

♪♪
(cheering)

♪ He woke up from dreaming
and put on his shoes ♪

♪ Started making his way
past 2:00 in the morning ♪

♪ He hasn't been sober
for days ♪

♪ Leaning now
into the breeze ♪

♪ Remembering Sunday,
he falls to his knees ♪

♪ They had breakfast together,
but two eggs don't last ♪

♪ Like the feeling
of what he needs ♪

♪ Now this place
seems familiar to him ♪

♪ She pulled on his hand
with a devilish grin ♪

♪ She led him upstairs,
she led him upstairs ♪

♪ Left him dying
to get in ♪

♪ Forgive me,
I'm trying to find ♪

♪ My calling,
I'm calling at night ♪

♪ I don't mean
to be a bother ♪

♪ But have you seen
this girl? ♪

♪ She's been running
through my dreams ♪

♪ And it's driving me crazy
it seems ♪

♪ I'm going to ask her
to marry me ♪

♪ Even though she doesn't
believe in love ♪

♪ He's determined
to call her bluff ♪

♪ Who could deny
these butterflies? ♪

♪ They're filling his gut... ♪

♪ Tonight we lie awake ♪
They're playing "Vegas!"

♪ Remember how
the coffee made us shake ♪

♪ On those long drives? ♪

♪ One more long night ♪

♪ Another seven days ♪

♪ Heartbeat racing
the interstate ♪

♪ My home tonight ♪

♪ For one more long night ♪

♪ Filling his gut ♪

♪ Waking the neighbors ♪♪

It was literally
the best night of my life.

Claire's dad,
he helped us,

he even let us film it,
and I'm right there.

And then Alex
is right there.

So there's, like,
very close proximity.

And he even remembered me
from Jamaican Coffee Cafe.

And he said he liked "throw up"
and I swear, he was like...

kind of looking at me

when he was singing
"Remembering Sunday."

So...

Well, I'm sure you're not
the first girl who thinks

that the singer of her
favorite band is singing to her.

But that Charlie kid, he was
definitely singing to you.

Did I ever tell you
about the time

that I danced onstage
with The Good Rats?

The Good Rats.
Man, that was so stupid.

I was about your age.

I feel like whenever
you talk about your life,

it's all black and white
and sit‐comy.

Hmm.

I'm sure you texted
Charlie already.

Are you listening?

I literally
don't get you.

Okay, Telulah.

Well, you're being
really mean, Telulah.

(sighing)

Hope you see this.

I'm feeling frightened
and disturbed, Mr. Somma.

The bus,
I fear it will explode.

(laughing)

(dog barks) Hey, little dude,
that's not nice, man.

(man over P. A.)
Good morning.

The debate team would
like to meet,

but they can't agree
on a time or place.

Hey.

Nice work on the Spring
Talent Fest, Telulah.

Oh...
(chuckling)

I felt like I was there.

How's your final
project going?

I got some incredible footage
at The Space last night.

But I don't wanna
give away too much.

Hmm...

Telulah, these are still
your "Wonder Years."

Logan Circle?

I don't know what
you're saying to me,

but what I'm saying
is that sometimes

we set out
for one thing

and we're surprised
by something else.

It's becoming a theme.

The hard part,
though,

is deciding which is
more important.

In life, sure, but...

especially in film.

I've seen a lot of
music videos, Telulah.

Paul...

I have nothing to say.

Nothing.

I don't have a movie.

And I'm not going to
win this, not for me...

you, or the school.

Nope, everybody's
got something to say.

Look around, every kid
has a phone in their hand.

Sure, they're not talking,
but they're saying something.

No, not really.

Well, I would like to see
what they're all not saying.

(chuckling)

Wait, Paul,
that's brilliant.

Thank you.

(British accent)
Charles.

I'm so sorry.

Wait, did you see
my Talent Fest video?

No, Telulah.

I haven't checked your posts
in the last 12 hours.

