Family Guy 100th Episode Special (2007) - full transcript
The creator of "Family Guy" hosts a look at some of the funniest moments from the first 100 episodes of the show.
It seems today that all you see
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
On which we used to rely?
Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry
He's a family guy
Hello, America! I'm Seth MacFarlane,
creator of Family Guy,
here to talk to you about some
of the amazing work that's going on
at the Dana-Farber Center
for Cancer Research.
Oh, I'm just kidding. Can you imagine?
Tonight we're gonna watch
some of my favorite clips from Family Guy
as we celebrate 100 episodes
of doing just enough to get by.
Now, we thought it would be fun to find out
just how well the show is holding up,
so we gathered a group of regular,
average Americans,
who have never seen Family Guy,
and showed them a couple of episodes.
Their reactions were all almost
universally positive. Take a look.
Did you enjoy Family Guy?
No. I didn't, really.
I don't really get it.
It's not funny to me. Stupid.
What's the point?
It should have a point, or something.
Is Family Guy a show that you would
recommend to your friends?
No, definitely not. No.
I just thought it was horrible.
Did you enjoy Family Guy?
No.
Would you allow your children
to watch Family Guy?
No.
Have you ever heard of a show called
American Dad?
No.
At the heart of any successful TV family
comedy is the family itself.
Let's take a stroll down Spooner Street and
relive some memorable moments from the family
that helped turn me, a poor Vietnamese immigrant,
into a Caucasian Hollywood millionaire.
Dad, what is it? What's going on?
I heard a noise. Is somebody downstairs?
Oh, God, Meg, you startled me.
I'm sorry.
Oh, my God, that was such a rush!
Yeah. I'm alive!
It's up to us parents
to be a part of the solution.
- I'll go talk to the principal tomorrow.
- Thanks, honey.
- The safety word is "banana".
- I love you.
How you, uh... How you're coming on
that novel you're working on, huh?
Got a big stack of papers there?
Got a... got a nice little story
you working on there?
The big novel you've been working on
for three years, huh?
Got a compelling protagonist?
Got an obstacle for him to overcome?
Little story brewing there? Working on?
Working on that for quite some time, huh?
Yeah? Talking about that three years ago.
Been working on that the whole time?
Nice little narrative?
Beginning, middle, and end?
Some friends become enemies,
some enemies become friends? Huh?
At the end your main character is richer
for the experience? Yeah? Yeah?
Yeah? No, no, you deserve some time off.
I know the guy that owns this place!
Where's my money?
Are you gonna give me my money?
Where's my money, man?
All right, you guys. I got eight crates
of ipecac from Mort, all on my tab.
Now, whoever goes the longest without puking
gets the last piece of pie in the fridge.
Okay, here we go.
- How's everybody doing?
- Good. Good so far.
All right, all right.
- Nothing yet.
- Cool, cool.
You know, I don't know if you guys
had any of that pie already, but that is...
that is some tasty stuff.
That's from the bake sale that Lois...
Ooh, one down. I know somebody
who won't be having any...
- I'm starting to feel funny.
- Well, I feel fine. I guess I'm gonna...
Oh, boy! That means I win. I get to eat...
Oh, God! Why didn't anybody tell me...
Oh, my God! My insides are on...
No. No, please. No more, no more. No...
Dad, I'm scared.
Get the phone. Call 911...
Lois! Lois! Lois, get in here...
Okay, okay. I think it's all gone.
I think...
I don't wanna, I don't wanna...
Peter. Peter, I need you to hold my ears...
Who wants chowder?
Sure, Family Guy is a half hour of laughter,
but it's also a half hour of learning.
Let's take a look back at some
Family Guy history lessons
that have kept America's
high schoolers out of college.
- What did you just called me?
- I-I thought that was your name.
That is our word.
You've got no right using it.
Hey, hey, I'm cool. I'm cool.
No problem.
- Could you pass me the oar, N-Word Jim?
