Evil Bong 420 (2015) - full transcript
When Rabbit escapes Evil Bong's evil world, he opens a bowling alley, and decides to have a celebration with friends. Little does Rabbit know that not only is Evil Bong on his trail, he's joined by Gingerdead Man, and they're showing up invite or not!
* No, no, no, no, no
* In the morning or in the night
* When I don't feel so right
* Up through the misty haze
* The green will
brighten up my days
* Cloud of smoke
to clear my mind
* Just enough to help unwind
* Everywhere I go I take it
* Oh, it's like
I can't escape it
* Only thing I need
* Thing I need
* Mean, green, wicked weed
* Heaven from the devil's seed
* Fiending for it every day
* You know I want that Mary Jane
* Mean, green, wicked weed
* You've got a hold of me
* Fiending for it every day
* You know I want that Mary Jane
* Light the fire, spark the tree
* Make it a part of me
* Think of all the
life it breathes
* Just growing from
those little seeds
* I need my smoke today
* Work too hard, get home late
* I just need a break
* Oh, one more toke
that I can take
* Only thing I need
* Thing I need
* Mean, green, wicked weed
* Heaven from the devil's seed
* Fiending for it every day
* You know I want that Mary Jane
* Mean, green, wicked weed
* You've got a hold of me
* Fiending for it every day
* You know I want
that Mary Jane *
Oh wow, that's the good shit.
Now I got the munchies!
Yeah, yeah.
Damn, you girls know what I want
before I even
say it.
Wowzers!
Getting kind of
boring to be honest.
I mean, don't get me wrong,
this is great and all.
Every fucked up
thing I can think of
happens instantly;
boobs, murder,
boobs, weed.
Boobs!
Well you musty old sinkhole,
you're mine, you're all mine!
It's gonna be a
grand, grand opening.
I'll toke to that.
Hell, I'll toke to anything.
Hey boss.
Boss?
Boss?
Boss!
Oh, I'm the boss. I'm Rabbit.
Rabbit the boss, hi.
Hi.
I'm sorry Phoebe, I just, uh,
it's all so new here.
I forgot.
What can I do for you?
Do you need help with
anything before we open?
Uh...
Beer on tap?
Check.
- Snacks stacked?
- Check!
- Pin setter jacked?
- Check!
Fudge packed?
Okay, that's really gross.
But we actually carry that, so,
check.
My balls whacked?
No, uh, you can
do that yourself.
Okay, that's really
inappropriate!
Okay, well,
just seeing if you
were paying attention.
And you passed the
test by the way.
Okay, whatever.
Would you call Darla over
here for a moment please?
I'd like a word
with the two of you.
Darla!
Get your sweet ass over here.
Boss wants to prove
he's the boss.
You wanted to see me, Rabbit?
I mean, Chief.
Actually I wanted to speak
with both of you before
things get nutty.
I called upon you
both because tonight
is a momentous night.
A kick ass night!
One that will set the
tone of this establishment
for years to come.
That's it?
What's what?
Your pep talk.
What else do you need?
Just don't screw up.
- We'll try, I mean-
- Try isn't enough.
You have to kick
ass tonight, okay?
Didn't you learn anything
from my pep talk?
What more could a guy ask for?
A little spontaneity maybe.
What the fuck did you just say
day old Gingerdead?
Nothing.
Hey, where's that
dumb shit Rabbit?
Hm, all the weed and
witty you can handle
and you're asking for
that egg headed moron?
We were supposed to be
up for a game of Yahtzee
with the girls.
Now wouldn't you
rather play Twister
with these hot pieces of ass?
Every time we play
Rabbit always pops a boner.
And you like that shit, huh?
Hell no!
It made me jealous.
Been a long time since
I was able to do that.
Woah, TMI!
You stay right there,
don't you move a muscle.
I'll go look for that
bald motherfucker.
He's the only
friend I got in here.
Freak better be
playing hide and seek.
I need something to cheer me up.
Ah, ah, oh yeah!
Rub some butter on it, girls.
Glaze me. Oh yeah!
Before you get to
it I want to go over
a few things with
the both of you.
Being the eyes, ears, and...
You, my highly-esteemed
gutter sluts,
are the ambassadors to
Licky Split's Lanes.
You are the reason they come in.
The fun is the reason they stay.
But just renting
up shoes and balls
is not gonna cut it.
We need to upsell.
Make 'em want more.
Like if someone
wanted small shoes,
make them get
large ones instead?
No, absolutely not!
I don't have the
insurance coverage if
somebody slips and falls
and it puts 'em in traction!
He means, like, if
a kid wants a soda
sell him a beer, or
a Harvey Wallbanger.
Upsell the bastard.
Exacta-mundo.
Exact-a-mundo.
You're gonna do very
good in this business.
Yeah, she goes all the way.
Your brother's a liar.
- He is not.
- So are his friends.
Okay.
I cannot believe this place
hasn't changed in over 25 years.
It's fabulous.
Honey, I do all
the talking, not you.
Mm.
Uh, what can I
help you with fellas?
Guys.
What can I do you for?
Well, as you probably
know, I am cult filmmaker
David Decoto.
He's so in.
I once shot a movie here.
Sorority Babes and the
Slimeball Bowl-o-Rama.
In 35 millimeter,
within these very walls.
I don't really
like devil movies.
Me neither, I get so scared.
I just have to snuggle
wuggle with whatever's close.
Don't make me handcuff
you to the toilet again.
Mm.
- I think they're gay.
- Really?
Well, that one.
Well this place has
so many memories to me.
I must shoot another movie here.
It has to be this place
because of its haunted history.
It's called: It's a
Talking Bowling Ball.
You want to feature
my bowling alley
in a movie?
Four or five depending on
how the day goes, actually.
Well,
the going rate for most
Hollywood types that come
through here is...
$25,000.
Ghoul, please.
- I've got 50 bucks.
- I'll take it.
Due to unforeseen circumstances,
my previous business
was kind of a bust.
What circumstances?
The crazy bitch
tried to kill me.
Anyway, I want you to
place these glorious
and functional collectibles
around the alley
in seating areas, and
make sure everyone
knows they can come up here and
they're for sale at the counter.
What's that for?
Sell drinks to
the kids in 'em.
Tell the parents
they're sippy cups.
Can do.
Most importantly
is our price chart.
First we have a standard
game of bowling.
That comes with
shoes and a ball.
We call it the "Standard
Game of Bowling."
Then there's option number two.
This is the upsell.
I call it "The Gutter Ball."
Okay, what's the gutter ball?
A-ha!
The gutter ball!
It will be the backbone
of our success.
Whenever a customer
comes in here
to ask for a number
one, I will do what?
Um, try and squeeze a
number two out of him?
No! You upsell the bastard!
Exact-a-mundo.
I'm gonna upsell him.
The gutter ball is
the biggest bonanza
of the bowling experience.
You never actually
said what it is.
A-ha!
I give you: The Gutter Ball.
Boss, you're a genius.
I know!
They'll get so high that
their munchies will just
get our profits
through the roof.
Okay, is this even legal?
Cause this doesn't feel legal.
Just don't get caught.
So is that all, Chief?
