Evil Bong 777 (2018) - full transcript

[whooshing]

[bat wings flapping][bats
chittering]

- [Ebee] Hey, hey, you
stoned motherfuckers.

It's your favorite
evil bong, Ebee.

Lemme show you what
happened last time.

- I'm the new owner, Lucy Furr.

All new look, all new merch.

- Why are you way hotter
than you were before?

- I was never not hot!

[laughs]

[blows]



- Whoa, dude.

- I'm back, motherfucker!

I was stuck in Sexy Hell,

no thanks to that
walking boner, Rabbit.

- I just thought I'd drop
by and see how it's going.

Big day, first day and all.

- I need strong
backs and weak minds

to help me enslave the world.

- And you can help me
sacrifice more people

so I can open a
portal to Sexy Hell?

I wanna see Satan!

I'm like his number one fan.

- It's called Sexy Hell,

but you don't want
no part of that shit.



- Sarah?

- You know these people?

- Hi ya, dicks. You're all
lookin' a little pastry.

What, are you not
happy to see me?

- The Ginger Little Dick Man!

How the hell did you get here?

- I whacked a demon in Sexy Hell

and jumped through
a flaming pussy.

- Did you say, "Sexy Hell"?

- Sexy Hell, and
that's where I'm going,

even if I have to whack
all of you to do it.

[frightened screams]

- You're coming with me!

- No! Hey! Huh? Oh! Ah!

Hey! Hey! I'm not goin'
back to that shithole!

[Ebee yells]

- Who are you?

- I am Beelzebud, High
Priest of Sexy Hell.

- I'm your greatest disciple.

I kneel humbly before you.

[chuckles]

- [Lucy] Ebee is a conduit
to the world above.

She can open a permanent portal.

- It'd be Sexy Hell on Earth!

Let's do it!

[evil laughter]

- The girls are gone.

- We need to work together!

- [Rabbit voiceover]
To fight a monster,

one must create a monster.

- Oh!

- Flour!
[Ebee laughs conspiratorially]

- Brown sugar!

- For the final ingredient!

Ginger weed.

- It's alive!

- Who the fuck are you?

- Your worst nightmare:

I'm Gingerweed Man.

- Luann is mine.

- You, sir, must be weedinated.

- Oof! Oh sweetie, What
are you doing there?

Oh, whoa! Oh shit!

[both exclaiming]

- See what happens
with teamwork?

- You losers will
be working for me!

- Wait 'til I get my revenge.

It's gonna be so bad.

And sexy!

- Wait, you've done
all this before?

- Young lady, Rabbit
has done it all.

All!

- I'd like to propose a toast.

- [giggles]

- To father.

- Aw.

- Thanks, uh, son?

- That's it.

- [baby voice] You really
saved our hashes, Weedy.

You are a boopified hero!

- The fuck is that?

- Not again!

- Boop [Ebee groans] boop.

- I knew that crazy bitch
wasn't finished being a bitch.

- Now what?

- Lucy Furr, she--she's
trying to reopen the portal

but she isn't strong enough.

But who knows how
long it'll take

for her to regain her powers?

- Hey, ain't ya gonna
do something, Weedy?

Like save us or something?

- I got it!

I got it.

- What?

- It. [stammers]
Give me a phone!

- Here.

- There. [inhales]

- There what?

- There.

- There what?

[car pulls up]

- Ladies, your chariot awaits.

- Boop!

- Oi, need a ride?

- Took you long enough.

Everybody in!

C'mon, inside! Inside!

- [Batty] Boop.

[car door closes]

Oh, Vapocup!

- Pray tell, what easterly winds

doth blow the
leaves on the bough?

- Say again?

- Where are we going?

- [sighs] Where
would you go hide

from a over-sexed skank
and a demonic overlord?

- Prophets foretell
of the Valley?

- No, the other place.

- [Misty] We're
going to Branson?

Oh my god, I've always wanted
to see dead celebrities

propped up on the stage.

- No, the other place.

We're going to Vegas!

- Vegas, motherfuckers.

- [Misty] I've
never heard of this

ride-share service before.

What is it?

- Splyft.

- Splyft? Why is it called that?

- Show her, driver!

- [Driver] Roger Dodger.

[silence]

- [Rabbit] Road weed!

- Holy shit.

