Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) - full transcript

Montauk train on track B.

Random thoughts for Valentine's Day, 2004.

Today is a holiday invented by greeting card companies...

Last call...

to make people feel like crap.

I ditched work today.

Took a train out to Montauk.

Montauk train boarding on track B.

I don't know why.

I'm not an impulsive person.

I guess I just woke up in a funk this morning.



I gotta get my car fixed.

Hi. Cindy?

It's Joel. Joel!

Listen, I don't feel very well today.

No, food poisoning, I think.

It's goddamn freezing on this beach.

Montauk in February. Brilliant, Joel.

Page is ripped out.

Don't remember doing that.

It appears this is my first entry in two years.

Sand is overrated.

It's just tiny little rocks.

If only I could meet someone new.

I guess my chances of that happening are somewhat diminished,



seeing that I'm incapable of making eye contact with a woman I don't know.

Maybe I should get back together with Naomi.

She was nice. Nice is good.

She loved me.

Why do I fall in love with every woman I see...

who shows me the least bit of attention?

Hi.

I'm sorry?

- I just said hi. - Hi. Hello. Hi.

Okay if I sit closer?

How far are you going?

Uh, Rockville Center.

Get out! Me too!

- Really? - What are the odds?

Do I know you?

Do you ever shop at Barnes & Noble?

- Sure. Sure. - That's it!

- Yeah? - I've seen you, man!

Book slave there for, like, five years now.

- Ah. I would have thought I would've remembered you. - Jesus! Is it five years?

It might be the hair.

- What might? - It changes a lot.

The color. That's why you might not recognize me.

- It's called Blue Ruin, the color. - Right. Yeah.

- Snappy name, huh? - I like it.

Yeah.

Anyway, this company makes a whole line of colors with equally snappy names.

Red... Red Menace, Yellow Fever, Green Revolution.

That'd be a job, coming up with those names.

You think there could possibly be a job like that?

I mean, how many hair colors could there be? Fifty, maybe.

Someone's got that job.

Agent Orange! I came up with that one.

I apply my personality in a paste.

Oh, I doubt that very much.

Well, you don't know me, so...

you don't know, do you?

Sorry. I was just... I'm trying to be nice.

Yeah. I got it.

- My name's Clementine, by the way. - I'm Joel.

- Hi, Joel. - Hey.

No jokes about my name.

Oh, no, you wouldn't do that. You're trying to be nice.

I don't know any jokes about your name.

Huckleberry Hound.

I don't know what that means.

Huckleberry Hound? What are you, nuts?

It's been suggested.

Oh, my darlin', oh, my darlin' Oh, my darlin' Clementine

You were lost and gone forever

Dreadful sorry Clementine

No?

I'm sorry. Just... It's a pretty name, though. It really is nice.

It's, uh... It means "merciful".

Right? Clemency?

Although it hardly fits.

I'm a vindictive little bitch, truth be told.

Gee, I-I wouldn't think that about you.

- Why wouldn't you think that about me? - I don't know.

I just...

I don't know. I just, uh...

You seem nice, so...

Oh, now I'm nice?

Oh, God. Don't you know any other adjectives?

I don't need "nice".

- I don't need myself to be it, and I don't need anybody else to be it at me. - Okay.

Joel?

It's Joel, right?

Yes.

I'm sorry I yelled at you.

I'm a little out of sorts today.

My embarrassing admission is,

I really like that you're nice right now.

I mean, I can't tell from one moment to the next what I'm gonna like,

but right now...

I'm glad you are.

I have so much stuff that, uh, I probably should, uh...

- Oh! I'm sorry. Okay. - I-I'm writing, and...

- No, no. I just... - Sure. No. That's okay.

- I just have... You know, this is... - Okay.

- Ohh! Hey! - Take care, then.

Jesus!

Hi. I could, uh, give you a ride, if you need.

It's cold.

- Yeah. Okay. Yeah. - Yeah?

It is frosty.

- You're not a stalker or anything, right? - I'm not a stalker.

You're the one that talked to me. Remember?

That is the oldest trick in the stalker book.

Really? There's a stalker book?

- Mm-hmm. - Okay.