I want to get a few balls
in my lane before we open.
There's one last thing.
A selling point of
epic proportions.
Pizza, pins, pot pushing.
I'm pretty sure
we got it covered.
That's the problem.
Do you remember the dress code
that you agreed to, the
conditions of your employment?
- Do we have to?
- Oh yes.
Oh mama, mama yeah.
Oh come to Rabbit,
let Rabbit grab it!
What?
We talked about this!
Okay, I really want
to be an actress,
and although taking your top off
can get you ahead,
it also devalues me.
Like you had any already.
It's the only reason you
were hired in the first place.
I was hired cause
I can do the books
and I'm not high.
You girls go roll some
balls while I polish my pins.
Ew, god, that's so gross!
You know, my mom
always said that bowling
is the most wholesome
sport a lady could play.
Why?
Because you can play
with big, round balls
without looking like a whore.
My mom is a whore.
Yeah, that's what
my brother said.
I hate that guy.
Oh!
You got one!
Hi.
Are you the manager?
I am the owner of
this establishment.
Well are you hiring?
I'm so sorry miss, I don't
have any openings right now.
You are so freaking hired!
Oh, here's your uniform, but
don't you dare wear it.
Sorry gals, I'm just
not feeling it today.
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
You ever find Rabbit?
Not yet.
But he's here!
He's a sneaky motherfucker.
You don't think
he left, do you?
Not a chance in hell!
That dummy thought he
had me all figured out.
But I only let him think that.
He's not smart enough
to outsmart me!
I mean, he'd be one
stupid ass motherfucker
if he's want to leave our world!
Anything you want is
right at your fingertips.
And all that crazy
bastard wanted
was weed and women.
Oh yeah!
Come on.
Oh, oh, I got it.
Need some help there buddy?
I got it!
Almost there.
Should I stand back
or get an umbrella?
Oh yes, yes, yes.
Oh.
Those things are
a bitch to clean.
What can I do for you, stranger?
Stranger, shoot.
You be harder than
catching a greased pig!
On account of I was
hoping you'd recognize
my celebrity status and all.
Uh, celebrity?
Like a movie star?
The hair.
The tail.
Uh...
No.
Alright, did you catch
a load of the oinker?
You'll have to
excuse me, I've been,
how would you say, uh,
indisposed for a while.
How about this?
Here's Hambo!
Nothing?
Uh, sorry.
No.
Ah, fuck it.
My name's Hambo.
I used to be a
really big squeal.
I had a kiddy show that ran for,
uh, almost 40 years.
Is that right?
Used to be a pretty
big pig in the pen,
if I do say so myself.
Ah, but that's
all behind me now.
What happened, if you
don't mind me asking?
Ah, the usual.
Bean counters, market research.
You know, that crap.
Anyway, the kids grew up, they
bought their little shits:
video games and cell
phones, instead of
officially licensed Hambo,
trademark, merchandise.
Good ole booze and babes, huh?
On the nosey!
I like the cut of
your chip, man, but uh,
what brings you here to
this fine establishment?
Here's the deal:
I'm staging a comeback.
Retro is in.
It's big business.
And I'm putting out
the Hambo brand again!
I'm going after hipsters.
You know, douchebags.
You know, the ones who
where the stupid hats
and the funny beards.
I'm gonna make it new,
I'm gonna make it real.
Make it edgy, make it dangerous!
Dangerous?
Yeah, yeah more
like bum fights,
and anything else.
Why are you here?
I need capital.
I'm thinking if I unload
the remainder of my
officially licensed
Hambo merchandise,
to wit!
Pretty solid, huh?
Not bad, but uh,
I don't have any cash.
Well ain't that a kick in
the rocky mountain oysters.
Sorry pal, just can't do it.
How about this?
You give me a dedicated
space in this dump,
sell my wares, won't
cost you a dime.
I'll even cut you
in on the action.
- Hmm.
- What do you say?
I say you were a pretty
big draw back in the day?
Does a pig shit in
the backseat of a car?
I tell you what...
Tonight is our
official Grand Opening.
You can come back
and jump in as the
master of ceremonies
for the festivities,
and you got a deal.
Done!
And done!
Oh my god, you're Hambo!
In the flesh, little lady.
And who might you be?
I'm Candy.
You sure are sweet.
Oh yeah.
Were you a fan of the show
when you were a little girl?
I was your biggest fan ever.
Oh, you sure did grow out.
I mean, up!
You know, you
were the first guy
I ever went up to.
Oh you don't say?
You know why I'm back?
I'm staging a comeback.
Oh my god, that's so hot!
You know, I'm looking
for a new Peggy Suey!
Are you gonna be
holding auditions?
Oh baby, they start
right now.
I've been complacent for
too damn long in this dump.
All of this killing and
sex is just fantasy.
It isn't real!
I need some action.
Real action like before!
I heard that.
Heard what?
Did you think
you thought that?
Because that fuzzy toot
mouth of yours said it.
Did you find
Rabbit or didn't you?
Not yet.
But you better bet your
biscuits he's here.
He busted out of
Bong World, didn't he?
Hell no he didn't!
No fucking way.
Shit, I better find
that hot gut hippie
before that dick
donut gets wise.
He's a sick freak, but as
long as I can keep him trapped
in my Bong World, I
can deal with him.
I heard that.
What part?
All of it.
You thought you
were thinking it.
Ah, kiss my ass!
Crazy bitch!
Hambo, I used to love
watching your show!
You little girls, the lot
of you, really made it for me.
It, it was an awesome show.
It was an awesome
show, I agree.
Can you help us?
Boy can I ever.
Cause Rabbit's gonna grab it!
Keep it in your pants, pal.
Whichever way you like it.
We'd like two
gutter balls please.
Oh.
It's usually me
that pays for it.
Oh, uh, you want to bowl!
Two gutter balls.
The sign said this was
a topless bowling alley?
Yes, if you two
upstanding women don't mind.
We don't mind at all.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Hi boss.
How you doing?
Fantastic!
It's a huge success.
I never knew it'd be this good.
People like the gutter ball?
Oh yes!
It's great.
This calls for a high five.
Okay.
You're kinda
like a sick perv,
but like in that fun
uncle kind of way.
Thanks.
I think.
I wouldn't let you babysit.
Now go shake
those moneymakers.
Aye, aye Captain.
Have you not learned
anything from our
couples counseling sesh?
You're 18. It's time to trust.
Our secret is safe here.
I'm not just
worried about anyone.
You know that.
I know, but it's
all good baby blanket.
She's never step in
to a joint like this.
You swear it?
Hey, I am your white knight,
and you are my princess.
Nobody is ever gonna
recognize us here.
Hi guys!
Fancy meeting you here.
As I live and breathe.
Rabbit.
In the flesh!
Just like you like it.
I thought you said no one
would recognize us here.
Well he is a nobody,
so technically I'm right.
What is he doing here?
I don't know.
What if she sent him?
What are we gonna do?
Let me quarterback
this thing, okay?
How?
Well this is me
you're talking about.
I'm kinda a big deal in the
underground world of espionage.
I'm Jack Bauer
meets Jason Bourne.
