Estar o no estar (2015) - full transcript

After falling ill, Augusto revisits his life's love story. Could it be just a delusion?

Is the world bound to repeat itself
time and time again?

I was always enticed by the testimonies

of those who after seeing death
in the face,

experienced their whole lives
flashing before their eyes, as a film.

Now mine is about to do just that.

Here's the picture you wanted.

Thanks, nan.

I found this one as well.

I just want my pop and Orfeo's one.

I just blanketed the furniture
and closed the windows shut.

Told you I won't keep you waiting.

Done. Anything else I can do for you?

No, thanks.


When you pack my suitcase, put this in.

Yes, my child.

- Good night.
- Good night to you.

Did you see the obituary
mom had made for herself?

She looks so young in that picture.

Always so cautious, but how could she know
she would die yesterday?

She didn't.

Told the nurse to call the funeral home

when she makes her round,

but the obituary was paid for already.

Here are your mother's ashes.

Having to use any thing is a burden.

Usage destroys beauty.

As Master Unamuno used to say,

"How beautiful is an oranges
before turning into a meal."

That's with all God's creation
here in our unfortunate lives.

We only care to take from him.

Using him as an umbrella,
to deliver us from all evil.

Get it, it's Virgin of Candelaria,
our Patron Saint.

She will shine her light
for you to find your way.

Thanks, sir.

God bless you.

So many beautiful girls
in this world, right, Agustín?

This is the only one I got left.

This is a thing of beauty.

Papaloapan River to the left,
the main square to the right.

So beautiful!

Here's the kitchen,
all appliances are in order.

You've got pans, cutlery, dishes...

Excuse me.

I was just saying

here's the kitchen,
all appliances are in order.

And you've got pans, cutlery,
dishes and drinking water.

And these are my husband's books,
may he rest in peace.

- Can I see?
- Of course, yes.

This is the bedroom.

Got your covers, blankets, sheets...

Just one thing, you're in charge
of laundry.

Don't worry, we've got a machine.

Here's the bathroom, with hot water.

I will personally change the soap
and towels once a week.

You like it?


How long are you planning to stay?

I Don't know.

Okay, here's the key.

You'll need to pay the rent
within the first five days of the month.

- Are we clear?
- Of course.

- Good, that'll be you then.
- Great, thanks.

Oi, I'm gonna go deaf, woman!

There you go.

How's your new book, Mr. Manuel?

Very good, thanks.

That's plenty, thanks.

- Hi, good morning.
- Good morning.

You need to be here earlier,
clients are showing up at seven.

- I know.
- Did you go out to party last night?

No way, actually I couldn't sleep
with all the ruckus on the street.

This year we have more tourists,

but this holiday is not about that,
all devotion has been lost.


They're only here to get wasted.

Our town can use the money,
but where's the respect for the Virgin?

Our ruling class only cares
about money.

Here and in Russia!

- Do you want more coffee, Mr. Memo?
- Yes, honey. Thanks.

Come here, let me look.

Let me see your eyes.

You cried, did you?

Of course not, it's just
these damn allergies.


the allergies.

With 72 cadets and instructors,
after a long journey

of 12 months through every
major port in the world.

- Mauricio must be about to show up.
- Yes, finally!

I told you, I don't like that boy
anywhere near you.

A year without talking?
Don't you have a pone or what?

I told you that's our business, Mr. Nemo.

Want me to take your plate?

Yes dear, thanks.

They're a couple of romantics,
like the old days.

Good morning. I'm Ludivina,
I live right across you.

- Glad to meet you, I'm Augusto.
- Hi.

Brought you some cookies for breakfast,
baked them myself.

Thank you so much.

I'm sorry, I'm just dozy.

- Not a problem at all.
- My bad.

Should you need anything,
I'm on the third.

- Have a good day.
- Thanks.

My soul wandered afar from my body,

on the faraway haze of ideas.

Already consumed by the music notes,

that some say are sung by the spheres.

Thus, my sad, lonely and soulless body,

- wandering through the Earth...
- Very nice, Mr. Manuel.

Meant to bear life as one,

living they weren't.

As he was only pure matter.

