Eta vesyolaya planeta (1973) - full transcript

This Merry Planet

I am Iks. I am Iks.

Attention.

We're approaching an unknown object.

Igrek, are you ready?

Well yes, I am Igrek.

Yet another peripheral galaxy.

So what?

I've seen too many of these
unknown celestial objects.

And on this ball the nature
is not even yet destroyed.

No civilization there.



There might be no
sentient beings like us.

But for some reason
this celestial object exists.

Zet? Are you ready?

I am Zet. I am.

I'm always ready.

Some seven thousand
light years has passed.

Prior to landing,

consume food for a month onwards!

But we had a lunch just 2 weeks ago.

Another month's intake
will do no harm.

Won't make it worse.

That was our lunch.

Now, remember - don't ever leave me
on the on the masquerade.

Why is that?



Because it's always
the same story with those masks.

A person goes to dance with Beautiful
Vasilisa, then it turns out she is a witch.

I see.

I refuse to have fun under surveillance,

I'll stay home, and I will observe
it from afar.

Right in this telescope.

Don't look there, look at the stars.

I can see a star falling,
you can make a wish.

I wish that you come
with me immediately.

It's impossible.

Nonsense.

Did it really come true?

Now I know how it happens.

It's this historical moment.

I am waiting.

Come down, I'll cover.

Comrades aliens!

Told you. No civilisation here.

Right. I suggest we begin analysing
this curious powder.

I remind you.

The riskiest experiments are undertaken
on the least valuable members of crew.

I've seen worse in the Universe.

Look!

It is juicing.

Perhaps it is because
you held it too tight.

Look, a sentient being!

Should I whack it to be sure?

It's better not to.

There might be a lot of them here.

Take note, colleagues, how
sentiently it looks at us.

Such a large head. It is
certainly very smart.

Hello!

An unknown friend,

We have come in peace to your planet.

It understood us.

It has departed to report.

No. No, no, no.

It shows us the way.

Follow me! No, follow him!

Did you get it? Don't rush it,
they won't begin without me.

Your town is not big, not a center of
world culture. But they will wait for me.

We'll cheer these people up.

The masquerade costume
was so hard to do.

Why is that?

At first I decided to
dress as an electron.

- Who?
- An electron!

Then I realised that electron
is a negatively charged unit.

- Not fit for a celebration, right?
- I guess so.

Then I decided to put on
a synchrophasotron dress.

But it's bulky, will be hard to dance.

And then I had a genius idea.

Perpetuum Mobile!

Excuse me, what did you just say?

A perpetual motion machine.

A super costume!

Do you think they'll understand?

Don't you worry. Our people, they use
the probability theory for fishing.

You're kidding.

I am!

Congratulations, colleagues.

We observe such diverse
fauna for the first time.

It might be our last time if things
keep going this way.

I do not understand what these
monsters want from us.

Maybe whack them to be sure?

No!

Colleagues, I think
this was a reckless act.

They followed us on purpose.

It's a pity you didn't let me whack them.

I feel we were lucky.

It's like we were born under a lucky star.

Please get yourself acquainted,
this is our carnival staff:

a doctor of physical and
mathematical sciences.

Please, no titles today.
Simply Pinocchio.

A wooden little man Pinocchio.

Nice to meet you.

Lepidoptera Pyralidae.

Is she a foreigner?

No, this is the name of my costume.
I'm a moth.

Are they all, too, PhD's
and academicians?

No, we have different people here.

A seaman, a carpenter, an academician,

and a hero too.

Now tell me frankly, why
did you need me here?

You are the... what's the word...
the instigator!

An extinct mammoth.

Are you saying you need a perosn of
my speciality to be completely happy?

- Sure!
- No, you just need someone to mock.

Is there really nobody
else to laugh at?

What have they gathered for there?

Maybe they are deciding
what to do with us?

That's when we'll
whack them all at once!

No, no, no. It's not reasonable.

I think we should be the
first to contact them.

Surely I can go on that mission.

But maybe you do mind?

No, I don't.

Me neither.

Well, thanks for trusting me.

I am Iks, I am Iks.

I see something in quantity of... one,
two, three... three living beings.

Your ticket, please.

Listen, do you have a ticket?
A ticket.

Waves his hands pretending
he doesn't understand anything.

It won't do, you need a ticket.

What are you, be polite! What if he's
from another planet indeed.

I am Iks. Looks like they want something.
Trying to figure out what exactly.

Don't talk to him like he fell from the
moon. He was doing the costume all night.

Are we going to deprive him of the
party for lacking some piece of paper?

He seems to understand, though
he's mute. Okay, come in.

