Erin's Erotic Nights (2006) - full transcript

(upbeat dramatic music)

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

(hard breathing)

(upbeat dramatic music)

(upbeat music)

- Gorgeous.

Wonder where that other model is.

♪ Keep it coming now ♪

Guess it's pretty easy to
get lost out here, huh?

All right, well, we got
you, so who cares, right?

- [Susan] Yeah.



(chattering)

♪ Bring it on, bring it on ♪

(moaning)

(upbeat music)

- This is Elena. Elena, this
is the infamous Mr. Bardot.

- Hello, Mr. Bardot.

- Hello, Francis.

- Your work is really amazing.

- Thank you, only when I work with Carly.

Ladies, please excuse me.

- Oh, I almost forgot to ask you.

Did you turn your TV on last night?

- No, why?

- It was really strange.



- How so?

- There was this really racy film on.

- That's typical in these motels.

- But it was on every channel.

- Well, Barstow isn't exactly
known for its quality cable.

Don't worry about it.

♪ Bring it on, bring it on ♪

(upbeat music)

- Hi, I'm Mickey.

- Hi, I'm Gary.
- Nice to meet you.

- And this is Susan here.

- Oh, cool, I thought I was
gonna be the only one here.

- Oh, no, you need two to tango.

- Well, listen, let's get you into makeup.

We're gonna keep shooting with the outfit

that we currently have Susan in.

- Okay.

Cool robe. I bet all the
moms-to-be love that one, huh?

- Yeah, okay, robe please.

Good, good.

All right, here's your outfit.

This is a loincloth,

so that'll strap around your waist there.

This is a choker.

And you'll be topless,

so you've got a primal
outfit just like she does.

- Hugh has some explaining to do.

He wants a primal shoot,
I'll give him a primal shoot.

- Hey.

- You're really amazing. Thank
you for letting me be here.

- Oh, it's no problem.

I always encourage Carly
to bring along friends.

- Really? She said you were antisocial.

- She did?

- Well, people-phobic.

- Only while I'm shooting.

- I can tell by your work
you're very passionate.

- I am passionate. Are
you passionate, Elena?

- I don't really know.

- Well, at least you're honest.

Do you think they were passionate
in that movie last night?

- How'd you know?

- I was surfing for the Weather Channel.

- Well, I guess they looked passionate.

- They should be.

- Why?

- They're married, in real life.

- You know them?

- I shot that movie.

Will I be shooting you today?

- I don't think so. I'd
feel really strange.

- I've heard that line before.

- You don't believe me?

- Carly dear, the master is ready for you.

(upbeat music)

(upbeat dramatic music)

- You know, Francis, I'm really sorry.

- For what?

- For all the problems that I've caused

between you and Carly.

- What problems?

- I know you're a gentleman.

You're trying to pretend like
I have caused any problems.

- You believe you've caused problems?

- Yes, I know it. I know it all.

- Well then you must be
a smart woman indeed.

- How'd you get to be so forgiving?

- If I'm forgiving, it's
only because you are kind.

- I don't understand.

- May I be direct?

- Please do.

- I wanted you the moment I saw you.

- But you were so--

- Cold?

- Yes.

- Try horrified, petrified,

encapsulated, shocked.

- What?

You shoot the most beautiful
women in the world.

It's skin deep, baby.

Real beauty is very
thick, and you've got it.

Maybe it's Montana.

- There isn't anything
in Montana, just cows.

- Well, maybe cows aren't so bad.

- I saw your movie last
night. I was very inspired.

- So it worked?

- Yes, it's very desirable.

Will you kiss me?

- Gladly.

(upbeat music)

- Good morning.
- Good morning.

- The rent is due today.

- I left it by the phone.

- I should have known.

- What do you mean?

- Oh nothing. You're very
dependable, the perfect roommate.

- Thanks.

- What's wrong?

- Nothing, what makes you
think that something's wrong?

- You look dead.

- Gee, thanks.

- Still no orgasm, huh?

- Erin.

Sh, not so loud.

- So I was right.

- It's no big deal.

- What? Sister, it's a huge deal.

- And life goes on.

- Barely, you're too wound up.

- No I'm not.

