Eurovision (2020) - full transcript

When aspiring musicians Lars and Sigrit are given the opportunity to represent their country at the world's biggest song competition, they finally have a chance to prove that any dream worth having is a dream worth fighting for.

You'll see why in a minute.

The song is called...
Oh, and it's Napoleon.

Napoleon. No wonder,
their song is called...

Erick, is your son OK?

He misses his mother.

"Waterloo," by ABBA, for Sweden.

Watch this one.

Quiet everyone! It's Sweden.

♪ My, my
At Waterloo, Napoleon did surrender ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ And I have met my destiny
In quite a similar way ♪

♪ The history book on the shelf ♪

♪ Is always repeating itself ♪

♪ Waterloo, I was defeated
You won the war ♪

Lars! Sit down Lars!

♪ Waterloo
Promise to love you for ever more ♪

He is going to one day sing and dance
in the Eurovision Song Contest!

I'd rather be dead.


Little Sigrit is dancing!

She can't even speak!

Lars! Stop making a fool of yourself!

Stop laughing at me!

Stop laughing at me!

One day, I shall win
the Eurovision Song Contest.

And none of you will laugh at me then.

♪ Woke up at night ♪

♪ I heard floating chords ♪

♪ They guided me ♪

♪ To the highland fjords ♪

♪ Above the clouds ♪

♪ On a mountain peak ♪

♪ There he sat ♪

♪ And he began to speak ♪

♪ Volcano Man ♪

♪ He got my melting heart ♪

♪ Volcanic protector man ♪

♪ A timeless hero must love too ♪

-♪ Volcano Man! ♪
-♪ Volcano Man! ♪

♪ Guarding the land ♪

♪ Such a man ♪

♪ Volcanic protector man ♪

♪ A timeless hero must love too ♪

♪ And I love you ♪


-Goddamn it!

Sorry, Papa!


That was amazing.

I... It is not our best,
but it was very good.

Perhaps it should be our song
for the Eurovision Song Contest.

No, no, no. No way.

"Double Trouble" is the one.

-Yeah, it is super tremendous.

Your singing was very powerful tonight.



-Eurgh. Yeah.
-Eurgh, yeah...

What is it you don't understand
about electricity?

Hello, Sigrit. Heh.



-But Papa, no, I have to connect...
-Enough. Shut up. Shut up, Lars.

-But the lighting...
-Shut up, shut up.

What is it...

What a grump.

-Yeah, wow.

Super angry.

Since you were a baby, you've been
under the spell of Lars Erickssong.

I know, Mama. I know you don't like him.

He's holding you back.

What you forget, I was the little girl
who could not speak.

You could. You just didn't want to.

Right, until Lars taught me how to sing.

It was ABBA.

And Lars.

But mostly ABBA.

And, yeah.

Listen to me, Sigrit.

You know I believe this.

You are a true artist,

but art doesn't come from up here.

It comes from in here.

That is where
we each can find the Speorg note,

the truest expression of ourselves.

But you will never sing it
with Lars Erickssong.

The bank called.

I can no longer afford the house
and my fishing boat.

I must choose.

Too bad about the boat.

So many fond memories. Heh.

I make money fishing.

I'm selling the house.

But, uh...

I live there...

with you.

You're a middle-aged man, Lars.

It's time for you
to start living your life.

Time to move on from your childish dreams.

Be the man your mother wanted you to be.

She loved having me around the house,
so she might not be happy.

Why did he bring me here
to tell me that?

I see you.

-There you are.
-Here I am.

-Hey, I'm checking you out.
-Oh. I'm checking you out.

-Two cups of coffee?
-Both mine.


-Yeah. Mmm.

-Is your dad still angry with you?
-Oh, he's very angry.

And he's selling the house
and kicking me out.

No! Where are you gonna live?

-It's a great question, right?

Well, at least it'll be
in our beautiful Húsavík.

Yeah, I guess so.


Oh, no, you don't, Lars Erickssong!

-No. It's too late, Olaf.
-Take the ticket off my car.

It's too late.
Once I fill out the ticket, it's too late.

What's this?

Sigrit and I are performing
at the Captain's Galley tonight.

-Why are you and your sister

-playing at the Captain's Galley?
-She's probably not my sister.

I'm definitely not your sister.

Ragnar Loftonsson is retiring.

I'm not paying this ticket.

-But are you coming to the party tonight?

Of course I'm coming to the party tonight.

There's nothing else to do
in this shit town!

I'm not paying this ticket!

Your father is ashamed of you.


-But, Olaf, we know where you live.

You will ultimately
have to pay the ticket.

Your father is ashamed of you!

He's right.

-My father is ashamed of me.

No, he's not. That's not true.

No, it is true.

After you left, he looked me
deep into the eyes and said,

"I am ashamed of you."

-Oh, I don't know if that's...
-And then,

he said, "You have wasted your whole life

on this one stupid idea
of the Eurovision Song Contest.

And now you're a grown man without a wife?

Without a child?

-Your life is a joke."

-Maybe he was drunk.

He said,
"And you might think that I'm drunk,

-but I am dead sober."

"And I'm very serious."


♪ Because I'm happy ♪

♪ Clap along if you feel
Like a room without a roof ♪

-♪ Because I'm happy ♪
-♪ Clap along if you feel ♪

♪ Like happiness is the truth ♪

-♪ Because I'm happy ♪
-♪ Clap along if you know ♪

♪ What happiness is to you ♪

♪ Because I'm happy ♪

--I am Lars, this is Sigrit.

We are Fire Saga.

-Stephan on the skins.

Yes, Stephan just got
his first armpit hair today,

so he's pretty excited.

We have a special treat for you
if you'll indulge us.

We'd love to play for you, our submission

for this year's Eurovision Song Contest.


Play "Ja Ja Ding Dong"!

--Play "Ja Ja Ding Dong"!

-"Ja Ja Ding Dong"!
-Play it!

"Ja Ja Ding Dong," okay.

One, two, three, four...

♪ When I feel your gentle touch ♪

♪ And things are going our way ♪

♪ I want to spill my love on you all day ♪

♪ All day ♪

♪ Ja ja ding dong ♪

♪ Ding dong! ♪

♪ My love for you
Is growing wide and long ♪

♪ Ja ja ding dong ♪

♪ Ding dong! ♪

♪ I swell and burst when I see
What we've become ♪



-I can't handle this.
-I know.

Every time I try to show them
what real music is, they laugh.

"Ja Ja Ding Dong"?

I can't take this shit! Okay?

-It's like this much shit!

-I know!
-I can maybe take this much shit,

but it's up here!

-It's a lot of shit!



Hey, Lars!

Get back in there right now
and play "Ja Ja Ding Dong"!

No, we are done for tonight.

You have to play it!

Why do I have to play it?
I already played it.

I don't care! You have to play it again!

Tell me,
when will it be enough for you?

It will never be enough!

I only want to hear "Ja Ja Ding Dong"!

Fine, I'll play it. I'll play it.

We're having a break.

All right.

Hey, guys,
he's going to play "Ja Ja Ding Dong"!

--It's the only thing that makes him happy.

I'm going to play it.

But I'm going to tell him
to eff off during the song, so...

Okay, listen. Last night,

I went to the Gálgahraun lava field
to ask the elves to help us.

-Hear me out.

-Hold on.

-Elves again?
-Don't do it.

You know I have nothing to do with elves.

Lars, shut your mouth
or the elves will shut it for you!

I, uh...

Please, elves don't exist, Sigrit.

You're killing me.

Take it back.

I can't take it back.

-You have to take it back.
-Look, it's not going to be elves

that get us into the song contest
this year.

It's going to be the perfect song.

Plus elves.

♪ Unless I'm looking in the mirror ♪

Her name is Katiana Lindsdóttir but
she goes simply by the name of Katiana.

--Katiana is the whole package...

..the beauty, the voice, great song...

..her English is perfect.

And she's from Keflavik.

♪ In the mirror ♪

♪ Unless I'm looking in the mirror ♪


without being dramatic,
I think it may be the best

audition tape we've ever had

in the history
of the Icelandic Song Contest.

