Familienradgeber 2 (2009) - full transcript
Funded by the Jewish Central Council
Being married is worse than loneliness,
having pets, children or being disabled.
Fansubbed by meatisgood & Eddie
for the ungrateful masses.
Always remember, a perfect married life...
...is dominated by mutual respect and good behavior.
When the children are emancipated,
the parents will have more time...
...for their own interests and occasional joy.
At least once a year you should wash yourself.
Not forgetting any holes.
The morning custom of beer, is sacred.
Enjoy your freedom with long binges.
After a tiring night...
...there occurs in the human
body a build up of mucus.
To be removed without guilt or shame.
His wife's coffee cup or the toilet...
...are the best options
to deposit the waste.
Your wife should not notice the
slightly salty taste in her coffee.
Since his swollen tonsils neutralizes the taste.
Make a small ball and taste test it, to be absolutely sure.
Although she sleeps soundly,
because of her husband's flatulence...
...it's time to wake her up.
And start with the daily tasks such
as washing, cleaning and cooking.
The monotonous noise of a vacuum
cleaner is a very valid option.
Sometimes it's not enough of a
noise to wake up the target.
Go for the more physical option
and remove the sheet in one go.
If still unsuccessful, play some horrible music.
Finally, prepare the everyday smells and flavors.
Over the years, the wife gets used to
disposing of the garbage and feces.
To save time, it is useful to resort to recycling.
As the sense of taste and smell of her husband...
...are stunted due to poor nutrition...
...he should not suspect the real ingredients in your tea.
Add in a bit of saccharine to sweeten the taste.
The Marriage Counselor
After many years of marriage
and the birth of more kids...
...events that make your body less attractive...
...and emphasize the lack of libido of the husband.
The continued refusal of the
husband is most understandable.
In this case the woman should
use her powers of seduction.
Often after having given birth,
the vagina is somewhat dilated.
It is very difficult to stimulate the
sexual desire of the husband.
Long walks with her beloved animals...
...and sunny days, help...
...to break the monotony of everyday life.
It's not only good for the
dog but also for her health.
10 minutes later...
This kind of boldness should not
be condoned by the husband.
"I'm taking a shower."
A good bath is not...
...only for cooling the different holes...
...but is also very uplifting.
Enjoy these pleasant moments.
Over time, the culinary arts of the wife...
...descends to new levels.
Having lost his ability to taste...
...usually a soup can be prepared.
Do not be afraid to spice up
the bland taste of the broth.
Bronchitis causes the green color of sputum...
...also known as the lung oyster...
...which you can use to spice up food.
Toenails with fungus...
...and dandruff, are used to round off...
...a delicious condiment.
Often the daily routine is ruined
by the effects of drinking.
And confusion over the location
is a habitual mistake.
The Marriage Counselor
Germans.
Men...women.
Children and Western Europe.
Believe it...
...I'm still alive.
On January 30th...
...the die was cast for Germany.
There are the fallen Göhring,
Himmler and Hohneker.
We are ready...
...to create a new generation.
Controlled by us!
German children are smart and lean.
Swift as a gazelle, tough as
leather and hard as steel.
The victory...
...is within our reach.
Because since 1989...
...we have an empire more extensive than expected...
...thanks to the people of East Germany.
States that we lost...
...once again belong to us.
Except Poland!
Early in the morning...
...I fucked in the territory of the German Empire.
And at 5:55 today...
...everything is fucked in the ass!
And now, the Euro rate will fall.
A provision of iron...
...strength is our hallmark.
Even the Russian electricity companies...
...they want to relocate their advertising here.
Well, a question about the Jews.
In Germany...
...or the Midwest.
Nobody needs the Jews...
...for the last 60 years.
We know our empire will last for a 1000 years.
And I say, on behalf of our air force...
...long live sex!
Long live sex!
Long live sex!
Sometimes unwanted pregnancy
occurs after one makes a mistake.
Try to hide it stealthily from ones husband.
It is impossible to determine
the time and place of birth.
A fast decision is recommended.
Doing it alone...
...seems the only alternative.
Continue down the steps...
...hitting or dragging the baby...
...on the rough cement,
will not affect the baby.
A car can be used as an alternative.
Although taking off would be the best idea...
...remain alert and find a place to hide
the baby in any sound proof area...
...or in any room of the house.
Any hesitation would cause her
husband to suspect something...
...then it would inevitably have to be explained.
And the babies dark skin will make
it more apparent her mistake.
