Everything's Jake (2000) - full transcript

Man, English accent: TO THIS DAY,

I STILL THINK ABOUT WHAT MIGHT HAVE BECOME OF HIM...

HOW IS HE GETTING BY, WHERE HE MIGHT LIVE,

PERHAPS IF HE EVEN LIVES AT ALL.

[PLAYING DRUMS]

YOUR HANDS GET SORE FROM PLAYING?

YEAH. YEAH, THEY GET SORE,

BEATING ON THESE DRUMS ALL DAY.

THE PROBLEM IS YOUR TECHNIQUE.

TECHNIQUE? MAN, IT DON'T TAKE NO TECHNIQUE

TO PLAY THESE THINGS.



I'M JUST LUCKY I FOUND THEM.

I SUGGEST THAT YOU USE YOUR PALMS MORE, ON THE EDGE,

THEN YOUR FINGERS AT THE SAME TIME.

IT'LL PROJECT MORE. IT'LL ATTRACT MORE PEOPLE.

LOOK, I JUST WANT TO PLAY MY DRUMS.

NOW, EITHER YOU GOT A DOLLAR,

OR YOU GOT SOMEPLACE TO GO.

YOU GOT SOMEPLACE TO GO, RIGHT?

RIGHT. RIGHT.

WELL, I'LL BE OFF.

MAY I INQUIRE AS TO THE DETAILS OF YOUR SITUATION?

WHAT SITUATION?

WELL, YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY VOID OF SHELTER,

AND YOU HAVE THE APPEARANCE OF A WANDERER, A VAGABOND,



A NOMAD OF SORTS.

HEY, DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT MY SITUATION.

WELL, I'VE BEEN OUT HERE FOR ABOUT 3 WEEKS,

SLEEPING IN THAT TREE.

YOU WERE SLEEPING IN A TREE?

OH, MAN, THEM BRANCHES CAN'T BE GOOD FOR YOUR BACK.

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE--TARZAN?

NO, BUT I WOULDN'T WANT TO GET SPOTTED BY THE NIGHT PATROLS.

YEAH, BUT AIN'T YOU SCARED YOU'RE GONNA FALL OUT THE TREE?

OH, WHAT DOES IT MATTER?

IT'S PROBABLY A BETTER ALTERNATIVE

THAN THE OPTIONS I HAVE AT THIS MOMENT.

OH, MAN, DON'T GIVE ME THAT SHIT.

YOU FALL YOUR ASS OUT THAT TREE,

YOU'RE GONNA BE PARALYZED, NOT DEAD.

HMM. PARALYZED AND HOMELESS.

THAT'S QUITE TROUBLING. PROBABLY A FATAL PREDICAMENT.

YOU'RE HOMELESS?

[CHUCKLES]

SHIT. MAN, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?

THE SAME THING YOU ARE--DENYING MY EXISTENCE.

OH, AREN'T WE THE WORDSMITH?

WHY DON'T YOU GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE AND LET ME PLAY?

[DRUMMING]

[WHISTLES]

[CAR HORNS HONKING]

Woman: OK, CHLOE. YOU'RE GONNA DO A NICE POOP FOR MOMMY.

COME ON. COME ON.

OH, GOOD GIRL, CHLOE!

OH!

HEY.

OH! OH, MY, MY. SIR, SIR, WHY DID YOU GRAB THAT?

I NEED TO THROW THAT AWAY.

OH, NO. DON'T YOU WORRY ABOUT THIS, MA'AM.

LOOK, I'M GONNA THROW IT AWAY FOR YOU, FOR $2.00.

$2.00? OH, HEAVENS, NO. NO, NO. COME ON, CHLOE.

AH AH AH. I'LL PUT THIS BACK DOWN ON THE SIDEWALK,

THE POLICE ARE GONNA COME BY.

YOU'RE GONNA BE HIT WITH A $100 FINE.

NOW, ALL I'M ASKING FOR MY SERVICE IS $2.00.

WELL, I'LL JUST PICK IT UP WHEN YOU LEAVE IT THERE.

OH, COME ON. YOU THAT INTERESTED IN PICKING UP DOG SHIT?

OH, WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS TO ME?

THAT'S MINE.

WHY? BECAUSE I TOOK ONE LOOK AT YOU,

AND I SAID, "THIS LADY HERE,

"SHE IS FAR TOO DELECTABLE FOR DOG SHIT.

I MUST ERADICATE THE POOP MYSELF, FOR $2.00."

I DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

WOULD YOU BELIEVE I'M HUNGRY AND I'VE GOT TO GET SOMETHING TO EAT,

AND I'VE GOT TO GET RID OF THIS DOG SHIT,

SO, LADY, JUST GIVE ME $2.00. DAMN.

WELL, THANK YOU.

MA'AM, YOU HAVE A BEAUTIFUL DAY.

YOU AND YOUR UGLY DOG.

ALL RIGHT.

RISE AND SHINE, JAKE. RISE AND SHINE.

OH, FATHER, WHAT'S UP?

WELL, IT'S SUNDAY, JAKE.

IT'S A BEAUTIFUL SABBATH HERE.

YOU BETTER GET READY FOR MASS, JAKE.

YEAH. I WAS PLANNING ON SLEEPING THIS WHOLE DAY.

I GOT A LOT OF STUFF TO DO.

I'VE SEEN MORE GUYS TAKE THE DIVE

IN THE PAST MONTH THAN I CARE TO MENTION.

THE WAR ON THE STREET IS THE SAME AS IT WAS IN KOREA,

OR NAM, FOR THAT MATTER.

WELL, WELL, WELL, IF IT ISN'T THE HOMELESS BOOKWORM.

YOU SHOULDN'T BE IN HERE.

WHERE ARE THE BOOKS FROM LAST MONTH?

THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

YOU KNOW, THE WORD "PUBLIC" IN PUBLIC LIBRARY

DOES NOT EXTEND THE INVITATION AS FAR

AS SOME PEOPLE MAY THINK.

YOU KNOW, YOU REALLY HAVE TAKEN ADVANTAGE--

I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.

SORRY? SORRY?

MISS WEBB, YOU'RE FEISTY TODAY.

YOU KNOW, I LOVE IT WHEN YOU'RE FEISTY.

I WASN'T SUPPOSED TO LET YOU TAKE THIS BOOK IN THE FIRST PLACE.

YOU KNOW YOU DON'T QUALIFY FOR A CARD HERE.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M WORKING ON THAT.

DO YOU HAVE AN ADDRESS YET?

WELL, I AIN'T WORKING THAT HARD. I MEAN, YOU KNOW--

I THINK YOU OUGHT TO GO, JAKE.

JUST GO AND KEEP THE BOOK.

JUST KEEP THE BOOK.

MISS WEBB, LOOK, I'M SORRY.

MISS WEBB, I'M JUST A MAN.

THE MASS OF MEN LEAD LIVES OF QUIET DESPERATION.

THOREAU.

OH, LORD HELP ME.

ALL RIGHT, WHAT YOU GOT?

I'M THINKING ABOUT CHECKING OUT

THIS PIECE OF LITERARY ENRICHMENT.

"MOBY DICK." WELL, YOU DO HAVE GOOD TASTE

WHEN IT COMES TO LITERATURE.

OH, YEAH, MISS WEBB. I GOT LOTS OF TASTE.

YOU KNOW, I LIKE TO CHECK OUT BOOKS

THAT I FEEL A MAN LIKE MYSELF CAN RELATE TO.

YOU KNOW, YOU MIGHT NOTICE A CERTAIN PATTERN FORMING HERE.

PATTERN?

YEAH. I MEAN, JUST THINK ABOUT THE LAST TWO BOOKS I CHECKED OUT.

NOW, LET'S SEE.

THERE WAS--THERE WAS THAT BOOK BY JOHN UPDICK.

THAT'S UPDIKE.

UPDIKE? OH. UPDICK IS BETTER.

AND THEN THERE WAS THEM POEMS BY LONGFELLOW,

AND NOW THIS MASTERPIECE HERE, "MOBY DICK."

YOU NOTICE A CERTAIN PATTERN?

NO, JAKE, I DON'T.

OK, WELL, YOU KNOW, WHEN YOU DO,

WE'RE GONNA HAVE US A GOOD TIME.

SHH! JAKE.

MISS WEBB, COME ON. WE'RE IN THE LIBRARY.

THAT'S ENOUGH FOR THE OKEY DOKE.

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE ROSES.

GONNA GET ME A DRINK.

HEY, JAKEY. JAKEY.

MAN, I NEED $12.50 FOR THIS BOTTLE IN HERE.

THE MAN GOT THIS GOOD SHIT, JAKE!

COME ON IN HERE. COME ON, JAKE!

BONJOUR. [INDISTINCT]

I GOT 3 BOTTLES. NOW GET ME SOME FOOD HERE.

GIVE ME LITTLE BOTTLES.

MAN, GIVE ME SOME APPLES.

I WANT APPLES.

I REMEMBER A TIME I'D GET 5 FUCKING APPLES FOR 3 BOTTLES,

AND A BUNCH OF BANANAS AND A MANGO, TOO!

CHECK YOUR MATE AND BEAT YOUR MEAT.

GET ON OUT OF HERE.

HERE, PIGEON. COO COO COO COO.

YOU'RE IGNORING ME TODAY, TOO?

YOU CAN TALK TO IMAGINARY PIGEONS,

BUT YOU CAN'T EVEN TALK TO ABE.

TALK TO PIGEONS! CAN'T EVEN TALK TO ABE!

MAYBE YOUR PIGEONS NEED SOMETHING TO WASH THE CRUMBS DOWN.

HA HA HA!

COME ON NOW.

COME ON, ABE. COME ON.

[THUNDER]

HELLO, MISS VICKY.

OH, HELLO THERE, JAKE.

DON'T YOU KNOW, I'M JUST WAITING TO GO ON.

TO GO ON? IN THIS THEATER HERE?

YOU GOT YOURSELF A ROLE HERE?

NO, NO, NO. I USED TO PERFORM HERE EVERY NIGHT.

YOU KNOW, I WAS A FOLLIES GIRL.

OH, THAT'S RIGHT, THAT'S RIGHT.

I REMEMBER YOU TOLD ME ABOUT THAT.

YOU WAS, LIKE-- YOU WAS THE STAR.

POND. VICTORIA POND.

MY NAME WAS UP IN LIGHTS ON THIS VERY MARQUEE.

OH, I WISH I COULD HAVE SEEN YOU IN YOUR DAY.

I WAS QUITE A CATCH, YOU KNOW.

OH, YOU STILL IS, MISS VICKY.

I STILL GOT A FEW YEARS LEFT.

MY CURTAIN CALL HASN'T COME UP JUST YET.

OH, I KNOW THAT'S RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE YOU CAN STILL MOVE.

I BET YOU CAN KICK THOSE FEET UP OVER YOUR HEAD

AND DO THEM SPLITS AND THEM PIROUETTES AND ALL THAT STUFF.

YEAH! YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, SEE?

WHEN I WAS A FOLLIES GIRL,

I KNEW THAT I WAS THE BEST GIRL.

THOSE OTHER GIRLS, THEY JUST GOT IN MY WAY!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO THEM.

THEY ALL LEFT THE THEATER,

BUT I WILL NEVER LEAVE.

I WILL BE HERE ALWAYS.

VICTORIA POND WILL BE CELEBRATED AGAIN!

BROADWAY WILL KNOW THE NAME.