♪ Speaks in ancient Russian ♪
All you Ph.D's and candidates,

please welcome a guest from other worlds.

It's not by the bus he has arrived,
but on a saucer, a flying one.

Greet him as expected. Come in.

Be our guest.

Why are you so unwelcome.
This comrade is from another planet.

Music!

Look, they greet him as
if he's actual alien.

He's an actual alien indeed.

Surely my costume is the most
appropriate one for the masquerade.

Don't worry. The pirate's costume
suits you very well.

Especially when I remember how you
oppose at the defence of a thesis.

Comrades aliens, how are you doing,
feeling well?

Hey, come out.

He went alone. To the city.
Wait a second, comrade alien.

Wait a second, comrade alien.
Wait a second.

What a cutie.

Ladies and Gentlemen.

I've been asked to learn by heart
a New Year's song with you.

Please learn the first verse.

Here is how the melody sounds.

The fir tree awaits it's friends
today and dresses up

and the New Year is
silently coming closer.

We want to get away
from everyday worries today

And the New Year is
famous for miracles.

The frost crackles,
the snowstorm sweeps,

the white blizzard whirls,

and the New Year makes people younger.

Well done!

Bravo!

Well done!

Do you understand me?

No, I don't.

What's the matter?

I am sure we understand each other.

You have just shown me your language.

Did I? I don't think so.

I assume you're the leader here?

In a way, yes.

My pleasure.

As representatives of two civilisations
let's draw up an action plan.

What can you, as a sentient being,
offer me, as to a sentient being?

Prokhor! Proschenka! What
happened? Why the mess?

Granny, how you like my suit?

Simple and ingenious, first-ever
perpetual motion machine!

Check it!

Children are surely the flowers
of life, but which flower are you?

Guess!

Looks like it's time to come to rescue.

Easy, the control time is not up yet.

Attention, please.

Ancient folk game. Get into the bag.

Who'll be the first?
Who's brave? Come on!

From time to time it is necessary
to conduct wild experiments.

They rarely succeed, but when
they do, they're amazing.

- It's stupid.
- We forgot how to do stupid things.

Give us our containers.

Ready!

Such grandeur!

So much enthusiasm.
So much of creative energy.

Such a work of thought.
Such a blast.

You won't find this in the entire Universe.

But I think you din't quite
find the best solution.

I calculated that running without
the bags is more rational.

Here, look, of course it is
primitive, but...

I see.

I've got another amusement for you.
Would you like to take part?

My pleasure.

The control time is up,
Iks didn't get in touch.

Well, he was an useful member of the crew.
I hope he didn't suffer much. Who's next?

I suppose, we're solving a very
important task.

The task is to have fun.

You didn't have to do that.

We just began to have fun.

What?

Nothing happened to me.

Why are you squeaking like an
ungreased mechanism? Speak like a human.

Speak like a human.

Bravo.

It served me for 16 years,
and here they are. Some scuba divers.

He's quite handsome.

Aren't you looking for him?

No.

But I guess I'll try to cheer him up.

And now, my friends, your favourite,
the king of dancehalls, the white dance.

Ladies invite gentlemen.

The music is heard again,

The piano player has risen
and called the dance by name

And for everybody to see
I'm coming to you through the hall.

I want to invite you to dance and only
you. And, no coincidence, it's a waltz.

And the white dance will make us whirl
If the white dance will bring us together.

And here I was, standing quietly,
not touching anyone.

The waltz is floating

Kind like a friend, white like a snow
Maybe we'll remember this waltz forever

Could you give me a hint -
what's this all about?

I guess it's a waltz.

- So, you can choose who you like, right?
- What about you? Do you have a comittee?

No, why, we use a computing machine. You
put in a card and it picks an ideal match.

A small error and your computer will give
you a calculation for the rest of your life.

Think it is a sure
thing without a machine?

Well, I can't guarantee that.

Don't look sideways so much,
I feel something moves inside of me.

What's with you, colleague?
You don't look healthy.

I'm all right.

I'm just feeling slightly out of place.

Of course, we left our
place in the woods.

No, I have a pain here.

Could be an infection,
you should take measures.

I guess these things are incurable
but I'm glad the experiment is on me.

I'm ready to die for our common cause.

Brace yourself. Describe the symptoms!

In short... On a noisy ball, by accident,

I saw you, covered by the mystery.

Consider me a new
admirer of your talent.

What's next?

Talents are unpredictable, you know.
Especially on the New Year's eve.

Oh well, Igrek was an useful crew
member too. The payback is due.

Stop jumping, Iks and Igrek,
or I will whack one of you.