Wow, she's an angel.

This is exciting!

Iceland could win
the Eurovision Song Contest

for the first time
in its sixty-year history.

--Can you imagine?


-What's wrong, Victor?
-If she won...

that means that we then host the contest
for the next year.

Ah, yes.

The winner of the Eurovision Song Contest
hosts the following year.

Yes, you're right, Victor.

Maybe it could be in Keflavik.

Oh, sure.

-Fantastic idea.
-Thank you.

But perhaps, Keflavik,

a town of 15,000 people,
lacks the infrastructure to host

42 countries and over
half a million people.

I'm afraid the cost of hosting
will bankrupt the whole country.


And why should we listen to him? Huh?

The brilliant financial men
of this country

nearly ruined us ten years ago.

-Anna, Anna, enough.
-You were one of them...


it is our job to think of the greater good
for all of Iceland.

If Katiana wins
the Icelandic Song Contest,

we have a real chance
of winning Eurovision.

-And we must take it.

We must take it. We must take it!

It's, uh...

Yeah, there's just one, uh, problem.

We only have 11 acts,
but the rules say we need 12.

Yeah, that's a good point. Um...

Would you pass this down to Jorn?

Pick one.

-Is that fair?

Come on. We all know that Katiana
is going to win this, right?

-Yeah, so pick one.

It says...

Oh, my God! Sigrit!

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

I have big news!

We did it! Sigrit!

I've got big news!

Bring in the boats!

Everyone must hear this!

Get ready, Húsavík!

Yeah, I heard.

I'm on my way.

Fire Saga is in!

Fire Saga is in!

I'm sure it's very exciting for you, Lars,

but you must know that the emergency
signal is for life or death situations.

And I could argue that this town
is near death,

and my entrance into the song contest
is the last chance

we, as a town, have to be alive.

-I always thought you were weird, Lars.

My older brother went to school with you
and he told me you were weird.

Your older brother rode a horse
backwards to school.



Can you believe it?

It's true?

I have the letter in my pocket.

I have the letter in my pocket!

-Arnar, let him go.
-He broke the law.

Come on, guy.

Don't you call me guy.

You're being, like, really uncool.

No, no. No, no, no.
Lars is way more uncool.

He will never win at singing.

You're throwing your life away
on that idiot!

Listen to him, Sigrit. Lars is weird.

The whole town thinks so.

You are smart and pretty.

You should be with a good man, like Arnar.


Well, I don't care what people think

and I would like you to let him go,
please, Arnar.

Just be cool.

Be cool?

Hey. Be a cool guy.

Just be cool. Let him go.

Good day, my elf friends.

I made you some biscuits.

And I brought you some of Mama's whiskey.

Just to say thank you so much
for getting us into the contest.

You should have seen Lars' face. Oh!
It was priceless. He is so happy.

And so...

I was just wondering if, um...

maybe, if it's not too much trouble,

you could help us get into Eurovision?

I know it's a lot to ask,
and you've already helped us so much,



it's his one true dream.

And I think if it could come true,

well, I'm pretty sure we could
finally be together.


Oh! Oh, oh, oh.

Um, one more thing.

Uh, I thought it might be cool, too,
if we had a baby.

But, uh...
we can talk about that next time.

Okay. Bye-bye.

-I have a lot of costumes in here, so...

Don't... Hey.

Stephan, come here.

So, uh... listen.

A little bit of bad news.

Uh, you're not going to Reykjavik.

Plus, you have school, it'd be tough.

Hey, music, it's a tough biz.

It's okay.

My friends think the song contest
is for losers,

and it's going to be an epic shitshow.


Good luck.

Okay. Yeah, thank you.

-We'll miss you. All right?

-All right. Okay.
-All right. Here we go.

Fire Saga for the win!



Good evening and welcome
to the 43rd Icelandic Song Contest.

We are coming to you live

-in downtown Reykjavik.

Tonight, we have gathered
the finest Iceland has to offer.

Twelve best in Iceland,
and one of these lucky...


This is too much.

This is nothing.

Eurovision is the big time.
This is crap compared to Euro.

-Read that.

What is it?

It's an invite to a party tonight
on a boat for all the contestants.

-A boat party?

-That would be fun.
-Yes, a boat party.

But not everyone will be in a good mood
tonight at the party.

Surely we will, when we win.

Yeah. Remind me, Lars, when do we go on?

-Right after Katiana.
-Oh, my God. Katiana.

I am so nervous, Lars.

I wish I could sing in Icelandic,
I know it would calm me.

Sigrit, you know that a song in Icelandic
would never win Eurovision Song Contest.

Yes, I know, I know, I'm being silly.
But I'm just... I'm just anxious.


It's really a...

dream come true.


-Yes. No, I know.


What are you doing?

I just want my ding dong to look bigger
than what is really there.


Should I draw attention
to my groin area as well?

Now you get it. Yeah.

-I can do a camel.
-Do a classic camel.

-It's never out of style.

-That looks good.

Pretty good, huh?

And now, the first act tonight.

21st Century Viking.

♪ I’m growing cold
Like the wind from the north ♪

♪ Try to say something
Surprises me more ♪

♪ I know you keep telling yourself
That it's worth it ♪

♪ But I see in your eyes
That you know it ain't workin' ♪

♪ You're too brand new ♪

♪ And its costs are great too ♪

Hey, Erick.

Erick, it's started.

-When does your son go up?

How the hell should I know?

Don't you care? I mean...

He's... He's your own son.

Turn it off.

--Turn it off.

♪ I know you'll be there ♪

♪ All of my days ♪

♪ Saying la di da
Di da, di da, di da ♪


Stop making a fool of yourself.
You're going to look ridiculous.

All of Iceland will laugh at you.

I'm going to go, uh,
check on our lighting.


♪ Unless I'm lookin' in the mirror ♪

♪ Why does it feel ♪

♪ Like I'm the loneliest girl
In the world ♪

-♪ Like I'm the loneliest, onliest girl? ♪
-Hey, guys.

-♪ In the world, yeah ♪
-What are you doing here?

Just thought maybe we could
go over the lighting cues for our act.

Uh, Fire Saga.

-Are you crazy?

-You know you're on right after this.

♪ Unless I'm lookin' in the mirror ♪


♪ the mirror ♪

-She will win this, for sure.
-Oh, yeah. Erick.

Your son is up next.

Okay. Okay.

-You have to go now.
-No. No!

Lars. Please, can you make them wait?

-It's live television. You have to go on.
-No, I can't. I can't, I can't!

-Go! Go!

No, no, no, no, no, no, no!

I'm in Fire Saga.

I'm in Fire Saga.

♪ I saw you and then ♪

♪ All of my nights turned morning ♪

-♪ You turned 'round ♪

♪ And I suddenly found my glory ♪

-Coming through.
-Whoa, easy, man!

Please move. Please move.

Yes, it's real.

-♪ Hey, baby, when you look at me ♪

♪ I know I'm in double trouble tonight ♪

-♪ Hey, baby, won't you talk to me? ♪
-Stop. Can we go back?

Stop the show, please?

♪ I'm in double trouble tonight ♪

♪ Show me your love ♪

♪ Give me your love ♪

♪ How could something so wrong
Feel so right? ♪

♪ Straight from above ♪

♪ The whitest dove ♪

♪ I'm in double trouble tonight ♪


Can we go to commercial, please?

Maybe a fresh start?

Stop laughing, please.


Oh, no.


-Hi, I'm Lars.


Oh, Sigrit.


I ruined it for both of us.

And you didn't even get to go
to the boat party.

Everyone from the contest is out there.

Everyone but you.

Why do you stand by me?

Because you are a dreamer.

My dreamer.

Whenever I feel like giving up,

you give me hope, Lars.

You always keep going.


ever since we were children...


Me, too.


Oh, God.


It's Katiana!


All those people.

Iceland's greatest artists all gone!


you're right.

Everyone is gone.

Are you in shock?

They're all out of the contest.

The elves went too far.

