Everybody He Is Nice, Everybody He Is Beautiful (1972) - full transcript
According to "Radio closer to God", nothing is conceived without God, especially shampoos, cosmetics, the sale of records... An animator, Christian Gerber, denounces this scam on the air, ...
I'm on to something big here.
And I'm on to something
even bigger.
This...
No!
This is Jean Marc Audibert
from Santa Maria Martha,
hot spot of the Andes,
where Ricardo Salinas,
Latin America's new guru
has established his HD.
I left the grimy hotel where we,
journalists, were staying.
I've had to hold secret
negotiations to get here,
as I can't betray my helpers,
but I'm now in the middle
of this Sierra Nevada
among Ricardo Salinas'
freedom fighters.
Indeed, I'm meeting him shortly.
Why isn't he here right now?
Here's the answer.
These hails of bullets
piercing the jungle's silence
are the sounds
of the regular army's troops
fighting Salinas' men
before my eyes,
as if cruelty is what governs
this place called Green Inferno,
where snakes, tigers,
mosquitos, malaria, and whatnot
don't suffice.
These men also have to fight...
for their freedom.
THERE IS NOTHING ON EARTH
THAT WAS NOT CREATED BY GOD
THEREFORE
GOD AND JEAN YANNE PRESENT
EVERYBODY HE IS NICE,
EVERYBODY HE IS BEAUTIFUL
What happened?
- I'm not in the tropics anymore!
- Give me your bag.
So what took you so long
to come back?
A whole lot of crap.
I met those guys, but
they confiscated my material.
- Then I had to hitchhike back.
- Everybody else got back already
and they're all over the news.
Except us!
What's this crap all about?
Stop the car.
- What the hell?
- It's true, you didn't know.
Plantier's latest idea:
Jesus, King of the station.
Anywhere and everywhere:
on billboards,
in songs, in commercials...
Yes, sir.
And there's more.
"...God would have
also created Odornet
"had he known about those agents
that destroy body odor."
Jesus is here.
The Lord has come!
He's even
on the hood of the car.
I can't make up my mind.
Mr. Ringeard, these are the
outfits Mr. Plantier ordered.
Mr. Plantier ordered those
for the hostesses?
Children! They are superb!
Absolutely splendid!
Good day, Mr. Plantier.
The outfits you ordered.
Really? Let me tell you
that it's deeply dismaying!
It's gloomy and sinister!
We need something young,
that stands out,
something colorful and bright!
I agree, sir.
Children, I told you so!
It's sinister,
gloomy, dismaying.
We need something young,
brilliant,
- colorful!
- There!
And I'd like to add
that I'm thrilled with you!
I don't know how you do it,
but I am more and more pleased.
And I'm pleased
that you're pleased...
Can I leave you my bag?
I don't have to kneel
when I get in, do I?
RADIOPLUS
CLOSER TO GOD
- Christian! How are you?
- Fine.
- It's the Vatican in here.
- And Plantier
wants to turn us
into altar boys!
It'll suit you wonders.
How about some water in there
to make it a holy water font?
- Hello, Mr. Gerber.
- Hey, spring chicken!
- My latest one.
- Thank you.
And another piece of crap.
This one's not bad, girls.
Hi, Gerber. Looking good!
Still happy
about the stuff you sell?
With God in our hearts
how can't we?
- Hello, Brothers!
- It can't be!
You look handsome, Brother!
- The good Lord has taken over.
- You don't say?
He's everywhere. On the walls...
And in commercials too.
We're actually about to air one.
Get ready, Coco!
You're on soon.
- You're on.
- God is in all things.
In music, nature,
perfumes, colors.
God loves beauty.
God loves you.
He loves your hair,
therefore,
He loves Samsoncolor shampoo
made with regenerated cadmium.
With Samsoncolor
God will love your hair.
There you go.
It's unreal!
Morons!
How about
those freedom fighters?
How many did you do?
How many times each?
- You gave in your tape?
- No.
- You don't have a tape?
- I'll do it live.
- It was too good to be true.
- Tape or no tape, we're on.
OK! Relax!
Children, get into gear.
Move your butt!
Come on, we're in a rush!
Fat chance. That's my throne.
You've got the voice,
how 'bout the plumage...
You're annoying!
Give me a break!
Don't be rude to my sister,
my sweet.
- And you can?
- Unlike you, I'm tactful.
Children, finish your orgy
so we can get to work.
Hurry,
there's another commercial.
Quick! I have no more music.
Jesus multiplied bread.
Now,
you can multiply your capital
thanks to the Aviation
and Industry Discount Bank.
The Aviation and Industry
Discount Bank
developed a system that
makes your money work for one.
There are
850 agencies in France.
"Grow and multiply,"
said the Lord.
Your capital
will grow and multiply
thanks to the Aviation
and Industry Discount Bank.
RadioPlus. 1 PM.
The news with Mr. Bonquin.
India's struggling,
Africa's instable,
Israel's council
is scheduled to meet,
and South America,
it's not all rosy.
We can now address this issue.
Our deputy editor has returned
after 1 month on the field,
Mr. Gerber has details.
Yes, details concerning
our fellow journalists' ethics.
Because everything that was said
about Ricardo Salinas'
freedom fighters is false.
Indeed, the other stations'
reports are all entirely fixed,
and no one saw Ricardo Salinas,
except for myself, I must say,
which was relatively dangerous.
I'd like to add
that these freedom fighters
are not antiquated bandits,
but sincere patriots,
loyal to Che Guevara's ideology.
And that's information our...
He's crazy!
Absolutely crazy!
...while these gentlemen
indulged themselves
"in 3-star hotels
and whisky bars.
Yes, Mr. Chairman!
Yes, Mr. Chairman.
As we speak.
Of course.
Of course, Mr. Chairman.
I'm on it.
Goodbye, Mr. Chairman.
Bring me Gerber
as soon as the news are over!
In this profession,
one single rule must prevail:
honesty.
Unfortunately,
it's increasingly scarce.
OK. Thank you, Christian Gerber.
We'll resume in just a moment.
But first, a commercial break.
At the Cana wedding, Jesus asked
to serve the good wines first,
and the bad ones last.
Nowadays,
there'd only be good wines,
the wines from
Blazing Climbing Vine.
Natural, fruity, fragrant:
Blazing Climbing Vine wines.
Drink of it, all of you,
as this is good wine.
Come in!
What's next?
"RadioPlus, closer to gadgets"?
We've been closer to women,
to youth, to nature,
to couples, to sex,
and now, to God.
Yes, God, Gerber!
But Jesus, mostly.
We need to adapt to our time.
And this stands out!
Jesus Christ, superstar.
Posters... Look at these.
It's obvious, Gerber.
It's not questionable.
Record jackets,
stickers,
badges...
Badges, Gerber!
You think that works in radio?
I believe what's trendy.
I'm not an eternal skeptic
like you!
I've never seen you take
one of our campaigns seriously.
You don't have the radio station
spirit, Gerber.
You're a loner,
when it comes to work.
It has paid off a few times,
but that's not enough for me,
Gerber.
Just like your little speech
on Che Guevara.
And your explanations
about the freedom fighters.
were not at all convincing.
And the chairman's not too fond
of your criticism either!
He just called me.
Be careful, because...
- The chairman sends you this.
- OK.
Get lost!
There you have it, Gerber.
The chairman's reaction.
- What is it?
- It's your head, Gerber.
As a matter of fact,
the chairman loves gadgets.
And this is what he does
when he wishes
to dismiss
one of our colleagues.
Are you saying I'm fired?
Sir, your wife is on her way.
Good Lord!
My wife? Are you sure?
- That's what she said.
- You shouldn't have!
She can't find me.
She wants to kill me!
Please, you need to help me out!
Tell her you're covering for me,
anything...
I'll be in the washroom.
Here, it stands out.
Where's the scumbag?
There are many
in radio stations!
Plantier, my husband!
- I'm going to slash him!
- With this?
Give it back! I need it!
That's all he deserves.
Calm down. Sit down.
Let's have a talk.
- You had a disagreement?
- More than a disagreement.
He institutionalized me
for 3 months!
He wanted people
to think I was crazy.
And I'm not crazy!
Of course not.
You need to calm down.
Come on, tell me everything.
Well, OK, doctor.
I used to be an alcoholic.
But I'm detoxed now.
He turned me into an alcoholic
in the first place.
With everything I had to put up!
Since he didn't want to pay
my rent, or give me money,
he decided to put me
in a mental home.
Bastard! Bastard!
It's all about God
on his lousy radio,
but I can assure you
he's still a bastard!
I swear to you
that he's a bastard!
I believe you! I'd even say
he's the king of bastards.
Don't do this to yourself,
not for a bastard.
Look at me.
You're young, you're pretty...
- Really?
- Of course!
But what am I going to do?
What am I going to do?
When I met Plantier,
I was an actress.
- So you'll go back to acting.
- I lost all my contacts.
- I don't know anyone anymore.
- I do.
I'll help you if you promise
to stop chasing him to kill him.
- Do you know Marcel Jolin?
- No. Who is he?
Marcel Jolin
was a presenter here.
He was fired in...
in 1961.
Since then, he's been running
the People's Interurban Theatre.
He stages Brecht, Ionesco,
a bunch of people.
You have an interesting face.
I'm sure he'll like it.
I'll use
one of Plantier's cards...
- No! The bastard!
- No, no!
Come on...
Fine.
My name is Gerber.
Here's my private number because
in a few days I may be history.
- So take this...
- Yes.
- There.
- Thank you.
And you're going
to go back home quietly.
And promise me
you won't come back.
- Yes.
- Promised?
- Yes.
- OK.
Goodbye, madam.
Goodbye, doctor.
- Nice going!
- She's crazy, I swear!
That's extreme!
Please don't say anything.
Let's keep it shush.
- Especially here...
- I was fired, remember?
I need another job
and my job is to inform...
I'll speak to the chairman.
Don't worry, I'll fix it.
But you can't work
in the news anymore.
I'll name you
Supervisor of Artistic Programs.
- That position doesn't exist.
- But we need it.
You'll be perfect for it.
What will it consist of?
We'll get to it later, OK buddy?
"Jesus Christ ate fish.
Follow his footsteps.
"Every day, on our table,
"sardines and sea breams are
as fresh as they were back then.
"Trust fish merchants
"and the labels 'Quality Fish.'
"A quality fish
for Christians who have taste."
- What's that?
- It's a gadget. A game.
We'll use it in a sweepstake.
Let me see.
It's dumb.
- Did you get my package?
- Yes.
Did you fire that idiot?
No, he asked
for a severance pay.
But he's out of the news.
I named him
Supervisor of Artistic Programs.
- That position doesn't exist.
- Exactly. We created it for him.
- What will it consist of?
- Well... We'll get to it later.
"Before our eyes,
a cathedral of leaves.
"These are the pillars of bark
and the paving of moss.
"The organs of the wind
burst into plainsong melodies
"whose echoes
are muffled in the fern.
"The forest wakes up
and the harbinger appears.
"It was 'My head is ill,'
a show by Mimi Chaperon..."
- Here you are.
- What?
The cook's son had 2 of these.
OK!
"No, madam.
"God created the peanut
so you could serve up Suavilor,
"the ultra-pure oil,
lighter than an angel's feather.
"With Suavilor, prepare
simple and easy-to-digest meals.
"If your kids or your husband
commit the sin of gluttony,
"they'll be forgiven,
"because even God
loves Suavilor."
Look at my ass in these.
There's no way!
- It's fine.
- How does it look?
Let's see. Walk a little.
It's great. Model it for me.
You look like Joan of Arc.
They'll be happy
to see you up there.
I'm not wearing
that piece of crap!
- I'm not wearing that crap!
- Plantier's orders!
Mr. Supervisor is here!
Supervisor my ass!
Look at what I found.
Isn't it pretty?
- Your office is ready.
- I saw that.
- Have you ever had caviar?
- Once. At a friend's house.
- Is it good?
- It tastes like... tuna.
- What do you eat it with?
- With fish cutlery, obviously!
Don't you have typewriters?
- I don't know how to type.
- Me neither.
- And stenography?
- I don't know.
Dunno.
- Who put you here?
- Mr. Andrieux, chief of staff.
We're doing a stage
to become hostesses.
Since we don't speak English,
they don't want us downstairs.
So what can you do?
- We can walk, right Lucette?
- Yes, we can!
Then walk.
You can stay in my office.
You'll have more space to walk.
If someone asks
for the supervisor
tell him he's gone supervising.
Can you do that?
- Yes.
- Great.
"RadioPlus!
RadioPlus! RadioPlus!
"Jesus!"
If Jesus and I had never met
Surely today I'd be a wreck
'Cause when you left me
The one who helped me
Is our upstairs neighbor
Jesus, my savior
If Jesus and I had never met
Surely today I'd be a wreck
He gave me advice,
Showed me the right path
Yes, it's Jesus
The solitary, the migratory,
The wretched, the rejected
The homeless, the graceless
Those who've given up
The screwed up, the messed up
The Black Panthers,
the campaigners
Those who hate life
Take my advice
Jesus is your guide
If Jesus and I had never met
Surely today I'd be a wreck
'Cause when you left me
The one who helped me
Is our upstairs neighbor
Jesus, my savior
If Jesus and I had never met
Surely today I'd be a wreck
He gave me advice,
Showed me the right path
Yes, it's Jesus!