I'm sorry. Happy New Year.
Have you seen a creature here?

How did he look?

- Strange.
- There were a lot of strange ones here.

Is that the one you're looking for?

Oh, I'd recognise him from a thousand.

Hello comrade alien!
- Salute!

Okay, you speak our language.

- It's telepathy.
- Sure it is!

I knew we'll understand each other.
You look so much like a human.

- Hell yes I do.
- Welcome!

Thanks!

Allow me to introduce you to the Earth
inhabitants. It will be so sensational.

Sensational? Sure!

So cool!

It's a pity.

I almost destroyed it all here. And you
already made friends with these monsters.

You know, some of them are quite nice.

They're strange though. Sometimes they make
these sounds in choir: New Year, New Year.

Sometimes they do these movements.
Or take that rope for example. A big rope,

they were pulling it and what
happened? Nothing.

Calm down!

I see they've captured you.

They are not going to get me.

To avoid misunderstanding, hand me this.

No!

Hey guys, take it easy!

Is that how you treat a lady?

Did you call me a lady?
What does it mean? I'll whack you for that!

Gotcha!

Please don't.

Go, go away.

Okay, okay.

It's for you.

As a sign of admiration and worship!

What about my comrades?

We share everything.

It's of no use for them.
Did no one ever gave you flowers?

I'd love to know where such peasants live.

The fir tree awaits its friends today
and dresses up

and the New Year is silently coming closer

What's this?

No big deal, just to remember.

- Nice composition.
- You think so?

Load it!

I've seen volcano eruption very closely,
but I'm still afraid of champagne

You've got nothing to be afraid of with me.

But you're an artist!

I am. It's just that Melpomene often
plays a trick on us.

She puts us on stage in the main role and
makes us leave without a single line.

With the new happiness!

Listen to me.

You finally came.

You're the closest person for me.
You should be the first to know.

If anything happens to me,
you'll be the first to learn too.

Happy New Year!

Do you know what happened?

The frost crackles, the snowstorm sweeps,
the white blizzard whirls

And the New Year is making people younger.

- Do you know what just happened?
- Don't bother me.

And we check our clocks,
ready to meet it.

And the New Year is bringing us
the new happiness.

- Do you know what just happened?
- Let me have a drink at last!

According to precise scientific data

The wonders used to live in old tales

But seems like they grew tired of that

And now they have different addresses

Now they have earthly addresses

- Happy New Year.
- With the new happiness.

We dream of lunar landscapes,
the life on poles goes steady,

The buildings grow with every hour

And perhaps not once everyone would

See that they are at least for
a bit involved with wonders

To be at least for
a bit is involved with wonders

And take our word for granted

The noble century prepares wonders again

And those who hurry to answer

that there are no wonders in this world,

let them think it's just a miracle.

Happy New Year!

With the new happiness!

Thank you! Happy New Year!

Now you will really see that
New Year's miracles exist.

- So where's your miracle?
- Wait a second.

Comrades, please don't leave.

Don't worry, nobody is
leaving till the morning!

- Happy New Year!
- With the new happiness!

Congratulations, friends.

What are we celebrating?

The New Year, of course.

Is it such a rare phenomenon that
it's worth celebrating?

And why are you so keen on these vessels?

We're having fun, aren't we?

Can't you do without them?

You're weird.

Be healthy.

So they do it for medical purposes?

This is the first reasonable
explanation I've heard here.

Okay, let's take a sample.

No, no, only me.

The riskiest experiments on the least
valuable members of the crew.

How's your health, did it improve?

No, nothing. But I have an idea.

- Do you?
- Yes.

What if we celebrate not only the New Year,

but also the new month,
the new week, and the new day?

Nobody before has thought of it yet.

You're a genius!

In the name of science!

- Thanks.
- No, no, it's dangerous too.

Only me, for science.
As the least valuable one.

What have you done. You'll be hungry.

To some there are roses,
to some there are thorns.

Tell me, do you have the words
for every occasion?

Well, not always.

If only I could explain
myself in the language of genre

which I've given the best
years of my youth to.

In our electronic age,
simply lovers don't cut it anymore

I'm a soviet lyricist and in that
regard I might be looking funny

But physicist and lyricist
can live happily together and in love

Alas, to some fun is a duty,
some just don't need it.

I'm ready to believe you
but could it be just a new attraction?

I've imagined we're flying for many years,

and I could see you just like I do now

I won't let you be bored,
I'll drive away your sorrows,

Believe me, you alone,
contain the whole world to me.

A beautiful day,
the shadows are getting longer,

a bird on a tree dreams of singing.