- Thank you.
- This time we really have to do it, okay?
- Okay.
- One, two.
- One, two.
You want me to kill myself,
and you're not going to.
- You suck. You suck.
- You suck.
Look at Edison over there
with his damn electricity.
Hey, Edison! How about sharing
some of those light bulbs, huh?
- Hey, figure out for yourself, man!
- We're freezing our asses off over here!
Hey, man, how do you think I feel?
You know? You get to look at my house,
I gotta look at that dark thing!
- What-what is that, a candle over there?
- Yeah. We're freezing over here!
No one in my family's
taking a bath in a month!
- We stink! It stinks over here, you jerk!
- I can't hear you over my-
Why don't you go to hell, Edison?
Hey, bite me, man!
Have you guys seen The Office?
No, you haven't, 'cause you don't have a TV!
- How about I come over there and kick your ass?
- Ooh, yeah. Come on over.
We'll be right back with more clips from
the show that has all of America laughing.
Would you say Family Guy
is inappropriate for children?
Absolutely.
Definitely. I mean, I wouldn't
want my kid watching that.
Is there anyone that you would
recommend Family Guy to?
There's a lot of people...
you know, that are...
you know, hooked on drugs...
hooked on alcohol, and...
or-or marijuana, and they
need this kind of addiction.
What kind of people do you think
would watch Family Guy?
Gosh. Um...
People who don't know
how to turn the TV station.
That's what I think.
Welcome back to the Family Guy
100th Episode Celebration.
Aren't you glad this isn't
the Dharma & Greg clip show?
Because by now, you would've
already seen the Dharma clips
and you'd be stuck watching
all the Greg clips.
God. What an awful, awful show.
Now let's check in once again
with some of our biggest fans.
I guess what I don't get
about Family Guy is how sometimes
the baby and the dog find themselves in
sexual or perverted situations
is weird, because
I think of babies and dogs as
innocent and cute and I'm...
It's like... Whoa.
Babies shouldn't swear
and this baby is evil and...
and it's talking a lot of trash.
Who was the voice on...
That's not David Hyde Pierce's voice.
- For which character?
- The baby, whatever's the name. That's not him.
That is David Hyde Pierce.
- No way.
- Yeah.
- Is it, really?
- Yeah.
Oh, I'm so disappointed.
What character did you relate to the most?
I didn't relate to any of the characters.
The one character that I might've
related with is probably Meg.
Do you think Jesus, if he would've come back,
would enjoy Family Guy?
Definitely not. No. No.
If he would've had the network,
would he cancel Family Guy?
Yes, he would. Correct.
You know, some of my favorite moments on Family
Guy over the years have been the musical numbers.
They're the moments that keep us
just one gay step ahead of the competition.
So lighten those loafers and get ready
for us to suck your funny bone
with some Family Guy-style show stoppers.
You have AIDS
Yes, you have AIDS
I hate to tell you, boy, that you have AIDS
You've got the AIDS
You may have caught it
when you stuck that filthy needle in here
Or maybe all that
unprotected sex put you here
It isn't clear,
but what we're certain of is you have AIDS
Yes, you have AIDS
Not HIV, but full-blown AIDS
They may just be neurotic
Or possibly psychotic
They're the fellas of the freakin' FCC
My milkshake brings all the boys
to the yard and they're, like...
it's better than yours, damn right,
it's better than yours, I could
teach you, but I'd have to charge.
We're off on the road to Rhode Island
We're having the time of our lives
- Take it, dog!
- We're quite a pair of partners
Just like Thelma and Louis
'Cept you're not six feet tall
Yes
And your breasts don't reach your knees
Rock lobster
Rock lobster
Shipoopi, Shipoopi, Shipoopi
But you can win her yet
You can win her yet
Shipoopi!
I forgot how funny I am.
We'll be right back with more Family Guy clips
after a few packs on the back from you to viewers.
What shows do you like?