WELL, YEAH, MISS VICKY.

YOU'RE SOMETHING. YOU KNOW, I GOT TO BE GOING.

YOU STAY HERE NOW, JUST IN CASE

THEY GIVE YOU A CALL, ALL RIGHT?

POND! VICTORIA POND!

VICTORIA. VICTORIA.

WHO COULD FORGET VICTORIA POND?

VICTORIA POND. REMEMBER THAT!

THE FAT LADY HASN'T SUNG FOR ME.

ALL RIGHT, VICKY. ALL RIGHT.

HEY, WILLIS!

HEY, JAKE!

HOW YOU DOING, MAN?

OH, I'M GOOD. YOU KNOW ME. HOW YOU DOING?

OH, MAN, I'VE SEEN BETTER DAYS, I'LL TELL YOU THAT.

GONNA MAKE A DEPOSIT, HUH?

OH, YEAH.

[BAG HITS THE FLOOR]

WELL, I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU FOR A WHILE.

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

GREAT, JERRY. ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS.

GOOD. GOOD. NOW WHAT CAN I GET YOU TODAY?

GIVE ME THE USUAL, WILL YOU?

I CAN'T DO THAT TODAY. I'M OUT OF BAGELS.

NO BAGELS?

NO.

ALL RIGHT.

WHAT CAN I GET DURING MY FINANCIAL WOES?

YOU CAN HAVE A CUP OF COFFEE. THAT'S 75 CENTS.

75 CENTS? THE SPECIAL IS A BAGEL AND A CUP OF COFFEE FOR $1.00.

HOW CAN A CUP OF COFFEE BE 75 CENTS?

THAT'S THE DEAL.

WELL, THE DEAL--

IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SYMPATHY,

THE ONLY PLACE YOU'RE GOING TO FIND IT

IS IN THE DICTIONARY BETWEEN SHIT AND SYPHILIS!

OH, ANOTHER MODERN-DAY RAGS-TO-RICHES STORY, HUH?

YEP. TOOK ME A STEP BACK.

TOOK IT DOWN TO THE LAST RUNG,

TO THE BOTTOM BOTTOM, THEN DID AN OLD FLIP-FLOP.

MAN, I'M ON TOP OF THE WORLD.

ON TOP OF THE WORLD?

HA! HEY, JAKE, YOU KNOW I THINK THESE STREETS

ARE GETTING TO YOU A LITTLE BIT.

WILLIS, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

IF YOU CAN TELL ME THE DIFFERENCE

BETWEEN THE NORTH POLE AND THE SOUTH POLE,

I'LL GIVE YOU EVERYTHING I GOT IN THAT HOLD.

THAT SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING I'D BE INTERESTED IN.

HOW MUCH YOU GOT IN THAT BOX?

I DON'T KNOW, MAN. I DON'T CARE TO COUNT IT.

UH-HUH.

YOU JUST MAKE SURE IT STAYS SAFE.

I SEE.

DAMN. YOU KNOW, I HAD $20 JUST A LITTLE WHILE AGO,

AND NOW I GOT 20 CENTS.

WELL, TIME TO GET BACK TO WORK.

HEY.

LOOK AT THIS.

HA

MAN.

HEY, TARZAN!

HE REALLY IS SLEEPING IN A TREE.

LOOK AT THIS.

ALL RIGHT, MR. TREE MAN,

LET'S SEE HOW YOU DEAL WITH THESE ROCKS.

HEY!

HEY, MAN. YOU ALL RIGHT?

LEAVE ME ALONE.

YOU SURE YOU'RE ALL RIGHT?

OH, YEAH. I'M FINE.

OH, I KNOW YOU.

YOU'RE THAT GUY WITH THE DRUMS.

YEAH, MAN, LOOK. THEY'RE CALLED BONGOS, OK?

YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT ALL THAT TECHNIQUE SHIT,

AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO CALL THEM?

WHATEVER.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE IN THE WOODS ANYWAY?

YOU NORMALLY STAY CLEAR OF HERE, DON'T YOU?

"YOU STEER CLEAR." LOOK, MAN, I GO WHEREVER THE HELL

I WANT TO GO, ALL RIGHT?

I JUST HAPPEN TO BE PASSING THROUGH.

FINE. WELL, JUST YOU KEEP ON PASSING THROUGH.

GO ON. LEAVE ME ALONE.

OK, TARZAN.

I'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE. ALL RIGHT.

CHECKMATE.

DUH!

OH, BROTHER.

HOW YOU PULL THAT OFF?

TELL YOU WHAT, COLONEL.

WHY DON'T WE MAKE THINGS A LITTLE INTERESTING?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, JAKE?

MAN, YOU KNOW WHAT.

I'M FEELING A LITTLE LUCKY TODAY.

OH, REALLY?

OH, YEAH. HAD ME A LITTLE MONETARY GAIN

THE LAST COUPLE OF WEEKS.

WHAT? YOU BEEN SELLING?

OH, HELL, NO. COME ON, COLONEL.

YOU KNOW ME BETTER THAN THAT.

NO, NO. I'VE BEEN ABLE TO PLAY MY DRUMS

A LITTLE BIT MORE.

YOU KNOW, IT DON'T HURT MY HANDS SO MUCH.

THAT WAY I CAN DOUBLE THE AMOUNT OF PEOPLE

THAT CAN LISTEN AND LEND.

ALL THAT WITH YOUR DRUMMING BONGO YOU GOT?

MM-HMM.

HOW ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU GOT THIS REVELATION ABOUT YOUR DRUM?

YOU BEEN PLAYING THEM FOR YEARS. WHY NOW?

WELL, YOU KNOW, I'D LOVE TO TELL YOU, COLONEL,

THAT IT CAME FROM WITHIN,

BUT, WELL, TRUTH BE KNOWN,

A FELLA IN THE PARK TOLD ME.

SOME GUY IN THE PARK? WHO WAS THAT?

SOME RICH FELLA?

WELL, HE MIGHT HAVE BEEN UPPITY ONCE,

BUT HE AIN'T UPPITY NOW.

NO, HE--HE HOMELESS.

HOMELESS, AND HE'S IN THE PARK?

MM-HMM.

YUP.

SOME CRACKER.

HE'S WHITE?

YEAH. CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT?

A CRACKER IN THE PARK SLEEPING IN TREES.

HE'S SLEEPING IN A TREE?

SLEEPING IN TREES.

THAT'S ODD.

[CHUCKLES]

WHAT? DOES HE THINK HE'S A BIRD?

I DON'T KNOW.

I GOT TO SEE THIS.

HMM.

YEAH, WELL, HE PROBABLY AIN'T THERE NOW, THOUGH.

THAT WAS A FEW WEEKS AGO.

HE SAID HE'D BEEN ON THE SKIDS

FOR ABOUT 3 WEEKS AT THAT POINT,

SO AIN'T NO WAY HE MADE IT TO NOW.

AIN'T THAT THE TRUTH?

OK, WHAT I WANT TO KNOW IS,

WHY YOU SO GENEROUS TODAY?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I MEAN, SETTING ME UP WITH THE DOGS AND ALL.

YESTERDAY YOU WOULDN'T EVEN LET ME HAVE A SMOKE.

OH, COME ON, ABE. YOU KNOW I TAKE CARE OF YOU.

I'M IN A GOOD MOOD TODAY.

WHY? YOU GOT A WOMAN?

THAT PRETTY LITTLE THING THAT SWING DOWN BY THE RIVER?

NO, NO, MAN. IT'S MY PAIR OF DRUMS.

I GOT ME A $20 TIP THIS MORNING.

MAN, YOU GOT $20?

YEAH.

WHAT THE FUCK ARE WE DOING STANDING IN THE WIENER LINE?

LET'S GET SOME PUSSY.

Jake: NOW, LET'S JUST HOLD ON. BE COOL.

Man: HEY, BABY, ALL RIGHT.

HEY, BOBBY.

HEY, JAKE, WHAT'S HAPPENING?

HOW YOU DOING, MAN?

GOOD, BROTHER. WHAT'S GOING ON?

I'M GOOD. I'M GOOD.

MAN, THIS IS MY BUDDY ABE.

Bobby: ABE, HOW YOU DOING?

WE WANT A COUPLE OF DOGS.

YOU WANT A COUPLE OF DOGS?

TWO WEST VIRGINIA SPECIALS--

MUSTARD, KETCHUP, COLE SLAW, AND CHILI.

CHILI? WE AIN'T GOT NO CHILI.

WEST VIRGINIA SPECIAL, MAN.

GET OUT OF HERE. AIN'T NOTHING CHILLY IN WEST VIRGINIA

BUT THE WEATHER, BROTHER.

Abe: MAN, YOU SOUND LIKE YOU FROM CHICAGO.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT, BROTHER.

WHO IS THIS GUY?

THIS IS BOBBY. AIN'T YOU BOBBY? HEY, BOBBY.

YEAH, BABY. DO YOUR THING.

♪ DO YOU WANT MUSTARD? DO YOU WANT KETCHUP? ♪

♪ DO YOU WANT RELISH ON YOUR DOG? ♪

♪ IF YOU DO, I'LL GET IT FOR YOU, BROTHER ♪

♪ YOU CAN HAVE IT ALL ♪

♪ LET ME TELL YOU WHAT'S HAPPENING ON THE STREET ♪

♪ I GOT A HOT DOG FOR YOU TO EAT ♪

EVERYBODY DO LIKE THIS.

♪ MADE UP JUST FOR YOU ♪

YOU WANT TWO OF THESE, BROTHER?

YEAH, GIVE US TWO OF THEM.

ALL RIGHT. YOU WANT SOME POP?

YEAH, GIVE US A COUPLE OF POPS.

I DON'T WANT NO POP.

I DON'T WANT NO POP. I GOT TO HAVE A DRINK.

ABE, COME ON.

I'LL GO GET MY OWN DRINK, MAN. ABE.

I'LL GO GET MY OWN DRINK.

THAT BOY NEEDS HELP. YOU BETTER STRAIGHTEN HIM OUT, BROTHER.

I'LL CATCH YOU LATER, DAWG.

♪ YOU WANT SOME MUSTARD, WANT SOME PICKLE ♪

♪ WANT SOME RELISH ON YOUR DOG? ♪

HEY, DRUMMER MAN!

HEY. HA. BIRD MAN.

SO YOU DECIDED TO COME OUT THE TREE, HUH?

HOW YOU HANGING, MAN?

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M OUT HERE...

I HAVEN'T HAD A MEAL IN 3 DAYS.

I WALKED MORE IN THE LAST 3 WEEKS.

I DON'T EVEN WANT TO THINK ABOUT IT.

I CAN'T SLEEP.

YOU CAN ONLY SHUT OUT SO MUCH--

THE NOISES AND THE SMELL,

AND THEN TO TOP IT OFF, THE NIGHT PATROLS CAME THROUGH AND FOUND ME.

YEAH, MAN, IT AIN'T EASY OUT HERE.

I KNOW HOW TO END THIS.

I CAN END THIS.

WAIT A MINUTE, MAN.

[NO AUDIO]

LOOK, MAN, WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY "OUT"?

THERE IS NO OUT, OK?

THIS IS THE HAND THAT YOU WERE DEALT,

AND NOW YOU PLAY IT.

THERE'S NO "OUT."

WHO ARE YOU? WHAT HAVE YOU GOT GOING FOR YOU?

I DON'T KNOW, BUT I DAMN SURE

AIN'T TALKING ABOUT ENDING IT.