And she, made of spirit only

- longing for completion...
- What's the name of the book?

Haze , mi child.
By Mr. Miguel de Unamuno.

On these chilly nights

Of cold north wintery wind

I find them sneaking into my room

Those cries from the hood

On these chilly nights

Of cold north wintery wind

I find them sneaking into my room

- Those cries from the hood
- Hi?

Tear my life apart

With your last loving kiss

Tear it apart

Take my heart away

Tear my life apart

And if pain proves to hurt you

Might be you not seeing me now,
because when all is said and done

Your eyes belong to me

The song you dearly wanted

Here I am to sing to you

It's in my soul, deep down
inside there, and here it is for you

Tear my life apart,
with your very last loving kiss

Tear it apart

Take my hear away

Tear my life apart

And if pain proves to hurt you

It is because you won't see me now

As when all is said and done

Your eyes belong to me

So sorry, the door was open.

- Here's some freshly brewed coffee.
- Thanks.

Beautiful singing voice.

Thank you.

- I'm sorry.
- No problem.

Came from Coatepeque.

- Who?
- The coffee.


That's a really nice song, isn't it?
From Agustín Lara.

It's just beautiful.

Get you anything else?


Don't worry.

- See you later. Sorry.
- No.

Knock on my door for whatever.

Should I close?


I waited for you
at the Riviera Promenade yesterday,

as we agreed.

I'm worried. Call me, please.

Take good care of my money.

It's not much.

You're not even here, mom.

You're a good for nothing.

I should've pushed you to study.

Don't leave me here, Augusto!

Have a nice day.

- Afternoon.
- Afternoon.

Good afternoon.

Come in, pick a table you like.

- Thanks.
- We'll be right with you.



- Thanks.
- You're all set.

Just call me and I'll take your order.

Thank you.

Here you go.

Hi, good afternoon.

Anything to drink?

Can I get you something to drink?

A beverage.

Excuse me?

Care for a drink?

A coffee.

Coming up.

- Get out of my dreams and into my life!
- Hey you pretty mama!

- Got some nice coconut ice cream, sir.
- No, thanks.

Gorgeous! Baby! I'm in love!

Hi, sweetie. We've been talking to you
for a while, but you won't budge.

- How can we help?
- Wanna ride my boat?

- Don't you like Juarez people?
- We'll have a great time, my queen.

- Be game.
- A great time we're gonna have.

Please get out or I'll call the cops.

Pretty boy, what's your business here?

- Easy, we saw her first.
- Please leave us alone.

- Wanna play tough with us?
- You sure don't have to.

What's wrong with you? Get out now!

Are you okay?

- Need anything?
- No, thanks.


Sure you're okay?

Here, sit down.

Come on.

Are you sure you're not hurt?


- You're a true gentleman.
- Thank you.

I am really embarrassed.

This is the time of the year

when there's a lot of outsiders

and they're really jacked up.

You are beautiful.

I'm sorry.

- Please don't freak out.
- It's all right.

- Sorry if I said something stupid.
- You did not.

- No?
- No.

I didn't mean to say that.

I'm not really that kind of guy.

I'm actually shy.

Girls do like a nice, shy guy.

Don't say that.

Or my shyness points
go out the window.

What bonus?

Didn't you say girls like a shy guy?

Another day goes by.

Another day.

Don't know if you remember,
today I was at the Kiev Coffee.

I thought you were familiar.

- Really?
- Yes.

- Great coffee!
- It is.



- Hi.
- Hi.

- Hi.
- Hi, how are you?

Shall we grab a bite?

Right now?

- I need to wake up early tomorrow.
- Come on, stay for a while.

This is...



They are Jorge and Lola.

- Hi.
- Hi.

- And I'm Nástenka.
- Cute name.

I'm actually Anastasia,
Nástenka is Ukrainian for that.


I'm going to get dinner with them.

Good night, Mr. Augusto.
Thanks for all you did.

See you later.

"Mr. Augusto".

Am I that old now?

That child is not for you.

How come you're in love with a Russian?

Not to speak of her family.

- She's Ukrainian.
- Tomato, tomato.