And, uh, yeah,
you can lose the accent.

(British accent)
Charles...

(normal voice) But, Charlie,
it's really good. I think you'd like it.

For the guy who gave me
the best night of my life.

You don't have to thank me
again, Telulah Farrow.

It's just the way I am.
Oh, my God, you scared me.

Now, we have to start handing
these out, okay?

I texted as many people
as possible, but...

Darvan‐‐ oh, um,
here you go.

What is this?
It's our group page.

You can post your favorite
videos, tweets and photos,

and maybe we'll feature it
in our movie.

No, I mean,
what is this?

Oh, a flyer?

(man over P.
A.) The Procrastinator's Club meeting scheduled for today

has been postponed
until, uh...

What's this?
A flyer.

(Darvan over P. A.)
Everyone go to our group page.

It's called You Can Be
in a Scorsese Film.

(man over P. A.)
Hey, kid, give me that.

I'm the principal,
not you.

(door shuts)

(sobbing)

(Claire)
It's okay.

Claire? Who's crying?

It's Rosemary.
I can't get her to stop.

She forgot her
Twitter password.

And the email she used
to create it is expired.

And now all her wit‐‐

all her wit
is gone forever.

Remember,
I had that tweet about

moms on Facebook.
Moms on Facebook.

And all my hashtag activism.

You were
so progressive.

Oh, my God, and I tweeted
that photo of a landscape

made entirely of
Snoop Dogg's face.

I was so proud of that,
it got 30 favorites.

Calm down, did you tweet it
or Insty it?

Tweeted.
(sobbing)

Insty!

I told Josh
you were not his type.

You are so mean,
Holly.

Can't you see
how sad she is?

Oh, she's sad.
Ohh... baby, ohh...

I have to do this now.
(giggling and cackling)

Someone should
get that bitch.

(door slams shut)

Whoa, Darvan, you got
a lot of people to post.

There are so many.

Bet some of these
are pretty funny.

(music playing on laptop)

Charlie... Charlie?

He saw my post.

(Charlie)
I, um...

I saw your video and, uh...

it was amazing.

I'm throwing up.

Yeah, see you soon.
See you tomorrow.

♪♪

But she literally
isn't on any social media.

Well, how does she even know anything.
Right?

♪ Who's gonna listen
when you run out of lies? ♪

♪ Who's gonna hear you when
your words seem worthless? ♪

♪ Who's gonna save you
when you're out of time... ♪

It's just what
I always wanted.

♪ When you're on
your knees, begging ♪

♪ Oh, please,
take me at my word ♪

♪ I'm desperate ♪

♪ I swear, I never
meant to hurt no one ♪

♪ No, oh ♪

♪ Please stay, for what
it's worth, I'm desperate ♪

♪ You're on your own,
so don't call my name ♪

(screaming)

♪ I will take you down ♪

♪ Should've known that you've
been dancing with a wolf ♪

♪ So don't you call my name ♪

♪ I will take you down... ♪♪

You guys!
(guy screaming)

(Mary) Hey, honey,
you even had so many fantastic likes on that tweet.

What is your issue?

You don't like a tweet,
you favored it.

Ask anyone, so basic.

You like a Facebook,
you like an Insty.

You favored a tweet,
you heart a Cartwhl.

I don't know,
I'm just so proud of you.

I want everybody
to know.

I might even
blog about it.

You never blog‐‐
(knocking on window)

It's like creating
a painting.

Oh.
Hi.

Charlie,
these are beautiful.

Oh... thank you.

Here's a goldfish.

Cool.

Wow.
(laughing)

Yeah, I sort of asked around
a bit about Fluffy.

My brother, he's like
a fish whisperer kind of person.

(water splashes)
Ahh!

Oh!
Oh! Oh, no, oh, no.

Oh, no! Scoop it!
Scoop it with what?

Okay, too soon.
Um...

This mitt, use it.
I don't wanna hurt it.

Scoop it.
Scoop him up?