The sad, the scarred,
The schizophrenic,
The terror-stricken
The homeless, the graceless
Those who've given up
The erogenous, the promiscuous
The indigenous, the distraught
Those who hate life
Take my advice
Jesus is your guide
Ave, Maria
"RadioPlus!
RadioPlus! RadioPlus!
"Jesus!"
I'm Sylvestre Ringeard, always
happy to have you on RadioPlus.
On today's edition of
"Truth, Truth,"
Father Derugleux is with us.
You will thus be able to confess
and we're ready for a call.
Mrs. Josepha Bourgivon,
from Namur.
- Yes?
- Hello?
Mrs. Bourgivon? We're listening.
Well, Father,
I have been married for...
I'm sorry,
this is Sylvestre Ringeard.
- Really?
- Yes.
But Father Derugleux is here.
I've been having thoughts...
How much can I say here?
It happens when I watch movies,
special movies, or magazines...
Then when I get home,
with my son's friends...
I empathize with you.
But I need to interrupt you now
as we need to take more calls.
Unless there's something crucial
you need to say.
What penance would you inflict
your interlocutor?
She only needs
to collect her thoughts,
sincerely repent,
and recite Hail Marys
and paternosters.
- Anywhere between 6 and 10.
- Between 6 and 10, madam.
Father Derugleux
is not very strict.
- As many for each, Father?
- Excuse me?
- As many for each?
- Yes.
Good. So Father Derugleux
gives you absolution.
Next sinner, please.
Miss Antoinette Moujard,
from Clermont-Ferrand.
Hello?
- Mrs. Moujard?
- Yes.
- Father Derugleux is listening.
- I'm listening, child.
- A woman, I assume?
- Go ahead, madam.
Bless me Father,
for I have sinned.
I'm sorry?
I can't hear you.
Bless me for I have sinned!
You're on, madam.
Hello, Mrs. Moujard?
- Go ahead, confess.
- I can't hear you.
We hear you very well.
Go ahead, confess.
Go ahead, madam.
Hello? Hello?
There's a little problem,
we lost our caller.
Let's take another call.
Mr. Sebastien Chaumont,
from Villejuif.
We're out of luck,
we're having phone problems.
No other calls?
Place to the music, then.
Enough with that phone,
for Christ's sake!
Oh, sorry, Father.
Oh, dear Lord,
Make my dream come true
Make my heart stop feeling blue
His name was Johnny
But now he left me
Oh, dear Lord,
Make her dream come true
Make her heart stop feeling blue
Oh, dear Lord,
Make my dream come true
Make my Johnny be true
Let him take me away
On the expressway
Oh, dear Lord,
Make her dream come true
Make her Johnny come through
By his side, oh dear Lord
My spirits soared
We were free as the wind
I couldn't have asked for more
Oh dear Lord, you know so well
Love shouldn't hurt like hell
Get my life back on track
Bring me my Johnny back
Oh, dear Lord, give her back
The sacred love she once had.
It seems odd, Father,
that you'd be the one
voicing your discontent,
as you're older and more mature
than your "colleague."
- Or is it "fellow member"?
- We call each other "brothers."
- Isn't it so, Father?
- Yes, my child.
So, my brother, I mean Father,
you are older than your child,
your brother, or fellow member,
so you should embrace tradition,
but you think
priests should marry.
- I do.
- You'd like to get married?
No, but I know about
the anxiety and the doubts
that rural priests deal with,
it's to say the country priest.
Nights can get lonely
and they often have the need
to feel someone by their side.
- And you?
- I don't agree.
I think celibacy
is a sine qua non condition
to a priest's serenity.
From what I heard
you don't have a country parish
like your
esteemed colleague does.
- Indeed. I teach music.
- Whereabouts?
In a young girls' college.
And you've never had the need to
form a united Christian couple?
No.
It's not all about
forming a couple.
Mr. Gerber just walked in.
Perhaps there's a newsflash?
Not at all,
I'm purely supervising.
I overheard you debating
while I was in my office,
and I found it fascinating.
I agree the need
to modernize the Church.
And we should go even further.
It'd happen progressively,
obviously.
But marriage would be
a good start to liberate us.
Let's get back to the theme
of "liquid communion."
Protestants already practice it.
Ecumenically speaking
there shouldn't be a problem.
There's no point.
I was actually referring
to practicality.
How about a host that dissolves
for optimal swallowing?
Or effervescent hosts, which
when mixed with baking soda,
help digestion in people
prone to stomach aches?
We could even come up
with a whole campaign:
"Birthday meal,
communion meal.
"We drink and eat our fill.
"Morning comes, we feel ill,
"but thank the Lord
for the fizzy pill."
We could also have
a written slogan:
"No more hiccups,
little Jesus, you're a genius."
I had to travel to get here!
- I'll complain to my uncle.
- I'll call the archbishop!
Marriage shouldn't be
taken lightly.
People don't walk
into it... blindly.
"The toll for the weekend:
186 injured, 65 dead.
"Among the dead...
"It's about the catastrophe..."
- Are you off your rocker?
- What?
You've gone too far!
It's completely distasteful!
Do you enjoy
offending honest people?
Speaking of honesty,
I heard from your wife.
She's rehearsing
with Marcel Jolin. She's great.
"...40,000 civilians dead."
RadioPlus. It's 2 AM.
We're going off the air.
We'll be back at 6:30 AM.
Goodnight.
May the Lord be with you.
She doesn't seem
to like the Lord.
- Well, at this late hour...
- I've had it!
I worked from 12 to 6 PM
yesterday and now the late show.
- Unbelievable.
- You're a saint.
You're here?
I was hoping
we could have some fun.
Not tonight.
I have a date with my guy.
You're missing out.
Have time for a drink?
I can't tonight.
We have to do
all the recordings.
Tomorrow, we're redoing
the Jesus campaign.
What has to be redone?
All the texts.
Apparently, it's not good.
I'll do some.
I'll come up
with some Jesus material.
- Why not?
- I'll redo some.
- Wanna hear?
- Sure, go ahead.
That's good.
- It's a nice tango.
- It is, isn't it?
- You can sing for us?
- I don't sing.
- So?
- Let's have you sing.
Can you stand up?
You can't do it kneeling.
- What?
- Don't kneel!
Do it in Spanish.
- Use a Spanish accent.
- OK.
I'll play it once.
Here it comes.
- Just a second.
- I got it.
They'll get
their Jesus campaign.
Here we go.
A dark cloud hovered above
My thoughts were far from love
I was lost and desperate
I didn't know what to do
To chase away my blues
Being all alone
Can chill you to the bone
In a chapel, all in white
Was such a pretty sight
A statue of the
Immaculate Conception
In the depths of my being,
I felt my faith beginning
Lord Jesus Christ
It was a revelation!
In Jesus' arms
I dance every day
And now my life
Is full in every way
In Jesus' arms
I sing every day
I live in joy
The clouds have gone away
In Jesus' arms
In Jesus' arms
I sing every day
I live in joy
The clouds have gone away
In Jesus' arms
Let's go.
Look at your cassock, Father.
It's green!
Over time, black turns green.
Bring the color back
with Cassock Brightener,
which contains
synod-based active agents.
Cassock Brightener,
to resurrect your cassock.
Also available for crimson
and purple cassocks.
For white,
our lab can give you a quote.
Nothing's worse than
coughing and sneezing in church.
To treat your cold,
reach for Cold Missal,
the Mass book treated with
eucalyptus and natural pine.
Your cold will be over,
thank the Lord.
And thanks to Cold Missal.
Holy Sisters, all day long,
you sing hymns
and assist the vespers,
all while wearing your cilice.
By the end of the day,
you've lost that fresh feeling.
Sisters, have no fear.
You can get it back
with Fresh Habit.
Fresh Habit, the deodorant
for our good Sisters,
because they're women too.
Take it easy.
Though I know you can't help it.
- Wear the headset.
- No way.
The reverb is deafening.
Go ahead.
Gentle Jesus, gentle Jesus
To his apostles, Jesus said:
"Come walk on the water.
"You won't get wet."
So, they did and you can bet
Water skiing and surfing
Began with Christ the King.
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Jesus Christ said:
"Bring me some bread and fish
To be multiplied as you wish."
The Hebrews were sated,
Fast food was created
Now we've become jaded.
Alleluia...
Gerber, stop it right there!
Make up your mind!
For once, I'm on board.
Aren't we supposed
to talk about God?
No, the program
should be focused on God!
- You're mocking our clients.
- The Temple merchants?
I order you to cut it!
- Go to hell.
- You're so crass.
- You're fired!
- No, I'm not.
I saw this coming.
So I've recorded
a little on-air farewell.
Can you play it?
"Plantier, you're an idiot.
"You think I'm crass.
I think you're vulgar..."
Stop it!
"You don't understand?
I'll explain.
"Saying 'damn'
or 'bullshit' is crass.
"But, I'll tell you
what's vulgar.
"Using a hushed, sultry tone
"Pitching slogans on the air.
"Selling horoscopes
and agony columns.
"Aware of your influence,
using Jesus to sell detergent.
"Catering to
the lowest common denominator.
"Doing shows on the elderly,
hunger and cancer.
"Playing on people's emotions
to sell them deodorant.
"All of it is vulgar,
foul and toxic.
"But it's the reality
of radio today.
"It's OK to sell shit,
but we'd better not swear.
"It's supposed
to be all sweetness and light.
"You just don't get it,
Plantier.
"I have no choice
but to throw in the towel.
"Take care, Plantier.
I'd better stop here.
"I'm afraid if I go on,
I too, will become vulgar."
Oh Jesus, gentle Jesus
Make us love, love
Oh Jesus, gentle Jesus
Make us love, love
- Hello, Gerber.
- Hi.
Bring us 3 chalices, Coco.
Isn't it great?
It just opened,
but it's gonna be a hot spot.
Vacheroune owns it,
the one who runs the Porno Club.
He's sitting next to Millie.
- Who's Millie?
- The blond!
Her husband runs RadioPlus.
I'm doing Mary Magdalene
in the street, in Jerusalem...
I'm not much of a dancer.
I couldn't see you well
in the dark.
- I know your voice.
- I'm not surprised.
Say: "You'll hear
the latest hit by Leslie Brown."
No. Let's not go there.
You're the famous Gerber.
Yes, Mrs. Chairman.
You were fired
this afternoon at 5:35 PM.
No. I chose to leave at 3:43 PM.
And do you expect
something from me?
No. Nothing at all.
- How does this work?
- I don't know, sir.
- Go wake the cook's son.
- At this hour?
- Yes, at this hour!
- Yes, sir.
"The political, economical
and social structural decline
"of the capitalist society
is at hand..."
Show me.
Again.
Don't just stand there.
Again.
Yes, I understood that part.
Take him back.
Little idiot!
You should go to bed,
Louis-Marcel.
You have a board meeting
tomorrow at 9 AM.
- Where were you?
- At a new club.
I heard some great dance music:
Sine qua non symphony.
It should be played
on the air more often.
Live your life with faith,
but faith alone
can't save your liver.
Use Mentholex for your liver,
the dehydrated artichoke pill.
Every day, once or twice a day,
Mentholex, for your liver.
Lille beat Nancy 7-2.
Irgun Sportif beat the US Goy
3-2.
Tie for Tarbes and Beziers, 2-2.
And Perpignan killed Dijon
13-3.
I mean, beat!
Here's an exceptional song
that programming sent us over.
It's the hit of the season.
Listen.
For Mr. Bernajian,
for the students at
Sainte-Jeanne-de-la-Desolation,
on behalf of Colonel
Chalmondier, for his dear Lilou.
Mr. Chairman...
Go ahead.
I'd just like to express my joy
and our gratitude to our
chairman, Louis-Marcel Thulle,
who not only bought
most of the shares
of our Phosphorus Foods company,
but has agreed to chair
our board of directors.
Mr. Brezier will now present
our next campaign.
Well, gentlemen,
our labs have decided,
after consulting with
the Marketing
and Merchandising Group
departments,
to launch a new line
of dog food.
The name of the product
was chosen by PR specialists.
It will be called Happy Bow-Wow.
The budget
of the advertising campaign
was set at 1 billion old francs.
Advertising has not yet been
divided among the various media.
Posters, displays, samples...
I think we can decide
right now that 500 million
will be devoted
to radio advertising.
Excellent idea!
Of course, Mr. Chairman!
On RadioPlus airwaves,
naturally!
I think all has been said.
Please excuse me.
I'm glad to see you,
Mr. Chairman! Good news!
Brezier just called me.
We got a 500-million contract
to launch a line of dog food,
- Happy Bow-Wow.
- Very good.
- Any other news?
- All is well.
I got rid of Gerber for good.
He was too much trouble.
I think I'll beat you this time.
How long will you last?