- Tonight, we take the
high road. [chuckles]

[lighter clicks]

[excited, rapid inhaling]

[silence]

- [Gingerweed] ♪ 99 bongles
of weed on the wall, ♪

♪ 99 bongles of weeeeed.

- Cut that shit right out.

- ♪ Take one down,
pass it around, ♪

♪ 94 bongles of weeeed!

♪ 96 bongles of
weed on the wall ♪

♪ 96 bongles of weed

♪ Take one down,
pass it around ♪

♪ 95 bongles of weed!

♪ 92 bongles of
weed on the wall, ♪

♪ 92 bongles of weed!

♪ Take one down,
pass it around ♪

♪ 91 bongles of weed.

♪ 91 bongles of
weed on the wall ♪

♪ 91 bongles of
[small giggle] weed! ♪

♪ [Progressively more
excited] Take one down, ♪

♪ pass it around

♪ [Screeching] 90
bongles of weed! ♪

[silence]

- Man, what them dicks
did was fucked up.

- I know. The nerve.

- I've been so bummed,
man, I ain't even

felt like havin'
a orgy or nuttin'.

Sexy Hell's, like,
not as sexy right now.

- There has to be a way to
go back through the portal

and get our revenge
on those fuckers.

- I dunno man, what's the point?

We tried.

- The point is, I have
unfinished business

with those losers, and
I'm going to finish it.

- Yeah, yeah.

There's no hell like
an evil bitch scorned.

Except Sexy Hell, which,
if I'm bein' honest,

kinda sucks right now.

No, fuck this.

You just stand
there and be whack.

Imma go get my sexy back.

[Demon women giggle seductively]

- I'll show you whack.

Whack right across the
back of that head of yours.

- Hey, that sounds kind of sexy.

After all, this is--

- Sexy Hell. I know!

- Fuck yeah! Ooh.

- They haven't heard
the last of Lucy Furr.

- [Ebee] Oh, hell
yeah, motherfuckers.

Look at this shit.

Oh yeah, I'm a queen
motherfuckin' bong.

That's right.

It's even on the billboard.

Rabbit, wake the fuck up.

[snorts]

- Hey everybody, wake up!

We're here!

Vegas, baby!

- Whoa.

[women oohing]

- [Batty] [baby
voice] Light-o light!

Oh, look.

Oh look, Weedy?

Look! It's [stammers] that!

- I wanna roll some dice.

- I want to roll some joints.

- Now we talkin'.

- Ancient ones foretell
of great fortune

to be divined from a steady
hand and the rolling of bones.

- What the fuck she say?

- We can make a shit
ton of money here.

[Rabbit laughs]

- Rabbit wanna grab it.

Rabbit wanna grab it all.

- ♪ All the lights

♪ All all right

- Ain't nothin' about that
bimbo that's "all right."

- Hey, I got an idea.

- Aw shit, here we go.

- What's Vegas known for?

- Gambling.

- [Rabbit] Nope.

- High-priced weed?

- [Rabbit] Nope.

- Hookers?

- What else is it known for?

- Prostitutes?

- No.

- Escorts?

- That's enough, son.

- He's right though.

Not that I have any experience
as a 17-year-old runaway

who would do anything
to make a buck.

- TMI.

You're not so mysterious
anymore, skank.

- I still don't
know what's a Vegas.

- Shows!

Let's go see a show! [laughs]

Hey driver, take us to
the best show in town.

- [Woman On The Street] Heeey!

- [Ebee] Fuck you.

[silence]

- Here we go, gov.

- Are you sure this is
the best show in town?

- [Rabbit] She would know.

- [Driver] It's the
only show I know of.

- What's a "fuppet"?

- Fucking puppets.

- Oh.

- They're puppets.

- Yeah.

- That fuck.

- Intwesting.

- I wouldn't mind seeing
some mad puppets fucking.

- We'd better get inside
before the show starts.

- Yes, my boy, ever punctual.

[Batty Chuckles]

- Welcome to
Versnatchy's, perverts!

[applause and cheers]

Have you been naughty?

[audience excitedly titters]

I hope so! [giggles]

Because I have
something very special

for you dirty devils tonight.

[audience oohs] [Batty
makes excited noises]

Do you want it?

- [Audience] Yes! Yeah!

- Do you want it?

- [Audience] Yes!

- Do you want it?

[audience cheers]

I want it! [squeals]

[audience woos]

Get ready for some
blue suede goo.