What show you think they're funny?
I do like South Park,
like I can actually sit down,
watch it, 'cause they kinda make...
um... word jokes.
I like The Simpsons 'cause it's smart.
The Simpsons. I know that's FOX, but it's
just way better. It's way more creative.
Even Scrubs with its humor still has
more realistic fiber underline and tones to it.
So you say the Scrubs
is better than Family Guy.
Miles. Yeah, definitely better.
Do you think Jay Leno
is funnier Family Guy?
- A lot funnier?
- Oh, yeah. A lot funnier.
- Do you like Tina Fey?
- I liked Molly Shannon a lot better. I don't know.
Tina Fey maybe is a bit boring to me.
What kinds of shows do you enjoy?
I really just watched The Bachelor.
Welcome back to the Family Guy
100th episode celebration.
I hope you've liked what you've seen so far,
and I know you're gonna enjoy the rest.
And after it's over, what do you say you and I
head out back and have a game of catch?
We can talk about the trouble you've been having at
school and why girls are so interesting all of a sudden.
Do you think Family Guy speaks for women?
I never sensed, for one moment, watching that
show, that Family Guy speaks for women.
It's probably degrading to women.
I can't see, like, any woman
really watching it.
Unless they're sitting next to their
husband or their boyfriend or something.
I don't think that Family Guy
speaks to women at all.
And if they do, it's in interrogatory manner.
Do you think Family Guy speaks
for Latino-Americans?
Oh, no. Not at all.
As an African-American male,
do you think Family Guy speaks to you?
- Yeah, I do.
- It does?
In what way?
In the wrong way.
You know, people often ask why there are
so many pop culture gags on the show.
Well, I'll tell you. Family Guy likes
to hold a mirror up to society and say,
"Society, you're ugly and we don't
like a lot of what you're doing."
Here's just a small sampling of our distaste.
Tom Hanks, that's it.
A funny guy, Tom Hanks.
Everything he says is a stitch.
I have AIDS.
Stewie, did Mr. Jackson behave
inappropriately toward you?
Well, yes, but the worst part was
he never called back.
No, but in all seriousness, yeah.
He was actually pretty aggressive.
Jane! Stop this crazy thing! Stop!
- Oh, my God! George!
- Did you not hear me out there?
- Dad, are you...
- Go to your room, Elroy.
- But what happened?
- Go to your room!
Meg's as cool as the other side of the pillow.
- Billy D. Williams!
- Hello, Peter.
Welcome to the cool side of the pillow.
I'm sentencing you to 24 months in prison.
- Oh, no!
- Oh, no!
- Oh, no!
- Oh, no!
Oh, yeah!
Eh, what's up, doc?
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Raja naba doua gola wookie nipple pinchie.
One of these days, Alice.
One of these days...!
Yeah, yeah. I know, Ralph.
Right to the moon.
- What are these?
- I don't know.
- What do you mean, you don't know?
- I-I-I don't know how they got there.
- Well, I think you do know.
- No, no...
Derek was in here earlier.
He was making the beds.
He probably put 'em...
I was in the john.
You guys are nutsies, man!
You're freaking nutsies!
Yeah, I bought a giant life-size
slingshot from you,
and it just slammed me into a mountain.
- Sorry, no returns.
- I've been a customer here for years.
I can maybe give you a store credit.
But I... Really?
Well, I guess...
- What's the hold-up in here?
- I'm taking care of it!
Give me, like, a...
Give me, like, a soda. And...
You know, try to keep the salt water out of it.
- Try to keep the salt water out of it?
- Yeah.
We're surrounded by salt water, you know.
- It's going to be difficult.
- I'm just saying, "try".
Yeah, okay. I'll try. You'd like more?
Oh, that's a helpful tone.
I'm just saying, you're kinda
abusing a little bit.
Actually, this is all time that
could be spent getting me my beverage.
Jim Hanson had a "wait-and-see"
attitude, and look what happened to him.