Then quickly find a convincing explanation.
A new father should be understanding
and show you he cares.
Let them vent their jealousies and act instinctively.
Family counseling
If you carry on like this...
...I assure you that your marriage will go downhill.
Listen to my words.
Your children and humanity have no future...
...because, at the pump I charge the prices.
But before we can talk between us.
Of Christians and Jihad.
Honey, you think that I'm vile!
Your face must be hidden.
What will become of your children?
Why don't you stop and think?
I have the feeling that you
don't take me seriously.
Am I imagining?
I'll crush you like a nut.
It can happen to anyone.
Think of the nut.
Marriage is a holy war.
A sacred promise.
You're kidding me?
I'll make you care!
The nut!
You're the nut!
Hey, are these peanuts?
I'm allergic!
Cleaning is always the
responsibility of the wife.
As a man, shows no respect for the job.
Women enjoy long sessions
in the sun in their free time.
The desire for dark skin tends to
be detrimental to their health.
The appearance of sunburn...
...will result in moles.
We must act fast on the melanomas.
They'll come off perfectly with pliers.
After a hard day's work it is very
important for the husband...
...to be given a breather with his
beer and his favorite sport.
What matters to women,
"Germany's next Top Model".
...Germany seeks the most inept...
...or, I'm useless, get me out of here...
...as their favorite programs.
For men it's their favorite sports team.
During these evenings it's
advisable for spouses...
...to be entertained doing other things
or just go somewhere else.
Due to excessive alcohol intake...
...and the imminent defeat of the their favorite team...
...the husband may have fits of violence.
And will not attempt to contain his anger.
Do not suppress it for the world.
There may be a possible disputes
between him and her...
...and it is always the fault of the wife.
It depends on having fled in time.
She will take a simple discussion very lightly.
This situation causes many families...
...an irretrievable breakdown.
To avoid further meaningless discussions...
...one should go for a consistent
solution to their problem.
And not allow damages to be withheld.
WARNING!
After saying goodbye to his
wife in a civilized way...
...and a friendly divorce...
...the husband can be alone with the baby.
To remedy the possible gossip...
...you should consider a quick solution
for getting rid of the baby.
It wasn't your idea...
...to have a child with a skin color...
...that completely disgust you.
Let the baby enjoy a task...
...widely practiced in many other countries.
Al Qaeda Jihad
After following all the safety instructions...
...continue as planned.
Try to clean up to avoid
affecting the environment.
Often, the husband will remember
consciously certain events.
This usually results in a
malfunction similar to death.
As this effect is an emotional blow...
...undertake tasks that are usually incomprehensible...
...such as mowing the lawn and
washing their own clothes.
These tasks should be performed by women.
Otherwise it weakens the manhood,
causing emotional distress.
During this stage do not allow children to play happily.
Without any consideration for their
feelings, stop them from playing ball.
The domestic pet awakens the
primal instincts of man...
...which inevitably result in a
consummation of the sexual act.
The dynamics or the stupidity of
those little abnormal games...
...never seem to end.
Try to destroy their toys...
...to end the simple games of children.
In some religions it is a good
idea to show public mourning.
Take this for example...
...and show those feelings with your head and spirituality.
No need to disguise your hatred
of children in the presence of others.
Just so we are clear, children are never
happy when there is just one of them.
In winter, the disabled have many problems...
...moving with their wheelchairs on the frozen ground.
Some unscrupulous people
take advantage of that.
Here he must show that he is a model citizen.
Suicide seems to be the last option...
...as a solution to this situation, take for example...
...the killings in schools with guns.
Do it with determination.
After the period of mourning is over...
...it's time to begin a new relationship.
After a short presentation one
should go straight to the sex.
After several weeks you will have
the smell of an animal...
...the same clothes, soaked in sweat...
...is a great stimulate for the man.
A hairy, dirty ass and armpits...
...with bugs and smeared feces...
...will cause an increase in libido.
Before intercourse, the foreskin should be cleaned...
...of the cottage cheese accumulated over time.
For that, nothing's better
than a naughty tongue.
Unfortunately it usually ends
in premature ejaculation.
Like dogs who mark their territory with urine...
...women will fill the bed with stuffed animals.
This should not be permitted.
After having set up her nest...
...the time comes for her...
...to share it with her best friend.
With their hair and signals...
...you will have the benefits of your new life.
Of course having the friend
over for the evening...
...is complemented by a dinner...
...which the man never receives.
An indignation like that should never be accepted.