You're almost 20 years older than her.


Leave me alone, mom. Now!

Augusto, don't leave me alone!
Please don't go, my son!

You know the doctor said
I'm not allowed to be by my own.

Who came up with tourists!
They're a worldwide disease!

A bunch of idiots wrecking the city!
And what about us?

You better show some respect
for our visitors.

- Your coffee.
- Thanks.

I see we don't have blinis today.

- Jorge!
- Coming!

- Hordes of people, what a shame!
- Will you never shut up about it?

- I've had it up to here with you!
- Yes, up to your bald ugly head!

You grouchy old man!


Is no one helping you tonight?

I've got Jorge in the kitchen
but he says he's only two-handed.

Usually I've got my goddaughter
as a waitress

but today is her day off.


- Do you want a job here?
- Not for the moment.

- Where are you from?
- Jalapa.

I'm staying at a boarding house nearby.

What do you do for a living?

- I want to open a shop.
- A car shop?

No, a watch shop.

A watchmaker!

Actually it's a hobby for me,
and it was my dad's as well.

He taught me to assemble
and disassemble them as a kid.

- Let me see.
- Look.

How nice!

If I can be of service some day...


To be honest,

I don't think you'll make
good business here.

Just how many watches
do you think can exist

in that small a town as Tlacotalpan?

And how many of them can break down?

Mr. Memo!

I'm coming in!


Watch for the step.

It's all about time in this life.

We invented watches just to be
on the same time frame.

And somehow, to nurture the idea
that some day down the road,

we'll be no longer here.


Can I sit with you?

Yes, absolutely.

How is your face doing?

- Good, it was nothing.
- Great.

Expecting somebody?


Who is that?

My boyfriend.


Excuse me.

Are you leaving?

To the other bench.


If it's your boyfriend,
I don't wanna intrude.

No, don't worry.

He said he'll be back two days ago.

I think he will never be.

Two days?

That's sad.

He's been gone for a year.

Want an ice pop or a coconut ice cream?

Do you?

An ice cream, please.

Me too.

No, please. My treat.

- Really?
- Sure.

- Thanks.
- Thank you.

How much, sir?

It's 20 pesos, sir.


- Thank you so much.
- No, than you.

Where were we?

You said you haven't seen
your boyfriend in a year.

I don't really get that personal.

- But I think I can trust you.
- Okay.

So it's been a year
since you last saw him.

He went on board the Cuauhtémoc.

On what?

What is the Cuauhtémoc?

It's the Mexican Navy's
official training ship.

He need to be on board for a year,

to be able to study overseas.

And we're going there together.

I'm working here to save money
to go there and have a better life.

Well, I'm on my way.

Can I walk with you?

Suit yourself.

I like this town,
there's a musical atmosphere.

Not always, just right now
for the Virgin Celebrations.

Then it all goes back to its boring,
predictable normal everyday life.

- Nothing ever happens here, trust me.
- Really?

- Are you here on vacation?
- No, I want to live here.

Life is a strange thing, isn't it?

I'm looking to get out of here
whatever it takes.

- But you want to have a life here.
- Yes.

I'm looking forward to.

My dad brought me here as a kid,
during summer.

I don't know, I have...

Some magical memories.

- Magical?
- Yes.

You know your words.

Thank you.

How long have you been here?

Since I was a girl.

We came from Ukraine 20 years ago,
I was just six.

- Where you born there?
- Yes.

- Can I take your plates?
- Please.

Would you like something else?

Do you have time?


- Same thing, please.
- And me, please.

And you?

- Where are you from?
- Jalapa.

Why did you leave Jalapa?

Just running away.

Running away?

From what?

My past.

You are so strange.

Something's different about you.

Is that a good thing?

- Here you go.
- Thank you


- Cheers!
- Cheers!

I feel I can trust you.

You strike me

as someone familiar.

As if you were an older brother
or something.

I don't want that.

I mean, I can't find the words.
Someone like...

An outsider.


A weirdo?

A weirdo.

- Yes.
- You looked beautiful saying that.

- Saying what, you weirdo?
- That.


I'm sorry!