I'll discretely pry the
information from him
and he won't even
know what hit him.
You sure you can handle it?
This Bruce Jenner
confused man?
I'm about to spit some hot fire.
What in the actual fuck
are you doing here, Rabbit?
Oh, nothing
really, I just happen
to own this establishment.
- No shit?
- Mm-Hmm.
None whatsoever, sir.
Respect.
I thought you'd cover it?
So Rabbit, how did
you end up owning
this fine establishment?
I thought you were
traveling the bong world?
Oh no, you two were
stuck in the bong world.
I was there by choice.
Well, we'd probably still
be there if it weren't for you
helping us get out.
Thank you so much for that.
If it wasn't for you...
We would've never
fallen in love.
Remember the bakery?
It's doing really well.
Oh yes, yes, yes.
Would you happen to have
some of those cookies?
Sorry.
I didn't expect to see you.
At all.
She's angry when she's hungry.
I let her buck
buddy, I'm sorry.
Do you believe this shit?
Oh, they'll let any-damn-body
in here I tell ya!
Tell you what, if I'd
have known they'd let
their type in, I
would never done come!
Me neither, tell you what!
In fact I don't want
be coming here no more
unless they get
a handle on this.
There goes the damn
bowling alley, I tell ya.
Tell you what.
Hey, hey, maybe they
should be bowling
at the back of the
lanes or some shit.
You keep telling that joke!
Tell you what.
Oh, do tell!
Quite a score, buddy!
Clink, clink.
Assholes.
Anyways, how'd you end
up at a place like this?
I thought you found
happiness in the bong world.
Exact-a-mundo.
Or in poetic
terms, you were like
Syphilis Cinna-Hooker there.
I was left to my own
insatiable devices.
Everything I wanted, and then
it dawned on me.
Well?
What happened?
I just got so bored with
women, weed, and sex.
But you're a giant pervert.
I'm just fucking with ya.
What else is there?
Want some?
It'd be rude not to.
The bong world was
great and all, but
everything was just a fantasy.
One big boobed blowjob fantasy.
- And?
- Oh!
Uh, moving on, uh...
I was so happy
there, I truly was.
I thought I had mastered Evie.
She let me think
that I was in charge.
But she's one controlling skank.
Slowly sucking the energy
out of her prisoners.
Oh.
You couldn't get it
up anymore, could you?
Exactly.
So I stole a ton of her
magic weed and escaped.
I sold it!
And I bought this place.
So how's it going?
Great!
Like solid blue steel
forged by vikings!
Ew.
I'm not talking about
that, Uncle Fester.
I'm talking about
the bowling alley.
Why this place?
I had lots of time to think
about it in the bong word.
While everything was
designed to make me happy,
it wasn't.
My true calling is to
bring smiles to the world
and follow my birthright.
Your birthright?
Getting myself laid,
and other people high.
Those are some lofty goals.
Not everybody can
dream as big as I do.
Speaking of...
What in the name
of Forrest Whitaker?
What is that thing?
Just a little something
I've been working on.
I call it the "WeedBlower."
You smoke from it?
Oh, contraire.
It smokes you.
Goddamn, I'm sweating
like a hog in here.
Rabbit said you
could have some.
Thank you, pretty lady.
God, it smells
like bacon on fire.
That really hit the spot.
Thanks baby.
Ooh.
By the way, whatever
happened to that
voluptuous vixen Velicity?
I thought you two were
gonna get married.
I knew it!
I don't want to hear
that name ever again.
Every single time that we go out
all I ever hear is that name.
Why don't I go find us
a place to sit down?
That's a great idea, babe.
Catch up with you in a minute?
Sure, baby.
Don't keep me waiting.
Toodles.
Toodles.
I just shit my panties.
That thing is epic, man.
I know!
I mean, you could
solve all the world's
problems with that thing.
There'd be no more war.
Or Kardashians.
I was just hoping
to get chicks.
That too, Yahweh.
So, what's the
deal with you two?
Relationship status?
It's complicated.
I'm still totally in
love with Velicity.
She's my sexual soulmate, bro.
She does this thing
with her vagina,
when I enter that
silky pond of hers
it's like I'm inside
this magical rainforest.
I mean, we make the
best boom-boom together.
I'm like a child on Christmas.
I digress.
But then I met Sarah.
You know, at first I
thought it was just because
we shared a bunch of scary
shit in the past, but
the feelings never ended.
They only grew.
But my heart is still
with Velicity, man.
Torn between two women.
Ain't love grand?
It's fucking awesome bro,
but it also completely sucks.
My head tells me I gotta
shake one of 'em loose.
But my heart won't let me.
And my boner wants a third.
Oh.
Can I take one of 'em?
I don't care, either one.
It's not gonna
happen, thunderlips.
Look, I gotta go talk to Sarah.
First let me contribute
to your new business.
No, no, your
money's no good here.
It's on the house!
Go have a good time.
Hells to the yeah, man.
Thanks.
Damn Avery, that's full.
Next round's on me.
Next 12!
You guys are too much.
Can I get a picture of you?
I tell you what.
Is that a yes?
Learn to speak
American, or leave
- the damn country, I tell ya!
- Shut up.
You got a name?
Joe Kraken.
Of course it is!
Hello?
Can I help you, you
unstable looking gentlemen?
Uh,
we came in here to
have fun and stuff.
Perfect, you came
to the right place.
It doesn't look like
a skate park, dude.
Well that's good
to hear, because
this is a bowling alley.
I told you when we
saw doors and a roof
that it didn't look right!
What do we do here that's fun?
Bowl.
Bowl.
Yeah, man.
We like a bowl.
I'm gonna go out on a limb
and figure I'm
not gonna have any
problem upselling
you at gutter ball.
We wanna bowl, smoke a bowl,
and fucking titties.
Maybe even touch a few?
In that order.
But whatever.
Do you know how to bowl?
We pick up spares like,
like we pick up your mom.
Well...
What does AMF stand for?
American Machine and Foundry.
They manufacture
all of the equipment
that's used in
bowling alleys today.
I thought it was
a mucus face.
I thought it was
assy monkey fart.
I thought it
was a muted freak.
That's what it is.
I like that one.
Yeah.
Then you'll love this.
This is the Mega
Tornado Sprinkler.
Woah.
It's by Smoke Cartel.
The Amazon of the bong.
I want to wrap my lips
around it like an anaconda.
Cash only.
Shoes only.
Hey dicks!
AMF.
Adios mother fuckers!
Thanks for all
the blows, girls.
You've been great, but a
stallion needs to run free.
Woah, where the
hell do you think
your candy coated ass is going?
I know that chrome dome Rabbit
just blew this taco stand!
Now it's my turn!
No, no you don't!
I told ya he's here.
He's just the reigning
hide and seek champion.
Haven't found him yet.
Olly olly oxen fucking free!
You're the reigning champ
of talking out your ass.
He's gone!
Now I'm flying this coop
with or without you.
Now what they got out there
that I don't have in here?
I want to get laid for real.
Dip my breadstick
in some marinara.
If he leaves his strength
will be at full power.
Then I can ensnare him
back into my bong world
and grow and take
over the world!
I heard that, dumbass.