It's too good to be true!

-We're in!

-We're in the winner's circle!

We're in the winner's circle!

-We're in.
-We're in.

-We're in!
-We're in! We're in!

Oh, but I feel really bad
about the people on the boat.

Oh, me too.

I know, it's a great tragedy.

--We're in?

But we're in?

I'm so sad.

-So sad.
-So, so sad. I feel so...

It's a terrible tragedy.

The rules are the rules.

Fire Saga is the runner-up.

If you send those two freaks
to the Eurovision Song Contest,

-the whole world will laugh at Iceland.
-Anna, I know this.

They're horrible.


So bad.

-So, so, so, so, so, so... bad.

But they're all we have left.

So we're in?


Thank you.


-Oh, my goodness.


It's so luxurious.

-It's so swish. For us?
-This is world class.



--Oh, my God.

Oh, Schweppes!

So many Schweppes!

Under the bed. Hide it under the bed.

Just here for Eurovision.

We are Fire Saga. We are a band.


That was so fun.

Yeah, there comes some more fun.

-Let the fun out.

I see you.

-There you are.
-Here I am.

-I'm checking you out.
-I'm checking you out.

I can hardly believe it, Lars.

I never thought we'd leave Húsavík,
and now...

look at us.

-I... nah.
-Ah... Nah?




We can't.
We have to think about the music.

-Oh, yes.

But we can make music and love.

-No, we can't.


No. Romance, it ruins the bands.

Think about it.

Fleetwood Mac, right?

ABBA, Post Malone,

Semen and Garfunkel.

-Yeah, I forgot about Semen and Garfunkel.
-I know.


-This is very disappointing news.

No, no, listen.

We are so close to realizing our dream.

So close to winning.

Well, it's exciting.


-All right.

Okay, you're right. Yes.

We should concentrate on the music and...

-So we'll do that for now.


-Excuse me.

-Oh, no one's home.


I have a telephone call for you.

-It's from the Mayor of Winning.

He wants to say something to you.

Yes, Mayor of Winning?

"Hello, Sigrit?

You're going to win."

Oh, how was your phone call?

Was it good?

-Yeah, good call. Okay?
-Yeah. It was pretty good.

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome
to the Eurovision Song Contest.

I've never held a glass this tall before.

I know.

-Good luck, everyone.

Okay, and standby, Russia.

In three, two, one.

♪ Love... ♪

♪ Thousands tried to tame me
But I roam free ♪

♪ Until I saw you and you saw me ♪

♪ It's a jungle out there
So hold on tight ♪

Lars, that voice. It's incredible.

The Russian. Alexander Lemtov.

He's one of the favorites.

Oh, yes, I can see why.

♪ And on and on and on and on ♪

♪ Let's get together ♪

♪ I'm a lion lover ♪

♪ And I hunt for love ♪

♪ On the savanna
I will make you rise up ♪

♪ To the sky above ♪

♪ And when I roar ♪

♪ You'll know I'm done ♪

He's very good. But Sigrit, no one has
a more perfect voice than you.

♪ ...of love ♪

♪ Lion of love ♪

♪ Lion of love ♪


-Okay, you're up next.

Thank you, Russia.
Please clear the stage.

We don't have much time, so...
Watch your step.

Okay, this is the stage.

Your mark is just here,
so please... Thank you.

Sigrit, we have arrived.



are you ready for your first
technical run-through?

Uh... Almost.
Can you give us one second, please?


I have a surprise for you.


Okay, we're going to need to get Lars
hooked up to his wire.

The wheel's still being built.
Should be a few more days. Um...

-Sigrit. You look like a tooth.

Come forward with me. Okay, so...

You are going to be center front,
about ten behind the e-fan.

Mark that spot, please!

Lars, are you good, my little sausage?

So good, Kevin Swain.

Is Iceland ready?

-Go for it!
-Lars, what...

That was Kevin Swain.

Crazy, right?

Kevin who?

You were standing next to Kevin Swain.

He heads the creative team
that Iceland hired to help us win.


Okay, hi.

♪ I saw you and then ♪

♪ All of my nights turned morning ♪

♪ You turned 'round ♪


♪ And I suddenly found my glory ♪

-♪ Sometimes I pinch myself ♪

♪ 'Cause I don't know ♪

--♪ Am I dreaming now? ♪

♪ I wanna stop the clocks ♪

-♪ And hold you close ♪

♪ But I don't know how ♪

-♪ Hey, baby, when you look at me ♪
-One, two, three and four...

Come on, Sigrit. What?
What are you doing, Sigrit? Come on.

Uh... I...

I'm sorry. I...

Hold it there a moment.

Do you have a sickness in your legs?
Are your feet very sad?


Do you want me to dance or...

Oh! I'd love it. I would.

Can I just say one thing?
Sigrit is very good.

She'll pick this up right away.
She's the best.

I know it. I believe it.
I believe it so much.

Look at you.
You're a stunning big piece of rice...

-Nina, look what I'm doing here.
-...I'm gonna boil.

Stop it, because you know
you're gonna make me now.

-Here we go.

-Lars, can I tell you something?

-I love what you're doing.
-Thank you so much.

Okay. Happy times,
cheery feet, pick them up.

Everything's really coming together.

Wonderful, Lars.
Come on, everyone. Very good point.

--Okay. From the top again.

-I don't know what I'm doing.


-Hey, Victor.

-Jorn, Anna.

-Hello, Victor.

-how is Fire Storm doing?
-Fire Saga.

Fire Saga.

Fire Saga, okay.

The first rehearsal was a bit of a mess.

Was it?

But Kevin Swain is using
all of his talent...

-Yes. try and help them.

-A sprinkle.

-But we're still ranked last.
-Yeah, wonderful.

What? No.
No, that's not wonderful at all.

-No, we're being laughed at.

Yes, of course. It's terrible.


-It's terrible.

Well, I have to go.

There is always next year.

♪ I saw you and then ♪

♪ All of my nights turned morning ♪

♪ You turned 'round ♪

♪ And I suddenly found my glory ♪

-Okay, can we stop real quick?



What's going on?

Nothing. Why?

No, just your singing,
it doesn't sound like you.

Oh, well, it's a very different mix.

Doesn't it sound a little busy to you?



Uh, do you think the new track is busy?

I think it's presh, coz.

See? It's presh, coz.

-I think he's killing it.

We're going to win with this dope track.


Uh, well, I don't want to hurt
Jae-bong's feelings...

-...but I don't think this track is dope.


But bish,

I don't know if you understand.

Jae-bong was in Kitty Cat Fancy,

one of the biggest K-pop bands
of all time.

And I think he knows what's good.

Right, bro? Huh?

It's all about the plo, yo.

The what?

It's all about the plo.

-The flow?
-Flow, I think he said flow.


-It's all about the flow. Yeah.


-I'll try. Let's run it again.
-Okay. We're all good.

Oh. I am so sorry.
I thought you were over.

No, no, no, we are almost finished.

I heard your song.
Your voice is quite special.

-You are Iceland, yes?

Yes, we are from Iceland. Yes.

You are brother-sister?

-Probably not.


You are Alexander Lemtov
and I have heard you singing on the stage.

You sing with such passion.

Thank you. Thank you.

Listen, I throw smash-up party tonight.
Why don't you come? Be my guests, huh?



-Do you...
-We could...

The only thing is
we have to finish the remix.

This is shame.
All of best performers,

dancers will be there,
very crazy sexy time. You'll love it.

But, you know...

first time Eurovision, too much.
I understand. It's okay.

No, wait. Hold... But, please...

if the best of the best is going to
be there, then without a doubt,

we will be there as well.
There's no question.

All right.

Okay, this wonderful. Well...

I see you there. Okay.



--You have to watch that guy.

He is a sex player.

Pfft... No.

I don't know about that.

I do.

No one travels around
with four guys like that. Come on.

Besides, he's a slick customer.

And he probably has a very large penis.

Oh, yes, yes.

I sense that he does have
a very large penis.

I think that's true. Yeah.

Yeah. He's got a BDE Hundo P.