We shall see, Mr. Chairman.
Set up a timer in my office.
I swear, I would've done
something for you,
but it's really impossible.
You went too far, honestly.
You yanked too hard on the rope,
and you can't do that here.
OK, thanks.
If you sang,
I'd play your records.
- Yeah.
- Good luck.
Bye, Gerber.
My benefactor! I've wanted
to call you for a while.
To thank you, first of all,
and to tell you that
rehearsals are going very well.
- Good.
- How are you?
- I'm unemployed.
- No way!
- Yes.
- Come with me now, then.
I'll drive you.
You'll see, it's great.
Let's see scene 2, children.
Or scene 1.
Or 1. Let's do 1.
It's the beginning,
so let's see scene 1.
Let's do 1 again.
- Well?
- It's a mess!
I chose this stupid thing
among other dumb things.
I've got to do something
with it.
Sons of bitches! Worse than
the bitch I've become!
The barely chewed
food oozes from your mouths.
You can be proud!
You think
you're Abraham Lincoln!
Move forward,
preceded by your intestines,
filled with dead fish
and putrid meat.
I hate you! I hate you!
Good thing you sent me
that messed up girl,
because she's great.
No one else
would've wanted to play that.
I'm sure of it: no one.
She's so crazy that
she could even save the show.
Look at her. It suits her!
May night fall.
Straddle me,
as if I were a snooty bitch
in which
your stiff shaft feasts.
Straddle me!
Let me give you
my Marxist smallpox,
that I may contaminate
your imperialist grandeur.
Throw her out and beat her!
Not on the head,
it leaves marks!
There will be a leveling down,
which will come from
below the waist.
Fight of the hydra
against the child in revolt.
She wants to slay the giant.
But the earth turns inexorably.
The earth turns inexorably.
Nothing to write home about.
Yeah, you can say that again.
Stop!
Let's take a coffee break.
What can I say? Since they fired
me like the assholes they are,
I had to do something.
I chose culture: It was easiest.
Here, everything's fine.
The city lets me be.
As long as there are no
elections, they leave me alone.
It's just that I take
flop after flop.
It's 100 years old.
What can I say?
- Know what you should do here?
- No.
- Jesus.
- Jesus what?
Jesus, old boy. I just got fired
because of Jesus.
You kidding?
No, Jesus is in people's morning
coffee and evening whiskey.
People like Jesus,
so sell them Jesus.
I'm not gonna stage
"The 10 Commandments."
No, a modern play.
Jesus super something.
I'd have to have a Jesus play.
I'll do it for you.
When we say
"my dear friend,"
we should think about
what we're saying.
Not say "my dear friend" like
we'd say "my dear thingamajig."
"My dear friend"
is not "my dear friend."
It's "my dear, dear friend."
Get it, dear friends?
Forty-two seconds.
I beat you again, Mr. Chairman.
It's comforting,
my dear friends,
to see that
in our troubled times,
friendship with a capital "F"
plays an ever-greater role...
That's crap.
I don't give a damn
about the chairman!
"That's what makes
friendship..."
Such crap!
It's crap!
"One should always keep that
in mind. Friendship..."
"Hello, dear friend.
You OK, dear friend?
- "Yes, my dear friends..."
- Total crap.
- "We must re-read the texts..."
- It's crap! Crap!
"The friendship of comrades, and
the story of a friendship..."
Still crap.
- "Suddenly, Jean-Michel..."
- It's crap. Crap!
- It's crap.
- Crap.
It's really... the most...
horrific... crap... ever.
"Hello. Sylvestre Ringeard here,
with a new show:
"'Let us love one another.'
"I know some people will find
this organ music a bit joyful,
"and call it profane.
"But could there be anything
less profane than joy?
"Our Lord was full of it.
I mean, full of joy and hope.
"If he'd have played the organ,
he'd have played that tune.
"'Let us love one another.'
Why this title?
"Because Jesus said it..."
Baronnet, do we control
Spot Service for TV advertising?
Cancel the 500-million campaign
for Happy Bow-Wow on RadioPlus
and transfer it to Spot Service.
Yes!
Yes, the entire budget.
It's crap.
Plantier, it's crap!
Any imbecile could manage
this station better.
And clients are noticing.
The sales department informed me
that Happy Bow-Wow withdrew
its 500-million campaign.
You were careful not to tell me.
You're good at playing clackers.
For the rest,
anyone else could do better.
Even the biggest nitwit
you ever fired.
Who was the latest again?
Ah, Gerber.
It's for you.
- The chairman wants to see you.
- What chairman?
Chairman Louis-Marcel Thulle.
I don't want
to see the gentleman.
Samuel, hurry! We're late.
Hope it works
because all of Paris is here.
It's a show about Jesus:
A miracle could happen.
You never know.
All the idiots are here.
Look at the pervert
in the first row.
- Incredible!
- Look at their faces.
Peace in Vietnam
Peace in Bengal
Peace in the Congo
Peace in Yemen
Amen
Peace in Niger
Peace in Iran
Peace in Harlem
Peace in Aden
Amen
Mercenary assassins
We're not dolls
Israel will vanquish over you
For the unitarian cause
Students, up in arms
Access to abortions
We're all German Jews
Say: "O Jesus Christ"
Say: "O Jesus Christ"
Say: "O Jesus Christ, amen"
Peace in Vietnam
Peace in Bengal
Peace in the Congo
Peace in Yemen
Amen
Peace in Niger
Peace in Iran
Peace in Harlem
Peace in Aden
Amen
Mercenary assassins
We're not dolls
Israel will vanquish over you
For the unitarian cause
Students, up in arms
Access to abortions
Fascism will never pass
Say: "O Jesus Christ"
Say: "O Jesus Christ"
Say: "O Jesus Christ, amen"
Are you still worried?
You should wait for the reviews.
You know that as well as I do.
The chairman is
waiting for you in his car.
He's pulling out all the stops.
What does he want from me?
He'll tell you himself.
I don't know what he could say
that would interest me,
except that he's fired Plantier.
Nevertheless, that's it.
And his seat is still warm.
Is this a joke?
They love it!
It doesn't interest me. You see,
I've found my path here.
Isn't this a downgrade?
You deserve better.
Don't make the chairman wait.
And don't make me wait either.
I'll be back.
I apologize for receiving you in
such uncomfortable conditions.
It was a radio done
by washouts for washouts.
And I want intelligent radio
for intelligent listeners.
You'll have full control.
You risk regretting
what you've just said.
So you accept?
If you guarantee me
total freedom.
We'd have to agree
on the meaning of "freedom."
By definition, the term assumes
no restrictions.
OK, I'll take the chance.
All right, I'll try my luck.
How will they dress us up now?
They can dress
however they want.
- I prepared the managers' list.
- Let's see.
Hold on...
Advertising: 34, art: 24,
programming: 17, administration:
41, editorial: 18.
- Let's see that list.
- Here.
A checkmark here, here.
That's fine.
He's fine.
This one's a real twit.
He's good.
Four in editorial, plus him.
How many is that?
It's 1, 2...
- Eleven.
- Eleven, good.
Take this down: We're keeping
Barthelemy, Andre, Thomas...
You want to test the products
before running the ads?
Indeed!
- What about our messages?
- In the bin.
- Of what use are we, then?
- None.
I see.
Right. Goodbye.
Where were we?
- At Thomas.
- OK, Thomas.
What're you playing at?
I need all my turntables.
I'll take whatever spot
I can find.
You must be kidding!
That's nuts!
Let's not idle.
Grades, please.
- That's a trusty one.
- Right.
- No. 1?
- 1.
- No. 2?
- 2.
- No. 3?
- 3.
Are you pulling my leg?
- I'll taste it again.
- What?
- I'll test it again.
- Go ahead.
- 3.5.
- All right.
- No. 4?
- 4.
- No. 5?
- 5.
And that one?
- That one's mine.
- Right.
- Francois!
- That's not my name. You drunk?
The hair dryers now.
Hey! Hair dryers!
It's a piece of junk.
I tried one and it burns.
- I need a grade.
- 0. It burns.
I've got perfumes here,
and beauty creams...
I couldn't care less.
Sort it out yourselves.
So girls, the tights?
You call these tights?
Look at this.
- What?
- They're too low.
- So?
- 3, not even.
- No. 2.
- Useless.
They go up to my armpits: 0.
No. 3?
They're perfect.
- "Perfect"? Look at yourself.
- You have room to grow.
- What grade, then?
- 8.
"8"?
- Please decide.
- 2.
OK, 3. No. 4?
- There! Those are good.
- I'm not wearing any.
Idiot!
- How's it going, Thomas?
- Moving along.
- Gross?
- Decidedly.
- What is it?
- It's... No. 1.
"Alapapa preserves:
Essential to every meal."
And may lead to your demise.
Who's Alapapa?
They ordered
1 million francs' worth of ads.
- Screw them.
- It'll cost.
If we'd stopped
La Voisin earlier,
there would've been
fewer victims.
We've just been informed of the
sudden death of Edgard Morsain,
former minister and leader
of the leftist forces,
CEO of Regard Morsain
industries,
a member of boards of directors
and a figure in textiles.
This is bullshit.
He'll be remembered
as courteous...
Let's not exaggerate.
Let's face it:
He won't be remembered at all.
From the day he lost
his appointment
"as Transportation Minister
in 1957..."
Hello? Hello?
Speak louder, I can't hear you.
Gallichet. Hello, my friend.
How are you?
What?
"Alapapa Preserves"?
Your ad campaign was rejected?
Must be a mistake. I'll take
care of it and call you back.
Aurelien Mougerand is listening
to our conversation.
Come, come.
You knew Edgard Morsain well?
My goodness! Too well, in fact.
Each time we interviewed him,
it was a problem.
He didn't understand a thing
and had nothing going for him.
I was talking about him
with Sylvain,
and without exaggerating, he
would've killed his own mother.
He drank God-knows-what.
He was an alcoholic.
He was a pain in the neck
in the studio. No picnic.
So you see...
No reason to lament.
Let's listen to some music.
At least you tell the truth.
I prefer that.
We should say he was an idiot.
Yes?
Christian, phone call for you.
Yes? Hello, Mr. Chairman.
Yes, Alapapa.
No, no mistake.
I got rid of them.
300 million or not,
I had it tested.
We tasted their preserves,
and they're inedible.
I still have full control,
don't I?
Good. Talk to you later, sir.
He pisses me off.
Yes, all right.
Mr. Gerber says he'll say
what he wants on air.
All right.
If that's how it is, we'll
contact higher authorities.
Attention!
About-turn.
Forward march!
1, 2... 1, 2.
- Taste this.
- No, I feel nauseous.
How will I test the food?
No one wants any.
We're missing people.
- Take the tall one.
- She's scared.
- I won't swallow that.
- No, the beauty products.
- With my skin?
- Exactly.
Call Jolin and ask for
Plantier's ex-wife.
You're right, she's crazy!
Good idea.
I've gotten nothing
in the new programs.
Should I deduce
you no longer want to use me?
I think you can deduce that.
How come?
You're wicked and a phony,
that's all.
You've always played
everybody's game.
Relationships are passionate,
young people delight you,
and with God,
you experienced boundless joy.
I do the radio of truth.
RadioPlus, closer to what?
Closer to good mood, laughter,
and above all, honesty.
So you can't take part
in that kind of thing.
Why not?
What you say is true.
I am a phony.
I've always lied,
but with conviction.
I can continue to lie,
saying I like truth.
I'm a pro, Mr. Gerber.
You're quite a character.
If you're doing
the radio of honesty,
give me shows for phonies.
I don't mind, I am one.
I can prove it.
- I'm not lying now.
- Yeah.
We have no one for food
products, so you'll be a taster.
RadioPlus,
closer to the consumer.
- Would you like that?
- Yes. May I taste?
Our political forum.
Mr. Aime Gloran de Rabelle,
head of the Unified Democrats,
who has just released
his party's program,
will answer questions
from the RadioPlus team.
The debate will be led
by Christian Gerber.
So, ladies and gentlemen,
ask your questions one by one,
and without overlap
for greater clarity.
I have no doubt, sir, that
you'll answer in all honesty.
Of course, I'm a man of my word.
I've served France
under 3 republics.
Everyone is fallible,
so one never knows.
For the greatest precaution,
we would ask you to submit
to a mere formality.
Dr. RadioPlus,
our station's doctor,
featured on our medical shows,
will give you an injection.
It's an injection of Penthotal
and it's absolutely harmless.
No risk.
For our listeners,
it guarantees that you'll say
nothing but the truth.
You're crazy. I protest.
Please!
I wasn't warned.
You led me into a trap.
There's no risk.
My colleagues can confirm it.
No! First of all,
I hate needles!
This behavior goes against
the basic principles...
- Of politics.
- Of courtesy.
I hereby rise up
against such practices
on behalf of my group.
Keep your hands off me!
My group has always been
at the forefront...
- You've chickened out?
- No.
I refuse to take part
in this despicable farce.
Goodbye, gentlemen.
Two projectors have already
burned out on the gangway:
a pink and a white one.
OK, turn it on.