Simply urinate on their dinner...
...it can ruin a good meal.
In many cases, the reaction of women...
...can not be excluded, implying
a hopeless act of revenge.
The woman takes advantage
inciting the man's sexual desire.
Making him feel that a
relationship with two women...
...is more intense than the routine sex.
Being tied to the bed blindfolded...
...usually makes a man feel uncomfortable.
Unless what happens is a desired thing.
Wives often have problems because of the appendix...
...or pregnancy, resulting in vomiting.
This situation must be well
controlled by the man.
Intervention is advised or an urgent operation.
Anaesthesia, nothing better than
a good hammer to the head.
Because of the damage from the blow...
...the location of the pain isn't easily known.
Viewing the uterus, we can rule
out a possible pregnancy.
The arrival of another woman is something
you can not hide from your wife.
Only a direct confrontation would make her husband recover.
Movie is defective! Sorry for the interruption.
In the meantime enjoy an Arabic Folk Dance
The movie went to hell!
It's over!
- What happened? - The chair.
-It fell...
Action!
She's crazy!
Bon appetit!
Jacky's in frame. Like this?
Go on Jacky, get out!
You have to secure this.
Look in here,
This is bullshit!
It's for the chair!
Now pull out the tampon.
It's a porn movie!
- Show the pussy.
- One down, and one above.
I'm going to vomit.
- Try not to spit it up.
- The whole bed is covered.
Further down, further down.
Come on, baby.
- Yes, how?
- Go straight to the bathroom.
Yes, just like that.
- See my bed!
- Chocolate pudding with soy sauce!
- Tastes like shit.
- Sorry.
- Get out.
- Yes, how?
Go on, I'll clean this up.
Always stay clean in the movies.
I don't know if someone is out there?
It could be someone...the light is on.
Where's the storeroom.
Rolling!
Don't laugh, you Prick.
Action.
Now!
Bring me something to clean up.
Yes, heres the towel.
I'm going to vomit!
- How disgusting!
- Did you see that guys?
Yeah, fucking great.
There.
Try to put your head on.
And action, Martina.
- Shit!
- What are you doing?
- Do you want this?
- No.
Have you freaks noticed that you have
read all the info in the credits?
Well, that's it.
- Well, it's over. - Cool.
-The fun's over.
Being married is worse than loneliness,
having pets, children or being disabled.
Fansubbed by meatisgood & Eddie
for the ungrateful masses.
Always remember, a perfect married life...
...is dominated by mutual respect and good behavior.
When the children are emancipated,
the parents will have more time...
...for their own interests and occasional joy.
At least once a year you should wash yourself.
Not forgetting any holes.
The morning custom of beer, is sacred.
Enjoy your freedom with long binges.
After a tiring night...
...there occurs in the human
body a build up of mucus.
To be removed without guilt or shame.
His wife's coffee cup or the toilet...
...are the best options
to deposit the waste.
Your wife should not notice the
slightly salty taste in her coffee.
Since his swollen tonsils neutralizes the taste.
Make a small ball and taste test it, to be absolutely sure.
Although she sleeps soundly,
because of her husband's flatulence...
...it's time to wake her up.
And start with the daily tasks such
as washing, cleaning and cooking.
The monotonous noise of a vacuum
cleaner is a very valid option.
Sometimes it's not enough of a
noise to wake up the target.
Go for the more physical option
and remove the sheet in one go.
If still unsuccessful, play some horrible music.
Finally, prepare the everyday smells and flavors.
Over the years, the wife gets used to
disposing of the garbage and feces.
To save time, it is useful to resort to recycling.
As the sense of taste and smell of her husband...
...are stunted due to poor nutrition...
...he should not suspect the real ingredients in your tea.
Add in a bit of saccharine to sweeten the taste.
The Marriage Counselor
After many years of marriage
and the birth of more kids...
...events that make your body less attractive...
...and emphasize the lack of libido of the husband.
The continued refusal of the
husband is most understandable.
In this case the woman should
use her powers of seduction.
Often after having given birth,
the vagina is somewhat dilated.
It is very difficult to stimulate the
sexual desire of the husband.
Long walks with her beloved animals...
...and sunny days, help...
...to break the monotony of everyday life.
It's not only good for the
dog but also for her health.
10 minutes later...
This kind of boldness should not
be condoned by the husband.
"I'm taking a shower."
A good bath is not...
...only for cooling the different holes...
...but is also very uplifting.
Enjoy these pleasant moments.