All the way from
Memphis, Tennessee,

the hunk of burnin' love
himself. [crop thwacks]

Do you want it?

- [Audience] Yes!

- Do you want it?

[audience cheers]

Do you want it?

- I want it!

- You want it! I want it!

Let's hear it for--throw your
panties on the stage for:

Pelvis!

[audience cheers and applauds]

[squeals excitedly]

[applause]

[audience oohs] [Batty
squeals with delight]

- [Woman 1 In
Audience] He's so big!

- [Woman 2 In
Audience] He's huge!

[audience tittering
with awe and excitement]

[applause]

[silence]

[woman moans with pleasure]

- Fuck me!

- That's crazy!

- What the fuck?

[audience squeals and groans]

[Batty laughs]

[engine rumbles] [tires squeal]

- That was something.

- [Driver] I know, right?

- As a purveyor of fine theater,

I found it infinitely
engrossing.

- The emphasis on
"perv" and "gross."

- Next time you
have a suggestion,

make sure you shove it
up your fuckin' ass.

- Where to next?

- [Rabbit] Let's
call it a night.

Driver, take us to the
finest budget shithole.

- Here we are.

- [gasps] It's beautiful.

- Damn, that's some
high-end shit right there.

- That's a honey of
a booboo. [laughs]

- [Rabbit] There
must be some mistake.

- Oh no, no mistake.

- [Rabbit] Are you sure
this place is, shall I say,

cheap as fuck?

- Oh yeah, it's the
cheapest in town.

- [Rabbit] This place is?

I don't see how.

- Oh, you will.

- Boop!

- It's haunted.

- Yikes.

- [Rabbit] How haunted?

- Cheap-as-fuck haunted.

- Oh.

Well, we're here.

What is this place?

Look at this.

I mean, what the...

- Hark, weary travelers.

The light has crept in,
and darkness is vanquished.

There's nothing to fear here.

- Oh, I thank boop for that.

Wait, what did you say?

[man screams]
[Batty screams]

- I take that
back, We're fucked.

- Have no fear, Rabbit is here.

And Rabbit wanna get laid.

- Gross! Get off me.

- It's worth a try.

Doesn't seem to be anybody here.

- Found the bell,
fuckin' genius.

- Oh, that's worth a try.

[bell ringing repeatedly]

- Boop.

- Easy with the bell-a,
fella. [small chuckle]

- [drawn out speech] Yeah, man.

Ding don't.

- It's you guys.

- Yeah.

Well, it's like, more
like, "It's you ghosts."

- Yeah, man, we totally,
like, died last time.

- We're the ghosts
with the most.

- Most weed.

[both laugh]

- But what happened?

You look, uh, different.

- The big sleep will
do that to you, man.

- Yeah, so will estrogen
pills. [chuckles]

- Shut up.

You, like, totally promised.

- Check out his dude titties.

- What the fuck is this shit?

- [stammering] Boys--girl--can't
we all get along

and put our differences aside?

- Did someone say,
"Let's get a bowl?"

[chuckles]

- So what are you
fellas--[stammering]
you doing here?

- Dude, we like, own the place.

- Backup. You own this place?

- We, like, own the place.

[stoned chuckles]

You?

Bitch, do you got
a hearing pro--

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what came over me.

- He's just like
hormonal and shit.

He's not usually like--

- [quietly] No, how could you?

- Anyways, as I
was, like, saying.

Hm, what was I saying?

- You own this beautiful place?

- [languid laughter]
Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Our families are,
like, stupid rich.

- Like really stupid.

- They disowned us
'cause we're, like...

- Total fuck-ups.

- Totally.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Anyways, one day our
families got together

and they tried to throw
this intervention for us.

- And what happened?

- I don't know, we didn't go.

We were too high.

[stoned laughter]

But anyways.

- They all died and shit, man.

- All of them?

- At the same time?

- Everybody but us, and so
now, we own this haunted shit.

- Fuck yeah.

- Yeah, like since that Lucy
chick, you know [small gag]

harshed our mellows eternally.

- We died.

- Boop.

- Well, I died.

You went tits up. [laughs]

- Bitch.

- Yeah.

[tongue pop]

- Anyways, so, like,
do you need a room

or some shit or what?

- Yes, give us your most
hidey room available.

- Assassin?

- No.

- Castle freak?

- Uh uh.

- Bogus Bitch and Devil
Douchest from Sexy Hell?

- Bingo.