Now we've got wrong-sounding Muppets!
I'm hungry.
That's no problem. I can cook you something.
You want some spaghetti?
That's, like, my specialty and junk.
Yaaaay.
You're a worse parent
than Britney Spears.
I know, I know.
Oh, the gift basket was not worth
the trip, not by a long shot.
Oh, I gotta get that.
I'll talk to you later.
Wow. You know, from the other side,
that's kind of annoying.
You know, through the years, Peter Griffin
has had more jobs than you can shake a stick at.
You know, I never got that phrase.
"Shake a stick at."
Did people in the old days
shake sticks at things in large groups?
See, I'm the engine that drives
a lot of the comedy on the show.
Let's look at some of Peter's jobs.
So, Peter, where do you
see yourself in five years?
Don't say "Doing your wife".
Don't say "Doing your wife".
Doing your...
...son?
I am gonna stop pollution
with my new, lovable character,
Gary the No-Trash Cougar.
Pick up your trash!
I want to know whose cup this is!
I said, I want to know whose cup this is!
Pick it up!
Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up!
Thank you, sweetie.
See what a nicer place this is
when we all pitch in?
Like Gary the No-Trash Cougar says:
"Give a larbage, throw out your garbage."
You're all stupid.
They're gonna be looking for army guys.
- Duh...
- Ot.
Dot.
- Buh...
- Et.
- Bet.
- Bet.
I knew that. Slow it down.
- Puh...
- It.
- Pit.
- Pit.
Come on, pal, it's my first day.
- Fuh...
- At.
- Fat.
- Oh, that's it, buddy!
Boy, this gig is even better
than the job I had
providing night time heat
for Lara Flynn Boyle.
- Hey, Lara?
- Yeah?
Is Dylan McDermott nice in person?
Yeah.
Good.
And one, and two..
No, no, no, no.
The alts were early.
This is the worst glee club I ever...
Oh, come on. Where are you going?
The benefit's tomorrow.
Relax. The Sand People frighten easily,
but they'll be back.
- And in greater numbers.
- Wow, that'll give us a richer harmony.
Yeah, it's gonna sound fantastic.
We'll be right back with more Cold Case.
Another awful show.
And it's very tough to look at.
The whole thing is just drab.
And it's like it's all shot with a blue filter,
and it makes everything look really
gray and unappealing. And Medium.
I hate Medium. Come on, everybody!
If there's anything that could say directly to the
creator of Family Guy, what would you say?
Can it.
- You mean, "Cancel the show"?
- Yeah.
It's gonna cost David Hyde Pierce
a job if they do that.
That's okay. He'll finally kiss wonderful.
I'd love them.
I don't want people from other countries to
watch the show and say,
"Oh, that's how Americans are".
I wouldn't want that.
If you could say one thing
to the creator of Family Guy,
what would it be?
To move on, cancel it.
Just basically... you know...
Start over again, you know.
Start over from scratch.
They're trying to hit like a Grand Slam here.
And it's not gonna happen.
You have to lose first.
You know. You don't become champions,
you know, your first time out.
You have to first lose, and then you win.
- Like Jesus?
- That's correct. And like the Dodgers.
Well, we hope you've enjoyed this look back
at the first 100 episodes of Family Guy.
Here's to the next 100.
And hopefully we won't get canceled for two
and a half ****ing years in the middle again!
Good night, America!
What would you say if I told you
Family Guy is contributing money
to help find Osama Bin Laden?
I'd say that they're not
contributing enough.
Would you recommend
Family Guy to your friends?
My immature friends.
The word "hero" is applied
too liberally today.
Do you think Peter Griffin is a hero?
No. No. No.
But you have to think about it.
Yeah, I had to think about it. Yeah. I did.
Do you think Peter Griffin is a hero?
Peter Griffin? I have to be
completely honest with you.
I don't know who Peter Griffin is.