- It's no wonder you can't have an orgasm,

buried in your cubicle
all day with those nerds.

- Well I have my own cubicle now.

- So you're by yourself all day?

- Well, I'm in customer service,

so I don't have to
interface with the others.

- So there's not one hot
guy in the whole office?

- Well, I don't really see anybody else.

- Sounds like solitary confinement.

- It's not that bad. I
mean, I have coffee breaks.

- You're still eating in
the lunchroom, aren't you?

- There's no time to eat lunch.

I mean, they only give me half an hour.

- Annie, you need to quit that job.

- I can't just quit.

- Annie, you're throwing your life away.

I mean, it's great that you're
responsible and everything,

and God knows I never have
to worry about the rent.

You're smart, and you're hot.

There's plenty of things
you could do for the money.

- Yeah, but it's a good job,
and it has great benefits.

- You're gonna be fat with green

fluorescent skin in two years.

What good is benefits if your life sucks?

- It doesn't suck.

- When was the last time you got off?

- What?

- You've never had a orgasm, have you?

- I don't wanna talk about that.

- You're wound way too tight.

You need to come out with me.

- I really don't like the nightlife.

- Have you ever tried it?

- We didn't really have much
nightlife in Idaho Springs.

- Well, you live in Las Vegas now.

Why live here if you're
not gonna enjoy it?

- Well, I go to some of the shows.

- Right, and then you come
straight home and go to bed.

No wait, you try to get
off, fail, then go to bed.

- It's not that bad.

- Why won't you let me help?

- Because I don't need help.

- Are you still having
those whacked out daydreams?

- Sometimes.

- Don't you think your daydreams

are trying to tell you something?

- Listen, you know what, I
gotta go. I don't wanna be late.

- Annie, it's eight o'clock.

- And I have to be there by nine.

- It's a 10-minute drive.

(sighing)

- I'll see you tonight.

(upbeat music)

(coworkers chattering)

(phone ringing)

(phone ringing)

(phone ringing)

- Hey, you.

- Hey, Vicki, I didn't know
you were working today.

- Hey, listen, Jane, I wanna
offer you a little trade.

- Okay.

(coworkers chattering)

(phone ringing)

(phone ringing)

(phone ringing)

(sighing)

- I don't know. What are we gonna do?

- Well, war is in right now.

- War's in?

- Yeah, I say we just
do the shoot right here.

- You gotta be kidding me.

- Oh, just relax.

(phone ringing)

- Oh, finally, a coffee break.

(sighing)

(coworkers chattering)

(upbeat music)

(hard breathing)

(upbeat music)

(hard breathing)

(gasping)

(moaning)

(soft music)

- Yes, ma'am, you need to tag that

and insert it into your CGI screen.

Ma'am, there's no need
to use obscene language.

No, ma'am, I'm trying to help.

I know your subscription
codes aren't working.

If you'll just insert the code.

Ma'am, you don't have to yell.

I'm just trying to help.

Please don't use foul language, ma'am.

Ma'am.

Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

Jesus, what a bitch.

- She's just frustrated.

- Yeah, well now I'm frustrated too.

- Ah, you know better.

Come on, Mark.

- Okay, Baker.

Why do you get all the easy calls?

- Who says they're easy?

Look, you're customer support only.

You don't have to sleep with them.

- Tell that to my wife.

- Mm, ah, the true problem surfaces.

- I think I've got the seven-year itch.

- Seven years, huh?

So, ah, fix it.

- It's not bad, it's just ...

- Dull.

- She's a dead lay, Baker.

- Well, familiarity
usually breeds contempt,

so why don't you just
spice it up a little bit?

- Got a magic wand?

- You ever think about watching your wife

have sex with another man?

- [Mark] No.

- You're a liar.

Here.

It's a special place. It's private.

You tell anyone, I'll have to kill you.

- What's this?

- Consider it a gift to a friend.

You have to have a mask,

and the rule is, it's totally anonymous.

Your wife is here.

- That's why married chicks are so hot.

You know they're good in the sack.

- Dude, what are you doing
there? You're not even married.

- I am tonight, man.

- How do you expect to get in?

I mean, you have to have a
wife with you on those things.

- Sharon, down in legal, she wants to go.

- Sharon?

