Erasmus: Not Everything Is Fun (2016) - full transcript

And we have a table where I have all
my delicious 3 course meals.

I see an ashtray full of
dirty dog ends, darling.

I know, but they're not mine.

- I hope you're not smoking.
- No, I'm not.

Okay. So now we're in the kitchen.

We've got a nice view of
the living room, okay?

- I know. It's beautiful, beautiful.
- And here's the kitchen in general.

And the microwave.

- Okay. What else? We've got all the cupboards.
- Have you got a cupboard each?

No, but the shelves are big,
so we've each got our own shelf.

Oh, okay. Fine, fine.
Who does the cooking?



Well, I've been doing the cooking so far.
But it's not as good as yours, of course.

Not too much washing up.

You'll be pleased with that, dad.

- Oven...
- I think your father's just staying away here.

Here we have the fridge.

- We've got some food in it.
- Yeah. This is my shelf.

- Yes. Lovely.
- And all the sauces, butters, cheeses...

- And a little bit of wine.
- My God. Yeah. Well done, well done.

- Keep going. What are your friends like?
- Okay. Let me tell you about my flat.

So, there's an Italian boy. Alessandro.

And an Austrian girl, Jo.
And a Polish girl, Asha.

- Oh, it's lovely.
- Okay. We've reached my room.

- Here we go.
- It's pretty!

But, unfortunately, I also have
quite a lot of work.



Yeah, I know. I can see that.
Well, that's no Moon.

- Yeah. I already have two assignments.
- But I think's it's pretty. I really do.

And, dad, what do you think?

- I think it's small. It's what I see.
- Shut up, you.

It's perfectly alright.
It's a student flat.

Yeah, it's fine. It's big enough.

There's this thing
that I still can't understand.

Why did you have to go to study to Barcelona,
having great universities here in England?

You know it would have not been the same.
I don't have the same opportunities there.

- Here I am in Barcelona.
- The Sun. The Sun.

Exactly. The Sun. I'm gonna be so tanned.
It's going to be lovely.

I'm sorry. I have a business dinner tonight
so I should be going right away.

Before you go, have you seen this tie
your father's wearing? My God!

Yes. Please, change the tie.

- Come on, stop it.
- Yes, you look like you're from the 70's.

Since you've been gone he's going
back to a second childhood. It's awful.

- Mom, you have to keep him in order.
- It's difficult. The thing is he misses you.

- He doesn't say much, but you know.
- It doesn't really seem like he misses me.

But he does. He worries and then he
puts his grouchy face on. You know that.

Yeah. And how are you?

- I'm fine. Pleased to be talking to you.
- I am pleased to be talking to you too.

- I'm just waiting for your father to go.
- Then, we can have a proper chat.

- Say bye-bye to daddy.
- Okay. Bye! - Bye!

Listen, Anne, send an "everything's okay"
message whenever you have the chance.

- You've got Skype when you want to talk.
- Let me just talk to my daughter.

- Bye, darling.
- Okay, I will send some more messages. Bye!

- Do so!
- Send him a kiss, get rid of him.

Okay. Bye!

Okay, darling. Tell me, what's going on?
What about boyfriends?

- Mom, you know I'm not here for boys.
- You have to go out and enjoy yourself too.

- Well, my flatmates have gone out tonight.
- Why didn't you go?

- You silly girl.
- I know, but you saw the work I have to do.

- I need time to do everything.
- You're still worried about that business?

Mom, I don't want to talk about it.

Darling, I thought that was all over.
You've got to put that behind you.

I want you to enjoy yourself now. I want
you to get out and have a good time.

I do too, I do. But when I go out
then I just think about it and...

Look, listen to me. What happened was
an accident. It wasn't your fault.

Mom, it was my fault. It was both of us.

- No, it wasn't.
- It was!

Look, darling, it could have happened
to anybody. Now, listen to me.

We love you so much. And I want you to
realize that's it's over, it's done with.

You've got to get back on with your life.
You promise me.

- Yeah, no. You're right, Mom.
- Promise me!

I know. It could have happened to anybody.
Nobody blames you.

- It really is nothing. Okay?
- Mom, I miss you.

- I miss you too. What's happened?
- Shit, mom!