I gotta read that one.

Look, I'm sorry if I came off sorta nutso. I'm not, really.

Oh, it's okay. I didn't think you were.

Did you wanna have a drink?

I have lots of drinks, and I could, um...

Um...

Never mind.

- Sorry. That was stupid. I'm embarrassed now. - No, no, no, no.

Good night, Joel.

Two Blue Ruins.

Thank you.

Drink up, young man.

It'll make the whole seduction part less repugnant.

I'm just kidding!

Come on.

You're kinda closed-mouthed, aren't you?

I'm sorry.

It's just, you know, my life isn't that interesting.

I go to work, I come home.

Don't know what to say.

You should read my journal.

I mean, it's just... blank.

Really? Does that make you sad or anxious?

I mean, I'm always anxious, thinking I'm not living my life to the fullest,

taking advantage of every possibility,

making sure I'm not wasting one second of the little time I have.

- I think about that. - Yeah?

You're really nice.

- Ohh! - God, I have to stop saying that.

I'm gonna marry you.

I know it.

Um... okay.

Joel, you should come up to the Charles with me sometime.

It gets frozen this time of year.

- That sounds scary. - Exactly.

I'll pack a picnic.

A night picnic. Night picnics are different.

And, um, we could...

Sounds good.

But I... I should, uh, go. Now.

You should stay.

No, I really... I'm... I...

I have to get up so early.

I would like you to call me.

Would you do that? I would like it.

Yes.

Wish me a happy Valentine's Day when you call!

That'd be nice.

What took you so long?

I just walked in.

Mm-hmm. You miss me?

Yeah. Oddly enough, I do.

Oh!

You said "I do". I guess that means were married.

I guess so.

Tomorrow night? Honeymoon on ice?

It's really solid this time of year.

Whoa! I don't know.

- Come on. Come on. - Eee!

Come on. Come on, come on.

Whew.

Oh. So beautiful.

Isn't it?

Uh, don't go too far.

- Whoo! Oww! Ow! - Whoa! Oh!

- Are you okay? - Ouch! Fuck it.

Ohh! Oh, my ass!

- I think I should go back. - Come on. Come on!

What if it breaks?

- "What if"? Do you really care right now? - Huh?

Come here. Please.

Come on.

- Ohh. - Ooh-hoo-hoo-hoo!

- Slidy-slidy. Slidy-slidy. - Whoa!

- This is good. - Here, let me show you this one thing.

What are you doing? Whoa.

Come on.

Think I heard a crack.

It's not gonna crack or break or...

It's so thick.

Show me which constellations you know.

Um... Oh.

I don't... know any.

Show me which ones you know.

Okay.

Oh. Here's Osidius.

Where?

Right there. See?

Sort of a swoop and a cross.

Osidius the Emphatic.

- You're full of shit. Right? - Nope.

Osidius is right there. Swoop and cross.

Shut the fuck up!

Clementine.

Cock-a-doodle-doo.

- Hey. - Hey.

- Hey. - Sorry to wake you, but we're... here.

Ahh.

Can I come over to your house...

to sleep?

I'm so tired.

Okay. Um, yeah. Sure.

- Let me get my toothbrush. - Yeah. Oh.

Just...

Yes?

- Can I help you? - What do you mean?

Can I help you with something?

No.

What are you doing here?

I'm not really sure what you're asking me.

Oh.

Thanks.

I need your lovin'

Like the sunshine

Everybody's gotta learn sometime

Everybody's gotta learn sometime

Everybody's gotta learn sometime

- We're looking for 159. - What number's that?

I don't know where that is.

Jesus Christ, you'd think they'd light the number, or at least put a number on...

- Is that him? - I think so.

Yeah, that's him. Wait. That's him.

- Hey, Joel. - Frank.

Oh, shit.

Jesus. The only Valentine's Day cards I get are from my mother.

How pathetic is that, huh?

You're lucky you have Clementine, man.

She is way cool.

Hey, you got any big Valentine's Day plans with her?

No.

Well, it's only a day away. Better make some reservations or something.

Don't want to end up at Mickey D's. Right?

McRomance!