So what?
Let's go get that motherfucker!
Now you're talking.
I don't know if
they're buying, but
the rednecks on lane 11
seem to have a five
finger discount on beer!
Well I'll be a
pig dipped in shit.
It's you! It's really you!
Me?
Who you?
Oh, porky, porky, porky.
Hold your chopsticks, honey.
You don't get to eat me.
I am the great and powerful
Hambo, at your service.
You are the inspiration for my
badass doll!
The cook?
Cook.
This is me?
That's you.
You made me richy-rich.
Clicky!
Picture.
Picture.
Keep the doll, and I'm
gonna throw in as a bonus,
two free tickets to go bowling.
Bowling?
No.
Bowling.
Oh.
I like shocker!
Shocker!
Shocker!
That's a little
different, honey,
but I'm all for it!
Nasty!
Time to pick that up!
You're ready for the circuit.
I tell you what!
Here you go.
Oh, well thank
you, sweetheart.
Here's a little something
for your sweet ass.
You just keep it coming
til I tell you to stop.
Oh, thank you guys.
I tell you what.
Why don't you go and
get your ball rolling?
Sure.
Where is my ball?
Tell you what!
You tell it what!
Oh, I see something.
I tell you what!
This place isn't half bad.
Didn't think anyone
bowled anymore, but
a couple of peeps here.
Maybe.
But I only have eyes for you.
Do you only have eyes for me?
Well, about that,
you see it's kind
of difficult...
Larnell, I love you.
I really do.
But you can't keep a
girl like me waiting.
At some point, a girl like me
is gonna get tired and
sick of a guy like you.
So you're saying I
still have some time?
No.
I'm saying you have to make
up your mind right here,
right now.
It's like that, huh?
Yeah, it's exactly like that.
Crap.
And we have the
evil bong ashtray,
a very popular
item for only $10.
I don't think so.
$5.
No.
- Just take it.
- Thanks.
Velicity!
What a surprise!
Uh, you shouldn't
be here right now.
Why not?
It's just, no reason.
It's just not as if there's
people hiding from you,
and one of 'em wants
to rip your hair out
and crap down your
throat, it's -
- Larnell's here, isn't he?
Why on earth would
you think that?
You don't have to
tell me. Just point.
Oh, I don't know what
you're going on about.
Rabbit, if you don't
tell me where he is,
I am going to cut your head
off roll a strike with it.
- He's right over there.
- Thank you.
You sure this is the place?
That honky is definitely here.
I can smell is high karate.
Then what are we waiting for?
Let's go get the prick!
Woah.
Get a load of her!
Are you coming, or what?
You go ahead and
do some Rabbit recon.
I want to warm up.
You gonna kill her?
Uh, yeah.
Sure.
Have fun, freak!
I always wondered
if it's true.
If I pork a real woman
I'll turn into a real man again.
I intend to find out.
Can the screams, lady.
What are you?
For the first
time in a long time,
I'm horny as hell.
You think I'm just
some cheap floozy?
Hell no.
How much are you?
How can you have any money
if you don't have any pockets?
Don't you worry, sugar boobs.
I got dough.
Wow.
You just got real
hot, cookie boy.
You like that?
Oh yeah, baby.
My dough is starting to rise.
Show me what you got, sexy.
Oh, wow.
I knew it.
Uh, Velicity.
What are you doing here?
I was just helping
this poor blind girl.
Larnell, I know who she is.
She's a home wrecker!
I'm a home wrecker?
I would call you a home wrecker!
Well, I said it first, just
like I was dating him first.
Ladies, can't we just come
to some sort of an agreement?
Shut up!
Don't touch him like that!
What if I poke you like that?
I'll
poke you harder!
This is so awesome!
Oh man, oh man.
This is awesome.
It's a disaster.
Do something!
Oh, I got it.
This is a job for
the WeedBlower.
I had my money on
Sarah, by the way.
She's feisty!
Your hair is so pretty.
- I love your shoes.
- Thank you.
- And your pert lips.
- Oh man.
Oh my god.
Oh my god, oh my god.
Unexpected side effects.
Horniness to the max!
Hey, can I borrow that thing?
Like, forever?
Sorry, friend.
It's too much power
for just one man.
I got it!
A boner? Me too.
No, beside that.
The solution to the problem!
Talk to me dude.
Listen, ladies, if I may
interrupt for just a moment.
Uh,
I don't want to spoil your
menage-a-flaw here, but
I think I got the answer
to the problem here.
I don't see any problem.
Me neither.
The feelings you have now are
temporary, but the
decisions you make
last a lifetime.
Well spit it out, dude?
Bowling for love!
Ten pins, ten lanes,
winner takes Larnell.
Wait...
That's your solution?
That's a terrible idea.
- I'm in.
- Me too.
Oh baby, I don't
know if this will work,
but I sure am digging it.
Oh Gingy, I've never
had a biscuit before.
Oh no!
Oh, not yet.
I'm gonna cream!
Strike one!
I'm not gonna get a
strike, I'm gonna get a spare.
Wait, I want a strike.
Woo!
Oh!
- Boo!
- Oh!
Surprised to see
me, motherfucker?
A little bit.
How did you find me?
I followed the slime trail.
Why do you always
have to harsh my mellow?
I've got a good
thing going here.
You stole my magic
weed, motherfucker!
Lots of chums walking
around here playing
with their balls,
thank you very much.
They'll do nicely
in my bong world.
I'll be stronger than
ever because of you.
These people are happy.
And because they're
happy, I'm happy.
And that's what people want!
True happiness.
Not that fake shit you sell.
Oh, shove that happy
shit up your ass.
Look at that
couple over there.
They're happy, see?
Where? I don't see nothing.
Whoever gets
this is the winner.
Make that the loser, loser.
I've waited a long
time for this.
I'm gonna make mincemeat
pie out of you jerks.
And I'm gonna save
you for last toots.
Be happy!
Everybody happy!
You've had enough of these!
Be happy!
Here, you can have it.
Thank you.
You have a little pig nose.
Now you've done
it you bald bastard.
I don't even know
who you are, toots,
but I'll consider you a bonus.
Damn this feels good.
Prepare to meet your baker!
Get happy!
Come on, get happy!
Huh? What?
Come on, get happy!
Make your butt hole
whistle with happiness!
Geez, I don't know
what came over me.
You mean you don't
want to kill us anymore?
Kill you? Nah.
I'm good.
You ain't just saying that?
You aren't into
orgies, are you?
I mean, come on.
Can't we all just
get a-bong here?
Shouldn't you girls
be finishing up?
No matter who wins,
we're all winners.
I agree.
I like to share.
That's so nice.
And hot.
I think I'm gonna cry.
Hey, why don't we let the
little dude roll the last ball?
Me?
For realz?
I wonder where
the bitch bong went.
Come on, center it, center it.
What the fuck?
Right here, motherfuckers!
Huh?
You stupid ass crackers.
You've been smoking
Rabbit's weed.
That's my magic weed!
I own your ass now.
You're gonna do what
I want you to do.
I'm bringing you all
back to my bong world.
Rabbit.
Sorry guys.
You crackheads never learn.