Shamu Sharon?

- Hey, man, I just need that
heifer to get me in the door.

After that, I'm rolling in babes.

- Dude, it aint happening, there's no way.

You know Judy wouldn't even consider it.

- Judy, why the hell would you bring her?

- Because maybe I have a real wife.

- Forget her then. Dude, I'll get you in.

I'll get Steve to be your
partner for the night.

(phone ringing)

- Coffee break, this is ridiculous.

(sighing)

(coworkers chattering)

(upbeat music)

Oh.

Okay, this has to stop.

Oh.

(soft music)

(sighing)

(soft music)

(upbeat music)

- Thanks.

Just what I needed.

(upbeat music)

(soft piano music)

- Erin?

Hello.

(soft piano music)

(traffic passing)

- This is Carl.
- Hi, Carl.

- Nice to meet you.

- Carl is the director,
and we brought you in

to do a little read.

We have a little casting
issue, but it's okay, right?

- It's great. We're gonna find somebody.

- Our casting issue is just fine, right.

We're gonna be fine, now.

- I hope I can help.

- Did your agent tell
you what this is about,

what the movie is about?

- No, I just really got a
last-minute call to be here today.

- So you have no idea?

Did you bring sides for her to read?

- No.

- Carl, come on, come on, you
gotta be thinking ahead here.

You gotta be one step
ahead of the ballgame here.

You gotta bring sides to the session

if you're gonna read for the new lead.

Look at her, she's
gorgeous. She needs paper.

She needs words, she needs ink.

The girl's gotta have ink.

I don't know what we're gonna do.

- So there's no script?

- You know what, here.

We're gonna pick a page outta
here, and you can read this.

But I think we have a problem here.

I think we have a problem
we need to deal with.

She's beautiful, but we gotta
send this tape to the studio

for approval, and she might
be a little bit too done up.

So we need to get her into
some different wardrobe.

Let's choose something.

Here, let me have the script.

And we'll choose a page later.

We don't need that now.

Would you stay under control, just relax?

Okay, relax, it'll all be good.

Let's pick something out for her to wear,

and we'll put her on tape
in something special.

(upbeat music)

- That's neat.

(upbeat music)

- Someone shoulda told me
specific things to bring.

I mean, I coulda brought my own stuff.

- Carl, Carl, help her out.

- This'll work. How about this?

What do you think?

- What kind of part is this?
It's a little see-through.

- [Carl] Well, I mean, there might be ...

- Okay, that's fine.

- Let's see, let's see this.

Let's just stand up.

See, step back there, Carl, so we can see.

I think this is good, don't you?

This is good.

Hey, look, it's flowery, it's floral.

The role is very Midwestern,
and they like that.

They like flowers. They like
texture and flowers and things.

This'll be perfect that. Don't you think?

- Okay.
- Sure.

- I think it'll be wonderful.

I think it'll add to our ...

Okay, listen, we have a lot to talk about.

Carl's having a panic attack today.

He's fucking outta control.

I gotta calm him down. This
is not a bad situation.

We'll work this out, look.

Look, we know she's not
coming back from Cancun,

but don't stress, dude, it'll be cool.

Who knows? Brittany might work out.

She's gonna change into this thing.

You change into this, darling.

Honey, you look wonderful.

We love what you came in,
but we think this might be

a bit better for a Midwestern audience.

So you put that on, and
let's you and I go talk,

and then we'll come back and
we'll put her on tape, okay?

(chattering)

- You can turn the TV on.

- Oh, I'm reading.

- Don't worry. I'm sure
that movie's not still on.

Besides, you have to order them anyway.

- Well, then who ordered it in my room?

- I don't know.

(chuckling)

I love your hair.

- Mm.

Ooh, that feels so good.

Mm.

- Sorry to interrupt.

Excuse me, Elena, do you
mind if I speak with Carly?

- Of course.

Business first.

Well, I'll see you two tomorrow.

- Night, honey.
- Night.

(door opening)

- What are you doing?

- Just a little warmup.

- Please, I seen you heading
straight for home plate.

- I wouldn't do that.

- Have you forgotten your rule?

- I was just a little hot
after that rubdown you gave me.

- I'm very disappointed.

- Oh, really?