You want some fries with that shake?

I have to, uh, go to sleep now, Frank.

It's 8:30.

Patrick, stop it.

Ohh! Okay.

Okay. Okay.

Whew. Okay.

Showtime at the Apollo.

Shh, shh, shh. Hey.

Quiet.

Hey, Joel. What's up?

Oh. Hi, Frank.

I only get Valentine's Day cards from my mom.

How pathetic is that?

You're lucky you have Clementine, Joel.

Hey, you got, uh, any, uh, big Valentine's Day plans with her?

No.

It's only a day away.

Better make a reservation or something.

Don't wanna end up at Mickey D's.

Oh, no!

Yes! You know Valentine's Day is three goddamn days away! I want it resolved.

I'm willing to be the one to resolve it.

So I call her, and she's changed her number.

So I walked over to Antic Attic, you know, to get her something.

I thought, you know, I'd go over to work, give her an early valentine, and...

You won't believe it.

She's there with...

this guy, this really young guy.

And she looks at me like she doesn't even know who I am.

Excuse me?

Can I help you find something, sir?

Hey, Clem-ato.

Patrick! Baby boy.

- What you doing here, baby? - Just came to surprise you.

- Let me know if you need something, sir. - You look good.

Hi.

- How are you? - Pretty good. Pretty bored. Pretty tired.

Uh-huh.

- I so want what's in your suit. - Oh, good.

Why?

Why would she do that to me?

Hey, does anybody want a joint?

Oh, God, Rob, give it a rest.

Oh, God. She's punishing me.

- I know, honey. - For being honest.

- It's horrible. - I should just go to her house.

No! No, no, no. You don't wanna go there, man. You don't wanna go there.

Get off. It's too...

- Right. - Yeah.

I don't want to seem desperate.

Joel, why don't you just see this as a sign, make a clean break. Right?

Right?

All right, Joel, look, man, seriously.

- Rob! - Here's the deal.

Don't do that. Rob, what are you doing? No, no, no, no.

What's your fucking suggestion, Carrie? What's your brilliant, reasoned solution?

You're gonna make this about our shit now? This isn't about us.

I agree. It's not about us. It's about Joel, who's an adult. Okay?

Not Mama Carrie's kid.

- What are you... - That's your laundry!

That's great. That's good.

Okay.

- What is it? - I don't know. It's some place that does a thing.

Good morning. Lacuna.

No, I'm sorry. That offer expired after the new year.

Yeah, sure. We can fit you in...

How about on the fifth?

That's a Wednesday. All right, great. Could you spell that, please?

Okay, and we'll need a daytime phone number.

Great. Have a nice day. See you then.

May I help you?

- I'm Joel Barish. - Excuse me?

I'm Joel. Barish. I have an appointment with Dr...

Mierzwiak.

- Here. Could you please fill this out? - I just want to talk to him.

- You still need to fill the form out, sir. - Really?

- Thank you. - Great.

I don't have a pen.

There's a pen right there.

- Good morning. Lacuna. - Oh.

Oh, yeah, that offer. That's done now. That expired after the new year.

Mr. Barish?

How are we today?

Not too good, actually.

- Boo! - Oh, my God! Stan!

- Sorry. Sorry, I was just... - I'm working!

Sorry. Sorry.

- Here, Doctor. - Thank you.

You should not have seen this.

I apologize.

This is a hoax, right? I mean, this is Clem...

- I assure you, no. - No.

- Mm-mmm. - There's no such thing as this.

Look, our files are confidential, Mr. Barish,

so I can't show you evidence.

Suffice it to say that Miss, uh... Miss Kruczynski was not happy,

and she wanted to move on.

We provide that possibility.

"Miss Kruczynski was not happy and wanted to move on.

We provide that possibility."

What the hell is that?

Nicest guy she ever went out with.

Oww! Fuck!

God, Rob! Give it a rest!

It's okay. It's all right.

Carrie, I am making a birdhouse.

What can I say, Joel? You know Clementine. She's like that.

She's impulsive.

She decided to erase you almost as a lark.

A lark.

Why? Why? Why? Why did you do that?

Wait, wait, wait, wait!