Over time, the culinary arts of the wife...
...descends to new levels.
Having lost his ability to taste...
...usually a soup can be prepared.
Do not be afraid to spice up
the bland taste of the broth.
Bronchitis causes the green color of sputum...
...also known as the lung oyster...
...which you can use to spice up food.
Toenails with fungus...
...and dandruff, are used to round off...
...a delicious condiment.
Often the daily routine is ruined
by the effects of drinking.
And confusion over the location
is a habitual mistake.
The Marriage Counselor
Germans.
Men...women.
Children and Western Europe.
Believe it...
...I'm still alive.
On January 30th...
...the die was cast for Germany.
There are the fallen Göhring,
Himmler and Hohneker.
We are ready...
...to create a new generation.
Controlled by us!
German children are smart and lean.
Swift as a gazelle, tough as
leather and hard as steel.
The victory...
...is within our reach.
Because since 1989...
...we have an empire more extensive than expected...
...thanks to the people of East Germany.
States that we lost...
...once again belong to us.
Except Poland!
Early in the morning...
...I fucked in the territory of the German Empire.
And at 5:55 today...
...everything is fucked in the ass!
And now, the Euro rate will fall.
A provision of iron...
...strength is our hallmark.
Even the Russian electricity companies...
...they want to relocate their advertising here.
Well, a question about the Jews.
In Germany...
...or the Midwest.
Nobody needs the Jews...
...for the last 60 years.
We know our empire will last for a 1000 years.
And I say, on behalf of our air force...
...long live sex!
Long live sex!
Long live sex!
Sometimes unwanted pregnancy
occurs after one makes a mistake.
Try to hide it stealthily from ones husband.
It is impossible to determine
the time and place of birth.
A fast decision is recommended.
Doing it alone...
...seems the only alternative.
Continue down the steps...
...hitting or dragging the baby...
...on the rough cement,
will not affect the baby.
A car can be used as an alternative.
Although taking off would be the best idea...
...remain alert and find a place to hide
the baby in any sound proof area...
...or in any room of the house.
Any hesitation would cause her
husband to suspect something...
...then it would inevitably have to be explained.
And the babies dark skin will make
it more apparent her mistake.
Then quickly find a convincing explanation.
A new father should be understanding
and show you he cares.
Let them vent their jealousies and act instinctively.
Family counseling
If you carry on like this...
...I assure you that your marriage will go downhill.
Listen to my words.
Your children and humanity have no future...
...because, at the pump I charge the prices.
But before we can talk between us.
Of Christians and Jihad.
Honey, you think that I'm vile!
Your face must be hidden.
What will become of your children?
Why don't you stop and think?
I have the feeling that you
don't take me seriously.
Am I imagining?
I'll crush you like a nut.
It can happen to anyone.
Think of the nut.
Marriage is a holy war.
A sacred promise.
You're kidding me?
I'll make you care!
The nut!
You're the nut!
Hey, are these peanuts?
I'm allergic!
Cleaning is always the
responsibility of the wife.
As a man, shows no respect for the job.
Women enjoy long sessions
in the sun in their free time.
The desire for dark skin tends to
be detrimental to their health.
The appearance of sunburn...
...will result in moles.
We must act fast on the melanomas.
They'll come off perfectly with pliers.
After a hard day's work it is very
important for the husband...
...to be given a breather with his
beer and his favorite sport.
What matters to women,
"Germany's next Top Model".
...Germany seeks the most inept...
...or, I'm useless, get me out of here...
...as their favorite programs.
For men it's their favorite sports team.
During these evenings it's
advisable for spouses...
...to be entertained doing other things
or just go somewhere else.
Due to excessive alcohol intake...
...and the imminent defeat of the their favorite team...
...the husband may have fits of violence.
And will not attempt to contain his anger.
Do not suppress it for the world.
There may be a possible disputes
between him and her...
...and it is always the fault of the wife.
It depends on having fled in time.
She will take a simple discussion very lightly.
This situation causes many families...
...an irretrievable breakdown.
To avoid further meaningless discussions...
...one should go for a consistent
solution to their problem.
And not allow damages to be withheld.
WARNING!
After saying goodbye to his
wife in a civilized way...
...and a friendly divorce...
...the husband can be alone with the baby.
To remedy the possible gossip...
...you should consider a quick solution
for getting rid of the baby.
It wasn't your idea...
...to have a child with a skin color...
...that completely disgust you.
Let the baby enjoy a task...