WELL, WHAT'S THE CRIME IF I WANT TO?

WHY ARE YOU SO CONCERNED, ANYWAY?

I DON'T OWE YOU ANYTHING.

YEAH, BUT--

JUST LEAVE ME ALONE.

NO, NO, MAN. LOOK, I OWE YOU, MAN.

I'M GONNA MAKE SURE YOU DO THIS RIGHT.

WHAT DO YOU OWE ME FOR?

MY BONGOS.

YOUR BONGOS? YEAH.

YEAH, MY BONGOS, MAN.

MY HANDS DON'T HURT SO MUCH.

I'M BECOMING LIKE A PERFORMER NOW, MAN.

I'M MAKING SOME SERIOUS GREEN.

A PERFORMER?

YOU DON'T KNOW THE FIRST THING.

AND MONEY--WHAT HAVE YOU MADE?

A COUPLE OF BUCKS AND SOME CHANGE.

YEAH, WELL, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU DO IT EVERY DAY, MAN,

THE MONEY STARTS ROLLING IN.

IT STARTS TO ADD UP.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST BE ON YOUR WAY?

YOU KNOW WHAT? MAN, FUCK YOU, ALL RIGHT?

I'VE BEEN TRYING TO BE NICE TO YOUR ASS.

FUCK YOU. FUCK YOU, ALL RIGHT?

I JUST CAME BY TO SAY THANKS.

THAT'S ALL. I WASN'T PASSING THROUGH THE WOODS.

I CAME BY TO SAY THANKS FOR HELPING ME WITH THE FUCKING DRUMS.

OTHERWISE, FUCK YOU.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

MY NAME'S CAMERON. CAMERON DUNNE.

HEY. ALL RIGHT.

JAKE.

JAKE?

JUST JAKE.

ALL RIGHT, JAKE. YOU SAID KEEP IT SIMPLE.

LET'S DO THIS ONE RIGHT.

MY MAN.

THIS IS SIMPLE, IS IT?

THIS IS THE MOST SIMPLE WAY YOU CAN THINK OF?

OH, THAT IT IS, MY MAN CAM.

IT'S GETTING KIND OF COLD UP HERE,

SO LET'S STICK TO THE AGENDA AT HAND.

RIGHT. RIGHT. YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

YEAH, I KNOW, I KNOW. THAT'S WHY WE'RE HERE.

NOW, CHECK THIS OUT, CAM.

THIS IS THE BEST WAY TO GO, MAN.

SEE, THIS WAY YOU DON'T CALL ATTENTION TO YOURSELF

UNTIL AFTER YOU ALREADY DEAD!

THEN IT DON'T MATTER!

PROVIDED, OF COURSE, YOU DON'T SCREAM

LIKE A PUSSY ON THE WAY DOWN.

OK.

AND YOU TALK ABOUT IMMEDIACY,

MAN, THIS IS THE FASTEST WAY OUT THIS WORLD, MAN.

SPLIT SECOND--BAM! YOU GONE.

JAKE.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE?

YOU GONNA BE ON THE FRONT PAGE TOMORROW.

JAKE. JAKE.

YEAH, CAM. WHAT?

WHAT ABOUT THE PAIN FACTOR?

NO, NO, NO. YOU'LL BE DEAD

IN A QUARTER OF A SECOND.

THERE WILL BE NO PAIN,

AND YOU'RE DAMN SURE NOT GONNA HAVE

A CHANCE TO LOOK AT IT

BECAUSE YOUR EYES WILL PROBABLY BE ROLLING AROUND

IN THE SEWER OR SOMETHING.

RIGHT. YOU'RE SO RIGHT, JAKE.

Jake: ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

WOULD YOU PLEASE-- DON'T DO THAT.

NOW, LISTEN.

CAM.

DO YOUR THING, MAN, OK?

I'M GONNA BE OVER THERE

JUST IN CASE YOU DECIDE

YOU WANT TO REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE.

YOU KNOW, UH...

JESUS. WHAT, WHAT, WHAT NOW?

I DON'T KNOW, CAM. UH...

THIS MIGHT NOT BE HIGH ENOUGH.

WHAT IS THIS BUILDING, 4 OR 5 STORIES?

YEAH. IT MIGHT JUST CRIPPLE YOU.

YOU THINK?

WHY DON'T YOU PLAY IT SAFE?

TAKE A DIVE OFF A HIGHER BUILDING.

Cameron: THAT PRE-WAR BUILDING JUST TWO BLOCKS EAST.

OH, YEAH, YEAH. WHAT IS THAT-- 14, 15 STORIES HIGH?

YEAH, YEAH. HEY, THAT'S THE REAL THING.

THAT'S THE SHIT!

MM-HMM.

ALL RIGHT, MAN. THIS IS THE SHIT, MAN.

THIS IS WHAT WE'RE LOOKING FOR.

SO HOW COME YOU NEVER CONSIDERED SUICIDE, JAKE?

YOU KNOW, THE OLD RUB-OUT?

WHAT, ME? NO, MAN.

I DON'T WANT TO DIE, MAN. I LIKE LIVING TOO MUCH.

BESIDES THAT, YOU KNOW, IT'S ILLEGAL.

WHAT'S ILLEGAL?

SUICIDE.

OH, ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT YOU NEVER

DID ANYTHING AGAINST THE LAW?

WHAT ABOUT PANHANDLING?

YOU MUST HAVE DONE SOME OF THAT.

NO, I DON'T DO IT. I JUST PLAY MY DRUMS.

THAT'S IT? THAT'S THE ONLY WAY YOU MAKE MONEY?

YEAH. WELL...

WELL, NO. LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

IT'S KIND OF DEMEANING ON MY END, YOU KNOW?

DEMEANING, BUT NOTHING ILLEGAL?

NO, NO.

I HAVE HAD MY TEMPTATIONS, THOUGH.

I MEAN, THERE WAS THAT WINDOW-WASHING SQUEEGEE FAD.

MAN, THEM CATS MADE A LOT OF GREEN.

BUT I DIDN'T GIVE IN TO IT.

I STAYED CLEAN.

CLEAN? HMM.

INTERESTING.

ALL RIGHT, WELL, LOOK. ENOUGH ABOUT ME, MAN.

YOU, UH--YOU GO AHEAD AND KILL YOURSELF, ALL RIGHT?

JAKE.

WHY DON'T I JUMP OFF THAT BUILDING?

OH, NO, NO. SEE, THAT'S THE MOTHER LODE THERE.

THE CITY IS TOO SMART FOR YOU.

THEY GOT NETS UP ALL AROUND IT FOR PEOPLE LIKE YOU.

ONE MINUTE YOU'RE COMMITTING SUICIDE;

THE NEXT MINUTE YOU'RE IN A CIRCUS, MAN.

HEY, I'M GONNA BE OVER THERE, OK?

YOU...DO YOUR THING.

AH. DAMN. UH.

YOU STILL HERE?

OH, MAN.

THIS IS BULLSHIT!

YOU AIN'T GONNA JUMP.

I WILL. I JUST NEED SOME TIME.

TIME? HOW MUCH DAMN TIME YOU NEED?

LOOK, I'M LEAVING.

WELL, THANKS FOR BEING SUCH A GOOD FRIEND.

HEY, HEY. I AIN'T SAID SHIT

ABOUT BEING YOUR FRIEND, ALL RIGHT?

I WAS JUST TRYING TO RETURN THE FAVOR.

OH, REALLY? I SCRATCH YOUR BACK,

AND YOU DRAG ME TO THE ROOF OF A 14-STORY BUILDING?

THIS IS WHAT YOU SAID YOU WANTED.

I AIN'T DRAGGED YOU NOWHERE.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW WHAT, MAN?

YOU DO WHATEVER THE HELL YOU WANT TO DO, OK?

I'M OUT OF HERE.

DON'T FORGET YOUR BONGOS.

LOOK, MAN, DON'T BE PLAYING ON MY DRUMS, ALL RIGHT?

I'M NOT PLAYING WITH YOUR DRUMS.

DON'T BE FUCKING PLAYING WITH MY DRUMS.

I'M NOT PLAYING-- BE CAREFUL. BE CAREFUL!

SHIT! GODDAMN IT!

WHAT THE FUCK YOU THROW MY DRUMS OFF FOR?

LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO MY DRUMS!

YOU DID IT! YOU DID IT.

[CAR HORNS HONKING]

YOU DROPPED THE DRUMS, MAN!

YOU THREW MY DRUMS OFF!

YOU DID IT!

...THROW YOUR ASS OVER THERE!

FUCK. MOTHERFUCK-- WHAT KIND OF FUCKING SHIT IS THIS?

WHAT KIND OF FUCK-- WHO BUST ME FUCKING CAB, HUH?

WHO BUST ME FUCKING CAB?

WHO BUST THE FUCKING CAB?!

Cameron: OH, GOD. Jake: MAN.

YOU BUST MY CAB?

NO, NO. NO. IS IT ALL RIGHT?

WHO BUST MY CAB?

IT'S JUST THE BONGOS.

WHAT KIND OF FUCKING THING IS THIS?

IT FELL OFF THE ROOF. I'M SORRY. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

IT WASN'T NO FUCKING ACCIDENT.

I'M SORRY.

LOOK. THE CAB'S-- THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH YOUR CAB ANYWAY.

MY CAB IS HURT! THIS IS MY DREAM!

Cameron: YES, I'M REALLY SORRY ABOUT YOUR DREAM.

DON'T BUST A MAN DREAM!

YOU UNDERSTAND? IT'S A DREAM.

YOU OVERSTAND. OVERSTAND. OVERSTAND.

OVERSTAND. DON'T BASH A MAN DREAM!

DON'T BASH A MAN DREAM!

YOU'RE PAYING FOR MY DRUMS.

I'LL PAY FOR YOUR DRUMS.

HEY, MAN. HE'S SQUASHING MY DREAM!

I'M GONNA FUCK--

NO. NO, NO. JAKE!

BROKE UP ME FUCKING TAXI TO ROT!

HE SQUASHED YOUR DREAM!

JAKE, YOU HAVE TO BE KIDDING ME.

LISTEN, CAM. I CHARGE $1.00 FOR THE SMALL DOGS,

$2.00 TO $3.00 FOR THE MEDIUM DOGS, DEPENDING ON THE DOG.

EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE I GET BRAVE

AND DO A BIG MOTHER OF A DOG.

THAT'S $5.00.

WAIT. WAIT. YOU DON'T HAVE ANY TROUBLE

WITH THE, UH-- THE LAW ENFORCEMENT?

NO, MAN. I'VE BEEN DOING THIS FOR YEARS.

NEVER HAD NO TROUBLE WITH THE COPS, OK?

NO LAW AGAINST PICKING UP DOG CRAP.

NO, I SUPPOSE NOT.

UH, CAM. WHAT?

WAIT TILL THEY HIT THE GROUND.

YOU DON'T WANT TO GET BIT.

Cameron: UGH.

EXCUSE ME. GIVE ME $5.00, PLEASE.

ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHY SHOULD I GIVE YOU $5.00?

BECAUSE I'VE GOT YOUR DOG'S FECES RIGHT HERE.

SO WHAT?

WHAT? DON'T YOU KNOW IT'S AGAINST THE LAW

NOT TO CLEAN UP AFTER YOUR DOG?

PROVE THAT SHIT IS MY DOG'S.

I JUST PICKED IT UP.