Is violence in movies and sex on TV
But where are those
good old-fashioned values
On which we used to rely?
Lucky there's a family guy
Lucky there's a man who
positively can do
All the things that make us
Laugh and cry
He's a family guy
Hello, America! I'm Seth MacFarlane,
creator of Family Guy,
here to talk to you about some
of the amazing work that's going on
at the Dana-Farber Center
for Cancer Research.
Oh, I'm just kidding. Can you imagine?
Tonight we're gonna watch
some of my favorite clips from Family Guy
as we celebrate 100 episodes
of doing just enough to get by.
Now, we thought it would be fun to find out
just how well the show is holding up,
so we gathered a group of regular,
average Americans,
who have never seen Family Guy,
and showed them a couple of episodes.
Their reactions were all almost
universally positive. Take a look.
Did you enjoy Family Guy?
No. I didn't, really.
I don't really get it.
It's not funny to me. Stupid.
What's the point?
It should have a point, or something.
Is Family Guy a show that you would
recommend to your friends?
No, definitely not. No.
I just thought it was horrible.
Did you enjoy Family Guy?
No.
Would you allow your children
to watch Family Guy?
No.
Have you ever heard of a show called
American Dad?
No.
At the heart of any successful TV family
comedy is the family itself.
Let's take a stroll down Spooner Street and
relive some memorable moments from the family
that helped turn me, a poor Vietnamese immigrant,
into a Caucasian Hollywood millionaire.
Dad, what is it? What's going on?
I heard a noise. Is somebody downstairs?
Oh, God, Meg, you startled me.
I'm sorry.
Oh, my God, that was such a rush!
Yeah. I'm alive!
It's up to us parents
to be a part of the solution.
- I'll go talk to the principal tomorrow.
- Thanks, honey.
- The safety word is "banana".
- I love you.
How you, uh... How you're coming on
that novel you're working on, huh?
Got a big stack of papers there?
Got a... got a nice little story
you working on there?
The big novel you've been working on
for three years, huh?
Got a compelling protagonist?
Got an obstacle for him to overcome?
Little story brewing there? Working on?
Working on that for quite some time, huh?
Yeah? Talking about that three years ago.
Been working on that the whole time?
Nice little narrative?
Beginning, middle, and end?
Some friends become enemies,
some enemies become friends? Huh?
At the end your main character is richer
for the experience? Yeah? Yeah?
Yeah? No, no, you deserve some time off.
I know the guy that owns this place!
Where's my money?
Are you gonna give me my money?
Where's my money, man?
All right, you guys. I got eight crates
of ipecac from Mort, all on my tab.
Now, whoever goes the longest without puking
gets the last piece of pie in the fridge.
Okay, here we go.
- How's everybody doing?
- Good. Good so far.
All right, all right.
- Nothing yet.
- Cool, cool.
You know, I don't know if you guys
had any of that pie already, but that is...
that is some tasty stuff.
That's from the bake sale that Lois...
Ooh, one down. I know somebody
who won't be having any...
- I'm starting to feel funny.
- Well, I feel fine. I guess I'm gonna...
Oh, boy! That means I win. I get to eat...
Oh, God! Why didn't anybody tell me...
Oh, my God! My insides are on...
No. No, please. No more, no more. No...
Dad, I'm scared.
Get the phone. Call 911...
Lois! Lois! Lois, get in here...
Okay, okay. I think it's all gone.
I think...
I don't wanna, I don't wanna...
Peter. Peter, I need you to hold my ears...
Who wants chowder?
Sure, Family Guy is a half hour of laughter,
but it's also a half hour of learning.
Let's take a look back at some
Family Guy history lessons
that have kept America's
high schoolers out of college.
- What did you just called me?
- I-I thought that was your name.
That is our word.
You've got no right using it.
Hey, hey, I'm cool. I'm cool.
No problem.
- Could you pass me the oar, N-Word Jim?
- Thank you.