...widely practiced in many other countries.
Al Qaeda Jihad
After following all the safety instructions...
...continue as planned.
Try to clean up to avoid
affecting the environment.
Often, the husband will remember
consciously certain events.
This usually results in a
malfunction similar to death.
As this effect is an emotional blow...
...undertake tasks that are usually incomprehensible...
...such as mowing the lawn and
washing their own clothes.
These tasks should be performed by women.
Otherwise it weakens the manhood,
causing emotional distress.
During this stage do not allow children to play happily.
Without any consideration for their
feelings, stop them from playing ball.
The domestic pet awakens the
primal instincts of man...
...which inevitably result in a
consummation of the sexual act.
The dynamics or the stupidity of
those little abnormal games...
...never seem to end.
Try to destroy their toys...
...to end the simple games of children.
In some religions it is a good
idea to show public mourning.
Take this for example...
...and show those feelings with your head and spirituality.
No need to disguise your hatred
of children in the presence of others.
Just so we are clear, children are never
happy when there is just one of them.
In winter, the disabled have many problems...
...moving with their wheelchairs on the frozen ground.
Some unscrupulous people
take advantage of that.
Here he must show that he is a model citizen.
Suicide seems to be the last option...
...as a solution to this situation, take for example...
...the killings in schools with guns.
Do it with determination.
After the period of mourning is over...
...it's time to begin a new relationship.
After a short presentation one
should go straight to the sex.
After several weeks you will have
the smell of an animal...
...the same clothes, soaked in sweat...
...is a great stimulate for the man.
A hairy, dirty ass and armpits...
...with bugs and smeared feces...
...will cause an increase in libido.
Before intercourse, the foreskin should be cleaned...
...of the cottage cheese accumulated over time.
For that, nothing's better
than a naughty tongue.
Unfortunately it usually ends
in premature ejaculation.
Like dogs who mark their territory with urine...
...women will fill the bed with stuffed animals.
This should not be permitted.
After having set up her nest...
...the time comes for her...
...to share it with her best friend.
With their hair and signals...
...you will have the benefits of your new life.
Of course having the friend
over for the evening...
...is complemented by a dinner...
...which the man never receives.
An indignation like that should never be accepted.
Simply urinate on their dinner...
...it can ruin a good meal.
In many cases, the reaction of women...
...can not be excluded, implying
a hopeless act of revenge.
The woman takes advantage
inciting the man's sexual desire.
Making him feel that a
relationship with two women...
...is more intense than the routine sex.
Being tied to the bed blindfolded...
...usually makes a man feel uncomfortable.
Unless what happens is a desired thing.
Wives often have problems because of the appendix...
...or pregnancy, resulting in vomiting.
This situation must be well
controlled by the man.
Intervention is advised or an urgent operation.
Anaesthesia, nothing better than
a good hammer to the head.
Because of the damage from the blow...
...the location of the pain isn't easily known.
Viewing the uterus, we can rule
out a possible pregnancy.
The arrival of another woman is something
you can not hide from your wife.
Only a direct confrontation would make her husband recover.
Movie is defective! Sorry for the interruption.
In the meantime enjoy an Arabic Folk Dance
The movie went to hell!
It's over!
- What happened? - The chair.
-It fell...
Action!
She's crazy!
Bon appetit!
Jacky's in frame. Like this?
Go on Jacky, get out!
You have to secure this.
Look in here,
This is bullshit!
It's for the chair!
Now pull out the tampon.
It's a porn movie!
- Show the pussy.
- One down, and one above.
I'm going to vomit.
- Try not to spit it up.
- The whole bed is covered.
Further down, further down.
Come on, baby.
- Yes, how?
- Go straight to the bathroom.
Yes, just like that.
- See my bed!
- Chocolate pudding with soy sauce!
- Tastes like shit.
- Sorry.
- Get out.
- Yes, how?
Go on, I'll clean this up.
Always stay clean in the movies.
I don't know if someone is out there?
It could be someone...the light is on.
Where's the storeroom.
Rolling!
Don't laugh, you Prick.
Action.
Now!
Bring me something to clean up.
Yes, heres the towel.
I'm going to vomit!
- How disgusting!
- Did you see that guys?
Yeah, fucking great.
There.
Try to put your head on.
And action, Martina.
- Shit!
- What are you doing?
- Do you want this?
- No.
Have you freaks noticed that you have
read all the info in the credits?
Well, that's it.
- Well, it's over. - Cool.
-The fun's over.