The light's completely gone.

That happens a lot in Spain. Don't worry.
Just go and find the fuses.

- You got a torch candle?
- No, I don't have a torch.

- Shall I take the laptop?
- Take it. That will give you some light.

Just be careful, but don't worry,
darling. It's nothing.

- Okay. Just stay with me, though, mom.
- I can't see very well, but keep going.

Don't panic. For goodness' sake, you're
a big girl now, keep going.

Are you nearly at the fuse box?
I can hardly see.

- I'm getting there.
- What the hell was that? Be careful.

- It was a glass.
- You can do that later. Just try and get the fuse.

- You there?
- Nothing's happening!

- What was that? Mom!
- Calm down. It must be the neighbor.

- Answer.
- Hello. Is anyone there? Hello?

Open the door to get some light. Somebody
will be there to tell you the light's off.

Okay. I'll go outside.

- Sweetie, I can't see. That's better.
- Okay.

Is there light on the stairs?

- What about other people?
- Okay. I'll try.

Oh, dear. The sound's going.
It's so awful.

Go back to your room and try
and find your telephone.

Okay. We have light here.
There's just no light inside.

If you leave the door open, at least
you get more light off the stairs.

- Poor devil. Don't worry. Just calm down.
- In my room.

- Don't be so silly. You're a big girl now.
- Okay.

- Find your telephone. Come along.
- I'm okay. I'm okay.

- I just want to get my phone now.
- Yeah. Okay.

- Okay.
- Is it there?

- Okay. I'm back in my room.
- I wish I could see a bit more.

Okay. Let me find my phone.

- Wait. Really?
- Darling, have you found it?

- No.
- For goodness sake, look.

- I've got it.
- Thank goodness.

Driving me nuts with all this,
you know?

Are they answering you?

- That's the light now! That's better.
- Oh, my God!

- That was horrible!
- I know, I know.

Still calm down now.
That's over now, you know?

Yeah, but my heartbeat's still racing.

That's happening to me. Imagine
I am watching you and it's so awful.

- Darling, that's better now. Okay.
- God!

So, where were we?

- What was that?
- I don't know. Did you leave the front door open?

- I did. Let me check.
- For God's sake, go take a look.

Don't leave the door open
in a foreign country.

Guys?

Asha?

Everything alright?
I can't see you.

Yeah. I can't find anyone.

Darling, what's happening?
I can't see you.

- Oh, God.
- There's no one there.

God, you're driving me nuts.
This is terrible.

- Can you hear me? I can't hear you well.
- Mom. Mom?

- It's driving me nuts, this connection.
- What are you saying?

Darling, I'm sure I can see
somebody behind you. Darling!

Can you hear me, baby?
Oh, God, no! What's happening?

What are you doing?
Who the hell are you?

Somebody, please! Fight him, fight him!
You bastard, you bastard, you bastard!

I can't do anything.

Baby, please. Please, darling.

What's happening?
What's happening?

- I'll get you a beer.
- Okay, thank you.

Well, I feel shy.

I wanna be in the movie too, man.

It's Montse's idea. I'm sure it's great.

You don't wanna know.

No, I don't want to know.

Well, when will it be?

- What we have to do?
- You have to do nothing. Just be yourself.

I have to go too.
I'm going shopping with Sophia.

So, if you want me to help you,
this evening, with dinner...

- Yeah, why not?
- I can help you with the cooking...

- Do you know how to cook?
- Just a bit, but I can try if you want me to.

- Yeah. Yep.
- What time do you wanna meet?

5 o'clock?

- Yeah?
- So early? We're in Spain, I thought.

Yes, but I need you to
come early because...

- I'm worried about the documentary.
- Don't worry, Montse.

- I'll help you. It'll be fine.
- Okay.

- It's gonna be a great night. Salud!
- Okay. Thanks, Demi. Yeah, salud!

- Wow! You look so pretty.
- Me? What did you expect?

- What is Julia doing right now?
- I don't know, but who cares?

Well, I'll go and find out. She's
probably studying. A bit boring.

Some of that Qatar Brazilian
samba going on.

Fuck you!

- Hey, hey! Look!
- Goal!

He can't just do that! Come on!
They're cheating, man!