Ha! I got your balls
right where I want 'em.
I told him not to
fuck with Evie.
Oh yeah baby!
Weed is life.
* In the morning or in the night
* When I don't feel so right
* Up through the misty haze
* The green will
brighten up my days
* Cloud of smoke
to clear my mind
* Just enough to help unwind
* Everywhere I go I take it
* Oh, it's like
I can't escape it
* Only thing I need
* Thing I need
* Mean, green, wicked weed
* Heaven from the devil's seed
* Fiending for it every day
* You know I want that Mary Jane
* Mean, green, wicked weed
* You've got a hold of me
* Fiending for it every day
* You know I want that Mary Jane
* Light the fire, spark the tree
* Make it a part of me
* Think of all the
life it breathes
* Just growing from
those little seeds
* I need my smoke today
* Work too hard, get home late
* I just need a break
* Oh, one more toke
that I can take
* Only thing I need
* Thing I need
* Mean, green, wicked weed
* Heaven from the devil's seed
* Fiending for it every day
* You know I want that Mary Jane
* Mean, green, wicked weed
* You've got a hold of me
* Fiending for it every day
* You know I want
that Mary Jane *
Oh wow, that's the good shit.
Now I got the munchies!
Yeah, yeah.
Damn, you girls know what I want
before I even
say it.
Wowzers!
Getting kind of
boring to be honest.
I mean, don't get me wrong,
this is great and all.
Every fucked up
thing I can think of
happens instantly;
boobs, murder,
boobs, weed.
Boobs!
Well you musty old sinkhole,
you're mine, you're all mine!
It's gonna be a
grand, grand opening.
I'll toke to that.
Hell, I'll toke to anything.
Hey boss.
Boss?
Boss?
Boss!
Oh, I'm the boss. I'm Rabbit.
Rabbit the boss, hi.
Hi.
I'm sorry Phoebe, I just, uh,
it's all so new here.
I forgot.
What can I do for you?
Do you need help with
anything before we open?
Uh...
Beer on tap?
Check.
- Snacks stacked?
- Check!
- Pin setter jacked?
- Check!
Fudge packed?
Okay, that's really gross.
But we actually carry that, so,
check.
My balls whacked?
No, uh, you can
do that yourself.
Okay, that's really
inappropriate!
Okay, well,
just seeing if you
were paying attention.
And you passed the
test by the way.
Okay, whatever.
Would you call Darla over
here for a moment please?
I'd like a word
with the two of you.
Darla!
Get your sweet ass over here.
Boss wants to prove
he's the boss.
You wanted to see me, Rabbit?
I mean, Chief.
Actually I wanted to speak
with both of you before
things get nutty.
I called upon you
both because tonight
is a momentous night.
A kick ass night!
One that will set the
tone of this establishment
for years to come.
That's it?
What's what?
Your pep talk.
What else do you need?
Just don't screw up.
- We'll try, I mean-
- Try isn't enough.
You have to kick
ass tonight, okay?
Didn't you learn anything
from my pep talk?
What more could a guy ask for?
A little spontaneity maybe.
What the fuck did you just say
day old Gingerdead?
Nothing.
Hey, where's that
dumb shit Rabbit?
Hm, all the weed and
witty you can handle
and you're asking for
that egg headed moron?
We were supposed to be
up for a game of Yahtzee
with the girls.
Now wouldn't you
rather play Twister
with these hot pieces of ass?
Every time we play
Rabbit always pops a boner.
And you like that shit, huh?
Hell no!
It made me jealous.
Been a long time since
I was able to do that.
Woah, TMI!
You stay right there,
don't you move a muscle.
I'll go look for that
bald motherfucker.
He's the only
friend I got in here.
Freak better be
playing hide and seek.
I need something to cheer me up.
Ah, ah, oh yeah!
Rub some butter on it, girls.
Glaze me. Oh yeah!
Before you get to
it I want to go over
a few things with
the both of you.
Being the eyes, ears, and...
You, my highly-esteemed
gutter sluts,
are the ambassadors to
Licky Split's Lanes.
You are the reason they come in.
The fun is the reason they stay.
But just renting
up shoes and balls
is not gonna cut it.
We need to upsell.
Make 'em want more.
Like if someone
wanted small shoes,
make them get
large ones instead?
No, absolutely not!
I don't have the
insurance coverage if
somebody slips and falls
and it puts 'em in traction!
He means, like, if
a kid wants a soda
sell him a beer, or
a Harvey Wallbanger.
Upsell the bastard.
Exacta-mundo.
Exact-a-mundo.
You're gonna do very
good in this business.
Yeah, she goes all the way.
Your brother's a liar.
- He is not.
- So are his friends.
Okay.
I cannot believe this place
hasn't changed in over 25 years.
It's fabulous.
Honey, I do all
the talking, not you.
Mm.
Uh, what can I
help you with fellas?
Guys.
What can I do you for?
Well, as you probably
know, I am cult filmmaker
David Decoto.
He's so in.
I once shot a movie here.
Sorority Babes and the
Slimeball Bowl-o-Rama.
In 35 millimeter,
within these very walls.
I don't really
like devil movies.
Me neither, I get so scared.
I just have to snuggle
wuggle with whatever's close.
Don't make me handcuff
you to the toilet again.
Mm.
- I think they're gay.
- Really?
Well, that one.
Well this place has
so many memories to me.
I must shoot another movie here.
It has to be this place
because of its haunted history.
It's called: It's a
Talking Bowling Ball.
You want to feature
my bowling alley
in a movie?
Four or five depending on
how the day goes, actually.
Well,
the going rate for most
Hollywood types that come
through here is...
$25,000.
Ghoul, please.
- I've got 50 bucks.
- I'll take it.
Due to unforeseen circumstances,
my previous business
was kind of a bust.
What circumstances?
The crazy bitch
tried to kill me.
Anyway, I want you to
place these glorious
and functional collectibles
around the alley
in seating areas, and
make sure everyone
knows they can come up here and
they're for sale at the counter.
What's that for?
Sell drinks to
the kids in 'em.
Tell the parents
they're sippy cups.
Can do.
Most importantly
is our price chart.
First we have a standard
game of bowling.
That comes with
shoes and a ball.
We call it the "Standard
Game of Bowling."
Then there's option number two.
This is the upsell.
I call it "The Gutter Ball."
Okay, what's the gutter ball?
A-ha!
The gutter ball!
It will be the backbone
of our success.
Whenever a customer
comes in here
to ask for a number
one, I will do what?
Um, try and squeeze a
number two out of him?
No! You upsell the bastard!
Exact-a-mundo.
I'm gonna upsell him.
The gutter ball is
the biggest bonanza
of the bowling experience.
You never actually
said what it is.
A-ha!
I give you: The Gutter Ball.
Boss, you're a genius.
I know!
They'll get so high that
their munchies will just
get our profits
through the roof.
Okay, is this even legal?
Cause this doesn't feel legal.
Just don't get caught.
So is that all, Chief?
I want to get a few balls
in my lane before we open.
There's one last thing.
A selling point of
epic proportions.
Pizza, pins, pot pushing.
I'm pretty sure
we got it covered.