Let's see Jesus.
No, first the arms.
This is the right rhythm.
Have you heard?
Listen to this.
"Is it really worth voting
for such useless twits?"
Gerber's got some nerve!
Shampoo?
Toothpaste?
Two.
What about the
water-repellent paint?
- It doesn't hold with humidity.
- Zero.
What about the sheets?
Impeccable.
Number 3 is crease-resistant.
- Isn't it so, Lulu?
- She does seem happy.
All good here?
You may hear some unusual racket
in the background.
We decided to test every product
we promote,
including food products...
Annie, our loving announcer,
brought us a detergent.
I brought you Cleanem detergent.
It's not better,
but it's cheaper.
The packaging is cheap so...
So you suggest we buy Cleanem.
- It contains enzymes.
- Thanks, Annie.
Our friend Sylvestre Ringeard
is on his way.
- What did you test?
- Hairnet shampoo.
But you test food products.
I can do both.
Hairnet shampoo is great.
And Spamgrainless pates too.
Too cheap for receptions,
but great for picnics.
- With onions and pickles.
- Thanks, Sylvestre.
Another test.
Hurry up.
Well, I tested newspapers.
- And they suck.
- We knew that.
That was a pointless test.
He's coming.
- It's for you.
- I'm not here.
It's a lady.
Yes?
I really enjoyed
your show this afternoon.
It was really good.
Do you think you'll manage
for a long time?
I'll try. Good evening.
- You must be happy?
- I am.
And the theatre?
It's half empty
since your radio show is on.
People prefer to stay home
and listen to it.
Would you like
to come and join us?
Seriously?
You're welcome if you want.
A lot of things have changed.
This is Sylvestre Ringeard,
presenting a radio food test.
Yesterday, I tested 12 cans
of sauerkraut for you.
And only one passed the test:
The sauerkraut Djezair Tanauser
from the Abdul Saulnier, Nancy.
- Makeup?
- Three.
- Eyeliner?
- Five.
- Under-eye concealer?
- No time.
- False eyelashes?
- I can't do it all!
Consumer test,
Sylvestre Ringeard.
Yesterday,
I tried crab in cans.
I tasted 12 cans.
One passed the test:
the Preguet-Brezenec brand.
Consumer test, Ringeard.
Eat cans with moderation.
- I need to tell you...
- What?
The Poulard cassoulet...
No more Poulard cassoulet.
- It's great food.
- But not great for your health.
I already cancelled
the Plastico furniture,
the Azur Skin soaps,
and the Yatashima motorbikes.
- Very good.
- I know!
No mercy.
I know what's going on here.
In 2 days, you'll complain
about the technical equipment.
I'm done testing.
Don't complain, it's working.
In 2 days, the audience ratings
have quintupled.
We need a new switchboard.
We'll need more staff
to sort out the mail.
A machine to open letters.
I've had it.
Listen to this, guys.
"Sir, I got paralyzed
6 years ago.
"I listened to Mr. Gerber
on RadioPlus.
"It wasn't loud enough and
I got up to turn the volume up.
"Yes, you heard right:
"I left my wheelchair
and walked.
"I've been walking normally
since. Thank you, Mr. Gerber."
- Isn't it fantastic?
- Let me write a press release.
- What's wrong with you?
- Why?
He's right.
Supernatural is now
widely accepted.
You're right,
we must take advantage of this.
"Gerber, the healing voice."
Imagine that!
It'll be good for us.
I can't believe this!
Don't you want more listeners?
Yes, but to detox them,
to open their eyes,
not to make them dumber.
"Such is the feebleness
of the human mind,
"the best causes
are often gained only
"by bad arguments."
Ernest Renan.
"Ad augusta per angusta."
Julius Cesar.
"You piss me off."
Christian Gerber.
Sometimes,
I don't understand him.
- What should we do?
- We can't miss this opportunity.
Fine, let's do it anyway.
RADIOPLUS
THE FIRST RADIO MIRACLE
GERBER
THE HEALING VOICE
- What is this?
- Crutches.
Your voice heals.
Didn't you hear?
Pricks!
The audience ratings soared,
but our listeners
are still dumb.
You set up this trick?
Scum!
Don't get angry.
We took this decision together.
Andre, Thomas, Barthelemy...
It's not a trick.
It's reality.
I want everyone
in the conference room.
We're in deep shit
and it's all your fault.
What you did is unforgivable.
Especially you.
I thought you were honest.
There's nothing dishonest.
I didn't invent
the sick people you healed.
I can't believe it.
You can't be serious.
I just hung some crutches...
a few more crutches,
I admit.
But in a week or 2,
they won't all fit
in the hall anymore.
"Gerber, the healing voice."
It's a fact. We can't help it.
You can't help it either.
We can only accept it.
We all know that psychosomatic
medicine works better.
Lourdes has better results
than any other hospital.
- Why are you upset, then?
- Let the people believe.
Let them hope.
You're not harming them.
On the contrary.
You're despicable.
The very thing I'm all about
is the truth!
Haven't I been clear enough?
Then you go and toss off the
biggest, most vulgar lie ever.
You really take people
for idiots!
Read this. It's about
the miracles of the day.
Read it.
After all,
you're a real bastard.
You don't have feelings.
Human misery...
He doesn't care!
He couldn't care less.
RadioPlus,
news of the truth.
Good news.
The WHO reported that less
people die of heart attacks.
We're here with
Doctor RadioPlus.
It's true.
But since this statistic
is based on world figures,
less people die of heart attacks
because they risk first
of dying of hunger,
or car accidents,
or because of pollution.
Exactly.
We hear a lot about pollution.
So let me ask you:
Do you notice
the effects of pollution
in patients you examine?
I'm a radio doctor.
I write magazine articles.
I haven't seen a patient
in 15 years.
- And now, Finances!
- Not much to say.
The USA have
a 25 billion deficit.
France and Italy
also report deficits.
Bravo.
The German balance of trade
is not great either.
Therefore this question:
Where is the cash going?
Maybe I can answer
with these international news.
Third-world countries
request financial help
from most
industrialized nations.
So where's the cash?
Well, when we don't launch
pricey bombs on them,
we send them tons of gold,
which are just as pricey.
Let's stick to our stance.
We've come out
of more delicate situations.
Yet, the views expressed
on your radio station
could harm the implementation
of our policy.
You'll understand, Mr. Chairman.
Of course, Mr. Chairman
You're welcome.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye. Stop the car.
Stop.
I asked
for this discreet interview
to speak to you
about a source of concern
for my company.
Surely you know
what I'm referring to.
I do.
You've watched
too many horse races
not to have a few tips.
Sure. Horse race betting is
mostly a question of schemes.
But when I have a liable tip,
I'm not stupid enough
to give it away to listeners.
The odds would decrease.
Let's move on to social issues.
The minister of labor
is highly concerned
about the foreign labor force
mainly composed of Portuguese,
Arabs and Yugoslavians,
especially
in the building industry,
where non qualified workers
provoke accidents.
Accidents involving workers
or impeding building?
Impeding building!
We don't care about the workers.
So it would no longer bother us.
You do understand, Mr. Chairman.
I do, Mr. Chairman.
Stop.
Stop.
- Cigar?
- No, thanks.
It's a pure Havana cigar
Directly from Cuba.
Well, then...
- I wanted to tell you...
- Yes?
We've had enough of Gerber.
He can blame brands,
but if factories close,
workers won't laugh anymore
once they are unemployed...
Unions are speaking about it.
The Brussels
advertisement summit
listed the best advertising
spaces in the world:
the Eiffel Tower,
the Pyramid of Kheops,
and the Statue of Liberty.
Yes, and there are others.
Lenin's mausoleum,
the unknown soldier's grave...
The first page
of Mao's Little Red Book.
- The Bible...
- Pigeons of Venice, too.
You'd need binoculars then.
Another great space:
Moshe Dayan's eye patch.
- His picture is everywhere.
- It'd be worth seeing!
No further comment.
Now some music
and next, a commercial break.
Veronique has new tests.
What did you test today?
- Frozen trouts.
- Oh!
- Are you enjoying yourself?
- Yes. And the Gaullists?
Reception was bad.
They'll call back.
Should I put a record on?
Please, or else
they'll talk for hours.
- And you?
- Me?
- Are you enjoying yourself?
- I do with your show.
But sometimes, I fear for you.
- That's nice.
- I'm serious. I mean it.
You might upset some
with your conception of radio.
Be cautious.
I think we should fire
that imperialist reactionary,
that fascist crook,
that smelly scum
of the decadent bourgeoisie.
- Do you see what I mean?
- Yes, Mr. Chairman.
Stop!
Stop!
- Hi, big boy!
- Hi.
- All good?
- Fine!
- What now?
- As usual.
Naughty boy!
Let's go.
Recently, music productions
haven't been at their best,
but this record seems
better than the others...
- We picked it for you.
- What did you eat?
I tested Happy Bow-Wow dog food.
I don't feel well.
Call that campaign off.
If it's not good for him,
it's not for dogs either.
What's going on?
Did he faint?
What's happening?
- More testing.
- Still?
Make some space! Watch out!
He'll handle it.
Too late!
All right, girls.
Let's dispatch the mail.
And me?
Hello, madam.
Hello!
What a change! Let me see.
- You look great!
- Well...
- Is it the cosmetics?
- No, it's love.
I love Jolin, Mr. Gerber.
Really?
Who put this stupid toy
on my desk?
- Does he know?
- I didn't dare tell him.
I was actually counting on you.
You are such a resourceful man.
- I'll handle it.
- Really?
Present for you.
- You're so kind.
- It's nothing.
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
Shit, it's sticky!
You should be cautious.
It was probably meant for you.
Or you. People know
you're a fan of clackers.
Then even moreso.
You need me.
Is this one of your projects?
Yes, and it'll
blow your mind away too.
Gentlemen!
Here's the new program,
starting Monday.
What we've done so far,
is nothing compared
to what we'll do.
More precisely...
I'm getting there.
One thing though...
Don't tell anyone.
- Anyone, is that clear?
- Yes.
I read it very carefully.
Did you really plan
to do it?
It would have been fun, no?
Revolution is about taking over
the power, not destroying it.
I don't care about power.
That's a child's response.
Nowadays,
one needs to be efficient.
There is no room
for dreamers or cheap gurus.
You thought you were
a modern-times Jesus,
but not anyone can be a messiah.
Bear in mind Jesus died
on the cross.
If you had died like him,
like a glorious martyr,
I would have insured you
a great posthumous future.
I would have had your bust
set in our radio station's hall,
unveiled in presence
of ministers and archbishops.
I would have delivered
a very favorable speech,
but you renounced to the logic
of your destiny.
It's awkward and unfortunate.
Too bad.
My destiny was
in those clackers.
"Was."
And which one of my apostles
did you pick?
The one who brought this
and will take over from you.
Shall we bet?
- You have 30 seconds.
- That's 29 too many.
It's my best friend,
my brother, the brave Jolin.
- How did you guess?
- Logic of destiny.
Every Jesus has its Judas.
I see.
Your end won't be as grand
as the Christ's one,
but far more interesting.
I wrote you a check. A big one.
And believe me, it won't bounce.
Go spread your word
far away from here.
Tomorrow,
Jolin will take your seat.
He's a prick, I admit,
but a laudable one.
Thanks to him, RadioPlus
will start afresh,
and I'll get my money back.
'Cause you put me in trouble.'
My company's shares
all went down.
The bank's trying
to buy them out from me,
but the game isn't over.
If I hold out until Monday,
I'll receive fresh money.
What a bunch of idiots!
They think I'll sell.
Me?
They don't know me.
Hello, Mr. Chairman?
It's Laubier.
The shares lost 2 points.
We need to decide now.
Should we hold out or sell?
Sell.
- Thank you.
- Good luck.
To you too.
I was waiting for you.
- Why?
- I'm leaving with you.
The game is over.
You're a free man.
Me? No,
I'll never be a free man.
Go home. He's going to need you,
now more than ever.
"It's tough, isn't it?
- "I said it's tough.
- Yeah.
"Isn't it?"
It's very tough.
Everybody he is nice,
Everybody he is beautiful
When cobblestones hit the sky
Like superb grey birds
When they smash cops' faces
Who look surprised
When street riots play out
When we hear everywhere
The sound of cops' clubs
Hit clever minds
In the mildness of the night
The sky is my shelter
And I think about Jesus
Jesus, who said
Everybody he is nice,
Everybody he is beautiful
The world is nice
The world is beautiful
In the quiet sky
High above the roofs
The plane drops napalm
On the Indochinese people
When hunger is raging
And food is scare
The fire from bombs and mines
Cook the little children
In the mildness of the night
I feel so moved
When I think about Jesus
Jesus, who said
Everybody he is nice,
Everybody he is beautiful
The world is nice,
The world is beautiful
Like in Jordan,
Like the poor fedayee
Lacks expertise
And acts like Mr. Jourdain
When the mercenary
Is obsessed with peace
And quenches his thirst
With a fresh beer
In the mild night
I rely on prayer
And I think about Jesus
Jesus, who said
Everybody he is nice,
Everybody he is beautiful
The movie is beautiful
The movie is finished
And I'm on to something
even bigger.