[sympathetic noise
from desk clerks]

- Say no more, you bald bore.

We will hook you up, my dude.

- It's appreciated.

- Just follow this
guy--girl-- [clicks tongue]

Just, he's gonna take
you to your rooms.

- You guys have any baggage?

- Just Weedy here.

- And her.

- Keep your bitch
hands off my ass.

I'll find my own way.

- Yeah.

- Come on, dude, it's down here.

My bad, wrong room.

I was just fucking with you.

- Laughter at others' expense
doth bring laughter in kind.

- Like, what?

- Stop F-ing with
us. We're tired.

- Now here we are, the most
hidey-est room available.

- Dibs.

[door slams shut]

- What about our rooms?

- Oh, you can just choose one.

They're, like, all empty 'cause

this place is fuckin' haunted.

- Boop?

[gleeful laughter]

- Oh, tip?

- My good man.

[coin hits the floor]

- Aw, fuck, man.

- Works on the dead every time.

[sighs and laughs]

- Oh, this is so
[panting] boring.

I need to find the bar. [laughs]

[door shuts]

- Mm-Hm, now this is what
I call class, motherfucker.

- Holy wow, this
is something else.

- Oh Weedy, look!

It's so romantical.

- I'll say, my dear.

But we'd better befoul it.

- Oh, you are so sweet!

You think I look boop-iful?

- If you say so.

- Oh Weedy, I've
had the hots for you

the first time I saw you.

From your little nosey to
your little toesie-woesies

[kissing sounds]

to every [smooch] little
[smooch] beautiful [smooch]

part of you and your
heart that's full of weed.

You are quite the looker.

- Aw, shucks.

I was just made this way.

[purrs and moans]

Well, I have never
been with a man before.

Just say the word, and
you can be my first.

- Oh, shut up and jump my bones!

- Oh yeah! [squeals with joy]

I never thought you'd say yes.

Woo! Oh yeah!

I've never been in a room
with a bouncy house before.

Oh yeah! This is so hot!

Oh, I'm toasty down here.

- God damn, this
some crazy shit.

Sick motherfuckers
makin' this kinda shit.

- Oh, I've seen this one.

It's really good.

- As I was saying.

- What's that?

- Oh, you ain't foolin'
my ass with that New Agey,

mumbo jumbo bullshit you
be spewin' all the time.

- I'm not spewing.

- See, even you don't
believe that shit.

I knew it.

- It's a living.

- Eating dong is a living, too.

Bitch, what you hiding?

You gots to let that hair down.

[sighs]

Don't that feel better?

- I guess.

- And you a pretty little
piece of chicken, too.

Take it from Ebee, you need
to let out that inner warrior.

Stop hiding behind
that fruity-tooty shit.

- I'm not hiding anything.

- Oh, I'd make you
queen of the Bong World,

but I'm still a scary
motherfuckin' bitch,

and I am, you better
believe your ass,

I'm just biding my time.

- Misty, Queen of
the Bong World.

- I'm scary as fuck.

Take a hit off me
and see for yourself.

- Oh no, I don't
do that anymore.

Not since I did
three years in Chino

for wiping out that bingo
parlor with my 10-speed.

- You see?

I knew there's a bad
bitch deep down in there.

C'mon, just take
one little toke.

- I really can't.

- I'm not even at
full strength, girl.

Just a little something
to take that edge off.

- I really could stand to
relax for a little bit.

No. No. I can't.

- Smoke that motherfuckin'
weed, you pussy ass!

- I want everyone to know:
This is peer pressure.

- There you go.

Suck that nectar.

Release the beast inside.

[exhales with pleasure]

Feelin' better?

- No, not really.

- The fuck!?

- High tolerance.

- Oh damn, you really
is a bad bitch.

- Well, maybe it is
time for a change.

- [moaning with
pleasure] Oh yeah!

Oh Weedy! Oh Weedy! Yes!

Give me more! Give me more!

Oh yeah.

Oh, I've never
been so hot before.

I wanna just do you.

I wanna do you.

Yes!

[ice cubes rattle]

- Aah. [sighs contentedly]

A little service here
for a handsome customer.

- What do you need, bro?

- I'll have another
one of those, please.

- Can't serve you, dude.

- I get this a lot,
but I assure you

I am over the drinking age.

- Sorry, young buck,
I can't serve you.

- And why is that exactly?