I'm sorry, Doctor. He just barged right in here.

- Okay. I want it done. - I told him pre-Valentine's Day is our busy time.

- Oh, th-th-that's... that's okay, Mary. - But there are people waiting.

Mr. Barish, if you'd like to, uh... to come inside.

- And, Mary, if you could take care of Mrs. Woo. - Yes, of course. - Good-bye, Mrs. Woo.

Now, the, uh...

the first thing we need you to do, Mr. Barish,

is to go home...

and collect everything you own that has some association with Clementine.

Anything.

And we'll use these items to create a map of Clementine in your brain.

Okay?

So we'll need, uh, uh, photos, clothing, gifts,

books she may have bought you, CDs you may have bought together,

journal entries.

We want to empty your home...

We want to empty your life of Clementine.

And after the mapping is done, our technicians will do the erasing in your home tonight.

That way, when you awake in the morning,

you'll find yourself in your own bed as if nothing had happened...

a new life awaiting you.

Wake up, buddy!

No, I'm sorry, Mrs. Sobel.

You can't have the procedure done three times in one month.

Well, it's just not our policy... How are you today, Mr. Barish?

Hello. I'm right here.

I know it's an emergency and we'll do everything we can... We can fit you in on the first of March.

Maybe you could talk to the doctor, a-and he...

All right, so let's make an appointment. What day would you like to come in this week?

- Mr. Barish. - Um, he's really busy this afternoon.

Maybe tomorrow would be better. Around 12:15? Can you do that?

February is very busy for us because of Valentine's Day.

This is, uh, Stan Fink,

one of our most experienced and skilled technicians.

He'll be handling your case tonight.

Great to meet you, Mr. Barish.

My name is Joel Barish,

and I'm here to erase Clementine Kruczynski.

Very good. Now, tell me about, uh, Clementine.

Uh, I was...

living with this woman, Naomi,

uh, a couple years ago,

and my friends Rob and Carrie invited us to this party at the beach... I don't like parties.

Naomi couldn't go, but I went...

and I, uh, met Clementine.

I'm sorry.

Let's start with your most recent memories...

and work backwards from there, more or less.

There's an emotional core...

to each of our memories,

and when you eradicate that core it starts its degradation process.

By the time you wake up in the morning,

all the memories we've targeted will have withered and disappeared,

as in a dream upon waking.

Is there any risk of brain damage?

Well, uh, technically speaking,

the procedure is brain damage,

but it's on a par with a night of heavy drinking.

Nothing you'll miss.

Comfortable?

What we're doing here, Mr. Barish, is actually creating a map of your brain.

Okay, let's get started.

If we want to get this procedure underway tonight, we have some work to do.

I want you to react to these objects, Mr. Barish, if you will.

There's a good story behind this one...

Uh, actually, Mr. Barish, I'll get a much better emotional readout...

if you refrain from any sort of verbal description of the items.

Just try to focus on the memories.

Oh. Sorry. Okay.

Healthy activity up there again. Healthy readouts. Very good.

- Here's another object. - That's so...

Next item. Okay.

Potato head.

Next item. Okay.

Just focus on the memories. Patrick, do me a favor.

- Hey, Patrick, do me a favor, will ya? - Yeah.

Can you check the voltage regulator? What do we got there?

- Uh, voltage looks fine. - Really?

Well, I'm not wiping as clean as I like here. I'm...

Well, uh, technically the procedure is brain damage.

Check the, uh... Check the connections, please.

Oh, there you are. I...

Why am I... I don't understand what I'm looking at.

Why am I standing here and...

Oh, my God. D?j? vu.

D?j? vu. This is so...

All right, we should get started. If we're gonna get the procedure...

underway tonight, we have some work to do.

I'm in my head already, aren't I?

I suppose so. Uh, this is about right.

This is what it... This is what it would look like.

Very good.

We'll dispose of these mementos when we're done here.

That way you won't be confused later by their unexplainable presence in your home.

Ah, there we go.

- Patrick? - Yeah?

- Patrick, can you check... - Patrick?

- I'm getting some sort of readout of my own voice. - Patrick? Patrick?