This...
No!
This is Jean Marc Audibert
from Santa Maria Martha,
hot spot of the Andes,
where Ricardo Salinas,
Latin America's new guru
has established his HD.
I left the grimy hotel where we,
journalists, were staying.
I've had to hold secret
negotiations to get here,
as I can't betray my helpers,
but I'm now in the middle
of this Sierra Nevada
among Ricardo Salinas'
freedom fighters.
Indeed, I'm meeting him shortly.
Why isn't he here right now?
Here's the answer.
These hails of bullets
piercing the jungle's silence
are the sounds
of the regular army's troops
fighting Salinas' men
before my eyes,
as if cruelty is what governs
this place called Green Inferno,
where snakes, tigers,
mosquitos, malaria, and whatnot
don't suffice.
These men also have to fight...
for their freedom.
THERE IS NOTHING ON EARTH
THAT WAS NOT CREATED BY GOD
THEREFORE
GOD AND JEAN YANNE PRESENT
EVERYBODY HE IS NICE,
EVERYBODY HE IS BEAUTIFUL
What happened?
- I'm not in the tropics anymore!
- Give me your bag.
So what took you so long
to come back?
A whole lot of crap.
I met those guys, but
they confiscated my material.
- Then I had to hitchhike back.
- Everybody else got back already
and they're all over the news.
Except us!
What's this crap all about?
Stop the car.
- What the hell?
- It's true, you didn't know.
Plantier's latest idea:
Jesus, King of the station.
Anywhere and everywhere:
on billboards,
in songs, in commercials...
Yes, sir.
And there's more.
"...God would have
also created Odornet
"had he known about those agents
that destroy body odor."
Jesus is here.
The Lord has come!
He's even
on the hood of the car.
I can't make up my mind.
Mr. Ringeard, these are the
outfits Mr. Plantier ordered.
Mr. Plantier ordered those
for the hostesses?
Children! They are superb!
Absolutely splendid!
Good day, Mr. Plantier.
The outfits you ordered.
Really? Let me tell you
that it's deeply dismaying!
It's gloomy and sinister!
We need something young,
that stands out,
something colorful and bright!
I agree, sir.
Children, I told you so!
It's sinister,
gloomy, dismaying.
We need something young,
brilliant,
- colorful!
- There!
And I'd like to add
that I'm thrilled with you!
I don't know how you do it,
but I am more and more pleased.
And I'm pleased
that you're pleased...
Can I leave you my bag?
I don't have to kneel
when I get in, do I?
RADIOPLUS
CLOSER TO GOD
- Christian! How are you?
- Fine.
- It's the Vatican in here.
- And Plantier
wants to turn us
into altar boys!
It'll suit you wonders.
How about some water in there
to make it a holy water font?
- Hello, Mr. Gerber.
- Hey, spring chicken!
- My latest one.
- Thank you.
And another piece of crap.
This one's not bad, girls.
Hi, Gerber. Looking good!
Still happy
about the stuff you sell?
With God in our hearts
how can't we?
- Hello, Brothers!
- It can't be!
You look handsome, Brother!
- The good Lord has taken over.
- You don't say?
He's everywhere. On the walls...
And in commercials too.
We're actually about to air one.
Get ready, Coco!
You're on soon.
- You're on.
- God is in all things.
In music, nature,
perfumes, colors.
God loves beauty.
God loves you.
He loves your hair,
therefore,
He loves Samsoncolor shampoo
made with regenerated cadmium.
With Samsoncolor
God will love your hair.
There you go.
It's unreal!
Morons!
How about
those freedom fighters?
How many did you do?
How many times each?
- You gave in your tape?
- No.
- You don't have a tape?
- I'll do it live.
- It was too good to be true.
- Tape or no tape, we're on.
OK! Relax!
Children, get into gear.
Move your butt!
Come on, we're in a rush!
Fat chance. That's my throne.
You've got the voice,
how 'bout the plumage...
You're annoying!
Give me a break!
Don't be rude to my sister,
my sweet.
- And you can?
- Unlike you, I'm tactful.
Children, finish your orgy
so we can get to work.
Hurry,
there's another commercial.
Quick! I have no more music.
Jesus multiplied bread.
Now,
you can multiply your capital
thanks to the Aviation
and Industry Discount Bank.
The Aviation and Industry
Discount Bank
developed a system that
makes your money work for one.
There are
850 agencies in France.
"Grow and multiply,"
said the Lord.
Your capital
will grow and multiply
thanks to the Aviation
and Industry Discount Bank.
RadioPlus. 1 PM.
The news with Mr. Bonquin.
India's struggling,
Africa's instable,
Israel's council
is scheduled to meet,
and South America,
it's not all rosy.
We can now address this issue.
Our deputy editor has returned
after 1 month on the field,
Mr. Gerber has details.
Yes, details concerning
our fellow journalists' ethics.
Because everything that was said
about Ricardo Salinas'
freedom fighters is false.
Indeed, the other stations'
reports are all entirely fixed,
and no one saw Ricardo Salinas,
except for myself, I must say,
which was relatively dangerous.
I'd like to add
that these freedom fighters
are not antiquated bandits,
but sincere patriots,
loyal to Che Guevara's ideology.
And that's information our...
He's crazy!
Absolutely crazy!
...while these gentlemen
indulged themselves
"in 3-star hotels
and whisky bars.
Yes, Mr. Chairman!
Yes, Mr. Chairman.
As we speak.
Of course.
Of course, Mr. Chairman.
I'm on it.
Goodbye, Mr. Chairman.
Bring me Gerber
as soon as the news are over!
In this profession,
one single rule must prevail:
honesty.
Unfortunately,
it's increasingly scarce.
OK. Thank you, Christian Gerber.
We'll resume in just a moment.
But first, a commercial break.
At the Cana wedding, Jesus asked
to serve the good wines first,
and the bad ones last.
Nowadays,
there'd only be good wines,
the wines from
Blazing Climbing Vine.
Natural, fruity, fragrant:
Blazing Climbing Vine wines.
Drink of it, all of you,
as this is good wine.
Come in!
What's next?
"RadioPlus, closer to gadgets"?
We've been closer to women,
to youth, to nature,
to couples, to sex,
and now, to God.
Yes, God, Gerber!
But Jesus, mostly.
We need to adapt to our time.
And this stands out!
Jesus Christ, superstar.
Posters... Look at these.
It's obvious, Gerber.
It's not questionable.
Record jackets,
stickers,
badges...
Badges, Gerber!
You think that works in radio?
I believe what's trendy.
I'm not an eternal skeptic
like you!
I've never seen you take
one of our campaigns seriously.
You don't have the radio station
spirit, Gerber.
You're a loner,
when it comes to work.
It has paid off a few times,
but that's not enough for me,
Gerber.
Just like your little speech
on Che Guevara.
And your explanations
about the freedom fighters.
were not at all convincing.
And the chairman's not too fond
of your criticism either!
He just called me.
Be careful, because...
- The chairman sends you this.
- OK.
Get lost!
There you have it, Gerber.
The chairman's reaction.
- What is it?
- It's your head, Gerber.
As a matter of fact,
the chairman loves gadgets.
And this is what he does
when he wishes
to dismiss
one of our colleagues.
Are you saying I'm fired?
Sir, your wife is on her way.
Good Lord!
My wife? Are you sure?
- That's what she said.
- You shouldn't have!
She can't find me.
She wants to kill me!
Please, you need to help me out!
Tell her you're covering for me,
anything...
I'll be in the washroom.
Here, it stands out.
Where's the scumbag?
There are many
in radio stations!
Plantier, my husband!
- I'm going to slash him!
- With this?
Give it back! I need it!
That's all he deserves.
Calm down. Sit down.
Let's have a talk.
- You had a disagreement?
- More than a disagreement.
He institutionalized me
for 3 months!
He wanted people
to think I was crazy.
And I'm not crazy!
Of course not.
You need to calm down.
Come on, tell me everything.
Well, OK, doctor.
I used to be an alcoholic.
But I'm detoxed now.
He turned me into an alcoholic
in the first place.
With everything I had to put up!
Since he didn't want to pay
my rent, or give me money,
he decided to put me
in a mental home.
Bastard! Bastard!
It's all about God
on his lousy radio,
but I can assure you
he's still a bastard!
I swear to you
that he's a bastard!
I believe you! I'd even say
he's the king of bastards.
Don't do this to yourself,
not for a bastard.
Look at me.
You're young, you're pretty...
- Really?
- Of course!
But what am I going to do?
What am I going to do?
When I met Plantier,
I was an actress.
- So you'll go back to acting.
- I lost all my contacts.
- I don't know anyone anymore.
- I do.
I'll help you if you promise
to stop chasing him to kill him.
- Do you know Marcel Jolin?
- No. Who is he?
Marcel Jolin
was a presenter here.
He was fired in...
in 1961.
Since then, he's been running
the People's Interurban Theatre.
He stages Brecht, Ionesco,
a bunch of people.
You have an interesting face.
I'm sure he'll like it.
I'll use
one of Plantier's cards...
- No! The bastard!
- No, no!
Come on...
Fine.
My name is Gerber.
Here's my private number because
in a few days I may be history.
- So take this...
- Yes.
- There.
- Thank you.
And you're going
to go back home quietly.
And promise me
you won't come back.
- Yes.
- Promised?
- Yes.
- OK.
Goodbye, madam.
Goodbye, doctor.
- Nice going!
- She's crazy, I swear!
That's extreme!
Please don't say anything.
Let's keep it shush.
- Especially here...
- I was fired, remember?
I need another job
and my job is to inform...
I'll speak to the chairman.
Don't worry, I'll fix it.
But you can't work
in the news anymore.
I'll name you
Supervisor of Artistic Programs.
- That position doesn't exist.
- But we need it.
You'll be perfect for it.
What will it consist of?
We'll get to it later, OK buddy?
"Jesus Christ ate fish.
Follow his footsteps.
"Every day, on our table,
"sardines and sea breams are
as fresh as they were back then.
"Trust fish merchants
"and the labels 'Quality Fish.'
"A quality fish
for Christians who have taste."
- What's that?
- It's a gadget. A game.
We'll use it in a sweepstake.
Let me see.
It's dumb.
- Did you get my package?
- Yes.
Did you fire that idiot?
No, he asked
for a severance pay.
But he's out of the news.
I named him
Supervisor of Artistic Programs.
- That position doesn't exist.
- Exactly. We created it for him.
- What will it consist of?
- Well... We'll get to it later.
"Before our eyes,
a cathedral of leaves.
"These are the pillars of bark
and the paving of moss.
"The organs of the wind
burst into plainsong melodies
"whose echoes
are muffled in the fern.
"The forest wakes up
and the harbinger appears.
"It was 'My head is ill,'
a show by Mimi Chaperon..."
- Here you are.
- What?
The cook's son had 2 of these.
OK!
"No, madam.
"God created the peanut
so you could serve up Suavilor,
"the ultra-pure oil,
lighter than an angel's feather.
"With Suavilor, prepare
simple and easy-to-digest meals.
"If your kids or your husband
commit the sin of gluttony,
"they'll be forgiven,
"because even God
loves Suavilor."
Look at my ass in these.
There's no way!
- It's fine.
- How does it look?
Let's see. Walk a little.
It's great. Model it for me.
You look like Joan of Arc.
They'll be happy
to see you up there.
I'm not wearing
that piece of crap!
- I'm not wearing that crap!
- Plantier's orders!
Mr. Supervisor is here!
Supervisor my ass!
Look at what I found.
Isn't it pretty?
- Your office is ready.
- I saw that.
- Have you ever had caviar?
- Once. At a friend's house.
- Is it good?
- It tastes like... tuna.
- What do you eat it with?
- With fish cutlery, obviously!
Don't you have typewriters?
- I don't know how to type.
- Me neither.
- And stenography?
- I don't know.
Dunno.
- Who put you here?
- Mr. Andrieux, chief of staff.
We're doing a stage
to become hostesses.
Since we don't speak English,
they don't want us downstairs.
So what can you do?
- We can walk, right Lucette?
- Yes, we can!
Then walk.
You can stay in my office.
You'll have more space to walk.
If someone asks
for the supervisor
tell him he's gone supervising.
Can you do that?
- Yes.
- Great.
"RadioPlus!
RadioPlus! RadioPlus!
"Jesus!"
If Jesus and I had never met
Surely today I'd be a wreck
'Cause when you left me
The one who helped me
Is our upstairs neighbor
Jesus, my savior
If Jesus and I had never met
Surely today I'd be a wreck
He gave me advice,
Showed me the right path
Yes, it's Jesus
The solitary, the migratory,
The wretched, the rejected
The homeless, the graceless
Those who've given up
The screwed up, the messed up
The Black Panthers,
the campaigners
Those who hate life
Take my advice
Jesus is your guide
If Jesus and I had never met
Surely today I'd be a wreck
'Cause when you left me
The one who helped me
Is our upstairs neighbor
Jesus, my savior
If Jesus and I had never met
Surely today I'd be a wreck
He gave me advice,
Showed me the right path
Yes, it's Jesus!