- This time we really have to do it, okay?
- Okay.
- One, two.
- One, two.
You want me to kill myself,
and you're not going to.
- You suck. You suck.
- You suck.
Look at Edison over there
with his damn electricity.
Hey, Edison! How about sharing
some of those light bulbs, huh?
- Hey, figure out for yourself, man!
- We're freezing our asses off over here!
Hey, man, how do you think I feel?
You know? You get to look at my house,
I gotta look at that dark thing!
- What-what is that, a candle over there?
- Yeah. We're freezing over here!
No one in my family's
taking a bath in a month!
- We stink! It stinks over here, you jerk!
- I can't hear you over my-
Why don't you go to hell, Edison?
Hey, bite me, man!
Have you guys seen The Office?
No, you haven't, 'cause you don't have a TV!
- How about I come over there and kick your ass?
- Ooh, yeah. Come on over.
We'll be right back with more clips from
the show that has all of America laughing.
Would you say Family Guy
is inappropriate for children?
Absolutely.
Definitely. I mean, I wouldn't
want my kid watching that.
Is there anyone that you would
recommend Family Guy to?
There's a lot of people...
you know, that are...
you know, hooked on drugs...
hooked on alcohol, and...
or-or marijuana, and they
need this kind of addiction.
What kind of people do you think
would watch Family Guy?
Gosh. Um...
People who don't know
how to turn the TV station.
That's what I think.
Welcome back to the Family Guy
100th Episode Celebration.
Aren't you glad this isn't
the Dharma & Greg clip show?
Because by now, you would've
already seen the Dharma clips
and you'd be stuck watching
all the Greg clips.
God. What an awful, awful show.
Now let's check in once again
with some of our biggest fans.
I guess what I don't get
about Family Guy is how sometimes
the baby and the dog find themselves in
sexual or perverted situations
is weird, because
I think of babies and dogs as
innocent and cute and I'm...
It's like... Whoa.
Babies shouldn't swear
and this baby is evil and...
and it's talking a lot of trash.
Who was the voice on...
That's not David Hyde Pierce's voice.
- For which character?
- The baby, whatever's the name. That's not him.
That is David Hyde Pierce.
- No way.
- Yeah.
- Is it, really?
- Yeah.
Oh, I'm so disappointed.
What character did you relate to the most?
I didn't relate to any of the characters.
The one character that I might've
related with is probably Meg.
Do you think Jesus, if he would've come back,
would enjoy Family Guy?
Definitely not. No. No.
If he would've had the network,
would he cancel Family Guy?
Yes, he would. Correct.
You know, some of my favorite moments on Family
Guy over the years have been the musical numbers.
They're the moments that keep us
just one gay step ahead of the competition.
So lighten those loafers and get ready
for us to suck your funny bone
with some Family Guy-style show stoppers.
You have AIDS
Yes, you have AIDS
I hate to tell you, boy, that you have AIDS
You've got the AIDS
You may have caught it
when you stuck that filthy needle in here
Or maybe all that
unprotected sex put you here
It isn't clear,
but what we're certain of is you have AIDS
Yes, you have AIDS
Not HIV, but full-blown AIDS
They may just be neurotic
Or possibly psychotic
They're the fellas of the freakin' FCC
My milkshake brings all the boys
to the yard and they're, like...
it's better than yours, damn right,
it's better than yours, I could
teach you, but I'd have to charge.
We're off on the road to Rhode Island
We're having the time of our lives
- Take it, dog!
- We're quite a pair of partners
Just like Thelma and Louis
'Cept you're not six feet tall
Yes
And your breasts don't reach your knees
Rock lobster
Rock lobster
Shipoopi, Shipoopi, Shipoopi
But you can win her yet
You can win her yet
Shipoopi!
I forgot how funny I am.
We'll be right back with more Family Guy clips
after a few packs on the back from you to viewers.
What shows do you like?
What show you think they're funny?