And what was that cable TV gag?

- That wasn't me.

- It was your movie.

- Coincidence.

- For God sakes, Francis, you
expect me to believe that?

- I want her just as bad
as you do. She's a pearl.

- Then we have a problem, don't we?

- You're such a shit.

- And you're a prick.

- You know, I should just send you home.

- You can't send me home.
The magazine requested me.

- Oh, I can send you home.

- Yeah?

And I'll just tell Johnny to
send another photographer.

- You wouldn't dare.

- Try me.

- You're such a bitch.

- What did you just say?

- Bitch.

- Say that again.

- Oh my God, what have I done?

- Say that again.

- Bitch.

- You are so good.

(upbeat music)

(soft moaning)

(upbeat music)

- She's gotta be done now.
This outfit's gotta be ...

Oh, oh, look it, she's done.

- Yeah, I'm ready.

- How's that? What do you think, Carl?

- Fabulous.

- Is that better?

- Carl, speak up, it's your fucking show,

for Christ sakes, what do you think?

- She looks fabulous.

- Okay, all right, I think this'll work.

You like the hair up?
The hair up feels good?

Does the hair up feel good?

- Feels good, feels good.

- [Baker] You want it
down, or you want it up?

- Up is good. Keep it up.

- Up is good? Okay, all right.

Do a little turn for us. Let's see.

Okay, all right.

Hold there for just a second. Let's see.

(upbeat music)

- Hm, I've been waiting for you.

Hi.

(upbeat music)

- Turn to Page 52, 52.

- 52?

- Let's have her read, she
needs to read from Page 52.

52 is the page. Let's
see what we got there.

Let's hear a few lines before
we take you in the room.

Carl, you're gonna have
to work with her here.

We're gonna put her on tape.

If you want her to be your lead,

you're gonna have to work with her.

What do we have on 52?

- A conversation between
Peter and Sabrina.

- Peter and Sabrina?

Read a few lines. Let's
hear a Sabrina line.

What does Sabrina say?

- Okay.

Your friend is mine, Peter.

- [Baker] Carl, what do you think?

(laughing)

- What do you mean?

- Come on, man. You're the director.

You're like the executive.

You're like the CEO of a
major corporation here,

except it's my million fucking
dollars you're spending.

So let's hear, what do you think?

- She had a good line, yeah.

What do you?

- Okay, the page is wrong.

The page is completely wrong.

Go to Page 94.

It's gotta be Page 94.
It's just the wrong page.

- I mean, 94, if it wasn't
52, it's gotta be 94.

- What is that script?

That's Return of Man. It's
great script, for reads.

It's really wonderful.

I'd never make the fucking film,

but for reads it's really good.

Got snappy dialogue, very
quirky. It's a period piece.

- Giselle and Bug.

- Bug, Bug, what do you
think? What do you think?

It'll show range.

Have her read Bug.

- Okay, um.

(speaking foreign language)

(laughing)

- What the fuck are you doing?

- Well that's the line.

- It's like Indian or something.

- What did you think of that?

- Carl, this is like, it's like Navajo.

(upbeat music)

Ah, here we go.

House of the Lunatic.
House of the Lunatic.

All right, look, look, look.

I can't do everything.
Okay, Carl, I can't.

You choose a page for her, okay.

You choose a page, and I
wanna see you on the set.

Bobby, you got that camera?

I wanna see you on the
set in about 10 minutes.

You do a rehearsal with her, pick a page.

10 minutes, we're on the set,
and we shoot this thing, okay?

We understand?

Okay?

- Yeah.

- All right, okay.

- Seems a little unorganized around here.

- Well, I mean, the guy's outta control.

He's got the money. The
film's gonna be great.

- Okay, it's kinda making
me a little uncomfortable.

- This is not the script.
That wasn't the script.

- Where's the script?

- Well, we'll pick a scene
from here. We'll read it.

We'll get you on tape.
We'll get it to the studio.

- Okay, yeah, I guess that's all

that's really important, right?

- Yeah.

- Okay.

- They're gonna pick the girl.

Of course, I'm the director so, you know,

I'll be able to help out.

We'll just get something on camera.

- Okay.

- And hopefully avoid that nutcase.