-No question.

Well, I think
he's just being friendly, really.


we don't need friends, okay?

We need to win.



Yeah, it looks kind of old to me,
like it's about to fall apart.

-Someone just opened our doors.


-Thank you.
-You're welcome.

This is very different from our hotel.

Sigrit, Lars, you came.

-This so great.


Welcome. Welcome.

I'm so happy,
this so great that you are here.

Where are we?

This my home.

-Yes. Yes.

I have many home all over world,
but this crazy place,

maybe my top five favorite.


The penises on the Greek statues...

-...they are very dangly.

Yes, I love the history and this just
the way the Ancient Greek make statues.

So these are Ancient Greek statues?

Yes, of course.

-That's was my question, too. Yes.

Because I was thinking...

-that their faces kind of look like yours.
-Yeah. Mm-hmm.

-Maybe you're right. Yeah.
-It's uncanny.

-It's uncanny.
-They're very, very handsome.

-Have you ever...
-Yeah, that's crazy.

Come, I show you party.


-He doesn't notice...
-He doesn't understand.

...that they all look like him.

So, there Lisa Lisa from Hungary.

Her odds not very good.
Not as bad as yours, but not good.

These The Wonderfour from Finland.

They have very hippy,
snappy rock and roll sound.

She is fabulous,
but she should ditch boys.

This Julia J.

She come number one,
England's Got Talent, four years ago,

so she quite good,
but everybody hates UK, so...

zero points.

-Kevin Swain.

I think you know my full name.

You shaved your cheek hair.

-Oh, so smooth.
-Oh, I miss it.

-You naughty boy.
-I know, I shouldn't have said that.

Oh, you look like a flashy disco ball.

-Kevin Swain. I know.
-Kevin Swain, visionary, the best.

Oh, there Johnny John John, Sweden.
Killer dance move.


-Do you like champagne?

More tall glasses.

-Love it.

Oh. Oh, my gosh. I almost forgot,
Mita Xenakis from Greece.

She one of the favorite.
She great pipes,

sing with a lot of emotion.
Mita, Mita!

Come, come. Come meet my Icelanders.

Baby, where have you been?

-Mita Xenakis, Lars Erickssong.

-Sigrit Ericksdóttir.

Are you brother and sister?

-Probably not. Nah.

Sigrit have very beautiful voice.
Their song is quite good.

Yes, I agree. I think it is the best song
that I've ever written. I write our songs.

I also sing and design a lot of
the costumes and our footwear.


Why don't you tell me more
about your amazing talents over a drink.

Come, Sigrit.
There's something I want to show you.

-Talk to me.

Are you good?

See you in a bit.

-Are you liking Eurovision so far? Good.
-Oh, yes. Very much so.

I think we have a very good chance
of winning.

Oh, God. Win, lose, really doesn't matter.

Oh, where are we going?

-Please, let me show you.

Wow, this is...


Isn't it wonderful?

It's the most beauty I have seen
in my life.




I wish to say something very stupid.

-Oh, tell me.

No, I love stupid things.

-Okay, I wish to say that it is...

...more beautiful because
you are here in it.

Oh, um...

I... You...

Lars would really love this.

-Sigrit. Sigrit, Sigrit.

Lars cannot have everything.

God, do you only think of winning?

Of course.

Now I have to become an international star
to prove to all of Iceland,

and my extremely handsome father,

that I have not wasted my life.

Oh, my God.

-Well, I really like you now.

That... That's something, it excited me,
you know?

I have heard you sing.

You are very good, but...

I think there is more.

I think you sing from here...

but... not so much from here.

That is what my mama says as well.

You say I sing with passion.

What is your passion?

If you could use your voice,

to speak for yourself...

what would you say?


I would say...

What's that?


-You are going to love this. Come, come.

What's going on?

-Lars, it's a song-along.
-A song-along?

-Have you been to a song-along?

-Oh, baby, come with me. Come.
-Okay. Yes, let's go.

♪ No matter how hard I try ♪

♪ You keep pushing me aside ♪

♪ And I can't break through ♪

♪ There's no talking to you ♪

-Me? No.

♪ It's so sad that you're leaving ♪

♪ It takes time to believe it ♪

♪ But after all is said and done ♪

♪ You're gonna be the lonely one, oh ♪

-♪ Do you believe in life after love? ♪
-Come, Lars. Come on.

-Sing with me.

♪ I can feel something inside me say ♪

♪ I really don't think
You're strong enough, no ♪

♪ And I feel like I just got home ♪

♪ And I feel  ♪

-♪ Don't think you're strong enough, no ♪
-♪ And I feel ♪

♪ And I feel like I just got home
And I feel ♪

♪ Quicker than a ray of light ♪

♪ Quicker than a ray of light ♪

♪ I really don't think
You're strong enough, no ♪

♪ Waterloo, I was defeated
You won the war ♪

♪ My my
At Waterloo, Napoleon did surrender ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ And I have met my destiny
In quite a similar way ♪

♪ The history book on the shelf ♪

-She sounds great!
-♪ Is always repeating itself ♪

♪ Waterloo, I was defeated
And you won the war ♪

♪ You won the war ♪

♪ Waterloo ♪

♪ Promise to love you for ever more ♪

♪ Ne partez pas sans moi ♪

♪ La joie d'etre libre ♪

♪ Vous qui cherchez une autre vie ♪

♪ Vous qui volez vers l'an deux mille ♪

♪ Ne partez pas... ♪

♪ Sans moi ♪

♪ Tonight's gonna be a good night ♪

♪ That tonight's gonna be a good night ♪

♪ That tonight's gonna be
A good, good night ♪

♪ I got a feeling ♪

♪ Do you believe in life after love ♪

♪ Quicker than a ray of light ♪

-♪ I can feel something inside me say ♪
-♪ Gonna be a good night ♪

♪ I really don't think
You're strong enough, no ♪

♪ Quicker than a ray of light ♪

♪ That tonight's gonna be
A good, good night ♪

♪ Do you believe in life after love ♪



Oh, my God.

-Your sister. Huh!
-Oh. Yeah.

She can really sing.

I don't think she's my sister,
but she can sing.

No question. Yeah.

She doesn't always sing like that.

-I should go try to find her.
-Oh, no, let her be, Lars Erickssong.

But we have so much work we have to do.

Oh, work... Oh, come on, work.

Is that all that you can think of?
Can you think of nothing else?

Like what?

Like, um... romance.

Yes, of course. No, no, no.
I think of romance and sex play.

And like, you know,
French maid and little sailor boy.

-Oh, I like that.
-I have a good size penis.

Well, not too big.

Uh, I kind of describe my penis
like a Volvo automobile:

solid, sturdy, dependable,
but not going to turn any heads.


-There you are.

Did you hear us singing at the end?

I think it was the best I ever sang
in my whole life maybe.

The best? I don't know.
I mean, you sing pretty good back at home.

Well, I have never sung better.

Sigrit, you unlocked something inside me.

I almost hit the Speorg note.

You know about the Speorg note?

Of course. Icelandic folklore,
one of my many passions.

Yeah, but it's a myth.

-I love the little elves.

-They're cute.

Yeah, I know, it's interesting,
for some people, who believe them.

But I think, uh, maybe we head back, huh?

-Head out. We got a big day tomorrow.
-No. No, guys...

Everyone is going club dancing after this.

-You should come.
-Club dancing.

Lars, we love club dancing!
We have to go!

We do love club dancing! So much fun.

No, I want to go club dancing so bad.

But I have a lot to do. You go.

Are you sure?

I'm positive.

-Okay. Okay.

-Have fun.



Two for me? Wow.

Thank you.


I hope the music never stops!

I could dance all night!

You are a most exciting woman.



She must have left her key.


-This is going to happen, Lars.
-Okay. My balls!

-Keep fighting. I like it.
-I'm scared!

Oh, good morning.

Have you just been watching me?


I braid your hair.


I find it very relaxing pastime.


That's quite good, actually.

-Thank you very much.
-How long did that take you?

Six hours.