- What a goal!
- You're always recording. So annoying!

Fuck you, man!

- He said "Fuck you"?
- We're gonna get her out.

You like horror, don't you?

You're a fucking freak, you know that?

Come on!

- You're recording, right?
- A star in the making. Let's go.

Let's go, nice and easy!

Hey, Demi. What are you
going to cook?

I'm going to cook something
Dutch. It's called stamppot.

- What? What is that?
- Like mashed potatoes, but even nicer.

- Okay, but I'll need some potatoes.
- Don't worry, I'll give you some.

Tortilla.

I don't know, I hope
they'll like it, because...

They're always eating pasta and pizza.
They'll really enjoy it. Trust me.

- Party, party, party!
- Francesca!

Oh, Robert! Oh, Robert!

- I think it's ready, Montse.
- Okay. Let me see.

- You must shake it harder.
- Even harder? Okay.

Yeah. Let me see. Harder!

Faster, faster!

- Faster, faster!
- You like it, huh?

Okay, but keep trying.

This is so tiring.

- Man, who are you fucking tonight?
- Tonight I'm fucking Natasha.

- Sure?
- Today you're fucking Natasha?

You got that on tape, right, Raúl?
You got that on tape?

- You promise you got that on tape?
- Yeah.

That's my fucking video!
Don't touch my fucking video, man!

Pass the alcohol, man.
Let's go.

- Oh, shit. Deal.
- Let's go to party! Yeah.

- My hat, Italian hat. It's cool.
- Look at this thing!

Guys, guys.
It's fucking awesome!

- It's my house. Welcome to my house.
- I'll take a photo, wait a second!

Okay, okay, great. Wait.
Best picture ever taken here.

Look at the size of this thing.
Seriously, what the fuck was this?

- Hey, great!
- Wait, wait, wait!

- Another one!
- You got that? Okay, look.

- Raúl, you got the hat on!
- Three, two, one!

I thought you wanted to record the
Erasmus life, not a poor Dutch guy...

suffering with the Catalan cuisine.
It's been so hard.

It isn't for my project. It's for my YouTube
channel. Speak in Dutch for my channel!

- Whatever. Yeah, whatever.
- I can say: Ik hou van je.

I'm not gonna tell you.

Come on, please, tell me.
I need to translate for the channel.

Come on, what did you say? Demi?

- Fucking hell, this is so spicy!
- Really?

Are you okay?

- Come on. What have you done?
- What is that?

I don't know. You put the garlic in.

- Look at you.
- I put the garlic in 'cause you told me to.

- Look at me!
- Okay. Wait, wait!

- I'm going to get you something.
- Fuck me!

Don't worry, I'm getting
some clothes. Okay?

- I didn't mean to scare you.
- Okay. Don't worry.

- It's for me?
- It's for you, yeah.

Very fashionable.
Yeah. It's... mine.

Seriously now, thanks for everything.
You helped me so much cooking and...

You're welcome. I don't care risking
my life with the alioli if that helps you.

- No, thanks.
- You're welcome.

- Oh, wait.
- What?

The omelette? Oh, sorry.

- One moment. Okay?
- Yeah, don't worry.

Natasha, come in.
You're the first one.

Don't kill me!

No, sorry. It's us.
Please, open up.

We are very sorry. Mr. Spaghetti Man
was putting on his make up.

- How are you doing?
- Fine, thanks. Yeah.

- We got the camera like you asked.
- Oh, thank you. Thanks.

This is pan tumaca, typical Catalan.

That is Spanish omelette.

Okay. Let's go.

- We need some food.
- It's all quiet.

- I want to try the alioli.
- Where's your drink?

Yes, here.
Hey, a toast.

For tonight!

I didn't know you play the guitar.

My name is Sophia, and I study design.

- Natasha.
- Where are you from?

From Moscow.

Gustav. And I'm an artist.

- Next one.
- I'm Francesca.

I'm 21, and I'm from Milano.
Look at the signs!

He's an artist too.

My name is Demetrius.
From the Netherlands.

I study journalism.

My name is Robert. I'm from the UK,
but my parents are American.

And I have to go
to the bathroom really bad.

So, if you'll excuse me.

Have you guys heard
about the dead student?