We'll imagine we're flying for many years,
and I could see you just like I do now

Bravo! Bravo! Encore!

Comrade alien! Where are you?

Don't hurt your loved ones blaming them,

Be afraid to look cruel to them.

Our loved ones are very vulnerable.

For the high love we are obliged

To remember that our loved ones

Are connected to us
with an invisible thread

I'm sorry.

Maybe our life goes not too smooth,

But the most important thing in it are

Those forever in our hearts,

Our loved ones.

I am Zet, I'm ready to everything.

Anyone can sing today. But only
few can cherish the love.

One more word and I'll whack you.

She could.

- Who's there?
- A friend.

What do you want?
We're having a personal affair.

What is that so personal
are you doing here?

- Kissing.
- I can see that, but what for?

That's because we like each other.

Wait, wait. I see.

- Well, finally.
- What?

I've finally found you.

Were you looking for me?

I've been looking for you
on all these planets.

I've looked and couldn't find you.

I've seen creatures with three legs,
with six eyes, green ones with golden hair

and the golden ones with green hair.

But nowhere I've wanted to say to
myself - stop, now is the time.

What now? What do you mean?

I mean I thought it all over and I agree.

Agree on what?

Wasn't it me you invited to dance?

- It wasn't an accident, right? You like me.
- I do.

Now I don't get it.
I just wanted to say I like you.

Have an apple, don't be shy.

There you are, let's go and I'll introduce
you to ours. It's going to be sensational.

It's nothing sensational!

I don't exist for some at all.

It's because they don't know
you're an alien from space.

Let's go, I'll open their eyes.

Excuse me for a minute. A surprise!

- What did he do to my hand?
- We could amputate it to be sure.

I'm Zet, I'm Zet,
I'm always ready to everything.

Don't you think you've been captured too?

- Go on, go on!
- Not like this, no!

Here's how!

I'm always missing something.

Please, go with me. You can't imagine
what's going to happen.

No, I can.

- Listen, do you have pliers?
- What?

Dear friends, we came to you from
one of the most advanced planets.

We won't make a list of what was there.

But sometimes you want
something like this, you know?

On the most advanced planet everything
is sensible, reasonable, intelligent.

There is a lot of things but
sometimes you want something like this.

They pay no attention to feelings,
considering them a waste of time.

Farewells, dates, sufferings.

But, to be honest, sometimes
you want something like this.

Something earthly.

On the most advanced planet everything
is sensible, reasonable, intelligent.

There is a lot of things
but sometimes you want something like this.

They pay no attention to songs,
saving their breath from shaking the air

But, to be honest, sometimes
you want something like this..

Something earthly.

On the most advanced planet everything
is sensible, reasonable, intelligent.

There is a lot of things
but sometimes you want something like this.

They pay no attention to dances,
saving their energy.

No spare efforts, jumps and squats.

But, to be honest, sometimes
you want something like this..

Something earthly

So nice. No, really. It's so nice.

Did you like it?
Zet, we couldn't hold ourselves.

It's so nice, Iks. It's so nice, Igrek.

It's so nice here.

It's nice that among other
planets there is this one.

It's nice that here are so many
happy bright faces

Everyone should once meet their happiness
And the sunniest day will come

Everyone somewhere should once
meet their happiness

And stronger than ever, trust your hope.
Your heart should believe.

The heart is given for a reasom,
the heart should believe.

And stronger than ever, trust your hope.

And the sunniest day will come.

Everyone somewhere should once
meet their happiness

The heart is given for a reasom,
the heart should love.

It's so nice that among ordinary eyes
there are eyes of loved ones

It's so nice that happines
won't pass unnoticed here

Everyone somewhere should once
meet their happiness

And you won't find
a happier one in the world

Everyone somewhere should once
meet their happiness

And stronger than ever, trust your hope.
Your heart should believe.

Here's what I was talking about.
What do you think?

What's there to think?
Happy new year!

Comrades, I havre a very importand thing to
tell you. Everyone should know.

If everyone should know,
say it from the stage.

The heart is given for a reasom,
the heart should believe.

Looks like while we were flying,
we did not notice a woman among us.

Dear beautiful stranger,
I've been chosen to tell you

that according to the polls with
the absolute majority of male voters

and the majoruty of female
votes with a few abstained

you've been appointed the queen of
the ball. Let's congratulate her, comrades.

Let me crown you.

Why are you crying?

I don't know. I felt I was ready to
everything and now I feel strange and good.

Good and strange. And I don't
want to whack anyone.

Comrades, remember this moment

to tell your grandsons about it.