- [Baker] I don't have all day, you know.

Let's pick it up, guys, come on.

- We should probably hurry, right?

Are you familiar with this script at all?

- Yeah, there's a great scene
here between Heidi and Paul.

It starts right here.

Yeah, we'll do this one.

Get a chance to read
it over a couple times.

(couple moaning)

- Wow.

(soft piano music)

(upbeat music)

- Good, good, that's
beautiful, that's beautiful.

And ...

(upbeat music)

- All righty.

- Hi.

- So, ready to read something?

- Sure, would you like
me to do that same line

that I did a little earlier, or?

- Yeah, just try a little
bit of the Sabrina.

- I'll play the other two parts, right?

- Yeah, I mean, that's what you do, right.

Why don't you?

No no no no, you read.

You read the other parts, right?

And she'll read Sabrina.

And then, and then you give her direction.

You get her energized,
and we'll do it a couple

different ways, and then what
we'll do is, we'll choose.

We'll choose which one, two, three.

We'll choose which one of those three,

and that's the one that we'll
send to the studio, okay?

- All right.

- Okay, so, let's see it. Let's see it.

Bobby, roll camera, okay.

And when we're done with this,
turn the camera off. God.

(laughing)

Okay, all right, okay.

I'm not the director.
You have to call action.

I'm not gonna call it
from back there, man.

Let's, let's, let's hear it.

- Whenever you're ready (laughs).

- Go ahead, action.

- I wonder what Peter and
Ben are doing right now.

- Working, like you said.

- No, I mean right now.

- You want some grapes?

- [Baker] What's going on there?

- I want some.

- Your read's, your read's horrible.

Thank God you're the actress

and this guy is just like
some lowly director dude.

He probably wishes he was an actor.

All actresses wanna be
directors anyway, don't they?

And then actors wanna be directors.

Nobody wants to do what
they really should be doing.

It's a clusterfuck, I'm telling you.

Listen, okay, okay, have
her do it a different way.

Change, do it a different way.

- Well we didn't even finish.

- Try it with a Midwestern accent.

And I'll try--

(upbeat music)

- [Baker] Bobby, are you rolling?

All right, good. When you two are ready.

- Okay.

- We don't have all day here.

I mean.

- Can I like get my thoughts together?

- Just go, just go, all right?

I've got people lining up
outside. Let's go, let's go.

- Okay, you guys called
me, so don't forget that.

Okay?

- Have I ever told you
how beautiful you are?

You're gorgeous.

Isn't she beautiful?

- Give her a second. She's fine.

- I'll have flowers and
champagne when you're done.

- Okay.

I wonder what Peter and
Ben are doing right now.

- Working, like you said.

- No, I mean right now.

- You want some grapes?

- God she's good, don't you think?

What do you think?

- That Midwestern accent was dead on.

- Yeah, well, you gotta give her another.

She's gotta do something else.

We've gotta have a choice, right?

Listen, he's brilliant.

I'm telling you, he's
brilliant, he's brilliant.

Have her do it another way.

- Forget the Midwest.

- Okay.

- Try, um.

Your mom just died right before the scene.

Go ahead, try it.

- Um.

I wonder what Peter and
Ben are doing right now.

- Working, like you said.

- No, I mean, I mean right now.

- You want some grapes? I want some.

- Oh God, that was brilliant.

You made the perfect direc ...

Would you have sex with her?

I was back there thinking,
you know, I was thinking,

if I'm you know a guy 18 to
35, that's our demographic,

18 to 35, males, Midwest, remember.

Okay, if I'm back there and I'm
watching this, I'm thinking,

I want, I wanna have sex with this woman.

Okay, so I think that your
direction was brilliant.

I think that you pulled the sexuality--

- Should we try it more sexy maybe?

- She was dry. No, she was bad.

But that time, but that time.

You see, that's the magic
between you as a director

and she as a wonderful actress,
is you pulled that out.

You pulled that out.

- I do know what I'm doing.

- I think that you should give
her a little more direction,

and we'll do another read.

I've gotta run.

I think that we've got a
few more girls outside.

I'm gonna go talk to
them. You two discuss it.

We'll put one more on
tape, and then we'll see

the others and we'll move on
from there, all right, okay?