The sad, the scarred,
The schizophrenic,
The terror-stricken
The homeless, the graceless
Those who've given up
The erogenous, the promiscuous
The indigenous, the distraught
Those who hate life
Take my advice
Jesus is your guide
Ave, Maria
"RadioPlus!
RadioPlus! RadioPlus!
"Jesus!"
I'm Sylvestre Ringeard, always
happy to have you on RadioPlus.
On today's edition of
"Truth, Truth,"
Father Derugleux is with us.
You will thus be able to confess
and we're ready for a call.
Mrs. Josepha Bourgivon,
from Namur.
- Yes?
- Hello?
Mrs. Bourgivon? We're listening.
Well, Father,
I have been married for...
I'm sorry,
this is Sylvestre Ringeard.
- Really?
- Yes.
But Father Derugleux is here.
I've been having thoughts...
How much can I say here?
It happens when I watch movies,
special movies, or magazines...
Then when I get home,
with my son's friends...
I empathize with you.
But I need to interrupt you now
as we need to take more calls.
Unless there's something crucial
you need to say.
What penance would you inflict
your interlocutor?
She only needs
to collect her thoughts,
sincerely repent,
and recite Hail Marys
and paternosters.
- Anywhere between 6 and 10.
- Between 6 and 10, madam.
Father Derugleux
is not very strict.
- As many for each, Father?
- Excuse me?
- As many for each?
- Yes.
Good. So Father Derugleux
gives you absolution.
Next sinner, please.
Miss Antoinette Moujard,
from Clermont-Ferrand.
Hello?
- Mrs. Moujard?
- Yes.
- Father Derugleux is listening.
- I'm listening, child.
- A woman, I assume?
- Go ahead, madam.
Bless me Father,
for I have sinned.
I'm sorry?
I can't hear you.
Bless me for I have sinned!
You're on, madam.
Hello, Mrs. Moujard?
- Go ahead, confess.
- I can't hear you.
We hear you very well.
Go ahead, confess.
Go ahead, madam.
Hello? Hello?
There's a little problem,
we lost our caller.
Let's take another call.
Mr. Sebastien Chaumont,
from Villejuif.
We're out of luck,
we're having phone problems.
No other calls?
Place to the music, then.
Enough with that phone,
for Christ's sake!
Oh, sorry, Father.
Oh, dear Lord,
Make my dream come true
Make my heart stop feeling blue
His name was Johnny
But now he left me
Oh, dear Lord,
Make her dream come true
Make her heart stop feeling blue
Oh, dear Lord,
Make my dream come true
Make my Johnny be true
Let him take me away
On the expressway
Oh, dear Lord,
Make her dream come true
Make her Johnny come through
By his side, oh dear Lord
My spirits soared
We were free as the wind
I couldn't have asked for more
Oh dear Lord, you know so well
Love shouldn't hurt like hell
Get my life back on track
Bring me my Johnny back
Oh, dear Lord, give her back
The sacred love she once had.
It seems odd, Father,
that you'd be the one
voicing your discontent,
as you're older and more mature
than your "colleague."
- Or is it "fellow member"?
- We call each other "brothers."
- Isn't it so, Father?
- Yes, my child.
So, my brother, I mean Father,
you are older than your child,
your brother, or fellow member,
so you should embrace tradition,
but you think
priests should marry.
- I do.
- You'd like to get married?
No, but I know about
the anxiety and the doubts
that rural priests deal with,
it's to say the country priest.
Nights can get lonely
and they often have the need
to feel someone by their side.
- And you?
- I don't agree.
I think celibacy
is a sine qua non condition
to a priest's serenity.
From what I heard
you don't have a country parish
like your
esteemed colleague does.
- Indeed. I teach music.
- Whereabouts?
In a young girls' college.
And you've never had the need to
form a united Christian couple?
No.
It's not all about
forming a couple.
Mr. Gerber just walked in.
Perhaps there's a newsflash?
Not at all,
I'm purely supervising.
I overheard you debating
while I was in my office,
and I found it fascinating.
I agree the need
to modernize the Church.
And we should go even further.
It'd happen progressively,
obviously.
But marriage would be
a good start to liberate us.
Let's get back to the theme
of "liquid communion."
Protestants already practice it.
Ecumenically speaking
there shouldn't be a problem.
There's no point.
I was actually referring
to practicality.
How about a host that dissolves
for optimal swallowing?
Or effervescent hosts, which
when mixed with baking soda,
help digestion in people
prone to stomach aches?
We could even come up
with a whole campaign:
"Birthday meal,
communion meal.
"We drink and eat our fill.
"Morning comes, we feel ill,
"but thank the Lord
for the fizzy pill."
We could also have
a written slogan:
"No more hiccups,
little Jesus, you're a genius."
I had to travel to get here!
- I'll complain to my uncle.
- I'll call the archbishop!
Marriage shouldn't be
taken lightly.
People don't walk
into it... blindly.
"The toll for the weekend:
186 injured, 65 dead.
"Among the dead...
"It's about the catastrophe..."
- Are you off your rocker?
- What?
You've gone too far!
It's completely distasteful!
Do you enjoy
offending honest people?
Speaking of honesty,
I heard from your wife.
She's rehearsing
with Marcel Jolin. She's great.
"...40,000 civilians dead."
RadioPlus. It's 2 AM.
We're going off the air.
We'll be back at 6:30 AM.
Goodnight.
May the Lord be with you.
She doesn't seem
to like the Lord.
- Well, at this late hour...
- I've had it!
I worked from 12 to 6 PM
yesterday and now the late show.
- Unbelievable.
- You're a saint.
You're here?
I was hoping
we could have some fun.
Not tonight.
I have a date with my guy.
You're missing out.
Have time for a drink?
I can't tonight.
We have to do
all the recordings.
Tomorrow, we're redoing
the Jesus campaign.
What has to be redone?
All the texts.
Apparently, it's not good.
I'll do some.
I'll come up
with some Jesus material.
- Why not?
- I'll redo some.
- Wanna hear?
- Sure, go ahead.
That's good.
- It's a nice tango.
- It is, isn't it?
- You can sing for us?
- I don't sing.
- So?
- Let's have you sing.
Can you stand up?
You can't do it kneeling.
- What?
- Don't kneel!
Do it in Spanish.
- Use a Spanish accent.
- OK.
I'll play it once.
Here it comes.
- Just a second.
- I got it.
They'll get
their Jesus campaign.
Here we go.
A dark cloud hovered above
My thoughts were far from love
I was lost and desperate
I didn't know what to do
To chase away my blues
Being all alone
Can chill you to the bone
In a chapel, all in white
Was such a pretty sight
A statue of the
Immaculate Conception
In the depths of my being,
I felt my faith beginning
Lord Jesus Christ
It was a revelation!
In Jesus' arms
I dance every day
And now my life
Is full in every way
In Jesus' arms
I sing every day
I live in joy
The clouds have gone away
In Jesus' arms
In Jesus' arms
I sing every day
I live in joy
The clouds have gone away
In Jesus' arms
Let's go.
Look at your cassock, Father.
It's green!
Over time, black turns green.
Bring the color back
with Cassock Brightener,
which contains
synod-based active agents.
Cassock Brightener,
to resurrect your cassock.
Also available for crimson
and purple cassocks.
For white,
our lab can give you a quote.
Nothing's worse than
coughing and sneezing in church.
To treat your cold,
reach for Cold Missal,
the Mass book treated with
eucalyptus and natural pine.
Your cold will be over,
thank the Lord.
And thanks to Cold Missal.
Holy Sisters, all day long,
you sing hymns
and assist the vespers,
all while wearing your cilice.
By the end of the day,
you've lost that fresh feeling.
Sisters, have no fear.
You can get it back
with Fresh Habit.
Fresh Habit, the deodorant
for our good Sisters,
because they're women too.
Take it easy.
Though I know you can't help it.
- Wear the headset.
- No way.
The reverb is deafening.
Go ahead.
Gentle Jesus, gentle Jesus
To his apostles, Jesus said:
"Come walk on the water.
"You won't get wet."
So, they did and you can bet
Water skiing and surfing
Began with Christ the King.
Alleluia! Alleluia!
Jesus Christ said:
"Bring me some bread and fish
To be multiplied as you wish."
The Hebrews were sated,
Fast food was created
Now we've become jaded.
Alleluia...
Gerber, stop it right there!
Make up your mind!
For once, I'm on board.
Aren't we supposed
to talk about God?
No, the program
should be focused on God!
- You're mocking our clients.
- The Temple merchants?
I order you to cut it!
- Go to hell.
- You're so crass.
- You're fired!
- No, I'm not.
I saw this coming.
So I've recorded
a little on-air farewell.
Can you play it?
"Plantier, you're an idiot.
"You think I'm crass.
I think you're vulgar..."
Stop it!
"You don't understand?
I'll explain.
"Saying 'damn'
or 'bullshit' is crass.
"But, I'll tell you
what's vulgar.
"Using a hushed, sultry tone
"Pitching slogans on the air.
"Selling horoscopes
and agony columns.
"Aware of your influence,
using Jesus to sell detergent.
"Catering to
the lowest common denominator.
"Doing shows on the elderly,
hunger and cancer.
"Playing on people's emotions
to sell them deodorant.
"All of it is vulgar,
foul and toxic.
"But it's the reality
of radio today.
"It's OK to sell shit,
but we'd better not swear.
"It's supposed
to be all sweetness and light.
"You just don't get it,
Plantier.
"I have no choice
but to throw in the towel.
"Take care, Plantier.
I'd better stop here.
"I'm afraid if I go on,
I too, will become vulgar."
Oh Jesus, gentle Jesus
Make us love, love
Oh Jesus, gentle Jesus
Make us love, love
- Hello, Gerber.
- Hi.
Bring us 3 chalices, Coco.
Isn't it great?
It just opened,
but it's gonna be a hot spot.
Vacheroune owns it,
the one who runs the Porno Club.
He's sitting next to Millie.
- Who's Millie?
- The blond!
Her husband runs RadioPlus.
I'm doing Mary Magdalene
in the street, in Jerusalem...
I'm not much of a dancer.
I couldn't see you well
in the dark.
- I know your voice.
- I'm not surprised.
Say: "You'll hear
the latest hit by Leslie Brown."
No. Let's not go there.
You're the famous Gerber.
Yes, Mrs. Chairman.
You were fired
this afternoon at 5:35 PM.
No. I chose to leave at 3:43 PM.
And do you expect
something from me?
No. Nothing at all.
- How does this work?
- I don't know, sir.
- Go wake the cook's son.
- At this hour?
- Yes, at this hour!
- Yes, sir.
"The political, economical
and social structural decline
"of the capitalist society
is at hand..."
Show me.
Again.
Don't just stand there.
Again.
Yes, I understood that part.
Take him back.
Little idiot!
You should go to bed,
Louis-Marcel.
You have a board meeting
tomorrow at 9 AM.
- Where were you?
- At a new club.
I heard some great dance music:
Sine qua non symphony.
It should be played
on the air more often.
Live your life with faith,
but faith alone
can't save your liver.
Use Mentholex for your liver,
the dehydrated artichoke pill.
Every day, once or twice a day,
Mentholex, for your liver.
Lille beat Nancy 7-2.
Irgun Sportif beat the US Goy
3-2.
Tie for Tarbes and Beziers, 2-2.
And Perpignan killed Dijon
13-3.
I mean, beat!
Here's an exceptional song
that programming sent us over.
It's the hit of the season.
Listen.
For Mr. Bernajian,
for the students at
Sainte-Jeanne-de-la-Desolation,
on behalf of Colonel
Chalmondier, for his dear Lilou.
Mr. Chairman...
Go ahead.
I'd just like to express my joy
and our gratitude to our
chairman, Louis-Marcel Thulle,
who not only bought
most of the shares
of our Phosphorus Foods company,
but has agreed to chair
our board of directors.
Mr. Brezier will now present
our next campaign.
Well, gentlemen,
our labs have decided,
after consulting with
the Marketing
and Merchandising Group
departments,
to launch a new line
of dog food.
The name of the product
was chosen by PR specialists.
It will be called Happy Bow-Wow.
The budget
of the advertising campaign
was set at 1 billion old francs.
Advertising has not yet been
divided among the various media.
Posters, displays, samples...
I think we can decide
right now that 500 million
will be devoted
to radio advertising.
Excellent idea!
Of course, Mr. Chairman!
On RadioPlus airwaves,
naturally!
I think all has been said.
Please excuse me.
I'm glad to see you,
Mr. Chairman! Good news!
Brezier just called me.
We got a 500-million contract
to launch a line of dog food,
- Happy Bow-Wow.
- Very good.
- Any other news?
- All is well.
I got rid of Gerber for good.
He was too much trouble.
I think I'll beat you this time.
How long will you last?
We shall see, Mr. Chairman.
Set up a timer in my office.
I swear, I would've done
something for you,
but it's really impossible.
You went too far, honestly.