Yeah. There were journalists
at the college today.

The same thing happened last year
in England. A girl got killed, right?

You are from there, Robert?
From Brighton?

No, I'm from Bristol.
I don't know what happened.

What? What happened?

It was known as the Nuria case.

She was from Barcelona and
she went as Erasmus in the UK.

And she got murdered. Some
kind of a joke that ended not so well.

I bet it's true. I heard
something about her boyfriend.

Yeah, I heard that too.

I think they were
together or something.

- No, they weren't together.
- Who got killed?

- Look at that.
- You're looking for it?

- I think I found something.
- Go.

To peace and love,
even more than sex.

Party, party, party, party.

- What am I supposed to do with this?
- I need you to record everything.

- That's why I'm putting this on you.
- Only because it's you.

My friend, have you seen my socks?
Have you seen my socks?

Hey, come. You see that?
It's like getting slapped!

Fucking go inside, bro.

Drink, drink, drink!

- What?
- Nothing.

We all may be interested in Angelo.

- Nothing, nothing.
- Montse, come on.

Okay, okay. He kissed me,
and I didn't know what to do.

You like him, and he likes you,
and it shows.

Yeah, but he's leaving in one month.
What will I do then?

My advice: live your life to the fullest,
and forget about tomorrow.

Just calm down now, please.
Just calm down!

How are you doing, good?
In a minute, we go in.

In a minute we go to the party,
woohoo!

Guys, this Barcelona party is a piece
of shit. It doesn't last long at all.

No, no, fuck, Robert and I
just got a fucking job. It's Friday!

Well, let's fucking do it, please.

This French cunt...
doesn't know how to drink.

Angelo and Natasha, look.
They are always together.

Leave 'em alone. They prefer other
things to going to Charlotte's party.

Come on!
Let's go party!

Montse, are you gonna stay here
the whole night or what?

- I'm waiting for Gustav and Raúl.
- I will wait with you, don't worry.

It's okay. Just go with them,
and record everything with the camera.

- Montse, you're...
- It's okay. Just go and wait for me there.

- I'll see you later, okay?
- Okay.

- See you.
- Guys, wait for me!

Damn, new bag, man!

- Yeah.
- Thank you.

Hey, where is Raúl?

You know, drinking somewhere,
for sure. Or high.

Or filming something.
He's... you know what I mean.

Wait, wait one second.

- Guys, guys, guys!
- Someone's having a good time.

We have live shots
of Angelo and Natasha.

- Oh, it's disgusting.
- Look here.

- Please.
- Oh, shit.

Where this guy puts his dick
isn't our business. Let's go, Sophia.

Look at this!

How cool is this?

Well, what just happened?

Man, this guy's
a fucking animal!

She probably likes him.

No, I don't believe it.
Come on, it's fucking Angelo.

- He's totally wasted.
- Is he sleeping? Dude?

Angelo, look at him! He's completely
out. We gotta get a video of this.

Live from Barcelona, a man has died
from alcohol and excess masturbation.

- Stop masturbating, Angelo.
- I want a picture with him.

Sure, get it.

- Hey, is he getting up?
- Have you never seen a drunk man?

- My friend! Oh, he's out of it.
- And, Natasha?

- Are you drunk or what?
- What the hell, man?

They are wasting our money.

And then in the ass, you know?

Easy, guys.

Happy, happy. We are in holidays,
Barcelona, party, you know what I mean?

- You know what?
- What?

Berlin is the cultural
capital of the world.

- Where are you going, sweetie?
- He's getting bored.

Come on, play with him.

I just forgot my cell phone.
Wait for me here, okay?

Look at that!

- Fuck you! What's wrong with you?
- Shut up! Shut up!

It looks okay.

My wallet, man.
The son of a bitch stole my wallet!

Guys, do you know anything about
the others? They're gone as well.

- The others?
- You're fucking talking about Montse!

- Montse? Why do you say that?
- Montse, do this! Montse, do that!

- You just kissed her!
- You kissed her!

- How do you know that, Robert?
- You fucking kissed her!

Girls talk about everything.

- Hey, Montse, what's going on?
- Fuck off, Robert, fuck off.

Oh, shit. Is that Gustav?