I DIDN'T SEE IT COME FROM MY DOG.

OH, YEAH. IT CAME FROM YOUR DOG,

AND I PICKED IT UP.

WELL, LET ME LOOK AT IT.

WHAT?

COME ON. LET ME TAKE A LOOK AT IT.

SORRY, DUDE. I'VE HAD THIS DOG A LONG TIME,

AND THAT IS NOT MY DOG'S SHIT.

JAKE?

YOU KNOW WHAT? I DIDN'T THINK

YOU WAS GOING TO BE ABLE TO MAKE ENOUGH MONEY, CAM.

I MEAN, AFTER THAT SEVENTH DOG,

I DIDN'T THINK YOU HAD ANY FUTURE IN THE BUSINESS.

WELL, I RECKON SINCE THAT LAST TERRIER

HAD A BAD CASE OF DIARRHEA, WE'RE ABOUT EVEN.

YEAH. I'D SAY WE'RE ABOUT EVEN.

[BLOWS]

YEAH. NICE DRUMS, THOUGH, MAN.

CAM.

[PLAYS PIANO]

[PLAYING CLASSICAL MUSIC]

[LOUD MUSIC]

[LEANS ON NOTES]

HEY, THOSE ARE NICE DRUMS, CAM.

THANKS, MAN.

HEY, I SAID THANKS FOR THE DRUMS, MAN.

WHAT'S WRONG?

YOU STILL HAVEN'T COME CLEAN

ABOUT THAT PIANO THING BACK THERE.

WHEN I WAS 16, I REALIZED I HAD TO DEDICATE MY LIFE

TO THE CRAFT.

THE PROBLEM WAS, I WASN'T ANY GOOD.

OH, I MEAN, I COULD PLAY AND PLAY WELL,

BUT NOWHERE NEAR LIKE THE GREATS PLAY.

AND I GOT NERVOUS IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE.

BUT PUT ME IN A ROOM WITH JUST A PIANO,

AND THERE'S ALMOST NO OTHER ACTIVITY I'D RATHER DO ALONE.

WELL, I CAN THINK OF A FEW ACTIVITIES I LIKE TO DO ALONE

OTHER THAN FINGERING SOME PIANO.

GET ME IN FRONT OF 5 PEOPLE, I'D FALL APART.

BUT I STUCK WITH IT, BECAME A PROFESSOR,

TEACHING OTHER PEOPLE THE CRAFT.

IT'S FUNNY. IT'S EASIER TEACHING,

WATCHING THEM SWIM INSTEAD OF BRAVING THE WATERS YOURSELF.

YEAH, WELL, THAT STILL AIN'T EXPLAINING

HOW THAT PIANO MESSED YOU UP BACK THERE.

ONE DAY THIS BOY BLEW ME AWAY.

HE COULD PLAY EMOTIONS THAT UP TO THAT POINT IN HIS LIFE

HE HADN'T EVEN FELT YET.

THE AMAZING THING WAS, HE COULD DO IT WITH PRACTICALLY NO EFFORT.

IT WAS INCREDIBLE.

HMM. THAT PISSED YOU OFF?

NO, JAKE.

HE WAS MY SON.

PATRICK WAS MY SON.

OH, MAN. YOU'RE A FATHER.

ALL RIGHT. THAT'S GREAT, CAM.

NO.

NO.

NO?

WHAT HAPPENED?

HE DIED 10 YEARS AGO.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR WIFE? WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?

WHEN PATRICK DIED, I FELL APART.

HE WAS MY WHOLE WORLD. I LOST IT ALL.

I COULDN'T GO NEAR A PIANO, LET ALONE COMPOSE OR WRITE.

MEREDITH PUT UP WITH IT FOR A COUPLE OF YEARS,

AND THEN SHE LEFT.

AIN'T YOU GOT NO FAMILY?

YEAH, BACK IN ENGLAND.

ENGLAND.

ENGLAND.

MAYBE YOU SHOULD GIVE THEM A CALL.

NO. THEY THINK I'M OK.

I, UH--I'M ASHAMED TO TELL THEM THE TRUTH,

ESPECIALLY MY DAD.

OK. YOU'RE ASHAMED, HUH?

LOOK, CAM, I'M SORRY ABOUT YOUR SON,

BUT YOUR SORRY STORY AIN'T GONNA PUT NO FOOD IN MY STOMACH,

SO LET'S GET SOMETHING TO EAT.

WHOA. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

MMM. HA.

ALL RIGHT! CHECK IT OUT!

DID I DELIVER OR WHAT, HUH?

HALF A TORTILLA AND A COUPLE OF SWIGS OF BREW.

WHAT'S THE MATTER? YOU DON'T LIKE IT?

A TWO-HOUR OLD TORTILLA AND A BOTTLE OF BACKWASH?

OH, EXCUSE ME. CAN I HEAT IT UP FOR YOU?

HOW ABOUT A SLICE OF LIME WITH YOUR BREW?

I'M JUST NOT USED TO EATING OUT OF GARBAGE CANS.

COME ON, CAM. YOU GOT TO LIGHTEN UP, MAN.

STOP WORRYING SO MUCH.

I'M NOT WORRYING. I'M JUST CONCERNED. YOU KNOW--

YOU USED TO GO IN THESE FANCY RESTAURANTS

WITH SOME OF YOUR HIGH-CLASS FRIENDS, RIGHT?

HMM? AM I RIGHT?

IT'S BEEN A LONG TIME.

THAT'S WHAT YOU'RE COMPARING THIS TO, MAN.

BUT IT'S THE SAME FOOD, MAN.

JUST SOME STUFFY WAITER DIDN'T BRING IT TO YOU.

NO, IT'S JUST THAT SOMEBODY ELSE HELPED THEMSELVES TO IT

BEFORE I GOT THERE.

HALF THE FOOD I EAT, MAN,

IT'S THE SAME QUALITY AS YOU UPPITY MOFOs

PAY SERIOUS CASH FOR.

OH, SURE, YEAH, THE WAITER, HE DIDN'T SCRAPE THE CRUMBS

OFF MY TABLE OR FOLD MY NAPKIN WHILE I TAKE A SHIT.

HELL, OUT HERE, MAN, YOU CAN TAKE A DUMP

AND NOT EVEN STOP EATING.

THAT'S DISGUSTING.

THAT'S REALITY.

NOW, COME ON, MAN. EAT UP.

WHAT?

WHAT?

DAMN.

Jake: OH, DID WE WAKE UP ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE TREE?

LISTEN, JAKE, THIS DAY ISN'T EXACTLY

FULL OF WINE AND ROSES.

WINE AND ROSES, HUH?

MAN, YOU JUST HAD A HALF A TORTILLA AND SOME SWIG.

YES. YOU'RE RIGHT.

OH, YOU BROUGHT ME HERE TO PLAY CHESS.

NO, NO, NO. I DON'T WANT TO PLAY WITH YOU.

I'M HERE TO MEET MY MAN ABE.

HERE. YOU SIT HERE.

WHO'S ABE? IS HE HOMELESS, TOO?

NO. HE'S A BROKER ON THE EXCHANGE.

A BROKER?

CAM, WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU, MAN?

OF COURSE HE'S HOMELESS. JEEZ.

HE'S BEEN OUT HERE A LONG TIME, MAN,

BUT HE'S GOT THE GOODS TO GO.

YOU NEED TO BE A LITTLE EDUCATED

ON HOW TO MEET PEOPLE OUT HERE, OK?

DON'T SHAKE HANDS. RULE NUMBER ONE.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE IT SPREADS GERMS, MAN.

YOU JUST GOT THROUGH PICKING UP DOG SHIT.

YOU'VE BEEN SIFTING THROUGH GARBAGE.

GOD ONLY KNOWS WHERE ABE'S HANDS HAS BEEN.

SO IT'S JUST LOGICAL, CAM, YOU KNOW? DON'T YOU THINK SO?

ALL RIGHT. THAT MAKES SENSE. WHAT ELSE?

WELL...

DON'T ASK HIM HOW HE'S BEEN OR HOW HE IS, OK?

WE ALREADY KNOW HOW HE IS. HE'S SHITTY.

SEE, IT'S NOT LIKE WHEN YOU UPPITY MOFOs SAY,

"HI. WELL, HOW ARE YOU TODAY?"

"OH, I'M FINE, AND YOU, SIR?"

"WELL, I'M, UH-- I'M FAB. I'M FAB."

SEE, YOU AIN'T NEVER BEEN SHITTY.

IF YOU WERE, YOU WOULDN'T SAY IT.

TRUE. SO I DON'T SHAKE HANDS,

AND I DON'T ASK HIM HOW HE IS.

THAT'S RIGHT. AND HIS NAME ABE, OK?

SO YOU DON'T NEED TO ASK HIS NAME.

WHY NOT?

WHY NOT? I JUST TOLD YOU HIS NAME IS ABE, RIGHT?

SO WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO ASK HIS NAME?

HOW IS HE GONNA KNOW MY NAME?

LOOK, HE DON'T GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR NAME, MAN.

IS THAT SO?

THAT'S A FACT.

JAKE.

WHAT?

I GOT TO GO.

OH.

WHERE YOU GOING?

YOU KNOW.

WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?

I HAVE TO DO NUMBER TWO.

OH. OK. ALL RIGHT. GO AHEAD, MAN. JUST DO YOUR THING.

WELL, I HAVEN'T ACTUALLY CROSSED THAT BRIDGE YET,

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU'VE BEEN OUT HERE ALL THIS TIME

AND YOU AIN'T TOOK A SHIT?

OH, DON'T BE STUPID, JAKE.

I'VE BEEN GOING IN THE DINER,

BUT I CAN'T GO BACK THERE NOW.

OH.

SO, WHAT DO I-- HOW DO I GO ABOUT IT?

MAN, HERE YOU COME WITH ALL THESE QUESTIONS AGAIN.

I DON'T KNOW, CAM.

GO OVER THERE BY THE TREE OR SOMETHING.

I'M NOT USING-- THERE'S A LOT OF PEOPLE ABOUT, JAKE.

OH, I SEE. SO YOU CAN'T TAKE A SHIT

IN FRONT OF AN AUDIENCE--

KIND OF LIKE YOUR PIANO PLAYING, HUH?

OH, THAT'S NOT FAIR.

LOOK, LIFE AIN'T FAIR, OK?

SO GET OUT MY FACE, MAN.

HEY. WHAT?

DON'T FORGET TO COME BACK, OK?

BECAUSE I'M EXPECTING ABE TO COME STROLLING THROUGH ANY SECOND.

Man: ♪ CAN'T TRUST SOMEBODY ♪

♪ YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO ALONE ♪

♪ CAN'T TRUST SOMEBODY ♪

♪ YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO ALONE ♪

♪ 'CAUSE EVERY TIME-- ♪

WHAT YOU LOOKING AT?

♪ EVERY TIME THEY GET THERE ♪

♪ YOU WISH THEY HAD A-STAYED OUT ♪

HEY! NOW, I KNOW IT AIN'T NIGHTTIME,

BUT I SEE THE MOON!

HA HA HA!

AND THERE'S A LITTLE TOOTSIE ROLL.

DO YOU MIND?

JUST LET ME FINISH IN PEACE.

OH, WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM, BIG HEAD?

YOU DIDN'T THINK TO BRING SOME NAPKINS?

JUST GET OUT OF HERE, WILL YOU? LEAVE ME ALONE.