I'm tipsy, starting to get my buzz.

- Weirdo?
- No!


Nástenka waits for her lover

sitting by the river.

Isn't this out of some Russian
romance novel?

Are simply my memories a fiction,
an outcome of so many novels,

of so many books I read?

When my dad passed away,

my mom got me right out of school.

- Did she really?
- Yes.

She was diagnosed with mono phobia.

What's that?

A dread of being alone. It's complicated.

Okay, but nobody can make you do
anything you don't want to.

Right, but I was just too young
to know better than that.

- Just being isolated with her.
- Isolated?

- Sounds like being in prison, doesn't it?
- Yes.

That's how it is.

- Your mom did that with you?
- Yes.

I used to read all the time.

I slept, ate, read,

we fought, I read.

This town will be a good fit for you.

Nothing ever happens here.

- No?
- No.

This is me.

Nice house.

- Your parents live here?
- No.

It's a boarding house.

I rent a room here.

Both of my parents died.

I'm sorry.

I'm really looking forward
to have my own house and things.

Can I see you tomorrow?

After work?

- I can't, I'm off to Veracruz.
- Veracruz?

I'm in a theater company.

We'll perform at the State Festival there.

You will?

I wish I could be an actor.

- Really?
- Yes.

What's the name of the play?

Cyrano de Bergerac.

- Are you really going to play Roxana?
- Yes.

- Are you familiar with it?
- Yes, I read it many times.

Then why don't you come see us?

Matrushka and people from town
will be there

on our company's truck.

Sure, I'll be honored.

Today was the best day I've ever had.





Sleep well.

Good bye.

"To be or not to be?

To be there?

Or not to be there?

To die.

To sleep.

No more.

And by a sleep to say

we end the heart ache.

And the thousand Natural shocks
that flesh is heir to?

To die.

To sleep

Perchance to dream."

You are a lousy actor,

as I've always said.

One, two, three, four.

- One, two...
- Just leave me be.

One, two, three, four.

You never appreciated anything
I did. Nothing.

One, two, three, four.

Don't worry, you can pay me later.

- Thank you.
- You're welcome.


- Hi.
- Nice to see you, got a surprise.

A surprise? Maybe later.

- Just a minute!
- I'm on a hurry.

- Five minutes, on the clock
- Really? I'm really busy.

Really, you'll love it.

- What is it?
- Just wait, it's a surprise.

- Take a sit.
- Thanks.

What can it be, coffee, milk
or coffee with milk?

- Coffee.
- Good.

A nice, warm...

...cup of coffee.

- Here's your sugar and spoons.
- Yes, thanks.

Good coffee.

How do you like this?


Really good.

- So you make pies for a living.
- Yes, at the moment.

- I used to do something else.
- What's that?

But this pie I made specially for you.

You're a singer. There's apples in it,
very good for your voice.

- Have you done that for a while?
- No.

- I don't do that for a living.
- How come?

You should, you're great at it.

I would be your fan.


- Can I be that frank with you?
- Yes, sure.

- Was it good for you?
- Very.

Do you want seconds?

I think so, just let me finish
this one first and see.

I was just staring at him laying there

and my mind just filled with memories,

many of them.

He used to say

that loving

is fleeting.

Something that time washes away.

So I shouldn't be so hopeful
about me and Mauricio.

Life is so fragile.

Any moment,

just like that,

it just disappears.

We have to live life, Augusto.

We have to live

at every moment.

I need to find my way out of here.

I can't let time pass me by.

I want...

to become somebody I'm proud of.

Would you do it on your own?

If Mauricio's not here,

I'll find my way on my own.


I have some money saved up,
that could help you.

No, Augusto. You're so sweet,

but I can't accept that.

Thanks, but no. I'm serious.

Take this.

So you can find the light.

Thank you.

Each of us has his wound.

And I have mine.

The letter.

Allow me to share your wound.

Have I your leave to open?


good bye.

I soon must die.

Aloud, please!

This very night,

my beloved.

And I feel my soul heavy

with love untold, so I'll die.

My loving, longing eyes...

But how you read that letter...

My heart has been yours in every beat,

here, dying, and there,
in the land of high

I am he who loved, who loves you...