- Okay, so are you frightened yet?

- A little, but I don't mind.

(soft music)

- There's some good people
involved in this film.

- Yeah, I can tell you are
definitely one of them.

- You'll get paid. That's what I'm saying.

And you know, you won't
get hurt in the process.

So what do you do for fun?

I mean besides.

- For fun?

I don't know, stuff.

- Really?

- Yeah.

You know.

Yeah, you think I'm doing a good job?

- Yeah, I think you're doing great.

The dress looks, perfect, and you know.

- You like it on me?

- Yeah, love it.

- How does it look on my breasts?

- I knew it would fit perfect
when I saw it hanging there.

It looks great.

- Is there any topless parts in here?

I mean, maybe you need to
have a better look at them.

- Well there's, yeah, there's probably,

yeah, there's a couple love scenes

and we're probably gonna
to, you know, eventually.

- What do you think?

- Oh, they're perfect. I mean they're--

- What about from the side?

- Well, I mean.

(upbeat music)

- Yes, that's it. Right there, hold that.

(upbeat music)

- Right there, that's hot
right there. Don't move.

(upbeat music)

Good, good, good.

(upbeat music)

Right there.

(upbeat music)

Perfect.

Okay, hold that right there.

This is hot, it's very hot.

(upbeat music)

All right.

(upbeat music)

(soft music)

Good, good good good.

(soft music)

Beautiful, beautiful.

Right there.

(soft music)

(groaning)

I think we'll take a little break.

About an hour or so, how's that?

- That sounds fine.

- Okay.

- You two go on ahead, though.

I'm gonna just take a catnap right here.

- Okay.

- See you guys later.

(soft music)

- Amanda, wonderful, wonderful.

I'm glad you could make it on
such short minutes' notice.

We have a little bit of a situation.

We need you to read for this part.

It's the lead in the film.

- Okay.

- It's a great film, it's awesome.

You'll absolutely love it.

Car, Carl, Carl?

Carl, come on in.

Amanda.

- Amanda.
- Hi.

- Carl, the director.
Phenomenal young talent.

Great short, almost won first place

fantasy genre, Bakersfield Film Festival.

- I was there.

- You know.

- Yeah, it was so great.

- What do you think?
I think she's the one.

Don't you think? She's
absolutely gorgeous.

- Well, she looks great, yeah.

Probably have to have you read something.

- Carl, are you talking back?

Seriously, look at this.

Look at, oh gosh, look at her eyes.

Wait, hey, look right into his eyes.

Look, look, look, look, okay.

See sparkles?

Like flames, they're like
flames of sensual things

that are wonderful, don't you think?

(laughing)

- You're like a smarmy
nightclub guy who walks up

to a girl and says, hey, you'd be great.

- [Baker] What?

- Let's have her read.

- I don't mind.

- Yeah, Carl, that's a great idea, Carl.

- Where are we gonna go tonight?

- Well, I thought we could go to the Strip

and maybe go see the water show.

We could have a couple
of drinks out there.

(soft music)

- [Annie] I was thinking
about wearing that,

but I didn't know if it was appropriate.

- Yeah, this would be really hot.

- Okay, just with my jeans?

- Yeah.

Yeah, perfect.

- What are you gonna wear?

- I'm gonna wear my black
pants with the rhinestones.

- Oh, cute.

That'll look cute.

(upbeat music)

- The internet feed didn't work,

but they really didn't care.

It was all about the sex.

Did you know that blonde
had sex with Carol too?

On camera.

I swear.

- No.

No, this is bullshit.

What?

She is not coming out tomorrow.

She's walking onto my set
tomorrow anticipating,

what, a director's gig?

What do I do, sit in the
background and jerk off?

No, no, I'm not gonna sit in
the background and jerk off.

There's no way.

Alex, listen to me.

This is bullshit.

(sighing)

Ew, I smell.

- You can believe what you want.

Hey, remember that tall blonde
and her hunky boyfriend?

Yeah, they used to hang out with Carol,

you know, the computer geek.

Yes.

Well, they tried to have a
live internet feed sex show.

- What?

What?

No, no no, no no no no.

No.

- [Erin] I had to hitchhike
with a trucker to get home.