I GOT JUST AS MUCH RIGHT TO STAND HERE

AS YOU GOT A RIGHT TO SHIT HERE.

ABE, ABE, ABE, LEAVE THE MAN ALONE. THIS IS CAMERON.

HEY, WELL, FUCK ME. EH, JAKE, JAKE.

THIS IS THAT MUSIC MAN YOU WAS TALKING ABOUT?

YEAH.

HEY, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU RAN WITH JAKE.

WHAT'S THE MATTER?

DON'T TELL ME YOU FORGOT TO BRING

SOMETHING TO CLEAN YOUR ASS WITH.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO GIVE YOUR BOY A ROUGH TIME THERE, JAKE.

HEY, YOU CAN BORROW MY HANKIE.

Jake: GO ON. GO ON, CAMERON. TAKE IT.

OH. UH, NO. NO. NO, THANK YOU. I'LL BE FINE.

CAMERON, IT'S ONE THING TO WALK AROUND

A COUPLE OF WEEKS WITHOUT TAKING A SHOWER,

BUT YOU GOT TO CLEAN YOUR ASS.

TRUST ME.

DIRTY ASS. YOU CAN'T WALK TOO FAR WITH THAT SHIT.

HA HA HA!

HEY, OLD MAN. YOU SOBER ENOUGH TO PLAY SOME CHESS,

OR ARE YOU TOO COCKED?

I'M ALWAYS SOBER.

IT'S JUST THAT THE EARTH MOVES TOO FAST

FOR ME TO STAND STRAIGHT.

HA HA HA!

[INDISTINCT]

SO, ABE, HOW HAVE YOU BEEN OUT HERE?

LOOK. COME ON, CAM. DIDN'T I TELL YOU

NOT TO BE ASKING A WHOLE BUNCH OF QUESTIONS?

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, JAKE. THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

[ENGLISH ACCENT] WELL, CAMERON, LET ME TELL YOU.

I'VE BEEN PRETTY SHITTY!

MY MAN.

WHY DO YOU PUT UP WITH IT?

WHY DO YOU STAY HERE?

STAY WHERE?

HERE IN NEW YORK.

THIS IS WHERE I'M FROM.

WHY DON'T YOU MOVE FARTHER SOUTH,

FLORIDA OR SOMETHING?

IT'S WARMER THERE.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, MAN.

IN THE FIRST DAMN PLACE,

I AIN'T NO FLORIDIAN.

I'M A NEW YORKER.

THAT MEANS I LIVE IN NEW YORK.

I LIKE IT HERE. THAT'S WHY I STAY HERE.

BESIDES, YOU SEE ME WALKING DOWN THERE

BETWEEN TWO PALM TREES,

DON'T YOU THINK I WOULD STICK OUT JUST A LITTLE?

ALL THAT WHITE SAND AND ALL THEM GREEN TREES,

AND ME A DIRTY OLD PIECE OF SHIT STROLLING AROUND.

IT DON'T FIT. IT JUST AIN'T RIGHT.

I GUESS SO.

I GUESS SO.

YOU SEE, IN NEW YORK,

IT'S A CAMOUFLAGE.

YOU CAN HIDE HERE.

YOU CAN RUB SHOULDERS

WITH THE HIGH CLASS OVER HERE

AND THE LOW CLASS AT THE SAME TIME.

NOW WHERE IN THE HELL WOULD YOU

TAKE A SHIT AT IN FLORIDA,

BETWEEN TWO PALM TREES?

HA HA HA! I THINK NOT.

HEY, HEY, HEY!

STILL, IT'S WARMER THERE.

IT'S WARMER ALL YEAR ROUND.

SO IS THIS. HA HA HA!

GOT A POINT THERE.

HE DRUNK, AND HE STILL MAKE A POINT.

SO YOU GUYS HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT?

YOU KNOW WHERE TO EAT, YOU KNOW WHERE TO SLEEP,

YOU KNOW WHERE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM.

YEP. THAT'S RIGHT. WE GOT IT ALL.

THERE'S JUST ONE THING MISSING, ISN'T THERE?

WHAT ABOUT COMPANIONSHIP?

COMPANIONSHIP? HEY, I GOT MY MAN ABE.

OH. I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT YOU TWO WERE, UH--

OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

JUST BACK THAT UP.

COME ON, MAN. LOOK. HE'S MY FRIEND, ALL RIGHT?

HE AIN'T NO KIND OF COMPANION LIKE YOU TALKING ABOUT.

WHY YOU GONNA SAY THIS TO ME?

I DON'T PLAY THAT STUFF, MAN.

WHY YOU GONNA SAY THAT?

SORRY.

HEE HEE HEE! HA HA HA!

SO WHAT DO YOU GENTLEMEN DO ABOUT A LITTLE COMPANIONSHIP?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN-- PUSSY?

YES. WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU WANT A BIT?

WELL, PUSSY'S THE SPICE OF LIFE.

WELL, SHALL WE, JAKE?

OK. AFTER WE FINISH THE GAME.

CHECKMATE.

CHECKMATE? AIN'T NO CHECKMATE.

I CAN MOVE RIGHT THERE.

OH, COME ON, JAKE. I'M HORNY.

LAST TIME, YOU DENIED ME,

AND I WANT SOME PUSSY.

Jake: WE'RE GONNA INTRODUCE YOU

TO SOME VERY SPECIAL FRIENDS OF OURS.

THEY HOMELESS, TOO?

THERE YOU GO WITH THE QUESTIONS AGAIN.

LOOK, MAN. I DON'T KNOW IF THEY'RE HOMELESS OR NOT.

IT DON'T MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE.

FACT IS, THEY'RE THE ONLY LADIES OF THE NIGHT

WHO DEAL WITH PEOPLE LIKE US.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHAT DO HE MEAN? DO YOU WANT TO GIVE US A BLOW JOB RIGHT NOW?

NOT REALLY.

THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LISTEN. RUN IT DOWN, JAKE.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN "NOT REALLY"?

THAT BETTER BE A CONCRETE NO.

SEE, MAN, THEY AIN'T THE MOST

GOOD-LOOKING LADIES OUT HERE,

BUT, YOU KNOW, I MEAN, THAT DON'T MATTER.

WELL, WHAT'S THEIR POLICY? YOU MEAN, THEY'LL JUST DO ANYBODY?

POLICY? FOLLOW THE PLAN.

YOU'LL SEE, MAN.

YOU'LL UNDERSTAND WHEN WE GET THERE.

ALL RIGHT.

ABE, YO!

OH. LOOK AT THE LADIES OF THE NIGHT.

HEY, LADIES. YEAH.

OH. LOOKIE HERE.

OOH. FLOWERS FOR US?

AW, JAKE IS ALWAYS CLASSY,

BUT WHO'S WHITEY?

OH, FORGET THAT. LET'S GET DOWN TO BUSINESS.

LET'S DO OUR THING.

UH-UH-UH. I DON'T THINK SO.

YOU BOYS MIGHT DO YOURSELVES A BIT BETTER

IF YOU TAKE IT AROUND THE BACK.

BECK AND LACI BACK THERE.

I HATE LACI.

COME ON, COME ON. COME ON, CAM.

IT WILL TAKE 40 HORSES TO KEEP ME OFF SOME PUSSY TONIGHT.

OH. HEY, HEY, LADIES.

THERE THEY ARE.

OOH. HEY, LADIES.

THANK YOU.

WHAT CAN WE DO FOR YOU TONIGHT?

LOOK LIKE YOU DOING ALL RIGHT NOW, BABY.

SO, JAKE, WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?

Jake: THIS IS MY MAN CAM.

HE'S A BIG-TIME MUSIC DUDE,

AND I WAS HOPING MAYBE Y'ALL COULD GIVE HIM

YOUR LITTLE, UH, MUSICIAN'S DISCOUNT TONIGHT.

FORGET THE DISCOUNT, JAKE.

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE. ARE YOU A COP?

NO. HE AIN'T NO COP.

NO. HE'S TOO MUCH OF A PUSSY TO BE A COP.

JAKE, I DON'T THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA.

YOU'VE HAD ENOUGH OF A SAMPLE.

NOW YOU BOYS GOT SOME BILLS OR WHAT?

OH. WE GOT SOME SMACK. COME ON. PAY THE LADY

SO I CAN GET SOME SAP TWISTED FROM MY TWIG.

MM-MM-MM. NOW I'M TALKING.

OOH, OOH, OOH. YEAH.

$5.00? 5 MOTHERFUCKING DOLLARS?

WHAT YOU EXPECT ME TO DO WITH THIS?

JUST FOR A LITTLE LOVING, BABY.

OK, BUT $5.00 AIN'T GONNA GET YOU TOO MUCH LOVING, BABY.

NOW THAT'S RIGHT. THAT'S WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

I MIGHT GET MY TEETH IN THE WAY OF YOUR PATHETIC $5.00.

OH, COME ON, BABY. YOU'RE GONNA ENJOY IT

JUST AS MUCH AS I DO.

THAT, MR. LINCOLN, IS FALSE.

YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT? YOU BELIEVE THAT SHIT?

LOOK, MAN. I BEEN KNOWING YOUR ASS FOR A LONG TIME,

AND I'VE YET TO SEE YOU IN A GOOD MOOD. OK? ALL RIGHT?

NOW, LISTEN. IF THIS SHIT DON'T PUT A SMILE

ON YOUR FACE, MAN, YOU ARE ONE DEPRESSED DUDE.

I DON'T WANT TO DO THI--

ARE YOU JUST GONNA WINDOW SHOP?

ALL RIGHT. LOOK. NOW I HELD BACK ON MY MAN ABE,

BUT TONIGHT IS MY MAN CAM'S NIGHT, OK?

GOTS THE LOOT.

I'M NOT INTERESTED.

I TOLD YOU TO TAKE IT IN.

NOW I SUGGEST YOU STRONGLY TAKE IN

THE WONDERFUL WORLD OF LACI.

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

LACI?!

COME ON.

OHH!

OH, YEAH. THIS WILL MAKE

EVERYTHING PERFECT, WON'T IT, JAKE?

UH, EXCUSE ME.

HOW MANY PAIRS OF UNDERWEAR DO YOU HAVE ON?

WILL YOU GIVE ME A BREAK? IT'S COLD OUT HERE.

MAN! THAT BITCH!

BECK DON'T DO YOU RIGHT.

NO, MAN. FELT LIKE I WAS BEING BLOWED

BY A HAMMER AND A CHISEL.

SHE SHOULD HAVE TOOK HER TEETH OUT.

OH, HEY, CAM. ALL RIGHT.

SO, UH, HOW WAS IT, MAN?

JAKE, HE DIDN'T EVEN FINISH.

HE WENT AND STARTED PRUNING ON ME.

YOU PRUNED? YOU MEAN, YOUR DICK FELL?

CAMERON, YOU GOT TO LIGHTEN UP, MAN.

YEAH. LOOK, CAMERON. LISTEN. YOU GOT TO CHILL OUT, MAN, OK?

YOU'RE BECOMING AN NERVOUS WRECK.

LISTEN TO ME, JAKE.

YOU JUST PAID $20 FOR ME TO HAVE SEX

WITH SOME WOMAN THAT I'VE NEVER EVEN SEEN BEFORE.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT SHE HAS, WHERE SHE COMES--

HEY. DID YOU ENJOY IT?

THAT'S NOT THE POINT.

DID YOU ENJOY IT?

DID YOU GET YOUR ROCKS OFF?