'Twas you!

No, never, Roxane. No!

The letters! You!


- The sweet, mad love words!
- I swear you err!

It was your soul! You loved me not?

I loved you not, 'twas he!

Why keep your love silent
all these 14 years.

That's the allegory of my life.

I have been the prompter of it all,

the one everyone forgets!

Sisters, sisters!

I have marred your life.



On the contrary.

Thanks to you

I bred a spy in my very heart.


It is...

too late now.

Too late now.

I soon shall...


the opaline moon.

The opaline moon.

With his nose

and his sword, he was a lover.

Here lies

Hercules Savinien

de Cyrano de Bergerac.

Who was everything, yet was naught.

And 'tis...




'Tis my...


My panache.


I could do this all my life.

That's why I want to go study Drama
in Barcelona.

Why not in Mexico City?
They have good schools there.

It's not the same thing.

People in Europe are more open.

It's another mindset.

I'd love to be able to live there.

Can you imagine?

Making it in Europe?

What do you think?

I think...

you know exactly what you want.

You seem to have it all figured out.

It's important to live your own life.

I don't want to do what everyone does.

To be married, having kids,
just following the rules.

Who made those rules?

What are they good for?

Why do we have rules for everything?

It's stupid.

What does Mauricio think of that?

He's a normal guy.

He would like

to marry

and start a family,

having two or three kids.

In that case

you need to think things through
if you'll live with him.

If he comes back.

If he comes back.

I don't know why I'm telling you this.

I don't wanna alienate you

with my ideas and plans.

I'm a good listener.

I can see that.

It's my birthday already.

Happy birthday.

Aren't you giving me a hug?


Happy birthday.

- Congratulations.
- Thanks.

- Happy birthday!
- Congratulations.

To happiness!

Down the hatch!


Do you like Danzón ?


I haven't tried it since high school.

- Cheers!
- Congratulations!


Can I have this dance?

Look at that!


Go on! Take it to the floor, Augusto!

What do you like the most about me?

I can be myself around you.

What I like the most about you
is that I'm not myself around you.

Is that a good thing?

I don't know.

I'm scared.

Scared of what?

Making a mistake.

You mean your boyfriend?


I mean Mauricio.

Marrying him.

Scared of things not working out.

But you won't now that unless you try.

Do you love him?

Do you love him?


You bastard!

You miserable bastard!

Where are you?

Where are you?

You coward!

You gutless coward!

Where are you, coward!

How dare you!

I've kept my promise.

I've kept my word.

I waited for you.


Open the door!



I'm coming!

Whatever happened to you?

You look tired.

I couldn’t sleep last night,
I think I'm getting sick.

- There isn't any temperature.
- Feels like it.

No, you don't.

I think I'm going back to bed.

I can fix you some chicken soup
in the meantime.

- I don't wanna trouble you.
- You are not.

Lay down, I'll be back in a minute.

No, I'm going to be asleep.

Do you think I appreciate
what you did with that little bitch?

That behaviour is unbecoming
for our family.

Mom, you reek of perfume.

I went out of my way to educate you

and this is how you pay me back.

What would my friends say about this?

No, Augusto! I'm talking to you!

Augusto! Augusto!

All this for that charmless bitch!
That basic, two-faced slut!

A Russian, no less!

Augusto, hear me out!

Good afternoon.

Augusto, you're late today!

I'm heading out, but come in.
Nástenka is in the kitchen.

- She'll be with you shortly.
- Thank you.


Meet me outside.


Nástenka, this is important.

I love you.

Don't say that.


I'm serious, I love you.



Please give me a chance!

Come here!

What's wrong with you?

- I just want a chance!
- Augusto!

Hi. Morning.

Take a sit, I'll be right with you.

- What is it?
- Look, I've never felt like this before.

Why don't we try?

Maybe you're right, but I can't.

Not now.

Waitress, please! Two Americanos.

A glass of milk for the kid
and some cookies.

It's Mauricio.


Please, take a sit. I'm sorry.

I almost dropped the fish, girl.

I was calling you all the time,
and you never picked it up!