- Dude, I'm a ghost.

- You don't have to
be so blunt about it.

[liquid pours] [bottle
clinks on counter]

- ♪ Thanks for the night
on the town, homeboys ♪

????

You're a goodder, I tell you.

[slap]

- Oh [giggles], it's the
least I can do for you.

- [Drunk Man 1] Damn
fine, I tell you!

Oh, that sardine buffet
was top notch, I tell you.

[man makes happy groan]

- Oh, only the best
for you, sugar balls.

- That is love, I tell you what!

- Show we saw? [appreciate sigh]

I tell you.

- Pardon the intrusion,
but what show did you see?

- The skill, the
wonder, the artistry.

Unsurpassed, I tell you.

- So you saw one of those
weird French freak shows

set to boy band music ?

[group laughs]

- Don't know what you tell, but
we saw fuckin' puppets fuck.

- Tell.

- I tell you what.
- [singsong] What?

- I dun tell.
- [singsong] What?

- Told. Period.

- So, what brings you to Vegas?

- Tell you what, we needed
to blow off some steam.

My old lady says, she says,
"Joe, I tell you what."

- Mm-Hm.

- Uh huh.

- So! Here we be.

- I told ya.
- Mm-Hm.

- As God as my witness,
I heard it told.

- Well, you seem to be doing
pretty well for yourselves.

- Never better,
and it's all thanks

to this fine slab of lady.

- Well, sometimes when
life gives you shit,

you make other shit. [giggle]

- Despite my better judgment,

she wanted to give Big
Sloppy a breather, you know.

And I'm all [mumbles
indecisively]
don't tell me what.

- I tell you, damn near fell
off and slid across the floor.

- So, we's workin' on our tans.

- Then, I tell ya,
she dips into the last

of our beer money and skips out.

Ho, I don't mind
tellin' ya I was P.O.'d.

- Damn near told
her, what he did.

- Yeah. [chuckles]

Then, I tell you
what, she come back

and dumps an assload of cash on

my pineapple-shaped
swimmin' hole floaty.

- I didn't have no pockets.

- It damned near
drowned him, I tell ya!

- I swim like a
corpse, if I'm tellin'.

- True tell.

- And I tell her, "You tell
me where you got this."

'Cause, you know,
she's supposed to be

givin' her meat
wagon some down time.

- I says!

"I got it from the one-armed
bandit in the lobby."

[man growls in frustration]

- Oh, I tell you, when I catch
that one-armed summa bitch,

there's gonna be hell to pay!

After I thank him
for his donations.

- He's always one step ahead
of us, that dude, I tell ya!

- I mean, messin' with my woman?

She's always just slippin' out,

comin' back with more
money--a hell of a lot more.

That one-armed polecat sure
spends a hell of a lot of cash,

and it's always in change.

- I guess that one-armed bandit

is better than a one-eyed one.

- Yeah--hey, what?

Well, I tell ya, if
he was a real man,

he'd look me in the
eye before laying pipe.

- Oh I'd tell him to tell.

- I tell ya, I'll
catch him some day.

Ain't that right--Ah!

She done it again

Let's get that chicken
hawk before he slips away.

- Right behind ya, I yell ya.
- Tell.

- Tell!
- Tell!

- Good hunting.

- Was it as good for
you as it was for me?

- Oh, my green balls have turned

a frightening shade of blue.

- Well, wait right there, Weedy,

'cause I got more
in store for you.

- Oh, goody gumdrops.

[Batty purrs, roars seductively]

- But first, I'm gonna
put on some comfy clothes.

- Oh! I'm gonna
get my comfies on.

- Oh, fuck me.

- Do you wanna buy
a girl a drink?

- [clear throat] Naturally.

- I'm Rhonda. Rhonda VU.

- I feel like we've met before.

- I hear that all the time.

And you are?

- Rabbit.

- Interesting.

Now why do they call you that?

- Well, mainly because
it's my name, and partially

because I'm cute, fuzzy, and
like to drop around in holes.

[Rhonda laughs]

So, what brings
you to these parts?

- I work here.

- Am I gonna get you
in trouble talking?

Are you on break?

- No, no, silly.

I don't work here, I
come here for work.

- Are you like one of
those loser writers

that hangs around coffee
shops all day long?

- Not really.

I actually achieve my goals
and at the end of the day

have something to show for it.

- So what is it you actually do?