He's too slimy, I can't get him,
I can't get him.

Don't step on it, don't‐‐
He's so slimy.

Joey, Joey!
Joey, get the‐‐

Scoop him up.
Scoop up the fish.

He'll be in shock a while.
I'll keep him a few days.

If I'm lucky.

I mean, I can send you a résumé.
I can give you one right now.

Yeah.

Hey.
Hey. Hey. Hey.

So I, uh...

I got your selfie.
(gasping)

(overlapping chatter)

Yo, there's my name,
Telulah Farrow!

♪ Tonight we lie awake ♪

♪ Remember how the coffee
made us shake ♪

♪ On those long drives? ♪

♪ One more long night ♪

♪ Another seven days ♪

♪ Heartbeat racing
the interstate ♪

♪ My home tonight ♪

♪ For one more long night ♪

♪ I'm sure as hell
the happiest I've ever been ♪

♪ We get high... ♪

How do I look?

I bet I look so sexy.

♪ There's a ghost
in this room ♪

♪ I think I'll name it
after all of you ♪

♪ And watch it hang
over my bed ♪

♪ Like decorations
celebrated ♪

♪ Memories,
they came and went ♪

♪ In light of all
the time we spent ♪

♪ Listening to everything ♪

♪ Our parents told us
not to take in ♪

♪ Now make a change,
I'm counting down ♪

♪ The mile marks
to every town ♪

♪ And falling more in love ♪

♪ With the distance
put between us ♪

♪ We get high,
we let go ♪

♪ We've got more
than we know ♪

♪ My friends
are a different breed ♪

♪ My friends
are everything... ♪

My boyfriend's in a band,
so I'm kind of like a groupie.

I mean, I'd never
call myself that,

but like,
that's what I am, so...

♪ So let us live our lives ♪

♪ Tonight we lie awake ♪

♪ Remember how the coffee
made us shake ♪

♪ On those long drives? ♪

♪ One more long night ♪

♪ Another seven days ♪

♪ Heartbeat racing
the interstate ♪

♪ My home tonight ♪

♪ For one more long night ♪

♪ From coast to coast,
I'll make the most ♪

♪ Of every second I've been
giving with this crowd ♪

♪ Without a doubt,
you're all I dream about ♪

♪ At night we lie awake ♪

♪ With stories
taking us back ♪

♪ To the nights
we felt alive ♪

♪ The nights we felt alive ♪

♪ I would've married you
in Vegas ♪

♪ Had you given me
the chance to say "I do" ♪

♪ Could I make it
more obvious? ♪

♪ Could you
be anymore obvious? ♪

♪ I would've married you
in Vegas ♪

♪ Had you given me
the chance to say "I do" ♪

♪ Could I make it
more obvious? ♪

♪ Could you be anymore
obvious could you? ♪

(cheering and applause)

♪♪

♪ Well, the night gets old
so I'm back again ♪

♪ The day just started 'cause
I'm up with my old friends ♪

♪ The fat smoke
and funny joke ♪

♪ Sitting like a sponge
letting everything soak ♪

♪ And I just got the nerve
to get in the cage ♪

♪ So don't bite me now ♪

♪ And I just got the nerve
to get in the cage ♪

♪ So don't bite me now ♪

♪ We made love tonight
as the result of a fight ♪

♪ When you put your arms around me,
the whole world's all right ♪

♪ And a day's worth of bitching
goes down the drain ♪

♪ When you lay in my bed
and pick my brain ♪

♪ Shut up, shut up,
it's my turn to talk ♪

♪ Don't try and run
before you learn to walk ♪

♪ Because a day's worth of
bitching goes down the drain ♪

♪ When you lay in my bed
and pick my brain ♪

♪ I left my heart
with my phone ♪

♪ In my center console ♪

♪ I left my feelings ♪

♪ With my wallet
and my keys ♪

♪ I feel so stupid 'cause
I came here without anything ♪