- I couldn't. I'm here and I love you!
- Don't touch me!

Please give me a chance.

The water is never the same.

And you're gone

Like sand hiding into the sea

Having you once was enough for me

To be there or not

And you're gone

Like waves being carried away

You are free as a bird

You get to choose your way

He left yesterday

Why did he?

I don't know

Where will you be?

How would it be

My life over there

Without you by my side

Where would I be?

When you decide

To know about me

Things won't be the same

If you're gone

Take my blight loneliness with you

Fleeting as a wishing star

That flew right past me

He left yesterday

How come?

I don't know

Where will you be?

How could it be?

My life over there

If you're not by my side

Where would I be?

When you decide

To know about me

Things won't be the same

Where would I be?

When you decide

To know about me

It won't ever be the same

Sit down, I'll pour you some.

You can start with the coffee,
I'll get you the rest.



Aren't you gonna have some?

We need to talk.

About what?

Last night.

There's nothing to talk about.

We are grown up people
in need of affection.

Things just happen, and we move on.

Some jam?

But I just can't marry you.

I don't want you to.

We can be just friends,
each in their own place.

What do you say?

I don't know.

We don't really know each other.

Augusto, we don't need to for that.

Take it from me, I used to be a whore.

Don't freak out.

Or you're like all guys?


No, it's not that.

Let's make a deal.

Why don't we see what happens?

You someone to care about you.

Let me be the one.

As a friend, no strings attached.

What a surprise! What's that?

That's a big bump!


a girl.

- Yes.
- Yes!

- Just let her come in and say hi, woman!
- Mr. Manuel!

How are you, beautiful?

So sweet!

I want you to give us
today's culture soundbite.

"We carry our sadness from our cradles,

but our happiness as well.

Won't you give me a hug?

I went through all my money

and Matrushka gave me a job at the cafe.

Are you happy now?


It's a nice job, isn't it?

You meet lots of people.

Time just flies by.

I don't like hearing you say
time flies by.

Tell me about you.

- How was life for you?
- Don't change the subject, Augusto.

I don't wanna see you like this.


feeling down.

Have you been seeing anyone?

Why don't you find a girl
you can be happy with?

Better to be alone,
that being alone, together.


But there must be someone out there.

Yeah, right.

I tried, but...

Why are you here?

I wanted to see you guys.

You're back after a year,

all happy and pregnant.

I was missing you.

Don't say that.

Look at that.

That's our bench,

it's like poetry.

Don't say that.

You make me feel guilty.


I'm serious,

right now you're a part of my dream.

- I've dreamed about you too.
- See?

That's what this life is all about.


We're in this world
just to improvise, that's unfair.


You think you made a mistake?

I don't love him.

At leas, not the way

he needs to be loved.

He's a great guy,

but we're just too different.

I feel stuck in a rut.

I'm finally at that place
I didn’t want to get.

That whole idea

I had about the perfect love

vanished into thin air.

I'm going to spend the night
at Matrushka's.

Will you stay here.

I'm off to Mexico City tomorrow.

So soon.

I'm going to get my visa.

Mauricio is doing very well.

We'll have to spend more time in Spain.

I'm coming.


- Hi.
- Hi.

- How are you?
- Fine.

Just working.

I'm off to Cordoba
for the weekend to see my mom.

- I'll be back on Monday.
- No problem.

- Hope she gets better soon.
- Thanks.



I'll see you on Monday.


- Do you have food?
- Yes.

Don't worry.

I have some cooked meals
in the fridge, just in case.

It's fine.

Don't think about it.



It was the sardines, I always say
you need to check the can first.

If the can's got dents,

you'll absolutely get food poisoning
from whatever's in them.

Like I've always used to say.



It's Margarita!

I'm inviting you to dinner!

I'm making wood roasted snappers.

Just how you like them.




I'm back!

What happened to you?

What happened?

To dream of dying

isn't that killing our dreams?

To live in dreams,

isn't that killing our lives?

Then why do we try so hard?

Rest in peace,

our dearest friend,

Augusto Smith Castellanos.

Here I go again.

Feeling happy with my life.

Or is it my death?