That's the problem.
Do you remember the dress code
that you agreed to, the
conditions of your employment?
- Do we have to?
- Oh yes.
Oh mama, mama yeah.
Oh come to Rabbit,
let Rabbit grab it!
What?
We talked about this!
Okay, I really want
to be an actress,
and although taking your top off
can get you ahead,
it also devalues me.
Like you had any already.
It's the only reason you
were hired in the first place.
I was hired cause
I can do the books
and I'm not high.
You girls go roll some
balls while I polish my pins.
Ew, god, that's so gross!
You know, my mom
always said that bowling
is the most wholesome
sport a lady could play.
Why?
Because you can play
with big, round balls
without looking like a whore.
My mom is a whore.
Yeah, that's what
my brother said.
I hate that guy.
Oh!
You got one!
Hi.
Are you the manager?
I am the owner of
this establishment.
Well are you hiring?
I'm so sorry miss, I don't
have any openings right now.
You are so freaking hired!
Oh, here's your uniform, but
don't you dare wear it.
Sorry gals, I'm just
not feeling it today.
What the fuck
is wrong with you?
You ever find Rabbit?
Not yet.
But he's here!
He's a sneaky motherfucker.
You don't think
he left, do you?
Not a chance in hell!
That dummy thought he
had me all figured out.
But I only let him think that.
He's not smart enough
to outsmart me!
I mean, he'd be one
stupid ass motherfucker
if he's want to leave our world!
Anything you want is
right at your fingertips.
And all that crazy
bastard wanted
was weed and women.
Oh yeah!
Come on.
Oh, oh, I got it.
Need some help there buddy?
I got it!
Almost there.
Should I stand back
or get an umbrella?
Oh yes, yes, yes.
Oh.
Those things are
a bitch to clean.
What can I do for you, stranger?
Stranger, shoot.
You be harder than
catching a greased pig!
On account of I was
hoping you'd recognize
my celebrity status and all.
Uh, celebrity?
Like a movie star?
The hair.
The tail.
Uh...
No.
Alright, did you catch
a load of the oinker?
You'll have to
excuse me, I've been,
how would you say, uh,
indisposed for a while.
How about this?
Here's Hambo!
Nothing?
Uh, sorry.
No.
Ah, fuck it.
My name's Hambo.
I used to be a
really big squeal.
I had a kiddy show that ran for,
uh, almost 40 years.
Is that right?
Used to be a pretty
big pig in the pen,
if I do say so myself.
Ah, but that's
all behind me now.
What happened, if you
don't mind me asking?
Ah, the usual.
Bean counters, market research.
You know, that crap.
Anyway, the kids grew up, they
bought their little shits:
video games and cell
phones, instead of
officially licensed Hambo,
trademark, merchandise.
Good ole booze and babes, huh?
On the nosey!
I like the cut of
your chip, man, but uh,
what brings you here to
this fine establishment?
Here's the deal:
I'm staging a comeback.
Retro is in.
It's big business.
And I'm putting out
the Hambo brand again!
I'm going after hipsters.
You know, douchebags.
You know, the ones who
where the stupid hats
and the funny beards.
I'm gonna make it new,
I'm gonna make it real.
Make it edgy, make it dangerous!
Dangerous?
Yeah, yeah more
like bum fights,
and anything else.
Why are you here?
I need capital.
I'm thinking if I unload
the remainder of my
officially licensed
Hambo merchandise,
to wit!
Pretty solid, huh?
Not bad, but uh,
I don't have any cash.
Well ain't that a kick in
the rocky mountain oysters.
Sorry pal, just can't do it.
How about this?
You give me a dedicated
space in this dump,
sell my wares, won't
cost you a dime.
I'll even cut you
in on the action.
- Hmm.
- What do you say?
I say you were a pretty
big draw back in the day?
Does a pig shit in
the backseat of a car?
I tell you what...
Tonight is our
official Grand Opening.
You can come back
and jump in as the
master of ceremonies
for the festivities,
and you got a deal.
Done!
And done!
Oh my god, you're Hambo!
In the flesh, little lady.
And who might you be?
I'm Candy.
You sure are sweet.
Oh yeah.
Were you a fan of the show
when you were a little girl?
I was your biggest fan ever.
Oh, you sure did grow out.
I mean, up!
You know, you
were the first guy
I ever went up to.
Oh you don't say?
You know why I'm back?
I'm staging a comeback.
Oh my god, that's so hot!
You know, I'm looking
for a new Peggy Suey!
Are you gonna be
holding auditions?
Oh baby, they start
right now.
I've been complacent for
too damn long in this dump.
All of this killing and
sex is just fantasy.
It isn't real!
I need some action.
Real action like before!
I heard that.
Heard what?
Did you think
you thought that?
Because that fuzzy toot
mouth of yours said it.
Did you find
Rabbit or didn't you?
Not yet.
But you better bet your
biscuits he's here.
He busted out of
Bong World, didn't he?
Hell no he didn't!
No fucking way.
Shit, I better find
that hot gut hippie
before that dick
donut gets wise.
He's a sick freak, but as
long as I can keep him trapped
in my Bong World, I
can deal with him.
I heard that.
What part?
All of it.
You thought you
were thinking it.
Ah, kiss my ass!
Crazy bitch!
Hambo, I used to love
watching your show!
You little girls, the lot
of you, really made it for me.
It, it was an awesome show.
It was an awesome
show, I agree.
Can you help us?
Boy can I ever.
Cause Rabbit's gonna grab it!
Keep it in your pants, pal.
Whichever way you like it.
We'd like two
gutter balls please.
Oh.
It's usually me
that pays for it.
Oh, uh, you want to bowl!
Two gutter balls.
The sign said this was
a topless bowling alley?
Yes, if you two
upstanding women don't mind.
We don't mind at all.
Thank you!
Thank you!
Hi boss.
How you doing?
Fantastic!
It's a huge success.
I never knew it'd be this good.
People like the gutter ball?
Oh yes!
It's great.
This calls for a high five.
Okay.
You're kinda
like a sick perv,
but like in that fun
uncle kind of way.
Thanks.
I think.
I wouldn't let you babysit.
Now go shake
those moneymakers.
Aye, aye Captain.
Have you not learned
anything from our
couples counseling sesh?
You're 18. It's time to trust.
Our secret is safe here.
I'm not just
worried about anyone.
You know that.
I know, but it's
all good baby blanket.
She's never step in
to a joint like this.
You swear it?
Hey, I am your white knight,
and you are my princess.
Nobody is ever gonna
recognize us here.
Hi guys!
Fancy meeting you here.
As I live and breathe.
Rabbit.
In the flesh!
Just like you like it.
I thought you said no one
would recognize us here.
Well he is a nobody,
so technically I'm right.
What is he doing here?
I don't know.
What if she sent him?
What are we gonna do?
Let me quarterback
this thing, okay?
How?
Well this is me
you're talking about.
I'm kinda a big deal in the
underground world of espionage.
I'm Jack Bauer
meets Jason Bourne.
I'll discretely pry the
information from him
and he won't even
know what hit him.
You sure you can handle it?
This Bruce Jenner
confused man?