Did anything...


kind of...

Last night?

-No, of course not.

I gentleman.


Wait, what's it?

How did you hear that?

This song?

-You sing in your sleep.

-It's very beautiful. You write this?


It's not finished yet.

And when it is finished,
will you sing it with Lars?

Probably not.

Would you sing it with me?

I can't. No.

Lars has been my partner since childhood.

Partner in music, but...

nothing else?

Well, if we win the contest,
then I hope that might change.

But if you don't win the contest,

will Lars be content
if you are only one who adores him?

You should not be stuck in his cage,
little bird.

You need to fly.
Sing your song, for the world.


I am singing for the world.

Thanks to Lars. I...

So I should really probably go
and concentrate.

So I'm going to go, okay?

You don't have to fly alone.

I would like to travel the world with you.

-Perform your song.

Record your song.


magazine cover,
shoot with you on sexy island,

make passionate music.

It would be very good deal for you.


I have to go.

I'm gonna go.

-I have to go.

-think about it.

Thank you for everything, Alexander.



Are you awake?

I had the strangest night.

And I...




You, uh, remember, uh, Mita?



Oh, no.

Iceland, are we ready?

We are waiting on Sigrit!


I am here!

-My king, your queen has arrived.
-Thank you, Kevin Swain.

What is this?

It is a costume I made.

Well, it's bad.

Well, maybe if you were more focused
and not out dancing all night,

you might feel better about it.


-What are you doing?

You don't have to do this.

Okay, and are we ready now?


I have never been more ready!

Okay, do you think I'm stupid?

A guy like Lemtov,
all he wants from a girl like you...

I didn't sleep with Lemtov!

Oh, well, I didn't sleep with Mita.

Yeah, and I think I know
rotten shark meat when I smell it!

-Can't talk to you when you're like this.
-Know what, Lars?

Why don't you just go ahead
and sleep with everyone?


You know, hey, maybe I will, too.

Because, you know, we're both free,

so let's just go sex-nuts.

I am happy to go sex-nuts.

I am going to have sex with everyone!


Starting with that lady,
emptying the garbage can.



And Kevin Swain. Easy.

Lovely. Thank you.

Nina, what do you say?

Okay, Nina is out.

And that guy over there.

Yes, holding the iPad
or whatever that is...

I can't read what it says
on your name tag.


I'm going to have sex with you, my friend.

I'm going to be all over you.

It's going to be passionate and white-hot.

You're going to melt under my body heat.

So listen up, everyone, there is a new...

sex machine in town, and his name is Lars.

Go tell that to your Russian friend.

Yeah, well, at least he sees me.

I see you every day!

No, you don't.

And I don't like this version of the song.

And I want to go back to the way it was.

Got me?

Where are you going?

You have to focus up.
The semifinals are tomorrow.

-And you're blowing it big time.

You are blowing it big time.

You're small, Lars Erickssong.

So small.

And Iceland, your time is up.
Please clear the stage.

Look at you.

You are an ugly loser.

Sigrit was right. You are small.

You need to grow up.

I know.

Why did you say you would have sex with
all those people? That was ridiculous.

Come on, you embarrassed yourself.


Do you think you'd have a chance
with Theo?

-Never. Not in a million lifetimes.

Eh, duh!

Dude. Yo, dude.


Hey, dude, uh, do you know if this is
where they shot G.O.T.?

-Game of Thrones.

Give me a break, man. Can't you see
I was talking to my reflection?

Chill out, bro.

You chill out, bro.

Why do you Americans always say
"chill out" like that to everyone?

Jeff, let's go. The guy's nuts.

Wait, I'm nuts?

Hey, Europe is not your party town.

All right? You come over here
and you shit on everything.

-Come on.
-Show some freaking respect.

All right?

Go home and build your wall.

-You shit-for-brains Americans.
-Let's get out of here.

Lars! Lars, they love Starbucks.

Hey, go to Starbucks.

-They have a special for Americans.
-Where's the Starbucks?

That Starbucks,
it's anywhere you look, okay?

-Just smell for the Pumpkin Spice Latte.

Okay, thank you.

I'm not saying "thank you" back.

-Was he trying to help?
-I think so.

Goddamn Americans.

♪ All by myself ♪

♪ With this great big world before me ♪

♪ But its all for someone else ♪

♪ I’ve tried and tried again ♪

♪ To let you know just where my heart is ♪

♪ To tell the truth and not pretend ♪

♪ All I needed ♪

♪ Was to get away ♪

♪ Thought I made it clear
Do I have to say it? ♪

♪ It was always there, you just...  ♪

♪ Didn't see it ♪

♪ Waterloo ♪

♪ I was defeated, you won the war ♪



Is someone there?

Hello, Lars.

Holy shit, Katiana.

You are in great danger.

-You must leave Eurovision.
-No! I'm not listening to you.

Don't run, Lars!


Come in?

That sweater is very angry.

Hmm. Yeah.


Why haven't you told him?

It's... It's not that simple.

We have to think about the band.

Okay, but look. Life is long.

And you and Lars have kind of spent
most of it together.

But if I had someone like that in my life,
I don't think I would let a night of...

nothing come between us.


I'm equally surprised because,
you know, I'm very sexy.

I mean, I tried, but he didn't want to.




Welcome to the
Eurovision Song Contest 2020.

We're about to get underway,
so let's go over to this year's hosts,

who are Corin Vladvitch and Sasha More.

Hello, Eurovision! Can you believe it?

Welcome to tonight's very magical,
big show!

Yes, we have something, Corin!

It is the night
we have all been waiting for...

The semifinals are finally here.


Listen, Sigrit.



I was angry.

Yeah, I was angry, too. And...

You know what the elves say?

I don't know what the elves say.
I don't believe in elves, but...

They say,

-"Anger cannot churn the butter."
-Churn the butter.

-Yes, I know that one.

And I think it's really true.

No argument here.

And the song...

I had them to go back to the way
the song originally was

before Jae-bong added
the "fresh, coz" flow and all the "bish".


Yes, of course.

-Thank you, Lars. That means a lot to me.
-No, it's what's right.

Hey, looking good, Johnny. Huh?

Clown makeup...




-This our clown dance.

Why don't you leave them be?
We'll find you someone else to play with.

Oh, she is so special, Mita.

With her by my side,
I could be bigger than ever.

But she will never be happy.

How you know this?

I will give her everything he cannot.

Not everything.


Hello, hello.

Lemtov. Huh.

-Are you performing tonight?
-No, but I come to support you.

Fire Saga.

It's very kind of you to come support us,
singing together,

as a duo, that will never be separated.

George Michael said same thing
about... other Wham! guy.

No one even know his name.

Andrew Ridgeley.

-Oh, really?

So guys,
I am feeling quite nervous, actually.

What? Why? You don't have even
single chance of making it.

Odds-makers say you wont get single vote.

Don't be nervous.

You will be great.

Just... remember what we talk about
the other night, okay?


Go, Fire Saga.

What did you talk about with him
the other night?

Not that I care. Just curious.

--Oh, Lars, it's starting.

-Come here.

I'm so nervous, Lars.



♪ I was an outsider ♪

♪ A troubled child ♪

♪ Until I picked up the call of the wild ♪

♪ There in the shadows, I found my pack ♪

♪ Who would accept me
Without looking back ♪

♪ Here I am, another love song ♪

♪ Letting my instinct take control ♪

♪ 'Cause you're just like me ♪

♪ A spirit that wants to be free ♪

♪ We're running with the wolves ♪

♪ We're running with the wolves ♪

♪ And you can hear us
Howling in the night ♪

♪ We're running with the wolves ♪

And Belarus came out of the gates kicking.

A very fast start
to this year's competition.

And next up is Finland.

And The Wonderfour.

♪ I lay the blame on you ♪

♪ You blame it on me, too ♪

♪ We'll blame it on the fool moon ♪

Oh, call the police.
Our girl is killing it!

She just...