YES. A LITTLE.

GOOD. GOOD.

STARTING TO BREAK THROUGH.

Cameron: I'M JUST SURPRISED THEY LET THE TWO OF US IN HERE.

YEAH. WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

IT HELPS TO SWEET-TALK THE LADIES, MAN.

NOW, LOOK. THE LADY BEHIND THE COUNTER,

THAT'S MY GIRL, OK?

NOW WHEN YOU MEET HER, ALL RIGHT,

ACT LIKE YOU LIKE BOOKS, MAN,

BUT DON'T ACT TOO SMART, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

HUH? WELL, YOU KNOW, DON'T ACT LIKE

YOU KNOW MORE THAN I DO.

OH. NO, NO. DON'T WORRY, JAKE.

ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M GONNA BREAK DOWN MY GAME PLAN FOR YOU.

SEE, EVERY TIME I COME IN HERE,

I TRY TO CHECK OUT A BOOK THAT GIVES A LITTLE INNUENDO

AS TO THE ACTION HAPPENING DOWN BELOW,

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

DOWN BELOW? YEAH, MAN.

YOU KNOW, I MEAN, LIKE IN MY PANTS, MAN,

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

MY ACTION DOWN UNDER, YOU DIG?

OH. YOU DON'T THINK THAT'S GONNA MAKE YOU COME ACROSS

AS A BIT OF A PEST, NOT TO MENTION ADOLESCENT?

NO, MAN. YOU KNOW, ME AND MY LADY,

WE GOT US AN UNDERSTANDING.

HEY. CHECK IT OUT.

THAT'S HER OVER THERE.

OH. SHE'S VERY ATTRACTIVE.

SHE'S BEAUTIFUL.

LET'S GO.

EXCELLENT CHOICE.

WHEN IS THIS DUE? TWO WEEKS.

THANK YOU.

OH, MY GOD. HE'S GOT A FRIEND.

THIS IS OUT OF CONTROL. THIS IS JUST--

HELLO, CRAIG. HOW'S IT HANGING?

HEY. CHECK IT OUT. BROUGHT IT BACK.

I AM IMPRESSED.

WELL, I'M IMPRESSED THAT YOU'RE IMPRESSED.

ON TIME. UH-HUH.

HELLO. HELLO.

OH, HEY. THIS IS MY MAN CAM.

YEAH. HE'S A BIG-TIME MUSIC DUDE, YOU KNOW.

USED TO BE UPPER EAST SIDE,

AND NOW HE HANGING WITH ME.

I'M KIND OF SHOWING HIM THE ROPES, YOU KNOW,

HELPING HIM OUT.

CAM, DIDN'T YOU SAY THAT YOU WANTED

CHECK OUT SOME BOOKS IN THE HISTORY DEPARTMENT?

OH, RIGHT. OK. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

TAKE YOUR TIME. YEAH.

SO WHAT'S THE STORY ON YOUR FRIEND?

OH, HE, UH--I MET HIM IN THE PARK.

HE'S KIND OF HAVING A ROUGH TIME OUT HERE.

REALLY? WHY?

WELL, I DON'T KNOW. HE'S SOME KIND OF PIANO COMPOSER.

YOU KNOW, HIS SON WAS KILLED IN A CAR ACCIDENT,

AND HIS WIFE LEFT HIM, HE LOST CONTROL.

OH, THAT IS SO SAD.

YEAH, YEAH, IT'S KIND OF SAD, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I BEEN KNOWING HIM A WHILE NOW,

AND, UH, YOU AIN'T HIS TYPE.

WELL, THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

HE'S NOT MY TYPE EITHER.

OH. WELL, I'M HAPPY TO HEAR THAT.

SO, MISS WEBB, WHAT EXACTLY IS YOUR TYPE?

I FOUND THIS.

THOUGHT IT MIGHT HELP WITH YOUR LITTLE GAME.

"TAMING OF THE SHREW"?

OH, YOU GUYS.

ALL RIGHT.

LISTEN. I'VE GOT TO GET BACK TO WORK,

AND I WILL SEE YOU IN A WEEK.

MISS WEBB...

I'M GONNA BE LOOKING FORWARD TO IT.

ME, TOO, JAKE.

COME ON.

SHE SAID, "ME, TOO."

SHH!

SHE LIKES ME. REALLY, SHE DOES.

OHH. ARE YOU HUNGRY, JAKE?

YEAH. YEAH. HOW MUCH MONEY YOU GOT ON YOU?

I THOUGHT YOU WERE THE MONEY MAN.

ME? MAN, I JUST PAID $20 FOR YOUR BITCH LAST NIGHT.

AH, THAT'S RIGHT. SO YOU DID.

OH, MAN. YOU DIDN'T EVEN FINISH.

I KNOW. PLEASE.

ALL RIGHT. IT'S ALL RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, I THINK IT'S TIME WE START MAKING SOME COIN, MAN.

YOU KNOW THE DRILL, RIGHT?

MM. RIGHT.

RIGHT. OK.

HEY, CAM.

YOU KNOW, UH...

I THINK IT'S TIME I INVITED YOU TO MY HOME.

YOUR HOME? OH, YEAH.

THIS IS MY HOUSE, NEW YORK CITY, MY HOUSE.

YOU KNOW, BEFORE, MAN, YOU WAS LIKE

AN ANNOYING NEIGHBOR OR SOMETHING,

BUT NOW...

NOW I CONSIDER YOU A GUEST IN MY HOUSE.

REALLY?

MAN, I'M IN A GOOD, MOOD, MAN,

SO DON'T LET IT GO TO YOUR HEAD, ALL RIGHT?

LOOK AT ME, MAN.

I GOT MY HEALTH, MY WITS,

I'M IN LOVE WITH A BITCHY FROM THE LIBRARY.

WHAT MORE CAN ANY MAN ASK FOR?

HOW ABOUT A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD, JAKE?

OH, MAN. HERE YOU GO AGAIN.

COME ON. LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

ROOF OVER MY HEAD. I DON'T NEED NO ROOF.

COME ON, MAN.

COME ON. SHIT.

[NO AUDIO]

Man: ♪ SO IT'S TURNING OUT ♪

♪ ALL THE MISTAKES I THOUGHT I MADE ♪

♪ WERE HIGH-STAKES, AND THE GUYS HAVE LONG GONE AWAY ♪

♪ SO IT TURNS OUT ♪

♪ MAYBE THAT WORD CHOICE WAS A BIG MISTAKE ♪

♪ HAVEN'T HAD A BAD LIFE ♪

♪ HAVEN'T HAD A BAD LIFE ♪

♪ SO FAR ♪

♪ HAVEN'T HAD A BAD LIFE ♪

♪ SO FAR ♪

♪ HAVEN'T HAD A BAD LIFE ♪

♪ HAVEN'T HAD A BAD LIFE ♪

♪ HAVEN'T HAD A BAD LIFE ♪

♪ SO FAR ♪

♪ I A KNEW AN OLD MAN THAT WORRIED ABOUT DYING EVERY DAY ♪

♪ HE DIED ♪

♪ I KNEW ANOTHER WHO NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT DEATH ♪

♪ HE DIED ♪

♪ ONLY TOMORROW KNOWS WHAT TOMORROW BRINGS ♪

♪ LET YESTERDAY GO ON YESTERDAY'S WINGS ♪

♪ BECAUSE THERE'S NO USE IN FEARING THINGS ♪

♪ THAT HAVEN'T HAPPENED YET ♪

♪ HAVEN'T HAD A BAD LIFE ♪

♪ HAVEN'T HAD A BAD LIFE ♪

♪ HAVEN'T HAD A BAD LIFE ♪

♪ SO FAR ♪

♪ SO FAR ♪

♪ SO IT TURNS OUT ♪

♪ YEAH ♪

WHAT IT BE LIKE, COLONEL?

I'M HERE, JAKE. I'M HERE.

HOW'S CAMERON DOING TODAY?

WELL, COLONEL, I'VE BEEN PRETTY SHITTY.

HA HA HA!

WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? I'M HOMELESS.

WHAT TIME DO YOU EXPECT ABE TODAY?

DON'T WORRY ABOUT ABE. HE'LL BE AROUND.

YOU'RE LOOKING FOR ABE?

I AIN'T LOOKING FOR HIM. HE'LL BE ALONG SOON.

YOU GUYS GONNA BE WAITING A WHILE.

YOU DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT ABE?

WHAT ABOUT ABE?

I'M SORRY, JAKE. ABE DIED.

DEAD TWO DAYS NOW.

WHAT THE HELL YOU TALKING ABOUT? I JUST SAW ABE.

WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?

GOT TO TALKING TO THE WRONG GUY

HERE IN THE PARK THE OTHER DAY.

THE GUY BEAT THE PATOOTIE OUT OF HIM.

Cameron: DID YOU SEE IT?

I WAS HERE PLAYING CHESS.

I HEARD SOME COMMOTIONS.

THEN I SAW ABE LYING ON THE GROUND.

OLD ABE LAY THERE ABOUT TWO HOURS, I'D SAY.

THEN THE COPS CAME, COVERED HIM UP, DRAGGED HIM AWAY.

WHY DIDN'T YOU HELP HIM?

I THOUGHT HE WAS DRUNK.

NO ONE BOTHERED TO HELP HIM.

[SIGHS]

WELL...

CRAZY FOOL.

YOU GONNA PLAY CHESS OR WHAT?

AHH.

YOU KNOW, THE SAD PART IS,

I WAS ALL HE HAD.

HOW LONG DID YOU KNOW HIM?

WHEN I FIRST GOT OUT HERE,

HE, UH, SHOWED ME THE ROPES.

TAUGHT ME A LOT ABOUT THE STREETS.

WAS HE DRINKING BACK THEN?

YEAH. YEAH. HE WAS ALWAYS INTO THAT SHIT.

DRUNKEN FOOL.

I HUNG WITH HIM, THOUGH.

HE--HE STUCK WITH ME.

I STUCK WITH HIM.

NOBODY GIVES A CRAP WHEN WE DIE, YOU KNOW.

I MEAN, PEOPLE CONSIDER IT A GOOD THING,

ONE LESS EYESORE,

YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN THEY KNOCK DOWN OLD BUILDINGS.

EVERYONE STARES, BUT NOBODY CARES.

WELL, THAT'S RIDICULOUS. THEY SHOULD CARE.

WE'RE HUMAN, TOO.

YEAH. WELL, YOU KNOW HOW SOCIETY IS, MAN.

MAN, I BET WHEN YOU WAS TOOLING AROUND 5 YEARS AGO,

YOU DIDN'T CARE ABOUT PEOPLE LIKE US EITHER.

NO, I DIDN'T, BUT THAT DOESN'T MEAN TO SAY

WE CAN'T DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT NOW.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'M TALKING ABOUT RAISING PEOPLE'S AWARENESS.

CAM, MAN, JUST CHILL OUT, OK,

BECAUSE YOU'RE STARTING TO SOUND DELUSIONAL.

NO. LISTEN, LISTEN. WHAT WE NEED IS SOME KIND OF--

SOME KIND OF RECOG--

WE NEED A PARADE,

A PARADE FOR THE HOMELESS.

A PARADE?

A PARADE?

WE'VE ALL GOT SOMETHING IN COMMON.

WHAT?

WE'VE ALL CHOSEN TO LIVE WITHOUT THE CONFINES OF A RESIDENCE.

MAN, YOU CRAZY.