I do like South Park,
like I can actually sit down,
watch it, 'cause they kinda make...
um... word jokes.
I like The Simpsons 'cause it's smart.
The Simpsons. I know that's FOX, but it's
just way better. It's way more creative.
Even Scrubs with its humor still has
more realistic fiber underline and tones to it.
So you say the Scrubs
is better than Family Guy.
Miles. Yeah, definitely better.
Do you think Jay Leno
is funnier Family Guy?
- A lot funnier?
- Oh, yeah. A lot funnier.
- Do you like Tina Fey?
- I liked Molly Shannon a lot better. I don't know.
Tina Fey maybe is a bit boring to me.
What kinds of shows do you enjoy?
I really just watched The Bachelor.
Welcome back to the Family Guy
100th episode celebration.
I hope you've liked what you've seen so far,
and I know you're gonna enjoy the rest.
And after it's over, what do you say you and I
head out back and have a game of catch?
We can talk about the trouble you've been having at
school and why girls are so interesting all of a sudden.
Do you think Family Guy speaks for women?
I never sensed, for one moment, watching that
show, that Family Guy speaks for women.
It's probably degrading to women.
I can't see, like, any woman
really watching it.
Unless they're sitting next to their
husband or their boyfriend or something.
I don't think that Family Guy
speaks to women at all.
And if they do, it's in interrogatory manner.
Do you think Family Guy speaks
for Latino-Americans?
Oh, no. Not at all.
As an African-American male,
do you think Family Guy speaks to you?
- Yeah, I do.
- It does?
In what way?
In the wrong way.
You know, people often ask why there are
so many pop culture gags on the show.
Well, I'll tell you. Family Guy likes
to hold a mirror up to society and say,
"Society, you're ugly and we don't
like a lot of what you're doing."
Here's just a small sampling of our distaste.
Tom Hanks, that's it.
A funny guy, Tom Hanks.
Everything he says is a stitch.
I have AIDS.
Stewie, did Mr. Jackson behave
inappropriately toward you?
Well, yes, but the worst part was
he never called back.
No, but in all seriousness, yeah.
He was actually pretty aggressive.
Jane! Stop this crazy thing! Stop!
- Oh, my God! George!
- Did you not hear me out there?
- Dad, are you...
- Go to your room, Elroy.
- But what happened?
- Go to your room!
Meg's as cool as the other side of the pillow.
- Billy D. Williams!
- Hello, Peter.
Welcome to the cool side of the pillow.
I'm sentencing you to 24 months in prison.
- Oh, no!
- Oh, no!
- Oh, no!
- Oh, no!
Oh, yeah!
Eh, what's up, doc?
Oh, God! Oh, God!
Raja naba doua gola wookie nipple pinchie.
One of these days, Alice.
One of these days...!
Yeah, yeah. I know, Ralph.
Right to the moon.
- What are these?
- I don't know.
- What do you mean, you don't know?
- I-I-I don't know how they got there.
- Well, I think you do know.
- No, no...
Derek was in here earlier.
He was making the beds.
He probably put 'em...
I was in the john.
You guys are nutsies, man!
You're freaking nutsies!
Yeah, I bought a giant life-size
slingshot from you,
and it just slammed me into a mountain.
- Sorry, no returns.
- I've been a customer here for years.
I can maybe give you a store credit.
But I... Really?
Well, I guess...
- What's the hold-up in here?
- I'm taking care of it!
Give me, like, a...
Give me, like, a soda. And...
You know, try to keep the salt water out of it.
- Try to keep the salt water out of it?
- Yeah.
We're surrounded by salt water, you know.
- It's going to be difficult.
- I'm just saying, "try".
Yeah, okay. I'll try. You'd like more?
Oh, that's a helpful tone.
I'm just saying, you're kinda
abusing a little bit.
Actually, this is all time that
could be spent getting me my beverage.
Jim Hanson had a "wait-and-see"
attitude, and look what happened to him.