An hour ago, using this telescope, I saw a
landing of a spacecraft from another planet.

Why are you laughing? It is in the
woods some 3 or 4 km from here.

It's small but important crew
is here among us.

Let me introduce you a messenger
from another planet of Alpha Centauri.

Excuse me.

It's summer heat again,

It followed the blizzard,

And the sun is shinning white again,

But I'm afraid the Earth
will go off it's orbit.

The speed of things is overwhelming,

The life drags me around the world,

The dreams come to
me while I'm on the road,

But I'm always missing something,

A summer in the winter,
a spring in the autumn.

The wind drags clouds over me

The twenieth century has come.

The horses have risen over
the Bolshoy theatre

Pass over the speed to them, human.

The French Academy shouldn't
have stopped accepting projects

of perpetual motion machines.

- It's extremely simple.
- I agree.

I see and feel the joy in life.

I'm in love with perpetual motion.

I've got enough of love and friendship.

I also have a good song.

The life drags me around the world,

The dreams come to me
while I'm on the road,

Please allow me as a member of a real
crew from the Alpha Centauri to thank

this witty young man for a good joke.
It turned out really funny, right?

- And to give him our little souvenir.
- Thank you.

How dare you, comrades! It's not funny!
He's actually from another planet!

Think about it.

Yes, look at you?
You look like Martians at best.

They did the costumes themselves.
Or asked their wives.

No such people on Alpha Centairi.

There are!

Don't believe him, he's an impostor.
We're from up there.

Wait a minute, friends.
You cant quarry about such nonsense.

- You didn't really come from afar.
- No we did!

It's a draw! Have fun! The party goes on!

It's a catastrophe. No contact.

Turns out, they didn't
believe us from the beginning.

How awful. You should think of something.
I'm only a woman after all. A weak woman.

I just want to show you our spaceship.

I am really from another planet.

Well, your manners are very earthly.

I'm only susceptible.

You won't come with me then?
Should I ask someone else?

Try it.

Okay. What if I show you something
you haven't ever seen?

- What is it?
- Our flying saucer.

My dear, you can't surprise
me with a flying saucer.

Try the fabric, touch it.

Thank you, thank you. But I've grown
wings today for real. I'm flying!

It's all futile. They do not believe us.

There is only one solution.

Now widen your circle.
The newest offer! Kalinka Malinka!

Don't worry. They don't know what
they are doing. It's going to get better.

It's getting better already.

Hey, you have a drink?

We have a business offer.

Let's fly with us for a while.

It's not fat from here.

And we'll have a contact, agreed?

Fly for a while? No, my friends,
not good for my liver.

A mouthful of champagne is my limit now.

You fly without me.

It's a sad thing you did not believe
we came from another planet.

One of you should fly with us to
Alpha Centauri and see for yourself.

Let it be the one who
you worship the most.

The most perfect,
outstanding specimen.

- Who, me?
- Yes!

Thank you for your trust
I'm genuinely touched.

- Where should I go?
- This way.

- With the instrument?
- Yes.

Thank you. It's thanks to you I felt
myself a woman for the first time.

Hey girl! Can I have your number?

Admit it, are they from your department?

Unfortunately no. But they
did it so imaginative, so artistical.

They'd become great scientists.

See you.

See you later on Alpha Centauri!

I think there's a bit
of truth in every joke.

Don't worry, they have
something intriguing in mind.

Let's go.

It's time to hit the road.

We're leaving for a distant land

Over our sweet home you'll
see the shine of my silver wing.

Let the fate thow us far away.

Don't let anyone get close to your heart.

I'll watch closely

Know that I see everything form above

Where are we going?

I think the joke went too far, and
so did we. Isn't it time to go back?

It's impossible.
- What are you doing? Let me go!

Something happened. I feel it.

What is this?

Our saucer!

Wait a second. I somehow got used
to this planet. I don't want to fly away.

I understand you.

I feel he's no more. What are
you waiting for? Let's go!

No. Your trip is a decided thing.

Welcome onboard!

Good bye, my merry planet.

I feel it, we'll meet again.

Look!

They flew away.

Can you see these flowers? It's their
turbines that burnt the earth.

Do you believe me now?

Maybe I do, Stargazer.

How?

What? Oh, you mean all this?

Comrades, you're serious adults, don't
tell me you believed all of this.

According to precise scientific data

The wonders used to live in old tales

But seems like they grew tired of that

And now they have different addresses

Now they have earthly addresses

And take our word for granted

The noble century prepares wonders again

And those who hurry to answer

that there are no wonders in this world,

let them think it's just a miracle.