- Why are there so many wires? - A lot of equipment.

- Does that help? - Are you sure you set that thing up properly?

- How's that? - How are you today, Mr. Barish?

- There we are, Mr. Barish. - That's better.

- I don't know if I like this. - Think I might try this, then.

We're almost done now.

Mmm. Journal. That would be invaluable.

"I met someone tonight. I don't know what to do.

Her name is Clementine, and she's amazing."

Whoa! Jesus!

- What? What? - Come on! Careful! Step back!

Just take it easy.

That's fine.

Let's not roach the guy.

All right, you got that one.

- This place is sort of a dump, don't you think? - It's an apartment, Patrick.

Patrick.

Well, not a dump, then, but sorta plain. Uninspired.

And there's sort of a stale smell.

Patrick, can we just please get through this?

- We got a very long night ahead of us. Come on. - Yeah. Yeah.

This is the last time I saw you.

It's 3:00.

I kinda sorta wrecked your car.

Were you driving drunk?

It's pathetic.

I was a little tipsy.

Don't call me pathetic.

Well, it is pathetic.

- It's fucking irresponsible. Could've killed somebody. - Oh, God.

- Maybe you did kill somebody. Should we turn on the news and see? - Oh, Christ!

- Should I check the grill to see if there's any children or small animals? - I didn't kill anybody!

It's just a fucking dent, Joel. You're like an old lady or something.

Well, what are you like?

- A wino? - A wino?

Jesus, are you from the '50s or something?

A wino?

Face it, Joely.

You're freaked out because I was out late without you,

and in your little wormy brain...

you're trying to figure out, did she fuck someone tonight?

No, see, Clem,

I assume you fucked someone tonight.

Isn't that how you get people to like you?

I'm sorry. Okay?

Clem, I didn't mean it. All right?

- Clem? - Your keys.

- I was just... I was just... - I won't need them anymore.

Angry or annoyed or something, I don't know.

Clem?

Got it.

Mary's coming over tonight.

- Yeah? - Yeah.

Just thought you'd wanna know.

I like Mary. I like when she comes to visit. I just don't think she likes me.

She likes you okay.

So, maybe I should invite my girlfriend over. I have a girlfriend now.

- Do whatever you want. - Did I tell you I have...

Yeah.

Did I tell you I have a new girlfriend?

We gotta focus here, Patrick.

Yeah, the thing is,

our situation is... is a little weird.

My girlfriend situation.

I'm sure it is.

You gotta be...

Clem, let me drive you home.

Get out of my face, faggot!

Look at it out here! It's all falling apart!

I'm erasing you, and I'm happy!

You did it to me first!

I can't believe you did this to me. Goddamn it.

Clem! Can you hear me?

By morning you'll be gone!

The perfect ending to this piece-of-shit story!

Is there something wrong with a girl being attracted to me? Is that a problem?

No, I think it's... funny.

So, who do you think's better-looking, me or this guy?

Patrick, let's focus, buddy.

Remember that girl we did last week?

The one with the... potatoes?

That girl? That's this guy's girl.

- Right. - Yeah.

Was. We took care of that.

- Oh, God! - Well, uh...

I kinda fell in love with her that night.

What? You little fuck...

- What? - She was unconscious, man.

Well, she was beautiful, and...

I stole a pair of her panties as well.

- Jesus! - What?

It's not like...

- I mean, they were clean and all. - Don't tell me this stuff, man! I don't wanna hear this shit!

- They were clean! - What? D-Don't! Stop!

- Okay. Yeah! All right! - We got work to do.

Give me my papers.

There's, um...

There's more.

After we did her, I kind of...

went to where she works and asked her out.

You what?

- Jesus. - Jesus, Patrick!

Do you have... any idea...

how unethical...

It's not really that bad.

What? Get that look off your face. What's wrong?

Patrick, you stole a girl's panties!

There's someone here.

He stole your underwear.

I don't see anyone.

Joel?

Where are my boots?

Why are you showing me poisons? Can't you understand English?

"Potions", I said. Potions.

Love potion, please.

I'm fucking crawling out of my skin!

Should've left you at the flea market.

First thing to do is...