[Rabbit breathing heavily]
[light sucking sounds]

- You wanna get out of here?

- You bet!

[Rabbit pants excitedly]

[pleasurable moaning]

Oh yes!

- Oh, I'm going to dab you.

You like that?

- Uh huh. Get me high
off that fucking dick.

[moans loudly] Oh god! Yes!

- [Gingerweed] You coming?

- You know, usually I fake it.

That time I didn't have to.

[erotic moaning]

- Who's your pappy,
you blonde bombshell?

- Oh, you are!

- [singsong] Ready
or not, here I come.

[Escort and Gingerweed moaning]

♪ Here I come for you

[Escort's moaning trails off]

- Holy boop!

How could you play Bounce the
House with this, this boopa.

- [stammers] I'm sorry love.

It isn't what it looks like.

- Then what is it?

- Room service.

- Oh, you two-timing,
no--get out of here

before I pull your hair
through your boop-boop.

How could you do
this to me, Weedy?

I thought we had
something going here.

I mean, don't you
like my boopin' bod?

- Oh, don't fret, my love.

There's enough of this
primo weed to go around.

- Oh, yeah.

Oh Weedy, oh yeah.

- Oh, come and eat your Weedy.

- Oh, you come and
eat my Wheaties.

- Ooh!

Oh, my man.

- Whoa Nelly!

[door closes]

- Damn, you take another shower?

You must got some kind
of disease or something.

And lemme tell you, that
shit don't scrub off.

- You were right.

It is time for a change.

- [Ebee] Ooh wee! Damn, girl.

You are one badass bitch.

- I know.

Feels good.

- And I'm sure all your
personalities think so, too.

- No more Mrs. Nice Chick.

- [laughs] Now
you're talking out of

somethin' but your little ass.

- Let's blow this dump.

[Rabbit panting with excitement]

- Mm, how do you like this?

- I likey.

- You like that?

- I likey lot.

- And uh...

How about that?

- Rabbit wanna
grab it. [panting]

- Well, you are the boss, and
I have a surprise for you.

- I like surprises.

- You are gonna love this one.

[Rabbit gasps]

- Ah!

- Don't act like
you didn't know.

- Dude.

- What's the big deal?

- Dude!

- Try it! You might like it!

[Rabbit crying out in distress]

- What happened?

- [stammers] Nothing happened.

You don't want to know.

And if you do want to know,
I'm not saying anything,

because what happens in
Rabbit stays in Rabbit.

- You were suckin'
dick, weren't you?

- I didn't suck anything.

- Uh huh.

- Can you talk to your
son about what he did?

- What did you do, son?

- Today, I became a man.

- So you banged a call girl
thinking it was room service.

- [chuckles] And GD breedy.

- Good talk.

- I think we need
to get out of here.

- I agree.

What happened to the blonde?

I hate to leave anybody
behind but we have to go.

Now.

- The sacraments.

Do it.

Oh Dark Lord--and not
that useless prick

that runs Sexy
Hell--heed my prayers!

Basically, hear me out here.

I seek revenge on
those that placed me

in this lame-ass place.

I know I wanted to be here,

but it's really not what
I thought it would be.

Who knew?

I offer you this sacrifice.

It's not much--about
four-foot not much.

Ready? Smoke 'em girls.

♪ Ominis do rae mi ah

Rise and be evilicious!

It's working! It's working!

Thank you, Dark Lord.

Thank you heaps.

[moans with pleasure]

Ew.

- Hiya, sis.
- Hiya, brother.

- You look so--
- Pretty?

- Oh, snap!

We finish

- Each other's sentences.

- Besides, because we're rolled

- From the same dough.

- Ahem.

- Are you
- Our mother?

- Oh, fuck no. You're gross.

- [Ginger siblings]
Then fuck off and die.

- All right, fine.

I'm your mother, and I've
got a little something

I want you to do for me.

- Always killing.
- Please tell us it's killing.

- Oh, it's killing.

[Ginger man laughs
conspiratorially]

- Just tell us who; we
take care of the rest.

[Lucy chuckles with pleasure]

- What the fuck is
going down here?!

And what the fuck are those?

They're not sexy!

- Remember what we
were talking about?

- Heh heh. Oh, goody!

- We're gonna lay with you.

Eat it.

- Fuuuuuuck!

[high pitched]
Not the good kind!

[bong rip]

- Like, checking out?

- Checking the fuck out.

