Espera (2018) - full transcript

How do we kill time? What happens in those 'in-between' moments in which nothing seems to be happening? Against the backdrop of a society marked by speed and constant movement, Espera invites us to slow down and immerse ourselves in a sharp exploration of the nature of time in our current world.


Those images were kept
for many years

resting at 10 Celsius
in my fridge.

I did not have a clue of what was
kept on those rolls.

For a long time, as I opened the
fridge to look for something to eat,

I would run into that pile of
yellow boxes from Kodak.

Those images, perhaps the only
witnesses of something I had lived,

were waiting to be seen.

It's all in there.
Three minutes of someone's life.

Ex-po-sed. Is that right?

- Exposed.
- Yeah.

This one, do you think it's
gonna work?

Man, I don't know.
This one is a 7078.

- The 7266...
- It's also a Tri-X.

It might work. Let's try.

We can search on the internet.

Yes, maybe the chemical is
the same and it will work.

- Oh yeah?
- Yeah.

You took the film, right, Leo?

Let's go.

All right, let's close it.

And turn off the light.

Warm water at 50° C

Two grams of metol

90 grams of Sodium Sulfite

8 of Hydroquinone

45 of Sodium Carbonate

5 grams of Potassium Bromate

12 milliliters of Sulfuric Acid

9 of Potassium Dichromate

3 minutes or 15 meters of memory
are being developed.



My name is...

My name is Gael Benitez,
I'm 20 years old.

Today is November 25th, 2015.

It was my first day of "T"...

And... That's it!

This is my transition.


What I have to say is that...

My butt hurts, a little bit.

But I thought it was going
to hurt more.

It's alright.



I'm crazy to see the changes soon.

I think it's going to take
a little long.

'Cause the testosterone
I'm taking is Nebido,

and it takes a little longer
to take effect.

It must start around
the second month,

or third month,

really big changes,
that are going to be more evident.

But, I'm happy to have
started, finally.

After a long time of waiting,
of a lot of anxiety,

of many nights not sleeping,
a lot of tears and...

and everything else.

It was a difficult wait.

But I got started and now it's all
about waiting for the results.

Meanwhile, I daydream.

Waiting is the ideal condition
for daydreaming.

A world that doesn't wait
doesn't have delusions,

doesn't dream.



Today is December 24th, 2015.

So it's been a month since
I have started taking testosterone.

It's my first month of testosterone.


I kinda gave up on waiting
for the changes.

I reckon that as time passes,

the more it seems...

that nothing happens.

♪ Hindu that lays in heaven
Is the king

♪ Tightly waiting
Here we are, oh Lord

♪ Bring upon us the chain of love

♪ With your entities
The Old Black workers

♪ Oh Indian messenger

♪ Come upon us
Come upon us

♪ Come raise our Aruanda

♪ He came from God
He has arrived

♪ He has arrived
The Hindu King

♪ He has arrived

♪ He has arrived.

- Then you put the hose over there.
- Okay.

The other one we used
to have is over.

The small bottle gets cold faster
than the big one.


see if it worked.

It is the moment of truth.

Here in the middle...

These ones are fine.

It seems here is kinda dirty.

Here is good. Here is so-so.

Put it here please.


Okay, now just wait for it to dry
and screen it.

There are some cool images.

What about this girl,

she seems to be
from another time, so remote...

This haircut, this lace collar.

Where did you come from?
From what time?

I don't recognize nothing or no one
in these images.

Not even this cigarette smoke that
I always liked to film,

it's not mine...

As those crazy tilts are also
not mine,

on that window that
I can't recognize.

During all these years did I keep
another one's memories?

Zé Bento, old fella!

These images are yours!

These windows of Bonfim

this Marlboro on whatever ashtray...

The broken mirror betrayed you.

To me it betrayed my memory.

I'm sorry.

I was born devious.
We are all devious.

To live, to fight and
to make mistakes.

To be wrong, to be wrong,
to be wrong...

To be wrong, to be wrong,
to be wrong...

This is bad, this is not bad.

This is not bad, this is bad.

The question is...

Faith and love.

And art as an appetizer.

Passion and love...

will never be represented by
any machine.

It's a shame...

A microwave...

Why isn't a microwave
a son of God?


The entity of God is a
fuck up, my friends.

It's not easy.

It's really interesting for us to...

To think...

Wait for the chance to...

This negotiation between
faith and reason.

The opposite of laziness
is business.

12.8 currently...

is the limit for hypertension.

It means that everyone is tense.

Kevin Spacey is even more.

Everything can be simulated.

And all those questions
shake our lives up.

The power of banality and
the power of relevance.

Today I shaved my beard

for the first time after
I started taking testosterone.

And it was interesting because...

it was not just about shaving.

It was more than that.

It was like if...

If I was...

I was feeling and seeing
the real thing.

As if...

It was a...

As if it was the materialization
of a possible future.

That is not impossible
anymore, right?

It's already something.

As if it became a tangible thing.

And what I was seeing there
was a possible reality,

and before I couldn't see
as a possibility.

Dear passengers,
your attention please.

It's 1:25am.

Five minutes left for next departure.

Go downstairs and turn left,

then you look for the bank,

go upstairs and make the payment.

Then they you will call you
again to make your ID.

Okay. Thank you.

- Is it your second way?
- Yes.

- Did your last ID have a CPF number?
- Yes, it did.

- Your color...
- Sorry?

How do you declare your color?


- Incomplete graduation?
- That's right.

- Single, student?
- Yes.

- Is anything wrong?
- No, it isn't.

Actually it is because...



- So is everything okay?
- Just like your birth certificate.

We make it according to your
birth certificate.

I see.

Excuse me.

I'm going to take a look to see
if there are any loose wires.

- Are there?
- No.

But I'm going to stick some more.

It isn't loose, but I'm going
to put one more to...

This one, what is it for?

Is there anything coming
out from here?


What is it for?

For breathing.

- Ah, just to measure.
- Yep.

- I thought some air would come out.
- No, not on this one.

- Good night.
- Good night.

- Have nice dreams.
- Thanks.

The color rolls still need
to be processed.

I headed to Buenos Aires on a boat
from Montevideo,

where I was told I could find a
Super 8 Lab that develops color film.

I didn't have the faintest idea

of what those film cartridges kept.

The trip lasted for three hours.

When I left it was a rainy morning and
I arrived in sunny warm weather.

The people on that boat
seemed relaxed.

To be waiting surrounded by water is
necessarily different

from waiting on the asphalt
or in the air.

Sometimes, the longer we wait,

the more we forget
what we were waiting for.

And what we wait for turns out to be
less important than simply waiting.

The knitting, the crossword
and the sleep,

recurring tasks among those who wait,

got another texture there,

a certain depth of field,

as founded in the super 8 images
stored in my bag.

Gliding along the mouth of
the Rio de la Plata

provoked a kind of dilation
in time and space.

I always liked filming windows.

Unlike the oval shaped windows
of an airplane,

the boat windows remind me of cinema.

As I wait, I daydream again.

And I follow closely
a monotonous three hour movie.

At some point I no longer realize
what I'm watching.

A minimal detail of the landscape
framed by the windows of this boat

reminds me of other windows,
of different boats

from where I once looked.

The same ones I carry with me
in my bag now.

Film, retina, emulsion, epidermis.

The image is a mere surface.

Our look erodes it like an acid.

Our look hurts it, penetrates it
and gives it depth.

Those images left their resting state,
their frosty inexistence.

They no longer wait for a look.

Now we are the ones looking at them.

We are the ones who wait.

We, spectators, what do we wait for?