I'm about to spit some hot fire.
What in the actual fuck
are you doing here, Rabbit?
Oh, nothing
really, I just happen
to own this establishment.
- No shit?
- Mm-Hmm.
None whatsoever, sir.
Respect.
I thought you'd cover it?
So Rabbit, how did
you end up owning
this fine establishment?
I thought you were
traveling the bong world?
Oh no, you two were
stuck in the bong world.
I was there by choice.
Well, we'd probably still
be there if it weren't for you
helping us get out.
Thank you so much for that.
If it wasn't for you...
We would've never
fallen in love.
Remember the bakery?
It's doing really well.
Oh yes, yes, yes.
Would you happen to have
some of those cookies?
Sorry.
I didn't expect to see you.
At all.
She's angry when she's hungry.
I let her buck
buddy, I'm sorry.
Do you believe this shit?
Oh, they'll let any-damn-body
in here I tell ya!
Tell you what, if I'd
have known they'd let
their type in, I
would never done come!
Me neither, tell you what!
In fact I don't want
be coming here no more
unless they get
a handle on this.
There goes the damn
bowling alley, I tell ya.
Tell you what.
Hey, hey, maybe they
should be bowling
at the back of the
lanes or some shit.
You keep telling that joke!
Tell you what.
Oh, do tell!
Quite a score, buddy!
Clink, clink.
Assholes.
Anyways, how'd you end
up at a place like this?
I thought you found
happiness in the bong world.
Exact-a-mundo.
Or in poetic
terms, you were like
Syphilis Cinna-Hooker there.
I was left to my own
insatiable devices.
Everything I wanted, and then
it dawned on me.
Well?
What happened?
I just got so bored with
women, weed, and sex.
But you're a giant pervert.
I'm just fucking with ya.
What else is there?
Want some?
It'd be rude not to.
The bong world was
great and all, but
everything was just a fantasy.
One big boobed blowjob fantasy.
- And?
- Oh!
Uh, moving on, uh...
I was so happy
there, I truly was.
I thought I had mastered Evie.
She let me think
that I was in charge.
But she's one controlling skank.
Slowly sucking the energy
out of her prisoners.
Oh.
You couldn't get it
up anymore, could you?
Exactly.
So I stole a ton of her
magic weed and escaped.
I sold it!
And I bought this place.
So how's it going?
Great!
Like solid blue steel
forged by vikings!
Ew.
I'm not talking about
that, Uncle Fester.
I'm talking about
the bowling alley.
Why this place?
I had lots of time to think
about it in the bong word.
While everything was
designed to make me happy,
it wasn't.
My true calling is to
bring smiles to the world
and follow my birthright.
Your birthright?
Getting myself laid,
and other people high.
Those are some lofty goals.
Not everybody can
dream as big as I do.
Speaking of...
What in the name
of Forrest Whitaker?
What is that thing?
Just a little something
I've been working on.
I call it the "WeedBlower."
You smoke from it?
Oh, contraire.
It smokes you.
Goddamn, I'm sweating
like a hog in here.
Rabbit said you
could have some.
Thank you, pretty lady.
God, it smells
like bacon on fire.
That really hit the spot.
Thanks baby.
Ooh.
By the way, whatever
happened to that
voluptuous vixen Velicity?
I thought you two were
gonna get married.
I knew it!
I don't want to hear
that name ever again.
Every single time that we go out
all I ever hear is that name.
Why don't I go find us
a place to sit down?
That's a great idea, babe.
Catch up with you in a minute?
Sure, baby.
Don't keep me waiting.
Toodles.
Toodles.
I just shit my panties.
That thing is epic, man.
I know!
I mean, you could
solve all the world's
problems with that thing.
There'd be no more war.
Or Kardashians.
I was just hoping
to get chicks.
That too, Yahweh.
So, what's the
deal with you two?
Relationship status?
It's complicated.
I'm still totally in
love with Velicity.
She's my sexual soulmate, bro.
She does this thing
with her vagina,
when I enter that
silky pond of hers
it's like I'm inside
this magical rainforest.
I mean, we make the
best boom-boom together.
I'm like a child on Christmas.
I digress.
But then I met Sarah.
You know, at first I
thought it was just because
we shared a bunch of scary
shit in the past, but
the feelings never ended.
They only grew.
But my heart is still
with Velicity, man.
Torn between two women.
Ain't love grand?
It's fucking awesome bro,
but it also completely sucks.
My head tells me I gotta
shake one of 'em loose.
But my heart won't let me.
And my boner wants a third.
Oh.
Can I take one of 'em?
I don't care, either one.
It's not gonna
happen, thunderlips.
Look, I gotta go talk to Sarah.
First let me contribute
to your new business.
No, no, your
money's no good here.
It's on the house!
Go have a good time.
Hells to the yeah, man.
Thanks.
Damn Avery, that's full.
Next round's on me.
Next 12!
You guys are too much.
Can I get a picture of you?
I tell you what.
Is that a yes?
Learn to speak
American, or leave
- the damn country, I tell ya!
- Shut up.
You got a name?
Joe Kraken.
Of course it is!
Hello?
Can I help you, you
unstable looking gentlemen?
Uh,
we came in here to
have fun and stuff.
Perfect, you came
to the right place.
It doesn't look like
a skate park, dude.
Well that's good
to hear, because
this is a bowling alley.
I told you when we
saw doors and a roof
that it didn't look right!
What do we do here that's fun?
Bowl.
Bowl.
Yeah, man.
We like a bowl.
I'm gonna go out on a limb
and figure I'm
not gonna have any
problem upselling
you at gutter ball.
We wanna bowl, smoke a bowl,
and fucking titties.
Maybe even touch a few?
In that order.
But whatever.
Do you know how to bowl?
We pick up spares like,
like we pick up your mom.
Well...
What does AMF stand for?
American Machine and Foundry.
They manufacture
all of the equipment
that's used in
bowling alleys today.
I thought it was
a mucus face.
I thought it was
assy monkey fart.
I thought it
was a muted freak.
That's what it is.
I like that one.
Yeah.
Then you'll love this.
This is the Mega
Tornado Sprinkler.
Woah.
It's by Smoke Cartel.
The Amazon of the bong.
I want to wrap my lips
around it like an anaconda.
Cash only.
Shoes only.
Hey dicks!
AMF.
Adios mother fuckers!
Thanks for all
the blows, girls.
You've been great, but a
stallion needs to run free.
Woah, where the
hell do you think
your candy coated ass is going?
I know that chrome dome Rabbit
just blew this taco stand!
Now it's my turn!
No, no you don't!
I told ya he's here.
He's just the reigning
hide and seek champion.
Haven't found him yet.
Olly olly oxen fucking free!
You're the reigning champ
of talking out your ass.
He's gone!
Now I'm flying this coop
with or without you.
Now what they got out there
that I don't have in here?
I want to get laid for real.
Dip my breadstick
in some marinara.
If he leaves his strength
will be at full power.
Then I can ensnare him
back into my bong world
and grow and take
over the world!
I heard that, dumbass.
So what?
Let's go get that motherfucker!
Now you're talking.