You yanked too hard on the rope,
and you can't do that here.
OK, thanks.
If you sang,
I'd play your records.
- Yeah.
- Good luck.
Bye, Gerber.
My benefactor! I've wanted
to call you for a while.
To thank you, first of all,
and to tell you that
rehearsals are going very well.
- Good.
- How are you?
- I'm unemployed.
- No way!
- Yes.
- Come with me now, then.
I'll drive you.
You'll see, it's great.
Let's see scene 2, children.
Or scene 1.
Or 1. Let's do 1.
It's the beginning,
so let's see scene 1.
Let's do 1 again.
- Well?
- It's a mess!
I chose this stupid thing
among other dumb things.
I've got to do something
with it.
Sons of bitches! Worse than
the bitch I've become!
The barely chewed
food oozes from your mouths.
You can be proud!
You think
you're Abraham Lincoln!
Move forward,
preceded by your intestines,
filled with dead fish
and putrid meat.
I hate you! I hate you!
Good thing you sent me
that messed up girl,
because she's great.
No one else
would've wanted to play that.
I'm sure of it: no one.
She's so crazy that
she could even save the show.
Look at her. It suits her!
May night fall.
Straddle me,
as if I were a snooty bitch
in which
your stiff shaft feasts.
Straddle me!
Let me give you
my Marxist smallpox,
that I may contaminate
your imperialist grandeur.
Throw her out and beat her!
Not on the head,
it leaves marks!
There will be a leveling down,
which will come from
below the waist.
Fight of the hydra
against the child in revolt.
She wants to slay the giant.
But the earth turns inexorably.
The earth turns inexorably.
Nothing to write home about.
Yeah, you can say that again.
Stop!
Let's take a coffee break.
What can I say? Since they fired
me like the assholes they are,
I had to do something.
I chose culture: It was easiest.
Here, everything's fine.
The city lets me be.
As long as there are no
elections, they leave me alone.
It's just that I take
flop after flop.
It's 100 years old.
What can I say?
- Know what you should do here?
- No.
- Jesus.
- Jesus what?
Jesus, old boy. I just got fired
because of Jesus.
You kidding?
No, Jesus is in people's morning
coffee and evening whiskey.
People like Jesus,
so sell them Jesus.
I'm not gonna stage
"The 10 Commandments."
No, a modern play.
Jesus super something.
I'd have to have a Jesus play.
I'll do it for you.
When we say
"my dear friend,"
we should think about
what we're saying.
Not say "my dear friend" like
we'd say "my dear thingamajig."
"My dear friend"
is not "my dear friend."
It's "my dear, dear friend."
Get it, dear friends?
Forty-two seconds.
I beat you again, Mr. Chairman.
It's comforting,
my dear friends,
to see that
in our troubled times,
friendship with a capital "F"
plays an ever-greater role...
That's crap.
I don't give a damn
about the chairman!
"That's what makes
friendship..."
Such crap!
It's crap!
"One should always keep that
in mind. Friendship..."
"Hello, dear friend.
You OK, dear friend?
- "Yes, my dear friends..."
- Total crap.
- "We must re-read the texts..."
- It's crap! Crap!
"The friendship of comrades, and
the story of a friendship..."
Still crap.
- "Suddenly, Jean-Michel..."
- It's crap. Crap!
- It's crap.
- Crap.
It's really... the most...
horrific... crap... ever.
"Hello. Sylvestre Ringeard here,
with a new show:
"'Let us love one another.'
"I know some people will find
this organ music a bit joyful,
"and call it profane.
"But could there be anything
less profane than joy?
"Our Lord was full of it.
I mean, full of joy and hope.
"If he'd have played the organ,
he'd have played that tune.
"'Let us love one another.'
Why this title?
"Because Jesus said it..."
Baronnet, do we control
Spot Service for TV advertising?
Cancel the 500-million campaign
for Happy Bow-Wow on RadioPlus
and transfer it to Spot Service.
Yes!
Yes, the entire budget.
It's crap.
Plantier, it's crap!
Any imbecile could manage
this station better.
And clients are noticing.
The sales department informed me
that Happy Bow-Wow withdrew
its 500-million campaign.
You were careful not to tell me.
You're good at playing clackers.
For the rest,
anyone else could do better.
Even the biggest nitwit
you ever fired.
Who was the latest again?
Ah, Gerber.
It's for you.
- The chairman wants to see you.
- What chairman?
Chairman Louis-Marcel Thulle.
I don't want
to see the gentleman.
Samuel, hurry! We're late.
Hope it works
because all of Paris is here.
It's a show about Jesus:
A miracle could happen.
You never know.
All the idiots are here.
Look at the pervert
in the first row.
- Incredible!
- Look at their faces.
Peace in Vietnam
Peace in Bengal
Peace in the Congo
Peace in Yemen
Amen
Peace in Niger
Peace in Iran
Peace in Harlem
Peace in Aden
Amen
Mercenary assassins
We're not dolls
Israel will vanquish over you
For the unitarian cause
Students, up in arms
Access to abortions
We're all German Jews
Say: "O Jesus Christ"
Say: "O Jesus Christ"
Say: "O Jesus Christ, amen"
Peace in Vietnam
Peace in Bengal
Peace in the Congo
Peace in Yemen
Amen
Peace in Niger
Peace in Iran
Peace in Harlem
Peace in Aden
Amen
Mercenary assassins
We're not dolls
Israel will vanquish over you
For the unitarian cause
Students, up in arms
Access to abortions
Fascism will never pass
Say: "O Jesus Christ"
Say: "O Jesus Christ"
Say: "O Jesus Christ, amen"
Are you still worried?
You should wait for the reviews.
You know that as well as I do.
The chairman is
waiting for you in his car.
He's pulling out all the stops.
What does he want from me?
He'll tell you himself.
I don't know what he could say
that would interest me,
except that he's fired Plantier.
Nevertheless, that's it.
And his seat is still warm.
Is this a joke?
They love it!
It doesn't interest me. You see,
I've found my path here.
Isn't this a downgrade?
You deserve better.
Don't make the chairman wait.
And don't make me wait either.
I'll be back.
I apologize for receiving you in
such uncomfortable conditions.
It was a radio done
by washouts for washouts.
And I want intelligent radio
for intelligent listeners.
You'll have full control.
You risk regretting
what you've just said.
So you accept?
If you guarantee me
total freedom.
We'd have to agree
on the meaning of "freedom."
By definition, the term assumes
no restrictions.
OK, I'll take the chance.
All right, I'll try my luck.
How will they dress us up now?
They can dress
however they want.
- I prepared the managers' list.
- Let's see.
Hold on...
Advertising: 34, art: 24,
programming: 17, administration:
41, editorial: 18.
- Let's see that list.
- Here.
A checkmark here, here.
That's fine.
He's fine.
This one's a real twit.
He's good.
Four in editorial, plus him.
How many is that?
It's 1, 2...
- Eleven.
- Eleven, good.
Take this down: We're keeping
Barthelemy, Andre, Thomas...
You want to test the products
before running the ads?
Indeed!
- What about our messages?
- In the bin.
- Of what use are we, then?
- None.
I see.
Right. Goodbye.
Where were we?
- At Thomas.
- OK, Thomas.
What're you playing at?
I need all my turntables.
I'll take whatever spot
I can find.
You must be kidding!
That's nuts!
Let's not idle.
Grades, please.
- That's a trusty one.
- Right.
- No. 1?
- 1.
- No. 2?
- 2.
- No. 3?
- 3.
Are you pulling my leg?
- I'll taste it again.
- What?
- I'll test it again.
- Go ahead.
- 3.5.
- All right.
- No. 4?
- 4.
- No. 5?
- 5.
And that one?
- That one's mine.
- Right.
- Francois!
- That's not my name. You drunk?
The hair dryers now.
Hey! Hair dryers!
It's a piece of junk.
I tried one and it burns.
- I need a grade.
- 0. It burns.
I've got perfumes here,
and beauty creams...
I couldn't care less.
Sort it out yourselves.
So girls, the tights?
You call these tights?
Look at this.
- What?
- They're too low.
- So?
- 3, not even.
- No. 2.
- Useless.
They go up to my armpits: 0.
No. 3?
They're perfect.
- "Perfect"? Look at yourself.
- You have room to grow.
- What grade, then?
- 8.
"8"?
- Please decide.
- 2.
OK, 3. No. 4?
- There! Those are good.
- I'm not wearing any.
Idiot!
- How's it going, Thomas?
- Moving along.
- Gross?
- Decidedly.
- What is it?
- It's... No. 1.
"Alapapa preserves:
Essential to every meal."
And may lead to your demise.
Who's Alapapa?
They ordered
1 million francs' worth of ads.
- Screw them.
- It'll cost.
If we'd stopped
La Voisin earlier,
there would've been
fewer victims.
We've just been informed of the
sudden death of Edgard Morsain,
former minister and leader
of the leftist forces,
CEO of Regard Morsain
industries,
a member of boards of directors
and a figure in textiles.
This is bullshit.
He'll be remembered
as courteous...
Let's not exaggerate.
Let's face it:
He won't be remembered at all.
From the day he lost
his appointment
"as Transportation Minister
in 1957..."
Hello? Hello?
Speak louder, I can't hear you.
Gallichet. Hello, my friend.
How are you?
What?
"Alapapa Preserves"?
Your ad campaign was rejected?
Must be a mistake. I'll take
care of it and call you back.
Aurelien Mougerand is listening
to our conversation.
Come, come.
You knew Edgard Morsain well?
My goodness! Too well, in fact.
Each time we interviewed him,
it was a problem.
He didn't understand a thing
and had nothing going for him.
I was talking about him
with Sylvain,
and without exaggerating, he
would've killed his own mother.
He drank God-knows-what.
He was an alcoholic.
He was a pain in the neck
in the studio. No picnic.
So you see...
No reason to lament.
Let's listen to some music.
At least you tell the truth.
I prefer that.
We should say he was an idiot.
Yes?
Christian, phone call for you.
Yes? Hello, Mr. Chairman.
Yes, Alapapa.
No, no mistake.
I got rid of them.
300 million or not,
I had it tested.
We tasted their preserves,
and they're inedible.
I still have full control,
don't I?
Good. Talk to you later, sir.
He pisses me off.
Yes, all right.
Mr. Gerber says he'll say
what he wants on air.
All right.
If that's how it is, we'll
contact higher authorities.
Attention!
About-turn.
Forward march!
1, 2... 1, 2.
- Taste this.
- No, I feel nauseous.
How will I test the food?
No one wants any.
We're missing people.
- Take the tall one.
- She's scared.
- I won't swallow that.
- No, the beauty products.
- With my skin?
- Exactly.
Call Jolin and ask for
Plantier's ex-wife.
You're right, she's crazy!
Good idea.
I've gotten nothing
in the new programs.
Should I deduce
you no longer want to use me?
I think you can deduce that.
How come?
You're wicked and a phony,
that's all.
You've always played
everybody's game.
Relationships are passionate,
young people delight you,
and with God,
you experienced boundless joy.
I do the radio of truth.
RadioPlus, closer to what?
Closer to good mood, laughter,
and above all, honesty.
So you can't take part
in that kind of thing.
Why not?
What you say is true.
I am a phony.
I've always lied,
but with conviction.
I can continue to lie,
saying I like truth.
I'm a pro, Mr. Gerber.
You're quite a character.
If you're doing
the radio of honesty,
give me shows for phonies.
I don't mind, I am one.
I can prove it.
- I'm not lying now.
- Yeah.
We have no one for food
products, so you'll be a taster.
RadioPlus,
closer to the consumer.
- Would you like that?
- Yes. May I taste?
Our political forum.
Mr. Aime Gloran de Rabelle,
head of the Unified Democrats,
who has just released
his party's program,
will answer questions
from the RadioPlus team.
The debate will be led
by Christian Gerber.
So, ladies and gentlemen,
ask your questions one by one,
and without overlap
for greater clarity.
I have no doubt, sir, that
you'll answer in all honesty.
Of course, I'm a man of my word.
I've served France
under 3 republics.
Everyone is fallible,
so one never knows.
For the greatest precaution,
we would ask you to submit
to a mere formality.
Dr. RadioPlus,
our station's doctor,
featured on our medical shows,
will give you an injection.
It's an injection of Penthotal
and it's absolutely harmless.
No risk.
For our listeners,
it guarantees that you'll say
nothing but the truth.
You're crazy. I protest.
Please!
I wasn't warned.
You led me into a trap.
There's no risk.
My colleagues can confirm it.
No! First of all,
I hate needles!
This behavior goes against
the basic principles...
- Of politics.
- Of courtesy.
I hereby rise up
against such practices
on behalf of my group.
Keep your hands off me!
My group has always been
at the forefront...
- You've chickened out?
- No.
I refuse to take part
in this despicable farce.
Goodbye, gentlemen.
Two projectors have already
burned out on the gangway:
a pink and a white one.
OK, turn it on.
Let's see Jesus.
No, first the arms.
This is the right rhythm.
Have you heard?
Listen to this.
"Is it really worth voting
for such useless twits?"