♪ I don't want anybody else ♪

♪ No, no ♪

♪ I don't want anybody
Anybody else but you ♪

♪ Anybody else but... ♪

♪ Ooh, I can feel your love ♪

♪ It's growing every day ♪

Dalibor Jinsky, from San Marino,
crying for no apparent reason.

♪ We're stuck in this world of madness ♪

♪ Too much of this fear and sadness ♪

♪ We're running in a treadmill, baby ♪

♪ Get out of it
Don't try to fit ♪

♪ Come into our world of freedom ♪

♪ Whatever you wish
You're welcome ♪

♪ Beyond every bound and limit ♪

♪ It's all permitted, come ♪

♪ Open up the door
You'll see ♪

♪ Tonight we're young and free ♪

♪ Come and play ♪

♪ Let us dream away ♪

♪ Seize the moment
Leave your worries far behind ♪

♪ We dance into the night ♪

♪ Come and play ♪

♪ Let us dream away
Seize the moment... ♪

And now, Sweden's own,
Johnny John John.

♪ I'm coolin' with da homies ♪

♪ I'm coolin' with da homies ♪

♪ Volcanoes on my chest
Just like I'm Kim West ♪

♪ I don't need silicone
To show rappers I'm the best ♪

♪ I get some frostbite
But won't let it cramp my style ♪

♪ I got these fresh beats
Everybody tryin' to copy ♪

♪ They say that I talk too fast
I don't really talk too fast ♪

♪ I don't think I talk too fast
I don't think I talk too, talk too fast ♪

♪ Everybody blowin' up my phone
Everybody wants this cash ♪

♪ Everybody's soundin' like
Blah blah blah blah blah ♪

♪ I told my mama
That I ain't gonna come home ♪

♪ I'm coolin' with da homies ♪

♪ I told my papa
To mow the lawn on his own ♪

♪ I'm coolin' with da homies
We roll up ♪

-Lars, did you change my costume?
-Yes, I did.

-The scarf is so long.
-I know, isn't it great? It's extra long.


Don't worry.
It's for the dimensions of the stage.

-Good stuff, huh?

♪ C-C-C-Coolin' with da homies, I'm... ♪

♪ C-C-C, I'm coolin'
With da homies, I'm... ♪

♪ So tell my mama
I'm coolin' with da homies, uh! ♪

Come on. These guys are awful.

Turn on the song contest.
I want to watch Iceland.

--Yes! Come on!

What's wrong with you people?

Lars and Sigrit are from our town.

They've grown up with all of us.

Lenderman, did you not teach them
both as children?

Steve Gundersson, they played music
at your first wedding.

And my fourth.

Oh, shut up. No one wants to watch them.

Oh, the father speaks.

-Poor Erick.

Half the children in this town
are probably his.

But the only one who truly loves him,
he won't even acknowledge.

We know they're awful,
but they're our awful.

I say change the channel
and let's take our medicine!



Ah. Now the moment
we've all been waiting for. Iceland.

Every performance is an adventure
with this group.

They're called Fire Saga.

And why they're here is anyone's guess.

♪ I saw you and then ♪

♪ All of my nights turned morning ♪

♪ You turned 'round ♪

♪ And I suddenly found my glory ♪

♪ Sometimes I pinch myself ♪

♪ 'Cause I don’t know ♪

♪ Am I dreaming now? ♪

♪ I wanna stop the clocks
And hold you close ♪

♪ But I don’t know how ♪

♪ Hey, baby, when you look at me ♪

♪ I know I’m in double trouble tonight ♪

Okay, so not as bad as we expected.

♪ ...when you talk to me ♪

♪ I know I’m in double trouble tonight ♪

♪ Show me your love ♪

♪ Give me your love ♪

♪ How can something so wrong
Feel so right? ♪

This is wonderful.

♪ The whitest dove ♪

♪ I’m in double trouble tonight ♪

♪ Double trouble tonight ♪

♪ Never felt this alive ♪

♪ Loving you’s my nine-to-five ♪

♪ Nothing makes me feel like you do ♪

♪ Up is down, down is up ♪

♪ I don’t really give a "What?" ♪

--♪ I just wanna break every rule ♪

♪ Sometimes I pinch myself ♪

♪ 'Cause I don’t know ♪

♪ Am I dreaming now? ♪

♪ You're not dreaming ♪

♪ I wanna stop the clocks
And hold you close ♪

The... the scarf.

-♪ Hold you close ♪
-♪ But I don't know how ♪

--The scarf!

--Oh, the scarf!


Crap! Hold on!

I can fix this!

Ooh and now the hamster wheel
is off to the races.

Keep singing!

This is not happening! Ah!

--Look out!

I'm in complete control!

Holy shit!

Oh, God!



Are you okay?

The elves must hate us.

We're hearing voices,
so they're not dead.

They're still playing our song.


Someone is coming through the wheel.

We can do it!

Your microphone.

This is amazing.

♪ I’m in double trouble tonight ♪

♪ Double trouble tonight ♪

♪ Double trouble
Double double trouble tonight ♪

♪ Double trouble
I’m in double trouble tonight ♪

♪ Double trouble
Double double trouble tonight ♪

♪ Double trouble
I’m in double trouble tonight ♪

-And goodbye, Iceland.

I'm so sorry.

I am stunned.

Iceland managed to set a new low bar
for Eurovision failure.

And this audience of hysterical fans

have responded
in a typically irrational way.

-Wait, where are we going?

-We're going home to Húsavík.

-Let's go.

-No, no, we have to go back in there.


Because all of Iceland is watching.

-Our family, our friends, my students.

We cannot let them down.

What do you mean? We already did.

We are a joke.

I'm not going back in there where
everyone is going to keep laughing at me.

-Well, I am.

I am going to go into that artists' area
because I am an artist.

And when I see that no votes
come in for us,

I'm going to sit there
and I'm going to take it

because I know I am more
than this contest.

Lars, I have never asked you
for anything, ever.

But I am asking you to do this for me.

And I am asking you to go.

Come on.

Please, you're being very selfish
right now.

-I'm being selfish?
-You are.

You know that all I've ever wanted
is to win.

Lemtov was right.
You just will never be satisfied.

Lemtov? What... What does Lemtov know?

He actually knows a lot.

-Like what?
-Like, he knows about elves.

-And, uh, how to braid hair.

But he doesn't know about us, does he?

There is no us!

There is no us, Lars.

--I can't do this anymore.

You don't mean that. He's just putting
silly ideas into your head, okay?


I'm going back in there.

Are you coming?

No, I'm not.

Okay, goodbye.

Okay, fine.

Fine, walk away. Go to Lemtov.

And go sing your love song to him,
all right?


Yeah, I know all about your song.

I heard you writing it back at the hotel.

So go ahead.

I wrote that song for you.

Goddamn it! Shit!


--Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What the hell, man?

I'm in here!

I'm not sorry!

Hey! Hello?


And now, it's time for you
to go to your phones

and text in your votes to the numbers
you see on your television screens.

Where is Lars?

He left.

And remember, you cannot vote
for your own country.

Then I will stay.

Good evening, Eurovision.

-Thank you.
-What a wonderful show we have tonight.

Portugal grants eight points to...


Our ten points go to...


And our 12 points go to...


Norway gives eight points
to our neighbor Sweden.

Ten points to Greece.

And 12 points to Spain.

Hello, Eurovision.

Coming to you live
from Reykjavik, Iceland.

I'm so sorry about tonight.

They were awful.
Next year, it will be better. I promise.

We'll send someone else. Just anyone.

But here are the votes
from the Icelandic jury.

Eight points go to Greece.

Ten points go to Sweden.


And finally, 12 points go
to the Netherlands.

Thank you.

...from Switzerland to Eurovision.

Our eight points go to...




Did we just hear "points for Iceland"?

The TV.

Yes, eight points for Iceland.


Ten points go to Sweden,
and 12 points to Greece.

Eight points.

-You sure?
-Yes, of course.

Good evening, Europe.
Hello, from Czech Republic.

The moment you're all waiting for.

Our eight points go to...


And our ten points go to...


What is happening?

The Eastern Bloc countries
are giving votes to Iceland.