I don't know if
they're buying, but
the rednecks on lane 11
seem to have a five
finger discount on beer!
Well I'll be a
pig dipped in shit.
It's you! It's really you!
Me?
Who you?
Oh, porky, porky, porky.
Hold your chopsticks, honey.
You don't get to eat me.
I am the great and powerful
Hambo, at your service.
You are the inspiration for my
badass doll!
The cook?
Cook.
This is me?
That's you.
You made me richy-rich.
Clicky!
Picture.
Picture.
Keep the doll, and I'm
gonna throw in as a bonus,
two free tickets to go bowling.
Bowling?
No.
Bowling.
Oh.
I like shocker!
Shocker!
Shocker!
That's a little
different, honey,
but I'm all for it!
Nasty!
Time to pick that up!
You're ready for the circuit.
I tell you what!
Here you go.
Oh, well thank
you, sweetheart.
Here's a little something
for your sweet ass.
You just keep it coming
til I tell you to stop.
Oh, thank you guys.
I tell you what.
Why don't you go and
get your ball rolling?
Sure.
Where is my ball?
Tell you what!
You tell it what!
Oh, I see something.
I tell you what!
This place isn't half bad.
Didn't think anyone
bowled anymore, but
a couple of peeps here.
Maybe.
But I only have eyes for you.
Do you only have eyes for me?
Well, about that,
you see it's kind
of difficult...
Larnell, I love you.
I really do.
But you can't keep a
girl like me waiting.
At some point, a girl like me
is gonna get tired and
sick of a guy like you.
So you're saying I
still have some time?
No.
I'm saying you have to make
up your mind right here,
right now.
It's like that, huh?
Yeah, it's exactly like that.
Crap.
And we have the
evil bong ashtray,
a very popular
item for only $10.
I don't think so.
$5.
No.
- Just take it.
- Thanks.
Velicity!
What a surprise!
Uh, you shouldn't
be here right now.
Why not?
It's just, no reason.
It's just not as if there's
people hiding from you,
and one of 'em wants
to rip your hair out
and crap down your
throat, it's -
- Larnell's here, isn't he?
Why on earth would
you think that?
You don't have to
tell me. Just point.
Oh, I don't know what
you're going on about.
Rabbit, if you don't
tell me where he is,
I am going to cut your head
off roll a strike with it.
- He's right over there.
- Thank you.
You sure this is the place?
That honky is definitely here.
I can smell is high karate.
Then what are we waiting for?
Let's go get the prick!
Woah.
Get a load of her!
Are you coming, or what?
You go ahead and
do some Rabbit recon.
I want to warm up.
You gonna kill her?
Uh, yeah.
Sure.
Have fun, freak!
I always wondered
if it's true.
If I pork a real woman
I'll turn into a real man again.
I intend to find out.
Can the screams, lady.
What are you?
For the first
time in a long time,
I'm horny as hell.
You think I'm just
some cheap floozy?
Hell no.
How much are you?
How can you have any money
if you don't have any pockets?
Don't you worry, sugar boobs.
I got dough.
Wow.
You just got real
hot, cookie boy.
You like that?
Oh yeah, baby.
My dough is starting to rise.
Show me what you got, sexy.
Oh, wow.
I knew it.
Uh, Velicity.
What are you doing here?
I was just helping
this poor blind girl.
Larnell, I know who she is.
She's a home wrecker!
I'm a home wrecker?
I would call you a home wrecker!
Well, I said it first, just
like I was dating him first.
Ladies, can't we just come
to some sort of an agreement?
Shut up!
Don't touch him like that!
What if I poke you like that?
I'll
poke you harder!
This is so awesome!
Oh man, oh man.
This is awesome.
It's a disaster.
Do something!
Oh, I got it.
This is a job for
the WeedBlower.
I had my money on
Sarah, by the way.
She's feisty!
Your hair is so pretty.
- I love your shoes.
- Thank you.
- And your pert lips.
- Oh man.
Oh my god.
Oh my god, oh my god.
Unexpected side effects.
Horniness to the max!
Hey, can I borrow that thing?
Like, forever?
Sorry, friend.
It's too much power
for just one man.
I got it!
A boner? Me too.
No, beside that.
The solution to the problem!
Talk to me dude.
Listen, ladies, if I may
interrupt for just a moment.
Uh,
I don't want to spoil your
menage-a-flaw here, but
I think I got the answer
to the problem here.
I don't see any problem.
Me neither.
The feelings you have now are
temporary, but the
decisions you make
last a lifetime.
Well spit it out, dude?
Bowling for love!
Ten pins, ten lanes,
winner takes Larnell.
Wait...
That's your solution?
That's a terrible idea.
- I'm in.
- Me too.
Oh baby, I don't
know if this will work,
but I sure am digging it.
Oh Gingy, I've never
had a biscuit before.
Oh no!
Oh, not yet.
I'm gonna cream!
Strike one!
I'm not gonna get a
strike, I'm gonna get a spare.
Wait, I want a strike.
Woo!
Oh!
- Boo!
- Oh!
Surprised to see
me, motherfucker?
A little bit.
How did you find me?
I followed the slime trail.
Why do you always
have to harsh my mellow?
I've got a good
thing going here.
You stole my magic
weed, motherfucker!
Lots of chums walking
around here playing
with their balls,
thank you very much.
They'll do nicely
in my bong world.
I'll be stronger than
ever because of you.
These people are happy.
And because they're
happy, I'm happy.
And that's what people want!
True happiness.
Not that fake shit you sell.
Oh, shove that happy
shit up your ass.
Look at that
couple over there.
They're happy, see?
Where? I don't see nothing.
Whoever gets
this is the winner.
Make that the loser, loser.
I've waited a long
time for this.
I'm gonna make mincemeat
pie out of you jerks.
And I'm gonna save
you for last toots.
Be happy!
Everybody happy!
You've had enough of these!
Be happy!
Here, you can have it.
Thank you.
You have a little pig nose.
Now you've done
it you bald bastard.
I don't even know
who you are, toots,
but I'll consider you a bonus.
Damn this feels good.
Prepare to meet your baker!
Get happy!
Come on, get happy!
Huh? What?
Come on, get happy!
Make your butt hole
whistle with happiness!
Geez, I don't know
what came over me.
You mean you don't
want to kill us anymore?
Kill you? Nah.
I'm good.
You ain't just saying that?
You aren't into
orgies, are you?
I mean, come on.
Can't we all just
get a-bong here?
Shouldn't you girls
be finishing up?
No matter who wins,
we're all winners.
I agree.
I like to share.
That's so nice.
And hot.
I think I'm gonna cry.
Hey, why don't we let the
little dude roll the last ball?
Me?
For realz?
I wonder where
the bitch bong went.
Come on, center it, center it.
What the fuck?
Right here, motherfuckers!
Huh?
You stupid ass crackers.
You've been smoking
Rabbit's weed.
That's my magic weed!
I own your ass now.
You're gonna do what
I want you to do.
I'm bringing you all
back to my bong world.
Rabbit.
Sorry guys.
You crackheads never learn.
Ha! I got your balls
right where I want 'em.
I told him not to
fuck with Evie.
Oh yeah baby!
Weed is life.