- It's Gustav, isn't it?
- Helloo! Gustav, man!

Gustav, what's wrong with you?

Oh, shit, Gustav!

What happened, Gustav?
What happened?

Gustav, what happened?
Who did this? Gustav, no!

Get an ambulance!
We need an ambulance!

Gustav! Where's a fucking house?
Go, go to that fucking house!

Please, lady. We're so helpless.
Please, call an ambulance.

Call the police!

Fuck! Why is this
fucking happening?

What are you talking about?
Help him out!

Gustav, no, come on, for fuck's sake.

Okay, breathe, breathe!
Come on, Gustav!

- He's fucking dead! God!
- Calm down, come on!

Just calm down. Breathe.
It's gonna be okay.

Just calm down.
What the fuck is that? Get it!

- It's a phone.
- Where's the phone?

Where is it?

Answer. Pick it up,
pick it up!

Natasha?

Man, Natasha is in trouble too.

- There's a location. We need to go.
- We need to go there.

- Now when there's a crazy guy?
- We need to find her!

You can stay here and call
the other guys. See what's...

- Let's go!
- Go, go, go!

- Stop, guys, it's here!
- What?

- It's here.
- Oh, fuck, yes!

You have to be kidding!

- We have to find her!
- Wait! Wait!

- Are you kidding me?
- We have to go in!

- Robert, we have to go in.
- Come on, guys.

Let's see. Demi, take this one.
Thank you. Got it.

- Demi, point it that way.
- Come on.

- Natasha?
- This place is in fucking ruins.

Natasha?

- You got her, yeah?
- Hold on, man.

Natasha?

- This place is fucking huge, man.
- Oh, fuck.

Come on, Demi.

Demi, a light over there.

- Oh, fuck.
- It's fucking hot in here.

We've checked that way, yeah?

- Let's keep going.
- That way, maybe

- The light, the light!
- We need to go that way.

The light, man.

I don't know. We go together.

- Guys, let's go.
- In here.

Come on.

Hold on, guys. Here.

What the fuck is this?

- What is that? - It's a phone.
- It's Natasha's phone.

- It's coming from there? Then let's go.
- Yes.

- Natasha!
- Wait, go slow!

What the fuck is this place, man?
What's with all the shit?

Let's go over there.

- Natasha.
- Natasha, say something!

- Holy shit!
- Fuck!

She's not going to hear.

No, guys. Guys, I think it's there.

Come on. Natasha!

This way.

Wait.

She's dead! Let's get the fuck
out of here! She's dead!

- Wait, wait!
- Let's get out of here! Demi, come on!

- We have to go.
- That was Natasha back there!

- Oh, please.
- We gotta get the fuck out of here!

- I can't see you!
- Fuck!

- We have to get out of here!
- There's a door here!

Guys, there's a door here!
Come on!

Open it!

- Come on!
- What we do?

- Come on, Robert!
- Just leave it!

- Come on! - Shit!
- Robert, leave it!

- Don't leave me!
- This way!

There's somebody here.
No, no, no!

- There's a shoe there!
- That's Francesca's!

- It's Francesca's shoe?
- Yes!

I don't like this.
I don't understand it.

No, no, no!

- It's Francesca! No!
- Who's that?

What is happening?

Okay. Juliette, let's get out
of here, come on! Let's go!

What's wrong? We gotta get
out of here, come on!

Fuck! Demi, get out of here!
Call the cops! Get out of here!

Fuck, what's this, man?

- Juliette! What can we do?
- She's fucking dead! Go, go!

Demi, there's an exit there!

Where is this place?

Jesus, just fucking open!

Anybody out there? Anybody?
Help me, please! help me!

I'm here.
Please, help me!

What the fuck is this?

Who the fuck are you, man?
Just leave me!

Leave me, please. Why?

Why is this happening to me?

Help!

Fuck it! What is this?

- What's that?
- Montse, you need to go.

- He wants to kill you.
- What's happening here?

- They're all dead. Robert, Juliette...
- All?

You're so beautiful. Go!

No, I'm not leaving anywhere.
Not without you.

- Montse, listen to me.
- What?

- He wants to kill all of us.
- Who?

You need to go.

- Montse, go, now!
- No!

Now. Go.
You must go.