This makes no sense.

-Wait, are they saying Iceland?

Romania gives eight points to Iceland.


France gives eight points to Iceland!

Holland gives ten points to...


-I don't understand this.
-This is crazy.

This is very crazy.

This is absolutely ridiculous.

Iceland is doing quite well.

It will be up to the popular vote,
but they are doing much better

than the odds-makers predicted.

Okay, now Sasha, let's see
how the popular vote went

and find out who has made it
through to the finale.

The first country
through to the final night is...


-Well done, Greece!

The second country that will be going
to the final is...



Yes, well done, Croatia!

They're not my favorite.

Corin, there are only two more countries
that are going to make it into the final.

Getting hot in here.

It's okay, you still have chance.

Well, no.

But you have a lot of points.


Yes, Israel! Right on!

And the last country that will make it

for the grand finale on Saturday night
will be...



-You did it!

Oh, my God!

The numbers are in... Iceland is in?

Oh, my God!

-Yes! Yes!


I'm so happy.

-It's so great.


Oh, I love it!


It's great.

I wish Lars was here.




Hey, Stephan.

What are you doing?

I'm taking this rope that's loose
and I'm rolling it around

to make it like in a circle.

I'm going to become a fisherman.

And drink myself to death
like a real Erickssong man.

This is my new life.

But what about Sigrit?

Rich, hairless Russian guy
with a huge dingle-dong came between us.

Shit happens.



Remember, give up on your dreams now
while you're still young.

Ew, it stinks.

Blech! Ptooh!

How can you be a fisherman
if you're scared of the fish?

-What, are you joking at me?
-Joking at you?

Not in the least.

-No, I'm tired of it.
-Tired of what?

I'm tired of you constantly making fun
of everything that I do.

I've spent my whole life
trying to earn your respect.

And you know what?
I don't need it anymore.

I don't want it anymore.

And if you're never going to respect me,

then, so be it. I don't need it, okay?

-Lars. Lars, come here.
-How do you get off this boat?

-Where is the exit?
-There is no exit.

-It's a boat, Lars.
-How do you get off this thing?

Lars, come here.


Lars, come here.

-Come here, Lars.

-Lars, come here.

-Stop, stop, stop, stop. Calm down.

Calm, calm, calm. Calm, Lars.

Now what do you see over there? Hmm?

-The land?
-That is Iceland.

-It... It is Iceland, yes.

And you have done something for Iceland.

Something great.

Something none of us could ever do.

Your song singing.

It has brought us all great pride.

-No, it was a disaster.
-Yes, but you did not quit.

You have Viking spirit in you.

First, I didn't understand that,

until you got back up on that stage

after that stupid hamster wheel
went into the audience.

You... didn't quit.

You have always reminded me
of your mother.

She passed too soon for the both of us.

She would have been proud of you, Lars.


-Good. Yes.

But I did quit.

I left Sigrit all alone.
And now, she doesn't want me anymore.

We've had bad luck
with the Ericksdóttir women.

What do you mean?

Sigrit's mother, Helka...

she never liked me.

Never wanted anything to do with me.

I've always loved Sigrit.

-How did I let this happen?
-Oh, it doesn't matter what happened.

What happens now is
that you have to fight for her.


You have to fight for her like you fought
for that stupid song contest.

Fight for your dream of a life with her.

Fight, like a Viking!

Sorry to disturb, but you two do know that
Iceland made it into the Eurovison finals?


Why the hell didn't you tell me?

-We... We thought you didn't care.

-Well, we have to turn the boat around.
-No, we can't lose a day of fishing.



-Go get her, Lars!
-Go get her!


Both for me?

Of course.


Sigrit, this is not ending.

This is beginning.


Why don't you stay with me
after the contest?


Alexander, we barely know each other.

Yes, but you are beautiful and kind.

I handsome and rich. This is typically
very winning combination.

When we sing, I feel connection
that is unique for me.


And if it helps, I can...

throw in Fabergé egg...

personal submersible...

pet tiger.

I don't really care about that stuff.

-I know.
-Maybe a tiger.

It can be arranged.


Victor. What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Can you give me a ride to the airport?
We're in the finals of Eurovision.

Yes, I know this. Big news.

-Yeah. Oh, wow.

I was swimming in the water.

-Yeah, I saw that.

-Swimming in the water.
-It's freezing.

-Can you take me somewhere first?

-There's something I need to take care of.

Hey there, elf.

It's me, Lars.

I really messed up.

And I just wanted to come up here
to ask of you guys

for any help you can give me.

I don't know how I'm going to fix things
with Sigrit, but I have to try.


Have a good lunch,
or whatever you're doing in there.


Never understood why half this country
still believes in elves.

I know, but Sigrit swears by them.

Iceland continues to have one foot
in the Dark Ages, huh?

Our magic and elves.

What are we going to do?

Don't you understand?
If you go back to that stupid girl,

you could win that contest,
and we cannot have that!

Iceland can't afford it!

We are bankrupt!

And they will point the finger at me!

You really think we could win?

I blew up that boat!
I killed all those people!

You should have been...

Thank you!

Enjoy the biscuits!

I'll just leave the knife here,

in case you have to do other murders!

Welcome to tonight's grand finale
of the Eurovision Song Contest.

It is the biggest night
of the year.

And the one we have all been waiting for.

Where's Victor?

I... I don't know. Do you?

I left him a couple of messages,
but he never responded.

He's gonna be so bummed out
if he misses this.

Yes, if he's not here,
he's gonna miss it.

Let the grand finale
of the Eurovision Song Contest begin!

-Where the hell is everyone?
-At home, watching Eurovision.



Hello. Stop!

Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop!

Whoa, hey!


-That the guy from the fountain?
-Oh, my God. What is he wearing?

Hey! Americans, my best friends.

New York Jets, right?
Take my horse down to Old Town Road?

Yes, I need a ride, okay?

We're going to Paris, bro.

No, Paris is a dump.
You don't want to go there.

Trust me, it's horrible.

You need to take me
to Eurovision Song Contest.

-Okay? We cool?

Jamba Juice! Come on, let's go.

Dude, this is a rental.
I gotta take this back.

-He's getting in the car?
-Oh, my God.

Yeah, that's great.
Close the door, close it.

-We can't.

Come on, let's go, bro.

Pedal to the metal.

I need to get to Sigrit.
She goes on in ten minutes.

This is crazy.

And now the Russian performer,
Alexander Lemtov.

The favorite still, with his song
"Lion of Love."

♪ Love... ♪

Jeff, bro, man. Come on.

Put the pedal to the metal. Let's go!

What about the speed limit?

There is no speed limit in all of Europe.

You can go any speed.

Oh... cool.

There you go. Okay.

Jeff got some balls.

They may be small, but you've got them.

-I know, I'm so scared.

♪ I was happy laying 'round in the shadows
Unbothered by flies ♪

♪ Surrounded by so many
That just didn’t light my fire ♪

♪ Bu-hu-hut then I turned 'round and
I saw a gazelle with a flirtatious smile ♪

♪ Swift as the wind she was gone
But you won't get away this time ♪


Can you let me out the car, please?
This is scary. Just stop the car.

Shh! Quiet!

You need to relax 'cause otherwise you're
going to get thrown out on the next turn.

--Oh, my...

Jeff, drive! Keep driving!

You're doing great!

Super thumbs up! Go!

♪ I’ll be the king you wanted ♪

♪ You’ll be the queen I need ♪

♪ And on and on and on and on ♪

♪ Oh! ♪

♪ Let's get together ♪

♪ I’m a lion lover ♪

♪ And I hunt for love ♪

Turn, Jeff. Turn!

So, is Eurovision like The Voice?

Would you shut up?
No! It's not like The Voice.

Is that it over there?

Yes! Of course it is, you shithead!

It says Eurovision right on it.
Don't slow down!