NO, NO. THE ANGLE IS THAT WE CHOOSE TO BE HOMELESS.

NO, NO, NO. SEE--SEE, THAT'S BULLSHIT, ALL RIGHT?

I MEAN, A FEW PEOPLE OUT HERE LIKE MYSELF

CHOOSE TO BE OUT HERE,

BUT MOST OF THESE PEOPLE OUT HERE

BECAUSE THEY AIN'T GOT NO CHOICE, MAN.

IT'S HARD OUT HERE.

ANY ORGANIZED FACTION THAT HAS A SIMILARITY

THAT BINDS THEM TOGETHER IS ALL THAT WE NEED.

THE CITY HALL IS OBLIGED TO LET US MARCH.

YEAH. IT'S GONNA BE ONE UGLY-ASS PARADE.

I'M NOT GONNA LET THIS GO BY.

LET'S GO TO CITY HALL. COME ON.

RIGHT. LET'S JUST GO TO CITY HALL.

WE CAN JUST WALK IN AND ASK FOR THE MAYOR,

AND HE'S GONNA SAY, "COME ON IN, HOMELESS.

"SIT DOWN. HAVE SOME COFFEE.

TELL ME YOUR VIEWS ON POLITICS."

RIGHT. MAN, AIN'T ANYBODY GONNA PAY NO ATTENTION TO US.

THEY PAY ATTENTION TO US EVERYWHERE ELSE.

YOU GOT A POINT THERE.

COME ON. PARADE.

ALL RIGHT. HEY, MAN.

MERCURY 7 HAD A PARADE.

THE WORLD SERIES HAD A PARADE.

HOMELESS PARADE. SHIT.

HEH HEH HEH!

HELL, YEAH.

FIRST PARADE FOR THE HOMELESS.

THAT'S WHAT IT WILL BE.

THAT'S RIGHT. A HOMELESS DAY PARADE.

MM-HMM. ALL RIGHT.

WE'D LIKE TO SEE THE MAYOR.

LISTEN, GUYS. THE MAYOR IS VERY AWARE

OF THE HOMELESS SITUATION HERE IN THE CITY.

AH, YES. HE'S AWARE OF THE SITUATION,

BUT HE VIEWS IT AS A NEGATIVE.

WHAT?

HE THINKS THE CITY HAS A HOMELESS PROBLEM, PER SE,

INSTEAD OF ACCEPTING IT AS AN ASSET TO THE COMMUNITY.

ALL RIGHT. MAYBE THAT'S TAKING IT A BIT TOO FAR,

BUT THERE ARE A LOT OF PEOPLE

WHO ARE VERY HAPPY TO OPT FOR A SITUATION WITHOUT SHELTER.

I SUPPOSE YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY.

MAN TOOK THE WORDS RIGHT OUT OF MY MOUTH.

WELL, WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU WANT TO SEE THE MAYOR ABOUT?

WE'D LIKE TO HAVE A RALLY,

A GATHERING, UM, A PARADE, IF YOU WILL.

A PARADE? YES.

YOU WANT TO HAVE A PARADE? YES.

HOMELESS PEOPLE? MM-HMM.

WHAT'S SO FUNNY?

NOTHING, NOTHING.

ALL THE OTHER GROUPS HAVE PARADES.

PUERTO RICANS, IRISH, GAYS AND LESBIANS--

THEY ALL HAVE PARADES.

LET'S JUST GET YOU A FORM. HOLD ON.

HEY, KAREN. WHERE DO WE KEEP

ALL THOSE HOMELESS PARADE FORMS?

LITTLE SHIT. WHAT'S WITH THAT KAREN?

HERE. ALL I CAN SAY IS FILL OUT ONE OF THESE FORMS.

WE'LL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.

THANK YOU.

I WOULDN'T STRIKE UP THE BAND JUST YET, GENTLEMEN.

DON'T NEED NO BAND.

JUST ME AND MY BONGOS.

Cameron: YOU KNOW, IT'S A FUNNY THING.

YOU LIVE YOUR WHOLE LIFE IN MANHATTAN,

AND THEY BURY YOU IN QUEENS.

Jake: YEAH. WELL, IT'S NOT THAT UNUSUAL.

AT LEAST HE GOT BURIED.

PEOPLE LIKE US, WE USUALLY GET CREMATED OR SOMETHING.

NOT THE PROPER WAY TO GO, THOUGH,

YOU KNOW, NOBODY THERE, NO FAMILY, NOTHING.

SEE, YOU LUCKY, CAM. YOU GOT FAMILY STILL, MAN.

YOU DIE, THEY'LL LIKELY FIND KIN, SOMEBODY TO LOOK AFTER YOU,

MAKE SURE YOU GET A PROPER BURIAL.

WHAT ABOUT YOU, JAKE?

GOT ANY FAMILY STILL?

ME? NO, MAN. MY FAMILY, THEY DEAD.

MY MOTHER, SHE DIED GIVING BIRTH TO MY SISTER.

SO YOU HAVE A SISTER. THAT'S FAMILY.

NO, NO. I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE SHE IS.

MY FATHER, HE GOT CAPPED.

CAPPED? HIS TEETH?

SHOT, MAN. HE GOT SHOT. SORRY.

ANYWAY, THERE I WAS, YOU KNOW, WITH NOBODY.

ONE DAY, PEOPLE COME, SCOOP ME UP,

SENT ME OFF TO LIVE WITH ONE OF THEM FOSTER FAMILIES.

NEEDLESS TO SAY, THAT SHIT DIDN'T WORK,

SO I WAS OFF TO ANOTHER ONE.

8 YEARS, I WENT THROUGH 10 FAMILIES.

THEY SAID I GOT ME SOME KIND OF RECORD.

WHY? WHY DID YOU MOVE AROUND TO SO MANY FAMILIES?

I DON'T KNOW, MAN.

I GUESS I WASN'T THE MOST MENTALLY BALANCED.

I WAS A BAD KID, BUT CAN YOU BLAME ME,

HAVING TO TAKE ORDERS FROM PEOPLE YOU AIN'T EVEN EVER MET BEFORE?

KIND OF LIKE BEING IN PRISON, MAN.

I MEAN, WHAT'S THE ONE THING YOU WANT MOST

WHEN YOU'RE IN PRISON?

IN PRISON?

I GOT TO SPOON-FEED YOU HERE, TOO, MAN?

COME ON. YOU WANT YOUR FREEDOM, MAN.

YOU WANT OUT BY ANY ROUTE.

WHEN I WAS 12, MAN, I JUMPED SHIP.

I'VE BEEN SAILING OUT HERE EVER SINCE.

12. CHRIST.

SEE, SOCIETY, MAN.

SOCIETY THINK THEY GOT ALL THE GODDAMN ANSWERS, MAN.

THEY DON'T KNOW. THEY AIN'T GOT NO ANSWERS FOR PEOPLE LIKE US,

PEOPLE LIKE ME, ABE, YOU, NONE OF US OUT HERE.

DIDN'T YOU EVER WANT TO REJOIN SOCIETY,

TO MAKE IT, TO MAKE A LIFE FOR YOURSELF?

HELL, NO! HELL, NO, MAN.

I GOT A LIFE. SHIT, MAN.

I AIN'T GONNA BE TRYING TO MOVE UP INTO SOMETHING

I DON'T KNOW NOTHING ABOUT.

NAH, MAN. YOU KNOW, HOW YOU GONNA MISS SOMETHING YOU NEVER KNEW,

NEVER HAD BEFORE?

I GOT A LIFE.

A LIFE THAT I FORGED FOR MYSELF, MAN,

LIFE--LIFE THEM MOFOs DON'T EVEN KNOW EXISTS.

[THUNDER]

THIS RAIN GONNA KEEP UP.

NICE TO BE HOME.

♪ RAIN ON ME ♪

JAKE, JAKE, MR. DUNN.

HOW ARE YOU, FATHER?

I HAVE SOME MAIL FOR YOU,

SOME MAIL FOR MY FRIENDS.

FOR ME?

IT'S FROM CITY HALL.

"DEAR MR. DUNN, WE ARE PLEASED TO INFORM YOU

"THAT YOUR REQUEST FOR A PERMIT

FOR YOUR GROUP TO MARCH HAS BEEN GRANTED."

WE GOT THE PARADE, JAKE!

ALL RIGHT, MAN. WE GOT US A PARADE.

I TOLD YOU. THEY HAD TO RECOGNIZE US.

FINALLY, WE'RE RECOGNIZED!

CONGRATULATIONS, FRIENDS.

HEY. THANKS, FATHER.

HEY, MAN. WE GONNA BE STYLING DOWN 5th AVENUE.

WELL, NO, NOT EXACTLY.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WE DIDN'T GET 5th AVENUE.

WE GOT CHINATOWN.

CHINATOWN?

ALL RIGHT. CHINATOWN'S OK.

IN AN ALLEY, COURTLAND ALLEY.

AW, MAN. AN ALLEY? JEEZ.

YEAH. AT 6 A.M. NEXT MARCH 3.

6 A.M.?

MAN, THAT MEANS AIN'T NOBODY GONNA SEE US DO OUR THING.

THIS IS BULLSHIT!

THEY SCREWED US, JAKE.

THOSE PRICKS DOWN AT CITY HALL,

THEY SCREWED US!

COME ON, CAM. I MEAN, JUST CHILL OUT.

IT'S NOT THAT BIG A DEAL, YOU KNOW?

IT'S OVER, JAKE.

WHAT'S OVER?

IT'S OVER. THIS IS OVER.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

CAM!

HEY, MAN, WHERE YOU GOING?

CAM? HEY, MAN. IT'S CITY HALL.

WHAT DID YOU EXPECT FROM CITY HALL?

CAM, COME ON, MAN. COME ON BACK. W--

THE PARADE MEANT A LOT TO HIM, HUH, JAKE?

WELL, HE FINALLY HAD SOMETHING GOING FOR HIM, YOU KNOW.

NOW...

WELL, HE'LL BE BACK.

YOU KNOW, HE'S...

HE'LL BE BACK, JAKE.

[THUNDER]

SO HOW THIS WINTER TREAT YOU THIS YEAR?

HMM. WELL, IT WASN'T THAT BAD.

YOU KNOW ME. I GOT TO BUILD A FEW SNOWMEN,

DO SOME ANGELS IN CENTRAL PARK.

HOW THE HELL YOU THINK IT WENT, MAN?

WELL, WELL, WELL.

AIN'T WE A LITTLE BITTER NOW?

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO THAT CAMERON GUY?

I HAVE NO IDEA. I HAVEN'T SEEN HIM IN MONTHS.

WHAT WAS UP WITH THAT FELLA ANYWAY?

I DON'T KNOW. I'M STILL TRYING TO FIGURE THAT ONE OUT.

HE JUST KIND OF CAME AND WENT.

SHOWED HIM THE ROPES, YOU KNOW, TO GET BY.

THOUGHT HE'D BE OK.

THOUGHT HE HAD THE GOODS TO GO,

BUT APPARENTLY, HE FELL A LITTLE SHORT.

I GUESS THE STREETS GOT TO HIM AFTER ALL.

SAME OLD STORY.

YOU'LL SEE HIM AGAIN.

YEAH. YEAH. I'LL SEE HIM AGAIN

ON THE FLIP SIDE A LITTLE BIT LATER ON.

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

Woman: EVERYONE PLEASE SIT DOWN.

PLEASE, PLEASE.