Now we've got wrong-sounding Muppets!
I'm hungry.
That's no problem. I can cook you something.
You want some spaghetti?
That's, like, my specialty and junk.
Yaaaay.
You're a worse parent
than Britney Spears.
I know, I know.
Oh, the gift basket was not worth
the trip, not by a long shot.
Oh, I gotta get that.
I'll talk to you later.
Wow. You know, from the other side,
that's kind of annoying.
You know, through the years, Peter Griffin
has had more jobs than you can shake a stick at.
You know, I never got that phrase.
"Shake a stick at."
Did people in the old days
shake sticks at things in large groups?
See, I'm the engine that drives
a lot of the comedy on the show.
Let's look at some of Peter's jobs.
So, Peter, where do you
see yourself in five years?
Don't say "Doing your wife".
Don't say "Doing your wife".
Doing your...
...son?
I am gonna stop pollution
with my new, lovable character,
Gary the No-Trash Cougar.
Pick up your trash!
I want to know whose cup this is!
I said, I want to know whose cup this is!
Pick it up!
Pick it up! Pick it up! Pick it up!
Thank you, sweetie.
See what a nicer place this is
when we all pitch in?
Like Gary the No-Trash Cougar says:
"Give a larbage, throw out your garbage."
You're all stupid.
They're gonna be looking for army guys.
- Duh...
- Ot.
Dot.
- Buh...
- Et.
- Bet.
- Bet.
I knew that. Slow it down.
- Puh...
- It.
- Pit.
- Pit.
Come on, pal, it's my first day.
- Fuh...
- At.
- Fat.
- Oh, that's it, buddy!
Boy, this gig is even better
than the job I had
providing night time heat
for Lara Flynn Boyle.
- Hey, Lara?
- Yeah?
Is Dylan McDermott nice in person?
Yeah.
Good.
And one, and two..
No, no, no, no.
The alts were early.
This is the worst glee club I ever...
Oh, come on. Where are you going?
The benefit's tomorrow.
Relax. The Sand People frighten easily,
but they'll be back.
- And in greater numbers.
- Wow, that'll give us a richer harmony.
Yeah, it's gonna sound fantastic.
We'll be right back with more Cold Case.
Another awful show.
And it's very tough to look at.
The whole thing is just drab.
And it's like it's all shot with a blue filter,
and it makes everything look really
gray and unappealing. And Medium.
I hate Medium. Come on, everybody!
If there's anything that could say directly to the
creator of Family Guy, what would you say?
Can it.
- You mean, "Cancel the show"?
- Yeah.
It's gonna cost David Hyde Pierce
a job if they do that.
That's okay. He'll finally kiss wonderful.
I'd love them.
I don't want people from other countries to
watch the show and say,
"Oh, that's how Americans are".
I wouldn't want that.
If you could say one thing
to the creator of Family Guy,
what would it be?
To move on, cancel it.
Just basically... you know...
Start over again, you know.
Start over from scratch.
They're trying to hit like a Grand Slam here.
And it's not gonna happen.
You have to lose first.
You know. You don't become champions,
you know, your first time out.
You have to first lose, and then you win.
- Like Jesus?
- That's correct. And like the Dodgers.
Well, we hope you've enjoyed this look back
at the first 100 episodes of Family Guy.
Here's to the next 100.
And hopefully we won't get canceled for two
and a half ****ing years in the middle again!
Good night, America!
What would you say if I told you
Family Guy is contributing money
to help find Osama Bin Laden?
I'd say that they're not
contributing enough.
Would you recommend
Family Guy to your friends?
My immature friends.
The word "hero" is applied
too liberally today.
Do you think Peter Griffin is a hero?
No. No. No.
But you have to think about it.
Yeah, I had to think about it. Yeah. I did.
Do you think Peter Griffin is a hero?
Peter Griffin? I have to be
completely honest with you.
I don't know who Peter Griffin is.