Gerber's got some nerve!
Shampoo?
Toothpaste?
Two.
What about the
water-repellent paint?
- It doesn't hold with humidity.
- Zero.
What about the sheets?
Impeccable.
Number 3 is crease-resistant.
- Isn't it so, Lulu?
- She does seem happy.
All good here?
You may hear some unusual racket
in the background.
We decided to test every product
we promote,
including food products...
Annie, our loving announcer,
brought us a detergent.
I brought you Cleanem detergent.
It's not better,
but it's cheaper.
The packaging is cheap so...
So you suggest we buy Cleanem.
- It contains enzymes.
- Thanks, Annie.
Our friend Sylvestre Ringeard
is on his way.
- What did you test?
- Hairnet shampoo.
But you test food products.
I can do both.
Hairnet shampoo is great.
And Spamgrainless pates too.
Too cheap for receptions,
but great for picnics.
- With onions and pickles.
- Thanks, Sylvestre.
Another test.
Hurry up.
Well, I tested newspapers.
- And they suck.
- We knew that.
That was a pointless test.
He's coming.
- It's for you.
- I'm not here.
It's a lady.
Yes?
I really enjoyed
your show this afternoon.
It was really good.
Do you think you'll manage
for a long time?
I'll try. Good evening.
- You must be happy?
- I am.
And the theatre?
It's half empty
since your radio show is on.
People prefer to stay home
and listen to it.
Would you like
to come and join us?
Seriously?
You're welcome if you want.
A lot of things have changed.
This is Sylvestre Ringeard,
presenting a radio food test.
Yesterday, I tested 12 cans
of sauerkraut for you.
And only one passed the test:
The sauerkraut Djezair Tanauser
from the Abdul Saulnier, Nancy.
- Makeup?
- Three.
- Eyeliner?
- Five.
- Under-eye concealer?
- No time.
- False eyelashes?
- I can't do it all!
Consumer test,
Sylvestre Ringeard.
Yesterday,
I tried crab in cans.
I tasted 12 cans.
One passed the test:
the Preguet-Brezenec brand.
Consumer test, Ringeard.
Eat cans with moderation.
- I need to tell you...
- What?
The Poulard cassoulet...
No more Poulard cassoulet.
- It's great food.
- But not great for your health.
I already cancelled
the Plastico furniture,
the Azur Skin soaps,
and the Yatashima motorbikes.
- Very good.
- I know!
No mercy.
I know what's going on here.
In 2 days, you'll complain
about the technical equipment.
I'm done testing.
Don't complain, it's working.
In 2 days, the audience ratings
have quintupled.
We need a new switchboard.
We'll need more staff
to sort out the mail.
A machine to open letters.
I've had it.
Listen to this, guys.
"Sir, I got paralyzed
6 years ago.
"I listened to Mr. Gerber
on RadioPlus.
"It wasn't loud enough and
I got up to turn the volume up.
"Yes, you heard right:
"I left my wheelchair
and walked.
"I've been walking normally
since. Thank you, Mr. Gerber."
- Isn't it fantastic?
- Let me write a press release.
- What's wrong with you?
- Why?
He's right.
Supernatural is now
widely accepted.
You're right,
we must take advantage of this.
"Gerber, the healing voice."
Imagine that!
It'll be good for us.
I can't believe this!
Don't you want more listeners?
Yes, but to detox them,
to open their eyes,
not to make them dumber.
"Such is the feebleness
of the human mind,
"the best causes
are often gained only
"by bad arguments."
Ernest Renan.
"Ad augusta per angusta."
Julius Cesar.
"You piss me off."
Christian Gerber.
Sometimes,
I don't understand him.
- What should we do?
- We can't miss this opportunity.
Fine, let's do it anyway.
RADIOPLUS
THE FIRST RADIO MIRACLE
GERBER
THE HEALING VOICE
- What is this?
- Crutches.
Your voice heals.
Didn't you hear?
Pricks!
The audience ratings soared,
but our listeners
are still dumb.
You set up this trick?
Scum!
Don't get angry.
We took this decision together.
Andre, Thomas, Barthelemy...
It's not a trick.
It's reality.
I want everyone
in the conference room.
We're in deep shit
and it's all your fault.
What you did is unforgivable.
Especially you.
I thought you were honest.
There's nothing dishonest.
I didn't invent
the sick people you healed.
I can't believe it.
You can't be serious.
I just hung some crutches...
a few more crutches,
I admit.
But in a week or 2,
they won't all fit
in the hall anymore.
"Gerber, the healing voice."
It's a fact. We can't help it.
You can't help it either.
We can only accept it.
We all know that psychosomatic
medicine works better.
Lourdes has better results
than any other hospital.
- Why are you upset, then?
- Let the people believe.
Let them hope.
You're not harming them.
On the contrary.
You're despicable.
The very thing I'm all about
is the truth!
Haven't I been clear enough?
Then you go and toss off the
biggest, most vulgar lie ever.
You really take people
for idiots!
Read this. It's about
the miracles of the day.
Read it.
After all,
you're a real bastard.
You don't have feelings.
Human misery...
He doesn't care!
He couldn't care less.
RadioPlus,
news of the truth.
Good news.
The WHO reported that less
people die of heart attacks.
We're here with
Doctor RadioPlus.
It's true.
But since this statistic
is based on world figures,
less people die of heart attacks
because they risk first
of dying of hunger,
or car accidents,
or because of pollution.
Exactly.
We hear a lot about pollution.
So let me ask you:
Do you notice
the effects of pollution
in patients you examine?
I'm a radio doctor.
I write magazine articles.
I haven't seen a patient
in 15 years.
- And now, Finances!
- Not much to say.
The USA have
a 25 billion deficit.
France and Italy
also report deficits.
Bravo.
The German balance of trade
is not great either.
Therefore this question:
Where is the cash going?
Maybe I can answer
with these international news.
Third-world countries
request financial help
from most
industrialized nations.
So where's the cash?
Well, when we don't launch
pricey bombs on them,
we send them tons of gold,
which are just as pricey.
Let's stick to our stance.
We've come out
of more delicate situations.
Yet, the views expressed
on your radio station
could harm the implementation
of our policy.
You'll understand, Mr. Chairman.
Of course, Mr. Chairman
You're welcome.
- Goodbye.
- Goodbye. Stop the car.
Stop.
I asked
for this discreet interview
to speak to you
about a source of concern
for my company.
Surely you know
what I'm referring to.
I do.
You've watched
too many horse races
not to have a few tips.
Sure. Horse race betting is
mostly a question of schemes.
But when I have a liable tip,
I'm not stupid enough
to give it away to listeners.
The odds would decrease.
Let's move on to social issues.
The minister of labor
is highly concerned
about the foreign labor force
mainly composed of Portuguese,
Arabs and Yugoslavians,
especially
in the building industry,
where non qualified workers
provoke accidents.
Accidents involving workers
or impeding building?
Impeding building!
We don't care about the workers.
So it would no longer bother us.
You do understand, Mr. Chairman.
I do, Mr. Chairman.
Stop.
Stop.
- Cigar?
- No, thanks.
It's a pure Havana cigar
Directly from Cuba.
Well, then...
- I wanted to tell you...
- Yes?
We've had enough of Gerber.
He can blame brands,
but if factories close,
workers won't laugh anymore
once they are unemployed...
Unions are speaking about it.
The Brussels
advertisement summit
listed the best advertising
spaces in the world:
the Eiffel Tower,
the Pyramid of Kheops,
and the Statue of Liberty.
Yes, and there are others.
Lenin's mausoleum,
the unknown soldier's grave...
The first page
of Mao's Little Red Book.
- The Bible...
- Pigeons of Venice, too.
You'd need binoculars then.
Another great space:
Moshe Dayan's eye patch.
- His picture is everywhere.
- It'd be worth seeing!
No further comment.
Now some music
and next, a commercial break.
Veronique has new tests.
What did you test today?
- Frozen trouts.
- Oh!
- Are you enjoying yourself?
- Yes. And the Gaullists?
Reception was bad.
They'll call back.
Should I put a record on?
Please, or else
they'll talk for hours.
- And you?
- Me?
- Are you enjoying yourself?
- I do with your show.
But sometimes, I fear for you.
- That's nice.
- I'm serious. I mean it.
You might upset some
with your conception of radio.
Be cautious.
I think we should fire
that imperialist reactionary,
that fascist crook,
that smelly scum
of the decadent bourgeoisie.
- Do you see what I mean?
- Yes, Mr. Chairman.
Stop!
Stop!
- Hi, big boy!
- Hi.
- All good?
- Fine!
- What now?
- As usual.
Naughty boy!
Let's go.
Recently, music productions
haven't been at their best,
but this record seems
better than the others...
- We picked it for you.
- What did you eat?
I tested Happy Bow-Wow dog food.
I don't feel well.
Call that campaign off.
If it's not good for him,
it's not for dogs either.
What's going on?
Did he faint?
What's happening?
- More testing.
- Still?
Make some space! Watch out!
He'll handle it.
Too late!
All right, girls.
Let's dispatch the mail.
And me?
Hello, madam.
Hello!
What a change! Let me see.
- You look great!
- Well...
- Is it the cosmetics?
- No, it's love.
I love Jolin, Mr. Gerber.
Really?
Who put this stupid toy
on my desk?
- Does he know?
- I didn't dare tell him.
I was actually counting on you.
You are such a resourceful man.
- I'll handle it.
- Really?
Present for you.
- You're so kind.
- It's nothing.
- Goodbye.
- Bye.
Shit, it's sticky!
You should be cautious.
It was probably meant for you.
Or you. People know
you're a fan of clackers.
Then even moreso.
You need me.
Is this one of your projects?
Yes, and it'll
blow your mind away too.
Gentlemen!
Here's the new program,
starting Monday.
What we've done so far,
is nothing compared
to what we'll do.
More precisely...
I'm getting there.
One thing though...
Don't tell anyone.
- Anyone, is that clear?
- Yes.
I read it very carefully.
Did you really plan
to do it?
It would have been fun, no?
Revolution is about taking over
the power, not destroying it.
I don't care about power.
That's a child's response.
Nowadays,
one needs to be efficient.
There is no room
for dreamers or cheap gurus.
You thought you were
a modern-times Jesus,
but not anyone can be a messiah.
Bear in mind Jesus died
on the cross.
If you had died like him,
like a glorious martyr,
I would have insured you
a great posthumous future.
I would have had your bust
set in our radio station's hall,
unveiled in presence
of ministers and archbishops.
I would have delivered
a very favorable speech,
but you renounced to the logic
of your destiny.
It's awkward and unfortunate.
Too bad.
My destiny was
in those clackers.
"Was."
And which one of my apostles
did you pick?
The one who brought this
and will take over from you.
Shall we bet?
- You have 30 seconds.
- That's 29 too many.
It's my best friend,
my brother, the brave Jolin.
- How did you guess?
- Logic of destiny.
Every Jesus has its Judas.
I see.
Your end won't be as grand
as the Christ's one,
but far more interesting.
I wrote you a check. A big one.
And believe me, it won't bounce.
Go spread your word
far away from here.
Tomorrow,
Jolin will take your seat.
He's a prick, I admit,
but a laudable one.
Thanks to him, RadioPlus
will start afresh,
and I'll get my money back.
'Cause you put me in trouble.'
My company's shares
all went down.
The bank's trying
to buy them out from me,
but the game isn't over.
If I hold out until Monday,
I'll receive fresh money.
What a bunch of idiots!
They think I'll sell.
Me?
They don't know me.
Hello, Mr. Chairman?
It's Laubier.
The shares lost 2 points.
We need to decide now.
Should we hold out or sell?
Sell.
- Thank you.
- Good luck.
To you too.
I was waiting for you.
- Why?
- I'm leaving with you.
The game is over.
You're a free man.
Me? No,
I'll never be a free man.
Go home. He's going to need you,
now more than ever.
"It's tough, isn't it?
- "I said it's tough.
- Yeah.
"Isn't it?"
It's very tough.
Everybody he is nice,
Everybody he is beautiful
When cobblestones hit the sky
Like superb grey birds
When they smash cops' faces
Who look surprised
When street riots play out
When we hear everywhere
The sound of cops' clubs
Hit clever minds
In the mildness of the night
The sky is my shelter
And I think about Jesus
Jesus, who said
Everybody he is nice,
Everybody he is beautiful
The world is nice
The world is beautiful
In the quiet sky
High above the roofs
The plane drops napalm
On the Indochinese people
When hunger is raging
And food is scare
The fire from bombs and mines
Cook the little children
In the mildness of the night
I feel so moved
When I think about Jesus
Jesus, who said
Everybody he is nice,
Everybody he is beautiful
The world is nice,
The world is beautiful
Like in Jordan,
Like the poor fedayee
Lacks expertise
And acts like Mr. Jourdain
When the mercenary
Is obsessed with peace
And quenches his thirst
With a fresh beer
In the mild night
I rely on prayer
And I think about Jesus
Jesus, who said
Everybody he is nice,
Everybody he is beautiful
The movie is beautiful
The movie is finished