- That's wild.

- I tried to tell her.

- She didn't listen?

- I couldn't get it out. She freaked.

- That sucks.

- So she doesn't know.

- Bummer. I mean, where
do you think she went?

- How the hell do I know?

- [Mark] Well, we have to find her.

- [Erin] I'm open to ideas.

- [Mark] I think we
should go down the Strip

and start cruising.

- [Erin] That's like a
needle in a haystack.

- Do you have any better ideas?

Maybe you should call the boss.

- I already did. He said
he'd keep an eye out for her.

- I don't get it.

You get her promoted, and she flipped out.

- She thinks she got fired.

- Promoted? What?

(soft piano music)

- Wow, they look good.

- Not bad.

For amateurs, that is.

- What, and you could do better?

- Hey, I'm a leading man.

- Sure you are, just waiting
to be discovered, right?

- Course not. I'm working on
some big things right now.

- Like what?

- I'm gonna network some,
get out in the public eye.

- Where do you think, it'll
be a waiter or something?

- How'd you know about that?

- I didn't.

- Cool.

- What are you, filming
a movie or something?

- That's the plan.

- Mm, can I be in it?

- You know how to act?

- Do you know how to breathe?

- Oh.

- Shut up. I can do this.

- All right.

- Can I audition?

- Now?

- Yeah.

- Well, I can't close the shop.

- You can just go lock the door.

Okay, you sit right there.

(upbeat music)

- Wait, wait, I almost forgot.

(upbeat music)

- This is not happening.

This is not gonna happen.

Did you hear me earlier?

Priscilla the Pole Dancer.

Trust me, it's a fucking work of art.

Yeah, it's brilliant.

The nastiest girls you've ever seen

doing the lamest dances you've ever seen

on the fucking pole.

The camera moves like
twice in the whole film.

- But I have the tape.

And I'm posting it on the internet.

Yes I am.

- 90 minutes.

Yeah, a film, full length, 90 minutes,

two camera positions, lame
chicks, nothing, it sucks.

Look, do you have any idea, ugh.

Do you have any idea how many
DVDs my movies sold last year?

- I'm serious.

This all happened (laughs).

And once word got out
about the video camera,

everybody was using it.

(groaning)

- You can't fuck with me like this, man.

Yes, Priscilla the Pole Dancer.

Watch it.

I don't know, fucking
rent it or something.

What am I, your video store?

Dude, you gotta be, no.

No, no, no, no, no.

Ugh.

Dude, this conversation is
coming to a very rapid end.

- Believe what you
want. It's going online.

- Very rapid end.

Look, you had no right
to send her out here

without telling me first.

Yeah, yeah, you coulda
told me ahead of time.

So I coulda been prepared,

so I coulda been a drunk or something.

- Believe what you want, but
it's all coming out tonight.

- No, no, she can watch me.

Yeah, yeah, I'll direct
and she can watch me.

From a distance, like a fucking mile.

Yeah.

Oh.

- Yeah, I posted it online.

- You're really creeping me
out with this chick stuff.

No, no, no.

Not buying it, man, not buying it.

Aint gonna work. Goodbye.

Oh.

You gotta be fucking kidding me.

(soft piano music)

- [Erin] Annie?

- [Mark] What is this all about?

- I found out.

- You talked to your boss?

- Yes, and I'm sorry.

- You didn't give me a chance.

- Not for that.

You deserve that for meddling.

- Well for what then?

- For not listening to your advice.

- You just needed a
little push, that's all.

- I needed a shove.

First you gave me an orgasm.
Then you gave me a life.

- You're my friend.

- You're the best friend.

- So what's all this?

- Well, I'd like to introduce
you to my erotic night,

and I'd like to make love to both of you.

- You heard about Erin's erotic nights?

- Yes, and I'd like to
be on the guest list.

(upbeat music)

- [Gary] Uh, do you have like a Band-Aid

or something for her?

Okay, yeah, let's grab those.

And while we're over there,
we can use the light.

- [Assistant] Should we use the oil?

- Yeah, the oil as well, please.

Yeah, just while we're over there,

let's get some light going.

(upbeat music)

Right, keep going back
towards the other way.

(upbeat music)

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.