♪ On the savanna ♪

♪ I will make you rise up ♪

♪ To the sky above ♪

♪ And I when I roar ♪

♪ You’ll know, you'll know I’m done ♪

♪ Somewhere someone tonight ♪

♪ Will meet the lion of love ♪

♪ Somewhere someone tonight ♪

♪ Will meet the lion of love ♪

♪ Somewhere someone tonight ♪

♪ Will meet the lion of love ♪

♪ Lion of love ♪

--Ah. Here's my stop.

-Yes! We made it! Eurovision.
-Oh, my God.

All right. Hey! Thank you, Americans!
You're awful people! Ha-ha!

No, but seriously! Don't come to Iceland!

We don't want you!
You might be killed by elves!

-That was amazing!
-My God.

I know, I know.

Thank you, thank you.

Oh, my God.

Oh! Tonight we conquer stage,
tomorrow the world.

Um... uh... Lemtov,
I need to ask you something.

-Sure, sure.


Are you gay?


No! No, no! Of course not. I am Russian.

-There no gay people in Russia.

Statistically speaking,
I think that's impossible.

-I assure you. Hundred percent.

Fact of truth. No gay Russian.

-No, non-binary. I, he, him pronoun.

He, him.


Well, um...

so a lot has happened
since I came here, and...

Shh. We talk about this later time.

This your moment.

You go, sing your heart out.




I am here, Corin, the green room,
where only the artists can sit...

Hello, Helka.

Come in.

Oh, shit!

-No, come on. I'm running late.

Lars, please. You must listen to me.

Fuck it. What?

Your life is in danger.

Victor Karlosson killed me.
He blew me up on the boat

and now he's going to try to kill you.

Where have you been? Seriously.

Have you not been using your ghost powers
to watch anything that's happening?

He already tried. He's dead.

-Yes, he already tried.

Yeah. So, like, come on. Seriously.
Thank you so much. Is that it?

Goodbye, Lars.

She's not a very helpful ghost.

Iceland is next.

The audience have been warned.

Fire marshals are standing by.

Go, Iceland!

It appears only one half
of Fire Saga will be performing tonight.

Why are you laughing?
I'm trying to have a fist fight with you!

You hit me but it's very light.

It's almost relaxing.

You stay away from her.

Lars, it's too late.

You are the one who should stay away.

You can give her nothing.

I give her everything.

Comfort, security, mansion,
palace, Wi-Fi every room.

What you give her?


-It's quite an impressive list.
-Thank you.

♪ I saw you and then ♪

♪ All of my nights turned morning ♪

♪ You turned 'round ♪

♪ And I suddenly found my glory ♪

Stop. Stop, stop the music, please!
Stop. Stop.


Here we go.
Another adventure with the Icelanders.

My name is Lars Erickssong from Iceland.

And I’m sorry to be messing up the show.

I shouldn’t. I... I love this show.

The Eurovision Song Contest
means everything to me.

It is my life.

Ever since I was a small child,

I always dreamed of winning the contest.


as most of you know, Eurovision is
much more than a competition.

The music is not a contest.

And the perfect song
isn't the winning song,

but a song that comes from the heart.

We'll be disqualified.

Just sing.

♪ All by myself ♪

♪ With this great big world before me ♪

♪ But it's all for someone else ♪

♪ I’ve tried and tried again ♪

♪ To let you know just where my heart is ♪

♪ To tell the truth and not pretend ♪

♪ All I needed ♪

♪ Was to get away ♪

♪ Just to realize
That I was meant to stay ♪

♪ Where the mountains sing
Through the screams of seagulls ♪

♪ Where the whales can live
'Cause they’re gentle people ♪

♪ In my hometown ♪

♪ My hometown ♪

♪ Thought I made it clear
Do I have to say it? ♪

♪ It was always there
We just didn’t see it ♪

♪ All I need is you and me
And my home... ♪

She's singing in Icelandic.

♪ Húsavík... ♪


♪ You want the world ♪

♪ Want the world ♪

♪ All the neon lights and billboards ♪

♪ To be seen and to be heard ♪

♪ And I followed you ♪

♪ But now I know what makes me happy ♪

♪ And I can tell you feel it too ♪

♪ Where the mountains sing
Through the screams of seagulls ♪

♪ Where the whales can live
'Cause they’re gentle people ♪

♪ In my hometown ♪

♪ My hometown ♪

♪ Where the northern lights
Burst out their colors ♪

♪ And the magic nights
Surpass all others and... ♪

♪ Húsavík... ♪

♪ My home ♪

♪ My hometown ♪

Speorg note.

That was beautiful!

Quite beautiful, really.

They will, of course, be disqualified
for changing their song,

but quite beautiful.

I see you.

There you are.

Here I am.

I’m checking you out.

I’m checking you out.

Fire Saga!

-Fire Saga!
-Fire Saga!

Fire Saga!

Fire Saga!

Sigrit Ericksdóttir!

-Good for you, Alexander.

I still win, of course, but...

I am happy for them.

How could I not be? Hmm?

You deserve to be happy, too.

Mother Russia does not agree.


-Come to Greece with me.

I do like the statues.

Maybe we get a yacht.
I look fantastic with tan.

Wouldn't know,
I haven't seen you with a real one.


Hug me.




-Whoa! Thank you!

Thank you!



-♪ Happy, happy, happy ♪
-♪ Bring me down ♪

-♪ Happy, happy, happy ♪
-♪ Your love's too high to bring me down ♪

-♪ Can't nothin'... ♪
-♪ Happy, happy, happy ♪


-♪ Because I'm... ♪
-♪ Happy ♪

♪ Clap along if you feel
Like a room without a roof ♪

-♪ Because I'm... ♪
-♪ Happy ♪

♪ Clap along if you feel
Like happiness is the truth ♪

-♪ Because I'm... ♪
-♪ Happy ♪


Thank you! Thank you!

We have a wonderful celebration tonight.

Big congratulations to Erick and Helka!



-That's never not going to be weird.
-No. Super not.

Do the tongue too.

-And a thumbs up.

Okay. You don't have to do
the thumbs up, Dad.

Iceland rules!


Hey, Americans!
Are you having a good time in Iceland?


-Well, we hate that you're here.

Yeah! So why don't you go back home,
all right?

Don't you have some traffic to sit in

with your monster trucks
and your chili corn dogs?

-Okay, Lars.

Why, I have some opiates for you,
you can take,

while you over leverage your credit cards

-and you buy too many houses.
-Okay. Wow.

-Yes! How does that feel?
-Hey! Hey!

No, I'm not done! I hate you!
I hate your guts!

Who wants to hear a Eurovision song?


Play "Ja Ja Ding Dong"!

"Ja Ja Ding Dong"!

Play it!

"Ja Ja Ding Dong"!

-Here we go!

One, two, a one, two, three, four.

♪ When I feel your gentle touch ♪

♪ And things are going our way ♪

♪ I wanna spill my love on you ♪

♪ All day, all day ♪

-♪ Ja ja ding dong ♪
-♪ Ding dong! ♪

♪ My love for you
Is growing wide and long ♪

-♪ Ja ja ding dong ♪
-♪ Ding dong! ♪

♪ I swell and burst
When I see what we've become ♪

-♪ Ja ja ding dong ♪
-♪ Ding dong! ♪

♪ Come, come, my baby
We can get love on ♪

-♪ Ja ja ding dong ♪
-♪ Ding dong! ♪

♪ When I see you I feel a ding ding dong ♪

♪ Love expands when I'm with you ♪

♪ All over the milky way ♪

♪ I wanna open up to you ♪

♪ All day, all day ♪

All right, everyone, move your body. Whoo!

-♪ Ja ja ding dong ♪
-♪ Ding dong! ♪

♪ My love for you
Is growing wide and long ♪

-♪ Ja ja ding dong ♪
-♪ Ding dong! ♪

♪ I swell and burst when I see
What we've become ♪

Come on, everyone!

-♪ Ja ja ding dong ♪
-♪ Ding dong! ♪

♪ Come, come, my baby
We can get love on ♪

-♪ Ja ja ding dong ♪
-♪ Ding dong! ♪

♪ When I see you I feel a ding ding dong ♪


Okay, how about the Eurovision song now?


All right. Fair enough!