- Did you, like, make your
beds and clean the sink?

- That's not our job.

- Yeah, but we can't do it.

We're dead.

- Take it up with management.

- Dude, don't talk to
me right now, okay?

- Don't talk to me.

- Like, fine.

- Look, Ebee's Magical
Weed Dispensary.

That's gotta be Phoebe's place.

- I never met a
Phoebe in my life.

- She's the one
you forced to run

the dispensary in Venice Beach.

- I have no fucking clue.

All these bitches
look the same to me.

And these stories are confusing
as fuck to keep straight.

- We gotta check it out.

- We need to hurry.

- We need to smoke
our minds right.

- [sighs] I could really use
some excitement in my life.

I take it back.

- Surprised?

- That's hardly the
word I would use.

Can you guys not mess
up the store this time?

It turned my last place
into a dumpster fire.

I was kinda just hoping
to never see you again.

- Well it's nice to
see you again, too.

- See you're runnin'
with a new clown crew.

Did Circus Circus get
out early today or?

- I don't know the
hours of operation.

Why?

- It's no reason.

- I could call and
find out if you want.

- No, it's not necessary.

- We're being followed.

- By whom?

- Lucy.

- Let's just say [clear
throat] someone close.

- Lucy Furr?

God, what did you guys
do to piss her off?

- We threw her in Sexy Hell
and now she wants revenge.

- That's so her.
She's such a bitch.

- You got anything to help us?

- Funny you should ask:
I've been working on

this magical, vaporless,
odorless, pocket-dab hit.

I call it Ebee's Oil.

It's literally C02 oil
aerosolized into your lungs.

There's no exhale,
there's no odor.

It's the pocket dab
you can do anywhere.

- Bitch, that's my brand.

- I got you covered: royalties.

I have got something big.

I'm franchising Ebee's Magical
Weed Dispensary as we speak.

[Phoebe giggles]

So stoners with their
own dispensaries

- [worrisome] Oh.

- Oh, poor muffins!

[happy, exhausted pant]

- I'm back, bitches.

- How the hell did you
get out of Sexy Hell?

- The old-fashioned way: murder.

- Tried and true, I guess.

- Oh, look sis:
munchies and money.

- Oh, hi sis.

- Hi.

- What've you been up to?

- You know, just this. You?

- You know, evil bitch stuff.

- I think now would be
a good time to bail.

- That's a good call.

- Hurry up.

- [baby voice] Pwomise
me, pwomise me, Weedy,

that you will never,
ever, ever do that again.

Do you promise?

- If you say so, sweetie.

- Oh, my Weedy.

- I hate to break-up
this touching moment,

but we have to bail NOW!

[rushed footsteps]

- I think we should split up.

- That's so stupid.

Over there!

- Dumbass crackers.

- Come on.

[Batty titters]

- In here!

- Perfect, we can hide in here.

- [excitedly] This
place looks awesome!

- [clear throat] Three,
please, and we're in a hurry.

[Batty rings service
bell excitedly]

- Through that door.
I'll buzz you right in.

- [Rabbit] [strained] Come on.

- [Batty] Look, it's cow doing.

[Batty inhales]

Weedy, look at that.

Boop? Hello boopy?

Boop?

- Out of my way, idiots!

- [Woman] Hey, watch it.
- [Man] What the hell?

[Batty giggles]

[heels stomping]

- Wow.

Oh wow, that is totally boop.

- Oh, that could never happen.

[Batty giggles]

- Oh, Weedy.

[Rabbit anxiously panting]

- Shit! She's coming.

- What do we do? What do we do?

- I got an idea.

And you're so ugly,
it just might work.

- Come out, come out, where
ever the fuck you are.

[exasperated sigh]

[audible breathing]

Ugh, who would pay to look
at these ugly fuckers?

I know Rabbit's close.

[sniffs] I can smell his B.O.

[frightened panting]

[laughs maniacally]

Oh, you're gonna die now!

[laughs maniacally]

No! Ooh!

I'm gonna be back you bitches!

- Wow, that was a big nothing.

- It always is. [laughs]

- Oh!

- Ooh, hey. What's up?

See, it' not scawy here.

Wow.

This is such a big room!

- But we left my
friends and my father

inside to be slaughtered!

- Boop.

- Never weed a man behind!

- Oh, boopy boopy boopy!

- Let's cut him down to size!

- Yeah, fun size!