MR. NORTON WILL BE VERY HAPPY

TO ANSWER ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS

ABOUT HIS NEW BOOK ENTITLED "EVERYTHING'S JAKE."

LET'S JUST SETTLE DOWN, AND ONE AT A TIME, PLEASE.

[ALL TALKING AT ONCE]

Man: MR. NORTON, HERE.

YES.

THIS IS YOUR FIFTH BOOK WHERE YOU SECRETLY ENTERED

ANOTHER REALM OF SOCIETY FOR INSPIRATION FOR MATERIAL.

I DON'T THINK IT'S INSPIRATIONAL WHAT I DO.

IT'S JUST A REFLECTION OF MY PASSION

AND A NEED TO EXPLORE OTHER PEOPLE'S LIVES.

MR. NORTON!

YOUR LAST BOOK PLACED YOU IN THE WORLD OF MAGIC,

WHERE YOU REVEALED SOME OF THE MOST TREASURED SECRETS

OF THAT PROFESSION.

YOU'VE BEEN AN EVANGELIST,

A PRISONER OF WAR.

WHY DID YOU CHOOSE TO EXPLORE THE WORLD OF HOMELESSNESS?

IT'S NO SECRET, I DON'T THINK, IS IT,

THAT I WAS ALMOST THERE MYSELF 10 YEARS AGO.

Man: MR. NORTON, ARE YOU REFERRING TO THE ACCIDENT

THAT DESTROYED YOUR MUSIC CAREER?

YES.

Different man: MR. NORTON, HAVE YOU EVER CONSIDERED

RETURNING TO COMPOSING?

NO. THAT PART OF MY LIFE IS GONE.

Man: MR. NORTON, ARE WE REALLY TO BELIEVE

THAT A PERSON CAN BE HAPPY AND BE HOMELESS,

AND IS THIS JAKE A FICTITIOUS CHARACTER

THAT YOU CREATED?

THE INTEGRITY OF MY WORK HAS BEEN CHALLENGED BEFORE.

THE RECORD SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.

MR. NORTON, ARE WE TO BELIEVE

THE MAN IN THIS PHOTO IS YOUR CHARACTER JAKE?

[MURMURING]

WHERE'D YOU GET THAT PHOTOGRAPH?

WELL, MR. NORTON, I THINK WE HAVE ENOUGH MUTUAL RESPECT FOR EACH OTHER

FOR YOU TO UNDERSTAND I CANNOT REVEAL MY SOURCES.

[REPORTERS SHOUTING]

YES.

Woman: MR. NORTON, DO YOU HAVE ANY REMORSE

FOR YOUR SELFISH EXPLOITATION OF THIS MAN?

NO MORE QUESTIONS. THANK YOU.

YES. I THINK THAT ABOUT DOES IT.

THANK YOU.

HEY!

DAMN.

AH, YEAH. OH.

AHH.

AH, SHIT.

WHEW!

UGH.

HEH. HA HA! WELL, LOOK WHO IT IS.

IF IT ISN'T THE BIG AUTHOR.

YOU KNOW, MAN-- LISTEN, LISTEN.

I'M SORRY ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED.

I UNDERSTAND THAT YOU MUST BE ANGRY.

I'M NOT ANGRY.

I KNEW HIM FOR A LONG TIME,

YOU KNOW, AND YOU WERE THE ONLY PERSON HE EVER CALLED HIS FRIEND.

FRIEND? OH, I'D CALL IT MORE OF A BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP.

THAT'S WHY I'M HERE.

I GOT A CHECK FOR JAKE.

A CHECK?

YES. I FEEL OBLIGED TO GIVE HIM A PERCENTAGE

OF THE PROCEEDS FROM THE BOOK.

HA! HEY, MAN. I THOUGHT YOU HAD

SOME KIND OF INTELLIGENCE.

DON'T YOU KNOW JAKE DIDN'T NEED ANY MONEY?

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH MONEY HE HAD

IN THAT HOLE DOWN THERE?

YOU KNOW, A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO,

SOME CONSTRUCTION GUYS ACCIDENTALLY DUG UP HIS BOX.

I HELD ON TO IT UNTIL THEY WERE DONE.

YOU KNOW, HE HAD ABOUT $10,000 IN THAT BOX.

HEY, MAN. HOW YOU DOING? HOW'S EVERYTHING?

WELL, I CAME BY TO PUT THIS CHECK IN HIS BOX,

AND THAT'S WHAT I INTEND TO DO.

DO YOU HAVE A KEY OR SOMETHING?

LOOK. JAKE CAME AND DUG UP HIS BOX

AND TOOK IT WITH HIM.

HE SAID HE WAS CLOSING HIS ACCOUNT.

I DON'T UNDERSTAND. WHY?

BECAUSE HE CAN'T TRUST ANYBODY NOW,

AND THAT'S WHAT MAKES THIS WHOLE THING SO BAD.

HE TRUSTED YOU.

DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN FIND HIM?

HOW'S EVERYTHING? GOOD TO SEE YOU.

NO. NO. NOT AT ALL.

HE KEPT TALKING ABOUT THE NORTH POLE AND THE SOUTH POLE.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY,

BUT MAYBE YOU'LL FIND HIM THERE.

NORTH POLE, SOUTH POLE?

YOU GOT IT.

THANKS.

JAKE!

OH, IT'S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.

REALLY? YEAH.

CRAIG! CRAIG!

HI, JAKE!

HE WANTED ME TO LET HIM KNOW WHEN YOU CAME IN NEXT TIME.

CRAIG WANTED TO SEE ME?

YEAH.

WHAT THE HELL HE WANT TO SEE ME FOR?

LOOK. MISS WEBB, UH, ABOUT THAT BOOK

THAT I TOOK OUT LAST TIME,

WELL, I'M READING IT.

YOU KNOW, IT'S PRETTY GOOD.

YEAH, AND I WAS WONDERING IF I COULD BRING IT BACK

NEXT TIME I COME IN.

OH, DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT, JAKE.

YOU JUST TAKE YOUR TIME. IT'S PERFECTLY FINE.

JUST TAKE YOUR TIME.

IT'S FINE?

YEAH.

YOU HAVE AN ADDRESS YET?

WHY? YOU GONNA COME SEE ME IF I DO?

MAYBE.

JAKE, HI!

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU COULD SIGN THESE BOOKS FOR ME.

TO JOHNNY, FRANK, AND BRUCE.

HERE.

UM...

I GOT TO GO.

IT WAS GOOD TO SEE YOU, JAKE.

BYE, JAKE!

TAKE YOUR TIME WITH THE BOOK. IT'S FINE.

NO PROBLEM!

[NO AUDIO]

[SIRENS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

THERE YOU GO, JOY. THANKS A LOT.

YOU'RE WELCOME. BYE-BYE.

OK. I'M NEXT.

HI. HI.

HOW ARE YOU? IS THAT FOR ME?

ACTUALLY, IT'S MY DAD.

IF YOU COULD JUST SAY HELLO.

WHAT?

UM, MY DAD ON THE PHONE.

IF YOU COULD JUST SAY HI.

HELLO!

THANKS. I'LL CALL YOU BACK.

AND THIS IS FOR?

HIM. HIS NAME IS JEFF--J-E-F-F.

MM-HMM.

I'M A FAN, TOO.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU. THERE YOU GO.

ENJOY THE BOOK.

THANK YOU. BYE.

HI. HI. HI.

MR. NORTON, WE ARE SO EXCITED TO MEET YOU.

WE HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS ALL DAY.

WELL, IT'S NICE TO MEET YOU, TOO.

WHO SHOULD I MAKE THIS OUT TO?

NICOLE. ELIZABETH.

PARDON ME?

ELIZABETH. NICOLE.

NICOLE, ELIZABETH.

THAT'S RIGHT.

[BOTH SIGH]

IT'S NICE OF YOU TO COME.

ENJOY THE BOOK.

THANK YOU. THANK YOU.

[WHISPERING] How much time do we have?

We have about 15 minutes,

and then we really have to get out of here.

HOW ABOUT SIGNING ONE FOR MY GOOD FRIEND CAMERON?

JAKE, BEFORE YOU START,

THERE'S SOMETHING YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND.

I DID THIS FOR YOU, TOO.

YOU KNOW, I COULD HAVE CHOSEN ANYBODY.

LUCKY ME.

AND I HAVE A CHECK FOR YOU.

WHAT CHECK?

25% OF ALL THE PROCEEDS FROM THE BOOK.

IT'S THE LEAST I COULD DO.

LOOK, MAN. I AIN'T NEVER ASKED YOU FOR NOTHING,

AND I DAMN SURE DON'T NEED YOUR PROCEEDS.

COME ON, JAKE. THIS IS YOUR WAY OUT.

THERE'S A SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF MONEY IN THAT ENVELOPE.

YOU DON'T GET IT, MAN.

I HATE WHAT YOU DID,

NOT JUST BECAUSE OF ME, MAN,

BUT ALL THESE PEOPLE OUT HERE WHO IN TROUBLE

AND NEED HELP.

YOU CREATED THIS FANTASY WORLD, MAN.

YOU GOT PEOPLE THINKING THEY DON'T NEED TO HELP OUT.

I PLAYED MY DRUM FOR 3 HOURS TODAY.

I GOT 17 CENT, BUT I SIGNED TWO AUTOGRAPHS.

PUTS A PRETTY FUCKED UP SPIN ON THINGS,

DON'T YOU THINK, CAM?

I'M SORRY, JAKE.

I JUST TRIED TO DO WHAT WAS BEST FOR YOU.

BEST FOR ME?

BY MAKING ME FEEL LIKE A PRISONER IN MY OWN HOME?

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I'M TALKING ABOUT THE PRESS, MAN!

THEY ALL OVER MY ASS!

THEY ASKING QUESTIONS,

THEY'RE TAKING PICTURES.

DAMN, MAN. I'M LIKE A GODDAMN PRISONER IN MY OWN HOUSE!

I APOLOGIZE. I NEVER MEANT IT

TO TURN OUT LIKE THIS FOR YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORST PART IS?

MAN, THE WORST PART IS I TRUSTED YOU, MAN.

I BEEN READING PEOPLE MY WHOLE LIFE,

BUT I REALLY SCREWED UP WITH YOU

BECAUSE YOU'RE A LIAR.

YOU'RE LIVING A LIE,

BUT I BELIEVED YOU.

IT WASN'T ALL A LIE, JAKE.

THE MUSIC STUFF, MY SON.

I DID HIT ROCK BOTTOM.

I GUESS THAT'S WHERE THE TRUTH ENDED.

COME ON, JAKE. TAKE THE CHECK.

SEE, THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

YOU THINK IT'S ALL ABOUT THE MONEY.

I GOT TO GO, CAM, OR PHILLIP

OR WHATEVER THE FUCK YOUR NAME IS.

WHERE ARE YOU OFF TO, JAKE?

OH. I'LL BE AROUND,

YOU KNOW, DENYING MY EXISTENCE.

VERONICA.

[CHURCH BELLS RINGING]

[NO AUDIO]

HEY, YOU!

YEAH, YOU. WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?

WHY DON'T YOU GET YOUR ASS OVER TO A SHELTER?

I'M HERE FOR MY PARADE.

HERE FOR YOUR WHAT?

MY PARADE. YOUR PARADE?

YEAH.

I DIDN'T THINK THEY WERE SERIOUS.

ALL RIGHT. HAVE YOUR PARADE.

WHY ME?